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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:06,882 ANNOUNCER: CBS presents this program in color. 2 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:27,611 ( theme song playing ) 3 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,315 ( bombs whistling ) 4 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,776 ( explosions ) 5 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:12,280 Liebchen, when you kiss me, the ground shakes. 6 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:16,535 Either you've got it or you haven't. 7 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:20,497 But you... but you must return to the Luft Stalag. 8 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:24,001 Colonel Hogan sent me on a reconnaissance mission, 9 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,919 but I've nothing to report... 10 00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,295 so far. 11 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,220 ( bomb whistling ) 12 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,930 ( explosion ) 13 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,872 Now what's gone wrong? 14 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,874 I don't know, Major. 15 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,041 The transmitter was functioning. 16 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,586 Yeah, but obviously not the receiver. 17 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,005 Good thing it wasn't loaded with explosives. 18 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,715 Possibly it's the shock of the air raid. 19 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,383 Some of those bombs fell pretty close. 20 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,927 Sir, it is my opinion we ought to find 21 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,764 a more controlled area to continue the testing. 22 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,725 All right. 23 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,018 We're risking security, 24 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,395 but we'll have to chance it. 25 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,731 We'll set up shop at Stalag 13. 26 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,241 ( dog whining ) 27 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,464 I'm out of gas. 28 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:56,426 Pick me up on your way back, will you, Klaus? 29 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,637 ( sighs ) 30 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,104 Danke. 31 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,272 Bitte. 32 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,566 Eh, lovely evening. 33 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,944 Lovely. If I would be in bed 34 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,570 instead of having to walk around 35 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,780 in the middle of the night, 36 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,907 it would be lovely, but... 37 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,451 Newkirk? 38 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,246 The fence is over there, 39 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,706 and you are here. 40 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,750 By George, you're right. 41 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,710 I must've taken a wrong turn. 42 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:31,711 ( grunts ) 43 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,046 An attempted escape! 44 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,381 I have to report you. 45 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,382 All right, but don't forget 46 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,549 to put yourself on the report, Schultz. 47 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,592 Jawohl, Herr... 48 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,593 Report myself? 49 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,428 You are a sergeant of the guard, you know. 50 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,097 It does not matter. 51 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,640 Better to be on report than have Klink send me 52 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,766 to the Russian front. 53 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,976 I never thought about that. 54 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,644 Well, I suppose you'd better turn LeBeau in 55 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:48,937 while you're about it. 56 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,313 LeBeau, too?! 57 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:51,940 Yeah, he's right up there behind the tree. 58 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:52,941 Stay where you are! 59 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:53,942 Right, Schultz. LeBeau! 60 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,318 I'll get you, LeBeau! 61 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,654 Come out with your hands up! 62 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,907 Newkirk! 63 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,743 I should never believe you, Newkirk! 64 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,620 Newkirk! 65 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:08,790 Ooh, now, wait a minute. 66 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:14,045 LeBeau is not there, you are not here... 67 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,216 The time has come for me to say nothing! 68 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,344 Nothing! 69 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,690 LeBEAU: What took you so long! 70 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,358 ( all talking at once ) Are you joking? 71 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,193 You get lost? Come on! I'm not joking. 72 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,029 That's quite a mission. You were gone 12 hours. 73 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,363 And two roll calls. 74 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,365 Reconnaissance takes time! 75 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,409 I've been dodging Krauts all day. 76 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,744 Some of 'em got pretty close. 77 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,039 Yeah. One of 'em even kissed you. 78 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:49,956 That's lipstick! 79 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,416 It sure is. 80 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,584 Colonel, I request 81 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,543 that the next reconnaissance mission be 82 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,586 a double date! 83 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:55,754 She must have a friend. 84 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,255 That's only fair. What'd you find out, 85 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,256 besides her phone number? 86 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,591 Well, there's nothing new in the village, 87 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,260 but on the way back, I really had a shocker. 88 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,595 Her husband chased you? 89 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,346 I saw a baby tank 90 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,389 without a driver. 91 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,391 Remote control by radio. 92 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,852 And they're going to test it here. 93 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,604 They're not going to test a tank here. 94 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,646 You're making that up. 95 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:14,647 Remote-controlled tank. 96 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,149 That could give the Krauts a big edge. 97 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,943 Kinch, get that information off to London. Right. 98 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,987 Tell them we'll get further information as soon as possible. 99 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,197 Newkirk, tell us more about it. 100 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,865 Come on, give. 101 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,242 Well, it's small and very, very fast. 102 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,495 It carries one gun and the armor is... 103 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:32,040 Not the tank, stupid-- the girl! 104 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,249 That is the girl. 105 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,627 Now the tank's an entirely different affair. 106 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,934 Didn't Newkirk say 107 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,435 two officers and a civilian 108 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,770 were working on that tank? 109 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,188 Those could be the guys, Colonel. 110 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,523 Let's make sure. 111 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,775 Is the coffee pot to Klink's office working? 112 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,443 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 113 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,322 It's fully operational und at your service. 114 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,740 Just a simple "yes" 115 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,785 would have been sufficient, Kinch. 116 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,454 Yes, Colonel, 117 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,580 the final testing for this weapon 118 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,123 has been hampered by Allied air attacks 119 00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,124 in this area. 120 00:06:15,124 --> 00:06:16,125 I see. I see. 121 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:18,211 So you would like to continue your work here, 122 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,296 because they never bomb a P.O.W. camp? 123 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,714 That is correct, Colonel. 124 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:25,635 Gentlemen, Stalag 13 is the toughest P.O.W. camp 125 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:26,719 in all of Germany 126 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,680 with the highest efficiency rating 127 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,473 in our military establishment. 128 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,017 It is not a scientific laboratory. 129 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,562 I have signed orders from General Burkhalter. 130 00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,398 However, it can be turned into a scientific laboratory 131 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,899 just like that. 132 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,109 Good old Klink. 133 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,736 Always ready with a definite maybe. 134 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,862 Can you turn the volume up, Kinch? 135 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,155 Can't go any higher. 136 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,156 With Schultz in there, 137 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:50,034 all that blubber absorbs the sound. 138 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,494 What will you require, Major? 139 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,912 Does your sergeant hold a clearance 140 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,872 for classified information? 141 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,000 I know nothing! 142 00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,877 Sometimes I even forget who we are fighting. 143 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,045 Most of the time you're fighting me! 144 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:03,840 He's all right. 145 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,508 Very well. 146 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,801 I'll need an isolated building 147 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,178 large enough to house a small tank. 148 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,346 We have our own tools and equipment. 149 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,557 Let me see. 150 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,063 Uh, uh, uh, Building 12-- wh-what's in there, Schultz? 151 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,858 Herr Kommandant, powdered milk, 152 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,068 eggs and cases of beer. 153 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,361 That's not important. 154 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,071 Beer is not important? 155 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,573 Move it somewhere. 156 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,908 I could store it in my barracks. 157 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,660 I don't care what you do with it! 158 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,121 Just get Building 12 ready for these officers! 159 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,956 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! 160 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,833 At once! 161 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,210 Beer is not important? 162 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,215 Carter, watch the door, huh? 163 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,261 All right, now, let me have your attention. 164 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,514 Klink is giving them Building number 12, right here. 165 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,851 You'll notice our emergency tunnel runs right past it here. 166 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,228 Right past it? That's 50 feet. 167 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,355 Which we can dig in no time at all. 168 00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,900 Coming right up in the middle of little old Building 12. 169 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,401 Oh, flipping digging. 170 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,112 This war is turning me into a coal miner. 171 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,447 Wrong attitude, old chap. 172 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,074 You're letting the team down. 173 00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,325 We've got a problem, Colonel. 174 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,659 How do we dispose of the dirt? 175 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,411 One thing at a time. 176 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:18,581 Kinch, what kind of stationery do we have-- the official stuff? 177 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,416 We've stolen from every Kraut officer 178 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,335 that ever walked into this camp. 179 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,757 Gestapo, Luftwaffe, Quartermaster, 180 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,634 Army Intelligence... 181 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:30,927 Hey, you know, if the Krauts 182 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,847 ever run short of stationery, they can always ask us. 183 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,641 Door. 184 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,684 Prisoner of War Administration blank? 185 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:39,852 Loaded. HOGAN: Good. We're in business. 186 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,187 Kinch, take a phony memo. 187 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,272 Right. 188 00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,690 To commanding officers, 189 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,776 all P.O.W. installations, greater Germany. 190 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,777 Big brain. 191 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,904 A right old genius, that's what he is. 192 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,614 Intelligence sources reveal 193 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,242 that British and American P.O.W. camps are maintained 194 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,911 with great efficiency and physical attractiveness. 195 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,996 Not to be outdone by the enemy, 196 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,456 the Prisoner of War Administration 197 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,458 announces a contest... Hey, that's great. 198 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,336 To find the best-kept P.O.W. camp in Germany, 199 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,338 for the prize of 1,000 marks to the winner. 200 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,507 The Inspector General 201 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,843 of this bureau to be the final judge. 202 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:12,969 Beautiful! 203 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,470 Uh, in case of a tie, 204 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,680 will duplicate prizes be awarded? 205 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:16,722 Let's not overdo it. 206 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,599 Hey, how's this going to help us with the tanker? 207 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,684 All in due time. 208 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,810 Carter, I want you to volunteer 209 00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,103 for the housecleaning detail tomorrow morning. 210 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,688 Get into Klink's office. Yes, sir. 211 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,731 Kinch, type that up with all the official code numbers 212 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,400 and the rest. Right. How do I sign it? 213 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,820 Oh, uh, put a general's name on it. General... 214 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:34,031 Why not make it General Nuisance? 215 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,616 Very good idea. 216 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,703 Sign that "General Heinrich von Nuisance." 217 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:41,872 * La, la, la, la, yellow cards * 218 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,583 * Bum-da-bum-bum- bum-bum-bum * 219 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:46,002 * And there is the white cards, and... * 220 00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:50,256 Carter, what's doing there on the desk? 221 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,841 Nothing, Schultz. 222 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,885 Did the big shot leave any cigars around? 223 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,512 I don't think so. 224 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,763 Headache he leaves around, 225 00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,890 but never cigars. 226 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,560 ( humming ) 227 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:06,606 Oh, achtung! 228 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,982 At ease. Carry on. 229 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,109 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 230 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,235 Good morning, 231 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,322 Herr Kommandant. 232 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,033 Mach schnell! 233 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:34,050 What are you doing, Carter? 234 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,968 Oh, sorry, Schultz. 235 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:39,555 You think I am a filing cabinet, Dummkopf? 236 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,141 Schultz, get Colonel Hogan in here right away. 237 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,310 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! 238 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,603 I better take him with me. 239 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,688 He's liable to dust you. 240 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:48,981 Out! 241 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,191 SCHULTZ: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! 242 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,026 What did you do? 243 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,861 You know, that is unhealthy. 244 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,280 I could catch some sickness or something. 245 00:10:56,322 --> 00:11:00,451 Colonel Hogan, I have a plan for the beautification of Stalag 13. 246 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,869 Beautify Stalag 13? Why? 247 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,329 Why not? 248 00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:05,664 This place is like a country club now. 249 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:09,543 I can do without your sarcasm at this hour of the morning. 250 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,837 According to the Geneva Prisoner of War Convention... 251 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,923 I know, I know. 252 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,342 You are not required to do such work, 253 00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:20,429 but, uh... there is no rule against voluntary employment. 254 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,766 First rule for a soldier: never volunteer for anything. 255 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,102 Sometimes rewards are given for volunteering. 256 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,937 Forget it. Very well. 257 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,106 I don't have the manpower for this project, 258 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,733 but, uh, I'll make due. 259 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,693 Sir? 260 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:35,778 You're not going to have 261 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,279 your own men do this job, are you? 262 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,364 Dismissed. 263 00:11:38,405 --> 00:11:39,990 What kind of reward did you have in mind? 264 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:44,161 Uh-huh. Second thoughts? 265 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,122 Second thoughts are sometimes best. 266 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,748 Now, your men have been stealing coffee 267 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,000 from our Red Cross packages, and I want it stopped. 268 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,627 Granted. 269 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,963 Half hour more electricity in the barracks every night. 270 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,465 Granted. Extra ration of potatoes on Sunday. 271 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,508 Every other Sunday? 272 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,300 Granted. 273 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,387 We'd also like permission to enlarge the rec hall. 274 00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:02,638 What for? 275 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,931 Some of the fellas are jitterbugging, 276 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,057 and there's not enough room. 277 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,309 We had two head injuries last week. 278 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,812 Very well. That'll fit into our improvement project. 279 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,022 We'll need some tools to reset the foundation. 280 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,650 Very well. Draw the necessary supplies and start at once. 281 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:15,359 Thanks, sir. 282 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,447 Colonel, when we get the camp beautified, 283 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:21,574 don't you think those guys in Berlin 284 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,158 ought to give you some recognition? 285 00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:26,579 Like an award or cash prize of some kind? 286 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,374 Not a bad thought. 287 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,002 I'll suggest that to the P.O.W. Administration, 288 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,254 very discreetly, of course. 289 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,047 Oh, of course, very discreetly. 290 00:12:40,884 --> 00:12:42,094 LeBEAU: Ping-pong's a French game. 291 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,137 NEWKIRK: It's English. 292 00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:44,388 LeBEAU: No, it's French. All right, men, 293 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,806 come on, quiet down, let me have your attention. 294 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,141 LeBeau, watch that door, will you? 295 00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:49,810 Look, we start digging right away-- two hour shifts. 296 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,813 We form a line leading from the emergency tunnel 297 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,857 up through the trap over to this window. 298 00:12:54,898 --> 00:12:57,401 Carter, you and Newkirk will handle the wheelbarrows. 299 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,403 You'll alternate with Pedalski and Wilson. 300 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,946 I want you to take the dirt 301 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,948 over to the rec hall and pile it near the foundation. 302 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,617 You got that? Affirmative, sir. 303 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,160 Must you be so official? 304 00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:07,661 Kinch, I want you to start digging 305 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,829 around the rec hall... Right. 306 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:09,997 so that the dirt from the tunnel 307 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:10,998 looks like it belongs. 308 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,333 Get a detail to help you. Right. 309 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,792 LeBeau? LeBEAU: Yes, sir. 310 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,377 I want you to be the security guard 311 00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:16,670 outside the window. 312 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:17,838 Start working on something 313 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,590 so it looks like you belong there, huh? Right. 314 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,216 Any questions? 315 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,385 I'm glad it's all clear. 316 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:24,928 Don't just stand there. 317 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,474 Your P.O.W. pay is piling up in Washington. 318 00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,588 Close the window! Schultz! 319 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,931 Hey, Frenchie, what is this? 320 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,058 I don't know, but as soon as it grows up, 321 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,768 I'm going to eat it. Eat it? 322 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,645 Oui. I will clean it, 323 00:14:14,686 --> 00:14:17,231 boil it, sauté it with some garlic. 324 00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:18,565 Maybe it's poisonous. Chopped onion. 325 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,234 Chopped onion? And a dash of... 326 00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:21,568 A dash of what- what-what-what-what? 327 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:24,071 And a dash of wine to bring out the flavor. 328 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,240 Mm! I hope that it's not poisonous. 329 00:14:26,281 --> 00:14:29,785 Please, save me some when you're finished. 330 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,246 Okay, Schultzy. 331 00:14:43,298 --> 00:14:46,051 Yes, Herr General, he has had full cooperation. 332 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,971 Of course you know our Stalag 13 efficiency. 333 00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:50,722 What? 334 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:51,723 It's news to you. 335 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,976 Oh, you have a great sense of humor, sir. 336 00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:55,602 Yes, sir. 337 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,937 The Major? Oh, he's right here. 338 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,147 I'll put him on. 339 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,898 General Burkhalter. 340 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,608 Heil Hitler, Herr General. 341 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,485 Guten Abend. 342 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,237 Yes, sir, we're doing very well. 343 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,447 Got all the bugs worked out of it, we hope. 344 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,949 Day after tomorrow? 345 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,493 Yes, Herr General. I think it's possible. 346 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,494 Yes. 347 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:15,080 We'll have everything in readiness. Hmm? 348 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,040 ( chuckles ) 349 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,126 Thank you, sir. You're too kind. 350 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,587 Auf Wiedersehen, sir. 351 00:15:21,628 --> 00:15:23,380 He's coming here day after tomorrow 352 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,300 with some very high brass for a test on the radio tank. 353 00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:29,511 Major, did he tell you to say auf Wiedersehen to me? 354 00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,680 No, I don't think he did. 355 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,265 I see. 356 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,183 Uh, Major? 357 00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:39,563 At the end of the conversation you forgot to say "Heil Hitler." 358 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,572 See, this detonator works on contact. 359 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,657 Now, it only takes a few pounds of impact 360 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,658 to set the bomb off. 361 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,035 Like, if I were to drop it to the floor... 362 00:15:53,076 --> 00:15:55,203 Hold it. I believe you. 363 00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:56,496 Oh, I wouldn't do it. 364 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,081 Just save it for the tank. 365 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,042 Colonel, we did it. What? 366 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,043 We finished the tunnel. 367 00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:02,044 Directly under Building 12, 368 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,128 right on the mark. 369 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,171 About six feet to go. 370 00:16:04,212 --> 00:16:05,464 We can cut through the floor tonight, 371 00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:06,632 as soon as the Krauts knock off work. 372 00:16:06,673 --> 00:16:08,383 Hey, congratulations, fellas. 373 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:10,177 To all of us. And tonight we can go in 374 00:16:10,218 --> 00:16:11,595 and finish off that little monster. 375 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,971 Not tonight, Josephine. 376 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,222 You fellas aren't aware of it, 377 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,849 but the civilian Kraut sleeps in there. 378 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,434 Well, if not at night, when, sir? 379 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,602 Lunch hour, tomorrow. 380 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,187 The three Krauts go to the Officers Mess, 381 00:16:20,228 --> 00:16:21,647 then they take a little snooze. 382 00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:23,065 We'll have about two hours in all. 383 00:16:23,106 --> 00:16:24,316 Is two hours enough? 384 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,442 That's all we've got. 385 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,194 Kinch, Newkirk and I will take pictures 386 00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:28,570 of the tank and the controls. 387 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,405 LeBeau, you be the lookout at the window. 388 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:31,990 When do we plant this? 389 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,075 Soon as we're through with the pictures. 390 00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:34,076 You wait in the tunnel. 391 00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:35,077 Now, just a minute, sir. 392 00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:36,912 What's the procedure if something goes wrong 393 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,081 and the Krauts surprise us in there? 394 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:42,584 There's one in every crowd. 395 00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:00,644 Geronimo! 396 00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:02,396 ( whisper ): Geronimo! 397 00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:04,648 All right, let's move out. 398 00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:38,765 ( whispers ): Watch the window. 399 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,016 Newkirk, take... 400 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,400 Colonel. 401 00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:49,651 Control box. 402 00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,444 Receives its impulse from the transmitter. 403 00:17:51,486 --> 00:17:52,445 We'll have to open it up. 404 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,907 Ah, that's going to mean taking it out. 405 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,242 Right. Hurry it up. 406 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,628 Krauts! 407 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,430 Burkhalter and a couple of generals. 408 00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:20,223 It's lousy with Krauts there. 409 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,516 It's not too healthy in here, either. 410 00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:22,517 All right, easy, everybody. 411 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:23,518 LeBeau, what are they doing? 412 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,271 Looking over here... talking. 413 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:27,814 Probably means they're going to test it. 414 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,357 Kinch, wire the control box back in. 415 00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:30,650 You kidding? There's no time. 416 00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:31,818 They're coming this way! 417 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:32,986 All right, both of you, back in the tunnel, 418 00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:34,404 and take the control box with you. 419 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,947 Take it with us? Fast! 420 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,870 Wait, LeBeau. What? 421 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:42,954 Did you ever drive a tank? 422 00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,623 Well, once... Good, glad you're experienced. 423 00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:45,749 Get in. 424 00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:46,833 You're just the right size. 425 00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,418 Get in there! 426 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,629 Look... that thing steers it. 427 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,172 The rest you can figure out as you go. 428 00:18:52,213 --> 00:18:53,882 But, Colonel, I...! Drive carefully. 429 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,884 The lives you save may be our own. 430 00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:58,845 Now, Colonel? 431 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,972 I thought I told you to wait in the tunnel. 432 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,067 Hmm. 433 00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:16,321 Here it is, Generals. 434 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,864 Small but deadly. 435 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,240 Small but deadly. 436 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,909 Is it ready to be tested? 437 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,911 All we need to roll it out of here is 20 minutes. 438 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,622 That's what I would estimate: about 20 minutes. 439 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,915 Thank you, Klink. 440 00:19:26,956 --> 00:19:29,542 Gentlemen, I cannot stress enough 441 00:19:29,584 --> 00:19:31,211 the importance of this weapon. 442 00:19:31,252 --> 00:19:34,047 If it works, you can easily imagine 443 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:38,259 how such a radio-controlled tank will improve our efficiency 444 00:19:38,259 --> 00:19:40,095 in certain combat situations. 445 00:19:40,136 --> 00:19:42,931 Definitely, definitely. 446 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,266 This project has been underway for more than a year, 447 00:19:45,308 --> 00:19:47,143 and I can tell you that the Fuhrer himself 448 00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:50,438 is anxiously awaiting the report of today's tests. 449 00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:52,649 But we won't disappoint him, 450 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:53,775 will we, Herr General? 451 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,027 No, but I may disappoint you to the Russian front 452 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,196 if you don't shut up. 453 00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,949 Whenever you are ready, we are. 454 00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,998 Can we be ready in 20 minutes? 455 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,500 Of course, Major. 456 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,794 Get some guards and help us roll it out of here. 457 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:13,920 Check the antenna. 458 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,214 Colonel. 459 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,507 Hogan, what are you doing here? 460 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,633 You know that our prisoners 461 00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,009 were confined to the barracks. 462 00:20:20,051 --> 00:20:21,302 I told him, Herr Kommandant! 463 00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:22,470 But I was just wondering... 464 00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:23,638 Just one moment. 465 00:20:23,638 --> 00:20:26,057 I see no reason why Colonel Hogan 466 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:30,145 shouldn't watch a demonstration of German efficiency. 467 00:20:30,186 --> 00:20:32,689 KLINK: B-B-But this is classified, 468 00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:35,942 He isn't going anywhere with the information, is he? 469 00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:36,985 Of course not. Uh... 470 00:20:37,026 --> 00:20:39,320 No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13. 471 00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:40,864 So you have told me. 472 00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:41,823 Yes, sir. 473 00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,575 And told me. 474 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,661 And told me. 475 00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,663 Yes, Herr Kommandant, I remember. 476 00:20:48,663 --> 00:20:49,164 Schultz! 477 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,541 Start the engine. 478 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,042 Did he say, "Start the engine"? 479 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,546 ( engine starts ) 480 00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,507 Proceed straight ahead. 481 00:20:59,507 --> 00:21:01,009 Did he say "proceed straight ahead"? 482 00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,183 Circle to the right. 483 00:21:08,224 --> 00:21:10,101 Imagine that, circle to the right! 484 00:21:15,356 --> 00:21:17,233 And now circle to the left. 485 00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:18,568 That's marvelous. 486 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,237 It even circles to the left! 487 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,906 I said it's marvelous! 488 00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:24,157 Even circles to the left! 489 00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:25,408 I heard you! 490 00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:35,877 Stop it. Stop it. 491 00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:37,170 Did you say something to me, sir? 492 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,254 I did not. 493 00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:39,839 Oh, oh, I thought you said "stop!" 494 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,178 So far, very good, Major. 495 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,804 Very good. Thank you, sir. 496 00:21:46,846 --> 00:21:49,057 Now I would like to see if it is capable 497 00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:51,893 of maneuvering in a limited area. 498 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,061 We'll try, sir. 499 00:21:53,102 --> 00:21:54,062 Uh, sir, may I suggest 500 00:21:54,103 --> 00:21:55,563 running it between the barracks? 501 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:56,564 That is a limited space. 502 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:57,899 Excellent suggestion, Hogan. 503 00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:59,067 Good, good. Excellent, mm-hmm. 504 00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:01,402 Major, carry on. 505 00:22:01,402 --> 00:22:03,029 Proceed between the buildings. 506 00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,614 Imagine that. Between the buildings! 507 00:22:33,768 --> 00:22:35,311 ( doors creak ) 508 00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,750 It's attacking! 509 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:08,886 ( cannon fires ) 510 00:23:28,656 --> 00:23:31,284 ( loud crash, explosion ) 511 00:23:41,752 --> 00:23:43,171 Well, fellas... 512 00:23:43,212 --> 00:23:45,715 think it's back to the old drawing board. 513 00:23:52,722 --> 00:23:54,015 The pictures of the tank 514 00:23:54,056 --> 00:23:55,141 came out fine, Colonel. 515 00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:56,142 Good. 516 00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:57,727 Control box and negatives 517 00:23:57,768 --> 00:23:59,103 on the way to England, sir. 518 00:23:59,145 --> 00:24:00,438 Underground's handling it. 519 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,273 Mission accomplished. 520 00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:03,566 KLINK: Hogan! 521 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:05,359 Achtung! 522 00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:08,112 Well, Schultz isn't here, sir. 523 00:24:08,154 --> 00:24:10,740 ( grunts ): I just spoke to General Burkhalter. 524 00:24:10,781 --> 00:24:13,576 He accuses me of negligence because his car was destroyed. 525 00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:14,577 That's terrible. 526 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,537 And he's demanding that I pay for it. 527 00:24:16,537 --> 00:24:17,830 What a shame. 528 00:24:17,872 --> 00:24:20,124 Now, you and your men will work around the clock 529 00:24:20,166 --> 00:24:21,792 beautifying Stalag 13. 530 00:24:21,834 --> 00:24:22,877 How's that going to help you? 531 00:24:22,919 --> 00:24:23,878 I intend to win that prize. 532 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,046 I'm not going to pay for that car 533 00:24:25,087 --> 00:24:26,047 out of my own pocket. 534 00:24:26,088 --> 00:24:27,715 I don't have that kind of money. 535 00:24:27,757 --> 00:24:29,050 Okay, fellas, back to work. 536 00:24:29,091 --> 00:24:30,885 Be most happy to help you 537 00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:31,886 out of a jam, Colonel. 538 00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,222 Thank you for your cooperation, Hogan. 539 00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:36,265 Dismissed. 540 00:24:36,307 --> 00:24:37,683 We have to go on working? 541 00:24:37,725 --> 00:24:38,851 Well, that's great. 542 00:24:38,893 --> 00:24:40,728 Only until Kinch types the letter. 543 00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:42,104 What letter? 544 00:24:42,146 --> 00:24:44,232 From the Prisoner of War Administration 545 00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:45,608 canceling the contest. 546 00:24:45,658 --> 00:24:50,208 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38349

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