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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,028 Peg. 2 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,599 Bud. 3 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,274 Would you get the door? My arms are full. 4 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,316 - Coming. - Coming. 5 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,114 There's no place like home. 6 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,240 Al, if you're gonna come in, could you shut the door? 7 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,393 Peg, if you're gonna live here, could you shut your mouth? 8 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,958 You know, Peg, this dog is chewing a hole in our budget. 9 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:06,079 Look at these. Kibbles, dog biscuits, Liver Snaps. 10 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,710 Well, actually, Al, those are for Mom. 11 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,276 Oh, why didn't you say so? 12 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,799 Oh, food. An escape from this hellhole. 13 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,593 Bud, you're in college. 14 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,752 I mean, you don't go to parties or get laid or anything... 15 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,556 ...but you did take classes, right? 16 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,718 - Is there a point to this barrage, Dad? - Is there? 17 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,315 Oh, that's right, you're smart. 18 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,115 Where the hell is my paycheck going? 19 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,035 Luckily, Dad, I've put all the family finances right here in this computer. 20 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,273 You put something I don't have into something I don't understand. 21 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,237 You know, that reminds me of our sex life. 22 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,351 That's putting something I have in something I don't like. 23 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,593 Dad, look. 24 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:16,237 Look, here's a list of all the salaries of all the occupations in the world. 25 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:20,155 And here is what you make. 26 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,513 That's what I make? 27 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,069 I'm a paperboy. 28 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,192 Oh, no, Al, paperboys can afford bicycles. 29 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,671 There must be someone out there that makes less than I do. 30 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,675 Mom, Dad, Bud. 31 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,235 You'll never guess what I got. 32 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,838 A better game would be Guess What You Haven't Got. 33 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,311 I'll take Virginity for $100. 34 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,993 Oh, that's funny. Nobody will take yours for less than a thousand. 35 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,958 Anyway, I got a part in a TV movie. 36 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,639 Who are you gonna play, honey? 37 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,236 Madame Curie. 38 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,077 To prepare for the part, I thought I'd get some firsthand experience... 39 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,838 ...of what it's like to be Madame. 40 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,508 Does anyone know where there's a brothel around here? 41 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,072 Well, there's Howie's down by the airport but-- 42 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,076 I mean, Madame Curie's not a hooker. 43 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,073 No, she's a famous French chemist who discovered radium... 44 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,675 ...down by the airport. 45 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,434 Now, what am I gonna do? 46 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,796 I still have to research Madame Curie... 47 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,514 ...but I don't know anything about "science." 48 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,712 Kel, that's science, not "science". The C is silent. 49 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,358 I knew I should have stayed in... 50 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,192 ...shool. 51 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,751 Look, Bud, you're my manager. 52 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,197 Please do something to earn your 75 percent. 53 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,513 Peg, come here. 54 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,917 A Pakistani dirt vendor makes more than I do. 55 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,471 Yeah, and he probably smells better. 56 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,836 Probably has reason to. 57 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:30,989 I got it, Kel. I got it. 58 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,953 I'll set you up with this scientist I know at the university. 59 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,957 All you do, pretend you're a professor. 60 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,590 Okay, but, I mean, I think I'd make a more convincing Ginger or Mary Ann... 61 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,119 ...don't you think? 62 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,996 You must be the new professor. 63 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,515 You must be Gilligan. Hi. 64 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,311 Kelly Bundy at your service. 65 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,677 So Bud tells me you're in aerospace. 66 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,592 Yeah, well... 67 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,878 ...it's not rocket science, but what is? 68 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,114 Right. So what are you working on now? 69 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,677 Well, I just received a grant from the Crayola company... 70 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,072 ...to invent a new color. 71 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,514 Bleen. 72 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,034 Bleen? 73 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,510 Is that a mixture of blue and green? 74 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,115 No, of blood and spleen. 75 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:30,109 You know, it's for the kids who wanna draw accidents. Yeah. 76 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,989 Really? You would think that Crayola would have enough colors already. 77 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,157 Well, not anymore. 78 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,233 See, they had to get rid of black and white... 79 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,591 ...you know, to be politically correct. 80 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,593 They were gonna mix the two together and call it blite... 81 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:51,557 ...but the guy who invented grey back in '74 threatened to sue, so... 82 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,518 All right. 83 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:54,988 So, what's your field? 84 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,637 - Alchogorentology. - Oh, right. 85 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,959 What's alchorathincology? 86 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,074 It's a study of that age-old question: 87 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:10,394 How much booze can a rat drink before he explodes? 88 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,879 - Kennedy grant? - Exactly. 89 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,310 Now, this is your lab station, right here. 90 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,993 Oh, great. 91 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,755 Just like a smaller version of the one I have at home. 92 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,195 That reminds me. 93 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,153 Make sure you take all your findings with you when you leave. 94 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,397 After all, this is academia. Thievery runs rampant here. 95 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,149 I think I'm gonna like science. 96 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,914 It's like shopping at the mall. 97 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,359 All right. 98 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,717 Now, here's someone who might make less than your father. 99 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,679 Eskimo blubber-chewer. 100 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,599 Nope. 101 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,270 Check French deodorant salesman. 102 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,394 Not even close. 103 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,152 Hey, guys. 104 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,716 Today was my last day at the lab. 105 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,157 It's a good thing too, because there was nothing left to take. 106 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,309 But you know what? I really got into my character. 107 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,714 And just like Madame Curie... 108 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,434 ...I threw a bunch of cool, deadly chemicals together... 109 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,996 ...and I invented something. The color bleen. 110 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,918 Mom, check brain-dead blond. 111 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,310 They make way more than your father. 112 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,799 Kelly, where exactly is this color bleen now? 113 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,669 Well, since it's a level three biohazard... 114 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,797 ...I had to put it where nobody would go. 115 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,877 So I put it in Dad's shower. 116 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:13,318 You know, I never thought I'd say it, but I really enjoyed that shower. 117 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,756 You didn't wash your hair, did you, Daddy? 118 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:18,594 No, I'm wearing this towel... 119 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,519 ...because I wanna get a job as a New York City cabby. 120 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:27,029 You didn't use the bottle marked "Bleen," did you? 121 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,918 Sure did. 122 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,910 It's great. It tingles. It's just like the commercial says. 123 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,311 My whole scalp feels alive. 124 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:43,189 Honey, when you only bathe once every two months, your scalp is alive. 125 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,558 Daddy, Bleen is not a shampoo. 126 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,872 It's a bunch of deadly chemicals that I mixed together at the lab. 127 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:55,352 It's possible that this tingling you're feeling could be a massive stroke. 128 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,069 Either way, I thank you. 129 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,589 I love Bleen. 130 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,279 What? 131 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,992 How do I look? 132 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,830 Jumping Jehoshaphat, I'm a hunk! 133 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,672 I'm a dude. 134 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,388 I'm a hunky dude! 135 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,758 Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. 136 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,516 Wow, Al, you have hair. 137 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,069 - How did that happen? - Who cares? 138 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,278 All I know is that Kelly's Bleen has grown... 139 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,075 ...what 25 years of you has withered away. 140 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,558 Kelly, man has been seeking the cure for baldness... 141 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,797 ...since the invention of the younger woman. 142 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,632 This may make me rich! 143 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,875 But don't you mean make us rich? 144 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,792 No. 145 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,077 Well, it's Kelly's formula, so I gotta cut her in, of course... 146 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,153 ...but the rest of you mean absolutely nothing to me. 147 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,948 Now, wait a sec, now, I'm Kelly's manager. 148 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,270 I get 75 percent of whatever she gets. 149 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,040 Kelly, listen very, very carefully to Daddy. 150 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,629 Number one, Bud is fired. 151 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,430 Number two, do you remember how to make Bleen? 152 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,148 And can you make lots and lots for Daddy? 153 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,715 - Yeah. - Oh, sweetheart! 154 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,119 If you can make Daddy some Bleen, I'll buy you an acting career. 155 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,153 You'll be the next Tori Spelling. 156 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:12,108 Okay. But prettier, right? 157 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,029 - Hell, Two-Face is prettier. - Oh, I know. 158 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,232 Sweetheart, if you're going out, would you get me some mousse... 159 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,113 - ...and a scrunchie? - Okay, Daddy. 160 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,239 You won't get away with this, Pop. I'll sue. 161 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,710 Sue away. 162 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,671 You get in line behind Sy Sperling... 163 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,997 ...and his soon-to-be-defunct Hair Club for Men. 164 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:40,792 Because when this comes out, I'm gonna be one hairy millionaire. 165 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,470 Hey, Al, what about side effects? 166 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,553 You know, no one markets a product without testing it. 167 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,677 Oh, no, Peg? 168 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,792 Cigarettes... 169 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,990 ...Ford Pinto... 170 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,112 ...that condom I used on our wedding night. 171 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:04,117 Read my lips, Peg. There are no side effects. 172 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,590 Okay, all right. 173 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,308 By the way, Peg, you look really good this afternoon. 174 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,999 Who said that? 175 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:17,476 Al, that is the nicest thing you've said to me in years. 176 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,109 You know, I have a sudden urge to take you upstairs... 177 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,959 ...and have sex with you-- Who said that? 178 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,195 Well, let's go. 179 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,318 Wait a second, Peg. Wait, I better test this Bleen a little bit. 180 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,159 Wait a minute, Peg. Wait, wait. God, you look beautiful. 181 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:37,434 Who the hell said that? Oh, my God, somebody shoot me! 182 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,919 I now call this meeting of No Ma'am to order, to announce the results... 183 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,715 ...of the final tests of Al Bundy's Bleen. 184 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,914 I mean, Kelly and Al Bundy's Bleen. 185 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,551 I now give you my wonderful daughter, whom I love more than anything. 186 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,751 Thank you, Daddy. 187 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,836 Now, placebos were given to the first group, group A. 188 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,514 Things to do: 189 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,755 Make will. 190 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,916 Cut family out of will. 191 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,957 Make tender love to wife, with lights on. 192 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,513 What? 193 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:21,231 Now, as you can see in the first group... 194 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,040 ...there's been no hair growth at all. 195 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,431 By the way, what was that placebo we took? 196 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,229 Birth control pills. You're both dismissed. 197 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,638 Hey, is it just me, or are your breasts getting bigger too? 198 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,953 No, but I have switched to Lightdays. 199 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:49,116 Now, everybody in group B took Bleen. 200 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,958 Solid. 201 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,110 And the Bleen has worked in every case. 202 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,999 I think the evidence speaks for itself. 203 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,070 Kelly, go inside and alert the media. 204 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,714 Particularly those with receding hairlines. 205 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,751 David Brinkley, Willard Scott... 206 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,752 ...Barbara Walters. 207 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:37,993 Guys, am I the only one in the Bleen group who's had this horrible urge... 208 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,232 ...to do the girlfriend thing with the wife? 209 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,914 Oh, thank God I'm not alone. 210 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,720 I carried the wife across the threshold. 211 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,155 I told her that I loved her. 212 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,630 I even had foreplay. 213 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,315 Hey, so what? 214 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,957 Last night I pleasured my ex-wife and paid her back alimony. 215 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,273 Yeah, well, that's nothing. 216 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,038 When I was making love to Marcie... 217 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,954 ...I was fantasizing about... 218 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,475 - ...Marcie. - Oh, man, that's sick! 219 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,553 Settle, settle. Gentlemen! 220 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,758 Gentlemen, we are on the horns of a dilemma. 221 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,629 By marketing Bleen, we'll make millions. 222 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,711 Well, I will. 223 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,232 But we'll also be condemning mankind to a lifetime of lights-on... 224 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,830 ...bags-off, wife-pleasing sex. 225 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,828 Okay, then it's settled. We can't sell Bleen. 226 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,516 We'd be as hated as the guy who invented the G-spot. 227 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,035 Hey, who was that guy? 228 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,550 I don't know. Kenny G? 229 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,230 Al, we gotta do something. 230 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,916 I mean, No Ma'am is turning into Yes Ma'am. 231 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:57,233 He's right. I don't know how many more times I can sex the ex. 232 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,192 Well... 233 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,316 ...Kelly invented Bleen... 234 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,516 ...maybe she can also invent an antidote. 235 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,716 But she's gonna need a guinea pig. 236 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:08,915 No problem. 237 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,997 I'll take full responsibility. 238 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,310 A Bundy got you into this... 239 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,152 ...a Bundy will get you out. 240 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,674 Okay, Bud, I think I found the antidote. 241 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,115 Are you ready for the last test? 242 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,598 Hell, I'm ready for the last rites. 243 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,030 - Go ahead. - Okay. 244 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,196 I want you, Bud. 245 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,478 What for? 246 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,551 It worked! The antidote worked. It worked. It worked. 247 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,398 There's gotta be someone out there even more worthless than me. 248 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,074 Yeah, well, I'd like to meet him. 249 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,838 Well, here it is, Peg. 250 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,479 Occupation, none. 251 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:43,869 Skill, none. 252 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,314 Use, none. 253 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:50,076 Peg, say hi to Public Loafer Number 1. 254 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,791 How you doing, son? How are you--? 255 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,793 - How are you feeling? - Oh, just great, Dad. 256 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,156 Yeah, trying to find the cure for Bleen... 257 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:17,911 ...turned me into a bitter, sexless, aging loser. 258 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,590 I might as well sell women's shoes. 259 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,868 Come on, Dad. 260 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,350 You gotta help me. I can't stay like this forever. 261 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:33,037 Son, I-- Yeah, I mean to tell you something here. 262 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,993 See, son, I-- 263 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,629 I still have some Bleen. 264 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,235 Yeah, I saved it, you know, in case your mother... 265 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,911 ...should accidentally tie herself up to a railroad track and I'd be single again. 266 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,713 But since she'd probably just derail the train, I-- 267 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,156 I'm happy to give it to you. It's upstairs in my shower. 268 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,790 Thanks, Dad. I'll just run up and go get it. 269 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,516 That Bleen made me so horny... 270 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,877 ...I'm gonna rent me 101 Dalmatians. 271 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,549 And I don't mean the movie. 272 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,550 Hey, you guys, it's starting. My Madame Curie is on. 273 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,593 - Oh, what channel is it on, honey? - Fox. 274 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,752 Assume Fox-viewing positions. 275 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,279 And now, from the makers of: 276 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:47,600 Buttafuoco: Misunderstood Family Man or Giant, Fat Sleazoid...? 277 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,028 ...we proudly present: 278 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,789 Madame Curie: Misunderstood Scientist... 279 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,389 ...or Syph-Ridden Whoremonger? 280 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,999 Sailor, is that radium in your pocket... 281 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,754 ...or are you just happy to see me? 21651

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