Original subtitles

That, you know, from... from that first step taught me.

It began to teach me what I needed to know about healing.

And when I was doing that as a writer,

what I realised is, you know, every one of you in this room

has had to bear something that you cannot bear.

And if you're not, you know,

if you're not someone who's had that experience yet,

it's coming.

Because as we know, right, part of being human is to suffer.

And part of...

It was either do it or fail.

And the cost of failing at that moment in my life was so...

Alex, darling, I agree with you.

In a perfect world, socialism would provide more equality. But...

Don't say we're too selfish for socialism to work, OK?

Don't say we're too selfish for socialism to work, OK?

Capitalism was built on that lie.

I was just going to say that some people don't like to share.

Like your father at a Thai restaurant.

Well, I think capitalism is unsustainable and unjust.

Oh! Alright, comrade. You got your lunch?

Uh, no. Dad gave us money for the canteen.

Oh, hi, Addy.

Give me back the phone. No. Stop!

Well, buy something healthy, please.

Remember vegetables?

What, avocado?

That's a fruit, you idiot. Bye-bye.

Hand it over. OK.

See you later. Bye, Mum.

Oh, I'm just a bit frantic with work and the move.

I don't even have time for a shop.

I'm literally stealing office supplies, Robert.

Yeah, it's a challenging time.

Can anyone help you? Who?

An assistant. It's important you're well supported.

Oh, oh, I can't even afford to pay myself.

Oh, lunatic!

And you're angry at me because...?

No, no, no, sorry, not you.

Or me. Are you driving?

Yeah, I can drive and talk at the same time, Robert.

So, as I was saying,

I think you'd benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy.

I think you'd benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy.

Oh, no, not today.

No, sorry.

OK, well, let's chat later, then.

OK, bye, Robert.

Let's go up to Queensland,

where Townsville is looking for another...

♪ Chaperone...

♪ Because I can't stop messing With the danger zone

♪ I won't worry

♪ And I won't fret

♪ Ain't no law against it yet

♪ Oh, she bop, she bop

♪ Oh, she bop, he bop, we bop

♪ I bop, you bop, they bop

♪ We bop, we bop... ♪

Ah!

Fuck.

I can't help it. We lost it.

We went to a fucked up yoga class last night.

Was it a Bikram?

Were you sweating, or...? It was just...

Good morning, everyone. Hi.

Morning, Evelyn. Can I grab five with you?

Yeah. So, where are we at?

Uh, baby-led weaning. Very big in LA.

Do we want to handle the mothers today?

Of course we do.

Oh, did you guys hear about the woman in Russia

who just gave birth to her half-brother's baby?

No, but I love me some incest.

Ok.

It's very clicky.

Hey, girl. Hi, Opal.

Well, he was adopted out as a baby,

so she never really knew him as a brother.

So when they met as adults,

they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Now they live in Moscow with their seven kids.

Seven? Not right in the head.

No, it's genetic sexual attraction.

It's caused by a lack of maternal bonding.

It's caused by a lack of maternal bonding.

Like Penny and her second cousin.

Yeah, and I wasn't breastfed for very long,

so that theory holds up. Yeah, in a minute.

Can you get a post up by 11:00?

Go into the weird psychology of it,

and leave out your second cousin.

Why?

Has anyone read Tim Dixon's victim blaming rant today?

Appalling.

What's your take?

Something that pushes against the idea

that a woman's clothing has any bearing

on whether she'll be raped.

Celebration of the slut.

Oh, a personal essay, then?

Funny, Penny.

That's a yes from me.

Anything else?

Something on the prairie dress trend.

What, it's ugly?

Well, yes, and also that it feels regressive for feminism.

I like the slut story.

Hello. I didn't see you there.

This is Jeet, the new writer you hired

at 2am on Sunday morning.

You read my blog and messaged me

and told me to come in on Monday morning.

And then I was sent to get coffees.

I remember.

Welcome, Jean. Jeet.

Why don't you go get a chair from the storage room?

Smell it. Is it soy?

Smell it. Is it soy?

It better have four sugars.

Ooh, it's burnt. Absolutely not...

Jeet, why don't you tell Christine

what you're hankering to write about?

Environmental stories.

Yeah, um...

What about the Gulf oil spill?

Which I can tell you guys love.

The thing about environmental stories

is they're not very clicky.

And if you write a story, and no one clicks on it,

did you even write it?

Did you know that we've recorded

25 of the hottest days on record

and we're not even halfway through?

I didn't know that.

I mean, I know we're not halfway through.

Can we have a quick chat? Mm.

Yeah, and then can I have a quit chat?

Yeah.

We use a share bathroom that has two ply toilet tissue,

which I know you're stealing, by the way,

and you go and hire a new writer.

Ambitious. Young. Hungry.

Knows about the earth.

That's everything I don't want in a writer.

Ev, what's going on?

So what exactly do you all do at Eve?

So what exactly do you all do at Eve?

We write, and we write, and we drink tea.

And what do you write about?

Er, specifically, parenting.

But if there's a celebrity divorce,

I come up with a fresh angle.

We're generalists. We know a little bit about everything.

Who's your celebrity crush?

Prince Harry.

Oh. OK.

He's cute.

And I feel like his tours around the Middle East

have really grounded him.

Uh, Paul's a natural redhead.

Maybe you should have a drink.

OK, that's why we need an HR department.

There's no HR department?

No. Christine says they ruin all the fun.

We're two months behind in rent.

You just increased our wages.

We take our meetings in a toilet.

And we're going to have to pay for wi-fi eventually.

The jerks across the hall keep changing the password.

We need content.

We need writers.

Well, I'm looking at one right now,

an award winning writer,

who hasn't written anything in months.

Well, there's something going on with me.

I've either got PTSD or writer's block.

I've either got PTSD or writer's block.

You don't believe in writer's block.

I do now. I owe a Penny an apology.

Ev, I left a well-paying secure job in magazines for this.

I know!

I left a really great career too.

You were fired. There's a difference.

Just tell her you made a mistake.

After she's posted something, of course.

Yeah, I mean, she doesn't just give out cars.

When Oprah tweeted Kony,

the views went from 60,000 to 9 million in a day.

Jeet, what is your ascendant?

I don't know.

Your rising sign?

Yeah, I don't know.

March 11? Pisces.

And I reckon Aries ascendant.

I can tell by the way you hold your neck.

OK, where were we?

What about a story on the restrictions of cultural dress?

Sartorially and politically.

Oh, me.

Because I'm Sri Lankan?

This is the fun you were talking about?

Indeed it is.

Cool.

Do the oil story.

But I want strong imagery.

Oil soaked birds.

Oil soaked birds.

Dead turtles.

Paul. Yeah?

Any sponsored posts?

Well, we need clients for sponsored posts.

We have clients. What about Makeupmax?

They're re-evaluating their investment. What?

They're re-evaluating their investment.

Why didn't you tell me?

Get Amanda on the phone. We've got history.

I introduced her to both her husbands.

Tell her we're not interested in prick teasers.

Tell her we don't want... Amanda, it's Evelyn Jones.

What's this nastiness I hear about you pulling your ad spend?

Circs are down.

Production costs are up.

Brands like yours will wear that.

Yes, slow and painful.

Like being poisoned by an octopus.

You die eventually, by asphyxia.

And not the fun type.

We're gonna hit 200,000 daily users this week.

Maybe more.

Increase your ad spend by 30% and we'll get back to you.

Well, she thinks magazines are more versatile.

I mean, we literally have no rules.

The woman's an idiot.

Is that true?

Yeah, she still has a perm.

Yeah, she still has a perm.

Actually, we have some rules.

Show her where the style guide is.

Ok.

200,000 users.

Shit, I've got to go.

Ooh, topless Duchess pics just in!

Great.

Can I see?

Those are massive.

This is good.

Bye.

How's the mag, Ev?

Well, I haven't worked this hard for so little money

since maternity leave.

That's funny.

Because you didn't take maternity leave, did you?

It's not a mag, Dan. It's online.

A zine?

Nope. Zines are printed.

An E-zine?

Sort of.

Yeah, it's like an online magazine.

It's a women's website.

Anyway, it's doing really well.

Can we, please?

I've got a class in an hour.

Do you remember that time that you had us around

and you cooked that beef wellington?

Lucy was so jealous that she almost cried, it was that good.

I mean, she can't cook for shit anyway,

I mean, she can't cook for shit anyway,

but I remember thinking to myself

that that beef was almost symbolic of your marriage.

It was so balanced and tender and rare.

I had that dinner catered for, Dan.

Someone else balanced the flavours.

Ha.

I really need to get back to work.

Yep, sure.

Oh, the date of separation's wrong.

Well, I went off the lease agreement.

Which was just after a month ago.

Yeah, well, we separated earlier.

Oh, come on, Evelyn.

First you were on the couch, then I got the blow-up.

Remember?

I mean, you're getting the house...

After 12 months, as agreed.

I'm paying the mortgage. You get the business.

I'm gonna need a drink to finish this.

Oh, God.

I'll run off a copy for you.

I don't know why you're being so argumentative.

This was all your idea.

I was perfectly happy being unhappily married.

Did Alex get his assignment in?

Mm-hm.

He wants to watch Risky Business.

What do you think?

What do you mean? It's a classic.

Tom Cruise sleeps with a prostitute

then turns his house into a brothel.

You don't think it's inappropriate?

It's not about prostitution.

It's a satire on capitalism with a happy ending.

Boy gets the girl and gets into Princeton.

Anyway,

Alex thinks that capitalism is unsustainable and unjust.

Really? Since when?

This morning.

OK, there you go.

Uh, and also don't tell Luce about the beef.

Uh, and also don't tell Luce about the beef.

She wanted the recipe.

I had to call the caterer.

It was a whole thing. Sure.

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo,

so call me and talk me out of that.

Ev!

Oh, hi.

You smoke now?

Who smokes in 2012?

We do.

Oh, OK.

Hey, I'm enjoying the blog.

It's cute.

Peter, introduction.

You two haven't met?

I replaced her, silly. Yes.

Evelyn, Sophie.

I have read your magazine since I was a little girl.

You're the reason I got into publishing in the first place.

Well, it's lovely to meet you, finally.

Let's have lunch next week, and, uh, lose the fag, yeah?

You can't say that word anymore.

Really?

Oh, Peter!

Wow.

They're definitely fucking.

What a power imbalance.

Yuck.

Maybe she's good at her job.

Maybe you're a better feminist than me.

Sounds like it.

Well, no, you're wrong,

because I'm a feminist publisher.

Hmm. I'm for women.

All of them.

I'm for all women.

This is disgusting.

Hi.

Back tattoo?

I'm gonna need more details.

The whole back or just the shoulder?

And I also dreamt last night

And I also dreamt last night

that my cousin's baby girl has a huge penis.

What's wrong with me?

It's so messed up.

Which cousin? Brooke?

No, Laura.

Flaccid or erect?

Sorry, not you.

Don't answer that.

I haven't got time for dream analysis.

Opal says dreams are the royal road to the unconscious.

Actually, that was Freud.

Speaking of, have you called your therapist?

I don't need a therapist, Luce.

I've got you.

Bye-bye.

Penny, any pushback on the weaning post?

One mum tweeted that her six-month-old

got a baby carrot lodged up his nose.

Sounds like an idiot.

There's also a Twitter thing about us

saying 'vagina' in Opal's post on pubic hair positivity.

I guess pearl-clutchers

don't have pubic hair on their vaginas.

No, they have it on their vulvas.

Christine, telephone.

Paul, why is the water off?

Toilet's blocked. One of us has been flushing tampons.

Do you know it takes months to decompose?

It's like flushing 40 plastic straws inside a plastic bag.

It's like flushing 40 plastic straws inside a plastic bag.

Yeah, it wasn't me.

Evelyn, do we need to have a little chat

about how the plumbing works again?

Huh?

There's no bin in there.

What am I supposed to do with it? Eat it?

Wrap it in paper, take it to the bin outside,

like we all do.

Like you all do.

I'll unblock it myself.

That was The Daily Convo.

They want you on today.

Oh, they want... Oh, they want me?

Yeah. Well, someone pulled out, I think.

Um, that politician... Whatever.

Well, that's good. They're finally taking notice of what we're trying to do here.

Try and talk about the decline of print.

But don't use that octopus analogy again, whatever you do.

Opal!

OK, we have to take down Opal's prairie dress tirade.

What?

First the smoky eye feature

during bushfire season, now this.

You guys actually covered bushfire season?

What's going on?

Guess what Brand Apparel's number one style for summer is?

We're about to lose our only fashion client

because of a rude rant.

Women dressed up as milkmaids?

It's satire!

You want me to wear this on TV?

I hate it.

You look like a beautiful sister wife.

I stand by what I said.

But maybe with a pair of Docs it could work.

I actually like prairie dresses.

Thank God for women with big boobs.

Exactly! Fine, yeah, get it off.

Jeet, you're coming with me.

What about the oil spill?

It's not going anywhere.

That thing will be there for months.

Take this, quiz her on everything.

And don't fuck it up.

And here we go. And action.

Now we're joined by magazine queen Evelyn Jones.

Welcome.

Hi.

I'm a web queen now.

Oh, like a hairy spider.

Tell me more.

Well, it's called evelife.com

and we're a female focused news and lifestyle website.

Huh.

Now, I'm old school.

I like to hold a newspaper in my hands.

You tell me, what is the appeal of this online thing?

Well, I love it because it's fast and immediate.

I feel like I'm connecting with my readers

I feel like I'm connecting with my readers

for the very first time.

And I don't have to wait a whole month for the complaint letters.

Also, Giles, you can hold an iPad in your hands,

like a newspaper.

While I'm sitting on the toilet?

Sure.

Just to clarify, this website, it's just for women?

Oh, no.

No?

I think stories on reproductive issues,

the female orgasm and domestic violence

concern men.

Don't you? Definitely.

And we're just telling them from a female perspective.

Right.

Luce, Mr Leo is still losing blood.

What's his BP? 80 over 30.

Now, you are a very successful career woman

but also a wife and a mother.

Now, what is your secret?

I'll be there in five.

Uh, my secret.

What's my secret?

Double sinks in the bathroom?

No.

I guess...

..I have a very supportive partner.

He... he respects my career

and he does his share of domestic responsibilities.

and he does his share of domestic responsibilities.

That was some top-notch bullshit.

Now for something more fun.

Evelyn, come over here.

Have we got her bag?

Right here. Excellent.

Now, this is a brand-new segment

where we ask our guests to reveal

the contents of their handbag.

Oh, really?

Ready to play?

Do I have to? Got her bag?

Have you seen inside her bag?

Now, may I?

Well, I wasn't... I wasn't really prepared for this,

because it's just a bit messy.

Ah, it's OK, we want to get an insight

into the everyday items that define a woman.

Oh, do we? Yeah.

Well, come on, let's tip it over, see what's in there.

Oh, are you hiding something, Evelyn?

I just really don't want to play, Giles, OK?

Um, it's... it's just... Do I have to?

I mean, the segment's called What's In Your Bag?

So... what's in your bag, Evelyn?

Last season's lipstick?

Yeah. Mouthwash?

Yeah, all those things, and some other things too.

Well, it's OK, don't be a spoilsport.

Oh! OK.

What have we got in...

What the hell is that?

That's gross. Oh, fuck.

Yuck.

Well, at least it wasn't a super.

Or a pad.

Is this my defining moment? No.

Your words will live on longer than a silly little TV segment.

I mean, remember those editor's letters you used to write?

They were good.

Did you read them? Yeah.

There's not a lot of sharing in my family.

And those letters, they were so personal.

And so funny. And so honest.

I mean, you made nipple hairs way less shameful.

Penny told me that you and your husband have split up.

Penny has the biggest mouth in the office.

But, yes, that is true.

And I'm fine, by the way.

Why did you lie to Giles about it?

Certain things I don't want to share.

Must be really hard.

What's that?

Being a mum.

Hey! Hi.

I've been trying to reach you.

Uh...

Addy doesn't want to spend the night at your place, I'm sorry.

Huh?

We're just about to have dinner.

Addy?

Alex!

Oh, hi.

Hi, Mum. Hi.

Hey, Mum.

Hey, you got your things ready?

Dad's cooking stir fry

and then he's gonna make rice pudding from the leftover rice.

Well, what if there's no leftover rice?

Your room is all ready.

It's great. It's like a nightclub.

Can I come another night, Mum?

Alright, yeah.

That's fine.

Thanks.

I'll come over, Mum.

One sec?

Hey, is that my shirt?

Hey. You missed a call.

Who's Robert?

Robert?

Who's Robert?

Oh, he's just a friend.

Not a friend friend.

Just... I'll call him back.

Can you give me a hand?

Not bad.

Hey, Mum?

Are you sad?

Oh, everyone's a little sad.

Is that why you left Dad?

Well, we left each other.

Truth is, I wasn't completely happy.

But why weren't you happy?

Oh, darling, it's...

That's...

..difficult to explain.

It's not that I don't love being a mum.

I adore you and Addy.

You're my greatest achievements.

But it's not enough?

It's not that, it's...

I think I fell out of love.

I wanted to be on my own.

And... and it... it wasn't fair to your dad.

Did you have an affair?

No.

I just stopped caring a little.

Hey...

..do you remember that time

when Dad got really upset at you

because you got him a flat white?

And he switched to long blacks, like, two years before?

Oh, yeah. He was really mad.

Well, he's back to flat whites.

Unbelievable! I know.

Oh!

I've just been reading over my old editor's letters.

I... I can't write like that anymore.

Overcoming fear is something we can work on.

But let's put some boundaries in place.

I don't normally accept calls late at night.

Failure.

What if it happens again?

You need to stop undermining your own goals.

We can work on that.

You need to meet my mother.

That's not a bad idea.

I'll see you this week? Yeah.

Thanks, Robert. Sorry for calling so late.

♪ Welcome to my island

♪ See the palm trees wave in the wind

♪ See the palm trees wave in the wind

♪ Welcome to my island

♪ Hope you like me, you ain't leaving

♪ Welcome to my island

♪ See the palm trees wave in the wind

♪ Welcome to my island

♪ Hope you like me, you ain't leaving

♪ Desire, I wanna turn into you ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

♪ Desire, I wanna turn into you ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

♪ Float on the ocean blue

♪ I am my father's daughter in the end

♪ He says, "Watch your ego, watch your head, girl

♪ "You're so smart, so talented

♪ "But now the water's turning red

♪ "And it's all your fault, and it's all your mess

♪ "And you're all alone, can't go to bed

♪ "Too high on your adrenaline

♪ "You gotta go somewhere where you can't pretend

♪ "Go forget the rules

♪ "Forget your friends

♪ "Just you and your reflection

♪ "'Cause nothing's gonna be the same again

♪ "No, nothing's gonna be the same again". ♪