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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,599
Boy, what's the matter
with sitcoms these days?
2
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,478
Where's the new Arnold the Pigs?
3
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,033
The new Barney Fifes?
4
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,356
Where's the Gradys
from Sanford and Son?
5
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,229
Take this guy.
6
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:36,035
All he's done for the last 20 minutes
is talk about which toothbrush is his.
7
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,556
Yeah, like a real man
would use a toothbrush.
8
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,997
See what else is on.
9
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,833
Well, this looks good.
10
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,112
This is the new Barnaby Jones
reunion show.
11
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,835
Dad, that's the new
Rolling Stones video.
12
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:57,196
That's not Buddy Ebsen,
that's Keith Richards.
13
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,591
I thought he looked
a little old for Buddy Ebsen.
14
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,158
The Home Shopping Network.
Boy, this is a good idea for women.
15
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,550
It was a little too tough
driving to the mall...
16
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,591
...with a couch strapped to their ass.
17
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,237
Which reminds me,
Peggy's still in Wanker County, right?
18
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:20,629
Yep, but not for long.
19
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,753
Not since the doctor put her mom
on a no-salt-lick diet.
20
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,109
She should be back on all fours
any minute now.
21
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:34,030
That's good.
Oh, look, white-trash collector plates.
22
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,959
I'm glad Peg's not here to see this.
23
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,278
Our first call is from Wank er County,
Wisconsin.
24
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:47,229
Yes. I'd lik e to order the Roger Clinton
service for eight, please.
25
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,035
Now, that comes
with matching spittoons, right?
26
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,238
It's amazing. They don't even
have gravity in Wanker County...
27
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,908
...but they get
the Home Shopping Network.
28
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,433
Yes, and I'd also lik e
the Gillooly soup tureens.
29
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,788
Now available,
original tapes of the British TV series...
30
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,275
...The Avengers.
31
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:14,833
That butt.
32
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,474
I'd know that butt anywhere.
That's Emma Peel.
33
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,478
Those are... Those are Peel cheeks.
34
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,639
Peel. Peel. Peel.
35
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,479
Emma Peel's the one
that wore the really tight jumpsuits.
36
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,312
And kicked really high.
37
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:33,509
Thereby allowing us to see every
single nuance and fold in her body.
38
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,797
- Jefferson, I've gotta order this.
- To the phones.
39
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,991
Has it occurred
to either of you rutabagas...
40
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,475
...that the woman
may be pushing 200 by now?
41
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,756
Pounds and years.
42
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,832
That's why you look at them on tape.
43
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,635
If I only had to look at your mother
on tape, I'd still be having sex with her.
44
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,392
Hey, Daddy.
45
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,116
- Can I have $200?
- No, you can't, pumpkin.
46
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,436
We have to save everything
for the essentials.
47
00:03:58,640 --> 00:03:59,914
You know, food, clothing...
48
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,675
Hello? Yes, I'd like to order
the new Emma Peel tape, please.
49
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,031
And do you have one
where she kicks really high?
50
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:09,434
Bud?
51
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,153
Do I look like I'm made of money?
52
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,309
Well, just that roll of dimes
you keep in your pants.
53
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,680
Those are quarters. I mean...
54
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:24,555
I don't... I don't know
what you're talking about.
55
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,672
Please, it's only $200.
56
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,112
Kelly, I work at the Department
of Vehicle Services.
57
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,596
How much money do you think I make
riding around in a car all day?
58
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:34,994
And remember...
59
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,589
...I'm upright and in the front seat.
60
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,438
Please? I need it to help me
get a beer commercial.
61
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,910
- Budweiser?
- No. Ice Hole.
62
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,756
- Just asking, slut.
- No. No.
63
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,758
Ice Hole is the name of the beer.
64
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,231
It's one of those
new microbrewery beers.
65
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,113
They're having auditions
for spokesmodels in a couple days.
66
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,197
This could be
the biggest thing in my life.
67
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,994
And before you know it,
I'll be living it up in Hollywood.
68
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,714
Getting in slap fights
with Shannen Doherty...
69
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,957
...and having my ass grabbed
by Bob Barker.
70
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,949
Yeah, yeah, do you have one
where she's soaking wet?
71
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,953
Or one where she's freezing,
freezing cold?
72
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,835
Why, yes, I do sell women's shoes.
How did you know that?
73
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:37,192
Listen. The pictures are only $300
and I only have $100.
74
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,675
- You have a hundred bucks?
- Yes.
75
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,353
I know where you might
get your pictures done for 100 bucks.
76
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,309
Yeah, me too,
but I don't wanna be in Jugs Magazine.
77
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,433
Okay. Okay.
78
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,437
I know another place.
79
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,790
You know, I just might be able
to help you out.
80
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,029
Well, okay.
81
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,949
But remember, these have to be the
kind of pictures that bring out my best.
82
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,710
And smile.
83
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,669
Beautiful. I love it. Turn, turn.
84
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,992
Beautiful.
85
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,274
Very sexy. Very beautiful.
86
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,038
Oh, yeah.
87
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,234
Bud.
88
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,919
Bud.
89
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,759
You know what today is?
90
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,988
National blue shirt
and brown pants day?
91
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,753
Really?
92
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,157
That's not gonna affect the mail, is it?
93
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,874
Because I'm expecting
my Emma Peel tape today.
94
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,870
Did I tell you
she could kick really, really high?
95
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,593
Daddy.
96
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,637
Daddy, I got the commercial!
97
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,070
I'm the new Ice Hole girl.
Isn't that exciting?
98
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,959
It sure is. Sweetheart,
did you see the mailman out there?
99
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,513
This could be my big break.
Aren't you even gonna be excited?
100
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,035
Honey, yes, I'm excited for you,
but you know me...
101
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,959
...I don't get all gushy
and emotional.
102
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,515
The tape's here.
103
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,270
Give me that! Give me!
104
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,352
Wait a second, Jefferson.
This isn't an Emma Peel Avengers.
105
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,518
This is a Linda "We-Couldn't-
Get-Anybody-Else-to-Do-the-Show"...
106
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:22,789
...Thorson Avengers.
107
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,158
Jefferson, we've been hornswoggled.
108
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:26,715
To the phones.
109
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,596
You know, Kel, it's a wonder
we turned out as well as we did.
110
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,394
Well, I guess it's just me
and Buck now.
111
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,278
If I could call a cab,
it would just be you.
112
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,230
Well, listen here, you carpetbaggers.
113
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,874
It's been over two weeks
and I'm still without Peel.
114
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,150
Now, I'm going to whoever
regulates you people.
115
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,237
Who is that anyway?
116
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,830
"Absolutely no one."
117
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,876
What is their number?
118
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,114
"1-800-Bite-Me."
119
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,118
Gotcha.
120
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,509
Daddy, I'm ruined.
121
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,792
My life is even more worthless
than yours.
122
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,155
Well, how could that possibly be?
123
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,032
Well, what about the commercial?
124
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,073
- There's not gonna be a commercial.
- Why?
125
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,754
I've got a zit.
126
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,958
Look at it, Daddy.
127
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,033
It's the size of the Earth itself.
128
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,196
This is the first zit
I've had in my life...
129
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,595
...and the commercial's
the day after tomorrow.
130
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,997
Don't worry, Kelly.
You can hardly see it.
131
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,953
- You mean it?
- Yes, pumpkin. Trust me.
132
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,799
- No one will ever notice it.
- Okay.
133
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:17,034
Whoa, look at the size of that zit!
134
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:19,995
Before that baby blows...
135
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,078
...better warn the villagers
living at the base of your feet.
136
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,353
Bud, don't you see
that your sister's in pain?
137
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,198
Try to be a little more sensitive.
138
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,631
Sweetheart, that thing's not gonna leak
all over Daddy's shirt, is it?
139
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,116
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
140
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,991
I probably got this from you,
you know.
141
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,838
What else am I gonna get from you?
142
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,157
What, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow
and my bed's gonna be wet...
143
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,079
...and I can't find
my jammie bottoms?
144
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,159
If you really wanna go on TV...
145
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,672
...you could draw a little face on your zit
and go on Montel as Siamese twins.
146
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,515
Al?
147
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,871
Jefferson, can't you see that I'm trying
to comfort my daughter here?
148
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,954
- It's about Emma Peel.
- Excuse me, pumpkin.
149
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,475
What's up?
150
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,592
They admitted that they don't have
an Avengers with Emma Peel...
151
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,392
...but they did offer a substitute.
152
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,437
No. No deal.
153
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,359
- It's Peel or nothing.
- It's The Three Stooges.
154
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,395
Oh, happy day.
155
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,598
Pick two.
156
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,193
Well, you're obviously
in good hands here.
157
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:48,992
I'm gonna go
and start my homework...
158
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,510
...before they start grabbing
each other's noses with pliers.
159
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,158
Too late.
160
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,351
- Aren't you gonna answer that?
- No.
161
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,189
- I was happy, that means it's Peg.
- Well, you don't know that.
162
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,875
Hello? It's Mom.
163
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,717
Hi, Mom, I'm so glad you called.
164
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,512
How's everything going, honey?
165
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,075
It's terrible. I've got a huge pimple.
166
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,829
An actual Bud Bundy growing
from my forehead.
167
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,513
Well, you know, Uncle Sticky's
getting out of the pen today.
168
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,837
You want him to make you up
a batch of his pimple potion?
169
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:34,398
I thought Uncle Sticky's potion
is what got him sent to prison.
170
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,235
It did. But I thought
you were desperate.
171
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,835
No, no, no. I am, I am.
How soon can you get it here?
172
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,195
Tomorrow.
173
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,393
Cousin Zimo is running a truckload
of illegal fireworks to Peoria.
174
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,398
- I'll have him drop it off in the morning.
- Cool.
175
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,830
- You wanna talk to Grandma?
- Sure.
176
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,673
Hey, Dad.
177
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:55,834
Dad.
178
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,156
Mom's gonna send me some
homemade pimple stuff.
179
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,834
From Uncle Sticky, sweetheart?
180
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,031
You remember Uncle Sticky's face,
honey?
181
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,748
It's where we used to keep our keys.
182
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,072
Pumpkin, I'm afraid you're gonna have
to not do this commercial.
183
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,477
- Yeah, how much would you be losing?
- Two thousand dollars.
184
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,995
You will do this commercial
if it kills you.
185
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,919
Remember, nothing good
ever came out of Wanker County...
186
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,235
...including your mother.
187
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,557
So, now, here. Listen.
This is all the money that I've got.
188
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,911
Go to a pharmacy
and get some real medicine.
189
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,479
Outside?
190
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,636
But, Dad,
what if somebody sees my pimple?
191
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,440
Pumpkin, it's dark.
No one's gonna see the pimple.
192
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,392
I guess you're right.
193
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,956
I guess I'm just being, silly, huh?
194
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,835
Whoa, look at the zits
on the blond chick.
195
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,679
Thank God he didn't see the pimple,
huh?
196
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:58,676
Two grand and The Three Stooges.
For a dead man, I'm awfully happy.
197
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,359
You know my women's group and I
are going to protest.
198
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,875
What? The Stooges?
199
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,116
If you don't like them, how come you
keep getting your hair cut like Moe?
200
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,518
Not that, you primordial ooze.
201
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,759
It has come to my attention
that Kelly is the new Ice Hole Beer girl.
202
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,714
Now, you have done
some low things before...
203
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:29,469
...but to allow your own daughter
to flaunt her body to sell beer...
204
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,557
...that's low even for you.
205
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,354
Jefferson.
206
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,474
She's right, Al.
207
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,073
Marcie, let me explain
something to you:
208
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,550
Oh, that's very funny.
209
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,916
She's right, Al.
210
00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,712
But unlike evolution,
I am not letting you off the hook, Al.
211
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,713
Now, can you please tell me...
212
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,798
...what a woman's body
has to do with selling beer?
213
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,795
All right. Number one...
214
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,353
...if it wasn't for beer...
215
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:14,030
...there'd be at least three people who
probably wouldn't even be married.
216
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,393
Me...
217
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,393
...Jefferson...
218
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,797
...and probably Lisa Marie Presley.
219
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:32,795
And number two...
220
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,399
...since men buy beer...
221
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,398
...advertisers have to cater
to what we want, and...
222
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,114
Hold on to your corncob pipe.
223
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,550
- We like pretty women.
224
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:48,437
Ergo, pretty women sell good products,
ugly women sell... tennis rackets.
225
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:53,438
Pretty women, cars.
Ugly women, mini vans.
226
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,232
Pretty women make us buy beer...
227
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,671
...ugly women make us drink beer.
228
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,952
And if you were any more of a pig...
229
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,958
...kids would be putting coins
in your back.
230
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,953
Now, I promise you,
this will not go unanswered.
231
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,470
My women's group and I
will be on the Ice Hole set to protest.
232
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:23,111
Will they be wearing dainty little
overalls and matching caterpillar caps?
233
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,114
Some will.
234
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,436
Will you be wearing
your usual foot odour...
235
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,995
...with matching aura of failure?
236
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,278
Pick two.
237
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,711
One, two.
238
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,713
Jefferson, you don't think I'm wrong
for having Kelly do this, do you?
239
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,629
Well, Al, she'll probably be parading
around half-naked...
240
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:51,311
...to sell cheap beer to a bunch
of leering, screaming yahoos.
241
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,593
You know, you're right, buddy,
it's a tough call.
242
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,359
You wanna go to the nudie bar
and think about it?
243
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,599
Okay.
244
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,589
Well, there's only
one thing left to do.
245
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,715
Remember...
246
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,833
...nothing good
ever came out of Wank er County.
247
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,635
Yeah, but how often are you right?
248
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,637
Good point.
249
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,237
U se our minds, not behinds
U se our minds, not behinds
250
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,958
U se our minds, not behinds
U se our minds, not behinds
251
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,079
Well, let me see.
What part are you gonna be playing?
252
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,034
Handsome romantic lead or Eskimo?
253
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,438
Take a guess.
254
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,676
Welcome aboard, Nanuk.
255
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,200
- Let's see, where's that...?
- Hi, there.
256
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,471
You're not here for the handsome
romantic lead, are you?
257
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,711
I don't play that at home.
258
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:56,195
Look, we're running late here.
Has anybody seen the Bundy babe?
259
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,992
Women are not babes.
260
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,352
I thought we nixed the sea lions
for this commercial.
261
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,913
We heard that.
262
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,119
Listen, don't mind them.
I keyed their pickups on the way in.
263
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,551
I'm Al. I'm Kelly's father.
264
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,991
She had a blemish.
It made her a little nervous.
265
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,549
And against her father's wishes...
266
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,716
...she used some stuff
that was cooked up...
267
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,833
...by my idiot wife's idiot relatives and,
well, there were some mild side effects.
268
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:27,316
Nothing that can't be solved
with creative lighting, but...
269
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,592
Well, you guys are the experts,
so why don't you tell me.
270
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,074
Pumpkin.
271
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,110
Well, that was a short day.
272
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,433
This is our spokesmodel? This?
273
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,474
We're selling beer here, fella,
not Lucky Charms.
274
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,399
I need someone gorgeous
to sell this crap.
275
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:04,794
Thank you.
276
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,314
This should be a slam-dunk...
277
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,193
...multi-million-dollar
discrimination lawsuit.
278
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,312
- Discrimination suit?
- Yes. I am Marcie D'Arcy...
279
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,796
...here on behalf of the Coalition
for the Aesthetically Challenged.
280
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,439
"Challenged"?
281
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,394
I'd say, " Defeated, exiled
and left for dead."
282
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,956
You mind repeating that?
283
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,197
As a matter of fact...
284
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,356
...I do.
285
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,992
Anyway, you will use Kelly
in this commercial, as she is...
286
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,159
...or we will slap the biggest lawsuit
on you that you have ever had.
287
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,800
Could they possibly do that?
Sue on behalf of the ugly?
288
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,797
How can they win that?
289
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:49,519
Four words:
290
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,793
Attorney General Janet Reno.
291
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,117
When your wife looks lik e this...
292
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,790
...you might as well dive
into an Ice Hole.
293
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:07,679
Ice Hole Beer.
294
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,316
When it's 2 a.m.
And you gotta do something.
295
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,519
Coming up next on
Business Week In Review:
296
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,872
The mark eting geniuses behind
the successful media campaign...
297
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,310
...for Ice Hole Beer.
298
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,156
I'm finally on my way
to fame and fortune.
299
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,875
When this beer takes off nationally
and takes Kelly with it, I'll be rich.
300
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,317
Oh, you mean we'll be rich?
301
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,476
Yeah. Yeah. We'll be rich.
302
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,598
Me and Kelly.
303
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,233
For once... And I'm not afraid to say it.
304
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,510
- AI Bundy can't lose.
305
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,510
Well, I was fired.
306
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,071
- Can't win, either.
- What happened?
307
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,677
Well, once my hair grew back
and the beard fell off...
308
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,633
...they said I was too pretty
to be doing beer commercials.
309
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,195
Advertisers are so afraid
of good-Iooking people...
310
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,550
...that the producers
won't even touch me.
311
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,149
Well, they'll touch me,
they just won't hire me.
312
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,118
Dad.
313
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,032
What are we gonna do
about the money?
314
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,316
Well, don't worry,
we'll just ugly her up.
315
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,353
Call Uncle Sticky, tell him
we need something more permanent.
316
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,956
Sweetheart,
don't worry about a thing.
317
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,116
When we get done
with your face this time...
318
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,834
...you'll be giving warthogs dry heaves.
319
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,869
Oh, that's so sweet, Daddy.
320
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,958
But it's too late. They already
hired my ugly replacement.
321
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,549
Already? Who?
322
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,078
See for yourself.
Here's the commercial.
323
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,793
Hello. Remember me?
324
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,272
Oh, my God, she's a hundred.
325
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,477
And she's still kicking high.
25562
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