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1
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,483
Eugh. This one doesn't look
any happier than yours.
2
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,525
You'd look like this if you were
2,000 years old and made of terracotta.
3
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,211
Why doesn't Sir Desmond
just put it up for auction?
4
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,051
The good doctor already has a buyer,
the Bank of Nanking.
5
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,607
But the bank wants the provenance of
a highly respected antique dealer.
6
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,365
- Lovejoy...
- Auctioneers take ten per cent, Jane.
7
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,408
Porcelain, I could understand.
8
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,563
- But prehistoric pigs from Shanghai...
- Xi'an Dong Ling Tse.
9
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,768
It's where they found
that army of clay soldiers.
10
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,491
And Sir Desmond Clark
finds one clay pig.
11
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,722
It's not the looks that count, Jane.
12
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,564
It's how long it's lasted.
It's... like marriage.
13
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,962
This one's been around
since the 5th century BC
14
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,281
which means
it's worth about half a million quid,
15
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,243
of which we take two per cent.
16
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,129
Imagine, Jane.
17
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:51,969
To hold in our hand something
that's been buried away for 24 centuries.
18
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,287
That's enough about marriage.
19
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,806
How can you provenance it?
You're not an expert.
20
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,160
No.
21
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:06,762
But Flat Fee Lee is.
And he only wants 500 quid.
22
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,727
Why do you call him Flat Fee Lee?
23
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,371
Because he never speculates.
Always takes cash up front,
24
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,244
never gives anything away.
25
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,010
- Inscrutable.
- Unscrupulous.
26
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,806
Lee Chan. You look exhausted.
You had a hard day?
27
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,888
You're not kidding.
28
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,361
Some of these buggers think
they invented the ?u.
29
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,800
Aren't you going to sell it
with the wheels on?
30
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,888
I'm just knocking the rust off.
31
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,729
Well, knock it into a safe place -
you paid good money for that rust.
32
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,450
I got it on a trade-in.
33
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,530
I only hope I can sell it before
that farmer finds out what he's done.
34
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:54,008
- He's done you, by the looks of it.
- Yeah, well, that's what he thought.
35
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,367
But this happens to be
a unique motorcycle,
36
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,728
just about one of the first motorbikes
in history. And it's complete.
37
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,451
- Complete what?
- All in one piece!
38
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:06,047
There's over 200 handmade components
in this, Tinker.
39
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,202
And they're all here after 9O years.
40
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,282
Well, which is the front end?
41
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:14,409
That's the passenger seat,
this is the driver's seat.
42
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,768
- D'you want a ride?
- What, you're gonna make this heap go?
43
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,242
It already goes. I've got a buyer
coming over from Germany.
44
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,284
He should be here by now
He sounded very expert.
45
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,164
Where is he, then?
Cruelly efficient as a rule, the Germans.
46
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,208
Don't be so prejudiced.
47
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,442
I'm an old soldier, Eric.
48
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,801
And old soldiers have long memories.
49
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,163
Yeah, well, we're all Europeans
in the business world now.
50
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,481
The Germans are
the most European of all.
51
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,688
You're asking 400 quid for this lot?
52
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,570
Well, I ought to hold out for five,
but I need the capital.
53
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,530
But that's the trouble with underpricing -
nobody believes you.
54
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,444
I believe you. What's its scrap value?
55
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,283
Ten quid?
56
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,323
Nine?
57
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,328
That's a German word
you're gonna have to learn.
58
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,283
Mr. Chow says you have exquisite taste,
Sir Desmond.
59
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:09,566
Yes. Yes.
60
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:14,282
Uh... 17th-century ivory.
Yes. It's v-very v-valuable.
61
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,642
Mr. Chow believes
the Chinese invented art.
62
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,644
Yes. Well..he's a banker.
63
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,521
- Agh...! Mr. Chow.
- A tooled figure. Han dynasty.
64
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:33,487
Han. 152 BC.
Uh... mer-mer-merchant.
65
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:39,003
Beautiful. Ming period
Your 14th century.
66
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,323
- That is my very own work.
- Oh, really'?
67
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:46,086
Very few Westerners
master the art of Chinese calligraphy.
68
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,128
But with a surgeon's hands...
69
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,884
No, no, no.
70
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,964
Surgery isn't very manual these days.
71
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,168
You know, we use a lot of machines.
72
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,249
When can we see the pig?
73
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:03,291
Yes. I'm sorry,
but I'm having it authenticated.
74
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,562
Uh... Mr. Lovejoy?
75
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,409
Lovejoy.
Have you... have you heard of him?
76
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,962
Hah! No, Mr. Chow. Steady.
You... Yes. Ah, well.
77
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:24,407
Mr. Chow says it gives serenity
to contemplate beautiful objects.
78
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,643
- Partly true.
- And to venerate what is old.
79
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,610
So why are you invading
his personal space?
80
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:34,887
Hm.
81
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,243
What I need is
some cut-price advice, Lee.
82
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,163
What do you make of it?
83
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,523
It's clay.
84
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,286
Worked in the style
of the warring states.
85
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,928
Or the Chang Kuo period.
86
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,968
Skilful decoration.
87
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,168
But it's a fake.
88
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:02,450
Lee, the owner's a connoisseur. He's
been to Xi'an Dong Ling Tse himself.
89
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,888
Sorry, pal, but the original
would have had cast decoration.
90
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,040
This copy's been embellished afterwards.
91
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,288
See? Here. And here.
92
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,201
- It Looks so old.
- It is old.
93
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,567
But it was made a Fake
About 14th century.
94
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,608
So it's an antique fake?
95
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,206
That's right, love.
In the early Ming dynasty
96
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,328
it was fashionable
to collect things from the past.
97
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,368
So how much is it worth?
98
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,408
- About a grand.
- Oh...
99
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,767
Well, that's cut the price.
100
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,644
These 14th-century fakes
were pretty commonplace.
101
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,247
Mind you, you had to be a brave lad
to be a forger in them days.
102
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,410
If you got caught,
it was a death of 1,000 cuts.
103
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:50,246
Still, there's a legend that every fake
bears the forger's inscription.
104
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,685
Where?
105
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,003
Come off it, Lovejoy.
They chopped heads off.
106
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,447
No forger's gonna carve his name
in large print.
107
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,002
Still, it's only a legend.
108
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,728
How much did you pay for it?
109
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,600
- I'm having it valued for the owner.
- Some connoisseur.
110
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,365
Expecting the results tomorrow.
111
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,285
You know the results. It's a fake.
112
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,880
Well, Sir Desmond Clark doesn't,
does he?
113
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,770
You can't say it's genuine.
114
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,684
I'm not going to say anything
until I've renegotiated the arrangement.
115
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,931
- You're not on a percentage, are you?
- Hm!
116
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,571
Two per cent of �1,000.
It might cover the petrol.
117
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:36,205
Always go for the ?at fee, Lovejoy.
Take my advice.
118
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,170
Not twice in one day, Lee.
Can't afford it.
119
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,006
"Catchpole "? "Pre-war classics"?
120
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,924
"Vintage motorcycles
for the connoisseur.
121
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:52,250
"Visit our exclusive showrooms and
view our international selection.
122
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,170
"Knock on the shed and ask for Eric"?
123
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,681
Have you got a reply to that?
124
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,368
Catchpole?
125
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:08,251
Gunter Sperber.
We spoke on the telephone.
126
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,881
- I have come about your advertisement.
- Ah, yes. Guten Abend.
127
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,167
Congratulations. Uh, reunification.
128
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,891
It's like Kennedy, isn't it?
Everybody always remembers
129
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,008
where they were
when the Berlin Wall came down.
130
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,880
- This is the motorbike for sale?
- Yes. 1899 original.
131
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,241
It was a great moment in your history
though, wasn't it?
132
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,687
Ein Volk, ein Reich,
ein shopping trolley.
133
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,604
No, you know what I mean.
No more queues,
134
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,160
no more central planning,
no more pollution.
135
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,806
So, uh... what do you
do for a living, then?
136
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,526
I was chief engineer for Trabant Motors.
137
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:46,208
It's not what I'm looking for.
I collect mainly the period 1900 to 1935.
138
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:51,007
If this bike had any military connections
it might be worth double.
139
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,684
Say �20.
140
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,684
�20? But this is vintage!
141
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,240
I mean, the bikes in that magazine
go for thousands.
142
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,170
Look at these machines.
They are immaculate.
143
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,051
You shouldn't advertise in here.
144
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,361
Well, it's the trade journal.
Where should I put it?
145
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,681
How about a skip? Aha-ha-ha!
146
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,240
It works. Come on, get on
and I'll show you.
147
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,164
- Nein, no.
- I thought you liked vintage bikes.
148
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,208
Uh... I'm not insured.
149
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,447
- Tinker.
- Uh... l think not.
150
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,044
Lovejoy, I want to take
the trike for a spin.
151
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,283
Right, see you in a month's time.
152
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,203
With a passenger.
153
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,210
Because this is my buyer
and he doesn't think the trike works.
154
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,328
But I reckon I can push it up to 30.
155
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:45,450
He'll never pay as much as that.
He probably only wants it for the spares.
156
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,763
Oh, yeah? Since when have you been
the great expert on motorbikes?
157
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,646
I'm not.
But I know a Cromwell's dagger.
158
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,527
"We've had this knife in the family
since the Civil War."
159
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,171
"It's only had ten new blades
and seven new handles."
160
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,806
A lot of vintage machinery
isn't as complete as this.
161
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,203
You know, there's a fresh bolt here,
a fresh nut there,
162
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,282
a new carburetor.
163
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,567
Collectors like to replace them
with originals,
164
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,689
so, often, they'll buy a whole machine
just for one or two nuts.
165
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,288
In this case, peanuts.
166
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,283
- Come on, he won't think you trust me.
- I don't think I trust you.
167
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,208
Look, it's perfectly safe!
168
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,481
I wish you'd stop ?inching
every time we go round a bend, Lovejoy.
169
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:34,246
You don't see Nigel Mansell going round
corners with his eyes shut, do you?
170
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,922
No, he leans into them and enjoys
the wind whistling past his shoulders.
171
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:43,045
You ought to try it. There's nothing
more exhilarating than defying gravity.
172
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,321
Beautiful design, innit?
There's no give in that chain.
173
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,402
No give in this seat, either.
174
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,687
Of course,
I had to take a few links out
175
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,762
cos it was four inches longer
when I started.
176
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,604
So was my spine.
177
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:58,048
It's not a modern bike, Lovejoy.
What do you expect from a classic?
178
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,726
Hydraulic suspension?
Padded cushions?
179
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,280
- Seatbelts?
- That's a good idea, seatbelts.
180
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,330
Oh, stop worrying.
I've got all the controls at my fingertips.
181
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,170
Oh...! Lovejoy!
182
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,684
I can't stay here.
I've got to see a man about a pig.
183
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,808
Now, calm down. You've been very lucky.
184
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,321
- Yeah, it could have been me.
- Look out!
185
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,323
Try not to get excited.
You've had a clean break...
186
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,528
you won't be in bed
for more than a couple of days.
187
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,120
Oh, no.
Jane, you'll have to see Sir Desmond.
188
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,683
I want a ?at fee. �500.
189
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,802
I'm sorry, Lovejoy, I am not a hustler.
190
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,531
It's a perfectly honest arrangement.
I want the cash up front.
191
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,763
You want 50 percent of the pig's entire
value so you can tell him it's worthless.
192
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,049
- What if he gets awkward?
- It's a bargain. He'll jump at it.
193
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,283
Look, Lovejoy, I don't mind Jane
helping out but I'm second in command
194
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,522
- and I should run the business.
- Run it into what?
195
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,888
Look, I told you, that German bloke
pinched my nuts.
196
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,282
If he gives you any trouble, Jane,
break his legs. Both of them.
197
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,288
Could you hold the lift, please?
Thank you.
198
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,171
Oh...
199
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,725
Agh...
200
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,810
- Are you all right? What's the matter?
- I've got this itch.
201
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,530
- Don't seem to be able to scratch it.
- You've always had that, Lovejoy.
202
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,246
Try slipping this
down the side of the cast.
203
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,087
Oh, thank you, madam.
204
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,971
The junior partner
shouldn't just be a gofer.
205
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,486
I'm gonna have to run my own specialty
sooner or later.
206
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,524
- Lovejoy's not gonna be around forever.
- Not at this rate, no.
207
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:54,167
Look, I told you,
that German bloke nobbled my trike!
208
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,965
It doesn't look to me
like it needed nobbling.
209
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,008
It's nothing but a pile of rust.
210
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,243
Well, maybe Lovejoy was right and
it needed a seatbelt up front.
211
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,324
It needed a man with a red ?ag in front.
212
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,244
Lovejoy says you came round that bend
absolutely hell for...
213
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,809
- Catchpole?
- That's me.
214
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,722
- Natasha Glendenning.
- Nice to meet you.
215
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,725
I'm afraid the bike's been um...
snapped up.
216
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,970
I'm selling. Would you be interested in
a Brough Superior?
217
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,087
I knew it. SS80, innit?
218
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,883
- Working order, too.
- Are you sure you want this, Eric?
219
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,928
It looks like a motorbike.
220
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,527
This is the Roils-Royce
of motorbikes, this is.
221
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,568
- Jane Felsham.
- Hi.
222
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,608
Forget your Nortons and your BSAs.
223
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:51,082
The Brough Superior
was the cream of British engineering.
224
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,209
Oh, look at this. Girder forks.
225
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,248
Original knee grips.
226
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,283
Aluminum silencer.
227
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:02,405
Enfield brakes. Side valve.
JAP engine.
228
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,006
1924 four-cam deluxe.
229
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,562
I changed the forks last month.
These ones are in factory order.
230
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,725
Beautiful. We couldn't have restored it
to original condition better ourselves.
231
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,326
You seem to have worked very hard
on this.
232
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,402
Yep. Every weekend
for the last couple of years.
233
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,482
It was in pieces when I got it.
234
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,722
We could restore it
to that original condition.
235
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,282
I've been so close to this bike.
It feels like part of me.
236
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,805
But if it were an SS100, the 1932 model,
237
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,491
that would be a real piece of history.
238
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,166
The SS100 is the bike
that Lawrence died on.
239
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,811
I'm sorry to hear that.
I didn't even know he'd had a crash.
240
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,451
I think she means
Lawrence of Arabia, Eric.
241
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,329
Oh, right.
242
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,562
He was killed on a motorbike, wasn't he?
243
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,405
A Brough Superior.
Everyone knows that.
244
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,051
- Wasn't he in the army at the time?
- The RAF.
245
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,600
He was stationed in Dorset,
near where I used to live.
246
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,001
That's where he came off the bike.
247
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,604
Lawrence of Arabia and the RAF.
248
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,007
Just as a matter of interest,
249
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,726
how much would his bike be worth
to a military collector?
250
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,282
Serious money.
Any SS100 of that period
251
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,601
could fetch...10,000 plus.
252
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,331
And where there's
a connection to Lawrence, well, you...
253
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,006
I don't think we would offer
anything like that.
254
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,765
No, no, this isn't an SS100.
This is an SS80.
255
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,730
Of course. How silly of me.
256
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,327
- As I say, we are more of an antiques...
- �3,000.
257
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,161
It's not enough. I've got to get four.
258
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,488
Well, we haven't got four.
259
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,170
But I tell you what we'll do.
260
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,729
You accept three on account against
a guarantee that we'll sell it for five.
261
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,087
Anything above that, we split 50-50.
262
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,764
Deal.
263
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,444
Eric.
264
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,967
Excuse us a moment, Natasha.
265
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,963
- What are you doing?
- I've got to make it up to Lovejoy.
266
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,283
I've broken his leg and now he can't
make that meeting with Sir Desmond.
267
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,011
And you know how he has
a sixth sense about antiques.
268
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,242
Well, I'm a bit of a divvy myself.
269
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,283
Well, if it doesn't work out...
270
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,928
I'll sell the Harley.
271
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,443
Eric... you couldn't do that.
272
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,725
It's for Lovejoy.
273
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,407
And while he's away, I intend to be
the driving force behind this business.
274
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,164
I think the less said about your driving
the better.
275
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:34,450
In hospital? That is very inconvenient.
276
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,488
It is for him.
277
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,525
So...
278
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,207
I suppose you've, um...
you've come to return the pig.
279
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,163
I'm afraid it's still being dated.
280
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,010
And when can I expect the result?
281
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,006
It's extremely urgent, you see.
282
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,208
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
283
00:16:56,280 --> 00:17:00,251
Naturally, we've incurred some expense
in provenancing the piece and Lovejoy...
284
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,290
- No. No. I won't pay a ?at fee.
- Why not?
285
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,969
Ah. Here.
286
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:11,009
You see, I object to a ?at fee
on... principle.
287
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,643
Principle?
288
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,087
If you got your money in advance,
289
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,091
what's to stop you
deliberately undervaluing the piece'?
290
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,322
I think that would be rather difficult.
291
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,962
Why? No, no, no. No.
I want Lovejoy on a percentage.
292
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,487
Then I know that it's to his advantage
293
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,643
to arrive at the best possible price. Hm?
294
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,646
I've been warned about this.
295
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,690
Some unscrupulous dealers
296
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,321
might deliberately underyalue the pig
297
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,961
in order to pick up a bargain
for themselves, hm?
298
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,088
Yeah, but that's what we're offering you.
299
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:54,000
A provenance for 500 quid
that on a percentage would cost 10,000.
300
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,610
I don't want a bargain. No.
301
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,967
I chose Lovejoy
302
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,283
because, as a distinguished member
of the trade,
303
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:07,285
I assume that he had
a reputation to protect.
304
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,282
I'm sorry, am I in your way?
305
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,484
I just want you to be very, very careful.
306
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,090
Look, I know you um...
307
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,285
don't provide a Bond Street service
308
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,244
but really, I didn't expect it to be um...
309
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,763
this poor.
310
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,326
0oh!
311
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,283
Pear?
312
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,169
0oh...
313
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,322
How's the itch, Lovejoy?
Is it getting any better?
314
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,529
No, it's agony. This won't reach.
315
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,768
I'm even itching in my sleep.
316
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,451
Should get your mind on something else.
Banana?
317
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,163
We can't do it, Lovejoy.
We've given him a piece of her mind
318
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,163
and you expect us
to go back on our hands and knees.
319
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,163
Well, I can't, can I?
320
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:14,404
I've worn underwear that keeps a politer
distance than Sir Desmond Clark.
321
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,608
He won't give us anything in advance.
322
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,206
He insists we take a percentage.
323
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,168
Satsuma?
324
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,481
- I'm ruined.
- Oh, come on.
325
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,562
I know �500 is a lot of money...
326
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,968
It isn't the money. It's Lovejoy's
reputation in the trade.
327
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,048
If I can't provenance it
I look like an amateur.
328
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,289
And if I provenance it for 20 quid
I might as well be an amateur.
329
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,282
Kiwi fruit?
330
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,091
No, I don't want a pear,
I don't want a banana or a satsuma
331
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,128
and I certainly don't want a kiwi fruit!
332
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,010
Well, why don't you just say
the pig's genuine?
333
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,048
How would fraud help his reputation?
334
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:52,329
Well, if it's in tatters anyway,
why not take the ten grand?
335
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,448
I mean, it's not like
me guaranteeing the Brough.
336
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,329
What?
337
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,290
I'm still building my reputation.
I can't afford to take chances.
338
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:02,967
- What guarantee?
- I've been offered this vintage bike.
339
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,368
And it'll make �8,000 easy.
And I've only had to put up three.
340
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,369
You won't regret it, Lovejoy.
341
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,011
Lawrence of Arabia
died on a Brough Superior.
342
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,209
Was he driving? You spent �3,000
of my money on a motorbike?
343
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:18,285
Yeah, but it's not just any old motorbike.
It's from the golden age of touring.
344
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,328
I mean, can't you picture it?
345
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,209
The Charleston, moonshine,
346
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,521
you driving through the night
with a flapper on the back.
347
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,365
- Hey? It's a dream machine.
- It's a nightmare.
348
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,171
He's given his word.
He can't break a promise.
349
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,208
Why not? He breaks everything else.
350
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,131
- Grape?
- No. I want a coat hanger.
351
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:41,006
You know, I've been thinking. If we're
going to have to rely on my reputation,
352
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,003
I think I should have a title.
353
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:47,250
You know, like junior partner
or trainee manager.
354
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,209
You know, a name
that explains what I am.
355
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,248
I know one that explains you perfectly.
356
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,561
- What?
- Eric. Just plain Eric.
357
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,251
Coat hanger?
358
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,651
Eric!
359
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,608
Eric, this... is a coat hanger.
360
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,047
And this... is a book.
361
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,681
The Seven Pillars Of Wisdom
by TE Lawrence.
362
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,322
A first edition.
I've had it since National Service.
363
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,170
He had the same rank as me,
Lawrence of Arabia.
364
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,086
- You were a colonel?
- That was his wartime rank.
365
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,889
When he came home
he cast all privilege aside,
366
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:30,010
changed his name, joined up
as a simple private in the Tank Corps.
367
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,923
The lowest of the low.
368
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,322
Huh! Right, the lowest of the low,
the same rank as you.
369
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,529
- Let's have a look, then.
- Then he went back to the RAF.
370
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,288
I was too young to have known him,
of course,
371
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,323
but I knew several fellows who did.
372
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,603
He was a funny beggar.
373
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:51,169
Practically defeated the Turks
single-handed at Mesopotamia.
374
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,323
Became the biggest hero in the world
after World War One.
375
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,564
Then enlisted to clean RAF latrines.
376
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,689
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fascinating.
But what about the bike?
377
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,728
Oh, he had more than one.
378
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,681
He was the original biker.
379
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,445
They say he did
more than 30,000 miles a year.
380
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,251
That's what makes his death
so suspicious.
381
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,767
A biker has an accident.
What's suspicious about that?
382
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,049
Just went into a skid
on an open road in clear weather.
383
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:23,249
- Practically on his own front doorstep.
- Well, I've seen you do that, walking.
384
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,601
He was a fascinating fellow, all the same.
385
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,726
No, thanks.
And I'll tell you something else.
386
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,167
And I got this from his batman,
387
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,449
a man who'd scrubbed his back
for 20 years, so he should know.
388
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,490
Lawrence of Arabia wasn't.
389
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,046
Hm.
390
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,645
Wasn't?
391
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,248
Wasn't what?
392
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,250
Lovejoy! Lovejoy, wake up!
393
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,288
They're here.
394
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,688
It is a nightmare.
395
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,049
Have you ever had an itch
that won't go away? I've got two of them.
396
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,084
One to the left of my ankle,
the other one right here.
397
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,721
Flat Fee Lee. Went to see Sir Desmond
behind my back.
398
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,207
Now, Clark's buyers, they don't know
terracotta from spaghetti ricotta
399
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,248
but they've got a bank full of money
400
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:18,291
and they want a piece of history
to hang in their hail. A genuine piece.
401
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,160
I couldn't mislead anyone
like that, could I?
402
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,322
But I know a man who can.
403
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,530
If Lee says the pig's genuine,
we all stand to make a profit...
404
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,802
Clark for the sale,
Lee for the provenance
405
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,088
and me, keeping my mouth shut.
406
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,010
I could even come away from this
with my reputation intact.
407
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,370
Wake up. They're here.
408
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,884
Sir Desmond.
409
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:53,205
You promised me your personal
attention, not your personal assistants.
410
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:56,887
I want you to give me a provenance,
not that man.
411
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,328
There's the itch. You see my problem?
412
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:02,931
Gentlemen.
413
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,290
These are the buyers.
414
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:09,291
Uh... this is Mr. Chow Chi-Kai
from the Bank of Nanking.
415
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,408
And that is his translator.
416
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,131
Mr. Chow expresses his condolences.
417
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,010
He says you are fortunate
the Chinese invented medicine.
418
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,643
Immensely.
419
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,644
So, what is your opinion of the piece?
420
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,243
Confused.
421
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,448
You must know other experts in the field.
Why me?
422
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,287
You have a reputation.
423
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:38,809
You may not be Christie's
but I hear you have a... nose.
424
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,323
And I am assured... that you are honest.
425
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,320
Thank you.
426
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,291
Well...
Looks like warring states, doesn't it?
427
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:58,287
A terracotta burial ornament
from the 5th century BC.
428
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,482
It's a fake.
429
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,321
Please, Mr. Lovejoy, you're sure?
Sir Desmond is...
430
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,641
It's a 14th-century Fake.
431
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,445
It's like everything else -
gunpowder, printing, bottled water...
432
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,171
Chinese did it first.
433
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,006
Mr. Chow says you left out silk,
astronomy, canals and steel.
434
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,003
Don't forget antique collecting.
435
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,686
I think perhaps we shall.
Good day, Sir Desmond.
436
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,684
No, don't go. Not yet.
The pig, give me the pig.
437
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,690
So, Lawrence did have an SS100.
438
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,968
This can't be the bike he died on.
439
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,447
Goodbye, 8,000 quid.
440
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,291
And he customized his, too. Look.
441
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,689
Pillion pad. Fly screen.
Special switch on the handlebars.
442
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,368
- Alloy cover over the Magdyno.
- Looks pretty similar to me.
443
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,205
Apart from the fact that it's got
a totally different engine
444
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,329
- and a longer frame, yeah.
- And an extra one of those.
445
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,811
- Forks.
- Forks.
446
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,810
Except this isn't a fork,
it's his swagger stick.
447
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,651
Cos Lawrence liked everything just so.
448
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,121
He even kept his small change
in the filler cap.
449
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,202
One and six for a gallon of petrol.
450
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,282
Which is just about what that's worth.
451
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,084
Well...
452
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,722
With this length of Frame,
with this pillion,
453
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,768
and a side-valve engine,
454
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,491
there is no way
that anyone is going to believe
455
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,528
that this is Lawrence of Arabia's bike.
456
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,284
Well, what is it worth?
457
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,283
About 8,000.
458
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,409
He bent the handlebars, too,
when he went over the top.
459
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,290
Oh, and you know what else I found out?
There was an eyewitness.
460
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:44,729
Saw everything. A Corporal Catchpole.
We could have been related.
461
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,768
Oh, God!
462
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,164
Nobody move.
463
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:59,367
Jane... very carefully,
hand me that piece of paper.
464
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:17,045
It's... it's one yuan.
465
00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:20,329
- A Chinese bank bill.
- From the 12th century.
466
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,248
Bugger me.
467
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,166
Circulating government note
of the Sung empire.
468
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,364
And the denomination, one yuan.
469
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:42,050
There's a penalty of disembowelment
for counterfeiting. And the date.
470
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,203
- Is it very rare?
- It's unique.
471
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,320
There are illustrations in Chinese records
472
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,801
of notes of about this age.
473
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:55,528
Marco Polo saw them.
But these days there are no specimens.
474
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,368
At least someone finds it funny.
475
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,963
Mr. Chow says
current treasure of the Hang-Wu era.
476
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,607
I suppose it loses something
in the translation.
477
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,126
There are ideograms
inside the terracotta.
478
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,767
It's the forger's joke.
479
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:23,721
Currency was marked "current treasure".
And then the period.
480
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,167
Of course the pig is no treasure at all
with this mark.
481
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,606
It's like finding Fergie's head
on a Penny Black.
482
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,763
By the time the pig was made,
483
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,207
the bank note was no longer legal tender.
484
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:39,171
After 1126 no more were printed.
485
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,242
So, how much is it worth?
486
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,288
Well, more than the pig.
487
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,045
More than the Penny Black.
It's priceless.
488
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:48,411
Is it genuine?
489
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,960
How else would it end up
in a 14th-century fake?
490
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,240
Here is a reference to the bank note.
491
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,483
And here... a remark about the emperor.
492
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,291
It loses something in the translation.
493
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,768
It's the forger's signature.
494
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,207
And I thought it was just a legend.
495
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,607
And you had to throw away �1,000
to find him.
496
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,921
I'm not a gambling man, Lovejoy.
497
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:18,968
I've got no luck at all.
498
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,288
But it seems, Sir Desmond... you do.
499
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,927
The one-yuan note.
500
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,128
Eight inches by four inches.
501
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:36,410
A border of stylized dragons
and arabesques.
502
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,285
Square seal in vermilion.
503
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,330
That's it! Oh, thank God.
504
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,203
You should smash things more often.
505
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:52,444
Is it really worth a million or is Lovejoy
just talking up his finder's fee?
506
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:56,366
It's one of a kind. It's worth whatever
the bank's prepared to pay for it.
507
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,603
Wouldn't we get more for it
if we put it up for auction?
508
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,810
Sir Desmond won't hear of it.
I can't say I blame him.
509
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,127
The bank's a perfect buyer.
510
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,204
It's like offering Mozart manuscripts
to an orchestra.
511
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,322
- What?
- Mozart.
512
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,364
Hardly. Oh, that noise!
513
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,046
All we had to do was find a buyer.
514
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,925
And now it's in 1,000 pieces
allover the ?oor.
515
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:25,325
- I thought you said you were pushed.
- Not the pig. Eric's motorbike.
516
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,324
He won't listen to a word I...
517
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,448
to a word I say.
518
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,568
At least he's stopped the music.
519
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,647
Just try gently.
520
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,246
Would you show me again,
if I ask you nicely?
521
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,921
Lovejoy, if you don't take this seriously,
you may never walk properly again.
522
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:48,963
I don't intend to.
523
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,323
Once I get my finder's fee
I intend to employ a chauffeur.
524
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,085
- Can you drive?
- Up!
525
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,164
Crutches.
526
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,451
Leg.
527
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,204
Leg.
528
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:03,884
Right leg...
529
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,208
Lovejoy, try...
530
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:08,805
I can't.
531
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,524
Lovejoy!
532
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,522
- An advance.
- Hardly.
533
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,883
An advance.
534
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,167
Hardly. Ah, just the job.
535
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,605
Now...
536
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,561
What do you think?
537
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,722
- These are all the pieces?
- Uh-huh.
538
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,168
That's it, then.
539
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,801
Well, apart from the breaks we made
there's not a mark on.
540
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,402
So... the pig has never been opened.
541
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:49,166
The note was inside the pig when
it was made, as the inscription says.
542
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,287
- Thank you.
- And my finder's fee?
543
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,249
If you think I'm paying you, you're crazy.
544
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,926
You destroyed my property.
545
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,327
And made you a very rich man
in the process.
546
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:06,247
Oh, maryelous.
I suppose if you burgled my house,
547
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,641
which I consider quite possible,
548
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,166
you'd ask for the insurance money.
549
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,010
The agreement was two per cent
commission on the sale price.
550
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,368
Ah. On the pig. Ah!
551
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,089
As it happens, there it is.
552
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,368
Take 100 percent.
553
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,043
Now, that is an advance.
554
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,131
Eric.
555
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,122
Eric?
556
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,487
Miss Glendenning's here.
557
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,040
Oh, bloody hell,
I hope she doesn't want to come in here.
558
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,327
We wondered if we could come in,
Natasha and I.
559
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,044
Just a minute!
560
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,162
What's he up to in there?
561
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,243
What have you been doing to my bike?
562
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,203
Hello, I was gonna ring you.
563
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,807
- You've taken the engine out!
- I was just giving it a bit of a clean.
564
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,605
- With a hacksaw?
- Uh, well, it was nothing major.
565
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,687
- You've taken the wheels off!
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
566
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,251
- And the forks!
- I know, but it's not what you think.
567
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:24,325
- And the petrol tank!
- Yeah. Yeah, look, come here.
568
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,562
- You...
- Come here and listen for a moment.
569
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,368
Now, I think we can make
something really special of this bike.
570
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,006
D'you remember what you said about
Lawrence of Arabia?
571
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,606
- Yeah.
- Right. Well, I've got a...
572
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,088
Yes, it's a fake.
573
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,367
All the tests on the pig
confirm that it's genuine.
574
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,329
A genuine fake.
575
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,289
- Well, it's a 14th-century copy of...
- Ow!
576
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,449
It's even better than
a Xi'an Dong Ling Tse.
577
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,002
We're a bank. Now we have
our own Sung dynasty bank note.
578
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,082
The London office is buzzing.
579
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,162
Beijing has no original yuan.
580
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,282
And we've got no original finder's fee.
581
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,244
Well, that is something
between you and Sir Desmond.
582
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,409
- Who's provenancing the note?
- We are. Oh, but it's academic.
583
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,324
- The inscription guarantees it.
- Have you checked the X-rays
584
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,606
- on the terracotta?
- Oh, yes.
585
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,921
It was in perfect condition
before the accident
586
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,207
and 14th century, as you said.
587
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,647
And the bank note?
You've carbon-dated the paper?
588
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,328
And destroy a part of the note?
589
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,368
Mr. Chow would explode.
590
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,728
Besides, there's the forger's mark.
Current treasure.
591
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,088
The note was in the pig.
It's like finding a fortune cookie.
592
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,248
And losing a f... ortune.
593
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,362
We are grateful to you both.
594
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,370
Paper money that old is extremely rare.
595
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,602
The new stuff doesn't grow on trees,
either.
596
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,162
We cannot get a payment to you
authorized through the bank. I'm sorry.
597
00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:51,208
But Mr. Chow thought...
598
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,680
Well, he wanted me to give you...
599
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,001
He thought it might be a good idea if...
600
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,567
Come on, out with it, out with it.
601
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:05,441
- What's he sent us?
- Some... fresh bamboo shoots.
602
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,124
As a matter of fact.
603
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,203
I don't care who he is.
He's still a stupid prat!
604
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,250
Quiet, please.
This is a hospital, not a trade fair.
605
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,051
- I'm sorry.
- Just keep the noise down.
606
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,283
What next?
Egg fried rice and prawn crackers?
607
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,082
You can stick your bamboo shoots!
608
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,322
That's exactly what Mr. Chow thought.
609
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,248
For your itch.
610
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,650
Neither of you thought of that.
611
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,250
Oh...
612
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,731
Hoo... It's fantastic!
613
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,406
Oh, ho, ho.
614
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,482
Everybody else brought me flowers.
615
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,245
- Shall I fetch a vase?
- Yes, please.
616
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,044
Plenty of water.
We don't want the leaves to drop off.
617
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,244
Eric. Eric!
618
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:46,770
Eric. We've been checking into that...
old bank note for Lovejoy.
619
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,922
Looks like quite a find.
620
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,290
Tinker.
621
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,330
Eric...
622
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,243
we're a little concerned...
623
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,409
about this old motorbike
that you want to sell.
624
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,284
Where is it?
625
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,284
- Here.
- Ah.
626
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:11,410
And here. And here.
And the wheels are over here.
627
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,448
Well, so he hasn't lost it.
628
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,126
Look, I've told you, I know what I'm doing.
629
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,282
Lovejoy always said
I should have my own field.
630
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,966
That was before
you drove him into the middle of one.
631
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,122
- Look, I've told you...
- Now, now, you two.
632
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:26,130
We've got a business to run between us.
We must all pull together.
633
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,123
- Or else there'll be no business left.
- Yeah.
634
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:31,999
Now, according to this book,
635
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,641
this bank note that Jane... found
at the hospital is fascinating.
636
00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:38,564
It's the right size, the right stamps.
637
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,530
We'd have to have a carbon test
nowadays, of course.
638
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:45,889
Numismatics is a precise science.
Would you like to look?
639
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,440
No, thanks.
I couldn't do the old mismatics. Heh, heh.
640
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:51,681
Numismatics has to do with money.
641
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,491
Well, then, you'd know all about it, then,
wouldn't you, lady Jane?
642
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,245
Thank you, Eric.
643
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:01,922
We thought we might bring in an expert
on Chinese numismatics, Eric.
644
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,930
And look whose name heads the list.
645
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,923
Sir Desmond Clark.
646
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,806
Victorian ?orins.
647
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:20,642
- Are these easy to get hold of?
- They're all over the place.
648
00:39:20,720 --> 00:39:23,963
- A bit like this bike.
- Yeah. Well...
649
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,126
I'll need a bit more money to sort it out.
650
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:28,611
How much?
651
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,763
About two ?orins.
And a British Army swagger stick.
652
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,647
So, what am I supposed to do
with these?
653
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,927
Run out and find a panda.
654
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,205
Right...
655
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:54,802
- What's all this?
- I'm going to cure your itch.
656
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,568
Maybe I could learn to live with it.
657
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,323
Now, keep still, Lovejoy.
658
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,723
- What does that do?
- Haven't you heard of microsurgery?
659
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,327
0oh... Aa-aah...
660
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,170
We're in luck. Ha-ha!
661
00:41:15,240 --> 00:41:18,244
He only wants 200 for it.
662
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,290
You already had an engine. Why did
you have to smash up the first one?
663
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,328
Well, it was an antique, wasn't it?
664
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,370
Worth thousands of pounds.
Obviously, I'm gonna smash it to pieces.
665
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,568
- Did I question your judgment?
- Huh!
666
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:32,326
Oh, cheer up, it's only money.
It's not as if he was attached to it.
667
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,289
Unlike his legs.
668
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,681
The consultant's very pleased with you.
669
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,728
Of course,
he doesn't have to work on the ward.
670
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:43,766
And he'd be pleased with anyone
who's a friend of Sir Desmond Clark.
671
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:47,163
Contacts in high places
and rapid recovery.
672
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,443
You're beginning to look like
the perfect patient.
673
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,888
What's the prize? A free operation?
674
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,008
No, no, you're the prize.
675
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,321
The mark of a good surgeon
is that he doesn't leave one,
676
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,323
so who notices?
677
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,449
But with Sir Desmond around
it gives my boss someone to impress.
678
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,204
I know what you mean.
679
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:09,171
I once renovated a Regency staircase
for a family of real philistines.
680
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,928
Waste of time until I met the nanny.
681
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,401
- What, she understood antiques?
- No, she lived upstairs.
682
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,562
There's no hole.
683
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:24,043
I can't see the hole in the plaster
where you drilled out the bamboo.
684
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,044
Well, that's microsurgery.
It wouldn't show up on an X-ray.
685
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,051
The mark of a good surgeon
is he doesn't leave one.
686
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:58,248
I don't know why Lovejoy sent you.
687
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,287
My dealings with him are over
688
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:05,649
and I never had any...
business with you in the first place.
689
00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:07,688
This is quite a collection.
690
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,127
Are these Xi'an Dong Ling Tse or fakes?
691
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,161
They're all 14th century.
692
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,161
And you've never been tempted
to open them up?
693
00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:18,208
Be careful with that!
694
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:23,164
They'd make quite a piggy-bank.
Perhaps enough to cover our finder's fee.
695
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,763
We've been through all that.
696
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,283
Is this a threat?
697
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:35,247
Are you trying to put the squeeze on me?
698
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,766
What a disgusting prospect.
699
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:43,370
You idiot!
700
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,003
Oh... I'll sue you.
701
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,282
Get out! Both of you! Out!
702
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,204
Right. It's all yours.
703
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,408
Up, down.
704
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,488
Left, right.
705
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:03,885
Great.
706
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,360
- How do you spell "Kilroy"?
- Just make sure it's in Chinese.
707
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,601
Eric, I never thought I'd say this,
708
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,081
but you really know what you're doing.
709
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,123
Thank you, Natasha.
710
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:35,084
You can see now why I couldn't stop
when you asked me to.
711
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,050
Mm. I never imagined
it could be like this.
712
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,203
Well, you've never had more than
a bit of touching up before, have you?
713
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:46,046
I hope we haven't gone too far.
I mean, you're sure it's safe?
714
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:49,522
Well, it's a lot safer
than an... antique trike
715
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:54,242
with half the nuts missing... Natasha.
716
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:59,364
And, as you say, I know what I'm doing.
717
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,885
Would you uh... like a biscuit?
718
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,881
I don't care how many visitors he's got!
719
00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:14,166
It's the visitors he
sends that I object to.
720
00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:15,765
He's trying to rest.
721
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:20,129
Yes. Yes, he's trying to wrest
�60,000 from me...
722
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,485
by the worst kind of extortion.
723
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,961
That's the courtesies over with.
724
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,531
Sir Desmond, what are you doing here?
725
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:40,009
I've come to stop these people
destroying my property!
726
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,282
You mean this property?
727
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:45,168
- It can't be.
- Take a look.
728
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,283
Yes. It's my Pig
729
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,330
Jane, you told me you found it
at Xi'an Dong Ling Tse.
730
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,886
They stole it from my collection!
731
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,087
It's a 14th-century copy.
732
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:09,765
It's mine.
733
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,322
Now all you need...
is somebody to smash it for you.
734
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,408
It's a motorbike!
735
00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:43,164
Oh, for heaven's sake.
We didn't invent motorbikes.
736
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,243
The symbol for bone. And for china.
737
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:54,047
- Bone china?
- My tibia. Your bank.
738
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:58,321
If you buy the one-yuan note,
they'll both be broke.
739
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:01,688
- How did this happen?
- Same way we cured Lovejoy's itch.
740
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,808
Microsurgery.
741
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:09,522
In my opinion, the one-yuan is a Forgery.
742
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:14,080
I think it should be carbon dated.
Don't you?
743
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,246
0oh! Agh.
744
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,441
0oh... It's my ankle.
745
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:25,488
If anything's broken, Sir Desmond,
746
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,723
I'm sure Dr. Pilger
would be delighted to help.
747
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:41,325
Air... at last.
748
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,289
I don't know
what he's got to complain about.
749
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,886
He's been in bed a week.
He's normally very keen on that.
750
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:47,928
Not when I'm immobile
from the waist down.
751
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:51,447
- It could wreck his reputation.
- What about his professional reputation?
752
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:53,688
He's just prevented
an international swindle.
753
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,689
His standing's never been so high.
754
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:57,728
My standing
has never been more painful, Eric.
755
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,126
- Eric...
- Calm down, Lovejoy.
756
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,009
Eric can handle this.
757
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,161
- Where's the bike?
- It's round the back.
758
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,971
- D'you want a coffee or tea or anything?
- I see it now.
759
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,008
Fair enough. Natasha!
760
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:24,568
- Who's this?
- She's the owner of Eric's Brough.
761
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:28,042
Part owner. I'm just not sure which part.
762
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:35,162
Mein Gott. It is.
763
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:47,450
- Is what?
- It's... an SS100, as you said.
764
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,921
- 19...
- 32.
765
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:52,560
- He's noticed the dent.
- Dent?
766
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,608
We were gonna straighten that out.
767
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,490
We think someone
must have come over the handlebars.
768
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,762
Someone.
769
00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:02,241
Oh, we can take that off for you.
It's been customized.
770
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,283
- By someone.
- Yeah, probably.
771
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:06,323
He put a pillion pad
on the rear mudguard.
772
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,010
Extra fork.
773
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,048
Except that's not a fork. It's a stick.
774
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,165
- A British Army swagger stick.
- Well, there you are, then.
775
00:49:15,240 --> 00:49:18,084
- Probably belonged to um...
- Someone.
776
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,889
It's no good.
We can't go on with this pretence.
777
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,931
- Oh, why can't we?
- Because he'll find out eventually.
778
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,241
Oh, go on then, Eric. Tell him.
779
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,003
There's a rattle in the fuel tank.
780
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:44,004
- Where did you find this machine?
- It's mine. I'm from Bovington in Dorset.
781
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,289
- D'you know it?
- Near the old army camp?
782
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,806
Quite near, yeah.
783
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,527
- You had a price in mind?
- I think we should renovate it first.
784
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,204
- Or just use it for spares.
- 30,000, take it or leave it.
785
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,408
- How much?
- Ow!
786
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,051
I don't believe it.
787
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,930
All right. 33. But that's my final offer.
788
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:07,366
Done.
789
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:12,201
I get my checkbook... Mr. Catchpole.
790
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:16,085
"Mr. Catchpole"?
791
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,642
As long as you don't expect
everyone to call you Mr. Catchpole.
792
00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:22,371
Oh, no, Eric will do. Plain, old Eric.
793
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:25,289
Of Arabia. Heh heh heh.
794
00:50:25,339 --> 00:50:29,889
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