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www.tvsubtitles.net
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(MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
3
00:00:04,061 --> 00:00:05,127
Hey.
4
00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:07,328
(SCATTING IN A WHISPER)
5
00:00:08,328 --> 00:00:10,127
Hello!
Hey.
6
00:00:10,194 --> 00:00:11,928
You're supposed to be
spring-cleaning.
7
00:00:11,994 --> 00:00:13,428
I found my old headphones.
8
00:00:13,495 --> 00:00:14,695
Yeah, and the left side
still works,
9
00:00:14,761 --> 00:00:16,294
except you have to hold
the cord like this,
10
00:00:16,361 --> 00:00:18,228
or you get
a pretty good shock.
11
00:00:18,294 --> 00:00:20,261
Okay. You know what?
We agreed that you
are not allowed
12
00:00:20,328 --> 00:00:22,261
to go through
the throw-out pile.
13
00:00:22,328 --> 00:00:23,928
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
14
00:00:23,994 --> 00:00:25,828
Come in.
15
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:27,194
Hey, guys.
Hey.
16
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,261
What's going on?
17
00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:29,728
Oh, we just wanted to see
18
00:00:29,795 --> 00:00:31,495
if you guys
wanted to join us
for an ice cream walk.
19
00:00:31,561 --> 00:00:33,695
It's 10 degrees
outside.
20
00:00:33,761 --> 00:00:35,228
That's the best part.
21
00:00:35,294 --> 00:00:37,294
By the time you get there,
you don't even
want ice cream.
22
00:00:37,361 --> 00:00:39,328
It's just
pure exercise.
23
00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:42,628
Pure exercise?
Get out of here!
24
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,895
No, really,
get out of here.
25
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,328
(LAUGHING)
26
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:47,595
Listen. I'm going out.
When I come back,
27
00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:49,828
I want a throw-out pile
bigger than me.
28
00:00:49,895 --> 00:00:51,161
Oh, come on,
that's not fair.
29
00:00:51,228 --> 00:00:54,294
Do you have any idea
how big you are?
30
00:00:54,361 --> 00:00:57,495
I could live in one of
your pant legs, Sasquatch.
31
00:00:59,695 --> 00:01:02,595
The woman has no idea
that everything I save
has a purpose.
32
00:01:02,661 --> 00:01:04,261
Hey, what's this?
33
00:01:04,328 --> 00:01:05,994
Floppy disk!
34
00:01:06,061 --> 00:01:08,361
Oh, yeah, that's
for my Commodore 64.
I'll tell you what.
35
00:01:08,428 --> 00:01:11,795
Just stuff it in your pants
until the heat's off.
36
00:01:11,862 --> 00:01:14,161
Hey! An old roll of film!
37
00:01:14,228 --> 00:01:15,428
Who knows what
could be on there?
38
00:01:15,495 --> 00:01:17,595
Yeah. It's like
a little time capsule.
39
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,428
Boy, I bet there's a lot
of old memories on there.
40
00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:22,228
Yeah. I got enough
memories.
41
00:01:22,294 --> 00:01:23,661
Eddie! Wait,
don't be silly.
42
00:01:23,728 --> 00:01:24,895
You know, we're
running errands later.
43
00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:26,027
We'll just get it
developed for you.
44
00:01:26,094 --> 00:01:27,728
Uh-uh! Look, don't even
worry about it.
45
00:01:27,795 --> 00:01:29,161
Bet I know why.
46
00:01:29,228 --> 00:01:31,361
Someone took naked pictures.
47
00:01:31,428 --> 00:01:33,595
No. The only naked picture
Joy took of me
48
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,528
is when she wanted to show
my doctor something.
49
00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:40,828
Yeah, Steph, people talk
about taking naked pictures,
but nobody actually does it.
50
00:01:40,895 --> 00:01:42,361
Some people...
51
00:01:44,194 --> 00:01:45,528
Well, hello!
52
00:01:46,962 --> 00:01:49,661
You've taken naked
pictures? With who?
53
00:01:49,728 --> 00:01:52,628
Honey, you know what happens
when we go down this road.
54
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,394
You always end up
in the shower, weeping.
55
00:01:57,194 --> 00:01:59,628
That's not
what always happens.
56
00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:01,628
Whatever you say, honey.
57
00:02:01,695 --> 00:02:04,661
Steph. Hey, hey,
this conversation
isn't over!
58
00:02:05,994 --> 00:02:07,828
Can you believe her?
59
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,461
What are you doing?
60
00:02:10,528 --> 00:02:13,394
Are you Googling
my wife?
61
00:02:13,461 --> 00:02:16,361
Don't worry.
Nothing's coming up.
62
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,361
Wait a minute.
63
00:02:18,428 --> 00:02:20,428
Nah, you're good.
64
00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:21,994
* All right!
65
00:02:22,061 --> 00:02:23,094
* Hey!
66
00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:25,862
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
67
00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:31,161
(KNOCKS)
68
00:02:31,228 --> 00:02:32,628
Hey, Eddie,
I developed your pictures.
69
00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:33,862
Ah. Good for you.
Look at this.
70
00:02:33,928 --> 00:02:36,194
I just washed my
27-year-old sneakers.
71
00:02:36,261 --> 00:02:38,495
Smell that canvas.
Baby-fresh.
72
00:02:39,528 --> 00:02:40,561
Sweet!
73
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,795
(CHUCKLES)
74
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,228
Well, if those clean sneakers
get you excited,
75
00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:45,194
wait till you see
these pictures.
76
00:02:45,261 --> 00:02:48,428
Now, based on Joy's
acid-washed jeans
and your mullet,
77
00:02:48,495 --> 00:02:50,728
I'm guessing 1986.
78
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,428
Ah, look at you holding up
the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
79
00:02:53,495 --> 00:02:55,161
You never told me
you guys went to Italy.
80
00:02:55,228 --> 00:02:56,695
Give me that!
81
00:02:58,695 --> 00:03:00,695
You never saw these.
82
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:01,928
What?
83
00:03:01,994 --> 00:03:04,862
These don't exist!
You understand?
84
00:03:11,428 --> 00:03:12,495
(DOOR CLOSES)
85
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,094
Eddie, what the
hell's going on?
86
00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:17,761
Listen.
87
00:03:17,828 --> 00:03:20,061
There are certain mistakes
you make in life,
88
00:03:20,127 --> 00:03:23,161
things that are so wrong,
that you're so ashamed of,
89
00:03:23,228 --> 00:03:24,695
that the only thing
you can do
90
00:03:24,761 --> 00:03:26,027
is bury the memory.
91
00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:27,661
Bury it deep.
92
00:03:29,361 --> 00:03:30,994
Is this about your mullet?
93
00:03:31,061 --> 00:03:33,761
Because I think
you pulled it off.
94
00:03:33,828 --> 00:03:35,528
That is not a mullet!
95
00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:37,194
That is a Dr. J in the front
96
00:03:37,261 --> 00:03:39,695
and a Michael Douglas
in the back.
97
00:03:40,695 --> 00:03:43,094
"Mullet."
98
00:03:43,161 --> 00:03:46,428
Well, then what
happened in Italy
that was so bad?
99
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,595
What I did in Italy
100
00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:52,094
is the worst thing
I have ever done.
101
00:03:54,428 --> 00:03:57,228
Joy and I had been dating
for a little over six months
102
00:03:57,294 --> 00:04:00,294
and we decided to take a trip.
103
00:04:00,361 --> 00:04:03,161
Now, a lot of people
will say that Italy
has great food,
104
00:04:03,228 --> 00:04:05,761
beautiful art and
breathtaking scenery.
105
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,962
What they don't tell you is,
it's a foreign country.
106
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:11,862
It's like Mexico with pasta.
107
00:04:11,928 --> 00:04:16,428
Plus, it didn't help
that I hadn't moved my bowels
in two weeks.
108
00:04:16,495 --> 00:04:18,328
Anyway, everything
came to a head
109
00:04:18,394 --> 00:04:20,528
when we went to catch
our flight home.
110
00:04:20,595 --> 00:04:23,795
We were rushing for the
shuttle bus that would
take us to our plane.
111
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:27,862
All of a sudden, I realized
Joy wasn't behind me.
112
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:29,795
I finally spot her
dawdling at a case
113
00:04:29,862 --> 00:04:32,161
full of this God-awful
Murano glass.
114
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:34,795
It was like crack to her.
115
00:04:34,862 --> 00:04:37,361
(INAUDIBLE)
I frantically tried
to get her attention,
116
00:04:37,428 --> 00:04:39,027
but by the time
she snaps out of it,
117
00:04:39,094 --> 00:04:40,928
the bus to our plane is gone.
118
00:04:40,994 --> 00:04:43,261
Well, I was furious.
119
00:04:43,328 --> 00:04:45,228
(INAUDIBLE)
120
00:04:45,294 --> 00:04:47,061
And that's when I did it.
121
00:04:47,127 --> 00:04:49,361
The thing I am
most ashamed of.
122
00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:53,962
(INAUDIBLE)
I spanked Joy.
123
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:57,728
One swat on the butt, like
she was a bratty little kid.
124
00:04:57,795 --> 00:05:00,094
Two seconds later,
another bus pulls up,
125
00:05:00,161 --> 00:05:02,561
and I realized
what I had done.
126
00:05:06,194 --> 00:05:07,528
(INAUDIBLE)
127
00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:16,661
We had a 19-hour journey home
in complete silence.
128
00:05:16,728 --> 00:05:18,761
We broke up five minutes
after we landed,
129
00:05:18,828 --> 00:05:20,661
right there at baggage claim.
130
00:05:20,728 --> 00:05:23,528
She didn't even stick around
to see if my backpack made it.
131
00:05:25,294 --> 00:05:29,328
And then, a few months later,
we finally got back together.
132
00:05:29,394 --> 00:05:33,061
But in 20 years,
we never spoke of Italy again.
133
00:05:34,228 --> 00:05:35,728
(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)
134
00:05:37,027 --> 00:05:38,361
Yeah. It was awful.
135
00:05:38,428 --> 00:05:39,695
That's why it had
to be repressed,
136
00:05:39,761 --> 00:05:42,027
because there was no
forgiveness for what I did,
137
00:05:42,094 --> 00:05:43,228
only denial.
138
00:05:43,294 --> 00:05:44,795
And we're gonna
keep it that way.
139
00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:48,361
You are not to say
a word about this to
anybody. Not a soul.
140
00:05:48,428 --> 00:05:51,795
As far as you know,
these pictures do not exist.
141
00:05:56,027 --> 00:05:58,194
God, my hair
was magnificent.
142
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,127
Hey.
Hey.
143
00:06:03,161 --> 00:06:04,728
So?
144
00:06:04,795 --> 00:06:06,528
How'd they like
the pictures of Italy?
145
00:06:06,595 --> 00:06:10,094
Yeah, Steph, about those,
I'm gonna need you to swear
146
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,428
that you're never
gonna mention those
to Joy.
147
00:06:12,495 --> 00:06:13,528
Ever.
148
00:06:13,595 --> 00:06:15,127
Why can't I mention them
to Joy?
149
00:06:15,194 --> 00:06:16,294
I can't tell you.
150
00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:17,795
Of course you can!
151
00:06:17,862 --> 00:06:19,595
I'm your wife!
152
00:06:19,661 --> 00:06:20,695
Eddie knows that
when he said not
to tell anyone,
153
00:06:20,761 --> 00:06:22,795
that doesn't include me.
154
00:06:22,862 --> 00:06:25,294
No, he specifically
mentioned you.
155
00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:27,094
All right, don't tell me.
156
00:06:27,161 --> 00:06:30,394
But sooner or later,
you are gonna have
to tell...
157
00:06:30,461 --> 00:06:32,862
Senor Pinches!
158
00:06:32,928 --> 00:06:34,294
No...
A-pinch! A-pinch!
159
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,361
A-pinch, a-pinch
a-pinchy, pinchy!
160
00:06:36,428 --> 00:06:38,394
No more
Senor Pinches!
161
00:06:39,161 --> 00:06:40,628
I can't tell you.
162
00:06:40,695 --> 00:06:42,094
How about if I guess?
163
00:06:42,161 --> 00:06:43,628
If I guess,
will you tell me?
No.
164
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,895
He smuggled drugs
in his butt?
165
00:06:47,828 --> 00:06:49,261
I'm not playing.
166
00:06:49,328 --> 00:06:51,661
Espionage? Spying?
Spy killer?
167
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:53,394
Did he kill a spy?
168
00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:55,228
No.
169
00:06:55,294 --> 00:06:57,061
Did he hurt someone?
170
00:06:58,928 --> 00:07:00,361
He hurt someone?
171
00:07:00,428 --> 00:07:01,895
Did he hurt Joy?
172
00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:03,194
He really hurt Joy?
173
00:07:03,261 --> 00:07:05,728
(GASPS) Oh, God, he had
an affair, didn't he?
174
00:07:05,795 --> 00:07:07,228
How did she find out
about it?
175
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:11,661
Did he give her
some sort of weird
'80s VD?
176
00:07:11,728 --> 00:07:15,461
No, Steph,
he didn't have an affair.
It was nothing like that.
177
00:07:15,528 --> 00:07:16,595
All right, look.
178
00:07:16,661 --> 00:07:18,094
I'll tell you,
but you got to promise
179
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:19,895
that you're not gonna
tell a soul.
180
00:07:19,962 --> 00:07:21,928
All right?
181
00:07:21,994 --> 00:07:26,994
In Italy, Eddie spanked Joy.
182
00:07:27,428 --> 00:07:29,161
Oh, my...
183
00:07:29,228 --> 00:07:30,595
Wait. What?
184
00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:32,895
Spanked her.
185
00:07:32,962 --> 00:07:34,795
Like, sexy spanking?
186
00:07:34,862 --> 00:07:37,127
We've done that!
187
00:07:37,194 --> 00:07:39,994
Remember Naughty
Washer Woman?
Puerto Rico?
188
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,061
Wasn't me.
189
00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:50,828
Oh, that's right.
190
00:07:50,895 --> 00:07:53,761
Is that where these,
uh, naked pictures
were from? Huh?
191
00:07:53,828 --> 00:07:56,094
It's very warm down there,
and I was drunk, like,
the whole time...
192
00:07:56,161 --> 00:07:57,895
Okay, you know what?
I don't think I want
to hear any more.
193
00:07:57,962 --> 00:08:01,761
Look. Just promise me
that you're never gonna
mention Puerto Rico
194
00:08:01,828 --> 00:08:04,061
or Eddie and Joy's trip
to Italy ever again, okay?
195
00:08:04,127 --> 00:08:05,261
Okay!
196
00:08:08,862 --> 00:08:11,361
Why do you have a picture
of them on your mug?
197
00:08:11,428 --> 00:08:12,862
Oh, the guy at
the photo shop
198
00:08:12,928 --> 00:08:14,361
asked me if I wanted one.
199
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,194
Steph,
200
00:08:17,428 --> 00:08:20,328
sometimes, when a man
asks you something,
201
00:08:20,394 --> 00:08:22,228
it's okay to say no.
202
00:08:26,228 --> 00:08:28,194
Hey! Whoa, whoa!
What are you doing
out here, darling?
203
00:08:28,261 --> 00:08:29,595
You don't want to be out
at the trashcans.
204
00:08:29,661 --> 00:08:30,928
You know those raccoons.
205
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:33,228
They'll peel your arm
like a banana.
206
00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:35,328
I'm throwing away
the dog brushes
and shampoos.
207
00:08:35,394 --> 00:08:37,595
It's been seven years
since Stanley ran away.
208
00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:39,962
Face it.
He's not coming back.
209
00:08:40,027 --> 00:08:41,994
Well, then I guess
we can add hope
210
00:08:42,061 --> 00:08:44,394
to the list of things
you're throwing out.
211
00:08:44,461 --> 00:08:45,994
Anyway, our trashcans
are full.
212
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:47,962
Why don't you throw it out
over at the Woodcocks'
over there?
213
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,061
You don't think
they'll mind?
214
00:08:49,127 --> 00:08:50,595
Oh, come on.
They won't even notice.
215
00:08:50,661 --> 00:08:52,595
I've been stealing
their firewood all winter.
216
00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,061
Not a peep.
217
00:08:56,962 --> 00:08:58,261
Is this us?
218
00:08:58,328 --> 00:08:59,828
Let me see it.
219
00:09:01,294 --> 00:09:03,928
Oh, well. Oops.
Guess we'll never know.
220
00:09:09,661 --> 00:09:10,928
Look at you.
221
00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,328
Skinny then, skinny now.
222
00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:26,127
Hey, Steph, I'm home!
223
00:09:26,194 --> 00:09:28,695
They had a two-for-one
special on canned tomatoes.
224
00:09:28,761 --> 00:09:30,394
I got four cans!
225
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:33,728
STEPH:
I'm in here!
226
00:09:36,261 --> 00:09:37,661
Hey.
227
00:09:37,728 --> 00:09:39,862
Are we getting
new passports?
228
00:09:41,094 --> 00:09:42,761
Look, Jeff,
229
00:09:42,828 --> 00:09:44,695
I know it bothers you that
I've done certain things
with other people,
230
00:09:44,761 --> 00:09:47,962
so I thought if I did
all the things with you
that I did with them,
231
00:09:48,027 --> 00:09:49,328
you'll feel better.
232
00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:51,328
Really?
Yeah.
233
00:09:51,394 --> 00:09:53,461
So what do you say
we take some pictures?
234
00:09:53,528 --> 00:09:55,061
Uh... Yeah!
235
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,561
This is fantastic.
236
00:09:57,628 --> 00:10:01,328
I thought the special
on the tomatoes was gonna be
the highlight of my day.
237
00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:02,928
All right! Let's do this.
238
00:10:02,994 --> 00:10:05,027
Take your clothes off.
239
00:10:05,094 --> 00:10:06,661
What?
240
00:10:06,728 --> 00:10:09,361
We both get naked,
set the timer, and
make some memories.
241
00:10:09,428 --> 00:10:10,962
Oh... Steph,
I don't know. I...
242
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,461
You know, I had a chicken
pot pie for lunch.
243
00:10:13,528 --> 00:10:15,728
I feel puffy.
Don't worry!
244
00:10:15,795 --> 00:10:17,428
You look beautiful.
245
00:10:17,495 --> 00:10:19,628
Oh, Steph,
I don't know.
246
00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:21,094
It's a little chilly,
you know?
247
00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:23,328
All right.
I can see you're nervous.
248
00:10:23,394 --> 00:10:25,994
Let's just take
a couple of shots
to loosen you up.
249
00:10:26,061 --> 00:10:27,161
Okay.
250
00:10:33,161 --> 00:10:35,161
That's it!
251
00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:37,461
You never done this
professionally?
252
00:10:37,528 --> 00:10:38,661
No!
253
00:10:40,862 --> 00:10:42,027
(CHUCKLING)
254
00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:47,828
You could!
255
00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:49,328
Come on, give me
a couple of buttons.
256
00:10:49,394 --> 00:10:51,061
Show me something.
257
00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:53,994
What if I ever want
to run for office?
258
00:10:54,061 --> 00:10:55,862
Don't worry!
259
00:10:55,928 --> 00:10:59,027
These'll be very tasteful.
260
00:10:59,094 --> 00:11:01,094
Drop your pants
and roar like a tiger.
261
00:11:17,428 --> 00:11:18,628
(FAUCET STOPS)
262
00:11:19,728 --> 00:11:20,828
So, you okay?
263
00:11:20,895 --> 00:11:22,994
Fine! Fine. Super-fine!
264
00:11:25,161 --> 00:11:26,328
You don't seem
like you're fine.
265
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,027
What do I seem like,
Eddie? Huh?
266
00:11:28,094 --> 00:11:30,994
You know me so well.
What do I seem like?
267
00:11:31,061 --> 00:11:32,228
Fine.
268
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,194
Here, Joy, let me
help you with that.
No, it's okay.
269
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,728
No, come on. I want
to do it. Let me.
270
00:11:38,795 --> 00:11:39,895
Okay.
271
00:11:51,828 --> 00:11:54,895
I gotta be honest.
I have no idea
where this thing goes.
272
00:11:54,962 --> 00:11:57,328
Right, now, see,
that's why I think
you're a little not-fine.
273
00:11:57,394 --> 00:11:59,161
Okay. You know what?
I cannot believe
274
00:11:59,228 --> 00:12:01,261
that this stupid thing
has come up again.
275
00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:03,261
It was 20 years ago.
276
00:12:03,328 --> 00:12:05,828
And I know
that it shouldn't matter.
277
00:12:05,895 --> 00:12:07,428
(SIGHS)
278
00:12:07,495 --> 00:12:09,561
Let's just... Let's just
forget the whole thing
ever happened.
279
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:11,895
Okay? Can we do that?
Can we just make some dinner,
280
00:12:11,962 --> 00:12:13,228
and we just won't
think about it?
281
00:12:13,294 --> 00:12:14,994
Done. It's...
It's gone.
282
00:12:15,061 --> 00:12:16,994
We will never think
about it again.
283
00:12:17,061 --> 00:12:18,294
Okay?
(SIGHING) Okay.
284
00:12:18,361 --> 00:12:20,228
Okay. All right.
285
00:13:03,061 --> 00:13:04,361
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
286
00:13:04,428 --> 00:13:05,761
Yeah?
287
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,328
Hey! It's the big guy!
288
00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,194
Come on in, my friend.
289
00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:13,528
What happened to you?
290
00:13:13,595 --> 00:13:17,061
What didn't happen to me?
You know what I'm saying?
291
00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:18,828
I don't think
I want to know.
292
00:13:18,895 --> 00:13:21,161
Let me tell you,
it's bad over there
tonight, Jeffrey, okay?
293
00:13:21,228 --> 00:13:22,628
Joy found your mug.
294
00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:25,261
And the T-shirt.
And this mouse pad!
295
00:13:27,294 --> 00:13:29,428
What's she doing
rooting around my trash?
296
00:13:29,495 --> 00:13:31,994
You know,
I bet she's the one
stealing our firewood.
297
00:13:34,394 --> 00:13:37,261
Well, it's bad.
Let me tell you,
it's bad over there.
298
00:13:37,328 --> 00:13:38,862
She won't even
talk to me about it.
299
00:13:38,928 --> 00:13:40,495
She won't even
fight with me about it.
300
00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,895
She says
everything is fine,
but it's not fine.
301
00:13:42,962 --> 00:13:44,461
It's the opposite
of fine.
302
00:13:44,528 --> 00:13:45,795
At least if I was
an alcoholic,
303
00:13:45,862 --> 00:13:47,828
I'd have my own
support group.
304
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:49,027
But us spankers?
305
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:50,294
We got nothing!
306
00:13:51,094 --> 00:13:53,194
Gee, Eddie, I'm sorry.
307
00:13:53,261 --> 00:13:55,595
Can I get you something?
Hey, you want to try
my sauce?
308
00:13:55,661 --> 00:13:57,127
It's the real deal.
309
00:13:57,194 --> 00:13:58,628
I want to get my wife back.
310
00:13:58,695 --> 00:14:00,094
Can your sauce
get my wife back?
311
00:14:00,161 --> 00:14:02,728
Can your sauce make
this Italy thing go away?
312
00:14:02,795 --> 00:14:05,127
It's not magic sauce.
313
00:14:05,194 --> 00:14:07,061
Hey, but maybe
this'll help.
314
00:14:07,127 --> 00:14:09,461
You know what Steph
and I have been doing
for the past three hours?
315
00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:10,661
Huh?
316
00:14:10,728 --> 00:14:13,695
We have been taking
naked pictures
of each other.
317
00:14:13,761 --> 00:14:15,862
Maybe you should do
the same thing.
318
00:14:15,928 --> 00:14:17,261
Look, Joy's already
mad at me enough.
319
00:14:17,328 --> 00:14:18,928
If I take pictures
of you guys...
320
00:14:18,994 --> 00:14:19,994
(GROANS)
321
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,161
What I mean is,
322
00:14:25,228 --> 00:14:27,061
me and Steph took
a negative experience
from our past
323
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,695
that bothered us...
Well, me,
324
00:14:29,761 --> 00:14:31,328
and we turned it
into a positive one.
325
00:14:31,394 --> 00:14:33,027
Now, look. Maybe you
can't go back to Italy,
326
00:14:33,094 --> 00:14:34,495
but you can do
something here.
327
00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:35,761
You know?
Use your imagination.
328
00:14:35,828 --> 00:14:37,728
Think big.
Plan something great.
329
00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:39,194
But whatever you do,
330
00:14:39,261 --> 00:14:41,428
take back Italy!
331
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:44,161
Okay, here's the thing.
You're gonna have to repeat
everything you just said,
332
00:14:44,228 --> 00:14:47,394
'cause about 20 seconds ago,
your robe shifted.
333
00:15:05,328 --> 00:15:09,328
Okay, one more step,
and... Ta-da!
334
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:14,161
This is the
big surprise?
335
00:15:14,228 --> 00:15:16,661
We're at a restaurant
at dinnertime. Let me guess:
336
00:15:16,728 --> 00:15:18,361
We're eating here!
337
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,561
Yes, we are,
338
00:15:21,628 --> 00:15:24,695
and the big surprise is,
they only take reservations.
339
00:15:24,761 --> 00:15:27,595
And guess what I did.
I made a reservation.
340
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:29,161
That's right.
I made a call,
341
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,428
and I sweet-talked
my new friend Ramon,
342
00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:33,595
and he slipped us right in.
343
00:15:33,661 --> 00:15:36,795
Hello. Reservation
for two, "Stark."
344
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,795
Um...
345
00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:42,895
Nope. I don't have a record
for your reservation.
346
00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:45,461
You got to be kidding me.
347
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:48,695
"Stark." As in
barren, bleak.
348
00:15:50,428 --> 00:15:51,661
Sorry.
349
00:15:51,728 --> 00:15:53,061
What do you mean?
I talked to the guy
for one hour.
350
00:15:53,127 --> 00:15:55,495
Is Ramon here?
Can you please
get Ramon?
351
00:15:55,561 --> 00:15:58,695
Ramon, our morning
cleanup guy?
352
00:15:58,761 --> 00:16:01,828
Did it sound like
he had been drinking?
353
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,628
Okay, you know what?
I have a PowerBar in
the glove compartment.
354
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:06,495
I will meet you
in the car.
No, no, no, no. No. No.
355
00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,261
We are eating here.
356
00:16:08,328 --> 00:16:10,994
Now, now, listen.
I have a lot of surprises
coming here tonight, okay?
357
00:16:11,061 --> 00:16:12,695
So we have to
make this happen.
358
00:16:12,761 --> 00:16:16,428
Now, I don't carry cash
when I come downtown,
359
00:16:16,495 --> 00:16:19,628
but how about a free yogurt
with your choice of topping
360
00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:23,261
and a wallet-sized photo
of Jessica Alba? Huh?
361
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:28,261
There may be
a cancellation later.
362
00:16:28,328 --> 00:16:29,561
Oh... Oh...
Will you do your best?
363
00:16:29,628 --> 00:16:31,094
I would appreciate...
Let's go.
364
00:16:31,161 --> 00:16:32,862
We'll just go wait
over here, huh?
365
00:16:32,928 --> 00:16:34,294
Thank you.
366
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,261
That's good.
All right.
367
00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:38,394
Let's see.
368
00:16:38,461 --> 00:16:40,761
Excuse me.
What's your name?
369
00:16:40,828 --> 00:16:42,728
John.
John,
party of three?
370
00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:44,761
Two.
I think they just
called your name.
371
00:16:44,828 --> 00:16:46,728
Okay. Joy?
372
00:16:49,361 --> 00:16:51,328
Just sit right on down
right there, huh?
373
00:16:51,394 --> 00:16:52,461
Isn't this great?
374
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,561
Oh, I've got
a sticky stool.
375
00:16:56,161 --> 00:16:59,761
Excuse me. How much
for the entire basket?
376
00:16:59,828 --> 00:17:00,962
$400.
377
00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:04,228
Wow!
378
00:17:04,294 --> 00:17:06,528
Okay. Just give me
the one, please,
379
00:17:06,595 --> 00:17:08,328
and put that on
my bill, will you?
380
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:09,394
(CLEARS THROAT)
381
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:11,161
For my bella donna.
382
00:17:12,261 --> 00:17:13,361
Thanks.
Yeah.
383
00:17:13,428 --> 00:17:16,495
I guess I'll just hold this
the rest of the night.
384
00:17:16,561 --> 00:17:19,061
The rest of this
special night. Huh?
385
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,728
(STAMMERING) Okay,
stay right here,
386
00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:24,027
do not go anywhere.
387
00:17:25,328 --> 00:17:26,595
Hello, fellas. Listen.
388
00:17:26,661 --> 00:17:27,928
We ran into a little bit
of a glitch.
389
00:17:27,994 --> 00:17:30,027
So we're gonna be a little
later than we thought.
390
00:17:30,094 --> 00:17:32,628
Why don't you wait
outside, huh?
391
00:17:32,695 --> 00:17:35,461
It's really cold
out there.
392
00:17:35,528 --> 00:17:37,628
All right. Well,
why don't you start
playing something
393
00:17:37,695 --> 00:17:39,928
while we wait, huh?
394
00:17:39,994 --> 00:17:42,127
It's awfully crowded
in here.
395
00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:47,994
What do you want me to do,
rent you a hall?
396
00:17:48,061 --> 00:17:49,828
Get fiddling.
397
00:17:49,895 --> 00:17:50,994
(VIOLIN PLAYING)
398
00:17:51,061 --> 00:17:55,361
(STAMMERING) Wait.
What is that?
399
00:17:55,428 --> 00:18:00,194
Is that beautiful music
to teleport us back
to the old country?
400
00:18:02,294 --> 00:18:05,394
No, I believe that's
Devil Went Down to Georgia.
401
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:08,828
Eddie, what is
going on here?
402
00:18:08,895 --> 00:18:10,161
What is going on here?
403
00:18:10,228 --> 00:18:12,528
I'm gonna tell you
what is going on here.
Please.
404
00:18:12,595 --> 00:18:17,094
Tonight, we are going to
rewrite that fateful trip
that happened 20 years ago.
405
00:18:17,161 --> 00:18:18,761
(GROANING)
We're gonna take
the bad memories,
406
00:18:18,828 --> 00:18:20,895
and we're gonna replace them
with good ones.
407
00:18:20,962 --> 00:18:24,161
Tonight, we're gonna
take back Italy.
408
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,461
Okay. Did you not hear me
when I told you that
I wanted to forget
409
00:18:26,528 --> 00:18:28,895
this whole humiliating
thing ever happened?
410
00:18:28,962 --> 00:18:31,127
No, I heard you,
but I ignored you.
411
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,461
You see, because we can't...
412
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,027
We can't bury this anymore,
413
00:18:34,094 --> 00:18:36,161
'cause just when you
think it's gone away,
it comes back,
414
00:18:36,228 --> 00:18:39,361
like that weird rash I get
around my undergroin.
415
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:42,361
What can I do?
416
00:18:42,428 --> 00:18:44,194
You know what?
417
00:18:44,261 --> 00:18:45,661
I don't know, Eddie.
I don't think there's
anything you can do.
418
00:18:45,728 --> 00:18:47,428
You can't unspank me.
419
00:18:47,495 --> 00:18:48,895
Well...
420
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,261
Well, then, spank me!
421
00:18:53,428 --> 00:18:54,962
Spank me, Joy!
422
00:18:55,027 --> 00:18:58,261
Spank me like I stole money
from Mommy's purse!
423
00:19:05,994 --> 00:19:07,495
Okay, you know what?
Believe it or not, Eddie,
424
00:19:07,561 --> 00:19:09,561
this is not
less humiliating for me.
425
00:19:09,628 --> 00:19:11,328
Well, how are we
gonna get past this, huh?
426
00:19:11,394 --> 00:19:13,328
If this thing is still
so horrible to you,
427
00:19:13,394 --> 00:19:15,495
then why did you
even take me back
in the first place?
428
00:19:15,561 --> 00:19:16,994
I don't know!
429
00:19:17,061 --> 00:19:18,428
Because you were crying,
and you were begging,
430
00:19:18,495 --> 00:19:19,994
and you had never
done that before.
431
00:19:20,061 --> 00:19:22,394
Well, you walked away,
and you had never
done that before.
432
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:23,828
Maybe I saw
what a jerk you were
433
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:25,328
and I realized
I could do better!
434
00:19:25,394 --> 00:19:27,795
Well, maybe I realized
I couldn't!
435
00:19:29,561 --> 00:19:32,394
Look, that spank
changed everything.
436
00:19:32,461 --> 00:19:34,862
I thought I lost you.
437
00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:36,027
And for the first time
in my life,
438
00:19:36,094 --> 00:19:37,928
I realized how much
you meant to me
439
00:19:37,994 --> 00:19:40,828
and how much I would fight
to get you back.
440
00:19:44,428 --> 00:19:46,495
What more do you
want, lady?
441
00:19:58,294 --> 00:20:01,495
So you've been suffering
with this for 20 years?
442
00:20:01,561 --> 00:20:03,728
I've been miserable.
443
00:20:03,795 --> 00:20:05,428
Crushed by guilt?
444
00:20:05,895 --> 00:20:07,194
Yes.
445
00:20:07,261 --> 00:20:09,194
God, that pleases me!
446
00:20:10,561 --> 00:20:12,027
Come here, baby.
447
00:20:12,094 --> 00:20:13,428
Mmm.
448
00:20:13,495 --> 00:20:14,595
So that's it?
449
00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:15,761
We're good?
450
00:20:15,828 --> 00:20:17,528
(INHALES SLOWLY)
451
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:23,328
Now we're good.
452
00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:26,027
(VIOLINS PLAYING)
453
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:28,761
Hey, who was that guy?
454
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:29,962
I don't know.
455
00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:32,328
Looks like someone
I used to work with.
456
00:20:52,528 --> 00:20:54,194
Well, well, well.
457
00:20:54,261 --> 00:20:57,027
Hello there,
young master Jeffrey.
458
00:20:57,094 --> 00:20:59,394
Where on Earth are your pants?
459
00:21:03,194 --> 00:21:05,928
This is gonna look great
on a baseball cap.
33170
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