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1
00:00:07,542 --> 00:00:10,510
Come and knock on our door
2
00:00:10,545 --> 00:00:14,014
we've been waiting for you
3
00:00:14,049 --> 00:00:16,516
where the kisses are hers
and hers and his
4
00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:20,020
three's company too
5
00:00:20,055 --> 00:00:23,023
come and dance on our floor
6
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,526
take a step that is new
7
00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:29,029
we've a lovable space
that needs your face
8
00:00:29,064 --> 00:00:32,532
three's company too
9
00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:35,035
you'll see that life
is a ball again
10
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:39,039
laughter is calling for you
11
00:00:39,074 --> 00:00:41,541
down at our rendezvous
12
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:43,543
three's company too
13
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,050
hey, that's pretty good.
14
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,052
Yeah, that's the first na
i hit today that wasn't my own.
15
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:54,554
Okay, let's
do the other end.
16
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,556
Okay.
17
00:00:56,591 --> 00:00:57,557
Now we have to pull it
really tight
18
00:00:57,592 --> 00:00:58,058
or else it won't hold springs,
okay?
19
00:00:58,093 --> 00:00:58,558
Okay.
20
00:00:58,593 --> 00:01:00,560
Give a heave.
21
00:01:02,597 --> 00:01:05,065
Okay, it's a good thing we've
got a man living with us;
22
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:06,566
otherwise, we'd have
to do the heavy work ourselves.
23
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,070
Wait a minute, wait,
wait, wait.
24
00:01:10,105 --> 00:01:10,570
We have to pull together, okay?
25
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,572
All right.
26
00:01:12,607 --> 00:01:13,573
Okay go!
27
00:01:19,114 --> 00:01:22,082
Lying down
on the job again, huh?
28
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,084
F. The moment my back is turn
ed, the workers start goofing of
29
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,087
where have you been?
30
00:01:27,122 --> 00:01:29,089
You were supposed to
help us fix this couch
31
00:01:29,124 --> 00:01:30,590
instead of out riding your bike.
32
00:01:30,625 --> 00:01:32,092
I was doing it for you.
33
00:01:32,127 --> 00:01:33,593
For us?
34
00:01:33,628 --> 00:01:35,095
Well sure, i have to keep
in shape don't i
35
00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:36,096
to protect you two?
36
00:01:36,131 --> 00:01:37,597
Ol' watch dog jack, that's me.
37
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:41,601
Well, old watch dog jack
was supposed to be back here
38
00:01:41,636 --> 00:01:44,104
an hour ago to help.
39
00:01:44,139 --> 00:01:46,106
I know, i would have been,
but as i was coming home
40
00:01:46,141 --> 00:01:48,108
i saw a bicycle in front of me
with a girl on it.
41
00:01:48,143 --> 00:01:49,609
Ah ha.
42
00:01:49,644 --> 00:01:51,611
That 'ah ha'
was uncalled for.
43
00:01:51,646 --> 00:01:53,613
The only reason i noticed
her at all was because
44
00:01:53,648 --> 00:01:55,615
her seat was jiggling
all over the place.
45
00:01:57,152 --> 00:02:00,120
So naturally you had
to follow her, right?
46
00:02:00,155 --> 00:02:01,121
Well, sure
i was worried about her.
47
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,622
A loose seat can be
very dangerous.
48
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,126
T. Especially with yo u behind i
49
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,129
that was unworthy of you,
janet.
50
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:10,630
I thought it was very good.
51
00:02:10,665 --> 00:02:13,133
U.
Thank yo
52
00:02:13,168 --> 00:02:16,136
anyway, i stopped her
and i fixed her seat.
53
00:02:16,171 --> 00:02:18,138
How about getting
behind this couch
54
00:02:18,173 --> 00:02:19,139
and helping us
fix it, huh?
55
00:02:19,174 --> 00:02:21,141
No sweat.
56
00:02:21,176 --> 00:02:23,143
Are you girls luck
you got a man around this house.
57
00:02:23,178 --> 00:02:24,644
Now watch and learn.
58
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,647
Hammer, please.
59
00:02:27,682 --> 00:02:29,149
Tacks.
60
00:02:29,184 --> 00:02:31,151
Okay.
61
00:02:31,186 --> 00:02:33,653
Not just one,
give me a whole handful.
62
00:02:33,688 --> 00:02:35,655
Yes, but wouldn't it
be easier if i held them?
63
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:38,158
Haven't you ever seen the way
a real upholsterer works?
64
00:02:38,193 --> 00:02:39,659
One at a time
is a waste of time.
65
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,162
Careful!
66
00:02:49,204 --> 00:02:50,170
There, see how easy that is?
67
00:02:52,207 --> 00:02:53,173
How can you talk
so clearly with all
68
00:02:53,208 --> 00:02:54,174
those tacks in your mouth?
69
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:55,675
I don't have-
70
00:03:00,715 --> 00:03:02,182
i'll get you some water.
71
00:03:02,217 --> 00:03:03,683
No water,
the tacks will get rusty.
72
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:04,684
What?
73
00:03:04,719 --> 00:03:07,187
Oh!
74
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:13,493
Oh, my tooth!
75
00:03:13,528 --> 00:03:15,995
What's all that thumping
going on up there?
76
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,498
They're redecorating, stanley.
77
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:19,499
What for?
78
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,001
I already redecorated.
79
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,504
You did a very nice job,
too, but i think the styles
80
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,506
have changed since 1947.
81
00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,410
It was two years ago.
82
00:03:30,445 --> 00:03:32,412
I remember it perfectly because
your mother was visiting.
83
00:03:32,447 --> 00:03:33,913
Well, i don't see
how anything could get
84
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,916
that grubby in two years.
85
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:37,917
Don't look at me;
it's your mother.
86
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,425
There, there it is stanley,
look, look.
87
00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,927
How would you like to see me
coming to bed in that?
88
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:49,929
A golf cart?
89
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:57,937
The other page, stupid,
the red see-thru nightie.
90
00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:58,438
Rt. You'd look be tter in the golf ca
91
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,442
that's the trouble with you
, stanley, you wouldn't
92
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,445
even notice if i came to bed
wearing nothing.
93
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:06,446
Oh, you're wrong there.
94
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:07,947
I'd be the first to complain.
95
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:12,352
Oh, why don't you go see
your dentist?
96
00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:13,853
What for?
97
00:04:13,888 --> 00:04:17,857
Because your toothache
is giving me a pain.
98
00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:19,459
Then you go see the dentist.
99
00:04:19,494 --> 00:04:23,463
The place i got a pain,
you don't see a dentist.
100
00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:25,465
All right i'll go.
I'll go tomorrow.
101
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,466
Yeah, you wait much longer
and you'll be able
102
00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:28,968
to mail your teeth in.
103
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,470
Oh, that's cute,
that's cute, helen,
104
00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:32,272
the way you'll step on a gu
y when he's down.
105
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,276
Look, stanley, do me a favor and
take a couple of aspirin.
106
00:04:36,311 --> 00:04:37,777
A couple of aspirin
won't stop this pain.
107
00:04:37,812 --> 00:04:39,779
Then take the whole bottle.
108
00:04:40,815 --> 00:04:42,782
That could kill me.
109
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,887
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Ms. Merry widow.
110
00:04:48,923 --> 00:04:51,891
Only joking, stanley.
111
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,893
But as long as your looking
through that catalog,
112
00:04:53,928 --> 00:04:55,395
would you see if
that nightie comes in black?
113
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,403
Let it down, let it down,
let it down.
114
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:04,904
T?
How's tha
115
00:05:04,939 --> 00:05:06,406
pick it up, pick it up,
pick it up!
116
00:05:06,441 --> 00:05:07,407
It's on my foot!
117
00:05:07,442 --> 00:05:08,408
Oh!
118
00:05:11,946 --> 00:05:14,414
Oh, jack, oh, jack, we're sorry
. are you all right?
119
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,416
Oh, fine, nine toes are
more than enough for anybody.
120
00:05:16,451 --> 00:05:17,417
Oh.
121
00:05:18,453 --> 00:05:20,920
Oh, are you okay?
122
00:05:20,955 --> 00:05:21,921
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
123
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:25,925
Well, all right then,
let's try it out.
124
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:32,432
Oh, hey, this is really firm
now and comfortable.
125
00:05:32,467 --> 00:05:33,433
Well, what do you expect
when you got a man who knows
126
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,936
how to put things together-
127
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,942
okay, get up.
128
00:05:42,977 --> 00:05:44,444
Come on, let's get it right.
129
00:05:44,479 --> 00:05:45,945
Up, up, up.
130
00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:48,948
Relax, will you, coach
131
00:05:48,983 --> 00:05:50,950
i would hate to work
for you in your flower shop.
132
00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:52,452
I bet you've got all the daisie
s standing at attention.
133
00:05:54,489 --> 00:05:55,455
He's right, janet,
it's saturday.
134
00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:57,457
I'd really like to get out.
135
00:05:57,492 --> 00:05:58,958
Janet, it's o
ur one day off.
136
00:05:58,993 --> 00:05:59,959
Come on, come on,
come on.
137
00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:01,461
We have to have some time to-
138
00:06:01,496 --> 00:06:04,964
we agreed we were going to work
on the apartment this weekend.
139
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:06,966
All right, well, i've had i
t with this couch.
140
00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:08,468
Okay, then we'll do
the wallpaper.
141
00:06:08,503 --> 00:06:09,969
Show it to him, chrissy.
142
00:06:10,004 --> 00:06:10,970
This should be a thrill.
143
00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:16,476
What do you think of this?
144
00:06:16,511 --> 00:06:16,976
It's kind of plain,
isn't it?
145
00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:19,479
That's the back.
146
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,481
I knew that.
147
00:06:23,518 --> 00:06:26,986
I like the back better.
148
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:28,988
Alright, you two,
now let's get to work.
149
00:06:29,023 --> 00:06:30,990
Fixing the couch
150
00:06:31,025 --> 00:06:32,492
or putting up the wall paper.
151
00:06:32,527 --> 00:06:33,493
Or going to the pub.
152
00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:34,494
I pick that one.
153
00:06:34,529 --> 00:06:35,495
Let's go.
154
00:06:35,530 --> 00:06:37,997
Moving out.
155
00:06:38,032 --> 00:06:39,999
Oh, hey, wait for me.
156
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,908
So, once we got past the
breakwater, i said to her,
157
00:06:48,943 --> 00:06:53,413
i said, "what do you say you and
me go below and mess around?"
158
00:06:53,448 --> 00:06:56,416
Me. Hey, that smooth t
alk gets them every ti
159
00:06:56,451 --> 00:06:58,918
she also knew it was
a long swim back to shore.
160
00:06:59,419 --> 00:06:59,919
What happened
to her boyfriend?
161
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,421
He's probably still swimming.
162
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,927
, wait, wait, wa it, wait, wait, wait, wait
163
00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:08,928
ght.
Let's get one thing strai
164
00:07:08,963 --> 00:07:10,430
this is just
a little work break.
165
00:07:10,465 --> 00:07:10,930
Re. We're not going to
spen d the whole night he
166
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,432
relax, will you?
167
00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:14,434
She's such a slave driver
168
00:07:14,469 --> 00:07:16,936
look, we'll just have a couple
of beers and then we'll go back
169
00:07:16,971 --> 00:07:17,937
you can work on the walls
and chrissy and i'll
170
00:07:17,972 --> 00:07:18,438
get on the sofa.
171
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:19,439
At?
Wh
172
00:07:19,474 --> 00:07:21,441
to work.
173
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,944
Let's grab this table.
174
00:07:24,979 --> 00:07:25,945
S? Boy, you k now what jack's trouble i
175
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:27,947
azy.
He's just plain l
176
00:07:27,982 --> 00:07:29,449
all men are like that;
it's in their jeans.
177
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,453
Thanks, jim.
178
00:07:33,488 --> 00:07:36,456
Oh, yeah, they'd like two egg
salads on white
179
00:07:36,491 --> 00:07:39,459
and i'll have a chicken sandwic
on wheat toast.
180
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,464
Aw, ain't that a shame?
181
00:07:44,499 --> 00:07:46,466
That poor guy got stuck
with two broads.
182
00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:48,468
I think i'll do him a favor
183
00:07:48,503 --> 00:07:50,470
rt.
You got a good hea
184
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,974
yes, just watch the old pro
in action.
185
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,976
Janet, look, fixing the couch
is a man's job.
186
00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:58,978
What?
187
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,481
Sure, men are just naturally
stronger than women.
188
00:08:01,516 --> 00:08:02,982
Oh, here we go
189
00:08:03,017 --> 00:08:04,984
all through the ages,
men have been the builders,
190
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,487
the protectors, the hewers of
wood, while women
191
00:08:07,522 --> 00:08:09,489
have sat at home learning
how to put on eye shadow.
192
00:08:09,524 --> 00:08:10,990
Oh, come on.
193
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:14,494
Hi, honey, buy you a drink?
194
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,997
Oh, no thanks.
195
00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:20,500
Go ahead, jack
, we're really interested
196
00:08:20,535 --> 00:08:24,504
oh, excuse me, well
what i meant was you just
197
00:08:24,539 --> 00:08:26,506
can't ignore the physical
differences of-
198
00:08:26,541 --> 00:08:28,007
you know i've always
been partial to blondes
199
00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:29,509
that's nice.
200
00:08:29,544 --> 00:08:31,511
Have you thought about getting
yourself a cocker spaniel?
201
00:08:33,548 --> 00:08:35,014
Hey, you don't kn
ow what you're missing
202
00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:37,016
why don't you take a walk?
203
00:08:37,051 --> 00:08:39,519
R. I've got a 35
- foot cabin cruise
204
00:08:39,554 --> 00:08:41,020
all right, take a cruise.
205
00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:42,522
Go ahead, jack.
206
00:08:42,557 --> 00:08:44,023
Ahead?
207
00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:48,027
Well, what i meant was
is that men are physically
208
00:08:48,062 --> 00:08:50,029
stronger than the-than the-
209
00:08:50,064 --> 00:08:51,030
hey listen,
are you with anybody?
210
00:08:51,065 --> 00:08:52,532
I am with him.
211
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:54,534
Him?
212
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,537
Huh?
213
00:08:57,572 --> 00:09:01,040
Oh well yes, in a sense,
i mean we're all together
214
00:09:01,075 --> 00:09:04,544
hey sonny, do me a favor,
butt out.
215
00:09:04,579 --> 00:09:06,546
Listen, i think
i should warn you-
216
00:09:06,581 --> 00:09:09,048
and i think i should warn you,
the last guy who warned me
217
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:14,053
about something got all
his teeth knocked out.
218
00:09:14,088 --> 00:09:17,557
Oh, well, i wouldn't want
that to happen.
219
00:09:20,595 --> 00:09:22,562
My father paid a fortune
for my braces.
220
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:25,565
Come on, jeff, come on, you
haven't finished your drink
221
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,067
yes, right, right.
222
00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:30,570
I'll be back here tomorrow,
babe, but don't bring him along
223
00:09:30,605 --> 00:09:32,071
he frightens me.
224
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,080
Well, i didn't want
to cause a scene.
225
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:43,583
No, no sense in that.
226
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,585
No.
227
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:49,589
You were perfectly right, jac k.
228
00:09:49,624 --> 00:09:50,590
I wasn't scared or anything
, he just-
229
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,091
hey, you did
the right thing.
230
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,593
M. You st ood up to hi
231
00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:56,596
yes, and then
you sat down again.
232
00:09:56,631 --> 00:09:59,599
I mean that you didn't
want to cause a scene.
233
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:00,099
Oh, hi kids.
234
00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:01,100
Hi.
235
00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:02,602
Re.
Hi the
236
00:10:02,637 --> 00:10:05,104
i'm in agony, helen.
237
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,607
This tooth is killing me.
238
00:10:07,642 --> 00:10:09,108
But does anybody
feel sorry for me?
239
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:10,109
Yes, stanley,
you do.
240
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,112
Hey, jim, give him a brandy,
will you?
241
00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,114
Sure.
242
00:10:15,149 --> 00:10:17,116
I don't know if i can open my
lips wide enough to drink it.
243
00:10:17,151 --> 00:10:18,618
Could you put it
in a baby bottle?
244
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:21,621
You're mo
uth giving you trouble?
245
00:10:21,656 --> 00:10:22,622
Not as much as hers.
246
00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:25,124
Oh!
247
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:27,627
You clumsy idiot.
248
00:10:27,662 --> 00:10:31,130
Why don't you watch where
you put your elbows, stupid.
249
00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:33,132
Where do all of these
stupid people come from, anyway?
250
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:34,634
Stupid?
251
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:44,644
Yeah.
252
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,146
Pop.
You're absolutely right,
253
00:10:47,181 --> 00:10:49,649
barkeep, give my friend here
another brandy
254
00:10:49,684 --> 00:10:52,151
we just made
an important discovery
255
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:55,154
we just found a man
in this joint.
256
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,659
Makes me feel real good
to see a little runt like you
257
00:10:59,694 --> 00:11:02,662
stick up for his rights.
258
00:11:02,697 --> 00:11:03,663
Thank you.
259
00:11:11,706 --> 00:11:14,674
Let's see you two are
the egg salad-
260
00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:17,176
thank you.
261
00:11:17,211 --> 00:11:18,678
And i believe
you're the chicken.
262
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,198
Good morning!
263
00:11:39,233 --> 00:11:40,700
I am all ready and waiting
for my cooking lesson.
264
00:11:40,735 --> 00:11:43,703
Your what?
265
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:44,704
You're going to show me
how to make a cheese omelet,
266
00:11:44,739 --> 00:11:46,706
remember?
267
00:11:46,741 --> 00:11:48,207
Not today.
268
00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:52,211
Oh, come on, jack, please?
269
00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:54,714
Come on, the cheese is ripe.
270
00:11:54,749 --> 00:11:55,715
You'll love it.
271
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:56,716
At?
What kind of a crack is th
272
00:11:56,751 --> 00:11:57,717
what?
273
00:11:57,752 --> 00:11:58,718
Cheese.
274
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,219
You mean i'm a mouse not a man,
i get it.
275
00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:04,223
Well, i don't blame you
276
00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:07,727
janet, janet, you've go
t to take the plastic wrap off
277
00:12:07,762 --> 00:12:08,728
before you slice it.
278
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:09,729
Don't you know anything
279
00:12:11,766 --> 00:12:15,735
gee whiz, what's bugging you?
280
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,737
I was just thinking of what
a coward i was last night.
281
00:12:17,772 --> 00:12:22,241
You were not a coward.
282
00:12:22,276 --> 00:12:23,743
I was yellow; let's face it
283
00:12:23,778 --> 00:12:25,745
i've got chicken in my blood.
284
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:29,248
Aw, come on jack, cut it out.
285
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,250
Even the kids at school
could spot it.
286
00:12:31,285 --> 00:12:33,252
Fat kenny jensen
would threaten to beat me up
287
00:12:33,287 --> 00:12:34,754
every morning unless
i gave him a nickel.
288
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:37,757
What did you do?
289
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,258
I put him through college.
290
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,768
Aw, come on, jack.
291
00:12:48,803 --> 00:12:51,270
You did the right thing
last night.
292
00:12:51,305 --> 00:12:53,272
Remember, he who fights
and runs away,
293
00:12:53,307 --> 00:12:56,275
lives to fight another day.
294
00:12:56,310 --> 00:12:58,778
S? Will you can i t with the proverb
295
00:12:58,813 --> 00:12:59,779
ay. Besides, i didn't fig ht and run aw
296
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,782
t.
That's the whole poin
297
00:13:02,817 --> 00:13:04,283
well, he who doesn't figh
t and runs away,
298
00:13:04,318 --> 00:13:05,284
lives to run another day.
299
00:13:08,322 --> 00:13:09,288
I'm going to shave.
300
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,292
Hey wait;
301
00:13:13,327 --> 00:13:14,794
aren't you going to show me
how to make my omelet?
302
00:13:14,829 --> 00:13:16,295
Me?
303
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:17,296
I couldn't even beat up an egg.
304
00:13:21,335 --> 00:13:22,802
Who's there?
305
00:13:22,837 --> 00:13:23,803
Oh, i'm sorry, chrissy.
306
00:13:23,838 --> 00:13:24,804
I didn't know you were in here.
307
00:13:24,839 --> 00:13:26,305
I am taking a shower.
308
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,807
Do you mind?
309
00:13:27,842 --> 00:13:28,808
I won't be a minute.
310
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:32,311
I'll just get my shaving stuff
and split.
311
00:13:32,346 --> 00:13:34,313
Hey, when are you going
to fix the lock on that door?
312
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:36,315
Why don't you call a man
to do it?
313
00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:39,318
We've got a man, you.
314
00:13:39,353 --> 00:13:42,321
Thanks for the
vote of confidence.
315
00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:45,324
Hey, you can't see through
this curtain, can you?
316
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,326
No, that's why i bought
this can.
317
00:13:47,361 --> 00:13:49,829
It dissolves plastic instantly.
318
00:13:51,866 --> 00:13:52,832
Jack, i am warning you.
319
00:13:52,867 --> 00:13:53,833
If you-
320
00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:55,334
chrissy, chrissy,
i am so down this morning;
321
00:13:55,369 --> 00:13:57,837
i couldn't even raise a smile.
322
00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:05,845
Why?
323
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,847
Do you think i'm a coward
324
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,851
oh, come on, don't take i
t so seriously.
325
00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:14,353
I mean, you did the right thing
not doing anything.
326
00:14:14,388 --> 00:14:15,855
I mean, if you would have done
something, he would have done
327
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,357
something, and you wouldn't be
able to do anything, would you?
328
00:14:19,894 --> 00:14:21,861
What?
329
00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:23,863
Will you forget
about last night?
330
00:14:23,898 --> 00:14:26,365
We don't think badly of you
331
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,368
we like you just the way you
are, with a face and everything.
332
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:41,380
Pow! Pow!
Pow, pow, pow, pow!
333
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,883
Oh, here's your sunday
breakfast, stanley.
334
00:14:43,918 --> 00:14:45,885
Look, helen, i still got it!
335
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,387
Where?
336
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,892
You saw how i stood him up
to him, eyeball to eyeball.
337
00:14:52,927 --> 00:14:55,394
Eyeball to navel, you mean.
338
00:14:55,429 --> 00:14:57,396
He was shaking, helen.
339
00:14:57,431 --> 00:14:59,899
He was trying to control
his laughter, stanley.
340
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:01,901
He apologized.
341
00:15:01,936 --> 00:15:04,403
Yes, he was afraid of what might
happen if he hit you.
342
00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:05,905
I know what would have happened.
343
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:08,407
Yeah, i know what woul
d have happened, too
344
00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:10,409
l. I'd have been able to buy
t hat black nightgown after al
345
00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:13,412
see what you did?
346
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:14,914
You brought the pain back.
347
00:15:14,949 --> 00:15:17,917
Y.
Oh, i'm sorry, stanle
348
00:15:17,952 --> 00:15:20,920
t. I thought you we re very brave last nigh
349
00:15:20,955 --> 00:15:22,922
thank you.
350
00:15:22,957 --> 00:15:24,423
Where's the sunday paper?
351
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:26,425
T.
Oh, it hasn't come ye
352
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:27,426
maybe i made
the sports page.
353
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:29,428
Or the funnies.
354
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:40,940
That's funny, really funny.
355
00:15:40,975 --> 00:15:41,440
Any coffee left?
356
00:15:41,475 --> 00:15:44,944
Yeah.
357
00:15:44,979 --> 00:15:47,446
Hey, how come we got
the sunday paper delivered?
358
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:48,948
We don't have a subscription.
359
00:15:48,983 --> 00:15:49,949
Well, i don't know.
360
00:15:49,984 --> 00:15:51,450
I heard it land
on the front balcony
361
00:15:51,485 --> 00:15:52,952
this morning so i went out
and got it.
362
00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:55,454
Oh.
363
00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:57,957
You know, that paper
boy was so thoughtful.
364
00:15:57,992 --> 00:15:59,458
He waited for me to bend over
and pick it up
365
00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:01,460
before he rode away.
366
00:16:05,499 --> 00:16:07,466
You enjoying the funnies, jack?
367
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:08,467
Yeah.
368
00:16:08,502 --> 00:16:11,470
Oh.
369
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:13,472
That's good.
370
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:14,473
I'm glad you
found something
371
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,475
to take your mind
off last night.
372
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,478
There's this little guy,
you see,
373
00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:21,981
and he's being tormented by his
foreman who's this big bully-
374
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:25,985
and then over here,
the little guy dumps
375
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,987
a can of paint
on the bully's head-
376
00:16:30,524 --> 00:16:31,991
and why couldn't
i have done that?
377
00:16:32,026 --> 00:16:32,992
Because you can't draw.
378
00:16:37,531 --> 00:16:39,498
Besides, it's pretty
hard to find
379
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:42,001
a can of paint
in a pub.
380
00:16:42,036 --> 00:16:43,002
All over the world, little guys
are standing up to tyrants,
381
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,504
but not me.
382
00:16:45,539 --> 00:16:47,506
Well, i hate violence.
383
00:16:47,541 --> 00:16:49,508
In fact, my father always
told us in his sermons,
384
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,012
"he who lives by the sword,
shall die by the sword."
385
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,514
Yeah, well you can tell your
father that if i had been david,
386
00:16:55,549 --> 00:16:57,016
goliath would still
be alive today.
387
00:17:00,054 --> 00:17:03,022
Come on, jack, will you
stop putting yourself down?
388
00:17:03,057 --> 00:17:05,524
If i had any guts
i would have rung his neck.
389
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,026
I would have stood up to him
and torn him apart.
390
00:17:10,064 --> 00:17:11,530
Good morning.
391
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:12,531
Er i was wonderin g if my sunday pap
392
00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:14,033
e?
Was delivered here by mistak
393
00:17:15,069 --> 00:17:16,535
your sunday paper?
394
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:18,037
T, yeah, you know i love to l
ook at the funnies over breakfas
395
00:17:18,072 --> 00:17:20,039
especially "andy capp.
396
00:17:20,074 --> 00:17:21,540
Now there's a guy that know
s how to treat the women
397
00:17:21,575 --> 00:17:23,542
he cracks me up.
398
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:24,543
Ah, well, here's most of him.
399
00:17:27,581 --> 00:17:29,548
Why would anybody do this
to andy capp?
400
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:31,550
Oh, mr. Roper,
it was an accident.
401
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,053
Where's the rest of the paper?
402
00:17:34,088 --> 00:17:35,054
Well, i think it's in the-
- excuse me, i think it's
403
00:17:35,089 --> 00:17:38,557
right in here.
404
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:39,558
Roper's paper-oh, my lor
d, what happened?
405
00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:40,559
Roper?
406
00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:42,061
I knocked the coffee pot over.
407
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:43,562
Well, he's right out there.
408
00:17:43,597 --> 00:17:45,564
Listen, will you hurry?
I got to-
409
00:17:47,101 --> 00:17:48,067
it was an accident.
410
00:17:53,107 --> 00:17:56,075
What am i supposed to do
with this?
411
00:17:56,110 --> 00:17:59,578
Well, maybe if mrs. Roper
put it in the dryer?
412
00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:05,084
You ruined my sunday,
i hope you realize that.
413
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,588
Mr. Roper,
we're really sorry.
414
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:10,589
R look, to make up for it,
why don't i buy you a bee
415
00:18:10,624 --> 00:18:12,591
down at the pub tonight?
416
00:18:12,626 --> 00:18:14,093
You're not going to go down to
the pub again tonight-
417
00:18:14,128 --> 00:18:16,595
what?
418
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:19,098
Oh, hey, i was thinking
it would be so great
419
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:20,599
to stay home tonight and relax.
420
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,101
Ah.
Oh, ye
421
00:18:22,136 --> 00:18:25,104
oh, oh, i heard about you
and that fellow.
422
00:18:25,139 --> 00:18:27,606
You know, he never should have
picked on somebody like you.
423
00:18:27,641 --> 00:18:29,608
What's that supposed
to mean?
424
00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:31,110
Ht; well, you could never get into a fig
425
00:18:31,145 --> 00:18:32,611
ls.
It would ruin your nai
426
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,616
ng. You kn ow, jack did the right thi
427
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:38,617
d.
Fighting's uncivilize
428
00:18:38,652 --> 00:18:40,119
yeah.
429
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,620
Ld you kn ow, if women ran the wor
430
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,623
rs. There'd be no ne of these stupid wa
431
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,125
yes, all the countries would nag
each other to death.
432
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,134
Say mr. Roper?
433
00:18:55,169 --> 00:18:58,137
Yes, tinkerbell?
434
00:18:58,172 --> 00:19:00,139
I'm jack.
435
00:19:00,174 --> 00:19:00,639
My name is jack.
436
00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:02,141
Oh, i'm sorry, jack
437
00:19:02,176 --> 00:19:03,142
en.
Oh, helen, helen, list
438
00:19:03,177 --> 00:19:07,146
re i was just telli ng all the girls he
439
00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:10,149
that if they need protection
they know where to come.
440
00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:12,651
Oh, yeah.
441
00:19:12,686 --> 00:19:14,653
Look, stanley, i finally got
your dentist
442
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,156
on the phone and he says
he can take you right now.
443
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:18,157
Oh, oh.
444
00:19:18,192 --> 00:19:19,158
Oh, no.
445
00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,159
He says it's very simple.
446
00:19:20,194 --> 00:19:21,160
One quick yank-
447
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164
oh, now, don't you fuss.
448
00:19:25,199 --> 00:19:28,667
If you're good he'll probably
give you a lollipop.
449
00:19:28,702 --> 00:19:29,668
Three beer's, jim.
450
00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:31,670
No wait, make mine a whiskey.
451
00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:34,173
Boy, this is so cr
azy coming here.
452
00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:35,674
Ay? What's he tryin g to prove, anyw
453
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,676
oh, i know what he's up to.
454
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:39,678
See, if that big creep hits him
and puts him in the hospital,
455
00:19:39,713 --> 00:19:41,180
he won't be around
to help us redecorate.
456
00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:49,188
Ahhhh.
457
00:19:49,223 --> 00:19:52,191
Has kong been in here tonight?
458
00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:54,693
No, i don't think he'll
be around tonight.
459
00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:56,195
Oh, good.
460
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:58,697
I mean good for him, i mean.
461
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,203
Hey, let's just drink up an
get out of here really quick,
462
00:20:04,238 --> 00:20:06,205
just in case, okay?
463
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:10,209
Chrissy, a man's got to d
o what a man's got to do.
464
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,713
John wayne rides again.
465
00:20:20,754 --> 00:20:21,720
You know, janet and i
will respect you a lot more
466
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,223
if you don't fight him.
467
00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:26,225
It will show that you are
more a man than he is.
468
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:27,226
More a man, really?
469
00:20:27,261 --> 00:20:30,229
Yes.
470
00:20:30,264 --> 00:20:33,232
Well, if he comes up
and apologizes i might let him
471
00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:35,234
off the hook, after all,
i am a civilized kind of-
472
00:20:35,269 --> 00:20:35,734
there he is.
473
00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:36,735
Wha-?
474
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:38,737
Two beers.
475
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:40,739
Hello, sweetie.
476
00:20:43,777 --> 00:20:44,743
That does it,
he's asking for it.
477
00:20:44,778 --> 00:20:45,244
And you'
re going to get it.
478
00:20:45,279 --> 00:20:47,246
He only said hello.
479
00:20:47,281 --> 00:20:49,248
Yes, but the way he said it,
"hello, sweetie."
480
00:20:49,783 --> 00:20:51,250
Re.
Don't go up the
481
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:52,251
i'm going to order
some sandwiches.
482
00:20:52,286 --> 00:20:53,252
O.
No, i will g
483
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,254
you stay right here.
484
00:20:55,289 --> 00:20:57,756
If he starts anything, there's
going to be serious trouble.
485
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,259
Hi.
486
00:21:00,294 --> 00:21:02,761
I wanted to talk to you
about my friend.
487
00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:03,762
Eat.
Yeah, she's n
488
00:21:05,299 --> 00:21:07,266
the four of us could
have a good time.
489
00:21:07,301 --> 00:21:08,767
Do you want me to get rid
of that jerk for you?
490
00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:10,769
The jerk is the friend
i was talking about.
491
00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:11,770
He's going to knock
your block off.
492
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,774
Oh, that does it.
493
00:21:15,809 --> 00:21:18,277
He's only laughing, i mean jane
is funny sometimes, you know?
494
00:21:19,813 --> 00:21:24,783
Well, why isn't he laughing now
495
00:21:24,818 --> 00:21:25,284
is he insulting you?
496
00:21:25,319 --> 00:21:27,286
No.
497
00:21:27,321 --> 00:21:28,787
Well, he insulted you and
chrissy last night and well-
498
00:21:28,822 --> 00:21:31,290
well what?
499
00:21:31,325 --> 00:21:33,292
Well, i think, you know,
you owe someone an apology.
500
00:21:33,327 --> 00:21:34,793
What?
501
00:21:34,828 --> 00:21:36,795
Hey man, you behaved
like a creep in here last night,
502
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:38,297
insulting women, spoiling
people's evenings out,
503
00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:39,798
knocking drinks over.
504
00:21:39,833 --> 00:21:40,299
Oh, i'm really sorry-
505
00:21:42,336 --> 00:21:42,801
listen-
506
00:21:42,836 --> 00:21:44,303
no, i'm not sorry.
507
00:21:44,338 --> 00:21:46,305
I'm glad i did that and i got a
suggestion for you, big man.
508
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:50,309
Why don't you bug out, leave,
vamoose, or i'll waa!
509
00:21:52,346 --> 00:21:54,313
Okay, okay, i'm sorry.
510
00:21:54,348 --> 00:21:55,314
Just don't get mad.
511
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:05,324
Is he gone?
512
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:06,825
He sure is.
513
00:22:06,860 --> 00:22:08,827
You were
fantastic.
514
00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:11,830
Jack, you were terrific.
515
00:22:11,865 --> 00:22:13,332
Come on, let's go back to the
table and finish our drink.
516
00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:15,334
I don't think i can move.
517
00:22:19,373 --> 00:22:20,839
Okay, okay.
518
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:28,347
Here you go, jack,
on the house.
519
00:22:28,382 --> 00:22:30,349
Oh, thanks.
520
00:22:30,384 --> 00:22:31,850
Hey, i didn't know about that
steel plate in your head.
521
00:22:33,387 --> 00:22:35,354
What plate?
522
00:22:35,389 --> 00:22:36,855
The one you got saving
your platoon in vietnam?
523
00:22:36,890 --> 00:22:40,859
Viet-?
524
00:22:40,894 --> 00:22:42,861
Janet.
525
00:22:42,896 --> 00:22:49,868
Oh, well, i kind of told that
to the creep
526
00:22:49,903 --> 00:22:52,371
so he'd think twice
before killing you.
527
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,376
Thanks a lot,
now i feel like a fool.
528
00:22:57,411 --> 00:22:58,877
Oh, well you shouldn't.
529
00:22:58,912 --> 00:23:01,380
You were very brave.
530
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:02,881
Brave?
531
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,883
Well, yes, i mean,
you stood up to that guy
532
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,886
even though you thought
he might murder you.
533
00:23:07,921 --> 00:23:09,888
I?
That's true i did, didn't
534
00:23:09,923 --> 00:23:12,391
id.
Oh, you sure d
535
00:23:12,426 --> 00:23:13,892
i guess i was a hero even
if i didn't go to vietnam
536
00:23:13,927 --> 00:23:14,893
what's that?
537
00:23:14,928 --> 00:23:15,394
Cambodia.
538
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:18,397
It was cambodia.
539
00:23:18,432 --> 00:23:18,897
I had a grenade in my hand and-
540
00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:52,330
three's company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.
35629
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