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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:03,485 [LAUGHTER] 2 00:00:03,487 --> 00:00:06,199 Oh, man, I love the C.I.A.! 3 00:00:06,234 --> 00:00:08,423 Name another job where you sit around 4 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,493 with your friends and just laugh all day! 5 00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:13,028 Can it, chuckle buddies! 6 00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:15,698 I need someone who can cry for a mission, 7 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,166 so we're having a crying contest! 8 00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:20,168 Why do we need to cry on a mission? 9 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:24,172 One of you will go undercover to an enemy operative's funeral, 10 00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:28,377 act sad, and seduce his widow to get intel. 11 00:00:28,379 --> 00:00:29,778 What kind of intel, sir? 12 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,314 State secrets, Bolognese recipes. 13 00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:34,316 I'm just hungry for info! 14 00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:35,918 My mom makes a pretty good sauce. 15 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,054 Great! Seduce her and get the recipe. 16 00:00:39,056 --> 00:00:40,923 On it! 17 00:00:40,925 --> 00:00:43,525 Cry? A baby could do that. 18 00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:45,394 Then prove it, Smith! 19 00:00:45,396 --> 00:00:48,130 Everyone, think sad thoughts! 20 00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:49,598 ♪♪ 21 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,533 Lost pets. 22 00:00:51,535 --> 00:00:53,068 Dead birds. 23 00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:57,539 Being too short to go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. 24 00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:59,207 Oh, God, I'm close. 25 00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:00,809 Come on! 26 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,878 No one leaves until I see one of you big men cry. 27 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,347 Hooper, shoot me in the leg. 28 00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:06,749 I always cry when I get shot. 29 00:01:06,751 --> 00:01:09,484 Oh, yeah, here come the waterworks! 30 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,019 Yes, Jackson! 31 00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:13,155 ♪♪ 32 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,623 Real tears! 33 00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,759 Huzzah and shazam! 34 00:01:16,761 --> 00:01:20,963 With this leather jacket, I hereby name you... 35 00:01:20,965 --> 00:01:23,966 Agent Cry Baby. 36 00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,568 I did it, sir! 37 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,903 This isn't a recipe for Bolognese. 38 00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:30,905 It's a slice of bologna! 39 00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:34,543 This is useless to me! 40 00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:41,016 I hope you pleased your mother more than me. 41 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,453 ♪♪ 42 00:01:44,455 --> 00:01:46,922 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 43 00:01:46,924 --> 00:01:50,392 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 44 00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:53,528 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 45 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:58,467 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 46 00:02:00,137 --> 00:02:03,138 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 47 00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:05,808 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 48 00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:07,109 Aah! 49 00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:11,480 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 50 00:02:11,482 --> 00:02:14,617 ♪♪ 51 00:02:14,619 --> 00:02:16,418 Carol, grab a seat. 52 00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,620 I'll get you a yogurt. 53 00:02:17,622 --> 00:02:20,422 Morning, everyone! 54 00:02:20,424 --> 00:02:22,090 Steve, are you banging an old lady? 55 00:02:22,092 --> 00:02:24,759 What? No! This is Carol. 56 00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:28,563 She's from the Best Boy Award committee. 57 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,966 The Best Buy Best Boy Award?! 58 00:02:30,968 --> 00:02:34,169 Handed out every year to the best boy in the best country 59 00:02:34,171 --> 00:02:36,771 as determined by the best company, Best Buy?! 60 00:02:36,773 --> 00:02:38,173 With almost the best prices? 61 00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:40,308 Yep! I'm one of two finalists. 62 00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:42,645 Carol is my official Best Boy observer. 63 00:02:42,647 --> 00:02:44,779 Her report is the final determination 64 00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,781 before the award is presented next weekend. 65 00:02:46,783 --> 00:02:50,385 My boy the Best Boy as determined by Best Buy! 66 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:53,722 Carol, help me set my sky-high expectations even higher. 67 00:02:53,724 --> 00:02:56,191 - Does he have a chance? - Per Best Buy rules, 68 00:02:56,193 --> 00:02:58,393 observers are not allowed to comment. 69 00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:01,730 But I will say this... He's basically a lock! 70 00:03:01,732 --> 00:03:04,066 Actually, I kind of hope I lose. 71 00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:05,267 Why? 72 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,402 The other finalist is this kid Brett Robert. 73 00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:10,339 He's come in second the last three years. 74 00:03:10,341 --> 00:03:13,676 Imagine how it would feel to get that close and not win. 75 00:03:13,678 --> 00:03:15,544 I have a lot of empathy for him. 76 00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,546 - Explain. - Explain empathy? 77 00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:20,349 - Please. - Have you ever looked at someone and felt like 78 00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:22,685 you understood exactly what they were going through? 79 00:03:22,687 --> 00:03:24,219 Yes. Olympic athletes. 80 00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:25,620 But only when they win gold. 81 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,222 Say you were watching the Olympics 82 00:03:27,224 --> 00:03:29,692 and someone broke their leg and couldn't finish. 83 00:03:29,694 --> 00:03:31,026 Maybe you'd feel their disappointment 84 00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:32,427 like it was your own? 85 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,628 That's empathy. 86 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,897 Gross. 87 00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:36,699 To the concept and the broken leg. 88 00:03:36,701 --> 00:03:38,367 I'm picturing a compound fracture 89 00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:39,702 with the bone sticking out. 90 00:03:39,704 --> 00:03:41,436 Ew, with lots of blood? 91 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,905 Stop being gross, Steve. 92 00:03:42,907 --> 00:03:45,774 It's just Brett Robert is a great boy. 93 00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:49,511 A-A-And he'll be so hurt if... if he doesn't... 94 00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:51,846 Wait, empathy is crying? 95 00:03:51,848 --> 00:03:53,248 I need to do that for work! 96 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,183 Steve, teach me how to empathy! 97 00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:56,651 Okay, I guess. 98 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,388 Teaching his father empathy?! 99 00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:02,657 I wish I was allowed to share my feelings 100 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,993 about this perfect boy! 101 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,663 But I swore an oath to the CEO of Best Buy 102 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,266 on a DVD three-pack of "Die Hard," 103 00:04:11,268 --> 00:04:13,135 "Little Women," and "The Natural." 104 00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:16,938 ♪♪ 105 00:04:17,452 --> 00:04:19,208 - You wanted to see me, Roger? - Yes. 106 00:04:19,210 --> 00:04:22,477 As you know, last year was a disaster for my business. 107 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,213 Your fruit leather belt company? 108 00:04:24,215 --> 00:04:26,015 No, no, that's thriving. 109 00:04:28,151 --> 00:04:30,419 I'm talking about my air-conditioning business. 110 00:04:30,421 --> 00:04:32,021 Last summer, I got a little careless. 111 00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:33,422 Damaged some property. 112 00:04:33,424 --> 00:04:36,091 I need your help typing up a letter to win my clients back. 113 00:04:36,093 --> 00:04:37,226 I can't touch the keyboard. 114 00:04:37,228 --> 00:04:40,329 My hands are too sticky with belt fruit. 115 00:04:41,632 --> 00:04:43,732 Sit down. 116 00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:47,502 Okay, "Dear HVAC customers. 117 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:50,039 If you're reading this, I'm already dead." 118 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,707 No, that's too much. 119 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,309 ♪♪ 120 00:04:54,311 --> 00:04:56,111 Here's a hypothetical. 121 00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:57,913 What would happen if I quit? 122 00:04:57,915 --> 00:05:00,049 Then Brett would have to be Best Boy, right? 123 00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:01,116 Wow! 124 00:05:01,118 --> 00:05:03,985 If you quit so another boy could win, 125 00:05:03,987 --> 00:05:06,121 you'd be guaranteed to win! 126 00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:08,189 Oh, my God, this boy. 127 00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,259 I've seen all I need! [CHUCKLES] 128 00:05:10,261 --> 00:05:13,729 Good luck teaching Stan empathy! 129 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,331 Okay, I'm ready for my crying lessons. 130 00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:18,667 Do I scrunch my face like this, or...? 131 00:05:18,669 --> 00:05:20,736 You're not here to learn how to cry, Dad. 132 00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,271 You're here to learn empathy. 133 00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:24,806 We already know you can't empathize with strangers. 134 00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:27,809 I thought we'd see if you could empathize with someone you know. 135 00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:31,480 And you know one very sad person. 136 00:05:31,482 --> 00:05:32,948 Why would I feel bad for Dick? 137 00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:34,416 Well, we've been talking about 138 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,217 how pathetic he is for five minutes, 139 00:05:36,219 --> 00:05:38,153 and he's pretending he can't hear us. 140 00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:39,889 I'm just happy for the company. 141 00:05:39,891 --> 00:05:42,491 My girlfriend turned out to be a catfish. 142 00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:44,225 Not an MTV Catfish. 143 00:05:44,227 --> 00:05:46,495 A literal catfish, Stan. 144 00:05:46,497 --> 00:05:48,297 He's dating a fish. 145 00:05:48,299 --> 00:05:52,501 That doesn't break your heart even a little? 146 00:05:52,503 --> 00:05:56,237 ♪ Some comfort here ♪ 147 00:05:56,239 --> 00:05:57,706 I'm Sarah McLachlan, 148 00:05:57,708 --> 00:06:01,176 and you can save these animals from abusers. 149 00:06:01,178 --> 00:06:03,913 All those poor puppies? 150 00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:06,247 - Nothing?! - Nothing. 151 00:06:06,249 --> 00:06:07,649 This song is a banger, by the way. 152 00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:08,850 I could [BLEEP] to this. 153 00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:10,652 Okay, I want to unlock your empathy, 154 00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:12,387 but I don't think I can. 155 00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:13,855 Maybe we should try a doctor. 156 00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,791 But which one? We know so many. 157 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,927 We do know a lot of different doctors. 158 00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:20,529 But I'm thinking we start with... 159 00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:22,331 It's a very quick fix. 160 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:26,401 I'll simply need to stimulate your Super Marginal Gyrus! 161 00:06:26,403 --> 00:06:29,838 Please mark your forehead for the drill. 162 00:06:30,674 --> 00:06:32,808 [DRILL WHIRRING] 163 00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,311 I'm thinkin' we try a different doctor. 164 00:06:38,616 --> 00:06:40,081 [DOOR CLOSES] 165 00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:43,152 [CHUCKLES] Stay still, you wiggle worm! 166 00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:45,887 Sorry, Dr. Ray is out dead today. 167 00:06:45,889 --> 00:06:47,489 Do you know when he'll be alive? 168 00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:48,824 Hmm, no. 169 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,025 Do we know more doctors? 170 00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:51,560 "Do we know more doctors?" 171 00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:53,294 Listen to this guy! 172 00:06:53,296 --> 00:06:56,631 - ♪♪ - _ 173 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:59,634 [GRUNTING] 174 00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:00,902 - ♪♪ - _ 175 00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:03,638 [GIGGLING] 176 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:13,448 ♪♪ 177 00:07:14,338 --> 00:07:16,051 There was nothing funny about that guy. 178 00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:17,318 Weird one to end on. 179 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,920 Ugh. We need a new doctor. 180 00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:22,323 - Did you say new doctor? - _ 181 00:07:22,325 --> 00:07:25,460 The world is a pretty cool place. 182 00:07:25,462 --> 00:07:28,797 ♪♪ 183 00:07:28,799 --> 00:07:29,999 New e-mail! 184 00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:32,001 Drop everything! 185 00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:33,869 It's from that awful air-conditioning guy 186 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,604 I used last year. 187 00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:37,006 "Dear HVAC customer." 188 00:07:37,008 --> 00:07:38,674 Hey, that's me! 189 00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:42,011 "I was inspired to write this after a difficult run 190 00:07:42,013 --> 00:07:43,679 "for my business last summer. 191 00:07:43,681 --> 00:07:45,146 "Why was it so difficult? 192 00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:48,950 "Maybe it was my attitude, maybe it was yours. 193 00:07:48,952 --> 00:07:50,219 "Maybe it was the fact 194 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:52,221 "that I put my foot through some ceilings. 195 00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:54,623 But I always fixed it." 196 00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,558 ♪♪ 197 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,427 "And now I know what I need to do 198 00:07:58,429 --> 00:08:00,029 to win back your business." 199 00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:03,032 - Free repair? - "An overly personal e-mail." 200 00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:04,566 Even better! 201 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,502 So, new doctor, what kind of doctor are you? 202 00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:09,971 No specialty! I can take your temperature. 203 00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:11,172 I can do CPR. 204 00:08:11,174 --> 00:08:13,375 Oh! And I've got a knee knocker! 205 00:08:13,377 --> 00:08:14,710 Want me to give 'em a knock? 206 00:08:14,712 --> 00:08:16,311 - See if they kick? - No thanks. 207 00:08:16,313 --> 00:08:19,114 We're actually trying to help my dad access his empathy. 208 00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:21,583 Mm, yes, I think I can help. 209 00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,785 I'm trained in something called 210 00:08:23,787 --> 00:08:25,721 Rapid Eye Movement Therapy. 211 00:08:25,723 --> 00:08:29,591 I wave my hand around, your dad watches and voilà! 212 00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,793 Okay. 213 00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:33,262 Here it is! 214 00:08:33,264 --> 00:08:34,396 Empathy. 215 00:08:34,398 --> 00:08:37,867 That's a left, a left, a right, a left... 216 00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:41,336 Down, up, loop-de-loop, and up and down. 217 00:08:41,338 --> 00:08:43,672 One more loop and a hang loose! 218 00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:45,975 Knee knock! 219 00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,745 [SNIFFLES, CRIES] 220 00:08:49,747 --> 00:08:51,947 Oh, my God, it's working! 221 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,482 But why are you crying? 222 00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:55,951 It's just the end of "Cars 2." 223 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,419 I finally get it. 224 00:08:57,421 --> 00:09:01,257 The cars, they love each other! 225 00:09:03,527 --> 00:09:05,127 ♪♪ 226 00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:07,463 There I am, surrounded by the enemy. 227 00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,931 If I don't cry, I'm dead. 228 00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:11,533 What'd you do, Cry Baby? 229 00:09:11,535 --> 00:09:14,536 Just squoze out one of these bad boys. 230 00:09:14,538 --> 00:09:16,605 ♪♪ 231 00:09:16,607 --> 00:09:18,073 - Oh! - Wow! 232 00:09:18,075 --> 00:09:20,342 You're such a good crier, dude. 233 00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:23,679 Jackson! I challenge you to a cry-off! 234 00:09:23,681 --> 00:09:25,013 Oh, goodie! 235 00:09:25,015 --> 00:09:26,348 There's nothing I love more 236 00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:29,284 than men with wet, wet faces! 237 00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:31,820 - [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] - Cry at him, J-bird! 238 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,422 Show him how real men cry, Jackson! 239 00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:36,758 Am I the only one rooting for Stan? 240 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,095 [SHOUTING CONTINUES] 241 00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:41,697 Enough playing around. 242 00:09:41,699 --> 00:09:43,631 Hey, Dick, how's your love life? 243 00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:47,102 Not great, Stan. I'm dating another catfish. 244 00:09:47,104 --> 00:09:49,104 [SIGHS] I gotta stop going to the river. 245 00:09:49,106 --> 00:09:50,906 Dick, that's so... 246 00:09:50,908 --> 00:09:54,176 sa-sasa-sad! [SOBBING] 247 00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,512 - Hoorah! - Yes! 248 00:09:56,514 --> 00:09:58,046 You win, Stan. 249 00:09:58,048 --> 00:10:00,115 She's yours now. 250 00:10:00,117 --> 00:10:01,317 Jackson, are you okay? 251 00:10:01,319 --> 00:10:03,051 Just a little bummed. 252 00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:05,854 I liked being Agent Cry Baby. 253 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,189 I won. 254 00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:08,991 Why do I feel sad? 255 00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:12,460 ♪♪ 256 00:10:12,462 --> 00:10:15,063 Steve, I smoked Jackson in the cry-off! 257 00:10:15,065 --> 00:10:16,398 Check it out! 258 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,400 But then something weird happened. 259 00:10:18,402 --> 00:10:19,735 Jackson was upset. 260 00:10:19,737 --> 00:10:22,670 And now I'm upset just thinking about it! 261 00:10:22,672 --> 00:10:25,273 That's good, Dad. That's empathy. 262 00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:28,076 But I wanna cry and be happy, not cry and be sad. 263 00:10:28,078 --> 00:10:31,479 Listen, why don't we go get you a nice piece of fish? 264 00:10:31,481 --> 00:10:33,882 Maybe take your mind off it. 265 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:37,553 ♪♪ 266 00:10:37,555 --> 00:10:40,456 Something's going on with Stan. 267 00:10:43,493 --> 00:10:46,695 - [CRYING] - Uh, Dad? 268 00:10:46,697 --> 00:10:48,364 Is the salmon okay? 269 00:10:48,366 --> 00:10:50,232 Are you kidding me?! 270 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:53,101 This is the best salmon I've had in my life! 271 00:10:53,103 --> 00:10:54,236 [SOBBING] 272 00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:58,040 Oh, God, I can taste the sea! 273 00:10:58,042 --> 00:11:00,308 Okay, you're a little emotional. 274 00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:01,710 Let's take a walk, 275 00:11:01,712 --> 00:11:04,046 see if we can get you to stop crying at everything. 276 00:11:04,048 --> 00:11:05,847 Can I take the rest to go? 277 00:11:05,849 --> 00:11:08,917 I don't want the chef to think I didn't like it. 278 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:12,721 ♪♪ 279 00:11:12,723 --> 00:11:16,324 ♪ Son, as you'll grow older ♪ 280 00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:20,062 ♪ You'll find someone who is dear ♪ 281 00:11:20,064 --> 00:11:21,997 ♪ Just stick by her ♪ 282 00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:28,336 ♪ Take care of her and you will never hear ♪ 283 00:11:28,338 --> 00:11:32,140 ♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪ 284 00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:35,611 ♪ That's what I heard him say ♪ 285 00:11:35,613 --> 00:11:38,947 - ♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪ - _ 286 00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:45,494 ♪ He looks like his heart will break ♪ 287 00:11:50,094 --> 00:11:51,493 What are we doing here? 288 00:11:51,495 --> 00:11:53,095 I think I made a mistake. 289 00:11:53,097 --> 00:11:54,830 That must feel awful! 290 00:11:55,327 --> 00:11:56,765 Thank God. 291 00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:59,367 Please tell me you have a way to take away empathy. 292 00:11:59,369 --> 00:12:01,970 My dad can't handle being like this. 293 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,639 Of course I do. 294 00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,774 I call it a reverso. 295 00:12:05,776 --> 00:12:07,375 They're like half my business. 296 00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:09,845 I really shouldn't be messing with the human mind. 297 00:12:09,847 --> 00:12:11,980 I don't understand it. 298 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:14,382 ♪♪ 299 00:12:14,384 --> 00:12:16,318 ROGER: "HVAC. What does it mean? 300 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,320 "Heating versus air conditioning, 301 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,322 "the battle we are all fighting. 302 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:24,126 "But the battle I'm fighting is with my ex-wife, Regina. 303 00:12:24,128 --> 00:12:26,128 "If that is her real name. 304 00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:27,529 "Which I think it probably is. 305 00:12:27,531 --> 00:12:29,798 "She was nothing if not honest. 306 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,868 "She left me when I was 29, and she took our kids... 307 00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:36,538 "Socks, Sir Kittens, Beezus, and Garbanzo. 308 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:39,408 That's right. Our kids have cats' names." 309 00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:42,811 Now that I'm back to normal, 310 00:12:42,813 --> 00:12:44,480 this salmon is not that great, huh? 311 00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:46,148 Glad you're feeling better. 312 00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,549 And just in time 313 00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:50,018 for the Best Boy Award this weekend! 314 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,353 That's this weekend?! 315 00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:52,621 I totally forgot about that! 316 00:12:52,623 --> 00:12:54,890 I think we all kind of lost track of it. 317 00:12:54,892 --> 00:12:56,758 But now we remember. 318 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,294 And so do you. 319 00:12:58,296 --> 00:13:00,362 Steve, I gotta ask. 320 00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:01,563 The empathy. 321 00:13:01,565 --> 00:13:03,499 Is that how you feel all the time? 322 00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:05,433 Uh... kind of. 323 00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,903 And the way I felt bad for Jackson, 324 00:13:07,905 --> 00:13:10,772 that's the way you'll feel for Brett Robert if you win? 325 00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:13,575 - Pretty much. - I don't want you to go through that. 326 00:13:13,577 --> 00:13:16,745 You know what? I'm gonna do you a huge favor. 327 00:13:18,582 --> 00:13:20,849 It's okay. I'm his father. 328 00:13:22,987 --> 00:13:24,553 Do him, too. 329 00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:28,073 - ♪♪ - _ 330 00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:31,159 Steve, now that you're empathy-free, 331 00:13:31,161 --> 00:13:32,761 are you gonna be able to wholeheartedly 332 00:13:32,763 --> 00:13:35,563 enjoy dominating that nerd Brett Robert? 333 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,032 Hell, yeah, thanks to you! 334 00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:39,768 I can't wait to see that dork's face when I win. 335 00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:41,837 I love that you don't feel bad for him. 336 00:13:41,839 --> 00:13:43,772 You're bad to the bone now! 337 00:13:43,774 --> 00:13:46,975 Hey, Steve, I have some bad news. 338 00:13:46,977 --> 00:13:50,246 Brett Robert's observation went very poorly. 339 00:13:50,248 --> 00:13:51,980 He gave $5 to a homeless man, 340 00:13:51,982 --> 00:13:54,716 but when I asked for $5 to buy some Whip-Its, 341 00:13:54,718 --> 00:13:57,385 he said he was "all out." Hmm. 342 00:13:57,387 --> 00:13:59,922 Sorry, you're definitely gonna win. 343 00:13:59,924 --> 00:14:01,257 That's great news. 344 00:14:01,259 --> 00:14:03,259 Steve? I'm Brett Robert. 345 00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:04,460 Nice to meet you. 346 00:14:04,462 --> 00:14:06,394 I hear I have my work cut out for me. 347 00:14:06,396 --> 00:14:07,596 I'll say. 348 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:10,466 Just wanted to wish you good luck. 349 00:14:10,468 --> 00:14:12,000 I'd wish you good luck, 350 00:14:12,002 --> 00:14:14,136 but it won't make a difference, Brent. 351 00:14:14,138 --> 00:14:16,805 Ha! Yes! That's not his name. 352 00:14:16,807 --> 00:14:19,275 Hey, Brent, here's a little preview of tonight. 353 00:14:19,277 --> 00:14:21,009 It's what you're gonna see 354 00:14:21,011 --> 00:14:23,879 as I walk up to the podium to accept the award. 355 00:14:23,881 --> 00:14:25,080 [CHUCKLES] 356 00:14:25,082 --> 00:14:26,682 Watch where I'm going! 357 00:14:26,684 --> 00:14:29,285 [GASPS] Trash talk?! 358 00:14:29,287 --> 00:14:32,087 What happened to my beautiful boy? 359 00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:34,490 Wait, he must be faking! 360 00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:35,958 Oh, he's not faking. 361 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,494 Yep, I got under his hood and made a few tweaks. 362 00:14:38,496 --> 00:14:41,429 Now that engine is humming along empathy-free. 363 00:14:41,431 --> 00:14:42,898 Why would you do that?! 364 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,901 The real question is, "Why would I tell you?" 365 00:14:45,903 --> 00:14:48,704 And the answer is I have mercury poisoning 366 00:14:48,706 --> 00:14:50,772 because I pretended to smoke a thermometer 367 00:14:50,774 --> 00:14:53,742 like a cigarette, but the end was open. 368 00:14:55,846 --> 00:14:59,381 "Look, I can't fix your life any more than I can fix mine. 369 00:14:59,383 --> 00:15:01,183 "But I can fix your A/C. 370 00:15:01,185 --> 00:15:03,785 "And I can fix your ceiling if I put my foot through it, 371 00:15:03,787 --> 00:15:05,321 "which I won't this time. 372 00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:06,522 "Can you respect that? 373 00:15:06,524 --> 00:15:07,923 I love you." 374 00:15:07,925 --> 00:15:09,191 Wow. 375 00:15:09,193 --> 00:15:13,661 57,000 words and every single one misspelled. 376 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:16,498 That's how you get your customers back. 377 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,404 I'm glad we got here so early. 378 00:15:22,406 --> 00:15:25,273 There's nothing that beats shrimp in a carpeted hotel lobby 379 00:15:25,275 --> 00:15:26,608 without a kitchen in sight. 380 00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:30,278 Everyone checking in, smelling my shrimp. 381 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,947 Oh, lookie here! Brent! 382 00:15:31,949 --> 00:15:33,148 Sit down! 383 00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:35,751 Uh, okay. 384 00:15:35,753 --> 00:15:37,419 You look nervous, B. 385 00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:39,287 You nervous about tonight? 386 00:15:39,289 --> 00:15:41,156 You're not gonna win. 387 00:15:41,158 --> 00:15:43,225 I'm the one who should be nervous. 388 00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:45,227 I'm about to be Best Boy. 389 00:15:45,229 --> 00:15:46,828 Alright, I'm bored. 390 00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,725 I'm gonna hit the steam room then watch some videos 391 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,358 of fat people falling down. 392 00:15:50,393 --> 00:15:51,033 [CHUCKLES] 393 00:15:51,035 --> 00:15:53,301 Hey, Brett, would you mind covering your ears for a second? 394 00:15:53,303 --> 00:15:54,770 No problem! 395 00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:56,504 Carol, I couldn't help but notice 396 00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:59,708 that you haven't said what a great boy Steve is in a while. 397 00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,643 That's because he's awful! 398 00:16:01,645 --> 00:16:03,045 I have to tell the committee 399 00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:05,047 that there's no way he can be Best Boy. 400 00:16:05,049 --> 00:16:06,049 No, wait! 401 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,783 There's got to be something I can do! 402 00:16:07,785 --> 00:16:11,053 You're welcome to sleep with me, but it won't change anything. 403 00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:12,388 Then why would I...? 404 00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:14,190 Whatever. 405 00:16:14,192 --> 00:16:16,192 You can listen now. 406 00:16:16,194 --> 00:16:17,793 Brett, do you ever feel like 407 00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:20,128 you really messed up with Steve? 408 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:21,329 Um, no? 409 00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:23,065 I was trying to make him better, 410 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:25,734 but somehow, I feel like I made him worse. 411 00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:29,004 Well, if Steve's as good as they say, 412 00:16:29,006 --> 00:16:32,274 maybe you can remind him who he really is. 413 00:16:32,276 --> 00:16:35,744 Sure, but who is he? 414 00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:39,081 He's the type of guy who feels bad for losers like you. 415 00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:40,882 I know exactly how to remind him! 416 00:16:40,884 --> 00:16:43,551 You're not gonna like it. But I know exactly how! 417 00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:44,953 [CELLPHONE BEEPS] 418 00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:46,354 Hey. 419 00:16:46,356 --> 00:16:49,225 I have a mission for the real Agent Cry Baby. 420 00:16:49,227 --> 00:16:53,495 I've been waiting for this my whole three days! 421 00:16:55,165 --> 00:16:57,165 [DOORBELL RINGS] 422 00:16:57,167 --> 00:17:00,568 Thanks for reading my e-mail and giving me a second chance. 423 00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:02,170 Whaddya say we rip off the band-aid 424 00:17:02,172 --> 00:17:03,972 and start in the attic? 425 00:17:03,974 --> 00:17:06,775 - Just please be careful. - Don't worry. 426 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,532 I'll keep it to the studs. 427 00:17:09,647 --> 00:17:12,314 Now, which ones are the studs? 428 00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:16,118 That doesn't count. That hole looked like a stud! 429 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,986 Careful, Jeff, looks like the studs 430 00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:20,522 are reversed in this section. 431 00:17:20,524 --> 00:17:23,125 There's no A/C unit in here. 432 00:17:23,127 --> 00:17:25,994 Jeff, we gotta get outta here before Tuttle notices. 433 00:17:25,996 --> 00:17:27,062 Run! 434 00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:30,466 Aah! These studs are thin as hell! 435 00:17:30,468 --> 00:17:31,933 Jeff, fire up your e-mail! 436 00:17:31,935 --> 00:17:34,202 We got a customer to win back! 437 00:17:34,204 --> 00:17:37,273 And now to present this year's Best Boy Award, 438 00:17:37,275 --> 00:17:42,210 five-time Best Boy and Best Buy fanatic... Robert Wuhl! 439 00:17:42,212 --> 00:17:44,079 [APPLAUSE] 440 00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:45,347 Good evening. 441 00:17:45,349 --> 00:17:48,817 What does it mean to be Best Boy? 442 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,153 [CHUCKLING] Well, to me it means... 443 00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:54,956 Steve, I just want to say, I'm sorry. 444 00:17:54,958 --> 00:17:57,693 And don't worry, I have a plan to fix everything. 445 00:17:57,695 --> 00:18:02,498 And that's what being Best Boy is all about. 446 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,833 And so, without any further ado, 447 00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:07,435 this year's Best Boy is... 448 00:18:07,437 --> 00:18:09,104 Brett Robert! 449 00:18:09,106 --> 00:18:10,772 What the hell?! 450 00:18:10,774 --> 00:18:13,041 [APPLAUSE] 451 00:18:13,043 --> 00:18:16,845 First, I'd like to say, Steve Smith, 452 00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:19,381 - you deserve this just... - JACKSON: Wait! 453 00:18:19,383 --> 00:18:21,183 That's no Best Boy! 454 00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:24,720 Last night, Brett Robert came to my house 455 00:18:24,722 --> 00:18:28,144 and pushed my grandpa off the roof! 456 00:18:28,179 --> 00:18:29,057 [AUDIENCE GASPS] 457 00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:32,861 Worst part is, gramps wasn't on the roof to begin with. 458 00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:35,130 He lured him up there with licorice! 459 00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:37,733 How do we know you're telling the truth?! 460 00:18:37,735 --> 00:18:41,403 I have all the proof I need right here! 461 00:18:41,405 --> 00:18:43,405 ♪♪ 462 00:18:43,407 --> 00:18:45,140 [AUDIENCE GASPS] 463 00:18:45,142 --> 00:18:47,343 A tear! 464 00:18:47,345 --> 00:18:49,011 He speaks true! 465 00:18:49,013 --> 00:18:52,147 Brett Robert cannot be Best Boy! 466 00:18:52,149 --> 00:18:53,281 But it's not true. 467 00:18:53,283 --> 00:18:55,351 I... Oh, God! 468 00:18:55,353 --> 00:18:57,419 I've lost everything! 469 00:18:57,421 --> 00:19:01,023 [WHEEZING, SOBBING] 470 00:19:01,025 --> 00:19:03,559 Gotta feel a little bad for Brett here, huh? 471 00:19:03,561 --> 00:19:05,293 Who cares about him?! 472 00:19:05,295 --> 00:19:06,762 He loses, I win! 473 00:19:06,764 --> 00:19:08,564 - You're a genius! - No! 474 00:19:08,566 --> 00:19:10,165 That's not why I ruined his life! 475 00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:13,569 I did it so you'd feel bad for him and remember who you are! 476 00:19:13,571 --> 00:19:15,237 But you're trapped in there. 477 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,905 And the only way to bring you back 478 00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:18,840 is the Indiana Jones technique. 479 00:19:18,842 --> 00:19:20,576 The Indiana Jones tech...? 480 00:19:20,578 --> 00:19:22,510 [SCREAMING] 481 00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:23,979 Wake up, Indy! 482 00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:25,781 Stop! I'm faking! 483 00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,849 - Faking? - Yes! 484 00:19:27,851 --> 00:19:30,118 I wanted Brett to win the whole time, 485 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,787 and when you brought me to the new doctor, 486 00:19:31,789 --> 00:19:33,922 I realized I could pretend to be bad 487 00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:35,391 and Carol would believe it. 488 00:19:35,393 --> 00:19:37,325 So you were fake gloating? 489 00:19:37,327 --> 00:19:39,928 I was hoping Carol would see me being a jerk 490 00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,263 and give it to Brett. 491 00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:43,932 - Carol, is this true? - I don't know. 492 00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,134 But after hearing this, I do know 493 00:19:46,136 --> 00:19:48,270 who the true Best Boy is... 494 00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,338 Stan Smith! 495 00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:51,607 What?! No! 496 00:19:51,609 --> 00:19:54,743 I-I mean, I'm honored, but give it to Brett. 497 00:19:54,745 --> 00:19:56,078 No, Stan. 498 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,280 When you burned your son with that torch, 499 00:19:58,282 --> 00:20:00,882 that's when I knew you were special. 500 00:20:00,884 --> 00:20:02,284 Besides, I don't know how you knew, 501 00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:05,821 but I do like pushing old people off roofs. 502 00:20:05,823 --> 00:20:08,424 It's fun. And I'm not gonna stop. 503 00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:09,958 Don't you see, Dad? 504 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,560 You tried to take away my empathy to protect me 505 00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:14,430 and then you tried to give it back. 506 00:20:14,432 --> 00:20:16,031 Also to protect me. 507 00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:18,967 And that is what truly makes a Best Boy. 508 00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:20,836 Then I am the Best Boy! 509 00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:22,838 And here's your prize. 510 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,841 A DVD three-pack of "Wildcats," 511 00:20:25,843 --> 00:20:29,577 John Grisham's "The Client," and "A Beautiful Mind." 512 00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:31,713 I-I'm sorry, what connects those three movies? 513 00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:33,715 The packaging! 514 00:20:33,717 --> 00:20:35,583 But there's one thing I don't understand. 515 00:20:35,585 --> 00:20:38,586 Why didn't the doctor's hand- movement therapy work on you? 516 00:20:38,588 --> 00:20:40,989 I think maybe it was because I was still unconscious 517 00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:42,190 from you clobbering me with that plate. 518 00:20:42,192 --> 00:20:44,326 Ohh, that's why she said it wouldn't work. 519 00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:47,195 I... I thought she just had the new-doctor jitters. 520 00:20:47,197 --> 00:20:48,664 ♪♪ 521 00:20:48,666 --> 00:20:52,468 What is going on with Stan? 522 00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:54,336 Have a great night! 523 00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,031 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 36801

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