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1
00:00:12,292 --> 00:00:14,000
Oh!
2
00:00:14,125 --> 00:00:16,208
Oh, go on! Oh!
3
00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,625
What are you do...? Ow!
4
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,250
You're hurting me!
5
00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:44,917
I'm gonna tell my Bernard of you!
6
00:00:45,042 --> 00:00:46,958
You're fucking dead!
7
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:26,750
Oi!
8
00:01:26,875 --> 00:01:29,000
Come back here, you!
9
00:01:29,792 --> 00:01:31,333
Ronnie!
10
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,833
Get off that couch
and come out here!
11
00:01:35,042 --> 00:01:36,042
Ronnie!
12
00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:10,375
Oh, shit! Sorry.
I didn't see you there.
13
00:04:12,042 --> 00:04:15,708
- Do you live here?
- Yeah, I do, unfortunately.
14
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,333
Do you know Louise Clancy?
15
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,333
Yeah.
Are you a friend of hers?
16
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:21,250
Know where she is?
17
00:04:21,375 --> 00:04:23,083
She's at work.
18
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:27,833
- What time does she get back?
- Don't know. About 7:00 or something.
19
00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:29,792
Fucking hell!
20
00:04:34,417 --> 00:04:36,833
Do you want to come in
for a cup of tea?
21
00:04:38,458 --> 00:04:42,250
Is that all right with you, love?
It's just, you know, cold.
22
00:04:42,375 --> 00:04:44,708
Listen, have you got anything
for a headache?
23
00:04:44,833 --> 00:04:47,167
Ah. Yeah, we have,
as it happens.
24
00:04:47,292 --> 00:04:50,917
You know, like a monkey wrench
or something.
25
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,375
- What's all this about?
- Oh, yeah.
26
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:57,083
- That's Sandra, that is.
- Hello, Sandra.
27
00:04:57,208 --> 00:05:00,292
This is her place.
She's a fucking nurse.
28
00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:03,083
That's her idea of interior design.
29
00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:04,875
Oh, yeah, it's a skeleton.
30
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,708
And this is her cocktail cabinet and all.
31
00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,708
There you go.
That should do it.
32
00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:13,250
- No, it's too big.
33
00:05:14,375 --> 00:05:16,667
- Do you want a cup of tea?
- Yeah.
34
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,375
So, are you Louise's boyfriend?
35
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,708
- No.
- Oh, right.
36
00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:25,500
- What, you're just, like, a mate?
- Primate.
37
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:28,750
- You must be the missing link, then.
- Yeah, that's me.
38
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,708
- You're not gonna tell me your name.
- No.
39
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:37,083
- I'm not gonna tell you mine neither.
- All right. We'll be strangers.
40
00:05:38,292 --> 00:05:40,083
I see your boomerang
came back then, love.
41
00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:42,000
It's not my fuckin' boomerang.
42
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,542
What about the old diminishing
pachyderm formation there?
43
00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:49,625
No, that's all Sandra's collection.
She's in Zimbabwe at the moment.
44
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,583
And fuck knows what she's gonna
bring back from there.
45
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:55,125
Pellagra or hepatitis B or something.
46
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,625
She's with her boyfriend.
47
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:07,458
So, how is Louise?
48
00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:12,000
I don't know.
I don't know her as well as you.
49
00:06:12,125 --> 00:06:15,167
- Do you get on with her?
- Well, been out a couple of times.
50
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,417
- Does she like you?
- I don't know. You better ask her.
51
00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:22,917
Most people don't.
52
00:06:23,042 --> 00:06:25,500
Do you find that she's
at all jealous of you?
53
00:06:27,417 --> 00:06:29,000
No.
54
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,875
So...
55
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,458
So, would you describe yourself
as a happy little person?
56
00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,167
Yeah. I'm the life and soul.
57
00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:46,208
Have you ever thought, right...
I mean, you don't know,
58
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:50,583
but you might already have had
the happiest moment in your whole fucking life,
59
00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:54,583
and all you've got to look forward to
is sickness and purgatory?
60
00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,708
Oh, shit.
61
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:02,500
Well, I just live
from day to day myself.
62
00:07:02,625 --> 00:07:05,167
I tend to skip a day now and again.
You know what I mean?
63
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:09,083
I used to be a werewolf,
but I'm all right now!
64
00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:13,208
Fuckin' hell.
I bet they're happy, eh?
65
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,500
All they got to do is sit round,
howling at the moon.
66
00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:19,875
It's better than standing on the cheesy
fucking thing. Know what I mean?
67
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,625
I mean, tossing all these satellites
and shuttles out into the cosmos.
68
00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:25,333
What do they think they're gonna find
up there that they can't find down here?
69
00:07:25,458 --> 00:07:26,500
They think if they piss high enough,
70
00:07:26,625 --> 00:07:29,667
they're gonna come across the monkey
with the beard and the crap ideas,
71
00:07:29,792 --> 00:07:33,167
and it's, like,
"Oh! There you are, Captain!
72
00:07:33,292 --> 00:07:36,583
"Are you busy? Because I've got
a few fundamental questions for you."
73
00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:37,750
You with me?
74
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,750
Yeah. Cos let's face it, right?
What are rockets?
75
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:45,750
I mean,
they're just big metal pricks.
76
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:50,792
You know, I mean, the bastards
aren't satisfied with fucking the Earth up.
77
00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:54,292
- They've gotta fuck space and all.
- Tell me something, love.
78
00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,833
Are you aware of the effect
79
00:07:58,958 --> 00:08:02,417
you have on the average mammalian,
Mancunian,
80
00:08:02,542 --> 00:08:07,417
X-Y'ly chromosome, slavering,
lusty male member of the species?
81
00:08:07,542 --> 00:08:09,708
Uh... yeah.
82
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:11,875
I thought so.
83
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,292
Would you like to have dinner
with me tonight?
84
00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:30,375
No.
85
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,875
Do you think women like being raped?
86
00:08:33,625 --> 00:08:34,958
You talk a lot, don't you?
87
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:38,458
Do you like Japanese food?
88
00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:41,542
Look, I've told you, I'm not interested.
All right?
89
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:44,542
- Could I have that a touch harder, please?
- Yes.
90
00:09:07,292 --> 00:09:09,042
All right?
91
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:13,417
- Enjoying yourself, are you?
- I'm having a great time, actually.
92
00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:21,583
- Bloody hell.
- Ah, friendly.
93
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,958
What are you doing here?
You look like shit.
94
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:27,208
Just trying to blend in
with the surroundings.
95
00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:39,792
- I can't believe you're here.
- I'm not here.
96
00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:44,583
I tell you what.
It's a crackin' place you got, love.
97
00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:47,958
- Good. I'm glad you like it.
- No, I was being sarcastic.
98
00:09:49,042 --> 00:09:51,625
Why didn't you tell me you were coming?
I would've met you off the train.
99
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,875
- I didn't come on the fucking train.
- Off the bus, then.
100
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,292
- I didn't come on the bus either.
- So, how did you get here, then?
101
00:09:57,167 --> 00:10:00,958
Well, basically, there was this little dot, right,
and the dot went bang,
102
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:03,375
and the bang expanded -
energy formed into matter,
103
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,875
matter cooled, matter lived,
the amoeba to fish, the fish to fowl,
104
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,917
the fowl to froggy, the froggy to mammal,
the mammal to monkey, the monkey to man.
105
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,000
Amo, amas, amat. Quid pro quo.
Memento mori. Ad infinitum.
106
00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:15,458
Sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese
and leave under the grill till doomsday.
107
00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:19,333
- I see you haven't changed.
- He's a fuckin' genius, this geezer.
108
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,958
I take it you met
my wicky-wacky friend Sophie.
109
00:10:22,083 --> 00:10:25,333
No, actually,
we haven't been formally introduced.
110
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,583
- Have we, love?
- No.
111
00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:30,000
No, we've been sat here
in embarrassing silence all afternoon.
112
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,792
- So, how are you?
- Peachy creamy.
113
00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:41,250
Are you really?
I'm very pleased.
114
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:45,458
So, how's, um... work?
115
00:10:45,583 --> 00:10:47,083
- It's all right.
- "It's all right."
116
00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:48,333
It's all right.
117
00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:50,708
- Is it everything you hoped it would be?
- Yeah.
118
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,167
What did you hope it would be?
119
00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:00,292
I'm so... I'm sorry.
Did you get that?
120
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,000
It's everything she hoped it would be,
121
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:05,250
but she doesn't fucking know
what she hoped it would be.
122
00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:09,167
Oh, and by the way,
thank you for this.
123
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:12,292
I mean, are you taking the piss
or what?
124
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:16,167
"So, Johnny, my address is..."
125
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,125
I'm touched.
126
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:30,917
- Why have you come?
- Oh, can you tell from there?
127
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:35,125
- Do you want a cup of tea?
- I'd love a cup of tea!
128
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:37,708
You're fucking generous,
you Cockneys, aren't ya?
129
00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:39,833
- Sophie?
- Oh, yeah. Ta.
130
00:12:12,917 --> 00:12:16,500
- How's your mum?
- Fine. How's yours? Still pulling pints?
131
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:19,375
She's dead.
She's still a good fuck, though.
132
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:22,042
- I mean, the rates are a bit extortionate,
133
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:24,667
but I do get a discount,
what with being the son and everything.
134
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:28,167
Apparently, right, you shouldn't
stick anything up your cunt
135
00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:29,667
that you can't put in your mouth.
136
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,292
Give us that mug.
137
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:36,542
Can I try your coat on, Johnny?
138
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,083
Yeah.
139
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:43,208
So, what you been up to?
You seen anybody?
140
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,583
Have you seen anybody?
141
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,208
Have you spoken to anybody
from Manchester?
142
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,125
Yeah, I phoned June
a couple of times.
143
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,458
And was June interested
in what you had to say?
144
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,458
Fuckin' hell.
145
00:12:57,583 --> 00:12:59,667
I've seen more life in an open grave.
Come on!
146
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,000
- What?
- What!
147
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,958
- You don't seem very pleased to see me.
- I am pleased to see yal
148
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,333
Too good for us? Now you've got yourself
a posh job in the big "shitty".
149
00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:09,625
- I mean, me and her are on the fucking dole.
- Right.
150
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,375
And you're a career girl.
You happy with that?
151
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,500
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
152
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,625
- Yeah.
- I'm delighted!
153
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:24,083
Do you want some of this, Johnny?
154
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:27,583
Fuckin' hell, love.
What are you trying to do to me?
155
00:13:33,917 --> 00:13:36,958
Right. Well, I'm going up to me room.
Do you want to see it, Johnny?
156
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:39,417
Is it worth the bother?
Is there anything worth seeing?
157
00:13:39,542 --> 00:13:42,208
Why don't you come and find out?
It's not very far.
158
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,917
I'm sorry about this.
159
00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:58,708
Yeah.
160
00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:11,208
Oh, move, move.
161
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:21,208
- Where are you?
- I'm in here.
162
00:14:24,292 --> 00:14:25,667
Oh, it's de-lovely.
163
00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:29,000
I see you've got a ceiling at the top
with a floor on the lower level
164
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:31,125
and a wall at either side.
165
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,417
And only a single bed.
Sad, really.
166
00:14:46,292 --> 00:14:49,333
- You've got wonderful breasts.
- Don't you mean "tits"?
167
00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:53,375
Are they both the same size,
or is one bigger than the other?
168
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,667
I don't know.
Do you want to weigh them?
169
00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,958
- Is that a proposition?
- No, it's a threat.
170
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,875
Are you rich?
171
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,792
Life is for enjoying.
172
00:15:13,917 --> 00:15:15,875
What about a family?
Have you got any brothers or sisters?
173
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,958
I try not to remember.
174
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,875
You're sexually frustrated, aren't you?
175
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,750
- What's funny?
176
00:15:24,875 --> 00:15:26,625
- Are you a feminist?
- No.
177
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:29,625
- Do you like fucking?
- Do you like wanking?
178
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,083
Not on my own, no.
179
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:41,958
That's a very ornithological mutilation
you've got there, love.
180
00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:44,250
That's my tribal initiation.
181
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,625
Is it really?
182
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:59,167
- That was fuckin' athletic, that was.
- I think I've ruptured my chakras.
183
00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,417
Is there an instruction manual
for this garb?
184
00:16:03,542 --> 00:16:06,042
No. It's an intelligence test.
185
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,583
Now, what is this?
A granny, a sheepshank
186
00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:11,542
or the infamous round turn
and two half hitches
187
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:13,625
as mentioned in the Book of Ezekiel?
188
00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,833
- Are you finished?
- Hardly fuckin' begun.
189
00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:20,208
It's just I think I'm gonna get into difficulties
when I reach the hippie shit up here.
190
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:24,125
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah. Well, you've tried the stairs.
191
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,833
I think we should take the escalator.
192
00:16:26,958 --> 00:16:29,083
Simple, really.
193
00:16:29,208 --> 00:16:31,125
So is this.
194
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:32,875
Thanks for the mammaries.
195
00:16:34,583 --> 00:16:37,375
Could you ask her
to order me a taxi, please?
196
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,083
- This is terribly disappointing.
- You don't like rejection, do you, Jeremy?
197
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,875
- Could we have a taxi, please?
- No problem... sir.
198
00:18:09,292 --> 00:18:11,042
Whee!
199
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:23,708
Whee, whee...!
200
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,458
It's really cosy, this.
201
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,833
Will you let me come again, Jerry?
202
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,583
You're dead handsome, you know.
203
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:50,333
What work do you do?
204
00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:55,458
I'm a dancer, actually.
205
00:18:58,125 --> 00:19:00,625
Don't you wanna know me name?
206
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:02,500
It's Giselle.
207
00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:07,167
Are you married?
208
00:19:12,375 --> 00:19:14,000
What?
209
00:19:16,208 --> 00:19:18,000
Kiss me.
210
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,667
Oh, don't. It's yucky!
211
00:19:37,792 --> 00:19:39,292
Get it off!
212
00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:45,083
Are you glad I came?
213
00:19:46,792 --> 00:19:48,667
What are you doing?
Get off me!
214
00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:54,917
You're hurting me!
215
00:19:55,042 --> 00:19:57,250
Have you ever thought
of committing suicide?
216
00:19:57,375 --> 00:19:59,417
- No.
- I'm going to commit suicide
217
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:01,417
on my 40th birthday...
218
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:03,667
if I'm still around.
219
00:20:03,792 --> 00:20:05,583
- Why?
- I don't want to be old.
220
00:20:05,708 --> 00:20:07,292
Do you?
221
00:20:30,083 --> 00:20:31,708
Fuck!
222
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:37,333
Oh...!
223
00:21:04,375 --> 00:21:08,083
- Oh. Have a fag.
- Yeah. Thanks, I will.
224
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:21,708
What are you reading?
225
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:35,667
Will you stop fucking about and fidgeting
in my peripherals? I'm trying to concentrate.
226
00:21:35,792 --> 00:21:39,042
She's got a very little waist,
Sophie, ain't she?
227
00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,708
She's got little tits and all.
228
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:49,792
- Are you not cold?
- I'm reading about the butterfly effect.
229
00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,750
What's the butterfly effect?
230
00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:54,542
Every time a butterfly
flaps its wings in Tokyo,
231
00:21:54,667 --> 00:21:57,000
this old granny in Salford
gets a bilious attack.
232
00:21:57,125 --> 00:21:59,833
What happens if a butterfly
flaps its wings in Salford?
233
00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:03,792
- That's not the point.
- Oh, is it not?
234
00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:09,542
- What are you doing in London, Johnny?
- What are you doing in London?
235
00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:12,875
- I've told you what I'm doing in London.
- You've told me nothing.
236
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:18,250
- The last time I saw you, I told you...
- Fuckin' hell! Were you born irritatin'?
237
00:22:19,833 --> 00:22:21,792
What have you
come downstairs for anyway?
238
00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:24,625
I fell asleep with the window open.
I was cold. I came down.
239
00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:26,958
I had to pee. I've made some tea.
I'm here. All right?
240
00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:30,250
- What's that, the greatest story ever told?
- I live here.
241
00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:37,417
So what happened?
Were you bored in Manchester?
242
00:22:38,542 --> 00:22:42,208
Was I bored? No, I wasn't fuckin' bored.
I'm never bored.
243
00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:45,167
That's the trouble with everybody.
You're all so bored.
244
00:22:45,292 --> 00:22:47,708
You've had nature explained to you,
and you're bored with it.
245
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,500
You've had the living body explained to you,
and you're bored with it.
246
00:22:50,625 --> 00:22:53,208
You've had the universe explained to you,
and you're bored with it.
247
00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:55,333
So now you just want cheap thrills
and plenty of ‘em,
248
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:57,542
and it don't matter how tawdry
or vacuous they are,
249
00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:59,208
as long as it's new,
as long as it's new,
250
00:22:59,333 --> 00:23:01,958
as long as it flashes and fucking bleeps
in 40 fuckin' different colours.
251
00:23:02,667 --> 00:23:05,417
Well, whatever else you can say about me,
I'm not fuckin' bored.
252
00:23:05,542 --> 00:23:07,375
Yeah. All right.
253
00:23:08,458 --> 00:23:09,833
So, how's it all going for you?
254
00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:12,667
It's a bit boring, actually.
255
00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:14,917
You're not enjoying yourself?
256
00:23:17,917 --> 00:23:19,833
You made many friends?
257
00:23:21,292 --> 00:23:22,292
No.
258
00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:26,125
Have you got a goblet or something,
because me heart's bleedin'.
259
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:31,208
When are you going back to Manchester?
260
00:23:31,333 --> 00:23:34,083
- When are you going back to Manchester?
- I'm not going back.
261
00:23:34,208 --> 00:23:35,792
- Why not?
- You know why not.
262
00:23:35,917 --> 00:23:37,500
Do I?
263
00:23:39,708 --> 00:23:41,833
I thought you said
you never wanted to see me again.
264
00:23:41,958 --> 00:23:44,417
I don't ever want to see you again,
so will you fuck off back upstairs?
265
00:23:44,542 --> 00:23:48,292
- Why are you such a bastard, Johnny?
- Monkey see, monkey do.
266
00:23:48,417 --> 00:23:50,375
- What does that mean?
267
00:23:54,792 --> 00:23:56,083
Oh, this fucking cough.
268
00:23:56,625 --> 00:23:59,250
Mm. A butterfly
must have flapped its wings.
269
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,583
So have you got to get up
for work now, yeah?
270
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:08,583
No.
271
00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:10,292
It's too early.
272
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,208
I'm going back to bed.
273
00:24:26,458 --> 00:24:29,708
So is she, uh...
a Buddhist or something, this nurse?
274
00:24:29,833 --> 00:24:32,375
No, she's a Catholic.
275
00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:34,917
What's she doing with the old fat chap
in the house, then?
276
00:24:35,042 --> 00:24:38,542
I don't know.
I think she fancies him or something.
277
00:24:38,667 --> 00:24:40,708
Louise is a Catholic.
Did you know that?
278
00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:43,792
- She's not, is she?
- Oh, fuckin' hell!
279
00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:55,625
You know what frightens me
about the human body?
280
00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:57,083
What?
281
00:24:57,208 --> 00:25:01,083
Well, it's like the, uh, most sophisticated
mechanism in the entire universe,
282
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,875
and yet it's so fuckin' quiet, isn't it?
283
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,375
- Know what I mean?
- Don't know.
284
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,917
Mine makes enough noise.
285
00:25:08,042 --> 00:25:10,833
It's like this wet, pink factory.
286
00:25:10,958 --> 00:25:13,333
What the fuck are they making in there?
I mean, what's the product?
287
00:25:13,458 --> 00:25:16,875
You never see no delivery trucks
coming or going, do you?
288
00:25:18,542 --> 00:25:22,167
- I could have been a doctor.
- Do you wanna examine me?
289
00:25:22,292 --> 00:25:25,375
- You don't believe me, do you?
- I believe everything you say.
290
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:28,083
- I've got "A" level psychology.
- You haven't.
291
00:25:30,417 --> 00:25:34,458
"Resolve is never stronger than in the morning
after the night it was never weaker."
292
00:25:34,583 --> 00:25:37,667
- What do you think of that?
- It's a load of bollocks.
293
00:25:38,792 --> 00:25:40,625
I thought of that.
294
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:44,958
- Do you not agree with it?
- Don't know.
295
00:25:45,083 --> 00:25:47,875
Well, that's cos you weren't
fuckin' listening, were you?
296
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,875
What's this?
A test or something?
297
00:26:04,083 --> 00:26:06,042
Don't. Stop it.
298
00:26:06,167 --> 00:26:08,375
Just pack it in. Stop it!
299
00:26:09,125 --> 00:26:11,000
Keep buggering about.
300
00:26:14,333 --> 00:26:16,750
- Let me get a watch, Johnny.
- Will you keep still?
301
00:26:16,875 --> 00:26:20,583
- Look, you can get me a watch.
- Don't want a fucking watch.
302
00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:34,417
I really like you, Johnny.
303
00:26:36,458 --> 00:26:38,875
You don't know me.
304
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,958
I think I do.
305
00:26:41,083 --> 00:26:45,000
- You don't fucking know me!
- Oh, shit! Fucking hell!
306
00:26:46,083 --> 00:26:47,750
- You still like me?
- I love you.
307
00:26:47,875 --> 00:26:49,667
- What?
- I'm in love with you, Johnny.
308
00:26:49,792 --> 00:26:52,167
- Don't laugh. I'm serious.
309
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,750
I understand you, Johnny. I do.
310
00:27:17,833 --> 00:27:20,375
Johnny! No! No!
311
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:22,917
Johnny!
312
00:27:27,125 --> 00:27:29,042
Ta-ra, Mr. Halpern.
313
00:28:03,042 --> 00:28:05,208
What's the matter?
What's going on?
314
00:28:05,333 --> 00:28:07,208
Fucked if I know.
315
00:28:17,042 --> 00:28:18,917
I'm too old for all this.
316
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,000
Why don't we go out?
Go out for a drink or somethin'?
317
00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:26,500
Why don't you fuckin' go out?
Go for a drink or somethin'.
318
00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:28,583
Cos I want to go out with you.
319
00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,667
Is this good?
320
00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:40,167
What are you doing?
321
00:28:41,292 --> 00:28:42,708
- Where are you going?
- I'm cold.
322
00:28:42,833 --> 00:28:45,167
- Johnny, I just...
- Get off of me.
323
00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:57,292
How... Do you ever get the feeling
that you're being followed?
324
00:28:58,417 --> 00:29:02,000
Look, will you just leave me alone,
give me a bit of room or something?
325
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,875
Fucking hell!
326
00:29:30,292 --> 00:29:32,750
Johnny! Johnny!
327
00:29:34,375 --> 00:29:37,333
What's all that about?
What are you playin' at?
328
00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:42,875
- Where are you going, Johnny?
- Off my head.
329
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,417
- I'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.
330
00:29:44,542 --> 00:29:47,500
- I want to come with you!
- Don't you fucking come with me!
331
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,542
- Are you comin' back?
- What the fuck for?
332
00:30:45,708 --> 00:30:47,500
Maggie!
333
00:30:58,917 --> 00:31:00,667
Maggie!
334
00:31:03,458 --> 00:31:05,542
You all right there, chief?
335
00:31:11,375 --> 00:31:13,500
- Have you lost somebody?
- Yeah?
336
00:31:13,625 --> 00:31:15,625
Are you looking for somebody?
337
00:31:15,750 --> 00:31:17,917
Fuck off, cunt!
338
00:31:29,333 --> 00:31:30,458
Got a fag?
339
00:31:30,583 --> 00:31:31,583
- Yes, thanks.
- What?
340
00:31:31,708 --> 00:31:34,125
- Yeah, I got one.
- Giz one.
341
00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:35,708
- "Please."
- What?
342
00:31:35,833 --> 00:31:39,083
- Say "please".
- Just fucking giz one. Come on, mister.
343
00:31:39,208 --> 00:31:42,625
You've got a lovely way about you.
Has anybody ever told you that?
344
00:31:42,750 --> 00:31:45,167
"Thank you." It's all right.
345
00:31:55,875 --> 00:31:57,667
Maggie!
346
00:31:57,792 --> 00:32:00,000
- She's gone, mate.
- Eh?
347
00:32:00,125 --> 00:32:01,875
Those days are over.
348
00:32:02,667 --> 00:32:05,625
Have you seen a lassie
wandering about here?
349
00:32:05,750 --> 00:32:09,000
- What?
- A lassie. Black hair, blue jeans.
350
00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:12,292
I saw a little border collie
padding off down there towards the fire.
351
00:32:12,417 --> 00:32:14,250
Yeah?
352
00:32:15,292 --> 00:32:18,292
- Have you lost your bird or something?
- Aye. Have you seen her?
353
00:32:18,417 --> 00:32:20,500
Black hair.
354
00:32:20,625 --> 00:32:22,458
- No.
- Fuckin' hell!
355
00:32:22,583 --> 00:32:25,417
Stupid fuckin' cunt's gone
and got lost.
356
00:32:25,542 --> 00:32:27,625
- Are you from Scotland?
- Uh?
357
00:32:27,750 --> 00:32:29,375
- Are you Scots?
- Aye.
358
00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:31,708
- What's it like up there?
- Fucking shite.
359
00:32:31,833 --> 00:32:33,875
I'll kick her fanny, man.
360
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,375
- Do you dream in Scotch?
- Uh?
361
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:39,250
Do you, like, dream about sporran-clad,
caber-tossing haggis
362
00:32:39,375 --> 00:32:41,083
galloping over porridge-covered glens?
363
00:32:41,208 --> 00:32:42,875
Fucking shite!
364
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,125
I sent off for one of those
little Linguaphone packages -
365
00:32:45,250 --> 00:32:47,583
"Talk Shite in a Fortnight."
It's all going very well.
366
00:32:47,708 --> 00:32:49,750
I haven't quite got
the hang of the transitive verbs yet.
367
00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:52,417
Will you fuckin' shut it?
368
00:32:57,167 --> 00:32:59,583
- So, what you doin' down here?
- Eh?
369
00:32:59,708 --> 00:33:03,458
Why are you here in London,
old Bodhi Dharma?
370
00:33:03,583 --> 00:33:05,292
Put my old man in hospital.
371
00:33:05,417 --> 00:33:07,000
- Your dad?
- Aye.
372
00:33:07,125 --> 00:33:09,833
- How did you do that, then?
- Cracked him on the nut with a poker.
373
00:33:09,958 --> 00:33:12,458
- What for?
- He was fuckin' asking for it!
374
00:33:12,583 --> 00:33:15,500
- Maggie!
- So, what, is he in a bad way?
375
00:33:15,625 --> 00:33:17,542
Fuckin' right. He's half dead.
376
00:33:17,667 --> 00:33:21,083
- What does your mum think about it?
- She's off her fuckin' nut.
377
00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:23,333
- So, you're, like, on the run, yeah?
- Aye.
378
00:33:23,458 --> 00:33:26,750
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah? The cops after you? Yeah?
379
00:33:26,875 --> 00:33:29,875
- Can you tell me something, jock?
- What?
380
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,208
- What's all that about?
- Eh?
381
00:33:33,333 --> 00:33:36,500
That, the old Highland fling there.
You know you're doing that?
382
00:33:36,625 --> 00:33:39,000
- What?
- That, you know, "and for my next tick..."
383
00:33:39,125 --> 00:33:42,083
That. Look, it... it just happened again.
I'm not imagining it.
384
00:33:42,208 --> 00:33:43,500
Fuck off, en?
385
00:33:43,625 --> 00:33:46,375
You do that in the sack,
with the old tick, spit - "Maggie!"
386
00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:48,750
- Must be a great fucking shag.
- Are you taking a piss?
387
00:33:48,875 --> 00:33:51,542
- You're fucking giving it away, aren't ya?
- Fucking come on, cunt!
388
00:33:51,667 --> 00:33:53,958
Cut your fucking head open!
389
00:33:54,083 --> 00:33:56,583
- Eh?
- What's it like being you?
390
00:33:56,708 --> 00:33:58,250
- Eh?
- A bit hectic?
391
00:33:58,375 --> 00:34:00,292
Fuck off, poof!
392
00:34:02,875 --> 00:34:05,417
Do you believe
in self-fulfilling prophecy?
393
00:34:05,542 --> 00:34:07,125
Eh?
394
00:34:08,167 --> 00:34:10,208
You know, like Nostradamus.
395
00:34:11,375 --> 00:34:13,833
He was, like,
this 16th-century astrologer,
396
00:34:13,958 --> 00:34:18,083
and he wrote in one of his quatrains that
this goon called Hister would invade Poland.
397
00:34:18,208 --> 00:34:20,583
So Hitler reads that and thinks,
"Hister, Hitler.
398
00:34:20,708 --> 00:34:22,333
"Must mean me",
and invades Poland.
399
00:34:22,458 --> 00:34:25,875
So, when the guy prophesied that the world
would end in 1999, which he did,
400
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,583
does that therefore mean
that we're fulfilling the prophecy
401
00:34:28,708 --> 00:34:30,917
by precipitating the Apocalypse?
You with me?
402
00:34:31,042 --> 00:34:32,125
What?
403
00:34:32,250 --> 00:34:35,292
Do you think the world will end in 19997
404
00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:40,292
Listen, mate, what do you think of this?
Why don't you have a little wander around
405
00:34:40,417 --> 00:34:42,417
and go look for the wee lassie,
and I'll wait here?
406
00:34:42,542 --> 00:34:44,708
If she turns up,
I'll keep her here until you get back.
407
00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:46,667
- How does that grab ya?
- You gonna be here, eh?
408
00:34:46,792 --> 00:34:49,000
- Yeah.
- Right. If she gets back, right,
409
00:34:49,125 --> 00:34:51,333
tell her to fucking wait here
till I get back.
410
00:34:51,458 --> 00:34:53,917
If she wanders off, knock her out.
You slap her good for me, right?
411
00:34:54,042 --> 00:34:56,083
- Yeah, I'll tie her up.
- Aye.
412
00:34:56,208 --> 00:34:58,958
- You gonna be here, eh?
- Yeah. Oh, listen. What's her name again?
413
00:34:59,083 --> 00:35:00,833
- Maggie.
- Oh, yeah.
414
00:35:00,958 --> 00:35:02,917
Be back in a minute, right?
415
00:35:19,167 --> 00:35:20,958
Excuse me, love.
416
00:35:22,625 --> 00:35:24,375
Hello!
417
00:35:25,208 --> 00:35:26,750
Are you Maggie?
418
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:28,417
Piss off!
419
00:35:34,667 --> 00:35:36,750
- Oh, you're Maggie.
- What?
420
00:35:36,875 --> 00:35:39,125
- Is your name Maggie?
- How'd you ken that?
421
00:35:39,250 --> 00:35:42,917
It's just a hunch.
Are you looking for the, uh, petulant dwarf?
422
00:35:43,042 --> 00:35:45,458
- Eh?
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
423
00:35:45,583 --> 00:35:48,000
- Archie!
- Yeah, that's the fella.
424
00:35:48,125 --> 00:35:49,833
I was told to wait here for you.
425
00:35:49,958 --> 00:35:52,958
You're Maggie, he's Archie, I'm nobody.
He's gone off looking for you, love.
426
00:35:53,083 --> 00:35:54,333
What, you've seen him?
427
00:35:54,458 --> 00:35:56,333
Look, would you just come
and sit over here now?
428
00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:58,875
Fuck off, you dirty cunt.
429
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,833
I know I've not had a bath
for a good few seasons,
430
00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:02,750
but there's no need to hurt my feelings.
431
00:36:02,875 --> 00:36:05,333
He'll be back in a minute.
432
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:07,042
What, he's been here?
433
00:36:07,167 --> 00:36:09,958
He's been here, he's been there.
He's been all over the fuckin' shop.
434
00:36:10,083 --> 00:36:12,667
- Did he have the chips with him?
- He had a huge one on his shoulder.
435
00:36:12,792 --> 00:36:15,833
- Fuckin' wee radge!
- Come on. No need to knock the young lad.
436
00:36:15,958 --> 00:36:18,583
He's a wonderful exponent
of the old Socratic debate.
437
00:36:23,208 --> 00:36:26,083
Listen, love,
I've got this great idea.
438
00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:27,750
Why don't you have
a little wander round,
439
00:36:27,875 --> 00:36:30,167
see if you can find the wee lad,
and I'll wait here?
440
00:36:30,292 --> 00:36:32,583
And if he turns up,
I'll keep him here till you get back.
441
00:36:32,708 --> 00:36:34,625
I'm fucking starvin'.
442
00:36:35,583 --> 00:36:38,167
- Do you wanna get something to eat?
- He's got all the money, hasn't he?
443
00:36:38,292 --> 00:36:40,208
- Who, laughing boy?
- Aye.
444
00:36:41,208 --> 00:36:44,542
- Well, I've got a few bob on me.
- What if he comes back and we're no here?
445
00:36:44,667 --> 00:36:47,583
- We'll leave him a note.
- He won't be able to read it.
446
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,292
Well, we'll get him on his bleeper.
Come on.
447
00:37:06,208 --> 00:37:08,375
Can you feel all those vibrations?
448
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:10,042
No.
449
00:37:11,208 --> 00:37:12,792
Just stand still a minute, love.
450
00:37:12,917 --> 00:37:15,125
Try and feel it through your feet.
451
00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:18,667
Do you not get all those tremblings
and mumblings
452
00:37:18,792 --> 00:37:20,167
coming up through your bones?
453
00:37:20,292 --> 00:37:21,958
Not really, no.
454
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,458
Do you not get, like, a sense of, like,
a whole other world underneath all this?
455
00:37:26,583 --> 00:37:28,250
You know, like,
the guts of London?
456
00:37:28,375 --> 00:37:31,000
What with all the tube trains
and everything, the city's viscera
457
00:37:31,125 --> 00:37:34,333
and the subterranean fucking fistulas
and conduits and colons
458
00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:36,750
and bunkers and dungeons
and tombs and all that.
459
00:37:36,875 --> 00:37:39,417
What, about hell and the sewers, like?
460
00:37:39,542 --> 00:37:41,333
You know that wherever you are
in London, right,
461
00:37:41,458 --> 00:37:43,667
- you're only 30 feet away from a rat.
- Aye.
462
00:37:43,792 --> 00:37:45,583
- Does that freak you out?
- No.
463
00:37:46,458 --> 00:37:48,625
- Do you believe in hell?
- Aye.
464
00:37:48,750 --> 00:37:51,042
- So do you believe in the devil?
- Aye.
465
00:37:51,167 --> 00:37:54,000
- What do you think he looks like?
- He looks like that, doesn't he?
466
00:37:55,042 --> 00:37:57,500
What, a little nudist homunculus
with a pink quiff?
467
00:37:57,625 --> 00:38:00,375
- No, he looks like a snake.
- Let's have a look at that.
468
00:38:01,625 --> 00:38:04,375
- It's Archie, isn't it?
- It's my good luck charm.
469
00:38:04,500 --> 00:38:06,958
- Has it brought you much?
- Has it fuck.
470
00:38:07,083 --> 00:38:09,333
- Are you superstitious?
- No.
471
00:38:09,458 --> 00:38:11,708
What do you wear
a good luck charm for, then?
472
00:38:11,833 --> 00:38:14,208
Are we gonna get something to eat
or what?
473
00:38:18,333 --> 00:38:20,542
Have you ever seen a dead body?
474
00:38:21,583 --> 00:38:23,583
Only me own.
475
00:38:29,750 --> 00:38:32,958
- Where was you thinking of sleeping tonight?
- Don't know.
476
00:38:33,083 --> 00:38:35,417
- Where did you kip down last night?
- In the park.
477
00:38:35,542 --> 00:38:37,917
- Was that not cold?
- Aye.
478
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,792
Where are you thinking of sleeping, like?
479
00:38:41,542 --> 00:38:43,167
Wherever I drop.
480
00:38:44,833 --> 00:38:47,208
- How old are you, love?
- Twenty-three.
481
00:38:47,333 --> 00:38:49,042
Do your mum and dad know
you're down here?
482
00:38:49,167 --> 00:38:50,417
No.
483
00:38:50,542 --> 00:38:52,958
- Will they not be worried about you?
- No.
484
00:38:53,750 --> 00:38:55,417
How old are you, like?
485
00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:59,250
- How old do you think I am?
- About 40.
486
00:39:01,542 --> 00:39:03,583
- I'm 27.
- Oh, get the fuck.
487
00:39:11,542 --> 00:39:13,333
Where the fuck
have you been?
488
00:39:13,458 --> 00:39:15,333
- Where the fuck have you been?
- Eh?
489
00:39:15,458 --> 00:39:17,000
- I've been waitin' on you!
- Come here!
490
00:39:17,125 --> 00:39:18,583
- Fuck off!
- Cunt!
491
00:39:18,708 --> 00:39:20,958
- What the fuck you been doin' now?
- You've got all the money!
492
00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:23,417
- I've been fucking looking all over for ya!
- Well, I was with him.
493
00:39:23,542 --> 00:39:25,083
- What do you... fuck!
- Fucking what?
494
00:39:25,208 --> 00:39:27,708
- I was fucking with ya!
- I was fucking with him!
495
00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:29,792
- Daft cunt.
- Fuckin' ask him!
496
00:39:29,917 --> 00:39:31,500
- Fuck off!
- Fuckin' ask him!
497
00:39:31,625 --> 00:39:33,958
- Fuckin' daft bitch! Eh?
- Where's my chips?
498
00:39:34,083 --> 00:39:37,375
- That was fuckin' years ago.
- Well, I'm starvin'!
499
00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:40,708
- Fucking here are your fucking chips!
- Don't come near me!
500
00:39:40,833 --> 00:39:42,667
Fucking cunt!
501
00:40:27,667 --> 00:40:29,583
Did he hurt you?
502
00:40:31,583 --> 00:40:33,500
What do you mean?
503
00:40:33,625 --> 00:40:37,125
You know,
when you were fucking.
504
00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:39,458
Why? Did he hurt you?
505
00:40:43,375 --> 00:40:46,625
Do you think you were made
for each other?
506
00:40:46,750 --> 00:40:50,083
- Well, we went out for a year.
- A year?
507
00:40:50,208 --> 00:40:52,583
Fucking hell, give me a year!
508
00:40:55,875 --> 00:40:58,500
Do you ever feel like topping yourself?
509
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:04,500
- Oh, God. I wish I was at home.
- Glad I'm not.
510
00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:06,625
Yeah, well, I don't mean
with me mum and dad.
511
00:41:06,750 --> 00:41:08,750
I just mean in Manchester.
512
00:41:08,875 --> 00:41:12,125
- You reckon it's different there, do you?
- Yeah. People talk to you.
513
00:41:12,250 --> 00:41:15,750
- Well, I'm talking to you.
- Yeah, but you talk a pile of shit.
514
00:41:17,708 --> 00:41:22,500
Doesn't matter where you are anyway.
Might as well be in Zimbabwe with Sandra.
515
00:41:24,792 --> 00:41:27,542
Are you gonna do any washing up
before she gets back?
516
00:41:27,667 --> 00:41:30,667
Yeah, of course I am.
When is she getting back?
517
00:41:31,875 --> 00:41:34,208
Sunday.
518
00:41:34,333 --> 00:41:37,042
Well, it's four fucking days away,
innit?
519
00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:50,333
"Thou shalt not consent unto him,
nor hearken unto him,
520
00:41:50,458 --> 00:41:52,875
"neither shall thine eye pity him,
neither shall thou spare,
521
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:57,542
"neither shall thou conceal him,
but thou shalt surely kill him with thy hand..."
522
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,792
Lost me place now.
523
00:42:14,667 --> 00:42:17,208
"And thou shalt stone him
with stones till he die
524
00:42:17,333 --> 00:42:20,333
"because he has sought to force thee away
from the Lord, thy God, and..."
525
00:42:20,458 --> 00:42:23,000
Fuckin' hell.
Why hast thou forsaken me?
526
00:42:23,125 --> 00:42:24,833
Bastard.
527
00:42:32,417 --> 00:42:34,208
Hmm.
528
00:42:49,833 --> 00:42:51,250
Is that it now, then?
529
00:42:51,375 --> 00:42:53,750
Are you through
with the regulation pacing?
530
00:42:53,875 --> 00:42:55,750
Are you all set to deploy
the fatuous sarcasm?
531
00:42:55,875 --> 00:42:58,000
Well, I've beaten you to it.
532
00:42:58,125 --> 00:42:59,750
Would you like a mint?
533
00:43:00,375 --> 00:43:01,625
What's this, a new policy?
534
00:43:01,750 --> 00:43:03,958
- Ply the culprit with menthol?
- Extra strong.
535
00:43:08,167 --> 00:43:10,292
I get through four packets
of these a night.
536
00:43:10,417 --> 00:43:13,417
You want to be careful, don't you?
I don't want your poxy mint.
537
00:43:13,542 --> 00:43:14,917
Oh.
538
00:43:16,542 --> 00:43:19,292
- Waste not, want not.
- And other clichés.
539
00:43:19,417 --> 00:43:22,208
Ah, but a cliché is full of truth,
otherwise it wouldn't be a cliché.
540
00:43:22,333 --> 00:43:24,500
Which is in itself a cliché.
541
00:43:27,750 --> 00:43:30,708
- Tell me, have you read the book of Hosea?
- What now?
542
00:43:30,833 --> 00:43:34,333
- "For they are the children of whores."
- There's no need to get personal, mate.
543
00:43:35,542 --> 00:43:36,833
What, will you stop fucking about?
544
00:43:36,958 --> 00:43:39,542
If you're gonna stick the boot in,
will you get on with it?
545
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,667
Have you got nowhere to go, then?
546
00:43:54,792 --> 00:43:56,750
I've got an infinite number
of fucking places to go.
547
00:43:56,875 --> 00:43:58,375
The problem is where you stay.
548
00:43:58,500 --> 00:44:01,833
- You with me?
- Indeed. Yes.
549
00:44:02,750 --> 00:44:05,083
So, listen, is there much security
in this job?
550
00:44:05,958 --> 00:44:06,958
Too much.
551
00:44:11,833 --> 00:44:15,583
What is it that goes on in this particular
postmodernist gas chamber?
552
00:44:16,875 --> 00:44:18,625
Nothing.
553
00:44:18,750 --> 00:44:20,542
It's empty.
554
00:44:20,667 --> 00:44:22,792
So what is it that you're guarding?
555
00:44:24,042 --> 00:44:25,667
Space.
556
00:44:27,167 --> 00:44:29,333
You're guarding space?
557
00:44:29,458 --> 00:44:31,875
That's stupid, isn't it,
because someone could break in there
558
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,375
and steal all the fucking space,
559
00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:35,708
and you wouldn't know it had gone,
would you?
560
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:38,708
Good point.
561
00:44:41,583 --> 00:44:43,375
All right.
562
00:45:24,833 --> 00:45:27,083
All right, pally, I appreciate
you've got a job to do,
563
00:45:27,208 --> 00:45:29,500
and it's, "Move on! Move on!
Move on!"
564
00:45:29,625 --> 00:45:31,667
But it's fucking freezing out there,
and I was a Caesarean.
565
00:45:31,792 --> 00:45:33,125
Come on, quick.
566
00:45:33,250 --> 00:45:35,167
- What?
- Come in.
567
00:45:39,292 --> 00:45:42,042
- You serious?
- Through that door, smartish.
568
00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:51,042
It's a funny smell in here.
569
00:45:51,167 --> 00:45:53,042
Come on.
570
00:45:56,583 --> 00:45:59,208
Bit of a waste of space,
all this, isn't it?
571
00:45:59,333 --> 00:46:01,708
Could sleep a thousand
flea-bitten tramps in here.
572
00:46:02,625 --> 00:46:04,042
What's all that?
573
00:46:04,167 --> 00:46:06,458
They say it's a fucking jungle out there.
Have you seen it in here?
574
00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:08,292
I mean,
where's the bloody monkeys?
575
00:46:09,208 --> 00:46:11,667
Look, Dad!
Will you just back off?
576
00:46:11,792 --> 00:46:14,125
- What is it you're after?
- You must be invisible.
577
00:46:14,250 --> 00:46:17,083
- What?
- I must be seen.
578
00:46:17,208 --> 00:46:18,875
Follow me.
579
00:46:32,167 --> 00:46:33,875
Sit there.
580
00:46:35,417 --> 00:46:36,833
Am I allowed to smoke in here?
581
00:46:36,958 --> 00:46:39,208
No!
You'll set off the alarm.
582
00:46:40,667 --> 00:46:41,958
Now, I'm not gonna look at you.
583
00:46:43,250 --> 00:46:45,708
It mustn't look
like I'm talking to anybody.
584
00:46:45,833 --> 00:46:48,583
If you're seen in here,
I'm out of a job.
585
00:46:49,917 --> 00:46:50,917
See what I mean?
586
00:46:51,042 --> 00:46:53,708
If they see you talking to yourself like that,
you'll be out of a job anyway.
587
00:46:53,833 --> 00:46:55,458
They'll come after you
with a big butterfly net.
588
00:46:56,875 --> 00:46:58,833
Oh, yes.
589
00:46:58,958 --> 00:47:00,208
I'll stand like this, then.
590
00:47:02,208 --> 00:47:04,208
- Well, that's better, isn't it?
- What?
591
00:47:04,792 --> 00:47:06,375
In, out of the cold.
592
00:47:08,042 --> 00:47:09,625
Yeah.
593
00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:12,333
Yeah. Thanks very much.
594
00:47:15,875 --> 00:47:18,417
It's funny being inside, innit?
595
00:47:18,542 --> 00:47:22,125
Cos when you are inside,
you're still actually outside, aren't ya?
596
00:47:22,250 --> 00:47:24,500
And then you can say,
when you're outside, you're inside,
597
00:47:24,625 --> 00:47:27,833
because you're always inside your head.
Do you follow that?
598
00:47:27,958 --> 00:47:32,208
Yes. Sometimes when I'm sitting here,
I turn the lights off, sit in the dark.
599
00:47:32,333 --> 00:47:35,458
That always makes me feel
like I'm sitting outside.
600
00:47:35,583 --> 00:47:37,708
So, what do you do with yourself
here of a night-time?
601
00:47:37,833 --> 00:47:40,500
I read, and I think.
602
00:47:40,625 --> 00:47:42,833
What do you think about?
603
00:47:42,958 --> 00:47:45,083
- I think about my life.
- And is that horrendous for you?
604
00:47:45,208 --> 00:47:46,833
No, certainly not.
605
00:47:46,958 --> 00:47:50,083
Is it horrendous for your wife?
Are you married, mate?
606
00:47:51,083 --> 00:47:53,375
Well, technically I'm married,
607
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:57,667
although my wife is 5,919 miles away
and I haven't seen her for 13 years.
608
00:47:57,792 --> 00:48:00,583
It's all going very well, then?
Where is she?
609
00:48:00,708 --> 00:48:02,750
- She's in Bangkok.
- Saucy.
610
00:48:07,083 --> 00:48:08,667
They're not worth it, are they?
611
00:48:08,792 --> 00:48:10,417
Whores and harlots.
612
00:48:11,833 --> 00:48:13,417
When was the last time you had a fuck?
613
00:48:16,333 --> 00:48:18,125
Is that an embarrassing question for you?
614
00:48:18,708 --> 00:48:20,958
It is, rather. Yes.
615
00:48:21,083 --> 00:48:23,000
I'm sorry.
616
00:48:25,292 --> 00:48:27,167
Step this way.
617
00:48:27,292 --> 00:48:30,083
I want to reveal to you
the mysteries of my trade.
618
00:48:34,292 --> 00:48:36,042
What do you think that is?
619
00:48:36,167 --> 00:48:38,875
- A, uh... Dadaist nun?
- Wrong.
620
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,667
This little lady is the representative
of my employer.
621
00:48:41,792 --> 00:48:44,167
- How do you do, love?
- Watch.
622
00:48:46,708 --> 00:48:48,042
Very Zen.
623
00:48:48,167 --> 00:48:53,333
My existence at this moment, on this spot,
is now trapped and recorded.
624
00:48:53,458 --> 00:48:57,292
Twenty-three moments, 23 sites,
every two hours.
625
00:48:57,417 --> 00:48:59,625
That's my job.
626
00:48:59,750 --> 00:49:02,417
Well, could they not train
a tall chimpanzee to do that?
627
00:49:02,542 --> 00:49:05,917
Or a small chimpanzee
with a bigger gizmo?
628
00:49:06,042 --> 00:49:08,208
I expect they could, yes.
629
00:49:08,333 --> 00:49:10,708
- What's your name, son?
- Brian.
630
00:49:10,833 --> 00:49:12,750
Hello, Brian. Johnny.
631
00:49:12,875 --> 00:49:14,708
Well, Brian, congratulations.
632
00:49:14,833 --> 00:49:16,500
You succeeded in convincing me
633
00:49:16,625 --> 00:49:20,375
that you do have the most tedious
fucking job in England.
634
00:49:23,292 --> 00:49:24,792
Come on.
635
00:49:34,583 --> 00:49:37,292
Yes, itis a boring job.
Bloody boring, actually.
636
00:49:37,417 --> 00:49:38,583
All right, all right.
637
00:49:38,708 --> 00:49:42,792
But all you can see is the tip of the iceberg,
the present, the tedious here and now.
638
00:49:42,917 --> 00:49:47,000
What you're incapable of seeing
is the rest of time, the rest of the iceberg -
639
00:49:47,125 --> 00:49:49,542
past and the future, my future,
640
00:49:49,667 --> 00:49:52,000
which is a very interesting place to be.
641
00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:54,333
The good thing about this job
is that it gives me time and space
642
00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:58,083
to contemplate the future at my leisure,
whilst the city sleeps,
643
00:49:58,208 --> 00:50:01,208
free from the cacophonous curiosity
of the hoi polloi.
644
00:50:02,250 --> 00:50:04,458
So, you see, it's not a boring job.
645
00:50:05,875 --> 00:50:08,000
And I'm not boring either.
646
00:50:08,125 --> 00:50:12,167
- Am I allowed to smoke on the stairs?
- No. There's alarms all over the building.
647
00:50:13,583 --> 00:50:16,875
So, you think you can make the present
palatable by projecting into the future?
648
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,250
You're living in the past, pal.
It's the future that fucks you up, Brian.
649
00:50:20,375 --> 00:50:22,333
It's the maggot in the apple.
650
00:50:22,958 --> 00:50:24,958
See, you're all pissed off
with the present, Bri,
651
00:50:25,083 --> 00:50:26,625
and there's nothing wrong
with the present.
652
00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:30,625
The present's fine. The present's perfect.
The present's peachy fucking creamy.
653
00:50:30,750 --> 00:50:34,167
The only thing wrong with the present
is the bastard doesn't exist,
654
00:50:34,292 --> 00:50:37,000
because the present is the future,
and the future is the past,
655
00:50:37,125 --> 00:50:39,417
and it's all the same
fucking bag of bones anyway.
656
00:50:39,542 --> 00:50:41,958
It's a constant process
of coming into being and passing away,
657
00:50:42,083 --> 00:50:45,000
coming into being and passing away.
The future is now.
658
00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:47,125
But the present does exist.
We're in it now.
659
00:50:47,250 --> 00:50:49,167
You were just then, when you said it,
but you're not in it now,
660
00:50:49,292 --> 00:50:51,000
you're not in it now, you're not in it now.
661
00:50:51,125 --> 00:50:53,500
You're forever being kicked up the arse
by the future. You with me?
662
00:50:53,625 --> 00:50:55,583
That's what I mean.
663
00:50:55,708 --> 00:50:58,625
See, I'm in the present,
but I'm not in the present.
664
00:50:58,750 --> 00:50:59,833
I'm in the future.
665
00:51:01,875 --> 00:51:03,333
Exactly.
666
00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:04,792
Has nobody not told you, Brian,
667
00:51:04,917 --> 00:51:07,875
that you've got this kind of gleeful
preoccupation with the future?
668
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,000
I wouldn't even mind,
but you don't even have a fucking future.
669
00:51:10,125 --> 00:51:13,542
I don't have a future. Nobody has a future.
The party's over.
670
00:51:13,667 --> 00:51:16,542
Take a look around you, man.
It's all breaking up.
671
00:51:16,667 --> 00:51:19,042
Are you not familiar with the
Book of Revelations of Saint John,
672
00:51:19,167 --> 00:51:21,375
the final book of the Bible
prophesying the Apocalypse?
673
00:51:21,500 --> 00:51:23,583
Yes, as it happens,
I'm familiar with all the books of the Bible.
674
00:51:23,708 --> 00:51:25,208
I'm very happy for you.
675
00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:29,083
"He forced everyone to receive
a mark on his right hand or on his forehead
676
00:51:29,208 --> 00:51:32,458
"so that no one shall be able
to buy or sell unless he has the mark,
677
00:51:32,583 --> 00:51:34,667
"which is the name of the beast
or the number of his name,
678
00:51:34,792 --> 00:51:36,333
"and the number of the beast is 666."
679
00:51:36,458 --> 00:51:38,167
- 666! I know about it.
- Great.
680
00:51:38,292 --> 00:51:41,708
I know about Nostradamus.
Nostradamus talked about three brothers.
681
00:51:41,833 --> 00:51:43,625
Now, did he mean
the Kennedy brothers,
682
00:51:43,750 --> 00:51:46,292
or was he talking about
three bits of the Soviet Union?
683
00:51:46,417 --> 00:51:48,042
You see?
You just can't tell.
684
00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:50,333
Fuck Nostradamus!
I'm not talking about Nostradamus
685
00:51:50,458 --> 00:51:52,708
or Mother Shipton or Russell Grant
or Mystic-fucking-Meg.
686
00:51:52,833 --> 00:51:55,833
I'm talking about
the holy fucking book!
687
00:51:55,958 --> 00:51:59,458
What can such a specific
prophecy mean?
688
00:51:59,583 --> 00:52:01,875
What is the mark?
689
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:05,833
Well, the mark, Brian, is the bar code,
the ubiquitous bar code
690
00:52:05,958 --> 00:52:08,333
that you'll find on every bog roll
and every packet of johnnies
691
00:52:08,458 --> 00:52:10,125
and every poxy pork pie.
692
00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:13,917
And every fucking bar code is divided
into two parts by three markers.
693
00:52:14,042 --> 00:52:17,458
And those three markers are always
represented by the number six.
694
00:52:17,583 --> 00:52:19,583
Six, six, Six.
695
00:52:19,708 --> 00:52:24,625
Now, what does it say? "No one shall be able
to buy or sell without that mark."
696
00:52:24,750 --> 00:52:28,542
And now, what they're planning to do
in order to eradicate all credit card fraud
697
00:52:28,667 --> 00:52:31,667
and in order to precipitate
a totally cashless society,
698
00:52:31,792 --> 00:52:34,708
what they're planning to do, what they've
already tested on the American troops,
699
00:52:34,833 --> 00:52:37,417
they're gonna subcutaneously
laser-tattoo that mark
700
00:52:37,542 --> 00:52:39,417
onto your right hand
or onto your forehead.
701
00:52:39,542 --> 00:52:41,625
They're gonna replace plastic with flesh.
702
00:52:41,750 --> 00:52:43,125
Fact!
703
00:52:43,250 --> 00:52:45,000
In the same Book of Revelations,
704
00:52:45,125 --> 00:52:47,458
when the seven seals are broken open
on the Day of Judgement
705
00:52:47,583 --> 00:52:49,458
and the seven angels
blow the trumpets,
706
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:53,208
when the third angel blows her bugle,
wormwood will fall from the sky,
707
00:52:53,333 --> 00:52:54,667
wormwood will poison
708
00:52:54,792 --> 00:52:57,333
a third part of all the waters
and a third part of all the land,
709
00:52:57,458 --> 00:52:59,375
and many, many, many people will die.
710
00:52:59,500 --> 00:53:03,083
Now, do you know what
the Russian translation for "wormwood" is?
711
00:53:03,208 --> 00:53:05,167
- No.
- Chernobyl.
712
00:53:05,292 --> 00:53:06,625
Fact!
713
00:53:06,750 --> 00:53:09,375
On August the 18th, 1999,
714
00:53:09,500 --> 00:53:13,042
the planets of our solar system
are gonna line up into the shape of a cross.
715
00:53:13,167 --> 00:53:15,583
- I don't believe in astrology.
- I'm not talking about astrology!
716
00:53:15,708 --> 00:53:17,250
I'm talking about astronomy.
717
00:53:17,375 --> 00:53:21,667
They're gonna line up in the fixed signs
of Aquarius, Leo, Taurus and Scorpio,
718
00:53:21,792 --> 00:53:25,000
which just happen to correspond
to the four beasts of the Apocalypse,
719
00:53:25,125 --> 00:53:26,750
as mentioned in the Book of Daniel.
720
00:53:26,875 --> 00:53:28,958
Another fucking fact!
721
00:53:29,083 --> 00:53:32,250
Do you want me to go on?
The end of the world is nigh, Bri.
722
00:53:32,375 --> 00:53:34,167
The game is up!
723
00:53:35,875 --> 00:53:37,542
I don't believe that.
724
00:53:38,375 --> 00:53:40,583
Life can't just come to a stop.
725
00:53:46,042 --> 00:53:48,500
All right, I'm not saying
that life will end
726
00:53:48,625 --> 00:53:51,625
or the world will end
or the universe will cease to exist,
727
00:53:51,750 --> 00:53:53,583
but man will cease to exist.
728
00:53:53,708 --> 00:53:57,042
Just like the dinosaurs passed into extinction,
the same thing will happen to us.
729
00:53:57,167 --> 00:54:00,708
We're not fucking important.
We're just a crap idea.
730
00:54:00,833 --> 00:54:03,375
I'm not gonna cease to exist.
731
00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:05,333
I'm gonna be here in the future.
732
00:54:06,208 --> 00:54:09,083
What is this fucking fixation
with the future?
733
00:54:09,208 --> 00:54:12,333
Listen, pal,
I've got chronic systolic palpitations
734
00:54:12,458 --> 00:54:14,250
and acute fucking neuralgia.
735
00:54:14,375 --> 00:54:16,250
What about these toilets?
Can I smoke in here?
736
00:54:16,375 --> 00:54:17,375
No, you fucking can't!
737
00:54:19,417 --> 00:54:21,083
- Let me ask you a question.
- What?
738
00:54:21,208 --> 00:54:23,750
Have you ever had the sense that you've lived
in a time different from this one?
739
00:54:23,875 --> 00:54:25,958
- What, you mean, like, in a past life?
- Could be, yeah.
740
00:54:26,083 --> 00:54:28,958
- Well, in my past life, I was dead.
- Ah, well, you see, I wasn't.
741
00:54:29,083 --> 00:54:32,167
I know I was here in the past,
before I was born.
742
00:54:32,292 --> 00:54:34,750
So, I know I'm gonna be here
in the future, after I've died.
743
00:54:34,875 --> 00:54:37,458
I see.
And in this alternative existence,
744
00:54:37,583 --> 00:54:40,333
did you still have
the same noxious body odour?
745
00:54:40,458 --> 00:54:42,250
There's no need to be personal.
746
00:54:42,375 --> 00:54:44,167
- It's what I believe.
- Shall I tell you what I believe?
747
00:54:44,292 --> 00:54:46,000
- You don't believe in anything.
- Oh, I do, Brian.
748
00:54:46,125 --> 00:54:47,583
Yeah?
What do you believe?
749
00:54:47,708 --> 00:54:51,542
Do you think that the amoeba ever dreamed
that it would evolve into the frog?
750
00:54:52,417 --> 00:54:53,958
Of course it didn't.
751
00:54:54,083 --> 00:54:57,417
And when that first frog shimmied out
of the water and employed its vocal cords
752
00:54:57,542 --> 00:55:00,500
in order to attract a mate
or to retard a predator,
753
00:55:00,625 --> 00:55:03,875
do you think that that frog ever imagined
that that incipient croak would evolve
754
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,750
into all the languages of the world,
into all the literature of the world?
755
00:55:06,875 --> 00:55:08,542
Of course it fucking didn't.
756
00:55:08,667 --> 00:55:12,458
And just as that froggy could never possibly
have conceived of Shakespeare,
757
00:55:12,583 --> 00:55:15,083
SO we can never possibly
imagine our destiny.
758
00:55:16,042 --> 00:55:18,042
I know what my destiny is.
759
00:55:18,167 --> 00:55:20,917
Yeah, but what you're experiencing,
as far as I can gather
760
00:55:21,042 --> 00:55:24,542
with all these manifestations
of regression and precognition
761
00:55:24,667 --> 00:55:27,583
and transmigratory astral
fucking chatterings,
762
00:55:27,708 --> 00:55:31,125
is just the equivalent
of that first primeval grunt,
763
00:55:31,250 --> 00:55:33,292
because evolution isn't over.
764
00:55:33,417 --> 00:55:36,542
Man isn't the be-all
and fucking end-all.
765
00:55:38,250 --> 00:55:41,708
Look, if you take the whole of time,
represented by one year,
766
00:55:41,833 --> 00:55:44,500
we're only in the first few moments
of the first of January.
767
00:55:44,625 --> 00:55:46,375
There's a long way to go.
768
00:55:46,500 --> 00:55:49,292
Only now we're not gonna sprout
extra limbs and wings and fins,
769
00:55:49,417 --> 00:55:51,708
because evolution itself is evolving.
770
00:55:51,833 --> 00:55:55,750
And whereas you, through some process
of extrasensory recall,
771
00:55:55,875 --> 00:55:57,500
might imagine that you were some,
I don't know,
772
00:55:57,625 --> 00:56:01,208
some 17th-century Dutch girl
living in a windmill in old Amsterdam,
773
00:56:01,333 --> 00:56:05,875
one day you'll realise that you've had not
just one or two past or future existences,
774
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:09,625
but that you were, and are, everybody
and everything that has ever been
775
00:56:09,750 --> 00:56:11,667
or will ever be.
776
00:56:12,542 --> 00:56:15,042
Hang on a minute.
You just contradicted yourself.
777
00:56:15,167 --> 00:56:16,333
Oh, and how'd you make that out?
778
00:56:16,458 --> 00:56:18,375
Downstairs you were predicting
the end of the world.
779
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,208
Now you're talking about the future.
780
00:56:20,333 --> 00:56:23,042
- How do you explain that, eh?
- Easy.
781
00:56:23,167 --> 00:56:25,375
When it comes,
the Apocalypse itself
782
00:56:25,500 --> 00:56:29,083
will be part of the process
of that leap of evolution.
783
00:56:29,208 --> 00:56:31,792
Yeah.
Well, whatever happens,
784
00:56:31,917 --> 00:56:34,333
mankind will not cease to exist.
785
00:56:34,458 --> 00:56:35,583
It must.
786
00:56:35,708 --> 00:56:38,833
By the very definition of Apocalypse,
mankind must cease to exist,
787
00:56:38,958 --> 00:56:40,958
at least in a material form.
788
00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:42,750
What do you mean,
"in a material form"?
789
00:56:42,875 --> 00:56:45,000
- Well, it'll evolve.
- What into?
790
00:56:45,125 --> 00:56:47,583
Into something that transcends matter.
791
00:56:47,708 --> 00:56:50,417
Into a species of pure thought.
Are you with me?
792
00:56:50,542 --> 00:56:53,333
Yeah. Like a ghost.
793
00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:55,792
No, not like a fucking ghost,
you big girl's blouse!
794
00:56:55,917 --> 00:56:58,417
Into something that's, like,
well beyond our comprehension.
795
00:56:58,542 --> 00:57:00,333
Into a universal consciousness.
796
00:57:00,458 --> 00:57:06,042
Into God, who is,
by the same principle that time is.
797
00:57:07,125 --> 00:57:08,750
You don't believe in God.
798
00:57:08,875 --> 00:57:11,083
Of course I believe in God.
799
00:57:14,250 --> 00:57:16,667
You see, the thing is, Brian...
800
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,333
that God is a hateful god.
801
00:57:21,833 --> 00:57:23,667
Must be.
802
00:57:23,792 --> 00:57:27,583
Because if God is good,
then why is there evil in the world?
803
00:57:27,708 --> 00:57:31,125
Why is there pain and hate
and greed and war?
804
00:57:32,542 --> 00:57:34,458
Doesn't make sense.
805
00:57:36,375 --> 00:57:37,958
But if God is a nasty bastard,
806
00:57:38,083 --> 00:57:40,125
then you can say,
"Why is there good in the world?
807
00:57:40,250 --> 00:57:43,250
"Why is there love and hope and joy?"
808
00:57:45,125 --> 00:57:49,542
Well, let's face it - good exists
in order to be fucked up by evil.
809
00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:52,958
The very existence of good
enables evil to flourish.
810
00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:55,667
Therefore, God is bad.
811
00:57:57,125 --> 00:58:00,125
And it doesn't matter how many past
or future existences you have,
812
00:58:00,250 --> 00:58:03,875
because they're all gonna be riddled
with grief and anguish
813
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,042
and sickness and death.
814
00:58:08,042 --> 00:58:10,250
You see, Brian,
God doesn't love you.
815
00:58:11,375 --> 00:58:13,208
God despises you.
816
00:58:14,208 --> 00:58:15,958
So there's no hope...
817
00:58:17,333 --> 00:58:20,083
and mankind is just
a component of the device
818
00:58:20,208 --> 00:58:23,042
by which the devil creates itself.
819
00:58:23,167 --> 00:58:24,875
Are you with me?
820
00:58:27,333 --> 00:58:29,250
You see, what I'm saying,
basically, is,
821
00:58:29,375 --> 00:58:31,750
you can't make an omelette
without cracking a few eggs,
822
00:58:31,875 --> 00:58:34,250
and humanity is just a cracked egg,
823
00:58:34,375 --> 00:58:37,833
and the omelette... stinks.
824
00:58:46,208 --> 00:58:47,583
Yeah.
825
00:59:06,875 --> 00:59:08,250
Oh.
826
00:59:08,375 --> 00:59:10,625
And what's through
the round window?
827
00:59:15,375 --> 00:59:17,167
Who's that?
828
00:59:17,875 --> 00:59:19,125
Good question.
829
00:59:19,958 --> 00:59:21,583
Have you seen her before?
830
00:59:21,708 --> 00:59:24,167
Oh, yeah.
She's there every night.
831
00:59:26,167 --> 00:59:29,625
- Good-looking young girl, isn't she?
- She's all right.
832
00:59:29,750 --> 00:59:32,083
Does she ever have fellas up there?
833
00:59:32,208 --> 00:59:33,958
No.
834
00:59:35,458 --> 00:59:38,292
Have you ever seen her, like,
you know, totally naked?
835
00:59:40,958 --> 00:59:42,708
Once.
836
00:59:44,292 --> 00:59:45,708
What's she up to, eh?
837
00:59:45,833 --> 00:59:49,042
I mean, what's her game,
taunting people in the middle of the night, eh?
838
00:59:50,333 --> 00:59:54,250
She probably gets a kick out of it,
like you get a kick out of watching her.
839
00:59:54,375 --> 00:59:57,250
- I'm doing no such thing.
- Well, I am.
840
00:59:57,792 --> 00:59:59,500
Have you got a hard-on?
841
01:00:00,542 --> 01:00:03,375
No, I haven't, as a matter of fact.
842
01:00:03,500 --> 01:00:05,958
You wouldn't tell me if you had,
would you?
843
01:00:06,083 --> 01:00:08,125
No, I don't think I would.
844
01:00:12,375 --> 01:00:14,167
Did you make these yourself?
845
01:00:14,292 --> 01:00:16,667
- I did, yeah.
- I thought so.
846
01:00:16,792 --> 01:00:20,208
Well, listen, I might be back
in a couple of minutes.
847
01:00:20,333 --> 01:00:23,042
Be good.
If you can't be good, be careful.
848
01:00:23,167 --> 01:00:25,917
- And other clichés.
- Yeah.
849
01:00:26,042 --> 01:00:29,458
Well... tatty-bye, Bri.
850
01:00:31,625 --> 01:00:33,500
Yes.
851
01:00:45,917 --> 01:00:48,875
Charles? What?
852
01:00:49,708 --> 01:00:51,250
Mais il est ou alors?
853
01:00:51,375 --> 01:00:53,500
Ecoute,
Je ne sais pas qui vous étes.
854
01:00:53,625 --> 01:00:55,708
Hello?
855
01:00:55,833 --> 01:00:58,292
What the fuck's going on?
Where the bloody hell's Dorfman?
856
01:00:58,417 --> 01:01:01,250
The bastard's cost me 30 grand already.
857
01:01:01,375 --> 01:01:02,917
Quoi?
858
01:01:03,042 --> 01:01:05,000
Qu'est-ce qui se passe?
859
01:01:05,125 --> 01:01:06,333
Fuck!
860
01:01:08,083 --> 01:01:09,208
Sorry about that.
861
01:01:19,208 --> 01:01:21,208
Oh, I'm sorry, love.
862
01:01:21,333 --> 01:01:23,958
That's not you on the top floor,
is it, dancin'?
863
01:01:24,083 --> 01:01:25,167
Yeah. Why?
864
01:01:26,167 --> 01:01:29,500
Oh, right.
Um, you're a lovely mover.
865
01:01:31,833 --> 01:01:33,792
I'm sorry, pet.
I'm, uh, freaking you out.
866
01:01:33,917 --> 01:01:36,500
- Where's Bhapu?
- Bhapu?
867
01:01:36,625 --> 01:01:39,583
- It's cold.
- Listen, I'd better explain meself.
868
01:01:39,708 --> 01:01:42,000
You see, me brother's working
as an "insecurity" guard
869
01:01:42,125 --> 01:01:45,625
in that fucking monstrosity round the back,
and we can see straight into your room.
870
01:01:46,583 --> 01:01:47,917
It's very nice.
871
01:01:48,708 --> 01:01:50,167
Anyway,
he's got his boss coming round,
872
01:01:50,292 --> 01:01:52,417
so he's told me to schlep round the streets
for a couple of hours,
873
01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:56,292
and I said I'd come and say hello
to Isadora Duncan, keep you company.
874
01:01:56,417 --> 01:02:00,917
Hmm! I know it's a bit cheeky, but, uh,
I'm a cheeky young monkey.
875
01:02:02,583 --> 01:02:05,708
- Do you want to come in?
- Is that all right?
876
01:02:14,875 --> 01:02:18,167
Hmm. How long have you been
growing that?
877
01:02:18,292 --> 01:02:20,958
- About two inches.
- Hmm. It's nice.
878
01:02:22,125 --> 01:02:24,125
You've had a few, haven't you, love?
879
01:02:25,125 --> 01:02:27,833
- Do you want to come in?
- Thought you'd never ask.
880
01:02:38,833 --> 01:02:41,708
- Am I allowed to smoke in here?
- Yeah.
881
01:02:41,833 --> 01:02:43,708
Thank Christ for that.
882
01:02:44,792 --> 01:02:46,667
Do you want a drink?
883
01:02:47,708 --> 01:02:50,625
- Mm.
- I think I better had, don't you?
884
01:02:50,750 --> 01:02:53,500
Got a bit of fucking
catching up to do, ain't I?
885
01:02:54,583 --> 01:02:56,708
Here's to the monarchy.
886
01:02:58,375 --> 01:02:59,917
What's funny?
887
01:03:00,042 --> 01:03:01,958
I'm not laughing.
888
01:03:03,417 --> 01:03:05,750
So do you live here on your own, yeah?
889
01:03:08,208 --> 01:03:10,333
Is this what you're reading?
890
01:03:10,458 --> 01:03:13,000
Jane Austen by Emma.
891
01:03:13,125 --> 01:03:16,000
- It's my favourite book.
- Is it really?
892
01:03:18,292 --> 01:03:20,292
I don't read much myself.
893
01:03:29,542 --> 01:03:31,625
You from Ireland?
894
01:03:31,750 --> 01:03:33,125
No.
895
01:03:34,375 --> 01:03:35,375
Why?
896
01:03:36,875 --> 01:03:38,792
What's that, a damp patch?
897
01:03:40,167 --> 01:03:42,000
Oh.
898
01:03:44,083 --> 01:03:46,083
I never noticed that before.
899
01:04:03,708 --> 01:04:05,917
How's it going inside there?
900
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:09,583
Mm. Baby.
901
01:04:13,833 --> 01:04:15,625
Baby.
902
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:32,208
How old are you, love?
903
01:04:34,833 --> 01:04:37,542
It's funny, cos from over there
you look a lot younger.
904
01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:41,083
I think me big brother's
quite taken with you.
905
01:04:41,833 --> 01:04:44,250
He's up there every night,
having a bit of a wank about you,
906
01:04:44,375 --> 01:04:45,917
you with me?
907
01:05:35,333 --> 01:05:37,208
Mm... mm!
908
01:05:38,042 --> 01:05:39,750
What's the matter?
909
01:05:40,917 --> 01:05:43,208
Don't do that.
910
01:05:43,333 --> 01:05:45,458
What, that?
911
01:05:45,583 --> 01:05:47,083
Or that?
912
01:05:49,333 --> 01:05:51,167
Don't you like that?
913
01:05:52,542 --> 01:05:54,458
You don't have to hurt me.
914
01:05:57,292 --> 01:05:59,000
I'm sorry.
915
01:07:12,917 --> 01:07:14,583
Bite me.
916
01:07:17,042 --> 01:07:18,833
Fucking bite me.
917
01:07:21,333 --> 01:07:23,333
- Come on.
- Hey!
918
01:07:23,458 --> 01:07:24,792
Hey!
919
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:26,333
Hey!
920
01:07:45,917 --> 01:07:47,958
Who's this?
921
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:51,917
Who's this?
922
01:09:09,083 --> 01:09:10,875
I can't, love.
923
01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,375
You look like me mother.
924
01:09:30,792 --> 01:09:33,667
Think you can recapture your youth
by fuckin" it?
925
01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:39,583
You don't wanna fuck me.
You'll catch something cruel.
926
01:10:40,708 --> 01:10:42,500
Bonjour.
927
01:10:42,625 --> 01:10:44,625
What's going on?
What are you doing here?
928
01:10:44,750 --> 01:10:48,417
Well, you see, I was over here, like this,
but that didn't really work for me,
929
01:10:48,542 --> 01:10:49,875
so I thought I'd try over here.
930
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:52,875
But I don't think there's much future
in this one either.
931
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:56,208
Fuckin' hell.
Have you got any suggestions?
932
01:10:56,333 --> 01:10:57,667
Nope.
933
01:10:57,792 --> 01:10:59,875
So, what do you do now?
934
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:01,375
I'm gonna get some breakfast.
935
01:11:01,500 --> 01:11:03,667
Yeah, I could do with something to eat.
Can I come with ya?
936
01:11:03,792 --> 01:11:05,417
- Have you got any money?
- Nope.
937
01:11:05,542 --> 01:11:07,375
Well, how are you gonna pay for it?
938
01:11:08,708 --> 01:11:10,250
I'm not.
939
01:11:10,375 --> 01:11:13,083
Well, I'm hungry.
940
01:11:15,667 --> 01:11:19,042
- Did you have to go and beat her up?
- I never beat her up.
941
01:11:21,458 --> 01:11:24,417
- You've shagged her, though?
- No.
942
01:11:32,542 --> 01:11:34,417
You don't believe me, do you?
943
01:11:36,917 --> 01:11:39,292
- She's older than you.
- Bollocks.
944
01:11:39,417 --> 01:11:41,375
Poached egg.
945
01:11:43,708 --> 01:11:47,208
That skirt's a bit short, innit, love?
It's disgraceful.
946
01:11:55,167 --> 01:11:56,958
What's this?
947
01:11:57,667 --> 01:11:59,417
That's where I'm gonna live.
948
01:12:00,375 --> 01:12:02,125
Where is it?
949
01:12:03,042 --> 01:12:04,250
Ireland.
950
01:12:04,875 --> 01:12:06,833
I've lived in that cottage before.
951
01:12:06,958 --> 01:12:09,000
What, in one of your past lives?
952
01:12:10,375 --> 01:12:12,125
Yes, as a matter of fact.
953
01:12:15,542 --> 01:12:17,000
Fuckin' shit-hole, innit?
954
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:24,542
- Don't waste your life.
- What?
955
01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,875
Don't waste your life.
956
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:46,208
- What time does this place close?
- Four o'clock.
957
01:12:46,333 --> 01:12:49,583
Uh, listen, can you tell me
where I can get something to eat round here?
958
01:12:49,708 --> 01:12:51,625
What?
959
01:12:51,750 --> 01:12:53,542
- You've got a very nice smile.
- Have I?
960
01:12:53,667 --> 01:12:55,250
Oh, yeah.
961
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:42,708
Sorry, sir.
962
01:13:51,208 --> 01:13:52,875
I'll take that, sir.
963
01:13:56,917 --> 01:13:58,417
Your lady companion is joining you, sir?
964
01:14:00,458 --> 01:14:02,208
Uh, no, she can't make it today, pal.
965
01:14:02,333 --> 01:14:05,292
The old sciatica's playing up and everything,
you know?
966
01:14:06,167 --> 01:14:08,625
- Come on.
- What?
967
01:14:10,917 --> 01:14:13,708
- Out of the car.
- Well, I've only just got in the car.
968
01:14:13,833 --> 01:14:15,583
Get out of the fucking car!
969
01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:19,167
All right, Parker.
Keep your hair on.
970
01:14:29,667 --> 01:14:32,250
Well, that was lovely.
Thank you.
971
01:14:33,458 --> 01:14:35,167
Keep in touch.
972
01:14:59,167 --> 01:15:01,125
Oh, fuck.
973
01:15:10,042 --> 01:15:12,958
- Who are you?
- Sebastian Hawks.
974
01:15:13,583 --> 01:15:17,083
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah. Um, what you doin' here?
975
01:15:17,208 --> 01:15:18,792
I'm an acquaintance of Sandra's.
976
01:15:18,917 --> 01:15:21,167
- Oh, yeah?
- I just popped round to say hello.
977
01:15:21,292 --> 01:15:23,375
Well, Sandra's away
at the moment, actually.
978
01:15:24,208 --> 01:15:26,000
Really?
979
01:15:26,125 --> 01:15:28,500
I hope you don't mind,
but I helped myself to a beer.
980
01:15:28,625 --> 01:15:32,083
Yeah, I noticed.
Is that your champagne and all?
981
01:15:33,708 --> 01:15:37,583
- You like champagne, do you?
- Yeah. I do, as it happens.
982
01:15:37,708 --> 01:15:39,708
This is a very nice flat,
don't you think?
983
01:15:40,500 --> 01:15:41,958
How did you get in here?
984
01:15:42,083 --> 01:15:44,125
Tell me, do you have any problems
with the central heating?
985
01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:45,750
Oh, are you the plumber?
986
01:15:45,875 --> 01:15:48,792
Let's just say I've got
a vested interest in the property.
987
01:15:48,917 --> 01:15:50,708
Fuckin' hell.
You're the landlord.
988
01:15:51,500 --> 01:15:54,458
- I'd rather you thought of me as a friend.
- Oh, shit.
989
01:15:55,333 --> 01:15:57,875
What, is Sandra behind on the rent
or something?
990
01:15:58,000 --> 01:16:01,458
- Was your tattoo painful?
- Yeah.
991
01:16:03,083 --> 01:16:04,083
Good.
992
01:16:06,500 --> 01:16:08,042
You're very beautiful, aren't you?
993
01:16:09,292 --> 01:16:10,625
Am I?
994
01:16:11,917 --> 01:16:14,417
In a quirky sort of way.
995
01:16:16,542 --> 01:16:18,542
- Are you a nurse?
- Yeah.
996
01:16:18,667 --> 01:16:20,625
Psychiatric.
997
01:16:24,208 --> 01:16:26,208
These are a very fetching
pair of tights.
998
01:16:26,333 --> 01:16:29,167
Oh, you like them, do ya,
Mr Landlord?
999
01:16:30,250 --> 01:16:32,333
Can we have
that champagne now, please?
1000
01:16:32,458 --> 01:16:34,917
Did you buy them like this,
or are the holes self-inflicted?
1001
01:16:35,042 --> 01:16:38,583
Nah. A spider spun them,
and that's where he had a tea break.
1002
01:16:40,583 --> 01:16:42,625
Fucking hell!
That's a bit excessive, innit?
1003
01:16:42,750 --> 01:16:45,708
- I rather like this belt, too.
- Oh, God.
1004
01:16:45,833 --> 01:16:47,667
Here we go.
1005
01:16:50,958 --> 01:16:52,958
Uh, excuse me.
Where do you think you're going?
1006
01:16:53,083 --> 01:16:54,125
I'm going home.
1007
01:16:54,250 --> 01:16:55,625
- What, you're leaving me?
- Yeah.
1008
01:16:55,750 --> 01:16:57,583
I've come all this way to see you,
and you're going.
1009
01:16:57,708 --> 01:17:00,000
I can't believe it.
I'm stunned. I'm flabbergasted.
1010
01:17:00,125 --> 01:17:01,667
So we'll get you a tissue.
1011
01:17:01,792 --> 01:17:03,917
Sounds promising.
Do you live nearby?
1012
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:07,750
- I might do.
- I mean, is it within walking distance?
1013
01:17:11,083 --> 01:17:14,667
No, cos you see, I've got this fascination
with all things peripatetic.
1014
01:17:14,792 --> 01:17:16,333
See ya.
1015
01:17:16,458 --> 01:17:18,292
Cheeky, aren't I?
1016
01:17:20,542 --> 01:17:22,375
Have you stolen the tea cosy?
1017
01:17:22,500 --> 01:17:25,375
Love, people can see you wearing that thing.
You're not embarrassed?
1018
01:17:25,500 --> 01:17:26,833
No?
1019
01:17:48,458 --> 01:17:50,792
Don't give up.
1020
01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:52,542
Oh! Ow!
1021
01:18:01,708 --> 01:18:03,500
Put this on.
1022
01:18:03,625 --> 01:18:05,125
Oh, what?
1023
01:18:05,250 --> 01:18:07,583
Gonna play doctors and nurses now,
are we?
1024
01:18:07,708 --> 01:18:09,792
Hurry up.
1025
01:18:16,500 --> 01:18:18,667
Oh, this is ridiculous.
1026
01:18:18,792 --> 01:18:23,708
Listen, I'm really sorry, right,
but I've had a bit of a rough week,
1027
01:18:23,833 --> 01:18:27,375
and I just don't think
I can go through with this.
1028
01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:30,708
Oh! No!
1029
01:18:30,833 --> 01:18:33,375
Oh, you fucker!
1030
01:18:33,500 --> 01:18:36,542
Fuck off! Leave me alone!
1031
01:18:36,667 --> 01:18:38,333
No!
1032
01:18:38,458 --> 01:18:40,833
Oh, don't!
1033
01:18:40,958 --> 01:18:43,042
You vile bastard!
1034
01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,292
Do you want some beans?
1035
01:18:52,458 --> 01:18:54,792
Yeah, cheers.
1036
01:18:54,917 --> 01:18:58,083
So, what would you be doing now
if I wasn't here?
1037
01:18:58,208 --> 01:19:00,083
Don't know.
1038
01:19:00,208 --> 01:19:02,917
Having a shower, relaxing.
1039
01:19:03,042 --> 01:19:04,417
I could do with a shower meself.
1040
01:19:04,542 --> 01:19:08,500
I haven't washed for about a week,
as you've probably noticed.
1041
01:19:08,625 --> 01:19:11,042
You can have one if you like.
1042
01:19:11,167 --> 01:19:13,250
- You sure?
- Yeah.
1043
01:19:14,208 --> 01:19:16,083
Bathroom's just here.
1044
01:19:17,792 --> 01:19:19,458
Fuckin' hell.
1045
01:19:20,250 --> 01:19:22,083
What did I do to deserve you, love?
1046
01:19:23,750 --> 01:19:25,000
Just press this button.
1047
01:19:28,375 --> 01:19:30,208
Now, listen...
1048
01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:32,292
you're not gonna creep up on me
with a big knife,
1049
01:19:32,417 --> 01:19:34,458
dressed up as your mother, are you?
1050
01:19:34,583 --> 01:19:36,083
No.
1051
01:19:40,583 --> 01:19:43,417
But it looks like you already
are dressed up as your mother.
1052
01:19:55,875 --> 01:19:57,125
Can I have me bag?
1053
01:19:58,375 --> 01:19:59,875
It's got me duck in it.
1054
01:20:06,958 --> 01:20:07,958
Ta.
1055
01:20:39,875 --> 01:20:42,375
Oh, dear.
1056
01:20:43,708 --> 01:20:46,083
Who lives here, then? Zeus?
1057
01:20:49,333 --> 01:20:52,625
- Is all this stuff yours?
- No.
1058
01:20:53,375 --> 01:20:56,667
All these pseudo Doric midgets
with their novelty underpants.
1059
01:20:56,792 --> 01:20:59,500
Oh, look at this one,
touching time with a barge pole.
1060
01:20:59,625 --> 01:21:01,583
I wouldn't.
1061
01:21:05,500 --> 01:21:07,917
Is he a Homer-sexual, yeah?
1062
01:21:08,042 --> 01:21:10,375
What do you think?
1063
01:21:10,500 --> 01:21:12,792
- Where is he?
- They're in America.
1064
01:21:12,917 --> 01:21:15,458
- "They"?
- Yeah.
1065
01:21:15,583 --> 01:21:17,875
- When are they gettin' back?
- Don't know.
1066
01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:21,125
And they're just letting you
stop here for nothing?
1067
01:21:21,250 --> 01:21:22,375
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1068
01:21:24,333 --> 01:21:25,542
I don't know them.
1069
01:21:26,375 --> 01:21:28,792
I don't know,
I find all this a bit sad.
1070
01:21:28,917 --> 01:21:30,458
Why?
1071
01:21:30,583 --> 01:21:33,208
No, I don't mean that
to sound Homer-phobic.
1072
01:21:33,333 --> 01:21:35,708
I mean, I like The lliad.
1073
01:21:35,833 --> 01:21:38,250
And The Odyssey.
Did you get that?
1074
01:21:39,333 --> 01:21:40,375
No.
1075
01:21:43,667 --> 01:21:46,458
So, have you read
many of these books?
1076
01:21:46,583 --> 01:21:48,875
No, I haven't.
1077
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:51,292
Oh.
I've read quite a few.
1078
01:21:52,750 --> 01:21:55,167
Oh, look!
Do you get it now?
1079
01:21:56,333 --> 01:21:57,792
Do you know this?
1080
01:21:59,125 --> 01:22:00,250
I bet you do.
1081
01:22:00,375 --> 01:22:02,792
You've most likely done it at school.
You just can't remember.
1082
01:22:02,917 --> 01:22:06,833
You know, like, uh, Achilles heel,
the wooden horse, Helen of Troy.
1083
01:22:06,958 --> 01:22:08,833
- You know them?
- Yeah.
1084
01:22:09,750 --> 01:22:12,292
Yeah, well, that's all it is.
Good stuff.
1085
01:22:12,875 --> 01:22:14,375
Cyclops.
1086
01:22:14,500 --> 01:22:16,125
Oh, hello.
1087
01:22:16,250 --> 01:22:18,292
It's, uh, pizza delivery man.
1088
01:22:25,250 --> 01:22:27,542
Do you want those beans?
1089
01:22:27,667 --> 01:22:28,875
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
1090
01:23:00,583 --> 01:23:02,292
Sebastian Hawks.
1091
01:23:02,417 --> 01:23:04,333
Good evening.
1092
01:23:05,792 --> 01:23:08,083
Very nice to meet you, Louise.
1093
01:23:08,208 --> 01:23:10,417
Very nice to meet you.
1094
01:23:10,542 --> 01:23:12,292
I've heard a lot about you.
1095
01:23:18,875 --> 01:23:21,292
- Sophie?
- Yeah.
1096
01:23:21,417 --> 01:23:22,750
Yeah, I'm in here.
1097
01:23:23,750 --> 01:23:26,417
- Oh. You all right?
- I've never been better.
1098
01:23:27,042 --> 01:23:29,625
We've had a very interesting afternoon.
Haven't we, Sophie?
1099
01:23:29,750 --> 01:23:31,583
It's been fascinating.
1100
01:23:45,167 --> 01:23:47,458
For services rendered.
1101
01:23:47,583 --> 01:23:50,042
Fuck off.
1102
01:23:53,000 --> 01:23:55,833
- Who's your friend?
- He's the landlord, isn't he?
1103
01:23:55,958 --> 01:23:58,333
- Whose landlord?
- Our fucking landlord.
1104
01:23:58,458 --> 01:24:00,500
- Oh, get out of town.
- Ask him.
1105
01:24:02,958 --> 01:24:06,583
- What you wearin' Sandra's uniform for?
- I don't wanna talk about it. All right?
1106
01:24:08,000 --> 01:24:10,125
- Well, do you want a cup of tea?
- Yeah.
1107
01:24:15,458 --> 01:24:17,625
So, have you been sittin'
on his face all afternoon?
1108
01:24:17,750 --> 01:24:20,000
- I don't need this.
- Jesus Christ.
1109
01:24:20,125 --> 01:24:23,833
I get home from work - all I wanna do
is put my feet up and watch the telly,
1110
01:24:23,958 --> 01:24:27,125
not get involved in one of your orgies.
Do you know what I mean?
1111
01:24:32,083 --> 01:24:33,958
What happened to your arm?
1112
01:24:37,917 --> 01:24:39,833
Sophie, what's been going on?
1113
01:24:42,167 --> 01:24:45,167
- Have you put the kettle on?
- Yeah.
1114
01:24:45,292 --> 01:24:47,750
Any chance of a coffee, Louise?
1115
01:24:47,875 --> 01:24:49,667
Yeah. Sure.
1116
01:24:51,542 --> 01:24:55,167
- These are a very nice pair of shorts.
- Would you take your hands off me, please?
1117
01:24:56,250 --> 01:24:57,958
I apologise.
1118
01:25:01,542 --> 01:25:04,583
Right, pal. Here's your clothes.
Get your kit on and sling your hook.
1119
01:25:04,708 --> 01:25:06,000
Here's your shoes, mate.
1120
01:25:10,875 --> 01:25:12,333
Hope I haven't given you AIDS, Sophie.
1121
01:25:12,458 --> 01:25:15,292
- Jesus Christ!
- Fucking hell! Are you serious?
1122
01:25:16,500 --> 01:25:18,333
- Merely jesting.
- Very funny.
1123
01:25:19,000 --> 01:25:20,917
Mind you, I think AIDS is rather healthy,
in its way.
1124
01:25:21,042 --> 01:25:22,042
You what?
1125
01:25:22,167 --> 01:25:24,125
I realise that's not the fashionable thing
to say, of course.
1126
01:25:24,250 --> 01:25:27,458
- No, it's not.
- But the world is overcrowded, isn't it?
1127
01:25:27,583 --> 01:25:30,042
- Could do with a bit of pruning.
- You fucking better be joking.
1128
01:25:30,958 --> 01:25:32,792
You're not going to have children,
are you, Louise?
1129
01:25:32,917 --> 01:25:34,333
I might do one day.
1130
01:25:34,458 --> 01:25:36,500
I loathe children, I must say.
1131
01:25:36,625 --> 01:25:38,333
I bet they're not too keen on you neither.
1132
01:25:40,917 --> 01:25:42,542
I'm sure you like fucking.
Don't you, Louise?
1133
01:25:42,667 --> 01:25:44,875
- Are you going?
- I'm rather enjoying myself, actually.
1134
01:25:45,000 --> 01:25:47,042
- Yeah, well, we're not.
- That's a pity.
1135
01:25:47,167 --> 01:25:49,208
Look, you may be the landlord from hell,
1136
01:25:49,333 --> 01:25:51,625
but that doesn't give you the right
to lie on our couch.
1137
01:25:53,125 --> 01:25:55,333
- Whose couch?
- Do you want me to phone the police?
1138
01:25:55,458 --> 01:25:56,708
Be my guest.
1139
01:25:58,042 --> 01:25:59,708
Right.
1140
01:26:04,833 --> 01:26:07,292
- Listen, I can't have them in here.
- Why not?
1141
01:26:07,417 --> 01:26:09,958
They're gonna look at him in his suit
and one look at us,
1142
01:26:10,083 --> 01:26:11,333
and who do you think
they're gonna believe?
1143
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:13,625
There's fucking dope all over the place.
1144
01:26:13,750 --> 01:26:16,792
Well, we're just winding him up.
He's loving this.
1145
01:26:16,917 --> 01:26:18,292
What are we gonna do?
1146
01:26:23,500 --> 01:26:25,458
It's very peaceful here, innit?
1147
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:28,792
Suppose so.
1148
01:26:31,708 --> 01:26:33,958
Are you warm enough?
1149
01:26:34,083 --> 01:26:35,875
Yeah, it's nice. Thanks.
1150
01:26:37,667 --> 01:26:40,375
It's funny, cos the silence
usually freaks me out.
1151
01:26:41,625 --> 01:26:44,792
You start to pick up on all the small sounds,
you know what I mean?
1152
01:26:44,917 --> 01:26:47,083
Like that clock.
1153
01:26:49,917 --> 01:26:52,292
I hate that fucking clock.
1154
01:26:52,417 --> 01:26:54,625
Course you do.
It's a clock.
1155
01:26:56,542 --> 01:26:58,875
Is it all right
if I stay here tonight?
1156
01:27:03,625 --> 01:27:05,583
Have you ever had a dog?
1157
01:27:08,250 --> 01:27:09,792
No.
1158
01:27:12,083 --> 01:27:14,417
- I don't like dogs.
- Why?
1159
01:27:14,542 --> 01:27:16,958
Well, they're either vicious or daft.
1160
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:20,333
- Why? Have you?
- Yeah.
1161
01:27:22,042 --> 01:27:24,083
- Is it dead now?
- Yeah.
1162
01:27:24,833 --> 01:27:26,042
Did you bury it?
1163
01:27:26,833 --> 01:27:28,833
Don't know.
Me dad took it.
1164
01:27:30,917 --> 01:27:34,000
And what about you?
Would you like to be buried or cremated?
1165
01:27:34,125 --> 01:27:35,375
I couldn't give a shit.
1166
01:27:40,417 --> 01:27:45,625
I had this, uh, dream the other night
about these two skeletons havin' a fuck.
1167
01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:48,750
Was a right bloody racket.
Woke me up.
1168
01:27:48,875 --> 01:27:50,375
Have you got a photo of your mum?
1169
01:27:55,667 --> 01:27:57,542
- What, on me?
- Yeah.
1170
01:27:59,875 --> 01:28:01,458
No.
1171
01:28:01,583 --> 01:28:04,542
I think you might find one over
at the news agent's, on the top shelf.
1172
01:28:07,042 --> 01:28:08,250
Do you want some beans?
1173
01:28:17,750 --> 01:28:20,250
- You've got a very sad face.
- Have I?
1174
01:28:21,625 --> 01:28:24,417
It's all right.
I mean, I find that attractive.
1175
01:28:26,625 --> 01:28:28,458
But that's me.
1176
01:28:31,083 --> 01:28:33,583
So, have you got a boyfriend
or anything?
1177
01:28:44,875 --> 01:28:46,458
What are you gonna do for Christmas?
1178
01:28:49,125 --> 01:28:50,625
I don't know.
What are you gonna do?
1179
01:28:53,292 --> 01:28:54,458
You all right?
1180
01:28:58,000 --> 01:29:00,500
- What's the matter?
- Fuck off!
1181
01:29:29,375 --> 01:29:31,042
What's up, love?
1182
01:29:33,083 --> 01:29:35,542
- Is it something I said?
- I want you to go.
1183
01:29:35,667 --> 01:29:38,458
- Why?
- Can you go, please?
1184
01:29:39,750 --> 01:29:42,667
- Is it cos I don't like dogs?
- Get out!
1185
01:29:43,917 --> 01:29:46,750
- Don't quite follow, love.
- Just fuck off!
1186
01:29:47,417 --> 01:29:49,625
Oh. I see.
1187
01:29:49,750 --> 01:29:51,250
Um...
1188
01:29:52,292 --> 01:29:54,667
Well, perhaps
I was jumping to conclusions,
1189
01:29:54,792 --> 01:29:57,625
but I got the impression that I could
kip down on the sofa or something.
1190
01:29:57,750 --> 01:29:59,792
- Go!
- Go where?
1191
01:29:59,917 --> 01:30:01,125
Have you got any suggestions?
1192
01:30:01,250 --> 01:30:03,792
Cos it's like a fucking Eskimo's grave
out there.
1193
01:30:03,917 --> 01:30:05,042
Hey! Hey!
1194
01:30:05,917 --> 01:30:07,583
All right, I'm going!
1195
01:30:07,708 --> 01:30:09,208
Hey!
1196
01:30:58,500 --> 01:31:00,417
It's not easy, is it?
1197
01:31:03,917 --> 01:31:05,583
Do you find that?
1198
01:31:13,708 --> 01:31:15,250
Well...
1199
01:31:15,375 --> 01:31:16,792
just goes to show ya...
1200
01:31:17,708 --> 01:31:19,833
that no matter
how many books you read,
1201
01:31:19,958 --> 01:31:23,083
there's some things in this world
that you never, ever, ever, ever...
1202
01:31:23,208 --> 01:31:26,875
ever fuckin' understand.
1203
01:31:44,958 --> 01:31:49,792
Oh, thank you for the tea
and the bath and the booze.
1204
01:31:51,667 --> 01:31:53,500
And the beans.
1205
01:32:00,625 --> 01:32:05,417
And listen, love, I hope that when you're
tucked up tonight all snug and warm
1206
01:32:05,542 --> 01:32:07,792
underneath your tear-sodden
fuckin' duvet
1207
01:32:07,917 --> 01:32:10,542
and your ankle-length
Emily Bronté winding sheet
1208
01:32:10,667 --> 01:32:13,542
that you spare a thought for me
with me head in a puddle of cold dog's piss.
1209
01:32:13,667 --> 01:32:16,042
And I hope that you dream about me.
1210
01:32:16,167 --> 01:32:18,000
And I hope that you wake up screamin'.
1211
01:32:20,167 --> 01:32:22,125
And I hope that all your fuckin' children
1212
01:32:22,250 --> 01:32:26,042
are born blind, bow-legged,
hare-lipped, homeless hunchbacks!
1213
01:32:40,958 --> 01:32:43,292
Have you ever had an abortion?
1214
01:32:45,083 --> 01:32:48,625
- Have you?
- No. I thought I was pregnant once.
1215
01:32:48,750 --> 01:32:50,000
Would you have had one?
1216
01:32:50,125 --> 01:32:53,417
In the end, it turned out I wasn't,
and he left me anyway, so...
1217
01:32:54,667 --> 01:32:56,833
I wanted to keep mine.
1218
01:32:56,958 --> 01:32:58,583
What happened?
1219
01:32:58,708 --> 01:33:02,667
All my mates said
I couldn't look after a baby.
1220
01:33:02,792 --> 01:33:04,583
Too fucking right.
1221
01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:07,042
Did it make you feel shitty?
1222
01:33:07,167 --> 01:33:09,292
It was a nightmare.
1223
01:33:09,417 --> 01:33:11,333
I really loved ‘im.
1224
01:33:12,917 --> 01:33:15,958
- He was a philosopher.
- Where was this?
1225
01:33:16,083 --> 01:33:18,042
- Paris.
- Paris?
1226
01:33:18,167 --> 01:33:21,167
Should have seen
the state of his girlfriend.
1227
01:33:23,125 --> 01:33:25,458
Had one when I was 15 and all.
1228
01:33:25,583 --> 01:33:27,875
Jesus, Sophie.
1229
01:33:28,000 --> 01:33:32,208
And that one was worse for my mum.
Fucking drama she made out of it.
1230
01:33:35,125 --> 01:33:38,875
I could have been married by now
with a four-year-old.
1231
01:33:39,000 --> 01:33:41,292
Do you wanna get married?
1232
01:33:41,417 --> 01:33:43,208
Don't know.
1233
01:33:45,458 --> 01:33:49,542
Just cos you have a kid with someone
doesn't mean they're gonna stick around.
1234
01:33:49,667 --> 01:33:53,333
My dad didn't.
Couldn't fucking wait to get out.
1235
01:33:53,458 --> 01:33:55,792
Well, I don't know
if I want to get married,
1236
01:33:55,917 --> 01:33:59,333
but I wouldn't say no
to a proper relationship.
1237
01:33:59,458 --> 01:34:01,625
What is a proper relationship?
1238
01:34:03,000 --> 01:34:06,375
Living with someone who talks to ya
after they've bonked ya.
1239
01:34:08,167 --> 01:34:11,708
I don't know what they want from you
half the time.
1240
01:34:11,833 --> 01:34:16,125
What they start off liking you for,
they end up hating you for.
1241
01:34:16,250 --> 01:34:19,667
Don't like you if you're strong.
Don't like you if you're weak.
1242
01:34:19,792 --> 01:34:23,042
Hate you if you're clever.
Hate you if you're stupid.
1243
01:34:24,208 --> 01:34:26,292
They don't know what they want.
1244
01:34:31,167 --> 01:34:34,042
Do you think that bastard's fucked off yet?
1245
01:34:35,417 --> 01:34:37,708
Yeah, he must have done by now.
1246
01:35:16,167 --> 01:35:18,083
Is this a stick-up?
1247
01:35:19,750 --> 01:35:22,375
- So you must get that all the time, yeah?
- Yeah.
1248
01:35:22,500 --> 01:35:24,250
Just got it again.
1249
01:35:25,583 --> 01:35:29,250
So, is this your job,
or a nice little hobby you've got for yourself?
1250
01:35:30,125 --> 01:35:31,583
You're a lovely mover.
1251
01:35:40,292 --> 01:35:42,500
- This your van, yeah?
- Yeah.
1252
01:35:42,625 --> 01:35:45,542
It's, like, uh, I don't know,
top of the range.
1253
01:35:45,667 --> 01:35:46,958
Very nice.
1254
01:35:47,083 --> 01:35:50,708
- Are you going up the road?
- You want a lift?
1255
01:35:50,833 --> 01:35:52,917
- That all right with ya?
- Yeah.
1256
01:35:53,042 --> 01:35:54,292
Cheers.
1257
01:35:54,417 --> 01:35:57,792
It's just I been walkin' round the streets
all night, you know what I mean?
1258
01:35:57,917 --> 01:36:01,208
These fuckin' feet are on their last legs,
I'm tellin' ya.
1259
01:36:05,208 --> 01:36:08,958
- So, how much do you earn for doin' this?
- It's none of your fuckin' business.
1260
01:36:09,083 --> 01:36:12,375
I mean, is the pay as substantial
as, say, the wages of sin?
1261
01:36:12,500 --> 01:36:14,333
Know what I mean?
You with me?
1262
01:36:15,292 --> 01:36:18,083
Listen, Captain, is it all right
if I have a go at doing this, yeah?
1263
01:36:18,208 --> 01:36:20,042
Oh! God love ya.
1264
01:36:20,167 --> 01:36:24,292
Or does it take, like, thousands of years
of state-subsidised government training
1265
01:36:24,417 --> 01:36:25,833
to do this clobber, yeah?
1266
01:36:25,958 --> 01:36:31,333
You gotta slap on, like, copious quantities
of the old industrial sputum there.
1267
01:36:31,458 --> 01:36:33,042
Beg your pardon.
1268
01:36:33,167 --> 01:36:35,750
It's a wonderful career opportunity for me.
You know what I mean?
1269
01:36:35,875 --> 01:36:39,583
- I'm gonna play the joker on this one.
- Shift!
1270
01:36:39,708 --> 01:36:42,125
- Very well. Agh!
- Shift out of the fucking way.
1271
01:36:42,250 --> 01:36:45,875
No, I like Laurel and Hardy, although
apparently they didn't get on in real life.
1272
01:36:46,000 --> 01:36:47,958
Another illusion shattered.
1273
01:36:49,625 --> 01:36:52,750
Sorry about that, pal. It's just, I've had
a lot of bad experience with walls, you know,
1274
01:36:52,875 --> 01:36:55,250
what with talking to them
and climbing them.
1275
01:36:55,375 --> 01:36:57,958
Me dad's driven me up a good few in his time.
You know what I mean?
1276
01:36:58,083 --> 01:37:00,708
But I think I've got a secret -
a saucy little secret.
1277
01:37:00,833 --> 01:37:04,708
The solipsistic, sagacious little secret
is just, you got... you just gotta...
1278
01:37:04,833 --> 01:37:06,917
bang your fuckin' head against ‘em.
1279
01:37:07,042 --> 01:37:10,500
Just crack the old pate.
Are you with me?
1280
01:37:10,625 --> 01:37:14,167
Have you got it? And that's it.
That is the key to enlightenment, which is...
1281
01:37:14,292 --> 01:37:18,750
It's, like, that's why... that's why it's, like,
such a potent motif of civilisation.
1282
01:37:18,875 --> 01:37:21,833
It's the wall.
It's, like, the Great Wall of China
1283
01:37:21,958 --> 01:37:25,792
and the wall of Jericho
and the Berlin Wall and the Wailing Wall.
1284
01:37:25,917 --> 01:37:28,417
Now, you see, the Jews,
they've almost got it, haven't they?
1285
01:37:28,542 --> 01:37:31,958
A real rockin' and that, you know.
Just six inches away and they'll be there.
1286
01:37:32,083 --> 01:37:34,458
They'd have won the fucking race.
They'll be there. Are you with me?
1287
01:37:34,583 --> 01:37:37,708
What is all this, anyway?
What are you doin'? Cancel everything.
1288
01:37:37,833 --> 01:37:40,250
In the beginning was the word,
and the word was "cancelled".
1289
01:37:40,375 --> 01:37:43,625
You get satisfaction out of this?
You think you're making a contribution?
1290
01:37:43,750 --> 01:37:46,458
You're, like,
sort of publicly promulgating vacuities.
1291
01:37:46,583 --> 01:37:47,875
Are you with me?
1292
01:37:48,000 --> 01:37:49,583
Fuckin' hell!
1293
01:37:52,333 --> 01:37:54,333
That's it!
Blank it all out!
1294
01:37:54,458 --> 01:37:57,792
Blank it all out till you just atrophy
and die of fuckin' indifference!
1295
01:37:57,917 --> 01:38:00,250
Can I show you something, pal?
You see that at the top of your legs?
1296
01:38:00,375 --> 01:38:02,583
That's your arse, right,
and that's your fuckin' elbow.
1297
01:38:02,708 --> 01:38:05,833
Do you wanna write it down or...
Oh! Fuck.
1298
01:38:05,958 --> 01:38:07,417
Ow.
1299
01:38:07,542 --> 01:38:08,708
Ow.
1300
01:38:08,833 --> 01:38:11,167
Who's that supposed to be?
Me dad?
1301
01:38:11,292 --> 01:38:14,292
You wanna watch that, mate.
I've got a dicky sacrum here.
1302
01:38:14,417 --> 01:38:15,875
Shit.
1303
01:38:16,708 --> 01:38:17,833
F...
1304
01:38:17,958 --> 01:38:19,833
Uh, can you, uh, come back here?
1305
01:38:19,958 --> 01:38:22,000
Uh, did I upset ya?
1306
01:38:25,750 --> 01:38:27,250
Mate!
1307
01:38:28,958 --> 01:38:30,917
You got me bag!
1308
01:38:31,042 --> 01:38:33,125
You fucking tosser!
1309
01:38:33,250 --> 01:38:35,625
You've got... Fuck!
1310
01:38:38,792 --> 01:38:40,958
Fuck!
1311
01:38:41,083 --> 01:38:44,375
All right, listen.
Does anybody mind if I scream here?
1312
01:38:44,500 --> 01:38:48,083
Is that OK with you all?
Cos I'd feel better for it. It won't take long.
1313
01:38:52,958 --> 01:38:54,875
Fuck.
1314
01:39:16,917 --> 01:39:19,042
Who's that?
1315
01:39:19,167 --> 01:39:20,958
Let's get him.
1316
01:39:23,125 --> 01:39:25,000
Let's go. Fuck.
1317
01:39:26,917 --> 01:39:28,792
Let's do it.
1318
01:40:09,000 --> 01:40:10,958
Who's that?
1319
01:40:37,375 --> 01:40:39,458
Oh, Jesus.
1320
01:40:40,958 --> 01:40:42,583
What's been happening to ya?
1321
01:40:42,708 --> 01:40:45,500
Will you shut up, for God's sake.
1322
01:40:51,458 --> 01:40:54,125
- Ow!
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1323
01:40:54,250 --> 01:40:56,042
Just give us a fag.
1324
01:40:57,583 --> 01:40:59,500
Fucking comedian.
1325
01:41:07,583 --> 01:41:09,458
It's not my fault.
1326
01:41:09,583 --> 01:41:11,458
What's not your fault?
1327
01:41:14,375 --> 01:41:17,083
- Where are you going?
- I just want to go to bed.
1328
01:41:17,208 --> 01:41:19,375
Will you be quiet!
1329
01:41:19,500 --> 01:41:22,208
- I fuckin' walked here.
- Where from?
1330
01:41:26,250 --> 01:41:27,250
Which way?
1331
01:41:27,375 --> 01:41:29,167
Um... I'm gon...
1332
01:41:30,583 --> 01:41:32,542
I'm gonna be sick.
1333
01:41:43,750 --> 01:41:45,875
Fuckin' hell.
What's happened to him?
1334
01:41:46,000 --> 01:41:47,208
Don't know.
1335
01:41:47,333 --> 01:41:49,625
- Johnny. Are you all right, Johnny?
- Get off!
1336
01:41:49,750 --> 01:41:51,667
Shh!
1337
01:41:54,833 --> 01:41:58,250
- Is he still here?
- I don't know.
1338
01:42:31,333 --> 01:42:33,750
- Right. We'd better get him into bed.
- Yeah.
1339
01:42:33,875 --> 01:42:37,167
- You take that end, I'll take this end.
- OK. Don't push me, all right?
1340
01:42:37,292 --> 01:42:39,417
I'm not pushin' ya.
1341
01:42:41,333 --> 01:42:44,292
- Careful. That's his bad leg.
- Well, what do you want me to do?
1342
01:42:44,417 --> 01:42:46,625
After three.
1343
01:42:46,750 --> 01:42:48,542
One, two, three.
1344
01:42:49,500 --> 01:42:52,708
I wanna go. I wanna go!
1345
01:42:53,917 --> 01:42:55,292
Johnny...
1346
01:42:56,583 --> 01:42:58,583
Johnny!
1347
01:43:40,958 --> 01:43:42,708
I know.
1348
01:43:44,125 --> 01:43:45,333
I know you told me.
1349
01:43:47,417 --> 01:43:51,917
And... I'm not here yet!
I'm still wet.
1350
01:43:55,042 --> 01:43:56,542
What did she mean?
1351
01:43:58,792 --> 01:44:00,917
Why not me brother?
1352
01:44:06,417 --> 01:44:08,833
Will it be quiet now? Yeah?
1353
01:44:16,500 --> 01:44:17,667
Are we going?
1354
01:44:17,792 --> 01:44:20,167
Oh, fuck. Shit.
1355
01:44:35,500 --> 01:44:38,208
- Who's this?
- It's all right. He's a friend of mine.
1356
01:44:38,333 --> 01:44:41,625
What extraordinary friends
you have.
1357
01:44:41,750 --> 01:44:43,958
- He's only got one sock on.
- Shut up!
1358
01:44:44,542 --> 01:44:47,500
You seem a bit tense, Sophie.
Would you like a massage?
1359
01:44:47,625 --> 01:44:49,667
- Are you the doctor?
- Pardon?
1360
01:44:49,792 --> 01:44:51,125
Is he the doctor?
1361
01:44:51,250 --> 01:44:53,833
You're rather disgusting,
aren't you?
1362
01:44:58,625 --> 01:45:00,500
You're not crying, are you, Louise?
1363
01:45:00,625 --> 01:45:02,875
Oh, listen,
when are you gonna fuck off?
1364
01:45:03,000 --> 01:45:05,833
This has got nothing to do with you.
Right?
1365
01:45:06,958 --> 01:45:10,000
No! No! Stop!
1366
01:45:11,167 --> 01:45:13,750
- Leave me alone!
- Ow, me leg!
1367
01:45:17,000 --> 01:45:19,958
- You don't know.
- Aren't people pathetic?
1368
01:45:25,000 --> 01:45:28,125
Right.
I'm going to beddy-byes.
1369
01:45:35,458 --> 01:45:38,167
If anyone wishes to join me,
I'll be under the duvet.
1370
01:45:45,750 --> 01:45:48,375
- Are you all right?
- Yeah. Are you?
1371
01:45:48,500 --> 01:45:50,292
Yeah.
1372
01:45:54,375 --> 01:45:56,500
Come on.
I'll give you a hand.
1373
01:45:56,625 --> 01:45:58,625
I'm all right.
I walked here.
1374
01:46:22,875 --> 01:46:24,917
Is it here?
1375
01:46:25,042 --> 01:46:26,750
Yeah.
1376
01:46:28,375 --> 01:46:31,333
- Who's that?
- Clancy.
1377
01:46:31,458 --> 01:46:33,250
I thought so.
1378
01:46:35,125 --> 01:46:37,042
I used to know you, didn't I?
1379
01:46:37,167 --> 01:46:38,750
Yeah.
1380
01:47:38,417 --> 01:47:40,292
I've got an hard-on.
1381
01:48:49,250 --> 01:48:51,208
What's...
1382
01:48:54,417 --> 01:48:56,250
What are you...
1383
01:48:57,625 --> 01:48:59,708
This is, uh...
1384
01:48:59,833 --> 01:49:02,000
It's disgusting!
1385
01:49:02,125 --> 01:49:04,208
Nobody in my...
1386
01:49:05,125 --> 01:49:06,333
Who's he?
1387
01:49:07,125 --> 01:49:09,083
You've got your boots on!
1388
01:49:09,208 --> 01:49:11,292
She's...
1389
01:49:11,417 --> 01:49:13,500
And what's this doing?
1390
01:49:15,250 --> 01:49:18,125
This is something I can't...
1391
01:49:18,250 --> 01:49:20,417
I don't...
1392
01:49:20,542 --> 01:49:22,583
It's not...
1393
01:49:22,708 --> 01:49:26,750
I just don't need all this...
palaver.
1394
01:49:28,667 --> 01:49:30,417
Oh, shit.
1395
01:49:43,000 --> 01:49:45,000
OK, who's Jeremy?
1396
01:49:45,125 --> 01:49:47,542
- Who's Jeremy?
- What do you mean?
1397
01:49:47,667 --> 01:49:49,875
Sandra.
What a nice surprise.
1398
01:49:50,000 --> 01:49:52,958
- What are you doing here?
- How was Zimbabwe?
1399
01:49:53,083 --> 01:49:54,458
Shift!
1400
01:49:55,333 --> 01:49:56,417
Morning, Louise.
1401
01:49:56,542 --> 01:49:58,667
- Where's Jeremy?
- Who's Jeremy?
1402
01:49:58,792 --> 01:50:01,208
- These are Jeremy's.
- That's Sebastian's.
1403
01:50:01,333 --> 01:50:05,875
No, look. "Jeremy Smart."
"Jeremy Smart." "Jeremy G. Smart."
1404
01:50:06,000 --> 01:50:08,000
Well, I've never heard of him.
1405
01:50:09,208 --> 01:50:11,542
Sebastian, who...
1406
01:50:11,667 --> 01:50:15,083
Are you Jeremy G. Smart?
Are you?
1407
01:50:15,792 --> 01:50:18,792
- Johnny. Johnny, wake up.
- Leave him.
1408
01:50:18,917 --> 01:50:21,000
Oh, for fuck's sake, Sophie.
Sandra's back.
1409
01:50:21,125 --> 01:50:22,958
- What day is it?
- It's Friday.
1410
01:50:23,083 --> 01:50:24,208
Oh, fuck this.
1411
01:50:24,333 --> 01:50:26,083
- Look at his eye.
- Christ.
1412
01:50:26,208 --> 01:50:29,083
He can lie down in my room.
Oh, God!
1413
01:50:29,208 --> 01:50:31,500
What are you doing?
He's not harming anyone.
1414
01:50:31,625 --> 01:50:35,042
- Have you seen the state of her? Johnny!
- I'm here, Johnny.
1415
01:50:35,167 --> 01:50:36,292
Morning, everyone!
1416
01:50:36,417 --> 01:50:41,083
I would actually like to have some kind
of explanation for all this because...
1417
01:50:41,208 --> 01:50:42,875
- Having fun?
- Can you put these on, please?
1418
01:50:43,000 --> 01:50:46,083
Sophie and I had a fuck on your bed
yesterday afternoon, Sandra.
1419
01:50:46,208 --> 01:50:48,208
- Oh, God.
- You are just...
1420
01:50:48,333 --> 01:50:50,167
- She was very good, I must say.
- Filth!
1421
01:50:50,292 --> 01:50:53,000
- Not as good as you, though.
- You lying...
1422
01:50:54,625 --> 01:50:57,250
- Nastiness!
- We must do it again sometime.
1423
01:51:02,083 --> 01:51:03,708
Will you...
1424
01:51:03,833 --> 01:51:05,667
How can you...
1425
01:51:06,667 --> 01:51:08,833
Everything...
1426
01:51:10,083 --> 01:51:11,875
I can't cope with this.
1427
01:51:12,000 --> 01:51:13,958
You've got five minutes.
1428
01:51:14,083 --> 01:51:17,292
Five minutes to get your things on
and get the hell ou...
1429
01:51:17,417 --> 01:51:20,458
I shouldn't worry about it so much
if I were you.
1430
01:51:21,500 --> 01:51:24,083
I'd forgotten what a beautiful bottom
you've got, Sandra.
1431
01:51:24,208 --> 01:51:26,500
- Two minutes.
1432
01:51:30,000 --> 01:51:31,792
Marvellous tits.
1433
01:51:34,458 --> 01:51:37,500
Listen, Sandra, I'm really sorry.
We weren't expecting you back.
1434
01:51:37,625 --> 01:51:40,458
I fail to... Why...
1435
01:51:40,583 --> 01:51:41,958
It's a pigsty! It's...
1436
01:51:42,083 --> 01:51:44,708
- I know. It just got out of hand.
- Obviously!
1437
01:51:44,833 --> 01:51:46,708
- And what's all that?
- He's a friend of mine.
1438
01:51:46,833 --> 01:51:50,958
- Look, can I make you a cup of tea?
- I don't want tea. I don't want...
1439
01:51:51,083 --> 01:51:53,542
I just want...
My journey was...
1440
01:51:53,667 --> 01:51:55,875
- He's not very well!
- What's the matter with him?
1441
01:51:56,000 --> 01:51:59,958
He's got a lump on his face the size
of a boiled egg, and he won't wake up.
1442
01:52:09,083 --> 01:52:11,000
- Did he do this?
- Who?
1443
01:52:11,125 --> 01:52:14,333
- Sebastian. Jeremy!
- You never warned me about him, did ya?
1444
01:52:14,458 --> 01:52:17,917
- What are you talking about?
- Fucking letting himself in with the keys.
1445
01:52:18,042 --> 01:52:20,625
- Bastard!
- I don't...
1446
01:52:20,750 --> 01:52:23,625
Right.
Let's get this shoe off.
1447
01:52:24,917 --> 01:52:28,542
Have you ever had smoked salmon
after making love, Louise?
1448
01:52:28,667 --> 01:52:29,875
Don't like smoked salmon.
1449
01:52:30,417 --> 01:52:33,667
I think you should try it.
It's rather wonderful.
1450
01:52:33,792 --> 01:52:36,083
Will you undo your fly, Sebastian?
1451
01:52:39,917 --> 01:52:41,000
Would you like me to?
1452
01:52:47,792 --> 01:52:48,833
Honest.
1453
01:53:10,750 --> 01:53:13,667
Oh, do you not want me to slice your prick off
and shove it up your arse?
1454
01:53:25,417 --> 01:53:26,500
Maggot-dick.
1455
01:53:37,458 --> 01:53:39,375
Could you pass me that pillow, please?
1456
01:53:39,500 --> 01:53:41,125
- Here you go.
- I can't move, Sandra.
1457
01:53:41,250 --> 01:53:43,583
You are worse than useless.
1458
01:53:43,708 --> 01:53:46,292
You all right?
You don't think it's broken, do ya?
1459
01:53:46,417 --> 01:53:48,000
No, he can move it.
1460
01:53:48,125 --> 01:53:50,083
You can do that, can't you?
1461
01:53:50,208 --> 01:53:51,958
Why would I want to do that?
1462
01:53:52,083 --> 01:53:54,792
Don't even...
Not in my room, Sophie!
1463
01:53:54,917 --> 01:53:56,500
I need a fag.
1464
01:53:56,625 --> 01:53:58,792
I don't care.
Cop hold of that.
1465
01:53:58,917 --> 01:54:00,792
Oh, just don't start, right?
1466
01:54:00,917 --> 01:54:05,042
It really is beyond me the way you girls
choose to live your lives.
1467
01:54:05,167 --> 01:54:09,208
My mind just... boggles.
1468
01:54:09,333 --> 01:54:10,917
He's gone back to sleep.
1469
01:54:13,583 --> 01:54:15,250
Was that the front door?
1470
01:54:15,375 --> 01:54:17,250
- He's gone.
- Thank God.
1471
01:54:27,250 --> 01:54:28,583
Go slowly, Johnny.
1472
01:54:28,708 --> 01:54:31,833
Now, what you two must do
is take this one to Casualty
1473
01:54:31,958 --> 01:54:34,833
and make sure he gets himself looked at
before he goes home.
1474
01:54:34,958 --> 01:54:37,208
- Gonna be sick.
- Are you? Get him into the bathroom!
1475
01:54:37,333 --> 01:54:39,458
All right! All right! Let's not...
1476
01:54:39,583 --> 01:54:42,458
Just a minute.
That's it.
1477
01:54:42,583 --> 01:54:44,750
- Make it steady.
- Here you are.
1478
01:54:44,875 --> 01:54:45,958
OK.
1479
01:54:47,083 --> 01:54:48,875
It's in me tash.
1480
01:54:49,000 --> 01:54:51,042
Yeah, you wanna get it cut.
1481
01:54:54,792 --> 01:54:56,708
It's in your mouth.
1482
01:54:58,167 --> 01:55:00,458
Have you had a bath lately?
1483
01:55:00,583 --> 01:55:02,750
- I had one yesterday.
- As if!
1484
01:55:02,875 --> 01:55:04,667
- I did.
- Where have you been, Johnny?
1485
01:55:04,792 --> 01:55:08,167
Down the Via De La Rosa.
Don't be nosy.
1486
01:55:10,667 --> 01:55:12,583
- You not going to work?
- I'm late.
1487
01:55:12,708 --> 01:55:15,708
- Ah. You'll get the sack.
- Yeah.
1488
01:55:15,833 --> 01:55:18,583
It's all right.
You can put all your troubles in it.
1489
01:55:18,708 --> 01:55:22,333
- Hey, I lost me bag.
- Yeah, I noticed. Where is it?
1490
01:55:22,458 --> 01:55:24,708
- I don't know. It's lost.
- Any valuables?
1491
01:55:24,833 --> 01:55:28,833
Yeah, it's got me collection
of famous retired glove puppets in there.
1492
01:55:28,958 --> 01:55:30,458
That's it. All gone.
1493
01:55:30,583 --> 01:55:32,667
Did you get it nicked?
1494
01:55:33,833 --> 01:55:35,042
Would you put that out?
1495
01:55:51,000 --> 01:55:52,958
I haven't cleaned me teeth yet.
1496
01:55:53,083 --> 01:55:55,917
Could you not just put 'em
in a glass or something, no?
1497
01:56:12,500 --> 01:56:15,250
I remember
when you bought these shorts.
1498
01:56:15,375 --> 01:56:17,292
I warned you about ‘em then.
1499
01:56:17,417 --> 01:56:19,417
Yeah, well...
1500
01:56:23,833 --> 01:56:26,708
- I only got 'em to piss you off.
- Mission accomplished.
1501
01:56:29,708 --> 01:56:31,500
Is he all right?
1502
01:56:32,292 --> 01:56:33,667
Yeah.
1503
01:56:36,625 --> 01:56:40,667
What, is this a spectator sport or something?
The hundred-meter vomit?
1504
01:56:46,125 --> 01:56:49,542
Sophie, do you mind if I have a word
with Johnny on me own?
1505
01:56:56,375 --> 01:56:58,875
Do you want a word with Louise
on your own?
1506
01:56:59,417 --> 01:57:01,250
- Are you being sarcastic?
- No.
1507
01:57:02,333 --> 01:57:03,583
Well, do as you're told.
1508
01:57:06,208 --> 01:57:07,708
Right.
1509
01:57:11,375 --> 01:57:13,958
Whose is all this money?
Three hundred and eighty pounds.
1510
01:57:14,083 --> 01:57:17,875
It really oughtn't to be left laying,
waiting for...
1511
01:57:29,000 --> 01:57:31,708
- Whose is all that?
- Don't know.
1512
01:57:38,875 --> 01:57:41,292
Who's been playing ping-pong
with your face?
1513
01:57:41,417 --> 01:57:43,375
Sky fell in on me.
1514
01:57:44,125 --> 01:57:45,667
A cloud caught me across the cheek.
1515
01:57:48,458 --> 01:57:51,750
- So, why did you come to London?
- Come to run in the marathon.
1516
01:57:51,875 --> 01:57:54,042
Will you give me
a straight answer, please?
1517
01:57:56,167 --> 01:57:59,792
Well, I had to get out of Manchester
cos I was gonna get a beating,
1518
01:57:59,917 --> 01:58:03,667
and I come down here and, uh...
get a beating.
1519
01:58:03,792 --> 01:58:05,958
- Were you asking for it?
- No.
1520
01:58:06,083 --> 01:58:07,792
I wasn't.
They just come out of nowhere.
1521
01:58:08,375 --> 01:58:10,208
- Honest?
- Yeah.
1522
01:58:15,208 --> 01:58:17,125
- So, what you gonna do?
- What you gonna do?
1523
01:58:18,167 --> 01:58:19,500
What are you gonna do?
1524
01:58:20,708 --> 01:58:23,417
Don't know.
Might go home for the weekend.
1525
01:58:23,542 --> 01:58:25,458
Well, there's no place like it.
1526
01:58:26,375 --> 01:58:27,583
Might not come back.
1527
01:58:29,625 --> 01:58:31,042
Are you going back?
1528
01:58:36,917 --> 01:58:38,542
Is that nice?
1529
01:58:40,333 --> 01:58:41,333
Yeah.
1530
01:58:41,458 --> 01:58:43,417
I'm puttin' the "fun" back
in "fundament".
1531
01:58:45,167 --> 01:58:47,208
Are ya?
1532
01:58:47,333 --> 01:58:50,208
- Well, I'll have to go back sometime, won't I?
- And what about us?
1533
01:58:50,333 --> 01:58:51,875
What about us?
1534
01:58:57,583 --> 01:59:00,167
- Do ya hate me?
- Fuck off.
1535
01:59:04,958 --> 01:59:07,000
My mum was seven years younger than you
when she had me.
1536
01:59:07,125 --> 01:59:08,125
- Don't.
- What?
1537
01:59:08,250 --> 01:59:09,250
Just...
1538
01:59:10,875 --> 01:59:11,917
Well, she was.
1539
01:59:15,750 --> 01:59:17,667
- I'm full of shit, aren't I?
- Sometimes.
1540
01:59:17,792 --> 01:59:20,000
Well, it's all right,
I've had it all kicked out of me now.
1541
01:59:20,125 --> 01:59:21,708
Oh. Good.
1542
01:59:23,708 --> 01:59:26,625
What if God just put us here
for his own entertainment?
1543
01:59:27,583 --> 01:59:29,500
That's all we are -
1544
01:59:29,625 --> 01:59:33,000
just something for him
to have a bit of a laugh at.
1545
01:59:33,125 --> 01:59:35,833
Could be, couldn't it...
if you think about it?
1546
01:59:39,250 --> 01:59:40,917
Give us your right hand.
1547
01:59:41,875 --> 01:59:43,625
The other way up.
1548
01:59:45,708 --> 01:59:48,208
- Boop, boop.
1549
01:59:51,292 --> 01:59:52,875
Boop, boop.
1550
01:59:53,000 --> 01:59:54,083
What's that?
1551
01:59:55,917 --> 01:59:58,708
- That's funny to me.
- You're daft, you.
1552
01:59:58,833 --> 02:00:01,083
It's, uh, toilet humour.
1553
02:00:05,000 --> 02:00:07,958
Will you give me a cuddle, Johnny?
1554
02:00:08,083 --> 02:00:09,708
Yeah.
1555
02:00:36,292 --> 02:00:38,500
What's happening?
1556
02:00:39,458 --> 02:00:41,625
Can you not tell me?
1557
02:00:55,083 --> 02:00:57,625
If no one tells me what's going on,
then how am I supposed to...
1558
02:00:57,750 --> 02:01:00,458
I don't understand, Johnny!
1559
02:01:00,583 --> 02:01:02,958
- How was Zambia?
- It was Zimbabwe!
1560
02:01:03,083 --> 02:01:06,667
I went to Zimbabwe
with my wanker boyfriend, my ex...
1561
02:01:06,792 --> 02:01:09,083
What did I do wrong?
1562
02:01:09,208 --> 02:01:10,542
Did you see any big animals?
1563
02:01:10,667 --> 02:01:14,958
Yes! We saw elephants and rhinos
and zebras and lions and vultures.
1564
02:01:15,083 --> 02:01:17,500
- Did you see any monkeys?
- We saw many monkeys.
1565
02:01:17,625 --> 02:01:19,042
Were they cheeky?
1566
02:01:19,167 --> 02:01:21,333
It's not good for me, is it,
all this, in my condition?
1567
02:01:21,458 --> 02:01:23,667
Well, yes... No... Yes...
1568
02:01:23,792 --> 02:01:27,292
It's not good for me, it's not good for you.
It's not good for any of us!
1569
02:01:27,417 --> 02:01:30,333
- It's utterly...
- Oh, excuse me for living!
1570
02:01:33,917 --> 02:01:36,792
Is... Is this it, Johnny?
1571
02:01:36,917 --> 02:01:38,292
- Is it?
- Is what it?
1572
02:01:38,417 --> 02:01:40,792
I can't bear it!
1573
02:01:42,583 --> 02:01:44,500
Right. I'm off!
1574
02:01:45,167 --> 02:01:46,375
Off your trolley.
1575
02:01:46,500 --> 02:01:50,583
Oh, don't fucking take the piss
out of me, you bastard!
1576
02:01:50,708 --> 02:01:52,667
You don't know!
1577
02:01:52,792 --> 02:01:54,625
All I want...
1578
02:01:54,750 --> 02:01:56,875
Nobody has any...
1579
02:01:57,000 --> 02:01:59,083
Can you just please try and...
1580
02:01:59,208 --> 02:02:02,375
- I've had enough! Oh, God!
- This is a nightmare!
1581
02:02:04,083 --> 02:02:06,792
If you could just try
and pull yourself together!
1582
02:02:06,917 --> 02:02:08,750
- Where are you going?
- I don't know!
1583
02:02:08,875 --> 02:02:10,500
Why don't you come
and have a lie-down?
1584
02:02:10,625 --> 02:02:12,625
- I don't care!
- Sophie!
1585
02:02:12,750 --> 02:02:14,792
- Here's the keys!
- I don't want the keys.
1586
02:02:14,917 --> 02:02:18,500
- Well, I don't fucking want ‘em!
- I'm not a social worker!
1587
02:02:19,583 --> 02:02:21,208
Sophie!
1588
02:02:21,333 --> 02:02:23,417
Don't be fucking stupid.
1589
02:02:23,542 --> 02:02:25,750
What's the point, Louise?
1590
02:02:27,958 --> 02:02:29,208
Sophie!
1591
02:02:30,125 --> 02:02:31,875
I'm sorry.
1592
02:02:57,250 --> 02:02:59,125
Johnny.
1593
02:03:07,750 --> 02:03:09,625
You all right?
1594
02:03:09,750 --> 02:03:12,917
- Mm?
- I'm going.
1595
02:03:13,042 --> 02:03:16,042
- Where?
- Work, to hand me notice in.
1596
02:03:16,167 --> 02:03:18,708
Then I'm coming back here
and packing me bags and I'm going home.
1597
02:03:18,833 --> 02:03:20,583
Do you want to come?
1598
02:03:20,708 --> 02:03:21,792
- Today?
- Yeah.
1599
02:03:21,917 --> 02:03:23,667
- You serious?
- Yeah.
1600
02:03:23,792 --> 02:03:25,625
- How?
- Bus.
1601
02:03:28,875 --> 02:03:30,625
- Well, have you got enough dough?
- Yeah.
1602
02:03:30,750 --> 02:03:32,750
- Cos I've not got nothin'.
- I know.
1603
02:03:35,667 --> 02:03:37,625
Do you think you can make it?
1604
02:03:38,542 --> 02:03:40,125
Don't know.
1605
02:03:41,708 --> 02:03:44,958
Well, if you can't,
we can stay here till tomorrow.
1606
02:03:57,042 --> 02:03:58,958
I'll see you later.
1607
02:04:00,125 --> 02:04:02,708
Uh, can you leave us a few fags
for cancer research?
1608
02:04:02,833 --> 02:04:04,750
Here are your...
1609
02:04:05,542 --> 02:04:09,250
I was actually hoping
that the air could...
1610
02:04:09,375 --> 02:04:11,667
What are we gonna do about all this?
1611
02:04:11,792 --> 02:04:14,000
I don't know, Sandra.
1612
02:04:14,125 --> 02:04:15,625
Look, I'll see you
in a couple of hours.
1613
02:04:15,750 --> 02:04:17,958
- Fine.
- Uh, you will come back?
1614
02:04:18,792 --> 02:04:20,083
Yeah. Of course I will.
1615
02:04:20,208 --> 02:04:22,167
- Because I need...
- You'll be all right, won't ya?
1616
02:04:23,042 --> 02:04:26,333
- Will I be all right, love?
- I'm gonna get the bath cleaned.
1617
02:04:44,667 --> 02:04:46,500
You all know what it does to you,
1618
02:04:46,625 --> 02:04:50,792
and yet you still insist on doing it,
so do it.
1619
02:04:51,625 --> 02:04:53,375
Smoke yourself to...
1620
02:04:53,500 --> 02:04:55,333
Well, birds do it, bees do it.
1621
02:04:55,458 --> 02:04:57,250
...high heaven.
1622
02:04:58,167 --> 02:04:59,792
Can you tell me something, love?
1623
02:04:59,917 --> 02:05:02,542
Is it true that some babies
are born covered in fur?
1624
02:05:02,667 --> 02:05:04,125
Up.
1625
02:05:05,833 --> 02:05:07,208
Thank you.
1626
02:05:07,333 --> 02:05:09,500
And you know, at birth,
when you cut the umbilical cord,
1627
02:05:09,625 --> 02:05:12,833
what would happen if, uh...
well, if it was never cut?
1628
02:05:14,250 --> 02:05:16,708
I don't need this. I just...
1629
02:05:16,833 --> 02:05:19,333
Well, it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it?
Especially at my age.
1630
02:05:19,458 --> 02:05:22,500
Why do you feel the need
to take the piss?
1631
02:05:23,125 --> 02:05:24,875
I'm not taking the piss.
1632
02:05:25,000 --> 02:05:27,167
- It's nice, that. Where is it from?
- I don't know.
1633
02:05:27,292 --> 02:05:29,292
It's something my dad...
1634
02:05:29,417 --> 02:05:31,667
Now, you see,
Sophie just turned that to the wall.
1635
02:05:31,792 --> 02:05:34,625
She's got this kind of
irritating proclivity for negation.
1636
02:05:34,750 --> 02:05:36,958
Suppose she thinks
it's progressive or something.
1637
02:05:37,083 --> 02:05:39,958
- What is your problem?
- Nothing. What's your problem?
1638
02:05:40,083 --> 02:05:43,458
All these silly questions and...
1639
02:05:43,583 --> 02:05:47,583
Well, look, I've never met a nurse before,
and I'm just interested in, uh... well, in life.
1640
02:05:48,250 --> 02:05:50,000
I mean, do you think it's worth saving?
1641
02:05:50,125 --> 02:05:51,500
Of course I do!
1642
02:05:51,625 --> 02:05:54,625
But there is a time and a place,
1643
02:05:54,750 --> 02:05:58,708
and, actually,
this isn't the time or...
1644
02:06:00,042 --> 02:06:01,708
- The place?
- No.
1645
02:06:01,833 --> 02:06:05,833
And this is where I...
1646
02:06:05,958 --> 02:06:07,708
- Live?
- Yes!
1647
02:06:07,833 --> 02:06:09,583
And I'm not feeling very...
1648
02:06:09,708 --> 02:06:11,500
- Sexy?
- Comfortable, actually.
1649
02:06:11,625 --> 02:06:13,125
I'm not feeling very comfortable.
1650
02:06:13,250 --> 02:06:16,750
Well, make yourself comfortable, love,
or slip into something more...
1651
02:06:18,917 --> 02:06:21,042
My bath...
1652
02:06:21,167 --> 02:06:26,000
Hot toast, hot milk,
hot water bottle, bed, sleep.
1653
02:06:26,125 --> 02:06:29,833
- Do you like me?
- I don't know you, so...
1654
02:06:29,958 --> 02:06:31,667
Do you find me attractive?
1655
02:06:33,333 --> 02:06:35,833
Well, listen, love, it's like this -
I find you attractive.
1656
02:06:35,958 --> 02:06:38,333
- Very attractive.
- Enough.
1657
02:06:38,458 --> 02:06:40,333
I've had enough.
1658
02:06:40,458 --> 02:06:44,708
It comes at me from all angles.
1659
02:06:44,833 --> 02:06:46,750
You... All of you just...
1660
02:06:46,875 --> 02:06:48,917
It's the tin lids...
1661
02:06:49,042 --> 02:06:53,167
When...
How will the world ever...
1662
02:06:54,417 --> 02:06:56,417
- End?
- Yes!
1663
02:07:16,250 --> 02:07:17,667
Hmm-hmm.
128983
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