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1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,592
(bell rings)
2
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:05,765
♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪
3
00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:08,639
♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪
5
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:15,038
♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪
6
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:17,073
♪ It's all right ♪
7
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:20,747
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
8
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,917
♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪
9
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:26,882
♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪
10
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:29,760
♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪
11
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:33,256
♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪
12
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,291
♪ It's all right ♪
13
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:43,302
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪
14
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,082
♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪
15
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,716
♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪
16
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:05,724
♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
17
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:11,536
This week's topic in speech class
is entitled "My Best Friend."
18
00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:14,906
All right, our next public talker
will be Mr. A.C. Slater.
19
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,070
You ready or what?
20
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,102
Oh, by the way,
our speech teacher got sick,
21
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,342
and Coach Rizzo is filling in.
22
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:25,148
- I'm ready.
- Hey, move me.
23
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:27,415
Okay. Listen up.
24
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,446
My best friend is somebody
I've known a long time.
25
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,983
We've traveled
all over the world together.
26
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,859
He speaks my language.
27
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:40,630
And no matter what happens,
he's always there for me.
28
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,592
He's true blue,
except when he's green or brown,
29
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:46,732
'cause you see,
my best friend is my chameleon,
30
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:52,235
Artie.
31
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:54,009
(girls sigh)
32
00:01:54,014 --> 00:02:00,750
Hey, I am deeply touched here.
33
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,018
Hey, guys,
watch what Artie can do.
34
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:09,156
All right, Artie, come on.
Give me a "nosie."
35
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:11,460
Slater, that was great.
36
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,990
Hey, I'll give you a nosie too.
37
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,662
That was a great trick, Slater.
How'd you get him to do that?
38
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:20,402
Well, Screech, it took a lot
of patience, and a lot of flies.
39
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,466
Do you mind? I'm eating.
40
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,274
- You want to hold him, Preppie?
- No thanks.
41
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:28,612
I'd prefer holding something cute,
and female.
42
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:33,075
Buy a poodle, okay?
43
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,815
I think he's cute.
44
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,915
How'd you end up
with a chameleon as a pet anyway?
45
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:40,518
Artie found me when my dad
was stationed in the Philippines.
46
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:43,895
Since then we've been through
14 schools together.
47
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,889
He's the only friend
I haven't had to say goodbye to.
48
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,858
So why don't you two go steady?
49
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:53,840
Screech, you love animals.
How about watching Artie for me
50
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,865
while I go to San Diego
this weekend?
51
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:58,105
You really trust me
to chameleon-sit?
52
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:03,777
I trust anyone who names
all the ants on his ant farm.
53
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,217
Naming them was easy.
54
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:09,212
It's remembering
their birthdays that's tough.
55
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:12,021
Is Artie on any
kind of special diet?
56
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,050
Nah, just flies, bugs,
57
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,529
anything you'd find stuck
to the windshield of a car.
58
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,463
That's it, I'm out of here.
59
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:23,198
Screech, don't forget
Artie's chew toy.
60
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,570
Oh, how cute.
61
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,939
Come on, let's go
catch him some dinner.
62
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,672
I gotta go too.
63
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,009
Hey, Jessie, I'll see you
tonight at 7:00, right?
64
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,138
For what?
65
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,514
My speech -- you said you were
gonna help me with it.
66
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,416
I'm sorry, Kelly, I forgot.
67
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:41,012
My mother's picketing
an oil company tonight.
68
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:46,515
I promised I'd chain myself
to a "Super Unleaded" pump.
69
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,551
Opportunity knocks.
70
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,189
I think I'll answer it.
71
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:53,359
I'd be glad to help you
with your speech, Kelly.
72
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:56,165
Really, Zack?
Why?
73
00:03:56,169 --> 00:04:01,437
Because I'm a generous,
caring individual.
74
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:05,674
And she's gorgeous.
75
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:09,080
What do you think?
We make a cute couple, don't we?
76
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:14,543
(knocking on door)
77
00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:21,017
And here's
the beautiful creature now.
78
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:25,089
Screech, what are you doing?
Wait-- Kelly's on her way over.
79
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,123
You gotta watch Artie
for the rest of the weekend.
80
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,295
- My other pets love him.
- What's wrong with that?
81
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,168
- They'd love to eat him.
- Oh, Screech...
82
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,401
Hi, Zack.
I'm sorry, are you busy?
83
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:36,432
No.
Screech was just leaving.
84
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:39,468
Remember to give him lots to drink,
and no flies after 9:00.
85
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,675
It gives him gas.
86
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,173
I'll keep it in mind.
Bye.
87
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,142
Hi, Artie. I bet you miss
your little buddy Slater.
88
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,019
Oh, yes you do.
89
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:55,587
Why don't you just put Artie down
and we'll work on your speech?
90
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,859
- Where do we start?
- All right.
91
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:01,027
The most important thing about
public speaking is eye contact.
92
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,765
You want to pick a point
in the audience to focus on.
93
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:08,606
- Okay, like what?
- How about me?
94
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,134
Usually a short greeting
works well.
95
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,101
- Hi?
- Hi.
96
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,206
Hi!
97
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,240
Hi. Jessie.
Bye, Jessie.
98
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,275
Wait, wait,
am I interrupting something?
99
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,684
Not anymore.
Bye-bye.
100
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,621
I thought you were gonna
picket the oil company?
101
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,750
We never got there.
We ran out of gas.
102
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:28,352
Mom refused to fill up
out of principle.
103
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:31,626
This is great. You can help me
with my speech like we planned.
104
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:36,797
- Sure, let's go.
- See ya.
105
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:39,898
Hey, Lisa. Have you seen Slater?
He supposed to be back today.
106
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,931
No! And get that thing
away from me.
107
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:43,966
The only time I come
this close to lizardskin,
108
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,605
is when Anne Klein
puts a buckle on it.
109
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,103
- Hi.
- Hi, guys.
110
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,708
Is that little Artie? Open the box,
I want to say good morning.
111
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:53,152
Okay, okay, but be quiet,
he's still sleeping.
112
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:58,283
He stayed up late last night
to watch "Godzilla" on TV.
113
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,124
He looks so peaceful
when he sleeps.
114
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:06,031
Oh please, you're going ga-ga
over something that burps bugs.
115
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,400
- I think he looks a little pale.
- Maybe he's sick.
116
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:12,463
Why would he be sick?
Hey, Screech, come here.
117
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:15,373
Take a peek at Artie.
Does he look any different to you?
118
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,809
- No.
- See?
119
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:19,540
Except for the fact
that he's dead.
120
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:25,450
Artie's dead?
121
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,579
Come on, you guys,
let's not panic.
122
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,022
Maybe he's not really dead.
123
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,185
I took him to English
class this morning.
124
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:36,219
I get it --
he's probably bored stiff.
125
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,824
(dull thumps)
126
00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:43,894
Nope, he's as stiff as a board.
127
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:49,933
Should we try CPR?
128
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,241
Bad idea.
129
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:57,342
We should do something --
he was Slater's best friend.
130
00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:02,516
Oh, Artie,
why'd you have to die?
131
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,286
Lisa, you hated him.
132
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:09,421
I know, but I didn't want
the slimy little thing to die.
133
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:13,161
I just remembered, I left your
window open last night, Zack.
134
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,794
Artie probably caught a chill.
This is all my fault.
135
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:20,000
No it's not, it's my fault.
I put him under a hot desk lamp.
136
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,941
It's all my fault,
I left him with Zack.
137
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,411
Should have known
he would kill him.
138
00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:28,039
I didn't kill him.
139
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:32,951
Maybe none of us did. I know,
he probably died of old age.
140
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,080
You think Slater will blame us?
141
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,386
Here's our chance to find out.
142
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:45,093
Girls:
Bye!
143
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,760
- Hey, guys.
- Zack: Hey.
144
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:50,259
How was San Diego?
145
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:53,432
It was great,
but I really missed Artie.
146
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:54,600
Where is he?
147
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:57,941
He's-- I let him stay
over at Zack's place last night,
148
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:01,278
and well-- take it, Zack.
149
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,046
Well, Slater-- he's not here.
150
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,815
You left him at your place?
151
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,880
Yeah.
He's still sleeping.
152
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:12,790
Let me tell you,
Artie's a real sound sleeper.
153
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:16,023
When he's out,
he's dead to the world.
154
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:20,967
I couldn't have
said it better myself.
155
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,902
You know what?
Let's ditch class and go get him.
156
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:26,167
I can't wait to see
the little fella.
157
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,664
Oh yes you can.
158
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:32,838
I got a better idea.
I'll go pick him up at lunchtime,
159
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,815
- and I'll meet you at the Max.
- Okay.
160
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:39,649
Hey, Zack, thanks
for watching Artie for me.
161
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:41,814
Yeah, sure.
162
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:44,313
- Well, that was easy.
- Yeah.
163
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:52,287
Now all we have to do
is bring Artie back to life.
164
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,323
It's a miracle, Zack.
165
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:58,770
Yeah -- a miracle we found a pet shop
nearby that sold chameleons.
166
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:01,035
He looks exactly like Artie,
doesn't he?
167
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,442
Yeah, he's a dead ringer.
168
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:08,745
There's my boy.
Come to Papa, Artie.
169
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:13,777
Jeez, Screech, look how happy
Artie is to see Slater.
170
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,811
Slater, golly, welcome back.
171
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:18,052
You were probably wondering
what happened to Artie.
172
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,149
No he wasn't.
173
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:23,095
We had a slumber party last night,
and Artie was our guest of honor.
174
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,495
Lucky guy.
175
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,022
What's in the shoebox?
176
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:29,525
- Artie.
- Yeah, Artie.
177
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:32,027
But Artie's right here.
178
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:35,030
- That's Artie?
- Yeah.
179
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:38,033
So, how can this be Artie too?
180
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:41,344
Girls: Er-- Zack?
181
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:45,215
Because that's Artie--
182
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:49,121
short for Artesia.
183
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:52,353
Artie's date for the slumber party.
184
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:56,261
Wait a second.
Something weird is going on here.
185
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,856
I don't think either
of these is Artie.
186
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,993
- You don't?
- No.
187
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,697
All right, what happened, Preppie?
Where's Artie?
188
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,865
Don't tell me you lost him.
189
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,603
That's one way of putting it.
190
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,600
Well, don't worry about it.
He's probably still in your room.
191
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,636
Just don't know where to look.
192
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:20,746
I'll come by after wrestling
practice and we'll find him.
193
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,552
Slater's bound to find out
about Artie eventually.
194
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:30,223
Yeah.
Think he'll pin it on us?
195
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:37,397
"Sheriff Belding":
All right, move it!
196
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:42,773
Face front so the witness
can take a good look at you.
197
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:47,770
Witness?
What witness?
198
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,306
Me, Artie!
199
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,341
You remember me?
200
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:57,790
The guy in the shoebox
with the stiff neck.
201
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,350
I know my rights.
What's the charge?
202
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:04,387
Reptilicide!
Killing a friend's chameleon.
203
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,866
Yeah, yeah, he's guilty.
204
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:11,201
Give him a lifetime
of solitary confinement.
205
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:18,736
(aged voice)
Take that, you whipper-snapper.
206
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:22,237
Or maybe the charge is leaving
a poor defenseless chameleon
207
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:25,684
in the path of a drafty window?
208
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,744
I didn't do it on purpose.
209
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:31,121
I'm still dead, toots.
210
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:37,995
Put her on ice for a long time.
211
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:40,295
Or was the crime leaving Artie here
212
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:43,234
under the relentless heat
of a desk lamp?
213
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:46,297
It was a soft white bulb, sir.
214
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,468
She always was
a hot little number.
215
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,638
You're gonna fry for this, baby.
216
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,477
Belding:
Sss-zzz!
217
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,450
Oh! Ow! Ow!
218
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:02,411
Or was it just dirty looks
that did him in?
219
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:06,483
Ugh-- her looks could kill.
220
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:11,225
Oh please forgive me.
I'll never wear lizardskin again.
221
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:19,230
Sorry, it's polyester for you,
"Princess."
222
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:22,597
The real crime
is not what you did,
223
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,633
but what you didn't do.
224
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:28,444
You didn't tell Slater the truth!
225
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,041
Sir, we didn't want to hurt him.
226
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:38,013
Maybe we were wrong,
but what else could we do?
227
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:44,020
(knocking on door)
228
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,987
Slater?
I didn't expect you so soon.
229
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:49,263
I left practice early,
couldn't wait to see Artie.
230
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,703
All right,
now come on out, buddy.
231
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,765
Boy, he's good at hiding,
but I always find him.
232
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,732
Now come out, Artie.
233
00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:00,235
Look, Slater, I don't think
you're gonna find Artie this time.
234
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:04,183
You know what?
I bet he's hiding under the bed.
235
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:07,050
Slater, look, hey--
236
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,283
Jeez, Preppie,
237
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:12,519
it looks like a sporting goods
store under-- wow!
238
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:17,588
What's this?
239
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:21,396
It came with my wallet.
240
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,960
All right,
now come on out, Artie.
241
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,269
Look, it's no use,
Artie's not there.
242
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,640
I bet he's just in your closet.
243
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:34,546
Slater--
244
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:40,748
What are you guys doing here?
He's in the closet.
245
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:46,886
What's everybody doing here?
246
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,122
Slater...
247
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:51,995
something happened
to Artie while you were gone.
248
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:57,834
What do you mean?
What, is he sick? Hurt?
249
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:03,503
I'm sorry, Slater.
250
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:07,946
About what?
It's just a dead lizard.
251
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:13,010
I gotta hit the showers.
252
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,716
(bell rings)
253
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:19,748
All right, let's get started.
254
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,955
First up will be--
255
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:24,692
hey, Miss "Doll Face" Kapowski
over here.
256
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,131
- Oh, gosh.
- Come on.
257
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:30,035
Step up to the plate.
Knock one out of the park.
258
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,560
Speech, speech, speech.
259
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,335
Thank you, Slater for your
enthusiastic display of--
260
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,707
enthusiasm.
Now button it.
261
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,076
My speech is about
my best friend.
262
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:41,240
His name is Freddy,
my German shepherd.
263
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,579
(laughs)
Oh please.
264
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:46,608
Everybody knows pets
don't count as best friends.
265
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:50,419
Hey, Slater,
the lady's talking here.
266
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,551
So talk.
267
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,550
As I was saying, I've had Freddy
since he was a puppy.
268
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,326
Whenever I come home,
he's right there wagging his tail.
269
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:03,632
Well, if you came to my house,
I'd be wagging my tail too.
270
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,004
Hey, Slater, since when
did you become a comedian?
271
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:12,308
Since around Tuesday at 2:00.
272
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:15,303
One more peep out of you, you're
going to the principal's office.
273
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:18,443
- You got that?
- Class: Oo-ooh!
274
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,818
Peep-peep.
275
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:25,781
You're out of here.
276
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,783
I understand you were disrupting
Coach Rizzo's class.
277
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:34,028
This just doesn't sound like
the A.C. Slater that I know.
278
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:38,163
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
279
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:46,170
You are not leaving, young man,
until you tell me what's eating you.
280
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,414
- (knocking on door)
- Yes?
281
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:54,284
Mr. Belding, can I have
a word with you?
282
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,483
- Not now, I'm busy with Slater.
- It's about Slater, sir.
283
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:01,552
Just butt out, Preppie,
it's none of your business.
284
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,585
It's about his pet
chameleon, Artie.
285
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,963
He thinks it's our fault it died.
286
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,400
Is that what this is all about?
287
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,894
Slater, nobody wanted Artie to die.
It just happened.
288
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:19,140
All right. Thank you, boys,
I'll take it from here.
289
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:25,015
I'm sorry, Slater.
I know what it is to lose a pet.
290
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,748
For years I had two parakeets.
291
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:30,745
I named them
"Sonny and Cher."
292
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:33,282
One day when I changed
the water,
293
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:35,727
I must have left the cage door open,
or something,
294
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:41,360
when I came back, Sonny was there
but Cher had flown the coop.
295
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:46,100
It's always hard to lose
someone you love, isn't it, son?
296
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,403
It just isn't fair.
297
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:51,104
Life isn't always fair,
and neither is death,
298
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,807
but that's life.
299
00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:56,509
I never thought about him dying.
300
00:16:56,515 --> 00:17:00,315
When I was your age, I didn't think
about those things either.
301
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:05,689
I really miss him.
302
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:13,691
That's okay.
303
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:19,203
It's still okay,
it's just a little too tight.
304
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:25,166
(straining)
Slater, help--
305
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,475
You okay?
306
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:30,574
Yeah.
Thank you, Mr. Belding.
307
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,450
I'm starting to feel
a little better.
308
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:38,515
Slater, I think it's time
that you said goodbye to Artie.
309
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,618
I think it's a little
too late for that, sir.
310
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:44,824
No, no, no, let's give him
the funeral that he deserves.
311
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:48,391
- Funeral?
- Uh-huh.
312
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:54,772
Yeah.
That'd be nice.
313
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:57,435
Welcome, friends of Artie.
314
00:17:57,443 --> 00:18:01,243
We are here to pay our final
respects to a true friend,
315
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:05,774
a good companion,
and a well-respected reptile.
316
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,378
He's a creature among creatures,
317
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:11,914
- not an enemy in the world.
- Except a hoot owl.
318
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:16,486
All right, except the hoot owl.
319
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,623
At this time, is there
anyone who would like
320
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:26,038
to share an Artie moment?
321
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:29,303
Artie was many things
to many people.
322
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:33,006
He was a gentle soul.
He never hurt a fly.
323
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:36,539
Well, except for when
he was eating them.
324
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:39,643
But the best thing
about Artie was--
325
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,677
he was color-coordinated.
326
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:49,687
He could go with anything
in your wardrobe.
327
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:57,395
I never actually knew Artie.
I never met him.
328
00:18:57,403 --> 00:19:00,998
I saw him one time,
but we didn't converse.
329
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:05,705
However, if I had known him,
I would have missed him.
330
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:13,711
I'm making a donation, in Artie's
name, to "Save The Lizards."
331
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,788
Thank you, Coach.
332
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:22,785
Screech has written a song about
Artie that Jessie will now sing.
333
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,559
Ahem--
334
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,964
(music begins)
335
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:29,593
♪ Oh, Artie boy ♪
336
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:34,232
♪ The bugs, the bugs
are buzzing ♪
337
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,708
♪ There's gnats and ants, ♪
338
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:41,078
♪ Mosquitoes on the fly ♪
339
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,481
♪ And they'll be there ♪
340
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:48,352
♪ For breakfast, lunch,
and dinner ♪
341
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:52,415
♪ In that big
chameleon's banquet ♪
342
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:59,091
♪ In the sky ♪
343
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,123
Before we conclude our services,
344
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:04,364
is there anyone else who'd like
to say a few words about Artie?
345
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:12,369
I would.
346
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:16,171
Artie-- pal--
347
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:18,878
I don't know what to say,
348
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:22,548
except... I miss you.
349
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,921
You were my best buddy.
350
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:28,154
For a long time you were
my only buddy.
351
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,322
But now,
352
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:34,789
I realize I have friends who care
about me as much as you did.
353
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,461
(sniffles)
354
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:42,032
So don't worry me, Artie.
I'll be okay.
355
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,202
Here...
356
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:50,842
take this with you.
357
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:58,757
Goodbye, Artie.
358
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:03,820
That concludes the ceremony.
359
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,526
The procession will now continue
to the boys' bathroom
360
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:10,366
for burial at sea.
361
00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:12,838
(music resumes)
362
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:15,864
All:
♪ Oh, Artie boy ♪
363
00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:19,936
♪ The bugs, the bugs
are buzzing ♪
364
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,710
♪ There's gnats and ants, ♪
365
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:26,981
♪ Mosquitoes on the fly ♪
366
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:29,716
♪ And they'll be there ♪
367
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:34,682
♪ For breakfast, lunch,
and dinner ♪
368
00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:42,693
♪ In that big chameleon's banquet
in the sky ♪
369
00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:49,131
(instrumental theme music plays)
26615
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