Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:03,054
Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner,
2
00:00:03,062 --> 00:00:06,296
my name is Max 'cause the hospital
wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops".
3
00:00:08,473 --> 00:00:11,348
I've been out of town all summer,
anything new?
4
00:00:11,747 --> 00:00:13,933
Anything new? Let's see, well...
5
00:00:13,958 --> 00:00:16,726
Facebook went public
and Edward Snowden went private.
6
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:18,792
Kim and Kanye had a baby,
7
00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:21,523
so now there's another Kardashian
to not keep up with.
8
00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:26,136
Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in,
9
00:00:26,161 --> 00:00:28,785
and a teacher in California's out
for letting her students get it in.
10
00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:33,416
Justin Bieber got a hit-and-run,
Chris Brown got a hit-and-run,
11
00:00:33,423 --> 00:00:35,689
Rihanna got hit and still didn't run.
12
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:40,088
Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million, cunnilingus
gave Michael Douglas throat cancer,
13
00:00:40,225 --> 00:00:43,585
and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere
another excuse not to do that.
14
00:00:44,781 --> 00:00:47,075
Egypt went crazy,
Amanda Bynes went crazier,
15
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:50,261
and the NSA checks our phone
like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
16
00:00:50,286 --> 00:00:52,425
Oh, and Texas hates women,
Florida hates blacks,
17
00:00:52,457 --> 00:00:54,135
And everybody hates everything
with the exception
18
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:58,206
of Angelina Jolie,
who is totally awesome.
19
00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:02,810
I meant on the menu.
Anything new on the menu?
20
00:01:02,811 --> 00:01:04,646
I have no idea. Let me check.
21
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,282
Hey, Caroline, anything new
I should know about?
22
00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:10,552
The royal baby
smiled at the queen.
23
00:01:10,553 --> 00:01:12,654
I meant at the diner.
24
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,155
Oh. I think we're maybe
25
00:01:14,156 --> 00:01:17,225
washing the forks now?
Let me check.
26
00:01:20,963 --> 00:01:22,964
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
27
00:01:24,633 --> 00:01:28,002
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
28
00:01:29,996 --> 00:01:36,504
Sync by No1, corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
29
00:01:36,884 --> 00:01:38,718
See, Max, one quick change,
30
00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:41,721
and we went from polyester and
pitiful to powerful and proud.
31
00:01:41,722 --> 00:01:44,056
Just like superman.
32
00:01:44,057 --> 00:01:45,758
Except that superman changed
in a phone booth,
33
00:01:45,759 --> 00:01:49,228
not a stall that says,
"for a good time, call Max."
34
00:01:49,229 --> 00:01:53,766
Well, if you have a problem
with it, why did you write it?
35
00:01:53,767 --> 00:01:55,902
'Cause I didn't have
enough eyeliner to write,
36
00:01:55,903 --> 00:01:59,505
"for an interesting time,
call Caroline."
37
00:02:00,941 --> 00:02:03,075
Look.
Look, Earl, we're wearing
38
00:02:03,076 --> 00:02:04,644
our "Max's homemade cupcakes"
t-shirts again.
39
00:02:04,645 --> 00:02:05,845
See the logo?
40
00:02:05,846 --> 00:02:07,613
Well, actually, I try never
41
00:02:07,614 --> 00:02:11,517
to look you ladies
in the "chestal" area.
42
00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:14,620
It keeps things
on the up and up.
43
00:02:14,621 --> 00:02:17,657
Oh, Earl, you are
one in a million, literally,
44
00:02:17,658 --> 00:02:23,763
'cause 999,999 men have only
looked me in that area.
45
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:28,891
Well, I got to go home. I'm binge-watching
Dharma & Greg on Hulu.
46
00:02:28,892 --> 00:02:32,862
Oh, I missed so much
growing up in Korea.
47
00:02:32,863 --> 00:02:36,132
What, like puberty?
48
00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:39,635
Max, in my country
I'm average height.
49
00:02:39,636 --> 00:02:41,370
And in my mind, I'm still rich,
50
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:45,174
and my health care plan
isn't Flintstones chewables.
51
00:02:45,175 --> 00:02:47,543
So who wants to go in the back
52
00:02:47,544 --> 00:02:50,246
and see how amazing
our brand-new cupcake shop is?
53
00:02:50,247 --> 00:02:53,583
Bring down the enthusiasm,
Rachael Ray.
54
00:02:53,584 --> 00:02:55,017
Right,
we're not supposed to get
55
00:02:55,018 --> 00:02:56,886
all excited
about this opening tonight.
56
00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:59,422
Last time, we made a big deal,
and the shop didn't do so well.
57
00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:01,390
Ha!
That's like saying the people
58
00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:04,994
near the nuclear explosion
didn't do so well.
59
00:03:07,264 --> 00:03:11,000
Girls,
I am so proud of you two,
60
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:13,369
getting back up on that horse.
61
00:03:13,370 --> 00:03:16,072
After my first jazz record
didn't sell,
62
00:03:16,073 --> 00:03:20,710
I turned to a life of drinks,
drugs, and loose women.
63
00:03:20,711 --> 00:03:23,946
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.
64
00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:31,087
But how can you be opening
your cupcake window right now?
65
00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:33,256
- It's 2:00 A.M.!
- Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00.
66
00:03:33,257 --> 00:03:34,957
We're targeting
the "post bars" demographic.
67
00:03:34,958 --> 00:03:36,726
Drunk Williamsburg guys.
68
00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:38,527
That's my target
when I'm by myself
69
00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:40,963
and now my target
at the new shop.
70
00:03:40,964 --> 00:03:44,700
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.
71
00:03:44,701 --> 00:03:47,270
We have no big expectations
about the opening tonight.
72
00:03:47,271 --> 00:03:48,371
It's a soft opening.
73
00:03:48,372 --> 00:03:49,705
What's the difference
74
00:03:49,706 --> 00:03:52,642
between a soft one
and a hard one?
75
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:57,513
You want me to show him?
76
00:04:02,052 --> 00:04:03,953
Thanks, but we're cool.
77
00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:06,789
Seriously,
it won't take me a minute.
78
00:04:06,790 --> 00:04:08,591
It's fine, Oleg.
79
00:04:08,592 --> 00:04:13,095
Just so you know,
I'm already there.
80
00:04:13,096 --> 00:04:16,432
Get ready, this room's had
an amazing transformation.
81
00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,334
- Rachael Ray?
- I mean, it's fine, whatever.
82
00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:20,403
Han, before we go in,
close your eyes.
83
00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:21,637
I want you to get
the full effect.
84
00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:23,406
Yeah, and I want to trip you.
85
00:04:23,407 --> 00:04:25,241
- She's kidding.
- No, she's not.
86
00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:26,742
Yeah, I'm not.
87
00:04:26,743 --> 00:04:28,110
Han, I promise,
I won't let her trip you.
88
00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:29,906
Now, close your eyes.
89
00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:37,514
- What?
- Now, I thought
90
00:04:37,515 --> 00:04:39,282
she was going to hit me.
91
00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:42,786
- She was not.
- Yeah, I was.
92
00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:44,688
Okay, no more blind eye
bull crap.
93
00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:46,857
Just show me
the damn smelly back room.
94
00:04:46,858 --> 00:04:50,527
Let me turn off the lights
for a more dramatic impact.
95
00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:57,134
What? I didn't do anything.
96
00:04:57,135 --> 00:05:00,137
It was me.
97
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,642
He now knows what hard is.
98
00:05:12,717 --> 00:05:14,818
I cannot believe my eyes.
99
00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:17,921
I felt the same way
when I first saw you.
100
00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:20,824
Original tan, original tile,
original too.
101
00:05:20,825 --> 00:05:22,092
What do you think, Oleg?
102
00:05:22,093 --> 00:05:24,060
Nice.
103
00:05:24,061 --> 00:05:26,763
"Nice"? All you got is "nice?"
104
00:05:26,764 --> 00:05:30,233
This place was like
Great Adventure for rats!
105
00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:32,102
They were waiting in line
to bite us.
106
00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:34,671
Caroline, show them
your bite marks.
107
00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:36,940
- I'd rather not.
- Nice?
108
00:05:36,941 --> 00:05:41,822
It used to smell like the place
poop comes to die.
109
00:05:41,823 --> 00:05:44,825
Or death comes to poop.
110
00:05:44,826 --> 00:05:46,760
And look what we did!
We created
111
00:05:46,761 --> 00:05:50,364
the greatest, coolest, chic-est
cupcake shop, and I love it!
112
00:05:50,365 --> 00:05:53,200
But you know, no enthusiasm.
Just soft opening.
113
00:05:53,201 --> 00:05:55,068
And, Han, this was all possible
114
00:05:55,069 --> 00:05:57,004
because you gave us
the space rent-free.
115
00:05:57,005 --> 00:05:59,740
Rent-free?
Now, refresh my memory.
116
00:05:59,741 --> 00:06:02,176
When exactly did I say
"rent-free?"
117
00:06:02,177 --> 00:06:06,079
On the 27th, 4:15 P.M.,
you said,
118
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,715
"I don't care about that dump,
you can have it for free.
119
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:12,186
Burn it to the ground,
for all I care."
120
00:06:12,187 --> 00:06:17,124
I knew learning English would
come back to bite me in the ass.
121
00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:22,062
Somebody's already knocking?
That's a really great sign, Max.
122
00:06:22,063 --> 00:06:23,964
Time to open.
123
00:06:28,436 --> 00:06:32,940
Look, girls, I'm blowing
this party horn for you.
124
00:06:32,941 --> 00:06:34,708
Thanks, Sofie, but we didn't
want to make a big deal,
125
00:06:34,709 --> 00:06:36,243
it's a soft opening.
126
00:06:36,244 --> 00:06:39,446
Oh, I love a soft opening.
127
00:06:41,861 --> 00:06:45,652
- Hello, Sophie.
- Oh, hello, Oleg.
128
00:06:45,653 --> 00:06:47,788
Sorry, Sofie, about this
uncomfortable meeting.
129
00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:49,490
If we had known
you were going to surprise us,
130
00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:51,325
- we wouldn't have invited Oleg.
- Yeah, I was there
131
00:06:51,326 --> 00:06:54,828
when you two broke up and
I'm still suffering from PTSD.
132
00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:58,165
"Post-traumatic Sophie drama."
133
00:06:58,166 --> 00:07:00,167
There's no drama.
134
00:07:00,168 --> 00:07:04,571
And the award
for the best drama goes to...
135
00:07:04,572 --> 00:07:06,773
Not us. Right, Oleg?
136
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,842
Yes, we're friends now.
137
00:07:08,843 --> 00:07:10,844
See, girls, I cheated on her,
138
00:07:10,845 --> 00:07:13,280
so she smashed in
my car windows.
139
00:07:13,281 --> 00:07:15,082
And my apartment windows.
140
00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:17,818
And your stereo
and your flat screen.
141
00:07:17,819 --> 00:07:20,952
And my brother's flat screen
and his daughter's computer.
142
00:07:22,190 --> 00:07:26,660
Yeah, she surprised me.
She wasn't supposed to be home.
143
00:07:26,661 --> 00:07:30,163
We got it out of our systems.
Good night, friend.
144
00:07:30,164 --> 00:07:32,099
Good night, friend!
145
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,334
And, Oleg?
146
00:07:45,046 --> 00:07:46,313
Wow.
147
00:07:46,314 --> 00:07:50,384
That is one lucky horn.
148
00:07:52,153 --> 00:07:54,221
Honey, look.
Look, some customers.
149
00:07:54,222 --> 00:07:56,223
Hey, cool guys!
150
00:07:56,224 --> 00:08:01,261
Come over here and eat something
from the girls' soft opening!
151
00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:03,436
That is so not
the way I would've gone,
152
00:08:03,437 --> 00:08:05,138
but I'll take it.
153
00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:06,173
Hello, hello.
154
00:08:06,174 --> 00:08:08,742
What have we got here?
155
00:08:08,743 --> 00:08:10,744
Welcome to Max'
homemade cupcakes.
156
00:08:10,745 --> 00:08:13,580
In England we call 'em
"fairy cakes."
157
00:08:13,581 --> 00:08:16,817
Fairy cakes? Damn it.
158
00:08:16,818 --> 00:08:20,153
Why are the hot ones
always gay?
159
00:08:21,456 --> 00:08:24,124
Here you go, darling,
give us the whole lot.
160
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,594
Oh, my God!
161
00:08:27,595 --> 00:08:29,930
A black American Express card?
162
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:34,268
I haven't held a black one
in my hands in years.
163
00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:41,050
I would've guessed you hadn't
held a black one ever.
164
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:44,578
Sorry, it's our first night,
cash only.
165
00:08:46,247 --> 00:08:48,615
Oh, wow.
He is really out of it.
166
00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:52,085
- What is he on?
- Besides me later?
167
00:08:52,086 --> 00:08:55,689
Do not know, but am jealous.
168
00:08:57,025 --> 00:08:59,859
And now I'm really jealous.
169
00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,628
I'm sure he'll be fine.
170
00:09:01,629 --> 00:09:03,063
Oh, I'd say
he's more than fine.
171
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,599
I'd say he's my next boyfriend.
172
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,035
Ronald, mate. Wake up.
173
00:09:08,036 --> 00:09:09,570
He's not breathing.
174
00:09:09,571 --> 00:09:11,104
I can't wake him, call 911!
175
00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:12,906
Call 911!
176
00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:17,611
Let's all just calm down.
I have seen this happen a lot.
177
00:09:17,612 --> 00:09:21,315
One summer I had a part-time job,
I was a life guard at a crack house.
178
00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:23,016
He'll come to in a second.
179
00:09:23,017 --> 00:09:24,546
He's dead.
180
00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,748
Called that wrong.
181
00:09:35,859 --> 00:09:38,327
Max, the guy who died
in front of our shop last night
182
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,796
was a rock star.
183
00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:41,297
He used to date Kate Moss.
184
00:09:41,298 --> 00:09:43,366
No offense,
but dating Kate Moss
185
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:46,068
is like a law in England.
186
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,371
Everyone has to do it
when they turn 21.
187
00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:52,742
His name was Roland Glass,
and he has two gold records.
188
00:09:52,743 --> 00:09:54,410
I can't believe
I've never heard of him.
189
00:09:54,411 --> 00:09:55,978
I can.
190
00:09:55,979 --> 00:09:58,748
Your go-to jam
is the soundtrack from Newsies.
191
00:09:58,749 --> 00:10:02,685
Yesterday a rock star,
and today he's gone.
192
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,555
You never know.
That's why I ordered us breakfast
193
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,323
from the fancy breakfast place
on the corner.
194
00:10:07,324 --> 00:10:10,499
You ordered
from "Magna cum latte"?
195
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:15,911
Everyday when I pass by it, I think
2 things. One, I wish I had a gun.
196
00:10:15,912 --> 00:10:19,415
And, two, someday I'm gonna
order breakfast to be delivered
197
00:10:19,416 --> 00:10:21,117
with one
of their fancy-ass croissants.
198
00:10:21,118 --> 00:10:23,348
Who knows, tonight
I could do too much heroin
199
00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:25,217
and die an unexpected death.
200
00:10:25,218 --> 00:10:28,420
But at least then I'd die
doing something my mother loved.
201
00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:30,288
You're right, Max.
You only live once.
202
00:10:30,289 --> 00:10:32,090
Yolo.
203
00:10:32,091 --> 00:10:37,162
And you only live till
the next time you say "yolo."
204
00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:43,435
Oh, no. More bad news.
205
00:10:43,436 --> 00:10:45,871
According to my Google alert
for Max's homemade cupcakes-
206
00:10:45,872 --> 00:10:47,773
you have a Google alert
for our business?
207
00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:50,876
I only have a Google alert
for "Oprah goes topless."
208
00:10:50,877 --> 00:10:52,878
I'm not saying
it's gonna happen,
209
00:10:52,879 --> 00:10:55,947
but I'm saying, if it does, I'm
gonna be the first one to know.
210
00:10:55,948 --> 00:11:00,118
Look, it's online that Roland
Glass died in front of our shop.
211
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:03,622
And now my phone just died.
It's an epidemic.
212
00:11:03,623 --> 00:11:06,912
Oleg, what are you still doing
with the arrow from our shop?
213
00:11:06,913 --> 00:11:08,280
I thought that you said that was hung.
214
00:11:08,281 --> 00:11:11,380
No, I said I was hung.
215
00:11:11,381 --> 00:11:12,981
And I can't put it up now
216
00:11:12,982 --> 00:11:15,250
with that crowd of people
in front of your window.
217
00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:19,291
There are people
in front of our window?
218
00:11:19,292 --> 00:11:22,427
Dude, is this
where my man Roland died?
219
00:11:22,428 --> 00:11:24,329
Yeah, right over there.
220
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:27,632
Then I'm gonna put this here,
next to Paddington bear.
221
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,801
I caught this at his last concert.
222
00:11:29,802 --> 00:11:33,138
And I also caught this.
223
00:11:33,139 --> 00:11:36,174
So, like, what, dude?
He just dropped to the ground?
224
00:11:36,175 --> 00:11:39,144
Actually, he hit right here
first, smiled, then fell.
225
00:11:39,145 --> 00:11:42,814
He smiled? Dude.
226
00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:44,916
Max, can I see you over here?
227
00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:47,285
Sorry for your loss and dope hat.
228
00:11:47,286 --> 00:11:50,022
Thanks.
I found it in a dumpster.
229
00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:51,356
Max, what are you doing?
230
00:11:51,357 --> 00:11:53,091
Don't tell them
he hit our counter.
231
00:11:53,092 --> 00:11:55,360
We need to distance ourselves
from the entire event.
232
00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:57,662
This spells disaster
for our new business.
233
00:11:57,663 --> 00:12:00,666
Dude, can I get
three dozen cupcakes?
234
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:03,369
Or it spells success.
235
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:06,572
I have beaucoup friends coming
here for the midnight vigil.
236
00:12:06,573 --> 00:12:08,941
How much are your cupcakes?
237
00:12:08,942 --> 00:12:09,976
$7.
238
00:12:09,977 --> 00:12:11,677
That's a lot.
239
00:12:12,178 --> 00:12:16,181
Dude. Roland would've
wanted it that way.
240
00:12:25,059 --> 00:12:30,096
♪ Knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪
241
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:33,166
And he hit right here
before he fell.
242
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:37,837
And as he fell,
he looked up at me and smiled.
243
00:12:37,838 --> 00:12:41,207
Content. Peaceful.
244
00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,843
That'll be $7, cash only.
245
00:12:43,844 --> 00:12:45,945
Mira, can you break a 50?
246
00:12:45,946 --> 00:12:47,180
Max!
247
00:12:47,181 --> 00:12:50,116
Yeah, what do you need?
248
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,551
Change for a 50.
249
00:12:51,552 --> 00:12:56,356
Got it. I mean, why, God, why?
250
00:12:56,357 --> 00:12:59,459
♪ Knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪
251
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:04,197
Ten, ten, ten, ten.
♪ Heaven's door ♪
252
00:13:04,198 --> 00:13:05,698
Max, we're almost
sold out in here.
253
00:13:05,699 --> 00:13:06,966
I need more cupcakes
from the kitchen.
254
00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:08,101
Got it. I'll come right in.
255
00:13:08,102 --> 00:13:09,235
Earl?
256
00:13:09,236 --> 00:13:11,404
Yo!
257
00:13:11,405 --> 00:13:14,374
Same split as before.
30¢ on every dollar you sell.
258
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,643
What a waste.
259
00:13:16,644 --> 00:13:20,413
You know how much money
we could make if we sold pot?
260
00:13:20,414 --> 00:13:23,850
Oh, you want in on that too?
Same split.
261
00:13:25,552 --> 00:13:27,620
Oh, man,
that hippie patchouli smell
262
00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:29,722
is worse than the poop was.
263
00:13:29,723 --> 00:13:33,660
Han, shh. These people are
in mourning. Show some respect.
264
00:13:33,661 --> 00:13:35,595
Me? Me show some respect?
265
00:13:35,596 --> 00:13:36,929
What will you two do next,
266
00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:38,097
sell cupcakes
at the diabetes wing
267
00:13:38,098 --> 00:13:40,600
at the children's hospital?
268
00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:42,769
How dare
you doubt my sincerity?
269
00:13:42,770 --> 00:13:44,604
I personally have shooed
a homeless man
270
00:13:44,605 --> 00:13:46,506
away from peeing
on that shrine twice.
271
00:13:46,507 --> 00:13:48,841
I don't care what
I may or may not have said
272
00:13:48,842 --> 00:13:50,943
on the 27th at 4:15 P.M.
273
00:13:50,944 --> 00:13:53,579
Your business is booming,
and now I want rent.
274
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:56,582
No way, Han. That man
could've overdosed anywhere.
275
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:59,752
But God made him overdose in
front of our window as a gift.
276
00:13:59,753 --> 00:14:02,955
And, yes, we are accepting that
gift because you only live once.
277
00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:05,291
Yolo.
278
00:14:05,292 --> 00:14:06,859
This isn't "yolo" it's "hodo".
279
00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:08,828
"He Only Died Once."
280
00:14:08,829 --> 00:14:12,131
I'm surprised you aren't
selling "hodo" t-shirts.
281
00:14:12,132 --> 00:14:13,966
How dare you again?
282
00:14:13,967 --> 00:14:15,835
We are simply providing
some comfort food
283
00:14:15,836 --> 00:14:17,637
to people who need comfort.
284
00:14:17,638 --> 00:14:21,374
And, I might add, we are doing
it with the utmost respect.
285
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:25,445
♪ Knock, knock, knocking
on the apple store's door ♪
286
00:14:25,446 --> 00:14:27,146
That's it,
your business is booming,
287
00:14:27,147 --> 00:14:28,781
I want rent. 200.
288
00:14:28,782 --> 00:14:30,483
A year?
289
00:14:30,484 --> 00:14:33,619
A month, and it's a bargain
for my beautiful space.
290
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,589
This space is only beautiful
because we made it beautiful.
291
00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:37,724
Yeah, show 'em your bite marks!
292
00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:39,025
Max, I'd rather not.
293
00:14:39,026 --> 00:14:41,027
You will pay me $200 a month,
294
00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:43,029
and there is nothing
you can do to change my mind!
295
00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:46,966
Show him your bite marks!
Fine!
296
00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,201
A rat bit her ass?
297
00:14:48,202 --> 00:14:50,136
Okay, 195.
298
00:14:50,137 --> 00:14:53,139
No rent, Han. That wasn't
the deal you made us.
299
00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:55,374
This is not personal,
it's business.
300
00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:58,010
I want a slice of grief pie!
301
00:14:58,011 --> 00:14:59,312
Show him your front bites!
302
00:14:59,313 --> 00:15:03,716
No! That's too personal.
303
00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:06,185
- Sorry you had to do that.
- So am I.
304
00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:09,655
- It's healing nicely.
- Don't lie to me.
305
00:15:11,892 --> 00:15:14,060
I think it's nice of us to add
our flowers to the others.
306
00:15:14,061 --> 00:15:15,528
Shows respect.
307
00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:17,663
You're acting
like you didn't steal them.
308
00:15:17,664 --> 00:15:19,699
Max, it's the thought
that counts.
309
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:21,067
And I thought it'd be cheaper
310
00:15:21,068 --> 00:15:22,902
to pull them out
of someone's garden.
311
00:15:22,903 --> 00:15:25,872
Wait, where's the shrine?
312
00:15:25,873 --> 00:15:30,343
Look, Han moved it
over to the diner door.
313
00:15:30,344 --> 00:15:33,246
That insolent charlatan!
314
00:15:33,247 --> 00:15:36,449
Whatever that means.
315
00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:42,021
♪ Knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪
316
00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:44,223
Can you believe this, girls?
317
00:15:44,224 --> 00:15:46,692
He's cashing in on a man's death.
318
00:15:46,693 --> 00:15:48,961
Without us.
319
00:15:48,962 --> 00:15:50,963
And in his honor
tonight we a serving
320
00:15:50,964 --> 00:15:52,365
chicken ala Roland!
321
00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,101
At a mourner's discount
of just $8.95.
322
00:15:55,102 --> 00:15:59,272
Looks like Jiminy Cricket
turned to the dark side.
323
00:15:59,273 --> 00:16:02,809
I also have rock star pudding.
324
00:16:05,279 --> 00:16:07,713
Nope. No way, Max.
This is our shrine.
325
00:16:07,714 --> 00:16:09,282
Grab a handful of bears.
326
00:16:09,283 --> 00:16:12,218
We're moving
the dead guy's shrine back?
327
00:16:12,219 --> 00:16:14,554
Wait, let me just
light a candle for my dignity.
328
00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:16,088
It died here too.
329
00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:19,559
Max, do you want
to be successful or not?
330
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,994
Because if you do,
grab one of these poems
331
00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:24,730
that doesn't follow
any of the rules of poetry,
332
00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:27,834
and move it back
to the cupcake window.
333
00:16:27,835 --> 00:16:30,570
Because this is our death.
334
00:16:30,571 --> 00:16:33,005
I think maybe
you're being a little harsh.
335
00:16:33,006 --> 00:16:36,108
"Rock out in heaven.
Love, Kevin."
336
00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:37,910
That is gold.
337
00:16:37,911 --> 00:16:42,481
Oops, knocked over a candle.
Ooh, small fire.
338
00:16:42,482 --> 00:16:44,584
Fire on the shoe.
339
00:16:44,585 --> 00:16:48,354
If I don't get this out, it's
gonna be my memorial service.
340
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,022
Look, look.
341
00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:53,125
Those girls are disrupting
the shrine of a dead man!
342
00:16:53,126 --> 00:16:56,929
Look, look, a roach got out
of the diner! Quick, step on it!
343
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:59,432
Look, hippies, look!
Put down those bongs and look.
344
00:16:59,433 --> 00:17:01,334
They're moving the place
where a man died
345
00:17:01,335 --> 00:17:02,869
for their own financial gain!
346
00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,928
Hey, that's so not cool, man.
347
00:17:05,929 --> 00:17:07,563
Yeah, me on. Yeah, boo!
348
00:17:07,564 --> 00:17:11,533
He's the not cool one.
Yeah, look at him!
349
00:17:13,703 --> 00:17:16,305
Roland Glass died horrible death
350
00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:18,073
in front
of our adorable cupcake window.
351
00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:19,708
See? "Horrible, adorable"?
352
00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:22,578
That rhyme just came
right off the top of my head.
353
00:17:22,579 --> 00:17:23,746
Hey! Hi.
354
00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:26,127
Hi. He knows!
355
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,862
I told him to stop
peeing on the shrine
356
00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,364
when it was still over there!
357
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:30,365
Isn't that right?
358
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,133
Yep. That's the bitch.
359
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,302
Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch!
360
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,939
So not cool, dude.
Let's get him out of here.
361
00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:41,609
No! Stop!
362
00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:42,977
That's my wallet!
363
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,980
Ooh, stop!
That's not my wallet.
364
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,448
Stop!
365
00:17:47,449 --> 00:17:48,716
Stop
366
00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:52,387
Cast of Rock of Ages, stop!
367
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:54,122
Put him down. He's cool.
368
00:17:54,123 --> 00:17:57,925
Even with those clothes
and that head.
369
00:17:57,926 --> 00:18:00,895
I mean, really. Are we
that desperate for success?
370
00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:03,364
We'd let Han be torn apart?
371
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,134
I'm thinking.
372
00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:07,168
Caroline-
373
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:11,795
Max, I'm thinking.
374
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:19,136
Well, no one's knock, knock,
knocking on our door now.
375
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:20,570
It's more dead out there
376
00:18:20,571 --> 00:18:22,406
than when there was
a dead guy out there.
377
00:18:22,407 --> 00:18:25,142
I'm having second thoughts
about how we behaved today.
378
00:18:25,143 --> 00:18:27,844
I mean, how could we
have let Han live?
379
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:30,180
Hello.
380
00:18:30,181 --> 00:18:34,084
I brought you some rock star
pudding to say thank you.
381
00:18:34,085 --> 00:18:36,820
Oh, rock star pudding.
What's in it, pills?
382
00:18:36,821 --> 00:18:40,424
Broken dreams?
Tear-stained panties?
383
00:18:40,425 --> 00:18:42,459
Caroline?
384
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,328
I'm not as easy as Max.
385
00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:47,431
Said every girl in
my seventh grade class.
386
00:18:47,432 --> 00:18:49,766
Look, I was wrong.
387
00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:51,034
No, Han, I was.
388
00:18:51,035 --> 00:18:52,669
We should pay rent.
389
00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:54,538
I wasn't talking
about the rent.
390
00:18:54,539 --> 00:18:58,241
Rent?
Who said anything about rent?
391
00:18:58,242 --> 00:18:59,609
I was wrong when I said
392
00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:01,511
it wasn't personal,
it was business.
393
00:19:01,512 --> 00:19:03,380
After Max stopped me
from being torn
394
00:19:03,381 --> 00:19:05,916
limb from limb
by the smelly hippies,
395
00:19:05,917 --> 00:19:09,586
I realized, with us,
it is mostly personal.
396
00:19:09,587 --> 00:19:11,254
And a little business.
397
00:19:11,255 --> 00:19:12,689
A little business?
398
00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,758
What other kind could you have?
399
00:19:14,759 --> 00:19:16,893
Max, let's not be hard on Han.
400
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,795
He's giving us
this space rent-free.
401
00:19:18,796 --> 00:19:21,732
No one said "rent-free."
402
00:19:21,733 --> 00:19:24,034
I came up with a number
I think is fair.
403
00:19:24,035 --> 00:19:27,304
- $250,000.
- Yeah, sounds fair.
404
00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:30,774
I remembered that was
your original cupcake shop goal.
405
00:19:30,775 --> 00:19:34,578
So when you hit that amount,
we can talk rent.
406
00:19:34,579 --> 00:19:37,581
Han, that is so sweet.
407
00:19:37,582 --> 00:19:39,449
And I'm not gonna ruin it
by bringing up the fact
408
00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:41,985
that she just said
"hard on Han."
409
00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:45,021
Really, Han,
it's so, so generous.
410
00:19:45,022 --> 00:19:47,257
But I don't know
if we're comfortable with it...
411
00:19:47,258 --> 00:19:49,426
What if we offered you
a small piece of the business?
412
00:19:49,427 --> 00:19:53,330
I'll wait for the rent.
You two are good friends.
413
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:57,667
A woman finally
offers Han a piece,
414
00:19:57,668 --> 00:20:00,370
and he turns it down.
415
00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:04,508
Max. Google alert.
416
00:20:04,509 --> 00:20:06,510
Oprah's topless?
417
00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:09,446
Max, let that go.
That's never gonna happen.
418
00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:11,815
Not with that attitude.
419
00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:14,684
No, the autopsy
says Roland Glass
420
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:16,119
choked
on a Max's homemade cupcake.
421
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,854
This is a disaster.
422
00:20:17,855 --> 00:20:21,758
Hey, where's your enthusiasm
now, Miss Rachael Ray?
423
00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:23,860
This place is the balls!
424
00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:25,695
And it's just a matter of time
425
00:20:25,696 --> 00:20:27,464
till those sicko hipsters
are lining up
426
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:29,966
for "one of those cupcakes
that killed that dude".
427
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:34,204
Open the window!
We're back, baby!
428
00:20:34,205 --> 00:20:36,540
But we can't count
on a guy dying every week.
429
00:20:36,541 --> 00:20:38,308
I mean, I have
a positive attitude,
430
00:20:38,309 --> 00:20:39,476
but that's too pollyanna.
431
00:20:39,477 --> 00:20:41,111
We don't have to.
432
00:20:41,112 --> 00:20:42,546
That's what's so great
about this window.
433
00:20:42,547 --> 00:20:44,214
Who knows what'll happen?
434
00:20:44,215 --> 00:20:46,016
Right, and we won't
have to chase business down
435
00:20:46,017 --> 00:20:47,951
because we'll be
right here on the street
436
00:20:47,952 --> 00:20:49,653
waiting for it to come to us.
437
00:20:49,654 --> 00:20:53,557
Max, I feel so good
about the possibilities.
438
00:20:53,558 --> 00:20:55,692
One night it could be
a black American express card,
439
00:20:55,693 --> 00:20:57,961
and the...
440
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:03,300
Max, is it...
441
00:21:05,803 --> 00:21:09,005
Other nights,
it's a friendly little visit
442
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,006
from our homeless guy.
443
00:21:10,015 --> 00:21:16,906
Sync by No1, corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
33532
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.