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APPLAUSE
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Hello! Merry Christmas, and
welcome back to Play of the Week
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where, each week,
a new play is performed live
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in front of a studio audience
here in Cornley
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and broadcast to the nation.
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I'm Chris Bean, the direc-tor...
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and I'm thrilled to present
tonight's Christmas play.
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Before we begin, let's meet...
Chris, Chris, Chris... Chris. Yes?
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What noise does a reindeer make?
Clearly a matter
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for rehearsals, Dennis!
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Before we begin...
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let's meet the star of the show.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together
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for Father Christmas!
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APPLAUSE
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Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
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I've come all the way from Lapland
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with my favourite two elves,
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Nistle and Nostle!
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APPLAUSE
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Well, we've got just enough time
before the main event
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to meet some children from...
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the local area.
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All right, so, who have we got?
Right, erm...
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Grace...
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Grace, what would you like
for Christmas, Grace?
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I'm not Grace.
Why are you looking at me, then?
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Don't make eye contact
if you're not Grace.
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Who's Grace?
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Right, OK.
What do you want for Christmas?
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An Xbox. An Xbox?
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Are you sure that's the gift you...
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pre-arranged with the producers?
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Yes.
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Ha-ha! Oh-ho, ho-ho!
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I think the producers agreed
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there was a £15 limit,
and you'd be getting
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a copy of Robert Groves'
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Anything You Can Act,
I Can Act Louder.
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Now with diagrams!
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And it's even signed by the author,
you see? "To Grace".
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That says "Grate".
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So sorry. Let's fix that, shall we?
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There we are.
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Now it says "Ungrateful".
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Right, let's do another.
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What do YOU want for Christmas?
PlayStation.
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Right, no games consoles!
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That's not the budget
we're working with.
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Have an acting book.
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Right, what would you like
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for Christmas, little girl?
I'm a boy! Oh, who chose these?!
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All right,
that's clearly enough of that.
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Let's get on with the show.
BACKGROUND CHATTER
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The actors are prepared,
the stage is set.
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Please enjoy
The Spirit of Christmas!
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Dreadful section!
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APPLAUSE
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LAUGHTER
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One Christmas Eve, not long ago,
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a sweet little girl
built a man out of snow.
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She sighed as she played in
the cold winter air,
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for she had some worries
she needed to share.
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Hello, Mr Snowman.
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You're going to be my best friend!
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And I won't say that again!
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What do you want me to do, Maude?
I've been running errands all day
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for YOU, picking up all the food!
It's eight o'clock, and I've still
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got to prepare all this
for tomorrow! Fine.
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What can I do to help? Cut up
these chicken breasts, will you?
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Try not to make a mess of it!
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SMASHING
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REPEATED SMASHING
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I see you got the cheap sausages.
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Daddy, can we do a cracker?
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Of course we can.
The crackers are for tomorrow!
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Maude, just let her pull a cracker!
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It's Christmas Eve,
for goodness' sake!
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THEY SCREAM
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Why don't you decorate the tree?
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Ooh, can we?! I'll do the baubles,
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and YOU can do the tinsel. Oh! Uh...
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Make sure you spread it out evenly.
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I don't want it looking silly.
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Oh, no, where's the...?
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Where's the star?!
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Oh, I can't see it.
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What?! You've lost
my grandmother's star?!
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I haven't lost it,
I just can't find it!
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I can't trust you
with anything, can I?!
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You know what? I think
I need some air.
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DOOR SLAMS
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When is Daddy coming back?
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I don't know, darling. Can I sleep
downstairs tonight, so I can
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wish him an happy Christmas
when he comes home?
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Of course you can, sweetheart.
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And I'll put out
some sherry for Santa.
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MAGICAL MUSIC
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♪ Dear Santa, can you help me?
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♪ I am feeling sad today
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♪ I've been good, I've been kind
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♪ I've been helpful
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♪ But my cheer has gone away
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♪ Dear Santa, can you help me?
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♪ I don't know what to do
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♪ If I promise to be better
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♪ Would you make my wish come true?
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♪ I don't want to ride a reindeer
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♪ Or a sunny holiday... ♪
Bring it down.
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♪ I don't want a Christmas party
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♪ Or a present from your sleigh
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HIGH-PITCHED:
♪ Dear Santa, can you help me?
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♪ I'm feeling oh, so blue
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♪ Dear Santa
Dear Santa, dear Santa
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♪ Could you make
my wish come true? ♪
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PROLONGUED HIGH NOTE
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APPLAUSE
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Away went Belle's letter,
high up in the sky.
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She just had to wait now
for Santa's reply.
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Would he have the answer?
Could this do the trick?
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Belle put her trust in
kindly Saint Nick.
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She lay down her head,
her heart full of care,
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dreaming that Santa
would answer her prayer.
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Ho! Ho!
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BANGING
Argh! Hmm.
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Oh, come on!
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Agh...
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My sack's caught on the flue.
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You can't say that! Of course I can,
it's a literal sack.
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Not talking about my balls, am I?
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Argh! OK, now my
actual sack is caught.
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REPEATED BANGING
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Robert? Huh? Robert! Careful!
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Be careful, Robert! What are
you doing?! Argh! Argh! Argh!
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Argh! Argh!
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Push it up!
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Agh!
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Argh! Argh!
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Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
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Agh! Hand me the gifts.
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Oof!
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Agh... Bloody acting books! Oof!
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Ooh, sorry, sorry!
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Oh, God!
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Er... Oh, no.
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LOUD BANG
Ooh! Argh!
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Wake up, dear one.
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Santa?! Ho-ho-ho! That's right.
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I received your letter, Belle,
and it moved me greatly.
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Are you sad, Belle? I am, Santa.
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Belle's sad. Aw!
AUDIENCE: Aw!
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What are you doing?
LAUGHTER
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Do not participate.
LAUGHTER
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Unbelievable! God, I just
feel so dreadfully low.
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That just won't do! But don't worry,
because I've brought my two elves
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to come and help you.
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Come along, Nistle!
Come along, Nostle!
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Here I come!
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Hello, Santa!
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And here I come!
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I'm coming!
BANGING
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I'm on my way.
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Almost!
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Al...
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BANGING STOPS Ah.
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I shall remain!
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Nistle and Nostle
are the happiest two el...
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two elves in all of Lapland.
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Er... That's because
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we're the closest of friends,
and wherever you see Nistle...
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You're sure to see Nostle!
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JAUNTY MUSIC
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♪ We're Nistle
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♪ And Nostle
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♪ The closest of friends
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♪ When we're both together
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♪ The fun never ends
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♪ If I'm feeling rotten
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♪ Never despair!
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♪ Because Nostle will
lift me up in the air!
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♪ Where Nistle goes... ♪
CLAPPING
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♪ Nostle goes... ♪
MUFFLED CLAPPING
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♪ And where Nistle goes... ♪
CLAPPING
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♪ Nostle goes...
MUFFLED CLAPPING
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♪ And where Nistle goes... ♪
BELL RINGS
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♪ Nostle goes... ♪
BELL RINGS
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Argh!
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Hey!
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Oof!
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APPLAUSE
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Well, that was...good.
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Ah, Belle, I see you've left me
some sherry.
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How delightful!
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Eurgh!
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It's real sherry.
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And some mince pies, delicious!
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Delicious.
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But, Belle, you said in your letter
that you don't feel
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the spirit of Christmas this year?
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That's right, Santa.
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00:10:24,430 --> 00:10:26,429
Well, this is serious.
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00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:30,349
Why don't you both have a mince pie.
And I'll have another nip of sherry
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00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:32,749
and we'll solve our
troubles together?
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Yes, we will.
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00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:36,030
HE CHUCKLES
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Just another nip.
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00:10:42,190 --> 00:10:43,910
Just a couple more nips.
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00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:47,669
Just a couple more nips.
That's a lot of nips.
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Are you really
going to help me, Santa?
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I will in a minute.
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00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:55,509
I'm just working on something
else quite complicated here.
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00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:58,749
Argh! Stop It! Stop! Argh!
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00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,470
Right, get out of the way!
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00:11:06,070 --> 00:11:07,670
That really was too many nips.
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00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:12,949
Santa?
Hmm? Yes.
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00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:17,830
Well, in difficult times what you
need is a magfastic fagical friend.
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00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:21,349
A fanfastic magifal...
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00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:24,349
A fantastic faginal friend...
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00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,349
A friend...
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00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:30,470
Perhaps an old friend of mine
can be a new friend of yours.
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00:11:36,470 --> 00:11:42,789
♪ When you're feeling blue
When you're all alone
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00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:47,910
♪ When you don't know what to do
And you're on your own
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00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:55,629
♪ All you need is a good friend
A brand-new Christmas chum
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00:11:55,630 --> 00:12:01,150
♪ He'll get you smilin' and singin'
and stop you feeling glum
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00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:09,629
♪ Ho, ho, ho! Hee, hee, hee!
Let's all be merry and gay
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00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:15,270
♪ Hee, hee, hee! Ho, ho, ho!
A new friend's on his way
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00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,069
♪ Ho, ho, ho... ♪
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00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,629
Tommy, I can take it from here.
229
00:12:20,630 --> 00:12:25,589
♪ Ho, ho, ho! Hee, hee, hee!
Let's all be merry and gay!
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00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:29,829
♪ Everybody! Hee, hee, hee!
Ho, ho, ho!
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00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:32,029
♪ A new friend's... ♪
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00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:35,269
Oh, you've missed it now.
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00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:37,589
You've missed it. That's the
end, you see. There.
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00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,709
Right, now we're going to do it.
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00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:42,469
We'll do it. On his way...
Three, four...
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00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,189
♪ On his... ♪
AUDIENCE: ♪ On his way. ♪
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Terrible. Absolutely terrible.
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Again. ♪ On his...
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♪ Way... ♪
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00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,310
No, it's a D Flat.
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00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:56,989
♪ On his...
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00:12:56,990 --> 00:12:58,590
♪ Way. ♪
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00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:03,470
We'll call it there.
244
00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:06,510
Don't patronise me.
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00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,470
Right, let's meet a new friend.
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00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:25,469
Right, stand back, everyone.
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Get ready to see some magic!
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00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:44,869
Hello, Santa!
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00:13:44,870 --> 00:13:48,949
Hello, Mr Snowman!
Merry Christmas, my old friend.
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00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:50,789
Well, if you've called on me,
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00:13:50,790 --> 00:13:53,429
that must mean someone's
lost their Christmas cheer.
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00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:55,869
That's right.
Come inside and meet Belle!
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00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:57,909
I'll have to be careful
I don't melt!
254
00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:59,310
Oh, get over yourself.
255
00:14:12,270 --> 00:14:15,189
Hello, Belle!
Hello, Mr Snowman!
256
00:14:15,190 --> 00:14:16,749
It's very nice to meet you!
257
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:19,229
I'm going to be
your new best friend!
258
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:20,990
Give me a hug! Yay...
259
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:34,949
We're going to have so much fun!
We can play together.
260
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:38,349
Every day's an adventure
in the snow.
261
00:14:38,350 --> 00:14:40,550
This is not your best work, Chris.
262
00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:44,829
I'm always happy to make
a new friend.
263
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:47,589
There we go, Belle.
Don't you feel better now?
264
00:14:47,590 --> 00:14:50,309
Yes, thank you, Santa, much...
265
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:51,790
much better.
266
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:57,949
Oh, don't cry, us elves
don't like it when people cry.
267
00:14:57,950 --> 00:14:59,510
I can't bear to look.
268
00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:06,110
I'm sorry, it seems like nothing can
bring back my Christmas cheer.
269
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:11,629
Sometimes everyone feels sad.
270
00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:13,030
Denise left me.
271
00:15:16,510 --> 00:15:18,150
I've never gotten over that.
272
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:21,989
I'm sure I can cheer Belle up,
Santa.
273
00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:24,030
Most of the time I'm fine
and then...
274
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:26,870
bam!
275
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:29,230
It hits you.
276
00:15:31,470 --> 00:15:33,589
I'm always happy.
277
00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:35,430
Why? You're essentially enslaved.
278
00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:39,709
Why don't we look at what
gifts Santa has brought
279
00:15:39,710 --> 00:15:41,630
and see what there is for you?
280
00:16:01,190 --> 00:16:02,869
Can we help you?
281
00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:05,469
No. No, it's fine.
I've got it.
282
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,310
I've practised this.
283
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:19,389
There.
284
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,149
There!
285
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:22,830
It's a new doll!
286
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:29,869
Aw, thank you, Mr Snowman.
287
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:33,309
It says on my list that dolls
aren't Belle's favourite toy.
288
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,149
This calls for the toy machine.
289
00:16:35,150 --> 00:16:38,149
Of course!
We can make it appear by magic.
290
00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:41,070
Can't we, Nostle?
I think I'm running out of air!
291
00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:43,630
That's right!
292
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,189
Ready, Nostle?
Ready!
293
00:16:52,190 --> 00:16:54,470
Here we go.
294
00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:08,549
Three.
295
00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:09,669
Two.
296
00:17:09,670 --> 00:17:10,989
One!
297
00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:13,269
Ahh!
298
00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:15,549
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
299
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:17,789
Wow!
300
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:20,389
This is the magical toy machine.
301
00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:22,589
It can make anything
you can dream of.
302
00:17:22,590 --> 00:17:24,869
Any toy imaginable.
303
00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:26,510
Not rude stuff, obviously.
304
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:31,789
Tell me, Belle, what are your
favourite things in the world?
305
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,989
Unicorns!
306
00:17:33,990 --> 00:17:37,149
I think we can manage that,
can't we, Nostle?
307
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:38,590
My legs are numb!
308
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:44,990
And here we go.
309
00:17:56,870 --> 00:17:58,190
Here we are.
310
00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,189
One unicorn.
311
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,629
Oh, it's...
312
00:18:11,630 --> 00:18:13,230
he's beautiful.
313
00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:16,909
And it's time for us
to be on our way.
314
00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:19,589
Of course. Lots more toys
to be delivered!
315
00:18:19,590 --> 00:18:22,270
But look, Santa.
Belle's still crying.
316
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:27,069
What is it now? What a drain!
317
00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:29,469
Christmas is hard
for all of us, you know!
318
00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:31,269
Where are my gifts?
319
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:32,550
Think about that.
320
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:37,149
What's wrong, Belle?
Oh, I'm sorry.
321
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,629
Thank you.
322
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:42,669
I love my new friend,
and my new doll and my new unicorn
323
00:18:42,670 --> 00:18:46,230
but I just still don't
feel very happy.
324
00:18:54,070 --> 00:18:56,709
Something else must be wrong...
Something else must be wrong!
325
00:18:56,710 --> 00:18:58,430
Come on, guys, switch on!
326
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:02,789
Belle? What's all that noise?
327
00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:04,229
Oh, it's Mummy! Hide!
328
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,830
Quickly, behind the curtains.
329
00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:20,110
Belle? Are you awake, darling?
330
00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:26,230
Sleep well, sweetheart.
331
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,669
PHONE RINGS
332
00:19:40,670 --> 00:19:43,029
Lawrence.
333
00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:44,829
When are you coming back?
It's gone ten.
334
00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:46,469
What do you mean, you're not?
335
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:49,909
It's Christmas Eve and we're all
alone.
336
00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:51,949
Belle's counting on you.
337
00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:53,390
I'm counting on you.
338
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:58,030
Merry Christmas, Belle.
339
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:03,109
Now I know why you're so sad.
340
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:07,189
Oh, Belle, family is the most
important thing in the world,
341
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:09,630
especially at Christmas.
342
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:17,949
♪ I'm a snowy old snowman
with carrot nose and twig hands
343
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:22,629
♪ But I cannot deny that I adore
344
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:26,589
♪ A family by the fire... ♪
345
00:20:26,590 --> 00:20:28,789
Oh, no... NO, NO.
346
00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:32,390
ARGH!! Get it out!
347
00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:38,549
♪ Every snowflake is a
tiny piece of winter
348
00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:44,389
♪ Every gust of wind
a breath from winters old
349
00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:48,829
♪ Now summer's disappeared
without a whimper
350
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:53,709
♪ But you're not alone
to face the cold
351
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:56,350
♪ For if a snowy old snowman...
352
00:21:06,990 --> 00:21:12,189
♪ Is all we need to see
the winter through. ♪
353
00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:15,430
APPLAUSE
354
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,670
Did you enjoy that, Belle?
355
00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:26,829
Not even that lifted my spirit.
356
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:28,230
Lifted mine.
357
00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:33,069
Do your parents fight a lot, Belle?
358
00:21:33,070 --> 00:21:35,469
My mummy and daddy
fight all the time.
359
00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:37,669
And the truth comes out!
360
00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:41,229
I don't want presents
or even friends,
361
00:21:41,230 --> 00:21:44,709
all I want is for
my parents to be happy.
362
00:21:44,710 --> 00:21:47,149
It's like Nostle always says...
363
00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:48,950
I'm horribly burned.
364
00:21:50,790 --> 00:21:53,069
I just don't know what else
we can try.
365
00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:54,830
My buttons are made of biscuits.
366
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,869
We could all eat those.
367
00:21:57,870 --> 00:21:59,590
Thank you, Mr Snowman!
368
00:22:18,110 --> 00:22:19,430
Mm.
369
00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:25,510
Did that taste good?
370
00:22:28,270 --> 00:22:29,270
Yes.
371
00:22:31,590 --> 00:22:34,029
Didn't make you happy though,
did it?
372
00:22:34,030 --> 00:22:36,909
I'm afraid not, Nistle.
Of course it didn't.
373
00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:39,550
She just ate a plastic
button off his pants.
374
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:42,829
Oh, Santa, remember,
375
00:22:42,830 --> 00:22:46,829
we still have presents to deliver
tonight, all over the world.
376
00:22:46,830 --> 00:22:51,389
Sorry Belle, Nipple's right.
We have to go. Come on, Nozzle.
377
00:22:51,390 --> 00:22:53,989
We must return to the chimney.
378
00:22:53,990 --> 00:22:56,829
You're already in the chimney,
you fool.
379
00:22:56,830 --> 00:23:01,269
The sleigh's in the garden anyway.
None of this play makes sense.
380
00:23:01,270 --> 00:23:03,110
I shall return to the snow.
381
00:23:04,910 --> 00:23:07,350
This is not your best work, Chris.
382
00:23:08,550 --> 00:23:11,309
Santa! It's time to leave.
383
00:23:11,310 --> 00:23:13,870
Goodbye, Belle!
Merry Christmas.
384
00:23:19,070 --> 00:23:21,829
Oh, Santa, now you look sad.
385
00:23:21,830 --> 00:23:25,229
I've never failed to bring Christmas
cheer to a little one before.
386
00:23:25,230 --> 00:23:27,229
It's a sad, sad Christmas.
387
00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:30,709
And we've never known the magical
toy machine not to work.
388
00:23:30,710 --> 00:23:32,149
What a car crash.
389
00:23:32,150 --> 00:23:33,349
But...
390
00:23:33,350 --> 00:23:34,830
Santa, look!
391
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,349
Sleep tight, Belle.
392
00:23:46,350 --> 00:23:47,709
Lawrence?
393
00:23:47,710 --> 00:23:48,989
Look what I found.
394
00:23:48,990 --> 00:23:50,830
Is that the Christmas star?
395
00:23:54,070 --> 00:23:55,110
Yes.
396
00:23:56,910 --> 00:23:59,549
Oh, thank you so much, darling.
397
00:23:59,550 --> 00:24:01,589
It must have fallen
out on the garden path
398
00:24:01,590 --> 00:24:03,750
when I was bringing
in the decorations.
399
00:24:06,710 --> 00:24:08,189
Splendid.
400
00:24:08,190 --> 00:24:10,550
Now it really feels like Christmas.
401
00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:14,629
Mummy? Daddy!
402
00:24:14,630 --> 00:24:17,429
Sorry, Belle.
I didn't mean to wake you.
403
00:24:17,430 --> 00:24:19,269
Have you stopped fighting?
404
00:24:19,270 --> 00:24:21,470
Yes, Belle. Yes, we have.
405
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:25,709
I'm sorry I lost my temper.
406
00:24:25,710 --> 00:24:27,749
I thought you were fighting
because of me.
407
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:29,949
Of course not, sweetheart.
408
00:24:29,950 --> 00:24:32,630
I'm sorry for arguing
with you, darling.
409
00:24:35,710 --> 00:24:37,949
Christmas isn't a time for fighting.
410
00:24:37,950 --> 00:24:41,429
It's a time for love,
kindness and understanding.
411
00:24:41,430 --> 00:24:44,470
You stupid man.
I hope you have a bad Christmas.
412
00:24:46,030 --> 00:24:49,109
Santa, look how happy Belle is now!
413
00:24:49,110 --> 00:24:51,829
Perhaps we weren't
needed here after all.
414
00:24:51,830 --> 00:24:55,029
All she needed was
the love of her mother and...
415
00:24:55,030 --> 00:24:57,070
Oh, this is saccharine crap.
416
00:24:58,470 --> 00:25:01,950
Give it six months, he'll be
living in his car like I am.
417
00:25:04,350 --> 00:25:06,389
Don't feel bad, it's a Honda Civic.
418
00:25:06,390 --> 00:25:10,429
Right, time for bed, I think,
or Santa won't come!
419
00:25:10,430 --> 00:25:12,270
I'm already here, you idiot!
420
00:25:14,190 --> 00:25:16,070
HE IMTITATES CURTAINS DRAWING
421
00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:19,190
Merry Christmas, Belle.
422
00:25:22,670 --> 00:25:25,429
Oh, thank you, Santa.
423
00:25:25,430 --> 00:25:28,149
Thank you, Belle. Let's have
another one of those sherries.
424
00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:31,709
No, I don't think I should,
I'm only a little girl.
425
00:25:31,710 --> 00:25:33,190
You're 26.
426
00:25:34,470 --> 00:25:38,749
Right, come on, final hurdle,
here we go! What have you learned?
427
00:25:38,750 --> 00:25:42,349
Well, I've learned that at Christmas
428
00:25:42,350 --> 00:25:45,189
I don't need presents and toys.
429
00:25:45,190 --> 00:25:49,669
As long as I've got my family
in my heart, I know I'll be happy.
430
00:25:49,670 --> 00:25:52,670
Have you learned
anything tonight, Santa?
431
00:25:53,630 --> 00:25:55,549
Not really.
432
00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:58,589
Nothing? No, I tell you
one thing I've learned.
433
00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:02,629
Christmas, ultimately -
commercial holiday.
434
00:26:02,630 --> 00:26:05,709
Who's the real winner at Christmas?
I'll tell you who.
435
00:26:05,710 --> 00:26:07,150
Amazon.
436
00:26:08,830 --> 00:26:11,389
They have drones now.
437
00:26:11,390 --> 00:26:16,789
Tiny little dystopian sleighs
delivering iPads and headphones.
438
00:26:16,790 --> 00:26:21,869
I ordered a toaster - it was
on the doorstep five hours later.
439
00:26:21,870 --> 00:26:23,869
Do we need that?
440
00:26:23,870 --> 00:26:25,550
It was 4.99!
441
00:26:27,430 --> 00:26:31,869
For a toaster! I mean, someone's
being exploited there, aren't they?
442
00:26:31,870 --> 00:26:35,230
Santa, I think we should...
I know! I know!
443
00:26:38,470 --> 00:26:41,069
I expect you're all going
to write in, aren't you?
444
00:26:41,070 --> 00:26:42,869
Typical BBC audience.
445
00:26:42,870 --> 00:26:46,749
Nothing better to do than sit
around complaining about my conduct.
446
00:26:46,750 --> 00:26:49,989
Well, this time just leave it.
All right? Leave it.
447
00:26:49,990 --> 00:26:51,350
Don't cut away.
448
00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:56,069
We've had enough complaints
this series,
449
00:26:56,070 --> 00:26:57,629
no-one even reads them any more.
450
00:26:57,630 --> 00:27:00,229
Do you know what we do with them?
We burn them.
451
00:27:00,230 --> 00:27:02,989
In a massive weekly bonfire
in the car park.
452
00:27:02,990 --> 00:27:06,389
Which, ironically,
generates a lot of complaints.
453
00:27:06,390 --> 00:27:08,069
Santa, I think we should go.
454
00:27:08,070 --> 00:27:10,910
Oh, yes, walk away!
Just like Denise!
455
00:27:16,390 --> 00:27:18,190
Am I giving a good performance?
456
00:27:20,070 --> 00:27:22,229
Bye-bye, Santa.
457
00:27:22,230 --> 00:27:24,110
Wow. Hint taken.
458
00:27:25,350 --> 00:27:26,630
Let's roll.
459
00:27:29,670 --> 00:27:31,030
Hello, Rudolph.
460
00:27:36,590 --> 00:27:38,670
Chris, you're having a shocker.
461
00:27:41,350 --> 00:27:44,389
Bye, Belle!
Bye, Santa!
462
00:27:44,390 --> 00:27:45,589
Are you ready, Rudolph?
463
00:27:45,590 --> 00:27:48,150
Clearly a matter for
rehearsals, Dennis.
464
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:55,389
Remember, little ones, if you're
ever worried about a thing,
465
00:27:55,390 --> 00:27:56,750
I'll come to your house.
466
00:27:58,390 --> 00:28:01,510
A Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a goodnight.
467
00:28:09,230 --> 00:28:12,069
Belle's family were reunited.
468
00:28:12,070 --> 00:28:15,149
They were full of festive cheer,
469
00:28:15,150 --> 00:28:18,550
all looking forward
to a happy New Year.
31272
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