Original subtitles

♪ Look at what's happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or not it's just me ♪♪

I think I was followed.

We must proceed quickly.

As Keeper of the Clock, I declare this circle

now complete,

and this game of Wizards and Warlocks may begin.

In the beginning, dragons and other

unspeakable monsters...

prowled the earth, and magic ruled men's lives.

Matters of life, death, good fortune

and great adventure...

were often decided by the roll of the dice...

or the turn of the card.

Searcher.

Gatekeeper.

Searcher.

The Urchin card.

Your successful evasion of the Searchers...

can advance you to the level

of First Necromancer.

Failure will result in loss of rank back

to Apprentice Warlock.

It will also suspend your game for a full fortnight.

I shall carry the mantle of the Urchin

to the Tower of Osiris.

Choose your destiny.

Beware the dark forces that gather over this Urchin.

That's him. He appears to be alone.

I hope to see the prince's kidnapping

handled better...

than your two failed attempts

on his father's life.

He is merely a college student,

Your Excellency.

The search may now begin.

Good hunting, Searchers.

As Gatekeeper, remember the Urchin is to be

protected at all costs.

At all costs.

Uh, right this way, Your Highness.

Uh... Really, Your Highness, I could

just as easily have had...

Agent Maxwell summoned to my office.

I'm here to seek out Agent Maxwell's assistance...

in a matter most important to me.

One who seeks the help of others

does not do the summoning.

Certainly, as a leader of men in your supervisory capacity,

you're aware of that.

Oh, of course. Of course.

Uh, Agent Maxwell must have lent somebody his desk.

He's normally immaculate.

Okay.

Which one of you guys screwed the top

of the mustard on crooked?

Agent Maxwell, I'd like you to meet King Abou Al Fahaad

of Sougali.

His Majesty is in this country on a matter of some importance

and delicacy.

His son, Prince Aha, who is at university...

here in California, has disappeared.

He's been missing from his dorm for 24 hours.

- We have reason to believe he may have been kidnapped.

- Aha!

Prince Aha. Maxwell, could you show

a little respect?

Uh, Your Majesty, I have any number

of very competent agents.

- Uh, Grimaldi, for example.

Wonderful. - Oh, no, no, no.

But Agent Maxwell's reputation precedes him,

even to my lands.

If anyone could locate the whereabouts

of my missing son,

it's you. Yes, sir.

A token of my appreciation.

Oh, boy. Look at this.

This is a photograph of the man...

the king thinks to be responsible

for his son's disappearance.

This is Omar Stambouli. He's a lunatic.

A revolutionary fanatic.

Oh, he would abduct my beloved son Aha as a lever to topple

the dynasty of Fahaad.

He must feel this is his final means

to unseat me as king,

since most of his assassination attempts

have failed.

Oh, he has tried everything... Putting explosive devices

in my automobiles...

or poisoning the food that I eat.

Uh, you all right, Maxwell? Is anything the matter?

No... No, of course it isn't. It's fine.

Sir, I was just wondering, uh...

He's just a boy. Uh...

College kid and everything. I mean, he's only

been gone for 24 hours.

Maybe it's, you know...

He's, uh, out with a young lady and a six-pack.

I mean, have you checked out the coeds

this season?

I'll have pictures of the prince sent to every district office

and a special flier to Interpol.

Well, that's just fine.

I would like to thank you and your superior...

for assigning the infamous Agent Maxwell...

as per my request.

- Well, let us not keep the agent any longer.

- Thank you, sir.

"Sim... sala-bim."

You know, this sure brings back

some tremendous memories.

Well, as long as it, uh,

brings back Prince Aha,

it'll bring up Carlisle's breakfast, which is what

we're looking for.

I tried holographing off of everything in Prince Aha's room.

I couldn't find anything.

Look.

The kid across the hall from Aha in the dorm...

said that he liked to spend most of his free time

in the game room.

Now, somebody there should be able to give us a clue that'll

point us in the right direction.

Carlisle's expecting me to come up with a ten-pound bag of bad

air, but we're gonna fox him.

Right, Ralph?

Ralph... Uh, Ralph?

You know, I think college was some of the happiest times

in my life.

Uh, well, excuse me.

Oh, honey, come on. No, no, no, no, no.

Doesn't even compete.

But I mean, it was my first big step out into

the world, getting involved,

finding out what things were really all about.

Yeah, you know, my sorority was absolutely

the sickest on campus.

We had this rivalry with, uh, Gamma Gamma Kappas...

Honey, I'm not talking about locking pledges out of the house

without their clothes on.

Oh, well, then, you really don't know

what fun is.

I know what fun is.

Oh, yeah. Sss! Yeah.

To the moon! To the moon!

No, I'm talking about, you know, the rallies and the

peace marches, stuff like that.

Yeah, burning draft cards and banks.

Come on. My generation wasn't

exactly sitting around, uh,

listening to their hair grow, you know.

We graduated from a little college

called Korea,

where they taught us the old-fashioned junk...

Patriotism and honor and all that stuff.

So, today, we burn a few slide rules and we come up

with a scenario and a prince.

All right, Bill. Now, would you do me a favor?

What?

Don't go throwing a federal badge up underneath

these people's noses.

Let me do the talking, all right?

I know how to handle it.

Come on. Oh, brother.

Start with them. Bill...

You're gonna make it. Watch out!

Serpents at 2:00!

Uh, excuse me. Hello. Hi.

How are you doing? Uh...

Can I talk with one of you people

for a few minutes?

Please?

A regular pied piper there, Ralph, the way you just zinged

right in on their wavelength.

Hey, no way, no way. I had that!

You did! You were through

the maze of serpents.

You must have pushed my hand, Curly.

No, I didn't!

Maybe I did.

Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt your pinball game.

Pinball?

You're talking to the highest-scoring contender

for third-ring Wizard on campus.

The I happen to be the reigning champion

of Wizards and Warlocks.

Oh. That's wonderful.

Uh, my friends and I are looking for a, uh,

classmate of yours.

His name is Prince Fahaad.

Aha?

Uh-huh.

Can you think of anything that would point us

in the right direction?

Certainly only a Keeper of the Clock

can point you...

in the direction of the Fleeing Urchin.

Come.

Fleeing Urchin? Keeper of the Clock?

Must be some kind of new Valley talk.

As Keeper of the Clock, I declare this a first

encounter on Rook Level One.

My troll has declared himself. If you have any trolls

amongst you, do likewise.

Uh... I'm, uh, I'm Ralph Hinkley, and this is my wife, Pamela.

My God. Why do they send out elves on troll encounters?

When I say "declare yourself," you state your status,

which if it's above half-elf I'd be greatly surprised.

I'm sorry. I-I don't follow you.

You're saying that you're unfamiliar with

the rules of the Third Ring?

How to engage in a Gnome Probe against a Keeper of the Clock...

presiding over the Fleeing Urchin?

Is this some sort of mythology class or something?

All we want to know is where we can find

Prince Aha Fahaad.

They just want to know the Urchin's destination.

That's all.

That's all they want. We ought to send 'em back

to the Bridge of Clouds.

If you don't tell us what we want to know, and quick,

it's gonna go real hard with you, nerdley,

and you, too, Curly.

Now, don't think because you're on

the faculty...

it means diddly in a game of Wizards and Warlocks,

Professor Finkle.

Only Wizards and Keepers of the Clock are supreme.

As a presiding gnome, I can still see you sent back

across the Bridge of Clouds...

or reduced to Goblin's Dwarf, or even Half-pixie.

Now, who is the Keeper of your Clock?

J. Edgar... Hoover.

And he's gettin' real twisted...

that I have not pulled your chain.

Now, you start talking English, and quick,

or we're gonna take a little ride downtown,

and I'm gonna bust both of you down to half a graham cracker.

I have a complete set of the rules and who the other

players are in my room.

Uh, I figure he's just across the Sea of Dreams on his way to

the Cave of the Midgard Serpent.

I really wouldn't have given you any trouble at all,

Agent Maxwell, really,

but you look just like crotchety old Doc Finkle

in Psych 206.

And a lot of the members of the faculty play.

I honestly thought that you guys were deceitful trolls

sent from the ogre's castle.

Deceitful trolls? Midgard serpent?

How do you keep all this straight?

I mean, do you have this set of rules you play the game by?

A guidebook or something?

Are you for real?

There are 13 volumes in the Fackler series

on Wizards and Warlocks.

There are books on procedure and play, a cross indices

of strike and counterstrike,

- an ascension of levels... - Yeah.

I was unfamiliar with the terminology

that you were using.

But of course, I've heard of Wizards and Warlocks.

I mean, everybody at Whitney High

is playing the game,

and it's very popular there and I think other schools

across the country.

Very strange game, Bill. It's, uh, like a board game,

but you take it out on the streets,

and everybody assumes a role.

That's great. Wonderful way...

for grown-up kids to be behaving.

Including the crown prince of a whole country.

Gee... Well, your friend really

explained it in simple terms.

The game itself is quite complex,

and it operates on many levels.

You're involved in creating and forming a society, developing

leadership, exploring new lands.

Sort of preparation for the big game of life.

Um, how does this prepare you for

the game of life?

It keeps your mind always on alert.

You never know when your scepter will fail you...

or the sirens will steal your soul...

or the clouds of destiny will go black.

- Hey! - Mr. Lederberger!

Bring him! He'll know where the prince is!

Sandy was just picking up some notes on bio.

Okay, Ralph. That's got

to be Stambouli's guys. Go get 'em!

I'm gonna be busted to Half-elf for sure.

Here.

It's just so confusing.

I'm not getting anything out of this room.

I mean, I can't find out where Stambouli's men

have taken Margolis.

I hope they don't hurt him. Nah. No way.

Not till he leads them to the prince.

I cannot believe how this scenario has gone down.

We got the whole bureau out looking for this missing prince,

and he's not even kidnapped.

He's off playing some new kind

of hide-and-seek.

Boy, kids are really weird today.

College sure has changed since I was in it.

You know, we didn't sit around on Saturday nights, uh, huddled

around a skull and candles...

fighting imaginary dragons for troll points.

Uh, no. The way

I remember it, you told me you used to spend them...

at Marx Brothers film festivals, right?

Oh, yeah. That's right.

We were practically responsible for their revival.

They weren't just a bunch of dummies running around.

They were pretty good satirists.

Sure, sure. Uh, let me see...

"Tell me, Mrs. Crumbcake,

they say men worship the ground you walk on.

They don't think much of you, but the ground is sensational."

It's the most ridiculous thing I ever "hoid."

Okay, boys and girls, do you mind if we just

bear down here...

and come up with a clue that's gonna lead us to the prince

before Stambouli finds him?

What do you got there? One of those books on the game

Wizards and Warlocks.

The only way we're gonna have any hope of finding Prince Aha

is by playing the game.

I just can't believe these guys can memorize all this stuff.

"A shrieking siren can countermand the curse

of a cyclops's stare,

"but only in the case that a lute-playing Minotaur...

who has not crossed the path of Crater Banth"...

Bippity, bappity, boppity boo.

What kind of gunk are you feeding me here?

How are we supposed to find this prince with this

kind of instructions?

I mean, it looks like it was written

by the green guys.

Well, maybe we can find a translator.

You're kidding.

You guys don't know how to play?

Then what was that... whatchamacallit

you were wearing?

What was that, a warlock's outfit?

And that mock battle that was going on.

Mr. Lederberger...

I am not this guy Lederberger,

whoever that is.

No kidding? You look just like

old Lead Bottom.

- He's a troll. - What?

Uh, we're all trolls.

Uh, right. And we've just crossed the Sea of Dreams...

on our way to the Cave of the Midgard Serpent.

Uh, declare yourself.

Rook.

Only a Rook, huh? Well, uh,

then you are vulnerable to the Blade and Sarnak.

Not unless you've survived the Giant Leech

over the Heights of Zervos.

Uh, counselor, check it out... This Giant Leech.

Oh, give me a break, Bill. That was my first encounter

in combat.

Excuse me. I've got to go to my nuclear physics class.

Uh... Uh... What are you doing?

Trolls have no counterstrike capabilities

over second-level Rooks.

- Oh, we don't? - No.

Oh, well, in that case, how'd you like to take a hike down

the hall to the dean's office?

- You can't do that. - I can't?

Yes, he can do that.

Now, you'd better tell us... Where is Prince Aha?

Uh-uh. I'd revert back

to first-level Rook if Margolis finds out.

Well, we don't have to tell him where

we got the information.

- Well, I don't know about that. - Bill, come on.

We are not deceitful trolls.

We're not. Now, come on.

Uh, how do we get to the Cave of the Midgard Serpent?

How the hell do I know that? I'm just a Rook.

No one but the Keeper of the Clock

would know that.

Well, then, there's no one at all who can tell us

where this cave is?

No. If you're not on that playing plateau,

you'd have to be a genius at the game to be able to locate the

Cave of the Midgard Serpent...

without having crossed the Flowing Waters of Ithaca.

I can't think of anybody who could do that...

except Joey Margolis.

Who we don't have.

And, of course, Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Who? Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Norman Fackler.

I love it, Manny. I love it.

Get back to me when you've set the deal, huh?

I love you, guy.

There is nothing like a good promotions man.

I just got clearance to do the Dorothy Chandler.

Oh, boy! Yahoo!

That sounds like a... A golf tournament.

Golf tournament?

You gotta be kidding. It is the biggest video game

extravaganza of all time!

We're gonna rig up the chairs with controls.

We're gonna fill the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion

with contestants,

who are gonna be playing Wizards and Warlocks

on a giant screen!

It's genius, isn't it? Uh, Mr.

Fackler, I think I said F.B.I...

when we came in,

and we're on a very high-level investigation with

international repercussions.

- We need to talk to you. - Well, I'd really like

to help you out,

but I got to be at my publisher's in five minutes,

so I got to "scramola."

I have 13 volumes of Wizards and Warlocks coming out

in 10 different languages.

Well, that's what we

wanted to talk about, see?

Because we got a whole Middle Eastern empire

that's riding on this.

No problem. I got a version

coming out in Hebrew. Uh, Ralph?

Uh, Mr. Fackler, I think

what Agent Maxwell is trying to explain to you...

is that, uh, there's a prominent Arabian prince...

who is playing your game, and now he's in danger.

We need your help to find him.

You gotta be kidding. Uh-uh.

Press hasn't heard about this yet, has it?

Uh, well, um...

You wouldn't believe the battles I've been having

with the Department of Safety.

They're actually saying that my games are dangerous.

Not if you play 'em right,

they're not.

You want to know what's dangerous?

I'll tell you what's dangerous.

Roller skates are dangerous. You see that?

You know where I got that?

Roller skates. You got it.

I don't think there's any problem Mr.

Fackler. If

you'll just give us a hand here,

there's no reason, uh, the newspapers or the TV

should hear about it at all.

I'll do what I can. Anything

to keep Wizards and Warlocks from getting any bad press.

Uh, well-well, good.

Um, all you have to do is find the prince by playing the same

game that he was playing.

This game took years to develop. It's very complicated,

with hundreds of variations.

I'd need to know certain play patterns, uh, skill factors

of some of the participants...

We'll get you all that information.

Come on, Mr. Fackler.

This ought to be a snap for a Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Well, you know, you're right there.

Uh... Okay, let's go. We'll take the stretch limo, eh?

Ready?

Go! Centipedes,

12:00 noon.

I don't believe it. Would you

look? It's Norman Fackler!

Beverly!

Look. It's Norman Fackler! Wizard of the Fifth Ring!

I want to get his autograph. Can I have your autograph?

Yes. Thank you.

I can't believe it. Look at this.

Well, what do you expect? All these kids got

brain rot today.

Boy, they're all over him. I mean, I could understand it

if he was more like, uh...

Groucho Marx? Would you get

a load of that nerd?

Okay, boys and girls. No more autographs.

That's it.

Uh, come on. Mr. Fackler has a bad arm.

He's got, uh, writer's cramp from this morning

down at the bookstore.

- This guy was the Keeper of the Clock's troll.

Really?

Yes, sir. Uh, I moved through the Sea of Mists...

and elevated from ogre's tail to troll in only two

sorcerers' r-rotations.

Impressive. Puts you in line

for Searcher.

An encounter with a Wizard immediately elevates you

to Searcher's deacon.

And as Wizard of the Fifth Ring, I declare this encounter.

By your leave!

What are your circle's boundaries?

The northern boundary is the Tower of Temptation.

Ah. And what is the skill factor of the Fleeing Urchin?

- Fourth level. - I see.

Is there a clock tower on campus, or a bell tower?

There's a campanile behind the music building.

I still need to know the Urchin's plans

to traverse the Sea of Dreams.

Okay, you heard him. Uh, how does he do that?

- Maxwell, how would a Clock Keeper's Troll know that?

- Oh.

Yeah, Bill.

Now I heard Joey Margolis say that the prince had to get

to the Midgard Serpent.

That's it! Troll!

Is there some sort of big power generator around here somewhere?

There's a steam plant and an electrical facility underneath

the maintenance building.

Serpent's Territory.

Serpent Territory? Yes.

I love it. Thank you very much.

"Where creeping footsteps

softly tread...

"and the night is filled with nameless dread...

"Where turns and twists and mists abound,

the Serpent dwells beneath the ground."

Fackler, how did you come up with this junk

in the first place?

Yeah, it's wonderful, isn't it? My books have already sold over

three million nationwide.

I had no idea that the readership was that vast.

Yeah, it and The Joy of Sex... Two best sellers on every

college campus in the country.

The game seems awfully time-consuming.

If the students are busy playing your game,

when do they have time to study?

On the contrary. It strengthens

their mental powers. That is my philosophy.

It gets them ready for the...

Game of life.

Yes.

Serpents lie within.

Now I see why they call it

Serpent Territory.

This is the Cave of the Midgard Serpent

we're in now.

Aha's got to be around here someplace.

Mr. Stambouli, uh, we will be going right back

after this, aren't we?

Uh, I've got finals next week.

Hold it! F.B.I.!

Ralph!

Margolis. Come on, kid. It's okay.

It's all right. Come on.

Come on. They're gone.

They're gone.

Up, up, up. Come on, baby.

Whoop. Hold it.

Stop him!

Looks like you guys are gonna

lose some troll points.

Yes, uh, would you let Mr. Fackler know that

Ralph Hinkley was calling?

Thank you very much.

Still not there? Uh, no, he's not.

Apparently, his office hasn't seen or heard from him

since he left there with us.

Well, he had a lot of other appointments,

and we know Stambouli's men didn't get him, so don't

worry about it, hon.

You know, honey, the more I get into this,

the more interesting it gets.

You know all that stuff that Margolis and Fackler

were saying...

about how it gets you ready for life?

Well, the whole game's point system is based on, uh, uh,

mental deduction, dexterity.

It's very strange, isn't it?

Well, honey, it is at first, but once you get into it,

it's really not.

No. No, no, no. I mean, uh...

I mean how we change and yet we never know it.

I mean, going back to that college today,

seeing those kids...

I mean I was there six years ago,

and it feels like 26.

Yeah, well, Ralph, most people experience the biggest changes

of their life after college.

Do you know, the other day I was in class,

and I heard one of my students saying to a girlfriend...

She said, "Did you realize...

Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"

- He was? - Honey, yes.

He was in the Bea...

- Oh. - Honey, come on.

All of those students in my class were born...

after J.F.K. was assassinated.

I mean that entire part of my life is just

history to those kids.

Ralph, I'm not gonna have to help you weather a premature

midlife crisis, am I?

I mean, just yesterday I was young and handsome and virile,

and today I'm an old man.

Yeah. I wish I knew you then.

But I guess we all go through it, don't we?

Thanks. All right. All right.

Yeah, except guys like Norman Fackler.

I mean, I get the feeling he went through his life

in kind of a fantasy world.

I bet it makes it easy for guys like that

to hang on.

Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go give him another call.

Boy, I wonder where in the world he could be?

Bill?

Hello, anyone?

Hinkley? Maxwell! Anyone?

No panic, Normie. No panic.

You can get out of here real easy.

Yes, you can.

You're the wizard, Normie.

I almost caught up with him at the Cave

of the Midgard Serpent,

but this kid is, uh... The prince...

He's real sharp at playing the game, see,

so, uh, well, he slipped through my fingers,

that's all.

Anyhow, the guys with the black dishtowels

on their heads, uh,

had kidnapped the Keeper of the Clock, see?

And they were coming down one tunnel, and, uh,

the two Searchers,

who were after the prince... That's the Fleeing Urchin...

Uh, across the Bridge of, uh, Sighs or Mists

or whatever it is...

Um, they were coming down another tunnel, and I was

coming down a third...

with the Wizard of the Fifth Ring.

Stop.

No more, please. I can't take anymore.

I was right about you the first time I ever

laid eyes on you.

You are a burnout! Well, wait a minute.

You don't think I could make up any of this stuff,

do you?

You...

What I want you to do, Bill, is to

write your report,

word for word, just the way

you told it to me.

Here. Here's the tape. Transcribe it.

Now, I'm gonna send a copy to D.C...

after I check it to make sure you didn't

try to clean it up.

And after that, Bill, I don't think you'll

have to worry anymore...

about special requests for your services

from the State Department!

Good-bye. Watch out

for the gremlins in the copy room.

Well, so long as Carlisle won't let me next to

Margolis to question him,

I guess we're standing around here in Troll City,

sucking wind.

At that I'm lucky he didn't trade me off to the laughing

academy to play first base.

Trying to run that scenario by him... Can you imagine me

trying to explain to him...

about trolls and elves and leprechauns...

and the Bridge of, uh, Clouds,

and a prince...

who think's he's an elf, or, uh, urchin.

- Aha! - That's the one.

Oh, boy. This thing

has turned into a real foam-the-runway operation.

- I don't think. - What is it, honey?

Well, the more I've been going over this game,

the less complicated it really seems to be.

You know, like canasta. All those cards.

Until you really learn how to meld,

it doesn't make much sense.

- Well, do you think you have it figured out?

- Great, that's terrific.

Well, uh, we can all get to wear the little, uh, black dunce caps

with the silver stars.

I'll call in Carlisle. Counselor can cast

a spell on him.

- Turn him into a unicorn. - Will you just listen, Bill?

You know, our problem was that we entered this game...

while other players were already at second-level

variation...

combat and counterstrike.

You know, Margolis and his circle

were already at Gnome,

while we were still passing through

Goblin Territory.

What she's saying is, Bill, we were

operating on Rook level...

trying to intercept somebody functioning

at an Urchin plane,

and there's no way that the two can intercept.

- We went Goblin when we should have gone Gnome.

- Exactly.

I'm dyin'.

Bill, would you just go along with us?

I mean, we're gonna find Aha, all right?

I'm not gonna pull a gun on the kids, Ralph.

I'm just gonna badge 'em.

Bill, it hasn't gotten us anywhere so far.

I mean, you flash a badge,

and Carlisle's gonna pull it before you get it

back in your pocket.

Now, come on, Bill. We've made our best progress

playing this game.

Yeah, like with the kid in the dorm

who led us to Fackler,

and then Fackler leading us to Serpent Territory.

This is bananas.

Yeah, but it's fun.

He's all the way through the Labyrinth

of Cernak!

Look at this. He doesn't miss a thing.

I can't believe it.

Wow! Look at that!

We are off to traverse the River of Zog.

- The what of what? - Okay.

I've been working out the game against a street map...

according to the guide in the back of the book.

Now, the River of Zog... That should be

the L.A. Reservoir,

somewhere between Sepulveda...

and Burbank.

- Well, that's where the prince is?

- No.

- No. - No, that's where

the Keeper of the Gate is.

He holds the destiny card, which determines where the Fleeing

Urchin's next stop will be,

which could be one of three places.

Right. The Circle of Isis,

Castle of Doom, or the High Couch of, uh,

Silistra, Silistra, whatever.

I don't believe what I'm listening to.

Who told you this stuff, Ralph?

Bill, I was talking to the Searchers

dispatched by Margolis.

That bunch of flamingos? You believe...

Let me put it to you

a different way.

Suppose they were being deceitful trolls.

Then what? There are no deceitful trolls

in Goblin Territory, Bill.

- Sorry. I lost my head.

- All right. I'll meet you all there.

Okay. ♪ We're off

to see the Keeper ♪

Yeah, this is going real good now.

Uh, we're headed for the, um... the River of Zog.

Prince is headed for the Circle

of, uh... of Isis.

I'm headed for the pen, and my personnel file...

is headed straight into the paper shredder.

Come on. Oh, yeah.

We got it now. No question.

Just a moment, young man.

Now, where is the prince?

Uh... He, uh... He's not here.

He-He just left.

Indeed. And just where did he go,

my young friend?

I can't tell you that.

Maxwell? Maxwell, is that you?

Maxwell?

I know you're there, Maxwell. I know you're there.

I'm gonna get out of here, Maxwell.

And when I do,

beware the wrath of the angry wizard.

Oh, God. Ohh.

Maxwell? Hinkley?

I knew it. I knew it.

It's nothing. There's nobody here.

The deceitful trolls got us again.

The Gatekeeper should be here.

Well, maybe, uh, we made a wrong turn.

Maybe this isn't the River of Zog.

The River of Zog is an L.A. storm drain,

and I'm gettin' measured for a 208 hearing.

Don't worry Bill. I'll handle the case for you.

Get you 10% on your pension.

Thanks a lot.

Wait a minute. Look at this.

The Gatekeeper's cap!

You get docked 10 points for being caught

without that on.

Well, whoever dropped that down here got docked

more than 10 points.

Anything? Well, there's got to be something.

The Gatekeeper, or whatever he's called,

has got to be taking the heavies to the prince

right now.

Wait a minute. I'm gettin' something here.

I see a... a windmill.

Wha... A w... Look up "windmill"

in there.

No, wait a minute. It's changing,

I-I-I got a, uh,

a gingerbread house.

Ralph, change channels, will you?

Bill, come on.

This thing keeps fading in and out.

It's not my fault.

All right. I'm getting a, uh... a tree house...

with a bunch of elves around it...

Okay. That's it.

I fought the good fight and I lost it, that's all, and the

prince doesn't get to be king.

Will you take it easy, Bill? He's doing the best he can.

This isn't easy.

Near a castle... by the 15th hole.

The what? Fifteenth hole?

Yeah, you know, like a golf course.

Hey, wait a minute.

I think I know where there's a castle.

The elves throw me.

Well, forget the elves. Where is it?

Okay.

There's a miniature golf course near the freeway in Encino.

They have a castle. Now, the prince could be headed

for the Castle of Doom.

Well...

That's all we got.

Uh, we'll meet you there. Come on, counselor.

Yeah. Let's go.

I know... Be careful.

Oh, here!

I declare the Circle complete!

All Stealers and Searchers of the Soul,

reveal yourselves.

Okay, Omar. Out.

Out, baby. Right now.

One thumb through there. Okay.

The other one through there. Put it on yourself.

Okay, kid. F.B.I. What's going on?

They're after Aha.

They chased him around back.

You stay here.

Freeze it right there! Drop it! Drop it!

I have the prince!

Drop your weapon, or the prince is dead.

Wha...

Well, kid,

you really put us through the jumps

with your little game.

Well but, how... what...

Uh, your destiny card come up rosy,

and uh, some guardian wizard must really dig your act.

Yeah, I know, I know. I was a nonbeliever, too,

at the beginning.

But I spent a couple of days with that stuff,

and it starts to make sense.

Not only that, but right here,

we've got techniques...

that we use that could benefit from this wizard business

right here in the bureau.

I mean, for example, look at this.

You got a felon. The felon is on the run.

Okay. You know, be dumb. That's okay with me.

Now, this felon is the only one...

who knows his true destination himself.

See? That makes him a Fleeing Urchin.

Now, the rest of us are all operating...

at different levels of comprehension and ability, see?

I mean, like for example, uh... Well, Carson here might be...

half an Elf, uh, and, you know,

Smith here's maybe a quarter of a Pixie,

Come on. And I'm a Wizard

of the Fifth Ring because...

Come on. Let's go.

What's the matter with you?

They think you're a yo-yo.

And the other th...

Oh, boy. Deceitful trolls.

They're everywhere. Gee!

Well, they're just jealous, that's all, because...

I cracked the game, and I found the prince.

Uh, I cracked the game, Bill.

Uh, you're still back at the Bridge of Clouds.

Well, if anyone's responsible for finding the prince,

it's Norman Fackler.

Yeah, Fackler. Gee, I wish he would

return my calls.

I got a caseload for him... You know, of Fleeing Urchins...

I know he could help me with.

It's driving me nuts.