All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s01e10 Top Hat, White Tie and Bomb Sights.eng

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

London's going
to transmit in two minutes.

Schultz will be here
for the bed check.

You know what
to do, LeBeau.

Ready for him,
Colonel.

Great.

Guten Abend, Schultz.

LeBeau, you
should be in bed.

Everybody
should be asleep

so that I can
count the... strudel.

Real, live strudel.

I made some extra. Go ahead.

You are a wonderful person
for an enemy.

Mmm! Wunderbar!

It sings, eh, Schultz?

Ja. Now it sings.

Later on, it growls.

Does your wife
ever make strudel?

Oh, please. Don't
mention my wife,

not even in the dark.

Why? She doesn't cook very good?

Since the war, she works
in a munitions factory,

lifting up big,
heavy gun barrels.

Hey, that's a hard job.

Ja. If they ever find out
that she is a woman,

they'll fire her.

Now I have
to check the beds.

Have more strudel.

Danke.

Good night.

Wait. Wait. I have
to check the beds.

Everybody is here.

How do you know?

I counted them myself.

Why do it twice?

You're not only a good cook,
you're also smart.

What's the flap,
Colonel?

Uh... "Top secret. Urgent.
Immediate action. Priority one."

You think they're trying
to tell us something?

"Lost contact with Agent Willie,

"waiter at Hausner Hof Hotel
in Hamilburg.

"Regular channels too risky.

"Message for Willie: Cancel
weapons drop scheduled for 17th.

"Trap suspected.

Extreme danger to valuable
underground unit."

Well, how are you
supposed to know this guy Willie?

Recognition code.

"Do you know 'Lili Marlene'?"

The answer has to be, "Yes.
Can you spare a cigarette?"

Well, who you going
to send, Colonel?

Me. I'll go out through the
emergency tunnel tomorrow night.

Kinch, I want you
to code this message

and put it
in a cigarette pack.

Newkirk, what about a civilian
suit this time for me?

Righto, Guvnor.
You got it.

Good. "Civilian."
What a beautiful word.

Next to "girls."

Colonel, don't
you ever think

about anything
else but dames?

Of course I do, but I fight it.

Another 30 feet,
and they'll cross the emergency tunnel.

What's their ruddy game?

We tried asking
the Krauts, but no luck.

What about Schultz?

He won't talk.

Not even to me,

and I got him hooked
on apple strudel.

What's taking
so long here?

I don't know.

Blimey, it's cold!

It sure is. My nose
is about to fall off.

Wouldn't hurt
your appearance a bit.

Might help,
as a matter of fact,

Hey, Schultz, let's get
this show on the road.

HOGAN:
What's the delay?

I know nothing. Nothing!

Report!

Herr Kommandant,
all present and accounted for.

Good.

Now, gentlemen, I have
ordered this formation

for the purpose
of telling you...

Colonel, I'd like
to volunteer my command

for work on the construction
outside the wire.

How very kind of you,
Colonel Hogan.

Do some useful work and find out
exactly what we are doing there.

Am I correct?

Well, it did cross my mind.

Of course.
But that won't be necessary.

I have called
this formation

for the purpose
of telling you what is happening.

Now, prisoners,
I wish to inform you

that the wire surrounding
this camp is being electrified.

He can't do that.
Electrified?

KLINK:
That's not so amusing, huh?

The perimeter wire and the gates
will carry enough voltage

to electrocute anyone
who touches it.

Now, let a word to
the wise be sufficient.

Stalag 13 remains escape-proof.

Thank you, Mr. Wonderful.

Dismissed!

Electrified fence?
That's terrible!

Another first
for Stalag 13.

Well, at least now we can
get fried without drinking.

You won't be able to use that
emergency tunnel now, Colonel.

Sure, he will.

They're not digging
deep enough to find it.

Yeah, but they'll be
guarding their equipment.

I'll have to get
out some other way.

Carter,
check out here.

There's nothing
out here.

Well, my office is bugged,
all right.

They must have done it when
they electrified the fence.

And while we were
out there on formation.

Yeah. Klink figures we do

all our escape planning
in my office.

Shall we tear out
those microphones?

No. Hold it a minute.

Maybe we'll be able to use them
to our own advantage.

Gentlemen,
Stalag 13 Theater of the Air

is about to have
its world premiere.

( knocking )

Come in.

Evening, Colonel.

Hi, Colonel.

Good evening, Colonel.

Colonel, we'd like
a word with you.

Okay. Sit down, men.

( chairs scraping )

Here. I'll just put away
my German grammar book.

( slams book shut )

Beautiful language.

What's on your minds?

Sir, we have
an escape plan.

We want your approval.

It's absolutely foolproof.

There's not a chance
it can fail.

It's 100% perfect in
every respect. Can't miss.

It may even work.

Of course it will work,
if it's properly exe...

...cuted. Executed.

Yeah, yeah, uh...
look, I'm not in favor

of escape attempts
at this time.

( all yelling at once )

With his usual
brilliant efficiency,

Colonel Klink is
electrifying the wire.

I can short out the wire.

And then we put
a ladder up against it

and go over,
any dark night.

And we're away.

LeBEAU:
Yeah. That'll show the lousy Krauts.

Corporal, I wish
you wouldn't use that language.

And why not,
may I ask?

They are pigs,
animals, brutes--

the lowest form of life
on earth.

Sure, but how do you
really feel about them?

Deep down,

don't you have
a sneaking admiration

for the way
they conduct themselves?

There's a very
good chance they're going to win the war.

Never thought I'd
hear you talk like that, sir.

Colonel, are you going
soft on the Krauts?

Let's just say that
I'm being realistic.

Oh, LeBeau, I brought your...
your plate back.

Okay, Schultz.

Oh, it was delicious.

But you know
what happened?

Klink saw me
eat the strudel.

He almost killed me.

Oh, he is a devil.

He's a devil, all right,

but the most
lovable devil in Germany today.

When he saw me eat the strudel,
you know what he did?

He canceled
my next leave.

But he was
absolutely right!

I deserve it.

Oh, Kommandant Klink
is like a father to me.

Well, I see you later.

Obey the rules,

or I have to do my duty,
and report you!

( all talking )

ALL:
Bye. Bye.

Colonel, what about
our escape plan?

I'll think it over.

But don't get
your hopes too high.

( all grumbling )

All right, dismissed!

( all grumbling )

Yes, Herr General,
a definite pro-German attitude.

He even refuses an escape plan.

It's all in the recording
that I made.

What's that, sir?

Oh, I had his quarters bugged.

It's part of my new
electrification program.

Oh, we are on the ball here
at Stalag 13.

Get off the ball and go to work?

Yes, indeed, sir.

What are your orders,
Herr General?

Play up to Hogan?

Oh, I see.

Make life easier,
and don't be too obvious.

Well, you know me
when it comes to being subtle.

Yes, we can discuss that
at another time.

I will follow your orders,
Herr General, and report.

Thank you, General Burkhalter.

Now, take the pillows
and put it on the bed.

And you take this
and put it over there.

Schultz, what's
going on?

Our beloved and
wonderful Kommandant

wants you to be as
comfortable as possible.

That's very kind
of him, Schultz.

He is a wonderful,
beloved Kommandant.

Something wrong?

Take this
and get it autographed.

Well, Colonel Hogan,
here we are,

you and I having
a little kaffeeklatsch,

talking things over.

Now, you must confess,

I am not the worst
man in Germany, am I?

Well, I don't know everybody.

Actually, Commandant,
I understand you

a lot better than you think.

Really?

Not many people know this

but, originally,
my name was Hoganmueller.

Hoganmueller?

Remarkable!

You're one of us?

From way back.

That makes
a big difference.

Well, frankly,
Colonel Hogan,

I would like to improve our
relationship even more.

Tell me, what is it
you would like most in this world?

Hmm... let me think.

You can't make up your mind?

I know what I want. It's
a question: blonde or brunette?

What a marvelous
German-American sense of humor.

Seriously, Commandant,
there is one thing.

I'm getting a little rock happy.

Would it be possible
to go into town some night

and have dinner
at the Hausner Hof?

Unfortunately,
that's against regulations.

Oh, of course.

Forget it.

No harm in trying.

I'd better
be running along.

I've had a lovely
time at your party.

And tomorrow again?

Why not?
Unless I sleep late.

Good.

Tell me, Hogan,

is there
anything special

you would like
for breakfast?

Yeah. I'm very
fond of crumpets,

but don't go
to any trouble,

like capturing England.

( harmonizing ):
* Roll out the barrel

* We've got the blues
on the run... *

( humming )
Hey, knock it off, knock it off, will you?

( over speaker ):
Hey, Colonel, tell the Glee Club

to knock it off, please--
we want to talk to you.

Oh, really?

* Now's the time
to the roll the barrel *

* For the gang's all here *

All right, all right,
hold it down a minute, fellas.

What's the problem?

NEWKIRK:
We called this meeting, sir,

'cause we got the needle
about you.

HOGAN:
What does that mean?

NEWKIRK:
You've been having breakfast

with Klink every morning.

Why, he's done over your room.

And you've been
studying German.

You even asked
for Hitler's autograph.

Are those eagles
on your shoulders or vultures, sir?

Wait a minute,
where do you come off talking to me like that?

This is the first time
my loyalty has ever been questioned.

Whose side
are you on?

HOGAN:
Let me tell you guys a few things.

When I was a captain
at Mitchell Field,

they gave me
top security clearance.

I was the man
who helped them test

the famous secret Norden...

* Zing *

* Boom, tararrel
Norden Bomb Sight?!

* Ring out a song
of good cheer * Stop that singing!

* Now's the time *

* To roll the barrel

* For the gang's all here... *

Hold it, hold it.

That's what the army
thought of my loyalty.

How do we know that's
the truth, sir?

You still doubt me, huh?

( singing continues )
All right, I'll describe it.

The Norden works
on the synchro-mesh principle

and has a 4.2
interlocking... * Zing

* Boom, tarrarel *
Quiet! More details!

( singing continues )

...and that's what accounts
for its tremendous accuracy.

The Norden is the only invention
of its kind in the world,

( singing continues )
that utilizes its own power,

which in turn,
as we all know...

* We got the blues
on the run *

...for the last time,
it makes it possible

to isolate the smallest objects
at a considerable distance.

* Now's the time
to roll the barrel *

* For the gang's

* All

* Here! *

Yahoo!
Yahoo!

No question about it,
Herr General,

it is the Norden Bomb Sight.

What's that, sir?

Yes, I believe
he would give us the plans.

I have been cultivating him,

and through
very clever investigation

have found out that
he has a German background.

His real name is Hoganmueller.

Sir, no, I cannot reveal
that source, even to you.

Yes, it would be an excellent
idea if you came here.

It would impress Hogan.

Yes, sir, I will make
all the necessary arrangements.

By the way, General,
when you come here,

I have a little surprise
for you.

Yes, sir!

Herr Commandant,
General Burkhalter

passed through Hamilburg
ten minutes ago.

Good, he will be here
any minute now.

The control switch.

Wait. Stop it.

Stop it! Stop the car!

KLINK:
Welcome, Herr General.

Oh, I stopped the car
because I want to show you

the little surprise
I mentioned to you on the phone.

Herr General, my
escape-proof gates.

These are foolproof,
and they work perfectly.

That's a mistake, sir.

Schultz, the controls!

General Burkhalter,

that idiot, Schultz!

Dummkopf!

( grunts )

I assure you--

here, here,
let me help you up--

it will not
happen again.

( grunts )

You know, I think
I saw this act once--

at the circus.

Judging by that recording,

there's hardly any
question Hogan knows the Norden Bomb Sight.

You can see, Herr General,

that we are doing
excellent work here.

Ja? Like those gates?

That was just
a malfunction, sir.

Be careful I don't
malfunction you right to the Russian front.

But is Hogan ready to
tell us about the Norden?

I have been working
on him, Herr General.

Even if I say so myself,

( chuckles ):
when I turn on the charm,

I can be irresistible.

I have never had any
trouble resisting you.

( laughs ):
Very good, sir.

I have ordered one of our
engineering specialists,

Major Klopfer, to come here.

He will arrive tonight.

Yes, sir.

Now, let me see
what we can do with Colonel Hogan.

I will have him
brought here.

We will start strenuous
interrogation at once.

Klink, you're not
only irresistible,

but you're also
very subtle.

Thank you, sir.

Like a broken leg.

Hogan requires
very delicate handling.

Tell me, is there anything
particularly he wants?

Um, let me see.
Oh, yes.

He expressed a desire
to go into town some evening for dinner

at one of the
local hotels, the Hausner Hof.

That's something to go on.

Arrange a little party.

That is exactly what I was
thinking, Herr General.

Good food and enough wine
to make him talkative.

And perhaps even some
charming feminine company.

That is an excellent idea.

By the way, I have
this young lady friend, Gretchen.

I met her at the Strength
Through Joy picnic...

Please.

Spare me the details.

Just arrange the party.

And have him wear
one of our uniforms.

It's good psychologically.

Yes, Herr General.

Now, let me tell you
about this lady...

( jazz playing softly )
( Burkhalter laughing )

And then I said,
"If you don't mind, mein Fuhrer,

this year I will take
my vacation in England."

( laughter )

The general is
a very amusing man.

A barrel of laughs.

There's also
a physical resemblance.

Colonel, you are the
funniest man I have ever met.

What's the matter
with me?

Would you like us
to make a list?

Waiter! More champagne
for everybody.

WAITER:
Jawohl, Herr General.

Oh. Oh, thank you.

By the way, uh,
do you know Lili Marlene?

No, but I'll ask
the orchestra leader.

Forget it.

Gretchen, my dear,
would you care to dance?

I'm sorry, Liebchen,

I'm a little
tired tonight.

It's been years since
I've done any dancing.

I thought you would
never ask me.

Either you've got it
or you haven't.

Careful, honey,
you're gonna melt Klink's monocle.

You dance very
well, Colonel.

Thank you. I used
to take notes at Fred Astaire movies.

Hogan is having
a good time.

Yes, with my girl.

Either you've got it
or you haven't.

( laughing )
Very good, Herr General.

I'm afraid I do not
appreciate that humor.

Colonel, may I remind you

that we are here
on official business?

Official business, yes.

Monkey business, no!

Excuse me, do you happen
to know Lili Marlene?

Is that made
with gin or whiskey?

Thank you and good night.

You seem to be very interested
in this Lili Marlene.

I'm taking a survey.

If he continues to dance,
he'll stay sober.

Yes, you may be right.

I'm going to cut in.

And then perhaps
you can talk to him.

May I?
Oh, by all means.

( gasps in pain )
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, my dear.

Well, it's her fault
for having a leg on that side.

You and the colonel seem
to have something in common.

You mean Gretchen?

Good kid.
Good little dancer, too.

Isn't there something more?

Come on, General,
I just met the girl.

No, no, I mean
you and Klink

see things eye to eye
the German way.

I try to be realistic.

Excellent attitude.

I take it you like to be
on the winning side.

General, what's on your mind?

I mean, besides Elsa?

Cards on the table, hmm?
All right.

We're interested
in the Norden.

Oh, that old thing?
Is that all?

Excuse me.

Gretchen wants
to be rescued.

May I?

( grunts )

Yes, Herr General?

I think your Colonel Hogan
is ready to talk.

Oh, that's wonderful, sir.

Call the camp and tell
Major Klopfer to stand by. Yes, sir.

Oh, Colonel,
how is it your girl

has been dancing with
the American all evening?

Oh, shut up.

Honey, why don't you
go back to the table.

I'll be with you
in a minute.

Something is wrong?

I want to say hello to
an old friend-- I hope.

Don't be long.
I will miss you.

Uh, excuse me.
Yes, sir?

Do you know Lili Marlene?

Yes. Yes.

This was made for you,
my dear.

Do you know
Lili Marlene? Yes.

Yes, what?

Yes, can you spare
a cigarette?

Here. Keep the pack.
Yes, sir.

Don't forget
to read it. Yes, sir.

You're all right.

I like a spy with
nerves of steel.

Now, the main thing about
the Norden is its compactness.

Practical,
you mean, huh? Extremely.

Go on.

You'll notice
the handle is curved...

...for easier control.

The start button
located right there.

Now, what is
the power source?

Electrical. It derives from
a lightweight, compact motor

located right about... here.

Am I to understand
that a Norden is completely portable?

It weighs only
about seven pounds.

Seven pounds?
Amazing.

That's amazing!

Now, about the
aiming mechanism.

Aiming mechanism?
Doesn't have one.

It must utilize an entirely
revolutionary principle.

HOGAN:
There's nothing revolutionary about it.

Here... let me show you
one of the other major parts.

This, gentlemen...

is the dust bag.

It's located
right under the handle.

Dust bag?

Great suction, too-- pull the
teeth right out of your mouth.

General!

This man is describing
a vacuum cleaner,

not a bomb sight.

What?!

A vacuum cleaner?

Norden makes one of the greatest
vacuum cleaners in the world.

Congratulations, Klink,
you've done it again!

But you said that
you tested the Norden.

I had one in my room
at the base where I trained.

We wined you and dined you,
and now you're describing a vacuum cleaner!

You asked me, remember?

You're going to get
me into a lot of trouble for this.

Besides that, you
still owe me 500 marks for the champagne alone!

Forget it.
Forget it, he says.

Of course, what good
is money gonna do you at the Russian front?

Raus, raus, raus,
heraus, heraus, heraus.

All done,
Herr Kommandant.

Very good, Schultz.

Now, Hogan,
General Burkhalter was kind enough

to forget the
whole matter,

but I am going
to teach you...

Just one minute, Kommandant.

One more... thing.

This... and these.

You better take them along.

I wouldn't want
to hurt your feelings.

Hurt my feelings?

I may talk about Gretchen
in my sleep.

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