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1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,707
[city bustle]
2
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:11,011
CARTER: So what are your
plans for spring break?
3
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,980
Singles resort in Cancun.
4
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,315
How come I wasn't invited?
5
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,949
Mature singles.
6
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:16,850
Oh.
7
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,052
What about you?
8
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:21,089
Well, I got a little
R and R lined up.
9
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,756
Rebecca and Rachel
are their names.
10
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,024
I actually met
them at the English
11
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,293
as a second language sign up.
12
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,527
You're teaching English?
13
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:27,961
I'm learning English.
14
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:28,996
You're kidding.
15
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,431
Hola.
16
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:31,332
Hey.
17
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,800
How'd the job fair go?
18
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,736
Great, considering there
weren't even any rides.
19
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,138
- You found a part-time job?
- Mm-hmm.
20
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,272
What about Tom?
21
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,840
Uh, last I saw he was
at the Hooters booth.
22
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,041
You'd let him work at Hooters?
23
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,643
Sure, in the kitchen.
24
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,645
Hooters serves food?
25
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,047
- How'd the job fair go?
- Terrible.
26
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,749
Ugh, there weren't
even any rides.
27
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,783
Jesse already used that one.
28
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:50,751
What, you stole my joke?
29
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:51,652
I got here first.
30
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:52,553
[scoffs]
31
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,487
So how'd it go?
32
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,289
Well, no spring break for me.
33
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:59,593
I am with job for the next 10
days, just like you demanded.
34
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,028
Sorry, did I say demanded?
35
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:01,929
I meant demanded!
36
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:02,996
We have no choice.
37
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,932
Our car leaks oil,
and the muffler drags.
38
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,735
We leave pools of fire
everywhere we drive.
39
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,237
I thought that was
a special effect.
40
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,138
See?
41
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,139
So where are you working?
42
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,540
Oh, my gig sucks.
43
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,708
I mean, it's better than wearing
a giant beaver head at Summer
44
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,844
Lude, but only marginally.
45
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,312
Mine's amazing.
46
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,014
I'm at this awesome store,
a real cultural mecca.
47
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:24,418
And I've got a soul sucking
retail job at a big box store.
48
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:28,189
And I'll be surrounded by
art, and literature, creativity.
49
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,357
And I'll be
surrounded by losers.
50
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:35,929
Congratulations?
51
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:39,667
You guys are like Romeo
and Juliet on steroids.
52
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:40,601
I'm canceling Cancun.
53
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,572
[reel starts]
54
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,907
[music playing]
55
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,609
Can we find a way that
we could be together?
56
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:56,049
Is there anyway that
we could be together?
57
00:01:56,150 --> 00:02:00,554
And oh, by the way
at 18 you loved me.
58
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,022
Yes, I do.
59
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,023
Yes, I do.
60
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,493
Yes, I do.
61
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:06,994
Yes, I do.
62
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,638
Go ahead little
fella, take the acorn.
63
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:18,806
[squirrel squeaks]
64
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,474
Think you can settle
down, and start a family?
65
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:21,409
Not on my watch.
66
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:22,876
[bb gun fires]
67
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,111
Yeah, that's it, run.
68
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,947
Ben, what the
hell are you doing?
69
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,116
You can't stop the
squirrels from mating
70
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,318
by shooting at them.
71
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,386
Well, I asked them
to use birth control,
72
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,654
but they said it
ruined the moment.
73
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,323
This has to be illegal.
74
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,990
No, apparently the
little bastards can
75
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,459
fornicate wherever they please.
76
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,295
No, I meant shooting a
pellet gun in the city.
77
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,896
Oh, I don't kill them, Tara.
78
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,665
I just let them know
I can kill them.
79
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,833
They're a nuisance.
80
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,568
TARA: Squirrels are
integral to the dispersal
81
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,537
of seeds and nuts, OK?
82
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,472
And they're only
a nuisance to you.
83
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,474
Here you go dear,
homemade pretzels
84
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:57,010
for keeping those designer
rats out of my yard.
85
00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,314
These ones are a
little spicy, like you.
86
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,816
Oh, thank you Mrs. Braun.
87
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:03,984
Oh, my dear.
88
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,419
Oh, did you hear that Tara?
89
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,221
Someone really appreciates me.
90
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,422
Whatever.
91
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:12,660
Ben, why must you take
everything so seriously?
92
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,428
I don't take
everything seriously.
93
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:18,131
Why would-- oh, I'm doing
it right now, aren't I?
94
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,433
Mm-hmm.
95
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,834
Dr. Marks called.
96
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,271
He said, if you don't get your
blood pressure under control,
97
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:26,039
you can say goodbye
to salt and pretzels.
98
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,776
Hey, if I wanted bland food, I
would have married your mother.
99
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,346
Well, it's either that or ask
Phil what makes him so sedated.
100
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,447
Ask Phil?
101
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,283
Rather slit my wrists.
102
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,117
That'll bring your
pressure down in a hurry.
103
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,489
[bb gun fires]
104
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,424
[car engine stalling]
105
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,892
Come on.
106
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,827
[growls]
107
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,161
I wouldn't stress.
108
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,431
Payday is Friday, you know,
and we'll get it fixed then.
109
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,899
If I don't quit first.
110
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,767
I thought you were
excited about this job.
111
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,603
I was until you
killed it with your soul
112
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,037
sucking box store talk.
113
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,373
Yeah, but that was before I
knew we were working together.
114
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:00,974
Now it's going to be great.
115
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,209
We'll make fun of
coworkers together,
116
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,278
we'll make sex in the
break room together,
117
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,179
and we'll make enough
money to get putzy fixed.
118
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,080
Yeah.
119
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,416
[engine stalling]
120
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:11,319
No, I think we should
pretend that we're not married.
121
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:12,553
That's a really good idea.
122
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,454
More professional.
123
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,122
Way hotter.
124
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:16,023
[engine starts]
125
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:16,990
Oh.
126
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,426
[rock music playing]
127
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,666
Phil?
128
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:26,567
Phil?
129
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,468
[cards clatter]
130
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:30,671
Oh, I uh, I have a question.
131
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,639
Um--
132
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,040
What a coincidence,
I need a favor.
133
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,074
It's not a coincidence.
134
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,543
They're two totally
different things.
135
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,378
Good point, how ironic.
136
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,712
It's not ironic either.
137
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,314
Well, you don't want to look
a gift horse in the mouth.
138
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:41,549
[grunts in frustration]
- OK.
139
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,688
Look I apparently have
high blood pressure.
140
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,022
Really?
141
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,258
And since you're the closest
thing I know to a corpse,
142
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:56,464
I was wondering maybe
if you could help me.
143
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:57,698
No prob, dude.
144
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,767
One condition, you gotta
fix my next parking ticket.
145
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,068
Oh, done.
Next one's on me.
146
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,269
Glad to hear it.
147
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:05,706
I just happen to have a
parking ticket right here.
148
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,840
Now that's a coincidence.
149
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,275
[chuckles]
150
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,645
WOMAN (ON SPEAKER):
Book Buy floor staff,
151
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,113
please report to stock room.
152
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,849
Oh, sorry.
153
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,818
Jessie?
154
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,421
Have I seen you
somewhere before?
155
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,755
I don't think so.
156
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,157
I never forget a red head.
157
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,594
Mr. Bellow, I
think you better read
158
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,596
the Book Buy employee handbook.
159
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,398
Pay particular
attention to the chapter
160
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,502
on racial, religious, and
follicle discrimination.
161
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:37,471
Us gingers gotta stick together.
162
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,740
All right, good
morning teammates.
163
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,976
Today, I would like to
welcome to the new Book
164
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,545
Buy team members.
165
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:48,148
Tom Bellow, our new
sanitation specialist.
166
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,183
Am I going too
fast for you, Tom?
167
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:53,887
You will be mopping
floors, which means Luigi
168
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,724
has been promoted to greeter.
169
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,559
Congratulations Luigi.
170
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,360
[clapping]
171
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,666
Jessie Hill is our new
junior assistant manager.
172
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,667
PERSON: That's not fair.
173
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,201
Who said hair?
174
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,070
Who said hair?
175
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,372
So you're going to be my boss?
176
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,141
Could this day get any better?
177
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,576
[snorts]
178
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,911
If I say book, you say buy.
179
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,212
Book.
ALL: Buy.
180
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,180
Book.
ALL: Buy.
181
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,949
If I say sell, you say more.
182
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:22,916
Sell.
ALL: More.
183
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:23,884
Sell
ALL: More.
184
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,318
FINNEGAN: Sell.
ALL: More.
185
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,386
Apparently it could.
186
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,287
FINNEGAN: Sell.
187
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,856
[chimes dinging]
188
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,424
[deep inhale]
189
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:35,663
And we flow from the tree
to downward barking dog.
190
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,097
Doesn't seem very flowy, Phil.
191
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,932
That's because you're
thinking too much,
192
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,669
and I messed up a
couple of the steps.
193
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,071
I like the way the
poses are what they say.
194
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,306
And then we flow into
the groin cruncher.
195
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,008
[sighs]
196
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,610
Oh!
197
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,278
Oh, it's my calf.
198
00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:53,647
If this is yoga, sign me
up for a triple bypass.
199
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,583
You know, that's not yoga.
200
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,518
That's not even yogurt.
201
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,220
Listen, if you want to
learn, I'll teach you.
202
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,489
She'll teach me.
203
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,389
Ugh.
204
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,657
You OK, Ben?
205
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,725
Yeah.
206
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,826
Why are you
suddenly interested
207
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,027
in helping Ben relax?
208
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,697
Because if I help Ben,
I help the squirrels.
209
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:10,598
Right.
210
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,032
[chuckles]
211
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,101
What?
212
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,469
[store music playing]
213
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,207
Having you as my boss
is going to be awesome.
214
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,509
We're going to get
away with murder.
215
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:22,409
So you're OK with this?
216
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,343
Yeah.
217
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,778
[clears throat]
218
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:28,682
What's going on here?
219
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,384
We were just
doing some mopping.
220
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,887
Junior assistant
managers don't mop.
221
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,623
Don't let dimples
here try and trick
222
00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:36,824
you into thinking otherwise.
223
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,458
Oh, no, no, no, he wasn't--
224
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:42,329
I don't think that
because she's a redhead that
225
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,732
she's easily
manipulated, or that
226
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:49,069
she'll become a vampire when
she dies, because she won't.
227
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:49,937
Let's go, Jessie.
228
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,314
The best place to relax
is in ones own environment.
229
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,315
Oh God.
230
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,652
All right, just
forget about the poses.
231
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:05,653
OK.
232
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,554
[exhales]
233
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:07,655
All right.
234
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,256
Just breathe.
235
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,223
[inhales]
236
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,360
Breathe in, breathe out.
237
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,695
[controlled exhale]
238
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,630
I know how to
breathe, damn it.
239
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,966
With the exception of six and
a half minutes at the bottom
240
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,734
of Willow Lake when I
was nine, I'm pretty much
241
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,604
breathing all my life.
242
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:28,576
Breath is the link between
the spiritual and the physical.
243
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:32,680
It is the key to all relaxation.
244
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,950
You just concentrate.
245
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,385
[snoring]
246
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,160
And there we go.
247
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,096
[store music playing]
248
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,031
[speaker beeps]
249
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,600
FINNEGAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Would
the junior assistant manager
250
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,867
please report to the stock room?
251
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,268
There's been a recall emergency.
252
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,343
What's going on?
253
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,778
I finished my work, so
I was hoping you could
254
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:05,946
give me some extra duties.
255
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,514
Tom, you know I'm
not comfortable being--
256
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,917
And as your
employee, I will have
257
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,719
to do whatever you tell me.
258
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,120
[small sharp inhale]
259
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,487
[kissing]
260
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,825
See how much fun it
is working together?
261
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,159
We don't work together.
262
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,493
I'm your boss.
263
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,396
Now, shut up, and
lose the shirt.
264
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,732
[giggles]
265
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,868
That was a great book.
266
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,570
Very invigorating
with a twist ending.
267
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:31,872
[chuckles]
268
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:35,876
Jessie, I've been
looking all over for you.
269
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,277
I'm going to go do mopping--
270
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,613
mopping job.
271
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,782
What were you
two doing in there?
272
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,084
We were counting
the new shipment.
273
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,287
You're Wearing Tom's name tag.
274
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,221
Can I see you in my office?
275
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,394
[squirrel squeaks]
276
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,496
Hey, little fella.
277
00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:00,100
I'm not going to hurt you.
278
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,737
Well, look at you relaxing.
279
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,306
I'm so proud of you, honey.
280
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,776
Oh, looks like we have a
weed sprouting over there.
281
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,577
Better nip it in the bud, huh?
282
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,012
Nah, it's just a weed.
283
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,417
I guess I'll take care of it.
284
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,089
So you're learning
Spanish so these girls
285
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,356
will teach you English?
286
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,758
It's not easy
being single, Tom.
287
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,893
[speaker beeps]
288
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:26,860
PERSON (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
Book Buy store staff,
289
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,862
please report to stock room.
290
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,998
Don't you have to go?
291
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,299
My wife is my boss.
292
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,467
I don't have to do anything.
293
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,603
I can't believe
Jessie is your boss.
294
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,571
This job just gets
lamer by the second.
295
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,273
What, like you've had better?
296
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,574
Of course I have.
297
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,043
[camera lights snapping]
298
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,244
Hoo hah!
299
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:47,514
Carter Boyd, you're the
best cowboy ninja who ever
300
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,449
worked at the race car center.
[cheering]
301
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,284
Thanks for saving earth.
302
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,487
Carter, the only job you've
had is as a pharmaceutical test
303
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:55,923
subject, remember?
304
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,490
Obviously not, Tom.
305
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,861
Anyway, the best part of this
job is that Jessie's my boss.
306
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,662
If the stock room's a rocking.
307
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,064
JESSIE (ON SPEAKER):
Tom Bellow, could you
308
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,532
please report to the stockroom?
309
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:06,499
Tom Bellow.
310
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,169
I got to go.
311
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:13,006
Wait, what I do if the
stock room's a rocking?
312
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,008
JESSIE: When I say
best, you say seller!
313
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,209
Best.
ALL: Seller
314
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,110
JESSIE: Best.
315
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,011
ALL: Seller!
316
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,446
Go Book Buy!
317
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,447
[clapping]
318
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,348
JESSIE: Yay!
319
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,250
Thank you, everyone.
320
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,252
Did you lose a bet?
321
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,755
No, after Finnegan
caught us, I convinced him
322
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,190
we switched our name tags
because of some employee
323
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,458
empathy program.
324
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,960
Eva has taught you well.
325
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:33,861
It gets better.
326
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,763
He actually gave me a promotion.
327
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:36,663
What?
328
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,765
That's so amazing.
329
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:38,899
I'm not sure.
330
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,167
There's so much I don't know.
331
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,270
Like what are those things
that they put in urinals
332
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,537
to make them smell clean?
333
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:45,438
Urinal pucks.
334
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,573
Right.
335
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,208
Yeah, I'm going to need
you to put fresh ones
336
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,911
in all the bathrooms.
337
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,412
[rock music playing]
338
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:56,984
JESSIE: I'm starving.
339
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,118
I didn't even
get a break today.
340
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,352
It was that busy.
341
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,688
I mean, you must be
exhausted-- all that cleaning.
342
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,023
What's say we get out
of these uniforms,
343
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,892
order in, and do a little
extra curricular reading,
344
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,527
if you catch my drift.
345
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,428
Who are you?
346
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,562
Great idea.
347
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:13,100
How about a down
and out hitchhiker?
348
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,236
So we're just going to pretend
like today never happened.
349
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,871
Like what never happened?
350
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,073
You, me, the stockroom.
351
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,241
That was your idea.
352
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,843
No, not the sex.
353
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:23,977
The pucking.
354
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,913
You made me change
urinal pucks-- used ones.
355
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,115
Well, you wouldn't
change new ones.
356
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:30,650
Since when is it your
job to make me do mine?
357
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,019
Why you taking
this so personally?
358
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,486
Well, how else am I
supposed to take it?
359
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,789
Like a grown up?
360
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,557
Look, I think it's
important that from now
361
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,427
on I keep my personal and
professional lives separate.
362
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,729
They weren't so separate
at 11 AM this morning.
363
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,564
That was a mistake.
364
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,133
I'm sorry, Tom, but
you have to understand,
365
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,401
there's a work Jessie,
and a home Jessie.
366
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,337
It's business, nothing personal.
367
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,372
It's just a
part-time job, Jess.
368
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,773
Maybe at your level.
369
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,742
[music playing]
370
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,715
[whistling]
371
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,918
Beer and peanuts.
372
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,320
[wind blowing ominously]
373
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,190
I'm not sure we should screwed
with the balance of nature.
374
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,894
There may be repercussions
in teaching Ben yoga.
375
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,663
I didn't teach him yoga.
376
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:19,199
He only thinks he's doing yoga.
377
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,600
He's mostly just
hyperventilating.
378
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,668
[giggles]
379
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,136
You naughty, naughty girl.
380
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,071
Yeah.
381
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,338
I love you.
382
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,740
And I love you
back. honey, if you
383
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,110
were to pick up your peanuts.
384
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,011
What?
385
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,179
Come on, Phil.
386
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:35,448
They're all over the place.
387
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,417
[squirrels chattering]
388
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:43,891
More yoga?
389
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,759
Well, Judith, my BP
is in the basement,
390
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,562
right next to my broken dreams
of Tom ever leaving the house.
391
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,531
I've never been more relaxed.
392
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:52,900
I, uh, really need
you to take a look
393
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,001
at our investment portfolio.
394
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,035
We have an appointment at noon.
395
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,436
Oh, absolutely.
396
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,139
600 million smoking Chinese men
have me bullish on cigarettes
397
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,941
stocks again.
[kisses]
398
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:01,975
Great.
399
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,944
[music playing]
400
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,318
[light snoring]
401
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,819
[sighs]
402
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:16,756
I'm doing a coffee run.
403
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:17,657
Want anything?
404
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:18,858
COWORKER: Uh, vanilla latte.
405
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:22,795
I'll take a double mochaccino.
406
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:23,696
What?
407
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,298
Sorry, money up front.
408
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,100
Why are you being a jerk?
409
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,036
Pretty sure name calling
isn't part of the book
410
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,203
by code of conduct.
411
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,538
Can you get my coffee or not?
412
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,574
I'm not really comfortable
lending money to coworkers.
413
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,109
It's just business.
414
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,010
Sprinkles?
415
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:37,945
COWORKER: Uh, yeah.
416
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:44,017
Oh, clean up in
self-help, Tom, stat.
417
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,618
[inhales through teeth]
- You know what?
418
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,354
Unfortunately, I'm on break,
so you're going to have
419
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,989
to wait or do it yourself.
420
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,924
Junior assistant
managers don't mop.
421
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,326
Wait it is then.
422
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,495
You do know you don't get
a break until you finish four
423
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,763
hours of your shift, right.
424
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,898
Uh, but everyone
else is on break.
425
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,701
That's because everybody
else came in for 9:00 AM,
426
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,204
except for Malinda,
who came in at 8:30,
427
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,472
but then locked her
keys in the car,
428
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,707
and had to call Rubin,
her boyfriend, to help.
429
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,509
Technically, she
started at 9:10,
430
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,911
but that's still four hours, so.
431
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,521
[yawns]
432
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,456
Hi, honey.
433
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,058
What are you doing here?
434
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,427
You're supposed to be a
Wendy's Girl Guide meeting.
435
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:28,628
Why would I be there?
436
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,230
It's father-daughter day.
437
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,231
[sighs]
438
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,333
Yikes
439
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,234
[yawns]
440
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:37,637
We have any pickles?
441
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,106
[sighs]
442
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,607
[music playing]
443
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,075
[squirrel chattering]
444
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,544
[bushes rustling]
445
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,054
[crunching]
446
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,390
[chimes]
447
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,292
[squirrel chattering]
448
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,194
[items clunking]
449
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,499
[chuckles evilly]
450
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,304
Oh my god.
451
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,306
Phil, what have you done?
452
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,908
The grass, our
butterfly habitat.
453
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:20,380
Unkempt lawn is the perfect
breeding ground for squirrels.
454
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,848
We have a squirrel problem?
455
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,316
[exhales]
456
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,551
Not anymore.
457
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:29,656
[mariachi music playing]
458
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:30,690
The woman inside me?
459
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,785
[whistles to bird]
460
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,253
[bird whistles back]
461
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,791
[whistles to bird]
462
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,426
Thank you, dear.
463
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,129
Thank god someone's kicking
some serious squirrel ass
464
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,263
around here.
465
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,164
Thank you.
466
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,868
[chuckles smugly]
467
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,208
Nice work with the
Management for Morons.
468
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,209
Oh, thank you.
469
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,111
You realize, of
course, this means war.
470
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,013
Take it up with me after my
legally mandated Book Buy 15
471
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,682
minute break, starting eh, now.
472
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,087
You can't take a
break in battle, Tom.
473
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,566
Honey, you won't
believe what I just saw--
474
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,502
Mrs. Braun delivering a
basket full of pretzels
475
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:50,737
to Phil of all people.
476
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,339
Mm-hmm.
477
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,273
What are you doing?
478
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,874
Um, nothing, nothing.
479
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,677
Just you know, bills, municipal
taxes, banking, insurance
480
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,078
revaluations.
481
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:02,682
Oh, honey, I was thinking, for
our portfolio, big agriculture.
482
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,351
I mean, food shortages
due to global warming
483
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,518
are pretty much guaranteed.
[laughs]
484
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,419
Don't you think?
485
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,820
I think so.
486
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,322
Uh, oh, this one.
487
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,359
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
honey, it might be me,
488
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:16,696
but is there a hint
of edge in your voice?
489
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,064
I want my husband back.
490
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,031
I'm right here.
491
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,667
No, you're not.
492
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:25,372
You're next door getting
pretzels from Mrs. Braun.
493
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,974
Mrs. Braun delivered
homemade presents to Phil.
494
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,479
Oh, good Lord.
495
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,214
If Phil's me, that means I'm--
496
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,448
[clears throat]
497
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,917
Oh, no, no, no.
498
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,221
Oh no.
499
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,055
[grunts]
500
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,391
[sniffs]
501
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,428
Thanks.
502
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,329
Welcome back.
503
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,701
Who was mopping
the front entrance?
504
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,470
Uh, that would
have been Tom Bellow.
505
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,206
Don't tell me he made a mistake.
506
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:00,773
That's one way of putting it.
507
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,210
Well, I'll just
get him to redo it.
508
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:06,479
Yes, if by redo,
you mean fire.
509
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,580
Fire Fire?
510
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,349
For a little spillage?
511
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:12,685
Because that genius
didn't use a wet floor sign,
512
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,921
a customer fell,
and broke a hip.
513
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,723
- Oh my god.
- Did I say fall?
514
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,759
I meant could have fallen,
but I can't let that level
515
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,093
of incompetence slide.
516
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:22,962
It was me.
517
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:24,163
I did it.
518
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:28,535
Jessie, trying to cover
for an employee's failure.
519
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:32,272
I mean, the depth of your
generosity is endless.
520
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,907
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go fire Tom.
521
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,108
No, wait!
522
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,777
Please, sir, you can't.
523
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:38,678
You know what?
524
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,447
You're right.
525
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:41,414
You should do it.
526
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,315
What What?
527
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,650
No, why?
528
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:46,219
Because this is one of
those unfortunate things
529
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,388
that a manager has to do.
530
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,657
Think of it as a
learning opportunity.
531
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:56,363
Well, couldn't I just skip
this part of my education?
532
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,298
You have a choice, Jessie.
533
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:01,268
Fire Tom or I'll fire you.
534
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,207
[speaker beeps]
535
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,776
JESSIE (ON SPEAKER): Tom
Bellow, please report to
536
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,210
the assistant manager's office.
537
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,450
[MUSIC - DJ CHAMPION, "BACKING
OFF"]
538
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,887
Oh, people are backing off.
539
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,789
Some are lining up.
540
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,824
People are looking up.
541
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,859
People are blowing up.
542
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:30,797
People are crashing up,
and they're covering up.
543
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:31,964
Sweet redheaded Jesus.
544
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:39,339
Did you notice how his
neck went as red as his hair
545
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,273
when he fired us?
546
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:44,844
Kind of hard to
miss, unlike this.
547
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:45,912
Did you steal this?
548
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,781
I think of it
as a parting gift.
549
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,249
Bad-ass Jessie is the bomb.
550
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,220
Mwa!
551
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,688
[contented sigh]
552
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,890
There's like everything you
need to repair a car in here.
553
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:58,825
I know.
554
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,059
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
555
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,193
Yeah.
556
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:01,828
We'll give it to your
dad, and he'll fix it.
557
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:02,762
Exactly.
See?
558
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,397
We make a great team.
559
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,032
I say book, you say--
560
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:07,033
Bite me.
561
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,000
[laughing]
562
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:08,668
[MUSIC - DJ CHAMPION, "BACKING
OFF"]
563
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,002
People backing off.
564
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,505
People are backing off.
565
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,474
People are backing off.
566
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:17,043
People are backing off.
567
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,945
[crickets]
568
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,784
Hey, hey, nice job
on the lawn here, Phil.
569
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,987
I guess all you have to worry
about now is maintenance.
570
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:30,056
That shouldn't be too bad.
571
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:32,825
Not if you don't mind late
nights and early mornings.
572
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:33,826
Late nights?
573
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:34,994
It's the best time to mow.
574
00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:35,895
Early mornings?
575
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,364
That's the best time to water.
576
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,031
This is about the
pretzels, isn't it?
577
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,533
I trim more rough
edges in a year
578
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:41,801
than you have in
a lifetime, Phil.
579
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:42,935
I deserve those pretzels.
580
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:44,270
You can't even eat them.
581
00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:47,840
Judith has volunteered to
desalt each one individually.
582
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,543
She needs a hobby.
583
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:51,978
[coughs]
584
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:53,045
Whoopsie.
585
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,280
[MUSIC - DJ CHAMPION, "BACKING
OFF"]
586
00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:55,648
People are backing off.
587
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,417
Always makes me sick.
588
00:21:57,517 --> 00:22:01,421
Some are shutting
up, others giving up.
589
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,122
People are backing off.
590
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,324
Mates are breaking up.
591
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:07,126
Some are making up.
592
00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:09,295
We're all sharing up.
593
00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:11,398
People are backing off.
594
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,466
People are backing off.
595
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,568
People are backing off.
596
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:18,037
People are backing off!
597
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:22,637
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