All language subtitles for Baby Daddy s05e18 She Said, Ben Said.eng

See? I told you there was
plenty of storage in the kitchen.

What about all that stuff?

You can't expect me to solve
every problem this apartment faces.

Hey. Hey, have you guys seen
the match to this earring?

It's really sharp, and I
don't want Emma to find it.

I already checked the
liquor store, the nail salon,

and the bar, so, this is
the only other place I go.

Yeah, I'll check my room
once Emma's up from her nap.

Hey, can you watch her tonight?

I have my first official date
with Sam, and I want to remove

all evidence that what we're
going to do can lead to one of her.

Remember what I always say.

Both: For the love of God,

don't be an idiot, wear a condom.

You're such good boys.

Mom, you don't have to worry, okay?

I bought a super-size
box at the superstore.

There is so much safety
in my room right now,

nothing bad could possibly happen.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Boop, boop, boop.

(theme music playing)

- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -

So, how's my favorite bartender?

We still on for tonight?

We could be on right now, but I'm afraid
it might scare away some of the customers.

Do you have anything in
particular you'd like to do?

Hmm, I'll leave it up to you,

but I was hoping we
could make it... special.

Well, then you're in luck
'cause special is my specialty.

You know, I may have
had my reservations,

but I think they're
pretty good together.

Really? 'Cause you tried to break
them up like a hundred times.

Yeah. Well, I possibly might
have been wrong about her.

Hey, maybe we should share

the secret to our perfect
relationship with them.

You mean the one where we were fighting for
two months and we just got back together?

Yeah, that one.

- All right. So, maybe we could...
- No.

- Well, can I suggest...
- Not getting involved.

- Can you at least tell Ben...
- No. We are minding our own business.

How about...

You know what? You can't keep doing that

every time you want to win an argument.

Even though it works.

- Ooh. I really need to get back.
- Oh, yeah.

Lunch was fun, but, hopefully,
we can order dessert next time,

- if you catch my drift.
- Oh. Oh...

Everyone caught it,
Little Miss Not-So-Subtle.

Just try not to catch anything else.

Am I right, huh?

- Good one. Come on.
- Mrs. Wheeler,

Mrs. Wheeler, this is Renee.

Renee, this is the spawn of Satan.

- I'll see you tonight, all right?
- Mm.

- Aw.
- (Sighs)

She's cute.

What am I missing?

Renee is my dad's New
York assistant, okay?

I go by the office once a
month to pick up my check,

and I picked her up along the way.

Okay, so she's dating for
money. Now I got it, okay.

No. But she does keep pressuring
me to tell my dad that we're dating,

which I definitely do not want to do,

because I know he would not approve

of me seeing someone in his office.

I mean, mostly because he
keeps saying stuff like,

"Stop hitting on the
women in my office,"

or, "Get off my secretary."

- Dads.
- I know, right?

Ooh, that reminds me. Your
dad called me to tell me

that he's coming into town and
he wants to take me out to dinner.

Clearly, not over the Bon-Bon.

Do you think that you can put in
a good word about me and Renee?

I mean, maybe if he
hears how happy we are

from someone who isn't
me, he won't mind.

Oh, and, Mrs.
Wheeler, I... uh...

I know shouldn't have to say this,

but please don't sleep
with my Dad. Again.

Okay.

But only because I'm married.

Not because you asked me.

(toys squeaking)

Wow, you're cleaning.
You really do like Sam.

More like shoving and hiding.
But, yeah, I really do.

So, you taking her to someplace fun?

Oh, you know it. She's
made it pretty clear

there's only one stop on
this date train... my bedroom.

So, I'm assuming we'll start
out at a nice restaurant.

Someplace romantic.

I'm sorry. We are talking
about Ben Wheeler, right?

We are.

I think you underestimate him.

He asked me what I wanted,

and I told him I
wanted it to be special.

She really said she
wanted to make it special?

Ho! You are so in!

I know, right? What else
could that possibly mean?

I was so afraid she was going to
make me jump through a ton of hoops.

To be honest, after all
that's happened between us,

I wouldn't mind if he jumped
through a couple of hoops.

Totally. I mean, they never
respect you if they don't.

Well, sounds like it's
going to be an amazing date.

It's going to be an amazing date.

Oh, Marshall. I just want you to know

that if I hadn't hooked up with a man

half your age with twice your stamina,

I would be all over that!

Mm! (growls)

Obviously, I'm flattered.

But your relationship with Brad

is actually the reason
I wanted to talk to you.

You see, I've met my very own Brad.

Oh, for the love of men instead
of women, you're gay too?

No. I'm in love with a younger woman.

Oh, she works in my New York
office, but we speak every day.

Mostly about paperwork.

Though I've come to
suspect she feels as

strongly about me as she
does the paperwork.

Ooh! Slow down, cowboy.

So, why don't you just ask her out?

Oh, Bonnie, she's a lot younger.

Aren't you worried
about what people say?

Brad is literally the greatest
thing that ever happened to me,

and that includes at
least one of my kids.

Marshall, life is short. Lock that
down before he realizes how hot he is

and that he can get someone his own age.

Before she.

Before she realizes it.

You know, you make
an excellent argument.

I will, as they say,

go for it with Renee.

Wait. Renee?

From work?

The girl that you
like is... is Renee?

From your office?

Thank you for summing
that up so succinctly. Yes.

Wow. Marshall, I am so happy for you.

I am just gonna go... (mumbles)

(panting) Tucker!

- Oh, my...
- (Renee shrieks)

Mrs. Wheeler, what are you doing?

Hey, Tucker, can I talk
to you for a second?

Oh. FYI, Renee. There's a fire
escape right out that window.

(door closes)

(mutters)

What is wrong with you, woman?

I thought you might like to know

that your father has
a new lady in his life.

- My dad has a girlfriend?
- Sort of.

She works in his New York office.

Guess what her name is?

- Renee?
- Bingo!

Oh, thank God, it's not Renee.

Oh, hey, Ben.

Wait. Aren't you supposed
to be on a date with Sam?

Honestly, it ended before it started.

(coughs)

Ben: I got all dressed up.

I was wearing that new Henley, you know,
'cause it makes me look like I have pecs.

(knocking)

Hi, Sam.

Ben: And being a gentleman,
I gave her a huge compliment.

You look hot!

Thanks.

I'm so excited for our special night.

Me too. I wouldn't let milady starve,

so, I prepared a fine
selection of hors d'oeuvres.

Champagne?

Hmm. And a condom!

Ah! Emma found my stash

and she's been hiding them
all over the house. Okay.

(chuckles)

(door opens, slams shut)

And she was gone.

Sam. Hey, I got your
9-1-1. What's wrong?

Wait. Aren't you supposed to be
on your date with Ben right now?

Yeah. It pretty much
ended before it started.

Hey, Sam. You look hot.

Sam: So Ben looks
like he hasn't showered

in three days and smells like dead yak.

You ready for our special night?

I'm ready. Why aren't you dressed yet?

You mean, why aren't I undressed yet?

I thought we were going out?

Why go out when everything
we need is right here?

I'm actually a little hungry.

Oh, don't worry.

There's some chips next
to this bowl of condoms.

And that's when I got
the hell out of there.

The worst part is, I don't think
he even knows what he did wrong.

I honestly have no
idea what I did wrong.

Oh, hey.

Did you hear about Ben and Sam?

Yeah. It's so sad. He really likes her.

None of this would've happened if
we had just given them some advice.

But we agreed, we're not
getting involved, right?

Right.

Ben can figure it out
on his own, can't he?

Oh, totally.

And I mean, Sam's going
to figure it out too.

- Isn't she?
- Of course.

Um, you know, hey, I forgot
to tell Ben something.

- I'll just be a second.
- Yeah, no worries.

Take your time, honey.

Sam, hey.

Uh, I was wondering if you
wanted to meet tomorrow morning.

I'd love to "Ben" your
ear about something.

Oh, uh... about Ben.

I thought that was kind of clear

with the whole "Ben your ear" thing.

Okay, so I've been thinking
about the whole Ben thing.

And I think I know where you went wrong.

Where I went wrong?

Well, remember when you crawled into
his bed a couple of months ago, naked?

I think you may have sent
him the wrong message.

You know, that you're kind of slutty,

so I think you need to
rerecord that message.

And what's the new message?

That you're hard to get.

Keep your pants on, Sam.

Keep your pants on.

So, I've been thinking about what
you said last night, and you're right.

I came on way too strong.

Girls want what they can't have.

Exactly.

Last time Sam thought
you liked somebody else,

she ended crawling into your bed naked.

So, if you think if I ignore
Sam, she'll want me more?

She couldn't want you any less.

(chuckles) Um...

So... So, there's kind of... there's
kind of something I need to tell you.

I met someone.

Oh, that's wonderful, son.

What's his name?

Dad, for the hundredth
time, I'm not gay.

Oh. Well, then...

- remind me to call your mother.
- (Mouths)

But... I have met a wonderful girl, too.

There's no easy way to say it.

She's quite a bit younger than me,

but I guess that's what
making my heart go pitter-pat.

I tell you, son. I was a lonely
lump of a man before I met Renee.

Yeah, about Renee.
You know, it's...

I was worried about
the age difference, too.

But Bonnie helped me realize,

I was wasting my life
by not pursuing it.

Oh, that-that Mrs. Wheeler!

Oh, she... she...
she's so helpful.

She's so damn helpful.

If everything goes right,

you could have your
very first stepmother.

What?

Wait a minute.

You're going to ask Renee to marry you?

Don't you think you should
maybe ask her to dinner first?

You know what?

That is excellent advice.

I will ask Renee to marry me at dinner.

Mrs. Wheeler?

Have you ever heard of knocking?

It's my room.

Okay. That's a good point.

So, how did it go with your dad?

Terrible.

Yeah, I thought it was
just a little crush,

but now... but now, he's going
to look like a creepy old man

when he proposes to a girl

who's young enough to be dating me...

and is!

This is going to destroy him.

Do you want me to write
this up in your journal?

You seemed pretty anxious about
this conversation yesterday.

Okay. You know what?

- Oh.
- No.

And even if I wasn't dating Renee,

the idea of my dad
dating a girl of my age

is so wrong.

It'd be like us together.

You wouldn't be the first of
Ben's friends, I can assure you.

Don't tell Ben.

But you know what? That's it.

If my dad could see how ridiculous
he'd look with someone my age,

he'd come to his senses and end
this silliness with Renee on his own.

Mrs. Wheeler, you've got to help me.

Of course I will, Tucker.

You know I think of you like a son.

Really? Since when?

Since I boinked your dad.

(laughing loudly) My God!

CeeCee, you are so funny.

We have really have got to
have a drink one of these days.

Please don't touch me.

Ow. Sam better get a move on

'cause it looks like Ben is moving on.

Look, I know you're gay,

but stare at these for a
moment or two and beer's on me.

(laughs loudly)

Oh, my God! You're hilarious!

Yep. Well, Ben better move fast,

'cause it looks like
Sam's moving even faster.

Dude, your advice isn't working.

Sam's not in to me. She
won't even look at me.

I can't believe I'm about to say
this, but I think Ben and Sam...

or as I was going
to call us, "Bam!"...

are over and out.

Oh, I barely helped.

No, man. It was all you.

It was great advice, bro,
but it just didn't work.

I cannot believe you. We promised each
other that we wouldn't get involved,

and here you are getting involved.

I mean, does... does your
word mean nothing to you?

Riley, I don't think you were right.

Ben's not into me.

He's literally into everything but me.

I give up.

Oh, it was worth a try.

I'm sorry. It's just that

Sam wants to feel special
before she has sex,

so I may have told her
to play hard to get.

I told Ben the same thing.

He's just trying to be with the girl

he's been in love
with for over a decade.

It's no wonder he's
having trouble focusing.

Can we just agree that they need to be

as happy as we are and help them?

- Yes.
- All right.

- You know what to tell Ben, right?
- Totally.

Oh, hey, Ben. Quick tweak to the plan.

You need to show Sam that she's special

and it's not just about sex.

Hey, Sam. New plan.

Uh, you need to sleep
with Ben immediately.

So now you want me to sleep

with him?

Look, I feel terrible,

but I may have given you
some bad advice before.

Ben is crazy about you, but
he won't be able to focus

and act like a normal human being

until he gets past the whole sex thing.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, you already crawled
into his bed once,

what's one more time?

Once you get past this,

Ben will be able to relax
and be the sweet, loving guy

you want him to be.

I think.

No, you know, actually, I'm sure.

Kind of.

Pretty sure.

Don't you get it? She's just
waiting for you to make it special.

If there's one thing I
learned about relationships,

it's that women like to test men.

Well, that and brunch. They
really, really like brunch.

Sam is just testing you to make sure
that you're really interested in her.

I've liked her since I was 14.

You've wanted to have sex
with her since you were 14.

Isn't that the same thing?

Be strong, man. You'll get there.

But until then,

do not under any circumstance
have sex with her.

Even if it's the apocalypse and we're
the last two people left on Earth

and we need to repopulate the species?

That might be an exception.

Hey, you seen any good movies, lately?

No. Um-mm.

But I did watch a bunch
of cat videos this morning.

Marshall: Absolutely not settling, Bob.

I'm not the kind of
guy who settles, Bob.

Everybody in the office knows that.

Settling is for settlers and I don't
think that's what we want, is it?

What are we, Bob? Pioneers?

I don't see any covered wagons.

- Mrs. Wheeler!
- I thought I heard him.

Hey, Ben.

Sam. Hey.

Uh, I was actually just about to leave.

Oh. What's the rush?

The bar's officially closed.

Looks like it's just you and me.

Alone.

N-n-n-n-n-no need
to lock that then.

Check out this scratch I got from
the corner of the bar tonight.

I don't suppose you have
anything you could put on it?

You know what you need?

Aspirin. It reduces inflammation.

I should probably take some too.

Geez, your dad is long-winded.

My calf is starting to cramp.

Tucker, would you
mind if I borrowed...

Sweet rhubarb pie!

(gasps) Oh, Marshall!

Dad!

Dad, this is her.

This is the woman I've
been telling you about,

my... my true love.

I am in love with Bonnie Wheeler.

And damn it, Dad, there's
nothing you can do about it.

No matter how silly, or ridiculous,

or mortifying we look together.

We're getting married.

Yeah. Well, after my divorce.

Tucker, this is appalling,

you carrying on with a
married woman and such.

No reaction to the
hideous age difference?

Ow.

But I can't stop love.

And if that's what this
is, who am I to judge?

Now? Now you choose to stop
judging my life choices?

Knock, knock!
Mr. Dobbs...

Renee, what are you doing here?

I asked her to bring by
some papers for me to sign.

But congratulations are in order.

Tucker just announced his engagement.

Excuse me? To who? To her?

Hey, Missy, you better watch your tone.

No. No, no, no. Not to her,
not to anyone. This is not real.

But that hickey is gonna be.

I thought that we had something special.

No! We do! We do! But my dad wants
something special with you too.

Mr. Dobbs, you want to go out with me?

He's actually in love with you.

In love with her? Oh, God no.

She's young enough to be my daughter.

But you said you were
in love with Renee.

Yeah. Renee Dorsett from HR.

She's 42.

Wait. How is that
anything like me and Brad?

Well, aren't we both the same age?

Oh, not even close!

Let me help you.

You have to squeeze when you pull.

I got it, yeah. Just give me a second.

I'm just gonna...

Oh!

Oh, one got in my shirt. Wanna get it?

No. No, no, no. There's
plenty right here on the floor.

Besides, I probably
shouldn't stand up right now.

Well, here's some water.

Oops. Oh, I'm so clumsy.

I've spilled all over myself.

I better take this off. I
don't want to catch a cold.

Oh! I'll get you a towel.

What the hell is your problem, Ben?

Are you not interested in any of this?

Whatever it is, just tell me.

Of course, I'm interested.

I just think there are more
important things for us to do first,

like getting to know each other.

We've known each other for ten years!

Babe. Hey.

Why am I meeting you here?

Aren't Ben and Sam in the
office having sex right now?

No. Why would they do that?

Um, because I told Sam to have sex
with Ben in the office right now.

I even gave her my old
"cut on the thigh" trick.

Oh, no. I told Ben
to be super hands-off.

Wait. That was a trick?

Sam: No, forget it.
Just stay away from me.

I'm sorry! Danny told
me you were testing me.

I was trying to be super respectful.

And I figured if anybody knows how to
get you into bed, it would be Danny.

Seriously? Riley told me to have sex
with you and just get it over with.

I figured if anyone would know how
to get you into bed, it's Riley.

Wow, that is just...

I wish we had both listened to Riley.

I want to have sex with you, Ben.

I just... need it to be special.

Okay.

Can you write down exactly
what you mean by "special"?

How about I show you?

Oh, hey, guys!

We had no idea that you were here.

Yeah, but it looks like you
have everything under control,

so we're just going to slip out of here.

Don't worry. You don't have to thank us.

Not quite how I expected you to
tell your dad about us, but...

So, uh, where were we?

About to make good use
of a few stolen condoms.

So basically, if it wasn't for us,

they never would have gotten together.

(sighs)

We're amazing.

Hey, did you remember
to pick up condoms?

Oh, no need.

Ben had some to spare.

***

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