All language subtitles for Episode 1 - Back Off Mary Poppins

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:05,432 The snap, the kick is up, and it is good! It is good! 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,639 - Man. - Okay, well, that's the game. 3 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,155 Dad, can I have my allowance? 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,799 Sure. Here. 5 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,190 Thanks. Here. 6 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,438 Pleasure doing business with you. 7 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,029 You're taking my son's allowance on a football bet? 8 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,789 Hey, when he wins, I pay off. You know, minus the vig. 9 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,310 Minus the vig. You're charging him for the privilege of making a bet? 10 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,353 That's what the vig is, Dad. 11 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,509 Face it. He's not gonna learn this stuff in school. 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,790 I don't care. Give him his allowance back. 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,672 Fine. 14 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,789 You get no allowance. That's your punishment for gambling. 15 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,913 - Told you he'd do that. - Yeah, you did. 16 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,029 Pleasure doing business with you. 17 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,669 Hey, listen. After you drop him off at his mom's house tonight, do me a favor? 18 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,348 - Just make yourself scarce, okay? - What's her name? 19 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,511 Or is it too early to ask? 20 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,110 It's not a girl. I'm just having friends over. 21 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,958 Oh, poker? Oh, can I play? 22 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,276 - I'm better than I used to be. - It's not poker. 23 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,953 Wait. A flush beats a straight... 24 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,759 ...and a full boat beats a flush, right? - Right... 25 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,911 A full house and a full boat are the same... 26 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,116 ...so I won't say "full houseboat" anymore. 27 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,076 - It's not poker, Alan. - Then what's going on? 28 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,194 I'm just having some friends over to smoke cigars... 29 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,636 ...sample some fine single-malt Scotch and, you know, talk. 30 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,957 I enjoy all those things. Well, Scotch makes me a little gassy. 31 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,315 But I'll take a Beano and I'm good to go. 32 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,714 That's nice, but I don't think you'd be comfortable. 33 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,798 - Why not? - Because we talk about personal things. 34 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,515 - You mean like a support group? - No, no, no. It's not a support group. 35 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,359 It's just guys who get together to talk about their lives. 36 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,994 - That's a support group. - No, it's not. 37 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,553 Okay, it's not. 38 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,432 It's not. 39 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,390 Got it. So why can't I come? 40 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,477 Because these men are my friends. 41 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,870 There's a level of trust and confidentiality. 42 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,554 - I'm your friend. - No, you're my brother. 43 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,910 Wait a minute. You don't consider me a friend? 44 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,798 It's not up to me. 45 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,590 A friend is someone you choose. A brother is someone you get. 46 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,230 - Excuse me? - There's no choice involved. 47 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,795 Your dad just wakes you up in the night and says: 48 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,872 "Your mom wasn't really fat and this isn't your room anymore." 49 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,436 So all these years, I've just been an intruder to you? 50 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,318 An inconvenience? A burden? 51 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,556 Well, sure. You can spin it that way. 52 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,470 You know, I had no idea you felt this way. 53 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,479 I am very, very hurt. 54 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,596 Okay. 55 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,916 But you'll still make yourself scarce, right? 56 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,271 - Bye, Uncle Charlie. - See you, buddy. 57 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,670 - Oh, he's your buddy? - Alan, don't start. 58 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,996 How is he your buddy? You didn't choose him. 59 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,437 - I chose to let him stay here. - You chose to let me stay here too. 60 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,479 No. I chose him, I got you. 61 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,313 You know, there are times I just loathe you. 62 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,512 And yet you're surprised I don't consider you a friend. 63 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,632 Okay, have your real friends to your little "support group." 64 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,438 - It is not... - It is a support group! 65 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,476 It's a support group for weak, rudderless men. 66 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,791 And I wouldn't be a part of it if you begged me. 67 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,673 Okay, bye. 68 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,235 Dad, check this out. You can pick your friends... 69 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,517 ...you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose. 70 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,797 - You know who told me that? - I can guess. 71 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,515 Uncle Charlie. And you know why it's funny? Because it's true. 72 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,392 Yeah, yeah. Have a nice week, Jake. 73 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,915 Bye, Dad. Hi, Mom. Can I have my allowance? 74 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,469 I missed you too, sweetie. 75 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,871 - Thanks for dropping him by. - Judith, hold on. 76 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,678 Do you consider us friends? 77 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,232 I consider you my ex-husband. 78 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,316 I know. But putting aside for the moment... 79 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,153 ...our loveless marriage and messy divorce... 80 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,709 ...we always had a certain camaraderie, am I right? 81 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,952 Can we talk some other time? I'm having people over for dinner. 82 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,599 Oh, really? Anybody I know? 83 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,156 - Sandra and Howard. - Oh, no kidding. Can I say hello? 84 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,828 - I'd rather you didn't. - Why not? 85 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,754 Sandra and Howard are my friends too. In fact, I introduced them to you. 86 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,713 Well, why don't you call them and invite them to your house. 87 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,751 This is my house. Those were my friends. 88 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,753 The fact is, you're having my friends for dinner in my house. 89 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,599 Yes, Alan, that is exactly what's happening. 90 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,875 Well, when I'm right, I'm right. 91 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:47,590 I've got something I wanna talk about, but it's gotta stay in this room. 92 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,593 Everything stays in the room. 93 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,754 Yeah, sure, Judas. Does that include veiled references... 94 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,558 ...in one of your wise-ass songs? 95 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,034 - I said sorry about that. - Too little, too late. 96 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,188 We have to go through this every time we get together? 97 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,191 - It's water under the bridge. - Thank you. 98 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,312 It wouldn't have killed you to thank him in your Grammy speech. 99 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,553 That I would've done, but, you know, Bacharach, he just went on so long. 100 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,954 Well, get on with it. 101 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,952 All right. How do I say this? 102 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,717 Do any of you get up in the middle of the night to pee? 103 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,070 - Sure. - Occasionally. 104 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,114 Sometimes, I don't even get up. 105 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,149 This is what I can't write songs about? 106 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,470 Oh, drat. 107 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,434 All right, look. It's not about peeing, per se. 108 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:38,959 It's about getting older. 109 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,757 I'm laying in bed with my wife. 110 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,434 She looks beautiful, sexy. 111 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,593 All I wanna do is finish my Corn Pops and go to sleep. 112 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,156 What are you doing? 113 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,915 Shopping list. You know, just a shopping list. 114 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,198 So you're saying the old flag's at half-mast? 115 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,879 No, the old flag is fine. 116 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,157 And I'd rather not refer to it as an old flag, if you don't mind. 117 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:17,480 No, my point is, it's about shifting priorities or something. 118 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,915 Flag, drag, hag. 119 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,954 I will knock your glasses through your eyeballs. I will do it. 120 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,072 Let me tell you something, fellas. 121 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,037 It doesn't matter what the calendar says, you're as old as you feel. 122 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,756 Me, I feel... 123 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,273 ...like... 124 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,198 ...boiled crap. 125 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,396 - Hello. - Oh, man. 126 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,357 I'm sorry, guys. It's my brother. 127 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,718 We agreed you weren't gonna be here. 128 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,713 Don't worry, I just need my phone book. 129 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,836 - Is that...? - Yes. 130 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,157 - And that...? - Yeah. 131 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,669 And that? 132 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,310 He used to be. Not anymore. 133 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,073 Him I don't recognize. 134 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,759 He's our bookie. 135 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,712 You can have your bookie, but not me? 136 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,236 Bookies, like friends, are chosen. 137 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:15,516 Okay. Okay, fine. I'm sorry to interrupt. 138 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,234 I need my address book so I can call one of my friends. 139 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,994 They don't care. Hurry up and get out. 140 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,436 Hurry up and get out. Sounds like sex with my ex-wife. 141 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,079 I don't know if Charlie told you, but I'm recently divorced... 142 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,077 ...and it's been kind of a rough road. 143 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,677 - Here's your phone book. - Thank you. 144 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,150 Of course, I guess in hindsight, I should have seen it coming, but... 145 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,231 - I'm gonna count to three. - Bye. 146 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,953 Sorry about that. He's bent out of shape because I told him... 147 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,395 ...he couldn't be part of the group. - Why not? 148 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,312 You just saw him, didn't you? Trust me, he doesn't get any better. 149 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,029 I mean, he actually thinks this is a support group. 150 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,992 This is a support group, Charlie. 151 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,197 You're the only one who's pretending it's about Scotch and cigars. 152 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,472 Whatever kind of group it is, we have rules about new guys joining. 153 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,914 Well, but he's your brother. 154 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,991 He's obviously going through a rough time. 155 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,230 Seems like you should be more supportive, pal. 156 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,158 Hey, I support him plenty. 157 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,629 I share my home with him. I share my food with him. 158 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,360 I moved my foosball table so he could park in my garage. 159 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,909 What more do you people want from me? 160 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,193 Let me tell you something about sharing, kid. 161 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,995 Sharing is a two-way street. 162 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,431 When you share with another human being... 163 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,433 ...you always get back more than you gave. 164 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,033 Assuming that you're smart enough to share with somebody... 165 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,431 ...that's got more stuff than you had in the beginning. 166 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,474 Hey, Dick, it's Alan. How's it going, buddy? 167 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,039 Oh, good, good. 168 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,998 Listen. You maybe wanna catch a movie tonight? 169 00:08:54,560 --> 00:09:00,396 Oh, really? You and Roz are at Judith's too. Interesting. 170 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:05,509 So in addition to my house, half my money, and my self-esteem... 171 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,672 ...Judith got custody of all my friends. 172 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:13,110 No, no, no, I don't wanna take it up with her. I... 173 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,392 Hi, Judith. 174 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:19,712 No, no. I'm not trying to ruin your party. 175 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,873 In fact, I've got a little party of my own. 176 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,953 Alan, come back to bed. I'm cold. 177 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,279 Be right there, baby. 178 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,512 I gotta go, Judith. Bye. 179 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,036 Well, that's a new personal low. 180 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,634 You know, as long as we're talking about getting older... 181 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,439 ...I was at this club the other night, window-shopping. 182 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:52,229 I realize I'm the oldest guy in the bar. 183 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,152 I mean, I still look good. 184 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,913 But I'm competing for women with guys who are way younger. 185 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:06,278 I gotta tell you, I felt kind of depressed, like maybe my best days are behind me. 186 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,278 Oh, you're breaking my heart. 187 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,834 There's maybe 11 women in this city who haven't saluted his old flag. 188 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,315 We should talk about Charlie and his brother. 189 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,357 What? Why? 190 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,956 We've been meeting all these years and I never even knew you had a brother. 191 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,472 I didn't see that it was relevant. 192 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:30,639 Let me tell you something about relevant. 193 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,237 The root of the word relevant is "rel"... 194 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:41,439 ...which is also the root of the word "relative." 195 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:49,233 Your brother is your relative, ergo, your brother is relevant. 196 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,074 What? 197 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,354 Another "rel" word is "relapse." 198 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,873 But I'll wait my turn. 199 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,714 Hi. Is this Doug Ziskin? 200 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,876 Yeah, yeah. Hey, Doug, it's Alan Harper. 201 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:15,556 I'm your chiropractor. But I'm calling as a friend. 202 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,598 Well, I'd like to think we are. 203 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,593 Forget it. Sorry I woke you. 204 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,557 Hey, neighbor. What are you doing out here all by your Ionesome? 205 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,957 Charlie's got some friends over and I thought I'd give him some space. 206 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,878 Oh, yeah. His support group. 207 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,798 He claims it's not a support group. 208 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,198 Oh, please. He also claims he's not in love with me. 209 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,114 What do you want, Rose? 210 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,473 Nothing. I was just sitting over there in Charlie's car... 211 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,234 ...and thought you might like some company. 212 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,554 From the minute they brought him from the hospital... 213 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,273 ...everything was about the baby. 214 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,830 "Don't wake the baby. Don't tease the baby. Don't paint the baby." 215 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,910 Then when he starts growing up, it gets worse. 216 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,719 Everything he does, I get blamed for. 217 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,435 He wakes up one morning with no hair and one eyebrow, it's my fault. 218 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,670 They find him tied to a street lamp... 219 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,832 ...and big surprise, everybody's looking at me. 220 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,837 Charlie, you need to stop resenting your brother just for being born. 221 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,838 Hey, I don't resent him for being born... 222 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,150 ...but he abused the privilege. 223 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,833 Even now, with you guys. 224 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,190 I jumped through hoops to get into this group. 225 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,358 I had to be recommended, then I had to get to know you guys. 226 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,717 Now Alan thinks he can waltz right in because he's my little brother? 227 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,438 It's not fair. 228 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,349 Let me tell you something about fair. 229 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,798 What? 230 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:55,232 Charlie, you know in your heart the right thing to do. 231 00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,399 Fine. You want him so bad, I'll get him. 232 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,316 You know, Sean never speaks about his siblings. 233 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,152 All right, back off, Mary Poppins. 234 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,273 You're working on my last nerve. 235 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:15,231 Believe me, Alan, I understand how hurtful it is to be rejected by Charlie. 236 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,514 And I found that the only way to get through it is to just love him more. 237 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:25,316 That, and every so often, sneak into his bedroom and try on his underwear. 238 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,632 Helpful tip. 239 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,593 Hello. 240 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,355 - Oh, hello, Charlie. - Yeah, listen. I've been thinking. 241 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,876 Why don't you take a Beano and come back to the house and join the group. 242 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,515 Oh, really? What changed your mind? 243 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,955 I had a small stroke. What difference does it make? Get your ass back here. 244 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,277 Well, did it occur to you that I might be already otherwise engaged? 245 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,153 - No. - Well, I am. 246 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,709 It would be inconvenient for me to return right now. 247 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,433 Why? Where are you? 248 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,355 Where am I? Well, that's none of your business. 249 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,074 Are you in the garage? 250 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,759 Oh, please. What on earth would I be doing in the garage? 251 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,199 Cut it out, Rose. 252 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,597 You're being silly, Alan. Charlie is reaching out to you. 253 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,597 Yeah, right. Last time he reached out... 254 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,877 ...I wound up tied to a street lamp on Wilshire Boulevard. 255 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,270 All right. Are you gonna come back inside... 256 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,352 ...or do I have to drag you in by your big, flappy monkey ears? 257 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,400 Listen to him, Alan. He's begging. 258 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:37,470 No, thank you, Charlie. I am quite happy chatting out here with Rose. 259 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:42,589 Okay. I tried to be the loving brother, you sulky little weasel. 260 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,592 That really wasn't necessary, Alan. 261 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,233 Yes, it was. You're my friend. 262 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:53,155 And friends don't just abandon friends because something better comes along. 263 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,119 Then this might sting a bit. 264 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:04,075 I have something else to do and I'm pretty sure it's better. 265 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:12,632 All right, I asked him nicely. He said no. Let's move on. 266 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:16,031 Coop, what's up with your fixation on women who resemble Tobey Maguire? 267 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,831 I think I finally got over that one. I went to see Spider-Man 2. Nothing. 268 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,157 Hi, everybody. Thanks for the invite. 269 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,998 I know I'm the new guy. 270 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,038 So I'll hang back and try not to disrupt the flow. 271 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,833 So is there any protocols I need to know about? 272 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,913 Any customs, traditions, a talking stick? 273 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,077 No, there's no talking stick. 274 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,629 But there is a "shut the hell up" shoe. 275 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,473 Okey-doke. As you were. 276 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,994 All right, I've got something I wanna share. 277 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,712 The panic attacks have come back, and I just don't understand it. 278 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,838 Everything is great. My career, my marriage. 279 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,315 I should be on cloud nine and instead of which... 280 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:07,634 ...I've got this free-floating anxiety and feeling of impending doom. 281 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,230 And the diarrhea. 282 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,998 Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that my panic attacks come with diarrhea. 283 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:23,314 First the clammy hands, and then the nausea, and then the aforementioned... 284 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,357 ...you know. Sorry. 285 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,992 I changed my mind. I want him gone. 286 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,472 Can we shave his head and fill his mouth with hair first? 287 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,953 Let me tell you something about hair. 288 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,075 The clammy hands, that's how it starts. 289 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,708 Wait a minute. You can't just kick him out like that. 290 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,990 You didn't want him here in the first place. 291 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,988 But I'm his brother. It's my right to reject him. 292 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,072 You guys wanted him. Now that he's here, cut him a little slack. 293 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,236 Can't you see? He doesn't fit in here. 294 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,352 Of course not. He doesn't fit in anywhere. 295 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,398 He's a weird little guy who makes phone calls from the garage. 296 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,831 It's not his fault. 297 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,515 His big brother didn't look after him, didn't teach him anything. 298 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,671 I'm trying to make up for it with his son... 299 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,831 ...but this annoying little ship has sailed. 300 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,957 Thank you, Charlie. You can stop now. 301 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,597 No, I got your back. I want this twerp in the group. 302 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,231 A problem with that is a problem with me. 303 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,953 Oh, now you've got my back? 304 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,752 - What? - A little late, don't you think? 305 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,075 Alan, I'm defending you. 306 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,754 And I'm asking where you've been for the past 35 years. 307 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,390 Let me tell you what it was like growing up. 308 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,913 Un-freaking-believable. 309 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,799 What it was like to look up to... No, to worship someone... 310 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,475 ...who on two occasions tried to trade you for an underwater flashlight. 311 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,359 It wasn't for keeps. 312 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,556 No, no, no. It's my turn now, Charlie. 313 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,553 All I ever wanted was his approval, his friendship. 314 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,190 And all I ever got was my underwear yanked up to the base of my skull. 315 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:06,313 And the sad part is that I looked forward to the wedgies... 316 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,677 ...because it was the only form of love that I could get from him. 317 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,558 - That is sad, Charlie. - It's terrible. 318 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,995 Charlie, don't you think there's something you have to say to your brother? 319 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,633 Yeah. 320 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:26,995 Come here, buddy. 321 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,951 Okay, buddy. 322 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,749 Here's the gag 323 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:50,118 In the words of some wag 324 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:56,955 She loves my flag 325 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:07,157 Rally round the flag 326 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,309 Wow, Elvis, that was beautiful. 327 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,232 But, you know, in all honesty... 328 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,472 ...I really loved your earlier, you know, angrier stuff. 329 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,154 You know, "Pump It Up." Now, that was a song. 330 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,791 I gave you that. 331 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,951 Oh, and while we're on the subject, Sean... 332 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,350 ...why don't you do funny stuff like you used to? 333 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,397 I mean, Fast Times ruled, man. 334 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,074 Come on, do a little Spicoli for us. 335 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,994 Guys, this isn't funny. 336 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,829 Clammy hands. Nausea. 337 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,638 Guys? 338 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,959 Hey, guys? 339 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,317 Guys? 340 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,711 Subtitles by SDI Media Group 341 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,871 [ENGLISH] 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 28196

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.