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1
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,835
♪ In the burning heart ♪
2
00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:12,403
♪ Just about to burst,
there's a quest...♪
3
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:13,926
[Charlie] Frank!
4
00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:15,884
Frank, come on, man!
We got to go!
5
00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:17,886
- We got to go!
- Oh, what?
6
00:00:17,886 --> 00:00:19,062
Come on, man,
we're gonna miss it.
7
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,019
- Wake up, wake up. Come on.
- Wh-What?
8
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,107
- Right away!
- Okay.
9
00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:23,979
Guys, make way.
Make way, please.
10
00:00:23,979 --> 00:00:26,417
- Hey, wait, no, no, please.
- Cutting it
pretty close there, pal.
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:27,679
Ah, I feel like
I got to take a shit.
12
00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,768
No, no, no, no, no.
There's no time for that.
13
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,291
- Oh, God, excuse me. Come on.
- [Charlie] No, no, no, no,
no autographs.
14
00:00:31,291 --> 00:00:33,032
- I'm not ready for this.
- Listen, listen.
15
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,294
- You got it, you got it,
you got it.
- Listen to me.
16
00:00:34,294 --> 00:00:36,340
- Back off, back off.
- Frank, you are ready.
17
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:39,908
Everything you need
is already inside you.
18
00:00:39,908 --> 00:00:42,433
[Charlie]
Move. No, out of the way.
19
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:47,133
[heart beating]
20
00:00:52,138 --> 00:00:54,140
♪
21
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:14,726
[Mac] Dennis, please.
22
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:16,162
- Just... Dennis, please, please.
- God, no.
23
00:01:16,162 --> 00:01:18,077
- Pretty please, just help me.
- No! No, Mac.
24
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:19,905
I'm not helping you, okay?
25
00:01:19,905 --> 00:01:21,689
Stop talking to me about Johnny.
26
00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:23,735
Well, hey, I could help you
with your guy troubles.
27
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,084
- [scoffs]
- [laughs]
28
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,564
No, thanks, Dee.
You suck with men.
29
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:29,523
Tell that to the guy leaving
my apartment this morning.
30
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:33,005
That's right. Your girl
got her guts pumped last night.
31
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,659
Oh, my God, that is disgusting.
32
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:36,878
- Your guts pumped?
- Aren't you, like, 60?
33
00:01:36,878 --> 00:01:39,142
- You're not a girl.
- Yeah, come on, Dee.
This is insane.
34
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:40,708
- I mean... really.
- Who talks like that?
35
00:01:40,708 --> 00:01:43,015
And, by the way, anybody can
get a guy to bang them once.
36
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:45,060
Okay, well, I guarantee you
37
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:46,845
he'll be coming back
for seconds.
38
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,848
In fact, he pulled
an old move of mine.
39
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,937
He took my phone "by mistake"
40
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,199
so that he could see me again.
41
00:01:53,199 --> 00:01:55,767
Oh, okay. Yeah.
42
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:56,724
- [Dee] Mm-hmm.
- How's he gonna call you?
43
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,426
- Dennis, can you
help me get my phone...
- No.
44
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:04,863
- Dennis, Dennis, I need
your help really quick, man.
- No!
45
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:06,473
Do you remember when we stole a
restaurant buzzer the other day?
46
00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:07,866
I can't find it anywhere.
47
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,172
It's a matter of
national security here, man.
48
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,869
Oh, yes, no, no, I'm sure, yeah.
49
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,349
You know what? Maybe it's in
the back office. Let me check
50
00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,828
the back office. Frank,
let me check the back office.
51
00:02:13,828 --> 00:02:15,482
Hey, uh, Frank, could you
help me with something?
52
00:02:15,482 --> 00:02:16,875
- Yeah.
- Are you kidding?
53
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,137
You want Frank's help
with your guy troubles?
54
00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:19,486
He's insanely homophobic.
55
00:02:19,486 --> 00:02:21,706
Huh? Not anymore.
56
00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:24,274
No, once Mac did the dance,
57
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,884
then I get it.
I get the gay thing.
58
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,233
He gets it.
He's an ally now.
59
00:02:27,233 --> 00:02:29,017
Okay, so, Frank, I need
some relationship advice.
60
00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:30,193
- Yeah.
- I'm having some issues
61
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:31,977
- with this guy that I'm dating.
- Yeah.
62
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:33,283
- I want to take it
to the next level, you know,
- Right.
63
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,502
by actually meeting this guy.
64
00:02:35,502 --> 00:02:36,634
What, you've never met the guy?
65
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,070
No, never met him,
66
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:39,463
never spoken with him,
never seen him,
67
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,899
but it's not weird
68
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,117
because we're in
constant communication
69
00:02:42,117 --> 00:02:42,944
through the beads.
70
00:02:44,511 --> 00:02:45,773
The beads?
71
00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:47,427
Oh, yes.
The extra-large anal beads
72
00:02:47,427 --> 00:02:49,081
that I shoved up my butt,
73
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,430
and Johnny can control them
74
00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:52,476
via an app on his phone.
75
00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:53,955
And when I feel the buzz,
76
00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:55,783
I know it's time
to go to the motel
77
00:02:55,783 --> 00:02:57,481
and wait.
It's very romantic.
78
00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:00,919
Uh, yes, he's never
actually showed up before,
79
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,270
but one day he will,
and it's going to be hot.
80
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:07,142
That's it.
I'm out.
81
00:03:07,142 --> 00:03:10,624
I'm out. That's it. I don't
get it. I am never gonna get it.
82
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,757
- Beads? You never said
anything about beads.
- Let me-let me explain it again.
83
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,889
- What beads?
- It's beads that go into my ass.
84
00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:17,283
The dance never said anything
about no beads.
85
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:18,676
Frank, I found it. I found it.
I found it.
86
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,286
Let's get the hell out of here.
87
00:03:20,286 --> 00:03:21,896
We got it, guys, we're good.
88
00:03:21,896 --> 00:03:23,289
- [Frank] Anal beads up his ass.
- [door opens, closes]
89
00:03:23,289 --> 00:03:24,334
Dennis, can you please help me
get my phone back?
90
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,552
'Cause I need my phone.
91
00:03:25,552 --> 00:03:27,075
No, Dennis,
help me, though. Help me because
92
00:03:27,075 --> 00:03:29,121
- I need help...
- No, you are beyond help, okay?
93
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,209
You let a stranger
hack your butthole. Dennis...
94
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,864
Enough! Enough.
95
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:35,432
It is clear that I'm not going
to get a moment's peace until
96
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:37,216
I foist you two
off on someone else,
97
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:38,957
so, fine, I will help you.
98
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,480
- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, yeah! All right, all right,
99
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,395
let's go.
100
00:03:42,395 --> 00:03:44,832
This is all I could find.
101
00:03:44,832 --> 00:03:47,313
Yeah, no, this is good. Um...
102
00:03:47,313 --> 00:03:49,097
Okay, are there, like, a pair
of, like, weird spy glasses
103
00:03:49,097 --> 00:03:51,012
- in here or anything?
- [door opens]
104
00:03:51,012 --> 00:03:53,624
- Aw, shit.
- They dropped all those charges
weeks ago. Wh...
105
00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,365
Call you back.
106
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,976
Hey, what are you guys doing
with all my research equipment?
107
00:03:57,976 --> 00:03:59,717
Charlie and Frank
are gonna play spies.
108
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:00,718
Yeah, well, we're not
playing spies,
109
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,241
we're playing chess, okay?
110
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,895
There's a Russian grandmaster
coming to town.
111
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,766
I'm entering Frank
in the tournament,
112
00:04:05,766 --> 00:04:07,333
and then he's gonna
rise through the ranks,
113
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,204
and he's gonna beat
this guy's ass, USA style.
114
00:04:09,204 --> 00:04:10,771
So, I need the glasses,
Uncle Jack,
115
00:04:10,771 --> 00:04:12,773
because Frank's got to be able
to transmit me the board
116
00:04:12,773 --> 00:04:14,340
while I play along
on a computer
117
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:16,211
and I signal him the moves
with the restaurant buzzer.
118
00:04:16,211 --> 00:04:18,344
No, stop, stop, stop.
Uh, you're gonna break it.
119
00:04:18,344 --> 00:04:19,998
This is, uh,
very sensitive equipment.
120
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:21,913
Right, yeah, okay. [sighs]
121
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,741
Look, do you have
the spy glasses or not, dude?
122
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:25,525
Fine. I'll let you borrow them,
but I'm coming with.
123
00:04:25,525 --> 00:04:26,831
Okay? I don't want you
breaking any of this.
124
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:29,181
- A play date.
- [sighs]
125
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,530
- Goddamn it.
- Oh, yeah.
126
00:04:30,530 --> 00:04:32,140
- Like we used to.
- We never did.
127
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:34,360
- Ah... You don't remember.
- Man, we never did.
128
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:39,017
I mean, what is taking
Uncle Jack so long?
129
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,019
- Well, why don't we just go in?
- ["Pop Goes the Weasel"
playing on speakers]
130
00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,194
Hang on.
131
00:04:46,241 --> 00:04:48,156
- What the...
- Is that-is that him?
132
00:04:48,156 --> 00:04:49,941
Holy shit.
133
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,377
[Charlie]
Uh, Uncle Jack,
134
00:04:51,377 --> 00:04:52,900
what-what is this?
135
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:54,989
- My ice cream truck.
- [music stops]
136
00:04:54,989 --> 00:04:57,427
You know, I-I have, like,
a side business. [chuckles]
137
00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,734
Ugh. All right, fine. You know
what? Actually, this could work.
138
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,041
- You got the spy glasses?
- Yeah. Here they are.
- Glasses.
139
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,522
- Here's how this goes.
Frank, you got the buzzer?
- Yeah, I got the buzzer.
140
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,132
- All right, so Frank's got
a buzzer in his pocket, okay?
- I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
141
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,090
So, he'll hover his hand
over the piece, you know,
142
00:05:09,090 --> 00:05:11,223
one buzz for yes,
two buzzes for no,
143
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,051
three if you need him to switch
to a different piece, okay?
144
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,313
Same goes for where
to put it down. Got it?
145
00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:15,880
- Okay. Yup.
- You clear?
146
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,447
- Give me a Push Pop, will you?
- And get him a Push Pop.
147
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:20,232
What? Oh, no, I-I don't have
any ice cream.
148
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,452
- Oh.
- Oh, my God. All right, fine.
149
00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:24,367
Just... just...
150
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,151
- get to your spot
and play the... Ugh.
- [Uncle Jack] Okay.
151
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:27,935
Hey, I'll be watching you.
[laughs]
152
00:05:27,935 --> 00:05:29,415
- [Charlie groans]
- [honks]
153
00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:32,070
Hm... [mutters]
154
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,202
Should I go here?
155
00:05:34,202 --> 00:05:37,510
- [buzzes twice]
- Mm. Or should I go...
156
00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:39,338
- here?
- [buzzes twice]
157
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:40,861
[Uncle Jack]
Charlie, don't look at the kid,
158
00:05:40,861 --> 00:05:42,428
look at the board. Actually,
159
00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:44,735
one quick look at the kid again,
so I can get a screen grab.
160
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,824
- Gross, no, man, no.
- No? No?
161
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,260
I... No, not you. Sorry.
162
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,131
Talking to the voices
in my head, so...
163
00:05:50,131 --> 00:05:52,003
- [Uncle Jack] Stay on the board.
- Yup. Yes.
164
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,787
Don't mind my friend.
He's schizophrenic.
165
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,310
- I am, yeah.
- [shutter clicks]
166
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:58,401
- [Uncle Jack] Got it.
- Go eh...
167
00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,358
[buzzes once]
168
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:01,099
Boom.
169
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,014
I took your little
castle-y thing.
170
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,450
- [laughs]
- [laughs] Suck on that,
171
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:05,799
boy!
172
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,019
If he does, let me get
another screen grab.
173
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,282
Shut up, dude.
That's gross, man.
174
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,415
- [stammers] Uh-oh, uh-oh.
- [Attendant] Sir?
175
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,112
Uh, sir, may I have
a word with you?
176
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,592
Um, absolutely not, because
I'm in the middle of watching
177
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,376
a game of chess.
178
00:06:17,376 --> 00:06:19,857
Uh, there is no alcohol allowed
on the premises.
179
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,859
What? Wh-What do you mean?
180
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,164
Like, I got to drink wine
or something?
181
00:06:23,164 --> 00:06:25,079
[chuckles] No alcohol at all.
182
00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:27,168
At a sporting event?
[scoffs] That's crazy.
183
00:06:27,168 --> 00:06:29,736
Fine, dude. Here you go. [sighs]
184
00:06:29,736 --> 00:06:32,130
Frank, I'm gonna have to find
some way to sneak beer in here.
185
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,610
Excuse me?
186
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:35,612
Dude, are you still here?
Go away.
187
00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:37,657
I gave you the beer, man.
188
00:06:39,659 --> 00:06:41,879
Now, as you're both aware,
I have a foolproof system
189
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,794
for attracting a woman.
190
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,144
But I also have
a foolproof system
191
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,059
for attracting a man.
192
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:51,062
- [laughs] Aw, awesome.
- No way.
193
00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,455
- Why?
- How come?
- Shh, shh.
194
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,544
Shh. Shh.
195
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,634
Okay.
Now, it begins
196
00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:01,333
with me setting you both up
with nice, normal dates.
197
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,161
You will begin by greeting them
198
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,945
with the traditional pleasantries.
199
00:07:04,945 --> 00:07:06,381
Very nice to meet you, Patrick.
200
00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:07,513
Kyle, it's a pleasure.
201
00:07:07,513 --> 00:07:09,036
Pleasure's all mine.
202
00:07:09,036 --> 00:07:10,995
[Dennis]
I'll be nearby, of course,
203
00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:12,779
to make sure nothing goes awry.
204
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,914
Step one.
205
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:19,525
S... suppress your instincts.
206
00:07:19,525 --> 00:07:20,918
See, your first instinct
207
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,528
is going to be to try
to make yourself
208
00:07:22,528 --> 00:07:24,574
seem awesome to him,
but that's wrong.
209
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:25,923
'Cause this isn't about you.
210
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,968
This is a man
we're talking about.
211
00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:29,317
It's always about him.
212
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:30,797
Okay?
213
00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:32,277
So, you're going to...
214
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:34,801
I... inflate his ego.
215
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:38,544
Make him feel like
he's awesome, he's funny,
216
00:07:38,544 --> 00:07:41,765
he's the most interesting
person in the room.
217
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,549
You're the most interesting
person in this room.
218
00:07:43,549 --> 00:07:44,942
Uhp, uhp, uhp. Hi.
219
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,378
[laughs] Hello.
220
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:47,640
I just wanted to come over
and introduce myself.
221
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,207
I'm-I'm the manager
222
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:50,817
- of the establishment.
- Yes, I was just saying
223
00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:52,602
that he's the most interesting
man in the room.
224
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,952
Yeah. You know, it's...
I-I caught that, actually,
225
00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:56,431
and I wanted to say to you
226
00:07:56,431 --> 00:07:57,911
that, uh, Mac does,
227
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,957
in fact, know everyone here,
228
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,307
which he would, of course,
229
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:05,092
have to in order to have said
something like that.
230
00:08:05,092 --> 00:08:07,399
[laughs] So, it's meaningful.
231
00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:10,750
Now, once your man's
feeling important,
232
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:13,013
you're gonna show him
that you...
233
00:08:13,013 --> 00:08:15,276
N... need his power.
234
00:08:15,276 --> 00:08:16,756
Mm.
235
00:08:16,756 --> 00:08:18,236
See, every man's greatest fear
236
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,368
is that he's a... pussy.
237
00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:23,197
- [Dee] Mm.
- You need to make him
feel powerful.
238
00:08:23,197 --> 00:08:26,592
Oh, boy. [grunts]
239
00:08:26,592 --> 00:08:29,595
Oh... man. I just can't seem
to get this open.
240
00:08:29,595 --> 00:08:30,683
Do you think you could
help me out?
241
00:08:30,683 --> 00:08:31,989
Sure.
242
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,164
[soft chuckle]
243
00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:35,949
[chuckles]
244
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,560
Oh, this is really on tight.
245
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,824
- [grunting]
- Uh, are you-are you
being serious?
246
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,652
Oh, Christ, Bozo, give it back
to me. I'll do it.
247
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:44,567
Wai... No, no. Uh, no.
Yeah, it's... You can't.
248
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,959
You can't. You couldn't.
249
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,787
No one could,
because these bottles...
250
00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:50,094
[clears throat] are all, uh...
251
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,357
they're defective
and un-openable.
252
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,228
Yeah, there's been a recall,
actually. See?
253
00:08:54,228 --> 00:08:56,361
It's-it's impossible.
Nobody could...
254
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:59,407
[straining] ...get these
open today. [laughs]
255
00:08:59,407 --> 00:09:02,236
- Mm.
- You know what? You do look
very, very strong.
256
00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:04,891
[sighs] You mind giving this
one more shot for me?
257
00:09:04,891 --> 00:09:07,677
Let's see if you can get it.
258
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,635
- [Dee] Oh!
- [Dennis] Whoa.
259
00:09:09,635 --> 00:09:10,767
- Wow.
- Wow.
260
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,032
Now that your man's
feeling powerful,
261
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:17,121
on top of the world, you must...
262
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,905
rip it away from him.
263
00:09:18,905 --> 00:09:22,039
You're going to N...
negate his power.
264
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,650
Yeah, but this
needs to be subtle.
265
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,957
A man's ego is... fragile.
266
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,568
The goal here is to make him
feel that he may be a...
267
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:31,135
tad bit inadequate,
268
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:33,485
in comparison, maybe,
to a former lover.
269
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,573
- Yes?
- Oh.
270
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,140
But don't lay it on too thick.
271
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,664
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Subtle.
272
00:09:38,664 --> 00:09:40,666
I used to fuck LeBron James.
273
00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:41,841
[snorts, coughs]
274
00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:43,277
Oh, God.
275
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,237
Now, even if things have gone
276
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,499
a little off the rails
at this point,
277
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,674
we can get things back on track
278
00:09:48,674 --> 00:09:50,284
with a classic.
279
00:09:50,284 --> 00:09:53,810
E... engage physically.
280
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,725
- Hey-o.
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
281
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,944
But you got to make sure
that your physical engagement
282
00:09:57,944 --> 00:10:00,164
is appropriate
to the environment, okay?
283
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:03,210
Your demeanor wants to remain
elegant and classy.
284
00:10:03,210 --> 00:10:04,908
- Right.
- Mm. Got it.
285
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,783
What are you doing?
286
00:10:10,783 --> 00:10:13,307
I'm grabbing your ding-dong.
287
00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:14,787
No!
288
00:10:14,787 --> 00:10:16,920
No, yeah. That's, uh...
289
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,965
And now for the final step,
290
00:10:18,965 --> 00:10:21,489
the most profound move
of the entire system.
291
00:10:21,489 --> 00:10:23,056
[chuckles]
292
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,144
D.
293
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,365
"Do you want a tissue?"
294
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,541
- Huh?
- Huh?
295
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:32,152
You see, with this one
simple but profound question,
296
00:10:32,152 --> 00:10:34,372
you instantly transport
this man back to a time
297
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,330
when he was a tiny,
snot-nosed little bitch
298
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,158
who depended on the most
important person in his life
299
00:10:38,158 --> 00:10:39,899
for absolutely everything.
300
00:10:39,899 --> 00:10:41,858
The person who inflated his ego,
301
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,773
who made him feel powerful,
302
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:45,383
but also powerless.
303
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,472
The person whose validation
304
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:50,344
he's been seeking
his entire life.
305
00:10:50,344 --> 00:10:51,606
Guys,
306
00:10:51,606 --> 00:10:52,999
the way to make a man
307
00:10:52,999 --> 00:10:54,784
fall in love with you
308
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:57,221
is to make him feel
309
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,440
like you are...
310
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,182
his mommy.
311
00:11:02,182 --> 00:11:03,444
Well, it's getting late.
312
00:11:03,444 --> 00:11:05,490
Yeah.
313
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,318
Yeah, we should
probably call it.
314
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,755
I have, uh, one thing
that I'd like to ask you.
315
00:11:09,755 --> 00:11:12,802
Um... do you need a tissue?
316
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,804
Do you need a tissue?
317
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,893
- What?
- What?
318
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,851
- You need a tissue.
- You need a tissue.
319
00:11:18,851 --> 00:11:21,767
Oh. Oh, really? Ah...
320
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:23,551
Ah, just...
That's-that's embarrassing.
321
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:25,249
- [blows nose]
- Hang on, all right, stop it.
322
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,685
There we go. Come here.
323
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:30,254
There we go. Now
324
00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:33,083
my little man
is all ready for his day.
325
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,562
[Dennis]
Before, they wanted
326
00:11:34,562 --> 00:11:37,130
nothing more than
this date to be over.
327
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,479
But now they can't help
but ask...
328
00:11:38,479 --> 00:11:41,787
Hey, um, any chance...
329
00:11:41,787 --> 00:11:43,223
Would you want to...
330
00:11:43,223 --> 00:11:44,311
...do this again...
331
00:11:44,311 --> 00:11:45,443
...sometime?
332
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:46,444
Mm.
333
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,750
It worked.
334
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,316
And there you have it.
335
00:11:49,316 --> 00:11:51,318
That, my friends, is...
336
00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:53,451
the SINNED system.
337
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,800
- Oh!
- Whoa!
338
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,541
- Oh, ho!
- Amazing.
339
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:57,977
- Crazy creepy, though,
- Oh, yeah, very creepy.
340
00:11:57,977 --> 00:11:59,370
with all the mom stuff, and...
341
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:00,806
the name's a little
heavy-handed.
342
00:12:00,806 --> 00:12:02,373
Yeah, took a-took a lot
to get there.
343
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:04,418
It's not as clean
as the DENNIS system.
344
00:12:04,418 --> 00:12:05,985
Well, but listen,
the DENNIS system...
345
00:12:05,985 --> 00:12:07,421
that's a system
for getting a woman.
346
00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:08,858
This is a system
for getting a man,
347
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:12,165
and that's why SINNED
is actually...
348
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,558
- DENNIS backwards.
- [Dee gasps]
349
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:16,604
Oh, my God! [laughs]
350
00:12:16,604 --> 00:12:18,693
- That's amazing.
- How-how did that line up
like that?
351
00:12:18,693 --> 00:12:19,999
Yeah, like,
what are the odds, though?
352
00:12:19,999 --> 00:12:22,393
- [Dee] Oh, wow.
- What do you... The odds of what?
353
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,264
What are the odds that
the steps to the system
354
00:12:24,264 --> 00:12:26,049
would be DENNIS backwards
355
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,702
and that they would spell out
the word "sinned?"
356
00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:30,967
High! High.
'Cause I made it up.
357
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,883
- Oh! Yeah, he did it on purpose.
- Oh, my... He made it up.
358
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,324
- Hey-o!
- Hey-o!
359
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:41,238
Hey, hey, hey!
360
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,109
What's up, guy...
361
00:12:43,109 --> 00:12:44,371
You know what, I got to say,
362
00:12:44,371 --> 00:12:46,156
I am, I'm still, like,
buzzing from last night.
363
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,026
- Got a little hairy there
for a second, didn't it?
- [Dee] Yeah. Yeah.
364
00:12:47,026 --> 00:12:48,027
Yeah, but we pulled it off.
365
00:12:48,027 --> 00:12:49,115
- We sure did!
- We really did.
366
00:12:49,115 --> 00:12:50,334
- We really did.
- Success.
367
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:52,162
All right, so talk to me,
when are those
368
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:53,946
- second dates?
- Ooh, yeah, no,
that's not happening.
369
00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:55,992
What do you mean,
that's not happening?
370
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:58,342
Well, I got home last night,
and, I, uh, found myself
371
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:00,605
real horny, so I popped
a couple of Mommy's magic beans
372
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,389
and headed over to Kyle's house.
373
00:13:02,389 --> 00:13:05,349
Roofies. I roofied myself. Yeah,
374
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,133
not 100% sure
if we plowed or not,
375
00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:09,266
but I do know I got this.
376
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,007
You stole his phone.
377
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,835
- Yeah, well, I'll be honest,
- Aw...
378
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:14,837
the details
are a bit hazy, still,
379
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,969
but I do know
I stole somebody's phone.
380
00:13:16,969 --> 00:13:18,797
- And you?
- Oh, I'm not doing it either.
381
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:21,017
- Yeah!
- Okay, but I have
a good reason, Dennis.
382
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:23,671
I have a really good reason,
'cause I'm not a-a rapist
383
00:13:23,671 --> 00:13:26,196
and a thief like Dee is.
I'm-I'm just a boy in love.
384
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,675
I'm just a boy
in love with Johnny,
385
00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:30,200
and I realized that
I-I have to be with him.
386
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,028
Well, no, see,
that's-that's the thing...
387
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,987
Johnny doesn't love you.
He doesn't even like you.
388
00:13:34,987 --> 00:13:36,771
- You don't know him.
- No, no, no.
389
00:13:36,771 --> 00:13:37,772
You don't know him.
390
00:13:37,772 --> 00:13:38,991
I know him better than you.
391
00:13:38,991 --> 00:13:40,471
Do you? Because I am him.
392
00:13:41,907 --> 00:13:42,952
What?
393
00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:44,779
I invented Johnny as a means
394
00:13:44,779 --> 00:13:45,650
of getting you
out of the apartment
395
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:46,781
when you were irritating me.
396
00:13:46,781 --> 00:13:48,305
I don't understand.
397
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,002
Okay, like,
when "Johnny" sent you out
398
00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:51,395
to go get those
soft-shell crabs,
399
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:52,700
- you remember that?
- Yeah.
400
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,180
Yeah. And he was
supposed to meet you,
401
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:56,008
- but he didn't.
He ghosted you, right?
- No.
402
00:13:56,008 --> 00:13:58,576
And so, you came sauntering back
in the house and all depressed,
403
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,491
and I was like,
"Well, I tell you what, buddy,
404
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:03,363
I'll eat the soft-shell crabs.
They are my favorite."
405
00:14:03,363 --> 00:14:05,235
And I said, "Oh, my God,
what a coincidence
406
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,498
because they're-they're
Johnny's favorite, too."
407
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,587
- Yeah, because I am Johnny.
- Then who's Dennis?
408
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:12,068
- What do you mean?
- Well, if you're Johnny,
then who... who's you?
409
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:14,157
I'm Dennis!
I've always been Dennis.
410
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,724
L-L-Let me... This is gonna make
it all clear. This is my phone,
411
00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:18,291
- Don't want to get into this...
- and when I push
a certain button...
412
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,771
- Wait, hold on.
H-Hold on a second.
- [buzzing]
413
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,860
- What, what?
- Johnny's buzzing me.
I got... Look.
414
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,993
- No, I pushed the button.
- I haven't heard
from him in a while,
415
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,951
and I'm going to the motel.
I got to meet him.
416
00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:28,258
- I'm sorry.
- Mac, it's not Johnny. I pushed
the button on my phone...
417
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,737
I can't engage with you
on this right now.
418
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:31,522
I got to-I got to
go see Johnny.
419
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,524
Dennis! Dennis.
I need your help, man.
420
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:34,525
- I need your help, big-time.
- No, no!
421
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:36,135
I am done helping people.
422
00:14:36,135 --> 00:14:37,745
Dude, we're so close, man.
We're in the finals.
423
00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,312
- Yeah? I don't care.
- [Charlie] And there's no way
424
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,358
I'm gonna be able to sneak a
restaurant buzzer in now.
425
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,707
Okay, you know what?
You're not gonna stop talking.
426
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,143
- So, I-I'm just...
- Yes... No, I'm not, because,
427
00:14:44,143 --> 00:14:45,710
- Dennis, I need your help.
Look, I've
- I don't care.
428
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,364
been controlling Frank using
the restaurant buzzer, okay?
429
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:48,974
- Wait a-wait a... whoa, what...
- And it's the perfect plan.
430
00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:50,497
Hold on a second.
431
00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:54,937
Sorry, did you just say
you've been...
432
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:58,418
controlling Frank
like a pawn in a game?
433
00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:01,247
Like a puppet?
434
00:15:01,247 --> 00:15:03,293
Uh, I didn't say
any of those words, but yeah.
435
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,859
I've been-I've been controlling
Frank, uh, in chess, yes.
436
00:15:04,859 --> 00:15:06,644
Very interesting.
437
00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:09,864
And Frank's been aware
of the puppetry the entire time?
438
00:15:09,864 --> 00:15:12,128
Yeah, of course. He's in on it.
But dude, it's over, right?
439
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,433
Unless you know a way
I can sneak
440
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:15,870
something into this tournament
that vibrates.
441
00:15:18,438 --> 00:15:21,267
I think I may have a way,
but, uh...
442
00:15:21,267 --> 00:15:22,616
Frank's not gonna like it.
443
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,663
- Dee.
- [Dee] Mm.
444
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,317
Got any more
of those magic beans?
445
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:28,448
Yeah.
446
00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:29,493
'Cause we're gonna need
447
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,190
to turn the lights out.
448
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,326
- [door opens]
- [Charlie] Frank! Frank, get up!
449
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:37,936
- [Frank] Wow, what...
- Wake up! Wake up, man!
450
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,329
- We're late!
- Okay. What?
451
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:42,158
- We're gonna miss it, dude.
- [door closes]
452
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:44,116
- [reporters clamoring]
- Move. No, out of the way.
453
00:15:44,116 --> 00:15:45,683
Jesus, Frank. Cutting it
pretty close there, pal.
454
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,206
[Frank] Ah, feel like
I got to take a shit.
455
00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:49,252
What? You got to sh...
Don't shit, don't shit.
456
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,862
- [Dennis] No, no, no.
There's no time for that.
- [Frank] I'm not ready for this.
457
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:54,213
No, listen to me, listen to me.
You are ready.
458
00:15:54,213 --> 00:15:58,000
Everything you need
is already inside you.
459
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,393
[Charlie]
Move. No, out of the way.
460
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,526
[heart beating]
461
00:16:07,487 --> 00:16:08,706
[grunts]
462
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,056
The excitement here is palpable.
463
00:16:11,056 --> 00:16:13,450
[woman] At last, the moment
we've all been waiting for,
464
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:16,105
Mr. Reynolds is about
to make his first move.
465
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:18,063
- [clapping]
- [Charlie] You got this, Frank!
466
00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:19,499
You got this, man!
467
00:16:20,587 --> 00:16:22,372
[exhales]
468
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,852
[laughs]
I don't know what I'm doing.
469
00:16:24,852 --> 00:16:27,029
Frank, trust your gut.
470
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,818
- [soft buzz]
- Ooh.
471
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,298
Oh.
472
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:41,130
- [soft buzz]
- [groaning]
473
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:43,132
He seems a little
uncomfortable, Susan.
474
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,221
Just think about
the incredible amount
475
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:46,831
of pressure
he's feeling right now.
476
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,920
- [buzzing]
- Oh...
477
00:16:50,878 --> 00:16:53,011
[stammers]
478
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:55,144
- [buzzing]
- Ho, ho.
479
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:57,102
Ho, ho!
480
00:16:57,102 --> 00:16:59,452
- [exclaiming]
- [laughs] Yes. Yes.
481
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:02,107
- [extended buzzing]
- [strains] Oh.
482
00:17:02,107 --> 00:17:03,848
- Oh, God, no.
- [Susan] Mr. Reynolds seems
to be going through
483
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,632
a range of emotions
484
00:17:05,632 --> 00:17:07,765
while contemplating
his first move.
485
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:09,767
You don't have to do this.
486
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:11,116
You don't have to do it.
487
00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:13,162
S-Should I go here?
488
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:15,903
- [short buzzing]
- Oh...
489
00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:18,080
Uh... There?
490
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,082
[extended buzzing]
491
00:17:21,213 --> 00:17:22,736
Oh!
492
00:17:22,736 --> 00:17:24,608
[shouts]
493
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,262
[whispers]
Take your time, take your time.
494
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:30,092
Take your time. Take your time.
495
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,572
[laughing]
496
00:17:32,572 --> 00:17:34,313
♪
497
00:17:34,313 --> 00:17:35,619
[shouts]
498
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,708
[laughs]
499
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,104
You don't have to do this!
500
00:17:44,323 --> 00:17:46,064
Should I go there?
Aah!
501
00:17:48,675 --> 00:17:50,460
[cackling]
502
00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:54,420
[grunts]
Hey, Dennis.
503
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:56,335
Oh, man, I had
the craziest night last night,
504
00:17:56,335 --> 00:17:58,250
'cause I think I, like,
blacked out, and then,
505
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,644
when I woke up, I think
that Johnny broke up with me,
506
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,646
- 'cause he was gone.
- Mac, I can't do this right now.
507
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:03,995
- [buzzing]
- Here?
508
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:07,172
[grunts]
Here?
509
00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:09,174
Don't lose your shit, man.
Don't lose your shit.
510
00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,133
A language warning
for anybody watching at home.
511
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,178
[Frank]
Ho! Aah, aah, aah! Oh!
512
00:18:13,178 --> 00:18:15,093
- [snarling]
- Nice.
513
00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:17,835
I am Johnny! I don't know
how else to tell you!
514
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:20,751
Look, I have the texts.
I will show you the texts.
515
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:24,058
Look, these are the texts that
I sent to you from my phone.
516
00:18:24,058 --> 00:18:27,192
Oh, my God.
You have Johnny's phone.
517
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:28,541
- This is my...
- Give it to me.
518
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,674
- Give me Johnny's phone.
- Goddamn it!
- Whoa, whoa.
519
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,589
- [buzzing]
- [screaming]
520
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:37,724
You motherfucker!
521
00:18:37,724 --> 00:18:40,118
[distorted yelling]
522
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:42,729
[alarm blaring]
523
00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:49,171
[Dennis]
Oh, God.
524
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,956
It won't...
it won't go down.
525
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:54,350
What have you done?
526
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,395
[whoops]
Take my king. Take my king.
527
00:18:56,395 --> 00:18:57,396
Take him.
528
00:18:57,396 --> 00:18:59,093
Take it. Take it.
529
00:18:59,093 --> 00:19:00,225
[grunting]
530
00:19:00,225 --> 00:19:01,922
Oh...
531
00:19:03,402 --> 00:19:05,187
[heart beating]
532
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:13,673
[Mark]
Kd2! Kd2!
533
00:19:13,673 --> 00:19:16,459
That is checkmate. What
a brilliant endgame by Reynolds.
534
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:19,070
- He won?
- He won! [laughs]
535
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,246
- Frank won?
- [grunting]
536
00:19:21,246 --> 00:19:24,249
♪ There's a quest for answers,
an unquenchable...♪
537
00:19:24,249 --> 00:19:26,077
Get it out! Get it out!
538
00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:28,253
- God. Take it out, take it out.
- [Charlie] You did it, Frank!
539
00:19:28,253 --> 00:19:29,602
- Frank, you did it!
You beat the Russian!
- Take it out. Take it out.
540
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,083
- You beat the Russian!
- Stop it, stop.
541
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,477
Stop this, Charl... It's gonna
split me in half, Charlie.
542
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,348
- He won! He won!
- [laughs]
543
00:19:36,348 --> 00:19:38,959
- USA! USA!
- Kill the Wi-Fi! Kill the Wi-Fi!
544
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:41,135
- USA! USA!
- Kill it. Kill the Wi-Fi!
545
00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:42,659
- [laughs]
- Kill the Wi-Fi!
546
00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,095
- [cackles]
- Ooh. Ooh.
547
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:46,097
♪ In the warrior's code ♪
548
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:49,056
♪ There's no surrender ♪
549
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:51,276
♪ Though his body says stop ♪
550
00:19:51,276 --> 00:19:54,497
♪ His spirit cries, "Never!" ♪
551
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:58,414
♪ Deep in our soul,
a quiet ember ♪
552
00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:01,068
♪ Knows it's you against you ♪
553
00:20:01,068 --> 00:20:03,070
♪ It's the paradox ♪
554
00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:06,073
♪ That drives us on ♪
555
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:08,728
♪ It's a battle of wills ♪
556
00:20:08,728 --> 00:20:10,687
♪ In the heat of attack ♪
557
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,429
♪ It's the passion that kills ♪
558
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:17,171
♪ The victory is yours alone. ♪
559
00:20:20,174 --> 00:20:30,576
[crowd chanting backwards]
42015
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