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1
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,270
Your pals found a package
2
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,670
that belonged
to a coupla Degens the other day.
3
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:18,440
ALL: You're wrong, you're wrong
you're wrong. WAYNE: Hey!
4
00:00:18,470 --> 00:00:20,810
Where was it?
Dollar Store parking lot.
5
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:21,840
Tell him whose it was.
6
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,680
Soupy Campbell's
and Spider Creemanse's.
7
00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:24,980
KATY: Argh.
8
00:00:25,010 --> 00:00:26,110
Well, did you open it?
9
00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:28,080
Nope. Popped in right back
in the mailbox. Proper thing.
10
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,420
Shoulda opened it.
11
00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:31,320
That just didn't feels right
on accounts that it wasn't ours.
12
00:00:31,350 --> 00:00:34,120
Well, by the rules
of 'finders keepers,' it was yours.
13
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:35,020
So you shoulda opened it.
14
00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:36,860
Yeah, it was our guyses
by the rights.
15
00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:38,260
I begs to differ.
16
00:00:38,290 --> 00:00:40,330
Even though we founds it,
it was still technically their guyses.
17
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,360
It was yours, fair and square.
18
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:43,660
With all dues respects,
Miss Katys,
19
00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:46,930
it was them fellowses,
just landed in our guyses hands brieflys.
20
00:00:46,970 --> 00:00:48,700
Hmm, I'm with Katy.
21
00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:50,170
It was our guyses.
22
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,970
And now we'll never know
what was in Soupy's and Spider's package.
23
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:53,840
That's what I said.
24
00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:55,010
Looks, I know what
you're thinking.
25
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,880
You're thinking,
"You guyses let yer consciences
26
00:00:57,910 --> 00:01:00,150
"get in the way
of something that was rightfully your guyses."
27
00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:02,150
And you might be right.
She's right.
28
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,050
Their guyses loss
is our guyses gain.
29
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,520
There's something
not right here.
30
00:01:05,550 --> 00:01:08,120
Not pertaining
to whose package it was, but just...
31
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,890
like the English language
part of it
32
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,390
You guys keep saying,
"Your guyses,"
33
00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:14,360
and "Our guyses,"
and "Them fellowhases."
34
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:19,170
Okay, just, 'kay,
you know what, 'kay,
35
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,170
what say Katy and I
find a wallet.
36
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,140
Whose wallet is it?
37
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,810
Yours and Katyses.
No.
38
00:01:25,940 --> 00:01:28,210
Wayneses and Katy...ses.
39
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,140
It's ours.
Correct.
40
00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:31,380
Or Katy's and mine.
41
00:01:31,410 --> 00:01:34,010
You know what, it kinda chaps
my ass more than just a wee bit
42
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,020
when people use big words
to sound smart.
43
00:01:36,050 --> 00:01:37,750
It's far more smart
and efficient
44
00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:38,720
to use small words.
45
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,990
Save your breath
for something more important,
46
00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:42,820
like chorin' or toe curlin'.
47
00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,320
Hmm, especially toe curlin'.
48
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,260
You know, I thinks I know
what you'res insinuating at here, Wayne.
49
00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:48,330
And I want you to know
I take great solstice
50
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,160
in working through all
the conflictions that come
51
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,500
from the King and Queens
language.
52
00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:53,400
Shall I call you
an ambleance, Dan?
53
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,740
Or better yet, a whambleance?
54
00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:57,340
The library has a lots
of choice literature
55
00:01:57,370 --> 00:01:58,870
to help through
your confliction, Dan.
56
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:01,180
Well, the lie-berry's is full
of choice laterature.
57
00:02:01,210 --> 00:02:02,340
Irregardlessly...
58
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:04,850
expresso.
59
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,680
Ooh, now that one's so wrong,
it might as well be right.
60
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:09,650
In any event,
61
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,120
the decision on
what happens to the package,
62
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:14,020
is Darylses,
and Danses,
63
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,990
not mine and Katyses.
64
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:18,430
But you did
the right thing, Dan.
65
00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:20,860
Well, thank you.
I appreciate yer support.
66
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:22,560
Sssss.
67
00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:25,800
Hey, have you
ever seen that movie,
68
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,100
There's Something About Mary?
69
00:02:27,130 --> 00:02:30,640
Bet you didn't know
they're making a Canadian version. Yeah.
70
00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:32,610
It's gonna be called,
There's Something About Marie.
71
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,880
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
72
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:48,220
Guys by applause,
who agrees with me on this.
73
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,160
Women are like cats.
74
00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:52,230
Men are like dogs, right?
75
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,560
Oh, yeah, case in point.
76
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,300
There's your waitress,
everyone.
77
00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:59,270
Meow.
(SLIGHT CLAPPING)
78
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:00,730
MAN: Yeah, Bonnie.
79
00:03:00,770 --> 00:03:01,900
Don't forget the tip.
80
00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,170
Actually, you should give her
more than just the tip,
81
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,340
tip her on her back
and smash her, yeah!
82
00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:07,310
(MAN BANGS TABLE) Oy!
83
00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:09,940
How about I tip you
on your back and smash you
84
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,250
with a rusty rebar,
85
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:12,510
until you apologize
to my sister,
86
00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:14,150
you shitty fuckin' citiot.
87
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:15,750
I'll smash you too
that' all I know.
88
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,520
Okay, what's your problem
tighty-whitey?
89
00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:22,360
Jeez, it's like Mr. Clean
shopped at Baby Gap, right?
90
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:24,590
You're gonna be shopping
for a new suit at the morgue
91
00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:27,290
unless you take a log
off that fire, pussy!
92
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:28,460
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)
93
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,870
Yeah, all right, settle down,
Olaf from Frozen.
94
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,100
You forget that shirt
in the dryer for three years
95
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,200
and now, it's cutting off
all the oxygen to your brain.
96
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,940
Settle down,
you can breathe.
97
00:03:38,970 --> 00:03:40,540
Get the fuck
of the stage.
98
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:42,280
CROWD: Yeah.
99
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,380
Hey, hey, okay,
100
00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:44,950
here's one for ya, uh...
101
00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:48,180
why did the chicken cross
the road? Why?
102
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,020
To get the fuck out
of Letterkenny.
103
00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:51,550
This place fuckin' sucks!
104
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,320
CROWD: Boo.
105
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:56,190
Oh, yeah. Nice. What am
I suddenly in LetterKenya?
106
00:03:56,220 --> 00:03:58,330
You guys run fast.
107
00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,960
Wow, I thought you guys
would appreciate that.
108
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,090
It's racist,
just like you.
109
00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:04,330
Okay! Thanks very much,
Letterkenny. (CROWD BOOING)
110
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,400
This has been
the exact opposite of fun.
111
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:09,340
Too bad the show wasn't
in Betterkenny,
112
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:12,140
'cause you guys
are the worst audience ever!
113
00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:14,210
(CROWD BOOING)
114
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,040
No, you suck.
115
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,410
Here's some chicken,
funny man.
116
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,580
What the fuck?
117
00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:20,850
MCMURRAY: This is a real place.
You think this is easy?
118
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,850
Think it's so fuckin' easy.
Why don't you try it yourselves?
119
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,820
REILLY: What's up boys?
120
00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:29,920
What's up, tank top?
121
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,830
Aw, looks like you guys
could use a bit of a tune-up.
122
00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:34,030
Yeah, summer shape
is slip sliding away, boys.
123
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,560
You're letting yourselves go
a little bit, eh?
124
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,060
Getting ready
for the SAG awards?
125
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,400
Hmm, you two are going
to be the rollsiest, pollsiest,
126
00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:41,270
Letterkenny Irish
ever seen boys.
127
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,240
Rollsiest of
the pollsiest, ferda.
128
00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:44,610
What are you
fuckin' blind?
129
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,370
The fuck are you smoking boys?
130
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:47,940
Looks like you buys
can use some cross-fit.
131
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:48,840
That's squat's up.
132
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,680
Wait, you dick farmers
work here, now?
133
00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,610
Oh, more like
Celebrity Endorsers.
134
00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:55,250
Get the Celebrity Endorphins
going.
135
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,520
Celebrity Enforcers.
Uppin' memberships,
136
00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:58,920
droppin' shoulder dips.
137
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,250
Gettin' yolked boys?
138
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,290
REILLY:
You guys want a free trial?
139
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,890
We put the abs in
absolutely free.
140
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,430
Full body workout,
abso-glutely, bro.
141
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:07,560
Crunch and munch, boys.
142
00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:09,030
Crunch then brunch, boys.
143
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:10,430
Play the cards
you're dealt.
144
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:12,300
Chuckin' tires
and muscle fires, boys.
145
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:13,430
It'a cardio day.
146
00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:14,270
BOTH: Fuck cardio.
147
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,470
Why would we get
training from you?
148
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,870
You look like
our before pictures.
149
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,910
Squat's the matter,
are you chicken?
150
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:22,210
(BOTH SQUAWKING)
151
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,650
MCMURRAY: Wayne...
WAYNE AND MCMURRAY: How'r you...
152
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,080
MCMURRAY: We're good, man.
Not so bad.
153
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,450
Look, I'm getting real sick...
MCMURRAY: One time...
154
00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:34,150
You go...
155
00:05:34,190 --> 00:05:35,620
Get after it.
All right. Ahem.
156
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:39,630
The lovely Mrs. McMurray and I
have been doing some very serious thinking.
157
00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:42,330
Maybe we should
try it ourselves.
158
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,430
Stand up comedy?
159
00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:44,300
Or something similar.
160
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:45,570
Well, to be fair...
161
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,000
(SINGING) To be fair...
162
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:52,270
(ALL SINGING) To be fair.
163
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,510
To be fair, it's likely
pretty tough sledding up there, for a stand-up comedian.
164
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,010
That comedian was a joke.
165
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,650
(LAUGHING)
166
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,480
Well that's a good one,
big hos.
167
00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,450
Thank yous.
Let me put it this way, okay,
168
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,990
I was this close to making
that stand-up comic
169
00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:07,990
a lie-down comic.
170
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,490
I don't get it.
171
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:10,860
Well, I'm just saying that
172
00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:13,090
I was thinking about
whoopin' his ass
173
00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:14,490
and so I imagined
174
00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:16,530
he would have been
lying down had I done that.
175
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,660
Well, see there you go,
point and proof
176
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,870
you're up there trying
to be funny like a nut sack,
177
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,700
if nobody gets your shit,
you're hooped like him.
178
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:24,500
So...
So can confirm it's pretty tough sleddin' up there
179
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:26,110
for a stand-up comedian.
180
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:27,240
Ah, okay. I get it.
181
00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:29,310
Could use a little work.
182
00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:31,380
Point for test-driving it
though.
183
00:06:31,410 --> 00:06:32,410
In any event...
In any event...
184
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:35,850
In any event, we should
host our own talent show.
185
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:37,350
That's not a bad idea.
186
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:38,620
How're we gonna get
the word out?
187
00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:41,150
Ah, you can put it
on your fuckin' Facebooks, likely.
188
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:44,320
And whos will be preforming
at this events?
189
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,260
Who wouldn't,
that's the question.
190
00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,730
The fuck else is there
to do around here.
191
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,830
Jimmy Dickens should host.
So we just need judges and a few more acts.
192
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,370
Well, I'll judge
and so will he. Why?
193
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,800
ALL: Born to judge, bud.
194
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,400
All right.
There's our judges.
195
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,600
Now we just need
a few more acts.
196
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,340
Would you be needing
a joke smith for this esteems affair?
197
00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:02,840
'Cause I've always
wanted to try my hand at stands ups comedy.
198
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,910
And I've often wondered
how those courageous souls makes it work.
199
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:08,180
Salt of the earth people,
stand up comedians.
200
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,850
For the most part.
You're in.
201
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,550
That leaves you, Daryl.
202
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:17,490
Got any special talent
you'd like to share with the class?
203
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,530
Oh, I don't know.
204
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,330
I'd be half scared
to get up there.
205
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,660
That means you'd
be half excited too.
206
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:25,230
Well, we could make first prize
207
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:29,440
$100 bar tab at MoDean's
if that colors the water any different for you.
208
00:07:29,470 --> 00:07:30,500
He's in.
209
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,170
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.
210
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,510
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.
211
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,780
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.
212
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:36,840
Good stuff.
213
00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:43,580
Wayne?
Dary?
214
00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:44,680
What'd you get me into?
215
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,420
It's time to get back
on the horse, bud. Oh, no.
216
00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:49,690
No, I took that horse out
the back side of the barn.
217
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,460
Put her down for good.
And for good reason.
218
00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:53,030
Are you forgettin' where you
come from?
219
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:55,400
'Cause it sounds to me
like you're forgettin' where you come from.
220
00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:56,260
Are you forgettin' your roots?
221
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,300
Your line-dancing lineage
is legendary.
222
00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:01,440
You will find
no finer liners, Dary.
223
00:08:01,470 --> 00:08:02,700
Aunt Doreen made it
to sectionals.
224
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,040
I was not given that gift.
225
00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:05,740
Aunt Doreen could
have gone to provincials.
226
00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:07,070
Some say she could have
gone to regionals.
227
00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:09,480
If she had lived
in the States, she would have gone to state.
228
00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:11,480
Oh, how she'd
have won state.
229
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:12,680
She'd a took state.
230
00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,450
If it hadn't have been for...
She didn't have the...
231
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,220
If it weren't for the...
ALL: ...bum leg.
232
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,320
Buerger's disease.
233
00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:20,220
Was it Buerger's?
Yes.
234
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,390
Buergers.
235
00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:23,590
Didn't she get treated
at the Mayo Clinic? Yes.
236
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,560
She got her Buerger's
treated with mayo.
237
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,760
Did she do that to ketchup
to the competition?
238
00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:30,460
Did she ketchup?
Yes.
239
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,470
And despite her Buerger's,
240
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,100
she never beefed with anyone.
241
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,640
She relished a challenge.
242
00:08:35,670 --> 00:08:37,570
That was a challenge
that she relished.
243
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,110
Mustard up the courage.
244
00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:40,740
She worked her buns off.
245
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,740
She worked the buns
off her Buergers.
246
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:46,280
No cheesy moves.
Lettuce all be inspired by her.
247
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,520
She lettuce.
No hot-dogging.
248
00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:49,680
Just Beurgers.
249
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:50,750
The point is,
250
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,820
if Aunt Doreen can do
all that with a gouty gam,
251
00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:55,160
you sure as shit
can line dance in Letterkenny.
252
00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:56,660
I guess you're right.
253
00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,690
If Aunt Doreen can do it
with a shitty stick,
254
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,530
then I can probably get up
on stage at the talent show
255
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,530
for Aunt Doreen.
The thing is, I just
256
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,230
wished I had
your guyses confidence.
257
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,300
Or Fred Astaire's.
258
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,700
-es.
259
00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:13,510
Hey, guys,
I was over at Gailers. How's Gailer?
260
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,680
You know, usual.
Upbeat and horny.
261
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,210
Who's your guys favorite
stand up comedians?
262
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,450
Mark Forward.
263
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,280
Dave Chappelle.
Steven Wright.
264
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,620
Why?
Who's yours?
265
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,950
Oh, big fella.
Hell of a storyteller.
266
00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:28,690
Handsome as the day
is long. Can't remember his name though.
267
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,920
Good guy?
Great guy.
268
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,460
I'm glad to hear
he's a good guy, at least. Anywho...
269
00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:35,160
I was wondering if I could
get your guyses opinions on something.
270
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,730
Okay.
I've been working on my stand up act.
271
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,270
My style's going to be
observationals comedy.
272
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:42,700
Pretty much I'm just going
to make observations about days-to-day life.
273
00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:44,570
You wants to hear one?
Sure.
274
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,010
All right.
275
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,870
Did yous ever notice
276
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:51,750
when you goes
to the gas station and there's a line up
277
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:54,350
you always picks
which vehicles to waits behind and,
278
00:09:54,380 --> 00:09:56,720
and the other fellas whats
you didn't get behind
279
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,390
is always done first?
280
00:09:58,420 --> 00:09:59,550
Always happens every time.
281
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:01,690
Kind of makes a fella wonder.
282
00:10:03,090 --> 00:10:04,160
Don't it?
283
00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:07,230
Yeah, that's
a choice observation, Squirrely Dan.
284
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:09,660
Yeah, that happens sometimes.
285
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:10,660
All right. All right.
286
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:14,670
Let me try's another one.
Did you ever notice
287
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:18,770
you're at the grocery store
and you picks a cart what with to do shopping with,
288
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:21,910
you always seem to grabs
the one that got the squeaky wheel.
289
00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:24,740
It almost happens
every single time, every time.
290
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:26,050
Kind of makes a fella wonder...
291
00:10:26,950 --> 00:10:29,250
don't it?
Yeah.
292
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,220
Yeah, I just needs to cook up
a few more of these, and I'm in business.
293
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:35,890
Yeah, yous never know.
294
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,720
You're letting gravity
win these days, boys.
295
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,790
No more man cans.
No more puddin' pecs.
296
00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:40,790
No ifs, ands or guts.
297
00:10:40,830 --> 00:10:42,700
So, let's gut going.
298
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:44,730
First things first,
you're gonna reach your arm up
299
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:45,830
as high as it will go
touch that ceiling.
300
00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:48,800
Higher than Ariana Grande
doing a Mariah Carey cover.
301
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,800
I told you, it's cardio day.
302
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,370
BOTH: Fuck cardio.
303
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:53,370
Goddamn it.
304
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:56,880
Gotta crack a snappy
for the Winstagram, buddy.
305
00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:58,750
Yeah, couple of pickies
for the chickies.
306
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,580
JONESY: Gymstagram, bro.
307
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,250
REILLY: Instapicks, instachicks.
308
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,120
Gotta provide people
with proof you're pressin' pounds,
309
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,790
otherwise
what's the point? Am I right?
310
00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:08,620
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
311
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:18,430
Welcome Letterkenny,
to the first ever Letterkenny Talent Show.
312
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,330
Round of Applause.
313
00:11:21,870 --> 00:11:23,540
How many people
are we looking at here?
314
00:11:23,570 --> 00:11:26,110
We got 20 little people
over here. We're looking at 25, 25 little, lotta people
315
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,270
lookin' away. Lookin' 25,
we got 30 little people over here.
316
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,480
Doop, dee, doop, dee, dee
doop do theme song.
317
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:33,650
Let's check in with our judges
to see what they're looking for.
318
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,420
First up is Katy.
319
00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:42,420
Hey, Jim, um...
320
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:46,160
You know, I guess I'm just
looking for something that I've never seen before.
321
00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:49,600
This is hour opportunity,
Letterkenny. Tonight it's your stage.
322
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:53,200
Couldn't have said it
better myself, if I tried, 5-6-7 times,
323
00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:55,600
how about 8?
Okay, I'll take 8. How about 9 times?
324
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,610
Now we're looking at 10 times.
How many times should I have tried before I died,
325
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,770
maybe 13.
326
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:03,840
Last up is Wayne.
What are you lookin to see here, tonight, Wayne?
327
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,280
Don't fuck it up, bud.
There you have it.
328
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:09,820
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
329
00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:12,390
Well, it's time for
our first act of the night.
330
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:15,790
Here to perform a monologue
from her favorite movie,
331
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,320
Gladiator. It's Gail.
332
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,700
I do apologize.
333
00:12:25,730 --> 00:12:28,300
This is a monologue
from Gladiator,
334
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:31,440
"XXX Glad-he-ate-her."
335
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,920
Lingus, you barbarian.
336
00:12:41,950 --> 00:12:44,420
Let your Italian hands,
337
00:12:44,450 --> 00:12:47,290
Rome all over my body.
338
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:49,490
(GRUNTS)
339
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,660
You're such a gifted orator.
340
00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:55,560
Unsheathe your sword.
341
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,960
I implore you.
342
00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,570
Spare me you dick-
343
00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:02,600
tator.
344
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,910
Oh, I'm about to Climaximus.
345
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:09,010
Oh, oh, what
346
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,110
we do in life echoes
in eterni-tittiees.
347
00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,580
Ah! Oh.
348
00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:15,820
(SOUNDS BUZZER)
349
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,490
Well, that was bang on.
350
00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:22,060
Even better than the movie.
351
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:23,860
Thanks.
352
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,030
(CLAPPING)
353
00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:28,700
This one's for you, Barbara.
354
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:33,830
(PLAYING UKULELE)
355
00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:42,540
(SINGING) ♫ Love is a feelin'
356
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:52,650
♫ That goes deeper with time
357
00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:56,220
♫ From the first whisper
In the morning ♫
358
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:57,520
(MAN COUGHING)
359
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:01,800
Want me to start over?
360
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,470
(MAN IN AUDIENCE COUGHING)
361
00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:18,480
Sneezus Christ,
Ebisneezer Scrooge!
362
00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:21,950
What! Somebody got a life
threatening dissneeze out there!
363
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:23,420
Huh?
364
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:26,290
We finally got some class
up here after Gail's little strip sneeze
365
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,490
and then now look what happens!
366
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,820
Look at it!
367
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:32,530
God, am I speaking
Canton-sneeze up here!
368
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,990
Do I need to get down
on my sneeze and beg?
369
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:37,500
Huh? You take that garbage
370
00:14:37,530 --> 00:14:42,440
over-sneezeand order yourself
some Chi-sneeze cuisine,
371
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:46,670
before I go Hercu-sneeze
up your asshole.
372
00:14:46,710 --> 00:14:49,480
Carpi diem. Sneeze the day.
373
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:51,780
Yes!
374
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,350
It's fuckin' embarrassing.
375
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,450
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
376
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:01,990
GLEN: Now I know you all know
the Salty Treats.
377
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:05,060
We got together
and formed ourselves a Christian post alt-rock
378
00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:08,260
emo super band.
And we are called...
379
00:15:08,930 --> 00:15:10,260
My Tattered Journal.
380
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,810
(SINGING)
♫ I wanna be close to Christ
381
00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:25,140
♫ Why, n... why
382
00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:30,220
♫ I wanna be close to Christ
383
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,650
♫ And why...
384
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,020
♫ N'why...
385
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,760
Is he singin'...?
Yeah.
386
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:39,730
♫ Touch me...
387
00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:42,330
♫ Is it Christ?
388
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:44,660
♫ Oh why?
389
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:48,470
♫ And I will touch me...
390
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,870
♫ Is it Christ?
391
00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:55,070
♫ Oh why? Oh, why?
392
00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:57,240
♫ Oh, why, oh why?
393
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,610
♫ Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why? ♫
394
00:16:00,650 --> 00:16:02,020
(BUZZES)
395
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:03,680
Cut.
396
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,450
Glen?
What?
397
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:09,720
I was just wondering,
where exactly do you want Wayne to touch you?
398
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,560
Where do I wan...
399
00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:12,230
Where do I want
Wayne to touch...
400
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:13,690
My spirit.
401
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:14,890
What else would I mean?
402
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,760
Well...
Don't answer that.
403
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,230
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
404
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,240
(SCREAMING)
405
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,800
(BUZZES)
406
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:01,440
What the actual fuck
was that Stewart?
407
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:05,450
Scream therapy juxtaposed
against self-expression from the streets.
408
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,110
You've just witnessed
the new genre of dance
409
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:10,780
that's about to slit through
the Saudi-Samoan, Estonian, Scandinavian, Istanbullian
410
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:15,620
Sri Lankan, Swiss, Saharan,
Southern State sub underground city streets!
411
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,420
It's called...
412
00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:19,460
(YELLS)
413
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,290
...ache dancing.
414
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:25,600
And now, for our second set.
415
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:28,600
(BUZZING)
416
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:32,670
(SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING)
417
00:17:34,910 --> 00:17:38,610
SANTA: Oh, you're a little
rascal, aren't you, little girl.
418
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:42,620
Oh, oh, am I in twouble Santa?
419
00:17:42,650 --> 00:17:46,020
(SEXUALLY) I've been a really
good girl, this year.
420
00:17:46,050 --> 00:17:47,450
(BOTH SEXUALLY GRUNTING)
421
00:17:47,490 --> 00:17:50,490
SANTA: Uh, you've been
a naughty girl. (MRS. MCMURRAY SQUEALS)
422
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,730
You need a bare bum
spanking like this.
423
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,630
MRS. MCMURRAY: No! No.
SANTA: yes, yes,
424
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:58,160
you've been naughty.
You have been so naughty.
425
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,200
You little (MUMBLING) thing.
426
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:03,000
...and bury my jingle balls.
(BUZZES)
427
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,900
What the fuck, Wayne!
428
00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:06,140
These costumes weren't cheap.
429
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,810
Doing you a favor before
you had to get 'em dry cleaned.
430
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,580
Well, we're still gonna
need 'em dry cleaned, don't you worry. (LAUGHS)
431
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:13,750
... in a little role-playing
isn't it baby...
432
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,750
(BUZZING)
433
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,890
(UPBEAT GYM MUSIC PLAYING)
434
00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:21,090
Hi, snipers.
435
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,990
Who squat, when, where,
why, snippies?
436
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:24,220
Cardio day.
437
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:26,360
BOTH: Fuck, cardio.
438
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,230
So you think that
we could get some training?
439
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:31,000
Oh, for sure. The most
important thing is to get a high angle.
440
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,100
It makes your eyes pop
and your eyebrow game on point.
441
00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:34,870
You ladies
know your angles?
442
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,600
If you don't provide people
with proof that you're pressing pounds, what's the point?
443
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:41,370
I meant cross-fit training.
From them.
444
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:43,580
I mean, yeah, sure,
if you want to start with beginners.
445
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,850
Dip your toe
in the water before you commit?
446
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,280
Start soft, makes sense.
447
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,120
Those fellas will show
you the ropes, literally.
448
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,350
REILLY:
More satisfied customers, buddy.
449
00:18:53,390 --> 00:18:55,720
See what happens when
we work the celebrity endorphins, buddy?
450
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,260
REILLY: Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
451
00:18:57,290 --> 00:18:58,860
Appies and ales,
wheelin' some tails.
452
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:00,760
You bet.
BOTH: Ninja dust.
453
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,400
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Oh, calm down, everybody. Calm down.
454
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,470
Now did, did you ever notice...
455
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:12,070
lineups at the Dollar Store
is gettin' longer. Like, I just stopped in there to get
456
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,240
a candy bar the other day.
I'm stuck waitin' three hours behind Mrs. Henderson
457
00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:16,810
buying a whole kitchen sink.
458
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,080
(CROWD LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
459
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,250
MAN: It's true.
460
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,580
Kinda makes a fella wonder.
461
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:24,220
Don't it?
462
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:27,890
Did you ever notice...
463
00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:31,490
overalls don't breathe
very good.
464
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,590
I get so hot out this summer
I'm afraid I'm gonna steam
465
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:34,890
the wrinkles
out of my ball sack.
466
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,900
(MAN SHOUTING)
467
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:39,030
Kinda makes a fella wonder.
468
00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:42,340
I like when he does that.
469
00:19:42,370 --> 00:19:44,100
Don't it?
470
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,270
Oh, and did yous ever notice,
471
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,510
Glen over here
is wearing his glasses again.
472
00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:50,110
What's the matter
over there Glen?
473
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:51,180
You got poor eyesights?
474
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:52,910
Dan, I sure do.
475
00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:56,050
Last winter, Gail got me Lasik,
but it didn't take, so...
476
00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,250
I didn't say it was your fault.
477
00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:00,950
I didn't ask you
for your life story, Glens.
478
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:02,320
(CROWD LAUGHING)
479
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:03,720
But it kinda makes
a fella wonder...
480
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,390
Don't it?
481
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,930
Thank you everybody
that's my time.
482
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,500
(CROWD CHEERING)
483
00:20:13,230 --> 00:20:15,370
Judges, a few...
484
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,200
a few thoughts on Dan's act.
I thought it was good, good, good, so good, we're looking
485
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:23,280
at great, so great, we're
talking about unbelievable making me laugh. Katy?
486
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:26,210
Well, it was observational,
as billed.
487
00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:29,180
Funny, 'cause it's true,
I guess.
488
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,020
Overall, not s'bad.
489
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:33,450
Thank you, Miss. Katys.
I appreciates your assessment.
490
00:20:33,490 --> 00:20:35,320
(LAUGHING) Appreciate it.
491
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,020
Wayne.
Well...
492
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,030
Well, I liked it because
493
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:42,830
what I see, I understand.
494
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,960
Whereas everything else
I've seen today
495
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,400
I don't understand.
496
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:50,340
I guess that makes you
the fella to beat, Squirrely Dan.
497
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:51,500
(CROWD CHEERING)
498
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,710
Hot dog.
499
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,340
I don't know
what that means, it's probably not this,
500
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:56,380
but this was super easy.
501
00:20:56,410 --> 00:20:58,510
DAN: You do sinkers
and you tells people about it.
502
00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,350
Have a good night.
GLEN: Yay, for Dan.
503
00:21:00,380 --> 00:21:01,680
Yay for Dan.
504
00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:04,250
Time for our final act
at the Met this evening.
505
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:08,320
This gentlemen comes
from a long, long line of line dancers
506
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:11,890
and tonight he's here
to dance for you.
507
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,260
Let's hear it for Daryl.
508
00:21:14,290 --> 00:21:17,230
(CROWD CLAPPING)
509
00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:20,130
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
510
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,570
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
511
00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:08,450
( SWAMP THING PLAYING)
512
00:22:14,290 --> 00:22:15,490
KATY: He's losing it.
513
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,060
WAYNE: All for show offs
up there. Hang on there, good buddy.
514
00:23:20,220 --> 00:23:21,320
Fuck cardio.
515
00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:26,930
( SWAMP THING CONTINUES)
516
00:23:26,980 --> 00:23:31,530
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