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00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:06,882
ANNOUNCER:
CBS presents this programin color.
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00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:27,611
( theme song playing )
3
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,315
( bombs whistling )
4
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,776
( explosions )
5
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:12,280
Liebchen, when you kiss me,
the ground shakes.
6
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:16,535
Either you've got
it or you haven't.
7
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:20,497
But you... but you must return
to the Luft Stalag.
8
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:24,001
Colonel Hogan sent me on
a reconnaissance mission,
9
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,919
but I've nothing
to report...
10
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,295
so far.
11
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,220
( bomb whistling )
12
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,930
( explosion )
13
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,872
Now what's gone wrong?
14
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,874
I don't know, Major.
15
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,041
The transmitter
was functioning.
16
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,586
Yeah, but obviously
not the receiver.
17
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,005
Good thing it wasn't loaded
with explosives.
18
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,715
Possibly it's the
shock of the air raid.
19
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,383
Some of those bombs
fell pretty close.
20
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,927
Sir, it is my opinion
we ought to find
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00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,764
a more controlled area
to continue the testing.
22
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,725
All right.
23
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,018
We're risking security,
24
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,395
but we'll have
to chance it.
25
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,731
We'll set up shop
at Stalag 13.
26
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,241
( dog whining )
27
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,464
I'm out of gas.
28
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:56,426
Pick me up on your way back,
will you, Klaus?
29
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,637
( sighs )
30
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,104
Danke.
31
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,272
Bitte.
32
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,566
Eh, lovely evening.
33
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,944
Lovely. If I
would be in bed
34
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,570
instead of having
to walk around
35
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,780
in the middle
of the night,
36
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,907
it would be
lovely, but...
37
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,451
Newkirk?
38
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,246
The fence is
over there,
39
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,706
and you are here.
40
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,750
By George, you're right.
41
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,710
I must've taken
a wrong turn.
42
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:31,711
( grunts )
43
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,046
An attempted escape!
44
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,381
I have to report you.
45
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,382
All right,
but don't forget
46
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,549
to put yourself
on the report, Schultz.
47
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,592
Jawohl, Herr...
48
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,593
Report myself?
49
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,428
You are a sergeant
of the guard, you know.
50
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,097
It does not matter.
51
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,640
Better to be on report
than have Klink send me
52
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,766
to the Russian front.
53
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,976
I never thought
about that.
54
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,644
Well, I suppose
you'd better turn LeBeau in
55
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:48,937
while you're about it.
56
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,313
LeBeau, too?!
57
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:51,940
Yeah, he's right up there
behind the tree.
58
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,941
Stay where you are!
59
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:53,942
Right, Schultz.
LeBeau!
60
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,318
I'll get you, LeBeau!
61
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,654
Come out
with your hands up!
62
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,907
Newkirk!
63
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,743
I should never believe you,
Newkirk!
64
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,620
Newkirk!
65
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:08,790
Ooh, now, wait a minute.
66
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:14,045
LeBeau is not there,
you are not here...
67
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,216
The time has come
for me to say nothing!
68
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,344
Nothing!
69
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,690
LeBEAU:
What took you so long!
70
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,358
( all talking at once )
Are you joking?
71
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,193
You get lost?
Come on! I'm not joking.
72
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,029
That's quite a mission.
You were gone 12 hours.
73
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,363
And two roll calls.
74
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,365
Reconnaissance
takes time!
75
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,409
I've been dodging Krauts
all day.
76
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,744
Some of 'em got
pretty close.
77
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,039
Yeah. One of 'em
even kissed you.
78
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:49,956
That's lipstick!
79
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,416
It sure is.
80
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,584
Colonel, I request
81
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,543
that the next
reconnaissance mission be
82
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,586
a double date!
83
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:55,754
She must have
a friend.
84
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,255
That's only fair.
What'd you find out,
85
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,256
besides her
phone number?
86
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,591
Well, there's nothing new
in the village,
87
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,260
but on the way back,
I really had a shocker.
88
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,595
Her husband
chased you?
89
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,346
I saw a baby tank
90
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,389
without a driver.
91
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,391
Remote control
by radio.
92
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,852
And they're going
to test it here.
93
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,604
They're not going
to test a tank here.
94
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,646
You're making that up.
95
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:14,647
Remote-controlled tank.
96
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,149
That could give the Krauts
a big edge.
97
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,943
Kinch, get that information
off to London. Right.
98
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,987
Tell them we'll get further
information as soon as possible.
99
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,197
Newkirk, tell us
more about it.
100
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,865
Come on, give.
101
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,242
Well, it's small
and very, very fast.
102
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,495
It carries one gun
and the armor is...
103
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:32,040
Not the tank,
stupid-- the girl!
104
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,249
That is the girl.
105
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,627
Now the tank's an entirely
different affair.
106
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,934
Didn't Newkirk say
107
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,435
two officers
and a civilian
108
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,770
were working
on that tank?
109
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,188
Those could be the guys,
Colonel.
110
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,523
Let's make sure.
111
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,775
Is the coffee pot to
Klink's office working?
112
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,443
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
113
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,322
It's fully operational
und at your service.
114
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,740
Just a simple "yes"
115
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,785
would have been
sufficient, Kinch.
116
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,454
Yes, Colonel,
117
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,580
the final testing
for this weapon
118
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,123
has been hampered
by Allied air attacks
119
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,124
in this area.
120
00:06:15,124 --> 00:06:16,125
I see. I see.
121
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:18,211
So you would like
to continue your work here,
122
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,296
because they never bomb
a P.O.W. camp?
123
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,714
That is correct,
Colonel.
124
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:25,635
Gentlemen, Stalag 13
is the toughest P.O.W. camp
125
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:26,719
in all of Germany
126
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,680
with the highest
efficiency rating
127
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,473
in our military
establishment.
128
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,017
It is not
a scientific laboratory.
129
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,562
I have signed orders
from General Burkhalter.
130
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,398
However, it can be turned
into a scientific laboratory
131
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,899
just like that.
132
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,109
Good old Klink.
133
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,736
Always ready
with a definite maybe.
134
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,862
Can you turn
the volume up, Kinch?
135
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,155
Can't go any higher.
136
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,156
With Schultz in there,
137
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:50,034
all that blubber
absorbs the sound.
138
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,494
What will you require, Major?
139
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,912
Does your sergeant
hold a clearance
140
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,872
for classified information?
141
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,000
I know nothing!
142
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,877
Sometimes I even forget
who we are fighting.
143
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,045
Most of the time
you're fighting me!
144
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:03,840
He's all right.
145
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,508
Very well.
146
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,801
I'll need
an isolated building
147
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,178
large enough
to house a small tank.
148
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,346
We have our own tools
and equipment.
149
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,557
Let me see.
150
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,063
Uh, uh, uh, Building 12--
wh-what's in there, Schultz?
151
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,858
Herr Kommandant,
powdered milk,
152
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,068
eggs and cases of beer.
153
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,361
That's not important.
154
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,071
Beer is not important?
155
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,573
Move it somewhere.
156
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,908
I could store it
in my barracks.
157
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,660
I don't care what you do
with it!
158
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,121
Just get Building 12 ready
for these officers!
159
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,956
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
160
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,833
At once!
161
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,210
Beer is not important?
162
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,215
Carter, watch
the door, huh?
163
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,261
All right, now,
let me have your attention.
164
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,514
Klink is giving them
Building number 12, right here.
165
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,851
You'll notice our emergency
tunnel runs right past it here.
166
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,228
Right past it?
That's 50 feet.
167
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,355
Which we can dig
in no time at all.
168
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,900
Coming right up in the middle
of little old Building 12.
169
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,401
Oh, flipping digging.
170
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,112
This war is turning me
into a coal miner.
171
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,447
Wrong attitude, old chap.
172
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,074
You're letting the team down.
173
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,325
We've got a problem,
Colonel.
174
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,659
How do we dispose
of the dirt?
175
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,411
One thing at a time.
176
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,581
Kinch, what kind of stationery
do we have-- the official stuff?
177
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,416
We've stolen
from every Kraut officer
178
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,335
that ever walked
into this camp.
179
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,757
Gestapo, Luftwaffe,
Quartermaster,
180
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,634
Army Intelligence...
181
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:30,927
Hey, you know,
if the Krauts
182
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,847
ever run short of stationery,
they can always ask us.
183
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,641
Door.
184
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,684
Prisoner of War
Administration blank?
185
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:39,852
Loaded.
HOGAN: Good. We're in business.
186
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,187
Kinch, take
a phony memo.
187
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,272
Right.
188
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,690
To commanding officers,
189
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,776
all P.O.W. installations,
greater Germany.
190
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,777
Big brain.
191
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,904
A right old genius,
that's what he is.
192
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,614
Intelligence sources reveal
193
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,242
that British and American P.O.W.
camps are maintained
194
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,911
with great efficiency
and physical attractiveness.
195
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,996
Not to be outdone
by the enemy,
196
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,456
the Prisoner of War
Administration
197
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,458
announces a contest...
Hey, that's great.
198
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,336
To find the best-kept
P.O.W. camp in Germany,
199
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,338
for the prize of 1,000
marks to the winner.
200
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,507
The Inspector General
201
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,843
of this bureau
to be the final judge.
202
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:12,969
Beautiful!
203
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,470
Uh, in case of a tie,
204
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,680
will duplicate prizes
be awarded?
205
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:16,722
Let's not overdo it.
206
00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,599
Hey, how's this
going to help us with the tanker?
207
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,684
All in due time.
208
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,810
Carter, I want you
to volunteer
209
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,103
for the housecleaning detail
tomorrow morning.
210
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,688
Get into
Klink's office. Yes, sir.
211
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,731
Kinch, type that up with all
the official code numbers
212
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,400
and the rest.
Right. How do I sign it?
213
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,820
Oh, uh, put a general's name
on it. General...
214
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:34,031
Why not make it
General Nuisance?
215
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,616
Very good idea.
216
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,703
Sign that "General Heinrich
von Nuisance."
217
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:41,872
* La, la, la, la,
yellow cards *
218
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,583
* Bum-da-bum-bum-
bum-bum-bum *
219
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:46,002
* And there is the
white cards, and... *
220
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:50,256
Carter, what's doing
there on the desk?
221
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,841
Nothing, Schultz.
222
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,885
Did the big shot leave
any cigars around?
223
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,512
I don't think so.
224
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,763
Headache he
leaves around,
225
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,890
but never cigars.
226
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,560
( humming )
227
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:06,606
Oh, achtung!
228
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,982
At ease. Carry on.
229
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,109
Jawohl, HerrKommandant.
230
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,235
Good morning,
231
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,322
Herr Kommandant.
232
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,033
Mach schnell!
233
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:34,050
What are you
doing, Carter?
234
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,968
Oh, sorry, Schultz.
235
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:39,555
You think I am
a filing cabinet, Dummkopf?
236
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,141
Schultz, get Colonel Hogan
in here right away.
237
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,310
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
238
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,603
I better take
him with me.
239
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,688
He's liable
to dust you.
240
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:48,981
Out!
241
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,191
SCHULTZ:
Jawohl, HerrKommandant!
242
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,026
What did you do?
243
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,861
You know, that
is unhealthy.
244
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,280
I could catch some sickness
or something.
245
00:10:56,322 --> 00:11:00,451
Colonel Hogan, I have a plan for
the beautification of Stalag 13.
246
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,869
Beautify Stalag
13? Why?
247
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,329
Why not?
248
00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:05,664
This place is like
a country club now.
249
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:09,543
I can do without your sarcasm
at this hour of the morning.
250
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,837
According to the
Geneva Prisoner of War Convention...
251
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,923
I know, I know.
252
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,342
You are not required
to do such work,
253
00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:20,429
but, uh... there
is no rule against voluntary employment.
254
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,766
First rule for a soldier:
never volunteer for anything.
255
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,102
Sometimes rewards are
given for volunteering.
256
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,937
Forget it.
Very well.
257
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,106
I don't have
the manpower for this project,
258
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,733
but, uh, I'll make due.
259
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,693
Sir?
260
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:35,778
You're not going
to have
261
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,279
your own men do
this job, are you?
262
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,364
Dismissed.
263
00:11:38,405 --> 00:11:39,990
What kind of reward
did you have in mind?
264
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:44,161
Uh-huh. Second thoughts?
265
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,122
Second thoughts
are sometimes best.
266
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,748
Now, your men have been
stealing coffee
267
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,000
from our Red Cross packages,
and I want it stopped.
268
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,627
Granted.
269
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,963
Half hour more electricity
in the barracks every night.
270
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,465
Granted.
Extra ration of potatoes on Sunday.
271
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,508
Every other Sunday?
272
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,300
Granted.
273
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,387
We'd also like permission
to enlarge the rec hall.
274
00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:02,638
What for?
275
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,931
Some of the fellas
are jitterbugging,
276
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,057
and there's not enough room.
277
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,309
We had two head injuries
last week.
278
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,812
Very well. That'll fit
into our improvement project.
279
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,022
We'll need some tools
to reset the foundation.
280
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,650
Very well. Draw the necessary
supplies and start at once.
281
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:15,359
Thanks, sir.
282
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,447
Colonel, when we get
the camp beautified,
283
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:21,574
don't you think
those guys in Berlin
284
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,158
ought to give you
some recognition?
285
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:26,579
Like an award or cash prize
of some kind?
286
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,374
Not a bad thought.
287
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,002
I'll suggest that
to the P.O.W. Administration,
288
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,254
very discreetly, of course.
289
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,047
Oh, of course,
very discreetly.
290
00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:42,094
LeBEAU:
Ping-pong's a French game.
291
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,137
NEWKIRK:
It's English.
292
00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:44,388
LeBEAU:
No, it's French. All right, men,
293
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,806
come on, quiet down,
let me have your attention.
294
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,141
LeBeau, watch that door,
will you?
295
00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:49,810
Look, we start digging
right away-- two hour shifts.
296
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,813
We form a line leading
from the emergency tunnel
297
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,857
up through the trap
over to this window.
298
00:12:54,898 --> 00:12:57,401
Carter, you and Newkirk
will handle the wheelbarrows.
299
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,403
You'll alternate
with Pedalski and Wilson.
300
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,946
I want you
to take the dirt
301
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,948
over to the rec hall
and pile it near the foundation.
302
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,617
You got that?
Affirmative, sir.
303
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,160
Must you be
so official?
304
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:07,661
Kinch, I want you
to start digging
305
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,829
around the rec hall...
Right.
306
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:09,997
so that the dirt
from the tunnel
307
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:10,998
looks like it belongs.
308
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,333
Get a detail
to help you. Right.
309
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,792
LeBeau?
LeBEAU: Yes, sir.
310
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,377
I want you to be
the security guard
311
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:16,670
outside the window.
312
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:17,838
Start working on something
313
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,590
so it looks
like you belong there, huh? Right.
314
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,216
Any questions?
315
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,385
I'm glad it's all clear.
316
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:24,928
Don't just stand there.
317
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,474
Your P.O.W. pay
is piling up in Washington.
318
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,588
Close the window!
Schultz!
319
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,931
Hey, Frenchie,
what is this?
320
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,058
I don't know, but as
soon as it grows up,
321
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,768
I'm going to eat it.
Eat it?
322
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,645
Oui. I will clean it,
323
00:14:14,686 --> 00:14:17,231
boil it, sauté it
with some garlic.
324
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:18,565
Maybe it's poisonous.
Chopped onion.
325
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,234
Chopped onion?
And a dash of...
326
00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:21,568
A dash of what-
what-what-what-what?
327
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:24,071
And a dash of wine to
bring out the flavor.
328
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,240
Mm! I hope
that it's not poisonous.
329
00:14:26,281 --> 00:14:29,785
Please, save me some
when you're finished.
330
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,246
Okay, Schultzy.
331
00:14:43,298 --> 00:14:46,051
Yes, Herr General,
he has had full cooperation.
332
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,971
Of course you know
our Stalag 13 efficiency.
333
00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:50,722
What?
334
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:51,723
It's news to you.
335
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,976
Oh, you have a great sense
of humor, sir.
336
00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:55,602
Yes, sir.
337
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,937
The Major?
Oh, he's right here.
338
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,147
I'll put him on.
339
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,898
General Burkhalter.
340
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,608
Heil Hitler,Herr General.
341
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,485
Guten Abend.
342
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,237
Yes, sir, we're
doing very well.
343
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,447
Got all the bugs
worked out of it, we hope.
344
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,949
Day after tomorrow?
345
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,493
Yes, Herr General.
I think it's possible.
346
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,494
Yes.
347
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:15,080
We'll have everything
in readiness. Hmm?
348
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,040
( chuckles )
349
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,126
Thank you, sir.
You're too kind.
350
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,587
Auf Wiedersehen, sir.
351
00:15:21,628 --> 00:15:23,380
He's coming here
day after tomorrow
352
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,300
with some very high brass
for a test on the radio tank.
353
00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:29,511
Major, did he tell you
to say auf Wiedersehen to me?
354
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,680
No, I don't
think he did.
355
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,265
I see.
356
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,183
Uh, Major?
357
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:39,563
At the end of the conversation
you forgot to say "Heil Hitler."
358
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,572
See, this detonator
works on contact.
359
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,657
Now, it only takes
a few pounds of impact
360
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,658
to set the bomb off.
361
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,035
Like, if I were to
drop it to the floor...
362
00:15:53,076 --> 00:15:55,203
Hold it.
I believe you.
363
00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:56,496
Oh, I wouldn't do it.
364
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,081
Just save it
for the tank.
365
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,042
Colonel, we did it.
What?
366
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,043
We finished
the tunnel.
367
00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:02,044
Directly under
Building 12,
368
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,128
right on the mark.
369
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,171
About six feet
to go.
370
00:16:04,212 --> 00:16:05,464
We can cut through
the floor tonight,
371
00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:06,632
as soon as the Krauts
knock off work.
372
00:16:06,673 --> 00:16:08,383
Hey, congratulations,
fellas.
373
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:10,177
To all of us.
And tonight we can go in
374
00:16:10,218 --> 00:16:11,595
and finish off
that little monster.
375
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,971
Not tonight,
Josephine.
376
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,222
You fellas
aren't aware of it,
377
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,849
but the civilian Kraut
sleeps in there.
378
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,434
Well, if not at night,
when, sir?
379
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,602
Lunch hour, tomorrow.
380
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,187
The three Krauts go
to the Officers Mess,
381
00:16:20,228 --> 00:16:21,647
then they take
a little snooze.
382
00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:23,065
We'll have
about two hours in all.
383
00:16:23,106 --> 00:16:24,316
Is two hours enough?
384
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,442
That's all we've got.
385
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,194
Kinch, Newkirk
and I will take pictures
386
00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:28,570
of the tank
and the controls.
387
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,405
LeBeau, you be the lookout
at the window.
388
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:31,990
When do we
plant this?
389
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,075
Soon as we're through
with the pictures.
390
00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:34,076
You wait in the tunnel.
391
00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:35,077
Now, just a minute, sir.
392
00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:36,912
What's the procedure
if something goes wrong
393
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,081
and the Krauts surprise us
in there?
394
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:42,584
There's one
in every crowd.
395
00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:00,644
Geronimo!
396
00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:02,396
( whisper ):
Geronimo!
397
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:04,648
All right, let's move out.
398
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:38,765
( whispers ):
Watch the window.
399
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,016
Newkirk, take...
400
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,400
Colonel.
401
00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:49,651
Control box.
402
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,444
Receives its impulse
from the transmitter.
403
00:17:51,486 --> 00:17:52,445
We'll have to open it up.
404
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,907
Ah, that's going to
mean taking it out.
405
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,242
Right. Hurry it up.
406
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,628
Krauts!
407
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,430
Burkhalter
and a couple of generals.
408
00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:20,223
It's lousy with Krauts there.
409
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,516
It's not too healthy
in here, either.
410
00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:22,517
All right, easy,
everybody.
411
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:23,518
LeBeau,
what are they doing?
412
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,271
Looking over here... talking.
413
00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:27,814
Probably means
they're going to test it.
414
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,357
Kinch, wire
the control box back in.
415
00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:30,650
You kidding?
There's no time.
416
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:31,818
They're coming this way!
417
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:32,986
All right, both of you,
back in the tunnel,
418
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:34,404
and take the control box
with you.
419
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,947
Take it with us?
Fast!
420
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,870
Wait, LeBeau.
What?
421
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:42,954
Did you ever drive a tank?
422
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,623
Well, once...
Good, glad you're experienced.
423
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:45,749
Get in.
424
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:46,833
You're just
the right size.
425
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,418
Get in there!
426
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,629
Look... that
thing steers it.
427
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,172
The rest you can
figure out as you go.
428
00:18:52,213 --> 00:18:53,882
But, Colonel, I...!
Drive carefully.
429
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,884
The lives you save
may be our own.
430
00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:58,845
Now, Colonel?
431
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,972
I thought I told you
to wait in the tunnel.
432
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,067
Hmm.
433
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:16,321
Here it is, Generals.
434
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,864
Small but deadly.
435
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,240
Small but deadly.
436
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,909
Is it ready to be tested?
437
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,911
All we need to roll it
out of here is 20 minutes.
438
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,622
That's what I
would estimate: about 20 minutes.
439
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,915
Thank you, Klink.
440
00:19:26,956 --> 00:19:29,542
Gentlemen, I cannot
stress enough
441
00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:31,211
the importance
of this weapon.
442
00:19:31,252 --> 00:19:34,047
If it works,
you can easily imagine
443
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:38,259
how such a radio-controlled tank
will improve our efficiency
444
00:19:38,259 --> 00:19:40,095
in certain combat situations.
445
00:19:40,136 --> 00:19:42,931
Definitely,
definitely.
446
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,266
This project has been underway
for more than a year,
447
00:19:45,308 --> 00:19:47,143
and I can tell you
that the Fuhrer himself
448
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:50,438
is anxiously awaiting
the report of today's tests.
449
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:52,649
But we won't
disappoint him,
450
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:53,775
will we, Herr General?
451
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,027
No, but I may disappoint you
to the Russian front
452
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,196
if you don't shut up.
453
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,949
Whenever you are ready,
we are.
454
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,998
Can we be ready
in 20 minutes?
455
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,500
Of course, Major.
456
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,794
Get some guards and help us
roll it out of here.
457
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:13,920
Check the antenna.
458
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,214
Colonel.
459
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,507
Hogan, what are
you doing here?
460
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,633
You know that
our prisoners
461
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,009
were confined
to the barracks.
462
00:20:20,051 --> 00:20:21,302
I told him,
Herr Kommandant!
463
00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:22,470
But I was just
wondering...
464
00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:23,638
Just one moment.
465
00:20:23,638 --> 00:20:26,057
I see no reason
why Colonel Hogan
466
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:30,145
shouldn't watch a demonstration
of German efficiency.
467
00:20:30,186 --> 00:20:32,689
KLINK:
B-B-But this is classified,
468
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:35,942
He isn't going anywhere
with the information, is he?
469
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:36,985
Of course not. Uh...
470
00:20:37,026 --> 00:20:39,320
No one has ever
escaped from Stalag 13.
471
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:40,864
So you have told me.
472
00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:41,823
Yes, sir.
473
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,575
And told me.
474
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,661
And told me.
475
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,663
Yes, Herr Kommandant,
I remember.
476
00:20:48,663 --> 00:20:49,164
Schultz!
477
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,541
Start the engine.
478
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,042
Did he say,
"Start the engine"?
479
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,546
( engine starts )
480
00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,507
Proceed straight ahead.
481
00:20:59,507 --> 00:21:01,009
Did he say "proceed
straight ahead"?
482
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,183
Circle to the right.
483
00:21:08,224 --> 00:21:10,101
Imagine that,
circle to the right!
484
00:21:15,356 --> 00:21:17,233
And now circle
to the left.
485
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:18,568
That's marvelous.
486
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,237
It even circles to the left!
487
00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,906
I said
it's marvelous!
488
00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:24,157
Even circles
to the left!
489
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:25,408
I heard you!
490
00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:35,877
Stop it.
Stop it.
491
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:37,170
Did you say something
to me, sir?
492
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,254
I did not.
493
00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:39,839
Oh, oh, I thought
you said "stop!"
494
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,178
So far,
very good, Major.
495
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,804
Very good.
Thank you, sir.
496
00:21:46,846 --> 00:21:49,057
Now I would like to see
if it is capable
497
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:51,893
of maneuvering
in a limited area.
498
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,061
We'll try, sir.
499
00:21:53,102 --> 00:21:54,062
Uh, sir,
may I suggest
500
00:21:54,103 --> 00:21:55,563
running it
between the barracks?
501
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:56,564
That is
a limited space.
502
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:57,899
Excellent suggestion,
Hogan.
503
00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:59,067
Good, good.
Excellent, mm-hmm.
504
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:01,402
Major, carry on.
505
00:22:01,402 --> 00:22:03,029
Proceed between
the buildings.
506
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,614
Imagine that.
Between the buildings!
507
00:22:33,768 --> 00:22:35,311
( doors creak )
508
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,750
It's attacking!
509
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:08,886
( cannon fires )
510
00:23:28,656 --> 00:23:31,284
( loud crash, explosion )
511
00:23:41,752 --> 00:23:43,171
Well, fellas...
512
00:23:43,212 --> 00:23:45,715
think it's back
to the old drawing board.
513
00:23:52,722 --> 00:23:54,015
The pictures
of the tank
514
00:23:54,056 --> 00:23:55,141
came out fine,
Colonel.
515
00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:56,142
Good.
516
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:57,727
Control box
and negatives
517
00:23:57,768 --> 00:23:59,103
on the way
to England, sir.
518
00:23:59,145 --> 00:24:00,438
Underground's
handling it.
519
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,273
Mission
accomplished.
520
00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:03,566
KLINK:
Hogan!
521
00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:05,359
Achtung!
522
00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:08,112
Well, Schultz
isn't here, sir.
523
00:24:08,154 --> 00:24:10,740
( grunts ):
I just spoke to General Burkhalter.
524
00:24:10,781 --> 00:24:13,576
He accuses me of negligence
because his car was destroyed.
525
00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:14,577
That's terrible.
526
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,537
And he's demanding
that I pay for it.
527
00:24:16,537 --> 00:24:17,830
What a shame.
528
00:24:17,872 --> 00:24:20,124
Now, you and your men
will work around the clock
529
00:24:20,166 --> 00:24:21,792
beautifying Stalag 13.
530
00:24:21,834 --> 00:24:22,877
How's that going
to help you?
531
00:24:22,919 --> 00:24:23,878
I intend to win
that prize.
532
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,046
I'm not going to pay
for that car
533
00:24:25,087 --> 00:24:26,047
out of my own pocket.
534
00:24:26,088 --> 00:24:27,715
I don't have
that kind of money.
535
00:24:27,757 --> 00:24:29,050
Okay, fellas,
back to work.
536
00:24:29,091 --> 00:24:30,885
Be most happy
to help you
537
00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:31,886
out of a jam,
Colonel.
538
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,222
Thank you for your
cooperation, Hogan.
539
00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:36,265
Dismissed.
540
00:24:36,307 --> 00:24:37,683
We have to go on working?
541
00:24:37,725 --> 00:24:38,851
Well, that's great.
542
00:24:38,893 --> 00:24:40,728
Only until Kinch types
the letter.
543
00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:42,104
What letter?
544
00:24:42,146 --> 00:24:44,232
From the Prisoner of War
Administration
545
00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:45,608
canceling the contest.
546
00:24:45,658 --> 00:24:50,208
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