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www.tvsubtitles.net
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00:00:01,671 --> 00:00:02,638
* All Right!
3
00:00:02,705 --> 00:00:03,771
* Hey!
4
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,872
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
5
00:00:11,204 --> 00:00:13,271
Smell that meat.
6
00:00:13,338 --> 00:00:15,371
How is this not a cologne?
7
00:00:17,371 --> 00:00:19,471
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's happening here?
8
00:00:19,538 --> 00:00:21,404
I'm grilling the corn.
I read
it's supposed to taste better.
9
00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:22,638
Slide your steaks over.
10
00:00:22,705 --> 00:00:25,037
I'm not moving my meat
for a vegetable.
11
00:00:25,104 --> 00:00:26,505
Move your corn, lady.
12
00:00:26,571 --> 00:00:27,605
You move it.
13
00:00:27,671 --> 00:00:30,004
Oh, I will.
14
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,872
I'm getting my tongs.
15
00:00:35,638 --> 00:00:36,972
Unpleasant.
16
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,738
Ooh, sorry.
17
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:41,905
We were just playing
a little Frisbee
before dinner.
18
00:00:41,972 --> 00:00:43,204
Well, we didn't mean
to interrupt.
19
00:00:43,271 --> 00:00:44,905
I'll see you tomorrow
for car pool, right, Eddie?
20
00:00:44,972 --> 00:00:46,304
Okay then.
21
00:00:52,204 --> 00:00:53,371
Ha ha!
22
00:00:54,838 --> 00:00:56,538
Thank you so much
for having us.
23
00:00:56,605 --> 00:00:58,137
JOY: No problem.
24
00:00:59,872 --> 00:01:02,371
Can I speak to you?
What the hell is going on?
25
00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:03,805
I'm gone for two seconds,
and I come out,
26
00:01:03,872 --> 00:01:05,605
and Woodcock's
breathing on my meat?
27
00:01:05,671 --> 00:01:07,371
I invited them over.
28
00:01:07,438 --> 00:01:08,671
They were staring
at the grill.
I didn't know what to do.
29
00:01:08,738 --> 00:01:10,771
Well, this is not
company meat, okay?
30
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,705
This is the private stuff
from the catalog.
31
00:01:13,771 --> 00:01:15,872
Okay. All right, thank you.
32
00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:21,004
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
33
00:01:21,071 --> 00:01:22,905
(STAMMERING) What are
you doing there, chief?
34
00:01:22,972 --> 00:01:24,505
Uh, sitting.
35
00:01:24,571 --> 00:01:26,671
Okay, we don't sit
in these chairs, okay?
36
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,404
They're old.
37
00:01:28,471 --> 00:01:30,738
You have to ease, okay?
38
00:01:34,738 --> 00:01:36,404
Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?
39
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,938
Aw, my chair.
40
00:01:39,905 --> 00:01:41,938
Thank you, Steph.
I'm fine.
41
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,204
All right, this is...
42
00:01:47,271 --> 00:01:49,404
This is the better one here.
43
00:01:55,238 --> 00:01:56,271
Oh!
44
00:01:58,671 --> 00:02:00,805
Nobody says a word.
45
00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:03,104
You know, I could go
get some folding chairs.
46
00:02:03,171 --> 00:02:05,505
Thank you, Jeff.
Eddie, help him.
47
00:02:08,338 --> 00:02:11,805
Well, the good news
is now you can get
new patio furniture.
48
00:02:11,872 --> 00:02:12,938
Yay.
49
00:02:14,238 --> 00:02:16,204
What? Won't that be fun?
50
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,471
I hate shopping with Eddie.
51
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,838
Oh, 'cause
he's really annoying?
52
00:02:22,605 --> 00:02:24,104
Yeah, but you're not
allowed to say that.
53
00:02:24,171 --> 00:02:25,471
Sorry.
54
00:02:25,538 --> 00:02:26,771
You know,
he makes buying anything
55
00:02:26,838 --> 00:02:28,638
into this huge,
drawn-out process.
56
00:02:28,705 --> 00:02:29,972
He has to do
all this research,
57
00:02:30,037 --> 00:02:31,905
and then he has
all these opinions.
58
00:02:31,972 --> 00:02:33,938
He goes into
the chat rooms,
59
00:02:34,004 --> 00:02:35,771
gets blocked
from the chat rooms.
60
00:02:35,838 --> 00:02:38,538
Yeah, shopping with Jeff
can be a real pain, too.
Yeah.
61
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:42,071
That's why
whenever I want something
for the house, I...
62
00:02:42,505 --> 00:02:44,571
What?
63
00:02:44,638 --> 00:02:46,204
Just there's a way
to make it easier.
64
00:02:46,271 --> 00:02:47,471
What? What way?
65
00:02:47,538 --> 00:02:49,171
Well...
66
00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:53,404
I tell Jeff if he lets me buy
whatever I want, sight unseen,
67
00:02:53,471 --> 00:02:56,638
I'll make it
worth his while.
68
00:02:56,705 --> 00:02:57,972
What do you mean
"make it worth his while"?
69
00:02:58,037 --> 00:02:59,605
What do you do,
rub his feet or something?
70
00:02:59,671 --> 00:03:01,738
Mmm-hmm. And other parts.
71
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,538
I get kind of freaky.
72
00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:08,037
(LAUGHS)
73
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:11,037
Are you telling me
that you trade sex
for furniture?
74
00:03:12,271 --> 00:03:13,304
No.
75
00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:16,505
Oh. I guess I am.
76
00:03:18,137 --> 00:03:19,471
That is...
77
00:03:20,338 --> 00:03:21,872
This is brilliant!
78
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,037
* Hey!
79
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,471
* Oh!
80
00:03:26,538 --> 00:03:28,238
* All right
81
00:03:28,304 --> 00:03:30,204
(PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV)
82
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,638
Hey, what'd you just do
to the television?
83
00:03:35,705 --> 00:03:37,371
I turned it off.
84
00:03:37,438 --> 00:03:39,838
That is an option
in some homes.
85
00:03:39,905 --> 00:03:42,605
Listen, I have been out
shopping for patio furniture,
86
00:03:42,671 --> 00:03:44,338
and I found something
that I like.
87
00:03:44,404 --> 00:03:47,371
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, lady, okay?
88
00:03:47,438 --> 00:03:49,338
There's a lot to consider.
89
00:03:49,404 --> 00:03:52,838
You got your aluminum,
your wrought iron,
your premium teak.
90
00:03:52,905 --> 00:03:55,371
I know, I know.
It is a complicated issue.
91
00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:57,505
Here is a way
to make it simple.
92
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,438
If you let me buy
the furniture that I want,
93
00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:03,338
sight unseen,
no questions asked,
94
00:04:03,404 --> 00:04:05,838
I will have sex with you
right now.
95
00:04:17,905 --> 00:04:19,238
Say again.
96
00:04:21,004 --> 00:04:23,938
You heard me.
Patio furniture for sex.
97
00:04:25,972 --> 00:04:27,371
Daytime sex?
98
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:30,037
Daytime sex.
99
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,972
In the day?
100
00:04:32,037 --> 00:04:35,571
That is why
it's called daytime sex.
101
00:04:35,638 --> 00:04:37,238
Well, you realize
it'll be light out.
102
00:04:37,304 --> 00:04:39,271
I'll be able to see you.
103
00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:42,905
Yes.
104
00:04:42,972 --> 00:04:45,505
And you'll be able to see me.
105
00:04:45,571 --> 00:04:47,438
I will see you.
You will see me.
106
00:04:47,505 --> 00:04:50,104
It'll be like
we're doin' it together.
107
00:04:52,471 --> 00:04:54,338
Interesting.
108
00:04:54,404 --> 00:04:56,938
This is a highly
unorthodox offer.
109
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:59,738
Where would this
"sex in the day" happen?
110
00:05:00,638 --> 00:05:02,371
Gentleman's choice.
111
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:06,304
On the couch?
Couch it is.
112
00:05:06,371 --> 00:05:08,805
No, wait, wait, wait.
I'm not committing.
113
00:05:10,371 --> 00:05:12,671
Not committing
to the couch yet.
114
00:05:28,972 --> 00:05:30,171
Stairs?
115
00:05:31,638 --> 00:05:33,938
Wherever your
trick knee allows.
116
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:39,071
Keep in mind we eat there.
117
00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:40,238
Okay.
118
00:05:42,872 --> 00:05:44,371
So let's say
we're gonna have
119
00:05:44,438 --> 00:05:46,438
the daytime sex
on the couch.
120
00:05:46,505 --> 00:05:48,304
What kind of sex
are we talking about?
121
00:05:48,371 --> 00:05:50,705
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, anything you want.
122
00:05:50,771 --> 00:05:52,404
That we've done.
123
00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:57,972
Including the thing
in Mexico?
124
00:05:58,037 --> 00:06:00,204
You feel you're up to it?
125
00:06:00,271 --> 00:06:01,805
I don't even have to
brush my teeth?
126
00:06:01,872 --> 00:06:03,638
I just ate a hoagie.
127
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,271
Okay, fine.
128
00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,404
I'll have the daytime sex
on the couch,
129
00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:17,204
despite the hoagie.
130
00:06:17,938 --> 00:06:19,004
Wow.
131
00:06:20,938 --> 00:06:23,238
How bad is this
patio furniture?
132
00:06:24,938 --> 00:06:26,771
You see, that is the thing.
133
00:06:26,838 --> 00:06:29,338
You don't get to hear
anything about the furniture.
134
00:06:29,404 --> 00:06:32,538
You have to agree to my choice
sight unseen,
135
00:06:32,605 --> 00:06:35,838
and I am all yours
right here, right now.
136
00:06:36,805 --> 00:06:38,605
How 'bout it, cowboy?
137
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:45,004
Pass.
138
00:06:56,738 --> 00:06:58,738
Did you just say "pass"?
139
00:06:59,171 --> 00:07:00,338
I did.
140
00:07:02,304 --> 00:07:03,605
To sex?
141
00:07:03,671 --> 00:07:05,571
That is correct.
142
00:07:05,638 --> 00:07:09,204
Okay, wait.
Just to make this
incredibly clear,
143
00:07:09,271 --> 00:07:13,438
you just chose
patio furniture over sex
with me.
144
00:07:13,505 --> 00:07:16,505
I've had sex with you.
I know what it's about.
145
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,905
You say "Oh," I say "Oh,"
146
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:21,238
then you run
into the bathroom
147
00:07:21,304 --> 00:07:23,905
and I try to find my socks
in the bed.
148
00:07:24,738 --> 00:07:26,872
But patio furniture, that...
149
00:07:29,004 --> 00:07:31,404
I cannot believe this.
150
00:07:31,471 --> 00:07:35,471
I mean, I have got some
good stuff going on here.
151
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,872
My body is
a freakin' wonderland.
152
00:07:39,538 --> 00:07:41,671
When did we get to a point
in our marriage
153
00:07:41,738 --> 00:07:45,004
where I couldn't have
patio furniture for sex?
154
00:07:47,872 --> 00:07:50,271
When did they cancel
Knight Rider?
155
00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:04,671
I haven't had it since KITT,
the talking car?
156
00:08:07,338 --> 00:08:08,838
You are an ass.
157
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,338
Hey, look,
I was just sitting here,
minding my own business,
158
00:08:11,404 --> 00:08:13,137
having some
lovely cheese doodles,
159
00:08:13,204 --> 00:08:14,838
and all of a sudden,
you're forcing me
160
00:08:14,905 --> 00:08:18,271
to pick between
patio furniture
and your bouncy house.
161
00:08:20,571 --> 00:08:23,104
I didn't realize it would be
such a tough choice!
162
00:08:23,171 --> 00:08:26,238
You see? That's what happens
when the TV's off!
163
00:08:27,538 --> 00:08:29,972
* Oh! Ah, ah, ah!
164
00:08:32,938 --> 00:08:34,204
(HUMMING)
165
00:08:37,505 --> 00:08:39,471
Enough with
the humming, Woodcock.
166
00:08:39,538 --> 00:08:41,571
Either sing it or shut up.
167
00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:43,972
Sorry.
168
00:08:48,471 --> 00:08:50,638
How loud do you breathe?
169
00:08:51,671 --> 00:08:53,338
You're like a foghorn.
170
00:08:53,404 --> 00:08:55,204
I can't stop breathing, Eddie.
171
00:08:55,271 --> 00:08:58,471
Well, we gotta
come up with something,
because this is brutal.
172
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,171
What is with you?
You've been in a bad mood
all day.
173
00:09:01,238 --> 00:09:02,605
I have not.
174
00:09:02,671 --> 00:09:04,438
You made the lunch lady cry.
175
00:09:04,505 --> 00:09:07,104
It's called
Chicken a la King,
not Chicken a la Band-Aid.
176
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:09,571
She should have gloved up.
177
00:09:09,638 --> 00:09:13,204
Fine. I'm mistaken.
You are
a little ray of sunshine.
178
00:09:17,404 --> 00:09:20,104
Joy and I got into
this fight yesterday.
179
00:09:20,171 --> 00:09:22,137
She came home
with this crazy idea
180
00:09:22,204 --> 00:09:25,304
that we should trade
patio furniture for sex.
181
00:09:25,371 --> 00:09:27,605
Really? What, like
182
00:09:27,671 --> 00:09:29,371
if you agree to the furniture
without looking at it,
183
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,771
she'll make it
"worth your while"?
184
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,104
Yeah. How'd you know?
185
00:09:34,171 --> 00:09:36,605
Steph and I,
we do the same thing.
186
00:09:40,738 --> 00:09:43,738
So my wife got the idea
from your wife.
187
00:09:43,805 --> 00:09:45,838
(SCOFFS) I bet she did.
188
00:09:47,605 --> 00:09:49,404
Get out.
189
00:09:49,471 --> 00:09:51,371
What?
Get out of my car.
190
00:09:52,805 --> 00:09:54,905
We're still moving.
191
00:09:54,972 --> 00:09:57,605
I don't care.
I don't want you or your wife
192
00:09:57,671 --> 00:10:00,104
or your "get your freak on"
furniture selves
193
00:10:00,171 --> 00:10:01,271
anywhere near me.
194
00:10:01,338 --> 00:10:03,471
Would you calm down?
It's just a game.
195
00:10:03,538 --> 00:10:05,371
It's a sweet, wonderful game.
196
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,438
No, no. Uno is
a sweet, wonderful game.
197
00:10:08,505 --> 00:10:10,938
This is prostitution.
What?
198
00:10:11,004 --> 00:10:12,104
That's right. You heard me.
199
00:10:12,171 --> 00:10:14,638
Your wife is
a furniture hooker.
200
00:10:14,705 --> 00:10:17,204
She may not be walking
the docks in high heels
201
00:10:17,271 --> 00:10:19,404
trying to drum up business
during fleet week,
202
00:10:19,471 --> 00:10:21,404
but the effect is the same.
203
00:10:21,471 --> 00:10:23,338
No, it is not.
204
00:10:23,404 --> 00:10:26,805
Look, you're young.
You may not realize it
yet, okay?
205
00:10:26,872 --> 00:10:28,938
But you are trading
a moment of pleasure
206
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:32,204
for a lifetime of furniture
that you had no say in.
207
00:10:32,271 --> 00:10:33,938
Well, that's not a problem,
208
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:35,938
because there is nothing
that she picked out
209
00:10:36,004 --> 00:10:38,505
that I would not
have bought myself.
210
00:10:39,371 --> 00:10:40,738
Oh, really?
211
00:10:44,037 --> 00:10:46,905
So the berry farm's out back?
212
00:10:46,972 --> 00:10:48,905
You don't need a farm
to have a berry sign.
213
00:10:48,972 --> 00:10:51,571
It's called folk art.
214
00:10:51,638 --> 00:10:53,071
Folk art.
Mmm-hmm.
215
00:10:53,137 --> 00:10:54,605
Shame on you.
216
00:10:57,471 --> 00:10:59,404
What the hell is that?
217
00:10:59,471 --> 00:11:02,938
It's a gardening bench with
a distressed patina finish.
218
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:05,404
Oh, my God.
219
00:11:07,471 --> 00:11:09,404
Okay, all right, all right,
well, that one slipped by me,
220
00:11:09,471 --> 00:11:11,705
but I'm okay
with everything else
in here.
221
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,071
Like this chair.
222
00:11:13,137 --> 00:11:15,638
Steph got this chair here
especially for me.
223
00:11:15,705 --> 00:11:18,638
It's very masculine,
she calls it my throne.
224
00:11:20,771 --> 00:11:23,171
Looks like a shell.
225
00:11:23,238 --> 00:11:27,771
No, it doesn't.
Hey, manly chairs
can be scalloped.
226
00:11:27,838 --> 00:11:31,538
I can't imagine
the horror that's happening
in your bedroom.
227
00:11:37,004 --> 00:11:38,805
JEFF: Oh, my God!
228
00:11:43,638 --> 00:11:45,938
Well, could be worse.
229
00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:48,705
You could have a shelf
of dolls on the wall.
230
00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:54,838
You got one of those
somewhere, don't you?
231
00:11:54,905 --> 00:11:59,438
They're First Ladies,
they're not technically dolls.
232
00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:01,605
You know, you don't have
to enjoy this so much.
233
00:12:01,671 --> 00:12:04,872
I'm sorry.
Well, look, at least
you still have this,
234
00:12:04,938 --> 00:12:07,037
the big, ugly man dresser.
235
00:12:07,104 --> 00:12:10,271
Yeah. Yeah, she calls
that "fine for now."
236
00:12:11,171 --> 00:12:12,505
She's been wanting a new one.
237
00:12:12,571 --> 00:12:14,471
Oh, I bet she has.
238
00:12:14,538 --> 00:12:15,872
All right,
now listen to me, Woodcock.
239
00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:17,238
This is what you're gonna do.
240
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,271
You're gonna
stand your ground.
241
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,438
The next time
your wife tries to seduce you
242
00:12:21,505 --> 00:12:25,271
into trading your joeys
for a pair of antique sconces,
243
00:12:25,338 --> 00:12:27,104
you're gonna say no.
244
00:12:28,771 --> 00:12:30,371
I gotta go.
245
00:12:30,438 --> 00:12:33,404
The smell of potpourri
is making me nauseous.
246
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:37,571
* Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
247
00:12:39,137 --> 00:12:40,471
Guess what, Joy?
248
00:12:40,538 --> 00:12:43,838
Your sick little neighborhood
sex trade is over.
249
00:12:45,204 --> 00:12:47,605
I just spoke
to Woodcock, and he...
250
00:12:47,671 --> 00:12:48,705
Joy!
251
00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:50,271
JOY: Out here!
252
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,338
Ha!
253
00:12:57,771 --> 00:12:59,805
What did you do, woman?
254
00:13:01,471 --> 00:13:03,838
I bought patio furniture.
255
00:13:03,905 --> 00:13:07,471
But you just can't
buy furniture.
256
00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:10,471
Actually, you can.
257
00:13:10,538 --> 00:13:13,838
And it turns out
if you don't have
an annoying giant with you,
258
00:13:13,905 --> 00:13:16,137
it only takes
about 15 minutes.
259
00:13:18,304 --> 00:13:20,404
But I didn't take the sex.
260
00:13:20,471 --> 00:13:23,271
Bet you're regretting
that about now, huh?
261
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,137
Joy, I had ideas.
262
00:13:26,204 --> 00:13:28,838
I have wood samples
and fabric swatches.
263
00:13:28,905 --> 00:13:31,404
Did you know that
Relax The Back and NASA
264
00:13:31,471 --> 00:13:33,905
are working together
on a smart foam?
265
00:13:33,972 --> 00:13:35,972
No, you didn't know.
You know why?
266
00:13:36,037 --> 00:13:39,137
Because you don't
do the research!
267
00:13:39,204 --> 00:13:42,371
You just can't change
how we make decisions.
268
00:13:42,438 --> 00:13:45,271
Yeah? Well, a lot
of things change.
269
00:13:45,338 --> 00:13:47,071
You used to want
to have sex with me.
270
00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:49,404
Then America falls out of love
with Knight Rider,
271
00:13:49,471 --> 00:13:51,571
and it's a different world.
272
00:13:52,938 --> 00:13:54,938
Now I pick the furniture.
273
00:14:00,972 --> 00:14:03,371
It doesn't even glide.
274
00:14:03,438 --> 00:14:05,671
You know I like to glide.
275
00:14:05,738 --> 00:14:08,605
This is why
we had a shopping protocol,
276
00:14:08,671 --> 00:14:11,838
because you deliberately,
deliberately seek out things
that I hate,
277
00:14:11,905 --> 00:14:15,371
and I will hate this furniture
for the rest of my life.
278
00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:20,071
All right.
279
00:14:22,204 --> 00:14:25,037
Well, I guess I'll take
my daytime sex now.
280
00:14:28,505 --> 00:14:31,338
It's almost dusk.
Let's get it going.
281
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,905
Oh, I'm afraid that offer
is no longer on the table.
282
00:14:34,972 --> 00:14:36,004
Or the couch.
283
00:14:36,071 --> 00:14:37,404
(CACKLING)
284
00:14:40,972 --> 00:14:44,771
Wait a minute.
So you get the furniture,
and I get nothing?
285
00:14:44,838 --> 00:14:46,538
Pretty much, yeah.
286
00:14:47,505 --> 00:14:49,037
Fine.
287
00:14:49,104 --> 00:14:50,771
I'll do it myself.
288
00:14:54,505 --> 00:14:55,538
* Ow!
289
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:57,538
* Ow, ow!
290
00:15:01,805 --> 00:15:04,137
There's my handsome husband.
291
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,271
Yeah. Here I am
292
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,204
on my scalloped chair.
293
00:15:09,771 --> 00:15:12,171
So, on my way back
from the library,
294
00:15:12,238 --> 00:15:14,471
I dropped off
your dry cleaning,
295
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:17,771
and guess what I saw
in the store next door.
296
00:15:17,838 --> 00:15:19,471
A new dresser?
297
00:15:19,538 --> 00:15:20,805
Oh, yeah.
298
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,771
Does it have a patina?
299
00:15:25,838 --> 00:15:28,104
Shh. No more talking.
300
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:38,271
It's on.
301
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,338
(LET'S GET IT ON PLAYING)
302
00:15:41,638 --> 00:15:43,371
Wait, wait. Wait. Stop.
303
00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:45,304
What's wrong?
I can't do this.
304
00:15:45,371 --> 00:15:47,338
But you love doing this.
305
00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:49,538
But it's wrong.
306
00:15:49,605 --> 00:15:51,104
No, it's not.
307
00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:55,505
I'm tired of living
in a berry patch.
308
00:15:55,571 --> 00:15:57,137
What?
Yeah.
309
00:15:57,204 --> 00:16:00,972
Look and I'm tired of
your baskets
and your dried flowers
310
00:16:01,037 --> 00:16:03,104
and your crates
from the French bakeries,
311
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,404
and I cannot stand
all that girly crap
in the bathroom.
312
00:16:06,471 --> 00:16:08,271
I washed my hands
for 15 minutes
313
00:16:08,338 --> 00:16:11,071
before I realized
I was rubbing a candle.
314
00:16:13,171 --> 00:16:15,505
A man lives here, a manly man
315
00:16:15,571 --> 00:16:18,304
who drinks beer
and guts fish and
316
00:16:18,872 --> 00:16:20,538
throws boomerangs!
317
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:25,471
Enough!
Stop trying to seduce me,
you furniture hooker.
318
00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:30,338
Did you just
call me a hooker?
319
00:16:30,872 --> 00:16:32,404
(PHONE RINGING)
320
00:16:34,805 --> 00:16:36,838
Hello.
321
00:16:36,905 --> 00:16:39,771
Forget what I said.
They can go out and buy
the furniture anyway.
322
00:16:43,271 --> 00:16:45,905
She found a new dresser,
and I stood my ground.
323
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,371
There is no ground.
Abort mission.
324
00:16:50,838 --> 00:16:53,238
Take the sex
before it's too late.
325
00:16:59,438 --> 00:17:01,071
Hey there, bunny.
326
00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:04,438
(DOOR SLAMMING)
327
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,571
Bet you're feelin'
pretty good, aren't you?
328
00:17:13,571 --> 00:17:15,738
Yep.
329
00:17:15,805 --> 00:17:18,671
Pretty smug on
your frilly wrought iron.
330
00:17:20,037 --> 00:17:22,238
I'm ridin' a nice buzz, yeah.
331
00:17:23,538 --> 00:17:26,171
Well, you can ride it
straight to hell.
332
00:17:27,238 --> 00:17:28,404
Because what
you have done today
333
00:17:28,471 --> 00:17:30,404
hasn't just ruined our patio,
334
00:17:30,471 --> 00:17:31,805
which incidentally looks like
335
00:17:31,872 --> 00:17:34,571
it's owned by a gay man
in Palm Springs.
336
00:17:45,638 --> 00:17:48,438
But you also ruined sex.
337
00:17:48,505 --> 00:17:51,404
That's right.
You took something
that we did together,
338
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:54,171
that was beautiful,
though infrequent,
339
00:17:56,037 --> 00:17:58,371
and you made it
a commodity,
340
00:17:58,438 --> 00:18:01,371
something to trade,
something dirty.
341
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:09,071
And not the good dirty,
like we had in Mexico.
342
00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:20,137
(SLURPING)
343
00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:28,705
Hi.
344
00:18:28,771 --> 00:18:29,938
Hello.
345
00:18:31,605 --> 00:18:32,805
What you readin'?
346
00:18:32,872 --> 00:18:34,071
A book.
347
00:18:39,104 --> 00:18:42,104
What are you after now,
a new set of stemware?
348
00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:44,805
Come on, Eddie.
349
00:18:46,204 --> 00:18:47,304
Fine.
350
00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,838
Do your business
and then hit IKEA.
351
00:18:51,872 --> 00:18:53,905
I'll just shut off inside.
352
00:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,638
Come on, I'm sorry.
353
00:19:05,705 --> 00:19:07,371
Really.
354
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:10,004
I mean, Steph just told me
about the whole
sex-for-furniture thing,
355
00:19:10,071 --> 00:19:14,271
and I thought that
it was kind of a fun way
of getting what I want.
356
00:19:14,338 --> 00:19:16,371
But I realize
357
00:19:17,571 --> 00:19:19,905
we're not them.
358
00:19:19,972 --> 00:19:23,271
I mean, it would have
worked for us 20 years ago.
359
00:19:23,338 --> 00:19:24,505
Right?
360
00:19:26,571 --> 00:19:28,004
You kiddin'?
361
00:19:28,071 --> 00:19:29,872
Back then, I would've let you
furnish the entire house
362
00:19:29,938 --> 00:19:32,471
just to watch you
walk out of the room.
363
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,404
You got a great onion.
364
00:19:36,471 --> 00:19:38,171
I mean, with Jeff and Steph
365
00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:41,071
it's all so magical
and undiscovered,
366
00:19:41,738 --> 00:19:43,905
and for us, I've...
367
00:19:43,972 --> 00:19:46,238
I've seen you
move a rug naked.
368
00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:51,838
Well, technically
I did have flip-flops on.
369
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,338
Anyway...
370
00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:03,805
I would really like
to keep the furniture.
371
00:20:03,872 --> 00:20:05,371
But listen, instead of sex,
372
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,404
I would like to
offer you something else,
373
00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:10,638
something that I think
actually might arouse you.
374
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:15,171
Mail-order beef?
375
00:20:15,238 --> 00:20:18,471
I'm giving you 25 pounds
of whatever you want.
376
00:20:18,538 --> 00:20:20,505
Even if it's dry, aged
Kobe beef
377
00:20:20,571 --> 00:20:23,137
in its own
commemorative chuck wagon?
378
00:20:24,137 --> 00:20:25,404
Done.
Okay, wait, wait.
379
00:20:25,471 --> 00:20:27,137
I'm not committing
to the chuck wagon.
380
00:20:27,204 --> 00:20:30,805
Ooh, the words
"bacon-wrapped"
just caught my attention.
381
00:20:30,872 --> 00:20:32,471
Oh! Chops!
382
00:20:34,738 --> 00:20:37,204
I am so turned on
to you right now.
383
00:20:37,271 --> 00:20:38,371
I love you, too.
384
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,671
No, no.
Leave the catalog open.
385
00:20:44,571 --> 00:20:45,838
(MOANING)
386
00:20:45,905 --> 00:20:47,238
(GIGGLING)
387
00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:50,905
* Hey, baby!
388
00:20:53,037 --> 00:20:55,171
* Yo, oh, oh, oh, oh
389
00:20:58,538 --> 00:20:59,771
* Hey
390
00:20:59,838 --> 00:21:01,171
* Ta-na-na
391
00:21:01,705 --> 00:21:03,605
Hey, neighbor.
392
00:21:03,671 --> 00:21:06,404
So, uh, got to keep
my dresser.
393
00:21:06,471 --> 00:21:08,705
Yep. I mean, you know,
Steph pointed out
394
00:21:08,771 --> 00:21:10,738
that it didn't really go
with anything else
that we had,
395
00:21:10,805 --> 00:21:13,371
so she painted it white
and distressed it a bit,
396
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,838
and added some
antique crystal pulls,
but still...
397
00:21:16,905 --> 00:21:19,905
A win's a win.
You know what I'm saying?
398
00:21:19,972 --> 00:21:22,905
Let me address
the giant elephant
in the room.
399
00:21:23,905 --> 00:21:25,404
All this meat
400
00:21:26,104 --> 00:21:27,438
is for me.
401
00:21:31,738 --> 00:21:35,872
* Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey *
28285
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