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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:03,054 Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner, 2 00:00:03,062 --> 00:00:06,296 my name is Max 'cause the hospital wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops". 3 00:00:08,473 --> 00:00:11,348 I've been out of town all summer, anything new? 4 00:00:11,747 --> 00:00:13,933 Anything new? Let's see, well... 5 00:00:13,958 --> 00:00:16,726 Facebook went public and Edward Snowden went private. 6 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:18,792 Kim and Kanye had a baby, 7 00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:21,523 so now there's another Kardashian to not keep up with. 8 00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:26,136 Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in, 9 00:00:26,161 --> 00:00:28,785 and a teacher in California's out for letting her students get it in. 10 00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:33,416 Justin Bieber got a hit-and-run, Chris Brown got a hit-and-run, 11 00:00:33,423 --> 00:00:35,689 Rihanna got hit and still didn't run. 12 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:40,088 Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million, cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer, 13 00:00:40,225 --> 00:00:43,585 and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that. 14 00:00:44,781 --> 00:00:47,075 Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier, 15 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:50,261 and the NSA checks our phone like a crazy ex-girlfriend. 16 00:00:50,286 --> 00:00:52,425 Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks, 17 00:00:52,457 --> 00:00:54,135 And everybody hates everything with the exception 18 00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:58,206 of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome. 19 00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:02,810 I meant on the menu. Anything new on the menu? 20 00:01:02,811 --> 00:01:04,646 I have no idea. Let me check. 21 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,282 Hey, Caroline, anything new I should know about? 22 00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:10,552 The royal baby smiled at the queen. 23 00:01:10,553 --> 00:01:12,654 I meant at the diner. 24 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,155 Oh. I think we're maybe 25 00:01:14,156 --> 00:01:17,225 washing the forks now? Let me check. 26 00:01:20,963 --> 00:01:22,964 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 27 00:01:24,633 --> 00:01:28,002 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 28 00:01:29,996 --> 00:01:36,504 Sync by No1, corrections by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com 29 00:01:36,884 --> 00:01:38,718 See, Max, one quick change, 30 00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:41,721 and we went from polyester and pitiful to powerful and proud. 31 00:01:41,722 --> 00:01:44,056 Just like superman. 32 00:01:44,057 --> 00:01:45,758 Except that superman changed in a phone booth, 33 00:01:45,759 --> 00:01:49,228 not a stall that says, "for a good time, call Max." 34 00:01:49,229 --> 00:01:53,766 Well, if you have a problem with it, why did you write it? 35 00:01:53,767 --> 00:01:55,902 'Cause I didn't have enough eyeliner to write, 36 00:01:55,903 --> 00:01:59,505 "for an interesting time, call Caroline." 37 00:02:00,941 --> 00:02:03,075 Look. Look, Earl, we're wearing 38 00:02:03,076 --> 00:02:04,644 our "Max's homemade cupcakes" t-shirts again. 39 00:02:04,645 --> 00:02:05,845 See the logo? 40 00:02:05,846 --> 00:02:07,613 Well, actually, I try never 41 00:02:07,614 --> 00:02:11,517 to look you ladies in the "chestal" area. 42 00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:14,620 It keeps things on the up and up. 43 00:02:14,621 --> 00:02:17,657 Oh, Earl, you are one in a million, literally, 44 00:02:17,658 --> 00:02:23,763 'cause 999,999 men have only looked me in that area. 45 00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:28,891 Well, I got to go home. I'm binge-watching Dharma & Greg on Hulu. 46 00:02:28,892 --> 00:02:32,862 Oh, I missed so much growing up in Korea. 47 00:02:32,863 --> 00:02:36,132 What, like puberty? 48 00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:39,635 Max, in my country I'm average height. 49 00:02:39,636 --> 00:02:41,370 And in my mind, I'm still rich, 50 00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:45,174 and my health care plan isn't Flintstones chewables. 51 00:02:45,175 --> 00:02:47,543 So who wants to go in the back 52 00:02:47,544 --> 00:02:50,246 and see how amazing our brand-new cupcake shop is? 53 00:02:50,247 --> 00:02:53,583 Bring down the enthusiasm, Rachael Ray. 54 00:02:53,584 --> 00:02:55,017 Right, we're not supposed to get 55 00:02:55,018 --> 00:02:56,886 all excited about this opening tonight. 56 00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:59,422 Last time, we made a big deal, and the shop didn't do so well. 57 00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:01,390 Ha! That's like saying the people 58 00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:04,994 near the nuclear explosion didn't do so well. 59 00:03:07,264 --> 00:03:11,000 Girls, I am so proud of you two, 60 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:13,369 getting back up on that horse. 61 00:03:13,370 --> 00:03:16,072 After my first jazz record didn't sell, 62 00:03:16,073 --> 00:03:20,710 I turned to a life of drinks, drugs, and loose women. 63 00:03:20,711 --> 00:03:23,946 Funny how sometimes things just work out right. 64 00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:31,087 But how can you be opening your cupcake window right now? 65 00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:33,256 - It's 2:00 A.M.! - Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00. 66 00:03:33,257 --> 00:03:34,957 We're targeting the "post bars" demographic. 67 00:03:34,958 --> 00:03:36,726 Drunk Williamsburg guys. 68 00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:38,527 That's my target when I'm by myself 69 00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:40,963 and now my target at the new shop. 70 00:03:40,964 --> 00:03:44,700 Funny how sometimes things just work out right. 71 00:03:44,701 --> 00:03:47,270 We have no big expectations about the opening tonight. 72 00:03:47,271 --> 00:03:48,371 It's a soft opening. 73 00:03:48,372 --> 00:03:49,705 What's the difference 74 00:03:49,706 --> 00:03:52,642 between a soft one and a hard one? 75 00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:57,513 You want me to show him? 76 00:04:02,052 --> 00:04:03,953 Thanks, but we're cool. 77 00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:06,789 Seriously, it won't take me a minute. 78 00:04:06,790 --> 00:04:08,591 It's fine, Oleg. 79 00:04:08,592 --> 00:04:13,095 Just so you know, I'm already there. 80 00:04:13,096 --> 00:04:16,432 Get ready, this room's had an amazing transformation. 81 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,334 - Rachael Ray? - I mean, it's fine, whatever. 82 00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:20,403 Han, before we go in, close your eyes. 83 00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:21,637 I want you to get the full effect. 84 00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:23,406 Yeah, and I want to trip you. 85 00:04:23,407 --> 00:04:25,241 - She's kidding. - No, she's not. 86 00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:26,742 Yeah, I'm not. 87 00:04:26,743 --> 00:04:28,110 Han, I promise, I won't let her trip you. 88 00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:29,906 Now, close your eyes. 89 00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:37,514 - What? - Now, I thought 90 00:04:37,515 --> 00:04:39,282 she was going to hit me. 91 00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:42,786 - She was not. - Yeah, I was. 92 00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:44,688 Okay, no more blind eye bull crap. 93 00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:46,857 Just show me the damn smelly back room. 94 00:04:46,858 --> 00:04:50,527 Let me turn off the lights for a more dramatic impact. 95 00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:57,134 What? I didn't do anything. 96 00:04:57,135 --> 00:05:00,137 It was me. 97 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,642 He now knows what hard is. 98 00:05:12,717 --> 00:05:14,818 I cannot believe my eyes. 99 00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:17,921 I felt the same way when I first saw you. 100 00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:20,824 Original tan, original tile, original too. 101 00:05:20,825 --> 00:05:22,092 What do you think, Oleg? 102 00:05:22,093 --> 00:05:24,060 Nice. 103 00:05:24,061 --> 00:05:26,763 "Nice"? All you got is "nice?" 104 00:05:26,764 --> 00:05:30,233 This place was like Great Adventure for rats! 105 00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:32,102 They were waiting in line to bite us. 106 00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:34,671 Caroline, show them your bite marks. 107 00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:36,940 - I'd rather not. - Nice? 108 00:05:36,941 --> 00:05:41,822 It used to smell like the place poop comes to die. 109 00:05:41,823 --> 00:05:44,825 Or death comes to poop. 110 00:05:44,826 --> 00:05:46,760 And look what we did! We created 111 00:05:46,761 --> 00:05:50,364 the greatest, coolest, chic-est cupcake shop, and I love it! 112 00:05:50,365 --> 00:05:53,200 But you know, no enthusiasm. Just soft opening. 113 00:05:53,201 --> 00:05:55,068 And, Han, this was all possible 114 00:05:55,069 --> 00:05:57,004 because you gave us the space rent-free. 115 00:05:57,005 --> 00:05:59,740 Rent-free? Now, refresh my memory. 116 00:05:59,741 --> 00:06:02,176 When exactly did I say "rent-free?" 117 00:06:02,177 --> 00:06:06,079 On the 27th, 4:15 P.M., you said, 118 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,715 "I don't care about that dump, you can have it for free. 119 00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:12,186 Burn it to the ground, for all I care." 120 00:06:12,187 --> 00:06:17,124 I knew learning English would come back to bite me in the ass. 121 00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:22,062 Somebody's already knocking? That's a really great sign, Max. 122 00:06:22,063 --> 00:06:23,964 Time to open. 123 00:06:28,436 --> 00:06:32,940 Look, girls, I'm blowing this party horn for you. 124 00:06:32,941 --> 00:06:34,708 Thanks, Sofie, but we didn't want to make a big deal, 125 00:06:34,709 --> 00:06:36,243 it's a soft opening. 126 00:06:36,244 --> 00:06:39,446 Oh, I love a soft opening. 127 00:06:41,861 --> 00:06:45,652 - Hello, Sophie. - Oh, hello, Oleg. 128 00:06:45,653 --> 00:06:47,788 Sorry, Sofie, about this uncomfortable meeting. 129 00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:49,490 If we had known you were going to surprise us, 130 00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:51,325 - we wouldn't have invited Oleg. - Yeah, I was there 131 00:06:51,326 --> 00:06:54,828 when you two broke up and I'm still suffering from PTSD. 132 00:06:54,829 --> 00:06:58,165 "Post-traumatic Sophie drama." 133 00:06:58,166 --> 00:07:00,167 There's no drama. 134 00:07:00,168 --> 00:07:04,571 And the award for the best drama goes to... 135 00:07:04,572 --> 00:07:06,773 Not us. Right, Oleg? 136 00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,842 Yes, we're friends now. 137 00:07:08,843 --> 00:07:10,844 See, girls, I cheated on her, 138 00:07:10,845 --> 00:07:13,280 so she smashed in my car windows. 139 00:07:13,281 --> 00:07:15,082 And my apartment windows. 140 00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:17,818 And your stereo and your flat screen. 141 00:07:17,819 --> 00:07:20,952 And my brother's flat screen and his daughter's computer. 142 00:07:22,190 --> 00:07:26,660 Yeah, she surprised me. She wasn't supposed to be home. 143 00:07:26,661 --> 00:07:30,163 We got it out of our systems. Good night, friend. 144 00:07:30,164 --> 00:07:32,099 Good night, friend! 145 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,334 And, Oleg? 146 00:07:45,046 --> 00:07:46,313 Wow. 147 00:07:46,314 --> 00:07:50,384 That is one lucky horn. 148 00:07:52,153 --> 00:07:54,221 Honey, look. Look, some customers. 149 00:07:54,222 --> 00:07:56,223 Hey, cool guys! 150 00:07:56,224 --> 00:08:01,261 Come over here and eat something from the girls' soft opening! 151 00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:03,436 That is so not the way I would've gone, 152 00:08:03,437 --> 00:08:05,138 but I'll take it. 153 00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:06,173 Hello, hello. 154 00:08:06,174 --> 00:08:08,742 What have we got here? 155 00:08:08,743 --> 00:08:10,744 Welcome to Max' homemade cupcakes. 156 00:08:10,745 --> 00:08:13,580 In England we call 'em "fairy cakes." 157 00:08:13,581 --> 00:08:16,817 Fairy cakes? Damn it. 158 00:08:16,818 --> 00:08:20,153 Why are the hot ones always gay? 159 00:08:21,456 --> 00:08:24,124 Here you go, darling, give us the whole lot. 160 00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,594 Oh, my God! 161 00:08:27,595 --> 00:08:29,930 A black American Express card? 162 00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:34,268 I haven't held a black one in my hands in years. 163 00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:41,050 I would've guessed you hadn't held a black one ever. 164 00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:44,578 Sorry, it's our first night, cash only. 165 00:08:46,247 --> 00:08:48,615 Oh, wow. He is really out of it. 166 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:52,085 - What is he on? - Besides me later? 167 00:08:52,086 --> 00:08:55,689 Do not know, but am jealous. 168 00:08:57,025 --> 00:08:59,859 And now I'm really jealous. 169 00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,628 I'm sure he'll be fine. 170 00:09:01,629 --> 00:09:03,063 Oh, I'd say he's more than fine. 171 00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,599 I'd say he's my next boyfriend. 172 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,035 Ronald, mate. Wake up. 173 00:09:08,036 --> 00:09:09,570 He's not breathing. 174 00:09:09,571 --> 00:09:11,104 I can't wake him, call 911! 175 00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:12,906 Call 911! 176 00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:17,611 Let's all just calm down. I have seen this happen a lot. 177 00:09:17,612 --> 00:09:21,315 One summer I had a part-time job, I was a life guard at a crack house. 178 00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:23,016 He'll come to in a second. 179 00:09:23,017 --> 00:09:24,546 He's dead. 180 00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,748 Called that wrong. 181 00:09:35,859 --> 00:09:38,327 Max, the guy who died in front of our shop last night 182 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,796 was a rock star. 183 00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:41,297 He used to date Kate Moss. 184 00:09:41,298 --> 00:09:43,366 No offense, but dating Kate Moss 185 00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:46,068 is like a law in England. 186 00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,371 Everyone has to do it when they turn 21. 187 00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:52,742 His name was Roland Glass, and he has two gold records. 188 00:09:52,743 --> 00:09:54,410 I can't believe I've never heard of him. 189 00:09:54,411 --> 00:09:55,978 I can. 190 00:09:55,979 --> 00:09:58,748 Your go-to jam is the soundtrack from Newsies. 191 00:09:58,749 --> 00:10:02,685 Yesterday a rock star, and today he's gone. 192 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,555 You never know. That's why I ordered us breakfast 193 00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,323 from the fancy breakfast place on the corner. 194 00:10:07,324 --> 00:10:10,499 You ordered from "Magna cum latte"? 195 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:15,911 Everyday when I pass by it, I think 2 things. One, I wish I had a gun. 196 00:10:15,912 --> 00:10:19,415 And, two, someday I'm gonna order breakfast to be delivered 197 00:10:19,416 --> 00:10:21,117 with one of their fancy-ass croissants. 198 00:10:21,118 --> 00:10:23,348 Who knows, tonight I could do too much heroin 199 00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:25,217 and die an unexpected death. 200 00:10:25,218 --> 00:10:28,420 But at least then I'd die doing something my mother loved. 201 00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:30,288 You're right, Max. You only live once. 202 00:10:30,289 --> 00:10:32,090 Yolo. 203 00:10:32,091 --> 00:10:37,162 And you only live till the next time you say "yolo." 204 00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:43,435 Oh, no. More bad news. 205 00:10:43,436 --> 00:10:45,871 According to my Google alert for Max's homemade cupcakes- 206 00:10:45,872 --> 00:10:47,773 you have a Google alert for our business? 207 00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:50,876 I only have a Google alert for "Oprah goes topless." 208 00:10:50,877 --> 00:10:52,878 I'm not saying it's gonna happen, 209 00:10:52,879 --> 00:10:55,947 but I'm saying, if it does, I'm gonna be the first one to know. 210 00:10:55,948 --> 00:11:00,118 Look, it's online that Roland Glass died in front of our shop. 211 00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:03,622 And now my phone just died. It's an epidemic. 212 00:11:03,623 --> 00:11:06,912 Oleg, what are you still doing with the arrow from our shop? 213 00:11:06,913 --> 00:11:08,280 I thought that you said that was hung. 214 00:11:08,281 --> 00:11:11,380 No, I said I was hung. 215 00:11:11,381 --> 00:11:12,981 And I can't put it up now 216 00:11:12,982 --> 00:11:15,250 with that crowd of people in front of your window. 217 00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:19,291 There are people in front of our window? 218 00:11:19,292 --> 00:11:22,427 Dude, is this where my man Roland died? 219 00:11:22,428 --> 00:11:24,329 Yeah, right over there. 220 00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:27,632 Then I'm gonna put this here, next to Paddington bear. 221 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,801 I caught this at his last concert. 222 00:11:29,802 --> 00:11:33,138 And I also caught this. 223 00:11:33,139 --> 00:11:36,174 So, like, what, dude? He just dropped to the ground? 224 00:11:36,175 --> 00:11:39,144 Actually, he hit right here first, smiled, then fell. 225 00:11:39,145 --> 00:11:42,814 He smiled? Dude. 226 00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:44,916 Max, can I see you over here? 227 00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:47,285 Sorry for your loss and dope hat. 228 00:11:47,286 --> 00:11:50,022 Thanks. I found it in a dumpster. 229 00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:51,356 Max, what are you doing? 230 00:11:51,357 --> 00:11:53,091 Don't tell them he hit our counter. 231 00:11:53,092 --> 00:11:55,360 We need to distance ourselves from the entire event. 232 00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:57,662 This spells disaster for our new business. 233 00:11:57,663 --> 00:12:00,666 Dude, can I get three dozen cupcakes? 234 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:03,369 Or it spells success. 235 00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:06,572 I have beaucoup friends coming here for the midnight vigil. 236 00:12:06,573 --> 00:12:08,941 How much are your cupcakes? 237 00:12:08,942 --> 00:12:09,976 $7. 238 00:12:09,977 --> 00:12:11,677 That's a lot. 239 00:12:12,178 --> 00:12:16,181 Dude. Roland would've wanted it that way. 240 00:12:25,059 --> 00:12:30,096 ♪ Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door ♪ 241 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:33,166 And he hit right here before he fell. 242 00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:37,837 And as he fell, he looked up at me and smiled. 243 00:12:37,838 --> 00:12:41,207 Content. Peaceful. 244 00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,843 That'll be $7, cash only. 245 00:12:43,844 --> 00:12:45,945 Mira, can you break a 50? 246 00:12:45,946 --> 00:12:47,180 Max! 247 00:12:47,181 --> 00:12:50,116 Yeah, what do you need? 248 00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,551 Change for a 50. 249 00:12:51,552 --> 00:12:56,356 Got it. I mean, why, God, why? 250 00:12:56,357 --> 00:12:59,459 ♪ Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door ♪ 251 00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:04,197 Ten, ten, ten, ten. ♪ Heaven's door ♪ 252 00:13:04,198 --> 00:13:05,698 Max, we're almost sold out in here. 253 00:13:05,699 --> 00:13:06,966 I need more cupcakes from the kitchen. 254 00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:08,101 Got it. I'll come right in. 255 00:13:08,102 --> 00:13:09,235 Earl? 256 00:13:09,236 --> 00:13:11,404 Yo! 257 00:13:11,405 --> 00:13:14,374 Same split as before. 30¢ on every dollar you sell. 258 00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,643 What a waste. 259 00:13:16,644 --> 00:13:20,413 You know how much money we could make if we sold pot? 260 00:13:20,414 --> 00:13:23,850 Oh, you want in on that too? Same split. 261 00:13:25,552 --> 00:13:27,620 Oh, man, that hippie patchouli smell 262 00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:29,722 is worse than the poop was. 263 00:13:29,723 --> 00:13:33,660 Han, shh. These people are in mourning. Show some respect. 264 00:13:33,661 --> 00:13:35,595 Me? Me show some respect? 265 00:13:35,596 --> 00:13:36,929 What will you two do next, 266 00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:38,097 sell cupcakes at the diabetes wing 267 00:13:38,098 --> 00:13:40,600 at the children's hospital? 268 00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:42,769 How dare you doubt my sincerity? 269 00:13:42,770 --> 00:13:44,604 I personally have shooed a homeless man 270 00:13:44,605 --> 00:13:46,506 away from peeing on that shrine twice. 271 00:13:46,507 --> 00:13:48,841 I don't care what I may or may not have said 272 00:13:48,842 --> 00:13:50,943 on the 27th at 4:15 P.M. 273 00:13:50,944 --> 00:13:53,579 Your business is booming, and now I want rent. 274 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:56,582 No way, Han. That man could've overdosed anywhere. 275 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:59,752 But God made him overdose in front of our window as a gift. 276 00:13:59,753 --> 00:14:02,955 And, yes, we are accepting that gift because you only live once. 277 00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:05,291 Yolo. 278 00:14:05,292 --> 00:14:06,859 This isn't "yolo" it's "hodo". 279 00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:08,828 "He Only Died Once." 280 00:14:08,829 --> 00:14:12,131 I'm surprised you aren't selling "hodo" t-shirts. 281 00:14:12,132 --> 00:14:13,966 How dare you again? 282 00:14:13,967 --> 00:14:15,835 We are simply providing some comfort food 283 00:14:15,836 --> 00:14:17,637 to people who need comfort. 284 00:14:17,638 --> 00:14:21,374 And, I might add, we are doing it with the utmost respect. 285 00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:25,445 ♪ Knock, knock, knocking on the apple store's door ♪ 286 00:14:25,446 --> 00:14:27,146 That's it, your business is booming, 287 00:14:27,147 --> 00:14:28,781 I want rent. 200. 288 00:14:28,782 --> 00:14:30,483 A year? 289 00:14:30,484 --> 00:14:33,619 A month, and it's a bargain for my beautiful space. 290 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,589 This space is only beautiful because we made it beautiful. 291 00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:37,724 Yeah, show 'em your bite marks! 292 00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:39,025 Max, I'd rather not. 293 00:14:39,026 --> 00:14:41,027 You will pay me $200 a month, 294 00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:43,029 and there is nothing you can do to change my mind! 295 00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:46,966 Show him your bite marks! Fine! 296 00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,201 A rat bit her ass? 297 00:14:48,202 --> 00:14:50,136 Okay, 195. 298 00:14:50,137 --> 00:14:53,139 No rent, Han. That wasn't the deal you made us. 299 00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:55,374 This is not personal, it's business. 300 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:58,010 I want a slice of grief pie! 301 00:14:58,011 --> 00:14:59,312 Show him your front bites! 302 00:14:59,313 --> 00:15:03,716 No! That's too personal. 303 00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:06,185 - Sorry you had to do that. - So am I. 304 00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:09,655 - It's healing nicely. - Don't lie to me. 305 00:15:11,892 --> 00:15:14,060 I think it's nice of us to add our flowers to the others. 306 00:15:14,061 --> 00:15:15,528 Shows respect. 307 00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:17,663 You're acting like you didn't steal them. 308 00:15:17,664 --> 00:15:19,699 Max, it's the thought that counts. 309 00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:21,067 And I thought it'd be cheaper 310 00:15:21,068 --> 00:15:22,902 to pull them out of someone's garden. 311 00:15:22,903 --> 00:15:25,872 Wait, where's the shrine? 312 00:15:25,873 --> 00:15:30,343 Look, Han moved it over to the diner door. 313 00:15:30,344 --> 00:15:33,246 That insolent charlatan! 314 00:15:33,247 --> 00:15:36,449 Whatever that means. 315 00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:42,021 ♪ Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door ♪ 316 00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:44,223 Can you believe this, girls? 317 00:15:44,224 --> 00:15:46,692 He's cashing in on a man's death. 318 00:15:46,693 --> 00:15:48,961 Without us. 319 00:15:48,962 --> 00:15:50,963 And in his honor tonight we a serving 320 00:15:50,964 --> 00:15:52,365 chicken ala Roland! 321 00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,101 At a mourner's discount of just $8.95. 322 00:15:55,102 --> 00:15:59,272 Looks like Jiminy Cricket turned to the dark side. 323 00:15:59,273 --> 00:16:02,809 I also have rock star pudding. 324 00:16:05,279 --> 00:16:07,713 Nope. No way, Max. This is our shrine. 325 00:16:07,714 --> 00:16:09,282 Grab a handful of bears. 326 00:16:09,283 --> 00:16:12,218 We're moving the dead guy's shrine back? 327 00:16:12,219 --> 00:16:14,554 Wait, let me just light a candle for my dignity. 328 00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:16,088 It died here too. 329 00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:19,559 Max, do you want to be successful or not? 330 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,994 Because if you do, grab one of these poems 331 00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:24,730 that doesn't follow any of the rules of poetry, 332 00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:27,834 and move it back to the cupcake window. 333 00:16:27,835 --> 00:16:30,570 Because this is our death. 334 00:16:30,571 --> 00:16:33,005 I think maybe you're being a little harsh. 335 00:16:33,006 --> 00:16:36,108 "Rock out in heaven. Love, Kevin." 336 00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:37,910 That is gold. 337 00:16:37,911 --> 00:16:42,481 Oops, knocked over a candle. Ooh, small fire. 338 00:16:42,482 --> 00:16:44,584 Fire on the shoe. 339 00:16:44,585 --> 00:16:48,354 If I don't get this out, it's gonna be my memorial service. 340 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,022 Look, look. 341 00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:53,125 Those girls are disrupting the shrine of a dead man! 342 00:16:53,126 --> 00:16:56,929 Look, look, a roach got out of the diner! Quick, step on it! 343 00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:59,432 Look, hippies, look! Put down those bongs and look. 344 00:16:59,433 --> 00:17:01,334 They're moving the place where a man died 345 00:17:01,335 --> 00:17:02,869 for their own financial gain! 346 00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,928 Hey, that's so not cool, man. 347 00:17:05,929 --> 00:17:07,563 Yeah, me on. Yeah, boo! 348 00:17:07,564 --> 00:17:11,533 He's the not cool one. Yeah, look at him! 349 00:17:13,703 --> 00:17:16,305 Roland Glass died horrible death 350 00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:18,073 in front of our adorable cupcake window. 351 00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:19,708 See? "Horrible, adorable"? 352 00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:22,578 That rhyme just came right off the top of my head. 353 00:17:22,579 --> 00:17:23,746 Hey! Hi. 354 00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:26,127 Hi. He knows! 355 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,862 I told him to stop peeing on the shrine 356 00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,364 when it was still over there! 357 00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:30,365 Isn't that right? 358 00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,133 Yep. That's the bitch. 359 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,302 Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch! 360 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,939 So not cool, dude. Let's get him out of here. 361 00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:41,609 No! Stop! 362 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:42,977 That's my wallet! 363 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,980 Ooh, stop! That's not my wallet. 364 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,448 Stop! 365 00:17:47,449 --> 00:17:48,716 Stop 366 00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:52,387 Cast of Rock of Ages, stop! 367 00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:54,122 Put him down. He's cool. 368 00:17:54,123 --> 00:17:57,925 Even with those clothes and that head. 369 00:17:57,926 --> 00:18:00,895 I mean, really. Are we that desperate for success? 370 00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:03,364 We'd let Han be torn apart? 371 00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,134 I'm thinking. 372 00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:07,168 Caroline- 373 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:11,795 Max, I'm thinking. 374 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:19,136 Well, no one's knock, knock, knocking on our door now. 375 00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:20,570 It's more dead out there 376 00:18:20,571 --> 00:18:22,406 than when there was a dead guy out there. 377 00:18:22,407 --> 00:18:25,142 I'm having second thoughts about how we behaved today. 378 00:18:25,143 --> 00:18:27,844 I mean, how could we have let Han live? 379 00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:30,180 Hello. 380 00:18:30,181 --> 00:18:34,084 I brought you some rock star pudding to say thank you. 381 00:18:34,085 --> 00:18:36,820 Oh, rock star pudding. What's in it, pills? 382 00:18:36,821 --> 00:18:40,424 Broken dreams? Tear-stained panties? 383 00:18:40,425 --> 00:18:42,459 Caroline? 384 00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,328 I'm not as easy as Max. 385 00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:47,431 Said every girl in my seventh grade class. 386 00:18:47,432 --> 00:18:49,766 Look, I was wrong. 387 00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:51,034 No, Han, I was. 388 00:18:51,035 --> 00:18:52,669 We should pay rent. 389 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:54,538 I wasn't talking about the rent. 390 00:18:54,539 --> 00:18:58,241 Rent? Who said anything about rent? 391 00:18:58,242 --> 00:18:59,609 I was wrong when I said 392 00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:01,511 it wasn't personal, it was business. 393 00:19:01,512 --> 00:19:03,380 After Max stopped me from being torn 394 00:19:03,381 --> 00:19:05,916 limb from limb by the smelly hippies, 395 00:19:05,917 --> 00:19:09,586 I realized, with us, it is mostly personal. 396 00:19:09,587 --> 00:19:11,254 And a little business. 397 00:19:11,255 --> 00:19:12,689 A little business? 398 00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,758 What other kind could you have? 399 00:19:14,759 --> 00:19:16,893 Max, let's not be hard on Han. 400 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,795 He's giving us this space rent-free. 401 00:19:18,796 --> 00:19:21,732 No one said "rent-free." 402 00:19:21,733 --> 00:19:24,034 I came up with a number I think is fair. 403 00:19:24,035 --> 00:19:27,304 - $250,000. - Yeah, sounds fair. 404 00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:30,774 I remembered that was your original cupcake shop goal. 405 00:19:30,775 --> 00:19:34,578 So when you hit that amount, we can talk rent. 406 00:19:34,579 --> 00:19:37,581 Han, that is so sweet. 407 00:19:37,582 --> 00:19:39,449 And I'm not gonna ruin it by bringing up the fact 408 00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:41,985 that she just said "hard on Han." 409 00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:45,021 Really, Han, it's so, so generous. 410 00:19:45,022 --> 00:19:47,257 But I don't know if we're comfortable with it... 411 00:19:47,258 --> 00:19:49,426 What if we offered you a small piece of the business? 412 00:19:49,427 --> 00:19:53,330 I'll wait for the rent. You two are good friends. 413 00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:57,667 A woman finally offers Han a piece, 414 00:19:57,668 --> 00:20:00,370 and he turns it down. 415 00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:04,508 Max. Google alert. 416 00:20:04,509 --> 00:20:06,510 Oprah's topless? 417 00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:09,446 Max, let that go. That's never gonna happen. 418 00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:11,815 Not with that attitude. 419 00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:14,684 No, the autopsy says Roland Glass 420 00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:16,119 choked on a Max's homemade cupcake. 421 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,854 This is a disaster. 422 00:20:17,855 --> 00:20:21,758 Hey, where's your enthusiasm now, Miss Rachael Ray? 423 00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:23,860 This place is the balls! 424 00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:25,695 And it's just a matter of time 425 00:20:25,696 --> 00:20:27,464 till those sicko hipsters are lining up 426 00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:29,966 for "one of those cupcakes that killed that dude". 427 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:34,204 Open the window! We're back, baby! 428 00:20:34,205 --> 00:20:36,540 But we can't count on a guy dying every week. 429 00:20:36,541 --> 00:20:38,308 I mean, I have a positive attitude, 430 00:20:38,309 --> 00:20:39,476 but that's too pollyanna. 431 00:20:39,477 --> 00:20:41,111 We don't have to. 432 00:20:41,112 --> 00:20:42,546 That's what's so great about this window. 433 00:20:42,547 --> 00:20:44,214 Who knows what'll happen? 434 00:20:44,215 --> 00:20:46,016 Right, and we won't have to chase business down 435 00:20:46,017 --> 00:20:47,951 because we'll be right here on the street 436 00:20:47,952 --> 00:20:49,653 waiting for it to come to us. 437 00:20:49,654 --> 00:20:53,557 Max, I feel so good about the possibilities. 438 00:20:53,558 --> 00:20:55,692 One night it could be a black American express card, 439 00:20:55,693 --> 00:20:57,961 and the... 440 00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:03,300 Max, is it... 441 00:21:05,803 --> 00:21:09,005 Other nights, it's a friendly little visit 442 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,006 from our homeless guy. 443 00:21:10,015 --> 00:21:16,906 Sync by No1, corrections by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com 33532

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