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1
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:14,428
OK, all basted and ready
for the home stretch.
2
00:00:25,074 --> 00:00:26,657
Why didn't you
just open the oven
3
00:00:26,725 --> 00:00:27,992
before you picked up
the Turkey?
4
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:31,445
OK, you know what?
Now that you're here,
5
00:00:31,513 --> 00:00:32,914
why don't you open the oven
6
00:00:32,981 --> 00:00:35,366
before I dump hot Turkey
juice all over your privates?!
7
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:38,252
I do believe someone's
flirtin' with me.
8
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,354
OK. Thank you.
9
00:00:40,422 --> 00:00:42,890
All right.
Well, that's it.
10
00:00:42,958 --> 00:00:44,592
Now, if you'll excuse me,
11
00:00:44,659 --> 00:00:47,295
those yams are not
gonna candy themselves.
12
00:00:47,362 --> 00:00:48,629
Wow, this is amazing.
13
00:00:48,696 --> 00:00:49,696
You're cookin' a meal,
14
00:00:49,765 --> 00:00:51,799
and there's no
smoke alarms goin' off,
15
00:00:51,867 --> 00:00:54,635
no dogs howlin' in the alley.
16
00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:57,437
I know! I'm just
as surprised as you are!
17
00:00:57,505 --> 00:00:59,523
Can you believe that I'm
actually gonna pull off
18
00:00:59,591 --> 00:01:02,192
a home-cooked Thanksgiving
dinner for 10 people?
19
00:01:02,260 --> 00:01:04,946
I mean, that beats
my previous record by...
20
00:01:05,013 --> 00:01:06,781
10!
21
00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:09,416
Oh, gravy's done.
22
00:01:09,484 --> 00:01:10,735
Oh, sweet!
23
00:01:10,802 --> 00:01:11,869
Off, off, off!
24
00:01:11,937 --> 00:01:14,038
Sorry. I heard a bell.
I'm like a fighter that way.
25
00:01:14,106 --> 00:01:16,007
So what can I have?
26
00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:17,809
You can eat anything
over here, all right?
27
00:01:17,876 --> 00:01:19,556
Just get something
out of the refrigerator.
28
00:01:19,581 --> 00:01:21,728
So any word
from your dad upstate?
29
00:01:21,796 --> 00:01:24,531
Yes, um... apparently he had
a fight with his cousin-in-law,
30
00:01:24,599 --> 00:01:26,967
and they have to eat
Thanksgiving dinner in shifts.
31
00:01:27,035 --> 00:01:31,571
It's gonna be weird having our
Thanksgiving without him, right?
32
00:01:31,639 --> 00:01:33,079
Yeah, I'm really
gonna miss the sight
33
00:01:33,104 --> 00:01:35,640
of a 10-course meal gettin'
caught in the man's mustache.
34
00:01:36,445 --> 00:01:38,061
Ah, leftover pizza,
35
00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:41,164
just under
the 5-day limit.
36
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,869
Wait, whoa. What
are you doing? No.
37
00:01:44,937 --> 00:01:45,903
Gonna reheat pizza.
38
00:01:45,971 --> 00:01:47,938
The broccoli
is cooking in there.
39
00:01:48,006 --> 00:01:50,223
So? Can't I grab a ride
for 30 seconds?
40
00:01:50,291 --> 00:01:52,994
No! Then the broccoli's
gonna taste like pepperoni!
41
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,400
First, leave.
42
00:02:00,469 --> 00:02:01,602
Second, set the table.
43
00:02:01,670 --> 00:02:02,903
You think you can manage that?
44
00:02:02,971 --> 00:02:04,271
What's this?
45
00:02:04,339 --> 00:02:05,339
The silver place settings
46
00:02:05,373 --> 00:02:06,907
your parents gave us
for our wedding.
47
00:02:06,975 --> 00:02:07,858
Why is it in this?
48
00:02:08,010 --> 00:02:09,710
Am I taking them on vacation?
49
00:02:09,777 --> 00:02:10,945
You're killing me here.
50
00:02:11,013 --> 00:02:12,146
Please, just go.
51
00:02:12,213 --> 00:02:14,013
I'm gonna go get some
sodas out of the garage.
52
00:02:22,641 --> 00:02:23,791
Oh, wow.
53
00:02:26,995 --> 00:02:28,529
I'm eatin' with this one.
54
00:02:37,706 --> 00:02:38,872
Hello.
55
00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:41,225
Finally, somebody home.
Hey, sorry to bother you.
56
00:02:41,293 --> 00:02:43,010
Any way I could
use your phone?
57
00:02:43,078 --> 00:02:45,229
Uh... what's up?
58
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:46,864
My car died a couple
blocks from here.
59
00:02:46,932 --> 00:02:48,365
Engine seized up.
60
00:02:48,433 --> 00:02:50,313
That's rough. I mean,
I'm not much of a car guy,
61
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,823
but I know when I seize up,
I not feel so good.
62
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:56,724
Sure, come on in.
Thanks, man.
63
00:02:56,791 --> 00:02:57,911
It's gettin' cold out there.
64
00:02:57,976 --> 00:02:59,696
I picked the wrong day
to lose my chapstick.
65
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,212
Oh, been there.
66
00:03:01,279 --> 00:03:02,279
That's why I keep mine
67
00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:03,987
in the little pocket
above the big pocket.
68
00:03:04,012 --> 00:03:04,915
That's for chapstick.
69
00:03:04,983 --> 00:03:06,417
A lot of people
don't know that.
70
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,018
Phone's right there.
71
00:03:08,086 --> 00:03:09,420
Thanks.
72
00:03:16,094 --> 00:03:17,694
Whoa! Hello.
73
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:18,829
And you are?
74
00:03:18,896 --> 00:03:20,797
That guy said
I could use the phone.
75
00:03:20,865 --> 00:03:22,500
Oh, OK.
76
00:03:27,271 --> 00:03:29,657
Doug? What is a man
with an eye patch
77
00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:30,975
doing in our kitchen?
78
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,210
His car broke down.
79
00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:34,511
And you just let him in here?
80
00:03:34,579 --> 00:03:35,279
Yeah, he was stranded.
81
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:36,550
What do you expect me to do?
82
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:37,937
Have you ever
met this man before?
83
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,033
No.
84
00:03:39,101 --> 00:03:41,301
And have you seen this "car"
that supposedly broke down?
85
00:03:41,326 --> 00:03:42,036
No.
86
00:03:42,104 --> 00:03:43,704
Could you offer me
any assurance
87
00:03:43,772 --> 00:03:45,106
that we're not about to die?
88
00:03:45,173 --> 00:03:48,075
Will you relax?
It's fine.
89
00:03:48,143 --> 00:03:50,327
I let people in here
all the time.
90
00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:53,180
Oh! OK,
that's a relief.
91
00:03:53,248 --> 00:03:55,366
Excuse me, what's
your address here?
92
00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:57,134
Oh, it's 3121 Aberdeen.
93
00:03:57,202 --> 00:03:58,369
Thanks.
94
00:03:58,436 --> 00:03:59,336
Ow!
95
00:04:01,406 --> 00:04:04,141
You don't just give
a stranger our address.
96
00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:05,742
It's on the door!
97
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:08,845
It's not like I gave him
my pin number.
98
00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:11,982
Actually, I do use that
as my pin number.
99
00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:15,318
You know what?
Just get rid of him, OK?
100
00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:22,593
OK, my buddy's
coming to pick me up.
101
00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:23,980
Uh, there's a diner
on the corner.
102
00:04:24,048 --> 00:04:25,968
Why don't you wait for
your buddy over there, OK?
103
00:04:25,993 --> 00:04:26,564
It's closed.
104
00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:28,298
Everything around here's
closed.
105
00:04:28,366 --> 00:04:29,326
You mind if I wait here?
106
00:04:29,351 --> 00:04:31,168
Sure.
107
00:04:31,236 --> 00:04:34,538
I mean, outside,
if you don't mind.
108
00:04:34,606 --> 00:04:36,223
OK.
109
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:37,958
Inside would be fine normally,
110
00:04:38,026 --> 00:04:39,526
but we're gettin' ready
for company,
111
00:04:39,594 --> 00:04:40,754
and we're gonna be vacuuming.
112
00:04:40,795 --> 00:04:42,075
It's gonna be
real noisy in here.
113
00:04:42,143 --> 00:04:43,663
I think you'll like it
better out here.
114
00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,799
So just make yourself
comfortable,
115
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,027
although I'd avoid that chair
116
00:04:47,051 --> 00:04:49,820
unless you like getting poked
by something cold and rusty.
117
00:04:51,656 --> 00:04:52,623
Right.
118
00:04:52,691 --> 00:04:54,725
So how long
till your buddy gets here?
119
00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:56,409
Uh, well, he's coming
from Baltimore,
120
00:04:56,477 --> 00:04:57,911
so I guess about 4 hours.
121
00:05:01,816 --> 00:05:03,484
OK, then.
122
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,643
OK, here she is!
Happy Thanksgiving!
123
00:05:16,965 --> 00:05:18,031
Yoo-hoo!
124
00:05:18,099 --> 00:05:20,567
Hello! Hi!
125
00:05:23,788 --> 00:05:24,722
Right.
126
00:05:24,789 --> 00:05:25,923
Well, I got mine.
127
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,958
What are the rest
of you havin'?
128
00:05:29,244 --> 00:05:30,944
All right, let me carve
this bad boy up.
129
00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:32,946
OK, in the meantime,
everybody serve yourselves.
130
00:05:33,015 --> 00:05:34,348
I got some stuffing...
131
00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:35,749
All right.
132
00:05:35,817 --> 00:05:37,918
And some sweet potatoes.
133
00:05:37,986 --> 00:05:38,919
You got that?
134
00:05:38,987 --> 00:05:41,389
And some fresh green beans.
135
00:05:41,456 --> 00:05:44,191
Son of an ass!
136
00:05:44,259 --> 00:05:45,942
Obviously not a bean guy.
137
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:48,512
No, he's watching the
football game on his little TV.
138
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,215
The man has
a serious gambling problem.
139
00:05:53,601 --> 00:05:55,453
Well, as long as he's
having a good time.
140
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,005
OK, everybody, in the
meantime, here you go.
141
00:05:58,073 --> 00:05:59,940
Come on. Scoop and pass.
Scoop and pass!
142
00:06:00,008 --> 00:06:02,243
Let's go. Move it along.
143
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,085
Wow, he looks cold.
144
00:06:11,152 --> 00:06:13,420
They say it's gonna
get below 30 tonight,
145
00:06:13,487 --> 00:06:15,388
not counting windchill.
146
00:06:15,456 --> 00:06:18,108
Is that man
going to freeze, daddy?
147
00:06:18,176 --> 00:06:19,343
I don't know, son.
148
00:06:22,247 --> 00:06:25,082
No! Don't worry.
149
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:26,516
I noticed when he came inside,
150
00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:28,785
he had a whole thermal thing
underneath his clothes.
151
00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:31,355
He's actually warmer out there
than we are in here.
152
00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,608
Carve.
153
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:35,926
OK, so enough about him.
154
00:06:35,994 --> 00:06:38,161
Let's enjoy each other's
company, shall we?
155
00:06:38,229 --> 00:06:40,431
Yeah. Hey, let's
change the subject.
156
00:06:40,499 --> 00:06:43,634
Um, anyone seen the new
wim wenders film?
157
00:06:46,488 --> 00:06:48,705
Well, it's better than
talking about that guy.
158
00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:50,924
Man, he give me the creeps.
159
00:06:50,992 --> 00:06:53,059
Really? I kind of think
he's cute.
160
00:06:53,128 --> 00:06:54,461
What?!
161
00:06:54,529 --> 00:06:57,214
Yeah, when I came in, I saw
that he has a nice smile,
162
00:06:57,281 --> 00:06:59,516
and his eye is so blue.
163
00:07:01,485 --> 00:07:04,321
Hey, anyone see the
Thanksgiving parade this morning?
164
00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:05,656
See that rockette?
165
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,991
She took a nosedive right
off the side of the float.
166
00:07:08,059 --> 00:07:09,493
So funny.
167
00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:10,261
I didn't see it.
168
00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:11,445
I couldn't stop laughing.
169
00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:25,709
Hey, try the stuffing.
No raisins.
170
00:07:27,712 --> 00:07:28,679
What?
171
00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,313
Fix this.
Fix what?
172
00:07:30,381 --> 00:07:31,901
OK, in case you
haven't noticed, idiot,
173
00:07:31,926 --> 00:07:34,100
everybody's obsessed with
your porch pal out there.
174
00:07:34,168 --> 00:07:35,935
Nobody's eating.
It's completely awkward.
175
00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:37,104
What do you want me to do?
176
00:07:37,172 --> 00:07:38,105
The guy's waiting
for his buddy to pick him up,
177
00:07:38,173 --> 00:07:39,573
he's got nowhere else to go.
178
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,343
The only other option is
to let him wait inside here.
179
00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:45,212
Inside? Are you really
that stupid?
180
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,447
Stupid with kindness.
181
00:07:47,515 --> 00:07:49,850
Doug, please, just
close the curtains then.
182
00:07:49,918 --> 00:07:51,668
I'm not doing that.
It's rude.
183
00:07:51,736 --> 00:07:53,086
Rude? OK, I'm sorry.
184
00:07:53,154 --> 00:07:55,234
I guess I'm not up to speed
on the rules of etiquette
185
00:07:55,259 --> 00:07:58,227
involving
one-eyed porch psychos.
186
00:07:59,528 --> 00:08:01,278
Now, look, I worked my ass off
187
00:08:01,346 --> 00:08:02,626
to make a nice
Thanksgiving meal,
188
00:08:02,651 --> 00:08:04,214
and I want people to enjoy it,
189
00:08:04,282 --> 00:08:05,615
so you're gonna
march in there,
190
00:08:05,683 --> 00:08:06,923
you're gonna
close the curtains,
191
00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,488
and then you're gonna
make a funny joke
192
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:09,656
to get everybody in
a good mood again, OK?
193
00:08:09,724 --> 00:08:10,470
Now go!
194
00:08:10,538 --> 00:08:12,339
Fine, but for the record,
195
00:08:12,407 --> 00:08:14,375
you're way scarier
than patchy.
196
00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:18,278
Hey, how's it goin'?
197
00:08:18,346 --> 00:08:19,666
It's just a little bright
in here.
198
00:08:19,691 --> 00:08:21,925
Gonna close the curtains.
199
00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:24,818
Here we go.
200
00:08:24,886 --> 00:08:26,320
All right.
201
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:28,055
OK, that's good.
202
00:08:28,123 --> 00:08:31,525
Ahem, here we are.
203
00:08:31,593 --> 00:08:33,193
Might as well
get this one, too.
204
00:08:33,261 --> 00:08:34,662
Sure.
205
00:08:34,729 --> 00:08:37,397
All right! Who wants
some Turkey now?
206
00:08:37,465 --> 00:08:39,299
Show of drumsticks, huh?
207
00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:49,760
Everything is so delicious, Carrie.
208
00:08:49,828 --> 00:08:50,894
It's so good.
209
00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:53,246
Yeah, and free.
210
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,966
Yes, but tipping
is appreciated.
211
00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,501
Pass me the broccoli, please.
212
00:09:04,426 --> 00:09:07,895
What a wonderfully awkward
Thanksgiving you've created.
213
00:09:07,963 --> 00:09:11,298
Major! Major, get back to the table!
214
00:09:11,365 --> 00:09:12,725
Please do something
about your son.
215
00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,473
He just wants to look
at the freak outside.
216
00:09:14,498 --> 00:09:15,539
We all do.
217
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:17,971
Just get him back here.
218
00:09:18,039 --> 00:09:20,040
Major, you heard your mother.
219
00:09:20,108 --> 00:09:20,941
Major!
220
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:23,510
I just wanted to see
if the pirate is dead.
221
00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:25,262
He's not a pirate,
and he's not dead.
222
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,930
Is he?
223
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:32,035
OK, who's ready for a second
round of stuffing? Lou?
224
00:09:32,103 --> 00:09:33,853
Look, it's not my place
to say this,
225
00:09:33,922 --> 00:09:35,555
but have you considered
letting that man
226
00:09:35,623 --> 00:09:37,557
wait inside the house?
227
00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:38,859
Inside the house.
228
00:09:38,927 --> 00:09:41,762
Huh. What a kind
and generous thought.
229
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:46,049
We don't think
it's a good idea, Lou.
230
00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:47,100
Why not?
231
00:09:47,168 --> 00:09:48,968
Well, because we've
never met this man before.
232
00:09:49,035 --> 00:09:50,755
For all we know, he
could be an ax murderer.
233
00:09:50,780 --> 00:09:52,172
Who needs another roll?
234
00:09:52,239 --> 00:09:54,341
I will take one,
235
00:09:54,408 --> 00:09:55,528
and I'll tell you something.
236
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:56,777
I agree with you, sister.
237
00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:57,928
You work in the subway,
238
00:09:57,996 --> 00:09:59,163
you see a lot of sickos,
239
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:02,800
and this guy has my
spidey-sense tingling.
240
00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:04,568
Really?
241
00:10:04,635 --> 00:10:07,404
He doesn't seem
like a sicko at all to me,
242
00:10:07,471 --> 00:10:09,306
and I've known
my share of sickos.
243
00:10:09,374 --> 00:10:11,708
I still keep in touch
with some of them.
244
00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:15,078
Well, Holly, you make
a persuasive case. You do.
245
00:10:15,146 --> 00:10:17,848
Um, but we're still
not gonna let him in.
246
00:10:17,915 --> 00:10:20,434
Oh! You fumblin' bitch!
247
00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:22,369
Sorry.
248
00:10:22,437 --> 00:10:23,970
Happy Thanksgiving.
249
00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:26,590
Listen, Car,
for what it's worth,
250
00:10:26,657 --> 00:10:28,257
I wouldn't let a
raggedy-looking stranger
251
00:10:28,292 --> 00:10:29,760
in my house on Thanksgiving.
252
00:10:29,827 --> 00:10:31,828
Thank you. See?
It's not just me.
253
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:33,663
Lou and Holly,
they agree with me.
254
00:10:33,731 --> 00:10:34,865
Deac, what about you?
255
00:10:34,932 --> 00:10:36,772
I mean, you'd be OK
letting this guy in, right?
256
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,257
Well, if he was
a brother I would,
257
00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:40,353
but not this dude.
258
00:10:40,421 --> 00:10:42,572
Isn't that
just a form of racism?
259
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:43,656
Look, I'm just looking
at the facts.
260
00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:45,125
Black dude
might steal your wallet,
261
00:10:45,192 --> 00:10:46,632
but the psychos
who chop up families?
262
00:10:46,694 --> 00:10:48,762
All white boys.
263
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:51,331
Honkies! Yes!
264
00:10:51,399 --> 00:10:53,000
All right,
the bottom line here is,
265
00:10:53,068 --> 00:10:54,434
I assume the best
about people,
266
00:10:54,502 --> 00:10:55,836
you assume the worst.
267
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:58,438
You build walls,
I build Bridges.
268
00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:02,309
You couldn't build a TV stand.
269
00:11:02,376 --> 00:11:04,544
The instructions
were in Japanese.
270
00:11:04,612 --> 00:11:07,464
Face it, Doug, you're
way off on this one.
271
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:09,052
I mean, did you
get a look at this guy?
272
00:11:09,117 --> 00:11:11,718
I mean, the way he's
dressed and the eye patch?
273
00:11:11,785 --> 00:11:14,066
What the hell does his eye
patch have to do with anything?
274
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,507
Maybe a missile was headed
for an elementary school,
275
00:11:16,574 --> 00:11:18,342
and he threw his eye
in the way!
276
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:20,811
It was like, zzz! "Aah!"
277
00:11:20,878 --> 00:11:22,078
Man's a hero.
278
00:11:22,146 --> 00:11:24,431
I'm just saying a normal
guy who loses an eye,
279
00:11:24,498 --> 00:11:25,832
he doesn't go with a patch.
280
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,968
I mean, a glass eye, maybe,
281
00:11:28,036 --> 00:11:30,003
or a pair
of dark ray-bans.
282
00:11:30,071 --> 00:11:31,972
I mean, you don't see
ray Charles walking around
283
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,740
wearing an eye patch, do you?
284
00:11:33,808 --> 00:11:35,743
Actually, he would
need 2 eye patches.
285
00:11:37,478 --> 00:11:39,529
That's a bad look right there.
286
00:11:39,597 --> 00:11:40,997
Think about who wears
an eye patch--
287
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:41,981
captain hook,
288
00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:44,250
the villain from
the James Bond movie--
289
00:11:44,318 --> 00:11:45,719
all bad guys.
290
00:11:45,787 --> 00:11:47,454
What about bazooka Joe?
291
00:11:47,521 --> 00:11:49,189
Bazooka Joe.
Couldn't be nicer.
292
00:11:49,257 --> 00:11:50,617
Please! Have you read
those comics?
293
00:11:50,642 --> 00:11:51,825
He's very sarcastic.
294
00:11:51,893 --> 00:11:53,644
All right, come on, you guys.
295
00:11:53,711 --> 00:11:56,013
This has nothing to do
with the guy's eye patch.
296
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,747
OK, maybe he is a nice guy
297
00:11:57,815 --> 00:11:59,966
who got a missile
in the eye, all right?
298
00:12:00,034 --> 00:12:01,668
But maybe he's not!
299
00:12:01,736 --> 00:12:04,771
And if there's a 1% chance that
he could be a demented killer,
300
00:12:04,839 --> 00:12:06,906
why should we take the risk?
301
00:12:06,974 --> 00:12:08,608
The guy is freezing
out there, all right?
302
00:12:08,676 --> 00:12:10,676
You want the headline
in the post to read tomorrow,
303
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:13,246
"man dies on porch of
happy Thanksgiving dinner"?
304
00:12:13,314 --> 00:12:14,898
How about this for a headline?
305
00:12:14,966 --> 00:12:17,167
"10 people carved in
Thanksgiving massacre."
306
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,470
I mean, it writes itself!
307
00:12:23,624 --> 00:12:24,944
Oh, God, do you
think he heard us?
308
00:12:24,959 --> 00:12:29,079
Even so, how would he know
we were talking about him?
309
00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:32,082
Maybe the fact that we said
"eye patch" about 600 times.
310
00:12:35,536 --> 00:12:36,870
What are you-
what are you doing?!
311
00:12:36,938 --> 00:12:38,205
I'm gonna see
what he wants, OK?
312
00:12:38,273 --> 00:12:39,739
It's a little late
to pretend we're not home.
313
00:12:39,808 --> 00:12:41,528
All right, well, keep
the chain on the door.
314
00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:43,844
Yeah, cause' no one can
get through one of these.
315
00:12:45,579 --> 00:12:46,646
Yeah?
316
00:12:46,714 --> 00:12:48,615
Hey, uh, any chance
I could use your bathroom?
317
00:12:48,683 --> 00:12:49,983
Oh, yeah, sure, no problem.
318
00:12:50,051 --> 00:12:51,735
One second, please.
I'm in my bra.
319
00:12:53,604 --> 00:12:56,006
OK, this is
where I draw the line, OK?
320
00:12:56,073 --> 00:12:57,553
I'm not gonna insult
the man's dignity
321
00:12:57,578 --> 00:12:59,308
by making him take a pee
in our bushes!
322
00:12:59,376 --> 00:13:01,177
Why not? You do.
323
00:13:01,245 --> 00:13:03,063
Not in the front!
324
00:13:03,131 --> 00:13:04,698
I'm lettin' him in.
325
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:05,646
OK, but wait a minute.
326
00:13:05,671 --> 00:13:07,984
You follow him upstairs,
327
00:13:08,052 --> 00:13:09,052
he goes to the bathroom,
328
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,987
and then he's right back
outside, OK?
329
00:13:11,055 --> 00:13:13,456
All right, everybody,
keep eating, look normal.
330
00:13:13,524 --> 00:13:14,524
Hey, man, come on in.
331
00:13:14,676 --> 00:13:15,742
Sorry about that.
332
00:13:15,810 --> 00:13:17,530
Hey, you got a nice
little setup there, huh?
333
00:13:17,555 --> 00:13:20,446
Just sittin' there, watchin'
the pretty girls walk by?
334
00:13:20,514 --> 00:13:21,898
It's at the top of the stairs.
335
00:13:21,966 --> 00:13:23,066
Great.
336
00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,302
What are you, blind?!
337
00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:30,173
Uh... football referee's...
338
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:31,574
Blind.
339
00:13:31,642 --> 00:13:33,076
I like your coat.
340
00:13:34,712 --> 00:13:37,363
I like your pants.
I'm Holly. Hi!
341
00:13:37,431 --> 00:13:38,164
Hi.
342
00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,903
OK. Go. Go!
343
00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:44,210
Deac, you go, too.
Check on him.
344
00:13:44,238 --> 00:13:45,371
OK, OK.
345
00:13:49,911 --> 00:13:51,011
What's he doin'?
346
00:13:52,747 --> 00:13:53,780
Number one.
347
00:13:58,686 --> 00:14:00,620
Jeez, what'd he have,
a big gulp?
348
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,691
Now he's washin' his hands.
How many psycho killers you know
349
00:14:04,759 --> 00:14:06,092
wash their hands
after they pee?
350
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,126
Couldn't tell you.
351
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:08,361
He's comin'.
352
00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:09,963
Uh, there. How's that?
353
00:14:10,031 --> 00:14:11,131
Is that any better?
354
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:12,365
Uh, up a little on the left.
355
00:14:12,433 --> 00:14:13,734
All right, there you go.
356
00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:15,241
Now, stop worryin'
about our pictures
357
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:16,509
and enjoy your dinner already.
358
00:14:16,544 --> 00:14:17,804
Well, now I can.
359
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:28,081
Well, thanks a lot.
360
00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:29,749
Sorry to disturb your dinner.
361
00:14:29,817 --> 00:14:31,468
What? No,
no, no, no.
362
00:14:33,721 --> 00:14:35,288
Hey, mister. Mister.
363
00:14:35,355 --> 00:14:36,656
Major?
Why do you
364
00:14:36,724 --> 00:14:39,475
have to be outside?
Are you a pirate?
365
00:14:39,543 --> 00:14:42,145
Yes. Yes,
I am a pirate.
366
00:14:42,213 --> 00:14:45,115
I just came ashore for a
few days to fix my ship.
367
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:46,817
Can you fix my game boy?
368
00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:49,386
Major, leave the man alone. He's...
369
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:50,687
Busy.
370
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:53,273
Let me see.
371
00:14:54,509 --> 00:14:56,009
Oh, you might
just need to poke
372
00:14:56,076 --> 00:14:58,912
the little reset button
with somethin' sharp.
373
00:14:58,979 --> 00:14:59,679
Ca--
374
00:15:05,352 --> 00:15:07,287
there you go.
Good as new.
375
00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:08,455
Thanks.
376
00:15:13,444 --> 00:15:15,628
OK. Well, I guess
I'll go back out there.
377
00:15:22,703 --> 00:15:24,504
All right, this is ridiculous.
378
00:15:24,571 --> 00:15:26,506
The guy's obviously harmless.
379
00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:28,141
You don't know that.
380
00:15:28,209 --> 00:15:30,849
He just fixed a child's game boy
and washed his hands after making.
381
00:15:30,874 --> 00:15:32,162
How much proof do we need?!
382
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:34,213
Hey, no amount of proof
is gonna change my gut
383
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,315
tellin' me
this guy isn't right.
384
00:15:36,383 --> 00:15:37,300
Oh, will you knock it off?
385
00:15:37,368 --> 00:15:38,728
It's not this guy
you're scared of.
386
00:15:38,736 --> 00:15:39,836
It's the whole world!
387
00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:42,138
That's why the subway's
a perfect job for you.
388
00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:43,773
You can hide in your
little glass booth all day.
389
00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:45,208
Do they even need
you, by the way,
390
00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:46,976
with the whole
Metro card thing?
391
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:49,529
Shut up.
Shut up!
392
00:15:51,532 --> 00:15:52,966
What are you doin'?
393
00:15:53,034 --> 00:15:54,067
You know what? If we're
not letting him in here,
394
00:15:54,135 --> 00:15:55,268
I'm goin' out there.
395
00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:56,653
That's what happened
396
00:15:56,721 --> 00:15:57,687
on the first Thanksgiving.
The pilgrims
397
00:15:57,839 --> 00:15:59,439
didn't know the
Indians, but they decided
398
00:15:59,464 --> 00:16:01,607
to trust them
and bring them food.
399
00:16:01,675 --> 00:16:04,994
Yes, and then
the Indians scalped them.
400
00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:08,281
I think you both have
the story pretty wrong.
401
00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:09,582
You know what?
The point is,
402
00:16:09,650 --> 00:16:11,318
sometimes you gotta
do the right thing,
403
00:16:11,385 --> 00:16:13,586
and that's exactly what I'm doin'
the right thing.
404
00:16:13,654 --> 00:16:15,922
And I don't care if
I have to do it alone!
405
00:16:17,491 --> 00:16:19,491
Deac, could you, uh, help
me with the door handles?
406
00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:22,962
Thank you!
407
00:16:24,431 --> 00:16:25,991
Do you want to just
grab my jacket? Oh.
408
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,267
Yeah.
409
00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:29,769
Thank you!
410
00:16:33,190 --> 00:16:34,992
You know what?
I agree with Doug.
411
00:16:35,059 --> 00:16:37,260
I mean, it really is
the right thing to do,
412
00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:41,464
and I think when you
have a chance to do...
413
00:16:41,532 --> 00:16:43,800
To do the right thing,
you should do it. You know?
414
00:16:43,868 --> 00:16:45,268
'Cause at the end of the day,
415
00:16:45,336 --> 00:16:46,853
the, uh...
The right thing...
416
00:16:48,155 --> 00:16:49,856
Is right. OK.
417
00:16:51,759 --> 00:16:52,692
I'm just gonna...
418
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,828
Take this wine with me, too.
419
00:16:54,895 --> 00:16:56,646
We wanna go, too, mama!
420
00:16:56,681 --> 00:16:58,965
Yeah! We wanna eat
with the pirate!
421
00:16:59,033 --> 00:17:00,266
No.
Absolutely not.
422
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,968
Dad, can we?
423
00:17:02,036 --> 00:17:04,971
Um... look,
maybe it's all right.
424
00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:06,639
That man could be dangerous!
425
00:17:06,707 --> 00:17:08,808
I know, but they're
just gonna keep nagging.
426
00:17:11,712 --> 00:17:13,513
Deacon, that's not
a good enough reason.
427
00:17:13,581 --> 00:17:15,081
You know, maybe we should
take them out there. OK?
428
00:17:15,149 --> 00:17:17,150
I mean, look, do you want 'em to
grow up to be afraid of the world?
429
00:17:17,217 --> 00:17:19,052
They could end up
like... like...
430
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:20,319
Uhh...
431
00:17:23,908 --> 00:17:25,208
OK, coats and mittens.
432
00:17:25,276 --> 00:17:26,977
Yay!
Yay!
433
00:17:27,044 --> 00:17:28,678
All right. But if you guys go outside,
434
00:17:28,745 --> 00:17:31,898
you can say good-bye to
desserts. I'm serious.
435
00:17:34,568 --> 00:17:35,768
They're right.
436
00:17:37,204 --> 00:17:38,638
All of them. I...
437
00:17:38,705 --> 00:17:40,807
I am afraid of the world.
438
00:17:40,874 --> 00:17:44,110
I sit behind my
bulletproof glass every day,
439
00:17:44,178 --> 00:17:47,780
all day, and...
My only thought is...
440
00:17:47,848 --> 00:17:50,616
God, I hope the glass
really is bulletproof.
441
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,489
Well, I'm through
living in fear!
442
00:17:56,556 --> 00:17:58,258
I'm going out there, damn it!
443
00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:03,496
You're... coming,
too, right, Lou?
444
00:18:05,499 --> 00:18:06,917
I have to follow my heart.
445
00:18:06,984 --> 00:18:09,318
Yeah. Follow your
friggin' heart, Lou.
446
00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:14,640
Oh, come on, baby!
Go! Go, go, go!
447
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:17,360
No one to beat
but the kicker! Go!
448
00:18:17,428 --> 00:18:18,495
Oh, my God!
449
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:21,097
How do you get tackled
by a guy from Sweden?!
450
00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,870
Ohhh! God!
451
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:31,775
Where is everybody?
452
00:18:33,544 --> 00:18:35,504
Ahh, don't worry about
them. It's just you and me,
453
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,306
Danny boy. What do you need? Stuffing?
454
00:18:37,374 --> 00:18:38,665
Uh... broccoli?
455
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:40,634
Nah. Just lost a fortune.
456
00:18:40,701 --> 00:18:42,502
Need some air.
457
00:18:59,603 --> 00:19:01,137
I can't believe that.
458
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,057
Live and learn, huh? Yeah.
459
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:06,592
Uh, I... I haven't
seen 'em for years.
460
00:19:06,661 --> 00:19:07,661
Um... hi.
461
00:19:09,329 --> 00:19:13,366
I just wanted to tell
you, Mr. Stranger...
462
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,168
That I was the,
uh, the main person
463
00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:17,270
who didn't want you
to come in tonight.
464
00:19:18,706 --> 00:19:21,975
I guess I've just never
been a... a trusting person.
465
00:19:22,043 --> 00:19:24,895
I'm one of those
few people who, um...
466
00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:27,530
Actually uses
the ATM rearview mirror.
467
00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:30,433
Anyway...
468
00:19:30,501 --> 00:19:32,785
In the true spirit
of Thanksgiving,
469
00:19:32,853 --> 00:19:35,055
I'd like to invite you
inside with us.
470
00:19:36,257 --> 00:19:38,258
For the rest of our
dinner, if you'd like.
471
00:19:40,027 --> 00:19:42,462
Well, I... I don't,
uh... know what to say.
472
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,298
I mean... before
any of you came out,
473
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:47,500
I was thinkin' about
how nice you people were...
474
00:19:47,568 --> 00:19:51,071
Just to let a perfect stranger
use your phone and your bathroom
475
00:19:51,138 --> 00:19:52,973
and to wait out here
on your porch?
476
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,575
I certainly never
expected any of this.
477
00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:59,145
I - I'd just love to
make a toast to you...
478
00:19:59,213 --> 00:20:00,746
A Thanksgiving toast.
479
00:20:00,814 --> 00:20:01,715
That'd be great.
480
00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:03,200
Absolutely.
Yeah.
481
00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:05,568
Whoops. There's my
buddy's car right now,
482
00:20:05,636 --> 00:20:07,103
stoppin' at
that traffic light.
483
00:20:07,171 --> 00:20:08,888
I recognize the bad paint job.
484
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,558
Uh, we got a long drive,
485
00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:13,625
so if I could just use
your bathroom one more time,
486
00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:15,293
then I'll make my toast
and be on my way?
487
00:20:15,318 --> 00:20:16,529
Oh. Absolutely.
Sure.
488
00:20:16,597 --> 00:20:18,331
I'll get the wine
poured in the meantime.
489
00:20:18,399 --> 00:20:19,699
Can I have some wine?
490
00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:21,801
Sure you can...
In about 14 years.
491
00:20:27,007 --> 00:20:29,226
See? Turns out
he's a great guy.
492
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:32,062
And you want to hear
the kicker? Jets fan. Oh.
493
00:20:32,129 --> 00:20:34,296
Hey, Holly, did you
get his number yet?
494
00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:36,084
Uh, no, not yet, but
when he comes back out,
495
00:20:36,099 --> 00:20:38,702
if you all could just talk
amongst yourselves... ohhh...
496
00:20:38,769 --> 00:20:40,169
You bad girl.
497
00:20:40,237 --> 00:20:42,171
All I can say...
This has
498
00:20:42,239 --> 00:20:44,224
turned out to be one of
the nicest thanksgivings
499
00:20:44,291 --> 00:20:45,458
I've ever had.
500
00:20:45,525 --> 00:20:46,842
Ohhh...
Ohhh...
501
00:20:48,195 --> 00:20:49,528
Hey, here comes his friend.
502
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:50,629
The guy caught a break.
503
00:20:50,697 --> 00:20:52,257
There's a parking
space right in front.
504
00:21:09,883 --> 00:21:11,184
Crap!
505
00:21:13,654 --> 00:21:15,822
He got our silverware, our stereo,
506
00:21:15,889 --> 00:21:18,308
her purse, her purse,
and his little TV.
507
00:21:19,576 --> 00:21:21,644
Told you he wouldn't kill us.
508
00:21:27,184 --> 00:21:29,619
I will wait for you.
I promise.
509
00:21:29,686 --> 00:21:32,472
But in the meantime, um...
510
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:35,241
Can I get my purse back?
35976
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