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1
00:00:04,267 --> 00:00:06,133
[music playing]
2
00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:11,067
Hey, handsome.
3
00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:11,967
Hey.
4
00:00:12,067 --> 00:00:13,700
It's Jessie, right?
5
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,200
You may remember me from that
rather awesome sexual encounter
6
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,200
20 minutes ago.
7
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,133
You know, it does
ring a bell, yes.
8
00:00:19,233 --> 00:00:20,833
- Ready for round two?
- What?
9
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:21,733
So soon?
10
00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:23,067
I don't know if I can-- wait.
11
00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:23,933
Nope.
12
00:00:24,033 --> 00:00:26,300
We're good.
13
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,200
[thumping noise]
14
00:00:32,267 --> 00:00:33,067
OK.
15
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,200
That is a mood killer.
16
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:37,000
The noise?
Oh, don't worry about it.
17
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:40,333
My dad usually
finishes pretty fast.
18
00:00:40,433 --> 00:00:41,233
What?
19
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,500
Is something wrong?
20
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:43,700
No.
21
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,367
I'm just trying to think
of a stronger word for ew.
22
00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:46,767
He's just hanging a picture.
23
00:00:46,867 --> 00:00:48,367
That's an
interesting euphemism.
24
00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:49,767
No.
25
00:00:49,867 --> 00:00:51,433
He and Mom, you know, they're
just rearranging the artwork,
26
00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:52,600
reworking the decor.
27
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,000
Been going on for years.
28
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:55,000
OK.
29
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:57,533
Tom, I want you to
stop for a minute
30
00:00:57,633 --> 00:00:59,100
and think about
what you're saying.
31
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,300
Oh, I'm sorry, son.
32
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,633
Did we wake you?
33
00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:13,233
I was just hanging a picture.
Come on.
34
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,300
Back to bed now.
35
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,200
Phew.
36
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,500
Just hanging a picture, son.
37
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,400
Come on.
38
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,400
Off to bed.
39
00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:29,333
Woo.
40
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:30,833
Oh.
41
00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:32,333
Oh.
42
00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:37,100
Uh big Picasso, little nail.
43
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,867
Oh my god.
44
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:41,067
My parents have sex.
45
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,467
Remind me to talk to you
about the Tooth Fairy someday.
46
00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:48,200
[theme music]
47
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,167
THEME SONG: Can't we find a
way that we can be together?
48
00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:58,533
Is there any way that
we can be together?
49
00:01:58,633 --> 00:02:02,933
And oh by the way,
baby, do you love me?
50
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:04,400
Yes, I do.
51
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,400
Yes, I do.
52
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,367
Yes, I do.
53
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:10,300
Yes, I do.
54
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,700
Uh-huh.
55
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,033
Pass the ketchup
there, please, honey.
56
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:25,667
Try banging it, dear.
57
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:27,833
Harder.
58
00:02:27,933 --> 00:02:28,733
Don't stop.
59
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:29,633
It's coming.
60
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:34,833
Ah, there we go.
61
00:02:34,933 --> 00:02:36,833
You want your banana?
62
00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:37,733
Yeah.
63
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:38,633
I'll split it with you.
64
00:02:38,733 --> 00:02:39,833
You know what?
65
00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:41,267
I'm starving.
66
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:42,167
Just give it to me.
67
00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:49,300
Pass the salt, please.
68
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,167
OK.
69
00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:51,467
Get a room.
70
00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:52,367
Tom.
71
00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:53,367
What's with you?
72
00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:54,500
Tom's just upset because--
73
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,633
Jessie.
74
00:02:55,733 --> 00:02:59,067
We heard you this
morning hanging pictures.
75
00:02:59,167 --> 00:03:00,900
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
76
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,167
I know it's awkward.
- Don't be silly.
77
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:04,600
It's perfectly natural.
78
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:05,500
Your mother's right.
79
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,600
Salt, please, honey.
80
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:07,900
Sorry.
81
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,133
Aren't you embarrassed?
82
00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:10,100
Why?
83
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,000
We're married.
84
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:11,967
You're married.
85
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,033
What's the big deal?
86
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:14,833
It's not like we
don't hear you guys.
87
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:15,733
Ugh.
88
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,867
Are you full, Tom?
89
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:21,767
Yeah.
90
00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:22,767
Let's go with that.
91
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,467
132.
92
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:34,033
Minus 11.
93
00:03:34,133 --> 00:03:34,933
Good.
94
00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:38,267
Wow.
95
00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:40,967
You seems to be really enjoying
her new tutoring job, huh?
96
00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:42,900
It's not the job.
97
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,733
I think our little girl's
got her first crush.
98
00:03:45,833 --> 00:03:47,433
- What?
- Mm-hm.
99
00:03:47,533 --> 00:03:48,433
Don't be ridiculous.
100
00:03:48,533 --> 00:03:50,300
She's 12 years old.
101
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,867
Do you have any
more ginger snaps?
102
00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:54,867
They're for Adam.
103
00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:57,867
I'm just gonna go
and read something.
104
00:03:57,967 --> 00:03:59,300
Excuse me.
105
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,167
So do you think
your boyfriend would
106
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:02,533
like some milk with these?
107
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:04,433
He is not my boyfriend.
108
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:07,300
Our relationship is
purely professional.
109
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,733
And I would appreciate
if you didn't
110
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,567
start any unfounded rumors.
111
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,300
And yet you put on
your favorite blouse
112
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,433
before he came over.
113
00:04:14,533 --> 00:04:15,833
It's my business attire.
114
00:04:15,933 --> 00:04:16,700
All right.
115
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:17,767
Whatever you say.
116
00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:18,667
Mom.
117
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:19,900
It's OK.
118
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,700
He can't hear me winking, honey.
119
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,067
Ugh.
120
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:28,033
And that, my friend, is the
best part of being a judge.
121
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,133
Dad.
122
00:04:29,233 --> 00:04:30,400
Don't you have to file
a tort or something?
123
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,500
Yeah.
Yeah.
124
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:33,400
OK?
125
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,233
Hey, baby.
126
00:04:50,233 --> 00:04:51,300
What are you doing?
127
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,200
A Sudoku puzzle.
128
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,533
What do you think I'm doing?
129
00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:54,433
Sorry.
130
00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:55,333
I--
131
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:56,233
Everything OK?
132
00:04:56,333 --> 00:04:57,133
Yeah.
133
00:04:57,233 --> 00:04:59,967
It's just kind of hot in here.
134
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:00,867
Easy fix.
135
00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:08,933
What now?
136
00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:10,333
Sorry.
137
00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:13,800
It's just there's a "Sudsey and
Jake" marathon on TV tonight.
138
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,600
All right, Tom.
What is it?
139
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,200
Well, it's this show
about these two brothers
140
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,167
who run a car wash, and--
141
00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,433
No.
142
00:05:19,533 --> 00:05:22,433
I've never seen you turn
down sex for vintage sitcoms.
143
00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:23,767
OK.
144
00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:25,233
It's my parents.
145
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:26,700
But it's totally quiet.
146
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,100
No one's hanging any pictures.
147
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,300
I know.
148
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,033
But doesn't it bother you
that it doesn't bother
149
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,300
them that we're having sex?
150
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,500
I thought it was a good thing.
151
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,767
But they're so cool about it.
152
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:35,767
What do you want them to do?
153
00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:37,267
Keep us in separate cages?
154
00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:38,300
We're married.
155
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:43,233
Why does everybody
keep saying that?
156
00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:44,133
Sorry.
157
00:05:44,233 --> 00:05:45,200
OK.
158
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,533
Let's try this.
- Yeah?
159
00:05:46,633 --> 00:05:47,867
Yeah.
160
00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:49,300
We watch the first couple
episodes of "Sudsey and Jake,"
161
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,200
see how we feel.
162
00:05:55,133 --> 00:05:56,000
Can I ask you something?
163
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:56,900
Yeah.
164
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:57,900
Sure, baby.
165
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:58,967
What's up?
166
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:03,033
Have you and Dad
ever had a slow period?
167
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:05,233
Your father does
everything slow.
168
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,033
Can you be a little
more specific?
169
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,100
I meant in the bedroom.
170
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,533
Oh, sex.
171
00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:12,933
Well, yeah, sure, sometimes.
172
00:06:13,033 --> 00:06:15,700
But then we discover some
new mind-blowing position.
173
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,600
Oh, here.
174
00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:19,200
Let me show you.
175
00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:20,933
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Mom.
176
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:21,833
What?
177
00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:22,967
You asked.
178
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:25,233
I guess I thought you'd
dress it up a little.
179
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,467
You've been living with
the Bellows far too long.
180
00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:29,567
Fine.
181
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:34,367
Truth is that men
like to be seduced
182
00:06:34,467 --> 00:06:35,900
just as much as us girls do.
183
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:36,800
Really?
184
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:37,933
Sure.
185
00:06:38,033 --> 00:06:39,967
So don't be afraid to
use the old standbys,
186
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:46,067
like music, rose
petals, sensual massage.
187
00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:47,267
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
188
00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:49,067
Father within earshot.
189
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,167
Just talking about sex.
190
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:51,100
Yeah.
191
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,733
With our Jessie,
our little Jessie.
192
00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:56,700
With our big Jessie,
our big married Jessie.
193
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,367
You can at least
use a euphemism.
194
00:06:58,467 --> 00:06:59,567
Like hanging pictures?
195
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:00,733
Exactly.
196
00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:01,933
What?
197
00:07:02,033 --> 00:07:03,500
You know, Phil, sometimes
you can be just as much
198
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,900
of a tightass as Ben.
199
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,967
Actually, Ben's OK
with us having sex.
200
00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:09,000
That's because he's a
crazy, right wing demagogue.
201
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,767
But in this case,
wouldn't that make you--
202
00:07:10,867 --> 00:07:15,133
He's a crazy,
right wing demagogue.
203
00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:16,600
Your father's not
comfortable when
204
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,667
people step out of their roles.
205
00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:20,567
(GASPING) You know what?
206
00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:21,567
Role-playing.
207
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:22,467
Yeah.
208
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:37,133
Hey, Adam.
209
00:07:37,233 --> 00:07:38,033
Oh, hey.
210
00:07:38,133 --> 00:07:38,933
Can I ask you a question?
211
00:07:39,033 --> 00:07:40,500
Shoot.
212
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,767
Is it possible that you and
I are like, you know, a thing?
213
00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:45,667
Yes.
214
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:49,233
Killed the dwarf.
215
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,033
Were you saying something?
216
00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:53,433
Nothing.
217
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:55,400
Listen, Wendy.
218
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,333
I think it would be best if
you don't tutor me anymore.
219
00:07:58,433 --> 00:07:59,500
You do?
220
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,067
Yeah I mean thanks
for everything.
221
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:04,533
I appreciate it.
222
00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:05,967
Adam?
223
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:08,100
Was it something I said?
224
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,133
No.
225
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:13,400
More like something
your dad said.
226
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:14,900
You listen up, Casanova.
227
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,467
I've already got one
kid married at 18.
228
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:17,700
I'm not looking to
break any records.
229
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,467
You got me?
- What are you talking about?
230
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,267
I'm talking about my daughter.
231
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,633
Back off or else.
232
00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:24,533
I'm a judge, you know.
233
00:08:24,633 --> 00:08:26,600
I can make things.
234
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:30,933
Like say your father cheated
on his taxes a few years ago.
235
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:32,133
Got the case thrown out.
236
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:33,033
Boom.
237
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,267
Back on like Donkey Kong.
238
00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:35,167
Three to five in the clink.
239
00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:36,900
Know what I'm saying?
240
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,233
Dad.
241
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,567
Oh.
242
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:41,733
And that, my friend, is the
best part of being a judge.
243
00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:43,833
[inaudible]
244
00:08:43,933 --> 00:08:45,667
I'm gonna kill him.
245
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,133
Wendy, you can't kill a judge.
246
00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:49,200
He'll send you to
prison for sure.
247
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:53,733
Homework assignment, find
the flaw in your last sentence.
248
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:56,000
What?
249
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,333
Oh.
250
00:08:58,433 --> 00:08:59,567
Nailed it.
251
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,033
Can we not talk
about nailing things
252
00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:02,000
for the next little while?
253
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,800
Ah, dude, can
you just let it go?
254
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:06,400
So your parents do it.
255
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,800
Your mom's pretty hot.
256
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,533
First of all, shut up.
257
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,800
Second of all,
that's not the point.
258
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:13,733
And third of all, shut up.
259
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,133
You know what'll
help you get past this?
260
00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:16,333
Time machine.
261
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:17,400
Practice.
262
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,600
You've gotta get
back in the game.
263
00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:19,733
You know, strap on the old suit.
264
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,367
Go deep or go home,
if you get what I'm--
265
00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:22,267
I get it.
266
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,167
Don't worry.
267
00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:24,733
I got my own plan.
268
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:25,900
What's that?
269
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,833
Avoid sex altogether.
270
00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:29,433
Are you out of your mind?
271
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:30,533
You're 18.
272
00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:32,867
Well, we've had sex
like dozens of times.
273
00:09:32,967 --> 00:09:34,067
Maybe she's over it.
274
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:40,200
You just play with me to
make yourself feel better,
275
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,067
don't you?
- Pretty much.
276
00:09:49,367 --> 00:09:50,867
Hey there, quarterback.
277
00:09:50,967 --> 00:09:51,767
Ow.
278
00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:53,067
Great game.
279
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,833
Wow.
280
00:09:54,933 --> 00:09:56,167
Great outfit.
281
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:57,933
You look a bit stiff.
282
00:09:58,033 --> 00:09:59,633
Need a rubdown?
283
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:04,533
OK This cheerleader thing
is seriously doing it for me.
284
00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:07,800
Not sure about the flower petals
or the techno, but whatever.
285
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,467
I had trouble
committing to a theme.
286
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:10,700
Eclectic works.
287
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,833
Best idea you've ever had.
288
00:10:13,933 --> 00:10:17,367
Score one for Mom.
289
00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:18,500
What?
290
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,033
Nothing.
291
00:10:20,133 --> 00:10:21,867
You talked to your mother?
292
00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:23,333
Who else was I
supposed to ask?
293
00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:24,233
I don't know.
294
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,467
Post a question online.
295
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:27,767
Ask the creepy guy who hangs
out by the bus station.
296
00:10:27,867 --> 00:10:28,700
Anybody.
297
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,000
Why is it such a big deal?
298
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,167
It's bad enough my parents
are OK with our sex life.
299
00:10:32,267 --> 00:10:33,533
But now your parents are too?
300
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,100
Tom, it's not as
bad as you think.
301
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,900
Oh, how delightful that
our children are fornicating.
302
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:40,800
Indeed.
303
00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:46,533
At least we don't
have to hide it anymore.
304
00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:48,433
But that's the point.
305
00:10:48,533 --> 00:10:49,800
Where's the fun?
306
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:50,967
The danger?
307
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,467
The feeling we're getting
away with something?
308
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:54,200
We're not egging
someone's house, Tom.
309
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,000
We're having sex.
310
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,500
If it makes you feel
any better, my dad is
311
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,800
totally freaked by the thought.
312
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:02,733
Really?
313
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,233
I can't believe we're
actually doing this.
314
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:14,067
I can't believe we've
never thought of it before.
315
00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:15,167
What if he catches us?
- Oh, he won't.
316
00:11:15,267 --> 00:11:16,533
He won't be back for hours.
317
00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:18,300
Besides, I made sure to bolt
the door, pull the blinds, and--
318
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,800
You're not very good
at this game, are you?
319
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:20,733
Right.
320
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:21,700
He could be back any minute.
321
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,800
Oh, Tom, I'm so worried.
322
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,633
What if he walks through
the door right now?
323
00:11:25,733 --> 00:11:27,633
[door creaks]
324
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,100
Hi, Daddy.
325
00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:55,867
What is that smell?
326
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:57,633
Butoxyethanol.
327
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:59,367
That can't be good
for the environment.
328
00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:00,533
Screw the environment.
329
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:01,433
There.
330
00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:02,633
I said it.
331
00:12:02,733 --> 00:12:04,367
All right.
332
00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:08,033
Don't you think that you're
going just a little overboard
333
00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:09,267
here, Phil?
334
00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:11,900
You couldn't understand
unless you were there.
335
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,100
It's like Vietnam, man.
336
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,600
You weren't in Vietnam.
337
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,067
Oh, wasn't I?
338
00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:23,933
This is [inaudible] We got
Charlie over the [inaudible]..
339
00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:27,367
Mom, I need more pudding.
340
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:29,833
MOM: No, Philip, you've
already had three.
341
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:31,000
OK.
342
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,000
I wasn't.
343
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,533
But I know that this is worse.
344
00:12:34,633 --> 00:12:35,900
Oh, come on, Phil.
345
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,500
Surely a part of your
brain knew that Tom
346
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,433
and Jessie were having sex.
347
00:12:39,533 --> 00:12:40,333
Yes.
348
00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:41,467
Just not the eyes part.
349
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:43,667
Well, you're gonna
have to get over it.
350
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:44,933
Don't you think I'm trying?
351
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:47,400
I've already gone through
a half a tray of brownies.
352
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,700
Those are from Judith.
353
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,367
There is nothing in them.
354
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,467
Weird.
355
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:55,333
Because I'm seeing colors here.
356
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:56,433
It's the butoxyethanol.
357
00:12:56,533 --> 00:12:57,333
Yeah.
358
00:12:57,433 --> 00:12:58,433
Most likely, yeah.
359
00:12:58,533 --> 00:13:01,167
Please, just try
and get past this.
360
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:03,400
I'm sure Jessie has.
361
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,400
Do you think this could pull
off a full frontal lobotomy?
362
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,900
You were the ones who
wanted to get caught.
363
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:08,900
No.
364
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,100
We like the threat
of getting caught.
365
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,133
There's a difference.
366
00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:11,967
I don't understand
what you guys were
367
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,300
doing there in the first place.
368
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,533
Yeah.
369
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,700
Sex doesn't have to be
dirty or illicit to be good.
370
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:17,700
[laughter]
371
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,200
Yeah, right.
372
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,267
This isn't funny, guys.
373
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,167
It's like the time you and I
snuck into an R-rated movie.
374
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:25,900
How is this like
"Goat Fraternity?"
375
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,567
At first, it was
forbidden, like we were
376
00:13:27,667 --> 00:13:28,800
getting away with something.
377
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,400
But then when nobody cared,
it wasn't fun anymore.
378
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:32,733
What are you, nuts?
379
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:35,533
Those guys are running
a fraternity for goats.
380
00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:37,733
I wish my father were a goat.
381
00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:39,433
Well, there's something
you don't hear every day.
382
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:41,367
This sucks.
We can't do it at home.
383
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:43,100
We can't do it at
your parents' place.
384
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,000
Well, where'd you guys have
sex before you got married?
385
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,200
Behind the shed.
386
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,300
Oh, so why not
do a little reboot?
387
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,633
Go back to where
the magic began?
388
00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:53,600
[music playing]
389
00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:10,067
Please let me love you
like I once loved you.
390
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:14,533
Why can't we start again?
391
00:14:14,633 --> 00:14:16,300
Oh, hello.
392
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,233
Hello.
393
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,400
Oh my god.
394
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,500
I remember that jacket.
395
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,833
So what's the occasion?
396
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:26,400
Oh, I don't know.
397
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,667
Tom and Jessie are out.
398
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,700
Wendy's at her fencing practice.
399
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,467
And I thought maybe,
maybe we could--
400
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:39,167
I don't know-- hang a picture
right here for a change.
401
00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:42,067
You know how I
love to redecorate.
402
00:14:42,167 --> 00:14:43,067
Do you?
403
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,833
Did you threaten Adam?
404
00:14:48,933 --> 00:14:50,867
Oh, good, you're home early.
405
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:51,767
Answer the question.
406
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:53,500
Yes, Ben, answer the question.
407
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,500
Ow.
408
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,367
Did you threaten
Wendy's boyfriend?
409
00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:58,800
He's not my boyfriend.
410
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:00,333
I didn't threaten him, OK?
411
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,533
What did you say?
412
00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:02,967
Ben, what did you say?
413
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:05,333
Oh, for the love of--
414
00:15:05,433 --> 00:15:06,733
I made a little joke.
OK?
415
00:15:06,833 --> 00:15:07,900
He must've taken
it the wrong way.
416
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,567
That's all.
- That's great, Dad.
417
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:10,833
You just keep on being funny.
418
00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:12,500
And I'm gonna grow
old and alone,
419
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,833
like one of those
"Grey Gardens" ladies
420
00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:14,867
with the cats and the raccoons.
421
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,000
Never let her watch
that movie, huh?
422
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,000
Anyway, where were we?
423
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,333
Ah.
424
00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:28,767
Benjamin Herbert Bellow,
I don't know what you did.
425
00:15:28,867 --> 00:15:31,167
But you better undo it,
or you won't be hanging
426
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,633
any more pictures again.
427
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,433
I-- oh.
428
00:15:39,367 --> 00:15:41,200
A man can't stare at blank
walls forever, Judith.
429
00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:47,300
Is the coast clear?
430
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,700
No, Tom, your dad's out
gardening in the dark.
431
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,167
You really don't
get this game, do you?
432
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,067
Sorry.
433
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,233
Yeah.
434
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:56,500
I think our old
spot's over here.
435
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,400
No.
436
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,533
I think it's over here.
437
00:15:58,633 --> 00:15:59,433
Ow.
438
00:15:59,533 --> 00:16:00,467
Thorns.
439
00:16:00,567 --> 00:16:01,733
Oh, that's all part
of the adventure.
440
00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:02,700
Ah.
441
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,167
Was there always a nail there?
442
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:06,633
Let's just lie down here.
443
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:07,533
OK.
444
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:10,967
Oh, Tom?
445
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:12,233
What?
446
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:14,733
I think I'm lying
on a pine cone.
447
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:16,000
Or is it petrified dog crap?
448
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,367
It's not petrified.
449
00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:22,833
Ugh.
450
00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:26,200
Ew.
451
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:27,767
NARRATOR (ON TV): Stay
tuned for the "Sudsey
452
00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:32,367
and Jake" marathon, 14 straight
hours of nonstop '80s hilarity.
453
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:10,200
[knocking]
454
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,100
Adam's here.
455
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,533
Adam is here.
456
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,300
Adam, what a pleasant surprise.
457
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,367
What brings you to our
neck of the street?
458
00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:22,367
You called my mum, and
she made me come over?
459
00:17:22,467 --> 00:17:24,600
Oh, love that
dry wit of yours.
460
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:28,233
Wendy, your amusing
little friend is here.
461
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,533
There he is.
462
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:30,800
- Whoa.
- Hi.
463
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:31,867
[inaudible]
464
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,633
We'll just leave
the two of you alone.
465
00:17:33,733 --> 00:17:34,533
Hm?
466
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:35,433
Oh.
467
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:36,333
Yeah, yeah.
468
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:38,100
So are we back on?
469
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,867
Back on like Donkey Kong.
470
00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:42,300
What's Donkey Kong?
471
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,300
I was hoping you'd know.
472
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,367
Mom, Dad, I can still see you.
473
00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:55,200
Pass the ketchup, please.
474
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,333
Here you go.
475
00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:57,667
Thank you.
476
00:17:57,767 --> 00:17:58,967
Squeeze bottle.
477
00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:02,067
No need to bang it.
478
00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:03,033
That's handy.
479
00:18:03,133 --> 00:18:03,933
Sure is.
480
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:07,800
Banana?
481
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:08,700
Oh, no, thank you.
482
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:15,033
So Carter and Ava wanna have
dinner with us tomorrow night.
483
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:16,467
Oh, good.
484
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:18,000
I like them.
- Yes.
485
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:18,900
Yeah, they're fun.
486
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,867
Mm.
487
00:18:24,733 --> 00:18:25,500
OK, Tom.
488
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,833
I can't take it anymore.
489
00:18:26,933 --> 00:18:29,167
It's like we've gone
from 18 to 80 overnight.
490
00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:30,267
What am I supposed to say?
491
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:32,367
It's not my fault you
ruined our sex life.
492
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:34,067
I ruined our sex life?
493
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:35,467
You're the one who
decided we can't
494
00:18:35,567 --> 00:18:38,100
do it unless it's a dirty secret
we have to hide from the world.
495
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,967
It doesn't have
to be a secret.
496
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:42,000
I just hate that ever
since we got married,
497
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,600
it became so acceptable.
498
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,500
Oh, so it's not that you
don't want to have sex.
499
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,000
It's that you don't
want to be married.
500
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,467
I never said that.
501
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:51,267
I'm just a horrible,
sex-crazed wife, huh?
502
00:18:51,367 --> 00:18:53,467
Are you making jokes about
me down at the bowling alley?
503
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:54,933
You're not so perfect.
504
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:56,333
Maybe if you didn't
feel the need
505
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:59,233
to talk about sex at the
table with my parents,
506
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,200
we wouldn't be in this mess.
507
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:01,967
Who else am I gonna talk to?
508
00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:04,400
It seems they're the only
adults living in this house.
509
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,567
Are you calling me a child?
510
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,500
Ugh.
511
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,133
Are you paying for
my dry cleaning?
512
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,333
Are you wearing a new bra?
513
00:19:12,433 --> 00:19:13,400
Are you gonna keep
asking questions?
514
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,567
Or are you gonna find
out for yourself?
515
00:19:19,467 --> 00:19:20,267
Wow.
516
00:19:24,133 --> 00:19:27,067
How you doing, baby?
517
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,300
Well, I've been
thinking about it.
518
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,400
And I decided our little
girl's all grown up,
519
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,433
so I might as well accept it.
520
00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:36,833
Well, I think
that is very mature.
521
00:19:36,933 --> 00:19:37,733
Thank you.
522
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,900
But did you really have
to burn the Barcalounger
523
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,633
Yes.
524
00:19:45,733 --> 00:19:46,533
Yes, I did.
525
00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:53,400
What?
526
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,500
Just seeing the fire
reflecting in your eyes
527
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,967
reminds me of that
time we made love
528
00:19:57,067 --> 00:19:59,000
al fresco in Yellowstone Park.
529
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,733
Oh, yeah.
530
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,433
You kept calling
yourself Old Faithful.
531
00:20:03,533 --> 00:20:04,367
That was funny.
532
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:05,733
Yeah.
533
00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:07,367
No, not really.
534
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:08,667
But I was drunk.
535
00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:23,367
That was sensational.
536
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:28,700
Ready for round two?
537
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,600
Ha ha.
538
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,133
Not so soon.
539
00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:34,733
Not sure I can-- oh, we're good.
540
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:35,633
We're good.
541
00:20:35,733 --> 00:20:36,533
We're good.
542
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:40,600
Mm.
543
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:41,500
Mm.
544
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:42,800
Mm.
545
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,033
Sorry.
546
00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:45,000
Mm.
547
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:48,367
Ain't happening.
548
00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:50,333
Good night, dear.
549
00:20:50,433 --> 00:20:52,233
[clapping]
550
00:20:55,233 --> 00:20:57,533
Wow.
551
00:20:57,633 --> 00:20:58,833
Incredible.
552
00:20:58,933 --> 00:21:01,667
Who knew makeup sex could
actually trump the shed?
553
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:05,467
Guess that means there's
still new territory to mine.
554
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:09,500
Speaking of new
territory, let's say
555
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,933
we go for a three-peat.
556
00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:16,233
[thumping noise]
557
00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:17,433
Don't worry, honey.
558
00:21:17,533 --> 00:21:20,833
I'm comfortable with
what's going on downstairs.
559
00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:31,233
A little to the left, dear.
560
00:21:35,267 --> 00:21:36,633
Done.
561
00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:37,600
[music playing]
562
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:38,667
Ow.
563
00:21:38,767 --> 00:21:41,033
Now when your soul's
on fire, I found out
564
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,433
you can't put out the flame.
565
00:21:44,533 --> 00:21:45,400
No.
566
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,267
Come on now, people.
567
00:21:47,367 --> 00:21:50,267
Tonight's the night.
568
00:21:50,367 --> 00:21:55,200
Everybody, you're
gonna feel all right.
569
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,100
This here's a party.
570
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,533
Just take a look around.
571
00:21:59,633 --> 00:22:02,400
From wall to wall,
people getting down.
572
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,033
Come on now, people.
573
00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:07,867
You got no excuse.
574
00:22:07,967 --> 00:22:13,900
Tonight we're gonna--
we're gonna raise the roof.
575
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:18,800
On this side of town, hey,
you gotta get on down.
576
00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:20,967
Good god.
577
00:22:21,017 --> 00:22:25,567
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