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1
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:17,643
( theme song playing )
2
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,845
All right, hold it.
Whoever it is,
3
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,722
he's coming through
the entrance to the tunnel.
4
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,099
All right, break.
5
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,107
Dubois?
6
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,067
Why did you
sneak in this way?
7
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,193
Boy, you almost
got shot.
8
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,237
In the underground,
you have to get used to that.
9
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:11,238
What's up?
10
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,281
Colonel, I have
a present for you.
11
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,282
( whistles )
12
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,283
KINCH:
What's that.
13
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,411
Qu'est-ce quec'est que ça?
14
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,497
HOGAN:
Just what I've always wanted-- a sleeping bag.
15
00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,165
This one seems wide awake.
16
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:24,292
What's in there?
A dog and a cat?
17
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,463
Why did you
bring him here?
18
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,923
Why didn't you get rid
of him outside?
19
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:30,924
Well, I could not do that.
20
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:31,967
He's on our side.
21
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,927
KINCH:
Then why is he all tied up?
22
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:36,346
DUBOIS:
Because he does not believe that we are on his side.
23
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,347
Who is he?
24
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,432
He's a Russian pilot.
25
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,725
His plane was forced down
with engine trouble
26
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,309
in a field about
a half a mile from here.
27
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,310
When we went
to rescue him,
28
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,105
he fought us
like a maniac.
29
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:46,440
It took eight men
to tie him up.
30
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,441
Did you tell him
you were friends?
31
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,483
Of course.
32
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,484
But, for him,
33
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,778
anybody who doesn't speak
Russian is the enemy.
34
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,029
Well, mon Colonel,
35
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,406
he's going to be
your baby now.
36
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,657
Thanks for leaving him
on our doorstep.
37
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:56,908
Au revoir, mes amis.
38
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,285
Au revoir.Au revoir.
39
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,953
All right,
let's get him untied.
40
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:02,789
Wait a minute.
Hold it. Hold it.
41
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,583
Let's make sure
he understands we're friendly.
42
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:11,089
( slowly ):
We are friends. Understand?
43
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,966
Allies.
44
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:16,219
Pals.
45
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:19,389
On the same side.
46
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,557
Buddies.
47
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,809
We're with you.
48
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:28,690
( speaks Russian )
"Friends."
49
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,733
Understand?
50
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,152
On the same side.
51
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,488
Yeah, all right.
52
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,906
He'll be okay.
Untie him.
53
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,622
Ow! He bit me!
54
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,376
First person comes close
gets this.
55
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,629
Oh, boy.
56
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,423
Look, comrade,
get this straight:
57
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:56,134
I'm Colonel Hogan,
United States Air Force.
58
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,221
Carter, Kinch, American.
59
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,597
LeBeau, French.
60
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,641
Newkirk, English.
61
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:06,228
The men who brought you here
are with the underground.
62
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,437
We work with them.
63
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,605
Now, put away
the gun.
64
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,941
How do I know
you are telling truth?
65
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,359
How do you know
we're not?
66
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,444
KINCH:
The colonel is leveling with you.
67
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,073
Do I look German
to you?
68
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,294
Lieutenant Igor
Grygorovich Piotkin.
69
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,963
15th Air Wing,
51st Army.
70
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,131
Welcome to Stalag 13.
71
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,133
Kinch.
72
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,927
Hi.
73
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,388
Great pleasure
to meet you.
74
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:43,390
I'll bet you're hungry.
75
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,726
Da. How
would you know?
76
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,979
I could tell by the
way you bit my thumb.
77
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,708
I never saw a more
suspicious man.
78
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,668
Well, he
knows we're all right now.
79
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:12,669
That's right.
80
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,713
But do we know
if he's all right?
81
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,756
What are you
getting at?
82
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:17,924
Can you think
of a better way
83
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,300
to divert suspicion
from yourself
84
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:22,053
than to pretend
to be suspicious
85
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,513
of someone else?
86
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,099
You mean you
think he's a spy?
87
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,350
I think we'd
better ask him
88
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:30,353
some more questions,
just to satisfy ourselves.
89
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:35,358
Well, I'm not
going to be so easy to satisfy.
90
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,947
Well, Igor,
how's it going?
91
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,699
Mmm.
92
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,409
How many home runs
did Babe Ruth hit
93
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,119
for the world's
record?
94
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,372
What?
95
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,459
Who is Betty Grable
married to?
96
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,293
What you talk about?
97
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,798
Who said, "Come up
and see me sometime"?
98
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:09,142
Guess that proves that
Curly doesn't know.
99
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:12,812
Carter, all that proves
is he isn't an American.
100
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,775
Yeah. That's what
it proves, all right.
101
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,320
I hope you fellows
haven't forgotten
102
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,654
the big birthday
celebration tomorrow.
103
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:22,739
Of course not.
104
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,657
No, sir.
We've been waiting anxiously.
105
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,409
What birthday?
106
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,453
Alexander Graham
Bell's birthday.
107
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,454
He's a very
famous American.
108
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,331
Never heard him.
109
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,041
He's the man
who invented the telephone.
110
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,834
Is not true.
111
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,127
Telephone invented
by Russian.
112
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,337
Every schoolchild
know this.
113
00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:38,338
American.
114
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:39,047
Russian.
115
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:39,756
American.
116
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:40,340
Russian.
117
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,174
American!
118
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,510
Russian, Russian,
Russian!
119
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,095
He's the real McCoy.
120
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,764
Or the real McCoyski.
121
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,850
Igor Grygorovich Piotkin.
122
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,478
Yeah, okay, Iggy.
123
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,980
What are we going
to do with him, Colonel?
124
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,023
Try and fix
his plane
125
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,526
so he can fly
out of here.
126
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:03,238
You are going to fix?
127
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,781
What I know
about my plane
128
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,783
is newest, most
advanced Russian model.
129
00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:07,784
I know, Iggy.
130
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:08,952
It's exactly
the same model
131
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,203
we had two years ago.
132
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:22,799
Did you hear a plane
landing last night?
133
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,176
A plane with
engine trouble?
134
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,304
Yes, sir, I did. I did,
I did, I did, I did.
135
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,639
Here it is.
At 9:05.
136
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,933
You see, sir,
I'm on top of everything.
137
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,059
Did you investigate
138
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,852
to see if it was
an enemy plane?
139
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,020
Oh, naturally not.
140
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,190
I thought it was one
of our planes.
141
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,609
Because it had
engine trouble?
142
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:42,610
Oh, sir, you know
how it is.
143
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,653
So many of our planes
come in
144
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,989
all shot up,
and you can hear the engine missing...
145
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:49,242
Last night, I did
not hear a thing, sir.
146
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,244
A Russian plane
was found a half a mile
147
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,162
from this camp.
148
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,163
Oh, was it
that close, sir?
149
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,292
But the pilot
was missing.
150
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:01,129
Headquarters
in Berlin demands he be found right away.
151
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:04,507
Mm-hmm, oh,
I know how unpleasant that can be, sir.
152
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,509
Especially when
headquarters
153
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,553
is on your neck
all the time.
154
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,389
Oh, I have sympathy
for you, sir.
155
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,182
What did you
tell them?
156
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,184
That I'm putting you
in complete charge
157
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,686
of finding the pilot.
158
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,187
You didn't.
159
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,691
I also told them that you
will be personally responsible
160
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,359
for the capture
of the Russian.
161
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:27,572
General Burkhalter,
you have put me
162
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,700
into a terrible
position.
163
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:34,037
Klink, believe me,
you have my sympathy.
164
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,882
IGOR:
Colonel! Colonel Hogan!
165
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,216
All right, hold
the noise down!
166
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,260
Hold the noise
down, Igor!
167
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,054
You want the Germans
to hear you?
168
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,055
I just want to know
169
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,639
when my plane
will be landing.
170
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:54,974
I must get back
to Russia.
171
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,225
There's been a change
in plans.
172
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:57,393
What?
173
00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,395
Your plane has been
found by the Nazis.
174
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,772
We're going to get you
back to England.
175
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,065
I refuse.
176
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,066
I came from Russia.
177
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:04,567
I am going back
to Russia.
178
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,319
How you going to get there,
mate? Walk?
179
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,071
How far is it
to the Russian front?
180
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,947
It's getting closer
every day.
181
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,074
It's still out
of the question.
182
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,325
Now, look, Igor,
be reasonable.
183
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:13,242
NEWKIRK:
Schultz!
184
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,452
All right, look.
185
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,579
Switch. Switch.
186
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,247
What are you doing?!
187
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:21,167
Keep your head down!
188
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,628
Colonel Hogan.
189
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,046
Oh, here you are, Colonel.
190
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,672
Did you hear
the latest news?
191
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,509
We shot down
a Russian plane.
192
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:34,096
Our antiaircraft
brought him down from 10,000 feet.
193
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,973
It was right near
the camp.
194
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,391
Pretty good shooting,
Schultz.
195
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,392
What happened
to the pilot?
196
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:41,437
He got away,
but we are going to find him.
197
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:42,855
Oh, our men
our looking for him.
198
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:46,400
The Fuhrer said
all the Russians are cowards.
199
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,486
They're always
on the run.
200
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,487
Reports I here,
201
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,114
they're running
the wrong way, Schultz.
202
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:53,241
What's the matter
with him?
203
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,826
Nothing.
He just doesn't want to get his hair cut.
204
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,035
( chuckles )
205
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:59,956
Just like
a little boy, huh?
206
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:03,125
One, two, three,
four, five,
207
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:05,962
six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
208
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,510
Colonel Hogan.
209
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,511
Mm-hmm?
210
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:17,682
There seems to be
some irregularity here.
211
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:18,766
HOGAN:
Whatever it is, Schultz,
212
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,809
it's your imagination.
213
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,018
I have to report.
214
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,979
Just a minute,
Schultz.
215
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,313
Let me tell you
a story first.
216
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,481
I have no time
for stories.
217
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,108
This story you'll
be interested in.
218
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,026
It's about a certain
German sergeant
219
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,444
who wanted
to look good
220
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,572
in front of his
commanding officer
221
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:33,864
by making a report
on something
222
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,575
he should
have ignored.
223
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:38,369
Now, this sergeant,
who, in his barracks,
224
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,831
has 12 pounds of coffee,
a dozen pair of nylons--
225
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,374
which, incidentally,
are made in America.
226
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,875
You gave them
to me.
227
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,378
Did I mention
any names?
228
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,922
Now, the story's
about what would happen
229
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,091
to this sergeant
if the colonel...
230
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,759
Wait.
231
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,094
I'm going
to count again.
232
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:59,056
One, two, three,
four, five,
233
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:02,560
six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
234
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,729
You're right.
235
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,690
It was my imagination.
236
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,983
Good.
237
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,198
All right, let's get him
down in the tunnel.
238
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,199
Come on!
239
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,201
Nyet! I will not
go down there!
240
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,037
Iggy, don't force me
241
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,998
to make you see
my point of view.
242
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,958
Might I see
your point of view?
243
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,504
Here's your hat.
Be careful.
244
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,008
Here he comes--
Schultz.
245
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,720
Colonel, I thought it over.
246
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,057
I am going to give you back
the coffee and the nylons.
247
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,725
If that's the way
you want it, Schultz.
248
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:43,893
That's the way.
249
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,227
Now I an going to report.
250
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:46,729
Naturally, you've
got your duty to do.
251
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:52,068
Jawohl. One, two,
three, four...
252
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,071
five...
253
00:10:56,947 --> 00:11:00,534
six, seven, eight, nine...
254
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,040
Something
wrong, Schultz?
255
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,795
I thought...
256
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,171
Never mind.
257
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,298
Now, about the
nylons and coffee.
258
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,425
Trouble with you,
Colonel Hogan,
259
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,637
is you never know
when someone is making a joke.
260
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:21,222
You were
making a joke?
261
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,933
Ja. I was
making a ha-ha.
262
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,351
Everything's okay?
263
00:11:25,392 --> 00:11:26,769
Ja.
Good.
264
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:27,770
Ha-ha.
265
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,063
Ha-ha.
266
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:33,025
Well, that takes
care of Schultz.
267
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,026
Now what
about Igor?
268
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,111
There's still a problem.
269
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,529
Go down and bring him up,
huh?
270
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:37,696
Right.
271
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,865
You know, sir, he's
not going to settle
272
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,534
for anything
less than Russia.
273
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,202
He's going
to have to.
274
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,454
We're sending
him to England.
275
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:46,705
Colonel, he's gone.
276
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,457
Gone?
277
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,459
Yeah. He went right out
the tunnel entrance.
278
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,961
He's going
back to Russia
279
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,921
like a homing pigeon--
dead east.
280
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,047
He's not going
to get very far
281
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,049
with all those men
Klink has searching for him.
282
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:58,467
Why don't we go out
and look for him?
283
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,010
In broad daylight?
284
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,136
Not a chance.
285
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,680
Well, we can't
just sit here.
286
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:03,889
You're right.
287
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,350
Where you
going, Colonel?
288
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,352
Sit in
Klink's office.
289
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:16,527
Now, your squad will cover
this entire area: sector B14.
290
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,864
The other squad will cover
this entire area: sector C11.
291
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,490
Check everything
and everybody.
292
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,576
I want you to find
that Russian pilot.
293
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,703
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
294
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,751
( phone ringing )
295
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,795
Yes? Colonel Klink speaking.
296
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,213
Lieutenant Bergman.
297
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,965
Anything new to report?
298
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,675
Nothing.
299
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,802
No, you can't come
here for lunch.
300
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,013
Forget about eating.
I'm hungry, too.
301
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,181
Just find that Russian pilot.
302
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:48,517
Looking for
a Russian flier?
303
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,019
Yes, I certainly am.
304
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,687
Why don't you put
an ad in the paper?
305
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,480
Must be a few of them
who aren't busy.
306
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,691
I am looking for a pilot
307
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,526
who landed in
this area yesterday.
308
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,820
In other words, I'm looking
for a particular pilot.
309
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:00,863
Ah, come on now.
310
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:01,905
Can't be
too particular
311
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:02,948
if he landed
around here.
312
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,992
Colonel Hogan, are you
here for anything special?
313
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,412
Yeah, I wanted to know when
you expect the Red Cross packages for my men.
314
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,997
When they get here,
you'll get them.
315
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,081
Not sooner.
316
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,541
( phone ringing )
Sounds fair enough.
317
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,876
Oh, your telephone, sir.
318
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,170
Thank you.
319
00:13:16,211 --> 00:13:18,339
Colonel Klink speaking.
320
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,382
Yes, Berlin.
321
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:23,385
Lieutenant Huber?
322
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,263
Field Marshal Gruneke's aide.
323
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:29,516
Sir, it's a pleasure
always to...
324
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:32,269
Yes, sir. We're making
a very thorough search
325
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,729
for the Russian pilot.
326
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,440
Of course, sir.
As soon as we find him
327
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,900
we'll let you know.
328
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:42,237
And, sir, I'd like to say
I have left nothing to chance.
329
00:13:42,237 --> 00:13:44,114
Every detail
has been worked out.
330
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,366
( click )
331
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:47,576
Hello? Hello?
332
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,664
These pins-- they aren't
the area you're searching in.
333
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,208
They certainly are.
334
00:13:54,249 --> 00:13:56,335
Don't you see
the mistake you're...
335
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,087
I'm sorry. It's
none of my business.
336
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,798
That's right, Hogan.
It's none of your business.
337
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,091
It's not.
338
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,971
Hogan... come back here.
339
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,265
You called me, sir?
340
00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:13,560
What, uh, were
you going to say?
341
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:16,397
It's really none
of my business.
342
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,816
Hogan, as commanding
officer here,
343
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,234
it is my business
to find out
344
00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:21,693
what's none
of your business.
345
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,028
Now, talk.
346
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,114
Well, you've got all
your search parties
347
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,740
spread out east
of the prison camp.
348
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,492
Why?
349
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:32,538
Because it happens to be
in the direction of Russia.
350
00:14:32,579 --> 00:14:34,832
And it is reasonable
to assume
351
00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:37,126
that a Russian would
try to go to Russia.
352
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,794
Put yourself
in his place.
353
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:43,423
Would you go in the area
in which everyone was looking for you,
354
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,843
or would you think
to yourself
355
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:50,639
they'll be looking here,
but I'll go here.
356
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:53,308
The distance is
shorter to England.
357
00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:56,353
He can get help from
the French underground.
358
00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:00,858
Hogan, I've never
heard such nonsense.
359
00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:03,527
When it comes to military
tactics, you're a child.
360
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,196
I'm not trying to compare
myself to you, sir.
361
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,656
I should hope not.
362
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,158
Now, that's all.
363
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,128
This is Colonel Klink.
364
00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:23,755
Message
to all units.
365
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:26,425
Abandon search in all sectors
east of the camp.
366
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,095
This is Colonel Klink.
367
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,763
Cover all areas
west of the camp.
368
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:35,893
Unit commanders report
to me every 15 minutes.
369
00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:38,312
This is Colonel Klink.
I...
370
00:15:38,353 --> 00:15:41,690
No, Lieutenant Bergman,
forget about lunch.
371
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,360
I just want you to find
that Russian pilot.
372
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,696
You said what
to Klink?
373
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,907
I just gave him
Horace Greely's advice.
374
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,283
Who is Horace Greely?
375
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,826
A great man who had
a wonderful plan
376
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,369
for relieving congestion
in New York.
377
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,454
( knocking )
378
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:56,705
The tunnel.
379
00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:58,165
Hey, maybe
Igor's come back.
380
00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:00,250
If he has, it's the first
good sense he's shown.
381
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:14,723
Colonel Hogan, will you
please keep your pigeon at home?
382
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:15,932
Did he give
you much trouble?
383
00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:18,310
Trouble? He's
a one-man Russian front.
384
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,561
We'll keep an eye
on him this time.
385
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:20,729
And, if he gets
away again,
386
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,481
I'm going to turn him over
to the Germans in self-defense.
387
00:16:22,522 --> 00:16:23,398
All right, Dubois.
388
00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:24,983
Ta-ta.
389
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,860
You've been a
naughty boy, Igor.
390
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:30,364
Colonel, as long as you
keep me against my will,
391
00:16:30,405 --> 00:16:31,865
I am prisoner.
392
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,325
But you cannot watch forever.
393
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,160
I am not going to England.
I go to Russia!
394
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,496
What's so special
about Russia?
395
00:16:37,537 --> 00:16:40,332
Colonel, you have
never been there?
396
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,334
Never.
397
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,670
You do not know
what you are missing.
398
00:16:44,711 --> 00:16:45,837
Oh, really?
Tell me.
399
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,255
I'd love to
hear the story.
400
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,590
Will be pleasure.
401
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,842
Russia is most
wonderful country.
402
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,344
Is it big?
403
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,180
Ten times bigger
than United States.
404
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,765
Most beautiful rivers.
405
00:16:56,765 --> 00:17:00,769
The Volga is longest river
in entire world.
406
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,356
Cities? Moscow...
407
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,025
Kinch, I want you to
hook up a telephone wire
408
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,652
from Klink's office
to mine.
409
00:17:08,693 --> 00:17:11,279
I'll have it rigged
for you in a half hour.
410
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:12,572
Igor going to England?
411
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,282
Nope. Russia.
412
00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:20,622
But, in 1925,
shipping tonnage
413
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,250
on Volga increased
by ten percent,
414
00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:26,670
or 176,000 tons more.
415
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:29,297
At same time,
wheat crops, in spite of...
416
00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:38,515
We're all set.
417
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,142
We're all hooked
into Klink's office.
418
00:17:40,183 --> 00:17:42,602
Now all I got to do
is attach this wire to this phone.
419
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:45,313
So you covered all the areas?
420
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,439
Twice?
421
00:17:46,481 --> 00:17:47,983
Well, there's no use
continuing.
422
00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,776
Have all the units
report to camp at once.
423
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,155
Schultz.
424
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,160
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
425
00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:00,036
The search is off.
426
00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:01,204
Have all...
427
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,498
( phone rings )
428
00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:04,958
Yes? Colonel Klink speaking.
429
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,085
This is Lieutenant Huber.
430
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,879
Why haven't you
reported to me?
431
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,757
Field Marshal von Gruneke
is very displeased.
432
00:18:12,799 --> 00:18:15,218
Are you going on
with the search for the Russian pilot?
433
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,346
Of course, Lieutenant Huber.
434
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,974
Yes. Yes.
435
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,435
Oh, I wouldn't dream
of giving it up.
436
00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:26,146
Our men are working
all around the clock.
437
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,482
( crank phone ringing )
438
00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:30,901
This is Colonel Klink
speaking.
439
00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:32,027
The search is on.
440
00:18:32,068 --> 00:18:35,196
Have all units
report back to the field.
441
00:18:35,238 --> 00:18:36,573
No, Lieutenant Bergman,
442
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,491
I do not want
to hear about lunch,
443
00:18:38,533 --> 00:18:39,993
nor dinner either.
444
00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:44,956
How do you like this
Lieutenant Huber for gall?
445
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,666
All right, I suppose.
446
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,418
All right? It's an outrage.
447
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,503
"Why haven't you
reported to me?"
448
00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:52,547
"Sloppy, inefficient command."
449
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,716
Imagine, a young lieutenant
450
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,552
talking like that to me--
a colonel.
451
00:18:57,552 --> 00:19:00,055
That's not nice!
452
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:01,389
I don't have to take that.
453
00:19:01,389 --> 00:19:03,475
If the field marshal
finds out about this,
454
00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:04,559
he will not approve.
455
00:19:04,559 --> 00:19:07,562
A field marshal
understands discipline.
456
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:12,400
He would put that fresh
Lieutenant Huber in his place.
457
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:15,070
And I'll see to it
that he finds out about it.
458
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,489
Yes, he'll find out about it.
459
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,491
Get me Field Marshal
von Gruneke's headquarters
460
00:19:19,532 --> 00:19:22,535
in Berlin at once.
It's most important.
461
00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:24,245
Schultz, what
are you standing around for?
462
00:19:24,287 --> 00:19:25,580
Don't you have something to do?!
463
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:27,248
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
464
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:30,794
KLINK:
Yes, tell him
465
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:33,880
it is a matter
concerning Lieutenant Huber.
466
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:34,923
I'll wait.
467
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,591
Huber?
468
00:19:36,591 --> 00:19:37,926
That wouldn't be the Huber
469
00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:40,470
whose uncle is Field Marshal
von Gruneke, would it?
470
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,722
His uncle?!
471
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,766
Field Marshal
von Gruneke?
472
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,768
Wrong number.
473
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,856
What do you know
about Lieutenant Huber?
474
00:19:51,898 --> 00:19:53,233
Oh, he's very well-known.
475
00:19:53,274 --> 00:19:55,443
His sister's married
to Goebbel's cousin.
476
00:19:55,443 --> 00:19:59,155
His mother went to
school with Goering's wife-- her best friend.
477
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:01,616
Goering?
Oh, but most important,
478
00:20:01,616 --> 00:20:04,744
do you know who
everyone says his father is?
479
00:20:06,871 --> 00:20:08,957
But Hitler is not married!
480
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,667
So what?
481
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,961
That would make Huber...
482
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,171
So's his old man.
483
00:20:18,466 --> 00:20:20,468
Was then five-year
plan introduced--
484
00:20:20,468 --> 00:20:23,054
Actually, was only four
and one quarter years.
485
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:24,848
Oh, thank goodness.
486
00:20:24,889 --> 00:20:25,974
Factory production,
487
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,934
agriculture quotas
were increased.
488
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,103
The workers sang
as they worked.
489
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:31,187
What about sleep?
490
00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:32,981
What a marvelous idea.
491
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:36,317
Six hours was found
to be enough by our scientists.
492
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,279
As we cut our sleep, we
increased working hours.
493
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,614
The first year was
glorious success.
494
00:20:41,656 --> 00:20:43,199
Let me give you figures.
495
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:44,868
Now, one would
never expect...
496
00:20:44,909 --> 00:20:47,287
Colonel Klink, this
is Lieutenant Huber.
497
00:20:47,328 --> 00:20:49,080
Why haven't I heard from you?
498
00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:50,331
What about the Russian?
499
00:20:50,331 --> 00:20:52,208
We haven't found him yet but,
believe me,
500
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,169
it'll be just a matter
of an hour or two.
501
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:56,212
Colonel, we don't
want excuses.
502
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:57,338
We want results.
503
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,591
Believe me, sir,
we're doing everything we can.
504
00:20:59,632 --> 00:21:01,384
That's not good enough.
505
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,052
I'm in your area now.
506
00:21:03,094 --> 00:21:05,096
If we don't get
some action soon,
507
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:07,891
I'm coming in
to take personal charge myself.
508
00:21:07,932 --> 00:21:09,350
That won't be necessary, sir.
509
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,351
He can't get away.
510
00:21:10,393 --> 00:21:11,686
We'll find him.
511
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:14,564
For your sake,
I hope so.
512
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,774
By the way,
were you the one
513
00:21:16,816 --> 00:21:20,486
who called my uncle,
Field Marshal von Gruneke
514
00:21:20,528 --> 00:21:21,863
to talk about me?
515
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,198
Why, no, sir.
516
00:21:23,239 --> 00:21:25,200
I haven't been near my phone.
517
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,620
I must have some action
or heads will roll.
518
00:21:28,661 --> 00:21:30,371
Yes, sir.
519
00:21:31,706 --> 00:21:34,876
He's got to be the son.
520
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:38,546
Igor, we're going
to get you back to Russia.
521
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,215
That is wonderful.
522
00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:41,549
But you'll have to trust me.
523
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:43,718
Do whatever I say,
no matter what you think.
524
00:21:43,718 --> 00:21:45,803
I will.
Fine.
525
00:21:45,845 --> 00:21:47,222
Yes? Klink speaking.
526
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:49,557
This is Field
Marshal von Gruneke.
527
00:21:49,557 --> 00:21:51,017
Oh, Field Marshal von Gruneke.
528
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:52,894
Oh, I'm sorry,
but we still haven't...
529
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:54,771
I just wanted
to let you know
530
00:21:54,812 --> 00:21:58,066
we have captured
the Russian flier here in Berlin.
531
00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,777
You did? In Berlin?
532
00:22:00,818 --> 00:22:03,571
But, sir, your aide,
Lieutenant Huber...
533
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,741
Don't mention Lieutenant
Huber's name to me!
534
00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:09,160
He is a disgrace.
535
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:10,495
But he's your nephew, sir.
536
00:22:10,536 --> 00:22:11,913
Not anymore!
537
00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,207
I have disowned him.
538
00:22:14,248 --> 00:22:17,919
He stole money from
the officer's mess.
539
00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:19,045
Is that so?
540
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,964
And now he has disappeared.
541
00:22:21,005 --> 00:22:22,256
He's a deserter.
542
00:22:22,298 --> 00:22:24,384
But, the last time he called,
543
00:22:24,425 --> 00:22:26,469
he said he was in this area.
544
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:29,097
If you see him,
you will have him shot at once.
545
00:22:29,138 --> 00:22:31,182
Yes, sir, I'll make a note
of it: shoot Huber.
546
00:22:31,224 --> 00:22:33,935
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
547
00:22:33,935 --> 00:22:35,937
That's too good for him.
548
00:22:35,979 --> 00:22:37,772
I have a better idea.
549
00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:39,983
Yes?
550
00:22:40,024 --> 00:22:42,110
Yes?
551
00:22:42,151 --> 00:22:43,695
Oh, that's perfect.
552
00:22:43,736 --> 00:22:45,321
Oh, yes, sir.
That's much better.
553
00:22:45,446 --> 00:22:47,990
Oh, yes, sir.
554
00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:53,621
Igor, you'll soon
be on your way,
555
00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:55,081
so we better say
good-bye here.
556
00:22:58,334 --> 00:23:00,128
Good-bye.
557
00:23:00,169 --> 00:23:03,464
I guess now
we're engaged.
558
00:23:03,506 --> 00:23:05,091
Forget it. Come on.
559
00:23:06,759 --> 00:23:09,178
HOGAN:
This is Colonel Klink's office right here.
560
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:10,513
Okay, Lieutenant Huber...
561
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:13,474
Ah, Lieutenant Huber,
come in, come in, come in.
562
00:23:13,516 --> 00:23:16,352
I cannot tell you
how I've been looking forward
563
00:23:16,394 --> 00:23:17,812
to this little meeting.
564
00:23:17,854 --> 00:23:19,355
You will never guess
565
00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:22,233
who I spoke to
a little while ago.
566
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:25,027
KLINK:
Hmm? You don't want to guess?
567
00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:27,697
Your uncle, the field marshal.
568
00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:29,657
Oh, he's very unhappy.
569
00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:33,494
You know, you ought
to be ashamed of yourself.
570
00:23:33,661 --> 00:23:35,663
Stealing.
571
00:23:35,705 --> 00:23:37,665
And a deserter, too.
572
00:23:37,707 --> 00:23:41,002
Hard to believe a
field marshal's nephew
573
00:23:41,043 --> 00:23:42,587
could sink so low.
574
00:23:42,628 --> 00:23:44,630
I suppose you're going
to have him shot, sir?
575
00:23:44,672 --> 00:23:46,340
KLINK:
No.
576
00:23:46,340 --> 00:23:48,509
We have something
much better in store
577
00:23:48,551 --> 00:23:50,052
for the young lieutenant.
578
00:23:50,094 --> 00:23:51,471
Guard!
579
00:23:54,724 --> 00:23:58,561
Take this man to
the transportation officer in town
580
00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:00,480
and give him this order.
581
00:24:00,521 --> 00:24:01,689
You
582
00:24:01,731 --> 00:24:04,025
are being sent
to the Russian front.
583
00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:05,860
No, Colonel, not that!
584
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:08,529
Yes, that's the place for him--
the Russian front.
585
00:24:08,571 --> 00:24:10,072
Take him away.
586
00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:17,205
Russian front?
587
00:24:17,246 --> 00:24:18,873
That's what I call justice.
588
00:24:20,041 --> 00:24:22,335
Even better than that,
589
00:24:22,376 --> 00:24:25,630
it's getting even.
590
00:24:25,671 --> 00:24:27,798
You know, it would be
a funny thing if, um...
591
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,008
What?
592
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:32,011
If he really wanted to
go to the Russian front.
593
00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:33,221
Ja.
594
00:24:33,262 --> 00:24:35,014
( both chuckling )
595
00:24:35,056 --> 00:24:36,849
That would be funny.
596
00:24:36,899 --> 00:24:41,449
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