All language subtitles for The Wayans Bros S03E20 The Black Widower 1080p WEB-DL DD2 0 H 264-squalorAVC_track3_[eng]

(Marlon and Shawn)
'Grandma!'

(Shawn)
'Are you okay?'

'Hold on a second, Marlon.'

[Marlon screaming]

It's open.

My bad.

Twelve minutes
and thirty-eight seconds.

Y'all are gettin' slower
every night this week.

Suppose I was really hurt.

Grandma, you faked it again?

At what age do women
start fakin' it?

Grandma, look, haven't you heard

of the little boy
that cried wolf?

Well, at least he had the
sheep
to keep him company.

I'm lonely.

I just wanted you boys to come
over here and spend some time.

Have somethin' to eat, look
at a television show with me.

My favorite grandbabies.

Grandma, look, we love
you,
but you can't keep
tricking us

to come over here like this.

Yeah, grandma,
we have plans for tonight.

Okay, I'm sorry. Go on
to do what you gotta do.

I have to eat all
my homemade brownies by myself.

Oh, hell, no, you
won't.
Get off, get off.

[Marlon grunting]

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy
and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright. Cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys.
Dynamite. That is..'

[upbeat music]

We gotta to do somethin'
about grandma, man.

She keep callin' us
every night this week, man.

Feel like I'm being stalked
by Miss Jane Pittman.

I wonder if we can
get a restraining
order

on our own grandmother.

Yeah, man, why don't she call
some of her other friends?

Leave me alone.

Because hell
doesn't have a area code.

[laughs]

Yeah, man. I don't know.

I-I guess I feel sorry for
her,
man. She gotta be lonely.

I know, I feel
sorry for her
too..

...but I'm still takin'
the phone off the hook
tonight.

Hell yeah.

Eh, Fred, what's happenin'?
Give me some skin.

What you doin', man?

(Fred)
Uh, big day today.

I'm having breakfast here.
Feeding the squirrels.

And later I'm goin' to IHOP

and catch
the early bird special.

Ooh, player.

Livin' large, Fred.
Man your age better slow
down.

[both chuckling]

Yo, Marlon..

...why don't we hook grandma up
with somebody like Fred?

I mean, lookit, he's perfect.
He's older, he's good-lookin'.

He look like he
got
a little bit of
money.

(Marlon)
'I don't know, man, uh'

'we don't know much about him.'

Besides,
he look a little crusty.

Like he don't wash right.
Like he wash like a cat.

[chuckles]

Come on, Fred,
coffee's on me.

[both laughing]

Yo, we gotta do somethin', man.

Grandma was talkin'
about goin' to sing

karaoke with us tonight.

- Get out of here.
- Yeah.

Alright, look,
I'mma soften up grandma.

- You get Fred.
- Alright.

- Hi, grandma.
- Hi, baby.

Hey, what's up, Fred?

- Hey, grandma, uh..
- Mmm.

You see that gentleman right
over there right behind you?

You see that lady over there?

She think you got it going on.

I think he winked at me.

Either that or he's
having
a stroke. Here he
comes.

Good mornin', ma'am.

I couldn't help noticin' that
delightful scent you wearin'.

- Is that French?
- No, it's vapor rub.

[both laughing]

- Hi, I'm Fred Watson.
- Muriel Whitney.

May I join you, uh, Muriel?

Sure, it'll be fine.

- Pops?
- 'Yeah?'

A little breakfast
over here, please.

Alright.

A plate of eggs
for the gentleman

and a feedbag for Mrs. Abe.

[laughing]

Pops, that's no way
to be talkin'

to a lovely lady like this.

Thanks, Fred.

Shouldn't your tongue
be stuck on the back

of a Budweiser truck,
you old greasy frog?

Bud.

Now, where were we?

[hip hop music]

(Shawn)
'I'll tell you,
things must be heatin' up'

'between old Fred and grandma.'

I haven't seen her
in about a week.

Yeah, and Fred hasn't been in
for breakfast either.

Eh, you think
they knockin'
boots?

[Shawn scoffs]

More like knockin'
orthopedic shoes.

Eww. Grandma with a man.

What a ugly picture.

Funny.
Well, good morning,
everybody.

How are you on this
wonderful, beautiful
day?

- Hi, grandma.
- Hey, grandma.

It is a wonderful day.

What are you doin' out
your coffin in the daylight?

So, Fred, haven't seen you
around much lately.

You been keepin' busy?

Or, gettin' busy.

[laughs]

A gentleman never tells.

If I was with her,
I wouldn't tell anybody
either.

You know what?

I feel so good,
I'm not gonna tell anybody

what my daughter told me
about your little...uh,
problem.

- 'Ooh.'
- 'Ooh.'

You know, I've never
met a woman like
Muriel.

- Well, see you later,
sweetie.
- Mm, bye.

I gotta go and take
care
of some business.

Bye, baby.

Well, grandma, it's really
good
to see you happy.

I guess old Morgan Freeman
is givin' you the glory, huh?

[laughing]

Yes, he is.

You know, he's a retired doctor.

Loves dancin', loves music.

Really knows
how to treat a woman.

And what does he do,
give you a treat

after you roll over in bed?

Don't go there, shorty.

So, grandma, are we
gonna have a new grandpappy?

Well, Fred's a little gun-shy.

You know,
he was widowed three times.

- 'Mm.'
- But you never know.

In fact, he insists on making
me
an authentic gourmet

Mexican dinner tonight
with all the trimmings.

Oh, really?

- Well, uh, grandma.
- Mm?

If you plan on gettin' busy

you might wanna stay clear
of 'em re-fried beans.

Boy, you better..

Look at you.

It is so
wonderful
to see a woman

your age still find romance.

Oh, Dee, I'm so happy.

Well, listen, I gotta run. I'm
gonna go to the beauty parlor.

Oh!

It's too late for that, woman.

You need surgery.

Never mind him.
You go on with your bad
self.

Look at you!

[laughs]

How did that old woman
hook a man and I can't?

Well, Dee..

...maybe you need to start
acting more...ladylike.

Yeah, Dee, be sweet.

Ladylike? I am sweet.

Hey, pick up that paper, dirtbag

or I'll take this nightstick
and turn you into a corn dog.

What you lookin' at?

Come here!

[instrumental music]

Sorry, we're late, boys,
we stopped by Luigi

to pick up a pizza.

Oh, great, man.
I'm starving like Marvin.
Woo!

All you left us
was pizza crust?

I think there's the olives
stuck to the top of the box.

Oh, thanks,
how considerate of you.

Come on, turn the TV on, son.

We're gonna miss
"Unsolved Violent Crimes."

Aw, come on, pop.

If you wanna see criminals
on TV, we'll turn on

an episode
of "Diff'rent Strokes."

[laughs]
Now, come on now.
I can't miss my show.

"Cops?" "Top Cops?"
"America's Most Wanted."

"True Tales Of The Canadian
Mounted Police."

I gotta get me a man.

- Hm.
- Hm.

Good evening.
I'm Adam West.

Tonight on
"Unsolved Violent Crimes"

we begin with a case
of The Black Widower.

A mild-mannered doctor
from Charleston, South Carolina

who spins a web of love..

...then goes in for the kill.

Wait, hold on. Hold on.

Ain't Fred a doctor
from South Carolina?

For over 30 years,
The Black Widower

has charmed his way into
the hearts of lonely, old
women.

Posing as a gourmet chef,
he prepares a home-cooked meal.

But his secret ingredient
is poison.

[coughs]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Fred is a gourmet chef too.

Yeah, but she didn't say that

his secret ingredient
was poison.

Yeah, shut up, shut up.

The killer serves them
his infamoustacos de muerte

'with the garnish of
cilantro
and a radish rose.'

Here's the recipe..

[chuckles]
...minus the poison, of
course.

Holy guacamole, Batman!

He's cookin' her
Mexican food tonight.

Shawn,
we gotta do something, man.

Come on, man, Marlon, now,
there's a million doctors

from South Carolina
who like to cook.

But once their bellies
are stuffed with

salsa guacamole and poison

he robs them
of their worldly possessions.

He's known to be left-handed
and to have a scar

on the back of his neck.

Here's an artist rendering of
what he might look like today.

Yeah, yeah, Shawn, there's
a lot of doctors out there

from South Carolina who know
how to cook Mexican food.

But how many of them
look exactly like Fred?

That's Fred.
That's Fred!

That's Fred, Dee.
I know it's Fred. That's
Fred!

- That does..
- That's Fred, Dee.

That does kinda
look like Fred now.

You know, I-I never noticed,
but Fred is kinda cockeyed.

(Dee)
'Yeah.'

This man is armed and dangerous.

His weapon of choice
is the butcher knife.

Do not try to apprehend him.

Just call your
local police...immediately.

What we gonna do, man?

We just hooked grandma up
with a murderer-killer.

'He's gonna kill
grandma tonight.'

[dramatic music]

[screaming]

What're we gonna do? Gotta stop
Fred before he kills grandma.

Come on, Marlon,
don't rush to judgment.

Come on, pop, when'd you
become Johnnie Cochran?

If the taco don't fit,
you must acquit.

See, you know the law.

You cannot convict a man
without a body.

- "Corpus Delectable."
- What the hell does that
mean?

That means let the man
finish what he started.

Come on, pop, quit jokin',
man.
This is serious.

Okay, okay, now.

Fred does look
a little like The Black
Widower

but a murderer is better
than no man at all.

[clamoring]

Hey, hey, hey, boys, boys,
boys,
listen to me.

Now, listen.
Grandma lived a full life.

Hell, in dog years
she's 4000 years old.

[clamoring]

Come on, pop,
look,
I know she dead.

Listen. Listen..

Shut up, y'all!

Okay, now, listen.

Now, the only thing we know
is that this guy

is from South Carolina,
and he likes to cook.

- 'Mm-hmm.'
- That could be Luther
Vandross.

Come on, Shawn.

And that picture
looked just like him.

No, that dude looks like
the guy who shot Nino Brown

in "New Jack City".

Okay, now, listen.

I will call my friend
at the precinct

and get a make on this Fred.
What's his last name?

Krueger. I mean Watson.

Fred Watson. Okay.

Now, you guys
run over to her place

and you keep a eye on Fred,
okay?

Now, until you hear from me,
don't let her eat nothin'.

Okay. Come on, Shawn,
we gotta go, man.

- 'Yeah, go on.'
- Oh, man, poor grandma.

Right now, she's probably
chokin' on sometacos de
muerte.

Alright, man,vamanos,

Hurry up, before grandma winds
up deader than Dee's sex life.

Why don't we just skip
dinner
and go straight to dessert?

Don't worry.

I'm gonna
satisfy your sweet tooth.

But first,
I want you to try my cookin'.

It's to die for.

[Marlon screaming]

[chuckles]
How many times I gotta tell
you,
man? The door's open.

What are y'all doin' here?
Don't you believe in
knockin'?

What? Boots?
Girl, you better
recognize.

You better ask somebody.

- Marlon.
- Eh. My bad.

Hey, grandma, we just
came up here to see..

...if some old dogs
could teach us some new
tricks.

[laughing]

Well, can't you
see
I have company?

Don't worry,
Fred,
I'll get rid of
them.

Yo, let's see
if he's left-handed.

Okay. Throw something at him and
see what hand he catches with.

- Okay.
- Okay.

[both whistling]

Hey, Fred, catch.

Ow.

Will you stop
that?
Honey, I'm sorry.

You two, get out of here.

Oh, no, no, no.

They're not going anywhere
until
they...try some of my cookin'.

- But, Fred--
- Oh, it's alright now,
Muriel.

These boys look hungry.

- Oh, actually--
- Sit down!

On thecontraire, mon frere,
we, you see, we kinda full,
man.

Uh, we-we just got through
having some 50 cent Franks.

See, he's still burpin'.

[burps]

[chuckles]
Well, my doctor
has me on a strict
diet.

He says I'm allergic
totaco de muertes.

We're havingfajitas.

Sit down. I insist.

- Marlon, the butcher knife.
- Ai!

I told you, that's
Fred.
It's Fred. He's
Fred.

No need to get all violent, man.

- We gonna have a seat.
- Yeah, man.

No black-on-black crime.

Come on, sit down
and have a bite.

then get out of here.

Okay, grandma.

I'mma check for the scar.

Hey, Fred, this shirt
is nice, man. Is that Mecca?

You look tense, man.
Let me give you a massage.

Get off my neck.

Now, if you really
want to do something for me

I could use a foot massage.

Oh, well, let's eat.

Alright, well.. No, no, no.

No, don't touch a thing..

...till I put on
the finishing touches.

(Muriel)
'Ooh.'

- Radish rose.
- Radish rose.

Yeah, you like 'em, huh?

Oh, good. Here,
I'll give you a little
extra.

Oh, thank you, Fred.

You're so sweet.

Alright, dig in, dig in.

I gotta go and fix my,
uh, plate.

Oh, pa, pa, pa.
Oh, oh, Freddy
boy.

How come you're not
gonna have any of
this

scrumptious meal
that you've laid out for
us?

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Huh?

I'm fixin' a special plate.

There are some things
I can't eat.

Shee-shee. Like poison.

Ooh! Fred, this is too much.

What're you trying to do?
Stuff me to death?

[sneezes]

[sneezes]

Marlon!

You have ruined my dinner.

I'm sorry, grandma,
it's my allergies.

Gesundheit.

As-Salam-Alaikum.

Why didn't you cover your mouth?
You was raised better than that.

Don't you hit me.. Hey!

[Fred laughing]

Don't worry about it.

There's, uh, lots more
where that came from.

Okay.

Hey, no wait, grandma.

Before we eat, man,
we-we gotta say
grace.

Girl, you was raised
better than that.

Oh.

Let's all, um,
bow our heads and, uh

close our eyes and, uh..

Close your eyes, brah.

Uh, dear Lord..

...Father in the heavens,
we, uh, humbly thank you

'for this food that
we're about to receive'

and we'd like to welcome in a
new member of the family, Lord.

Um, Fred, who would
never do anything

to hurt anybody in our family.

Now, let's eat, Fred.

Amen.

- 'Amen.'
- Amen.

- Eat up, Freddy.
- Eat up.

(Muriel)
'That's good.
Looking good too.'

- 'Mmm-hmm.'
- 'Mm-mm.'

- Mmm.
- 'Tasty! Woo!'

- Mmm.
- Go, put it in, boy.

Oh, my God,
this is not my plate.

That's right!

We switched your plate
with grandma's.

- Are you trying to kill me?
- 'Eh, what?'

That's right. What goes around
comes around, huh?

How do you like
the taste of your own
medicine

Mr. Black Widower?

Wait, wait, wait,
what're you talking about?

Grandma, we hate
to break it to you this
way

but that man is a murderer.

We seen him on
"Unsolved Violent Crimes."

That's right, grandma, he
seduces old bags like
yourself..

...then, he robs
them
and kills them

with histaco de muerte.

- Black The Ripper.
-El muerto,

You idiots!

I'm not poisoned.
I'm-I'm allergic to
jalapenos.

I gotta get out of here.
I left my pills at home.

Fred, the boys
can go get your
pills.

I'm sorry, Muriel.

This is...just too much for me.

You all are crazy.

Fred, wait, wait,
come back here.

I got a new weave
and some lingerie and..

Shawn, he's getting away, man.
What're we gonna do?

He'll be dead by the time
he hits the street.

Are you two on drugs?

Grandma, look,
we just trying to protect you.

Look, that man killed
three of his ex-wives, man.

What are you talkin' about?

He did not kill his wives.

He told me his wife
died
from natural causes.

Oh, come on, grandma!

You can't believe
what a murderer tells
you!

He'll say anything
to get in the panty
drawers!

[knocking on door]

I see old Freddy boy
wants some more, huh?

- Oh, please.
- Yo, not me, boy!

- I'mma go crazy on him.
- Go crazy! Go crazy!

- No.
- Go crazy on him!

[Marlon screaming]

Dee? Pop, what?

Where the cops at?

They not coming. Mm-mm.

They found
the real Black Widower.

They just announced it on

"True Stories
Of The Highway Patrol".

Wait, you mean that Fred's
not The Black Widower?

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Now, you know I know.

Hey, grandma,
we're really
sorry.

Um, we were just
trying
to save your life.

Yeah, grandma,
we love you.

We just didn't want
nothin' to happen to you.

Man, I don't know how I let
you
talk me into this, Shawn.

Well, I hope you all
are satisfied with
yourselves.

Grandma, we said we're sorry.

I really liked Fred.

When you get to be my age,
you don't find many people

that you can care about.
I was really happy for a
while.

Now he's gone forever.

Mm-mm-mm.

That Fred sure was a good cook.

What'd you say?

(Marlon)
'Grandma, open up!'

[banging on door]

(Marlon)
'Come on, grandma,
we know you in there.'

'We smell your Bengay
from out here.'

Haven't you two
done enough damage?

(Shawn)
'Come on, grandma.'

'We just came by
to give you a present'

'to make up
for what we've done.'

You can't make up for nothin'.

Now, get away from my door.

(Marlon)
'Grandma, I guarantee you
this present will.

'Now, come on,
just open the door.'

'Grandma,
don't make me get crazy!'

- 'Oh, Marlon'
- 'Don't making me crazy!'

(Shawn)
'Calm down, Marlon, Marlon.'

[Marlon screaming]

Psy-y-ych!

It's open, stupid.

You think a bunch of flowers
is gonna ease the pain I feel?

Well, we had
a box of
chocolates

but Marlon ate 'em
on the way over
here.

Big deal.

Well, grandma,
we also have
this.

[violin music]

Dinner and a violinist
will not make up

for ruining
my relationship with Fred.

Well, grandma...
we also got you
this.

Actually,
the violin was my idea.

Oh, Fred. Oh.

I thought
I'd never see you again.

Well, they explained the whole
crazy misunderstanding.

And you came back?

Oh, I have really
missed you, peaches.

I missed you too,
honey bear.

- Oh.
- I missed you too, Freddy!

I missed you too!

Oh, thank you, baby!

- Hold me.
- I love it.

Hold me.

Oh, baby.

[laughs]

- We're gonna go.
- Thank you.

[laughing]

I guess your heart
was always in the right
places.

Now, both of y'all,
get out of here.

Oh..

And take your
violinist
with you.

- Alright.
- Alright.

[Muriel laughing]

- Hey, uh, Freddy--
- You better get out of here.

- Right this minute.
- Out!

[Fred and Muriel laughing]

We can make our own music,
can't we, honey?

Oh, yeah!

[instrumental music]

[violin music]

Oh, hell, we paid for it.

Uh, Enrique..

...could we hear "Bow Down" by
the Westside Connection, please?

Hear again.

♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Ra ra ra ra-ra-ra ♪

♪ Jeah yeah jeah ♪
♪ Yeah jeah jeah ♪

♪ Jeah jeah jeah jeah ♪

♪ Aye I'm finger lickin' ♪

♪ My hair be so greasy ♪

♪ I can cook some chicken ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Like a Jheri curl
word is bold ♪

♪ Rockin' on
rockin' on and on and on ♪

♪ With Shawn ♪
♪ With Shawn ♪

♪ Me and the crew ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Westside for life fool ♪♪

Tonight on
"Unsolved Violent Crimes"

we begin with the case
of The Black Widower.

A mild-mannered doctor
from Charleston, South Carolina

who spins a web of love..

...then goes in for the kill.

Ain't Fred a doctor
from South Carolina?

Posing as a gourmet chef,
he prepares a home-cooked meal.

But his secret ingredient
is poison.

[coughs]

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon, say cheese.