All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s04e03 George Glass.eng

Back in the '80s, Philadelphia hosted

one of the most legendary
charity rock concerts

ever assembled... Live Aid...

And no one wanted to go
more than Big Tasty.

Dad, we need to have
an insanely important talk.

And if you say, "Go to your mother,"

there will be serious consequences.

Not listening. Go to your mother.

Okay, you know how all the awesome
stuff happens

in New York and L.A.
and Florida, but never here?

You do know that Philadelphia

is the birthplace of our country, right?

Enough with your folk tales, old man!

I'm talking about now.

It's called Live Aid.

The world's biggest rock concert ever

is happening here this
weekend, and I need your car.

What's wrong with your van?

Doesn't start.

I think it needs new spark
plugs or gas or something.

Point is, give me your keys
and wallet. Hurry.

Here's the thing... no.

But I presented such a strong case!

This concert's been all over the news.

There's gonna be a million morons
pouring into the city,

each one with bad hair and worse ideas.

But I have the worst ideas!
I should be there, too.

No way I'm allowing my car
to be driven in that madness.

It'll never return.

Do you even know
who's performing at Live Aid?

I don't know,

and more importantly, I don't care.

Rick Springfield, REO Speedwagon,

the Hooters, Black Sabbath, RUN-D.M.C.,

Simple Minds, Judas
Priest, Led Zeppelin,

Bernard Watson, Joan Baez,

Four Tops, Billy Ocean, Bryan Adams,

Crosby, Stills & Nash, Crosby,
Stills, Nash & Young,

Neil Young, Bob Dylan,

George Thorogood & the Destroyers,

most of the Rolling Stones,

all of Hall & Oates,

Madonna, Phil Collins, Duran Duran,

Eddie Kendricks and David Ruffin,

Patti LaBelle, The Cars, Kenny Loggins,

Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers,

Santana, Pretenders,
Ashford & Simpson...

Ashford & Simpson?! I'm in!

Really?

No! None of these names
mean anything to me!

Synced and corrected by Nest0r
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Adult Adam: It was October
5, 1980-something,

and I had a genius plan

to be the coolest freshman ever.

Big news... I'm starting a club...

The Saturday Night Live Society.

Ugh. Here we go.

It'll be awesome.

We can wear costumes and perform skits

and do all their greatest characters,

like the Church Lady.

[As Church Lady] Isn't that special?

- Cut the crap, dude.
- You sound crazy.

We're freshmen now.

We got to start thinking about our reps.

[As Fernando] You look mah-velous.

Please! We're in public.

- Girls hate that stuff.
- We really do.

[Normal voice] Impressing girls

is the least of my concerns.

I'm just trying to make
it through the day.

Ohh, balls.

It's her. She's here.

It's... Waffle Girl.

Waffle Girl?

Oh, yes, Waffle Girl.

She was my first crush ever.

I hadn't seen her in three years,

but now that I was a freshman,
I was back in her world.

So many confusing feelings.

That's all in the past, bro.

We're in the now,

and that means you got
to go rock that body.

Don't do that.

You already laid the groundwork
when you were a small child.

Close the deal.

How? She's a junior. I'm just a boy.

Not anymore.

Back then, you were just a creepy kid.

Now you're a man, so
it's not creepy at all.

Nope, still creepy.

Just walk on over there and be like,

"Yo, Waffles, remember me?

Powdered sugar, sliced
banana, side of sausage.

Name's Adam Goldberg."

I can't say my name. It's too confusing.

There's another Adam Goldberg in school.

He's a senior.

He told me in no uncertain terms

that he's got dibs
on the upper-class girls.

Stop using the other Adam
Goldberg as an excuse.

Yeah, there's just so many other
reasons why it won't work.

[Scoffs] What do you know about girls?

Look, all you got to do is show her

that older women don't intimidate you.

You're right! It's all about confidence!

Oh, crap, here she comes.

Sausage!

What's that?

I'm a man now.

Oh, my God! Uh... Alan, right?

You used to come
by the House of Waffles.

I am Alan, yes.

Aww. You were such a cute kid.

[School bell rings] Well...
see you around.

As I was out to prove
to my first crush I was a man,

Barry was still fighting my dad
about going to Live Aid.

Mom! Talk some sense into this bad man!

He's not letting me go
to the world's most awesome concert!

Well, if you're jonesing
for some bitchin' tunes,

what do you say we go
to the Beach Boys concert, huh?

Oh, my God, what are you singing?

Come on, go on a Surfin'
Safari with your mama.

I got two tickets. Come.

Never!

The only concert Big Tasty
is going to is Live Aid,

and nothing will stop me.

[Engine sputters]

Gah!

Well, nothing
except for an empty gas tank.

Doesn't matter!

I'll run there if I have to! Live Aid!

But Barry still wasn't deterred...

Oh, cramp, cramp!

Until the tummy cramp
and the pebble in his shoe.

Stupid pebble!

Clearly, he wasn't going
to the Beach Boys with my mom,

so she dragged along my dad.

I can't believe I let
you talk me into this.

Who knew so many people loved

the delicate Doo-wops of the Beach Boys?

They what? Let me see those tickets.

Live Aid?

The Beach Boys are playing at Live Aid?

You just took me
into the eye of the storm!

I had no idea.

But come to think of it,

the guy at Ticketron did mention
a couple of opening bands.

30 bands! We got to turn
around right now.

Stop being so dramatic.
It's just a little traffic.

You go into the Live Aid.
I'll circle for three hours.

No, don't circle.

For once, can you not be so stubborn?

We could be here for days!

Damn it!

This is my [Bleep] nightmare!

As my dad was desperate
to get out of traffic,

I was desperate to figure
out a way to show Waffle Girl

I wasn't a little kid anymore.

Like any sensible adult,

I stole an idea from "The Brady Bunch."

But I do have a boyfriend.

It was a legendary episode

where Jan fakes a boyfriend
by naming him...

George, uh, Glass... George Glass.

That's it... George Glass.

Oh, Jan Brady, you giver
of genius middle-child wisdom.

She's no Marcia,
but she does have moxie.

That's how I'll impress Waffle Girl.

I'm make up a fake older girlfriend,

and then she'll know I can
hang with mature ladies.

I don't know what that sentence means,

but go for it, kiddo.

Oh, my God! Do not
"George Glass" anyone.

It's too late.

My plan is already taking shape,

and her name shall be...
Lampy... Tableson.

Lampy's not a name.

She's foreign.

She just transferred to Villanova

from the University of Europe.

This Lampy sounds hot to trot.

Only a sad, desperate loser

would stoop to George Glass-ing someone.

[Scoffs]

His name's Jordan Wahlberg,

and he just transferred to Villanova.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe your new
boyfriend's in college.

Yeah, Jordy's on a swim scholarship.

He's crazy hot.

You are so lucky.

But not as lucky as finding
a guy like my Geoffrey.

Yeah. I can do this.

A lot of people can do that.

We are just so happy

that you have finally, finally
found someone, Erica.

Thanks. What about you, Geoff?

Are you happy for me,

or is it more complicated than that?

- What?
- Huh?

- Nothing.

Are you freaking kidding me right now?!

Uh, I got to call Jordy. Bye.

While I was furious
that Erica stole my idea,

my furious father was still
stuck in traffic!

Damn it! Move, already!

And then it happened.

Mur, look.

The parking gods took
pity on my parents!

A space.

Not just any space.

That's the greatest space of all time!

[Tires screech]

Son of a bitch.

Oh, come on.

Hey, buddy, I was here first!

What's he doing?! He's ignoring me!

Stop it. W-Where are you going?

Get back in the car!

Hiya, buddy.

Listen, uh, this space... It's mine.

[Horn honking]

What are you... What are you honking?

He's honking!

We'll find another space!

We will not find another space.

[Horn honks]

Now you're honking
at a private conversation

between a man and his wife.

[Horn honks]

Fine. Two can play at that game.

Honnnk! [Horn honks]

Honnnk! [Horn honks]

My dad spent the next hour
screaming his face off.

Meanwhile, I was about to face
off with a thief.

Well! If it isn't my sister,
who pulled a George Glass

after she specifically
told me it was stupid!

For you.

You lack the pathological
qualities needed to pull it off.

Me? Easy breezy.

Jordan Wahlberg?!

You just took two New Kids on the Block

and mashed them together.

Jordy is much more than a name.

He's got big plans,

and I put them down in this dossier.

For example, after he goes
to the Olympics,

he's going to med school
to become a urologist.

That's crazy! No one wants
to be a urologist.

Face it, I'm unbeatable.
I've thought of every detail.

I was made to George Glass me a guy.

Well, I was made to George
Glass me a gal.

Oh! So sad, you guys have
to make up pretend lovers

instead of knowing the joy
of a authentic one.

I'm talking about my longtime
companion, Lainey.

Sad.

Idiot.

You had a fake girlfriend
from Canada for three years.

Marian Lemieux wasn't fake!
I met her at camp.

We went to the same camp.
There was no Marian.

She spent all her time at the lake,

but then had to leave
for a modeling emergency!

- It happens!
- Whatever.

Point is, there's only room

for one George Glasser
in this family, and it's me.

The battle had begun.

It was time for me
to bring Lampy to life.

Are you sure about this, dude?

Yes, I'm taking my fake
girlfriend to a whole new level.

A hickey equals proof. Engage.

[Vacuum cleaner whirs]

[Suction pops]

It kind of tickles.

Don't make this any weirder
than it already is.

[Whirring stops]

- How's it look?
- Like you got some action.

Then do more.

I want people to know me
and Lampy are the real deal.

- What's a Lampy?
- Just hickey me, already!

[Vacuum cleaner whirring, suction pops]

This cannot fail.

- Fail!
- I can see that, Dave Kim!

While the vacuum was threatening
to blow up my spot,

my dad was still
refusing to give up his.

How long are we gonna do this?
Just give it up.

I was here first!

According to parking
rules, this space is mine.

We all know that there
are no rules to parking.

Look! I'm in more of the spot
than you are, so it's mine!

You just said, "No rules,"

yet you just told me a rule, you moron!

Murray, it's a stupid parking space!

Stop being so stubborn!

Never! I will stay here forever.

I will make this my home if I have to.

That's absurd.

How would you get ready for work?

I would leave my job
and move my family here.

Don't be an idiot.

This spot can hold three people, max,

not a whole family!

I will forsake my wife and kids
and my life as I know it

just for this parking space!

That is a horrible thing to s...

Your wife is sitting right there.

Thank you, Larry.

Yes! Thank you, Larry,
because this is my new home.

- Not the pants.
- Oh, yes, the pants.

Don't you do it.

Murray: And this feels just like home.

Whoo! Whoo! It feels good.

You know, I like to dig in,
but this is next level, buddy.

Good luck to you, Beverly.

Ha ha! You see that, Bevy?

This is what victory looks like.

And that's what the end
of a concert looks like.

But we won the space,
and that's not nothing.

Oh, my God.

My plan with the vacuum sucked,

so my only option was to double down.

I know I keep saying this, man,

but I don't know about this, man.

Shut up, Dave Kim.

My only choice is to turn
these obviously fake hickeys

into a convincing paintball injuries.

[Paintball gun fires] Oh, balls!

Balls! Oh, balls! It hurts.

It hurts so bad!

Next time, warn me.

Thought it would be better
to surprise you. Ready?

- [Paintball gun fires]
- Ohh! It hurts worse.

It's worse when you prepare!
Don't let me prepare.

Go back to the other way.

- [Paintball gun fires]
- Oh, man! Manisewitz!

[Paintball gun fires] Sorry!

"Funky Cold Medina"!

[Paintball gun fires] So sorry.

- Mommy! Mommy!
- Everyone okay?

Thought I heard a woman scream.

Yeah, probably scared
some freshman ladies

with my extreme p-ball training.

I had no idea you played paintball.

It's totally my thing.

It's totally my thing, too.

I used to go with my college girlfriend,

Paintsy McBallerson.

Want to go with me sometime?

I'm always looking for a battle partner.

Uh, yeah, for sure.

Great. It's a date.

[Paintball gun fires]

Oh, my... Ow!

Dad, it has recently
come to my attention

that the Beach Boys concert
mom invited me to 16 times

was, in fact, Live Aid.

How about that?

Yes. "How about that?" indeed.

What the hell is that?

This, Father, is a traditional mok jong,

or as the uninitiated call
it, a karate training post.

Well, why is it blocking
"The Rockford Files."

See, I have achieved a rage
so pure, so overwhelming,

I have no choice but to channel
it into this wooden thing

for the next three hours.

This is gonna be a whole
thing, isn't it?

Up windmill! Down windmill!

Cross block! Hyah-hyah!

Monkey steals the peach!
Tiger climbs the tree!

Looks like I'm not the only one upset

about missing their concert.

Look, I'm a stubborn guy.
I can't change that.

You can change, and you will.

It's an impossible ask.

To start, you're taking me to Chi-Chi's,

and I'm finally gonna try

those sizzlin' fa-jee-tas
everybody's raving about.

You know my rule about Mexican food.

Can't do it.

That's the whole point.

You won't eat Mexican food

'cause once you had bad
nachos at a Phillies game.

There was a war inside me, Bevy.

That's on you for ordering
beans and liquid cheese

in an outdoor stadium in July.

I reject all Mexican foods forever.

We're going to Chi-Chi's,
and you're gonna like it!

Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah!

[Yawning] Oh, my God.

Jordan's frat threw this sick rager,

and I was out till, like, dawn.

The best parties
are always at Omega Sig.

Wait. My cousin Brett goes
to Villanova, and he's Omega.

Oh? Wow!

Yeah, I thought they can't
have parties anymore

since T-Bone fell off the roof.

Maybe it's not Omega Sig.
I-It's Omega Beta.

That's right. I'm tired.

Actually, Omega Beta is a sorority.

Yeah, we know because they put
out a calendar every year.

It's quite tasteful,
and the proceeds go to charity.

You don't know which frat
your boyfriend's in?

Wait. Fast. What color are his eyes?

- Breen.
- Breen?

Oh, my God, are you George Glass-ing us?

George what?

I mean, I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Come on. Erica, of all people,

wouldn't need to make up a boyfriend.

Thank you, Geoff.

I mean, I've never even seen
"The Brady Bunch."

Oh, you clearly just referenced

the thing you said you didn't
know, so now I feel sad for you.

- Me too.
- It's all unraveling.

Jordan Wahlberg!

All you did was combine two names

from New Kids on the Block!

So cute.

It's not cute.

It's real, and it's college,
and breen is a color.

It's brown mixed with green, so suck it.

Well, I guess we'll believe
it if and when we meet him.

You know, my Nana says
that sometimes wishing makes it so.

Your pity makes it worse.

Agreed.

Well, well.

It appears even my pathological sister

can't pull off a George Glass.

Oh, and like you're doing any better?

In fact, I am.

I have a romantic paintball
date with Waffle Girl.

How is paintball romantic in any way?

Trust me, our love will be
forged on the battlefield

once she witnesses
my unflinching courage

and legendary bravery.

Aah! I'm so scared!

That one grazed my hand a little.

Don't hurt me! I'm just a little boy!

[Paintball gun fires]

Wait! Alan, you dropped your gun!

I don't care!

[Glasses clink]

Isn't this great, Mur?

See how much fun we can have

when you're not busy
being a stubborn grump?

I have to admit, it's not that bad.

And the chicken fajita
for the lovely se?orita.

And for the se?or...

Bup, bup. I ordered
the steak fa-jee-tas.

My sincerest apologies, se?or.
Uh, no more steak fajitas.

- No more steak fa-jee-tas?
- Murray, chicken's fine.

Those people over there...
They were seated after us,

and they got their steak fa-jee-tas.

This dinner is supposed to show
me how not stubborn you are.

Don't ruin it by being extra stubborn.

Look, here's what's gonna happen.

You're gonna go to every table
with steak fa-jee-tas,

take one off their plate,
put it on my plate.

Problem solved.

You take those chicken fa-jee-tas

and put them in a corn
tor-till-a right now,

or I'm going home.

- Well, then go...
- Excuse me.

Because I'm not leaving

until my fa-jee-tas
are good and steaked.

End of story.

See, Bevy? It all worked out.

We didn't get fa-jee-tas,

but we got something even better...

Cheesesteaks from Jim's.

Yes, Murray, it all worked out...
for you.

You can't still be mad.

Ho-ho, I am.

Mom, you should practice
fighting my wooden post.

It took four hours,

but I punched all the rage out of me.

Look. You're just as bad as me.
Me stubborn?

When Adam gets a bad grade,
who storms down to school

and refuses to leave
until they change it?

Me, but...

And who had a two-hour
standoff at the deli counter

about how to slice turkey breasts?

Our family only eats paper-thin meats.

And who argued about the warranty

of a decade-old washing machine
and somehow got it replaced?

I didn't do those things for me, Murray!

I did them for the people I love!

So, yes, I'm stubborn when
it comes to my family.

But you? You're only stubborn
for the things you want.

And that's not just being stubborn.

That's just being plain selfish.

My date with Waffle Girl had
turned into a massacre...

of my dignity.

Alan, I'm pinned! You have to help me!

Um, okay, Waffle Girl.

[Paintball gun fires]

Ow! Ow, ow, ow! They
keep hitting my hand.

Ugh. Your lady's pinned, dude!

You're gonna have to flank
left, draw enemy fire.

I'll break right,
she'll go for the flag.

Or another battle plan...

I flee back to the parking lot
and hide under your Tercel.

On 3. 3! Ugh.

[Paintball gunfire]

Oh! Oh, balls!

I surrender, damn it

Aah! Ew! Ow, ow, ow, Ew!

I got it! That's game!

[The Beach Boys' "God Only Knows"
plays] You saved us, wuss bag.

I had 100 bucks riding
on this, so I owe you one.

Turns out, love can sting.

But as much pain as I was in,
my sister hurt even more.

Fun time at paintball?

Yeah. I kind of made
an ass out of myself

in front of Waffle Girl.

Can't be worse than me.
You saw what happened.

Evy outed me, and everyone
thinks I'm a total joke.

Even Geoff?

Especially Geoff.

Anything I can do?

I wish.

Truth is, at this point, there
is nothing anybody can do.

It hard to watch someone
you care about hurt,

but every once in a while,

love can turn around and surprise you.

Murray? What is this?

I screwed up.

So I, uh, went bac to Chi-Chi's.

You went back to the Mexican
restaurant for me?

Look, I'm a stubborn bastard.
I always will be.

But I realized

the most important thing
for me to be stubborn about

is making you happy.

That night, my dad gave
up his stubborn ways.

Enh, sort of.

Not bad.

It's not as sizzly when you
do them in the microwave.

But I don't know how to work
an oven, and I refuse to learn.

And yet my dad still learned
for one person... my mom.

Hey, Jan Brady.

You heading up to Tappa Tappa Keg

to meet up with Donnie Mclntyre?

It's Jordan Wahlberg.

Eddie: [Whistles] Erica!

Why haven't you called me back?

Kappa Phi is throwing a kegger tonight.

You coming or what?

Holy! He's real?

Sorry, Jordan Wahlberg,

who is clearly very
real and very handsome.

I told you, we're over.

[Chuckling] Okay, wait.
Adam said if I...

It's done, so please just go.

Hey, sorry you guys had to see that.

He's taking it hard.

Looks like it. Are you okay?

Yeah. He just wasn't the one.

Wow. Looks like you're
a true George Glass master.

Why did you help me?

Look, Waffle Girl is just
some random crush.

I don't even know her name,
and she thinks mine's Alan.

But you and Geoff...
That's the real deal.

No one's perfect when
it comes to family.

Easy. I'm still really sore.

[Chuckles]

Sometimes we lie,
sometimes we're stubborn.

Sometimes we get so
caught up in ourselves

that we forget to look
out for each other.

Oh, that's the Beach Boys.
Who was I thinking of?

The Monkees.

Ah, yeah, they're funny.

Maybe they'll be at the next Live Aid.

But that's family for you.

In the end, God only knows

where we'd be without each other.

Punchy, punchy, kick, kick!

No, man, don't do that.

I tried to park, and you
jumped into the parking spot.

[Bell dinging]

Yeah, that's great.

I got 20 other people
who could say the same thing.

- You don't got a camera.
- Do you?

- Yes.
- Come on down with it.

- I got what I want.
- Hi, Mom.

You made some headway
on Operation Waffle Girl.

Only took you four years,
but worth the wait.

I want to ask her out again,

preferably to something not paintball.

Oh, no, you don't, Mister.
No more Waffle Girl.

She is much too old for you.

Mom, I'm an actual man now...
A man with needs...

And I'm gonna show Waffle Girl
just how much of a man I am,

and it's gonna get so freaky,

that she is right there
behind me, isn't she?

I will come back in an other four years.

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