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-Evening.
-Evening.
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Greetings, citizens. Greetings.
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Now the prologue. The prologue.
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Our story today is taken
from the book the Odyssey.
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The Odyssey.
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Now, this is a book
full of odds and ends.
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(SHATTERING)
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And it came to pass...
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(LUDICRUS AND AMMONIA ARGUING)
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That's my master and
mistress having a row.
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AMMONIA: What about it?
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AMMONIA: What were you doing, you foolish man?
LUDICRUS: It was his idea. No, no, please...
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LUDICRUS: Oh, no, my love, I beg of you!
AMMONIA: Oh, what?
14
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-What, you vile, fiendish creature!
-Please, no, I beg of you! No, no, no.
15
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Please!
16
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(WHISTLE BLOWING)
17
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Half-time.
18
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Oh, dear.
19
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What a to-do. It's my master
and mistress having a row.
20
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They always have a row
on this day in the year.
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I don't know why they don't forget their
wedding anniversary. I think it's so stupid.
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And of course, it'll all come back on me,
you know. The slave of the household.
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In a minute, she'll be saying,
"Lurcio, pick up those bits and stick them."
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Together. Together.
25
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Together.
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No, well, I mean, you see...
Well, you've been to all those museums,
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you've seen all those ancient vases
28
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with the cracks all over them. Well,
this is how it happens, you see. Yes.
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Thank you! Now.
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Draughty. Now...
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Quiet now, please. The prologue.
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(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Now, today...
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(EXCLAIMS)
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Now, today, ladies and gentlemen,
we have the Odyssey.
35
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Now, we're going to give you a story,
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this is Odysseus and the Sirens.
Odysseus and the Sirens.
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Now one day, the Sirens went off,
38
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-but the air raid shelter was a long way from...
-Woe, woe and thrice woe!
39
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Oh, dear. Well, here she is, misery.
40
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(MUTTERING)
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Oh, dear, this is the soothsayer.
The soothsayer, Senna.
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SENNA: Woe, woe!
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Oh, dear, she's a silly old pod.
She really is.
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-I have just returned from a visit to Mars.
-To where?
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-Mars.
-Oh! How is your poor old mother, dear?
46
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Is she still in the Darby and Jonas Club?
47
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'Cause she was always in the club, you know.
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-Mars, the great god of war.
-Oh, that Mars, yes.
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Beware, a great battle will be fought
in a far off land across the seas.
50
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Battle, a far off land across the sea? Oh.
51
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You're warmongering. Now, go on.
52
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Do your mongering somewhere else, please.
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Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
54
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"Let slip the dogs of war"?
55
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Only the blessed will escape their bloody fangs.
56
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Well, it'll be no bloody thanks to you, mate.
57
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Beware. Beware.
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All right, love. We'll do our best.
Oh, what a funny woman.
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She is a misery. She really is a misery.
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Now.
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The prologue.
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Now. Odysseus and the Sirens.
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Now, these Sirens were strange creatures.
Strange creatures, the Sirens.
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They were half women and half fish, you see.
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And... Yes, fish, half fish.
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And their measurements,
or for those with their own teeth,
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their vital statistics.
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Their measurements, 38, 28,
and three drachmas a pound.
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Filleted.
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And mind you, they were very nice, some of them.
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They were most attractive,
especially the ones with the soft rose.
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And, uh...
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Yes, and they had lovely long fair hair,
and they had lovely shoulders,
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and slim waists, and thereby hangs a tail.
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Never mind.
76
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What? What do you expect? Wit?
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If you expect that,
you won't get it in this show. Oh, dear.
78
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(AMMONIA YELLING)
79
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Oh, God. Second half.
80
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Is there a potter in the house?
81
00:04:18,374 --> 00:04:20,729
Oh, Lurcio, I'm so sorry about all this.
82
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But I'm afraid my dear wife
has no artistic appreciation.
83
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Oh, I'm sorry, master.
84
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All I was doing was
admiring the bust of a wood nymph.
85
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(SHRIEKING)
86
00:04:31,174 --> 00:04:32,368
(SHRIEKS)
87
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The wood nymph?
88
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Well, would she would, or wouldn't she wouldn't?
89
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I didn't get... I didn't get time to find out.
90
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And keep out of my sight, rapist libertine.
91
00:04:42,774 --> 00:04:45,334
Oh, no, mistress, don't throw that, please. Don't.
92
00:04:45,414 --> 00:04:47,723
I was just going to use it. Now, please.
93
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For the crocuses.
94
00:04:51,974 --> 00:04:54,534
Oh, wretched, wretched man.
95
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How could you do this to me
after 20 years of marriage?
96
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Well, my dear, that's exactly what I said to myself,
97
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"How could I do it to you
after 20 years of marriage?"
98
00:05:04,974 --> 00:05:05,963
(SCREAMING)
99
00:05:07,094 --> 00:05:08,686
I didn't mean that.
100
00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:11,129
Is there a chamberlain in the house?
101
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-Cry havoc and let loose the gods of war.
-Oh, dear.
102
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:16,249
Oh, good gracious.
103
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(SENNA WAILING)
104
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What's she on about?
105
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She's doing the "cry havoc" bit, you know.
Warmongering.
106
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Oh, oh, perhaps she heard about me and that girl.
107
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No, no. No, warmongering. W-A-R.
108
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-I beg your pardon.
-Yes. Oh.
109
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Oh, he's a silly old fool. He really is.
110
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I think his hearing's going.
111
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Well, it's about time something did.
112
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Well, I mean, you can't keep bashing away
with every part,
113
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without something giving out eventually, can you?
114
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Pity it wasn't his mouth, I'll tell you that much.
115
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Oh, Lurcio, Lurcio, I hope she doesn't mean
there's going to be another war.
116
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I wouldn't like that, you know.
117
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Oh, I don't know, master. After all,
it would get you out of the house, wouldn't it?
118
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Oh, well, you forget that I spent five years
as a youth in Caesar's legions.
119
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-Did you?
-Oh, all that pillaging, burning, raping.
120
00:06:05,094 --> 00:06:07,324
Oh, the times we had.
121
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I remember that one time in Gaul...
122
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(LAUGHING)
123
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Here we go, all our yesterdays.
124
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Yes, they had these girls, you know, Lurcio,
in Gaul, you see.
125
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Oh, yes, I've heard of those. Gaul girls.
Yes, I've heard of them.
126
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-Yes, they call them camp followers.
-Oh, yes, comforts for the troops, yes.
127
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Singers, dancers, musicians.
128
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Sic transit gloria ensa aurea.
129
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I can't tell you the fun
we had with those girls, Lurcio.
130
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Yes, sir.
131
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Hear now the wise words of Plautus.
132
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It is a well know fact, that camp followers
did a lot for the Roman soldiers
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at the front.
134
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(TRUMPET SOUNDING)
135
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Oh. A stranger approacheth.
136
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Oh, yes.
137
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Oh, centurion, what's that?
138
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It's a proclamation.
139
00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:02,650
A proclaim... Oh, it's a proclamation.
140
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Oh, yes. Oh, let's have a look.
141
00:07:05,494 --> 00:07:08,008
Ooh! Look, look.
142
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,803
Ooh, not too close, get back.
Form a queue. Don't jostle.
143
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This is not a demo. Look, you stay there,
I'll read it out. I'll read it out.
144
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"Belli declaransis.
145
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"Haes circemstoria ad nauseam ad hoc
146
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"gefilterfish... "
147
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Oh, must be Friday you see.
148
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"Britannicus ad sum hic hachoc
149
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"funicula semper fidelis crumpitorum. "
150
00:07:35,294 --> 00:07:37,854
Eh? Don't know what it means?
151
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What, funicula?
It's something that goes up and down.
152
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You know, funicula, yes. Oh, crumpitorum?
153
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Well, if you're on the funicula, please yourselves,
of course.
154
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No, no, no, Lurcio. Let me see.
155
00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:51,167
-Oh, Lurcio.
-What, master?
156
00:07:51,254 --> 00:07:54,883
-The Britons have risen in revolt.
-Oh, they've risen in revolt.
157
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Yes, every able-bodied man is to report
as soon as possible
158
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to his nearest army depot.
159
00:08:01,374 --> 00:08:04,889
Isn't it wonderful, Lurcio. We're going to war.
160
00:08:04,974 --> 00:08:06,965
Oh, we're going to war.
161
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,453
-We, master?
-Yes.
162
00:08:08,534 --> 00:08:09,523
But...
163
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:14,085
Yes, of course, every officer
automatically takes his slave with him to war.
164
00:08:14,174 --> 00:08:16,404
But wherever did you read that, master?
165
00:08:16,494 --> 00:08:18,007
It's a well known fact,
166
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that Roman generals always did take
their body servants with them to war.
167
00:08:22,254 --> 00:08:25,485
Oh, you shut your gob, big head.
168
00:08:25,734 --> 00:08:28,328
Oh, master, I can't go back to Britannicus.
169
00:08:28,414 --> 00:08:30,803
-I daren't go back to Britannicus.
-Why not?
170
00:08:30,894 --> 00:08:33,408
Well, I was born there.
171
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Oh, nonsense,
they'll have forgotten all about that.
172
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They're a very forgiving race you know, Lurcio.
173
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-I see. Oh, yes.
-Well, I must be off.
174
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If I'd known you got a line like that,
he'd have been off before, I tell you.
175
00:08:46,774 --> 00:08:51,643
Lurcio, isn't it wonderful to think
that we shall be in the army again?
176
00:08:53,294 --> 00:08:56,969
I shall be away for one year. Two perhaps.
Even three.
177
00:08:57,054 --> 00:08:59,807
I must tell this wonderful news to my wife.
178
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Yes, master. Oh, he's a silly old fool, he really is.
179
00:09:03,814 --> 00:09:06,203
And now he's gone,
I can tell you the real reason why
180
00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:08,012
I can't go back to Britannicus.
181
00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:13,009
You see, there was this girl in the next cave,
you see, to me.
182
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And she used to paint herself up most attractively.
183
00:09:16,094 --> 00:09:19,689
This yellow line running down
the centre of her woad.
184
00:09:19,774 --> 00:09:23,483
And... Yeah. And, you see,
185
00:09:23,574 --> 00:09:27,169
they had this pet mammoth and they lost it.
186
00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:30,644
And she... No, listen, listen.
Listen a minute, please.
187
00:09:30,974 --> 00:09:34,489
And she was continually
coming round to my cave asking for it.
188
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,690
She was... Listen, listen.
189
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,729
Will you be listening, please? Now, she was...
190
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:44,282
I'm telling you she was always asking for it.
191
00:09:44,374 --> 00:09:47,411
And so naturally, in the end,
I had to give it to her.
192
00:09:47,774 --> 00:09:51,323
Now, well, you see, you know,
one thing leads to the other.
193
00:09:51,414 --> 00:09:55,930
And of course once you get started, it's surprising
how many other things there are, really! Anyway.
194
00:09:56,014 --> 00:09:59,609
Well, you just follow this yellow line
down the centre... Anyway the point was...
195
00:09:59,694 --> 00:10:02,527
Listen a minute. Her father came round,
196
00:10:02,614 --> 00:10:05,367
her father, and said,
"You're gonna marry my daughter."
197
00:10:05,494 --> 00:10:09,533
I said, "I'm not." He said, "You are.
You've got to marry my daughter or I'll kill you."
198
00:10:09,614 --> 00:10:11,366
You see, so I fled from Britannicus,
199
00:10:11,454 --> 00:10:14,924
because there was no sense in me
and the daughter both being in trouble.
200
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,733
So, you see... Listen, no, listen.
201
00:10:17,854 --> 00:10:21,642
The thing was this, you see,
that I had made up my mind definitely,
202
00:10:21,734 --> 00:10:24,532
I would not marry before the age of 12.
203
00:10:24,614 --> 00:10:26,332
And I intended to...
204
00:10:26,414 --> 00:10:29,963
Well, that's the reason, of course, that I can't,
I daren't go back to Britannicus.
205
00:10:30,054 --> 00:10:32,284
I must... 'Cause of the girl, you see. Mustn't go...
206
00:10:32,374 --> 00:10:35,650
-NAUSIUS: Lurcio, Lurcio?
-Oh, lo, this is Nausius.
207
00:10:35,854 --> 00:10:39,403
Now, this is the son of my master.
Strange boy, oh, most strange.
208
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,369
Oh, the smell of rampant hibiscus.
209
00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:44,285
You see what I mean, see, yes.
210
00:10:44,454 --> 00:10:46,604
-Greetings, Lurcio.
-Greetings, master.
211
00:10:46,694 --> 00:10:48,366
-Whither ist thou away?
-Pardon?
212
00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:52,083
-Whither ist thou away?
-A bit. I think it's this cold weather, actually.
213
00:10:52,174 --> 00:10:53,323
Well...
214
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,173
-How long has it been hanging on the wall?
-Pardon?
215
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,889
-The proclamation.
-Oh, this.
216
00:11:01,854 --> 00:11:06,530
Ah, oh, you've just arrived in time, master.
Yes, we're all going to war.
217
00:11:06,654 --> 00:11:08,246
-Oh, no, not me, Lurcio.
-No?
218
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,403
No, I'm a conscientious objector.
219
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:11,689
-Are you?
-I don't believe in the bloody business of war.
220
00:11:11,774 --> 00:11:16,290
Oh, dear.
He never used to use language like that, no!
221
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:20,891
I mean, even when that horse threw its shoe
and it caught him and hit him.
222
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,413
All he said was, "Shod it."
223
00:11:24,614 --> 00:11:26,650
As the great philosopher Sophocles said,
224
00:11:26,734 --> 00:11:29,487
"It is better to make a lasting peace
than a lasting war."
225
00:11:29,574 --> 00:11:31,883
Well, of course it depends on the piece
you're trying to make,
226
00:11:31,974 --> 00:11:35,250
you see, and how long she'll last.
But, I mean, the...
227
00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:38,724
-Besides, Lurcio, I cannot leave Pompeii now.
-Why?
228
00:11:39,334 --> 00:11:41,131
I've become enamoured of a girl.
229
00:11:41,614 --> 00:11:43,206
-You what?
-Enamoured.
230
00:11:43,294 --> 00:11:45,091
Enam... Oh, isn't he sweet?
231
00:11:45,894 --> 00:11:48,806
He's always getting his hammer out for someone,
this is sweet.
232
00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:50,812
I composed this ode for her.
233
00:11:50,894 --> 00:11:52,771
An ode, I thought you might have done.
234
00:11:52,854 --> 00:11:55,243
-May I read it to the assembled populous?
-Please.
235
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:56,403
Yes.
236
00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:58,645
"Ode to Gropia."
237
00:12:00,254 --> 00:12:01,972
What a pretty name.
238
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:05,565
"I spied this beauty quite by chance
239
00:12:05,654 --> 00:12:08,248
The one I yearn to woo
240
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:10,973
She was not standing on a cloud
241
00:12:11,054 --> 00:12:13,124
She was sitting..." Hello.
242
00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:17,242
Get ready for it.
243
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,214
"She was sitting on the balcony"
244
00:12:21,014 --> 00:12:23,005
I'm afraid I was lost for a rhyme there.
245
00:12:23,094 --> 00:12:25,403
Yes, well, you'll find one at your convenience.
246
00:12:27,694 --> 00:12:28,922
Farewell, Lurcio.
247
00:12:29,254 --> 00:12:31,290
-I'll hie me hence.
-That's right, you hie your hence.
248
00:12:31,374 --> 00:12:33,524
You won't get much for it,
but still, never mind, try.
249
00:12:33,614 --> 00:12:35,650
-Lurcio! Lurcio!
-Yes, master.
250
00:12:35,734 --> 00:12:37,804
-Come and get packed at once.
-Oh!
251
00:12:37,894 --> 00:12:40,613
Yes, master. You go and get packed as well.
252
00:12:41,014 --> 00:12:42,208
Oh, dear.
253
00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:47,006
Oh, I can't go back to Britannicus.
There's that girl there still. Oh, dear.
254
00:12:47,214 --> 00:12:48,329
What does it say?
255
00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:50,530
"All able-bodied men to report."
256
00:12:51,214 --> 00:12:52,932
All able-bodied men.
257
00:12:53,574 --> 00:12:55,326
All able-bodied men.
258
00:12:55,854 --> 00:12:58,573
-I wonder.
-LUDICRUS: Lurcio!
259
00:12:58,854 --> 00:13:00,731
Coming, master, coming.
260
00:13:02,494 --> 00:13:04,007
I won't be long.
261
00:13:06,454 --> 00:13:08,888
Quick march!
262
00:13:15,574 --> 00:13:16,893
You see, it didn't work.
263
00:13:17,014 --> 00:13:20,006
(CALLING ORDERS IN LATIN)
264
00:13:20,094 --> 00:13:22,324
Marcus tempus!
265
00:13:22,854 --> 00:13:25,163
Squad terminus!
266
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:28,093
Sullister, turn. Fall in.
267
00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:31,804
I passed the medical. Yes.
268
00:13:32,214 --> 00:13:33,613
What rotten luck I had.
269
00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:38,285
I told the doctor, I said,
"Look, Doctor, I have funny turns."
270
00:13:38,374 --> 00:13:40,365
And he said... What do you mean?
271
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:44,449
What do you mean you haven't noticed it?
"Listen," I said, "I get dizzy spells,"
272
00:13:44,534 --> 00:13:47,890
I said, "I've got shrivelled muscles," I said.
"I've got, I've got dandruff,"
273
00:13:47,974 --> 00:13:50,693
I said, "I've even got
fallen arches." Fallen arches.
274
00:13:50,774 --> 00:13:53,971
Do you know what he said?
"So has the aqueduct outside Rome,
275
00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:57,330
but it still manages to pass water."
276
00:13:57,414 --> 00:13:59,086
That's not nice, is it?
277
00:13:59,614 --> 00:14:01,764
You can't beat them, you see,
you cannot beat them.
278
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:03,890
Quiet in the ranks, there.
279
00:14:03,974 --> 00:14:06,488
You legionary shower.
280
00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:08,408
Cor!
281
00:14:08,494 --> 00:14:11,691
You look like a load of dropouts
from pater's army.
282
00:14:12,094 --> 00:14:15,404
Right, now, let's have you.
By the dexter, number!
283
00:14:15,494 --> 00:14:16,813
-I.
-II.
284
00:14:16,894 --> 00:14:18,691
-III.
-IV.
285
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:19,809
V.
286
00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:27,323
You horrible little man.
287
00:14:28,614 --> 00:14:31,287
-Me, sir?
-You! IV!
288
00:14:35,094 --> 00:14:37,210
Get them shoulders back.
Your chest out!
289
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,603
Well, the shoulders are,
it's this breastplate.
290
00:14:39,734 --> 00:14:42,328
It goes in where I come out.
It's very difficult this.
291
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:45,133
Oh, these are silly,
these armoured breastplates.
292
00:14:45,214 --> 00:14:49,173
I mean, if you notice, they follow
the actual shape of the body underneath.
293
00:14:49,254 --> 00:14:50,653
Look, look.
294
00:14:51,654 --> 00:14:53,372
This is an old naval uniform.
295
00:14:55,414 --> 00:14:59,373
It's a good job... It's a good job we're not
wearing armoured skirts, isn't it? Oh, dear.
296
00:14:59,694 --> 00:15:01,650
Think of the phone calls
we'd be getting in. Never mind.
297
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,769
(TRUMPET SOUNDING)
298
00:15:02,854 --> 00:15:05,846
Right, standby, CO's inspection!
299
00:15:07,414 --> 00:15:08,733
Clothes up!
300
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:10,932
Oh, that sort of inspection?
301
00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:13,326
-Not your tunic!
-Oh!
302
00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:15,885
Present arms!
303
00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:19,532
Hello, here's Charlton Heston.
304
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,050
What a magnificent ass.
305
00:15:34,814 --> 00:15:38,409
Third Pompeian Foot and Mouth present,
ready for inspection, sir!
306
00:15:38,494 --> 00:15:40,007
Thank you, Sergeant.
307
00:15:45,134 --> 00:15:47,967
-Who is this man?
-IV, sir!
308
00:15:48,054 --> 00:15:51,763
Oh, I wish they wouldn't keep calling
me that. It's giving me a complex.
309
00:15:51,854 --> 00:15:54,493
-Silence!
-Oh, it's me, master.
310
00:15:54,574 --> 00:15:58,249
Every Roman soldier is just to be
identified only by a number!
311
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,410
-Understand?
-Yes, master.
312
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:03,372
Don't keep calling me "master".
I'm General Ludicrus!
313
00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:05,126
-General, sir, yes.
-Yes!
314
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,250
-What's wrong with your weapon?
-Pardon?
315
00:16:10,134 --> 00:16:12,409
Well, what the hell's the use of that?
316
00:16:12,814 --> 00:16:14,850
Yes, it does seem pretty pointless.
317
00:16:15,134 --> 00:16:16,203
Pointless.
318
00:16:18,214 --> 00:16:20,523
-Don't bother.
-Shut up!
319
00:16:21,134 --> 00:16:22,852
Beg your pardon, sir. After you.
320
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:25,126
Thank you, Sergeant.
321
00:16:25,454 --> 00:16:26,603
-Shut up!
-Shut up!
322
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,843
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
323
00:16:28,094 --> 00:16:31,404
Now then, how did you come to lose
the top off your weapon?
324
00:16:31,494 --> 00:16:35,089
Ah, well, listen... Ah, well, now,
325
00:16:35,174 --> 00:16:39,087
you see, the thing was I took it
to this armourer. It was a mistake.
326
00:16:39,174 --> 00:16:41,734
Now, where's the mistake in that, man?
327
00:16:41,814 --> 00:16:45,124
Well, you see, before he was called up,
the armourer was a rabbi.
328
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,330
And it was very, very difficult, you see.
329
00:16:48,814 --> 00:16:52,124
-Imbecile! Put this man on a charge, Sergeant!
-Oh!
330
00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:54,205
-Extra guard duty.
-Sir.
331
00:16:54,294 --> 00:16:56,410
-Oh, master.
-General!
332
00:16:56,494 --> 00:16:57,847
General, you see.
333
00:16:58,094 --> 00:17:01,723
Isn't it marvellous how men alter,
soon as they get into uniform?
334
00:17:01,934 --> 00:17:04,084
General! Look at him, all wind and pips.
335
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:09,410
Right, men, pay attention!
336
00:17:09,574 --> 00:17:14,807
Now then, men, I'm happy to tell you,
that after only three months,
337
00:17:15,174 --> 00:17:17,927
the campaign in Britain is nearly over.
338
00:17:18,014 --> 00:17:19,163
-ALL: Hooray.
-Yes!
339
00:17:19,574 --> 00:17:24,773
We've got these mangy Britons and the Queen
they call Boadicea on the run!
340
00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:25,889
ALL: Hooray!
341
00:17:25,974 --> 00:17:29,808
There remains nothing now
but mopping up operations.
342
00:17:29,894 --> 00:17:32,124
Yeah, mopping up, that'll be me again.
343
00:17:32,614 --> 00:17:35,174
Still, someone has to keep
the ablutions clean, I suppose.
344
00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:38,811
Now then, men, tonight you can relax.
345
00:17:39,174 --> 00:17:42,086
Released from the horrors of war
that have snatched us
346
00:17:42,174 --> 00:17:44,642
from the arms of our wives
and our loved ones.
347
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,328
-Oh, and talking of loved ones, Sergeant.
-Sir.
348
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:50,292
Isn't it time we saw some of these
camp followers?
349
00:17:50,374 --> 00:17:52,444
I believe there's a batch on the way, sir.
350
00:17:53,294 --> 00:17:57,606
-Splendid. Well, send the prettiest one to me.
-Very good, sir.
351
00:17:57,734 --> 00:18:00,487
Now then, men, tonight you can relax
352
00:18:00,574 --> 00:18:05,853
secure in the knowledge that the walls
of this encampment are impregnable!
353
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,366
-And the gate well guarded.
-ALL: Hooray!
354
00:18:09,614 --> 00:18:13,004
-Now, any complaints, men?
-Yes, yes, sir.
355
00:18:13,494 --> 00:18:15,803
Well, IV, what's your complaint?
356
00:18:16,414 --> 00:18:20,248
Don't keep calling me IV, sir.
It's driving me up the wall.
357
00:18:21,414 --> 00:18:23,609
-Carry on, Sergeant.
-Sir!
358
00:18:25,094 --> 00:18:27,210
-IV?
-Yes, sir.
359
00:18:27,294 --> 00:18:31,606
I believe you were born
in this benighted Britannicus, eh?
360
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:36,484
-Yes, I was sold into slavery.
-Yes, another British export reject, eh?
361
00:18:37,774 --> 00:18:40,572
Ah, dear, dear, dear, I've offended you.
362
00:18:40,654 --> 00:18:43,885
Oh, don't apologise, Sergeant.
We Britons are used to it.
363
00:18:44,054 --> 00:18:47,603
They say "Rule Britannia", and it's true.
Anybody can.
364
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,647
-Hey, Sergeant.
-Yes?
365
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:53,329
-Here comes some of the camp followers.
-Right! Open the gates!
366
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:59,602
(ALL CLAMOURING)
367
00:19:01,054 --> 00:19:03,488
This is it. This is the bit
you've been waiting for.
368
00:19:03,574 --> 00:19:07,249
This is where it...
This is where it starts to get mucky now.
369
00:19:07,694 --> 00:19:09,207
Kids, get your parents to bed now.
370
00:19:09,294 --> 00:19:13,492
Look, oh, will you excuse me,
I must go and join them because, ooh...
371
00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:18,012
Well, I'm only flesh and blood, you know.
Yes, I am. I'm only flesh and blood, after all.
372
00:19:18,094 --> 00:19:21,131
I hope there's a girl, though,
who likes boneless men. Excuse me.
373
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:24,612
Oh, it's getting really permissive.
374
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:28,172
Oh, dear. There's only seven,
there's one missing.
375
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,212
Not enough to go round.
Some will have to go without.
376
00:19:31,374 --> 00:19:34,446
Oh, it'll be the master.
It'll be wasted on him anyway.
377
00:19:34,694 --> 00:19:36,605
Wasted on him. Excuse me.
378
00:19:36,694 --> 00:19:40,687
All right now, break this up.
Let's get organised!
379
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,932
Well, ladies, Sergeant Junkus at your service.
380
00:19:44,134 --> 00:19:46,489
You all go along with the lads
to the canteen.
381
00:19:46,574 --> 00:19:49,407
We'll soon have you
all sorted out, eh?
382
00:19:49,494 --> 00:19:52,247
-Thank you, sir.
-Not you, string bean!
383
00:19:53,214 --> 00:19:54,567
You stay put here.
384
00:19:54,654 --> 00:19:58,613
And let's see. Ah, yes,
you lady, if you don't mind.
385
00:19:58,694 --> 00:20:00,207
-Oh, is she for me?
-She is not.
386
00:20:00,294 --> 00:20:02,205
-Oh.
-You take her to the CO.
387
00:20:02,294 --> 00:20:05,843
-Get back to this gate on guard duty, right?
-Yes. Yes, Sergeant.
388
00:20:05,934 --> 00:20:07,447
-Right.
-Oh, dear.
389
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,293
Isn't it marvellous?
390
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,332
No wonder they call me rear guard IV. Look.
391
00:20:12,414 --> 00:20:16,202
Well, I'm not taking her into that
General's tent, in that tent there,
392
00:20:16,294 --> 00:20:18,125
without having a dabble myself.
393
00:20:18,214 --> 00:20:20,364
Hello. She's all covered up.
394
00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:23,603
I must get to the bottom of this.
395
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,525
-Ah...
-I'm ready, soldier.
396
00:20:26,614 --> 00:20:29,003
Oh! It's my mistress, Ammonia.
397
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,654
Well, hurry up, soldier.
What are you waiting for?
398
00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:34,771
Well, whatever it is, I'm not going
to get it now. That's for sure.
399
00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:37,368
Lurcio! Oh, Lurcio, is it really you?
400
00:20:37,454 --> 00:20:40,446
Yes, mistress. I'm flabbergasted.
I really am flabbergasted.
401
00:20:40,534 --> 00:20:43,173
What are you doing thus, a camp follower?
402
00:20:43,254 --> 00:20:45,643
My gast has never been so flabby.
403
00:20:46,094 --> 00:20:49,325
Well, really, Lurcio, it's the first camp
I've ever followed, truly.
404
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,690
Well, it's disgraceful, mistress.
Go home from whence you came, please.
405
00:20:52,774 --> 00:20:56,005
Without giving comfort
to one brave Roman soldier?
406
00:20:56,094 --> 00:20:57,607
No, I won't have it.
407
00:20:57,694 --> 00:21:00,527
If you stay here, I don't see
how you can avoid it.
408
00:21:00,614 --> 00:21:04,368
Oh, Lurcio, stop muttering and do as your
Sergeant said. Take me to the General.
409
00:21:04,454 --> 00:21:07,651
-But, your husband...
-What? What, my husband, he isn't here is he?
410
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:08,803
Well, he's...
411
00:21:08,894 --> 00:21:12,728
Well, that's all right then, Lurcio. It's all
right. Don't worry, then. He'll never find out.
412
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,930
I wouldn't bank on that, mistress. I...
413
00:21:15,014 --> 00:21:19,132
And, Lurcio, obey orders at once,
or I'll have you publicly flogged.
414
00:21:19,214 --> 00:21:21,170
-Flogged?
-Flogged.
415
00:21:21,254 --> 00:21:22,448
Oh, dear.
416
00:21:22,814 --> 00:21:25,726
That's the first time
she ever spoke to me like that.
417
00:21:25,814 --> 00:21:28,931
Isn't it marvellous the way women change
when they go abroad?
418
00:21:29,014 --> 00:21:30,732
They go mad on their own, don't they?
419
00:21:30,814 --> 00:21:33,009
It's these foreign climes.
420
00:21:33,094 --> 00:21:35,688
She's got her climbing boots on already,
can you see?
421
00:21:35,774 --> 00:21:38,652
No... Well, I mean,
I can't take her into the tent, there,
422
00:21:38,734 --> 00:21:40,452
to have a bit of fun.
423
00:21:40,534 --> 00:21:44,163
I mean, listen a minute, I can't let her have
a bit of fun with her husband, can I?
424
00:21:44,254 --> 00:21:46,006
I mean, of course I can't.
I mean, look...
425
00:21:46,094 --> 00:21:47,493
-MAN: Yes, go on.
-Eh?
426
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:50,884
-MAN: Yes.
-What, in the tent, with her own husband?
427
00:21:50,974 --> 00:21:54,284
-Oh, I can't. Oh, shall I?
-WOMAN: Yeah.
428
00:21:54,374 --> 00:21:56,524
Well, let's take a vote on it.
We'll take a vote.
429
00:21:56,614 --> 00:21:59,890
And remember folks,
it's your votes that count.
430
00:22:01,894 --> 00:22:06,012
Now, hands up all those who think
I should take her in the tent.
431
00:22:06,094 --> 00:22:08,449
Hands up. Yes.
432
00:22:08,534 --> 00:22:10,923
Up in the air, sir. Do you mind?
433
00:22:11,934 --> 00:22:15,449
I'm sorry, madam. There's always one.
I'm so sorry.
434
00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:19,004
Now, all those who think
I should keep her outside.
435
00:22:19,774 --> 00:22:24,723
Oh, all right then. You've all voted inside.
Twelve million to three. All right.
436
00:22:25,334 --> 00:22:26,562
-Mistress.
-Oh, yes.
437
00:22:26,654 --> 00:22:28,929
I'll go inside now
and see if the General's ready for it.
438
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,572
Ready for you, I mean.
439
00:22:30,774 --> 00:22:32,730
Yes. Excuse me.
440
00:22:33,654 --> 00:22:36,487
Who is it? Oh, Lurcio, it's you.
441
00:22:36,574 --> 00:22:39,134
I wish you'd knock before you come in.
442
00:22:39,214 --> 00:22:41,011
Knock on a tent?
443
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,446
Now that you're here, what is it?
444
00:22:43,534 --> 00:22:46,890
Well, master, your camp follower
waits without.
445
00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:49,442
What? And I wait without within?
446
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:50,728
Yes, master.
447
00:22:50,814 --> 00:22:54,329
Well, don't stand there chuntering, Lurcio!
Bring her in.
448
00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:57,724
Master, master, master, could I make
a suggestion? Could I make a suggestion?
449
00:22:57,814 --> 00:23:01,727
Look, before I bring her in,
could I suggest that you douse the lights?
450
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:04,533
What? Then the place
will be pitch black in here.
451
00:23:04,614 --> 00:23:08,368
Precisely. But the thing is, you see,
she's very shy, you see.
452
00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:10,410
And she's a high-born lady.
453
00:23:10,494 --> 00:23:11,813
Oh! High-born.
454
00:23:11,894 --> 00:23:14,533
Yes, her mother was
up Vesuvius at the time.
455
00:23:14,934 --> 00:23:19,246
Oh, well, leave her to me, Lurcio.
I'm nothing, if not a gentleman.
456
00:23:19,334 --> 00:23:21,245
That's why I've always said,
that you are nothing, sir.
457
00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:24,053
And the thing is, look, could I
suggest that you don't talk to her.
458
00:23:24,134 --> 00:23:25,692
Don't ask her any awkward questions.
459
00:23:25,774 --> 00:23:28,334
Oh, don't worry, Lurcio.
460
00:23:28,694 --> 00:23:32,289
-Mum's the word. All right?
-Yes.
461
00:23:32,374 --> 00:23:34,604
How right you are, sir. Yes.
462
00:23:34,894 --> 00:23:38,728
Oh, Lurcio, I'm glad she's a lady.
463
00:23:38,814 --> 00:23:40,486
I appreciate class.
464
00:23:40,574 --> 00:23:44,453
Yes, well, I promise you, master.
You're going to learn a lot in this class. Yes.
465
00:23:47,534 --> 00:23:49,650
-Mistress.
-Oh, is he ready for me, Lurcio?
466
00:23:49,734 --> 00:23:52,202
Oh, yes, mistress.
Look, may I be suggestive?
467
00:23:52,294 --> 00:23:54,285
I mean, could I suggest that...
468
00:23:54,614 --> 00:23:57,845
Look, he's a very strong, silent type.
469
00:23:57,934 --> 00:24:02,325
You understand what I mean? He's a military man.
A man of action. Military man, you see.
470
00:24:02,414 --> 00:24:04,086
No talking after lights out.
471
00:24:04,174 --> 00:24:06,893
Oh! Oh, how absolutely wonderful.
472
00:24:06,974 --> 00:24:09,363
Oh, no, Lurcio.
I promise I won't say one word.
473
00:24:09,454 --> 00:24:11,251
I'm sure it will be better that way.
474
00:24:11,334 --> 00:24:14,406
Well, it may not be better,
but it might last a little longer.
475
00:24:15,414 --> 00:24:17,450
-Will you come this way, mistress?
-Oh, right.
476
00:24:17,534 --> 00:24:20,173
Mind you don't trip.
Yes. Mind the foliage.
477
00:24:20,254 --> 00:24:21,846
Yes. Good luck.
478
00:24:23,134 --> 00:24:25,204
Oh, dear, I'm a little devil, aren't I?
479
00:24:25,694 --> 00:24:28,288
Well, this is better than
the Odysseus and the Sirens, isn't it?
480
00:24:28,374 --> 00:24:29,409
(WOMAN CHUCKLES)
481
00:24:29,494 --> 00:24:30,813
(MIMICKING WOMAN)
482
00:24:30,894 --> 00:24:32,009
Well, it is, isn't it?
483
00:24:32,094 --> 00:24:35,086
Well, it's all you're gonna get.
So you may as well make the best of it.
484
00:24:35,174 --> 00:24:39,167
Listen, imagine their faces
when they find out who's who, and what's what.
485
00:24:39,254 --> 00:24:41,484
MAN: I say! You in there. Roman.
486
00:24:41,574 --> 00:24:42,768
There's someone outside the gate.
487
00:24:42,854 --> 00:24:45,243
MAN WITH NORTHERN ACCENT:
Hey, Roman, come here.
488
00:24:45,334 --> 00:24:47,529
-Eh?
-Will you come here a minute?
489
00:24:47,614 --> 00:24:49,570
Oh, it's a foreigner.
490
00:24:51,134 --> 00:24:54,206
It's a fugitive from Coronation Stratus.
491
00:24:56,694 --> 00:25:01,085
Just a second. Wait a minute.
I got a book here, let's see. There we are.
492
00:25:01,454 --> 00:25:04,685
-"Halt! Who goes there?"
-MAN: We are halted!
493
00:25:04,934 --> 00:25:07,687
Oh. Well, "Who goes there, then?"
494
00:25:07,774 --> 00:25:11,483
Well, if we're halted
we can't very well go anywhere, can we?
495
00:25:11,574 --> 00:25:14,850
So much for the book.
All right, what do you want?
496
00:25:14,974 --> 00:25:17,124
We're two poor defeated Britons,
497
00:25:17,214 --> 00:25:19,682
and we brought you a present
from our queen, Boadicea.
498
00:25:19,774 --> 00:25:22,766
Oh, a present from Boadicea. How nice.
Well, shove it through the letter box.
499
00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:26,688
-I can't. It's too big.
-Oh, they are boastful, these Britons, aren't they?
500
00:25:29,534 --> 00:25:33,527
I'll open the door, release the shutters.
Come in, bring it... There we are.
501
00:25:33,614 --> 00:25:36,765
There we are. Bring it in. Isn't that nice?
502
00:25:44,134 --> 00:25:48,013
Park it over there. That's right.
There's a vacant lot. Yes.
503
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:52,492
-There you are, Roman. Here's your pressie.
-It's just what we wanted.
504
00:25:52,734 --> 00:25:55,123
-What is it?
-Well, surely you've heard of the Trojan horse?
505
00:25:55,214 --> 00:25:58,604
-The Trojan horse?
-Yes. Well, this is a Jersian cow.
506
00:25:59,974 --> 00:26:02,852
I thought it was something or udder.
Something or udder!
507
00:26:02,934 --> 00:26:05,323
Come on, don't doze off. Come on.
508
00:26:06,574 --> 00:26:08,007
Oh, please yourselves. What?
509
00:26:08,094 --> 00:26:09,129
-Excuse me.
-Yes.
510
00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:10,533
We must go now.
511
00:26:10,614 --> 00:26:12,286
We have to get back to Salisbury.
512
00:26:12,374 --> 00:26:15,605
Oh, haven't you got a hairy bra.
Look at that.
513
00:26:16,094 --> 00:26:18,085
-Never mind. Well, very nice to have met you.
-Ta.
514
00:26:18,174 --> 00:26:20,130
-Yes. Pleasure. Going back to Salisbury?
-Yes.
515
00:26:20,214 --> 00:26:22,011
Oh, what's... How is Salisbury?
516
00:26:22,094 --> 00:26:25,131
-Divine. Absolutely divine.
-Ooh!
517
00:26:25,214 --> 00:26:27,284
Another camp follower here, I think.
518
00:26:28,214 --> 00:26:30,091
How is that temple they're
building there getting on?
519
00:26:30,174 --> 00:26:31,323
-Stonehenge?
-Yes.
520
00:26:31,414 --> 00:26:33,211
Well, it's been a great disappointment.
521
00:26:33,294 --> 00:26:35,410
-Has it? Oh.
-Terribly, terribly damp.
522
00:26:35,494 --> 00:26:39,123
Oh, you see I told them before they
must put a roof on it. It's so silly.
523
00:26:39,214 --> 00:26:40,408
It's bound to get damp.
524
00:26:40,494 --> 00:26:43,292
It's these modern buildings, you see.
Well, bye-bye. Oh!
525
00:26:43,414 --> 00:26:45,723
Wait a minute,
you've dropped your handbag.
526
00:26:46,374 --> 00:26:48,205
-Ta.
-Oh, dear.
527
00:26:48,494 --> 00:26:50,325
-Bye-bye.
-Ooh!
528
00:26:50,454 --> 00:26:52,331
Oh, definitely. Definitely.
529
00:26:53,494 --> 00:26:57,123
I expect... I suspected all
through the rehearsals. Definitely.
530
00:26:58,414 --> 00:27:01,247
Right, now, I'll just shutter
the gate, here. That's it.
531
00:27:01,334 --> 00:27:04,963
Shan't keep you long. There we are.
Well, there we are.
532
00:27:05,054 --> 00:27:07,443
What a funny pressie, isn't it?
What a funny pressie?
533
00:27:07,774 --> 00:27:08,889
I wonder what it's for.
534
00:27:09,134 --> 00:27:16,051
It's a well known fact, the British hold a weird
and incomprehensible festival called Cowes Week.
535
00:27:29,614 --> 00:27:32,128
What's going on in there? Why no screams?
536
00:27:32,214 --> 00:27:34,808
They must have found out by now.
I can't understand this.
537
00:27:34,894 --> 00:27:36,088
Lurcio.
538
00:27:36,734 --> 00:27:39,043
-Oh, Lurcio.
-Oh, mistress.
539
00:27:39,134 --> 00:27:41,648
Oh, I'm very sorry,
it was a dirty trick I played on you.
540
00:27:41,734 --> 00:27:43,929
Oh, Lurcio, what a man. Such vigour.
541
00:27:46,014 --> 00:27:48,323
-Such what?
-Such vigour.
542
00:27:48,414 --> 00:27:51,611
He must've been eating the donkey's oats.
543
00:27:53,014 --> 00:27:55,608
Oh, I have never known his like.
544
00:27:55,694 --> 00:27:59,482
Oh, well, I think you have,
mistress, actually, yes.
545
00:27:59,574 --> 00:28:02,884
-Oh, no, Lurcio, now I can return home to Pompeii.
-Yes, mistress.
546
00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:06,006
-This is an experience I shall treasure all my life.
-Yes, mistress.
547
00:28:06,094 --> 00:28:08,005
-Oh, Lurcio, thank you.
-Yes, mistress.
548
00:28:08,094 --> 00:28:12,133
-Lurcio! Lurcio! Lurcio! Has she gone?
-Yes, master.
549
00:28:12,214 --> 00:28:17,413
-Master, I've been a very naughty slave.
-Oh, Lurcio, I'm eternally in your debt.
550
00:28:17,494 --> 00:28:20,054
-Yeah, well, didn't you know who she was?
-No.
551
00:28:20,774 --> 00:28:22,253
She was marvellous.
552
00:28:22,334 --> 00:28:25,849
Well, I know they're all alike in the dark,
but this is ridiculous, isn't it?
553
00:28:26,254 --> 00:28:30,088
-Oh, oh, Lurcio, what is this?
-Ah, that's a pressie, sir,
554
00:28:30,174 --> 00:28:32,244
from Queen Boadicea and the Britons.
555
00:28:32,334 --> 00:28:33,687
-A pressie? What is it?
-Yes.
556
00:28:33,774 --> 00:28:36,811
-Eh? What is it?
-It's a Jersey moo, you see.
557
00:28:37,534 --> 00:28:39,490
-A Jersey moo?
-Yes.
558
00:28:39,614 --> 00:28:42,174
Well, why has it got a door in its side?
559
00:28:42,254 --> 00:28:45,564
Well, I suppose that's so it can leave
its milk outside, you see.
560
00:28:45,654 --> 00:28:46,769
(ALL SCREAMING)
561
00:28:46,854 --> 00:28:48,606
LUDICRUS: Oh, it's a trick!
We are surprised!
562
00:28:48,694 --> 00:28:50,730
Lurcio, Lurcio, we are surprised.
563
00:28:50,934 --> 00:28:52,003
(CLAMOURING)
564
00:28:52,094 --> 00:28:53,447
Up Boadicea!
565
00:28:54,414 --> 00:28:56,609
Oh, this is exciting, isn't it?
566
00:28:56,734 --> 00:28:59,294
Wait a minute. This is exciting, isn't it?
Isn't this exciting?
567
00:28:59,694 --> 00:29:03,482
-Wait a minute! Wait a minute, I'm talking!
-Sorry.
568
00:29:03,574 --> 00:29:06,168
Now, this is exciting,
I've been rehearsing this for weeks.
569
00:29:06,254 --> 00:29:07,926
Mind you, it's no better now.
570
00:29:08,014 --> 00:29:10,687
Oh, yes, here we are. Wait a minute.
What are you doing, master?
571
00:29:10,774 --> 00:29:13,811
-I'm surrendering.
-Oh, well, I may as well as well. What's the point?
572
00:29:13,894 --> 00:29:15,885
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
573
00:29:19,934 --> 00:29:22,084
Now, who is your commanding officer?
574
00:29:22,214 --> 00:29:25,604
-The General, sir.
-I am. What do you propose to do with us?
575
00:29:25,734 --> 00:29:29,852
-As soon as our Queen arrives...
-I thought your queen had already arrived.
576
00:29:31,574 --> 00:29:34,566
As soon as Queen Boadicea arrives,
you'll be publicly beheaded.
577
00:29:34,774 --> 00:29:36,890
(TRUMPET SOUNDING)
578
00:29:37,334 --> 00:29:39,165
Queen Boadicea has arrived!
579
00:29:39,294 --> 00:29:41,854
Oh, I didn't know she played the trumpet.
580
00:29:43,294 --> 00:29:46,809
-Kneel down and prepare for the sword.
-Oh, no, don't. Please don't.
581
00:29:46,894 --> 00:29:48,373
Kneel down, you're going
to be publicly beheaded.
582
00:29:48,454 --> 00:29:49,523
-Oh, not now.
-Yes.
583
00:29:49,614 --> 00:29:50,649
-Beheaded?
-Yes.
584
00:29:50,734 --> 00:29:55,250
What, the heads... Oh, no!
Oh, no, please, beheaded!
585
00:29:56,534 --> 00:29:58,013
Well, what are you waiting for?
586
00:29:59,094 --> 00:30:01,528
You don't think you're going see it
actually it being done, do you?
587
00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:03,647
This is not a cultural programme.
588
00:30:03,734 --> 00:30:06,248
Now, to Pompeii. Be off!
589
00:30:08,534 --> 00:30:12,493
Oh, all these months away,
and still no word from my husband.
590
00:30:12,574 --> 00:30:15,008
I fear I shall never see him again.
591
00:30:16,454 --> 00:30:18,684
Only a few yards to go now.
592
00:30:19,694 --> 00:30:22,162
I told you it'd be all right
once we crossed the Alps.
593
00:30:22,254 --> 00:30:23,972
Oh, yes. Oh.
594
00:30:24,214 --> 00:30:28,173
Oh, Lurcio, once back in civia strata.
595
00:30:28,254 --> 00:30:30,768
-Oh, yes.
-Can it be?
596
00:30:30,974 --> 00:30:32,805
Dearest one. Oh.
597
00:30:32,894 --> 00:30:38,093
My beloved wife, all these months
I thought of but one thing.
598
00:30:38,174 --> 00:30:41,371
Oh, then come inside, dearest,
and you shall have it.
599
00:30:44,694 --> 00:30:47,003
Oh, he did miss his Sunday supplement.
600
00:30:49,214 --> 00:30:50,283
Course I know what you're wondering.
601
00:30:50,374 --> 00:30:52,569
You're wondering how
we escaped being beheaded, aren't you?
602
00:30:52,654 --> 00:30:56,010
Well, no, you won't believe this.
You won't believe this, but, you see, this...
603
00:30:56,094 --> 00:30:58,289
I had to laugh myself, and I'm in it.
604
00:30:58,374 --> 00:31:00,649
But you see. Listen.
605
00:31:01,454 --> 00:31:02,853
No, listen.
606
00:31:03,694 --> 00:31:07,892
This woman, Boadicea, the Queen Boadicea,
turned out to be my old girlfriend.
607
00:31:07,974 --> 00:31:09,851
You know, from the next cave. Yes.
608
00:31:09,934 --> 00:31:12,892
And of course, for old time's sake
she let us off. She forgave us.
609
00:31:12,974 --> 00:31:14,202
And even she...
610
00:31:14,294 --> 00:31:17,764
She was very kind, because she even
gave me a souvenir to bring home.
611
00:31:17,854 --> 00:31:20,732
The Jersian moo, wasn't
that sweet of her? Yes.
612
00:31:20,814 --> 00:31:23,374
All right, love, you can
come out now. You see?
613
00:31:23,454 --> 00:31:25,922
Ah, there we are. Isn't she sweet?
614
00:31:26,454 --> 00:31:28,888
What a dear little calf. Isn't it?
615
00:31:29,534 --> 00:31:30,569
Yes.
616
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:32,572
So much like her mother.
617
00:31:34,774 --> 00:31:35,809
Salute.
47451
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