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1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,336
Can I pour you some more wine?
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,071
It comes from the
grape region of France.
3
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,802
I think you'll find it
pairs well with food.
4
00:00:09,804 --> 00:00:12,939
Jeff, I've had cooked fish
in sauce before.
5
00:00:12,941 --> 00:00:15,141
But this? This is special.
6
00:00:15,143 --> 00:00:17,410
And served with rice!
7
00:00:17,412 --> 00:00:19,278
Thanks. It's my mother's recipe.
8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,814
She was from the old country... Florida.
9
00:00:21,816 --> 00:00:23,015
We thought it would be nice
10
00:00:23,017 --> 00:00:24,951
to have you guys over
for a dinner party.
11
00:00:24,953 --> 00:00:28,821
After all, you two have hosted
us for several thousand meals.
12
00:00:28,823 --> 00:00:31,624
We were nothing like this
when we were first newlyweds.
13
00:00:31,626 --> 00:00:32,635
It's true.
14
00:00:32,706 --> 00:00:35,494
I had to reform your
mother's party girl ways.
15
00:00:35,496 --> 00:00:37,096
That's not how it was.
16
00:00:37,098 --> 00:00:39,298
Your father was hopeless when I met him.
17
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:43,235
The house had no furniture.
He used a sock for underwear.
18
00:00:43,237 --> 00:00:45,638
And for a napkin, he used whichever sock
19
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,574
he wasn't using as underwear.
20
00:00:47,576 --> 00:00:49,508
Well, I wasn't exactly hopeless...
21
00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:52,511
young C.I.A. agent in my prime?
22
00:00:52,513 --> 00:00:53,912
I was a physical specimen.
23
00:00:53,914 --> 00:00:57,516
Firm chest. Chestnut buttocks.
And my penis?
24
00:00:57,518 --> 00:01:00,987
A muscled servant ready
to obey my every command.
25
00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:02,321
Dad!
26
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,990
I'm sorry, Hayley, but these are facts.
27
00:01:03,992 --> 00:01:06,525
Francine was lucky she
locked me down when she did.
28
00:01:06,527 --> 00:01:08,995
That's not what you said at the time.
29
00:01:08,997 --> 00:01:11,930
Remember the night of the
placemats conversation?
30
00:01:11,932 --> 00:01:14,601
Of course. That was the
night I won the big argument.
31
00:01:14,603 --> 00:01:16,735
I won the argument, Stan.
32
00:01:16,737 --> 00:01:20,739
The sweet man I married
admitted I was right.
33
00:01:20,741 --> 00:01:22,274
We should have placemats.
34
00:01:22,276 --> 00:01:25,144
Please. I remember exactly
how it happened.
35
00:01:25,146 --> 00:01:26,813
- We were in the living room.
- Show me.
36
00:01:26,815 --> 00:01:28,147
Show me exactly.
37
00:01:28,149 --> 00:01:31,818
Maybe that'll jog your thick memory.
38
00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:33,219
Was it my food?
39
00:01:33,221 --> 00:01:35,754
Did you have to serve your
mom's Florida Cursed Fish
40
00:01:35,756 --> 00:01:37,423
with Argument Sauce?
41
00:01:37,425 --> 00:01:40,559
♪♪
42
00:01:40,561 --> 00:01:43,229
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
43
00:01:43,231 --> 00:01:46,565
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
44
00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:49,635
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
45
00:01:49,637 --> 00:01:53,506
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
46
00:01:55,910 --> 00:01:59,578
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
47
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:02,114
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
48
00:02:02,116 --> 00:02:03,216
Aah!
49
00:02:04,652 --> 00:02:07,754
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
50
00:02:10,324 --> 00:02:11,657
This was you...
51
00:02:11,659 --> 00:02:13,659
"I'm lucky to have a guy like you, Stan.
52
00:02:13,661 --> 00:02:17,196
Thanks for putting up with me
even when I'm being ridiculous!"
53
00:02:17,198 --> 00:02:19,998
No. No! It was more like,
54
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,669
"Francine, I've got a lot to learn,
55
00:02:22,671 --> 00:02:24,270
"but you're the best thing in my life,
56
00:02:24,272 --> 00:02:26,605
and I just want to make you happy."
57
00:02:26,607 --> 00:02:27,940
That does not sound like me.
58
00:02:27,942 --> 00:02:29,676
I remember it exactly.
59
00:02:29,678 --> 00:02:31,344
You were standing right over there.
60
00:02:31,346 --> 00:02:34,080
You know what?
There's a simple way to settle this.
61
00:02:34,082 --> 00:02:35,882
Time travel.
62
00:02:35,884 --> 00:02:39,618
Oh, I wish I had
a time machine right now,
63
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:42,621
so I could fast-forward to
when we get to the C.I.A.'s
64
00:02:42,623 --> 00:02:45,291
time machine, and I'm proven right.
65
00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:47,560
Francine, it's like a nine-second drive.
66
00:02:48,361 --> 00:02:50,897
Can't believe Hayley and Jeff
are having a dinner party
67
00:02:50,899 --> 00:02:52,498
the same night as mine.
68
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,033
You could've invited them anyway.
69
00:02:54,035 --> 00:02:55,768
No, they bring nothing
to the conversation.
70
00:02:55,770 --> 00:02:57,036
They're zeroes.
71
00:02:57,038 --> 00:02:58,771
Is anyone else even
coming to this party?
72
00:02:58,773 --> 00:03:00,039
Of course!
73
00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,641
Jurgen, Danuta, my various boys.
74
00:03:02,643 --> 00:03:04,510
Roger even RSVP'd "maybe."
75
00:03:04,512 --> 00:03:07,046
- Where is everybody?
- They're coming!
76
00:03:07,048 --> 00:03:08,581
They're just running late.
77
00:03:08,583 --> 00:03:10,316
Traffic is solid orange.
78
00:03:10,318 --> 00:03:11,650
Well, I'm starving.
79
00:03:11,652 --> 00:03:14,587
I'm digging into whatever
these fried balls are.
80
00:03:14,589 --> 00:03:17,123
Ugh. Klaus, what is in this?
81
00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:18,391
Skittles.
82
00:03:18,393 --> 00:03:19,926
Blue package.
83
00:03:24,064 --> 00:03:25,464
Do you always park here?
84
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:28,200
Yeah. I did it once,
and it just kind of became my thing.
85
00:03:28,202 --> 00:03:30,269
I got the machine.
You know, it's interesting.
86
00:03:30,271 --> 00:03:31,738
We've had the tech for years,
87
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:33,539
but Bullock insisted we keep refining it
88
00:03:33,541 --> 00:03:36,675
till it was small enough to
fit in a chimpanzee's asshole.
89
00:03:36,677 --> 00:03:39,145
- Why?
- That's how big he wants everything.
90
00:03:39,147 --> 00:03:41,547
- So, where's the machine?
- It's in my butt.
91
00:03:41,549 --> 00:03:44,016
Does it have to be there to work?
92
00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:45,284
Hmm.
93
00:03:45,286 --> 00:03:46,953
I guess not?
94
00:03:50,759 --> 00:03:51,958
Did you...?
95
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,159
Yeah, yeah. I washed it. Yeah.
96
00:03:53,161 --> 00:03:54,761
So, the argument happened the night
97
00:03:54,763 --> 00:03:57,096
when Rachel on "Friends" turned 30.
98
00:03:57,098 --> 00:03:59,031
At least we can agree on that.
99
00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:01,167
Thursday nights back then,
we'd go over to Tuttle's.
100
00:04:01,169 --> 00:04:02,769
He's our oldest friend.
101
00:04:02,771 --> 00:04:05,438
We'd watch "Friends," "Inside Schwartz,"
102
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,040
then we'd change the channel
to watch "Temptation Island"
103
00:04:08,042 --> 00:04:10,176
until Tuttle would say he was too horny,
104
00:04:10,178 --> 00:04:11,978
and the show was making
him uncomfortable.
105
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,780
Then, we'd change the channel to "ER,"
106
00:04:13,782 --> 00:04:15,381
calm him down, and go home.
107
00:04:15,383 --> 00:04:16,983
Now, if we're traveling in time,
108
00:04:16,985 --> 00:04:19,251
we can't let our younger selves see us.
109
00:04:19,253 --> 00:04:20,987
We could really mess
up the time stream...
110
00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:23,055
create alternate futures,
that kind of thing.
111
00:04:23,057 --> 00:04:25,592
The president is a dinosaur,
there's no Sinbad.
112
00:04:25,594 --> 00:04:27,193
In that case, I would hope
113
00:04:27,195 --> 00:04:30,129
President Brontosaurus
would appoint a new Sinbad.
114
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:33,132
So, we go upstairs,
beam to that very night,
115
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:36,803
right after "ER" ends,
wait for our young selves to come in,
116
00:04:36,805 --> 00:04:39,071
watch the argument,
figure out who's right,
117
00:04:39,073 --> 00:04:41,340
and then jump back to the
future for the apologies
118
00:04:41,342 --> 00:04:42,741
and the apology cake.
119
00:04:42,743 --> 00:04:44,143
Apology cake?
120
00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:45,878
Oh, you'll be baking one.
121
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,079
The cake can be any flavor.
122
00:04:47,081 --> 00:04:49,081
The point's more the humiliation.
123
00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:53,286
Oh, you're gonna be
the one humiliated, Stan.
124
00:04:53,288 --> 00:04:55,888
Fire that thing up, and let's go.
125
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,092
Wow. Remember this?
126
00:05:00,094 --> 00:05:02,161
That poster was so cool.
127
00:05:02,163 --> 00:05:03,762
- Never saw the film.
- [Door opens]
128
00:05:03,764 --> 00:05:05,564
Shh! I hear ourselves.
129
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,566
Should we find a better place to hide?
130
00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:09,435
There's no... time.
131
00:05:09,437 --> 00:05:11,637
Young Stan: Wow. I just love that show.
132
00:05:11,639 --> 00:05:13,639
Imagine having five friends!
133
00:05:13,641 --> 00:05:15,374
You have friends, Stan!
134
00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:18,310
I have three...
Dick and Sanders. Tuttle.
135
00:05:18,312 --> 00:05:21,380
And, well, I also have my best friend...
136
00:05:21,382 --> 00:05:23,516
you, Francine.
137
00:05:23,518 --> 00:05:25,451
You know, I noticed Tuttle's placemats.
138
00:05:25,453 --> 00:05:27,520
I used to think they
were just for show-offs.
139
00:05:27,522 --> 00:05:30,523
Now, I see they're an important
part of crumb management.
140
00:05:30,525 --> 00:05:33,259
You were right, Francine.
We should buy some placemats.
141
00:05:33,261 --> 00:05:34,793
Aww, Stan.
142
00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:36,396
I already did.
143
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:41,334
Hey, roomies! What are you spying on?
144
00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:46,739
Ahhhhhh!
145
00:05:46,741 --> 00:05:48,006
Oh, right.
146
00:05:48,008 --> 00:05:50,142
Our roommate, Radika.
147
00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:53,612
She was always doing laundry
at the most inconvenient times.
148
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:56,082
Ugh. Could this be any worse?
149
00:05:57,017 --> 00:06:00,987
[Laughter]
150
00:06:04,882 --> 00:06:06,359
Let's all put our guns away.
151
00:06:06,361 --> 00:06:07,961
We're you from the future.
152
00:06:07,963 --> 00:06:09,963
We traveled in time,
and did everything perfectly.
153
00:06:09,965 --> 00:06:12,898
Except we forgot about Radika,
the tenant who used to rent
154
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,700
what's now Steve and Hayley's rooms.
155
00:06:14,702 --> 00:06:16,502
Who are Steve and Hayley?
156
00:06:16,504 --> 00:06:18,237
Who's this old lady?
157
00:06:18,239 --> 00:06:19,372
Please, honey.
158
00:06:19,374 --> 00:06:21,774
We look basically exactly the same.
159
00:06:21,776 --> 00:06:25,244
Also, that hair doesn't work for
you the way you think it does.
160
00:06:25,246 --> 00:06:26,912
Shoot 'em, Stan! Shoot 'em!
161
00:06:26,914 --> 00:06:29,448
Hang on. Hang on.
Nobody needs to shoot anybody.
162
00:06:29,450 --> 00:06:30,984
We time traveled here from the future,
163
00:06:30,986 --> 00:06:33,987
using C.I.A. technology,
to settle an argument.
164
00:06:33,989 --> 00:06:35,788
Francine, I'd die to protect you,
165
00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:37,323
but this guy's story checks out.
166
00:06:37,325 --> 00:06:38,724
Radika, all this is kind of
167
00:06:38,726 --> 00:06:40,526
an American thing you
wouldn't understand.
168
00:06:40,528 --> 00:06:41,794
I'm from Ohio!
169
00:06:41,796 --> 00:06:42,996
Do I need to kill Radika?
170
00:06:42,998 --> 00:06:44,463
No, no. It's okay.
171
00:06:44,465 --> 00:06:47,200
Radika, does this honestly
seem like something
172
00:06:47,202 --> 00:06:49,761
you want to be involved with?
173
00:06:51,139 --> 00:06:52,405
Bye, Radika!
174
00:06:52,407 --> 00:06:55,140
You know,
I always had a little thing for Radika.
175
00:06:55,142 --> 00:06:59,345
So, you two came back in
time to settle an argument?
176
00:06:59,347 --> 00:07:03,282
And great news, I...
and therefore you... were right!
177
00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:04,617
Of course we were.
178
00:07:04,619 --> 00:07:06,152
We're friggin' Francine.
179
00:07:06,154 --> 00:07:08,488
Maybe you were right on
the details and the facts,
180
00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:11,224
but bigger picture,
I couldn't be more right.
181
00:07:11,226 --> 00:07:13,827
Look at this fine chunk of manflesh.
182
00:07:13,829 --> 00:07:16,495
You were lucky to lock this down,
Francine.
183
00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:17,697
Uh, 'scuse me?
184
00:07:17,699 --> 00:07:19,498
This ain't exactly nothin'!
185
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,901
Yeah, show her, Francine!
186
00:07:21,903 --> 00:07:25,971
Stan, look at that
fine ass and apologize.
187
00:07:25,973 --> 00:07:27,240
You want me to look at it?
188
00:07:27,242 --> 00:07:29,108
At least enough to be polite.
189
00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:30,443
As long as you guys are here,
190
00:07:30,445 --> 00:07:33,979
shall we rip a pitcher
of Franny's Crazy 'Ritas?
191
00:07:33,981 --> 00:07:35,781
They're called "crazy"
'cause I put so much
192
00:07:35,783 --> 00:07:37,383
alcohol and pills in 'em.
193
00:07:37,385 --> 00:07:41,120
Girl, I was you, I remember you,
194
00:07:41,122 --> 00:07:43,122
and I love you.
195
00:07:43,124 --> 00:07:46,192
Gah, feel how firm this couch is!
196
00:07:46,194 --> 00:07:47,793
You need to savor this.
197
00:07:47,795 --> 00:07:50,196
Over the years,
it gets kind of old and worked in.
198
00:07:50,198 --> 00:07:53,332
A lot of things get kind
of old and worked in.
199
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,000
Excuse me?
200
00:07:55,002 --> 00:07:56,669
You know what, Stan?
201
00:07:56,671 --> 00:07:58,071
As long as I'm back here,
202
00:07:58,073 --> 00:08:01,074
I'm gonna go to Buckaroo's
Pizza one last time.
203
00:08:01,076 --> 00:08:03,276
Appreciate that place.
It's about to close.
204
00:08:03,278 --> 00:08:05,745
Oh, no! What happens to Martino?
205
00:08:05,747 --> 00:08:07,480
[Bleep] if I know.
206
00:08:07,482 --> 00:08:11,016
When I get back, Stan,
I hope you're ready to apologize.
207
00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:12,285
Me, too.
208
00:08:12,287 --> 00:08:13,753
Dude, you're not gonna
accompany your lady?
209
00:08:13,755 --> 00:08:15,221
Nah. I'm gonna sit here and enjoy
210
00:08:15,223 --> 00:08:17,490
the former firmness of the couch,
211
00:08:17,492 --> 00:08:19,759
then maybe play some
Jurassic Park pinball.
212
00:08:19,761 --> 00:08:21,995
Great game. Never saw the movie.
213
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,233
Roger, Klaus is losing it.
214
00:08:27,235 --> 00:08:28,902
No one's coming to his party.
215
00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:30,436
I'm paralyzed!
216
00:08:30,438 --> 00:08:33,167
Because he's Klaus,
I know no one else will show up.
217
00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:35,174
So that means I don't
have to come in a persona.
218
00:08:35,176 --> 00:08:36,576
I can come as myself.
219
00:08:36,578 --> 00:08:40,379
But who is that, Steve?
What does that mean?
220
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:42,115
I don't know how Roger dresses.
221
00:08:42,117 --> 00:08:43,382
I don't know how Roger acts.
222
00:08:43,384 --> 00:08:47,587
I... I don't know Roger!
223
00:08:47,589 --> 00:08:49,589
[Cries]
224
00:08:49,591 --> 00:08:50,924
Roger. Roger.
225
00:08:50,926 --> 00:08:52,458
We can do this.
226
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:54,327
Because you know who this is?
227
00:08:54,329 --> 00:08:57,463
This vulnerable guy I'm talking to?
228
00:08:57,465 --> 00:08:59,733
That's Roger.
229
00:08:59,735 --> 00:09:01,968
Roger's bald?
230
00:09:04,940 --> 00:09:06,739
So, I don't know if you're allowed,
231
00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:10,143
but can you tell me
anything about the future?
232
00:09:10,145 --> 00:09:13,479
Oh, you've got lots of
stuff to look forward to.
233
00:09:13,481 --> 00:09:15,949
We go to Korea to investigate rumors
234
00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:17,751
of a reinvented Noah's Ark.
235
00:09:17,753 --> 00:09:20,219
You bring James Garfield back to life.
236
00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:22,155
You become a horse briefly.
237
00:09:22,157 --> 00:09:24,223
There's a salt mine in our backyard.
238
00:09:24,225 --> 00:09:26,359
Do... Do we have any kids?
239
00:09:26,361 --> 00:09:27,427
Oh, yeah!
240
00:09:27,429 --> 00:09:29,763
We also have a talking fish named Klaus,
241
00:09:29,765 --> 00:09:32,431
and an alien named Roger lives with us.
242
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:34,900
There's a koala named
Reginald for a while.
243
00:09:34,902 --> 00:09:36,436
Forget what happens to him.
244
00:09:36,438 --> 00:09:41,040
And then, there's Rogu,
who kind of came off of Roger.
245
00:09:41,042 --> 00:09:43,309
So, Rogu is Roger's baby?
246
00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:47,914
Not in the traditional sense,
but he does breastfeed him.
247
00:09:50,652 --> 00:09:55,188
So, I gotta say,
I'm kind of liking the sloppy,
248
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:57,991
older thing you got going on, Old Stan.
249
00:09:57,993 --> 00:10:00,144
- Oh, yeah?
- There's no term for this,
250
00:10:00,179 --> 00:10:03,997
but I've always been
into the bods of dads.
251
00:10:03,999 --> 00:10:06,666
- "Dad bod."
- Oh, my God, that's so funny.
252
00:10:06,668 --> 00:10:08,534
You're so funny.
253
00:10:08,536 --> 00:10:10,936
You are a dad, aren't you?
254
00:10:10,938 --> 00:10:13,406
Did you knock me up, Stan?
255
00:10:13,408 --> 00:10:14,473
I sure did.
256
00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:15,875
We have a daughter, Hayley, and...
257
00:10:15,877 --> 00:10:17,076
Don't tell me their names.
258
00:10:17,078 --> 00:10:18,611
I don't wanna hear the names.
259
00:10:18,613 --> 00:10:22,015
Just tell me you
knocked me up real good.
260
00:10:22,017 --> 00:10:23,416
Maybe you shouldn't get so close.
261
00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:26,019
Old Francine's already pretty mad at me.
262
00:10:26,021 --> 00:10:27,286
She'll be even madder if she heard me
263
00:10:27,288 --> 00:10:29,022
call her "Old Francine."
264
00:10:29,024 --> 00:10:31,557
That better be our little secret, then.
265
00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:34,427
Maybe we should have other secrets.
266
00:10:34,429 --> 00:10:37,496
We could even get Radika in the mix...
267
00:10:37,498 --> 00:10:40,366
fully clothed and completely
off-limits to you, of course,
268
00:10:40,368 --> 00:10:43,969
but she'd be in the mix.
269
00:10:43,971 --> 00:10:46,105
Francine, I know all I ever talk about
270
00:10:46,107 --> 00:10:48,241
is how I'm gonna kill Osama bin Laden,
271
00:10:48,243 --> 00:10:50,576
but I'm also full of a lot of love.
272
00:10:50,578 --> 00:10:55,048
And just as much as I want to kill him,
I love you.
273
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:57,983
Whatever I did that you're
mad at me about in the future,
274
00:10:57,985 --> 00:10:59,252
I apologize.
275
00:10:59,254 --> 00:11:01,320
You were right, and I'm sorry.
276
00:11:01,322 --> 00:11:03,656
You're gonna have a great life.
277
00:11:03,658 --> 00:11:05,458
Enjoy every second of it.
278
00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:07,193
Young Francine: Is that Radika?
279
00:11:07,195 --> 00:11:10,596
Get in here, girl!
280
00:11:10,598 --> 00:11:13,466
What the...? I should've known!
281
00:11:13,468 --> 00:11:14,468
You!
282
00:11:14,469 --> 00:11:16,936
How could I not see that coming?
283
00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:20,139
You pulled a classic
separation move on me!
284
00:11:20,141 --> 00:11:23,209
I taught us that...
to use against others!
285
00:11:23,211 --> 00:11:25,010
We never made that deal!
286
00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:26,612
Share your man!
287
00:11:26,614 --> 00:11:28,681
Are... Are you mad about this, me?
288
00:11:28,683 --> 00:11:29,883
Not really.
289
00:11:29,885 --> 00:11:31,417
I mean, if you're me,
290
00:11:31,419 --> 00:11:33,352
then I'm about to have
sex for the eighth time!
291
00:11:33,354 --> 00:11:35,621
That's a healthy attitude.
292
00:11:35,623 --> 00:11:39,225
Wanna come over here and give
me a double extra good-time,
293
00:11:39,227 --> 00:11:40,626
Stanning?
294
00:11:40,628 --> 00:11:42,695
See if you can make your
wangs meet in the middle.
295
00:11:42,697 --> 00:11:45,431
Staniel, may I see you in the kitchen?
296
00:11:45,433 --> 00:11:48,701
- Which one of...
- You!
297
00:11:48,703 --> 00:11:49,769
I can't believe you.
298
00:11:49,771 --> 00:11:52,972
Cheating on me the first
second you get a chance?
299
00:11:52,974 --> 00:11:54,908
Yeah, but cheating on you with you.
300
00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:56,109
That's romantic.
301
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:57,843
I have an idea.
302
00:11:57,845 --> 00:12:00,780
What if both Francines cool
off with a hot steamy shower...
303
00:12:00,782 --> 00:12:04,250
You know what?
If you love the past so much,
304
00:12:04,252 --> 00:12:07,987
you can stay here until
you've learned your lesson.
305
00:12:07,989 --> 00:12:11,257
Why don't you keep him if you
want him so much, young me?
306
00:12:11,259 --> 00:12:12,858
I'm going back to the present.
307
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,127
Wait, Francine.
308
00:12:14,129 --> 00:12:16,329
You can't leave two Stans
here in one timeline.
309
00:12:16,331 --> 00:12:18,464
What if we kiss, and can't stop kissing?
310
00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:21,734
Fine. I'm taking the Stan I like better.
311
00:12:21,736 --> 00:12:24,604
Goodbye, Stan.
312
00:12:25,106 --> 00:12:26,739
Okay. Alright. No problem.
313
00:12:26,741 --> 00:12:29,275
I still have you in your prime.
314
00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,743
Now, where were we?
315
00:12:30,745 --> 00:12:33,879
Actually, some of the stuff
old me was saying
316
00:12:33,881 --> 00:12:35,281
sounded kind of bad.
317
00:12:35,283 --> 00:12:36,682
Don't listen to her. She's crazy.
318
00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:39,685
- She's me!
- I-I meant crazy in a cool way.
319
00:12:39,687 --> 00:12:41,755
"Cool Runnings." Is that from now?
320
00:12:41,757 --> 00:12:45,558
I'd be pretty mad if you
slept with 20-years-ago me.
321
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,093
- She'd be 8.
- Exactly, you perv!
322
00:12:48,095 --> 00:12:51,897
I'm gonna crash at Trish's
until I find my own place.
323
00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:53,720
Good luck, Stan.
324
00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:57,570
Santa? Oh.
325
00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:03,243
Mr. and Mrs. S.
326
00:13:03,245 --> 00:13:06,312
You decided to return for hookah, figs,
327
00:13:06,314 --> 00:13:07,847
and apricot brandy.
328
00:13:07,849 --> 00:13:10,850
Hayley, your father and I
went back in time
329
00:13:10,852 --> 00:13:12,318
to settle our argument,
330
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,854
but then, your dad acted like a jackass,
331
00:13:14,856 --> 00:13:18,324
so I left him back there,
and gave myself an upgrade.
332
00:13:18,326 --> 00:13:20,993
Meet your new dad, Young Dad.
333
00:13:20,995 --> 00:13:23,195
- Whoa.
- Hi.
334
00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:24,396
You're my daughter?
335
00:13:24,398 --> 00:13:26,398
You messed with the time stream?
336
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,534
I feel myself fading away!
337
00:13:28,536 --> 00:13:30,603
Jeff, that doesn't make sense.
338
00:13:30,605 --> 00:13:32,404
Dad's not your dad.
339
00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:34,607
But how come I still exist?
340
00:13:34,609 --> 00:13:37,009
You're already conceived,
somewhere back there.
341
00:13:37,011 --> 00:13:38,278
In that case, I'm good.
342
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,745
Nice to meet you, Young Dad.
343
00:13:39,747 --> 00:13:41,081
What's your favorite band?
344
00:13:41,083 --> 00:13:43,483
Tie... Evanescence and Wheatus.
345
00:13:43,485 --> 00:13:45,351
We're gonna be alright.
346
00:13:45,353 --> 00:13:47,887
Now, because we did mess up time,
347
00:13:47,889 --> 00:13:50,690
I'm not sure if Steve
will still be here,
348
00:13:50,692 --> 00:13:53,425
which means you'll have to be the one
349
00:13:53,427 --> 00:13:55,628
who remembers the wi-fi password.
350
00:13:55,630 --> 00:13:56,762
Steve!
351
00:13:56,764 --> 00:13:59,031
This is a young version of your dad.
352
00:13:59,033 --> 00:14:00,433
He'll be your new father.
353
00:14:00,435 --> 00:14:02,502
Wait. Does this mean I won't exist?
354
00:14:02,504 --> 00:14:04,704
Either we'll eventually conceive you,
355
00:14:04,706 --> 00:14:06,438
or you'll start to fade away
356
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,774
into non-existence as time changes.
357
00:14:08,776 --> 00:14:11,577
Well, at least that would get
me out of Klaus' dinner party.
358
00:14:11,579 --> 00:14:13,913
- Who's Klaus again?
- Don't worry about Klaus.
359
00:14:13,915 --> 00:14:15,114
Klaus is nobody.
360
00:14:15,116 --> 00:14:19,919
Well, Young Dad,
allow me to introduce you to Roger.
361
00:14:19,921 --> 00:14:21,921
Hi. I'm Roger.
362
00:14:21,923 --> 00:14:23,856
Stan, you're gonna meet me in Utah
363
00:14:23,858 --> 00:14:26,792
about 12 years ago,
my past, your future.
364
00:14:26,794 --> 00:14:29,496
We made a beautiful sound together.
365
00:14:31,465 --> 00:14:32,732
Was that a space alien?
366
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:34,701
- [Doorbell rings]
- Who could that be?
367
00:14:38,206 --> 00:14:39,506
[Gasps]
368
00:14:39,507 --> 00:14:41,723
_
369
00:14:43,735 --> 00:14:44,744
Oh, hey, Radika.
370
00:14:44,746 --> 00:14:46,412
Sorry it's a little messy in here.
371
00:14:46,414 --> 00:14:48,548
I'm just going hog on
the bachelor lifestyle.
372
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:53,886
So, it's looking like
Francine's not coming back, huh?
373
00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:56,022
What's it been, like, two months?
374
00:14:56,024 --> 00:14:57,423
Two months, six days.
375
00:14:57,425 --> 00:14:58,624
Yeah, don't think she's coming.
376
00:14:58,626 --> 00:15:01,293
But it's cool. I'm enjoying... all this.
377
00:15:01,295 --> 00:15:03,496
Plus, I'm about to win big gambling.
378
00:15:03,498 --> 00:15:04,897
I know the Cincinnati Bagels
379
00:15:04,899 --> 00:15:07,033
win the Super Bowl one of these years.
380
00:15:07,035 --> 00:15:08,768
- The Bengals?
- Yeah, maybe.
381
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:11,371
Well, I'm sure you'll find someone else.
382
00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:13,039
You're a catch, Stan.
383
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:16,709
Thanks. But it's just so hard
to meet new people, Radika.
384
00:15:16,711 --> 00:15:19,712
Pssh, you're telling me.
385
00:15:19,714 --> 00:15:21,981
Announcer: Flips it downfield!
386
00:15:21,983 --> 00:15:23,249
Knocked away!
387
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,768
_
388
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:31,858
♪♪
389
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:36,128
Somewhere inside me,
I think I always knew this was right.
390
00:15:36,130 --> 00:15:37,730
Me too, Stan.
391
00:15:37,732 --> 00:15:39,999
There's so much I love about you.
392
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:43,603
And the things I don't
love I know I can fix.
393
00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:45,671
Because you don't need placemats!
394
00:15:45,673 --> 00:15:47,407
Why would we have
something we don't need?
395
00:15:47,409 --> 00:15:49,675
Why did I think this was a good idea?
396
00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,277
My mother warned me.
397
00:15:51,279 --> 00:15:54,214
Why did I marry an old C.I.A. agent
398
00:15:54,216 --> 00:15:55,815
who spent all of our savings
399
00:15:55,817 --> 00:15:57,750
betting on the Cincinnati Bengals
400
00:15:57,752 --> 00:15:59,317
to win the Super Bowl?!
401
00:15:59,352 --> 00:16:01,221
They win one of these years, I swear!
402
00:16:01,223 --> 00:16:04,224
I remember tears of joy
on Carson Palmer's face!
403
00:16:04,226 --> 00:16:05,892
He was kissing his little boy.
404
00:16:05,894 --> 00:16:08,094
This isn't working out, Stan.
405
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:09,961
- Fine.
- Fine!
406
00:16:10,832 --> 00:16:13,365
Stan:
Maybe I messed up when I lost Francine.
407
00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:16,702
Maybe she was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
408
00:16:16,704 --> 00:16:18,370
No, no, no. I'm fine.
409
00:16:18,372 --> 00:16:20,640
I'm still a cool single guy!
410
00:16:20,642 --> 00:16:21,908
You know, I always regretted
411
00:16:21,910 --> 00:16:23,976
never doing a year as a ski bum.
412
00:16:23,978 --> 00:16:25,311
Maybe I'll try that.
413
00:16:25,313 --> 00:16:28,380
So, are you interested in
buying this one, or...?
414
00:16:28,382 --> 00:16:29,715
Nah. Motorcycles aren't for me.
415
00:16:29,717 --> 00:16:31,484
Way too dangerous.
416
00:16:33,588 --> 00:16:34,787
Cool. You're all set.
417
00:16:34,789 --> 00:16:36,188
Have a great day on the mountain.
418
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:37,389
Roger: Gustin. Marlowe.
419
00:16:37,391 --> 00:16:38,724
Gustin! I didn't buy you two
420
00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:40,660
$400 Helly Hanson jackets
421
00:16:40,662 --> 00:16:42,062
so you could just sit in the lodge.
422
00:16:42,064 --> 00:16:43,529
- Let's move.
- Roger?
423
00:16:43,531 --> 00:16:44,931
Hmm? You're confused.
424
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:48,400
I'm Doctor Steele Birchington,
Houston cardiac surgeon.
425
00:16:48,402 --> 00:16:50,603
I've put in over 600 stents.
426
00:16:50,605 --> 00:16:53,273
Gustin! Gustin, stay in line.
427
00:16:53,275 --> 00:16:55,275
No, Roger, it's me, Stan.
428
00:16:55,277 --> 00:16:58,811
You don't know me yet,
or maybe we never met, but...
429
00:16:58,813 --> 00:17:00,546
God, it's so good to see a friend!
430
00:17:00,548 --> 00:17:01,881
What're you talking about?
431
00:17:01,883 --> 00:17:03,283
You know what?
What'd you say your name is?
432
00:17:03,285 --> 00:17:05,217
Stan? I'm ready for a change.
433
00:17:05,219 --> 00:17:06,418
What's your thing, old man?
434
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:07,820
You're too old to be a ski bum.
435
00:17:07,822 --> 00:17:10,356
Yeah, I was thinking about
starting a coffee shop.
436
00:17:10,358 --> 00:17:11,557
Maybe learn guitar.
437
00:17:11,559 --> 00:17:12,892
I'm in. Goodbye, kids.
438
00:17:12,894 --> 00:17:14,560
Tell your mother I was
sleeping with Paolo
439
00:17:14,562 --> 00:17:16,429
from photography class.
440
00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:23,970
- [Guitar strumming "Africa" by Toto]
- _
441
00:17:23,972 --> 00:17:26,839
♪ Gonna take some time
to do the things ♪
442
00:17:26,841 --> 00:17:31,577
♪ We never haa-aa-aad! ♪
443
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:36,649
♪♪
444
00:17:36,651 --> 00:17:38,584
Stan, we're locking in on a sound, here.
445
00:17:38,586 --> 00:17:40,920
We could be a credible Toto cover band.
446
00:17:40,922 --> 00:17:42,122
No.
447
00:17:42,124 --> 00:17:43,389
No. This isn't right.
448
00:17:43,391 --> 00:17:44,590
We're sounding better than ever,
449
00:17:44,592 --> 00:17:46,659
but nothing feels right.
450
00:17:46,661 --> 00:17:48,921
I blew it when I lost Francine.
451
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:51,398
What're you talking about?
You've got Amanda now.
452
00:17:54,268 --> 00:17:55,467
It's not the same.
453
00:17:55,469 --> 00:17:56,803
I've been going through life
454
00:17:56,805 --> 00:17:59,339
with nothing to keep
me company but regret.
455
00:17:59,341 --> 00:18:01,474
Uh, okay.
456
00:18:01,476 --> 00:18:03,651
Is there any way to fix my life?
457
00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:08,480
And so, I waited until now, Francine.
458
00:18:08,482 --> 00:18:10,616
Life was so dreary without you.
459
00:18:10,618 --> 00:18:12,818
Sure, I got to witness the 2008 Olympic
460
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,354
opening ceremonies again.
461
00:18:14,356 --> 00:18:16,488
Incredible, Francine, the precision.
462
00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:18,624
But it wasn't worth it.
463
00:18:18,626 --> 00:18:20,360
Life without you was hollow.
464
00:18:20,362 --> 00:18:22,094
I had years to think on it.
465
00:18:22,096 --> 00:18:25,165
I realized that, maybe,
just maybe, if I could wait
466
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:28,034
until tonight...
the very night when we went back in time
467
00:18:28,036 --> 00:18:29,836
because of my stupid pride...
468
00:18:29,838 --> 00:18:32,705
maybe there'd be a chance
to salvage some of my life.
469
00:18:32,707 --> 00:18:35,975
So, you relived the last 20 years?
470
00:18:35,977 --> 00:18:38,778
Not quite. Young Francine left me.
471
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:40,180
She married Principal Lewis.
472
00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,714
Ooh, nice.
473
00:18:41,716 --> 00:18:43,049
And she had this great
group of girlfriends, too.
474
00:18:43,051 --> 00:18:44,384
If one of them needed something,
475
00:18:44,386 --> 00:18:45,852
the other ones were, like, always there.
476
00:18:45,854 --> 00:18:47,587
They were, like, closer than sisters.
477
00:18:47,589 --> 00:18:49,121
There was some drama when Lillian was
478
00:18:49,123 --> 00:18:50,656
getting married again, and it was like,
479
00:18:50,658 --> 00:18:52,425
"Does she deserve a
second bachelorette..."
480
00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:54,394
No!
481
00:18:54,396 --> 00:18:55,862
What's happening?
482
00:18:55,864 --> 00:18:57,263
I heard something,
so I started shooting.
483
00:18:57,265 --> 00:18:59,199
That's you!
484
00:18:59,201 --> 00:19:04,404
This beautiful, special woman
is yours now, young Stan.
485
00:19:04,406 --> 00:19:06,606
Don't make the mistake I did.
486
00:19:06,608 --> 00:19:08,608
Don't live your life full of regret.
487
00:19:08,610 --> 00:19:11,010
[Groans]
488
00:19:11,012 --> 00:19:13,079
Oh, Stan!
489
00:19:13,081 --> 00:19:15,147
No. No. This isn't right.
490
00:19:15,149 --> 00:19:18,350
We can't let this happen
to this pathetic old man.
491
00:19:18,352 --> 00:19:20,352
Where are we going?
492
00:19:20,354 --> 00:19:21,942
Back in time.
493
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:24,424
Guests!
494
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:26,492
People came!
495
00:19:26,494 --> 00:19:28,094
And look at you, Roger.
496
00:19:28,096 --> 00:19:31,564
What outrageous persona
are you presenting?
497
00:19:31,566 --> 00:19:34,700
Klaus, I'd like you to meet Roger.
498
00:19:34,702 --> 00:19:35,902
Hi. I'm Roger.
499
00:19:35,904 --> 00:19:37,703
I like baseball and musicals.
500
00:19:37,705 --> 00:19:41,774
Nice to meet you, Roger.
501
00:19:41,776 --> 00:19:44,110
I'm so sorry we're late, Klaus.
502
00:19:44,112 --> 00:19:45,778
Traffic was solid orange.
503
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,247
I can't believe this.
504
00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:48,848
People came!
505
00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:52,785
Everyone, I'd like to introduce
you to someone. This is...
506
00:19:52,787 --> 00:19:57,624
Demetrius Fitzpatio,
chiropractor to the stars!
507
00:19:59,994 --> 00:20:02,728
Who am I?
508
00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:06,999
Oh, I wish I had
a time machine right now,
509
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:09,936
so I could fast-forward to
when we get to the C.I.A.'s
510
00:20:09,938 --> 00:20:12,939
time machine, and I'm proven right.
511
00:20:12,941 --> 00:20:16,476
Francine, it's like a nine-second drive.
512
00:20:16,478 --> 00:20:18,410
- Ahhh!
- Looking for this?
513
00:20:18,412 --> 00:20:19,679
Don't do it, Stan.
514
00:20:19,681 --> 00:20:21,147
Let go of your pride.
515
00:20:21,149 --> 00:20:23,082
It's not worth losing Francine over.
516
00:20:23,084 --> 00:20:25,417
Don't worry, sweetie. I'm you.
517
00:20:25,419 --> 00:20:26,953
We're doing great.
518
00:20:26,955 --> 00:20:28,688
[Whispers] You win the argument.
519
00:20:28,690 --> 00:20:31,591
Appreciate what you have, Stan.
520
00:20:34,963 --> 00:20:36,362
Do you know what that was about?
521
00:20:36,364 --> 00:20:38,498
No. But you know what?
522
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,300
Maybe we don't go back in time.
523
00:20:40,302 --> 00:20:41,901
I'm sure you were right.
524
00:20:41,903 --> 00:20:44,437
Whatever happened in the past,
it brought us here.
525
00:20:44,439 --> 00:20:45,638
That's right.
526
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,573
And it's pretty nice, isn't it?
527
00:20:47,575 --> 00:20:49,241
It's beautiful.
528
00:20:49,243 --> 00:20:51,444
Did you know Klaus was also
having a dinner party tonight?
529
00:20:51,446 --> 00:20:53,713
Mother[bleep] didn't invite us!
530
00:20:53,715 --> 00:20:54,914
We could go back and ruin it.
531
00:20:54,916 --> 00:20:56,582
Beats Jeff's figs.
532
00:20:56,584 --> 00:20:58,050
That's not dessert.
533
00:20:58,052 --> 00:21:00,220
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
534
00:21:02,336 --> 00:21:04,079
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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