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1
00:00:01,283 --> 00:00:03,266
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:08,133
Waddup, brah?
3
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:13,330
- Hi, cutie.
- Hey!
4
00:00:15,166 --> 00:00:17,316
- Ho-o-o.
- What you so happy for,
stupid?
5
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:21,330
Y'all...kid, I just got
a date with this girl
Leena.
6
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:22,150
Yo, she is bad.
7
00:00:22,183 --> 00:00:24,166
Kid, the perfect girl.
8
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,300
Thirty six.
9
00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,183
Twenty four.
10
00:00:29,216 --> 00:00:31,660
Wah-pow!
11
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,160
Thirty six.
12
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,160
What's that,
her prison number?
13
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:37,233
[clapping]
14
00:00:38,333 --> 00:00:40,100
- Hey, boys.
- Hey-hey, Pops.
15
00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:42,233
Where you going with
that "Hawaii Five-0" shirt
on?
16
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,000
Heya, pop, what you
doing
closing the diner
17
00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:47,500
at 8:30 in the morning?
18
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,216
It's James Brown's birthday.
19
00:00:51,166 --> 00:00:53,250
That may be a holiday
they don't celebrate in
Arizona
20
00:00:53,283 --> 00:00:55,250
but we do here in New York.
21
00:00:55,283 --> 00:00:57,183
I gotta get
on a good foot, ow!
22
00:00:57,216 --> 00:01:00,330
Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, si-ba-bi-ba-si-bo, pop.
23
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:01,116
Hang on.
24
00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:04,500
We ain't buyin' it.
What's really goin' on?
25
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:07,660
Alright, your mom's mom
is coming into town
26
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,250
and I gotta get outta here.
27
00:01:09,283 --> 00:01:10,316
Grandma Ellington's comin',
pop?
28
00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,330
Yeah, man,
that broad has hated me
29
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:13,233
ever since
I married your mama.
30
00:01:13,266 --> 00:01:16,216
She even threw rice
at me on our wedding day.
31
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,383
Pops, that's traditional.
32
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,116
Yeah, but
it was still in the pot.
33
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:24,250
Hey, hey, pop, now look,
that's our grandma.
34
00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:26,150
Y'all promised me you ain't
gonna start nothin', this
time.
35
00:01:26,183 --> 00:01:29,100
That's right, pop, don't start
nothin', won't be nothin'.
36
00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:31,283
- Come on.
- Well, okay.
37
00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:33,000
- Alright.
- I promise.
38
00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:34,830
- One love.
- I'll be nice.
39
00:01:34,116 --> 00:01:35,283
- Okay.
- Alright, that's my man.
40
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:38,160
Grandma's in the hiz-house.
41
00:01:40,116 --> 00:01:42,660
He-e-ey..
42
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,183
...my favorite
mother-in-law.
43
00:01:44,216 --> 00:01:46,300
Come on, give me
a big kiss.
44
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:49,166
Negro, please.
45
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:54,830
My babies, ooh,
gimme some sugar.
46
00:01:55,166 --> 00:01:57,300
Oh, girl, look at you!
47
00:01:57,333 --> 00:02:00,116
You are stylish.
48
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:03,250
[in unison]
Okay!
49
00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:06,330
Well, look at you, grandma
with your pretty smile.
50
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,250
- Thank you.
- Where'd you get teeth?
51
00:02:07,283 --> 00:02:09,266
Home Shopping Network.
52
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,100
Isn't that the same place
you got the hip.
53
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:13,316
Mm-hmm, two more easy payments
and they're all mine.
54
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,350
- O-o-oh.
- Look at that,papi.
55
00:02:15,383 --> 00:02:17,283
Only two.
56
00:02:17,316 --> 00:02:20,160
My.. My-my look at you two.
57
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,200
- So handsome.
- Hey.
58
00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:23,166
- Gettin' so big.
- 'Maybe I am.'
59
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,283
I'm glad you took after
my side of the family.
60
00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:27,366
Otherwise you might've
ended up lookin' like
61
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,116
Homie the clown here.
62
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,333
[laughing]
63
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:34,383
Boys, I know I promised
64
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,330
but does Dracula know
you outta the castle?
65
00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:40,216
You ain't
nothin' but a
punk.
66
00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,330
Why don't you take
your brittle butt
back
67
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:44,266
to the corn field and give
the scarecrow a lunch
break?
68
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,183
- Wait, wait.
- Come on.
69
00:02:46,216 --> 00:02:48,200
I ain't scared of
you,
you ol' bag.
70
00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:49,366
I just had
my tetanus
shot.
71
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,166
- Oh, wait.
- You want some of this?
72
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,100
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a
minute.
73
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:56,200
Are you set
trippin'
off up in here?
74
00:02:56,233 --> 00:02:58,660
Wait a minute, no, no,
no,
are you set trippin'..
75
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:01,300
You better check yourself
before you wreck yourself.
76
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:04,500
[indistinct chatter]
77
00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:07,330
[clamoring]
78
00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:09,250
[theme music]
79
00:03:10,216 --> 00:03:12,330
♪ We're brothers ♪
80
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,300
♪ We're happy
and we're singing ♪
81
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:16,233
♪ And we're colored ♪
82
00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:18,350
♪ Give me a high five ♪♪
83
00:03:18,383 --> 00:03:21,116
(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.
Beautiful, guys.'
84
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:22,366
'Dynamite, that is..'
85
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,000
[music continues]
86
00:03:27,383 --> 00:03:28,366
[instrumental music]
87
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,350
To the victor goes the spoils.
88
00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:34,383
Fried cheese,
two sticks of butter
89
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,250
and a cold cup
of bacon grease.
90
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,660
If I didn't know you
better I'd think you
91
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:42,830
trying to send me
to a early grave.
92
00:03:42,116 --> 00:03:44,200
Oh, I forgot the gravy.
93
00:03:44,233 --> 00:03:48,830
Pops, wait a minute.
Where is my breakfast?
94
00:03:48,116 --> 00:03:50,350
- O-oh.
- There you go.
95
00:03:50,383 --> 00:03:53,383
Now, why couldn't your mama have
married someone up-standin'.
96
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,250
Someone heroic.
Like-like-like Shaft.
97
00:03:57,283 --> 00:03:59,160
[laughing]
98
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,133
Well, I guess you could say
you still got the shaft.
99
00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,183
[laughing]
100
00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:05,250
Did she say that, whoa!
101
00:04:05,283 --> 00:04:07,660
[in unison]
O-o-oh!
102
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,000
Well, at least I got you.
103
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:13,183
My two favorite
grandsons out of it.
104
00:04:13,216 --> 00:04:15,333
You know, with every curse
comes a blessing.
105
00:04:15,366 --> 00:04:17,316
- Amen!
- 'Mm-hmm.'
106
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:19,830
Hey, grandma, remember
when we was real little
107
00:04:19,116 --> 00:04:20,200
you used to babysit us?
108
00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:22,660
- Oh, yes.
- 'Let us stay up real
late.'
109
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,333
And then we, we'd watch those
blacks in movies and get
scared
110
00:04:24,366 --> 00:04:27,200
'cause he had that nappy hair
on him, yellow fangs.
111
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,500
He was like
a vampire from
Brooklyn.
112
00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:33,133
And then, and then
you'd sneak in my room and
say
113
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:36,133
"Grandma,
we wanna sleep with you
114
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:37,350
so you don't be scared."
115
00:04:37,383 --> 00:04:40,160
[laughing]
116
00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:45,000
Oh, Lord, and then
Marlon wet the bed.
117
00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:48,000
[laughing]
118
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,333
- He still does that.
- Shut up!
119
00:04:50,266 --> 00:04:52,830
[laughing]
120
00:04:52,116 --> 00:04:54,200
Well, grandma, besides us
121
00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:56,216
what-what made you
come to New York?
122
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:58,116
After my second husband
George died
123
00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:01,333
I didn't wanna sit in that
big, ol' house all by myself
124
00:05:01,366 --> 00:05:04,383
so I.. I put it up for sale.
125
00:05:05,383 --> 00:05:08,830
I need to be with family.
126
00:05:08,116 --> 00:05:11,250
You know you got family
in Transylvania.
127
00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:13,133
Why don't you bend over
let me give you a free ride
128
00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:15,160
on the Reebok express, look.
129
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:16,116
Pow!
130
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,183
Pops!
131
00:05:19,216 --> 00:05:22,116
- It's no way to talk to
her.
- Well, you're right.
132
00:05:22,150 --> 00:05:23,216
You sound like a woman
133
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:26,116
who has good family values.
134
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:28,160
- What's your name?
- Dee.
135
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,383
- You married?
- No, haven't met the right
one.
136
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,283
Ooh, I'm
surprised,
a woman like you.
137
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,200
You got enough
for two men.
138
00:05:35,233 --> 00:05:36,300
- Two?
- Yes.
139
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,330
- Oh!
- Ah! Can I get a five?
140
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:40,216
[laughing]
141
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,366
So, grandma, you stayin'
with mom and Pops?
142
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,316
- Well, I--
- Well, I wish we could.
143
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:48,183
[giggling]
144
00:05:48,216 --> 00:05:51,133
But, mom's outta town, and..
145
00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:54,133
And the house is being,
uh, ah, painted.
146
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:57,116
Uh, fumigated.
147
00:05:57,150 --> 00:06:00,150
Hell, no, she ain't
stayin' with me.
148
00:06:00,183 --> 00:06:02,166
I wouldn't stay
with you anyway.
149
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,233
I'm gonna
be stayin' at a
hotel.
150
00:06:04,266 --> 00:06:07,316
That's nonsense, my grandma
ain't stayin' at no hotel.
151
00:06:07,350 --> 00:06:10,000
You gonna come
stay with us.
152
00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:12,316
That's right, you can
even have Shawn's bed.
153
00:06:12,350 --> 00:06:15,133
It's real comfy,
grandma. Right, Shawn?
154
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,830
You crazy, she ain't..
155
00:06:17,116 --> 00:06:19,250
Yeah. You can have my bed.
156
00:06:19,283 --> 00:06:21,183
- So generous.
- Aw-w!
157
00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:23,166
- Thank you, babies.
- Aw, you're welcome.
158
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,660
Come on, give grandma
some of that.
159
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,366
[indistinct chatter]
160
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,150
(Shawn)
'Oh, God. No, she didn't!
161
00:06:30,183 --> 00:06:32,160
'No, she didn't! Man!'
162
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,283
Grandma, what did you do?
163
00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:48,660
They was just so big, I just
took 'em up a little, honey.
164
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:52,266
A little?
Grandma, it's the
90's.
165
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,366
Y-you know,
saggy and baggy.
166
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,150
These pants are so
tight a crack head
167
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,233
would have to drink
slim fast to get in
'em.
168
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,660
[laughing]
169
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,830
Well, well, well, visitin' the
artist formally known as Shawn.
170
00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:07,200
[whooping]
171
00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:13,166
- Who wants gumbo?
- Oh, I do, grandma.
172
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,133
Sit down, baby.
I got a big bowl for ya.
173
00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:19,660
- Tuck in your napkin.
- Okay.
174
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,000
Okay.
175
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:22,233
Here we go.
176
00:07:22,266 --> 00:07:24,266
Here comes the plane.
177
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,266
[imitating a plane]
178
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,266
You are clear for landing.
179
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,116
Gotcha!
180
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,283
Well, I'd love
to stick around and play
181
00:07:34,316 --> 00:07:37,330
with you and Forrest Gump.
182
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:38,366
But I gotta go
set my date back an hour.
183
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,166
That's probably how long
it's gonna take me
184
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,216
to get outta these pants.
185
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:44,830
You meetin' that girl Stacy?
186
00:07:44,116 --> 00:07:45,200
And how do you know Stacy?
187
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,200
- I sent her home.
- You what?
188
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,150
Mm-hmm. She came
by here half naked.
189
00:07:50,183 --> 00:07:53,133
Her booty fallin'
outta her skirt.
190
00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:55,166
Booty was fallin'
outta her skirt?
191
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,233
Yeah, she just
didn't seem clean.
192
00:07:58,266 --> 00:08:00,200
I'mma take you
to church with me.
193
00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:03,250
And introduce you
to some real nice girls.
194
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,160
Judging by what
I found around here
195
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,166
y'all need
some saving, wo-o!
196
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,283
Amazin' grace.
197
00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:11,133
[humming]
198
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,133
Hey, grandma, when you come
back, can we do the boat.
199
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:16,233
- 'Yep.'
- Yea-a-ah.
200
00:08:16,266 --> 00:08:18,116
Man over board,
man over board.
201
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:20,233
- I'll save him.
- Will you cut it out?
202
00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:24,233
Man, that lady's gotta go.
203
00:08:24,266 --> 00:08:26,166
Come on, man.
What, are you kiddin' me?
204
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,660
Look at this place, Shawn.
205
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,300
She's cookin', she's cleanin'.
206
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,200
Man, we've never
had it this good.
207
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:33,283
[doorbell dings]
208
00:08:33,316 --> 00:08:36,150
And it's just
about to get better.
209
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:40,100
-Entre.
- Hey, hey.
210
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:42,366
Wo-o-o! Look at you.
211
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,116
- Hey.
- Hey.
212
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,200
Oh, look at you
tiger self, Argh!
213
00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:49,233
Uh, Leena,
this is my brother
Urkel
214
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:53,183
I mean, uh...Shawn.
215
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,200
Would you look at that!
216
00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:59,160
You look like you hiding
two midgets back there, girl.
217
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,150
Excuse me, would you, uh
218
00:09:01,183 --> 00:09:03,333
stop droolin'
on my date, thank you.
219
00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:06,160
Yo, you think
you can spot me three
dollars?
220
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,233
Me and Leena wanna
run for the border.
221
00:09:09,266 --> 00:09:10,333
[laughing]
222
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:14,300
- You better peace out.
- Come on, man.
223
00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:18,366
I'll give you
another peek at that
booty.
224
00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:22,183
[grunting]
225
00:09:22,216 --> 00:09:23,283
Alright.
226
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,283
Peek first.
227
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,166
[exhales]
228
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,133
Hey, Leena, what you say
we go get something hot to eat?
229
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:33,830
Oh, I got all the
hot
you need, big
papa.
230
00:09:33,116 --> 00:09:35,250
You know, I love it
when you call me big papa,
girl.
231
00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:38,383
[giggling]
232
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:45,500
Ooh, my.
233
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:46,350
I see we got company here.
234
00:09:46,383 --> 00:09:49,200
Oh, yeah, Grandma, me and Leena
was gettin' something to eat.
235
00:09:49,233 --> 00:09:51,333
Oh, it is so nice
to see you.
236
00:09:51,366 --> 00:09:53,330
[giggling]
237
00:09:54,366 --> 00:09:56,200
Now that you're seein'
a real girl
238
00:09:56,233 --> 00:09:59,266
maybe you won't be
needin' this anymore.
239
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,266
[laughing]
240
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,133
She found Blosephine.
241
00:10:07,660 --> 00:10:10,500
- Who's that?
- I found her under your bed.
242
00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:11,200
Is this really yours?
243
00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:12,316
- Umm.
- Freak.
244
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,830
I.. Uh.. I..
245
00:10:14,116 --> 00:10:17,660
No, no, wait, wait, Leena,
wait.
Hold on, wait, wait, Leena?
246
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,183
Damn!
247
00:10:18,216 --> 00:10:21,160
You boys are headed for
trouble.
I'm gonna kill her.
248
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,000
(Marlon)
'No!'
249
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:24,100
Take that!
250
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,383
Clear!
251
00:10:27,383 --> 00:10:28,383
[gasping]
252
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,350
No! No! No!
253
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,160
Don't you leave me.
254
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,266
[sobbing]
255
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:47,000
Why!
256
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,133
[sobbing]
257
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:57,350
Take me instead, Lord.
258
00:10:57,383 --> 00:11:00,183
Take me instead!
259
00:11:00,216 --> 00:11:03,500
Don't take my Blosie.
260
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,330
She never hurt nobody.
261
00:11:05,660 --> 00:11:06,383
All she did was give pleasure.
262
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,333
Blosie, Blo..
263
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,283
[gasping]
264
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,333
That old woman is goin' down.
265
00:11:32,266 --> 00:11:35,330
Damn! First
she scares away my
date.
266
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,150
- And now..
- She killed your wife.
267
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:45,350
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Ho-o.
268
00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:48,166
- Okay she gotta get outta
here.
- That's what I'm sayin', kid.
269
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,183
I'mma go over there and talk to
her, she's getting outta here!
270
00:11:50,216 --> 00:11:51,383
That's what I'm sayin.
Handle your business, man.
271
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,500
Handle your business,
do that.
272
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,383
- Hey yo, grandma!
- Ye-yeah?
273
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,200
Shawn got something
he wanna tell you.
274
00:11:58,233 --> 00:12:00,366
Okay, but first
I got something for you two.
275
00:12:03,116 --> 00:12:06,266
Lookie, Shawn
and Marlon cookies.
276
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,183
[laughing]
277
00:12:08,216 --> 00:12:10,133
'Took me all day
long to make these.'
278
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:12,150
Thank you, granny.
279
00:12:12,183 --> 00:12:13,300
What y'all wanna talk
to me about?
280
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,830
We just wanted to
tell you, uh, thank you
281
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:18,183
for all the wonderful things
you've been doing, you know.
282
00:12:18,216 --> 00:12:21,330
Uh, you know, hemmin' our pants
and gettin' rid of our girls
283
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:23,100
and tossin' our salad.
284
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,100
That's okay,
I'm gonna run a tub
285
00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:27,133
so you two can take a bath
together like you used to do.
286
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:28,233
Yay!
287
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:31,316
Hey, grandma, don't
forget
the Mr. Bubbles.
288
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:33,183
- 'Okay.'
- I'm gettin' my rubber
ducky.
289
00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:35,333
Marlon?
290
00:12:35,366 --> 00:12:37,200
We gotta get rid of her, man.
291
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:40,200
But we can't just tell her to
leave 'cause that's too mean.
292
00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:44,160
We gotta figure out a way to
make her wanna leave on her own.
293
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,660
Yeah, you're right.
294
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,133
Can we take
our bath
first?
295
00:12:49,266 --> 00:12:53,166
- Ple-e-ease, brother,
please.
- Oh, Lord.
296
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,660
I knew this was a bad
neighborhood when we moved in.
297
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,283
Please, brother,
I ain't gots no more money.
298
00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:01,216
Shut.. Pick up..
Give me the money.
299
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,000
[whimpering]
300
00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:05,166
Don't, please,
please, please.
301
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,116
- Please don't..
- Hurry up, grandma.
302
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:09,116
Just give me a minute
to get my purse.
303
00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,233
Here how about some mustard
in your eyes?
304
00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:12,333
[screaming]
305
00:13:12,366 --> 00:13:14,116
Grandma, grandma,
wait, wait, wait.
306
00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:16,350
[babbling]
307
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:19,216
Grandma.
308
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,333
What are you up to?
What are you up to?
309
00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:26,266
Umm, umm, nothin'.
310
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,216
Oh, I got it. I got it.
311
00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:30,500
- No, no. Wait, wait.
- 'I got it.'
312
00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:32,333
You two are tryin'
to get rid of me.
313
00:13:32,366 --> 00:13:34,366
It ain't even
like that, grandma.
314
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,100
Then what was you doin'?
315
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,116
Well, we were, um,
we were tryin'
316
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,160
to make a-a video
for America's most--
317
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,500
Oh, no, no.
318
00:13:42,830 --> 00:13:43,383
Alright.
319
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,830
We're busted, we were
tryin' to get rid of you.
320
00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:51,160
Well, if you wanted me to go
321
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:52,366
all you had to do was tell me!
322
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,216
I'm packin'.
I'm outta here.
323
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,383
Well, kid. We did it.
324
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,330
[instrumental music]
325
00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:11,216
[humming]
326
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,283
[scatting]
327
00:14:14,316 --> 00:14:17,000
How can you be smiling
at a time like this, Pops?
328
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:18,116
Because you boys
have done something
329
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,216
I've been tryin' to do
for thirty years.
330
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,660
Get rid of
that old pit bull.
331
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:27,330
And because of that
you get a slice of pie.
332
00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:29,283
Uh, half off.
333
00:14:29,316 --> 00:14:31,300
No thank you, pop.
334
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,330
I'm too upset to eat, man.
335
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:34,366
Okay, I'm gonna eat this pie.
336
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,283
But you still owe me 75 cents.
337
00:14:37,316 --> 00:14:40,200
Man, Pops. I can't find
grandma anywhere.
338
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:42,183
I checked the house,
I called her friends.
339
00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:44,200
I even looked
at the bus depot.
340
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:45,383
It's like she disappeared.
341
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,133
Pop, I'm startin'
to get worried,
man.
342
00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:48,366
Why don't you call the
cops
or somethin'.
343
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,350
Why don't y'all call
the dog pound?
344
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,330
Pops, it's not funny
anymore, man.
345
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,316
It's a cold city out there.
346
00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:58,183
Yeah, man. Poor grandma.
347
00:14:58,216 --> 00:15:01,830
She's probably gettin' rolled
on by some bums for her money.
348
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,300
She ain't got no money now so
she has to sell her old body.
349
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:08,183
And nobody wants
to buy her old body
350
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:10,366
'cause it's all bloated.
351
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,183
Then she starts giving it away
free and still nobody wants it.
352
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,116
Marlon.
353
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:17,333
Hey, Dee.
You find
anything?
354
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:21,250
Well, first I ran a check
at the hospitals and
airlines.
355
00:15:21,283 --> 00:15:24,660
Then I ran checked out
the hotels and bingo.
356
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,660
Finally I went
to Chocolate City.
357
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,316
You know,
the male strip club?
358
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:30,183
- Grandma wouldn't go there.
- I know, I would.
359
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:34,300
Anyway, I found out that
360
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:37,150
she checked into
The Golden Arms.
361
00:15:37,183 --> 00:15:39,266
It's a rest home
for senior citizens.
362
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,300
Who-o, even I wouldn't
sink that low.
363
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:45,000
What do you care?
You hate grandma.
364
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,660
That's right
365
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:49,000
but to drive her
to a rest home is cold.
366
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:50,350
What're you boys planning
for me when I get old?
367
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,383
Throw me in a roof cellar
with a bag of peppers?
368
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,830
If you Menendez brothers
would excuse me..
369
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:04,200
...I'm gonna go plan
my retirement.
370
00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:10,183
How could you two boys
do that to that sweet old
lady?
371
00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:12,383
Have you ever seen
how these people live?
372
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,316
Yeah, it ain't that bad.
373
00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:17,316
I mean, they live in beautiful
houses. They go datin'.
374
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:20,216
They sit around eatin'
cheesecake and crackin' jokes.
375
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:23,216
- Where did you see that?
- Golden Girls.
376
00:16:25,183 --> 00:16:29,150
I am not talkin' about a
sitcom,
I'm talkin' about reality.
377
00:16:29,183 --> 00:16:31,266
Those places
are terrible.
378
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,383
They take away
your dignity.
379
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,200
They over medicate you.
380
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:38,216
It's a waiting room
for graveyards.
381
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:42,000
Why did I let you
talk me into this?
382
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,366
Well, why didn't you
talk me out of it?
383
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:49,316
Come on, man,
let's go get
her.
384
00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:51,330
Oh, man!
385
00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:55,316
'Boy, if you don't bring
your behind, come on.'
386
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,166
I don't wanna go, it smells
like prunes and mothballs.
387
00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:03,166
[instrumental music]
388
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,300
Can't believe grandma didn't
put
our name on the visitors list.
389
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:20,366
Yeah, well, gettin' these
costumes was a good idea.
390
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,660
It got us past
those security guards.
391
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,366
Alright, well,
let's go find
her.
392
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,830
Let me get some
of that ripple, dummy.
393
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,233
This for our dead homies.
394
00:17:51,266 --> 00:17:54,160
From the looks of it
there might be a couple
more.
395
00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:58,216
Ahem!
396
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,250
Hey, new meat.
397
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,300
Uh, what you want?
Some beef jerky or somethin'?
398
00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:10,200
No, baby, Nurse Swenson's
gone, now's our chance
399
00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:13,660
Our chance to do what?
400
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,116
To get busy.
401
00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:16,283
You know,
it's in the
stars.
402
00:18:16,316 --> 00:18:18,000
It's destined to be.
403
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,116
We gonna knock some boots
tonight, honey.
404
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:22,266
I'm gonna make you scream.
405
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,350
I'm gonna make you holler.
406
00:18:24,383 --> 00:18:27,116
I'm gonna make you beg.
407
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:29,116
- Like Keith Sweat, come on.
- Oh, no.
408
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,166
- Yes.
- Oh, no.
409
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,266
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, no.
410
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,500
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes
- Oh, help me.
411
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:37,000
- Help me, help me, please.
- I'm gonna help you.
412
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:39,266
You must be
our new resident, Mr. Kroger.
413
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,166
- Huh?
- Mr. Kroger.
414
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,350
Oh..
415
00:18:42,383 --> 00:18:46,266
That's Stanford G.
Kroger
to you.
416
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:49,233
Well, sir, it's time
for your first treatment.
417
00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:52,330
Oh, I'm sorry, my Alzheimer's
418
00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,283
and my arthritis is kicking in.
419
00:18:54,316 --> 00:18:56,283
I forgot what
those
treatments are.
420
00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:58,330
It's your daily enema.
421
00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:00,116
Then we're scoping you
for polyps.
422
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:03,250
Huh? I don't even
know
what polyps is.
423
00:19:03,283 --> 00:19:05,366
Get off me, before I give you
five of these across your
lips.
424
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,366
Oh, Lord, Elizabeth.
This is the big one.
425
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,350
And I do mean the big one.
426
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:14,133
I'll come to join you, honey.
427
00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:17,200
With Jumanji on my back
and the pellets in my..
428
00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:27,150
I think I found out
what polyps was.
429
00:19:27,183 --> 00:19:28,266
[panting]
430
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,200
I feel violated.
431
00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:33,830
I was violated too.
432
00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:37,250
And I liked it.
433
00:19:37,283 --> 00:19:39,366
- Yo, kid, I'm stayin'.
- What?
434
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,660
Hey, man, they say you can't
teach an old dog new tricks.
435
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:46,366
That old freak in
there
just turned me out.
436
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,216
(Shawn)
'Hey, there's grandma.'
437
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:51,266
'Come on, let's go.'
438
00:19:54,283 --> 00:19:56,350
- Hey, sweetie.
- Get away from me, you!
439
00:19:56,383 --> 00:19:59,116
- Hey!
- Horny, old fool.
440
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:01,133
Grandma, it's me Marlon.
441
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:02,383
And Shawn.
442
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,183
More costumes?
443
00:20:04,216 --> 00:20:06,150
Ain't y'all tired
of playing tricks on me?
444
00:20:06,183 --> 00:20:08,300
No, grandma,
this is us for real.
445
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,133
Marlon and Shawn.
446
00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:13,250
We made a mistake, can we
take you back home with us?
447
00:20:13,283 --> 00:20:15,283
I ain't goin' anywhere.
448
00:20:15,316 --> 00:20:18,166
The two people
I thought needed me the most
449
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,216
kicked me out.
450
00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:23,330
This is where you come
when you're not wanted.
451
00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:25,333
Come on, grandma,
you know we want you.
452
00:20:25,366 --> 00:20:27,200
Come on, we made
a mistake,
alright?
453
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:29,160
Yeah, grandma,
we were trippin'.
454
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,333
I mean, yeah,
you were crampin' our style.
455
00:20:31,366 --> 00:20:33,150
But we never
meant to hurt you.
456
00:20:33,183 --> 00:20:35,100
You know we got
love for you,
grandma.
457
00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:40,250
You really
want me to come home?
458
00:20:40,283 --> 00:20:43,160
Most definitely.
459
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:44,116
Well, I got to admit
460
00:20:44,150 --> 00:20:46,383
I-I had a part in this too.
461
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,133
I still think of you
as my little babies.
462
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:54,133
Heh, yeah, so stop
suckin' up and get my bag.
463
00:20:55,366 --> 00:20:57,500
- 'Grandma?'
- Huh?
464
00:20:57,830 --> 00:20:59,133
I just wanna tell you
that I always loved
you.
465
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,316
Shawn was the bad man.
466
00:21:00,350 --> 00:21:03,150
Oh, I know, I know, baby.
467
00:21:03,183 --> 00:21:04,383
I got some word for you,
when we get home.
468
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,000
- What did I do?
- I know you put him up to
it.
469
00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:09,330
[indistinct chatter]
470
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,150
[techno music]
471
00:21:39,316 --> 00:21:42,100
[music continues]
472
00:21:44,183 --> 00:21:46,500
(Shawn)Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.
33666
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