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1
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,443
V� mul�umesc.
2
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,070
V� mul�umesc foarte mult. Ce mai face�i?
3
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,281
Cum merg treburile?
4
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,368
Mersi.
5
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,871
M� bucur s� fiu aici.
6
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,540
M� bucur s� fiu aici. Mul�umesc.
7
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,168
Apreciez, dar s� vedem mai �nt�i
dac� sunt amuzant.
8
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,295
S� vedem dac� sunt nostim.
9
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,589
M� bucur s� fiu aici, la Nashville.
10
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:50,800
Uita�i-v� la mine,
mi-am luat o c�ma�� de cowboy.
11
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,885
Se vede?
12
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,970
Ca s� m� potrivesc cu voi,
13
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,805
care veni�i de la fermele voastre.
14
00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:58,892
�i care tr�i�i �n hambare.
15
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,226
Nu-i a�a?
16
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,522
Parc� v-aud:
"Lucrez la o aplica�ie. �n�elegi?
17
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,400
Voi lansa un website."
18
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,697
La naiba, ce vremuri ciudate tr�im.
19
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:16,242
E bizar s� �nregistrezi a�a o emisiune
�naintea alegerilor preziden�iale,
20
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,744
�n special una ca aceasta.
21
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,538
Am s� v� spun exact ce se va �nt�mpla.
22
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,624
�n�elege�i?
23
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,667
Cum naiba am r�mas cu candida�ii �tia?
24
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,668
Iisuse Hristoase.
25
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,046
E ca prima s�pt�m�n� din American Idol.
26
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:31,758
Te g�nde�ti: "Pe bune? Pe �tia �i avem?"
27
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,928
"Ia-i sacoul!"
28
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,140
Sau ce naiba mai face ea pe-acolo.
29
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:41,684
E incredibil.
30
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,813
Ai de ales
�ntre un gogoman rasist �i Satana.
31
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,023
Astea sunt op�iunile.
32
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,735
"M� duc la ea �i o apuc!
33
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:51,945
Pur �i simplu o apuc!"
34
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,365
Bine.
35
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:57,742
Asta faci?
36
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,914
Ce nebun! "Voi construi un zid."
37
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:07,293
Oamenii cred c� el chiar va face asta.
Serios? Chiar �l faci?
38
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,338
Vei construi un zid
din California p�n� �n Texas?
39
00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:11,589
Vei face asta?
40
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,633
A�i mers vreodat� pe acel drum?
41
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,010
Eu am mers.
42
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:19,180
Am ie�it pe autostrada 10 din Los Angeles.
43
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,016
Mergi dou� zile �ncontinuu, cu 130 km/h.
44
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,647
Doar zid.
45
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,482
Stai acolo ca John Goodman
46
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,025
�n Raising Arizona.
47
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:32,735
Doar conduc�nd.
48
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,071
De c�te ori
49
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,407
vei merge la magazinul de bricolaj
50
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,616
pentru a construi zidul?
51
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:42,078
Chiar crezi
c� vei termina aceast� lucrare?
52
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:43,788
Avem The Freedom Tower,
53
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,707
noi chiar am vrut rahatul �la
54
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,167
�i construc�ia a durat aproape 15 ani.
55
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,462
Jum�tate din americani nici nu �i doresc
acest rahat.
56
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,257
P�n� c�nd va fi terminat,
57
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,802
�ara asta va fi a�a distrus�,
c� noi vom fi cei care vom s�ri zidul.
58
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,931
"Au zah�r adev�rat, omule!
59
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,185
Au zah�r adev�rat �n Coca-cola!
60
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:07,979
Am auzit c�, pe partea cealalt�,
61
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:11,065
Orange Crush are acela�i gust
ca �n 1978."
62
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:16,029
V� aminti�i acel interval de doi ani
c�nd chiar era delicios?
63
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,698
Da, deci �l avem pe el,
�i apoi o avem pe Hillary.
64
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,950
Hillary este ca un membru respectat
al mafiei.
65
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,577
Exact ca un asociat al mafiei.
66
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:26,539
Toat� lumea crede c� dac� ea se �mbrac�
ca un agent imobiliar,
67
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,583
nu avem de ce s� ne facem griji.
68
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,585
Dar ea face parte din acea ga�c�.
69
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,587
Va �ncepe r�zboaie,
70
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,089
le va monta microcipuri bebelu�ilor,
71
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,466
va �ncepe s� taie din bani.
72
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:40,345
Nu va o face direct,
dar merge �n aceast� direc�ie.
73
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:43,348
Va privatiza apa.
"Apa nu e un drept esen�ial al omului."
74
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:44,265
Va face cu m�na...
75
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,768
�i va trece prin tot procesul,
76
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,520
tot acel proces nebun de care te �ii
77
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,481
c�nd urm�re�ti acel tip de putere.
78
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:55,235
Trebuie s� ��i pui tot r�ul
�ntr-o cutie micu��,
79
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,362
�n timp ce stai acolo �i z�mbe�ti,
80
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,988
�tiind ce se �nt�mpl� cu adev�rat.
81
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,866
�ntre timp, vorbe�ti cu Joe Abdomen.
82
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,786
κi pune pantalonii
c�te un crac pe r�nd.
83
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,915
Nu �tiu...
84
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,751
E incredibil.
85
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,712
Sunt cele mai proaste variante posibile.
86
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,008
Dac� Trump nu era at�t de rasist,
87
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,512
pot s� trec peste apucatul de p�s�ric�.
88
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:23,721
Nu face parte din lumea mea.
89
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,725
Sunt egoist, ca orice alt votant.
90
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,895
Dac� n-ar fi a�a de rasist,
91
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,564
m-ar speria mai pu�in,
92
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,817
pentru c� este, evident, un mare gogoman.
93
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,569
E a�a de idiot, �nc�t nu cred
c� poate sc�pa dac� face ceva nasol.
94
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:39,821
�ti�i ce-mi vine �n minte?
95
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,281
C�nd te ui�i la Lege �i Ordine,
96
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:44,909
iar ei aresteaz� pe cineva
�n primele 15 minute
97
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,453
�i �ncearc� s� te fac� s� crezi
c� au g�sit f�pta�ul.
98
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,832
Te ui�i la ceas.
"N-are cum s� fie �la f�pta�ul.
99
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,335
Mai sunt 45 de minute din episod.
100
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,964
Nu el este f�pta�ul.
Cine e adev�ratul f�pta�?"
101
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:02,468
�i atunci intr� Hillary �n film.
102
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,805
Ea se duce la �ntrunirile Bilderberg,
103
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,933
unde sunt �mbr�ca�i ca ni�te fazani
�i fac sex �ntre ei.
104
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,729
Sacrific� c�te un angajat de la Best Buy.
105
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,482
Se bat pentru ecusonul lui.
106
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,567
Nu-i a�a?
107
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,697
Pe cine s� alegi? Nu am nicio idee.
108
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,490
A�a c� m-am dat un pic �n spate.
109
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,783
M� consum� acest rahat.
110
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,243
Vreau s� pun pauz�.
111
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,371
Nu vreau ca aceste alegeri s� aib� loc
�i m-am retras �n spate
112
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:34,208
�i m-am uitat
la cele mai stupide lucruri posibile.
113
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:38,629
Emisiunile stupide de diminea��
cu care �i �ncep ziua casnicele.
114
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,591
�ti�i acele pove�ti care nu au sens.
115
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,634
"�l iube�ti, e prietenul t�u cel mai bun.
116
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:48,306
Dar te-ai �ntrebat vreodat�
ce face c�inele t�u c�nd nu e�ti acas�?
117
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,601
Urm�torul clip te va surprinde."
118
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:55,396
Iar eu �mi zic: "Umple-l!
Umple-mi creierul cu rahatul �sta idiot!
119
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,316
Nu vreau s� �tiu
ce se �nt�mpl� cu adev�rat.
120
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,527
Se consum� heroin� la greu �n toat� �ara?
M� doare-n cur!"
121
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:04,322
"E ziua na�ional� a taco-ului.
122
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,866
E cu noi Tony, de la Tony's Taco.
123
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:10,119
Tony, ce anume face un taco excep�ional?"
124
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,122
"Totul �ncepe de la lipia de m�lai."
125
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,001
Arat� cum fac cl�tite �i alte t�mpenii.
126
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:21,756
Le �ntreab� pe doamne cum �i v�d corpul,
e o rubric� permanent�.
127
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,717
Cea mai idioat� chestie e
discu�ia despre Hollywood.
128
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:29,931
"Cei de la Hollywood creeaz�
aceste idei imposibile despre corp..."
129
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:32,183
�ti�i la ce m� refer.
Actri�a de m�rime XXL.
130
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:33,267
Nu?
131
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,519
Gr�su�ele.
132
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:35,937
N-am dreptate?
133
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,605
E o chestie important�.
134
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:39,899
S-au s�turat s� fie tratate
ca persoane grase.
135
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:41,526
Nu le �n�eleg.
136
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:44,821
Apar pe coperte de reviste,
pentru a ar�ta c�t de grase sunt,
137
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,449
�mbr�cate sumar,
iar toat� lumea le sus�ine frenetic.
138
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,701
"Dumnezeule! C�t curaj!
139
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,703
E a�a de curajos ce fac!"
140
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:55,581
Nu spun c� nu-�i trebuie
s�nge �n instala�ie,
141
00:06:55,665 --> 00:07:00,211
dar e un pic exagerat�
folosirea cuv�ntului "curaj", nu-i a�a?
142
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:04,507
Ce voi face dac� v�d un pompier
ie�ind dintr-o cl�dire
143
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,425
cu un copil �i o b�tr�n� �n bra�e?
144
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,845
Voi spune: "Dumnezeule!
145
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,849
E�ti ca o actri�� gras�
care �i d� jos tricoul
146
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:16,769
pentru a face poze pentru o revist�
ca s�-�i promoveze filmul."
147
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,484
�tiu c� nu ar trebui
s� r�zi de oamenii gra�i.
148
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,278
�n�eleg asta.
149
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,696
Dar nu �tiu de ce.
150
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:32,243
De ce? Nu e o ras�, nu e o religie.
151
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:33,786
E ceva absolut vindecabil.
152
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:37,623
M�n�nc� un m�r �i f� o plimbare.
153
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,793
De ce �ipi la restul lumii?
154
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,880
De ce te iei de mine?
155
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,090
Tu te-ai �ndopat cu fursecuri!
156
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,091
Eu nu!
157
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,510
De ce e asta problema mea?
158
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,180
Iisuse Hristoase!
159
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:55,016
Ai m�ncat p�n� n-ai mai putut,
acum f� pa�i!
160
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,184
M-ai �n�eles?
161
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,145
�i, �ncet-�ncet, dai jos gr�simea.
162
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:02,023
Mai �ndeas� ni�te salat� acolo,
163
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:03,816
�n loc de rulade cu ciocolat�.
164
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,610
Vei pierde din greutate
165
00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,528
�i vei ajunge
�n aceea�i tab�r� cu mine.
166
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,155
Veni�i al�turi de mine �i spune�i:
167
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,866
Ru�ine!
168
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:13,618
Nu?
169
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,788
�tiu, nu trebuie s� ar��i cu degetul.
170
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,248
Nu trebuie s� te iei de gra�i,
171
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,083
nu trebuie s� ��i ba�i joc de t�rfe.
172
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,794
De parc� e ru�inos
s� faci pe cineva de ru�ine.
173
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,214
De parc� oamenii nu ar trebui
s� se simt� ru�ina�i.
174
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,216
Este un sentiment uman legitim,
175
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,051
dar pe care nu ai voie s�-l tr�ie�ti.
176
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,969
Ar trebui s� mergi ca un dictator.
177
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,722
S� nu te ru�inezi?
Nu v-a�i sim�it niciodat� ru�ina�i?
178
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,682
N-a�i avut nicio noapte at�t de aiurea,
179
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,602
�nc�t a doua zi diminea�a
s� nu v� pute�i privi �n oglind�?
180
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,521
Te speli pe din�i �i te ui�i la tine:
181
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,606
"Mizerabilule!
182
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,401
Te cunosc,
dar asta chiar a fost nasoal�.
183
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:51,239
Stinge lumina �i trage perdelele
p�n� cel pu�in la ora 14:00,
184
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,742
ca s� te pot privi �n ochi, mizerabilule!"
185
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,162
Nu trebuie s�-�i fie ru�ine de nimic.
186
00:08:58,746 --> 00:08:59,705
Asta este noua lume.
187
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,916
O sugi �n st�nga �i �n dreapta...
188
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:03,459
Hale�ti fursecuri cu lopata,
189
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,254
apoi te expui
�i nimeni nu trebuie s� zic� nimic?
190
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,672
Nu po�i s� ai o p�rere?
191
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:10,424
S� zic� cineva:
"Chestia asta o ia razna c�t de cur�nd."
192
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,888
Probabil c� sunt r�u c�nd fac asta,
193
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,182
dar exist� o limit� a compasiunii.
194
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,726
Nu ��i poate p�sa de toate lucrurile.
195
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:24,021
�ti�i ce lucru mi-a schimbat via�a?
Am avut un spectacol �n India.
196
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:27,650
Oamenii au fost incredibili,
dar n-o s� uit c�teva lucruri de-acolo.
197
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,235
Am avut un show �n India
198
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,738
�i am v�zut un copil care f�cea caca
�ntre dou� ma�ini parcate.
199
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,741
Apoi a plecat.
Nu avea pantaloni �i nici p�rin�i.
200
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,827
A disp�rut �n mul�ime
201
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,080
ca Hannibal Lecter
la sf�r�itul T�cerii mieilor.
202
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:46,377
E unul din lucrurile cele mai sf�ietoare
pe care le-am v�zut vreodat�.
203
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,796
�i apoi, m� �ntorc �n �ara mea.
204
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:51,674
"Cei de la studio au spus
c� trebuie s� sl�besc �ase kilograme
205
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,301
ca s� pot s� joc �n film."
206
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,636
Atunci d�-i drumul �i alearg�, umflatule!
207
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,888
Asta e marea ta nemul�umire �n via��?
208
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,311
�ti�i care e treaba cu ace�ti gra�i?
209
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,812
�ti�i care este adev�rul?
210
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,356
Nu au respect
211
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,900
fa�� de sacrificiul pe care �l fac al�ii
212
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:13,362
pentru a ajunge la nivel de revist�.
213
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,406
Face�i abdomene?
214
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,491
A�i �ncercat s� ave�i p�tr��ele acolo?
215
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:18,618
A�i �ncercat?
216
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,161
E imposibil!
217
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,455
Dup� v�rsta de 19 ani,
218
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,915
nu po�i face asta f�r� ajutor serios.
219
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:28,461
��i trebuie benzi kinesiologice,
c�r�i de nutri�ie,
220
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,756
trebuie s�-�i iei un instructor personal
care s� te alerge.
221
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,341
Ai nevoie de un buc�tar personal.
222
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,886
"Nu m�nca �nc�.
Acum m�n�nc�, �ncepe s� consumi.
223
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:40,348
Stop. �ncetine�te. Stop!
Scuip-o afar�!
224
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,350
�i-am spus s� te opre�ti!
225
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,227
Treci pe biciclet�!
�i-a pl�cut varza de Bruxelles?
226
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,813
�i-a pl�cut? Acum pl�te�ti pentru ea!"
227
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,608
Ce experien�� de rahat!
228
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:54,111
Te plimbi,
iar corpul t�u se consum� singur.
229
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,154
"Vrei ni�te tort?"
230
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,823
"Nu, voi m�nca doar salata.
231
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,618
Cu garnitur� de o�et balsamic.
232
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:01,661
F�r� crutoane.
233
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,955
Dumnezeule! C�nd avem sesiunea foto?
234
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,248
Vreau s� m� sinucid."
235
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,292
E oribil.
236
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,462
A�i �ncercat vreodat� s� v� �ngr�a�i?
237
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:13,297
Nu.
238
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,091
Nu trebuie.
239
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,592
Se face f�r� efort.
240
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,261
Po�i s� stai �ntins,
241
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,347
uit�ndu-te la serialul t�u preferat
242
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,933
�i �ndes�ndu-�i diverse pe g�t.
243
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:27,269
"- Ce faci?
- M� �ngra�.
244
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,606
- Ai un antrenor?
- Nu am nevoie, e natural.
245
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,777
M�n�nc orice chestie
care �mi face corpul s� exclame:
246
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:35,694
'Da!'
247
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:37,738
,Da!'
248
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,409
Se depune imediat un colac
de celulit� afurisit�."
249
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:44,870
E ridicol.
�tiu c� nimeni nu vrea s� fie gras.
250
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,122
Nu �mi bat joc de nimeni.
251
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,749
Dar nu te pl�nge
de parc� ar fi problema mea
252
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,626
�i trebuie s�-mi schimb modul de g�ndire.
253
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,503
Nu. E�ti supraponderal.
254
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,547
Sunt multe lucruri care te pot ajuta.
255
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:58,592
Fiecare se confrunt� cu ceva.
Eu sunt nebun din cauza temperamentului.
256
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,387
Am problema asta. E limpede.
257
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,848
Tu nu te po�i opri
din m�ncat ceaf� de porc.
258
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,599
Trebuie s� te ocupi de asta.
259
00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,768
Nu trebuie
s� �mi reprogramez eu creierul.
260
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,856
Sunt ni�te persoane de nota �ase
261
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:14,692
sup�rate c� nu sunt tratate
ca ni�te persoane de nota zece.
262
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:18,237
La un moment dat,
trebuie s� con�tientizezi ce e�ti.
263
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,114
E�ti de nota �ase. �mi pare r�u.
264
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:23,492
Nimeni nu �i-o freac�
uit�ndu-se la una de �ase. Asta e!
265
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,911
Doar dac� sunte�i colegi.
266
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,329
Dac� sunte�i colegi,
267
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,082
sigur are un costum care te excit�.
268
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,877
Lucra�i aproape unul de cel�lalt,
269
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,254
a�a c� �tii cum �i miroase �amponul.
270
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,465
Se creeaz� o anumit� intimitate.
271
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:46,140
Nu �tiu la ce se g�ndesc femeile
c�nd se masturbeaz�. Sigur nu la mine!
272
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,808
E o fantezie.
273
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,436
De asta nu m� simt aiurea c� r�d de ele.
274
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:53,981
Toate astea vin
de la un cinci de toat� frumuse�ea.
275
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,942
�sta sunt eu, arunc s�ge�i �n sus.
276
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,027
�n�elege�i?
277
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,030
S� fim sinceri,
sunt un tip chelbos �i ro�cat.
278
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:05,201
Nu e evident
ce fel de roluri a� primi la Hollywood?
279
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,202
Nu e evident?
280
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:09,997
Crede�i c� voi fi vreodat� protagonistul
unei comedii romantice?
281
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,709
Asta nu se va �nt�mpla
nici dac� fac eu filmul.
282
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,336
Vreau s�-mi recuperez investi�ia.
283
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,048
�sta e showbizul.
284
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:22,301
Am investit un milion de dolari �n film.
Vrem s� facem bani,
285
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:25,054
iar tu vii cu firimituri pe obraz?
286
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,598
Trebuie s� fii �n form�,
287
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,642
s� fii c�t de atr�g�tor po�i
288
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,935
�i s� ��i �tii replicile.
289
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,063
S� fii preg�tit de munc�.
Asta �nseamn� s� fii profesionist.
290
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:40,277
Ben Stiller avea biscui�i pe abdomen
�n Un socru de co�mar!
291
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,279
Nu avea niciun motiv s�-i fac�.
292
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,865
Dar �tia c�-�i va da jos tricoul.
293
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,408
"Nu vreau s� r�d� lumea de mine."
294
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,410
Ar�ta incredibil.
295
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,622
F�-te po�ta�.
296
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,374
Nu �tiu ce s� ��i spun.
297
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,586
Astea sunt doar p�l�vr�gelile cuiva
298
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,339
care se apropie de pensie.
299
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,007
Nu �n�eleg...
300
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,969
jum�tate din lucrurile care se �nt�mpl�.
301
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,346
O chestie care m-a f�cut
s� m� simt b�tr�n
302
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,807
a fost McDonald's,
c�nd a �nceput s� fac� salate.
303
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,935
Mi-au rupt sufletul.
304
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,311
"Ce anume fac?"
305
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:18,566
Acum au lipii
�i fac multe chestii de-astea.
306
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,485
�ti�i ce s-a �nt�mplat?
Cei care nu erau �n form� s-au pl�ns.
307
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,696
"Nu ave�i variante s�n�toase."
308
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,197
E McDonald's, omule!
309
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,074
Chestia asta e otrav�!
310
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,994
Cine naiba vine aici pentru a fi �n form�?
311
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,206
C�nd merg la McDonald's, am un plan.
312
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,917
La v�rsta mea de 48 de ani,
�tiu ce voi comanda.
313
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,128
Voi intra acolo, va avea un gust grozav.
314
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,881
Dup� 20 de minute,
�mi voi dori s� m� sinucid.
315
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,884
Apoi �mi zic: "M� duc la sal� m�ine."
316
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,012
Degeaba �mi repet asta,
demonul din mine a fost trezit.
317
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,388
L-am trezit pe demon
318
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:52,141
�i toat� untura aia �mi curge prin vene.
319
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,935
Oric�t de mult vreau s� merg la sal�,
alt� voce �mi spune:
320
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,938
"Omule, du-te acolo
�i ia-�i un McMuffin cu ou."
321
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,274
M� ridic imediat,
precum Candidatul manciurian.
322
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,526
"Gata, mergem la McDonald's."
323
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,904
Vocea ra�iunii strig� din spate:
324
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,364
"Nu! Ce facem? Du-te la sal�!"
325
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,449
Iar eu...
326
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,452
m� duc la m�ncare.
327
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,829
�tiu ce g�sesc acolo.
328
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,375
Dar oamenii care nu sunt �n form�
au reu�it
329
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:19,919
s� arunce vina pe ei.
330
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:23,005
Ei trebuie s� aib� chestii s�n�toase,
e vina lor c� oamenii sunt gra�i.
331
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,214
De ce s� o fac� ei?
332
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:28,344
De ce nu pun �i �ia de la Ben&Jerry's
napi �n �nghe�at�?
333
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,471
"Pentru c� sunt ni�te hipio�i, omule.
334
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,431
�i fac �nghe�at�."
335
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,934
To�i �l v�neaz�
pe marele �i r�ul McDonald's.
336
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,143
E ceva...
337
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,270
Cine se duce la McDonald's
pentru a fi �n form�?
338
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:42,441
�i s� nu v� aud
c� m�ncatul s�n�tos este scump.
339
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:43,400
Nu e.
340
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,195
Du-te la un supermarket,
mai c�-�i dau legumele gratis.
341
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:49,031
"Ia ni�te �elin�. Ia-o naibii de aici!
342
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,867
70 de cen�i! 25 de cen�i pentru o banan�!
343
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,663
Orice dracu' ��i dore�ti!
Ia-le de aici p�n� nu se stric�!"
344
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,751
E gre�it. Cumva, i-au convins.
345
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,546
"McDonald's e motivul
pentru care nu sunt �n form�."
346
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:09,009
"A� fi luat salata,
dar nu o avea�i �n meniu,
347
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:12,388
a�a c� am ales
s� iau 52 de sendvi�uri Big Mac."
348
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,557
"Mersi mult, McDonald's!"
349
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,184
E�ti adult, omule.
350
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,895
Nu e treaba lor s� aib� grij� de tine.
Sunt o companie.
351
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,189
Comanzi 50 de sendvi�uri,
iar ei �i le dau.
352
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:25,526
E treaba ta s� nu o faci, idiotule.
353
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:28,988
�tiu. Scuze.
354
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,156
�tiu.
355
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,285
Da.
356
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:39,498
McDonald's exist� din dou� motive.
357
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,959
E pentru oamenii be�i �i pentru copii.
358
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:44,503
E clar? Pentru asta e f�cut.
359
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,297
E�ti �n ma�in�, copiii nu tac din gur�,
360
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,841
te duci la drive-through.
361
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:52,094
Te duci acolo,
cumperi ni�te hamburgeri cu otrav�
362
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,929
�i �i bagi pe g�tul copiilor.
363
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,390
Sistemul lor micu� nu rezist�, �ncep...
364
00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,977
s� a�ipeasc�.
365
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,274
Tu e�ti mai mare, po�i s� rezi�ti
la o doz� mai mare de otrav�.
366
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,316
�n�elege�i?
367
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,778
Bagi caseta cu Def Leppard
�i ai ceva timp pentru tine.
368
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:11,989
Da.
369
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,198
Pentru asta e f�cut.
370
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,827
Pentru copiii vo�tri
�i pentru oameni be�i.
371
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,038
De c�te ori a�i condus c�tre un bar,
372
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,581
zic�nd: "Beau doar un pahar."
373
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,125
Deodat�, vezi c� ai b�ut 11.
374
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,586
E�ti beat pulbere �i te g�nde�ti...
375
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:26,962
Dar e�ti responsabil.
376
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,048
E�ti beat, dar responsabil.
377
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,300
"La naiba, am venit cu ma�ina
�n seara asta.
378
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,261
La naiba, o voi duce acas�."
379
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,349
Nu voi deranja aceast� companie
380
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:43,771
prin blocarea unui loc de parcare
din aceast� parcare goal�
381
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,522
pentru urm�toarele �ase ore.
382
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:50,069
Nu sus�in condusul
sub influen�a alcoolului,
383
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,987
dar v� spun c� nu e nimic mai bun
384
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,823
ca acel moment
c�nd to�i apropia�ii �tiu c� e�ti praf,
385
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,576
iar tu te duci �nspre ma�in�.
386
00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:58,494
E incredibil.
387
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,580
Femeile �ip�, oamenii ��i rup hainele.
388
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,457
Te sim�i ca unul din trupa Beatles.
389
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,334
"Doamne! Opri�i-l!"
390
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,294
Iar tu spui: "F�r� autografe.
391
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,171
Scuze, trebuie s� plec.
392
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,257
M� �ntorc, l�sa�i-m�!"
393
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,721
Apoi te sui �n ma�in� �i toat� lumea �ip�.
394
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,431
"Treci naibii �n ma�in�!
395
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,809
E �n regul�! Am ma�ina de opt ani.
396
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,686
Aproape �mi pot vedea casa.
Treci naibii �n ma�in�.
397
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:28,107
- Va veni poli�ia din cauza ta!
- Treci naibii �n ma�in�.
398
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,776
Jur, treci dracului �n ma�in�.
399
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,696
Scoate-�i centura de siguran��, fraiere!
400
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,532
Drumul e drept."
401
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,119
�i apoi, ce se �nt�mpl�?
402
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:44,248
Pleci la drum �i realizezi
c� erai mai beat dec�t credeai.
403
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,624
Cine �i-a fost mereu al�turi?
404
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,793
McDonald's cu drive-through.
405
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,254
Acel drive-through deschis non-stop.
406
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:54,174
Po�i s� tragi acolo
�i s� fii complet ascuns, nu-i a�a?
407
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,593
E un ambuteiaj trist
408
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,263
format din divor�a�i, introverti�i,
409
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,348
oameni care se duc la Comic-Con.
410
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:02,808
Tragi acolo...
411
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:04,935
�i opre�ti pur �i simplu.
412
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,353
Po�i s� tragi un pui de somn.
413
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:09,648
Te claxoneaz�...
414
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,692
"Mersi!"
415
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,196
Tr�geai acolo. Despre asta era vorba.
416
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,489
Iar acum, deodat�,
417
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,159
ei sunt motivul
pentru care �ara este diform�.
418
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,954
McDonald's e deschis de c�nd eram eu mic.
Oamenii nu erau a�a gra�i.
419
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:25,747
Nu po�i da vina pe McDonald's.
420
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,541
Dar McDonald's au dat-o �n bar�.
421
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:30,544
Au gre�it, pentru c� au cedat
�n fa�a oamenilor ie�i�i din form�.
422
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:33,463
Au spus: "Bine! E vina noastr�,
vom �ncepe s� facem salate."
423
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,923
Au fost �ngenunchea�i.
424
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,301
�i toat� lumea a sim�it asta.
425
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,218
Privi�i-i acum.
426
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:41,930
Patru sau cinci ani mai t�rziu,
trebuie s� fac� micul dejun toat� ziua.
427
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,432
Nu-i a�a?
428
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,768
�ti�i ce s-a �nt�mplat?
Au venit fum�torii de iarb�.
429
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:49,229
"Frate, lui �i faci salat�.
430
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,566
Dac� vreau ceva din micul dejun
431
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,610
�i nu e ora micului dejun?
432
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905
Pe el �l rezolvi, dar pe mine nu?
433
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,241
Mi se pare rasism al m�nc�rii, omule.
434
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,743
Nu �n�eleg."
435
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,329
"Bine! Vom face micul dejun."
436
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,247
Au deviat complet.
437
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:11,835
Dac� eram la conducerea acelei companii,
�ti�i ce f�ceam?
438
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,712
Scoteam clovnul la �naintare.
439
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,674
�l aduceam �napoi
440
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:21,178
�i �l puneam s� se uite fix �n camer�.
441
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,764
Puneam ni�te ghea�� uscat� �n spate.
442
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,807
F�ceam un prim-plan cu fa�a lui.
443
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,644
El se uit� la camer� �i spune:
444
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,561
"Uite...
445
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,231
dac� nu ��i po�i aduce aici
fundul �la gras...
446
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,650
p�n� la 10:30...
447
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,152
vei primi un burger.
448
00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:39,488
Ai �n�eles?"
449
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,660
Nu.
450
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,703
Clovnul nu a terminat!
451
00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:53,377
"Nu voi face cl�tite la ora 15:00
452
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,587
pentru c� tu ai b�gat cox
toat� noaptea cu prietenii,
453
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:58,298
iar acum �ncerci s� ��i revii.
454
00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:00,509
A nu se �n�elege gre�it,
acesta este un fast-food.
455
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,302
�ntotdeauna a fost.
456
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,304
Cu micul dejun v� facem o favoare.
457
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:05,931
Am vrut s� speriem concuren�a."
458
00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:08,809
O facem �i noi!
459
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:13,438
"Nici maic�-ta nu ��i face cl�tite
la ora 15:00.
460
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:17,901
A�a c� mi�c�-�i fundul �la gras
sau drogat aici �nainte de 10:30.
461
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,319
Noi decidem. E localul nostru.
462
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,113
Noi ��i spunem ce naiba g�tim."
463
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,614
At�t.
464
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,034
L�rge�ti cadrul �i �l ar��i
cum d� un copil �n leag�n.
465
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,494
Ceva dr�gu�.
466
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,541
�n alt� ordine de idei,
c�nd se va difuza asta,
467
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,876
�nc� ni�te alegeri vor fi venit
�i vor fi trecut.
468
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,877
Doar c�...
469
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:38,255
Oare pe cine vom fi ales?
470
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:40,841
�nc� ni�te alegeri
la care nu se va spune nimic.
471
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:41,883
Oceanele mor.
472
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,261
S-a anun�at
c� Marea Barier� de Corali a murit.
473
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:46,888
Hrana e modificat� genetic...
474
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,182
Sunt mult prea multe persoane
475
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,934
care vorbesc multe rahaturi.
476
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,311
�n�elegi?
477
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,229
"Bruce trebuie s� fac� caca.
478
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,772
Unde s� se duc�?
479
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,607
La ce toalet� ar trebui s� mearg�?"
480
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:58,817
Nu m� intereseaz�.
481
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,193
Tipul �sta are destui bani
482
00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:03,613
pentru a avea o ric�� �n form� de oli��
care s� se �in� dup� el.
483
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,036
Dar cum se pot elimina...
484
00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:13,749
c�teva miliarde de oameni?
485
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,045
V� g�ndi�i vreodat� la asta?
486
00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:23,258
Ei nu vorbesc asta niciodat� cu noi.
O fac �n spatele u�ilor �nchise.
487
00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:28,221
O ga�c� de tipi ciuda�i
care stau �n jurul unei mese gigante.
488
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,434
Probabil c� atunci vorbesc despre asta.
La mas�.
489
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,811
"Sper c� toat� lumea s-a distrat.
490
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:41,359
Haide�i s� revenim
asupra problemei curente.
491
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:47,324
Sunt peste 7,5 miliarde de oameni
pe planet�.
492
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:50,160
Nu mai avem mult� ap� dulce.
493
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,497
Nu vor fi destule g�ini...
494
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,791
pentru a-i hr�ni pe to�i.
495
00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:00,170
�tie cineva de aici...
496
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:04,216
cum putem s� sc�p�m
de presiunea... nedori�ilor?
497
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:09,054
Da, tu.
498
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:10,931
Num�rul patru.
499
00:23:12,307 --> 00:23:13,892
Po�i vorbi."
500
00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:17,312
"M� g�ndeam...
501
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,398
Dac� �i g�tim �ncet la aeroport?
502
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:22,067
�n�elege�i?
503
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:25,153
�i arunc�m acolo.
504
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:28,115
Mont�m o u�� rotativ�,
505
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:31,743
�i punem s� se descal�e,
intr� �i stau �n pozi�ia asta.
506
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,996
Apoi �i iradiem
din cap p�n� �n picioare...
507
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:38,083
o dat� la intrare, o dat� la ie�ire."
508
00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:39,668
"Da!
509
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:42,712
�mi place cum sun�. �i cum ar merge asta?
510
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:46,508
�i pui la foc mic mai �nt�i,
s� �i g�te�ti ca pe ton?
511
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:48,677
Ei nu �n�eleg. Copiilor le vom da drumul.
512
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,096
�i vom folosi ca sclavi mai t�rziu.
513
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:52,889
F�r� b�tr�ni, �tia mor rapid.
514
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:54,724
Doar oameni �n floarea vie�ii.
515
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:57,185
Treptat, cu trecerea anilor, m�re�ti focul
516
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,146
�i vor face spume la gur�.
517
00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:02,482
Nu �i vor recunoa�te copiii,
iar propriet��ile se �ntorc la noi!"
518
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:09,656
"Sper c� to�i cei de la mas� zboar�
cu avioane private."
519
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,999
So�ia mea m� crede nebun
pentru c� am astfel de g�nduri.
520
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,627
Dar eu cred c� am dreptate.
521
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,714
�tiu c� ei se g�ndesc la asta.
522
00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,508
�tiu asta, pentru c� o fac �i eu.
523
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:31,303
De c�te ori aterizez �ntr-un ora�
pe la ora 14:00,
524
00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:35,056
iau o ma�in�
�i m� trezesc �ntr-un ambuteiaj
525
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:37,809
Micul Mussolini din mine iese la ramp�.
526
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,312
"De ce se afl� to�i oamenii ace�tia
�n drumul meu?
527
00:24:41,688 --> 00:24:43,315
Trebuie elimina�i!"
528
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:48,445
Nu �tiu. De ce nu se vorbe�te despre asta?
529
00:24:48,528 --> 00:24:50,822
Poate fiindc� ar �ngrozi pe toat� lumea...
530
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:54,075
faptul c� ar trebui luate ni�te m�suri...
531
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:57,287
pentru a mai sub�ia din turm�?
532
00:24:57,370 --> 00:24:58,580
Sim�i�i asta?
533
00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:00,457
Exact!
534
00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:02,584
Tu ce crezi, omule?
535
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:08,423
Crezi c� e�ti �n clasa de sus,
�n cutiile de lux?
536
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:10,509
Petreci mult timp cu tine �nsu�i.
537
00:25:10,592 --> 00:25:11,843
Dai din cap aprobator...
538
00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:15,055
"�mi place foarte mult ce g�ndesc.
539
00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,390
A�a ar trebui s� se fac� lucrurile."
540
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,934
�n�eleg acest sentiment.
541
00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:21,520
Tr�iesc o via�� izolat�, omule.
542
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:25,106
Sunt mult pe drumuri,
stau �n camere de a�teptare.
543
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:28,109
Sunt de unul singur tot timpul,
�nnebune�ti pe zi ce trece.
544
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,905
Am avut recent un show �n Irlanda
�i eram singur �n camera de a�teptare.
545
00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:34,157
M-am dus s� aprind becul.
Era un �ntrerup�tor cu fir.
546
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:36,826
Firul se �ncol�cise,
ar�ta ca un lasou micu�.
547
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:39,788
�i m-am g�ndit imediat
cum ar fi s�-mi bag capul acolo...
548
00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:45,293
S� sting lumina
�i la propriu, �i la figurat.
549
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,547
Nu aveam g�nduri de sinucidere.
550
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,174
M-am g�ndit doar cum ar fi dac� a� face-o.
551
00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:55,303
Apoi mi-am v�zut mutra �n oglind�
�i am r�s am�ndoi.
552
00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:59,683
Da, am avut acest moment minunat
cu mine �nsumi.
553
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:01,726
Nu a trebuit s� scot nicio vorb�.
554
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:02,811
�n�elege�i?
555
00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:08,149
M� g�ndesc tot timpul la oameni,
dup� cum se vede.
556
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:10,151
�ntotdeauna vorbesc despre asta.
557
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,404
Cred c� am planul perfect...
558
00:26:12,487 --> 00:26:13,780
Nu v� gr�bi�i...
559
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,783
Sta�i s�-l auzi�i mai �nt�i.
Va muri mult� lume.
560
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:20,704
�nainte s� huidui�i �i s� �ipa�i...
561
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,332
Toat� lumea crede c� va reu�i.
562
00:26:25,458 --> 00:26:27,669
Uita�i cum a� face eu.
563
00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:30,171
Mai �nt�i, trebuie s� devii un dictator.
564
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:33,258
E prea t�rziu s-o iei cu frumosul.
565
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:34,301
Prea t�rziu.
566
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,262
Cineva trebuie s� aib� s�nge �n instala�ie
s� scoat� secera...
567
00:26:39,055 --> 00:26:40,432
�i s� taie ni�te capete.
568
00:26:41,141 --> 00:26:42,809
Asta e ideea mea.
569
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:44,352
Devin dictator.
570
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:47,772
C�nd devii dictator, e evident c�-i ucizi
pe to�i cei de la putere, nu?
571
00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:50,275
De la capul familiei
p�n� la pe�ti�orul din acvariu.
572
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:54,154
Trebuie s� �i ucizi pe to�i din familie
ca s� nu se r�zbune,
573
00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:57,824
ca �n Na�ul II
sau orice alt film de karate.
574
00:26:57,907 --> 00:26:59,868
Trebuie s� faci cum au f�cut ru�ii,
575
00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:02,287
s� nu li se g�seasc� craniile
timp de o sut� de ani.
576
00:27:02,370 --> 00:27:03,580
A�a se face.
577
00:27:03,663 --> 00:27:05,123
Apoi iei controlul presei.
578
00:27:05,248 --> 00:27:07,125
V� �in �n �ntuneric.
579
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:09,961
Nu �ti�i ce se �nt�mpl�
dec�t dac� vreau eu s� �ti�i.
580
00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:12,714
Poze gigantice cu mine,
trebuie s� c�nta�i despre mine.
581
00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:15,508
Dac� nu pune�i suflet,
vine imediat o dub� neagr�
582
00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:17,218
�i nu ve�i mai fi v�zu�i niciodat�.
583
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:18,178
E clar?
584
00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:21,806
M� g�ndesc c�, �n maximum �ase luni,
toat� lumea va fi pe aceea�i und�
585
00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:24,100
�i atunci �ncep s� mai reduc din voi.
586
00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:25,935
Uita�i cum a� face.
587
00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:28,647
A� �ncepe s� scufund aleatoriu
vase de croazier�.
588
00:27:32,108 --> 00:27:33,860
Asculta�i-m�. E cea mai bun� solu�ie.
589
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:35,487
Cea mai bun�.
590
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:40,533
Scapi dintr-o dat�
de 2.500 sau 3.000 de oameni.
591
00:27:41,284 --> 00:27:44,287
Cred c� c� e un amestec bun de oameni
de care s� scapi.
592
00:27:45,747 --> 00:27:46,998
�n�elege�i?
593
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:50,460
G�ndi�i-v� la oamenii
care merg �n croaziere.
594
00:27:51,586 --> 00:27:53,421
Ace�tia nu se g�ndesc la viitor.
595
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:55,131
Nu sunt c�ut�tori.
596
00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:58,134
Nu sunt importan�i
pentru supravie�uirea noastr�.
597
00:28:00,261 --> 00:28:02,472
A�i ascultat pe cineva
care a venit dintr-o croazier�?
598
00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:04,766
Sunt cele mai plictisitoare pove�ti.
599
00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:06,935
Nu fac nimic!
600
00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:10,480
Nu c�l�toresc �n alt� �ar�
ca s� interac�ioneze cu alt� cultur�,
601
00:28:10,563 --> 00:28:12,482
s� vad� ce �i cum e pe-acolo.
602
00:28:12,565 --> 00:28:16,027
Tot ce vor e
s� stea pe o barc� afurisit�.
603
00:28:16,945 --> 00:28:19,906
�i s� bea. Asta e tot ce vor.
604
00:28:19,989 --> 00:28:21,074
E cea mai proast� poveste.
605
00:28:21,157 --> 00:28:22,283
"Cum a fost croaziera?"
606
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:26,246
"Fantastic�. Am stat tol�nit tot timpul.
607
00:28:26,329 --> 00:28:31,668
�ntr-o parte era un DJ
care freca ni�te platane.
608
00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:34,546
Mai era �i o f�nt�n� de ciocolat�.
609
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:37,882
Ar�ta ca o f�nt�n�, dar era cu ciocolat�!
610
00:28:38,299 --> 00:28:40,719
Bagi scobitoarea �n m�ncare,
611
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,512
apoi �n ciocolat�,
612
00:28:42,595 --> 00:28:45,223
�i apoi �n gur�.
613
00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,726
Dup� aia, mai ceri o b�utur�.
614
00:28:47,809 --> 00:28:50,645
Vine b�utura, o dai pe g�t,
�i se scurge pe tine
615
00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,647
�i �i se adun� �n buric.
616
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:53,648
��i dai un pumn...
617
00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:55,942
ca s�-�i sar� �n gur�.
618
00:28:56,985 --> 00:28:59,529
�n fiecare zi pe la pr�nz,
ne aliniem pentru mas�.
619
00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:01,197
Ce avem la pr�nz? Nu �tim.
620
00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:02,907
Nu noi decidem.
621
00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:04,492
Orice ne dau ei.
622
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:07,412
�mi place all-inclusive,
trebuie s� g�nde�ti doar o dat�.
623
00:29:07,495 --> 00:29:10,081
Pot scrie acel num�r pe o h�rtie?
624
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:12,125
�n regul�, spune-mi unde s� m� duc."
625
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:16,963
V� spun, dac� pute�i
s� trece�i peste moralitatea
626
00:29:17,046 --> 00:29:18,381
a ceea ce sugerez...
627
00:29:20,300 --> 00:29:21,843
dac� pute�i trece peste asta
628
00:29:21,926 --> 00:29:24,554
�i s� pierde�i c��iva prieteni...
629
00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:27,515
v� spun c� nu v-ar fi dor de ei.
630
00:29:28,808 --> 00:29:30,268
�ti�i c�nd v-ar fi dor de ei?
631
00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:32,228
C�nd v� duce�i la un meci de baseball
632
00:29:32,312 --> 00:29:35,940
�i nu mai sunt 100 de oameni
�n tribuna de sus care s� porneasc� valul.
633
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:37,025
Nu-i a�a?
634
00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:42,530
Lumea nu s-ar sup�ra
c� unii stau jos �n timpul unui c�ntec.
635
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:46,409
"M� simt ofensat,
chiar dac� nu �tiu de ce stau jos!"
636
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:47,660
A�a este?
637
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,913
La Nashville a� ezita un pic.
638
00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:50,955
A� l�sa-o mai moale.
639
00:29:54,417 --> 00:29:56,961
Vorbim despre violen�a poli�iei,
nu are leg�tur� cu voi
640
00:29:57,045 --> 00:29:59,255
sau cu lumea voastr� �i a mea,
alb� �i frumoas�.
641
00:29:59,881 --> 00:30:00,715
Las-o a�a.
642
00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:03,635
Nu-mi pas� c-ai v�zut
toate episoadele din Un echipaj tr�snit.
643
00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:05,220
Nu e vorba de tine.
644
00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:06,805
Nu e o chestiune militar�.
645
00:30:10,725 --> 00:30:12,352
V� spun, nu v-ar fi dor de ei.
646
00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:13,978
A�a a� face treaba.
647
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:16,773
Dar n-a� da pur �i simplu ordin
s� fie scufundate aceste vase
648
00:30:16,856 --> 00:30:19,901
ca apoi s� m� retrag �n camer�
cu amantele �i t�rfele mele.
649
00:30:19,984 --> 00:30:21,236
Da?
650
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:24,030
S� le-o trag �mbr�cat �n uniform�.
651
00:30:24,113 --> 00:30:25,490
Uniforma complet� de dictator.
652
00:30:25,573 --> 00:30:27,659
Totul, cu excep�ia pantalonilor.
653
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:30,662
R�m�n cu ciorapii compresivi cu jartiere
654
00:30:30,745 --> 00:30:31,830
�i-i dau tare.
655
00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:35,834
Medaliile mele de onorare z�ng�nesc
ca nebunele.
656
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:39,254
�ncerc s� v�d c�t rezist
cu cascheta pe cap.
657
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:41,756
"Da!"
658
00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:44,092
Nu pot s� fac asta.
659
00:30:44,175 --> 00:30:47,595
Cine face a�a e dispre�uit de oamenii lui.
Trebuie s�-i conduci �n b�t�lii.
660
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:48,680
A�a a� face.
661
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:51,307
A� avea propriul submarin.
662
00:30:51,391 --> 00:30:52,600
A� avea propriul submarin
663
00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:55,353
�i a� v�na vasele de croazier�
�n nop�ile de var� cu lun�.
664
00:30:57,188 --> 00:31:01,276
Exact! �n nop�ile de var� cu lun�,
c�nd sunetul se propag� bine.
665
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:02,193
�ti�i nop�ile de var�
666
00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:04,821
c�nd vecinul vorbe�te despre tine
crez�nd c� nu-l auzi?
667
00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:07,282
Iar tu stai pe verand�: "A�a st� treaba?
668
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:09,826
Deci a�a st� treaba."
669
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:11,786
�ntr-o astfel de noapte a� face-o.
670
00:31:13,872 --> 00:31:16,708
�i a� face-o ca un domn.
A� ie�i la suprafa�� �nainte s�-i atac.
671
00:31:16,791 --> 00:31:19,252
Sunt �narmat, ei nu sunt.
A�a e corect, nu?
672
00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,713
Dac� m� v�d, le fac cu ochiul.
673
00:31:22,130 --> 00:31:24,883
A� fi stilat ca Baronul Ro�u.
"Pleca�i naibii de-aici."
674
00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:27,802
Dar dac� nu m-ar vedea,
a� trece la treab�.
675
00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:29,178
�n fiecare noapte de var� cu lun�,
676
00:31:29,262 --> 00:31:31,890
�n fiecare var�, a� ie�i la recoltat.
Asta ar fi �n�elegerea.
677
00:31:31,973 --> 00:31:33,975
A� ie�i la suprafa��...
678
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:44,611
"S� ascult�m ni�te muzic�."
679
00:32:01,377 --> 00:32:02,253
"Trage una."
680
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,516
"Ce bine mi se v�d bra�ele
�n maioul �sta."
681
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:29,113
�i apoi treci pe l�ng�
�i ucizi to�i supravie�uitorii.
682
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,168
"�ntoarce!"
683
00:32:56,766 --> 00:32:57,767
Cam asta ar fi.
684
00:32:57,850 --> 00:33:02,271
Cu 2.500 sau 3.000 de oameni mai pu�in.
�i �ti�i care e cel mai bun lucru?
685
00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,606
Totul este sub ap�.
686
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:06,609
Nu mai exist� nicio prob�.
687
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:09,821
To�i criminalii �n serie au dat-o-n bar�.
688
00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:11,239
Au f�cut-o pe uscat.
689
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,324
N-ai cum s� scapi!
690
00:33:13,408 --> 00:33:15,118
Unde ascunzi victimele?
691
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:19,497
F�-o pe mare. Totul se duce la fund,
nimeni nu �tie nimic.
692
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:22,750
"Nu �tiu ce s-a �nt�mplat. Habar n-am."
693
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,293
Nu r�m�ne nicio prob�.
694
00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:27,422
Poate doar un �lap.
695
00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:31,551
Poate, un tricou Ed Hardy...
696
00:33:32,427 --> 00:33:33,428
dus de valuri.
697
00:33:34,887 --> 00:33:37,765
Controlez presa
�i nimeni nu �tie despre asta.
698
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:42,437
Pe m�sur� ce distrug navele,
construiesc replici fidele.
699
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,815
A� elimina oameni
�i a� creea �i locuri de munc�.
700
00:33:45,898 --> 00:33:48,192
Voi habar n-ave�i ce se �nt�mpl�.
701
00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:51,446
Observa�i doar c� se circul� mai bine,
702
00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:53,990
�i pute�i b�ga �ntr-a treia
�n traficul de la ora 17:00.
703
00:33:54,073 --> 00:33:55,366
Ce nebunie!
704
00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:58,327
"Nu �tiu ce se �nt�mpl�,
dar tipul �sta, Bill, e �n regul�.
705
00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:00,872
Un prieten �i-a g�sit o slujb�
la �antierul naval.
706
00:34:00,955 --> 00:34:02,206
��i vine s� crezi?
707
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,167
Acea industrie pur �i simplu sare �n aer.
708
00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:05,710
Ce nebunie!
709
00:34:05,793 --> 00:34:08,254
Vreau �i eu o slujb� acolo,
salariul este mare.
710
00:34:08,337 --> 00:34:11,424
Vom face ni�te bani �n plus,
poate mergem �ntr-o croazier�.
711
00:34:11,507 --> 00:34:13,134
Ne-am distra de minune."
712
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:15,887
A�a ar func�iona.
713
00:34:16,512 --> 00:34:19,515
A�a ar fi epurarea etnic� f�cut� de mine.
714
00:34:21,809 --> 00:34:25,104
Nu s-ar baza pe ras� sau religie.
715
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:27,273
A� alege oameni destul de idio�i
716
00:34:27,356 --> 00:34:30,359
s� cread� c� a merge �ntr-o croazier�
e totuna cu a c�l�tori.
717
00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:34,739
Tehnic, c�l�tore�ti, dar ce vezi?
718
00:34:34,822 --> 00:34:36,491
"Uite apa!
719
00:34:36,574 --> 00:34:37,575
Dumnezeule!
720
00:34:37,658 --> 00:34:39,410
��i dai seama c� e Oceanul Atlantic.
721
00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:41,746
Nu arat� ca Oceanul Pacific."
722
00:34:44,207 --> 00:34:45,208
A�a c�...
723
00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:47,919
Da, sunt un psihopat afurisit.
724
00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,003
�i...
725
00:34:49,378 --> 00:34:50,713
Am vise.
726
00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:54,217
Am avut un vis acum doi ani
care �nc� m� b�ntuie.
727
00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:57,386
A�i avut vreun vis �n care crezi
c� te-ai trezit, dar nu era a�a?
728
00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:59,263
�ti�i cum e?
Stai �n picioare �i sim�i...
729
00:34:59,347 --> 00:35:00,807
Am avut unul din acele vise.
730
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:04,852
M-am ridicat �n pat �i m-am uitat �n col�.
Era o feti�� acolo.
731
00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:07,396
Nu �tiam cine este.
Avea trei sau patru ani.
732
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,608
Vorbea cu mine,
dar nu �n�elegeam ce spune.
733
00:35:10,691 --> 00:35:12,276
St�tea �n col� �i spunea...
734
00:35:16,030 --> 00:35:17,115
"Poftim?
735
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:19,534
Ce ai spus?
736
00:35:19,617 --> 00:35:22,328
Nu te pot auzi, draga mea.
Vino mai aproape."
737
00:35:22,411 --> 00:35:25,039
A venit aproape de pat �i d�dea din cap.
738
00:35:28,376 --> 00:35:30,711
Ochi mari ca �n Blestemul. Iar eu...
739
00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:34,048
"Trebuie s� vii mai aproape."
�i ea se �ndreapt� spre pat.
740
00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:36,968
"Nu te-am auzit, draga mea, ce ai spus?"
741
00:35:37,051 --> 00:35:38,386
Ea d� din cap �i spune:
742
00:35:38,469 --> 00:35:40,054
"Te vei sinucide."
743
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:41,889
Atunci m-am trezit...
744
00:35:43,975 --> 00:35:45,143
"Ba n-o s� m� sinucid!
745
00:35:45,935 --> 00:35:47,353
Nu m� sinucid!"
746
00:35:47,436 --> 00:35:51,732
So�ia s-a trezit: "Ce e?" I-am spus:
"Am avut cel mai �nsp�im�nt�tor vis!
747
00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:52,984
A fost oribil!"
748
00:35:53,067 --> 00:35:54,485
"Eram �i eu �n el?"
749
00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:56,863
"Nu, g�g�u�� egocentric� ce e�ti!
750
00:35:57,488 --> 00:35:59,073
Iisuse Hristoase!
751
00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:03,411
Nu e�ti centrul universului, draga mea.
Te iubesc, dar chiar nu e�ti.
752
00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:04,495
Acum, taci!"
753
00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:06,831
Am �ncercat s� adorm �n aceea�i pozi�ie
754
00:36:06,914 --> 00:36:09,000
ca s� m� pot �nt�lni din nou
cu acea feti��.
755
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,003
"Ascult�, c�cat mic ce e�ti,
nu po�i s� spui asta oamenilor!"
756
00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,506
Nu m� voi sinucide.
757
00:36:16,132 --> 00:36:19,886
Nu �tiu ce a �nsemnat visul acela,
dar se spune c� vis�m metafore.
758
00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:21,137
Nu �tiu.
759
00:36:21,220 --> 00:36:22,680
Dar totu�i m� sperie.
760
00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:24,724
�mi deranjeaz� so�ia.
761
00:36:24,807 --> 00:36:27,185
Dar exist� un lucru bun
�n a fi un psihopat.
762
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:29,187
Un lucru grozav la a fi psihopat
763
00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:31,480
este c� po�i recunoa�te alt psihopat
764
00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:33,357
de la kilometri distan��.
765
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:34,859
�sta este un lucru excelent.
766
00:36:35,818 --> 00:36:37,987
�i pot recunoa�te. Se vede �n ochi.
767
00:36:38,070 --> 00:36:39,530
Nu te uita niciodat� la haine.
768
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,033
Oamenii dr�gu�i se uit� la �mbr�c�minte.
769
00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:44,368
Vor vedea pe cineva �n blugi de t�tic,
770
00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:46,370
care �i �mpinge copilul �n leag�n.
771
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,788
Are �i un pulover de tocilar.
772
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:48,956
"Ce mai faci?
773
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,791
��i vine s� crezi
c� vara deja s-a terminat?
774
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:52,960
Ce nebunie, nu?
775
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:56,464
Asta mic� m-a cam pus la munc�.
776
00:36:56,547 --> 00:36:58,841
Ea e �eful �n cas�!"
777
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:04,096
Lumea va spune: "Doamne, ce dr�gu� e!
778
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,598
Un familist!"
779
00:37:05,681 --> 00:37:09,143
Iar eu �mi spun:
tipul �sta e un psihopat nenorocit!
780
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:10,394
E psihopat!
781
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:12,647
Uita�i-v� �n ochii lui, nu vede�i?
782
00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:14,690
Tipul abia se poate controla!
783
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:18,194
κi str�nge pumnii ca s� reu�easc�
s� fac� ce crede el c� trebuie s� fac�.
784
00:37:18,277 --> 00:37:21,906
Tot ce �i trebuie acestui tip
e un mic ghiont.
785
00:37:21,989 --> 00:37:23,991
At�t. Un mic ghiont.
786
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,202
Habar n-ave�i de ce e capabil!
787
00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:29,956
N-a� vrea s� v�d hard-diskul
din computerul acestui om.
788
00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:35,127
Fac asta tot timpul.
789
00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:38,005
Sunt bun la depistat psihopa�i,
dar so�iei mele nu-i place deloc.
790
00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:41,175
A fost unul din primii fani
ai lui Kanye West.
791
00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:43,594
Kanye West cel mare.
Toat� lumea �l iube�te, nu?
792
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,347
L�sa�i... Iisuse Hristoase!
De ce am venit la Nashville?
793
00:37:46,430 --> 00:37:47,848
"Huo! E un artist de culoare!
794
00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:49,392
Vii cu d-astea aici?
795
00:37:49,475 --> 00:37:50,768
Ce naiba?
796
00:37:50,851 --> 00:37:52,270
E�ti la Opera mare, omule!
797
00:37:53,562 --> 00:37:54,939
Nu la MTV Raps!"
798
00:37:57,024 --> 00:38:00,653
E un cli�eu, v� consider rasi�ti
pentru c� sunte�i din sud,
799
00:38:00,736 --> 00:38:02,947
de parc� numai aici sunt rasi�ti.
800
00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:05,866
Nu-i adev�rat. Rasi�ti sunt peste tot.
801
00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:10,162
Difer� doar nivelul.
802
00:38:11,038 --> 00:38:12,039
Nu-i a�a?
803
00:38:13,708 --> 00:38:16,836
Eu, spre exemplu,
sunt rasist la sf�r�itul zilei.
804
00:38:16,919 --> 00:38:18,587
Sunt un tip grozav,
805
00:38:18,671 --> 00:38:20,798
nu-mi pas� cine e�ti diminea�a.
806
00:38:20,881 --> 00:38:23,175
��i m�n�nci cerealele, te salut.
807
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,678
Dar cum apune soarele
808
00:38:25,761 --> 00:38:27,638
�i frica �ncepe s�-�i arate col�ii,
809
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:30,182
te g�nde�ti la ce e mai r�u
c�nd vine vorba de oameni.
810
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,519
Nimeni nu va fi sincer.
811
00:38:33,602 --> 00:38:36,022
Oricine naiba ai fi.
812
00:38:36,105 --> 00:38:39,108
La miezul nop�ii, �n parcarea subteran�,
c�nd e�ti de unul singur,
813
00:38:39,191 --> 00:38:42,153
oricine vine �nspre tine,
nu ai g�nduri bune despre el.
814
00:38:43,404 --> 00:38:48,117
Nu te g�nde�ti:
"Tipul �la probabil face un site..."
815
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,327
Nu te g�nde�ti la asta.
816
00:38:50,369 --> 00:38:52,288
"Tipul acela m� va t�ia
�i m� va m�nca.
817
00:38:52,371 --> 00:38:54,123
Ce nu va m�nca, va folosi pentru sex."
818
00:38:54,206 --> 00:38:55,458
Asta g�nde�ti!
819
00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:57,585
Nu-i a�a?
820
00:38:57,668 --> 00:39:00,963
Dac� faci asta noaptea,
e normal, din cauza fricii.
821
00:39:01,047 --> 00:39:06,260
Dac� e�ti unul care, de la micul dejun,
scr�ne�te: "Evrei afurisi�i!"
822
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:07,720
Atunci ai o problem�.
823
00:39:09,388 --> 00:39:10,473
A�a c�...
824
00:39:11,182 --> 00:39:12,183
�n orice caz...
825
00:39:13,100 --> 00:39:14,226
Trebuie s� fac asta.
826
00:39:14,310 --> 00:39:17,813
C�nd vorbe�ti despre rase,
tu fiind alb, trebuie s� o iei u�or.
827
00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:20,524
Pentru c� totul se poate transforma
foarte u�or �ntr-un miting.
828
00:39:20,608 --> 00:39:22,902
De fiecare dat� c�nd aud: "Da! Bine a�a!"
829
00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:27,114
Atunci trebuie s� m� opresc,
fiindc� oamenii nu s-au prins.
830
00:39:27,198 --> 00:39:28,449
Port o c�ma�� country.
831
00:39:29,241 --> 00:39:30,951
Lucrurile au luat-o pu�in razna.
832
00:39:32,078 --> 00:39:33,454
M� �ntorc la Kanye West.
833
00:39:33,537 --> 00:39:35,790
Probabil c� jum�tate din voi
i-a�i desc�rcat piesele.
834
00:39:35,873 --> 00:39:36,707
Treaba st� a�a.
835
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:41,170
So�ia mea s-a speriat.
La �nceput �i pl�cea tipul �sta.
836
00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:43,005
�i eu �l consideram cool.
837
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,342
Dar �ntr-o zi, l-am v�zut �ntr-un interviu
�n care spunea ce tare e
838
00:39:46,425 --> 00:39:49,720
�i avea o privire �n ochi
care m-a nelini�tit.
839
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:53,724
�i m� g�ndeam
c� tipul este volatil, omule.
840
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:56,519
E ceva �n neregul� cu tipul �sta.
M� nelini�te�te.
841
00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,856
"Tipul �sta chiar st� s� explodeze."
842
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:02,358
So�ia �mi spune c� delirez.
843
00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:05,778
Dar eu credeam c� e dus cu capul.
�i m-am convins c� e a�a.
844
00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:09,031
�ntr-o zi, c�nd am intrat �n cas�,
ea urm�rea un interviu cu el.
845
00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:12,159
Nu �tiam c� e el.
Tocmai spunea c�t de �mecher e.
846
00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:14,537
Am intrat �n camer�
�i i-am auzit balivernele.
847
00:40:14,620 --> 00:40:17,832
Mi-a trecut un fior pe �ira spin�rii.
848
00:40:17,915 --> 00:40:21,085
�n g�ndul meu, �ipam: "Nu!"
849
00:40:21,168 --> 00:40:22,253
M-am �ntors s�-l v�d.
850
00:40:22,336 --> 00:40:24,338
�nainte de a-mi da seama c� e Kanye,
851
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:27,258
primul meu g�nd a fost: "Slav� Domnului!
852
00:40:27,341 --> 00:40:28,634
E un tip de culoare."
853
00:40:32,012 --> 00:40:33,097
"Slav� Domnului!
854
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:35,850
E un tip de culoare."
855
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,269
Ave�i dreptate s� fi�i distan�i.
856
00:40:39,645 --> 00:40:42,273
V� sim�i�i ciudat.
Nu �ti�i �ncotro se �ndreapt� lucrurile.
857
00:40:42,356 --> 00:40:46,527
C�t ai clipi, poate s� devin�
o chestie cu m�ti albe.
858
00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:49,488
L�sa�i-m� s� clarific.
859
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:50,573
Asculta�i-m�.
860
00:40:50,656 --> 00:40:52,825
Mi-am zis:
"Slav� Domnului c� e un tip de culoare!"
861
00:40:52,908 --> 00:40:56,370
�nseamn�: "Slav� Domnului
c� acel ego care este �n el...
862
00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:58,706
C�nd acea chestie a cobor�t din ceruri..."
863
00:40:58,789 --> 00:40:59,999
Sau din cosmos
864
00:41:00,082 --> 00:41:03,169
sau ce pove�ti de la Joel Osteen
mai crede�i voi...
865
00:41:03,252 --> 00:41:04,170
M� urm�ri�i?
866
00:41:05,087 --> 00:41:08,299
"C�nd acea chestie cobora,
putea ajunge �n oricine.
867
00:41:08,382 --> 00:41:09,383
Slav� Domnului...
868
00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:11,760
c� a ajuns la un tip de culoare.
869
00:41:11,844 --> 00:41:14,096
S�-i mul�umim Domnului
c� a �ndesat acel ego acolo
870
00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:15,931
�i l-a blocat �n interior.
871
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:17,641
E �n siguran�� acolo.
872
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:21,729
Nu e niciun motiv de �ngrijorare
dac� e acolo.
873
00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:25,858
Dac� acel ego ajungea
874
00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:28,194
la un tip alb cu ochi alba�tri...
875
00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:31,697
nu se pot estima daunele
care puteau fi produse.
876
00:41:32,781 --> 00:41:35,493
Vorbim de civiliza�ii �ntregi eliminate...
877
00:41:36,368 --> 00:41:37,578
foamete la nivel global,
878
00:41:37,661 --> 00:41:39,705
luna pr�bu�it� pe P�m�nt...
879
00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:43,542
Slav� Domnului
c� acel ego a ajuns la un tip de culoare.
880
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:49,048
E e la fel de nebun
ca albii cei mai nebuni din istorie,
881
00:41:49,131 --> 00:41:53,302
dar nu are nicio �ans�
s�-�i pun� �n practic� nebunia.
882
00:41:53,969 --> 00:41:54,929
Nu-i a�a?
883
00:41:55,012 --> 00:41:56,722
Nu oricine poate s� fie malefic.
884
00:41:57,681 --> 00:41:58,849
Nu a�i remarcat?
885
00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:03,020
Uita�i-v� pe History Channel.
886
00:42:03,103 --> 00:42:07,066
Lua�i nou� din primii zece
cei mai nebuni indivizi
887
00:42:07,149 --> 00:42:08,442
care au tr�it vreodat�.
888
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:09,985
To�i sunt albi.
889
00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:10,903
Oare de ce?
890
00:42:10,986 --> 00:42:13,405
Sunt albii mai r�i dec�t restul?
891
00:42:13,489 --> 00:42:14,615
E o posibilitate.
892
00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:16,909
Chiar este.
893
00:42:16,992 --> 00:42:18,744
Cu siguran�� suntem mul�i.
894
00:42:20,162 --> 00:42:21,163
Dar cred c� e altceva.
895
00:42:21,247 --> 00:42:23,832
�ti�i de ce? Nimeni nu d� aten�ie albilor.
896
00:42:24,083 --> 00:42:24,917
�ti�i ce zic?
897
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,169
C�nd se adun� prea mul�i albi,
nimeni nu vine s� zic�:
898
00:42:27,253 --> 00:42:29,129
"Hai, gata! �mpr�tierea!
899
00:42:29,213 --> 00:42:30,631
Pleca�i de aici!"
900
00:42:30,714 --> 00:42:33,801
Albii nu sunt opri�i f�r� motiv.
901
00:42:33,884 --> 00:42:37,096
E�ti alb. Po�i s� faci ce vrei,
orice-�i trece prin cap.
902
00:42:37,179 --> 00:42:38,097
"O s� fac chestia asta."
903
00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:39,390
Nimeni nu te opre�te.
904
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:41,850
�ncepi s� fugi.
905
00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:44,353
�i ce s� vezi, �ncepi s� �mpar�i insigne,
906
00:42:44,436 --> 00:42:46,063
ai propria uniform�.
907
00:42:46,814 --> 00:42:48,691
Apoi �ncepi naibii un r�zboi!
908
00:42:49,942 --> 00:42:52,236
Tot ce poate Kanye West s� fac�
909
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:55,489
e s� strice o gal� de premii
la fiecare trei sau patru ani.
910
00:42:56,198 --> 00:42:59,910
S� fac� un anun� public
pu�in cam st�njenitor pentru Mike Myers.
911
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:02,788
Cam p�n� aici poate s� ajung�.
912
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,168
�tiu, nu m� crede�i.
913
00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:09,295
Bine.
914
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:11,380
Data viitoare c�nd se mai mai laud�,
915
00:43:11,463 --> 00:43:14,049
�nchide�i-v� ochii, uita�i c� este el
916
00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:17,469
�i asculta�i cu aten�ie
ce iese din gura tipului �sta.
917
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:19,597
Spune lucruri ca: "Sunt un geniu!
918
00:43:20,639 --> 00:43:22,224
Sunt Dumnezeu. Sunt Shakespeare.
919
00:43:23,142 --> 00:43:26,437
Cel mai mare regret al meu e
c� nu pot s� m� v�d �ntr-un show live."
920
00:43:28,272 --> 00:43:29,607
Chiar e un citat de-al s�u.
921
00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:33,944
"Cel mai mare regret al meu e
c� nu pot s� m� v�d �ntr-un show live."
922
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:36,363
Dac� pui egoul �sta �ntr-un alb...
923
00:43:38,365 --> 00:43:41,827
...�i r�zboi-fulger �i rasa superioar�!
924
00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:47,333
Viena va reveni Germaniei mai �nt�i!
925
00:43:52,755 --> 00:43:53,631
Crede�i-m�.
926
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:57,092
Dar suntem �n regul�.
Suntem bine. E la un tip de culoare.
927
00:43:58,469 --> 00:43:59,637
Nu se va �nt�mpla nimic.
928
00:44:00,846 --> 00:44:02,139
Nu a�i remarcat?
929
00:44:02,848 --> 00:44:07,519
Nebunii de culoare pot cel mult
s� sperie oamenii �n metrou.
930
00:44:08,187 --> 00:44:11,398
Pot s� stea la col�ul str�zii,
cu o carte �i cu prietenii,
931
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:12,775
�i s�-i ponegreasc� pe albi.
932
00:44:12,858 --> 00:44:15,861
"útia au cozi! Nenoroci�ii �tia au cozi!
Sunt de-ai lui Satana!"
933
00:44:15,944 --> 00:44:17,237
E suficient s� treci strada.
934
00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:18,739
�i gata.
935
00:44:19,823 --> 00:44:21,075
�ntr-o lume perfect�,
936
00:44:21,158 --> 00:44:24,495
Hitler nu ar fi dep�it statutul
de nebun de la metrou.
937
00:44:24,578 --> 00:44:26,455
Acela ar fi fost nivelul maxim al lui.
938
00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:29,625
E�ti cu colegii �n metrou.
"Ce faci disear�?"
939
00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,585
"Joc un pic de fotbal virtual."
940
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:33,754
U�a se deschide �i intr� el.
941
00:44:33,837 --> 00:44:36,799
"...s� aib� ochi alba�tri �i p�r blond,
942
00:44:36,882 --> 00:44:38,467
iar p�rul pubian, ca soarele!"
943
00:44:38,550 --> 00:44:41,970
Iar tu, relaxat:
"Ignor�-l, las�-l s� treac�.
944
00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:43,055
Las�-l s� treac�."
945
00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:45,391
Iar el merge
spre cel�lalt cap�t al vagonului.
946
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,560
Practic, un r�zboi mondial trece
pe l�ng� tine.
947
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,689
Dar el era alb
�i nimeni nu l-a supravegheat.
948
00:44:51,772 --> 00:44:54,817
P�rul �i zbura �n toate p�r�ile,
dar nim�nui nu i-a p�sat.
949
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:55,901
Nu-i a�a?
950
00:44:57,611 --> 00:44:59,571
Asta este lec�ia ciudat�...
951
00:45:00,864 --> 00:45:02,908
pe care am �nv��at-o
ascult�ndu-l pe Kanye West.
952
00:45:03,450 --> 00:45:04,451
�n�elege�i?
953
00:45:06,620 --> 00:45:09,581
C�teodat�, rasismul are efect pozitiv.
954
00:45:11,875 --> 00:45:14,503
�n 99,9% din cazuri,
955
00:45:14,586 --> 00:45:16,296
e cel mai ur�t lucru
pe care �l putem face,
956
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:18,340
dar c�teodat� suntem noroco�i,
957
00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:21,510
m�rgeaua ajunge �n gaura potrivit�
958
00:45:21,593 --> 00:45:22,678
�i sc�p�m u�or.
959
00:45:24,596 --> 00:45:26,140
Am sc�pat lejer cu tipul �sta.
960
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,603
Trebuie s� v� felicit, v-a�i descurcat
c�nd am f�cut referire la Hitler.
961
00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:33,147
A fost bine.
962
00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:36,984
Nimic nu face un public s� tac�
mai repede dec�t bomba H.
963
00:45:38,902 --> 00:45:42,114
�l aduci �n discu�ie pe Adolf Hitler,
se face lini�te �i �n ziua de azi.
964
00:45:42,698 --> 00:45:44,658
Individul �sta a murit
965
00:45:44,741 --> 00:45:46,994
acum 75 de ani, cic�.
966
00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:48,078
�ti�i ce zic?
967
00:45:48,704 --> 00:45:50,747
Unii spun c� a tr�it �n America de Sud...
968
00:45:50,831 --> 00:45:52,666
"De ce sunt a�a de maronii?"
969
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:53,876
...pentru restul vie�ii.
970
00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:56,753
Oricum, �i dac� ar mai fi tr�it acolo,
acum e mort.
971
00:45:58,630 --> 00:45:59,715
Putem spune asta, nu?
972
00:46:02,092 --> 00:46:04,052
Dar �i �n ziua de ast�zi,
973
00:46:04,136 --> 00:46:06,305
chiar dac� a murit acum 75 de ani,
974
00:46:06,388 --> 00:46:07,931
�nc� este etalonul r�ului.
975
00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:09,141
A�i remarcat asta?
976
00:46:09,224 --> 00:46:10,100
El este referin�a.
977
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:13,437
Dac� vrei spui c� unul e malefic,
zici c� e urm�torul Hitler.
978
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:17,024
"Donald Trump e urm�torul Hitler."
"Saddam Hussein este urm�torul Hitler."
979
00:46:17,107 --> 00:46:19,109
�ntotdeauna se zice c� e urm�torul Hitler.
980
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:22,863
Nu �tiu ce naiba ziceau
�nainte s� apar� Hitler.
981
00:46:24,156 --> 00:46:25,616
"E urm�torul Gingis Han."
982
00:46:25,699 --> 00:46:26,950
"E urm�torul Napoleon."
983
00:46:27,034 --> 00:46:29,286
Ivan cel Groaznic, nu �tiu ce spuneau.
984
00:46:29,369 --> 00:46:31,788
Dar orice zicea,
el a �ters totul cu buretele.
985
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:33,790
A fost at�t de deranjat la cap,
986
00:46:33,874 --> 00:46:36,960
�nc�t tot ce au f�cut ceilal�i
nici nu mai conteaz�.
987
00:46:37,336 --> 00:46:39,838
E ca atunci c�nd Michael Jordan
a venit �n NBA.
988
00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:42,132
Era at�t de bun...
989
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:44,593
�nc�t i-a f�cut uita�i pe to�i.
990
00:46:45,010 --> 00:46:47,054
Nimeni nu spune: "E urm�torul Dr J."
991
00:46:47,137 --> 00:46:49,181
"E urm�torul Wilt."
Nimeni nu spune asta.
992
00:46:49,264 --> 00:46:51,809
�ntotdeauna se zice: "E urm�torul Mike."
993
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:55,938
Adolf Hitler e Michael Jordan al r�ului.
994
00:46:57,773 --> 00:46:58,690
Chiar este.
995
00:46:59,274 --> 00:47:03,946
Nike trebuia s� �i fac� un pantof sport
ca o cizm� �nalt�.
996
00:47:04,029 --> 00:47:07,366
Care s� fie rigid� la genunchi,
pentru a ob�ine acel mers.
997
00:47:07,908 --> 00:47:08,742
Nu-i a�a?
998
00:47:09,284 --> 00:47:12,037
�ntr-un clasament general
al oamenilor malefici,
999
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:13,747
trebuie neap�rat s� �l incluzi pe Hitler.
1000
00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:16,708
E primul �n acest clasament.
1001
00:47:17,292 --> 00:47:18,919
Statistica e incontestabil�.
1002
00:47:19,294 --> 00:47:21,713
Are cele mai bune cifre.
1003
00:47:21,797 --> 00:47:23,841
�ntre �ase �i nou� milioane
de puncte �nscrise,
1004
00:47:23,924 --> 00:47:24,925
e�ti pe list�!
1005
00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:27,511
Intri �n top.
1006
00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:31,306
Oameni buni,
e o analogie cu lumea sportului.
1007
00:47:31,390 --> 00:47:33,809
Nu sus�in ce a f�cut omul �sta.
1008
00:47:33,892 --> 00:47:36,103
Putem fi adul�i?
1009
00:47:37,187 --> 00:47:39,815
Voi ap�rea m�ine-diminea��
�ntr-un cadru �mp�r�it
1010
00:47:39,898 --> 00:47:41,024
cu vreun blogger?
1011
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,735
La vreo emisiune matinal� din Nashville.
1012
00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:49,199
"C�nd comedia dep�e�te limitele?
Asear� la Teatrul Ryman...
1013
00:47:50,367 --> 00:47:52,911
glumele cu gra�i
�i vase de croazier� scufundate
1014
00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:53,829
au fost �n regul�.
1015
00:47:53,912 --> 00:47:57,583
Brusc, spectacolul a luat o �ntors�tur�
absolut oribil�.
1016
00:47:57,666 --> 00:48:02,796
Din fericire, bloggerul local
Maggie Maggenhall a fost acolo.
1017
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:06,633
Maggie, po�i s� ne descrii
ce a trebuit s� supor�i...
1018
00:48:07,634 --> 00:48:10,012
�n timpul declama�iei oribile de asear�?"
1019
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:14,933
"�n primul r�nd, toat� lumea �tie
c� am un sim� al umorului dezvoltat.
1020
00:48:15,017 --> 00:48:17,477
V�d multe lucruri amuzante �n jur,
1021
00:48:17,561 --> 00:48:20,314
dar ce am v�zut asear� nu a fost amuzant."
1022
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:23,358
A�a e �ntotdeauna.
1023
00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:27,362
Mereu trebuie s� specifice
ce sim� al umorului minunat au.
1024
00:48:29,364 --> 00:48:30,657
E o analogie cu sportul.
1025
00:48:31,450 --> 00:48:32,326
Ne-am �n�eles?
1026
00:48:32,409 --> 00:48:35,120
De la �ase la nou� milioane.
A f�cut-o lat� de tot.
1027
00:48:35,203 --> 00:48:37,748
Avea sus�inere pe ambele p�r�i.
1028
00:48:38,290 --> 00:48:40,876
Mi�carea bra�ului era unic�.
1029
00:48:40,959 --> 00:48:44,338
Dar uita�i ce m� irit� la Hitler.
A ucis �ntre �ase �i nou� milioane.
1030
00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:47,758
�n acela�i timp,
Stalin a ucis �ntre 20 �i 25 de milioane.
1031
00:48:47,841 --> 00:48:50,719
Exact �n aceea�i perioad�.
1032
00:48:50,802 --> 00:48:52,387
Dar el nu este men�ionat
1033
00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:56,224
�n conversa�ia despre cel mai dement tip
de pe fa�a planetei.
1034
00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:58,727
�ntotdeauna se zice:
"E urm�torul Hitler."
1035
00:48:58,810 --> 00:49:01,229
C�t� lume trebuie s� ucizi
1036
00:49:01,313 --> 00:49:02,731
pentru a primi ni�te onoruri,
1037
00:49:02,814 --> 00:49:04,107
o p�l�rie ridicat� m�car?
1038
00:49:04,983 --> 00:49:07,110
"Ce zici de �sta?
E urm�torul Hitler."
1039
00:49:07,194 --> 00:49:09,946
De ce nu, din c�nd �n c�nd:
"�sta e Stalinesc!"
1040
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,491
"V�d un pic de Jo-Jo �n tipul �sta."
1041
00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:16,662
Are cifre de trei ori mai mari, ce naiba.
1042
00:49:17,746 --> 00:49:19,790
Este invocat doar ca rezerv�!
1043
00:49:22,626 --> 00:49:24,419
Scorul lui de ce nu se pune?
1044
00:49:24,503 --> 00:49:25,879
�tie cineva?
1045
00:49:25,962 --> 00:49:28,382
De ce nu se iau �n calcul crimele sale?
Nu �n�eleg.
1046
00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:32,052
E c� din cauz� c� ar�ta
ca un tip normal din cartier?
1047
00:49:32,135 --> 00:49:35,681
Parc�-l vezi pe un mic tractor John Deere.
"Am ucis un milion de ucraineni."
1048
00:49:35,764 --> 00:49:37,766
D� ture prin curte.
1049
00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:39,434
A�a este?
1050
00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:44,439
Eu a�a cred. Hitler ar�ta ciudat.
1051
00:49:44,523 --> 00:49:46,441
Nici dac� se f�cea preselec�ie
1052
00:49:46,525 --> 00:49:48,485
nu se g�sea un tip
care s� arate mai malefic.
1053
00:49:48,985 --> 00:49:51,822
Disear�, acas�,
c�uta�i pe internet poze cu Adolf Hitler.
1054
00:49:51,905 --> 00:49:55,200
S� fi�i �i voi pu�i pe aceea�i list�
de urm�rire ca �i mine.
1055
00:49:55,283 --> 00:49:56,284
Bine?
1056
00:49:57,994 --> 00:50:01,915
V� spun, nu exist� nicio poz� dr�gu��
cu acest tip �n toat� via�a lui.
1057
00:50:01,998 --> 00:50:03,500
E doar tic�lo�ie.
1058
00:50:03,583 --> 00:50:06,002
Nu are poze haioase din adolescen��.
1059
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,133
Dac� vezi o poz�
cu Adolf Hitler bebelu�,
1060
00:50:11,216 --> 00:50:14,970
te ui�i la ea �i spui:
"�neac� dracului chestia aia! �neac-o!
1061
00:50:15,053 --> 00:50:17,264
Du-o la r�u, pune-o sub o piatr�.
1062
00:50:17,347 --> 00:50:20,434
Dac� nu o faci tu, o voi face eu, jur.
1063
00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:22,602
L-a� lovi chiar �n pieptul lui de copil...
1064
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,021
�i nu m-a� sim�i vinovat."
1065
00:50:26,648 --> 00:50:28,275
Hitler este a�a de malefic,
1066
00:50:28,358 --> 00:50:30,944
c� m� face s� vreau
s� �nv�� german�.
1067
00:50:31,027 --> 00:50:32,195
�ti�i la ce m� refer?
1068
00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:35,615
A� vrea s� �tiu
ce naiba le spunea oamenilor.
1069
00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:36,742
Orice discurs era...
1070
00:50:37,743 --> 00:50:39,995
Era evident c� nu e �ntreg la minte.
1071
00:50:40,078 --> 00:50:41,705
I-a f�cut din vorbe.
1072
00:50:42,748 --> 00:50:43,915
Ce naiba le spunea?
1073
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,754
�n niciun caz nu le-a zis de la �nceput
ce avea de g�nd s� fac�.
1074
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:50,881
�nchipui�i-v� un candidat necunoscut,
1075
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:52,591
la �nceput...
1076
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:57,053
"�n regul�, urm�torul vorbitor
care vine pe scen�...
1077
00:50:58,555 --> 00:51:02,476
posibil conduc�tor al Germaniei
�n viitorul apropiat.
1078
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:04,978
Numele s�u e...
1079
00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:07,647
La naiba, mi-am uitat ochelarii �n culise.
1080
00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:09,775
E Ally?
1081
00:51:10,817 --> 00:51:12,611
Adolf!
1082
00:51:12,694 --> 00:51:14,196
Bine.
1083
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:16,782
Tipul �sta nu mai are stare.
1084
00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:20,619
V� rog s� �l aplauda�i pe Adolf Hitler.
Ai trei minute, prietene."
1085
00:51:20,702 --> 00:51:22,954
"Voi ucide milioane de oameni!
1086
00:51:23,038 --> 00:51:26,124
�tiu cum arat�,
au distan�a dintre ochi de un centimetru!
1087
00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:28,293
Am uniforme pentru restul oamenilor!"
1088
00:51:29,669 --> 00:51:30,962
Nu po�i face nimic...
1089
00:51:31,922 --> 00:51:33,423
dac� vorbe�ti a�a cu publicul.
1090
00:51:33,507 --> 00:51:37,469
�i sperii. Nu po�i s� �ncepi a�a de tare.
1091
00:51:37,552 --> 00:51:40,722
Po�i s� faci asta �n p�dure,
cu c��iva colegi de b�utur�.
1092
00:51:41,848 --> 00:51:42,891
S� sperii lumea.
1093
00:51:42,974 --> 00:51:45,644
"Relaxeaz�-te, frate!
Sunt fete aici. Dumnezeule!
1094
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:50,982
Cred c� am �anse s-o pun.
D�-mi o m�n� de ajutor.
1095
00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:54,444
O dat� �n via�a ta,
po�i s� o la�i mai u�or.
1096
00:51:54,528 --> 00:51:56,988
Nim�nui nu �i pas�
de teoriile tale cretine.
1097
00:51:57,489 --> 00:51:59,908
Ia o pauz�!
Mai ai �i rahatul �la sub nas.
1098
00:51:59,991 --> 00:52:02,118
Ori por�i musta��, ori nu. Ar��i ridicol.
1099
00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:03,578
M� scuza�i, doamnelor.
1100
00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:05,038
El e mai agitat de felul lui."
1101
00:52:07,582 --> 00:52:08,708
�ti�i ce cred eu c� f�cea?
1102
00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:12,045
Cred c� era un impostor
care lingu�ea lumea, dup� p�rerea mea.
1103
00:52:12,629 --> 00:52:14,673
Le spunea germanilor ce voiau s� aud�.
1104
00:52:14,756 --> 00:52:17,467
"Avem cele mai bune ma�ini,
cele mai bune femei.
1105
00:52:17,551 --> 00:52:19,511
Oktoberfest e miezul!"
1106
00:52:19,594 --> 00:52:21,429
Le arunca tricouri gratis.
1107
00:52:23,932 --> 00:52:25,517
Le d�dea �i banderole.
1108
00:52:28,937 --> 00:52:31,147
E ceva ce m-a deranjat �ntotdeauna.
1109
00:52:31,940 --> 00:52:33,233
Nu �ntotdeauna, doar recent.
1110
00:52:33,316 --> 00:52:35,694
Dac� tipul �sta ucide
�ntre �ase �i nou� milioane,
1111
00:52:35,777 --> 00:52:38,363
�n mod sigur nu mai vrem
�nc� un exemplar ca el.
1112
00:52:38,446 --> 00:52:40,782
Dar tipul cel�lalt, �ntre 20 �i 25?
1113
00:52:41,449 --> 00:52:42,450
�ti�i ce spun?
1114
00:52:43,118 --> 00:52:46,037
Probabil c� sunt c��iva licen�ia�i
�n istorie cu capul mare care zic:
1115
00:52:46,121 --> 00:52:48,707
"Bill, dac� vom face un tur al globului,
1116
00:52:48,790 --> 00:52:50,625
ce spui de tipul �la, Mao, din China?
1117
00:52:51,293 --> 00:52:54,671
Se presupune c� a ucis
�ntre 50 �i 60 de milioane de oameni.
1118
00:52:54,921 --> 00:52:57,299
Ce spui de el? De el de ce nu zici nimic?"
1119
00:52:57,382 --> 00:52:59,426
Simplu. Nu iau �n considerare acele crime.
1120
00:53:03,096 --> 00:53:04,472
Nu le iau �n considerare.
1121
00:53:06,099 --> 00:53:08,935
Sunt un miliard de oameni �n China.
1122
00:53:09,019 --> 00:53:12,522
Dac� tragi �n ei de pe un scuter,
ucizi 80 f�r� m�car s� �ncerci.
1123
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:17,777
�ntre 50 �i 60 de milioane,
parc� sunt date umflate cu steroizi.
1124
00:53:17,861 --> 00:53:19,112
Du-te naibii de aici!
1125
00:53:19,195 --> 00:53:20,822
Ce ai b�gat? Haide.
1126
00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:22,616
Vrei s� cred num�rul �la?
1127
00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:25,285
Ca �i cum unul de la a doua baz�
�i-ar zice c� a �nscris 50 de puncte.
1128
00:53:25,368 --> 00:53:27,162
Omule, ai �nscris 20 �n tot liceul.
1129
00:53:27,245 --> 00:53:29,915
Du-te de aici! Auzi, 50 de puncte!
1130
00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:34,002
Nu �n�eleg de ce...
1131
00:53:37,213 --> 00:53:39,591
De c�te ori spun asta, simt publicul.
1132
00:53:39,674 --> 00:53:41,885
Vou� nu v� plac analogiile cu sportul.
1133
00:53:42,427 --> 00:53:43,428
Zic bine?
1134
00:53:45,805 --> 00:53:47,390
Hai s� �ncerc�m cu muzic�.
1135
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:48,475
Suntem la Nashville.
1136
00:53:49,267 --> 00:53:52,062
Vom privi situa�ia dintr-un unghi muzical.
1137
00:53:52,562 --> 00:53:53,980
Hitler scoate un album.
1138
00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:59,027
Vinde �ntre �ase �i nou� albume. Bine?
1139
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:02,155
Are vreo dou� piese de var�,
poate �i una pentru balurile de liceu.
1140
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,032
Prinde un val.
1141
00:54:04,115 --> 00:54:06,284
Are propriul dans, ca "Gangnam Style",
1142
00:54:06,368 --> 00:54:08,453
numai c� d� mai mult din m�ini.
1143
00:54:09,871 --> 00:54:11,414
E o pies� pentru bra�e mai mult.
1144
00:54:12,999 --> 00:54:16,544
Iar apoi, mai pe sf�r�itul verii,
Stalin scoate �i el un album.
1145
00:54:16,628 --> 00:54:19,464
Vinde �ntre 20 �i 25 de milioane de copii.
1146
00:54:20,131 --> 00:54:23,885
�ntre 20 �i 25 de milioane de copii
are "Thriller", al lui Michael Jackson.
1147
00:54:23,969 --> 00:54:26,763
Unul din cei mai buni arti�ti,
unul din cele mai bune albume produse.
1148
00:54:26,846 --> 00:54:28,598
�ntre �ase �i nou� milioane ar fi...
1149
00:54:28,682 --> 00:54:31,685
Cracked Rear View Mirror
al trupei Hootie & The Blowfish.
1150
00:54:33,979 --> 00:54:37,315
Dac� voi a�i fi acas� �n apartamentul
sau �n hambarul vostru
1151
00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:39,067
sau oriunde sta�i aici...
1152
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,861
cu lanterna voastr�...
1153
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:45,657
�i dormi�i bu�tean...
1154
00:54:47,033 --> 00:54:48,868
l�ng� balotul vostru de f�n preferat.
1155
00:54:48,952 --> 00:54:50,036
Dormi�i bu�tean...
1156
00:54:51,037 --> 00:54:52,497
�i vine unul pe la 03:00 �i zice:
1157
00:54:52,580 --> 00:54:56,293
"Omule, vino repede la bar!
E urm�torul Michael Jackson, jur!"
1158
00:54:56,376 --> 00:54:57,460
Te-ai g�ndi s� te duci.
1159
00:54:58,253 --> 00:55:00,839
"Michael Jackson, trebuie s�-l v�d."
1160
00:55:00,922 --> 00:55:02,424
Dar dac� te-ar trezi �i �i-ar spune:
1161
00:55:02,507 --> 00:55:05,635
"Omule, trebuie s�-i vezi pe �tia!
Urm�torii Hootie & The Blowfish!"
1162
00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:09,973
I-ai cr�pa capul cu lanterna
sau cu ce naiba ai la �ndem�n�.
1163
00:55:13,351 --> 00:55:15,562
De ce nu conteaz� �i crimele lui?
1164
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,106
Stalin �i-a ucis proprii prieteni.
1165
00:55:19,024 --> 00:55:20,483
Nici m�car Hitler nu a f�cut asta.
1166
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:23,278
Mergi la v�n�toare de ra�e cu Stalin,
zici c� sunte�i prieteni.
1167
00:55:23,361 --> 00:55:25,405
Face poze cu tine �i altele.
1168
00:55:25,488 --> 00:55:27,949
Totul e �n regul�!
1169
00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:30,702
�i apoi, o s�pt�m�n� mai t�rziu,
��i faci p�rul altfel
1170
00:55:30,785 --> 00:55:33,371
el devine paranoic
�i cam asta era, te h�cuia.
1171
00:55:33,455 --> 00:55:34,456
At�t.
1172
00:55:34,831 --> 00:55:38,209
Pe l�ng� asta, te �i �tergea din poz�.
1173
00:55:38,293 --> 00:55:41,421
Ce s� vezi, �n pozele alea,
�mbr��i�a un copac sau ceva genul �sta.
1174
00:55:41,504 --> 00:55:44,090
Tipul �sta prelucra pozele...
1175
00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:47,677
cu 60 de ani �nainte
de a se inventa tehnologia.
1176
00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:49,763
A schimbat jocul complet!
1177
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:57,687
M� uit la multe clipuri pe YouTube.
1178
00:55:58,229 --> 00:56:00,690
Cu o sear� �n urm�,
iubita mea so�ie adormise.
1179
00:56:00,774 --> 00:56:02,692
Eu adorm greu
pentru c�-mi umbl� mintea aiurea,
1180
00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:04,986
a�a c� m� uit la clipuri.
1181
00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:08,948
Ajung la unul cu o doamn� la zoo.
1182
00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:10,158
Doamna lucra la zoo
1183
00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:13,119
�i sunt sigur
c� nu c�tiga la fel de mul�i bani
1184
00:56:13,203 --> 00:56:15,622
ca tipul care lucra la acela�i zoo,
1185
00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:17,999
iar chestia asta trebuie s� �nceteze.
1186
00:56:21,377 --> 00:56:23,713
Doamnelor, v-a�i g�ndit
s� v� deschide�i propriul zoo?
1187
00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:24,798
V-a�i g�ndit?
1188
00:56:25,423 --> 00:56:28,218
E vreun motiv pentru care a�tepta�i
ca noi s� construim totul
1189
00:56:28,301 --> 00:56:31,012
�i s� ap�re�i
c�nd toat� munca dificil� e f�cut�?
1190
00:56:31,096 --> 00:56:32,389
Dup� ce sunt capturate animalele?
1191
00:56:32,472 --> 00:56:35,141
"Unde �mi e biroul �la mare de pe col�?"
1192
00:56:35,225 --> 00:56:36,226
Da.
1193
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:39,062
F�-�i propria gr�din� zoologic�!
1194
00:56:39,604 --> 00:56:41,606
Du-te �i prinde o cobr�, s� vezi cum e!
1195
00:56:45,068 --> 00:56:46,611
Nu asta e morala pove�tii.
1196
00:56:47,403 --> 00:56:50,448
�mi place s� fiu tic�los c�teodat�.
Doamna asta de la zoo...
1197
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,912
Aceast� femeie a �nv��at o goril�
s� vorbeasc� prin semne.
1198
00:56:56,329 --> 00:56:59,374
Nu doar "Bun� ziua" �i "La revedere",
ci fraze �ntregi.
1199
00:56:59,457 --> 00:57:01,626
Gorila putea s�-�i exprime sentimentele.
1200
00:57:01,709 --> 00:57:03,336
Purtau o conversa�ie.
1201
00:57:03,419 --> 00:57:05,839
Gorila vorbea cu ea. "Ar��i sup�rat�."
1202
00:57:05,922 --> 00:57:08,258
"Sunt un pic trist�." St�teau de vorb�.
1203
00:57:08,341 --> 00:57:11,094
Creierul meu a luat-o razna imediat.
1204
00:57:11,177 --> 00:57:13,388
Eram stupefiat c� vorbe�te cu o goril�.
1205
00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:16,057
Iubesc gorilele. Cine nu ar vorbi cu una?
1206
00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,726
Uit�nd de faptul c� so�ia mea dormea,
am strigat:
1207
00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:23,106
"�ntreab-o c�t �mpinge la piept!"
1208
00:57:24,524 --> 00:57:26,443
Nevast�-mea se scoal� �i zice: "Ce faci?"
1209
00:57:26,526 --> 00:57:28,903
"Fii atent� la asta!
Vorbe�te cu o goril�!"
1210
00:57:28,987 --> 00:57:31,614
Am�ndoi am fost captiva�i
de chestia asta.
1211
00:57:32,740 --> 00:57:35,452
Pe scurt, ea vorbea cu gorila asta
1212
00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:37,787
�i �ntr-o zi, decide s� �i ia o pisicu��.
1213
00:57:37,871 --> 00:57:39,205
Un pui de pisic�.
1214
00:57:39,289 --> 00:57:42,959
Imediat mi-am spus:
"Nu �i lua o pisic�! E o goril�."
1215
00:57:43,042 --> 00:57:45,170
�i va rupe capul,
1216
00:57:45,253 --> 00:57:47,797
va arunca �ncolo corpul
�i se va juca cu capul.
1217
00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:49,799
�l va mirosi din c�nd �n c�nd.
1218
00:57:49,883 --> 00:57:53,553
Apoi se va duce
�i �i va a�eza capul l�ng� corp
1219
00:57:53,636 --> 00:57:55,555
�i se va �ntreba de ce nu se ridic�.
1220
00:57:56,264 --> 00:57:58,683
Pentru c� e o goril� afurisit�.
1221
00:57:59,767 --> 00:58:00,894
E un animal s�lbatic.
1222
00:58:00,977 --> 00:58:03,396
Animalele s�lbatice nu au
animale de companie!
1223
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,899
�n jungl�, ucizi sau e�ti ucis. At�t.
1224
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:08,943
Nu au papagali pe um�r.
1225
00:58:09,944 --> 00:58:11,196
Dar a fost exact pe dos.
1226
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:14,657
�i d� acest pisoi,
iar gorila a �n�eles imediat c� e un pui
1227
00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:16,409
�i i s-a trezit instinctul parental.
1228
00:58:16,493 --> 00:58:19,287
Era a�a de bl�nd� �i plin� de bucurie.
1229
00:58:19,370 --> 00:58:20,914
Era frumos.
1230
00:58:20,997 --> 00:58:23,041
Au �n�eles c� iube�te pisica asta
1231
00:58:23,124 --> 00:58:25,627
�i au �nceput s� o foloseasc�
ca metod� de �nv��are.
1232
00:58:25,710 --> 00:58:29,172
�n fiecare noapte luau pisica
�i a doua zi o aduceau �napoi.
1233
00:58:29,255 --> 00:58:32,050
Dac� gorila �i �nv��a frazele,
se juca cu pisoiul.
1234
00:58:32,133 --> 00:58:33,468
Era o unealt� motiva�ional�.
1235
00:58:33,551 --> 00:58:36,054
Vocabularul gorilei s-a m�rit enorm.
1236
00:58:36,137 --> 00:58:39,224
Ca s-o scurtez,
�ntr-o noapte au dus pisica acas�.
1237
00:58:39,307 --> 00:58:41,059
Cumva, pisica a ie�it afar�.
1238
00:58:41,142 --> 00:58:42,977
A fost lovit� de o ma�in� �i a murit.
1239
00:58:44,479 --> 00:58:46,606
Da, a murit pisica aceea
pe care nu a�i v�zut-o niciodat�.
1240
00:58:49,817 --> 00:58:51,486
Condolean�e.
1241
00:58:52,737 --> 00:58:56,157
A�i cunoscut-o bine
timp de 20 de secunde.
1242
00:58:56,241 --> 00:58:57,367
Nu-i a�a?
1243
00:58:57,450 --> 00:58:59,285
Nu �tiu dac� a murit pe loc,
1244
00:58:59,369 --> 00:59:01,788
dac� ma�ina a c�lcat-o pe cap
�i asta a fost.
1245
00:59:02,288 --> 00:59:05,500
Sau poate i-a lovit picioarele din spate
�i ea a �ncercat s� se t�rasc�,
1246
00:59:05,583 --> 00:59:08,002
dar era cumva lipit� pe drum,
1247
00:59:08,086 --> 00:59:09,963
�i mieuna tare
1248
00:59:10,046 --> 00:59:11,548
�i �i puteai vedea respira�ia...
1249
00:59:12,257 --> 00:59:15,093
Chiar �nainte s�-�i piard� cuno�tin�a,
au venit �obolanii
1250
00:59:15,176 --> 00:59:17,554
�i �ipa...
1251
00:59:18,721 --> 00:59:21,391
Cu l�bu�ele mici, ca ni�te cior�pei,
�ncerca s� se ridice.
1252
00:59:21,474 --> 00:59:22,767
Nu �tiu ce s-a �nt�mplat.
1253
00:59:22,850 --> 00:59:26,354
Dar p�rea�i foarte �ngrijora�i
de soarta pisicii.
1254
00:59:27,188 --> 00:59:28,731
M-am g�ndit s� bag ni�te scenarii.
1255
00:59:28,815 --> 00:59:31,317
V-a p�sat mai mult de pisoi
dec�t de chestia cu Hitler.
1256
00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:32,569
A�i reac�ionat mai intens.
1257
00:59:34,654 --> 00:59:36,239
E �n regul�.
1258
00:59:36,864 --> 00:59:38,658
Fiecare public e diferit.
1259
00:59:39,659 --> 00:59:41,119
Nu asta e morala pove�tii.
1260
00:59:41,828 --> 00:59:43,454
Morala pove�tii...
1261
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:46,916
Aceast� doamn� trebuia
s� se duc� la zoo
1262
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,794
�i s� �i spun� gorilei c� pisica a murit.
1263
00:59:49,877 --> 00:59:52,630
Se �ntoarce la zoo,
iar gorila era entuziasmat�.
1264
00:59:52,714 --> 00:59:54,299
Era partea ei preferat� din zi.
1265
00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:56,759
κi antrena mintea
�i se juca cu mica ei prieten�.
1266
00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:59,178
�i deja avea un vocabular extrem de mare.
1267
00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:01,306
Doamna apare, gorila e ner�bd�toare.
1268
01:00:01,389 --> 01:00:03,683
Se uit� la ea �i �i spune: "La naiba!
1269
01:00:03,766 --> 01:00:06,436
Ce se �nt�mpl�? Da!"
1270
01:00:06,519 --> 01:00:07,520
Cam a�a ceva.
1271
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:11,190
Nu �tiu s� vorbesc prin semne...
1272
01:00:11,733 --> 01:00:14,110
a�a c� nu m� critica�i
pentru restul buc��ii.
1273
01:00:14,193 --> 01:00:16,112
�mi voi da toat� silin�a, bine?
1274
01:00:17,113 --> 01:00:19,574
�i gorila face: "Care-i treaba? Da!"
1275
01:00:20,283 --> 01:00:21,284
Bine?
1276
01:00:21,701 --> 01:00:25,788
Dar doamna de la zoo st�tea trist�
1277
01:00:25,872 --> 01:00:28,041
�i se g�ndea cum s� �i spun�.
1278
01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:29,876
Gorila a sim�it tensiunea.
1279
01:00:29,959 --> 01:00:31,085
Doamna zice...
1280
01:00:32,086 --> 01:00:33,087
"Bun�."
1281
01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:35,673
Entuziasmul gorilei se reduce.
1282
01:00:35,757 --> 01:00:37,216
�ncepe s� se uite la doamn�.
1283
01:00:38,509 --> 01:00:39,510
"Ce ai p��it?
1284
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:42,555
Ce e �n neregul� cu tine?
1285
01:00:45,725 --> 01:00:48,519
E ceva ce trebuie s� �tiu?"
1286
01:00:55,526 --> 01:00:57,278
Doamna st�tea acolo...
1287
01:01:02,575 --> 01:01:03,576
"Vezi tu...
1288
01:01:06,829 --> 01:01:07,664
Ei bine...
1289
01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:09,666
pisoiul...
1290
01:01:11,125 --> 01:01:12,502
a fost lovit de o ma�in�...
1291
01:01:13,586 --> 01:01:14,796
�i s-a dus dracu'."
1292
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:23,346
Gorila a �n�eles imediat.
1293
01:01:23,596 --> 01:01:25,431
A �n�eles imediat.
1294
01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:27,308
A �nceput s� �i tremure buza de jos,
1295
01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:30,103
au �nceput s� �i l�crimeze ochii,
f�cea semne de "pl�ns".
1296
01:01:30,186 --> 01:01:31,854
�i �n noaptea acelei zile,
1297
01:01:31,938 --> 01:01:34,399
o puteai auzi pl�ng�nd �n c�su�a ei.
1298
01:01:34,482 --> 01:01:36,275
�i f�cuser� o cas�, nu �tiu de ce.
1299
01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:37,777
Gorilele tr�iesc �n copaci.
1300
01:01:37,860 --> 01:01:40,571
Poate c� aveau un sentiment de vin�
fiindc� o �ineau la pu�c�rie.
1301
01:01:41,322 --> 01:01:44,367
Era un apartament cu dou� dormitoare,
se auzea din buc�t�rie.
1302
01:01:44,450 --> 01:01:46,244
Se putea auzi cum fiin�a asta...
1303
01:01:46,953 --> 01:01:48,621
noaptea, prin cas�, f�cea...
1304
01:01:58,923 --> 01:02:00,466
�i �sta a fost sf�r�itul clipului.
1305
01:02:08,182 --> 01:02:09,559
�sta a fost sf�r�itul clipului.
1306
01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:13,312
La fel ca voi, m� g�ndeam: "Ce naiba?
1307
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:16,190
A�a vrei s� �nchei clipul?"
1308
01:02:16,899 --> 01:02:20,903
Chiar atunci am sim�it capul so�iei mele
pe um�rul meu.
1309
01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:23,823
Mi-a spus: "A fost a�a de trist.
1310
01:02:25,533 --> 01:02:28,202
A fost frumos, dar a fost trist."
1311
01:02:28,286 --> 01:02:30,204
Iar eu i-am spus: "D�-te de pe mine.
1312
01:02:32,832 --> 01:02:34,000
D�-te."
1313
01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:37,128
Am �nchis laptopul, l-am pus pe noptier�,
1314
01:02:37,211 --> 01:02:39,338
m-am ridicat �i am �nceput s� patrulez.
1315
01:02:40,214 --> 01:02:43,551
Sim�eam cum m� �nfurii tot mai tare.
1316
01:02:43,634 --> 01:02:44,677
So�ia mea s-a speriat.
1317
01:02:44,761 --> 01:02:47,430
"Ce-ai p��it?"
1318
01:02:47,513 --> 01:02:50,099
"Cum adic�, ce-am p��it?
Clipul �la e o porc�rie!"
1319
01:02:52,977 --> 01:02:54,061
Care e scopul?
1320
01:02:54,145 --> 01:02:56,731
�nve�i o goril� s� vorbeasc�,
v� �mprieteni�i,
1321
01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:59,233
�i iei o pisic� �i apoi aceasta moare.
1322
01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:02,904
Apoi gorila pl�nge,
e foarte trist �i gata?
1323
01:03:03,529 --> 01:03:04,697
A�a m� la�i?
1324
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:06,783
Trebuie s� r�m�n cu chestia asta �n cap?
1325
01:03:08,743 --> 01:03:10,578
De ce naiba se termin� a�a clipul?
1326
01:03:10,661 --> 01:03:12,580
S�-mi spun� cineva.
1327
01:03:12,663 --> 01:03:15,166
Acea goril� a �n�eles conceptul de moarte.
1328
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:19,420
Dac� �n�elege acest concept,
�tie �i c� e �n captivitate.
1329
01:03:19,504 --> 01:03:21,047
Nu i-a trecut prin cap doamnei,
1330
01:03:21,130 --> 01:03:23,174
�n toat� perioada petrecut� cu ea,
1331
01:03:23,257 --> 01:03:26,093
s� o �ntrebe prin semne: "Auzi?
1332
01:03:26,844 --> 01:03:29,889
Vrei s� pleci naibii de aici?
1333
01:03:31,474 --> 01:03:33,768
Ur�ti s� fii aici?
1334
01:03:33,851 --> 01:03:35,478
Vrei s� ne ucizi...
1335
01:03:36,437 --> 01:03:38,105
pentru c� te-am b�gat aici,
1336
01:03:38,189 --> 01:03:40,858
departe de prietenii t�i din jungl�?"
1337
01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:42,652
Gorila ar fi zis: "Da!
1338
01:03:43,319 --> 01:03:47,532
Te rog, scoate-m� de aici! Te implor!
1339
01:03:47,615 --> 01:03:49,784
Nu suport s� stau aici!"
1340
01:03:53,496 --> 01:03:55,081
Apoi puteau s� caute solu�ii.
1341
01:03:55,164 --> 01:03:57,875
"Bine, te voi scoate de aici."
1342
01:03:57,959 --> 01:04:02,421
Partea proast� ar fi c� trebuie
s� iei �n considerare ideile gorilei.
1343
01:04:02,505 --> 01:04:05,132
G�ndi�i �mpreun� planul de evadare.
1344
01:04:05,216 --> 01:04:09,428
Gorila spune: "Lu�m ni�te banane,
le arunc�m �i le distragem aten�ia.
1345
01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,556
Apoi ne c���r�m doar cu m�inile"
1346
01:04:11,639 --> 01:04:13,224
Trebuie s� stai �i s� te g�nde�ti:
1347
01:04:13,307 --> 01:04:15,017
"Bine...
1348
01:04:16,227 --> 01:04:20,398
Nu vreau s� fiu nasol, dar...
1349
01:04:22,191 --> 01:04:24,694
am o idee mai bun�.
1350
01:04:25,319 --> 01:04:28,614
Nu vreau s� te sim�i lezat�.
1351
01:04:31,033 --> 01:04:34,328
M� duc la magazinul Big & Tall...
1352
01:04:35,162 --> 01:04:38,749
�i ��i iau o jachet�, o p�l�rie
�i ni�te papuci cretini.
1353
01:04:39,417 --> 01:04:41,419
Tu trebuie s�...
1354
01:04:42,503 --> 01:04:43,838
Trebuie s�...
1355
01:04:43,921 --> 01:04:46,173
Vreau s� renun�i la treaba asta.
1356
01:04:46,257 --> 01:04:48,509
�n�elegi? Nu mai face a�a.
1357
01:04:49,218 --> 01:04:51,679
Nu m� �n�elege gre�it!
1358
01:04:52,513 --> 01:04:55,933
Vreau s� stai dreapt�.
1359
01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:57,184
S� stai dreapt�...
1360
01:04:57,894 --> 01:04:59,645
cu bra�ele pe l�ng� corp.
1361
01:04:59,729 --> 01:05:01,647
Acum vine partea mai dificil�.
1362
01:05:01,731 --> 01:05:03,524
M�na st�ng�, piciorul drept...
1363
01:05:04,191 --> 01:05:06,110
m�na dreapt�, piciorul st�ng.
1364
01:05:06,193 --> 01:05:07,194
Te-ai prins?
1365
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:10,865
Ai �n�eles?
1366
01:05:11,198 --> 01:05:12,867
Repet� chestia asta
1367
01:05:12,950 --> 01:05:15,286
�i eu te scot de aici �n zece zile.
1368
01:05:16,370 --> 01:05:17,371
Ne-am �n�eles?"
1369
01:05:18,122 --> 01:05:19,749
"�n regul�. Bate palma."
1370
01:05:19,832 --> 01:05:20,875
"B�ga-mi-a�! Bine.
1371
01:05:22,543 --> 01:05:23,794
Vorbim peste zece zile."
1372
01:05:25,421 --> 01:05:27,465
�n prima zi, gorila �ncepe s� exerseze.
1373
01:05:27,548 --> 01:05:29,508
"Bine. S� vedem."
1374
01:05:49,445 --> 01:05:51,489
"Nu."
1375
01:06:07,713 --> 01:06:08,714
"Bine."
1376
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:17,056
"Da!"
1377
01:06:25,731 --> 01:06:26,732
"La naiba!"
1378
01:06:31,862 --> 01:06:32,822
Asta e prima zi.
1379
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:36,117
E prima zi, dar gorila repet� mi�c�rile.
1380
01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:38,160
�n ziua a doua...
1381
01:06:38,244 --> 01:06:39,787
Ziua a treia, ziua a cincea,
1382
01:06:39,870 --> 01:06:41,372
ziua a �aptea, a noua, a zecea.
1383
01:06:41,455 --> 01:06:43,833
"O fac! Am reu�it, b�ga-mi-a�!"
1384
01:06:44,667 --> 01:06:47,795
Doamna s-ar fi �ntors
s� scoat� gorila din cu�c�.
1385
01:06:47,878 --> 01:06:51,340
Ar fi venit noaptea: "Ai reu�it!
Pune-�i jacheta, p�l�ria. Haide!"
1386
01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:53,843
O duce la ma�in�,
e singura cale de a o duce �napoi.
1387
01:06:53,926 --> 01:06:57,888
Trebuie s� mergi cu ma�ina �n port.
Doar a�a po�i s� o duci �napoi �n jungl�.
1388
01:06:57,972 --> 01:06:59,890
Nu po�i s� te duci la aeroport.
1389
01:07:00,766 --> 01:07:04,020
Nu po�i s� o duci la aeroport
�i s� treac� prin detector.
1390
01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:05,104
Corect?
1391
01:07:07,106 --> 01:07:10,359
Odat� ce �i scoate papucii,
�i i se vede degetul mare,
1392
01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:11,777
s-a terminat!
1393
01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:12,862
Se termin� totul.
1394
01:07:12,945 --> 01:07:14,905
Trebuie s� o �ii sub punte.
1395
01:07:14,989 --> 01:07:17,491
Trebuie s� o �ii pe afurisit� sub punte
1396
01:07:17,575 --> 01:07:19,660
p�n� c�nd ai ie�it
�n apele interna�ionale.
1397
01:07:19,744 --> 01:07:20,745
Apoi e�ti �n regul�.
1398
01:07:20,828 --> 01:07:22,079
C�pitanul e suveran.
1399
01:07:22,163 --> 01:07:24,832
Chemi gorila pe punte
�i sta�i am�ndoi pe �ezlonguri.
1400
01:07:24,915 --> 01:07:26,834
Alte nave trec pe l�ng� voi
�i to�i se mir�.
1401
01:07:26,917 --> 01:07:28,461
"E o goril�?"
"Da!
1402
01:07:28,544 --> 01:07:31,255
Voi ce ave�i, diamante p�tate cu s�nge?
Duce�i-v� dracului!
1403
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,800
Fir-a�i ai dracu' de sclavi sexuali!"
1404
01:07:35,593 --> 01:07:38,429
O chem pe punte s�-�i smulg� fa�a aia!"
1405
01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:41,182
Stai pe punte cu gorila.
1406
01:07:41,265 --> 01:07:44,351
Po�i vedea primele ei clipe de libertate.
1407
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:46,854
Vede �ntr-un final, la orizont, jungla.
1408
01:07:46,937 --> 01:07:50,316
E cuprins� de emo�ie, sare de pe nav�,
se rostogole�te �n nisip.
1409
01:07:50,399 --> 01:07:53,903
"Am reu�it! Nu rupe jacheta,
trebuie s� o duc �napoi! Am reu�it!
1410
01:07:53,986 --> 01:07:57,281
Te iubesc, �mi va fi dor de tine.
Pleac�, �nainte s� te vad�."
1411
01:07:57,364 --> 01:07:59,158
Gorila fuge �nspre jungl�...
1412
01:07:59,825 --> 01:08:01,494
�i dispare.
1413
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:03,496
"A reu�it!
1414
01:08:04,246 --> 01:08:06,373
�tiam c� vrea s� �i vad� prietenii.
1415
01:08:06,457 --> 01:08:08,751
A vrut s� fie liber�, va fi grozav.
1416
01:08:08,834 --> 01:08:11,587
κi va �nt�lni prietenii,
va vorbi cu ei acum,
1417
01:08:11,670 --> 01:08:13,047
a�a cum ar trebui s� fie.
1418
01:08:14,965 --> 01:08:15,966
Deci...
1419
01:08:17,009 --> 01:08:18,719
Va vorbi cu prietenii s�i.
1420
01:08:23,224 --> 01:08:25,768
Probabil c�... �i va �nv��a s� vorbeasc�.
1421
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,273
�i apoi...
1422
01:08:32,775 --> 01:08:34,318
vor face rost de cai.
1423
01:08:36,278 --> 01:08:37,988
Am �nceput cumva Planeta maimu�elor?
1424
01:08:38,072 --> 01:08:40,741
κi va �nv��a prietenii s� vorbeasc�
�i vor face rost de cai?
1425
01:08:40,825 --> 01:08:42,618
Trebuie s� omor creatura asta!
1426
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:45,830
Trebuie s� o omor. Am gre�it.
1427
01:08:45,913 --> 01:08:48,374
Unde �mi e pistolul? Unde e?
1428
01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,876
Era chiar aici! B�ga-mi-a�!"
1429
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:52,878
Vezi un mic revolver.
"La dracu', �l iau pe �sta!"
1430
01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:55,881
Intri �n jungl�,
dar e o goril�, a�a c� a ajuns departe.
1431
01:08:55,965 --> 01:08:58,843
Dar nu po�i renun�a, omule.
Societatea va da vina pe tine.
1432
01:08:58,926 --> 01:09:00,386
Trebuie s-o ucizi pe afurisit�.
1433
01:09:00,469 --> 01:09:03,055
Mergi prin jungl� luni �ntregi.
1434
01:09:03,139 --> 01:09:05,933
Trec �ase, �apte luni, faci malarie...
1435
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:08,227
E�ti gata s� renun�i.
1436
01:09:09,645 --> 01:09:12,690
De nic�ieri,
apare prietena ta �i spune...
1437
01:09:13,232 --> 01:09:14,275
"La naiba!
1438
01:09:14,859 --> 01:09:16,986
Ce dracu' cau�i aici?"
1439
01:09:20,239 --> 01:09:21,740
Atunci sco�i revolverul.
1440
01:09:24,535 --> 01:09:25,536
"�mi pare r�u, prietene.
1441
01:09:26,829 --> 01:09:27,830
Trebuie s� o fac."
1442
01:09:28,455 --> 01:09:29,456
Gorila r�m�ne masc�.
1443
01:09:30,082 --> 01:09:31,083
"Dar...
1444
01:09:32,459 --> 01:09:34,795
Credeam... c� suntem prietene.
1445
01:09:36,797 --> 01:09:37,798
De ce?"
1446
01:09:39,842 --> 01:09:40,885
"Vezi tu...
1447
01:09:41,552 --> 01:09:43,554
a�a a vrut Iisus s� fie.
1448
01:09:45,848 --> 01:09:48,142
Exist� o carte...
Ne-a f�cut dup� chipul Lui
1449
01:09:48,225 --> 01:09:49,894
�i, �n�elegi,
1450
01:09:49,977 --> 01:09:51,228
suntem mai buni dec�t voi.
1451
01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:54,023
Nu pot s� te las
s� vorbe�ti cu alte maimu�e
1452
01:09:54,106 --> 01:09:56,400
�i s� ajunge�i
s� d�r�ma�i Statuia Libert��ii.
1453
01:09:57,526 --> 01:09:59,653
Toat� lumea va crede c� sunt o tic�loas�.
1454
01:10:01,822 --> 01:10:03,157
Uite ce e, o voi face rapid."
1455
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:04,658
Exact c�nd s� ape�i pe tr�gaci,
1456
01:10:04,742 --> 01:10:06,827
gorila scoate pistolul
pe care nu-l g�seai.
1457
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:27,139
"Vreau...
1458
01:10:27,223 --> 01:10:28,557
Vreau doar s� �tiu un lucru.
1459
01:10:30,768 --> 01:10:31,936
Cum ai �tiut?
1460
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:36,690
Ai �tiut �nainte s� �tiu eu."
1461
01:10:40,444 --> 01:10:42,029
Nu am o poant� pentru asta.
1462
01:10:45,950 --> 01:10:46,951
Nu am.
1463
01:10:48,118 --> 01:10:49,578
�i �ntr-un mod ciudat...
1464
01:10:50,037 --> 01:10:51,538
acum �ti�i cum m-am sim�it...
1465
01:10:52,331 --> 01:10:53,749
c�nd am v�zut acel clip.
1466
01:10:55,668 --> 01:10:58,295
�ti�i ce s-a �nt�mplat?
1467
01:10:59,380 --> 01:11:01,173
Am spus gluma asta �n toat� �ara
1468
01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:03,550
�i gorila murea �ntotdeauna,
1469
01:11:03,634 --> 01:11:05,344
pentru c� a�a �i dorea Iisus...
1470
01:11:06,220 --> 01:11:07,137
�i cam asta era.
1471
01:11:07,221 --> 01:11:09,223
�i a fost un e�ec
1472
01:11:09,306 --> 01:11:12,142
�n fiecare ora� din �ar�,
1473
01:11:12,226 --> 01:11:14,270
cu excep�ia ora�ului Dallas din Texas.
1474
01:11:14,353 --> 01:11:16,939
�la e singurul loc unde s-au prins.
1475
01:11:17,022 --> 01:11:18,524
�i nu fac mi�to de Texas.
1476
01:11:18,607 --> 01:11:21,944
A fost un e�ec �n Houston, Austin,
El Paso, San Antonio.
1477
01:11:22,027 --> 01:11:24,863
A rupt �n Dallas. Doar ei s-au prins.
1478
01:11:24,947 --> 01:11:27,157
Acolo au zis:
"Omule, ai f�cut ce trebuia s� faci.
1479
01:11:27,866 --> 01:11:29,410
Ai f�cut ce trebuia s� faci.
1480
01:11:30,244 --> 01:11:32,746
Mi-a pl�cut gorila, dar la naiba,
1481
01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:35,958
nu po�i avea dou� specii
care s� munceasc� �mpreun�.
1482
01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:40,421
��i zic sigur, dac� iei dou� gorile,
1483
01:11:40,504 --> 01:11:42,965
le pui pe cai �i le dai mitraliere,
1484
01:11:43,048 --> 01:11:45,384
e sf�r�itul societ��ii de acum.
1485
01:11:46,719 --> 01:11:48,679
Ar trebui s� prime�ti o medalie fictiv�...
1486
01:11:49,388 --> 01:11:51,598
pentru uciderea fictiv� a acelei gorile."
1487
01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:55,144
�n regul�.
1488
01:11:55,978 --> 01:11:58,480
Voi �ncheia cu o mic� poveste.
1489
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:01,275
Se vorbe�te �ntruna
despre cum s� faci o femeie fericit�,
1490
01:12:01,358 --> 01:12:04,445
dar nu cred c� se vorbe�te destul
despre cum faci un b�rbat fericit.
1491
01:12:04,528 --> 01:12:06,989
Partea bun� la b�rba�i e
c� suntem al naibii de simpli.
1492
01:12:07,072 --> 01:12:08,407
Suntem simpli.
1493
01:12:08,490 --> 01:12:10,534
Uite cum st� treaba.
Vrei s� faci un tip fericit?
1494
01:12:10,617 --> 01:12:13,537
Dac� e�ti cu un tip �n regul�,
asta e tot ce trebuie s� faci.
1495
01:12:13,620 --> 01:12:16,206
De patru ori pe ani, o dat� pe anotimp...
1496
01:12:19,960 --> 01:12:21,003
te duci �n buc�t�rie.
1497
01:12:21,086 --> 01:12:24,548
F�r� s� �i spui nimic,
�i faci un sandvici, �i iei o bere,
1498
01:12:24,631 --> 01:12:27,092
i le duci, nu spui nimic
1499
01:12:27,176 --> 01:12:28,510
�i pleci naibii de acolo.
1500
01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:33,766
Asta e tot ce trebuie s� faci.
1501
01:12:34,767 --> 01:12:37,603
Dac� faci asta o dat� la trei luni,
�l �ii fericit.
1502
01:12:37,686 --> 01:12:38,687
Doar at�t trebuie.
1503
01:12:38,771 --> 01:12:41,273
�tiu c� pare o atitudine sexist�.
1504
01:12:41,357 --> 01:12:44,318
Pentru c� spun: "Du-te �n buc�t�rie
�i f�-i omului t�u un sandvici."
1505
01:12:44,401 --> 01:12:46,862
Nu spun c� femeile trebuie
s� stea �n buc�t�rie,
1506
01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:49,239
descul�e �i gravide, frec�ndu-mi bilele.
1507
01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:50,407
Nu spun asta.
1508
01:12:52,326 --> 01:12:53,327
A�i �n�eles?
1509
01:12:54,411 --> 01:12:56,872
Le spun femeilor at�t:
merge�i �n buc�t�rie.
1510
01:12:56,955 --> 01:13:00,959
Merge�i acolo de patru ori pe an
�i face�i un sandvici.
1511
01:13:01,043 --> 01:13:02,211
�i un copil poate face asta.
1512
01:13:03,087 --> 01:13:04,338
Pune�i toate ingredientele.
1513
01:13:04,421 --> 01:13:07,466
Lua�i dou� felii de p�ine feliat�,
1514
01:13:07,549 --> 01:13:09,385
dou� m�ini de carne procesat�.
1515
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:11,595
Pune�i �i ni�te mu�tar.
1516
01:13:11,678 --> 01:13:13,263
Lua�i o bere, merge�i la el,
1517
01:13:13,347 --> 01:13:15,808
da�i-i berea, nu spune�i nimic
�i apoi pleca�i naibii.
1518
01:13:15,891 --> 01:13:17,184
C�nd spun s� pleca�i, pleca�i.
1519
01:13:17,267 --> 01:13:20,020
Nu s� v� duce�i �n alt� camer�
pentru zece minute,
1520
01:13:20,104 --> 01:13:21,772
ca apoi s� v� i�i�i pe u��.
1521
01:13:21,855 --> 01:13:23,315
"�i-a pl�cut? A fost bun?
1522
01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:25,859
Super, pentru c� avem nevoie jos...
1523
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:29,196
Nu �ipa la mine!
Tocmai �i-am f�cut un sandvici!"
1524
01:13:30,114 --> 01:13:31,365
Nu asta zic. Pleca�i.
1525
01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:33,909
Urca�i-v� �n ma�in� �i pleca�i de acolo.
1526
01:13:33,992 --> 01:13:36,954
Lua�i copiii �i pleca�i cu ma�ina.
1527
01:13:37,037 --> 01:13:39,164
Merge�i �i vede�i St�p�nul inelelor
de dou� ori
1528
01:13:39,248 --> 01:13:43,419
�i l�sa�i-v� omul s� stea �n lini�te,
stupefiat de ce a�i f�cut.
1529
01:13:44,002 --> 01:13:47,798
Dac� vrei s�-�i vezi iubitul emo�ionat,
1530
01:13:47,881 --> 01:13:50,926
�i faci un afurisit de sandvici
pe care el nu l-a cerut.
1531
01:13:51,009 --> 01:13:54,179
��i spun,
�i va �terge lacrimile cu p�inea.
1532
01:13:55,180 --> 01:13:56,974
Va fi absolut �ocat.
1533
01:13:57,641 --> 01:13:59,017
"Ai f�cut asta pentru mine?
1534
01:13:59,852 --> 01:14:01,478
F�r� s�-�i cer?
1535
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:03,480
Dumnezeule!
1536
01:14:06,775 --> 01:14:08,569
Cred c� �nc� �i pas�!"
1537
01:14:10,612 --> 01:14:11,613
Da.
1538
01:14:11,697 --> 01:14:14,992
O poveste rapid�.
Am cump�rat cu so�ia mea o cas� �n 2011.
1539
01:14:15,075 --> 01:14:17,369
"Eu �i so�ia mea" �nseamn�
c� eu am pl�tit-o.
1540
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:18,328
E clar?
1541
01:14:20,539 --> 01:14:23,083
Ea ur�te gluma asta,
dar nu-mi pas�.
1542
01:14:23,917 --> 01:14:26,503
E adev�rat. Se ia tot timpul de mine.
1543
01:14:26,587 --> 01:14:29,298
"Nu-�i pune aici pantofii,
trebuie pu�i acolo."
1544
01:14:29,381 --> 01:14:32,301
"Da? Eu am cump�rat
�i "acolo", �i "aici",
1545
01:14:32,384 --> 01:14:35,596
a�a c�-mi pun afurisi�ii de pantofi
unde vreau eu!"
1546
01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:40,225
"Mi-am scos c�ma�a! Unde se va duce?"
1547
01:14:41,143 --> 01:14:42,144
Da?
1548
01:14:44,938 --> 01:14:47,816
Intr�m �n cas�, ea se uit� peste tot,
pentru c� e inteligent�.
1549
01:14:47,900 --> 01:14:50,360
Caut� camerele cu soare,
verific� dulapurile.
1550
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:52,571
Eu, ca un idiot,
am vrut s� verific garajul.
1551
01:14:52,654 --> 01:14:54,281
Sunt atras de el, nu �tiu de ce.
1552
01:14:54,364 --> 01:14:57,576
M� duc jos �i deschid u�a.
Locatarii anteriori nu f�cuser� curat.
1553
01:14:57,659 --> 01:15:00,329
Erau acolo un frigider stricat,
un dulap vechi,
1554
01:15:00,412 --> 01:15:02,456
un aparat de abdomene,
resturi de la o petrecere luau.
1555
01:15:02,539 --> 01:15:05,584
Erau cam �apte firme falimentare acolo,
1556
01:15:05,667 --> 01:15:09,129
iar eu a trebuit s� scot rahaturile alea
la 32 de grade,
1557
01:15:09,213 --> 01:15:12,382
ro�cat fiind, ur�ndu-mi via�a.
1558
01:15:12,466 --> 01:15:15,093
Dup� trei ore de cur��enie,
eram t�iat pe bra�e,
1559
01:15:15,177 --> 01:15:17,054
eram plin de noroi, sudoare
�i p�nze de p�ianjen.
1560
01:15:17,137 --> 01:15:19,431
Voiam s� dau foc la casa asta afurisit�.
1561
01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:20,682
Voiam s� las totul balt�.
1562
01:15:20,766 --> 01:15:22,518
De nic�ieri, apare so�ia mea.
1563
01:15:22,601 --> 01:15:25,229
Avea un mare z�mbet pe fa��.
�mi f�cuse un sandvici.
1564
01:15:26,063 --> 01:15:27,731
Era t�iat �n jum�tate pe diagonal�,
1565
01:15:27,814 --> 01:15:29,525
ceea ce �nseamn� dragoste.
1566
01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:32,694
Net�iat, �i l-ar putea arunca
ca unui c�ine, e tot aia.
1567
01:15:32,778 --> 01:15:34,655
"Ia, nenorocitule.
1568
01:15:35,906 --> 01:15:37,282
Spal�-te naibii!
1569
01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:38,909
Ar trebui s� locuie�ti aici!
1570
01:15:38,992 --> 01:15:40,911
Aici ar trebui s� tr�ie�ti!"
1571
01:15:41,662 --> 01:15:44,623
Sandviciul era t�iat pe diagonal�,
avea sos de Fritos
1572
01:15:44,706 --> 01:15:46,625
�i mi-a adus �i o bere rece ca ghea�a.
1573
01:15:46,708 --> 01:15:48,502
A f�cut asta acum cinci ani.
1574
01:15:49,211 --> 01:15:53,006
M� mai g�ndesc la acel sandvici
�i �n ziua de ast�zi.
1575
01:15:53,882 --> 01:15:54,883
E incredibil.
1576
01:15:54,967 --> 01:15:58,470
�mi apare �n cap ca o amintire pl�cut�.
1577
01:15:58,554 --> 01:16:00,514
Vorbesc singur �n ma�in�:
1578
01:16:00,597 --> 01:16:02,516
"Mai �tii c� mi-a f�cut un sandvici?
1579
01:16:02,599 --> 01:16:04,017
A fost nemaipomenit!
1580
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:07,604
L-a t�iat �n dou�, Fritos,
cu o bere rece ca ghea�a.
1581
01:16:07,688 --> 01:16:08,689
M-am sim�it ca un rege!"
1582
01:16:09,898 --> 01:16:11,066
Doar at�t trebuie.
1583
01:16:11,149 --> 01:16:12,651
�ti�i cum m-am sim�it?
1584
01:16:12,734 --> 01:16:15,237
Mai �ine�i minte filmul
�nchisoarea �ngerilor?
1585
01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:19,575
�ti�i scena c�nd de�inu�ii beau bere
pe acoperi�
1586
01:16:19,658 --> 01:16:20,951
cu soarele �n fa��?
1587
01:16:21,034 --> 01:16:22,411
A�a m-am sim�it.
1588
01:16:23,495 --> 01:16:26,498
Singurul lucru care lipsea era
vocea lui Morgan Freeman
1589
01:16:26,582 --> 01:16:28,166
care s� povesteasc� ac�iunea:
1590
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:31,378
"Pentru 20 de minute,
Bill Burr s-a sim�it ca un b�rbat liber."
1591
01:16:32,045 --> 01:16:34,631
�n regul�, nu mai am timp.
A�i fost extraordinari.
1592
01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:36,300
V� mul�umesc mult c� a�i venit.
1593
01:16:38,302 --> 01:16:39,886
V� mul�umesc!
1594
01:16:43,056 --> 01:16:45,309
M-am sim�it grozav. V� mul�umesc!
1595
01:17:00,699 --> 01:17:02,701
Subtitrare: Retail
127474
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