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1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,469
Hi, honey, I brought your lunch.
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,382
- oh, thank you.
- you're welcome.
3
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:07,784
Did I ever tell
You about my uncle
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,452
Who thought he was a horse?
5
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,277
Sounds like your family.
6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,457
My uncle thought he was a horse,
7
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:14,524
So my aunt went to see a doctor,
8
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:15,825
She had to get him some help.
9
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,794
She said, "Doctor, my
Husband thinks he's a horse.
10
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,651
He sleeps standing
Up, he eats oats,
11
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,420
He neighs, he whinnies."
12
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,632
The doctor said,
"Well, I have to see him.
13
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,689
Bring him in thursday at three."
14
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,002
She said, "Thursday at three?
15
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,027
I can't, he's running in
The fourth at pimlico."
16
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:39,871
♪
17
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:44,810
♪ welcome back ♪
18
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,546
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
19
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,716
♪ welcome back ♪
20
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:55,420
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
21
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,823
♪ well the names
Have all changed
22
00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,958
Since you hung around ♪
23
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,060
♪ but those dreams have remained
24
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,329
And they've turned around ♪
25
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,398
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
26
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,387
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
27
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,401
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
28
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,637
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
29
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,606
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot
30
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,875
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
31
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,210
♪ welcome back ♪
32
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:23,482
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
33
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:28,419
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪♪
34
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:35,594
♪
35
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:42,234
Mr. K.
36
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,634
Hey, mr. K.
37
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:46,104
You still got that stomachache?
38
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,372
What stomachache?
39
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,775
I'm just making myself
An alka seltzer egg cream.
40
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:54,746
Oh, mr. Kotter, how many
Times do we gotta tell you?
41
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,248
You do not eat in
The school cafeteria
42
00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,051
When they serve fish croquettes.
43
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,432
The man never learns, does he?
44
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,235
- oh, I know, vincent.
- I don't believe it.
45
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,859
It's like conversing
With a stone wall here.
46
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,764
Mr. Kotter, does our
Tummy feel funny?
47
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,936
No, miss matusak, my
Tummy is not funny.
48
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,471
My ribs are ticklish.
49
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,180
This is the third time this week
50
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,543
We've bought fizz-fizz
In our thermos.
51
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,344
Do you have a stomachache?
52
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,580
No, there's nothing
Wrong with me.
53
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,850
I just happen to like fizz-fizz.
54
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,985
It's yum-yum.
55
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,788
Well, you are in
Luck, mr. Kotter.
56
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,434
A doctor from the free clinic
57
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,993
Will be visiting the school
To give free physical exams
58
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,294
To everybody.
59
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,630
Oh, I know, my wife has
Been working at the clinic.
60
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,732
She's one of their volunteers.
61
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,200
She brings me home
These pamphlets to read.
62
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:53,505
"No one likes a carrier."
63
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,141
"You and your rash."
64
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,778
And "Trench mouth
Is nothing to smile at."
65
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,846
So true.
66
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:04,582
But about the program,
It's designed to provide
67
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,585
Free physical examinations
For the underprivileged.
68
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,621
And nobody's more
Underprivileged
69
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,256
Than your sweathogs.
70
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,525
I hope I can count
On your cooperation.
71
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,138
Well, I'll read it
To them first thing.
72
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,594
Oh, thank you.
73
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:17,663
Thank you.
74
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:18,897
Um, ms. Matusak.
75
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,198
Yes?
76
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,800
I have this friend.
77
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:26,204
Oh, really?
78
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,840
No, no, no, my
Friend has a pain.
79
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:32,077
Oh, where is this
Pain, mr. Kotter?
80
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,690
Well, it's in a very weird area
81
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,647
Right in between his
Chest and his stomach.
82
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,360
And the reason I say weird
Is because I didn't know
83
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,928
A person had anything right here
84
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,296
In between his
Chest and stomach.
85
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,289
Oh, there are a great many
Usable things in that area,
86
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,391
But I'm sure it's
Just indigestion.
87
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,759
See your doctor.
88
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,894
Oh, it's not me, it's my friend.
89
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:53,898
I don't have anything
Usable in that area.
90
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,201
Maybe it's your diet.
91
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,536
Your body is a temple, you know.
92
00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,383
Oh, I know, there are
Lines around my body
93
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,408
Every saturday.
94
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,344
In fact, on yom kippur
You need a ticket to get in.
95
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:17,288
That's a jewish holiday,
You need tickets to get in.
96
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,857
Yes, I know.
97
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,361
Mr. Kotter, you
Are what you eat.
98
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:26,330
Well, in that case I could be
Julie's famous tuna casserole.
99
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,600
Nobody would like me.
100
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,518
My wife makes bad
Tuna casserole,
101
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,474
Nobody likes it.
102
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:37,809
I see.
103
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:41,212
You know, someday you
Must try my chicken face soup.
104
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,616
The secret is you
Leave in the beaks.
105
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,625
You got a stomachache,
Huh, kotter?
106
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:54,793
You'll get used to it.
107
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,195
I've had one for 40 years.
108
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,478
When did you get
This announcement
109
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,700
From the free clinic?
110
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,602
Ms. Matusak just gave it to me.
111
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:05,682
Well, she should never
Have given it to you,
112
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,138
It's a mistake.
113
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:10,175
The last thing this school needs
Is a lot of healthy sweathogs.
114
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,210
Come on, mr. Woodman.
115
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,211
No, I mean it.
116
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:18,350
I... I... I live for flu season.
117
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,920
Tell your sweathogs
To make appointments
118
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,991
With a veterinarian.
119
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:29,661
A veterinarian, I gotta tell
That to principal lazarus.
120
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,029
He'll never get it.
121
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,532
When I tell him, I'll
Say animal doctor.
122
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:35,978
Don't you see the
Joke there, kotter?
123
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,470
Animals, sweathogs.
124
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,938
You're no fun anymore, kotter!
125
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,007
I was making my potion.
126
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,910
Your potion. Huh.
127
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,626
I'm not laughing, kotter.
128
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,062
You didn't laugh at
My veterinarian joke,
129
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,864
I'm not laughing at
Your jekyll and hyde bit.
130
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,377
My jekyll and hyde
Bit was funnier...
131
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:09,401
It was not funny.
132
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,368
It was much funnier.
133
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,536
It was not!
134
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:18,877
♪
135
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,279
Good morning!
136
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:22,781
Hello.
137
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,216
Quiet down, sit down.
138
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:28,720
Okay, first of all,
Homeroom announcements.
139
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,624
Quiet!
140
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,829
The buchanan biology
Club reports the discovery
141
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,565
Of a new fungus.
142
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,679
The school cafeteria
Will be closed for lunch
143
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,235
Until further notice.
144
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,840
Now this is important.
145
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,543
The free clinic is offering
Free physical exams
146
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,744
To all students.
147
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,980
A doctor will be
Coming to our school,
148
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,448
So please sign up
For your physical.
149
00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,184
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
150
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,621
Horshack wants to say something.
151
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,723
Oh, oh, oh!
152
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,603
We're trying to teach
Him not to "Oh, oh"
153
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,894
Unless it's important.
154
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,865
Oh, oh!
155
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,901
This is important.
156
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,770
Mr. Kotter, if it is
All the same to you,
157
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:22,440
I don't want to have anything
To do with that free clinic.
158
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,141
Why not, arnold?
159
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:28,346
Because my friend
Sheena rosewater,
160
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,382
She went to that free clinic
161
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,419
A perfectly healthy person.
162
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:37,489
Half-hour later they
Told her she was pregnant.
163
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,761
Arnold, I can almost guarantee
That that won't happen to you.
164
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:48,700
Okay, mr. Kotter.
165
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,513
What's the matter with you guys?
166
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,348
Are you scared
To go to a doctor?
167
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,006
Hey, I don't go to the doctor,
168
00:07:55,075 --> 00:08:00,411
I send people to the doctor.
169
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,381
Personally, I think
This examination stuff
170
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,449
Is a very good idea.
171
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:09,020
So I volunteer to
Examine all the girls.
172
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:12,023
Vincenzo, you don't
Examine anybody,
173
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,626
You got it wrong,
They examine you.
174
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,961
Oh, that's okay.
175
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,641
Okay, girls, examine me.
176
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,531
Sit down!
177
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,903
Yo, mr. Kotter, I
Ain't lettin' no doctor
178
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,637
Go pokin' around me.
179
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,374
I once saw this dude's
Appendix taken out.
180
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,509
When did you work
In a hospital, freddie?
181
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,122
It wasn't in a hospital,
It was on the corner
182
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:36,814
Of 94th and lexington avenue.
183
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,750
I don't mind doctors.
184
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,585
You wanna know why?
185
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:45,690
Because wherever there's
Doctors, there's nurses.
186
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,025
Those white stockings
With a seam in the back,
187
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,395
They drive me crazy.
188
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:58,403
Until now.
189
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,639
Hello, mrs. Kotter.
190
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:06,177
Checking up on the mister?
191
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,113
Don't worry about it, he's
Been with us all morning.
192
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,382
Haven't you?
193
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,718
Mr. Kotter, I love to
Come into your class.
194
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:17,154
Look at these faces, how
Wonderfully underprivileged.
195
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,856
Especially arnold.
196
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,026
You're under underprivileged.
197
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,162
Thank you.
198
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,864
Hi, honey.
199
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,679
Come on, mr. Kotter,
That's not fair.
200
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:33,271
We're very
Impressionable children.
201
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,874
Now, children, mrs. Kotter
Has the medical history forms
202
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,654
For everybody to fill out.
203
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,612
The doctor from the clinic
Will be here this afternoon.
204
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,715
Oh, goodie!
205
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,352
It may surprise you
Ladies to know this,
206
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,155
But these big, bad,
Brave sweathogs of mine
207
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,157
Are afraid to see the doctor.
208
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,126
Oh, we are not,
Who told you that?
209
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:59,464
Oh, okay, well, if
You're so brave,
210
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,999
Who's gonna be
The first to sign up?
211
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,402
Somebody?
212
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,504
Anybody?
213
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,239
Arnold.
214
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,607
Here ya go.
215
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,376
Oh.
216
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,511
I would love to, mrs. Kotter,
217
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:17,248
But taking a physical
Means undressing.
218
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:21,386
And no one ever sees my body.
219
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,621
Not even me.
220
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,890
Yeah, mrs. Kotter,
Even after gym
221
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,660
He even showers
In his gym clothes.
222
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,963
You might consider takin' a
Shower in your gym clothes too.
223
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,733
All right, come on!
224
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:39,037
Enough!
225
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,616
I'm gonna say this, all right?
226
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,974
I'm ashamed of you people.
227
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:46,411
A simple little thing like
A physical examination.
228
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,346
There's no pain involved here.
229
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,526
Even when they take blood
It's a small little thing,
230
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,782
It doesn't even hurt.
231
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,517
Right, julie?
232
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,820
How would you know?
233
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,322
How would I know what?
234
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,690
How would you know what
It's like to take a physical,
235
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:02,293
When was the last
Time you had one?
236
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,694
Recently.
237
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,096
Recently?
238
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,599
How recently was it?
239
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,434
June.
240
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,036
1954.
241
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,641
Well, I think it's about time
That you took another one.
242
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,577
What about that pain you've
Been complaining about?
243
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,445
Yeah, how 'bout it, mr. Kotter?
244
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,414
You want us to take a physical?
245
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,816
You take the first one.
246
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,083
Yeah, that's right.
247
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,219
Mr. Kotter's a scaredy cat.
248
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,321
Mr. Kotter's a scaredy cat.
249
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,323
Na na-na na-na na!
250
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,159
All right.
251
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,595
I don't want anymore of this
Kindergarten behavior here.
252
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:38,862
I'm an adult.
253
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,232
If I want to see a
Doctor, I'll see a doctor.
254
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,569
No more of this childish
Name calling either.
255
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,171
Besides, sticks and
Stones will break my bones,
256
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,508
But words will never hurt me.
257
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,309
- sign it.
- I'm not signing it.
258
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,411
Sign it!
259
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:58,449
Freddie's been in there
With that doctor a long time.
260
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,618
Aw.
261
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,588
Don't be afraid, mr. Kotter.
262
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,458
Everything is gonna be
All right, you big palooka.
263
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,795
Hey, freddie.
264
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,744
Kotter's scared,
Let's put him on.
265
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:15,333
Oh, okay.
266
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:19,670
Hey, freddie, freddie,
267
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,350
What's it like in
There, freddie, huh?
268
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,706
Oh, barbarino.
269
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:25,176
No, no, no, it's me, juan,
The little puerto rican guy.
270
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,725
- oh, I see.
- yeah.
271
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,180
Oh, it's terrible in
There, man, it's terrible.
272
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,150
You see, it's dark in there
Except for this one light
273
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,519
Blazing on this metal table.
274
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:39,457
What happens when... What
Happens when they get you in there?
275
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:42,460
Two guys you can't
Even see, they grab you,
276
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,206
And then they strap you down.
277
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,596
And they turn on this machine.
278
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,900
Zap, wingo, pow, sparks
That fly everywhere.
279
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,368
You've got to help me, horshack.
280
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,306
I'm mr. Kotter.
Look, I'm mr. Kotter.
281
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,086
Feel the mustache. Mr. Kotter.
282
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,409
Oh, yeah, yeah...
283
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,179
Did they take
Blood with a needle?
284
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,447
No.
285
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,684
They got a shoebox
Full of giant leeches.
286
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,737
Where do you think you're going?
287
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,561
I'm not going in there.
288
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,730
Gabe, will you stop
Being such a big baby?
289
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,976
I resent that, I am not a baby.
290
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,668
I'm a coward, there's
A big difference.
291
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:24,902
I'm not gonna see a doctor.
292
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,004
Why not?
293
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,740
I don't feel good.
294
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,053
Oh, come on, mr. Kotter,
295
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,255
You wouldn't disappoint a
Bunch of underprivileged kids,
296
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:34,812
Would you?
297
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,358
Rather than go into that room
298
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,416
With the leeches
And the metal table?
299
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,150
You bet your boots.
300
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:43,020
Kotter, you're next, let's go.
301
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,322
No, I'm not going in there!
302
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,224
I ain't... I'm not
Going in there.
303
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,662
What is this?
304
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:54,532
Is this some new
Teaching method, kotter?
305
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,767
Help me, mr. Woodward!
306
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,280
Well, I knew it was
Just a matter of time
307
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,638
Before they turned on ya.
308
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:06,577
♪
309
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,421
How do you feel, honey?
310
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,589
There's absolutely
Nothing wrong with me.
311
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,825
Okay, well, if you're
Perfectly all right,
312
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,227
Why wouldn't you go to
The doctor yesterday?
313
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,930
Because if I go to the doctor
I might find out that I'm sick.
314
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,231
Ah.
315
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,101
I don't go to the doctor,
I'm perfectly all right.
316
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,637
If I'm gonna die, I want it to
Come as a complete surprise.
317
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,772
Bye.
318
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,907
Where are you going?
319
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,185
I'm going down to the clinic.
320
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,320
If you get hungry,
321
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,344
There's something
On the stove for you.
322
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,147
I found a new recipe
For chicken face soup.
323
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,083
The secret is you
Leave the beaks in.
324
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,528
Will you chicken faces
Stop staring at me?
325
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,146
Hey, mr. Kotter, the
Way you've been acting,
326
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,369
You really might be sick.
327
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,372
Now you don't want some
Stranger to examine you, so...
328
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:12,043
There's nothing wrong with me!
329
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,479
Mr. Kotter, you
Ain't got a heart.
330
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,926
Epstein, you put those
Things in your ears.
331
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,416
Oh yeah, okay.
332
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,785
All right, now cough.
333
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,886
Cough.
334
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:22,887
Cough.
335
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,289
Cough.
336
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,725
How long have
You had this cough?
337
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,327
Since you got here.
338
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,606
Do you know what you're doing?
339
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,896
Are you kiddin'?
340
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,198
I know this stuff like
The back of my hand.
341
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,269
I never noticed that before.
342
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,672
Okay, horshack,
Hang this up please.
343
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,941
Certainly, dr. Freddie.
344
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,950
Kotterus erectus.
345
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:55,520
Oh.
346
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,989
You take a real nice
Picture, mr. Kotter.
347
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,959
Okay, mr. Kotter,
348
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:06,497
You said the pain was between
Your chest and your stomach.
349
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,977
Where is that, dr. Horshack?
350
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,900
Between the chest... The liver.
351
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,001
A-ha!
352
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,838
A liver without onions.
353
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,174
I'd take it back if I were you.
354
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:19,810
Gentlemen, it is my belief
That this man's problem
355
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:23,214
Has something to
Do with his spine bone,
356
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,050
Which is connected
To his hip bone.
357
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,596
Uh-huh, and, dr. Horshack,
358
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,454
The hip bone is
Connected to the...
359
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:30,921
Thigh bone.
360
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,024
♪ and the thigh bone's
Connected to the knee bone ♪
361
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,894
♪ and the knee bone's
Connected to the shin bone ♪
362
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,573
♪ and the shin bone's
Connected to the... ♪
363
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:41,065
Now cut that out!
364
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,290
All right, I admit it.
365
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,788
I'm afraid to go to a doctor.
366
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:53,911
Ha, chicken.
367
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,560
Stop it, it's not
That I'm chicken,
368
00:16:58,584 --> 00:16:59,995
I just have a thing
About doctors.
369
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,720
People have fears,
They're called phobias.
370
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,333
I'm sure you guys have your own.
371
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,657
My father has claustrophobia.
372
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:07,791
What's that?
373
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,327
Claustrophobia?
374
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,929
It's a dread fear
Of santa claus.
375
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,868
All I know, mr. Kotter,
376
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:21,705
Is that I am not taking
Any physical until you do.
377
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:25,576
If I die, let it be
On your head.
378
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:28,211
That's right. You really
Need a physical, mr. Kotter.
379
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,346
No, I don't!
380
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,916
I got a note.
381
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,318
Dear mr. Epstein,
382
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,555
Please excuse gabey
From taking his physical.
383
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:38,623
He is not sick.
384
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,992
If he was, believe me,
A mother would know.
385
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:45,395
Signed, kotter's mother.
386
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:49,133
You expect me to buy a
Cheap trick like that, huh?
387
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,913
Look, mr. Kotter, see a doctor.
388
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,514
Something might really be wrong.
389
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,939
Yeah, I mean, what
Would happen to us
390
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,651
If we lose you as a teacher.
391
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,810
Why, we'd sit around all day
And look at an empty chair.
392
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,814
Yeah, we might get a teacher
Who doesn't understand
393
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:05,550
Our unusual personalities.
394
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:13,891
Or we might get a cute
Little blonde substitute...
395
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,170
Hey, vinnie, come on,
396
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,493
The man might really be sick.
397
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,095
I'm only kidding.
398
00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,474
Oh, mr. Kotter, don't you know
399
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,043
That we really care
About what happens to you?
400
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,110
Yeah, look, we're here.
401
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:23,734
- we really do, man.
- yeah.
402
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,640
All right, I'll go to a doctor.
403
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,076
All right, go on,
Bye-bye, go home.
404
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,822
Hey, mr. Kotter, if
You need a kidney,
405
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,212
I can get it for beans.
406
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,815
As a matter of fact...
As a matter of fact,
407
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,061
If you work for the city,
408
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,418
State, or local government,
409
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,997
I can get you organs wholesale.
410
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:42,954
Get out!
411
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,055
Out!
412
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,056
I can get it cheap.
413
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,524
Out!
414
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:51,729
Mr. Kotter, I feel bad about
Saying that about the blonde.
415
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,098
A cute redhead
Would be just as good.
416
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,801
Get out!
417
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,470
Here today, gone tomorrow.
418
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,016
What do you mean
By that, arnold?
419
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,443
Oh, mr. Kotter, I don't know.
420
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,644
But I heard this
Guy say it once,
421
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,081
And then the next day I went
Over to ask him what it meant
422
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,083
And he was gone.
423
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,618
Get out!
424
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,188
Here today, gone tomorrow.
425
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,291
Hey, yo, mr. Kotter,
Hey, do me a favor.
426
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,892
Don't wait too long.
427
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,661
My uncle spec did.
428
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,363
Well, what happened to him?
429
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,598
Well, he waited too long
To go see the doctor.
430
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,899
He finally went.
431
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,969
Five minutes after he
Left the doctor's office,
432
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,670
He was dead.
433
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:34,771
Heart attack?
434
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,441
No, taxi cab.
435
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,742
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
436
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:39,743
"Out, out!"
437
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,312
Getout!
438
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,679
Get out!
439
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,619
♪
440
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,455
I'm so glad you finally
Took a physical, mr. Kotter.
441
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,968
We all have our little phobias.
442
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:56,560
Why, the very reason I'm a
Nurse is because I'm afraid to fly.
443
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,829
I wanted to be a stewardess.
444
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,432
I don't blame you, the
Uniforms are sexier.
445
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:02,933
Oh, yes.
446
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,613
The glamour, the excitement,
447
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,237
The air-sick bags.
448
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,974
Why, to be able to walk
Up to a perfect stranger
449
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,409
And say, "Coffee, tea, or milk?"
450
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,322
Instead of just handing
Them a little bottle
451
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:17,347
And saying, "You
Know what to do."
452
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:19,983
Oh, uh, kotter.
453
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,097
Did you bring your thermos
Of fizzy stuff today?
454
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,588
I've got a pain right
About in this area.
455
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,990
Well, how long have you
Had this pain, mr. Woodman?
456
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,037
Since this morning
When principal lazarus
457
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,428
Hit me in the stomach
With a sophomore.
458
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,033
Hey.
459
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,935
Hey, how you doin'?
460
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:39,003
Tell us everything.
461
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,373
I'll tell you
Everything, sit down.
462
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,419
First of all, I went
To my old pediatrician,
463
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,077
Dr. Mel melman.
464
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,145
Dr. Melmelman?
465
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:50,514
No, no, his first
Name is melvin.
466
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:55,252
Oh, melvin melmelman.
467
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,187
No, I'll write it on
The board, melvin...
468
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,022
Who cares?
469
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,369
Anyway, I sat in
His waiting room
470
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:03,293
With 26 kids with runny noses.
471
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:06,330
That's 52 little drips.
472
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,671
Did you have a long wait?
473
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,517
No, it wasn't bad. I
Occupied my time.
474
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:20,044
I colored for a while,
Connected the dots.
475
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,990
You know, there's a lot
Of interesting articles
476
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:24,214
In that jack and jill magazine.
477
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:28,052
Oh, I knew that.
478
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,254
Did you read that one
That time about the chicken
479
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:31,622
Who brought up the duck?
480
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:32,790
That was nice.
481
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,736
So what happened
After you went in?
482
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,926
Yeah.
483
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,128
Okay, now first
Thing, dr. Mel melman
484
00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,297
Stood me against the
Wall and he measured me.
485
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:41,665
And he was very impressed.
486
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:42,944
I've grown three and a half feet
487
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:46,437
Since my last visit.
488
00:21:46,505 --> 00:21:49,606
Then he gave me a lolly
489
00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:51,708
And he told me that
I was a good boy.
490
00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:55,145
Oh yeah, but what about
The pain in your chest?
491
00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:58,716
Well, dr. Mel melman said
That I should watch what I eat
492
00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:02,119
And I should avoid
Nervous tension anxiety.
493
00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:03,354
What are you nervous about?
494
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:04,566
What are you talkin' about?
495
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:05,934
What have you got
To be nervous about?
496
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,757
You've got a very relaxing job.
497
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,666
Kotter, come over
Here by the window,
498
00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:11,362
I want you to see something.
499
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:12,630
What?
500
00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:14,765
The flagpole, do you see it?
501
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,845
Do you see what's waving
From that flagpole?
502
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,669
Is it old glory? No.
503
00:22:18,737 --> 00:22:20,271
Is it the school flag? No.
504
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,640
It's ms. Fishbeck.
505
00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:29,447
Oh, I can't believe
She finally did it.
506
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,582
I'm holding you and
Your sweathogs
507
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:32,917
Personally responsible.
508
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,419
But, mr. Woodman, how can
You be so sure it was my kids?
509
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:36,687
I heard them.
510
00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:39,256
Kotter, who else in the
School laughs like this?
511
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,096
Nobody I know.
512
00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:49,244
Well, maybe you didn't do it.
513
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:50,612
I don't know how
She got up there,
514
00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:54,337
But I want ms. Fishbeck
Lowered, folded, and put away.
515
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,311
You want to know why I can
Have nervous anxiety, huh?
516
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:05,148
Ms. Fishbeck is
Connected to the flagpole.
517
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:06,450
Ah.
518
00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:08,819
♪ ms. Fishbeck's
Connected to the flagpole ♪
519
00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:11,555
♪ and the flagpole's
Connected to the schoolyard ♪
520
00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:14,057
♪ and the schoolyard's
Connected to the boulevard ♪
521
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,892
Get out!
522
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:16,961
Get out!
523
00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:22,867
♪
524
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,508
Mr. Woodman, you gotta hear
About my uncle kermit kotter.
525
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:31,642
No, I don't, kotter.
526
00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:33,043
Listen, listen.
527
00:23:33,112 --> 00:23:35,679
Every day he walks by this
Window and he sees this woman
528
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:38,282
Hitting this boy over the
Head with a loaf of bread.
529
00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:39,527
This goes on for six months.
530
00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:40,796
Every day he walks
By the window,
531
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,197
She hits him over the
Head with a loaf of bread.
532
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,365
And one day he walks by and
The woman is hitting the boy
533
00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:46,201
Over the head with a
Chocolate cake, right?
534
00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:47,568
He can't stand it, he
Knocks on the window,
535
00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:49,404
He says, "Miss, how come
Every day a loaf of bread
536
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,471
And today you're
Hitting him over the head
537
00:23:50,495 --> 00:23:51,628
With a chocolate cake?"
538
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,074
- and the woman said...
- and the woman said...
539
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,498
It's his birthday.
540
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:56,566
I heard it, kotter.
541
00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:02,706
♪
542
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:10,847
♪
543
00:24:12,818 --> 00:24:15,518
♪ welcome back ♪
544
00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:19,189
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
545
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:21,491
♪ welcome back ♪
546
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:26,463
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
547
00:24:26,532 --> 00:24:28,498
♪ well the names
Have all changed
548
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,767
Since you hung around ♪
549
00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:33,036
♪ but those dreams have remained
550
00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,105
And they've turned around ♪
551
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,173
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
552
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:39,209
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
553
00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:41,177
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
554
00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:43,413
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
555
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,415
♪ yeah we tease him a lot
556
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,584
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
557
00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:49,820
♪ welcome back ♪
558
00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:54,124
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
559
00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:56,326
♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪
560
00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:59,897
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot
561
00:24:59,965 --> 00:25:02,365
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
39506
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