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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:12,554 Hey, come on guys, You're gonna miss 2 00:00:12,578 --> 00:00:14,189 The big fight on The football field. 3 00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:15,624 Oh, wow, who's fightin'? 4 00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:16,680 Football team. 5 00:00:16,749 --> 00:00:20,418 Yeah, somebody, I don't know who, 6 00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:24,522 Put itching powder In their sweat suits. 7 00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:25,523 Who they gonna fight? 8 00:00:25,591 --> 00:00:27,591 Each other. 9 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,893 It'll be the greatest display Of open field scratching 10 00:00:29,962 --> 00:00:31,629 Of the season. 11 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,231 You guys, you all go ahead. 12 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,432 Me and juan, we gotta rehearse. 13 00:00:35,501 --> 00:00:36,901 That's right, that's right. 14 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,069 Me and freddie, we're Entering the annual buchanan 15 00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:41,005 Talent contest. 16 00:00:43,442 --> 00:00:45,542 Oh, no. 17 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,678 No, no, no, I will Not permit this. 18 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,114 Don't you remember what Happened to you last year? 19 00:00:50,182 --> 00:00:51,415 They came in last. 20 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,017 Further back than that. 21 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,719 The scenery came In ahead of them. 22 00:00:55,788 --> 00:00:58,856 Yeah, well, you see, last Year we had a bad audience. 23 00:00:58,924 --> 00:01:00,591 - right? - that's right. 24 00:01:00,659 --> 00:01:02,860 Yeah, man, even the beetles Got booted when they 25 00:01:02,928 --> 00:01:04,761 First started, right? 26 00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:05,830 That's right. 27 00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,164 Right. 28 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,000 Oh, that's right, but nobody Ever came up on stage 29 00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:14,238 And tried to set them on fire. 30 00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,051 Hey, what kind of act You guys gonna do? 31 00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:17,375 It's top secret. 32 00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:21,212 Oh, I should've known. 33 00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:24,481 Most big bombs are. 34 00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:25,950 Come on, guys. 35 00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:28,319 Why you gonna work so Hard over this lousy trophy? 36 00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:31,489 You can pawn That trophy for $10. 37 00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:33,257 Come on, let's get to class. 38 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,759 Hey, mr. Woodman, have You heard the good news? 39 00:01:35,828 --> 00:01:37,227 I hate good news. 40 00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,396 Go ahead anyway. 41 00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:43,867 Freddie and juan here are Entering the talent show. 42 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,272 Oh, that is good news. 43 00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:49,540 Come on, mr. Woodman. 44 00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:51,875 Last year, they barely Escaped with their lives. 45 00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,244 I know. 46 00:01:53,312 --> 00:01:55,713 This year, I'm gonna Seal off the exits. 47 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:00,951 Mr. Woodman. 48 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:07,658 Mr. Woodman, look at this. 49 00:02:07,726 --> 00:02:09,293 It's a threatening letter, 50 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:12,563 Actually threatening Bodily harm. 51 00:02:12,631 --> 00:02:14,576 These little animals Have gone too far. 52 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,601 Nobody sends threatening Letters to my teachers. 53 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:20,337 Oh no, it's not for me. 54 00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:23,040 It's from me, to you. 55 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,879 What's your problem, jean? 56 00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,948 Well, I don't think that I, as the english teacher, 57 00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:33,484 Should have to be in Charge of the talent show. 58 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,164 And who do you Think should run it? 59 00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,132 Well, what about the Captain of the football team? 60 00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:39,289 He's used to getting Kicked when he's down. 61 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,637 Don't mention the Football team to me. 62 00:02:42,661 --> 00:02:44,428 I have another Problem with them. 63 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,729 What happened? 64 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:48,065 Some clown put itching Powder in their sweat suits, 65 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:52,069 And now they're all Scratchin' themselves silly. 66 00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:53,949 Now, what's your problem With the talent show? 67 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,406 Well, I wanna cancel it. 68 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,407 Why? 69 00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:57,541 Orders of my dentist. 70 00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:01,612 He says I'm just Grindin' my teeth away. 71 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,381 Jean, I have no time For your little jokes. 72 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,318 But, mr. Woodman, if We put this show on, 73 00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:09,086 It's gonna be terrible. 74 00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:10,465 These kids are just Gonna get up there 75 00:03:10,489 --> 00:03:12,289 And make fools of themselves. 76 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,559 And that's what I Like best about it. 77 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:16,639 But I like these kids. 78 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,962 And I just hate To see 'em do bad. 79 00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:21,042 Why don't we postpone It so I'll have more time 80 00:03:21,066 --> 00:03:22,266 To work with them? 81 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,335 We are gonna have a Talent show on schedule, 82 00:03:24,403 --> 00:03:25,948 And you are the Teacher in charge. 83 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,605 And you're just gonna Have to face the music. 84 00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,007 Music? 85 00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:33,744 The closest we come to That is a little boy that plays 86 00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:38,215 Lady of spain on stolen hubcaps. 87 00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:39,761 I don't understand all the fuss! 88 00:03:39,785 --> 00:03:41,396 I mean personally, I love that show. 89 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:44,321 I mean, the people Throwin' fruit and garbage. 90 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:47,424 And the booing and the Hissing and the profanity. 91 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,594 ♪ oh there's no business Like show business 92 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:53,731 Like no business I know ♪♪ 93 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,668 ♪ 94 00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,379 ♪ welcome back ♪ 95 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:12,282 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 96 00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,451 ♪ welcome back ♪ 97 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:19,190 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 98 00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:21,358 ♪ well the names Have all changed 99 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,594 Since you hung around ♪ 100 00:04:23,662 --> 00:04:25,596 ♪ but those dreams have remained 101 00:04:25,664 --> 00:04:27,932 And they've turned around ♪ 102 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,134 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 103 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,269 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 104 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,304 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 105 00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,373 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 106 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,242 ♪ yeah, we tease him a lot 107 00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,510 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 108 00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:42,679 ♪ welcome back ♪ 109 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,984 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 110 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,120 ♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪ 111 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:51,188 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot 112 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,523 'cause we've got Him on the spot ♪ 113 00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,659 ♪ welcome back ♪ 114 00:04:55,728 --> 00:05:00,063 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 115 00:05:00,132 --> 00:05:04,468 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 116 00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:08,806 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 117 00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,580 Now try to keep that up, now. 118 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,783 Put this ball back With the rest of 'em. 119 00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,986 All right, now who's Up next for audition? 120 00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:24,855 We are! 121 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,802 My brother and me Got an acrobatic act. 122 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:27,991 We'll set it up right now. 123 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:29,793 All right. 124 00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:38,179 You ready, ms. Tremaine? 125 00:05:38,203 --> 00:05:40,537 Yeah, go ahead, hun. 126 00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:44,720 Oh, wait a minute, Wait a minute! 127 00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:45,675 Hold it! 128 00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,944 Come on down off of that ladder. 129 00:05:48,013 --> 00:05:49,680 I don't know About this act here. 130 00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:50,681 We done it before. 131 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,485 We always find him again. 132 00:05:54,553 --> 00:05:55,563 You kids just go on home. 133 00:05:55,587 --> 00:05:56,854 I'll call, you hear? 134 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:57,966 We ain't got no phone. 135 00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,034 Well, don't worry about it. 136 00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:00,702 I'll beat out somethin' On a hollow log. 137 00:06:00,726 --> 00:06:04,561 Go on home. 138 00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,763 All right, now, who's Next up for the audition? 139 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,433 We, we, we, we are, we Are, ms. Tremaine, yeah. 140 00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:10,712 - curtain up! - light the lights! 141 00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:12,335 Call the cops! 142 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:19,175 All right, let's see your act Before my rolaid wears off. 143 00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:20,577 All right. 144 00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:22,680 Quiet! 145 00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:26,484 I want everybody to settle Down because to begin this act, 146 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,619 We need silence. 147 00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:32,722 Yeah, that's all you're Gonna hear when it's over. 148 00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:35,059 Yeah, carvelli say That's all you gonna hear 149 00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:37,594 When it's over. 150 00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:40,598 Well, well, well, if it Isn't murray and carvelli. 151 00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:42,244 What are you punks doin' here? 152 00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:43,645 Well, we thought we'd Come down and watch 153 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:44,768 You guys audition. 154 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:48,305 You see, murray Here likes animal acts. 155 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:54,044 Yeah, epstein, roll over. 156 00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:57,815 How would you like To play dead, murray? 157 00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,327 Hey, ms. Tremaine, I don't Got to perform in front 158 00:06:59,351 --> 00:07:00,763 Of these guys, they Shouldn't even be here. 159 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,152 They've got a right to be here. 160 00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:07,825 They're performers, and this is An equal opportunity disaster. 161 00:07:07,893 --> 00:07:09,326 Oh, yeah, what do they do? 162 00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,829 Musical muggings? 163 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,298 Are you gonna Audition or aren't you? 164 00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,967 No, absolutely not, I will Not perform in front of them. 165 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,638 No way. 166 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:21,906 Don't get so tight, epstein. 167 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,174 We're leavin' anyway. 168 00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:26,743 You see, I hate to Associate with losers, 169 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:30,547 Except of course, my Good friend, murray. 170 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:36,520 Yeah, I'm the only looser He associates with. 171 00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:39,489 So, you can look for us in The winner's circle, all right? 172 00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:41,692 Come on, murray, let's Go skin an alligator. 173 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,199 Hey, arnold. 174 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,567 How bad is this talent show? 175 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,670 Oh, it's not that bad. 176 00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:58,608 Last year's winner, guido Venelli, had a very unusual act. 177 00:07:58,677 --> 00:08:01,645 He would chew up Crayons and then spit 178 00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:05,415 A beautiful painting. 179 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:09,019 Oh, everybody in the Audience loved guido. 180 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:13,023 Except for maybe The first two rows. 181 00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:15,759 That's nothin', we had a Guy down in new orleans. 182 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,695 He did a three Dimensional wall plaque. 183 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,129 Oh yeah, with crayons? 184 00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:23,534 No, he spit grits. 185 00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:27,838 Well, well, well, if it Ain't romulus and remus. 186 00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,673 Hey, you fellas Plannin' on goin' 187 00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:31,141 To the talent show this year? 188 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,654 Sure, what's it to ya, carvelli? 189 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,955 Well, I just wanted to let You know that you better 190 00:08:33,979 --> 00:08:36,513 Take your sunglasses 'cause when your 191 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,193 Two little friends is up there, 192 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:41,185 Even the foot lights Is gonna turn around. 193 00:08:43,822 --> 00:08:45,855 That's not funny. 194 00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:46,968 Hey, look, what are You gonna be doin' 195 00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:48,203 In the talent show, carvelli? 196 00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,460 Well, I'll tell ya, Beau, I'm gonna be takin' 197 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:52,563 Home that beautiful gold trophy. 198 00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,197 Come on, carvelli. 199 00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,233 You got about as Much chance of winning 200 00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,236 As the hunchback of notre Dame has of buying a suit 201 00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,404 Off the rack. 202 00:09:02,474 --> 00:09:04,575 That's funny! 203 00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:06,483 - hey, murray. - everything's been takin' 204 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,811 Care of, carvelli. 205 00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:09,846 That's good, murray, That's real good. 206 00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:12,983 You see, that's real good. 207 00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:14,250 Excuse me, excuse me. 208 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,097 I'd like to introduce You fellas here. 209 00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:19,323 This is mr. Arnold horshack, Mr. Beau de labarre. 210 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,692 This is his honor Mousey, his honor rick, 211 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,127 And of course you Know, his honor murray. 212 00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,228 His honor? 213 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,896 It's a term of respect. 214 00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:29,733 You see, these are the Fellas that ms. Tremaine has 215 00:09:29,801 --> 00:09:33,069 Selected to be the judges Of the upcomin' talent show. 216 00:09:33,138 --> 00:09:35,138 Hey, arnold. 217 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,007 I think the fix is in. 218 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,576 Okay, carvelli, Did you bribe them? 219 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,722 How could you say such a thing? 220 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:43,313 Arnold, let me put It to you this way. 221 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,883 They think that I'm santa claus 222 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:49,386 And he's murray the Red nose reindeer. 223 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:54,091 Come on, fellas, I'll Buy ya a yogurt pizza. 224 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,994 Well, poor god, are we Gonna let murray and carvelli 225 00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:58,295 Get away with this? 226 00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,374 Are we gonna let Our two best friends 227 00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:00,330 Work this hard And have their pride 228 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,099 Stolen out from under 'em? 229 00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:03,778 Would the little Beaver turn his back 230 00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,835 On the red ryder? 231 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,737 Would superman turn His back on lois lane? 232 00:10:07,806 --> 00:10:08,817 Not in a phone booth. 233 00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:09,873 Not in that outfit. 234 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,075 Shazam. 235 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,623 Back in louisiana, we Used to have this fox 236 00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:17,727 That would sneak into the Chicken coop every night. 237 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,793 My daddy put an end to that. 238 00:10:18,817 --> 00:10:20,016 Oh yeah, how? 239 00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:23,187 Put a mountain lion in there 240 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:24,933 And taught him how to lay eggs. 241 00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:36,500 Mister... Oh, mr. Woodman! 242 00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:38,668 You're just the Man I wanted to see. 243 00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:42,005 I never thought I would say that. 244 00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,173 What do you want? 245 00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:45,575 Well, we would like to Volunteer our services. 246 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,564 Good, why don't you Run down to the cafeteria 247 00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:49,646 And defuse the meatballs? 248 00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,650 You talk to him, beau, He's in a great mood. 249 00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,896 Hey, look, mr. Woodman, We wanna help out 250 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,588 In the talent show. 251 00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:59,401 Why don't you learn To play the flute, 252 00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:03,293 And lead all the Sweathogs into the river? 253 00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:07,364 Oh, mr. Woodman, You're such a scamp. 254 00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:10,667 No, we're serious. 255 00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:13,203 We would like to Volunteer our services 256 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,939 To be the alternate Judges in the talent show. 257 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,775 Ha, ha, you can't be judges! 258 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,277 You gotta mark a ballot. 259 00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:24,314 I know you're not Up to the x's yet. 260 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,556 Oh, ms. Tremaine, hi! 261 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,790 Hi. 262 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:37,060 We would like to Volunteer our services to be 263 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:40,797 The alternate judges In the talent show. 264 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:43,366 Why do we need alternate judges? 265 00:11:43,435 --> 00:11:45,313 Suppose somethin' happened To the regular judges? 266 00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,871 You can't have a talent Show without judges. 267 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,940 We're havin' it without talent. 268 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,946 Yeah, but if you Didn't have any judges 269 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,626 Than you wouldn't Have any winners, 270 00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,517 And then you'd have to have The talent show all over again. 271 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:03,587 All over again? 272 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,156 Congratulations, Alternate judge number one, 273 00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,459 Alternate judge number two. 274 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,595 Be in the auditorium Friday night, 275 00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:13,463 And wear old clothes. 276 00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,270 If you like it, you Mark an x over here, 277 00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,372 And if you don't, you Mark an x over there. 278 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,174 It ain't that deep. 279 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,114 All right now, Everybody settle down. 280 00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:32,382 How did you get rid Of the other judges? 281 00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:34,095 I just told the football team Who put the itching powder 282 00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:35,152 In their uniforms. 283 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,619 What? 284 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:41,258 Oh, I get it! 285 00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:43,059 The sooner we get This show started, 286 00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:45,896 The sooner we Can get it over with. 287 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,875 All right, now, I'm about To introduce to you 288 00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:51,968 The judges, but before I do, Just remember this one thing, 289 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:56,906 These people are Human beings just like me, 290 00:12:56,975 --> 00:13:00,444 And one or two of you. 291 00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:03,647 Now, our judges Are wilbur murray. 292 00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:04,748 Stand up, wilbur. 293 00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:09,286 What happened to The other two judges? 294 00:13:09,354 --> 00:13:10,765 Well, they were Just itchin' to be here, 295 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:13,489 But they just couldn't make it. 296 00:13:13,558 --> 00:13:14,702 I don't know about you two. 297 00:13:14,726 --> 00:13:16,193 There's somethin' smelly here. 298 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:21,264 You think somethin' smells Now, wait 'till the show starts. 299 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,367 All right now, these are Our two alternate judges. 300 00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:27,070 This one is beau de labarre. 301 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:29,539 Quiet now. 302 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:32,576 Sit down, beau, go sit down. 303 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,779 And this is arnold horshack. 304 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,348 Quiet, will you be Quiet, arnold, stop that! 305 00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:41,117 Sit down! 306 00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:44,654 Now, they're gonna Be fair and square. 307 00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:45,856 I'll certainly be fair. 308 00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,958 We all know how Square arnold is. 309 00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,860 Beau de labarre, I'm Tellin' you to sit down, 310 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,263 Now sit down. 311 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,798 All right, now on with our show. 312 00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:59,936 Our first contestant, we Have the bonnavittacola 313 00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:01,504 Dancing girls. 314 00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:04,874 They are terry, linda and carol. 315 00:14:04,943 --> 00:14:07,344 And they are going to Do for you their version 316 00:14:07,412 --> 00:14:09,312 Of the nutcracker suite. 317 00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:14,217 They're gonna do This all on pogo sticks. 318 00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:19,022 You're gonna love some of this. 319 00:14:20,892 --> 00:14:23,193 Stop it, stop it, stop it! 320 00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:24,194 Cut that out. 321 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,462 Put that tomato down. 322 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,063 Stop it! 323 00:14:29,934 --> 00:14:31,701 You go to the nurse. 324 00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:38,441 All right now, For act number 23. 325 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:43,646 We have a mind reading duo Here called medium and rare. 326 00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:56,526 Everybody now, I wanna Introduce everybody over here 327 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:59,696 To the great swamy. 328 00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:03,333 But first, I gotta Blindfold him. 329 00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:09,305 Oh great swamy, Are you blindfolded? 330 00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:11,508 - right. - all right, okay. 331 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:15,278 Now, everybody, the swamy, He's gonna baffle your minds 332 00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:20,817 With feats of extra sensory Perception and mind readin'. 333 00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,786 Okay now, swamy, you ready? 334 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,155 - yeah, yeah. - all right. 335 00:15:26,224 --> 00:15:28,525 Come here, baby. 336 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,794 Okay now, swamy, I got A volunteer from out 337 00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:31,961 Of the audience. 338 00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:34,731 Now tell me, swamy, With your great mind, 339 00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,966 Is she male or female? 340 00:15:42,006 --> 00:15:44,140 He's female! 341 00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,142 That's right! 342 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,081 Swamy, okay now, Okay, now this girl, 343 00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:53,984 She has something on her wrist. 344 00:15:54,052 --> 00:15:59,889 And believe me, you'll Get this in no time. 345 00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,157 A hat? 346 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:04,327 No, no, look, she's got Somethin' on her wrist. 347 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,730 - handcuffs. - no, no, no, swamy. 348 00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,398 Now, think, think! 349 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,134 Now, come on now, listen up. 350 00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:14,905 The seconds are tickin' away. 351 00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:18,775 So, watch out. 352 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,547 Watch out? 353 00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:25,248 Watch out? 354 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,718 Watch... Watch. 355 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:33,490 On her wrist, she wears a watch! 356 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:38,761 The swamy, the swamy Knows, he knows. 357 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:39,762 Come on, come on, give Me somethin' tougher, 358 00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:40,875 Give me somethin' tougher. 359 00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:42,899 Okay now, swamy, this chick now, 360 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,235 She's got somethin' on her foot. 361 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,203 Ew! 362 00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:50,473 Come here now, swamy. 363 00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,843 This is gonna be a real shoe-in. 364 00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,789 Now, swamy, if you don't Get this, you gonna feel 365 00:16:55,813 --> 00:17:01,518 Like a heel, so, please Don't be a loafer. 366 00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:05,321 Come on, freddie, Give me some clues. 367 00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:08,058 Come on now, swamy, think, Think with all your heart 368 00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:11,694 And soul. 369 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:12,962 Soul? 370 00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:14,697 Soul, I have it! 371 00:17:14,766 --> 00:17:19,135 On her foot, she wears a fish! 372 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,905 I know, the swamy, he knows! 373 00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:25,909 Hey, what's the matter with you? 374 00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:27,254 You did it real Good in rehearsal! 375 00:17:27,278 --> 00:17:29,156 In rehearsal, I didn't Have to wear a blindfold! 376 00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:32,081 Hey, let's get out of here. 377 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,150 The swamy will return! 378 00:17:34,218 --> 00:17:39,355 Settle down. 379 00:17:39,424 --> 00:17:41,925 For the final act Of the evening, 380 00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:45,896 All right, all right. 381 00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:51,034 We will have songs from The sewer by carvelli. 382 00:17:59,577 --> 00:18:03,813 Thank you very much For that round of appeal. 383 00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:07,417 It's time for my friend And compatriot, oyster. 384 00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:08,896 He's over there, oyster, can We have a round of applause 385 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,287 For oyster, please? 386 00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,389 Thank you very much. 387 00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:15,170 Oyster's telling Me something now. 388 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,493 Oyster's gonna be a mother. 389 00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:17,905 Look at this, ladies And gentlemen. 390 00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:22,699 Little oysters. 391 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,034 It's all right, she Already has two kids. 392 00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:30,206 I'm gonna change A three of clubs 393 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,709 To a one and a half of clubs. 394 00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:45,121 And right now, watch Again as I tear it up. 395 00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:47,557 Now, as I tear this up, Many things are probably 396 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,025 Going through your mind. 397 00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,260 I wish I could say The same for myself. 398 00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:57,099 And now, my Impression of a parade. 399 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,006 I ordered soup. 400 00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:13,149 This first song, It's called lunch. 401 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:16,152 It's dedicated to dirt. 402 00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:25,027 ♪ I was born in the gutter, 403 00:19:25,096 --> 00:19:28,732 That's why I'm so smelly ♪ 404 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,701 ♪ I don't like peanut butter 405 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,871 Unless it's smooshed With jelly ♪ 406 00:19:34,939 --> 00:19:37,807 ♪ peanut butter and jelly ♪ 407 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:40,744 ♪ that's all I put in my belly ♪ 408 00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:43,647 ♪ peanut butter and jelly ♪ 409 00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:46,683 ♪ that's all I put in My belly, everybody ♪ 410 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,652 ♪ peanut butter and jelly ♪ 411 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,522 ♪ that's all I put in my belly ♪ 412 00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:56,359 ♪ I'm a peanut butter And jelly kind of guy ♪ 413 00:19:56,428 --> 00:20:00,330 ♪ peanut butter And jelly on rye ♪♪ 414 00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,252 All right, here we go. 415 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:16,379 This is called, Carvelli's theme. 416 00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:20,050 ♪ my name's carvelli ♪ 417 00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:22,752 ♪ I live in new york ♪ 418 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:24,921 ♪ I'm so mean and nasty ♪ 419 00:20:24,989 --> 00:20:27,023 ♪ I eat my soup with a fork ♪♪ 420 00:20:47,612 --> 00:20:49,412 Quiet, you're throwin' me off. 421 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,669 Thank you. 422 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,304 Thank you, thank you. 423 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:22,012 All right, quiet Down now, quiet down. 424 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:26,182 It's now time for the Decision of the judges. 425 00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,584 We have one vote for carvelli. 426 00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:36,493 One vote for medium and rare. 427 00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:39,296 And one vote for carvelli. 428 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,364 The winner is carvelli. 429 00:21:47,505 --> 00:21:50,006 I'm telling you, I've seen shows On broadway that were worse. 430 00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:53,809 I can't believe this, guys. 431 00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,912 Hi. 432 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,114 So, what happened, friends? 433 00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:01,050 Yeah, pals? 434 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,420 You guys stank. 435 00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,356 I mean really stink. 436 00:22:06,424 --> 00:22:07,657 I mean, whoa! 437 00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:09,993 All right, I get the picture. 438 00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:11,928 Yeah, I got where You comin' from. 439 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,064 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 440 00:22:14,132 --> 00:22:17,767 If you voted for carvelli, And you voted for carvelli, 441 00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:19,602 Who voted for us? 442 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,115 - I did! - you? 443 00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:24,007 Yeah, you were terrific. 444 00:22:24,075 --> 00:22:26,175 Epstein here figured Out that she was a girl 445 00:22:26,244 --> 00:22:28,478 And was wearin' a watch. 446 00:22:28,546 --> 00:22:32,148 Epstein, you a great swamy. 447 00:22:36,854 --> 00:22:39,955 All right, you guys, come on, Get that sound system put up. 448 00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,802 And get these Chairs all folded up. 449 00:22:41,826 --> 00:22:44,427 I'd like to get outta Here by 10 o'clock. 450 00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:48,564 Hey, listen, I'm really Kind of proud of you guys. 451 00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:51,067 I mean, I like the way you Stuck up for your friends, 452 00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:55,104 But you were honest with them And honest with yourselves, too. 453 00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:58,674 We did all that? 454 00:22:58,743 --> 00:22:59,820 Hello there, mr. Woodman. 455 00:22:59,844 --> 00:23:01,177 How'd you like the talent show? 456 00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:02,344 It was too short. 457 00:23:02,413 --> 00:23:03,712 Too short? 458 00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:09,118 Yeah, I got four Rotten eggs left over. 459 00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:11,354 Good night, you guys, I'm sorry you didn't win. 460 00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:13,623 You gonna do somethin' Different next year? 461 00:23:13,692 --> 00:23:15,703 Nah, I kinda liked this act, You know, the blindfold 462 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:19,662 Protects my eyes Against the tomatoes. 463 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:23,433 With your act, you oughta give The blindfolds to the audience. 464 00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:25,112 I'm tellin' ya, man, we Shoulda stuck with the act 465 00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:26,747 That we did last Year, that works. 466 00:23:26,771 --> 00:23:30,973 Oh, yes, it was called The hustle, bustle, rustle, 467 00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:36,579 Bump, lump, grind, rock, Sock, lock and boogie. 468 00:23:36,647 --> 00:23:40,083 It sounds like somethin' That happens to my car. 469 00:23:40,151 --> 00:23:42,185 Let freddie and I Illustrate it for you. 470 00:23:42,253 --> 00:23:46,822 Freddie, if you would, one, A two, a one, two three four. 471 00:23:46,891 --> 00:23:49,525 ♪ ba, da, da, da, da, da ♪♪ 472 00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:02,505 ♪ 473 00:24:06,378 --> 00:24:09,078 ♪ welcome back ♪ 474 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:12,682 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 475 00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:15,017 ♪ welcome back ♪ 476 00:24:15,086 --> 00:24:19,756 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 477 00:24:19,824 --> 00:24:21,891 ♪ well the names Have all changed 478 00:24:21,959 --> 00:24:24,159 Since you hung around ♪ 479 00:24:24,228 --> 00:24:26,262 ♪ but those dreams have remained 480 00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,497 And they've turned around ♪ 481 00:24:28,566 --> 00:24:30,667 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead you ♪ 482 00:24:30,735 --> 00:24:32,579 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead you ♪ 483 00:24:32,603 --> 00:24:34,703 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 484 00:24:34,772 --> 00:24:36,706 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 485 00:24:36,774 --> 00:24:38,874 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot 486 00:24:38,943 --> 00:24:41,077 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 487 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,246 ♪ welcome back ♪ 488 00:24:43,314 --> 00:24:47,550 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 489 00:24:47,618 --> 00:24:49,852 ♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪ 490 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,588 ♪ welcome back ♪ 491 00:24:52,657 --> 00:24:56,492 ♪ we always could Spot a friend ♪ 492 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,728 ♪ welcome back ♪ 493 00:24:58,796 --> 00:25:00,863 ♪ and I smile when I think 494 00:25:00,932 --> 00:25:03,298 How you must've been ♪ 495 00:25:03,367 --> 00:25:05,267 ♪ and I know what a scene ♪♪ 35750

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