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00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,090
CBS presents this programin color.
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00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:27,277
( theme song playing )
3
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,060
Into the barracks, everybody!
4
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,478
Into the barracks,
everybody!
5
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,146
Into the barracks,
schnell, schnell, schnell!
6
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,691
Schnell, schnell, schnellschnell, schnell, schnell!
7
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,150
NEWKIRK:
All right, schnell, schnell.
8
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,986
Get into the barracks,
and all of you,
9
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,114
you stay in here;
order of the commandant.
10
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,490
Nobody leaves the barracks.
11
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,491
All right,
now, Schultzy.
12
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,459
Uh-oh.
13
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,170
Uh-oh.
14
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,504
Well, what is it?
15
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,465
Here's the reason
we are all confined.
16
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,092
Well, what's happening?
17
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,678
It's a kraut general
with a bunch of medals.
18
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,513
CARTER:
Anybody with him?
19
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,764
LeBEAU:
I can't see.
20
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,141
Klink's all excited.
21
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:40,767
NEWKIRK:
What are they doing?
22
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:41,560
LeBEAU:
They're dancing.
23
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,021
Hansi!
24
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,022
Putzi!
25
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,234
And now you
are a general?
26
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,236
And you are
still a colonel.
27
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,492
And now they're going
into Klink's office.
28
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,828
I'd better
get the colonel.
29
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,539
Oh, Colonel,
30
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,791
there's a kraut
general outside.
31
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,460
That's the trouble
with prison camps.
32
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,795
You never have a minute
just to do nothing.
33
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,173
Get the intercom working, huh?
34
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,799
Come in, my dear Stofle!
35
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,134
Come in, come in!
36
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,719
On the phone
you mentioned
37
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,180
something about a
beautiful Rhine maiden.
38
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:19,806
Ah...
39
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,393
Asleep in the
back of my car.
40
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,437
Oh, oh, really?
41
00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:28,565
You were always
the wild one.
42
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,570
All set, Colonel.
43
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,780
Good.
44
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,866
To General Stofle,
the great tactician
45
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,494
of the Afrika
Korps, my guest.
46
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,829
To my old classmate
at university,
47
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:47,626
then two grades ahead
of me, now two grades behind.
48
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,253
( laughing )
49
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,547
KLINK:
I shall never forget what you gave me--
50
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,257
my dueling scar.
51
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,552
Ah, it was
my pleasure.
52
00:02:56,593 --> 00:03:00,556
Ooh, I could use
a man like you.
53
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,391
We could be
a team again.
54
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,642
A team.
55
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,061
Side by side in combat.
56
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,771
The smell
of gunpowder.
57
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,439
The roar of cannons.
58
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,108
There is nothing
I would like better,
59
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:15,112
but, then, I cannot
shirk my duty here,
60
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:19,283
and my iron hand is needed
to control these prisoners.
61
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,619
Of course, Putzi.
62
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:25,956
A little more
cognac, Hansi?
63
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,457
Ja, ja, ja.
64
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,876
Now, I have
arranged
65
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,295
a luncheon at the
officer's club--
66
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,505
oh, just simple
soldier's fare.
67
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:36,967
A little relaxation before
returning to battle.
68
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:40,053
What do you know about
my returning to battle?
69
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:44,641
Nothing. No one even knows
that you are here, Hansi.
70
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,227
STOFLE:
Good. No one must know.
71
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:51,315
I would wager the success
of your next campaign on that.
72
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:55,903
The Allies would give anything,
Putzi, to know where I am,
73
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,822
KLINK:
But how could they possibly find out?
74
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,157
It's simple.
75
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,534
Kinch, radio London
and tell them.
76
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,090
MAN:
Most interesting guest
77
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:17,257
you have there.
78
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:21,094
We have a date with his boys
at dawn tomorrow
79
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,138
out in the good old desert.
80
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:27,017
Could be an awfully good show
for us if he doesn't make it.
81
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,645
I take it you want us
to keep him here.
82
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,022
I do like the way
your mind works.
83
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:34,149
Just for 24 hours or so.
84
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,776
Just for 24 hours.
85
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,736
Got any suggestions how?
86
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,447
That is a sticky wicket,
87
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:42,074
but do give it
a whirl, old chaps.
88
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,992
Over and out.
89
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,285
Over and out.
90
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,832
How are we supposed
to kidnap a German general?
91
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:53,168
Do give it a
whirl, old chaps.
92
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:57,297
Uh-oh. Colonel, he's sleeping
in the back of his car.
93
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,757
The general?
Why would the commander
94
00:04:58,841 --> 00:04:59,091
of the Afrika Korps
be doing that?
95
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,135
Germans.
96
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,429
A bottle of wine for lunch,
and they can't stay awake.
97
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,306
All right, London
wants us to delay him
98
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:08,392
till after the offensive--
let's take him.
99
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,726
How?
100
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:10,936
Good afternoon,
General.
101
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,145
I'm the senior
POW officer.
102
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,689
Colonel Klink
asked me to take you
103
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,399
on an inspection tour
of the barracks.
104
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,567
Then what?
105
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:17,860
Once in the barracks,
we get him
106
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,736
into the tunnel
and to England for the duration.
107
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,321
Colonel?
Mm-hmm.
108
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,074
You sure
that's a good plan?
109
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,952
You have a better one?
110
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,580
Good plan.
Good plan.
111
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,956
Newkirk. Carter.
112
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:31,957
Yes, sir.
113
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,167
Diversion.
114
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,421
Schultz.
115
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,463
Come here a minute.
116
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:39,464
Come on.
Come on in.
117
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:40,424
Come in.
What?
118
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,759
We want to see you.
Come on in.
119
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,927
What is it?
What do you want?
120
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:44,720
We want you to
settle an argument.
121
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,846
What?
122
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,598
I bet Newkirk
I could guess
123
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:48,765
how much you weigh.
124
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,392
That's all you guys
have to do...
125
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,603
Listen to him.
126
00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:56,023
( laughing )
127
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,149
Don't do that.
128
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,442
Well?
129
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,945
Well, I estimate 250
pounds. Am I right?
130
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:05,282
I say nothing. Nothing.
131
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,325
May I?
132
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,787
He's 300
if he's a pound.
133
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,289
That's a terrible
thing to say.
134
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,707
What do you weigh?
135
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:17,294
295, but it's still a very
terrible thing to say.
136
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,219
Hello.
137
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,263
Hello.
138
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,182
Sorry, miss, I
didn't know this cab was taken.
139
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,602
( siren wailing )
140
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:34,937
Follow me.
141
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,980
Excuse us, miss,
just passing through.
142
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,819
A Gestapo major?
143
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,488
Well, what is
it all about?
144
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:47,658
Of course, let him in.
Anything he wants.
145
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:48,784
Why are they here?
146
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,577
Who knows?
147
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,454
Mm... might be awkward.
148
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:55,040
You know how
they twist things.
149
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,048
Hansi...
I know, I know, I know...
150
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:03,173
Oh, how delightful!
151
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,260
Klink, you have
private quarters here?
152
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:09,054
Of course, of course, through
this door straight ahead.
153
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,348
Mm.
154
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,989
Unload the equipment.
155
00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,295
Colonel Hogan,
senior officer
156
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,796
of the prisoners of war,
reporting.
157
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,133
So?
And may I say how glad we are to see you here, sir?
158
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,801
You see, we have
many grievances,
159
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:50,137
and with the Gestapo's
reputation for fairness
160
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,139
and generosity,
we were, um, uh...
161
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,765
Welcome to Stalag 13.
162
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,642
I'm so happy to...
163
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,102
What are you
doing here?
164
00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:58,937
I confined all
prisoners to the barracks.
165
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,522
And why was that,
Colonel Klink?
166
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:01,857
Well, it-it-it, um...
167
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:01,982
Yeah, I've been meaning
to ask why myself, Commandant.
168
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,570
Discipline, huh,
discipline.
169
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,572
Sir, I run a hard camp.
170
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,908
Sir, you should
have let me know that you were coming.
171
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,910
Oh, the Gestapo warns no one.
172
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,078
I am Major Zolle,
Commandant Klink,
173
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,749
and I assure you, I know
all about you and your camp.
174
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,417
I will come
right to the point.
175
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:23,921
There is something strange
about this camp.
176
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,088
Strange, sir?
177
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,924
Not one complaint
from Berlin.
178
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:27,049
Why do they not complain?
179
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,593
Because Berlin...
180
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,887
Because Berlin
cannot be trusted either.
181
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:32,012
Berlin cannot
be trusted?
182
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,765
What about General
Burkhalter?
183
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:38,185
What about General Burkhalter?
184
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,521
He personally commended
Stalag 13.
185
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,606
No incidents,
no escapes...
186
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,108
Perhaps General Burkhalter
cannot be trusted.
187
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,443
What do you say to that?
188
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,862
General Burkhalter?
189
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,447
I trust no one.
190
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,783
Not you. Not my mother.
191
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,284
Not your mother?
192
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,621
Sir, I assure you,
I run a model camp.
193
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,290
We will find something wrong,
believe me.
194
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:05,712
I always say if a thing sounds
too perfect, watch out.
195
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,756
Come.
196
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,430
Kommandant Klink,
please, Herr Kommandant.
197
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,432
I have apprehended
Colonel Hogan
198
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,769
to be absent from
the barracks without official orders.
199
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:24,064
Schultz, not now.
200
00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,610
What did I say?
201
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:32,197
Schultz, you're too perfect.
202
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:39,079
And this, Colonel Klink,
is a wireless listening device
203
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,498
perfected by my department.
204
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:42,958
Very interesting.
205
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,794
KLINK:
My prisoners are much too broken in spirit
206
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,129
to require such measures.
207
00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:48,338
Definitely.
208
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,798
So we shall see.
209
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:54,011
This can hear a mouse's
heartbeat at a hundred paces.
210
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,971
I run a clean camp, sir.
211
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:59,016
We have no mice here.
212
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:04,313
It can also detect the sound
of men working in tunnels.
213
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,647
Amazing.
214
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:06,982
We may do a little digging
215
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:10,527
to see if it works
when I get back.
216
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:15,199
This casts a beam so powerful,
it can find a prisoner
217
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,951
a thousand yards away.
218
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:23,040
Sir, my prisoners
are never that far away.
219
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:27,002
Weighted, it can crack a skull
like this.
220
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:35,052
I see you find discipline
distasteful, eh, Kommandant?
221
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,846
I shall put that
in my report.
222
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:41,058
Sir, I admire discipline.
223
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,476
How fortunate...
224
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,562
in case you should ever be
on the receiving end.
225
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,316
Come.
226
00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,785
Don't worry, Colonel,
there's not a chance
227
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,954
in the world they'll find
what they're looking for.
228
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,455
What are they
looking for?
229
00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:05,415
You mean you don't know
about the general's girlfriend?
230
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:08,460
What about her?
231
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,631
How do you know
about the general?
232
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,634
There is no general here.
233
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,845
What do you know
about his girlfriend?
234
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,097
I thought you'd recognize her
from the pictures.
235
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,515
Pictures?
236
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,851
Must you always
talk in riddles?
237
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,811
You have to really hand it
to General Stofle.
238
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,313
I mean, he may be a fool,
but he's got guts.
239
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:30,482
What are you
talking about?
240
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:33,151
Well...
241
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:34,486
Sorry, sir.
242
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:36,989
It's just that the girl
has been seen constantly
243
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,490
with Himmler, that's all.
244
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,492
Himmler, the Gestapo?
245
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:43,328
Now I know why they are here.
246
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,164
Feeling all
right, Colonel?
247
00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,999
What am I to do?
248
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,168
Well, one thing's
for sure:
249
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:52,504
we mustn't let Stofle
take the bit in his teeth and leave too soon.
250
00:11:52,588 --> 00:11:53,797
You know what
that would mean.
251
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,300
Of course, of course!
252
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,301
What would it mean?
253
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,178
Shooting.
Shooting?
254
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:00,512
Well, you know
how Stofle is.
255
00:12:00,596 --> 00:12:02,472
Who knows
better than I?
256
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,308
Didn't he give me this scar?
257
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:07,269
At the university,
we were inseparable.
258
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:09,646
And as his best friend,
you'd be implicated.
259
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:12,149
I hardly know him.
260
00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,817
So, the best thing
to do is, uh,
261
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,485
keep him entertained
in your quarters.
262
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,905
Entertained... in my quarters.
263
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,656
The best of food and wine.
264
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,825
I was thinking of my man LeBeau.
265
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,493
French. Most discreet.
266
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,121
LeBeau. I shall give the order.
267
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,290
Uh, I guess
that takes care of things.
268
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:32,002
Colonel Hogan,
although we've had our differences in the past,
269
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:35,005
and since our uniforms
do not permit us to be friends,
270
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:38,175
still... my quarters?
271
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:41,512
The Gestapo will
find them both in my quarters.
272
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,722
Colonel, I like the way
you see through problems.
273
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,682
What can we do?
274
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,352
Well, we've got to keep
the Gestapo busy somewhere else.
275
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,020
They must not come
near your quarters.
276
00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:52,314
( sighs ):
It will never work.
277
00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:55,526
Colonel Hogan,
it must work.
278
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,819
Colonel, please.
279
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:01,365
The uniform has to last me
for the duration.
280
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:14,294
Men, it is up to you.
281
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:17,464
You, Gunther, go with Steiner
to the warehouse,
282
00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:19,550
and do not hesitate
to use your torches.
283
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,301
Jawohl!Jawohl, Major!
284
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,803
You, there...
285
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,805
What is your name?
286
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:29,142
It is Sergeant Schultz, um,
awaiting your orders, Major.
287
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:31,770
I assume you know
about wireless radio, correct?
288
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:35,941
Wireless... radio...
Of course, Major!
289
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:40,028
Good. Remember,
we must show these Allied prisoners
290
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,530
how we will win the war.
291
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:44,491
SCHULTZ:
Jawohl, Major.
292
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:47,494
You seem to be very
nervous, Herr Klink.
293
00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:48,954
Me, nervous?
294
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,789
Why should I be nervous?
295
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:53,625
That's a
good question.
296
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:55,377
Follow me.
297
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,093
Aw, Schultz,
here, here.
298
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:05,929
Let me help you,
Schultz.
299
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,766
Please! Please, Colonel Hogan,
don't think of helping me.
300
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,268
ZOLLE:
Schultz!
301
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:13,478
Jawohl, Herr Major!
302
00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:20,777
ZOLLE:
This is a foolproof instrument, Schultz.
303
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:23,447
If there is a tunnel
under the ground anywhere,
304
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,948
it will tell us.
305
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,450
Jawohl, Major.
306
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,786
Another example of German
scientific supremacy.
307
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,706
We are a remarkable
people, Major.
308
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:37,461
Ah! I told you,
Schultz. There!
309
00:14:37,503 --> 00:14:40,172
( machine crackling )
310
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,474
( clink )
311
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,309
Major, I hit something.
312
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,560
Give me that.
313
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,814
Major...
314
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,650
would you like me to dig?
315
00:14:59,733 --> 00:14:59,900
No, Schultz.
316
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:04,279
This is going to be
my little surprise.
317
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:07,491
You may fire
when ready, Gridley.
318
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:11,662
( shouts in German )
319
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,169
( laughing )
320
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,800
( clears throat )
321
00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:26,301
Mon General.
322
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,303
Look, Hansi,
real champagne!
323
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,264
From the Commandant's
private cellar.
324
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:32,641
Ah, he knows how
to live, this Klink.
325
00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:34,977
Not how to die,
but how to live.
326
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,063
( cork pops )
327
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:41,859
Oh, that's beautiful.
328
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:07,551
Mademoiselle.
329
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,637
Mon General.
330
00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:35,370
Here.
331
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,789
What is that?
332
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,708
I don't know.
333
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,084
Some sort of vent.
334
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,587
Let's take a look.
335
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,756
CARTER:
Do you want me to hold your light?
336
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,299
Yes.
337
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:48,800
Give you a hand,
Sergeant?
338
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:49,676
Danke schon.
339
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:49,843
Right. Pleasure.
340
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:51,762
Thank you.
341
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,013
Watch it now.
342
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,400
Eh, where's the light?
343
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,027
Come back here!
344
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,111
Swine!
345
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,614
What is happening?
346
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:20,290
They did this.
347
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,417
They stole
our equipment!
348
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,002
Quiet, you fool.
349
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:25,379
If Zolle finds out,
350
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,840
he'll send us
to the Russian front.
351
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:31,009
What will we do?
352
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,469
What can we do?
353
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:34,096
Take it easy.
354
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,348
After a while, we tell him
we didn't find anything.
355
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:40,894
( crackling )
356
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:42,646
There it is, Schultz.
357
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:43,897
Those loose boards.
358
00:17:43,981 --> 00:17:45,983
That is how they
plan to escape.
359
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,484
Jawohl, Major.
360
00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:49,695
Ja. Set up the ladder.
361
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,321
Certainly.
362
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,034
No, no, Schultz.
363
00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:57,661
No, I'll go.
364
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,496
Take this.
365
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,373
Give me that crowbar.
366
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,000
Right.
367
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:07,462
If that fool, Klink, wants
evidence, I'll show him.
368
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,047
( chuckles )
369
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,008
( floorboards creaking )
370
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,843
What is that?
371
00:18:12,885 --> 00:18:14,678
It's from here.
372
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,182
Somebody's prying
up the floor.
373
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,518
Must be a prisoner
trying to escape.
374
00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:23,270
( floorboards creaking )
375
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,480
Give me the
monkey wrench.
376
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,482
They stole that, too.
377
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,905
Here, I can use this.
378
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:35,032
We can redeem ourselves.
379
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:38,035
Now Major Zolle
will be very proud of us.
380
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,703
Shh!
381
00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:44,708
( grunts )
382
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:20,452
( clears throat )
383
00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:21,495
General?
384
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:22,746
Yes? What is it?
385
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,581
Colonel Hogan,
Senior Prisoner of War Officer.
386
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,416
Is the general ready
for lunch yet, sir?
387
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,085
Forget the lunch!
388
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,461
Where's Klink?
389
00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,922
Have my car brought here.
I must leave immediately.
390
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,340
Of course.
Right away, sir.
391
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:33,465
Uh, about
the young lady...?
392
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:37,511
Let her sleep.
This is what she does best.
393
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,764
She could sleep
through an artillery drill!
394
00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:40,931
Yes, of course.
395
00:19:50,107 --> 00:19:51,191
Uh, just a minute.
396
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,150
Sir?
397
00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:53,694
You recognize her?
398
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,445
Well, just from the pictures.
399
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:56,780
What pictures?
400
00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:58,448
Well, you know
how it is in prison.
401
00:19:58,532 --> 00:19:59,783
We don't have much to do,
402
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:01,493
so we read
all your gossip sheets.
403
00:20:01,577 --> 00:20:03,203
Uh, they say
he's crazy about her.
404
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,872
Who is crazy about her?
405
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:07,207
What's his name? Uh, it's
on the tip of my tongue.
406
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:08,625
Uh... Himmel, Himmel...
Something...
407
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,210
Not Himmler.
Himmler, Himmler, that's it.
408
00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:11,920
Himmler!?
Yeah, well, don't worry about it.
409
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,255
You're leaving.
He'll never know.
410
00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:14,548
How can I leave?
411
00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:16,175
The place is crawling
with Gestapo.
412
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,467
And now I see why!
413
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:18,969
Why didn't I think of that?
414
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,637
That's why you're a general.
415
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:22,139
They'll be here any minute.
416
00:20:22,181 --> 00:20:24,016
Too bad you're not
in one of our uniforms.
417
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:26,310
Then you'd be completely
anonymous, huh, LeBeau?
418
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,603
Oh, invisible.
419
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,646
Just a minute.
Mm-hmm.
420
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,356
Suppose I were
dressed like you.
421
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,483
How would that help me
get out of here?
422
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:34,902
Then no one would notice you.
423
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:37,237
You see, you get in the back
of Colonel Klink's car,
424
00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:39,323
you crouch down and pfft,
right out the gate.
425
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,490
Get me
an American uniform.
426
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:41,658
How would we do that?
427
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:42,784
I don't know how,
just do it!
428
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:43,827
If you say so.
429
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:45,162
LeBeau?
430
00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:46,497
Size 44 regular.
431
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:48,499
Coming up, mon general.
432
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,501
Oh, uh, General?
Huh?
433
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:52,169
Would you care for cuffs?
434
00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:53,629
( yells )
435
00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:59,885
I assure you prisoners,
this comedy is over.
436
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:04,389
ZOLLE:
Do you want to tell me about it,
437
00:21:04,473 --> 00:21:08,185
or will I be forced
to drag it out of you?
438
00:21:08,227 --> 00:21:10,938
Very well, no one will speak?
439
00:21:11,021 --> 00:21:15,025
I shall question you
more closely.
440
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,948
Schultz.
441
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,620
Schultz?
442
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,165
He's too smart, Schultz.
443
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,667
He's going
to find out about it.
444
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:32,709
Find out what?
445
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:34,169
About the defector.
446
00:21:34,211 --> 00:21:35,504
What defector?
447
00:21:35,546 --> 00:21:38,882
The one trying to escape
in the back of Klink's car.
448
00:21:38,924 --> 00:21:40,175
He'll never make it anyway.
449
00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:41,677
Why should he get all
of us into trouble?
450
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:42,845
( mutters )
451
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:44,179
Go get him, tiger.
452
00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:45,639
( growling )
453
00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:50,269
Schultz, where
are you going?!
454
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,812
Stop! Stop!
455
00:21:51,895 --> 00:21:53,814
Schultz, what are
you doing here? Stop!
456
00:21:53,897 --> 00:21:56,316
I-I'm apprehending a defector,
Herr Kommandant!
457
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,818
A what? A what?
A what? A what?
458
00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,361
A defector.
Out with you.
459
00:21:59,403 --> 00:22:02,573
Out, out, out, out,
defector. Out! Out!
460
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,784
Aha!
Aha!
461
00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:07,995
Now we have something.
462
00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:09,454
This can be explained.
463
00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:11,290
Yes, I shall enjoy
hearing you explain.
464
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:12,624
Take him away.
465
00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:14,459
I am Major General
Hans Stofle,
466
00:22:14,543 --> 00:22:16,753
Commander of the Ninth
Armored Division
467
00:22:16,837 --> 00:22:18,297
Afrika Korps.
468
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:21,466
Oh? The Afrika Korps
has changed uniform?
469
00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:22,926
I can explain this.
470
00:22:22,968 --> 00:22:24,595
Klink, explain this.
471
00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:26,096
Explain what?
472
00:22:26,138 --> 00:22:28,599
That I am General Stofle,
your old classmate.
473
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,808
Tell him.
474
00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,811
Well, Klink?
475
00:22:32,895 --> 00:22:37,774
He resembles my old classmate,
but that's such a long time ago.
476
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:38,984
Klink!
477
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,319
Ask this man.
478
00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:41,778
He got me the uniform.
479
00:22:41,862 --> 00:22:43,280
Never saw him
before in my life.
480
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:44,489
ZOLLE:
Take him away.
481
00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:45,782
STOFLE:
Just a minute!
482
00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:47,784
If I'm not with my
troops in the morning,
483
00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:47,910
you shall have to
answer for this!
484
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:50,871
Of course.
485
00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:54,333
But first we must find out
just what those troops are.
486
00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:56,001
In our Berlin headquarters
487
00:22:56,084 --> 00:22:58,295
we have facilities
for sifting out the truth.
488
00:22:58,378 --> 00:22:59,796
There is no
time for this!
489
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,757
For the truth
there is always time.
490
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,258
Take him away!
491
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:04,510
( Stofle shouting )
492
00:23:04,593 --> 00:23:07,888
I wonder who he really is?
493
00:23:09,848 --> 00:23:16,897
Hogan, there is something
diabolical about you.
494
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:19,775
I know.
495
00:23:24,738 --> 00:23:27,491
Hogan, for you I'm considering
30 days in the cooler.
496
00:23:27,533 --> 00:23:29,159
Well, if you think
I deserve it, sir,
497
00:23:29,243 --> 00:23:31,286
I'd be most happy to
honor your sense of duty.
498
00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:33,121
If you deserve it?
If you...?
499
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:35,290
You deserve six months,
a year.
500
00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:36,959
That hurts.
501
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,628
The Allies have started
a big offensive in the desert,
502
00:23:39,670 --> 00:23:41,505
and he wasn't there
to stop them.
503
00:23:41,547 --> 00:23:43,173
They got through?
504
00:23:43,215 --> 00:23:45,342
With Stofle gone, like
a knife through butter.
505
00:23:45,384 --> 00:23:47,845
And now my old friend will
never talk to me again.
506
00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:50,180
My career, oh,
it's in jeopardy.
507
00:23:50,222 --> 00:23:51,849
In jeopardy?
508
00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:54,935
Hah. I've never seen a campaign
waged more brilliantly.
509
00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:57,688
You achieved total victory,
if I may say so, sir.
510
00:23:57,771 --> 00:23:59,523
Total victory.
I did?
511
00:23:59,565 --> 00:24:02,609
If you and Stofle were
still friends, sooner or later
512
00:24:02,693 --> 00:24:04,736
he would have talked you into
being a tank commander,
513
00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:06,280
not that you wouldn't have
been brilliant.
514
00:24:06,572 --> 00:24:07,739
Danke.
515
00:24:07,823 --> 00:24:09,074
The Gestapo
was after you.
516
00:24:09,158 --> 00:24:10,409
And where are you today?
517
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:12,578
Driving a droshky
on the Russian steppes?
518
00:24:12,661 --> 00:24:14,955
No, sir, you're right here
where you belong,
519
00:24:15,038 --> 00:24:16,456
at Stalag 13.
520
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,793
You know something, Hogan,
you could be right.
521
00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:21,461
Zolle was a mere puppet
in your hands.
522
00:24:21,545 --> 00:24:22,629
You let him dance,
523
00:24:22,713 --> 00:24:24,131
think he was in command
and then pfft,
524
00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:25,799
you cut him dead.
525
00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:28,552
You were brilliant the way
you got rid of the Gestapo.
526
00:24:28,594 --> 00:24:30,554
I was?
527
00:24:30,721 --> 00:24:32,472
I never thought of that.
528
00:24:32,556 --> 00:24:36,310
I warned them to leave me alone,
and now they're gone.
529
00:24:37,853 --> 00:24:40,480
Congratulations, Commandant.
530
00:24:41,857 --> 00:24:44,109
Mm, danke.
531
00:24:44,159 --> 00:24:48,709
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