Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,759 --> 00:00:02,679
Emma: No!
2
00:00:02,730 --> 00:00:04,781
Emma, come on, it's time for bed.
3
00:00:04,783 --> 00:00:06,667
I'm putting my foot down.
4
00:00:06,701 --> 00:00:07,768
You gotta put your pajamas on.
5
00:00:07,802 --> 00:00:08,819
No!
6
00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:11,154
What if Daddy gives you a cookie?
7
00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:13,073
Yes!
8
00:00:13,107 --> 00:00:15,092
Congratulations, Emma.
9
00:00:15,126 --> 00:00:17,995
You're already manipulating
men at a third grade level.
10
00:00:19,097 --> 00:00:20,897
You're the parent.
11
00:00:20,932 --> 00:00:22,082
You need to stand up to your daughter.
12
00:00:22,116 --> 00:00:23,934
Okay, you know what? Fine.
13
00:00:23,968 --> 00:00:25,902
If you're so good at this,
you get her into pajamas.
14
00:00:25,904 --> 00:00:27,004
- All right?
- Okay. Yeah, I will.
15
00:00:27,038 --> 00:00:28,021
All right, Emma.
16
00:00:28,056 --> 00:00:32,726
Listen, this behavior has got to stop.
17
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:33,844
When I say it's bedtime,
18
00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:35,696
it's bedtime.
19
00:00:37,899 --> 00:00:40,717
And when I say it's cookie time,
20
00:00:40,768 --> 00:00:42,102
it's cookie time.
21
00:00:42,136 --> 00:00:44,121
Mm, who do you love the most?
22
00:00:44,155 --> 00:00:46,106
- Bon-Bon.
- Bon-Bon. That's right.
23
00:00:46,157 --> 00:00:48,075
And Bon-Bon loves you the most.
24
00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:52,129
(theme music playing)
25
00:00:52,163 --> 00:00:55,132
It's amazing how the unexpected
26
00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:58,168
Can take your life
and change directions
27
00:00:58,473 --> 00:01:02,239
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -
28
00:01:04,142 --> 00:01:06,059
- She's coming, she's coming!
- (Screams)
29
00:01:07,979 --> 00:01:09,062
Danny!
30
00:01:09,097 --> 00:01:11,064
- Who's coming?
- My mom.
31
00:01:11,099 --> 00:01:13,150
Ever since Brad left,
she can't be alone.
32
00:01:13,184 --> 00:01:14,685
I don't know if you know this,
33
00:01:14,687 --> 00:01:16,103
but she can be kind of annoying.
34
00:01:17,188 --> 00:01:19,940
She hasn't let me out of
her sight in over a week,
35
00:01:19,991 --> 00:01:22,075
and now she wants to hang
out today and tonight.
36
00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:24,695
No! No! Tonight is our special night.
37
00:01:24,697 --> 00:01:26,029
Clash of Dragons is on.
38
00:01:26,031 --> 00:01:28,949
I know. That's why I'm
trying to avoid her.
39
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,000
(doorknob rattling)
40
00:01:30,034 --> 00:01:32,035
Bonnie: Hey, why is this door locked?
41
00:01:32,037 --> 00:01:33,954
(door unlocking)
42
00:01:34,005 --> 00:01:35,088
- Oh!
- Hey, guys.
43
00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:36,123
I just wanted to...
44
00:01:41,212 --> 00:01:43,013
Oh. Mom...
45
00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:44,014
do you mind?
46
00:01:44,048 --> 00:01:46,016
Kind of in the middle of something here.
47
00:01:46,050 --> 00:01:47,050
Sorry.
48
00:01:47,052 --> 00:01:49,019
Yeah, I can come back.
49
00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:50,187
Well, actually, if you're
anything like your dad,
50
00:01:50,221 --> 00:01:52,189
I can just wait in the hall
for a couple of minutes.
51
00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:56,026
Will you just tell her?
52
00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:58,145
Yeah, you're right.
53
00:01:58,196 --> 00:02:01,064
Mom, there's something I
need to talk to you about.
54
00:02:01,115 --> 00:02:02,949
But first, I gotta go to practice,
55
00:02:02,984 --> 00:02:04,651
so I'll see you later, okay? Bye.
56
00:02:04,702 --> 00:02:05,952
Danny, Danny, Danny!
57
00:02:05,987 --> 00:02:07,070
(groans)
58
00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:08,989
So...
59
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,657
what are you up to today?
60
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:12,075
I'm just going to work.
61
00:02:12,077 --> 00:02:13,960
I don't suppose you
could bring a friend.
62
00:02:13,995 --> 00:02:14,995
- Not really.
- Oh.
63
00:02:18,049 --> 00:02:19,049
Oh, Tuck! Hey!
64
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:21,001
Here's that salad you ordered for Mary.
65
00:02:21,052 --> 00:02:22,919
I know the show's paying for it.
66
00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:24,054
That's why it's a $53 salad.
67
00:02:25,106 --> 00:02:27,874
Finally. Mary's blood sugar's crashing.
68
00:02:29,877 --> 00:02:31,828
Oh, my God. Are there
cranberries on this?
69
00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,097
These look like cranberries!
70
00:02:34,148 --> 00:02:36,783
Calm down. She can just pick
them off like any normal person.
71
00:02:36,818 --> 00:02:39,736
Mary Hart is not a normal person.
72
00:02:39,738 --> 00:02:40,704
Okay?
73
00:02:40,738 --> 00:02:41,738
She's a star.
74
00:02:41,773 --> 00:02:43,140
It's a completely different beast.
75
00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:46,693
Please don't tell anyone you
heard me call her a beast.
76
00:02:46,727 --> 00:02:49,079
Dude, you gotta stand up
to her once in a while.
77
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,113
Don't let her walk all over you.
78
00:02:50,148 --> 00:02:51,681
Look, Ben, I don't have time.
79
00:02:51,732 --> 00:02:53,116
Look, I don't have time
for this right now, okay?
80
00:02:53,118 --> 00:02:54,968
What is wrong with
you? Look at yourself.
81
00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:56,136
- You're a mess.
- I'm fine! Okay?!
82
00:02:56,187 --> 00:02:57,954
- Look, I'm fine!
- (Shutter clicks)
83
00:02:57,989 --> 00:02:59,990
- I'm fi...
- Does this look fine to you?
84
00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:02,826
Look, man, we're just... we're all
under a lot of stress, all right?
85
00:03:02,877 --> 00:03:05,762
This week, it's our big
Mary Hart SweetHarts Special,
86
00:03:05,764 --> 00:03:07,764
and everything just needs to be perfect
87
00:03:07,799 --> 00:03:09,766
because Mary likes perfect.
88
00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:10,767
Mary: Tucker!
89
00:03:10,769 --> 00:03:12,652
Oh, my God! She's
coming! Save yourself! Go!
90
00:03:13,788 --> 00:03:15,088
It's about time.
91
00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:17,073
I didn't realize you actually had
92
00:03:17,108 --> 00:03:19,676
to go to a farm and plant
the vegetables first.
93
00:03:21,028 --> 00:03:23,980
And could you possibly
be more incompetent?
94
00:03:24,015 --> 00:03:26,917
I said I wanted to
give away Crock-Pots.
95
00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,985
You forgot the "Crock"
part of the "Pot".
96
00:03:29,020 --> 00:03:31,788
There's 50 pounds of weed
sitting on my loading dock!
97
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:36,760
And...
98
00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:39,796
are these cranberries?
99
00:03:40,848 --> 00:03:45,769
You know how much I hate cranberries.
100
00:03:45,771 --> 00:03:48,054
I know, Mary. I'm so sorry, Mary.
101
00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:50,173
How does this sound to you, Tucker?
102
00:03:50,175 --> 00:03:54,010
Hello, America. I'm Mary Hart.
103
00:03:54,012 --> 00:03:56,963
On tonight's show, the
death of a senior producer
104
00:03:56,998 --> 00:03:58,932
who gave me cranberries!
105
00:03:58,966 --> 00:03:59,983
Idiot!
106
00:04:00,034 --> 00:04:01,952
How could you not know after
all these years together
107
00:04:02,003 --> 00:04:04,905
that I hate cranberries?! I hate them...
108
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:09,860
Ah, my good Lord Craigmore,
109
00:04:09,894 --> 00:04:12,696
bastard son of Leon Ravenhelm,
110
00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,764
to what do I owe this honor?
111
00:04:14,799 --> 00:04:17,751
Ah, Lady Zelda Dragonbreast,
112
00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:20,770
I have come to avenge thee...
113
00:04:20,805 --> 00:04:23,073
and perhaps do some ravaging?
114
00:04:23,075 --> 00:04:26,009
Well, the ravaging will hate to wait
115
00:04:26,011 --> 00:04:27,277
because seriously, the
show's about to start.
116
00:04:27,311 --> 00:04:29,963
I couldn't find mutton, so
chicken wings will have to do.
117
00:04:29,997 --> 00:04:31,915
(knocking)
118
00:04:31,949 --> 00:04:33,066
Bonnie: Open up! It's me!
119
00:04:33,117 --> 00:04:34,918
I found mutton!
120
00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,988
What is she doing
here? How did she know?
121
00:04:38,039 --> 00:04:40,874
Well, she either figured
it out on her own,
122
00:04:40,908 --> 00:04:42,943
or she guilted me into inviting her.
123
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:44,794
I'm honestly not sure.
124
00:04:44,796 --> 00:04:45,812
Just...
125
00:04:45,846 --> 00:04:46,863
just tell her to go away.
126
00:04:46,898 --> 00:04:47,864
Okay, fine.
127
00:04:47,915 --> 00:04:49,766
I'll tell her that it's just us tonight.
128
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,151
Yeah.
129
00:04:51,185 --> 00:04:52,752
I mean, sure. Yeah.
130
00:04:52,787 --> 00:04:56,056
I was devastated when
Brad left, you know,
131
00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:58,174
but now, I'm just lonely.
132
00:04:58,176 --> 00:05:00,944
You know, and I can't
go get all un-lonely
133
00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:02,095
because I'm married.
134
00:05:02,129 --> 00:05:03,847
Stupid morals.
135
00:05:05,917 --> 00:05:08,802
Mary: Hello, America. I'm Mary Hart.
136
00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:11,755
On tonight's show, the
death of a senior producer
137
00:05:11,806 --> 00:05:13,740
who gave me cranberries!
138
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:16,760
Yeah, thanks for the instant replay,
139
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:17,844
but I'm still picking
140
00:05:17,895 --> 00:05:20,680
the cranberries out of
my ears, so I'm good.
141
00:05:20,715 --> 00:05:23,099
Dude, I'm trying to show
you how pathetic you look.
142
00:05:23,134 --> 00:05:25,118
You know, I wish I had
physical proof of my mistakes.
143
00:05:25,169 --> 00:05:26,136
Ben!
144
00:05:26,138 --> 00:05:28,104
Not now, Emma.
145
00:05:28,106 --> 00:05:30,974
Ben, why is this such a big deal?
146
00:05:30,976 --> 00:05:34,995
All I see is a completely normal
employee-employer relationship.
147
00:05:35,046 --> 00:05:36,096
Oh? Oh, is that what you see?
148
00:05:36,130 --> 00:05:37,981
Oh, okay. Then maybe
we should take a survey
149
00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:38,999
and find out what other people think.
150
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,850
How about I just post it online
151
00:05:40,885 --> 00:05:41,918
and get some feedback for you?
152
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,036
- Oh, you do that.
- Oh, I will.
153
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:44,771
- Good.
- Here I go.
154
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:45,889
- I'm waiting.
- So doing it.
155
00:05:45,923 --> 00:05:46,873
- So not caring.
- All right.
156
00:05:46,924 --> 00:05:47,958
- Three, two, one...
- Give it to me.
157
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:48,959
Nope. No. Stop.
158
00:05:48,993 --> 00:05:49,893
No, no.
159
00:05:51,862 --> 00:05:54,731
Fine. Yes, Mary is a horrible person.
160
00:05:54,765 --> 00:05:56,149
She's also a compulsive gambler
161
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,084
and a philanderer, so what's your point?
162
00:05:58,135 --> 00:05:59,135
You're better than this!
163
00:05:59,186 --> 00:06:01,638
You've gotta stand up for yourself, man.
164
00:06:01,672 --> 00:06:02,088
(sighs)
165
00:06:03,658 --> 00:06:04,958
Fine. I'll talk to her.
166
00:06:06,127 --> 00:06:07,927
You're a good friend.
167
00:06:07,979 --> 00:06:08,945
I know.
168
00:06:08,996 --> 00:06:09,996
You're really lucky.
169
00:06:11,115 --> 00:06:13,833
How about I buy you a
beer to celebrate, huh?
170
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:14,951
Come on.
171
00:06:18,906 --> 00:06:19,906
On tonight's show,
172
00:06:19,957 --> 00:06:21,808
- the death of a senior producer
- (Tablet beeps)
173
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,860
who gave me cranberries!
174
00:06:23,894 --> 00:06:25,679
Idiot! How could you not
175
00:06:25,713 --> 00:06:26,813
remember after all of these years...
176
00:06:29,116 --> 00:06:30,667
(Ben laughing)
177
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:31,768
Look! The kitty doesn't even know
178
00:06:31,802 --> 00:06:33,687
the bunny's in the basket.
179
00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:35,038
Cats are stupid.
180
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:40,126
I think we lost her!
181
00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:41,978
I knew your mom was fast,
182
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,914
but she actually scissor-kicked
over the subway turnstiles.
183
00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,816
You guys are amateurs.
184
00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:47,951
Always run through a bar.
185
00:06:48,002 --> 00:06:48,968
She has to stop.
186
00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:51,771
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
187
00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:52,806
Wait, wait, wait. This isn't good.
188
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:53,957
Cranberries? Idiot!
189
00:06:54,008 --> 00:06:56,810
How could you not remember
after all of these years
190
00:06:56,861 --> 00:06:58,675
of working together how
much I hate cranberries?!
191
00:06:58,701 --> 00:06:59,154
What?
192
00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,697
No!
193
00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:02,682
Oh, my God! How is this online?!
194
00:07:02,717 --> 00:07:03,717
A million views?!
195
00:07:03,751 --> 00:07:05,101
Oh, my God. I have to warn Tucker.
196
00:07:05,136 --> 00:07:06,653
Oh, no. Come on.
197
00:07:06,704 --> 00:07:07,987
Come on, sweetie. Let's go.
198
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,090
Aah, pick up. Pick up,
pick up, pick up, pick up.
199
00:07:10,141 --> 00:07:11,074
Oh, God.
200
00:07:13,044 --> 00:07:14,894
- Aah, come on. Voicemail?
- (Elevator dings)
201
00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:15,895
(sighs)
202
00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,030
Mom! Hey, perfect.
203
00:07:17,081 --> 00:07:18,882
Can you please take Emma to daycare?
204
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,850
I have an emergency.
Mary's about to kill Tucker.
205
00:07:20,852 --> 00:07:21,985
Oh. Yeah. Tell me when that's on.
206
00:07:21,987 --> 00:07:22,952
I want to record it.
207
00:07:24,872 --> 00:07:25,872
Riley: Oh, my God, Danny. Please!
208
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,724
Your mother is driving me crazy!
209
00:07:27,726 --> 00:07:28,875
Danny: Don't get mad at me!
210
00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:30,844
You're the one who invited
her over last night!
211
00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:34,664
Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's only because
you couldn't stand up to her.
212
00:07:34,666 --> 00:07:36,099
She spent the night at my place
213
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:37,767
and then she went to breakfast with us,
214
00:07:37,802 --> 00:07:39,669
and now she's gonna go
to the movies with us?
215
00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:41,054
Oh, my...
Oh, do not.
216
00:07:41,105 --> 00:07:42,238
Do not think for one second
217
00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:44,007
that she's going to Mary
Hart's SweetHart show
218
00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:45,125
tomorrow because we
only have two tickets
219
00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:47,043
and I already planned to
give the free Crock-Pot
220
00:07:47,078 --> 00:07:48,078
to my mom for Christmas!
221
00:07:48,129 --> 00:07:50,847
Well, what am I supposed to do?
222
00:07:50,898 --> 00:07:52,916
Tell her I'd rather spend
time along with my girlfriend
223
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,884
than with my own mother?!
224
00:07:54,886 --> 00:07:55,935
Yes.
225
00:07:55,986 --> 00:07:58,738
Danny, that's exactly
what you're supposed to do.
226
00:07:59,757 --> 00:08:00,890
I mean, if you don't
stand up to her now,
227
00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:02,792
this is only going to get worse.
228
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:04,794
I mean, today it's a Crock-Pot,
229
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:06,646
tomorrow it's our anniversary.
230
00:08:06,697 --> 00:08:08,081
Wait, tomorrow's our anniversary?
231
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:10,717
I mean...
232
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:12,068
tomorrow's our anniversary.
233
00:08:12,119 --> 00:08:14,003
Hope you didn't forget.
234
00:08:18,008 --> 00:08:20,059
No, Danny.
235
00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:22,962
I am saying that this
is about our future,
236
00:08:23,013 --> 00:08:25,815
and I'm not saying that you
have to choose between us,
237
00:08:25,866 --> 00:08:26,966
but at some point,
238
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:29,853
you're gonna have to choose between us.
239
00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:34,891
Oh, I think we both know
how this is gonna end.
240
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:37,877
Someone is about to get schooled...
241
00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:39,779
and it ain't gonna be me.
242
00:08:39,814 --> 00:08:41,714
High five it.
243
00:08:41,749 --> 00:08:42,749
Fist it.
244
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,766
Woogidy woogidy.
245
00:08:48,775 --> 00:08:51,101
Care to explain what this is?
246
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,766
Oh. You know what?
247
00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:54,785
It's basically just a really big phone.
248
00:08:56,738 --> 00:08:57,738
You know what I mean?
249
00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:59,723
No, this.
250
00:08:59,757 --> 00:09:02,659
There's 50 pounds of
weed on my loading dock.
251
00:09:04,512 --> 00:09:06,496
Oh, no, no, no. This is not happening.
252
00:09:06,531 --> 00:09:07,581
(inhales deeply)
253
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,434
(breathes deeply)
254
00:09:10,485 --> 00:09:13,503
They're saying, "Mary has no Hart."
255
00:09:13,538 --> 00:09:17,391
I wish that didn't sound so
evil because it's catchy as hell.
256
00:09:17,425 --> 00:09:19,393
No! No, no, no.
257
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:20,744
No, of course you have a heart!
258
00:09:20,778 --> 00:09:22,796
No, Mary puts the Hart in heart.
259
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:23,797
Mary
260
00:09:23,848 --> 00:09:25,649
Right?
261
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,768
Obviously someone is jealous
262
00:09:27,802 --> 00:09:30,704
of our close, professional relationship.
263
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,523
Perhaps I overreacted
with the cranberries.
264
00:09:34,609 --> 00:09:36,543
I'm... I'm sorry,
are you apologizing?
265
00:09:36,545 --> 00:09:38,395
Oh, my God, no.
266
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,515
But seeing this made me realize
267
00:09:41,566 --> 00:09:44,785
just how much I... appreciate you.
268
00:09:44,836 --> 00:09:48,872
So, I want to make you
an executive producer...
269
00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:51,775
as long as you find out who did this,
270
00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,678
publicly humiliate them, and fire them.
271
00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:55,729
I'm on it.
272
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,697
Thank you, Mary.
273
00:09:56,731 --> 00:09:58,799
Tucker, hey! Whatever you do, don't...
274
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:00,801
What's up, Mary?
275
00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:03,670
Well, hello there, stranger.
276
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,607
Wait, why do you look so familiar?
277
00:10:07,642 --> 00:10:09,676
I work here.
278
00:10:09,711 --> 00:10:11,495
I'm, um...
279
00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:12,612
I'm Jason.
280
00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:14,598
What do you do here, Jason?
281
00:10:17,585 --> 00:10:19,453
I make the melon balls.
282
00:10:21,456 --> 00:10:23,440
Well, make them smaller next time.
283
00:10:23,474 --> 00:10:25,909
It's bad for my face to chew.
284
00:10:30,748 --> 00:10:31,798
Danny: Mom?
285
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,684
(door closes)
286
00:10:33,735 --> 00:10:35,736
Oh, hey, Ma.
287
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:37,587
Mamacita.
288
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,523
Best mom in the world.
289
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:40,640
I was hoping we could
have a little chat...
290
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,626
Are you crying?
291
00:10:43,678 --> 00:10:44,928
It's nothing.
292
00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:49,516
I was just sitting here thinking
about you, and, you know,
293
00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:53,854
how amazing you've been during
this painful, awful time.
294
00:10:53,888 --> 00:10:55,489
You're not just my son.
295
00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:57,891
You're my best friend.
296
00:11:00,712 --> 00:11:02,763
And all my friends,
you know, they complain
297
00:11:02,814 --> 00:11:05,665
that their kids never want
to spend any time with them,
298
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:07,768
but not me. No.
299
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:12,556
I always say, "I have the
best son in the world."
300
00:11:13,608 --> 00:11:15,459
- What about Ben?
- What about Ben?
301
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:20,514
Listen, honey.
302
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,866
I know that I have been
very intrusive lately,
303
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:26,853
but you have honestly saved my life.
304
00:11:26,855 --> 00:11:28,905
You know I'd do anything for you, Mom.
305
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,424
I know.
306
00:11:30,475 --> 00:11:33,693
And you know what would really help me?
307
00:11:33,745 --> 00:11:35,796
Make me feel whole again?
308
00:11:35,847 --> 00:11:39,750
I would just really love
to go to that Mary Hart
309
00:11:39,801 --> 00:11:42,569
whatever-she-calls-it
thing with you.
310
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:44,504
Wait, the SweetHart Special?
311
00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:45,705
But I've only got two tickets
312
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:47,524
and Riley's got her heart set on it.
313
00:11:47,558 --> 00:11:49,593
I mean, we've got our costumes
picked out and everything.
314
00:11:51,562 --> 00:11:53,497
That is a problem...
315
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,517
but I know you'll do the right thing.
316
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,720
Look at myself.
317
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:04,708
Dude, I'm gonna get my
own Tucker to scream at!
318
00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:06,810
But don't you still have to
find a fall guy and fire someone?
319
00:12:06,844 --> 00:12:09,646
Oh, please. Believe me, I've got a list.
320
00:12:10,715 --> 00:12:12,666
Enjoy your last stolen yogurt, Todd.
321
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,668
Payback for my applesauce, bitch.
322
00:12:20,525 --> 00:12:21,541
Hey!
323
00:12:22,593 --> 00:12:24,511
What about Jason?
324
00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:25,729
I have the advantage
of actually being guilty
325
00:12:25,763 --> 00:12:28,432
and I don't actually work here,
so no one actually gets hurt.
326
00:12:28,483 --> 00:12:29,433
Yeah!
327
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:30,450
Yeah, that's genius!
328
00:12:30,485 --> 00:12:32,452
Mary!
329
00:12:32,454 --> 00:12:34,438
After an extensive investigation
330
00:12:34,472 --> 00:12:36,523
I've traced the video to Jason's phone.
331
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:39,810
Well, Jason, why don't you just
take that pretty face of yours
332
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:43,630
and your melon baller
and get out? You're fired!
333
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,700
(gasps)
334
00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:48,802
I can't believe we just
got away with that, man!
335
00:12:48,804 --> 00:12:49,803
We're geniuses!
336
00:12:49,805 --> 00:12:52,706
I mean, Mary is kind of a moron, right?
337
00:12:52,757 --> 00:12:55,675
I mean, like, a big, dumb blond.
338
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,527
That thing's not actually on, is it?
339
00:12:57,562 --> 00:12:58,545
No. This?
340
00:12:58,547 --> 00:12:59,546
I'm not an idiot.
341
00:12:59,597 --> 00:13:01,448
Mary: Tucker!
342
00:13:03,885 --> 00:13:05,485
Yeah, I guess it is on.
343
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,805
What flavor do you want
your goodbye cake to be?
344
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:09,840
(chuckles)
345
00:13:09,891 --> 00:13:12,492
- No!
- No, no, no...
346
00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:16,659
Fired.
347
00:13:16,693 --> 00:13:18,510
Man, I did not see that coming.
348
00:13:20,513 --> 00:13:22,331
You shot the video,
349
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:24,350
your kid posted it online,
350
00:13:24,401 --> 00:13:26,468
and it was your idea to fire Jason.
351
00:13:26,503 --> 00:13:28,437
You were in charge of it coming.
352
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:30,838
Oh, yeah?
353
00:13:30,938 --> 00:13:32,358
Well, I worked in TV for one hour,
354
00:13:32,392 --> 00:13:34,410
and even I know how the headsets work.
355
00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:37,396
I know how the headsets work, okay?!
356
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:39,648
And I also know how friends work.
357
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:40,633
And if you weren't so busy
358
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,668
trying to teach me some stupid lesson,
359
00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:44,270
none of this would have happened.
360
00:13:44,321 --> 00:13:45,254
(sighs)
361
00:13:45,288 --> 00:13:47,473
This is my career, Ben.
362
00:13:47,507 --> 00:13:48,607
And you just destroyed it.
363
00:13:50,493 --> 00:13:51,427
(sighs)
364
00:13:56,499 --> 00:13:58,350
Oh, hey. How am I doing?
365
00:13:58,401 --> 00:14:00,369
Funny you should ask. Um, not well.
366
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,304
Because despite my talking
367
00:14:02,339 --> 00:14:04,440
about the Mary Hart Special
for the last six months,
368
00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:06,342
I am now not going.
369
00:14:06,376 --> 00:14:08,310
Am I supposed to have any
idea what you're talking about?
370
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,379
Shiver me timbers!
371
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:12,314
Who's ready to hunt some dragons?
372
00:14:12,349 --> 00:14:13,315
Tally ho!
373
00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:19,521
No one on Clash of
Dragons has said that.
374
00:14:19,572 --> 00:14:20,539
Ever.
375
00:14:21,675 --> 00:14:23,192
Is Danny ready?
376
00:14:23,226 --> 00:14:24,560
This corset's got about four hours on it
377
00:14:24,611 --> 00:14:26,462
before m'ladies explode.
378
00:14:26,496 --> 00:14:28,514
(giggles) Thanks for the ticket, Riley.
379
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:33,502
Your mom stole my boyfriend.
380
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:37,373
Uh, kind of the one woman I didn't
think I'd have to worry about.
381
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:39,391
Well, Tucker gave me two
tickets. You can have 'em.
382
00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:41,226
Really? Oh, my God!
383
00:14:41,277 --> 00:14:42,361
Well, will you go with me?
384
00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:43,412
Because you can only get in
385
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:45,297
if you're dressed as a
famous couple from history.
386
00:14:45,332 --> 00:14:46,348
Please, please, please?
387
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:48,200
Uh, well, won't me going
with you make Danny...
388
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:49,335
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
389
00:14:49,386 --> 00:14:52,204
And that's what us
girlfriends call a win-win.
390
00:14:53,656 --> 00:14:55,591
No, no, no. I can't. I can't.
391
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:57,526
Do you have any idea what
Mary would do if she sees me?
392
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,194
I mean, after she hits on me of course.
393
00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:01,597
She may not like my melon balls,
394
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:03,499
but she definitely likes
my... You get the point.
395
00:15:06,419 --> 00:15:07,403
You know what?
396
00:15:07,454 --> 00:15:09,338
That's genius!
397
00:15:09,372 --> 00:15:10,472
Yes, yes! I will go with you!
398
00:15:10,507 --> 00:15:11,690
Okay. Yay!
399
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:14,326
All right, what's a costume that
we can do at the last minute?
400
00:15:14,377 --> 00:15:16,428
Um, I've got a black
wig and some 60s clothes.
401
00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:17,429
Sonny and Cher?
402
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,281
Yes!
403
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:21,200
Oh, my God, that's perfect!
404
00:15:21,234 --> 00:15:23,252
Plus, they were great
friends after their breakup,
405
00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:24,353
and you know, it's... it's just like us!
406
00:15:24,355 --> 00:15:26,655
Yeah, so totally like us! Yeah!
407
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:27,639
(chuckles)
408
00:15:39,602 --> 00:15:40,569
Really?
409
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:43,555
How was I supposed to
know you wanted to be Cher?
410
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:48,394
Uh, again, I'm gonna go with, "Really?"
411
00:15:55,268 --> 00:15:57,302
Riley? What are you doing here?
412
00:15:57,337 --> 00:15:58,353
And why are you with my brother?
413
00:16:00,206 --> 00:16:03,175
I don't know, because Ben
didn't dump me for his mother?
414
00:16:03,226 --> 00:16:05,227
Because Ben is a true friend.
415
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:07,229
Because Ben would never abandon me.
416
00:16:07,263 --> 00:16:08,180
Ben's gotta go.
417
00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:09,631
See you later, Riles. Wish me luck.
418
00:16:09,666 --> 00:16:11,617
- Hey, Sonny.
- Hey, Mom.
419
00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:15,604
Oh, hey, Riles.
420
00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:17,406
Ever hear the expression,
421
00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:20,509
"Two is company, three is a pathetic
girl dressed as Cher with no partner"?
422
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:22,444
Tucker?
423
00:16:24,531 --> 00:16:26,381
What are you doing?
424
00:16:26,383 --> 00:16:29,284
I found this costume on the couch.
425
00:16:29,286 --> 00:16:31,437
Figured it was the perfect
way to get past security.
426
00:16:31,471 --> 00:16:34,189
Don't you work here?
427
00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:36,325
Oh. Oh, when I'm done with this show,
428
00:16:36,359 --> 00:16:38,627
nobody is gonna work here.
429
00:16:38,661 --> 00:16:39,628
Okay?
430
00:16:39,662 --> 00:16:42,181
It's time I got my dignity back.
431
00:16:47,637 --> 00:16:49,571
Hey, Mary. It's me, Jason.
432
00:16:51,591 --> 00:16:53,475
What are you doing here?
433
00:16:53,477 --> 00:16:55,410
I think we both know
what I'm doing here.
434
00:16:55,462 --> 00:16:56,528
I saw how you looked at me before.
435
00:17:01,334 --> 00:17:03,385
Oh, you're here to seduce me just like
436
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:06,455
the real Sonny did in '79.
437
00:17:06,489 --> 00:17:08,223
You bet I am.
438
00:17:08,274 --> 00:17:10,392
Should we lock the doors so your
husband doesn't walk in on us?
439
00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:13,262
Please, I've done this 100 times before
440
00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:14,613
and he never found out.
441
00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:16,148
He's about as in the dark
442
00:17:16,182 --> 00:17:18,150
as the IRS is about my Swiss accounts.
443
00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:19,184
Now...
444
00:17:19,235 --> 00:17:22,504
why don't you make a
deposit at Infidelity Bank?
445
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,507
- Gotcha!
- Mary: Now...
446
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:28,644
why don't you make a
deposit at Infidelity Bank?
447
00:17:28,678 --> 00:17:30,646
What do you want?
448
00:17:30,648 --> 00:17:32,531
I want you to give Tucker his job back
449
00:17:32,582 --> 00:17:34,383
unless you want this to get out too.
450
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:36,368
You know he deserves it.
451
00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:37,486
He does everything to please you
452
00:17:37,537 --> 00:17:39,471
and all you've ever
done is crush his spirit.
453
00:17:39,506 --> 00:17:41,390
Fine.
454
00:17:41,441 --> 00:17:43,325
I actually need Tucker.
455
00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:46,278
His little revenge video
doubled the show ratings.
456
00:17:46,312 --> 00:17:48,197
So he can have his job back?
457
00:17:48,199 --> 00:17:49,181
Sure.
458
00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:50,315
Now put the mustache on
459
00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:53,585
and take me back to 1979.
460
00:17:56,673 --> 00:17:58,524
Okay, SweetHarts,
461
00:17:58,575 --> 00:18:00,158
let's do this.
462
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,159
Hey, hey.
463
00:18:01,194 --> 00:18:02,177
Where's your partner?
464
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:03,478
Oh, he was just here.
465
00:18:03,513 --> 00:18:04,580
Sorry, couples only.
466
00:18:04,614 --> 00:18:06,415
Desperate singles is next week.
467
00:18:06,466 --> 00:18:08,025
If you could just give me a
minute, he'll be right back.
468
00:18:08,051 --> 00:18:08,600
Rules are rules.
469
00:18:08,635 --> 00:18:11,453
- I swear.
- You two, you two, next.
470
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:12,554
Riley, I am so sorry.
471
00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:14,306
Danny, come on! Hurry up.
472
00:18:14,357 --> 00:18:16,325
The gay pirate boys
are taking our seats!
473
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,377
As soon as this is over, I'm
going to make it up to you.
474
00:18:18,428 --> 00:18:20,379
Danny, come on! I gave you life!
475
00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:22,231
She's just giving you a hard time.
476
00:18:22,282 --> 00:18:24,333
- Can you give me a minute?
- No, Danny. It's fine. Not now.
477
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,301
- Yeah, Danny. Not now.
- Mom, enough!
478
00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:29,238
You've been controlling, bossy,
and honestly, a pain in my neck.
479
00:18:29,289 --> 00:18:30,622
I'm sorry that you're lonely,
480
00:18:30,673 --> 00:18:32,307
but you're not the woman that I love.
481
00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:33,575
Riley is.
482
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:36,178
So, you need to back up out
of my life and get your own.
483
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,551
Well, it's about time!
484
00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:44,653
Both: What?
485
00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:49,408
Danny, I have been in your
face the last two days,
486
00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:51,526
trying to get you to push me away.
487
00:18:51,528 --> 00:18:53,378
No man should let his
mother come between
488
00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:54,513
him and the love of his life.
489
00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:57,332
And no woman wants to be with a guy
490
00:18:57,367 --> 00:18:58,450
who can't stand up to his mother.
491
00:19:00,303 --> 00:19:02,271
Now, if you'll excuse me,
492
00:19:02,322 --> 00:19:04,373
I was right about this corset
493
00:19:04,407 --> 00:19:08,176
and my m'ladies are about to blow, so...
494
00:19:10,163 --> 00:19:11,280
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
495
00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:14,182
Tucker?
496
00:19:14,217 --> 00:19:15,200
How many times do I have to tell you
497
00:19:15,234 --> 00:19:16,285
to stop stealing my clothes?
498
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,137
It doesn't matter. I got great news.
499
00:19:19,172 --> 00:19:20,138
So do I, man.
500
00:19:20,189 --> 00:19:22,140
Look, I finally realized you were right.
501
00:19:22,175 --> 00:19:25,227
This job, this humiliation,
it's beneath me.
502
00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:27,179
I am better than Mary Hart.
503
00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:28,530
- I got your job back.
- Oh, my God! You did?!
504
00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:30,465
That's amazing!
505
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,516
I love this job!
506
00:19:31,551 --> 00:19:33,602
Man over speaker: And
we're live in five seconds.
507
00:19:33,636 --> 00:19:36,355
(theme music playing)
508
00:19:36,389 --> 00:19:37,372
Mary
509
00:19:37,423 --> 00:19:38,473
No, no, no, no.
510
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:40,342
I slipped something to my
buddy in the audio booth.
511
00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:41,393
I gotta stop him.
512
00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:42,477
(auto-tuned)
Hello, America
513
00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:44,563
I'm Mary Hart, Hart, Hart
514
00:19:44,597 --> 00:19:46,348
50 pounds of
515
00:19:46,399 --> 00:19:47,566
50 pounds of weed
516
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,520
Are these cranberries?
517
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,438
I hate, I hate cranberries!
518
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:55,357
I hate them as
much as I hate you
519
00:19:55,408 --> 00:19:56,575
And that's a lot!
520
00:19:56,609 --> 00:19:58,360
Keep throwing
521
00:19:58,411 --> 00:19:59,411
Keep throwing
522
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:01,446
Keep throwing cranberries!
523
00:20:01,497 --> 00:20:02,531
Tucker!
524
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:06,451
(clears throat)
525
00:20:06,502 --> 00:20:08,420
Hey, man, uh...
526
00:20:08,454 --> 00:20:09,538
how'd you get my job back?
527
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:11,540
Any chance it'll work again?
528
00:20:13,426 --> 00:20:14,426
I'll be right back.
529
00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:23,198
Hey, Mom, watch this.
530
00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:25,200
Emma, it's time for bed.
531
00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:26,284
Let's go put your pajamas on, okay?
532
00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:27,335
Okay.
533
00:20:27,370 --> 00:20:29,287
(chuckles) Yeah.
534
00:20:29,338 --> 00:20:31,256
Now who's standing
up to a two-year-old?
535
00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:32,290
Mm-hmm.
536
00:20:33,376 --> 00:20:34,426
All right, my little monkey.
537
00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:36,294
Come on.
538
00:20:36,345 --> 00:20:38,296
There we go. All right.
539
00:20:38,347 --> 00:20:40,215
Let's get your jammies on.
540
00:20:40,217 --> 00:20:41,216
Okay.
541
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:43,218
Oh, right.
542
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:44,219
Sorry.
543
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:46,039
Here's your cookie, sweetheart.
544
00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:50,639
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37992
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
