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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,469 Hi, honey, I brought your lunch. 2 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,382 - oh, thank you. - you're welcome. 3 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:07,784 Did I ever tell You about my uncle 4 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,452 Who thought he was a horse? 5 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,277 Sounds like your family. 6 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,457 My uncle thought he was a horse, 7 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:14,524 So my aunt went to see a doctor, 8 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:15,825 She had to get him some help. 9 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,794 She said, "Doctor, my Husband thinks he's a horse. 10 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,651 He sleeps standing Up, he eats oats, 11 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,420 He neighs, he whinnies." 12 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,632 The doctor said, "Well, I have to see him. 13 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,689 Bring him in thursday at three." 14 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,002 She said, "Thursday at three? 15 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,027 I can't, he's running in The fourth at pimlico." 16 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:39,871 ♪ 17 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:44,810 ♪ welcome back ♪ 18 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,546 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 19 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,716 ♪ welcome back ♪ 20 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:55,420 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 21 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,823 ♪ well the names Have all changed 22 00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,958 Since you hung around ♪ 23 00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,060 ♪ but those dreams have remained 24 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,329 And they've turned around ♪ 25 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,398 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 26 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,387 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 27 00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,401 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 28 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,637 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 29 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,606 ♪ yeah, we tease him a lot 30 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,875 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 31 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,210 ♪ welcome back ♪ 32 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:23,482 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 33 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:28,419 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪♪ 34 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:35,594 ♪ 35 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:42,234 Mr. K. 36 00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,634 Hey, mr. K. 37 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:46,104 You still got that stomachache? 38 00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,372 What stomachache? 39 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,775 I'm just making myself An alka seltzer egg cream. 40 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:54,746 Oh, mr. Kotter, how many Times do we gotta tell you? 41 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,248 You do not eat in The school cafeteria 42 00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,051 When they serve fish croquettes. 43 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,432 The man never learns, does he? 44 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,235 - oh, I know, vincent. - I don't believe it. 45 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,859 It's like conversing With a stone wall here. 46 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,764 Mr. Kotter, does our Tummy feel funny? 47 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,936 No, miss matusak, my Tummy is not funny. 48 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,471 My ribs are ticklish. 49 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,180 This is the third time this week 50 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,543 We've bought fizz-fizz In our thermos. 51 00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,344 Do you have a stomachache? 52 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,580 No, there's nothing Wrong with me. 53 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,850 I just happen to like fizz-fizz. 54 00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,985 It's yum-yum. 55 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,788 Well, you are in Luck, mr. Kotter. 56 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,434 A doctor from the free clinic 57 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,993 Will be visiting the school To give free physical exams 58 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,294 To everybody. 59 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,630 Oh, I know, my wife has Been working at the clinic. 60 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,732 She's one of their volunteers. 61 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,200 She brings me home These pamphlets to read. 62 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:53,505 "No one likes a carrier." 63 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,141 "You and your rash." 64 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,778 And "Trench mouth Is nothing to smile at." 65 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,846 So true. 66 00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:04,582 But about the program, It's designed to provide 67 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,585 Free physical examinations For the underprivileged. 68 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,621 And nobody's more Underprivileged 69 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,256 Than your sweathogs. 70 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,525 I hope I can count On your cooperation. 71 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,138 Well, I'll read it To them first thing. 72 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,594 Oh, thank you. 73 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:17,663 Thank you. 74 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:18,897 Um, ms. Matusak. 75 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,198 Yes? 76 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,800 I have this friend. 77 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:26,204 Oh, really? 78 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,840 No, no, no, my Friend has a pain. 79 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:32,077 Oh, where is this Pain, mr. Kotter? 80 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,690 Well, it's in a very weird area 81 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,647 Right in between his Chest and his stomach. 82 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,360 And the reason I say weird Is because I didn't know 83 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,928 A person had anything right here 84 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,296 In between his Chest and stomach. 85 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,289 Oh, there are a great many Usable things in that area, 86 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,391 But I'm sure it's Just indigestion. 87 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,759 See your doctor. 88 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,894 Oh, it's not me, it's my friend. 89 00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:53,898 I don't have anything Usable in that area. 90 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,201 Maybe it's your diet. 91 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,536 Your body is a temple, you know. 92 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,383 Oh, I know, there are Lines around my body 93 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,408 Every saturday. 94 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,344 In fact, on yom kippur You need a ticket to get in. 95 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:17,288 That's a jewish holiday, You need tickets to get in. 96 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,857 Yes, I know. 97 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,361 Mr. Kotter, you Are what you eat. 98 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:26,330 Well, in that case I could be Julie's famous tuna casserole. 99 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,600 Nobody would like me. 100 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,518 My wife makes bad Tuna casserole, 101 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,474 Nobody likes it. 102 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:37,809 I see. 103 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:41,212 You know, someday you Must try my chicken face soup. 104 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,616 The secret is you Leave in the beaks. 105 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,625 You got a stomachache, Huh, kotter? 106 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:54,793 You'll get used to it. 107 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,195 I've had one for 40 years. 108 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,478 When did you get This announcement 109 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,700 From the free clinic? 110 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,602 Ms. Matusak just gave it to me. 111 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:05,682 Well, she should never Have given it to you, 112 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,138 It's a mistake. 113 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:10,175 The last thing this school needs Is a lot of healthy sweathogs. 114 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,210 Come on, mr. Woodman. 115 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,211 No, I mean it. 116 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:18,350 I... I... I live for flu season. 117 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,920 Tell your sweathogs To make appointments 118 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,991 With a veterinarian. 119 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:29,661 A veterinarian, I gotta tell That to principal lazarus. 120 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,029 He'll never get it. 121 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,532 When I tell him, I'll Say animal doctor. 122 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:35,978 Don't you see the Joke there, kotter? 123 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,470 Animals, sweathogs. 124 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,938 You're no fun anymore, kotter! 125 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,007 I was making my potion. 126 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,910 Your potion. Huh. 127 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,626 I'm not laughing, kotter. 128 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,062 You didn't laugh at My veterinarian joke, 129 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,864 I'm not laughing at Your jekyll and hyde bit. 130 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,377 My jekyll and hyde Bit was funnier... 131 00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:09,401 It was not funny. 132 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,368 It was much funnier. 133 00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,536 It was not! 134 00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:18,877 ♪ 135 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,279 Good morning! 136 00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:22,781 Hello. 137 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,216 Quiet down, sit down. 138 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:28,720 Okay, first of all, Homeroom announcements. 139 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,624 Quiet! 140 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,829 The buchanan biology Club reports the discovery 141 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,565 Of a new fungus. 142 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,679 The school cafeteria Will be closed for lunch 143 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,235 Until further notice. 144 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,840 Now this is important. 145 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,543 The free clinic is offering Free physical exams 146 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,744 To all students. 147 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,980 A doctor will be Coming to our school, 148 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,448 So please sign up For your physical. 149 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,184 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 150 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,621 Horshack wants to say something. 151 00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,723 Oh, oh, oh! 152 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,603 We're trying to teach Him not to "Oh, oh" 153 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,894 Unless it's important. 154 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,865 Oh, oh! 155 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,901 This is important. 156 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,770 Mr. Kotter, if it is All the same to you, 157 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:22,440 I don't want to have anything To do with that free clinic. 158 00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,141 Why not, arnold? 159 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:28,346 Because my friend Sheena rosewater, 160 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,382 She went to that free clinic 161 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,419 A perfectly healthy person. 162 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:37,489 Half-hour later they Told her she was pregnant. 163 00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,761 Arnold, I can almost guarantee That that won't happen to you. 164 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:48,700 Okay, mr. Kotter. 165 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,513 What's the matter with you guys? 166 00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,348 Are you scared To go to a doctor? 167 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,006 Hey, I don't go to the doctor, 168 00:07:55,075 --> 00:08:00,411 I send people to the doctor. 169 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,381 Personally, I think This examination stuff 170 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,449 Is a very good idea. 171 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:09,020 So I volunteer to Examine all the girls. 172 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:12,023 Vincenzo, you don't Examine anybody, 173 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,626 You got it wrong, They examine you. 174 00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,961 Oh, that's okay. 175 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,641 Okay, girls, examine me. 176 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,531 Sit down! 177 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,903 Yo, mr. Kotter, I Ain't lettin' no doctor 178 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,637 Go pokin' around me. 179 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,374 I once saw this dude's Appendix taken out. 180 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,509 When did you work In a hospital, freddie? 181 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,122 It wasn't in a hospital, It was on the corner 182 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:36,814 Of 94th and lexington avenue. 183 00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,750 I don't mind doctors. 184 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,585 You wanna know why? 185 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:45,690 Because wherever there's Doctors, there's nurses. 186 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,025 Those white stockings With a seam in the back, 187 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,395 They drive me crazy. 188 00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:58,403 Until now. 189 00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,639 Hello, mrs. Kotter. 190 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:06,177 Checking up on the mister? 191 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,113 Don't worry about it, he's Been with us all morning. 192 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,382 Haven't you? 193 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,718 Mr. Kotter, I love to Come into your class. 194 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:17,154 Look at these faces, how Wonderfully underprivileged. 195 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,856 Especially arnold. 196 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,026 You're under underprivileged. 197 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,162 Thank you. 198 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,864 Hi, honey. 199 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,679 Come on, mr. Kotter, That's not fair. 200 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:33,271 We're very Impressionable children. 201 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,874 Now, children, mrs. Kotter Has the medical history forms 202 00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,654 For everybody to fill out. 203 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,612 The doctor from the clinic Will be here this afternoon. 204 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,715 Oh, goodie! 205 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,352 It may surprise you Ladies to know this, 206 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,155 But these big, bad, Brave sweathogs of mine 207 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,157 Are afraid to see the doctor. 208 00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,126 Oh, we are not, Who told you that? 209 00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:59,464 Oh, okay, well, if You're so brave, 210 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,999 Who's gonna be The first to sign up? 211 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,402 Somebody? 212 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,504 Anybody? 213 00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,239 Arnold. 214 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,607 Here ya go. 215 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,376 Oh. 216 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,511 I would love to, mrs. Kotter, 217 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:17,248 But taking a physical Means undressing. 218 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:21,386 And no one ever sees my body. 219 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,621 Not even me. 220 00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,890 Yeah, mrs. Kotter, Even after gym 221 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,660 He even showers In his gym clothes. 222 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,963 You might consider takin' a Shower in your gym clothes too. 223 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,733 All right, come on! 224 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:39,037 Enough! 225 00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,616 I'm gonna say this, all right? 226 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,974 I'm ashamed of you people. 227 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:46,411 A simple little thing like A physical examination. 228 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,346 There's no pain involved here. 229 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,526 Even when they take blood It's a small little thing, 230 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,782 It doesn't even hurt. 231 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,517 Right, julie? 232 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,820 How would you know? 233 00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,322 How would I know what? 234 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,690 How would you know what It's like to take a physical, 235 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:02,293 When was the last Time you had one? 236 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,694 Recently. 237 00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,096 Recently? 238 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,599 How recently was it? 239 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,434 June. 240 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,036 1954. 241 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,641 Well, I think it's about time That you took another one. 242 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,577 What about that pain you've Been complaining about? 243 00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,445 Yeah, how 'bout it, mr. Kotter? 244 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,414 You want us to take a physical? 245 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,816 You take the first one. 246 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,083 Yeah, that's right. 247 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,219 Mr. Kotter's a scaredy cat. 248 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,321 Mr. Kotter's a scaredy cat. 249 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,323 Na na-na na-na na! 250 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,159 All right. 251 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,595 I don't want anymore of this Kindergarten behavior here. 252 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:38,862 I'm an adult. 253 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,232 If I want to see a Doctor, I'll see a doctor. 254 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,569 No more of this childish Name calling either. 255 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,171 Besides, sticks and Stones will break my bones, 256 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,508 But words will never hurt me. 257 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,309 - sign it. - I'm not signing it. 258 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,411 Sign it! 259 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:58,449 Freddie's been in there With that doctor a long time. 260 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,618 Aw. 261 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,588 Don't be afraid, mr. Kotter. 262 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,458 Everything is gonna be All right, you big palooka. 263 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,795 Hey, freddie. 264 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,744 Kotter's scared, Let's put him on. 265 00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:15,333 Oh, okay. 266 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:19,670 Hey, freddie, freddie, 267 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,350 What's it like in There, freddie, huh? 268 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,706 Oh, barbarino. 269 00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:25,176 No, no, no, it's me, juan, The little puerto rican guy. 270 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,725 - oh, I see. - yeah. 271 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,180 Oh, it's terrible in There, man, it's terrible. 272 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,150 You see, it's dark in there Except for this one light 273 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,519 Blazing on this metal table. 274 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:39,457 What happens when... What Happens when they get you in there? 275 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:42,460 Two guys you can't Even see, they grab you, 276 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,206 And then they strap you down. 277 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,596 And they turn on this machine. 278 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,900 Zap, wingo, pow, sparks That fly everywhere. 279 00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,368 You've got to help me, horshack. 280 00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,306 I'm mr. Kotter. Look, I'm mr. Kotter. 281 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,086 Feel the mustache. Mr. Kotter. 282 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,409 Oh, yeah, yeah... 283 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,179 Did they take Blood with a needle? 284 00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,447 No. 285 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,684 They got a shoebox Full of giant leeches. 286 00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,737 Where do you think you're going? 287 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,561 I'm not going in there. 288 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,730 Gabe, will you stop Being such a big baby? 289 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,976 I resent that, I am not a baby. 290 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,668 I'm a coward, there's A big difference. 291 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:24,902 I'm not gonna see a doctor. 292 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,004 Why not? 293 00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,740 I don't feel good. 294 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,053 Oh, come on, mr. Kotter, 295 00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,255 You wouldn't disappoint a Bunch of underprivileged kids, 296 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:34,812 Would you? 297 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,358 Rather than go into that room 298 00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,416 With the leeches And the metal table? 299 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,150 You bet your boots. 300 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:43,020 Kotter, you're next, let's go. 301 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,322 No, I'm not going in there! 302 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,224 I ain't... I'm not Going in there. 303 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,662 What is this? 304 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:54,532 Is this some new Teaching method, kotter? 305 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,767 Help me, mr. Woodward! 306 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,280 Well, I knew it was Just a matter of time 307 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,638 Before they turned on ya. 308 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:06,577 ♪ 309 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,421 How do you feel, honey? 310 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,589 There's absolutely Nothing wrong with me. 311 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,825 Okay, well, if you're Perfectly all right, 312 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,227 Why wouldn't you go to The doctor yesterday? 313 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,930 Because if I go to the doctor I might find out that I'm sick. 314 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,231 Ah. 315 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,101 I don't go to the doctor, I'm perfectly all right. 316 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,637 If I'm gonna die, I want it to Come as a complete surprise. 317 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,772 Bye. 318 00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,907 Where are you going? 319 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,185 I'm going down to the clinic. 320 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,320 If you get hungry, 321 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,344 There's something On the stove for you. 322 00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,147 I found a new recipe For chicken face soup. 323 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,083 The secret is you Leave the beaks in. 324 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,528 Will you chicken faces Stop staring at me? 325 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,146 Hey, mr. Kotter, the Way you've been acting, 326 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,369 You really might be sick. 327 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,372 Now you don't want some Stranger to examine you, so... 328 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:12,043 There's nothing wrong with me! 329 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,479 Mr. Kotter, you Ain't got a heart. 330 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,926 Epstein, you put those Things in your ears. 331 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,416 Oh yeah, okay. 332 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,785 All right, now cough. 333 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,886 Cough. 334 00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:22,887 Cough. 335 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,289 Cough. 336 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,725 How long have You had this cough? 337 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,327 Since you got here. 338 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,606 Do you know what you're doing? 339 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,896 Are you kiddin'? 340 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,198 I know this stuff like The back of my hand. 341 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,269 I never noticed that before. 342 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,672 Okay, horshack, Hang this up please. 343 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,941 Certainly, dr. Freddie. 344 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,950 Kotterus erectus. 345 00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:55,520 Oh. 346 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,989 You take a real nice Picture, mr. Kotter. 347 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,959 Okay, mr. Kotter, 348 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:06,497 You said the pain was between Your chest and your stomach. 349 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,977 Where is that, dr. Horshack? 350 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,900 Between the chest... The liver. 351 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,001 A-ha! 352 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,838 A liver without onions. 353 00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,174 I'd take it back if I were you. 354 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:19,810 Gentlemen, it is my belief That this man's problem 355 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:23,214 Has something to Do with his spine bone, 356 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,050 Which is connected To his hip bone. 357 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,596 Uh-huh, and, dr. Horshack, 358 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,454 The hip bone is Connected to the... 359 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:30,921 Thigh bone. 360 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,024 ♪ and the thigh bone's Connected to the knee bone ♪ 361 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,894 ♪ and the knee bone's Connected to the shin bone ♪ 362 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,573 ♪ and the shin bone's Connected to the... ♪ 363 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:41,065 Now cut that out! 364 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,290 All right, I admit it. 365 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,788 I'm afraid to go to a doctor. 366 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:53,911 Ha, chicken. 367 00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,560 Stop it, it's not That I'm chicken, 368 00:16:58,584 --> 00:16:59,995 I just have a thing About doctors. 369 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,720 People have fears, They're called phobias. 370 00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,333 I'm sure you guys have your own. 371 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,657 My father has claustrophobia. 372 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:07,791 What's that? 373 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,327 Claustrophobia? 374 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,929 It's a dread fear Of santa claus. 375 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,868 All I know, mr. Kotter, 376 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:21,705 Is that I am not taking Any physical until you do. 377 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:25,576 If I die, let it be On your head. 378 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:28,211 That's right. You really Need a physical, mr. Kotter. 379 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,346 No, I don't! 380 00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,916 I got a note. 381 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,318 Dear mr. Epstein, 382 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,555 Please excuse gabey From taking his physical. 383 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:38,623 He is not sick. 384 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,992 If he was, believe me, A mother would know. 385 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:45,395 Signed, kotter's mother. 386 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:49,133 You expect me to buy a Cheap trick like that, huh? 387 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,913 Look, mr. Kotter, see a doctor. 388 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,514 Something might really be wrong. 389 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,939 Yeah, I mean, what Would happen to us 390 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,651 If we lose you as a teacher. 391 00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,810 Why, we'd sit around all day And look at an empty chair. 392 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,814 Yeah, we might get a teacher Who doesn't understand 393 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:05,550 Our unusual personalities. 394 00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:13,891 Or we might get a cute Little blonde substitute... 395 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,170 Hey, vinnie, come on, 396 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,493 The man might really be sick. 397 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,095 I'm only kidding. 398 00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,474 Oh, mr. Kotter, don't you know 399 00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,043 That we really care About what happens to you? 400 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,110 Yeah, look, we're here. 401 00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:23,734 - we really do, man. - yeah. 402 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,640 All right, I'll go to a doctor. 403 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,076 All right, go on, Bye-bye, go home. 404 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,822 Hey, mr. Kotter, if You need a kidney, 405 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,212 I can get it for beans. 406 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,815 As a matter of fact... As a matter of fact, 407 00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,061 If you work for the city, 408 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,418 State, or local government, 409 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,997 I can get you organs wholesale. 410 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:42,954 Get out! 411 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,055 Out! 412 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,056 I can get it cheap. 413 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,524 Out! 414 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:51,729 Mr. Kotter, I feel bad about Saying that about the blonde. 415 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,098 A cute redhead Would be just as good. 416 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,801 Get out! 417 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,470 Here today, gone tomorrow. 418 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,016 What do you mean By that, arnold? 419 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,443 Oh, mr. Kotter, I don't know. 420 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,644 But I heard this Guy say it once, 421 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,081 And then the next day I went Over to ask him what it meant 422 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,083 And he was gone. 423 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,618 Get out! 424 00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,188 Here today, gone tomorrow. 425 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:20,291 Hey, yo, mr. Kotter, Hey, do me a favor. 426 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,892 Don't wait too long. 427 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,661 My uncle spec did. 428 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,363 Well, what happened to him? 429 00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,598 Well, he waited too long To go see the doctor. 430 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,899 He finally went. 431 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,969 Five minutes after he Left the doctor's office, 432 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,670 He was dead. 433 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:34,771 Heart attack? 434 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,441 No, taxi cab. 435 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,742 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. 436 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:39,743 "Out, out!" 437 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,312 Getout! 438 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,679 Get out! 439 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,619 ♪ 440 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,455 I'm so glad you finally Took a physical, mr. Kotter. 441 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,968 We all have our little phobias. 442 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:56,560 Why, the very reason I'm a Nurse is because I'm afraid to fly. 443 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,829 I wanted to be a stewardess. 444 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,432 I don't blame you, the Uniforms are sexier. 445 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:02,933 Oh, yes. 446 00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,613 The glamour, the excitement, 447 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,237 The air-sick bags. 448 00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,974 Why, to be able to walk Up to a perfect stranger 449 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,409 And say, "Coffee, tea, or milk?" 450 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,322 Instead of just handing Them a little bottle 451 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:17,347 And saying, "You Know what to do." 452 00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:19,983 Oh, uh, kotter. 453 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,097 Did you bring your thermos Of fizzy stuff today? 454 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,588 I've got a pain right About in this area. 455 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,990 Well, how long have you Had this pain, mr. Woodman? 456 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,037 Since this morning When principal lazarus 457 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,428 Hit me in the stomach With a sophomore. 458 00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,033 Hey. 459 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,935 Hey, how you doin'? 460 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:39,003 Tell us everything. 461 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,373 I'll tell you Everything, sit down. 462 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,419 First of all, I went To my old pediatrician, 463 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,077 Dr. Mel melman. 464 00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,145 Dr. Melmelman? 465 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:50,514 No, no, his first Name is melvin. 466 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:55,252 Oh, melvin melmelman. 467 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,187 No, I'll write it on The board, melvin... 468 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,022 Who cares? 469 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,369 Anyway, I sat in His waiting room 470 00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:03,293 With 26 kids with runny noses. 471 00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:06,330 That's 52 little drips. 472 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,671 Did you have a long wait? 473 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,517 No, it wasn't bad. I Occupied my time. 474 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:20,044 I colored for a while, Connected the dots. 475 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,990 You know, there's a lot Of interesting articles 476 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:24,214 In that jack and jill magazine. 477 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:28,052 Oh, I knew that. 478 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,254 Did you read that one That time about the chicken 479 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:31,622 Who brought up the duck? 480 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:32,790 That was nice. 481 00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,736 So what happened After you went in? 482 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,926 Yeah. 483 00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,128 Okay, now first Thing, dr. Mel melman 484 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,297 Stood me against the Wall and he measured me. 485 00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:41,665 And he was very impressed. 486 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:42,944 I've grown three and a half feet 487 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:46,437 Since my last visit. 488 00:21:46,505 --> 00:21:49,606 Then he gave me a lolly 489 00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:51,708 And he told me that I was a good boy. 490 00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:55,145 Oh yeah, but what about The pain in your chest? 491 00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:58,716 Well, dr. Mel melman said That I should watch what I eat 492 00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:02,119 And I should avoid Nervous tension anxiety. 493 00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:03,354 What are you nervous about? 494 00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:04,566 What are you talkin' about? 495 00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:05,934 What have you got To be nervous about? 496 00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,757 You've got a very relaxing job. 497 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,666 Kotter, come over Here by the window, 498 00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:11,362 I want you to see something. 499 00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:12,630 What? 500 00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:14,765 The flagpole, do you see it? 501 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,845 Do you see what's waving From that flagpole? 502 00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,669 Is it old glory? No. 503 00:22:18,737 --> 00:22:20,271 Is it the school flag? No. 504 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,640 It's ms. Fishbeck. 505 00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:29,447 Oh, I can't believe She finally did it. 506 00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,582 I'm holding you and Your sweathogs 507 00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:32,917 Personally responsible. 508 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,419 But, mr. Woodman, how can You be so sure it was my kids? 509 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:36,687 I heard them. 510 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:39,256 Kotter, who else in the School laughs like this? 511 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,096 Nobody I know. 512 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:49,244 Well, maybe you didn't do it. 513 00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:50,612 I don't know how She got up there, 514 00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:54,337 But I want ms. Fishbeck Lowered, folded, and put away. 515 00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,311 You want to know why I can Have nervous anxiety, huh? 516 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:05,148 Ms. Fishbeck is Connected to the flagpole. 517 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:06,450 Ah. 518 00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:08,819 ♪ ms. Fishbeck's Connected to the flagpole ♪ 519 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:11,555 ♪ and the flagpole's Connected to the schoolyard ♪ 520 00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:14,057 ♪ and the schoolyard's Connected to the boulevard ♪ 521 00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,892 Get out! 522 00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:16,961 Get out! 523 00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:22,867 ♪ 524 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,508 Mr. Woodman, you gotta hear About my uncle kermit kotter. 525 00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:31,642 No, I don't, kotter. 526 00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:33,043 Listen, listen. 527 00:23:33,112 --> 00:23:35,679 Every day he walks by this Window and he sees this woman 528 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:38,282 Hitting this boy over the Head with a loaf of bread. 529 00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:39,527 This goes on for six months. 530 00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:40,796 Every day he walks By the window, 531 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,197 She hits him over the Head with a loaf of bread. 532 00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,365 And one day he walks by and The woman is hitting the boy 533 00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:46,201 Over the head with a Chocolate cake, right? 534 00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:47,568 He can't stand it, he Knocks on the window, 535 00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:49,404 He says, "Miss, how come Every day a loaf of bread 536 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,471 And today you're Hitting him over the head 537 00:23:50,495 --> 00:23:51,628 With a chocolate cake?" 538 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,074 - and the woman said... - and the woman said... 539 00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,498 It's his birthday. 540 00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:56,566 I heard it, kotter. 541 00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:02,706 ♪ 542 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:10,847 ♪ 543 00:24:12,818 --> 00:24:15,518 ♪ welcome back ♪ 544 00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:19,189 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 545 00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:21,491 ♪ welcome back ♪ 546 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:26,463 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 547 00:24:26,532 --> 00:24:28,498 ♪ well the names Have all changed 548 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,767 Since you hung around ♪ 549 00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:33,036 ♪ but those dreams have remained 550 00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,105 And they've turned around ♪ 551 00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,173 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead you ♪ 552 00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:39,209 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead you ♪ 553 00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:41,177 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 554 00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:43,413 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 555 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,415 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot 556 00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,584 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 557 00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:49,820 ♪ welcome back ♪ 558 00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:54,124 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 559 00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:56,326 ♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪ 560 00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:59,897 ♪ yeah, we tease him a lot 561 00:24:59,965 --> 00:25:02,365 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 39506

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