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1
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:05,440
Happy anniversary, Claire.
2
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,050
Aw. You, too, babe.
3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,443
I love you. Mwah!
4
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,922
Can I pour you some champagne?
5
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,881
Uh, that depends. Is it
grocery store champagne,
6
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:13,709
or did you steal it from Cooper?
7
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Stole it from Cooper.
8
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:17,147
Yeah!
9
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Fancy!
10
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:20,020
Happy anniversary, guys.
11
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,934
I, um, I got you a little something.
12
00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:23,632
Aw, Cooper.
13
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:27,157
I'm just gonna quickly peek
out into the driveway...
14
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:34,121
and be just as excited for
our non-drivable gift.
15
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,948
What is it, buddy?
16
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:38,081
Well, I was doing my own laundry...
17
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:44,653
Sorry, people usually applaud
when I say things like that.
18
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,089
Anyway, I found a copy
19
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,787
of your old vows in some
wadded-up tuxedo pants.
20
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,920
Oh. I guess the rental guy was right.
21
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,704
I did notreturn those pants.
22
00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,184
And they were
23
00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:56,143
so beautifully written up,
I thought it would be nice
24
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,362
to blow them up and
print them on canvas.
25
00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:02,236
- Oh, my God.
- Aw. That's amazing.
26
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,760
And when I was down there, I
also found a set of bagpipes
27
00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:06,370
stashed in a cupboard
behind the detergent.
28
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,416
Oh, yeah.
29
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,505
Jake got his 23andMe results
30
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:14,813
and found out he is 0.5% Scottish.
31
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:18,556
Oh, don't be so jealous, ya wee clipe.
32
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Yeah, that accent was 0.5% Scottish.
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Yeah, well,
34
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luckily, at our wedding,
Jake vowed to...
35
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never play them again, and in exchange,
36
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:32,266
I vowed to never do the Dougie again.
37
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:35,269
It's a dance I got a
little obsessed with.
38
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A little? You did it at
your uncle's funeral.
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His name was Dougie!
40
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:43,625
- Happy anniversary!
- I didn't see anything
41
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:45,627
in the driveway, so I'm assuming
42
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Cooper's gift is stuck in customs
43
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because the steering wheel is
on the wrong side of the car?
44
00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:54,288
No. Cooper got us a
very thoughtful gift.
45
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:58,074
Oh. Did he donate to
whales or something?
46
00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:01,730
Hey, you guys brought champagne for us?
47
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,253
Yes.
48
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,908
That is totally for you guys.
49
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:10,782
Honey, why don't you pop that
unopened bottle of champagne?
50
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,088
Okay.
51
00:02:13,212 --> 00:02:15,127
Oh-ho!
52
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- Ooh! Whoa.
- Ah!
53
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,355
Get the glasses.
54
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,835
Whoo-hoo!
55
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,315
Yeah.
56
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:26,581
To Jake and Claire!
57
00:02:42,199 --> 00:02:47,801
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
58
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:56,176
Wow, man, framing our vows
was a great gift, Cooper.
59
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,221
I mean, a new Lexus wouldn't
have been nearly as homemade.
60
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:00,049
Yeah.
61
00:03:00,091 --> 00:03:01,615
I just love how, instead of using
62
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,008
the same old boring clichés,
63
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,314
like honoring and
cherishing each other,
64
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,055
you guys personalized your vows.
65
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:07,839
Oh, yeah, yeah. We got super specific.
66
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,580
'Cause we didn't want to fight all
the time, like my parents did.
67
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:12,279
Yeah. So we always vowed
to never go to sleep
68
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:13,932
without resolving our issues,
69
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,369
and always having each other's back.
70
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:17,197
Yep. And my lady vowed to:
71
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,850
"always celebrate my quirks."
72
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:23,246
Though sometimes it is hard
to tell the difference
73
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:26,031
between a quirk and a
major personality flaw.
74
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,208
Mm.
75
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:30,340
Man, I wish my parents had done this...
it might've stopped them
76
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,863
from getting divorced when I was young.
77
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,691
Aw, sorry to hear that, Coops.
Mine, too.
78
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:36,216
Play a lot of catch in the
backyard by yourself?
79
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,870
Yeah, but it was with a
boomerang, so it wasn't too bad.
80
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,308
Oh.
81
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,048
It's weird, but I can't help feeling
82
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like I caused my parents' divorce.
83
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,095
Oh, come on. All kids feel that way.
84
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:47,966
- But you got to know it's not true.
- I know.
85
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:50,534
It's just, when I was 11, I
pulled this prank on my mom
86
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,710
and told her my dad was
having an affair and...
87
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:56,366
you know, instead of laughing,
88
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,760
she had revenge sex with his boss.
89
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,283
And then, like,
90
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,243
three weeks later they were divorced.
91
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,941
Uh...
92
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,727
I-I-I mean,
93
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,381
you-you can't...
94
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:14,297
Are pranks different in Australia?
95
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,864
My point is that you two
96
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,866
are the perfect relationship
role models for me.
97
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:20,216
But seriously, I'm so
inspired that I think
98
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,826
I'm gonna write my first love ballad.
99
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,480
Ah, Cooper, those vows may seem nice,
100
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:26,353
but you didn't have to watch
these two stumble over them
101
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,982
while ugly crying.
102
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:32,489
I vow... to make our wedding ceremony
103
00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:35,231
three hours longer than it needs to be.
104
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:39,409
Even though all of our guests
105
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just want to rip shots at the open bar.
106
00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,807
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
107
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,896
Make your jokes, all right?
108
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,550
But I'll have you know Claire and I
109
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,552
- are killing this marriage thing.
- Yeah.
110
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:54,337
You know, thanks to these bad
boys, we are four years in,
111
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,774
- and we've never had an actual fight.
- Wow.
112
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A whole four years.
113
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If your marriage was a bottle of wine,
114
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it'd be, like, 12 bucks.
115
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,200
And by the way,
116
00:05:07,225 --> 00:05:08,809
it is healthy for couples to fight.
117
00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:10,353
We've been married for 30 years...
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We fight all the time.
119
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We don't fight all the time.
120
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Not in front of the kids.
121
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,360
You're right.
122
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,753
I'm sorry.
123
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,320
I'm sorry, too. Oh.
124
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:32,767
Oh, wow, babe.
125
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,377
We crushed that anniversary dinner.
126
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,987
Ooh, yeah.
127
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,467
We really should stop
this tradition of eating
128
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,365
a seafood tower for every
year we've been married.
129
00:05:39,390 --> 00:05:40,783
Oh, yeah.
130
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:43,170
Oh, my God.
131
00:05:43,195 --> 00:05:44,805
Look at how this guy parked.
132
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,671
- What a jerk.
- Hey, now.
133
00:05:46,696 --> 00:05:48,089
Let's not assume it was a guy.
134
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,247
Ladies can be bad at stuff, too.
135
00:05:50,272 --> 00:05:52,883
Nope, tried to say something
good and it came out bad.
136
00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:55,006
You know, we should leave a nasty note.
137
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,486
Give me that dinner receipt.
138
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,401
But it has my name on it.
139
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,708
And proof that I have a Discover card.
140
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,188
Ugh. He's not gonna read the receipt.
141
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:05,277
Yeah, you're right.
And even if he does,
142
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:07,279
you know how many Jake Davises
there are in this city?
143
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:11,501
17. And not one has responded
to a friend request.
144
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,286
Ooh, girl.
145
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:15,592
Get nasty with it.
146
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,464
Okay. I see you.
147
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,422
Very colorful language, my dear.
148
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,989
Claire.
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00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:24,427
"If you thought you knew how
to park, you're wrong, you..."
150
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:27,778
Oh, that says "can't." Oh.
151
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,566
And delivered.
152
00:06:33,568 --> 00:06:36,266
Well, guess we got to go
through the back door.
153
00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:38,119
It is our anniversary.
154
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,624
All right.
155
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,670
- There we go.
- Oh.
156
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:54,849
Ooh. Climbing into the
car through the butt
157
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:57,155
was a pretty good workout.
158
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,162
Well, you know what else
is a good workout...
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00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,536
Swimming.
160
00:07:02,858 --> 00:07:05,034
Oh, wait. Are you coming on to me?
161
00:07:07,123 --> 00:07:10,692
Leaving that nasty note got me
feeling a little nasty myself.
162
00:07:10,735 --> 00:07:13,129
Oh. Claire,
163
00:07:13,173 --> 00:07:16,089
you dirty dog.
164
00:07:16,132 --> 00:07:18,134
We know we have the house to ourselves,
165
00:07:18,178 --> 00:07:20,484
which means we can have
some good ol' fashioned
166
00:07:20,528 --> 00:07:23,487
- ♪ couch sex, baby this evening ♪
- Yeah.
167
00:07:23,531 --> 00:07:25,620
- ♪ I need some couch sex ♪
- Baby, tonight.
168
00:07:25,663 --> 00:07:27,839
Wait. Is that the receipt
that I wrote my note on?
169
00:07:27,883 --> 00:07:29,998
What? This?
170
00:07:30,023 --> 00:07:31,601
No. No. This is, uh...
171
00:07:31,626 --> 00:07:33,018
This is... I was just
practicing origami.
172
00:07:33,062 --> 00:07:34,150
It's, uh...
173
00:07:35,325 --> 00:07:37,153
Oh.
174
00:07:37,197 --> 00:07:38,717
Messed up another one.
Guess I got to eat it.
175
00:07:38,742 --> 00:07:39,961
What?
176
00:07:40,156 --> 00:07:41,070
Drop it.
177
00:07:41,114 --> 00:07:44,117
Drop it. Drop it.
178
00:07:45,205 --> 00:07:48,947
Huh. Wow.
179
00:07:48,991 --> 00:07:50,862
So you took my note off the windshield?
180
00:07:50,906 --> 00:07:54,083
Yes.
181
00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:56,390
That's interesting,
182
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:58,907
because I seem to recall
reading somewhere
183
00:07:58,932 --> 00:08:00,987
that you vowed to always have my back.
184
00:08:01,012 --> 00:08:04,407
Where was that? Oh, yeah. Ba-bam!
185
00:08:08,507 --> 00:08:12,162
Claire, taking that note
was having your back,
186
00:08:12,206 --> 00:08:14,023
because now that guy won't
see it and be all like...
187
00:08:21,275 --> 00:08:22,929
"I didn't mean it." "Yes, you did."
188
00:08:32,705 --> 00:08:35,142
That's him hitting on
you because he knows
189
00:08:35,185 --> 00:08:36,622
you're a beautiful
woman and any murderer
190
00:08:36,665 --> 00:08:38,885
would be lucky to have you as a wife.
191
00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:41,672
- Where are you going?
- To bed.
192
00:08:41,715 --> 00:08:44,283
No. Eh, not so fast,
Claire-io Andretti.
193
00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:47,239
I seem to recall reading somewhere
194
00:08:47,282 --> 00:08:50,416
that we vowed to never go to bed
without resolving our issues.
195
00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,287
I wonder where I read that.
196
00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:55,856
Oh, yeah. Ba-bam!
197
00:08:55,899 --> 00:08:57,336
There's nothing to resolve.
198
00:08:57,379 --> 00:08:59,505
You didn't have my back, and I'm tired.
199
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:00,508
Well, we...
200
00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:02,378
we can't go to bed
unless I feel resolved
201
00:09:02,403 --> 00:09:04,355
and I do not feel resolved!
202
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,697
Claire!
203
00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:08,759
Well, joke's on you, Claire.
204
00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:12,197
I can have sex on this
couch even without you.
205
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,293
Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything.
206
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:28,909
I'm up late.
207
00:09:28,953 --> 00:09:30,911
Actually, I'm up late.
208
00:09:30,955 --> 00:09:33,131
- I'm up late.
- Hey.
209
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,425
You're up early.
210
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,626
Actually, I'm uplate.
211
00:09:36,651 --> 00:09:39,611
No. Over-rehearsed it.
212
00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:41,961
Wait. Did you stay up all night?
213
00:09:42,004 --> 00:09:43,484
I didn't want to.
214
00:09:43,528 --> 00:09:45,834
I had to, because I
don't break our vows.
215
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,795
Husband, one; wife, zero.
216
00:09:50,075 --> 00:09:52,817
What did you even do for eight hours?
217
00:09:52,861 --> 00:09:54,645
I, uh, watched Saving Private Ryan,
218
00:09:54,688 --> 00:09:56,560
then accidentally
signed up for the army.
219
00:09:56,603 --> 00:09:59,256
Uh, got scared and unplugged the modem.
220
00:09:59,702 --> 00:10:01,269
Hmm.
221
00:10:01,304 --> 00:10:04,814
Well, Jake, I guess I
should say I'm sorry...
222
00:10:04,863 --> 00:10:07,429
that you felt the need
to stay up all night
223
00:10:07,454 --> 00:10:09,891
to prove your silly point.
224
00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:12,050
Is that really how you talk to someone
225
00:10:12,075 --> 00:10:13,250
who might be a member
226
00:10:13,275 --> 00:10:15,464
- of the United States Armed Forces?
- Oh, my God.
227
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,403
Might be... You know what?
Now you're acting crazy.
228
00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:18,404
Apologize for real.
229
00:10:18,448 --> 00:10:19,710
What's the point of apologizing?
230
00:10:19,754 --> 00:10:21,407
Hiya, guys.
231
00:10:21,451 --> 00:10:23,148
- Hey. What's going on?
- Oh, hi.
232
00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:24,848
Will you stop?
233
00:10:24,873 --> 00:10:26,570
What do you think of this lyric
from my new love ballad?
234
00:10:26,595 --> 00:10:29,398
Uh, "I love all your
quirks, it's why we work.
235
00:10:29,423 --> 00:10:31,706
"Now, girl, break it down for me.
236
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:34,081
Twerk, twerk, twerk."
237
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,638
- It's amazing.
- I love it.
238
00:10:39,663 --> 00:10:41,259
As you were, lovebirds.
239
00:10:43,137 --> 00:10:44,757
Ugh. Well, we can't fight
in front of Cooper,
240
00:10:44,782 --> 00:10:48,133
'cause he looks up to
our perfect marriage.
241
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:49,622
We're not fighting, all right?
242
00:10:49,647 --> 00:10:51,137
And we never will as
long as you promise
243
00:10:51,162 --> 00:10:52,903
to never break another one of our vows.
244
00:10:52,928 --> 00:10:54,494
Well, you broke the first vow
245
00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:56,271
when you didn't have
my back last night.
246
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:04,502
I'm laughing because,
clearly, that was a joke.
247
00:11:04,545 --> 00:11:07,374
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got to go to work.
248
00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:08,723
Ugh. You know what?
249
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,595
Have fun nodding off at
your desk, ya big baby.
250
00:11:10,638 --> 00:11:11,857
Oh, I will.
251
00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:13,424
And every time I do,
I'll know it's my body
252
00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:15,230
telling me how right I am.
253
00:11:15,255 --> 00:11:16,358
You are correct, sir.
254
00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:18,559
Yes, you are right.
255
00:11:18,603 --> 00:11:20,300
Whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
256
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:21,911
Well, I vowed to always
leave you with a kiss
257
00:11:21,954 --> 00:11:23,738
and I wouldn't want to
be the secondperson
258
00:11:23,782 --> 00:11:25,088
to break one of our vows.
259
00:11:25,131 --> 00:11:27,307
No, no, no, no. That's,
that's an angry kiss.
260
00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:28,410
I do not do anger kisses.
261
00:11:28,435 --> 00:11:29,653
No, it's not an angry kiss.
262
00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:30,938
It's a self-righteous kiss
263
00:11:30,963 --> 00:11:32,747
and it's gonna taste like you're wrong.
264
00:11:32,791 --> 00:11:34,924
No. No. No. I don't...
265
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,751
Stop. You're Pepé Le Pew-ing me.
266
00:11:36,795 --> 00:11:37,970
I don't want it.
267
00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:39,798
Hey.
268
00:11:39,841 --> 00:11:43,106
Hey.
269
00:11:43,149 --> 00:11:43,918
What's going on, guys?
270
00:11:43,943 --> 00:11:45,727
Oh, I was just honoring my vow
271
00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:48,363
to always leave Jake with a kiss, so...
272
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:49,650
Mm-hmm.
273
00:11:59,426 --> 00:12:01,863
Thank you, dear.
274
00:12:01,907 --> 00:12:04,040
My God, your love is so inspiring.
275
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:08,653
"You, you leave you with a kiss,
so you know my love is true.
276
00:12:08,696 --> 00:12:10,872
"And-and when you get home,
277
00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:14,267
I'm gonna Pepé Le-do you."
278
00:12:16,807 --> 00:12:18,330
It's amazing.
279
00:12:18,355 --> 00:12:19,951
- Cooper, you did it again, man.
- Thank you.
280
00:12:19,976 --> 00:12:21,499
How does he do it? Right?
281
00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:47,239
Mm.
282
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:53,507
Husband, one; wife, one.
283
00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:05,780
Oh.
284
00:13:05,823 --> 00:13:08,391
Hitting the old mahogany
mattress, were we?
285
00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:10,524
I must have dozed off.
286
00:13:10,567 --> 00:13:11,960
Ah, it's okay, Jake.
287
00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:14,310
Stories about my susceptibility
to lightning strikes
288
00:13:14,353 --> 00:13:16,021
can be a little boring.
289
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,356
No, no. I'm sorry.
290
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,010
I... I just had a rough night.
291
00:13:19,054 --> 00:13:21,404
Don't apologize. I fall
asleep at work all the time.
292
00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:25,932
Managing a pop star is a 24/7/365 job.
293
00:13:25,957 --> 00:13:27,551
Well, 364.
294
00:13:27,576 --> 00:13:30,957
I take off Secretaries Day
to honor my late mother.
295
00:13:31,136 --> 00:13:32,094
Oh, I'm sorry.
296
00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:33,791
Thank you. She's never on time.
297
00:13:33,835 --> 00:13:34,966
It's so annoying.
298
00:13:36,489 --> 00:13:37,839
So what happened?
299
00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,015
- Claire and I had a bit of an argument.
- Mm-hmm.
300
00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,220
You know, one thing I
know about marriage
301
00:13:43,245 --> 00:13:46,770
is that it is all about
winning and losing.
302
00:13:46,814 --> 00:13:48,990
I may not have a house,
303
00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:52,037
a car, or children that talk
to me, but I have my pride.
304
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,126
Four and oh, baby.
305
00:13:54,169 --> 00:13:56,193
I gotta go talk to Claire.
306
00:13:56,218 --> 00:13:58,272
No, Jake. You have to talk atClaire.
307
00:13:58,297 --> 00:13:59,559
Don't let her get a word in.
308
00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:01,479
Make her know how you feel.
309
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:08,279
Oh, yeah.
310
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:09,890
Oh, yeah?
311
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,544
Oh, yeah.
312
00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:15,926
Babe, I had some time to
think, and, uh, I'm sorry.
313
00:14:15,951 --> 00:14:18,333
Oh, yeah? Well, you have a
stupid, weird-shaped...
314
00:14:18,376 --> 00:14:19,769
- Wait. What?
- What?
315
00:14:22,772 --> 00:14:23,904
Did you just apologize?
316
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,565
Yeah. You know,
317
00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:28,201
I-I realized marriage isn't
about winning and losing.
318
00:14:28,386 --> 00:14:30,432
Those vows were a
really sweet gift idea.
319
00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:31,868
Let's not ruin it by
arguing about them.
320
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,450
Oh, I'm sorry, too.
321
00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:37,675
You know, why don't you go
in the kitchen and, uh,
322
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:39,049
pour us two glasses of champagne
323
00:14:39,093 --> 00:14:41,617
and we can celebrate the
end of this non-fight?
324
00:14:41,661 --> 00:14:43,767
Ooh, I likey.
325
00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:48,292
Oh, my God.
326
00:14:48,406 --> 00:14:50,502
Oh. No. No. No.
327
00:14:58,590 --> 00:14:59,896
Oh.
328
00:15:06,468 --> 00:15:08,282
What are you doing?
329
00:15:08,328 --> 00:15:10,982
Wanna have sex?
330
00:15:13,295 --> 00:15:15,427
All the time.
331
00:15:15,452 --> 00:15:17,149
Wait a minute, that was too easy.
332
00:15:17,306 --> 00:15:19,047
What are you hiding, Claire?
333
00:15:19,072 --> 00:15:20,508
Nothing.
334
00:15:20,562 --> 00:15:22,165
- Then why are you blocking when I...
- I'm not.
335
00:15:22,196 --> 00:15:22,929
Just...
336
00:15:22,969 --> 00:15:24,676
- when I'm trying to...
- When... Oh. Oh.
337
00:15:25,748 --> 00:15:26,793
Oh, my God!
338
00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:27,968
What?!
339
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,621
- What?
- Oh, my God.
340
00:15:29,665 --> 00:15:33,147
Someone broke in and
vandalized our gift.
341
00:15:33,190 --> 00:15:37,499
Did you cross out one of my vows?
342
00:15:37,542 --> 00:15:39,283
Okay, yes.
343
00:15:39,308 --> 00:15:41,425
I was really upset when you left and...
344
00:15:41,721 --> 00:15:43,897
I didn't know you were gonna
come back and apologize,
345
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,551
but look, I can, I can
fix it right now. Look.
346
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:48,553
That... and then you...
347
00:15:48,597 --> 00:15:51,007
Eh? See? I signed it
like you do at the bank
348
00:15:51,032 --> 00:15:53,557
when you handle important business.
349
00:15:55,604 --> 00:15:58,955
Do not try to turn me on with
sexy bank talk, all right?
350
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,630
I kept that vow. I
keep all of our vows.
351
00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:05,393
Oh, please. So you really
"treat me like a queen"?
352
00:16:05,483 --> 00:16:08,443
Well, not literally, but
now that you mention it,
353
00:16:08,486 --> 00:16:10,330
would you like me to
remove that scepter
354
00:16:10,355 --> 00:16:14,229
from thine butt?
355
00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:16,190
Well, in that case,
356
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,670
off with your head... privileges.
357
00:16:18,714 --> 00:16:20,803
O-Okay. All right.
358
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:22,657
Oh, I'll play this game.
I can play this game.
359
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,198
How 'bout how you...
360
00:16:24,241 --> 00:16:26,766
promise to "always
celebrate my quirks," huh?
361
00:16:26,809 --> 00:16:29,681
Well, I don't feel very
celebrated right now.
362
00:16:29,725 --> 00:16:31,771
Oh. Well, let's,
363
00:16:31,814 --> 00:16:34,121
let's have a party for them.
364
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:35,862
You know, let's start
with how you always
365
00:16:35,905 --> 00:16:38,299
have to do an open-mouth
smile for every picture.
366
00:16:38,342 --> 00:16:42,085
I don't open-mouth smile for every...
367
00:16:42,129 --> 00:16:45,306
Oh. Or how you have to save
368
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,455
every single receipt that
you've every gotten.
369
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,764
Let's have a little party
for them, too, right?
370
00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:52,748
- Yay! Yay!
- Oh, my gosh!
371
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:54,619
You're mixing deductible categories.
372
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:57,024
We're gonna go to jail. Are you crazy?
373
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:58,920
Oh, my gosh.
374
00:16:59,233 --> 00:17:00,800
Ugh.
375
00:17:00,843 --> 00:17:04,194
Well, since no one's taking
our vows seriously anymore,
376
00:17:04,238 --> 00:17:07,328
I guess I'll do a little
something like this.
377
00:17:13,813 --> 00:17:16,986
I hope you're in the
mood for an instrument
378
00:17:17,011 --> 00:17:20,862
I like to call the devil's testicle.
379
00:17:21,275 --> 00:17:22,755
Oh, my God.
380
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,907
It sounds terrible.
381
00:17:24,932 --> 00:17:27,870
Yeah, Claire. It's the bagpipes.
382
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,576
Oh, great.
383
00:17:29,601 --> 00:17:31,730
You know what? Keep playing,
384
00:17:31,755 --> 00:17:34,243
'cause it's getting me in the
mood for a little dancing.
385
00:17:34,268 --> 00:17:35,965
Oh, you better not Dougie.
386
00:17:36,009 --> 00:17:38,838
Oh, I'm about to Dougie.
I'm about to Dougie.
387
00:17:38,881 --> 00:17:40,056
- What? Ah.
- Don't you dare.
388
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,885
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
389
00:17:52,525 --> 00:17:53,744
What are you guys doing?
390
00:17:53,769 --> 00:17:55,553
What does it look like we're doing?!
391
00:17:55,811 --> 00:17:57,422
Um...
392
00:18:00,184 --> 00:18:01,881
I honestly don't know.
393
00:18:02,035 --> 00:18:04,689
We're having our first fight.
394
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,343
And I hope you finished your love song
395
00:18:06,387 --> 00:18:08,476
because our vows are a bunch of crap.
396
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,350
This is my fault, isn't it?
397
00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:13,377
- No, it's Jake's.
- No, it's Claire's.
398
00:18:17,398 --> 00:18:18,703
Oh, my God.
399
00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:22,707
Someone broke in and
vandalized my gift.
400
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,633
Couldn't sleep?
401
00:18:35,677 --> 00:18:37,722
Yep.
402
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,267
Turns out it was only
4:00 in the afternoon
403
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,163
when I stormed upstairs.
404
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,470
And, uh, it felt weird
to come back down here
405
00:18:46,514 --> 00:18:48,951
so I pretended to read a book.
406
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,562
What book?
407
00:18:51,606 --> 00:18:54,087
I don't know. I was pretending.
408
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:56,744
Jake and Claire! Could you guys come
409
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,346
into the living room, please?
410
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,835
Oh, my gosh, Claire, are you okay?
411
00:19:03,879 --> 00:19:06,360
Why'd you say she was
having a heart attack?
412
00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:10,732
Gotcha.
413
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:13,362
Anyway, these guys were
having a big fight
414
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:14,823
and I thought you guys could help.
415
00:19:15,146 --> 00:19:17,571
Yeah, a fight I thought was
between myself, my wife
416
00:19:17,596 --> 00:19:20,381
and an unrelated boy who
lives in our attic.
417
00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:22,506
Well, look, I'm sorry,
but I feel so bad
418
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:23,943
my gift caused you guys to fight.
419
00:19:23,986 --> 00:19:26,162
This is why I usually
just give people cars.
420
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,990
Seriously?
421
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,492
Anyway, I figured Bonnie and Gerald
422
00:19:29,517 --> 00:19:31,345
have been married for 30
years, maybe they could help.
423
00:19:31,575 --> 00:19:33,969
Ugh. Okay, look, I know you guys think
424
00:19:33,994 --> 00:19:35,816
that our vows are ridiculous,
425
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,794
but we are trying our
best to live up to them.
426
00:19:37,819 --> 00:19:39,614
But that's the problem. You
wrote these fancy vows
427
00:19:39,639 --> 00:19:41,449
that sound amazing, but
at the end of the day
428
00:19:41,474 --> 00:19:43,364
they're impossible to live up to.
429
00:19:43,409 --> 00:19:45,542
You guys just set too many rules.
430
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:48,788
It's a marriage, not an orgy.
431
00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:55,425
Look, think about it. Your
wedding day is the day
432
00:19:55,450 --> 00:19:57,008
you know the least about your marriage,
433
00:19:57,033 --> 00:19:59,818
so making promises then is just
setting yourself up for failure.
434
00:19:59,886 --> 00:20:01,929
That's why you always
stick with the hits:
435
00:20:01,954 --> 00:20:03,115
good times, bad times,
436
00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:04,289
sickness, health,
437
00:20:04,314 --> 00:20:06,531
burial or cremation.
438
00:20:06,986 --> 00:20:08,393
Cremation.
439
00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:10,702
Burn, baby, burn.
440
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,113
You know, I think they're right.
441
00:20:13,138 --> 00:20:15,011
Like, I don't want to be in
a marriage based on rules
442
00:20:15,036 --> 00:20:16,864
we set up years ago.
443
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,665
I want to grow and evolve with you.
444
00:20:18,733 --> 00:20:20,517
Aw.
445
00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:22,373
Me, too.
446
00:20:22,398 --> 00:20:23,632
Ew.
447
00:20:28,485 --> 00:20:31,532
Wow.
448
00:20:31,575 --> 00:20:33,882
- That was amazing.
- Mm.
449
00:20:33,925 --> 00:20:35,753
God, I can't believe
we've been missing out
450
00:20:35,797 --> 00:20:37,712
on make-up sex all these years.
451
00:20:37,755 --> 00:20:40,497
I know. Stupid loving relationship.
452
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:42,064
Well, you know what this means?
453
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:44,414
We just got to start
having more arguments.
454
00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:47,026
No, we don't. That's crazy.
455
00:20:47,069 --> 00:20:48,244
You're crazy.
456
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:50,203
Don't call me crazy.
457
00:20:50,246 --> 00:20:53,119
You're right, I'm sorry.
458
00:20:53,162 --> 00:20:55,034
I'm sorry, too.
459
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:02,033
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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