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- Mm, mm, mm.
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Now aren't you ashamed of yourself?
5
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A man with your supposed
intelligence acting
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like an empty headed idiot.
7
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What did you do?
8
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I'll tell you what you did.
9
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You took advantage of your wife's absence
10
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and pulled a wild party.
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And that's not all.
12
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You lost all of your ready
money in a poker game.
13
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Could anything be more
crass, more disgusting?
14
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There are times when I
had high hopes for you,
15
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but that time is passed.
16
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I'll tell you what's wrong with you
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in two words, impossible.
18
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- Mr. Hardy?
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- Yes.
20
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- Here's a telegram for ya.
21
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,106
- Now I wonder what this can be.
22
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- Oh, it's a telegram from your wife,
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she says she'll be home at noon today.
24
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- Ooh, the house, oh!
25
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Aptos eight-o, eight-o, please.
26
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:14,922
- Hello?
27
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,840
- Where have you been?
28
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,217
- I was here with me.
29
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,596
- Why weren't you over
to the party last night?
30
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- I couldn't make it,
I was bitten by a dog.
31
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- You were what?
32
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- A dog bit me.
33
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- I can't understand ya, spell it.
34
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- A dog bit me.
35
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B, I, it me, bit me.
36
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- Where?
37
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:44,535
- There.
38
00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,746
And they took me to the hospital.
39
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:52,376
- Get closer to the phone,
I can't understand you.
40
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- I said they...
41
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I said they,
42
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they took me to the hospital.
43
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,016
- Was it serious?
44
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,269
- Yeah, the doctor said I
might get hydro-phosphates.
45
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- Hydro-phosphates, you mean hydrophobia.
46
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Say, what are you doing?
47
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- Eh?
48
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- What are you doing?
49
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,534
- I'm talking to you, what
do you think I'm doing?
50
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,996
- I know you're talking to me.
51
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Say, come on over, I wanna see you,
52
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and make it snappy.
53
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Q.T.
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Hydro-phosphates.
55
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- What do ya want?
56
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- Listen, I'm in a slight predicament,
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my wife's coming home
today at noon unexpectedly
58
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:04,948
and look at this house.
59
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- What's the matter with it?
60
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- What's the matter with it!
61
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,669
You never met my wife, did you?
62
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- Yes, I never did.
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- What do ya mean, yes I never did?
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That's my wife.
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- Isn't she sweet?
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- Charming.
67
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- Where is your wife?
68
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- She's in Chicago with her mother.
69
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- Is she havin' a nice time?
70
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- Sure she's having a nice time,
71
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she's been gone for more than a week.
72
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I don't care whether she's
having a nice time or not!
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00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,489
What I mean is, if she comes
home and sees this house
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00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,826
like this, she'll know that
I've been having a wild party.
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- I've never known it to fail.
76
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- What?
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- When the mice are away, the
cats are always playin' around
78
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and things, and doing something.
79
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,593
If the mice ru--
- I want you to help me
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clean this house!
81
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,471
I'd do the same for you.
82
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- No, you wouldn't.
83
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- Yes, I would.
84
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- Oh no, you wouldn't.
85
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- How do you know I wouldn't?
86
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- 'Cause I'm not going to get married.
87
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- Will you help me or will you not?
88
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- Sure, I'll help ya.
89
00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,449
What do you want me to do first?
90
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,534
- Now, that's the spirit.
91
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,247
Now, you wash the dirty dishes
while I go in and get dressed.
92
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Then after that we'll
have a nice breakfast,
93
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,043
put everything in order so that the wife
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will suspect nothing.
95
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- Will we have marmalade for breakfast?
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00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,923
- Yes, we'll have marmalade for breakfast.
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00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,426
And we'll put our shoulder to the wheels,
98
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,678
grab the bull by the horns and put
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our best foot forward.
100
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Clean that mess up
while I get something to put it in.
101
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:05,504
- Look out!
- Oh!
102
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,306
- Get me a towel.
103
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- Where do you keep 'em?
104
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267
- I don't know, look in the cupboard!
105
00:10:05,147 --> 00:10:06,440
Wait, I'll get it.
106
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,418
Oh!
107
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:31,715
Oh!
108
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:46,688
- Ollie?
109
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,522
- What?
110
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,107
- Where do you keep your handkerchiefs?
111
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,400
- In the top drawer.
112
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,584
What are you trying to do?
113
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,878
- I'm trying to get rid of this water.
114
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,296
What'll I do with it?
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- Use your own judgment.
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00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,819
Are you trying to ruin the
only suit I've got left?
117
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- I couldn't help it.
118
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- Oh, shut up.
119
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That's the way to do it.
120
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- How about some breakfast?
121
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Breakfast!
122
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,295
- See what ya did?
123
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You can't blame me for that.
124
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- Do you realize that this is the only
125
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:28,600
suit that I've got left?
126
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,814
It's enough to make a
man burst out crying.
127
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- But I couldn't help it,
128
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,483
I was trying to--
- Shut up and get
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00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,276
this mess cleaned up!
130
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,112
Do you know that my wife
will be home at noon?
131
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,990
- Say, what do you think I am, Cinderella?
132
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If I had any sense, I'd walk out on ya.
133
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,120
- Well, it's a good thing
you haven't any sense.
134
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,539
- It certainly is!
135
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:14,020
If I had any sense, I'd walk out on you.
136
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,188
Good thing you haven't any.
137
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I certainly.
138
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,455
If I had any sense I'd...
139
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:41,590
- Take these pants and wring
'em out, while I dry the coat.
140
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,809
I'll dry them myself.
141
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,383
- Hello!
142
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,300
- Don't you yell at me!
143
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,553
I'm not deaf!
144
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,347
- Oh, hello honey, baby.
145
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,223
Where are you?
146
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,057
- Where am I?
147
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,101
Why I'm down here at the railroad station,
148
00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,269
and if I stay here much longer,
149
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,937
they'll put me in the roundhouse!
150
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,232
- Ooh!
- What's a matter?
151
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,859
- Get my suit, quick it's the wife,
152
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,069
she's waiting at the depot!
153
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:08,945
Oh!
154
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,001
That's the only suit I've got!
155
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,335
- What'll you do now?
156
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,378
- I have it!
157
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,256
Get this place cleaned up
158
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,050
and don't ask questions!
159
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:32,135
Hurry, as quick as you can!
160
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,737
What's the matter?
161
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,115
- You're not going like that, are ya?
162
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,617
- Certainly, why?
163
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,577
- Well you haven't got a horse.
164
00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:58,661
- I don't need a horse,
165
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,997
I've been out there--
166
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,624
Oh don't answer it, it's the wife!
167
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,375
Get yourself cleaned up
and get outta here quick!
168
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,877
I'll see ya tonight!
169
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:58,489
What happened?
170
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:00,658
Well, I was all ready to leave
171
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,911
and I thought I'd build a nice fire
172
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,121
to make it comfortable for ya.
173
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,457
The house burnt down,
and I couldn't help it!
174
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,718
Well, I guess there's
nothing else I can do.
175
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:20,970
- No, I guess not.
176
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,223
- Well, I'll be seein' ya.
177
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:25,475
- Goodbye.
178
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,146
Hey.
179
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,860
Would you mind closing the door?
180
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,153
I'd like to be alone.
11338
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