Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000
www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:02,171 --> 00:00:05,171
I want to have kids.
Lots and lots of kids.
3
00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:07,805
And I don't need a husband
to help do that.
4
00:00:07,872 --> 00:00:09,371
I need a wife,
5
00:00:09,438 --> 00:00:12,605
because my mom says
she ain't gonna clean
my room forever.
6
00:00:12,671 --> 00:00:14,738
I like this one girl Sara,
7
00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:18,571
but my mom says
I can't marry her
because she's my cousin.
8
00:00:18,638 --> 00:00:20,004
* All right!
9
00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:22,505
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
10
00:00:25,238 --> 00:00:28,972
So, uh, you guys just
invited us over for brunch?
11
00:00:29,037 --> 00:00:31,137
It's strangely
friendly of you.
12
00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:32,938
Well, we just wanted
to thank you
13
00:00:33,004 --> 00:00:35,771
for that awesome
cappuccino maker
that you got us.
14
00:00:35,838 --> 00:00:37,638
Cappuccino maker.
Mmm-hmm.
15
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,505
Oh, right.
Yeah. You're welcome.
16
00:00:40,571 --> 00:00:42,004
JOY: So great.
17
00:00:42,071 --> 00:00:43,505
Now our kitchen
looks just like
18
00:00:43,571 --> 00:00:45,505
the Williams Sonoma
catalog.
19
00:00:45,571 --> 00:00:47,538
Except for, you know, us.
20
00:00:48,872 --> 00:00:50,771
Anyway, Eddie's gonna
make us all cappuccinos.
21
00:00:50,838 --> 00:00:52,671
I haven't really learned
how to work the thing yet,
22
00:00:52,738 --> 00:00:54,137
but he's the master.
23
00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:55,505
He's so good
at stuff like that.
24
00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:57,204
Well, that's true.
25
00:00:57,271 --> 00:00:59,004
I do know how to push
the right buttons,
26
00:00:59,071 --> 00:01:01,938
be it a cappuccino
machine, a VCR,
27
00:01:02,004 --> 00:01:04,371
or the ladies.
28
00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:05,938
All right, what can
I get everybody?
29
00:01:06,004 --> 00:01:08,171
Mmm. Do you serve
soy milk?
30
00:01:08,238 --> 00:01:10,271
Soy milk?
31
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,538
We're in America, sweetie.
We drink from cows.
32
00:01:14,505 --> 00:01:16,371
Honey, actually,
I picked some up
for the brunch.
33
00:01:16,438 --> 00:01:17,505
Oh, great!
EDDIE: Oh, okay.
34
00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:18,805
I'll have
a soy cappuccino,
35
00:01:18,872 --> 00:01:20,972
and could you warm the milk
before you whip it?
36
00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:22,071
Warm then whip.
37
00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:23,538
Okay, I'll have
a cappuccino,
38
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,238
and if you could add
an extra shot of espresso,
39
00:01:25,304 --> 00:01:26,505
that would be great.
Got that, extra espresso.
40
00:01:26,571 --> 00:01:28,738
For me, I'm gonna
have a half-cafe latte
41
00:01:28,805 --> 00:01:30,505
and use the cinnamon beans.
42
00:01:30,571 --> 00:01:33,104
Cinnamon beans.
And dust it with nutmeg.
43
00:01:33,171 --> 00:01:34,304
Ooh, ooh!
Dust mine, too!
44
00:01:34,371 --> 00:01:35,805
But not too much dust.
45
00:01:35,872 --> 00:01:37,304
Okay, everybody's gonna
get dusted, all right?
46
00:01:37,371 --> 00:01:39,137
Just--Just...
47
00:01:39,204 --> 00:01:41,605
No more talking.
I have it all up here.
Please.
48
00:01:41,671 --> 00:01:42,938
Eddie, could
you make mine iced?
49
00:01:43,004 --> 00:01:44,638
(SHOUTING)
50
00:01:46,071 --> 00:01:47,137
(EXCLAIMS)
51
00:01:49,404 --> 00:01:53,037
All right, I'm gonna go
shake my frittata.
52
00:01:53,104 --> 00:01:55,004
That's right,
you heard me.
Deal with it.
53
00:01:57,938 --> 00:02:00,238
Why did you buy them
a cappuccino maker?
54
00:02:00,304 --> 00:02:01,905
Those things
are expensive.
55
00:02:01,972 --> 00:02:04,338
For that kind of money,
I could have had
that thing removed.
56
00:02:06,304 --> 00:02:08,104
Oh, no, no, no.
We didn't buy them one,
57
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,304
we just gave them
the one we had
and never used.
58
00:02:10,371 --> 00:02:12,571
We need the counter space.
59
00:02:12,638 --> 00:02:15,371
Steph, that was
a wedding gift
from my mother.
60
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,004
Was it?
61
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:22,538
You knew that.
62
00:02:22,605 --> 00:02:24,538
What else are
you giving away
without my knowledge?
63
00:02:24,605 --> 00:02:26,471
My old Indian
arrowhead collection?
64
00:02:26,538 --> 00:02:29,338
No, I did not get rid of
your Indian arrowheads.
65
00:02:29,404 --> 00:02:32,204
And for the record,
every rock that's shaped
like a triangle...
66
00:02:32,271 --> 00:02:33,638
It's not an arrowhead.
67
00:02:35,872 --> 00:02:38,404
Okay, one down.
68
00:02:38,471 --> 00:02:40,137
This is Steph's half soy
69
00:02:40,204 --> 00:02:43,104
frappa-cappa
Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
70
00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:46,338
Look at that.
It's so professional.
71
00:02:46,404 --> 00:02:47,605
Your foamed milk looks...
72
00:02:47,671 --> 00:02:50,004
Yes, it's like
an angel sneezed.
73
00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:53,605
I know, I know.
Look, I'll tell you what.
74
00:02:53,671 --> 00:02:56,171
Why don't you make
the next one,
and I'll go grab a bagel.
75
00:02:56,238 --> 00:02:57,972
You know I don't know
how to use that thing.
76
00:02:58,037 --> 00:02:59,438
But I'm gonna learn.
I will.
77
00:02:59,505 --> 00:03:00,605
Oh, okay.
78
00:03:00,671 --> 00:03:02,271
Don't forget
my nutmeg dust.
79
00:03:02,338 --> 00:03:03,771
Okay.
80
00:03:03,838 --> 00:03:05,304
JOY: All righty,
81
00:03:05,371 --> 00:03:07,371
Steph, here is
your cappuccino.
82
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,905
Mmm! Looks delicious.
83
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:12,571
Mmm.
84
00:03:12,638 --> 00:03:14,171
It's got a nice
little aftertaste.
85
00:03:14,238 --> 00:03:15,905
Oh, that might be Cascade.
86
00:03:15,972 --> 00:03:17,571
The dishwasher's
on the fritz.
87
00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:21,471
Maybe it's the bitterness
of my mother's tears.
88
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:24,505
Oh, Joy,
89
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,638
I finally found out
what that weird lady
down the street
90
00:03:26,705 --> 00:03:28,605
is keeping
in her trashcans.
91
00:03:28,671 --> 00:03:30,638
No, wait, wait, wait!
Wait, I want to hear this.
92
00:03:30,705 --> 00:03:31,838
Is it cats?
93
00:03:31,905 --> 00:03:34,071
Is it a...
Is it a pile of cats?
94
00:03:34,137 --> 00:03:35,438
(WHIRRING)
95
00:03:35,505 --> 00:03:37,505
No way!
She does not!
96
00:03:37,571 --> 00:03:39,037
(COFFEE MACHINE WHIRRING)
She does not what?
97
00:03:39,104 --> 00:03:40,771
What is it she doesn't do?
98
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,872
(SHOUTS)
99
00:03:42,938 --> 00:03:47,471
Oh! Son of a mocha
frappe latte!
100
00:03:48,471 --> 00:03:49,605
* Hey, hey
101
00:03:52,972 --> 00:03:55,538
Hey, Eddie,
I wanted to thank you
for brunch the other day,
102
00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:58,104
especially those
cappuccinos.
They were delicious.
103
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,872
You must be loving that
cappuccino maker, huh?
104
00:04:00,938 --> 00:04:04,371
It's making my life
a living hell.
Really?
105
00:04:04,438 --> 00:04:07,371
Joy has me making
these cappuccinos
all the time.
106
00:04:07,438 --> 00:04:12,171
She's like, "Oh, honey,
can you make me
a decaf bedtime cappy?"
107
00:04:12,238 --> 00:04:15,905
Or else it's,
"Oh, I really gotta learn
how to work that machine."
108
00:04:15,972 --> 00:04:18,738
But she never does,
and she never will.
109
00:04:18,805 --> 00:04:20,505
It's like she's playing me.
110
00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:25,371
Sounds like you're
running a Starkbucks.
111
00:04:30,238 --> 00:04:33,137
'Cause Stark is
my last name.
112
00:04:33,204 --> 00:04:34,972
Your cleverness is
exceeded only by
113
00:04:35,037 --> 00:04:37,004
your love affair
with the sweater vest.
114
00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:42,438
Hey.
Hey, there.
115
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:44,872
(SIGHS)
116
00:04:44,938 --> 00:04:48,705
I had such a crazy
day at work today.
117
00:04:48,771 --> 00:04:51,538
Could you make me a tiny
little cappuccino?
118
00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:59,204
I know, I know.
I'm gonna learn how
to use that thing.
119
00:04:59,271 --> 00:05:01,438
You know what?
We're gonna teach
you right now.
120
00:05:01,505 --> 00:05:03,004
What? Now?
Yeah, we are.
121
00:05:03,071 --> 00:05:05,304
But I'm tired.
Yeah, we're all tired.
122
00:05:06,104 --> 00:05:07,972
Okay, this is what you do.
123
00:05:08,037 --> 00:05:10,404
Very simple.
You take the water,
124
00:05:10,471 --> 00:05:12,204
you put it into the tank.
125
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,705
You fill it right
up to there.
126
00:05:15,238 --> 00:05:16,838
Okay, I'm lost.
127
00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:21,404
You're lost?
128
00:05:21,471 --> 00:05:23,037
Yeah.
129
00:05:23,104 --> 00:05:24,438
Where did I lose you?
130
00:05:25,905 --> 00:05:27,538
I don't know,
the water, the tank.
131
00:05:27,605 --> 00:05:29,171
Okay, okay, okay,
it's easy.
132
00:05:29,238 --> 00:05:30,404
You take the water.
133
00:05:30,471 --> 00:05:32,605
You put it
into the tank.
134
00:05:32,671 --> 00:05:35,538
You do speak
English, correct?
135
00:05:35,605 --> 00:05:37,671
Yeah, it's just a little
confusing, that's all.
Confusing?
136
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,771
Okay, let me put it
in terms that you
could understand.
137
00:05:39,838 --> 00:05:42,438
Pretend that
the tank is your belly,
138
00:05:42,505 --> 00:05:44,805
and the water is merlot.
139
00:05:47,838 --> 00:05:50,404
Okay.
You put the water
into the tank.
140
00:05:50,471 --> 00:05:51,538
Got it.
Okay.
141
00:05:51,605 --> 00:05:54,905
Then you close
the lid like this.
142
00:05:54,972 --> 00:05:57,004
Okay.
You're so
good at this.
143
00:05:58,605 --> 00:06:00,471
You're an amazing man.
144
00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:07,271
Okay, then you press
the button right
here to prime.
145
00:06:07,338 --> 00:06:08,938
To prime button.
146
00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:14,872
Where are you, Joy?
147
00:06:15,571 --> 00:06:16,705
Close the lid.
148
00:06:16,771 --> 00:06:19,471
No, we're-- we're
way past the lid!
149
00:06:20,137 --> 00:06:21,905
The lid is closed!
150
00:06:23,838 --> 00:06:27,004
Then you take
the espresso coffee, okay?
151
00:06:27,071 --> 00:06:28,671
You put it
into the basket.
152
00:06:28,738 --> 00:06:30,271
That's the basket?
This is the basket,
153
00:06:30,338 --> 00:06:31,438
and you tamp it.
Tamp it.
154
00:06:31,505 --> 00:06:32,571
You tamp it down.
155
00:06:32,638 --> 00:06:35,104
Okay, then you put
it right in here.
156
00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:36,171
And you twist it.
157
00:06:36,238 --> 00:06:37,805
You make sure
it is tight.
158
00:06:37,872 --> 00:06:39,204
You push this button.
159
00:06:39,271 --> 00:06:41,471
And you start it.
Voila.
160
00:06:41,538 --> 00:06:43,338
That's it.
161
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,638
Can I have that?
162
00:06:46,471 --> 00:06:49,938
Okay, look,
you are a very bright
college-educated woman.
163
00:06:50,004 --> 00:06:52,705
I know you can make
a cappuccino.
164
00:06:52,771 --> 00:06:56,605
It's very easy.
Okay, it is water, prime,
165
00:06:56,671 --> 00:06:59,738
coffee, tamp, twist, button.
166
00:07:00,705 --> 00:07:03,204
W-P-C-T-T-B.
167
00:07:04,738 --> 00:07:06,104
Wapacitiba.
168
00:07:07,738 --> 00:07:09,404
You got it?
Wapacitiba.
169
00:07:10,571 --> 00:07:12,004
Okay?
170
00:07:12,071 --> 00:07:15,905
Wa-pa-citi-bla.
171
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,404
I know your game, woman.
172
00:07:19,471 --> 00:07:21,671
You see, you refuse
to learn this
173
00:07:21,738 --> 00:07:23,571
because you don't
want to have the skill
174
00:07:23,638 --> 00:07:25,638
because you don't
want to do it.
175
00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:27,905
So, you're gonna repeat
after me, okay?
176
00:07:27,972 --> 00:07:29,538
It is water, prime, coffee,
177
00:07:29,605 --> 00:07:31,805
tamp, twist, button.
178
00:07:32,938 --> 00:07:35,371
Wapacitiba!
Wapacitiba!
179
00:07:37,371 --> 00:07:38,771
Wapacitiba!
180
00:07:39,972 --> 00:07:41,071
Okay, you know what? Fine!
181
00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,905
I could learn,
but I don't feel like it.
182
00:07:42,972 --> 00:07:44,271
Are you happy?
No! No!
183
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,371
I am not happy
because I am physically
184
00:07:47,438 --> 00:07:49,972
and spiritually exhausted.
185
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:53,905
But the free ride
is over, sister!
186
00:07:55,905 --> 00:07:58,705
What are you saying?
You're refusing to
make me cappuccinos?
187
00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:01,571
That's right! I am.
Starkbucks is closed.
188
00:08:01,638 --> 00:08:03,238
Starkbucks?
Stark!
189
00:08:03,304 --> 00:08:04,538
Starkbucks,
that's right.
190
00:08:04,605 --> 00:08:05,872
Ooh, good one.
191
00:08:05,938 --> 00:08:09,271
It happens to be
very clever.
192
00:08:09,338 --> 00:08:12,037
I can't believe
you won't do this
one little thing for me.
193
00:08:12,104 --> 00:08:14,505
If I made a list
of everything
that I do around here,
194
00:08:14,571 --> 00:08:16,471
it would go once
around the equator.
195
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:20,671
Oh, don't threaten me
with your travel agency
fancy lingo.
196
00:08:20,738 --> 00:08:23,071
Okay? Because I have
a list, too, missy!
197
00:08:23,137 --> 00:08:24,571
Really? I'd like
to see that list.
198
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,137
I would like to
show you my list.
199
00:08:26,204 --> 00:08:28,671
Okay, should we do it now
or after I prepare
dinner for us
200
00:08:28,738 --> 00:08:30,071
like I do every night!
201
00:08:30,137 --> 00:08:31,505
We're gonna
see it after dinner
202
00:08:31,571 --> 00:08:34,137
because I don't want to
do it on an empty stomach.
203
00:08:34,204 --> 00:08:36,204
* Hey, hey
204
00:08:36,271 --> 00:08:38,137
You could just
sign right here.
205
00:08:39,171 --> 00:08:40,271
Sure.
206
00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:43,538
What's wrong?
207
00:08:43,605 --> 00:08:46,938
Usually you're magic trick
of the month puts you
in a great mood.
208
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,738
Oh, no, it's not that.
209
00:08:49,805 --> 00:08:52,538
I'm psyched as hell
about my new
Chinese Linking Rings.
210
00:08:53,838 --> 00:08:55,538
It's just, actually,
211
00:08:55,605 --> 00:08:57,471
I got a thing
with my wife.
212
00:08:57,538 --> 00:09:00,872
She gave away a gift
my mother gave me
without asking.
213
00:09:00,938 --> 00:09:02,738
Wow. Not cool.
214
00:09:05,505 --> 00:09:07,972
No. It is not, UPS Mitch.
215
00:09:08,037 --> 00:09:09,371
It is not.
216
00:09:11,571 --> 00:09:13,004
All right.
217
00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:14,771
Well, I got, like, 400
packages to deliver, so...
218
00:09:14,838 --> 00:09:16,771
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, hey!
219
00:09:16,838 --> 00:09:20,004
What did we give you for
a holiday tip last year?
220
00:09:20,071 --> 00:09:21,638
A tin of
something brown.
221
00:09:21,705 --> 00:09:23,371
I'm gonna say
hard fudge.
222
00:09:25,671 --> 00:09:28,304
Well, I am about to bump
that up, my friend.
223
00:09:28,371 --> 00:09:30,304
Oh, here we go.
224
00:09:30,371 --> 00:09:32,238
Merry belated Christmas.
225
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,204
My wife,
she loves this thing.
226
00:09:34,271 --> 00:09:36,104
But I think it's
just taking up space.
227
00:09:36,171 --> 00:09:38,771
Wow! A crystal apple.
Uh-huh.
228
00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,304
I've never
been happier.
229
00:09:42,872 --> 00:09:43,905
(CLEARS THROAT)
230
00:09:43,972 --> 00:09:45,972
Hey!
Hey!
231
00:09:46,037 --> 00:09:47,438
What's up with you?
232
00:09:47,505 --> 00:09:50,671
(GASPS) Your new magic trick
came, didn't it?
233
00:09:50,738 --> 00:09:52,137
I'll go sit on the couch.
234
00:09:52,204 --> 00:09:53,338
Yep.
235
00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:55,471
It came, but that's not why
I'm so happy right now.
236
00:09:55,538 --> 00:09:56,571
What's up?
237
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,838
Look, I am sorry,
sunshine,
238
00:09:58,905 --> 00:10:02,872
but I just gave away
your precious crystal
apple to UPS Mitch.
239
00:10:02,938 --> 00:10:04,004
Bam!
240
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,605
Jeff, you shouldn't
have done that.
241
00:10:07,671 --> 00:10:10,505
Why not? Why?
Because it was something
meaningful to you?
242
00:10:10,571 --> 00:10:13,805
Because it was given to you
by someone that you love
and care about deeply?
243
00:10:13,872 --> 00:10:17,338
Well, that is exactly
how I felt about
the cappuccino maker.
244
00:10:17,404 --> 00:10:18,638
Now you know how I feel.
245
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,471
Jeff, I am truly sorry
246
00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,571
I gave away that gift
from your mother.
247
00:10:22,638 --> 00:10:24,438
But here's the thing.
248
00:10:24,505 --> 00:10:26,972
That crystal apple
was also a gift
from your mother.
249
00:10:29,705 --> 00:10:31,671
Remember when you got
your first teaching job?
250
00:10:34,271 --> 00:10:36,338
Oh, that's starting
to ring a bell, yeah.
251
00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:44,404
Okay,
things Joy does
around the house.
252
00:10:44,471 --> 00:10:47,304
One, cooks.
Two, cleans.
253
00:10:47,371 --> 00:10:50,137
Three, pays the bills.
Four, does the laundry.
254
00:10:50,204 --> 00:10:52,304
Five, buys all gifts.
255
00:10:52,371 --> 00:10:55,838
Six, handles all federal,
state, and local taxes.
256
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,271
Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
257
00:10:57,338 --> 00:11:00,438
Are we allowed to include
government related activities?
258
00:11:00,505 --> 00:11:02,872
Because that was
not made clear.
259
00:11:04,771 --> 00:11:07,972
Seven, oversees handymen.
260
00:11:08,037 --> 00:11:11,137
Eight, administers all
your pills, injections,
and ointments.
261
00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:14,571
My list goes to 25.
262
00:11:14,638 --> 00:11:16,972
Do you want me
to take a break
and you can read yours?
263
00:11:17,838 --> 00:11:19,037
Sounds great.
264
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:22,638
One, I take out the trash.
265
00:11:22,705 --> 00:11:24,705
Okay.
Two, I grill.
266
00:11:25,671 --> 00:11:28,304
Three, I make pancakes.
267
00:11:29,638 --> 00:11:32,471
Four, I make
blueberry pancakes.
268
00:11:39,271 --> 00:11:41,104
That's all you got?
269
00:11:41,171 --> 00:11:43,872
Trash, the grilling,
270
00:11:43,938 --> 00:11:45,671
and the pancakes.
271
00:11:46,738 --> 00:11:49,071
And the blueberry pancakes.
272
00:11:50,805 --> 00:11:52,104
(CLEARS THROAT)
273
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:54,838
And I also am
in charge of
a lot of intangibles
274
00:11:54,905 --> 00:11:57,571
that I didn't have time
to put on the list.
275
00:11:57,638 --> 00:11:58,905
Such as?
276
00:12:01,872 --> 00:12:03,771
I protect us
277
00:12:04,438 --> 00:12:05,972
from intruders.
278
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:08,972
And bears.
279
00:12:09,872 --> 00:12:12,371
And strange people carrying
280
00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:13,872
religious pamphlets.
281
00:12:15,605 --> 00:12:17,905
Okay, so, let me
get this straight.
282
00:12:17,972 --> 00:12:21,238
(CLEARS THROAT)
While you are making
the pancakes,
283
00:12:22,271 --> 00:12:24,004
in the back
of your mind,
284
00:12:24,071 --> 00:12:26,204
you're also
on the lookout
285
00:12:28,071 --> 00:12:31,171
for pamphlets and bears.
286
00:12:34,571 --> 00:12:36,338
Do you really think
it's a coincidence
287
00:12:36,404 --> 00:12:37,738
that there has
never been a bear
288
00:12:37,805 --> 00:12:39,505
or a pamphlet in our house?
289
00:12:41,404 --> 00:12:44,171
That's-- That's all me, baby!
290
00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:47,972
You know what?
You are the one who is
getting the free ride.
291
00:12:48,037 --> 00:12:49,137
No, I am not!
292
00:12:49,204 --> 00:12:53,571
I am your cappuccino,
pamphlet, bear guy.
293
00:12:53,638 --> 00:12:56,638
Okay, you know what?
You know what? This is
what we're gonna do, okay?
294
00:12:56,705 --> 00:13:00,271
I am gonna learn
how to make cappuccinos.
295
00:13:00,338 --> 00:13:03,304
And I am also going
to protect us
296
00:13:03,371 --> 00:13:07,071
from all animals
and all intruders.
297
00:13:07,137 --> 00:13:08,638
And you are
gonna take on
298
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,371
one of the things
that I do, okay?
299
00:13:10,438 --> 00:13:13,338
How about
you're gonna do bills.
300
00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:14,705
You know what?
301
00:13:14,771 --> 00:13:17,471
I would love
to do the bills.
Great.
302
00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:19,605
Because, you know,
I keep hearing about
303
00:13:19,671 --> 00:13:22,404
these mysterious bills.
304
00:13:22,471 --> 00:13:23,771
Oh, I can't
go out tonight
305
00:13:23,838 --> 00:13:26,872
because I have
to pay the bills.
306
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:28,505
Oh, I just cannot
wait to see
307
00:13:28,571 --> 00:13:30,104
what these bills
are all about.
308
00:13:30,171 --> 00:13:31,905
Great. Here you go.
309
00:13:37,771 --> 00:13:39,304
Wait, we pay for water?
310
00:13:45,204 --> 00:13:46,671
Wapacitiba.
311
00:13:50,738 --> 00:13:51,771
Ba.
312
00:13:53,371 --> 00:13:54,571
What's ba?
313
00:13:55,137 --> 00:13:56,404
Button!
314
00:13:56,471 --> 00:13:58,371
(HISSING)
315
00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,605
Booya!
316
00:14:07,338 --> 00:14:10,204
How's it going with
those bills, my prince?
317
00:14:10,271 --> 00:14:12,304
I am in an epic battle
318
00:14:12,371 --> 00:14:14,505
of good and evil
with the gas companies
319
00:14:14,571 --> 00:14:16,471
of greater
Philadelphia, Joy.
320
00:14:17,738 --> 00:14:20,037
I am in the matrix!
321
00:14:25,338 --> 00:14:27,238
Oh, my God.
Didn't that burn?
322
00:14:27,304 --> 00:14:29,471
Not as much my throat,
just my insides.
323
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:34,438
Hey, did you know
that if you badger
324
00:14:34,505 --> 00:14:36,605
a customer service
representative long enough
325
00:14:36,671 --> 00:14:39,071
he will actually drop
the state usage fee?
326
00:14:39,137 --> 00:14:40,171
How much is that?
327
00:14:40,238 --> 00:14:42,872
$3 per fiscal quarter.
328
00:14:46,004 --> 00:14:47,404
Hey.
329
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:49,471
I got three channels here.
They're all fuzzy.
330
00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:51,271
Oh, yeah,
I switched us over
331
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:54,705
to satellite because
the first month is free.
332
00:14:54,771 --> 00:14:56,738
And then I'm gonna
switch back to cable
333
00:14:56,805 --> 00:14:59,137
where the first
month is free.
334
00:14:59,204 --> 00:15:01,938
Cable, dish, cable, dish.
Boom, boom, boom.
335
00:15:02,004 --> 00:15:04,805
Ping-pong of savings.
336
00:15:04,872 --> 00:15:07,037
Eddie, you can't do that.
You're gonna get caught.
337
00:15:07,104 --> 00:15:09,805
And if I do,
I just change
my middle initial.
338
00:15:11,304 --> 00:15:12,838
(LAUGHING)
339
00:15:16,371 --> 00:15:17,838
The battle of Antietam
340
00:15:17,905 --> 00:15:20,571
was the single
deadliest day
341
00:15:20,638 --> 00:15:22,838
in American history.
342
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:25,304
The rivers ran red
with the blood of...
343
00:15:25,371 --> 00:15:28,738
WOMAN ON PHONE:
Keystone Cellular. This is
Barbara. May I help you?
344
00:15:29,571 --> 00:15:31,338
Yeah, hi. Uh, uh...
345
00:15:31,404 --> 00:15:32,605
Just a second, please.
346
00:15:32,671 --> 00:15:34,538
Kids, I have to
take this call.
347
00:15:34,605 --> 00:15:37,204
I've been on hold
with this company
for, like, 7 hours.
348
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:39,505
And I have to resolve
this situation
349
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,338
so I will be able
to teach you
350
00:15:42,404 --> 00:15:46,104
at the high level
of excellence
that all of you deserve.
351
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,638
So, um...
352
00:15:47,705 --> 00:15:49,071
Heads down.
353
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,838
Uh, yeah, hi, Barbara.
It's Eddie again.
354
00:15:53,905 --> 00:15:55,371
Yeah, uh, listen,
I'm gonna need you
355
00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:58,771
to drop the international
plan for my cell phone
356
00:15:58,838 --> 00:16:02,972
because I really have
no use for Europe
or its neighbors.
357
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,104
Yeah, yeah.
Can you-- Can you hold?
358
00:16:06,171 --> 00:16:08,037
I have another
call coming in.
359
00:16:08,104 --> 00:16:09,771
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
360
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:12,438
Look, I have $200 worth
of groceries here
361
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,505
and my credit card has
just been declined.
362
00:16:14,571 --> 00:16:15,938
Oh, yeah, well,
we don't work with
363
00:16:16,004 --> 00:16:17,705
that credit card
company anymore.
364
00:16:17,771 --> 00:16:21,204
I really didn't care
for supervisor
Gene Richmond's tone.
365
00:16:23,037 --> 00:16:24,938
What am I supposed
to do, Eddie?
366
00:16:25,037 --> 00:16:27,438
I have $700
in petty cash
367
00:16:27,505 --> 00:16:29,938
in the hamper under
my dirty underwear.
368
00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:33,471
Can't get it now,
won't touch it ever.
369
00:16:34,805 --> 00:16:36,104
I think that
this is getting
370
00:16:36,171 --> 00:16:38,204
a little bit out
of control, don't you?
371
00:16:38,271 --> 00:16:41,037
Listen, I'm in the middle
of molding young minds here,
372
00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:44,104
so we're gonna have
to deal with this later.
373
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,705
Okay, I'm gonna level
with you, Barb,
374
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:48,137
that was Verizon,
and they want me bad.
375
00:16:48,204 --> 00:16:50,838
So, you're-- you're just
gonna have to start dancing.
376
00:16:57,238 --> 00:16:58,805
(CLEARS THROAT)
377
00:16:58,872 --> 00:17:01,338
You wouldn't want
to buy these for me,
would you?
378
00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:04,471
I'll show you
one of my boobs.
379
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,137
EDDIE: Joy?
380
00:17:11,938 --> 00:17:13,004
Joy?
381
00:17:14,338 --> 00:17:16,238
Eddie, stop.
382
00:17:16,304 --> 00:17:18,204
I told you,
if you can't do it
without waking me up,
383
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,505
we're not doing it.
384
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:22,738
No, it's not that.
This is very important.
385
00:17:22,805 --> 00:17:24,538
I figured out a way
to use our miles
386
00:17:24,605 --> 00:17:26,538
to pay our electric bill.
387
00:17:26,605 --> 00:17:28,304
What the hell
is wrong with you?
388
00:17:28,371 --> 00:17:29,872
It's-- It's 2:00 a.m.
389
00:17:29,938 --> 00:17:31,571
Not in New Delhi, my dear.
390
00:17:31,638 --> 00:17:33,137
Uh, hello, Mohandas.
391
00:17:33,204 --> 00:17:35,204
What time is it
there, please?
392
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:36,605
It's already Friday?
393
00:17:36,671 --> 00:17:39,438
Well, TGIF, if you know
what I'm saying.
394
00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,738
You don't.
Oh. Oh, okay.
395
00:17:42,805 --> 00:17:44,304
(CLATTERING)
396
00:17:45,171 --> 00:17:47,004
I'll call you back.
397
00:17:47,071 --> 00:17:48,104
Did you hear that?
398
00:17:48,171 --> 00:17:49,705
Yeah, I did.
399
00:17:49,771 --> 00:17:51,271
Okay, you're up.
400
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,004
What?
401
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,938
You're intruders.
Go see what
the noise was.
402
00:17:55,004 --> 00:17:57,004
You're actually gonna
make me go down there
403
00:17:57,071 --> 00:17:59,938
and confront what
could possibly be
a murderer?
404
00:18:00,004 --> 00:18:01,438
Or a bear.
405
00:18:01,505 --> 00:18:03,137
Either way,
it's your job.
406
00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:05,471
So, go check it out,
and I'll crawl
into your warm spot
407
00:18:05,538 --> 00:18:07,238
and make some
more calls.
408
00:18:08,605 --> 00:18:10,204
You are unbelievable.
409
00:18:10,271 --> 00:18:11,338
(GROANS)
410
00:18:22,071 --> 00:18:23,771
(SCREAMING)
411
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,838
Okay, I'm here in
no official capacity.
412
00:18:27,905 --> 00:18:29,438
But I heard you scream,
413
00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:30,538
and I just want
to make sure
everything was okay.
414
00:18:30,605 --> 00:18:31,805
There is a squirrel
in the house.
415
00:18:31,872 --> 00:18:34,271
How the hell did
a squirrel get into
our house?
416
00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:36,972
Oh, come on, look.
He's just a cute little...
417
00:18:37,037 --> 00:18:38,872
Oh, God!
418
00:18:38,938 --> 00:18:41,571
He only has one eye!
He's a fighter!
419
00:18:42,304 --> 00:18:43,571
Go!
420
00:18:43,638 --> 00:18:44,738
What are you doing?
Get it!
421
00:18:44,805 --> 00:18:46,037
No, no, no.
You get it.
422
00:18:46,104 --> 00:18:47,838
I already got us
matching fleece pullovers
423
00:18:47,905 --> 00:18:50,338
for renewing
Sports Illustrated.
424
00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:51,905
All right, if you are
not gonna get it,
425
00:18:51,972 --> 00:18:53,938
I am gonna call
animal control.
426
00:18:54,004 --> 00:18:56,171
Oh! Careful! Go...
427
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,071
There's no dial tone.
428
00:19:01,137 --> 00:19:03,137
Yeah, we don't have
a land line for
429
00:19:03,938 --> 00:19:06,104
about 24 hours.
430
00:19:06,171 --> 00:19:07,505
What?
We don't have a phone?
431
00:19:07,571 --> 00:19:09,671
No, no. Because
I switched our provider.
432
00:19:09,738 --> 00:19:11,605
We're now with Magique.
433
00:19:11,671 --> 00:19:15,671
And all you have to do
is dial 1-684-39 pound
before your calls.
434
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,538
They'll put you
right in there.
435
00:19:17,605 --> 00:19:20,671
You know what?
I thought that by
giving you the bills,
436
00:19:20,738 --> 00:19:23,338
you would realize how
hard I work around here.
437
00:19:23,404 --> 00:19:25,905
But it turns out I'm the one
who has realized something.
438
00:19:25,972 --> 00:19:27,972
I am married to
439
00:19:28,037 --> 00:19:32,371
an obsessive,
anal-retentive maniac.
440
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,404
That's pretty harsh
for a guy who just
saved us a bundle
441
00:19:34,471 --> 00:19:36,505
on prepaid gas.
442
00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:38,538
I can't make
a phone call.
443
00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:40,071
I can't buy groceries.
444
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,171
I can't get cash
from an ATM.
445
00:19:42,238 --> 00:19:44,271
Do you know
what I had to do
for lunch today?
446
00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,938
Steal a burrito.
447
00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:48,738
I had to rob
a mini-mart, Eddie!
448
00:19:50,338 --> 00:19:53,304
Effective immediately,
I will do everything
around here,
449
00:19:53,371 --> 00:19:55,171
you will do nothing!
450
00:19:55,238 --> 00:19:56,471
Got it?
451
00:19:58,204 --> 00:19:59,671
(GASPS)
452
00:20:02,371 --> 00:20:04,505
The only thing that
you have to do right now
453
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,471
is get that squirrel
out of my house.
454
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,838
All right,
just give me the shoe.
455
00:20:08,905 --> 00:20:11,037
It's go time.
456
00:20:11,104 --> 00:20:12,771
Get over...
Stop it.
457
00:20:17,037 --> 00:20:18,104
Okay!
458
00:20:18,171 --> 00:20:19,905
(EXCLAIMS)
Got him right in the tail!
459
00:20:19,972 --> 00:20:21,571
All right, he's not pleased.
460
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,004
All right,
he's coming at us
461
00:20:23,071 --> 00:20:24,972
with either a hot dog
or a finger in his mouth.
462
00:20:25,037 --> 00:20:26,538
Go! Move!
463
00:20:31,304 --> 00:20:32,905
(DOORBELL RINGS)
464
00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:38,371
What the hell
were you thinking?
465
00:20:44,671 --> 00:20:46,071
Huh.
466
00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:47,438
We got it back,
sweetie.
467
00:20:47,505 --> 00:20:49,505
Would you look at that?
468
00:20:49,571 --> 00:20:50,972
You know what?
469
00:20:51,037 --> 00:20:53,404
I never should
have given it away
in the first place.
470
00:20:53,471 --> 00:20:54,571
I'm really sorry.
471
00:20:54,638 --> 00:20:57,638
Oh, no. Look, baby,
I overreacted.
472
00:20:57,705 --> 00:20:59,037
It was just...
473
00:20:59,104 --> 00:21:01,204
You know, we were
getting married,
474
00:21:01,271 --> 00:21:03,071
and my mother,
the woman who bore me,
475
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:06,071
took a day off from
the bottling factory
476
00:21:06,137 --> 00:21:08,137
and took the bus downtown
477
00:21:08,204 --> 00:21:12,471
and dug deep into her heart
and her bank account
and bought us this.
478
00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:15,771
Hey, what's this
sticker on the back?
479
00:21:15,838 --> 00:21:18,571
"Thank you for trying out
for Wheel of Fortune.
480
00:21:21,471 --> 00:21:24,037
"Please enjoy this
consolation prize."
481
00:21:28,972 --> 00:21:30,505
It's a re-gift.
482
00:21:31,838 --> 00:21:32,905
That bitch.
34457
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
