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1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:05,432
The snap, the kick is up,and it is good! It is good!
2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,639
- Man.
- Okay, well, that's the game.
3
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,155
Dad, can I have my allowance?
4
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,799
Sure. Here.
5
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,190
Thanks. Here.
6
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,438
Pleasure doing business with you.
7
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,029
You're taking my son's allowance
on a football bet?
8
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,789
Hey, when he wins, I pay off.
You know, minus the vig.
9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,310
Minus the vig. You're charging him for
the privilege of making a bet?
10
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,353
That's what the vig is, Dad.
11
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,509
Face it. He's not gonna learn
this stuff in school.
12
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,790
I don't care.
Give him his allowance back.
13
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,672
Fine.
14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,789
You get no allowance.
That's your punishment for gambling.
15
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,913
- Told you he'd do that.
- Yeah, you did.
16
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,029
Pleasure doing business with you.
17
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,669
Hey, listen. After you drop him off at his
mom's house tonight, do me a favor?
18
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,348
- Just make yourself scarce, okay?
- What's her name?
19
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,511
Or is it too early to ask?
20
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,110
It's not a girl.
I'm just having friends over.
21
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,958
Oh, poker? Oh, can I play?
22
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,276
- I'm better than I used to be.
- It's not poker.
23
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,953
Wait. A flush beats a straight...
24
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,759
...and a full boat beats a flush, right?
- Right...
25
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,911
A full house and a full boat
are the same...
26
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,116
...so I won't say
"full houseboat" anymore.
27
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,076
- It's not poker, Alan.
- Then what's going on?
28
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,194
I'm just having some
friends over to smoke cigars...
29
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,636
...sample some fine single-malt Scotch
and, you know, talk.
30
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,957
I enjoy all those things.
Well, Scotch makes me a little gassy.
31
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,315
But I'll take a Beano
and I'm good to go.
32
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,714
That's nice, but I don't think
you'd be comfortable.
33
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,798
- Why not?
- Because we talk about personal things.
34
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,515
- You mean like a support group?
- No, no, no. It's not a support group.
35
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,359
It's just guys who get together
to talk about their lives.
36
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,994
- That's a support group.
- No, it's not.
37
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,553
Okay, it's not.
38
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,432
It's not.
39
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,390
Got it. So why can't I come?
40
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,477
Because these men are my friends.
41
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,870
There's a level of trust
and confidentiality.
42
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,554
- I'm your friend.
- No, you're my brother.
43
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,910
Wait a minute.
You don't consider me a friend?
44
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,798
It's not up to me.
45
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,590
A friend is someone you choose.
A brother is someone you get.
46
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,230
- Excuse me?
- There's no choice involved.
47
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,795
Your dad just wakes you up
in the night and says:
48
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,872
"Your mom wasn't really fat
and this isn't your room anymore."
49
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,436
So all these years,
I've just been an intruder to you?
50
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,318
An inconvenience? A burden?
51
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,556
Well, sure. You can spin it that way.
52
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,470
You know, I had no idea
you felt this way.
53
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,479
I am very, very hurt.
54
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,596
Okay.
55
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,916
But you'll still
make yourself scarce, right?
56
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,271
- Bye, Uncle Charlie.
- See you, buddy.
57
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,670
- Oh, he's your buddy?
- Alan, don't start.
58
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,996
How is he your buddy?
You didn't choose him.
59
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,437
- I chose to let him stay here.
- You chose to let me stay here too.
60
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,479
No. I chose him, I got you.
61
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,313
You know, there are times
I just loathe you.
62
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,512
And yet you're surprised
I don't consider you a friend.
63
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,632
Okay, have your real friends
to your little "support group."
64
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,438
- It is not...
- It is a support group!
65
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,476
It's a support group for weak,
rudderless men.
66
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,791
And I wouldn't be a part of it
if you begged me.
67
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,673
Okay, bye.
68
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,235
Dad, check this out.
You can pick your friends...
69
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,517
...you can pick your nose,
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
70
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,797
- You know who told me that?
- I can guess.
71
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,515
Uncle Charlie. And you know
why it's funny? Because it's true.
72
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,392
Yeah, yeah. Have a nice week, Jake.
73
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,915
Bye, Dad. Hi, Mom.
Can I have my allowance?
74
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,469
I missed you too, sweetie.
75
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,871
- Thanks for dropping him by.
- Judith, hold on.
76
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,678
Do you consider us friends?
77
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,232
I consider you my ex-husband.
78
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,316
I know. But putting aside
for the moment...
79
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,153
...our loveless marriage and
messy divorce...
80
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,709
...we always had a certain
camaraderie, am I right?
81
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,952
Can we talk some other time?
I'm having people over for dinner.
82
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,599
Oh, really? Anybody I know?
83
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,156
- Sandra and Howard.
- Oh, no kidding. Can I say hello?
84
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,828
- I'd rather you didn't.
- Why not?
85
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,754
Sandra and Howard are my friends too.
In fact, I introduced them to you.
86
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,713
Well, why don't you call them
and invite them to your house.
87
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,751
This is my house.
Those were my friends.
88
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,753
The fact is, you're having
my friends for dinner in my house.
89
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,599
Yes, Alan, that is exactly
what's happening.
90
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,875
Well, when I'm right, I'm right.
91
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:47,590
I've got something I wanna talk about,
but it's gotta stay in this room.
92
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,593
Everything stays in the room.
93
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,754
Yeah, sure, Judas.
Does that include veiled references...
94
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,558
...in one of your wise-ass songs?
95
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,034
- I said sorry about that.
- Too little, too late.
96
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,188
We have to go through this
every time we get together?
97
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,191
- It's water under the bridge.
- Thank you.
98
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,312
It wouldn't have killed you
to thank him in your Grammy speech.
99
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,553
That I would've done, but, you know,
Bacharach, he just went on so long.
100
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,954
Well, get on with it.
101
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,952
All right. How do I say this?
102
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,717
Do any of you get up in
the middle of the night to pee?
103
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,070
- Sure.
- Occasionally.
104
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,114
Sometimes, I don't even get up.
105
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,149
This is what I can't
write songs about?
106
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,470
Oh, drat.
107
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,434
All right, look.
It's not about peeing, per se.
108
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:38,959
It's about getting older.
109
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,757
I'm laying in bed with my wife.
110
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,434
She looks beautiful, sexy.
111
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,593
All I wanna do is finish
my Corn Pops and go to sleep.
112
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,156
What are you doing?
113
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,915
Shopping list. You know,
just a shopping list.
114
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,198
So you're saying
the old flag's at half-mast?
115
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,879
No, the old flag is fine.
116
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,157
And I'd rather not refer to it
as an old flag, if you don't mind.
117
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:17,480
No, my point is, it's about
shifting priorities or something.
118
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,915
Flag, drag, hag.
119
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,954
I will knock your glasses through
your eyeballs. I will do it.
120
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,072
Let me tell you something, fellas.
121
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,037
It doesn't matter what the calendar
says, you're as old as you feel.
122
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,756
Me, I feel...
123
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,273
...like...
124
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,198
...boiled crap.
125
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,396
- Hello.
- Oh, man.
126
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,357
I'm sorry, guys. It's my brother.
127
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,718
We agreed you weren't
gonna be here.
128
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,713
Don't worry,
I just need my phone book.
129
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,836
- Is that...?
- Yes.
130
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,157
- And that...?
- Yeah.
131
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,669
And that?
132
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,310
He used to be. Not anymore.
133
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,073
Him I don't recognize.
134
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,759
He's our bookie.
135
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,712
You can have
your bookie, but not me?
136
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,236
Bookies, like friends, are chosen.
137
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:15,516
Okay. Okay, fine.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
138
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,234
I need my address book
so I can call one of my friends.
139
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,994
They don't care.
Hurry up and get out.
140
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,436
Hurry up and get out.
Sounds like sex with my ex-wife.
141
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,079
I don't know if Charlie told you,
but I'm recently divorced...
142
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,077
...and it's been
kind of a rough road.
143
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,677
- Here's your phone book.
- Thank you.
144
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,150
Of course, I guess in hindsight,
I should have seen it coming, but...
145
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,231
- I'm gonna count to three.
- Bye.
146
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,953
Sorry about that. He's bent
out of shape because I told him...
147
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,395
...he couldn't be part of the group.
- Why not?
148
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,312
You just saw him, didn't you?
Trust me, he doesn't get any better.
149
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,029
I mean, he actually thinks
this is a support group.
150
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,992
This is a support group, Charlie.
151
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,197
You're the only one who's pretending
it's about Scotch and cigars.
152
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,472
Whatever kind of group it is,
we have rules about new guys joining.
153
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,914
Well, but he's your brother.
154
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,991
He's obviously
going through a rough time.
155
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,230
Seems like you should be
more supportive, pal.
156
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,158
Hey, I support him plenty.
157
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,629
I share my home with him.
I share my food with him.
158
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,360
I moved my foosball table
so he could park in my garage.
159
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,909
What more do you people
want from me?
160
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,193
Let me tell you something
about sharing, kid.
161
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,995
Sharing is a two-way street.
162
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,431
When you share with
another human being...
163
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,433
...you always get back
more than you gave.
164
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,033
Assuming that you're smart enough
to share with somebody...
165
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,431
...that's got more stuff
than you had in the beginning.
166
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,474
Hey, Dick, it's Alan.
How's it going, buddy?
167
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,039
Oh, good, good.
168
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,998
Listen. You maybe wanna
catch a movie tonight?
169
00:08:54,560 --> 00:09:00,396
Oh, really? You and Roz are
at Judith's too. Interesting.
170
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:05,509
So in addition to my house,
half my money, and my self-esteem...
171
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,672
...Judith got custody of
all my friends.
172
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:13,110
No, no, no, I don't wanna
take it up with her. I...
173
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,392
Hi, Judith.
174
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:19,712
No, no. I'm not trying to
ruin your party.
175
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,873
In fact, I've got a little party
of my own.
176
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,953
Alan, come back to bed. I'm cold.
177
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,279
Be right there, baby.
178
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,512
I gotta go, Judith. Bye.
179
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,036
Well, that's a new personal low.
180
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,634
You know, as long as
we're talking about getting older...
181
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,439
...I was at this club the other night,
window-shopping.
182
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:52,229
I realize I'm the oldest
guy in the bar.
183
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,152
I mean, I still look good.
184
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,913
But I'm competing for women
with guys who are way younger.
185
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:06,278
I gotta tell you, I felt kind of depressed,
like maybe my best days are behind me.
186
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,278
Oh, you're breaking my heart.
187
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,834
There's maybe 11 women in this city
who haven't saluted his old flag.
188
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,315
We should talk about
Charlie and his brother.
189
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,357
What? Why?
190
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,956
We've been meeting all these years and
I never even knew you had a brother.
191
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,472
I didn't see that it was relevant.
192
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:30,639
Let me tell you something
about relevant.
193
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,237
The root of the word relevant
is "rel"...
194
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:41,439
...which is also the root
of the word "relative."
195
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:49,233
Your brother is your relative, ergo,
your brother is relevant.
196
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,074
What?
197
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,354
Another "rel" word is "relapse."
198
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,873
But I'll wait my turn.
199
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,714
Hi. Is this Doug Ziskin?
200
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,876
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, Doug, it's Alan Harper.
201
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:15,556
I'm your chiropractor.
But I'm calling as a friend.
202
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,598
Well, I'd like to think we are.
203
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,593
Forget it. Sorry I woke you.
204
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,557
Hey, neighbor. What are you doing
out here all by your Ionesome?
205
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,957
Charlie's got some friends over and
I thought I'd give him some space.
206
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,878
Oh, yeah. His support group.
207
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,798
He claims it's not a support group.
208
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,198
Oh, please. He also claims
he's not in love with me.
209
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,114
What do you want, Rose?
210
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,473
Nothing. I was just sitting
over there in Charlie's car...
211
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,234
...and thought you might
like some company.
212
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,554
From the minute they
brought him from the hospital...
213
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,273
...everything was about the baby.
214
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,830
"Don't wake the baby. Don't tease
the baby. Don't paint the baby."
215
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,910
Then when he starts growing up,
it gets worse.
216
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,719
Everything he does,
I get blamed for.
217
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,435
He wakes up one morning with no
hair and one eyebrow, it's my fault.
218
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,670
They find him
tied to a street lamp...
219
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,832
...and big surprise,
everybody's looking at me.
220
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,837
Charlie, you need to stop resenting
your brother just for being born.
221
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,838
Hey, I don't resent him
for being born...
222
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,150
...but he abused the privilege.
223
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,833
Even now, with you guys.
224
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,190
I jumped through hoops
to get into this group.
225
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,358
I had to be recommended,
then I had to get to know you guys.
226
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,717
Now Alan thinks he can waltz right
in because he's my little brother?
227
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,438
It's not fair.
228
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,349
Let me tell you something about fair.
229
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,798
What?
230
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:55,232
Charlie, you know in your heart
the right thing to do.
231
00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,399
Fine. You want him so bad,
I'll get him.
232
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,316
You know, Sean never speaks
about his siblings.
233
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,152
All right, back off, Mary Poppins.
234
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,273
You're working on my last nerve.
235
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:15,231
Believe me, Alan, I understand how
hurtful it is to be rejected by Charlie.
236
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,514
And I found that the only way to get
through it is to just love him more.
237
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:25,316
That, and every so often, sneak into
his bedroom and try on his underwear.
238
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,632
Helpful tip.
239
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,593
Hello.
240
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,355
- Oh, hello, Charlie.
- Yeah, listen. I've been thinking.
241
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,876
Why don't you take a Beano and come
back to the house and join the group.
242
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,515
Oh, really?
What changed your mind?
243
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,955
I had a small stroke. What difference
does it make? Get your ass back here.
244
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,277
Well, did it occur to you that I might be
already otherwise engaged?
245
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,153
- No.
- Well, I am.
246
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,709
It would be inconvenient
for me to return right now.
247
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,433
Why? Where are you?
248
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,355
Where am I?
Well, that's none of your business.
249
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,074
Are you in the garage?
250
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,759
Oh, please. What on earth
would I be doing in the garage?
251
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,199
Cut it out, Rose.
252
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,597
You're being silly, Alan.
Charlie is reaching out to you.
253
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,597
Yeah, right.
Last time he reached out...
254
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,877
...I wound up tied to a street lamp
on Wilshire Boulevard.
255
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,270
All right. Are you gonna
come back inside...
256
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,352
...or do I have to drag you in
by your big, flappy monkey ears?
257
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,400
Listen to him, Alan. He's begging.
258
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:37,470
No, thank you, Charlie. I am quite happy
chatting out here with Rose.
259
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:42,589
Okay. I tried to be the loving brother,
you sulky little weasel.
260
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,592
That really wasn't necessary, Alan.
261
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,233
Yes, it was. You're my friend.
262
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:53,155
And friends don't just abandon friends
because something better comes along.
263
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,119
Then this might sting a bit.
264
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:04,075
I have something else to do
and I'm pretty sure it's better.
265
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:12,632
All right, I asked him nicely.
He said no. Let's move on.
266
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:16,031
Coop, what's up with your fixation on
women who resemble Tobey Maguire?
267
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,831
I think I finally got over that one.
I went to see Spider-Man 2. Nothing.
268
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,157
Hi, everybody.
Thanks for the invite.
269
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,998
I know I'm the new guy.
270
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,038
So I'll hang back and
try not to disrupt the flow.
271
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,833
So is there any protocols
I need to know about?
272
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,913
Any customs, traditions,
a talking stick?
273
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,077
No, there's no talking stick.
274
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,629
But there is a "shut the hell up" shoe.
275
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,473
Okey-doke. As you were.
276
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,994
All right, I've got something
I wanna share.
277
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,712
The panic attacks have come back,
and I just don't understand it.
278
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,838
Everything is great.
My career, my marriage.
279
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,315
I should be on cloud nine
and instead of which...
280
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:07,634
...I've got this free-floating anxiety
and feeling of impending doom.
281
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,230
And the diarrhea.
282
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,998
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that
my panic attacks come with diarrhea.
283
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:23,314
First the clammy hands, and then the
nausea, and then the aforementioned...
284
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,357
...you know. Sorry.
285
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,992
I changed my mind. I want him gone.
286
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,472
Can we shave his head and
fill his mouth with hair first?
287
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,953
Let me tell you something about hair.
288
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,075
The clammy hands,
that's how it starts.
289
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,708
Wait a minute.
You can't just kick him out like that.
290
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,990
You didn't want him here
in the first place.
291
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,988
But I'm his brother.
It's my right to reject him.
292
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,072
You guys wanted him. Now that
he's here, cut him a little slack.
293
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,236
Can't you see?
He doesn't fit in here.
294
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,352
Of course not.
He doesn't fit in anywhere.
295
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,398
He's a weird little guy who
makes phone calls from the garage.
296
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,831
It's not his fault.
297
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,515
His big brother didn't look after him,
didn't teach him anything.
298
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,671
I'm trying to make up for it
with his son...
299
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,831
...but this
annoying little ship has sailed.
300
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,957
Thank you, Charlie.
You can stop now.
301
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,597
No, I got your back.
I want this twerp in the group.
302
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,231
A problem with that
is a problem with me.
303
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,953
Oh, now you've got my back?
304
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,752
- What?
- A little late, don't you think?
305
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,075
Alan, I'm defending you.
306
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,754
And I'm asking where you've been
for the past 35 years.
307
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,390
Let me tell you
what it was like growing up.
308
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,913
Un-freaking-believable.
309
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,799
What it was like to look up to...
No, to worship someone...
310
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,475
...who on two occasions tried to
trade you for an underwater flashlight.
311
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,359
It wasn't for keeps.
312
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,556
No, no, no.
It's my turn now, Charlie.
313
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,553
All I ever wanted was his approval,
his friendship.
314
00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,190
And all I ever got was my underwear
yanked up to the base of my skull.
315
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:06,313
And the sad part is that
I looked forward to the wedgies...
316
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,677
...because it was the only form of love
that I could get from him.
317
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,558
- That is sad, Charlie.
- It's terrible.
318
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,995
Charlie, don't you think there's something
you have to say to your brother?
319
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,633
Yeah.
320
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:26,995
Come here, buddy.
321
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,951
Okay, buddy.
322
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,749
Here's the gag
323
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:50,118
In the words of some wag
324
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:56,955
She loves my flag
325
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:07,157
Rally round the flag
326
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,309
Wow, Elvis, that was beautiful.
327
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,232
But, you know, in all honesty...
328
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,472
...I really loved your earlier,
you know, angrier stuff.
329
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,154
You know, "Pump It Up."
Now, that was a song.
330
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,791
I gave you that.
331
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,951
Oh, and while we're
on the subject, Sean...
332
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,350
...why don't you
do funny stuff like you used to?
333
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,397
I mean, Fast Times ruled, man.
334
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,074
Come on, do a little Spicoli for us.
335
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,994
Guys, this isn't funny.
336
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,829
Clammy hands. Nausea.
337
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,638
Guys?
338
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,959
Hey, guys?
339
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,317
Guys?
340
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,711
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
341
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,871
[ENGLISH]
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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