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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:06,005 This is the story of two sisters, 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,007 Jessica Tate 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,509 and Mary Campbell. 4 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:14,013 These are the Tates, 5 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,516 and these are the Campbells. 6 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,019 And this is Soap. 7 00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,840 Oh! 8 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:15,841 Jess. 9 00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:16,842 Oh! Mary. 10 00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:17,843 Good. 11 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,344 Look what I'm making us. 12 00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:20,846 Some little drinks with umbrellas. 13 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,347 I need the practice. 14 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:24,850 I had this the other night at a Polynesian restaurant, 15 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:27,352 and I stabbed my lip with a toothpick 16 00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:30,756 and shoved an umbrella up my nose. 17 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,492 Jess, you know I would never hurt you. 18 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:34,860 Never ever. 19 00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:35,861 Of course not, Mary. 20 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:39,364 I know you'd never shove an umbrella up my nose. 21 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:43,368 You'd probably take it out. 22 00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:45,370 I mean, intentionally hurt you. 23 00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:46,872 Of course not. 24 00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,874 Except for that one time you shoved me out of the tree 25 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,876 when I was 8 years old. 26 00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,378 And we've always had each other, no matter what. 27 00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:56,381 Anyway, I deserved to be pushed out of the tree 28 00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:57,883 because I'd put a spider in your Jell-O 29 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,385 before it Jell-O'd, remember? 30 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,387 And you were eating away. 31 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:07,893 It's been the most important thing in my life, Jess, 32 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,394 that you've always been there for me, 33 00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:11,396 and I've always been there for you. 34 00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:12,364 Mm-hm. 35 00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:13,866 And it would kill me, Jess, 36 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,536 if what I'm about to tell you changed that. 37 00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,338 But I have to tell you. You have to know. 38 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:23,709 You know Danny was shot. 39 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,544 I know that, Mary. 40 00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,347 It happened in my house. 41 00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,781 And he was shot in the kidneys. 42 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,183 The kidneys. 43 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,185 Thank God it wasn't the heart or the brain, 44 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,654 where there's only one. 45 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,123 He was shot in two kidneys, Jess. 46 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:39,558 I see. 47 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,427 And what about the rest? 48 00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,862 The rest of what? 49 00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:45,230 Of his kidneys. 50 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,765 He only has two. 51 00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:49,768 Oh, I'm sorry, Mary. 52 00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,737 That's all anyone has. 53 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,172 Really? 54 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,107 I thought there were more. 55 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,576 When I used to buy beef kidneys for Fluffy, 56 00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:01,079 it always came a whole bunch in a package. 57 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,982 No, Jess, we only have two... 58 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,951 and Danny was shot in both. 59 00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:07,953 And now he needs a new kidney. 60 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,956 Oh, Mary, where are you going to get one? 61 00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:12,958 Well, uh, from a donor, Jess. 62 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,960 That's what I've come to talk to you about. 63 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:15,895 Oh, well. 64 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,396 Well, you've got it, Mary. 65 00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:18,397 Take mine. Either. Both of them. 66 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:19,898 They're yours. 67 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,900 You take my kidneys. I'll get my coat. 68 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,903 No, Jess. He can't use yours. 69 00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:25,904 Now, Mary, 70 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:27,372 I know it's a woman's kidney, 71 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,875 but you have to tell Danny nobody will ever know. 72 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:30,876 It'll be on the inside. 73 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,878 No one will ever be able to tell. 74 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,380 No, Jess. We have a donor. 75 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,883 The only donor that we can use. 76 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,885 Um... 77 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,387 Danny's father. 78 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:45,357 Mary, sit down. Now... 79 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,359 Mary, I... 80 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,861 I know that you've been under a lot of strain. 81 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,863 I know you're tired, Mary. 82 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:55,734 Mary, Danny's father is dead. 83 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,736 No, Jess. 84 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:01,140 Danny's father is Chester. 85 00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:05,478 Chester? 86 00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:10,783 "Chester," Chester? 87 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,788 You mean, the Chester I know? 88 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,691 It happened before you were married. 89 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:23,195 Before you were even going together. 90 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,101 You and Chester? 91 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,405 I'm so sorry, Jess. 92 00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,908 And you never told me. 93 00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,377 You got married. 94 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,313 I didn't want to hurt you. 95 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,649 I couldn't find a good reason to tell you 96 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,551 and... risk hurting you. 97 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:49,354 What good would have come of it? 98 00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:52,824 Ooh! 99 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,227 You and Chester. 100 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,230 I should have told you. 101 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,969 I can't believe it. 102 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,971 Oh, Jess... 103 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,975 please don't be angry with me. 104 00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:14,847 All these years, and you never told me. 105 00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:21,653 Practically our whole lives. 106 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:28,193 I trusted you with everything. 107 00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:34,300 With all my thoughts and my most private fears. 108 00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:41,540 And you knew everything about my marriage, 109 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:44,544 when my marriage was everything in my life. 110 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,881 When I let you know 111 00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:53,352 every corner of my soul, and... 112 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,787 Oh. 113 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:58,290 You kept it from me. 114 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,798 You sat there listening and knowing that. 115 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,302 Oh, Mary. 116 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:14,307 I feel so totally, totally betrayed. 117 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,728 I don't know. 118 00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,017 Hi, honey. 119 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,018 Hi, Ma. How you doing? 120 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,019 Okay. 121 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:02,020 Mwah. 122 00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:03,522 Mm. 123 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,525 The doctor says you're doing just fine. 124 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,527 You just need a lot of rest... 125 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,529 and a new kidney, but other than that... 126 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,464 A kidney? 127 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,799 A whole kidney? 128 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,800 Yeah. 129 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,735 But I have a kidney. 130 00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:17,736 Well, no. 131 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,137 You had a kidney. 132 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,138 Actually, you had two. 133 00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,540 And now you don't have any. 134 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:22,908 Do I really need one? 135 00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,810 It helps. 136 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,311 So what are they gonna do, 137 00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:29,281 just... put one in? 138 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,183 Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 139 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,184 Uh... 140 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:36,021 someone is gonna donate one of theirs. 141 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,457 Blech! 142 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,891 You mean, they're gonna put 143 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,326 someone else's kidney in my body? 144 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,194 Yeah. 145 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,129 Whose? 146 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,596 Uh, Mary. 147 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:47,098 Mary, how much longer? 148 00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,167 I'm in the 20-minute zone. 149 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:52,137 If I'm giving up a kidney, I don't want to get a ticket. 150 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,606 Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. 151 00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,607 Ma, Chester? 152 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,109 Uh... 153 00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,045 You're the donor? 154 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,047 She didn't tell you? 155 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:05,050 Uh, I was about to. 156 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,886 All right, Chester, why are you doing it? 157 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:09,721 What's in it for you? 158 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:10,656 In it for me? 159 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,157 There's nothing in it for me. 160 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,625 It's for you. 161 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:14,659 Without a kidney, 162 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,161 you'll eventually die. 163 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,996 And if I'm the only one that can prevent that, 164 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,433 well, I... kind of have to. 165 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,435 And if I die, well, then I'll die knowing 166 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,903 that I died in order for you to live. 167 00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:28,573 Of course, that won't mean a lot to me after I'm dead. 168 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,575 Feeling better today? 169 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:33,578 Oh, great. Tiptop. King of the hill! 170 00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,081 Nurse, please, don't let them take my kidney, please! 171 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,082 Chester! 172 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,083 Ahem. 173 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,084 Sorry. 174 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,953 A little preoperative hysteria. 175 00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:44,456 I'm fine. 176 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,892 I don't want your kidney, Chester. 177 00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:47,893 Oh! Well, we tried, Mary. 178 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,895 I'll be in the gift shop... 179 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:50,897 Stay, Chester! 180 00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,200 Danny, there is a very good reason 181 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,103 why you're new kidney has to come from Uncle Chester. 182 00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,338 But I don't even like him. 183 00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,741 Why can't I have one of Burt's? 184 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:05,210 We both drink light beer. 185 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,547 Because Danny... Because... 186 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,315 Be... 187 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,317 cause. 188 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:16,288 Um... well, because Danny, um... 189 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,291 you need the kidney of a blood relative. 190 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,625 Well, so that means you can't. 191 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,093 Why not Jodie? 192 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:25,030 Well, someone like your father. 193 00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,898 Close. 194 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,401 Don't talk about my father. 195 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,902 He's dead. 196 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,371 He was a crook and a murderer, and he's dead. 197 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,674 Well, it's two out of three. 198 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,783 Um... 199 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:47,652 Danny... 200 00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,554 I'm your daddy. 201 00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:55,327 Ow. Oh. Don't. 202 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,328 Danny, don't laugh, 203 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,330 because if you break a spleen or something, 204 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,265 you're on your own. 205 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,201 I draw the line at organs I don't have an abundance of. 206 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,202 Shh! 207 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,638 Oh, what a sense of humor. 208 00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,846 Ma, is he serious? 209 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:18,283 It's a long story. 210 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,751 I... Well... 211 00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,653 I don't believe it. 212 00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,622 You see, I don't either. 213 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,457 Now, there's two people right there. 214 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,393 So let's not rush into something we'll all be sorry about later. 215 00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:30,395 Mary, coffee shop. 216 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,396 Oh! 217 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,897 Danny, would you like a Snickers? 218 00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:33,899 Sit, Chester. 219 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,836 Danny, it's true. 220 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,306 It was a long time ago, but it's true. 221 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,210 Chester's my father? 222 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,080 The person I respect the least in the whole world 223 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,317 has my chromotons. 224 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,286 You think I'm overjoyed? 225 00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:56,221 Could you leave me alone? 226 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,456 Both of you. 227 00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:01,026 Danny, I know that you're confused, 228 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,994 and you probably hate me right now. 229 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,363 What do you want me to do, Ma? 230 00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:06,298 Jump out of bed, 231 00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,733 kiss him and call him Daddy? 232 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,236 Danny... Please! 233 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,539 Get out. 234 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,449 Danny, you don't have to forgive me, ever... 235 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,318 but there's... one big reason 236 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,621 why you could never hate Chester. 237 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,556 Why? 238 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,525 He gave me you. 239 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:01,653 Yeah, no, Mare. 240 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,656 Please, I'm fine. Just, how is Danny? 241 00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,658 Will you stop with the powder? 242 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,660 What's the matter with you? 243 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:09,661 Come on, Mare, please. 244 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,663 I mean, does the kidney fit? 245 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,165 Is he...? What? Is he...? 246 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,535 Lips? What's with the lips? 247 00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:18,536 Leave me alone, pal. 248 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,537 Yeah. 249 00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,039 No, sorry. No, Mare, not you. 250 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,041 I got some... I got a clown over here. 251 00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:26,878 Mare... please, is everything okay? 252 00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:27,879 You sure? 253 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,380 Mary, I'm fine, really. 254 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,316 Listen... 255 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:35,320 Yeah, I'm gonna be on with the governor here. 256 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,821 Yeah, all right. I'll tell him. 257 00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:38,323 I'll tell him. I'll tell him. 258 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,824 All right, Mare. Listen, listen. 259 00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:40,825 I love you, all right? 260 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:41,826 And you tell Danny I love him. 261 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,328 And everybody else over there, 262 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,829 you tell them I love them, all right? 263 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,832 And listen, Mare... when you see me on TV, 264 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,334 don't be shocked, all right? 265 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,836 I'm wearing lipstick. 266 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,338 What is it? 267 00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,339 What are you doing with me here? 268 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,775 Who am I, Barbra Streisand? 269 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,777 I'm gonna meet the governor here with mascara? 270 00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,779 Get away from me. 271 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,283 Hey, Sheriff, 272 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,285 I'm Morty Stevens, the director. 273 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,787 Welcome to the news. 274 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,789 I'd like you to meet Governor Rodenbach. 275 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,292 Governor, I am... Hello, hi, sir. This is... 276 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,795 My wife says hello. 277 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,296 You're a heck of a guy, Campbell. 278 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:21,800 Is that the way you pronounce it, "Campbell"? 279 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:22,801 Uh, yes, sir. 280 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,302 So the "p" is silent, 281 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,804 like the "k" in knife. 282 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,706 Yes, sir. 283 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,142 That's very confusing, a "p" in Campbell. 284 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,144 I don't understand that. 285 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,113 Well, thank you, sir. 286 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,615 This is our anchorman, Philip Glen Smith. 287 00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,117 Congratulations, Sheriff. 288 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:41,119 This is probably the biggest crime bust 289 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,121 since they captured Hitler. 290 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,123 You know, I don't think they ever captured him. 291 00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,624 Of course, we'll be asking the questions. 292 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,626 Now, Sheriff, what's your first name? Bart? 293 00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:49,627 No, that's Burt. 294 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:51,129 Burt. Bart would been better. 295 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,630 Governor, what do you think? 296 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:53,631 Bart's got more bite. Yeah. 297 00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,567 Bart, Bart. See what I mean. 298 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,569 Well, my mother thought it was a little ostentatious. 299 00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,570 Too much bite. 300 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,406 Should be more Oldie West-y. 301 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,408 Like... Black Bart. 302 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,909 Excuse me, sir. 303 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:05,910 Think that's too much of a bite? 304 00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:06,911 Excuse me. 305 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,912 My kid's in the hospital. 306 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,414 So I'd like to get this over with. 307 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,415 Let's just leave it Burt. 308 00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,416 Okay, Burt, 309 00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,417 now, run it by me once, 310 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,419 exactly how you captured these guys. 311 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,920 And don't skimp on the action. 312 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:18,423 Well, I exchanged some gunfire with some of the bodyguards. 313 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:19,424 No good. 314 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,425 No good? 315 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,926 The gun is too ordinary. 316 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:22,927 We have to accent the bat. 317 00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,429 You did have a bat, right? 318 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,430 Yeah. 319 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:26,431 Bat, Bat. There we go. 320 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:27,432 Bat Campbell. 321 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,933 Bat. I like it. Burt, you like Bat? 322 00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:31,402 This bat is no good. 323 00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:32,904 It doesn't work. This is little league. 324 00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:34,405 Props, get me another bat. 325 00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:35,907 We need a bigger bat for Burt here. 326 00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:36,908 That's my bat. He took my bat! 327 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:37,909 Bart. 328 00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:38,910 No it's Burt, not Bart. 329 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,411 Burt. Bring the bat back, please. 330 00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:42,914 We want to play up the bat. And forget about the gun. 331 00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:44,415 But that's not what really happened. 332 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:47,919 Burty, baby, this is the news, show biz. 333 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,421 I need the ratings. 334 00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:51,923 Standby, in 20 seconds. 335 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:53,424 Places, everybody. 336 00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,927 Burt. Burt. Here. 337 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:56,928 The gov's over there. 338 00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:57,929 Now, speak up, 339 00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,431 and always watch the cameras with the red lights, huh? 340 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:01,933 Ten seconds. 341 00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:02,935 All right, let's do it. 342 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:07,438 Five, four, three, two... 343 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,742 It's On the Spot News 344 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,744 with anchorman Philip Glen Smith. 345 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,746 And now, here's Philip. 346 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,248 Thank you and welcome to On the Spot News. 347 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,751 On the spot is the governor of our state 348 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,186 and Sheriff Bart Campbell, 349 00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:24,088 who single-handedly made the largest 350 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,357 organized crime bust of the century. 351 00:15:26,358 --> 00:15:29,227 Sheriff Campbell, tell us how you did it. 352 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:37,169 I hit him. 353 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,940 Yes, he struck a blow for America 354 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,209 and sent organized crime crashing to the canvas. 355 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,210 Uh, no, no. 356 00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:48,179 I was just doing my job. 357 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,681 Just doing my job. 358 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,517 An American man following the American dream. 359 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,453 A man possessed by an anger, by a passion. 360 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,454 Wait a minute. Guys... 361 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,323 A man who dared go 362 00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,791 where no man had gone before. 363 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,759 Excuse me. 364 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,660 Making our land a greater place to live. Sir. 365 00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:06,030 With pioneer wisdom and one lone baseball bat, 366 00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,466 he marched into a veritable snake pit. 367 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,402 And there with God and raw courage on his side. 368 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:12,870 Excuse me, Governor. 369 00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:14,672 Let me say. That's not what happened. 370 00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:15,640 Thank you, Sheriff. 371 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,075 No, wait a minute. 372 00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:18,576 Wait a minute, here. 373 00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,078 It's just... It's very simple. 374 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,579 It just that sooner or later 375 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,582 everybody's gonna have to stand up and protect their own. 376 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,084 I mean, people are gonna have to learn. 377 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:29,087 They're gonna say no, you can't take this from me. 378 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:32,090 Or no, you may not do that to me. 379 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,592 And when people find out it's up to them to say no, 380 00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:36,594 then they have to make a choice. 381 00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,597 I chose to say no. 382 00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:41,599 There's no big deal here, there's no courage. 383 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,102 It's just that somebody hurt my kid, my family. 384 00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:47,605 And you can't let people go around hurting you 385 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,107 or your family, so you don't... 386 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,111 I gotta go. 387 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,612 I got... My kid's in the hospital. 388 00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,114 I gotta go see him. Excuse me. 389 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,555 Ladies and gentlemen, 390 00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:06,057 you heard it here. 391 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:07,959 The answer pure and simple: 392 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,695 A modest man saying no. 393 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,630 That's right, Philip. 394 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,033 Should men like this be limited by local office? 395 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,501 No. 396 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,903 Men like this have too much to give our country. 397 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:22,340 And that is why I have chosen that brave human being 398 00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:25,176 to head my war on crime. 399 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:28,046 At last, a man who says no. 400 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,782 Sheriff Bat Campell. 401 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,684 Coming up next, our special segment: 402 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:35,119 schooling... 403 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,021 and why it's a good thing. 404 00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:54,105 Okay, here we are. 405 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,107 We'll be back in a minute to knock you boys out. 406 00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,610 Well, so much for bedside manner. 407 00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:01,512 Hello. 408 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:02,480 Yeah. 409 00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:03,948 What are you writing? 410 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,416 My will. 411 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,318 Oh. 412 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:09,187 Do you spell bequeath with a "c" or a "k"? 413 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,990 Uh, what are you bequeathing? 414 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,959 My guitar. 415 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,329 I didn't know you played guitar. 416 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,298 I've had it for years. 417 00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,233 Huh. It's funny learning things 418 00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:23,701 about someone you've known a long time. 419 00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,703 We've found out a lot about each other. 420 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:27,038 You play the guitar. 421 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:30,374 I'm your father. 422 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:33,177 You gave it to me. 423 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:34,612 I did? 424 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,014 Christmas, 1965. 425 00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:38,516 Oh! 426 00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:40,952 Who are you willing it to? 427 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,821 You. 428 00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:45,189 Hey, it's the least I can do. 429 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,558 After all, you're giving me a kidney. 430 00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:49,560 Yeah. Thanks. 431 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,562 The thing is, I gotta put a rider on it 432 00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:54,799 saying that if you die, it goes to your next of kin, 433 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,235 which is me. 434 00:18:57,236 --> 00:19:00,105 Boy, legal red tape, I'm telling you. 435 00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:05,076 I'm... finding it real hard 436 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,878 to believe that you're my father. 437 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,281 Yeah, well, believe me, I find it hard to believe too. 438 00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:12,650 We don't look anything alike. 439 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,051 Oh, my God. 440 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,419 What? 441 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,256 I have to go to the bathroom. 442 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,257 I don't believe it. 443 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:21,759 They're taking out a kidney, and I have to go the bathroom. 444 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,262 Boy, when it rains, it pours. 445 00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:26,264 Chester. 446 00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:27,765 Chester, try and relax. 447 00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:29,206 They're gonna be wheeling us in soon. 448 00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:33,704 One kidney. I'll have one kidney. 449 00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,139 That's all you need. 450 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,142 Oh, really, Dr. Schweitzer? 451 00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:41,979 That's what Dr. Art Ulene said on the Today Show. 452 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,482 One kidney is like having one lip. 453 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,984 Mm. 454 00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,786 Come on. Don't complain. 455 00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,087 I'm only gonna have one too. 456 00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,055 Yeah, mine. 457 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:53,558 What happens if I need it sometime? 458 00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:56,494 I'll give it back to you. 459 00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,497 What will you do with no kidneys? 460 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,431 I won't drink. 461 00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:03,368 That'll help. 462 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,837 What if I start to develop your habits? 463 00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:09,740 What if I turn into you? 464 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:13,578 This isn't a brain transplant, you idiot. 465 00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,817 How old were you when you started balding? 466 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,221 I'm not balding. 467 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,223 I'm gonna have a scar. 468 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,158 Scar, psssh. 469 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,094 You could die on the table. 470 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,030 Nurse! Nurse! 471 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:34,031 Chester, relax. 472 00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:35,533 You're getting hysterical. 473 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,034 Hysterical, me? 474 00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:39,036 I'm not hysterical. I'm perfectly calm. 475 00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:41,973 I am being extraordinarily composed 476 00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,908 during this time of enormous stress... 477 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,911 Stress that would probably kill a lesser man. 478 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:47,912 I spit at danger. 479 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,914 Ha. I laugh at pain. 480 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:50,915 Bring on the doctors. 481 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,917 Let them do their worst. Ha, ha. 482 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:53,918 Showtime. 483 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,920 Ah! No! No, no! 484 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:59,423 Mommy, mommy, mommy. 485 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:02,427 We're gonna have to put you out now, guys. 486 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,431 Uh, you're gonna put that needle in 487 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,433 and then tell me to count backwards from 100, 488 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,935 aren't you? 489 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:11,936 It won't work. I can't be put out. 490 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,437 It won't flow through my veins. 491 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,439 I swear to God. 492 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,941 Chester. 493 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,443 What? 494 00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:20,911 Good luck. 495 00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:22,346 Oh. 496 00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,782 Good luck. 497 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,284 Okay, now... once I put the needle in, 498 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,185 you'll feel a little warmth in your chest. 499 00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,187 This isn't going to work. Believe me. 500 00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:31,689 It's no use. 501 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:32,690 I won't go under. 502 00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,592 It's a complete waste of time. 503 00:21:34,593 --> 00:21:36,093 Nobody's ever been able to put me out. 504 00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:37,094 Ask my dentist. 505 00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:39,597 You're gonna be very embarrassed. 506 00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,565 Now, count. 507 00:21:41,566 --> 00:21:43,067 One hundred. 508 00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:44,569 Ninety-nine. 509 00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:58,416 Now that Burt's heroism has made him a celebrity, 510 00:21:58,417 --> 00:21:59,917 will he continue to fight crime, 511 00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:01,919 or will he want his own television series? 512 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,422 What will be the outcome of Danny's operation? 513 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,891 Will his body accept Chester's kidney? 514 00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:09,393 Will Chester's kidney accept Danny's body? 515 00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:10,895 And what about the two sisters? 516 00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,897 Will Jessica ever forgive Mary? 517 00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:14,398 Will Mary ever forgive herself? 518 00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:16,400 Or will her shocking confession 519 00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:18,903 destroy the Tates and Campbells forever? 520 00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:20,404 These questions and many others 521 00:22:20,405 --> 00:22:23,408 will be answered in the next episode of Soap. 34728

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