All language subtitles for Married.with.children.S09E26.DVDRip.SAiNTS.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Steak again, Peg?

Well, that's four nights in a row.

Oh, I'm sorry, Al.

But steak is all
that Kelly's secret admirer sent over.

I thought we had a lobster
around here.

Wonder what could have
happened to it.

No drawn butter?
What do they think I am?

Bud, would you like
some crème brûlée?

- No, I don't want any crème brûlée.
- Good. More for me.

Aren't you two curious
about who is sending all this stuff?

I mean, some mystery guy
sees Kelly on a commercial...

...starts lavishing us with presents.

- He could be a maniac.
- Oh, Bud.

Maniacs don't send nice gifts
like roses and chocolates...

...and Chanel No. 5.

I, for one, will not gorge myself
on my sister's misfortune.

As you say.

Hey, guys.

Guess what my secret admirer
brought for me today.

Twelve long-stem roses.

Al, how come
you never send me roses?

I don't like you, Peg.

Anyway, Mom, I was at my audition
for Easy-Off Jeans.

The jeans so tight, you're the only one
who knows you're wearing pants?

Now, this is a nationwide commercial.
I mean, all 13 colonies.

So naturally I was really nervous.

Then all of a sudden this delivery guy
brings me these flowers.

Any pork?

No, Daddy, but the card said...

...that my secret admirer is gonna
come over here today at 5:30.

Tell him to bring pork.

Dad, don't you know
what that means?

He's stalking her.

I know, I've done this to women.

I mean, I mean, I know...

...I watch a lot
of Eric Roberts' movies.

Budkenstein, first of all...

...following your hand to bed
is not considered stalking.

And second of all,
stalkers don't invite you to the opera.

Look.

"L.A. Boom."

That's La Bohème, you pincushion.

Mom, are you really letting Kelly go off
with a complete and total stranger?

Look, Bud, I am a woman.

And we felines have a way
of picking the right guy.

That's why nobody has picked you.

Now, trust me. I know a Mr. Right
when I see him.

Kelly.

- Stitch, what are you doing here?
- Kelly...

...I fear the chrome on the ball hitch
of our love is flaking.

So tell me,
you seeing someone else?

Is there a Kelly Bundy here?

- I'm Kelly Bundy.
- I'm Kelly Bundy.

Thanks.

Just tell me, Kelly. I can take it.
Are you seeing someone else?

Look, Stitch, it's nothing personal.

It's just that I found someone
who knows how to treat me like a lady.

Hey, when we go out to dinner
don't I let you talk in the clown's head?

Listen, Stitch, what my daughter
is trying to say is that...

...she may not be ready
for a commitment just yet.

But don't take it personally.
Hey, I like you.

If you'd be happy with a friendship,
instead of a relationship...

...you can come here
whenever you want to.

I can't believe you guys are cleaning
for a total stranger.

Hey, you find some rich guy
who keeps us knee-deep in steaks...

...we'll clean for him too.

Hey, Al, I think this thing is broken.

Unlike many of your other devices...

...that one doesn't need batteries.

See, you plug that in.

But where?

Well, I could think
of some places, Peg.

That must be
Kelly's gentleman caller.

Oh, Al, a limo.

Take me.

Come on. Peg, I just ate.

He's here. He's here.

I have never been
so nervous in my life.

I'm on the edge of my feet.

Kelly. Kelly.
I'm gonna try this one last time.

- Please think about what you're doing.
- Okay.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
I'm doing.

Hello, Miss Bundy.
My name is Robby Bennett.

I believe you're accompanying me
to La Bohème.

- You're my secret admirer?
- That's right.

Oh, you are one cool guy.

Robby, my man.
Come on in, buddy. Have a seat.

Can I get you a drink?
Yoo-hoo with a Bosco back?

A soda would be cool.

And for you, little missy,
shall I warm your ba-ba?

Get away from me, demon seed.

Excuse me, Opie.

- Robby.
- Of course.

Mom, Dad, what am I going to do?

Well, charm him and conveniently
forget to sign the prenup.

Mom?

Well, he's kind of cute.

He's a fetus.

Here you go.

Well, Robby,
just between you and me...

...Kelly always did like
a man in uniform.

So are you in the Cub Scouts
or Little League or anything?

Get over here, dung beetle.

Now, what am I going to do?

Okay, just answer me three questions,
all right. One, how funny is this?

Two, who the man?

And three, how funny is this?

Somehow, some way,
I will get you for this.

Robby, hi.
I think we need to talk.

Isn't that cute, Al?
They want to be alone.

Maybe we should go outside.

Kelly, before you say anything.

Would you excuse me
for just a second?

As I was saying...

...you're the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen.

And I'd like to take you
to my graduation dance.

Oh, Robby.

This is all very sweet
and everything...

...but, you see,
our love could never be.

I mean, it's a maturity thing.
I mean, what are you, like 3?

Twelve and a half.

Well, Robby, I can't date
a 12-year-old.

I mean, sure, when I was 6,
but it's different now.

- Do you understand?
- No.

- I don't understand.
- Well, good, I'm gla-- What?

Do you think I gave you beef
and roses just to get blown off?

The Bennett family motto is:

"We see it, we want it, we get it."

Well, the Bundy family motto is:

"It sees us, insults us,
we kick its ass."

Do you know who my dad is?

Sure. Your father.

Well, yeah.

But he also owns Bennett Enterprises,
which owns Easy-Off Jeans.

So here's the deal.

You're on my arm at the prom
and you get the commercial.

You turn me down
and I promise you...

...you'll never work
in this town again.

Bud, you're my manager.

You're supposed to be opening
doors for me.

Now, what am I paying you
55 percent for?

How was I supposed to know you were
gonna start saying no to men?

All right, so you dance with a guy
who comes up to your navel.

It'll prepare you for later on
in your showbiz career...

...when you're dancing
with Stallone or Cruise or k.d. lang.

Well, I guess you're right.

I mean, it's obvious
that this kid has some power, so...

...I might as well go
to the dance with him.

- There you go.
- And what's the big deal, anyway?

Lots of starlets go out
with younger guys, right?

Cher, Madonna, Liberace.

I mean, it's just a junior prom.

I can do this with my eyes closed
and my hands tied behind my back.

That's sort of like
one of your real dates then, right?

You're fired.

Whoa, look what Robby brought.

She's huge for a sixth-grader.

I heard her talking outside.
I think she just got held back.

I bet you they're fake.

- Fun punch?
- Groin kick?

Okay, Robby,
this is how it's going to be.

You have two hours.

No talking, no touching.

If you ever call me
your "main squeeze" again...

...you will not live to see
your face clear up.

Fine. I only have one rule.

You have to dance
every dance with me.

- Then do I get the commercial?
- Deal.

And wait till you hear the DJ.

I found him in one of those hip-hop
dance clubs.

I hear he's slamming.

Now, you don't mind
if I make a few adjustments...

...to your song list now, do you?

Hello, departing graduates
of Gale Sayers Middle School.

Hello, Principal Alburton.

Oh, Robby. Nice catch.

And now, please welcome
tonight's happening rapping DJ...

...Rockafella.

Yo, yo, yo.
DJ Rockafella's in the house.

Hold the bus. I know that house.

Now, tonight, instead of the usual
phat beats and bass lines...

...I thought we'd slow it down a little
as a tribute to the Walrus of Love...

...Mr. Barry White.

Let's dance.

- But this is a slow song.
- You said, every dance.

DJ Rockafella's sending shouts-out
to all the players over there...

...and all the fly honeys over here.

But I'm giving mad props
to my boy Robby...

...and to his lady of the night.

I mean, of tonight.

Bud, you've got to help me.

Hey, I would like to,
but you fired me.

And I only took this gig
to make ends meet.

Okay, okay, you're unfired.
Now just get me out of this.

- Play something fast.
- Okay.

But I want 80 percent.

And I want a photo of you
and Robby together.

Why?

In case someday I want 90 percent.

Okay, okay, just--

You know, Kelly,
I have a birthday party coming up...

...and I bet you look pretty hot
in a swimsuit.

I think I just might keep you.

Look, Macaulay, this is America.

And nobody owns anybody
in America.

Except for maybe the guy
who is married to Anna Nicole Smith.

You certainly do not own me.

Well, then I guess you don't care
about your career.

Not if it means kissing
your little Power Ranger butt.

You know, I have a mind
to tell your father about this.

Go ahead. My father has
no control over me.

I'm almost 13. I do and say
what I want, when I want.

And now, boys and girls,
Principal Alburton.

I'd like to introduce
a very special guest...

...and the power behind King Robby,
his dad, Bennett J. Bennett.

Hello, son.

Hi, Dad.

- New tie?
- Yup.

Same old belt though.

But we'll talk about that later.

Thanks for the phone call, homey.

- Word up.
- I owe you.

Hey, listen, Kelly gets that jeans gig
and we'll call it even.

Done.

Let's go, son.

Another time-out, Dad?

Maybe. If the belt unravels.

Hey, thank you, Bud.

Any time, Kel.

Hope I didn't embarrass you
too much out there.

- It's okay.
- Really?

Well, let's try this then.

Now, boys and girls, I'd like to read
a little excerpt...

...from Queen Easy's royal diary.

"November 43rd.

Today I developed a rather
embarrassing personal problem."

Won't you at least
have a pork chop, Bud?

No, I don't want any
of your tainted pork.

Does no one but me worry
that Kelly's now dating Robby's dad?

The guy's 20 years older than her.

Are you never happy?

Thank you for taking me
to Madame Butterfly, Bennett.

It's kind of disappointing though.
I mean, there was no caterpillar...

...there was no cocoon...

...there was no struggle to break free
in the spring.

God, you're beautiful.

- Oh, Al, isn't this sweet?
- The sweetest.

Anyway, Kelly, I just want to say...

...that I've really fallen for you
these last few weeks.

You're everything
I've ever wanted in a woman.

You're young and blonde and young.

Will you marry me?

Would you excuse me
for just a minute?

Mom, how do you know
if someone is Mr. Right?

Well, when you're with him
do you hear bells?

No.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
He's rich, marry him anyway.

- Daddy, what do you think?
- Gary.

Yeah. Al Bundy. Remember me?

I used to work for you
when we were poor.

Yeah, we're moving on up.

That's right, to the east side.

Well, how about it, Kelly?

Will you be my wife?

- Well, I--
- Kelly.

Something is still not right.

I can't shake this feeling
that there's someone else.

But in case our love can never be...

...I wanted you to have this.

Oh, Stitch, you are much man.

I'm sorry, Bennett.

But as the Chinese philosopher
Unconscious once said:

"It is better to have loved and lost...

...than to have never seen
Lost In Space at all."

Well, in seven years
she would have been 30.

Think we should tell Dad?

No, I mean, look at him.

When will you ever see him
that happy again?