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1
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,641
Okay, alright.
2
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,310
Let's see...
3
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:12,546
Munchies.
4
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,750
Comfy couch.
5
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,221
Remote control.
6
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,798
Ahh, the good life.
7
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,103
Okay, mom, bring it in.
8
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,937
Alright, sweetheart.
9
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:37,971
Be careful, harriette.
10
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,408
Yeah, okay
11
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,547
Wait a minute.
Hold up.
12
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:49,550
Harriette, I'm trying
To watch the football game.
13
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:53,687
-look at my new playhouse.
-this baby's really loaded--
14
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,157
It's got a table, a phone,
A swinging door..
15
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,625
A mortgage.
16
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,594
Good luck putting it
Together, uncle carl.
17
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,564
Oh, harriette.
18
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:06,467
Please, uncle carl?
19
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,638
Richie, I'll put it together
After the game.
20
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,039
How long is that?
21
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,307
Three hours.
22
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:16,677
I'll be too big
For it by then.
23
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,982
But, richie, it's the bears
And the vikings.
24
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:24,118
Please, uncle carl?
25
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,853
I love you...
26
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,221
A bushel and a peck
27
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:30,524
And a hug
Around the neck.
28
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,462
Okay, okay
29
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,165
-he never had a chance.
-mm-mmm.
30
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:52,380
* it's a rare condition
In this day and age *
31
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,949
* to read any good news
On the newspaper page *
32
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:59,887
* and love and tradition
Of the grand design *
33
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,292
* some people say
Is even harder to find *
34
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,195
* well, then, there must be
Some magic clue *
35
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:11,399
* inside these gentle walls *
36
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,868
* 'cause all I see
Is a tower of dreams *
37
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:18,906
* real love burstin'
Out of every seam *
38
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,776
* as days go by *
39
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,947
* we're gonna fill our house
With happiness *
40
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,683
* the moon may cry *
41
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,821
* we're gonna smother the blues
With tenderness *
42
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,824
* when days go by *
43
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:40,494
* there's room for you,
Room for me *
44
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:44,365
* for gentle hearts
And opportunity *
45
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:47,735
* as days go by *
46
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:52,740
* it's the bigger love
Of the family **
47
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,929
Hi, big guy.
48
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:18,932
What do you want?
49
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,870
Why don't you
Just wear a hat
Like everybody else?
50
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,541
Steve, I'm in
No mood for this.
51
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:32,413
Why the sour puss,
My portly pouting pal?
52
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,049
Well, I have to assemble
This playhouse for richie.
53
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,751
Ooh, you want some help?
54
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:38,919
No, thanks.
55
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,988
I mean, it's just a kid's toy.
56
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,324
How hard can it be?
57
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,560
Yikes!
58
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,329
No problemo.
59
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,997
Just put yourself
In the hands
60
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,966
Of master
Builder urkel.
61
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,535
Okay, you read
The instructions
62
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,637
While I lay out
All the pieces.
63
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,971
Okay.
64
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,209
"Mun-je il--
Chee-goom
65
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,911
"In-uhn
Muhl-gohn duhrurh
66
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,679
"Chogng hwak-ki
67
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,949
Chom-kohm
Ha-ship-shi-yo."
68
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,386
What are you
Babbling about?
69
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,887
This page
Is in korean.
70
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,657
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
They misspelled three words.
71
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,595
You can read korean?
72
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,864
Why, sure, it's
A beautiful language.
73
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,968
I'll teach you. Let's start
With a common korean phrase.
74
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:31,372
Nomo-giets-itsomera.
75
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,308
Mut-irosomera.
76
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,709
What's that mean?
77
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,746
I've fallen
And I can't get up.
78
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,518
I'll get us some tools.
79
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,554
You, lay out all
The pieces.
80
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:50,391
I've fallen
And I can't get up.
81
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,330
Harriette,
Maybe I shouldn't
Have asked carl
82
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,831
To build
Richie's playhouse.
83
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:01,068
After all, he's not
Exactly mr. Fix-it.
84
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,636
That's not true.
85
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,406
Remember last month
He installed that
Extra light socket?
86
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:08,141
It works perfectly.
87
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,510
That's true,
88
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:13,781
And his eyebrows have
Just about grown back.
89
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,150
Jolene, I've got a
Chest hair update for you.
90
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,152
I'm up to a dozen.
91
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:22,523
By this summer...
I should be a rug.
92
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:26,727
Attention, everybody.
93
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,497
I can't find
My screwdriver.
94
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,064
I didn't take it.
95
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,600
Me, neither.
96
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:42,710
Excuse me.
97
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,612
Excuse me.
98
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,915
Dad, I'm in the middle of
A very important conversation.
99
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:54,655
Binky bear can't wait
To see his winky bear.
100
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:58,726
Edward, have you seen
My phillips screwdriver?
101
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,361
Yeah, last week,
I used it
To fix my bike.
102
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,063
Well, where is it now?
103
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,465
Dad, I don't know.
104
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,366
I'm busy here.
105
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,770
Sorry, winky bear,
But binky bear
106
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:13,140
Has to talk
To papa bear. Bye-bye.
107
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,576
Dad, I can't believe
You did that!
108
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,811
Edward, what did you do
With my screwdriver?
109
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,648
-I don't remember.
-you don't remember?
110
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,250
Why can't you remember
Where you put
One screwdriver?
111
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,018
Because that's
Not important.
112
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,054
Give me
A break, okay?
113
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:35,162
Edward, I have told you
A thousand times
114
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,832
That when you borrow
My tools, put them back
Where they belong.
115
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,801
Okay, okay.
116
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:44,572
You know better than
To misplace my tools.
117
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,541
My dad misplaced one
Of his tools once.
118
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,342
Boy, was he upset.
119
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,512
Of course, he's
A brain surgeon.
120
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,547
So, it's tough wondering
Which of your patients
121
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,650
Has a clamp
In his cranium.
122
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,587
Steve, this is
A family discussion.
123
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:03,457
And I'm darn proud
To be part of it.
124
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,526
Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
125
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,562
Edward, I want to know
126
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,330
Where my screwdriver is.
127
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:14,201
Dad, I don't know where it is.
Look, I'll buy you a new one.
128
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,436
Edward, I can do that myself.
129
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,371
Great. Thanks, dad.
130
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,541
Hold it!
131
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,576
Edward, you're still
Missing the point here.
132
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,044
What is the point?
133
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,814
The point is, this
Screwdriver incident
134
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,549
Is just
Another example
135
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,450
Of your total lack
Of respect
136
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,419
For people and
Their property.
137
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:33,854
It is?
138
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,388
Yes, it is.
139
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,924
You start off by
Forgetting screwdrivers,
140
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,392
Next thing you know,
You're dropping
Out of school,
141
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,728
You can't get a job,
142
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,763
And you wind up wearing
A cardboard belt,
143
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,899
Selling your blood
For a bowl of soup.
144
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,901
What kind of soup?
145
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,270
What difference
Does that make?
146
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:54,074
Well, I don't know.
It's your story.
147
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,109
Uh, I got to get going.
148
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:59,547
Hold it, edward.
We are not through here.
149
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,215
-I've to get ready for my date.
-no, you don't.
150
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,484
You're grounded.
151
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,119
What?
152
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,788
Over a stupid
Screwdriver?
153
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,223
Son, it's not
The screwdriver.
154
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,892
It's your attitude
I don't like.
155
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,895
Well, maybe I don't like
Your attitude.
156
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,565
Uh-oh.
157
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,169
Alright. That's it.
Go to your room.
158
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,370
Look, dad--
159
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,805
Go!
160
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:31,945
Carl, how about a little
Transcendental meditation?
161
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,449
As the great maharishi
Moskvich once said--
162
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,918
Scram!
163
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,954
That's not exactly what he said
But it's close enough.
164
00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,773
Eddie.
165
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,508
Shh!
166
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:02,943
-going someplace?
-yes.
167
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,245
I'm taking jolene
To the concert.
168
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,080
And your life
In your hands.
169
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,417
Eddie, dad grounded you.
If you leave,
He'll kill you.
170
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,052
Laura, it'll be worth it
171
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,588
To see jolene in
Her new miniskirt.
172
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:16,489
Well, congratulations, eddie.
173
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,858
For what?
174
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,293
You'll be making license plate
For your first car.
175
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,896
Laura, thanks for
Your concern.
176
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:26,199
But as they say
In france, sionara.
177
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,829
Dad! Hi.
178
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:56,930
Hi.
179
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,900
Hey, you found
That screwdriver.
180
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,836
Well, actually,
Urkel found it.
181
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,405
He used his metal detector
And combed our backyard.
182
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,608
He found the screwdriver,
38 cents,
183
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,078
And a mood ring.
184
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,813
Great.
185
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,614
So where were you?
186
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,584
Uh, I was in the garage
187
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,687
Looking for
The screwdriver?
188
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,691
Really? So is this
189
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,558
Your screwdriver
Hunting outfit?
190
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,560
Well, I--I...
191
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,863
Lipstick
On the collar.
192
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,835
Edward,
Were you necking
193
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,804
With the
Weed-whacker again?
194
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:43,010
Okay, dad, I went to
The concert with jolene.
195
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,880
You, uh...
196
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,216
You really like
That girl, don't you?
197
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,651
I sure do, dad.
198
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:58,125
I hope she's worth
Dying for.
199
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,192
Look, dad--
200
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,227
No, you look.
201
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:03,530
Edward, I went up to
Your room to apologize
202
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:06,033
Thinking maybe I was
Too rough on you.
203
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,068
But judging from your behavior,
204
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,970
I haven't been
Rough enough.
205
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,671
Dad, you just
Don't understand.
206
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,707
This date was really
Important to me tonight.
207
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,308
Well, I hope
You enjoyed yourself.
208
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,145
You're not gonna
Have another one
For a very long time.
209
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,014
-you're grounded for one month.
-what? No way.
210
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,350
-make that two months!
-what's going on in here?
211
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,719
Mom, dad's acting like
A maniac again.
212
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,120
Make that three months!
213
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,222
-carl!
-let me tell you something.
214
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,959
As long as you
Live under my roof,
215
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,927
You will
Live by my rules.
216
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,163
Then maybe I should
Find another roof.
217
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,364
Eddie!
218
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:40,067
-so you're moving out?
-well, yeah.
219
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,268
Well, fine!
220
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,335
Fine!
221
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,204
Fine!
222
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,707
Is everything okay?
223
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,743
Fine!
Fine!
224
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,666
Carl.
225
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,302
I don't want
To hear it!
226
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,904
Well, you're going to.
227
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,872
This thing's gotten
Way out of hand.
228
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,540
We can't let eddie move out.
229
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,309
Where's eddie going?
230
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,311
Nowhere. Go back to bed.
231
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,213
Can I have his room?
232
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,015
Go!
233
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,019
Guys, I feel terrible.
This is all my fault.
234
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,922
I should never have asked you to
Put together richie's playhouse.
235
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:37,224
I'm his mother.It's
My responsibility.
236
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,059
True, I'm no good
At those things,
237
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,261
But we learn
By doing.
238
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,329
Rachel--
239
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,564
But I didn't do.
Now look
What I've done.
240
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,835
You're mad at eddie, eddie's mad
At you, I'm mad at me.
241
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:51,004
I tell you,
This is a madhouse.
242
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,907
This whole family
Has gone off
The deep end.
243
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,510
Carl, we can't let
Our son move out.
244
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:58,912
Harriette...
245
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,781
I will not tolerate
Outright disobedience.
246
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,216
Now, I don't ask for much,
247
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,019
But there's one thing I do
Demand and that's respect.
248
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,988
You know
Eddie respects you.
249
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:11,124
Harriette, the boy
Deliberately antagonizes me.
250
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,827
He knows everything
That gets my goat.
251
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,996
Carl, be fair.
252
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,900
Your goat's gotten old,
And it's easier to get.
253
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,935
Oh, sure.
Take his side.
254
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:25,438
There are no sides here.
We're a family.
255
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,075
Please go up
And talk to eddie
And settle this.
256
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,110
Harriette, he's the one
Who disobeyed.
257
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,945
He's the one
Who wants to leave.
258
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:36,049
So, he's the one who
Has to come to me.
259
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,118
Carl--
260
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,587
Harriette,
I have spoken!
261
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,363
Whatever you say,
King carl.
262
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,900
But if prince edward
Leaves this kingdom,
263
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,835
You will be sleeping
On the royal couch.
264
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,044
Eddie...
265
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,578
Go back upstairs.
266
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:10,450
Mom, I'm leaving. Don't try
And talk me out of it.
267
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,919
Oh?
268
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,121
Well,
Where you going?
269
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,524
Someplace where
They don't have
Any screwdrivers.
270
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,127
You know this fight's
Not about screwdrivers.
271
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,029
It's because you
Disobeyed your father.
272
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,097
But, he didn't
Have to ground me.
273
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,598
That was
Excessive punishment.
274
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,300
Police brutality.
275
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,271
I don't want you
To leave.
276
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,206
Don't worry, mom.
I'll be fine.
277
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,208
-where will you sleep?
-I don't know.
278
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,810
-what will you do for money?
-I don't know.
279
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,813
-how will you buy food?
-I don't know.
280
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,284
Well, at least
You have a plan.
281
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,620
Well, mom, anything is
Better than staying here.
282
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,122
Your father's
Not that bad.
283
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,425
Oh, really?
Why don't you try
Living with him?
284
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,129
But dad
Drives me crazy.
285
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,999
Did you ever think
That maybe you
Drive him crazy?
286
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:02,502
Sure, take his side.
287
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,038
Eddie.
288
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,374
You know your
Father loves you.
289
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,476
Mom, he sure doesn't
Act like it.
290
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,079
No matter what I do,
It's never good enough.
291
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,114
He's always on my back.
292
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,316
I don't even think
He likes me.
293
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,090
Wait here.
I'll be right back.
294
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,764
Harriette,
What are you doing?
295
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,600
Come, come.
Come on. Sit down.
296
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,502
Edward, you, too.
297
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,769
Harriette--
Mom--
298
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,005
Sit!
299
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,341
The reason you two
Don't get along
300
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,110
Is because you're so much alike.
301
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,045
No way!
No way!
302
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,313
Look at this.
303
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,049
The two most important
Men in my life
304
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,550
Acting like
Big babies.
305
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,651
He started it.
306
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:52,819
Nuh-uh!
Did, too.
307
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,587
Did'nt.
Did!
308
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,724
Listen up, you two!
309
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,660
Now, I want
To tell you a story--
310
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:01,894
-mom!
-aw, harriette--
311
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,963
Ah! Unh!
312
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,600
Now...
313
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,602
This is a true story.
314
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,105
It happened 16 years ago...
315
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:16,009
On january 28, 1974.
316
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,012
My birthday?
317
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,480
It wasn't supposed to be,
318
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:23,450
But you were
As impatient then
As you are now.
319
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,654
We had just moved
Into this house.
320
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,524
And we hadn't finished
Unpacking. It was 1:30
In the morning,
321
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,394
In the middle of
A terrible snowstorm.
322
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,263
Alright.
323
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,464
Okay
324
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,710
Okay
325
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,812
Carl!
326
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,714
You're forgetting
Two things--
327
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,616
Your wife
And your pants.
328
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:57,917
Oh!
329
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,420
Oh, my god.
I'm sorry, honey.
330
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,921
Are you okay?
331
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,490
Yeah,
I'm just swell.
332
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:06,559
Come on, let's go
Cut some lumber.
333
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,863
It's a wonder
You ever made a baby
334
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,632
In the first place.
335
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,469
Things went
From bad to worse.
336
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,037
We were completely
Snowed in.
337
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,406
The phones were dead,
338
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,841
And we had no way
To get to the hospital.
339
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:25,912
So we did what
Anyone would do--
We panicked.
340
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,081
Carl...Relax.
341
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,083
Relax. Relax.
342
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,185
Yeah, relax.
Uh-huh.
343
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,586
Now, you're a cop.
344
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,021
I'm a cop.
345
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,789
You're trained to handle
These situations.
346
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:40,059
I'm trained.
I took a class once.
347
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,594
The baby
Was plastic.
348
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,697
I put him
On the radiator,
And he melted.
349
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,166
Aah!
350
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,668
Aah! What happened?
Tell me what to do!
351
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,670
-go boil some water!
-good idea!
352
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:51,904
I could
Use some coffee!
353
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,673
Aah!
354
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,543
Tea! Cocoa! Sweetheart,
355
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,011
I'll drink
Anything you want!
356
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,548
Aah! Oh! Carl, carl,
The baby's coming!
357
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,184
Hand me a pillow!
Hand me a pillow!
358
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,885
Pillow! Pillow!
359
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,255
Oh!
360
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,590
I can't
Find a pillow!
361
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,626
Oh!
362
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,961
Carl! Carl! Carl!
363
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,963
Pillow! Pillow!
Pillow!
364
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,465
Oh!
365
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,032
Oh! Oh!
366
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,569
Harriette, you're
Falling off the couch!
367
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,603
Oh!
368
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,037
Get it together, babe!
369
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,373
Oh! Oh!
370
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,808
What else do you
Want me to do?
371
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,009
Let's breathe.
372
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,043
Let's breathe.
373
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,078
Breathe.
374
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,180
Breathe, carl.
375
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,748
Okay we're
Breathing. Okay.
376
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,886
I love you, honey.
377
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,654
I love you, too.
378
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,723
But you're never
Touching me again.
379
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:53,966
Finally the phone started
Working again.
380
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,735
And we called our doctor.
381
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,470
He skied right over
382
00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,373
Just in time to be too late.
383
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:04,677
Carl, you did
A great job.
384
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,079
Gee, thanks, doc.
385
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,782
Your wife and your son
Are doing just fine.
386
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,384
Thanks. Okay.
387
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,190
Hello, mom.
388
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,659
Hello, dad.
389
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,861
Would you like
To hold your son?
390
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,663
Oh, yeah.
391
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,174
Hello, edward.
392
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,245
I'm your dad.
393
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,149
Isn't he beautiful?
394
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,817
Oh, yeah.
395
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,953
Looks
Just like you.
396
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,390
I think he looks
More like you.
397
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,191
Yeah, he does.
398
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,127
Edward.
399
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,563
My son.
400
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,600
What a wonderful word.
401
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:05,938
You know, I'm real
Nervous right now.
402
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,641
I never been
A father before.
403
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,877
Then again, you never
Been a son before.
404
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,346
I tell you what--
405
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,815
We'll learn together.
406
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,587
I just want to tell you...
407
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,690
I love you
With all of my heart.
408
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,693
And I'll never forget
How proud I am...
409
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,961
Right now....
410
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,363
Son.
411
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,984
Did you really
Say those things?
412
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,423
Well...Ahem.
413
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,558
Something like that.
414
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:05,665
Dad, I'm sorry
I disobeyed you.
415
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:08,301
I shouldn't
Have snuck out.
416
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,337
Well, I might have
Over-reacted...
417
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,738
A little.
418
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,806
I can promise you
One thing--
419
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,709
I'll never lose
Another screwdriver.
420
00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:20,480
You know...
421
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:22,915
I remember once...
422
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,918
I used
My father's hammer
423
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,655
To mix
A can of paint.
424
00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:31,624
At the time,
He didn't think
425
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,993
That hammers
Should be purple.
426
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,363
Man.
427
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:40,066
He grounded me
For one whole week.
428
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,937
Man, I thought
He was the world's
Biggest jerk.
429
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:46,639
Now look at me.
430
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:48,541
I'm him.
431
00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:51,978
Dad, if it makes you
Feel any better,
432
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:56,883
One day I'll probably have a kid
Who'll drive me crazy, too.
433
00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:59,018
I sure hope so.
434
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:07,760
Dad...
435
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,030
I'd like to stay.
436
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:16,769
I would like that,
Too, son.
29244
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