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1
00:00:01,177 --> 00:00:02,511
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
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00:00:02,542 --> 00:00:04,676
in front of a live
studio audience.
3
00:00:04,741 --> 00:00:06,909
Maybe it's
the champagne talking,
4
00:00:06,943 --> 00:00:09,332
but I think there is
a very good-looking,
5
00:00:09,366 --> 00:00:11,766
very young man staring at me.
6
00:00:14,566 --> 00:00:17,670
Why don't you go talk to him?
He's obviously interested.
7
00:00:17,705 --> 00:00:18,871
But he's a baby.
8
00:00:18,905 --> 00:00:22,649
So go take candy from him.
9
00:00:22,683 --> 00:00:24,513
Maybe a quick "hello".
10
00:00:24,547 --> 00:00:27,280
No one that age in I.A.
Would ever look at me.
11
00:00:27,315 --> 00:00:29,145
No one in Cleveland either.
12
00:00:29,672 --> 00:00:30,980
The dude's blind.
13
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:32,784
He's blind?
14
00:00:32,818 --> 00:00:34,602
This ought to be good.
15
00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:38,759
You know, some people
say it's rude to stare.
16
00:00:38,794 --> 00:00:41,064
Lucky for you,
I'm not one of them.
17
00:00:41,099 --> 00:00:43,670
Was I staring?
I don't think so.
18
00:00:43,704 --> 00:00:45,905
It's cute, your trying
to take it back.
19
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:49,813
But it's okay.
I'm not blind.
20
00:00:49,847 --> 00:00:53,048
I mean, being blind is great.
21
00:00:53,082 --> 00:00:56,453
I mean, not like,
"yay!" Great, but, you know,
22
00:00:56,487 --> 00:00:59,024
"good for you" great.
23
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,794
Oh, God.
24
00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:02,628
The nice thing is,
you won't see me leaving.
25
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,363
Sorry I bothered you.
[Laughs] Don't go.
26
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,997
You're funny.
And you have a beautiful voice.
27
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:09,800
Oh, thank you.
I'm Joy.
28
00:01:09,834 --> 00:01:10,935
I'm Mark.
29
00:01:10,969 --> 00:01:12,636
Here's your order, sir.
30
00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:14,371
Listen, I have to run,
31
00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:16,674
but maybe we can
have a drink sometime?
32
00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:19,343
That sounds great.
33
00:01:19,377 --> 00:01:21,279
Can I ask how old you are?
34
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:24,249
People say I look young,
but I'm 22.
35
00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:28,487
Ah. I'm a little
older than that.
36
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:31,589
- What, like, 26?
- Exactly.
37
00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:33,291
In three weeks.
38
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:34,892
Really?
39
00:01:34,926 --> 00:01:36,659
Really.
40
00:01:36,694 --> 00:01:38,394
Here's my I.D.
41
00:01:38,428 --> 00:01:40,696
Huh.
42
00:01:45,534 --> 00:01:47,734
Ah! I have a huge
announcement to make.
43
00:01:47,768 --> 00:01:49,135
It's from my daughter, Emmy.
44
00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:51,204
She says she has a huge
announcement to make.
45
00:01:51,238 --> 00:01:53,640
Drama queen.
46
00:01:54,728 --> 00:01:56,243
Uh, she's coming to Cleveland,
47
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,085
and she's bringing her fiance.
48
00:01:58,113 --> 00:02:00,081
- Oh.
- He has dark hair,
49
00:02:00,115 --> 00:02:03,556
is athletic, sexy...
oh, my God.
50
00:02:04,454 --> 00:02:05,554
I bet it's A-Rod.
51
00:02:05,588 --> 00:02:07,456
- A-Rod? From the Yankees?
52
00:02:07,490 --> 00:02:10,492
Boo!
53
00:02:10,527 --> 00:02:11,893
It was inevitable.
54
00:02:11,928 --> 00:02:13,595
See, A-Rod did
a guest appearance
55
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:16,965
on Emmy's Spanish soap opera,
Chica Blanca Loca.
56
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,166
He was a rich Latin lover,
57
00:02:18,201 --> 00:02:21,335
and she was
a scheming gold digger.
58
00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,462
And what did they
play on the show?
59
00:02:25,473 --> 00:02:27,274
Well, this is a first.
60
00:02:27,309 --> 00:02:28,709
I'm going out with a blind guy.
61
00:02:28,743 --> 00:02:31,378
That's great.
And he's really cute.
62
00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:32,913
- Yeah.
- And the best news is,
63
00:02:32,947 --> 00:02:35,383
he thinks I'm 26.
64
00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:37,852
So he's blind and dumb?
65
00:02:37,886 --> 00:02:41,321
By the end of it,
he'll wish he was deaf too.
66
00:02:41,356 --> 00:02:44,824
[Laughter]
67
00:02:44,858 --> 00:02:46,492
Ooh.
68
00:02:48,095 --> 00:02:49,996
Hey, let's pick up
the pace, people.
69
00:02:50,031 --> 00:02:51,231
Emmy just texted me.
70
00:02:51,265 --> 00:02:52,933
The limo is on the way
from the airport.
71
00:02:52,967 --> 00:02:54,468
Check it.
72
00:02:54,502 --> 00:02:57,337
Texting's like a flagrate spell
in The Chamber Of Secrets.
73
00:02:57,372 --> 00:03:00,341
For reals.
74
00:03:00,375 --> 00:03:01,742
Why are you talking like that?
75
00:03:01,777 --> 00:03:03,978
Because I have to be
26 for my date.
76
00:03:04,012 --> 00:03:09,483
And Harry Potter is kind of
a big deal for people my age.
77
00:03:09,518 --> 00:03:10,818
I got this.
78
00:03:10,852 --> 00:03:14,054
The kid's
gonna be totes into me.
79
00:03:14,088 --> 00:03:16,923
Oh, those smell good.
80
00:03:16,957 --> 00:03:18,758
- Uh, they're for A-Rod.
81
00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:22,294
Loaded with
cajun pepper and laxatives.
82
00:03:22,329 --> 00:03:23,829
[Doorbell rings]
83
00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:26,665
They're here.
Places, everyone.
84
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,003
Mother, dearest.
I've arrived.
85
00:03:31,037 --> 00:03:32,538
Oh, Emmy darling.
86
00:03:32,572 --> 00:03:34,607
I am so excited
to meet your fiance.
87
00:03:34,641 --> 00:03:36,842
Oh, he's just
getting the luggage.
88
00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:39,779
Melanie,
this is so, so special.
89
00:03:39,813 --> 00:03:43,049
Okay.
90
00:03:43,083 --> 00:03:45,018
- Hello, Emmy.
- Hey, mom.
91
00:03:45,052 --> 00:03:49,221
Will! Aw, honey.
92
00:03:49,256 --> 00:03:51,123
Will.
93
00:03:51,157 --> 00:03:54,827
- Will! Great timing,
you're about to meet A-Rod.
94
00:03:54,861 --> 00:03:57,029
- Why is A-Rod coming here?
95
00:03:57,063 --> 00:03:59,398
Well, isn't he your fiance?
96
00:03:59,432 --> 00:04:02,301
Will is my fiance. Duh.
[Laughs]
97
00:04:02,335 --> 00:04:04,202
And I know it's awfully sudden,
98
00:04:04,237 --> 00:04:06,137
but we're
head over heels in love.
99
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,039
Now, go put
the bags by the stairs.
100
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:11,942
Ah, isn't she great?
101
00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,978
That was shocking.
102
00:04:15,013 --> 00:04:17,693
Joy, have a cupcake.
103
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,955
Well, so... our kids
are engaged.
104
00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:26,190
- Yeah.
- How about that?
105
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,661
It is just, so...
Uh, unexpected.
106
00:04:29,695 --> 00:04:31,329
And...
107
00:04:31,363 --> 00:04:33,898
I'm pregnant!
108
00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:35,366
[Gasp]
109
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,302
Not really. I just thought
we needed a dramatic moment
110
00:04:37,336 --> 00:04:38,937
to ease the tension.
111
00:04:38,971 --> 00:04:44,542
- [Laughs] I get it.
- [Laughs] That's crazy.
112
00:04:49,412 --> 00:04:51,678
Sync and Corrections by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com
113
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,852
Emmy, dearest, how could this
have possibly happened?
114
00:04:55,887 --> 00:04:58,489
Well, it was
very romantic, actually.
115
00:04:58,523 --> 00:05:00,857
As you know, I was dating
a certain baseball player.
116
00:05:00,892 --> 00:05:04,128
Boo!
117
00:05:04,162 --> 00:05:06,797
And then there was the actor
who broke up with me.
118
00:05:06,832 --> 00:05:08,466
- Are you hearing this?
- Yeah.
119
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:11,168
Can you believe she chose me
over all those other guys?
120
00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:13,838
All those other guys.
121
00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:17,074
It's so beast
that you two got together.
122
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,043
I know, right?
123
00:05:19,077 --> 00:05:21,078
I mean, there I was,
in between relationships
124
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,480
back in I.A., and I walk
into the restaurant
125
00:05:22,514 --> 00:05:23,948
where Will is waiting tables.
126
00:05:23,982 --> 00:05:25,583
I looked across the room
127
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,885
and I had this magical moment
that took my breath away.
128
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,187
You saw Will.
129
00:05:29,221 --> 00:05:31,756
Brad Pitt.
130
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,124
But Will was waiting on him,
131
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:35,594
and he walked over with
water and food, and I thought,
132
00:05:35,628 --> 00:05:37,663
"now, this is someone who can
really take care of me".
133
00:05:37,697 --> 00:05:38,797
And I will.
134
00:05:38,832 --> 00:05:40,633
I've had a crush on her
since I was 12.
135
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:43,035
- Oh.
- Oh, isn't that just like love?
136
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:45,671
Striking whether
it's a good idea or not.
137
00:05:45,706 --> 00:05:46,639
[Doorbell rings]
138
00:05:46,674 --> 00:05:48,975
- Oh, there's my 22-year-old.
139
00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:50,910
He thinks I'm 26.
140
00:05:50,944 --> 00:05:53,478
- Is he blind?
- Yes.
141
00:05:57,516 --> 00:05:59,083
- Yo, Mark-ay.
142
00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:00,784
How ya livin'?
143
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:01,885
Uh, hey, Joy
144
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,021
ready to roll deep
and get money?
145
00:06:05,056 --> 00:06:07,323
You know it.
146
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:13,696
- That guy is really hot.
- Hmm.
147
00:06:13,730 --> 00:06:16,077
Yet he can't even look
at himself in the mirror.
148
00:06:17,602 --> 00:06:20,003
- That poor, blind, hot bastard.
- Mm.
149
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:22,072
So, I guess you guys would be
150
00:06:22,107 --> 00:06:24,642
uncomfortable staying in
the same room, right? Right.
151
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,243
Of course not.
Will, help me unpack.
152
00:06:26,277 --> 00:06:27,645
I'm just gonna
get a snack first.
153
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:31,615
Uh, you ate on the plane.
Piggy here loves his snacks.
154
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:34,985
- She calls me "piggy".
- [Nervous laugh]
155
00:06:36,554 --> 00:06:37,821
Okay, I guess we're happy
for them.
156
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,690
Although I must say,
157
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:41,325
Emmy is not who
I imagined my son
158
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,627
spending the rest
of his life with.
159
00:06:42,661 --> 00:06:44,129
They're just getting married.
160
00:06:44,163 --> 00:06:48,666
They're not spending the rest
of their lives with each other.
161
00:06:48,701 --> 00:06:51,369
For some people,
that's what marriage means.
162
00:06:51,403 --> 00:06:54,472
But Emmy is not "some people."
No, she has dated stars
163
00:06:54,506 --> 00:06:59,643
on two continents
and South America.
164
00:06:59,678 --> 00:07:03,476
But this is her first waiter.
165
00:07:04,582 --> 00:07:06,683
And he's not even a struggling
actor, you know,
166
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,052
which would almost excuse it.
167
00:07:09,086 --> 00:07:11,421
He's studying
to be a social worker.
168
00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:12,856
Oh, honey, you're
only making it worse.
169
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,759
Now, listen, this is
sending us down a bad road.
170
00:07:15,794 --> 00:07:16,827
Oh, you're right,
you're right, you're right.
171
00:07:16,862 --> 00:07:18,596
Maybe they'll just
snap out of it.
172
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:20,598
We can't count on that.
I've had marriages
173
00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:25,336
I haven't snapped out of
until two marriages later.
174
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:28,039
So, what are you saying?
It's our responsibility
175
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,908
to destroy their happiness
through meddling?
176
00:07:30,943 --> 00:07:35,212
I believe it's pronounced,
"mothering".
177
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:36,614
- Okay.
- Yeah, we're good.
178
00:07:36,727 --> 00:07:37,960
So maybe we should
179
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,713
try talking to them again
when they wake up.
180
00:07:39,912 --> 00:07:41,780
Oh, they're up. I know your
daughter's an actress,
181
00:07:41,814 --> 00:07:43,848
but she also likes
to direct... loudly.
182
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:48,158
- Shh.
Yes, I'll hold for A-Rod.
183
00:07:48,877 --> 00:07:50,767
Elka, what are you doing?
184
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:53,469
Emmy gave her his number so
she could mess with his head.
185
00:07:53,503 --> 00:07:55,738
- Hey, A-Rod.
186
00:07:55,772 --> 00:07:59,508
Is Derek Jeter as sweet
and handsome as everyone says?
187
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,143
Will you please hang up?
188
00:08:01,177 --> 00:08:03,812
He could still be
my future son-in-law.
189
00:08:03,846 --> 00:08:06,033
[Laughs] He's crying.
190
00:08:07,317 --> 00:08:10,953
A lot.
No, there, there.
191
00:08:10,988 --> 00:08:13,190
The only reason
people don't like you
192
00:08:13,224 --> 00:08:14,986
is because you're good.
193
00:08:15,150 --> 00:08:18,283
Uh, except when it counts.
194
00:08:20,298 --> 00:08:22,065
[Laughing] This is fun.
195
00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:28,182
What up, y'all?
Joy scroggs, in the hizzie.
196
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,376
Well, well, well.
The walk of shame.
197
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:35,565
Shame is for your generation.
Like AOL.
198
00:08:37,502 --> 00:08:39,817
So, what's going on with Wemmy?
199
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,119
Who?
200
00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:44,072
- Will and Emmy.
I TMZ-ed it for you.
201
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:46,891
Oh, it's a mess.
202
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,060
I talked to Emmy.
She talked to Will.
203
00:08:49,094 --> 00:08:51,963
And it just proved how useless
talking to your kids is.
204
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,025
Fail, "comma", epic.
205
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,735
What?
206
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:58,403
You know what us
youngs would do?
207
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,539
Flip the script
and switch it up.
208
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:01,877
What what?
209
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,116
I'm gonna smack you.
210
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:15,220
I mean, why don't you talk
to Emmy, and you talk to Will?
211
00:09:15,754 --> 00:09:17,455
That's not bad.
212
00:09:17,518 --> 00:09:21,025
Emmy respects you,
and Will is scared of me.
213
00:09:21,775 --> 00:09:24,635
From when you swam naked
in our swimming pool.
214
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:29,065
You know, I didn't ask
to be born a Scorpio.
215
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,336
[Doorbell rings]
216
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,837
Oh, that's Mark.
217
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,172
And I don't even have to
brush my hair
218
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,541
or take my glasses off.
219
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,299
Dating the blind is ♪ awesome ♪
220
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:43,716
So, 'sup?
221
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,386
Well, I kind of have big news.
I didn't tell you this before
222
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,221
because I didn't want
to get your hopes up,
223
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,256
but I'm on the list for
an experimental operation
224
00:09:50,291 --> 00:09:53,058
to get my sight back...
And a spot has come open!
225
00:09:53,566 --> 00:09:55,829
- When?
- Thursday.
226
00:09:57,799 --> 00:09:59,700
I need something
that will make me look 26.
227
00:09:59,735 --> 00:10:01,035
Can't you tell him the truth?
228
00:10:01,069 --> 00:10:04,538
And risk losing him?
Being with him is so profound.
229
00:10:04,573 --> 00:10:08,362
Oh, who am I kidding?
He's 22... the sex is amazing.
230
00:10:09,411 --> 00:10:11,745
The government should be paying
22-year-olds not to work
231
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,472
just so they can
have sex with older women.
232
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,219
Well, great sex is a good
reason to do something drastic,
233
00:10:17,386 --> 00:10:19,320
but unfortunately,
your options are limited.
234
00:10:19,355 --> 00:10:21,722
I should add, I don't care
if it's legal, or safe.
235
00:10:21,757 --> 00:10:25,001
Ah, that changes things.
How soon can you get to Ecuador?
236
00:10:26,328 --> 00:10:28,896
He might have
his sight back by Thursday.
237
00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:30,965
Right. I'll never get
a face donor by then anyway.
238
00:10:30,999 --> 00:10:34,768
Now, there is something closer
to home that I've heard of.
239
00:10:34,803 --> 00:10:36,303
The gene treatment.
240
00:10:36,338 --> 00:10:37,304
A brilliant doctor...
241
00:10:37,339 --> 00:10:38,455
Doctor Gene?
242
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:41,291
Actually, Doctor Hansen.
Well, actually, Mr. Hansen.
243
00:10:41,443 --> 00:10:43,978
He thought "Doctor" was too
stuffy and, well, misleading.
244
00:10:44,012 --> 00:10:47,748
He's taken all the science
and hardware from
245
00:10:47,782 --> 00:10:50,584
an abandoned acid-wash jeans
factory and repurposed it
246
00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:53,166
to smooth and tighten
a woman's face.
247
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:57,457
Stop it. She is obviously
not going to sign up
248
00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,460
for some sketchy-sounding
experimental face treatment.
249
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,142
Butt out, Mel.
250
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,164
- I know you and my mom
are crazy-worried,
251
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,298
but don't be.
252
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:09,673
Will adores me,
and I love him for that.
253
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:16,041
It's just that, um, you've
been engaged a number of times.
254
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,626
A number that is divisible
by 2, 3, and 4.
255
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,980
But they were bad boys,
and I'm over them.
256
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,283
I mean, sure, they're exciting,
and you can't wait to see them,
257
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:27,533
and the sex is amazing, and you
think of them night and day...
258
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:32,024
where was I?
259
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,193
Will, before this relationship
goes any further,
260
00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:36,095
there's something
you need to know.
261
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:37,330
Which is what?
262
00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:41,668
Oh. Oh, this is...
this is really difficult.
263
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,337
You see, it's very personal.
264
00:11:43,371 --> 00:11:45,572
But, well, we chase
women suffer from...
265
00:11:45,607 --> 00:11:49,176
oh, God, this is so tough.
266
00:11:49,211 --> 00:11:51,412
See, before I turned 30, Will,
267
00:11:51,447 --> 00:11:55,316
my breasts were as large as
Emmy's... larger, even.
268
00:11:55,351 --> 00:11:58,673
But then I was struck with...
chest blight.
269
00:11:59,955 --> 00:12:01,223
What?
270
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:05,611
Emmy is walking around with
two gorgeous time bombs.
271
00:12:07,196 --> 00:12:09,361
Touching them only
speeds up the process.
272
00:12:10,732 --> 00:12:12,353
You're kidding me.
273
00:12:13,201 --> 00:12:14,701
Really?
274
00:12:14,736 --> 00:12:16,469
[Chuckles] No way.
275
00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:18,338
But really?
276
00:12:19,207 --> 00:12:20,556
Chest blight.
277
00:12:21,309 --> 00:12:22,876
Please don't take
this personally.
278
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,145
I'm just a little concerned
279
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:28,415
that you might be able
to push Will around.
280
00:12:28,450 --> 00:12:32,786
Look, he is one of the
best men I have ever met.
281
00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:34,688
And while you may see him
as easily persuaded,
282
00:12:34,722 --> 00:12:37,858
I see it as, if he's
gonna be bossed around,
283
00:12:37,892 --> 00:12:40,193
shouldn't it be by
somebody who loves him?
284
00:12:40,228 --> 00:12:42,930
[Laughs]
That's an interesting spin.
285
00:12:42,964 --> 00:12:46,376
Look, if you want Will to come
to Cleveland more often,
286
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,705
I can make that happen.
287
00:12:50,087 --> 00:12:52,217
That would be nice.
288
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,706
I just googled it.
289
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,742
No such thing as chest blight.
290
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,025
You know, Google
doesn't know everything.
291
00:12:59,056 --> 00:13:00,680
Victoria,
I know you're trying to do
292
00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:02,849
what's best for your daughter.
You're a good mom.
293
00:13:02,884 --> 00:13:05,886
Well, I've often
told Emmy that.
294
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,455
I'm poor and unfamous.
295
00:13:08,489 --> 00:13:11,001
And I'll probably always be
poor and unfamous.
296
00:13:13,197 --> 00:13:17,097
But I can guarantee that every
night when she comes home,
297
00:13:17,131 --> 00:13:19,032
she'll have a man
with a sympathetic ear,
298
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,800
a glass of wine,
299
00:13:20,835 --> 00:13:22,702
and a foot rub.
300
00:13:22,737 --> 00:13:25,005
Now, what woman
doesn't deserve that?
301
00:13:25,039 --> 00:13:27,140
Aw. We all do.
302
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,176
You really are a great mom.
303
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:31,478
Oh. It's so nice
to hear those words
304
00:13:31,513 --> 00:13:33,239
coming out of
someone else's mouth.
305
00:13:33,941 --> 00:13:35,215
Thank you.
306
00:13:36,617 --> 00:13:38,485
- And Will?
- Yes?
307
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:41,088
Do you think
I could have a foot rub?
308
00:13:41,122 --> 00:13:44,124
I think that would be...
309
00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:45,528
Really inappropriate.
310
00:13:47,796 --> 00:13:48,996
I'm sorry, I blew it.
311
00:13:49,030 --> 00:13:51,199
But she was saying
such nice stuff about Will.
312
00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:54,035
Oh, and he was saying
such nice stuff about me.
313
00:13:54,069 --> 00:13:56,571
They found our Kryptonite.
314
00:13:56,605 --> 00:13:58,372
Do you smell something?
315
00:13:58,407 --> 00:14:00,374
Yeah, it smells
kind of bleachy?
316
00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:05,913
Joy, how did it go?
Are you okay?
317
00:14:05,948 --> 00:14:07,181
Hideously painful.
318
00:14:07,215 --> 00:14:09,450
It stings, and it itches,
but in a few minutes,
319
00:14:09,484 --> 00:14:12,053
when the bandages come off,
I'll look 20 years younger.
320
00:14:12,087 --> 00:14:13,942
Although he did say
there might be some redness.
321
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,215
Or paralysis.
322
00:14:15,216 --> 00:14:16,617
It was hard to tell
from his accent.
323
00:14:19,361 --> 00:14:20,761
Jeez, I hope she'll be okay.
324
00:14:20,795 --> 00:14:23,430
You mean, look okay.
All right,
325
00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:25,499
so what is our new plan
for Will and Emmy?
326
00:14:25,534 --> 00:14:26,634
You know what?
327
00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:28,136
Nobody could have
talked either one of us
328
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,304
out of the men we married.
329
00:14:29,338 --> 00:14:32,341
I think we just need
to embrace it.
330
00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:34,677
You know, there's a certain
"denying reality" aspect
331
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,044
to that that I find appealing.
332
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,882
And we get to plan
a wedding together.
333
00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:41,551
And we get to have
the same grandkids.
334
00:14:41,585 --> 00:14:42,952
And they can call you grandma
335
00:14:42,987 --> 00:14:44,721
and call me Victoria.
[Both laugh]
336
00:14:44,756 --> 00:14:45,950
- Uh-huh.
337
00:14:47,158 --> 00:14:49,231
I can't get rid of A-Rod.
338
00:14:51,796 --> 00:14:54,298
Oh, yes, if it were
any other team,
339
00:14:54,332 --> 00:14:56,114
you would be the shortstop.
340
00:14:56,969 --> 00:14:59,075
I mean, if they didn't care
about fielding.
341
00:15:01,606 --> 00:15:02,573
Waterworks.
342
00:15:02,607 --> 00:15:06,777
Oh, Jeez.
343
00:15:06,812 --> 00:15:09,413
Aah! Oh, no!
344
00:15:09,448 --> 00:15:11,049
My face!
345
00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:12,183
What?
What is it, honey?
346
00:15:12,218 --> 00:15:14,219
- Look!
- Oh, my God.
347
00:15:14,253 --> 00:15:17,155
No, you look exactly the same.
This is a disaster.
348
00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:19,190
What am I going to do?
349
00:15:19,225 --> 00:15:20,925
Look, try to look
on the bright side.
350
00:15:20,959 --> 00:15:23,700
Your procedure failed.
Maybe his will too.
351
00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:28,264
Sweetie, so you're not 26.
But you know what?
352
00:15:28,299 --> 00:15:30,559
Any man would be
lucky to have you.
353
00:15:35,171 --> 00:15:37,105
What are you hiding
behind your back?
354
00:15:37,139 --> 00:15:41,075
Oh, nothing.
Just my lucky clump of hair.
355
00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:43,989
Oh, my God!
My hair!
356
00:15:45,394 --> 00:15:47,328
The procedure
is making my hair fall out!
357
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:49,518
Did he say
there would be side effects?
358
00:15:49,553 --> 00:15:51,154
I thought he said, "air loss".
359
00:15:51,188 --> 00:15:53,192
I pictured myself as
a beautiful asthmatic.
360
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:56,226
Oh, you're gonna be fine.
361
00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:57,728
I have some wigs
you can look at,
362
00:15:57,762 --> 00:15:59,697
or... or an attractive turban?
363
00:15:59,731 --> 00:16:01,765
Don't lie to me!
You know there's no such thing
364
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,098
as an attractive turban.
365
00:16:04,934 --> 00:16:06,368
Okay, you... you
don't need a turban.
366
00:16:06,505 --> 00:16:07,671
So you lost a few strands.
367
00:16:07,706 --> 00:16:09,841
You still have
a beautiful head of hair.
368
00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:11,276
Honey, just go upstairs
and get some rest, okay?
369
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:13,044
You're right.
370
00:16:13,079 --> 00:16:15,781
I'm going to lie down.
Okay.
371
00:16:15,815 --> 00:16:17,616
Oh! My God!
372
00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:24,774
So, what are we thinking of
for the wedding?
373
00:16:24,808 --> 00:16:27,243
I was thinking something
small, maybe like the beach?
374
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:30,012
Aw, there ya go thinking again.
375
00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:31,547
It's going to be
a destination wedding,
376
00:16:31,581 --> 00:16:33,649
otherwise, Instyle
will not cover it.
377
00:16:33,683 --> 00:16:36,251
And if it's not in a magazine,
are you even married?
378
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,353
You know, it really does
need to be fabulous.
379
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:41,089
I mean, you only get so many
weddings in a lifetime.
380
00:16:41,124 --> 00:16:44,193
- Okay, on to another
important topic:
381
00:16:44,228 --> 00:16:45,728
How many grandkids
are we going to have?
382
00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:47,097
- None.
- Lots.
383
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,899
No kids?
No grandkids?
384
00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:52,269
Well, not unless my publicist
says that I need the press.
385
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:54,071
And in that case,
I'll just hire a surrogate.
386
00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:56,707
Oh, I would have killed
for a surrogate.
387
00:16:56,742 --> 00:17:00,144
But I guess you always want
better for your kids.
388
00:17:00,179 --> 00:17:02,047
I'm not going
to let some stranger
389
00:17:02,081 --> 00:17:03,482
give birth to our child.
390
00:17:03,516 --> 00:17:05,016
It doesn't have to be
a stranger.
391
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:06,818
It could be our maid.
392
00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:09,955
What is wrong with you?
393
00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:11,189
Now, now, now, kids
394
00:17:11,223 --> 00:17:13,192
you just need to calm...
Maybe we should let them
395
00:17:13,226 --> 00:17:14,793
work it out for themselves.
396
00:17:14,828 --> 00:17:16,829
[Mumbling] Or potentially not.
397
00:17:16,863 --> 00:17:19,699
Ah. Yes, right.
398
00:17:19,733 --> 00:17:22,877
You know, Will wants
to be a social worker.
399
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,837
Well, that's not
going to happen.
400
00:17:24,871 --> 00:17:26,605
You're not the boss of me.
401
00:17:26,639 --> 00:17:29,940
How dare you say that
I am not the boss of you.
402
00:17:34,394 --> 00:17:35,995
I'm not going after her.
403
00:17:36,053 --> 00:17:37,424
Good.
404
00:17:38,783 --> 00:17:39,951
All right, I can't take this.
405
00:17:39,985 --> 00:17:41,151
I mean, somebody's
got to go after her.
406
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:42,385
The scene calls for it.
407
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:46,222
Emmy! Hold on,
mommy's coming.
408
00:17:46,257 --> 00:17:48,291
I'm proud of you, honey.
409
00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:49,993
I guess I should have
gotten to know her better
410
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:53,163
before she told me to propose.
411
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:56,499
Well, what did
you guys talk about?
412
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,334
I don't know.
We mostly talked in bed.
413
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,956
Everything she says in bed
sounds like a good idea.
414
00:18:04,596 --> 00:18:07,043
I'm sorry, Will, but Emmy
wants you to come outside.
415
00:18:07,077 --> 00:18:09,579
She... she wants to tweet
a picture of her
416
00:18:09,613 --> 00:18:11,648
throwing the ring in your face.
417
00:18:11,683 --> 00:18:14,299
Right. I remember
initialing that in the prenup.
418
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:18,590
I'm really sorry, Will, but
I think this is for the best.
419
00:18:18,624 --> 00:18:23,728
And I know that someday you will
find the right feet to massage.
420
00:18:23,763 --> 00:18:25,396
Those aren't your feet, right?
421
00:18:25,431 --> 00:18:29,667
Ha. Well, of course not.
422
00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:37,674
- How's Emmy?
- Oh, you know Emmy.
423
00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:40,610
She's destroyed and devastated,
424
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,578
and she's already changed
her Facebook status to,
425
00:18:42,613 --> 00:18:45,248
"it's complicated",
with Ryan Gosling.
426
00:18:45,282 --> 00:18:47,484
So, how are we feeling?
427
00:18:47,518 --> 00:18:49,786
Oh, I have to admit,
I am relieved.
428
00:18:49,821 --> 00:18:52,689
But I did kind of like the idea
of being related to you.
429
00:18:52,724 --> 00:18:55,892
Hmm, me too. But you know,
we already are like family.
430
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,461
That's true, that's true.
431
00:18:57,495 --> 00:18:59,530
But it would've been fun to be
grandmothers together.
432
00:18:59,564 --> 00:19:01,098
Yeah.
433
00:19:01,132 --> 00:19:05,769
Although we do have a bald,
crying bundle of "Joy" at home.
434
00:19:05,804 --> 00:19:08,505
Ah, and she's probably ready
435
00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:10,741
for another bottle
right about now.
436
00:19:10,776 --> 00:19:13,311
- Mm-hmm.
437
00:19:14,491 --> 00:19:16,459
Of course I'm devastated.
438
00:19:16,493 --> 00:19:19,662
That's why I need you to help me
get close to Ryan Gosling.
439
00:19:19,696 --> 00:19:21,630
Hey, just, tell me which way
he drives to work,
440
00:19:21,665 --> 00:19:23,365
and I'll do the rest.
441
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,834
[Doorbell rings]
You're an agent...
442
00:19:24,868 --> 00:19:26,537
it's a part of your job.
443
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:30,618
Joy?
444
00:19:30,693 --> 00:19:32,743
Oh, my God.
You are so beautiful.
445
00:19:32,777 --> 00:19:34,812
More beautiful
than I ever imagined.
446
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:38,654
[English accent]
Blimey! Mark, you can see!
447
00:19:40,819 --> 00:19:42,853
That's a bit of
all right, isn't it?
448
00:19:42,888 --> 00:19:45,037
Let's go to my room
for a proper celebration.
449
00:19:46,624 --> 00:19:48,425
Oh.
450
00:19:48,459 --> 00:19:50,393
'Ello.
451
00:19:50,428 --> 00:19:51,895
Didn't know you was about.
452
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,725
Hi, I'm Mark.
453
00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:55,437
Are you Joy's mom?
454
00:19:56,066 --> 00:19:57,352
Sure.
455
00:19:59,503 --> 00:20:00,907
Do you smell bleach?
456
00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:04,220
[Phone ringing]
457
00:20:05,430 --> 00:20:06,977
Don't answer that.
458
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:09,665
It's A-Rod,
and he's depressed.
459
00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:11,383
Well, so am I.
460
00:20:13,208 --> 00:20:14,342
Hello?
461
00:20:14,555 --> 00:20:17,024
No, Elka's not here.
But I can talk.
462
00:20:17,838 --> 00:20:20,508
Uh-huh. Oh, no, you're
much hotter than Jeter.
463
00:20:21,282 --> 00:20:22,759
Me?
464
00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:25,470
26.
465
00:20:26,633 --> 00:20:29,033
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