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1
00:00:03,859 --> 00:00:05,593
Okay. Now, Emma, say "daddy."
2
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,116
Come on. You can say it.
3
00:00:07,151 --> 00:00:09,852
It's just "da" with a "D" on the end of it.
4
00:00:09,887 --> 00:00:11,087
"Dada" is also acceptable.
5
00:00:12,656 --> 00:00:13,823
Just keep repeating it.
6
00:00:13,857 --> 00:00:15,591
Kids say what they hear all day.
7
00:00:15,626 --> 00:00:18,361
Thats why I'm pretty sure my first words were
"I'm sorry, officer."
8
00:00:20,664 --> 00:00:22,632
Okay, people, she is on the move.
9
00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:25,234
Sondra just texted and
she's on her way down.
10
00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:26,469
Bro, I don't think I can break up with her,
man.
11
00:00:26,503 --> 00:00:28,337
She's not gonna take it well.
12
00:00:28,372 --> 00:00:29,372
Oh, I know.
13
00:00:29,406 --> 00:00:31,974
Tell her I moved, or... or died,
14
00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,976
or died on the move.
15
00:00:34,011 --> 00:00:35,711
Dude, calm down.
16
00:00:35,746 --> 00:00:36,846
Just do it like we rehearsed,
17
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,715
where, may I say,
Danny played a spot-on Sondra.
18
00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,684
(Mimics Sondra) Oh my God,
Tucker, you're adorable!
19
00:00:41,718 --> 00:00:43,419
I'm adorable! We're adorable!
20
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,420
A-dor-able!
21
00:00:47,457 --> 00:00:49,392
Hey, we're here for you, man.
22
00:00:49,426 --> 00:00:50,359
(Knocking)
23
00:00:50,394 --> 00:00:52,128
Go! Go! Oh, God!
24
00:00:54,064 --> 00:00:55,398
(Sighs)
25
00:00:55,432 --> 00:00:58,267
Oh my God,
I was just gonna text you when you texted me.
26
00:00:58,302 --> 00:01:00,002
It's like we're on the same wavelength,
27
00:01:00,037 --> 00:01:01,804
which is weird, 'cause we are not, at all.
28
00:01:01,838 --> 00:01:02,838
(Laughing nervously)
29
00:01:02,873 --> 00:01:03,839
Yeah, about that...
30
00:01:03,874 --> 00:01:04,941
Tucker, we need to talk.
31
00:01:04,975 --> 00:01:05,908
Hey, that's my line.
32
00:01:05,943 --> 00:01:06,976
It's not you, it's me.
33
00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:08,511
Hey, that's also my line.
34
00:01:08,545 --> 00:01:09,745
Tucker, can you pay attention?
35
00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:11,714
I am breaking up with you!
36
00:01:11,748 --> 00:01:14,183
Oh my God, that wasn't as hard
as I thought it was gonna be.
37
00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:16,586
So, see you around the building.
38
00:01:22,226 --> 00:01:24,026
What just happened?
39
00:01:24,061 --> 00:01:26,028
Wow, we did not rehearse that version.
40
00:01:27,831 --> 00:01:29,398
Dude, you are so lucky.
41
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:32,602
You get all the benefits of breaking up,
but all the sympathy of being dumped.
42
00:01:32,636 --> 00:01:33,703
God, I envy you!
43
00:01:35,472 --> 00:01:36,706
What is wrong with me?
44
00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:39,609
I can't even keep somebody
that I don't want.
45
00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:41,577
I'm pathetic. (Mimics Sondra) Pathetic!
46
00:01:43,547 --> 00:01:45,548
Actually, tuck, it's more like...
(High-pitched) Pathetic!
47
00:01:47,684 --> 00:01:49,418
(Theme music playing)
48
00:01:49,453 --> 00:01:52,455
It's amazing how the unexpected
49
00:01:52,489 --> 00:01:54,921
can take your life
and change direction
50
00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:58,746
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:05,769 --> 00:02:07,536
Man, I don't think this is working.
52
00:02:07,571 --> 00:02:10,406
My lap is wet, my boys are numb,
and I'm still depressed.
53
00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:13,542
Ice cream sucks.
54
00:02:14,645 --> 00:02:17,346
Yeah, I agree,
but Mr. Romantic comedy over here
55
00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:18,781
thinks we have to eat our feelings.
56
00:02:18,815 --> 00:02:20,816
And how'd I get stuck with Sherbert?
57
00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:22,652
Sherbert never fixed anything.
58
00:02:24,655 --> 00:02:26,789
"I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy
59
00:02:26,823 --> 00:02:28,724
asking him to love me."
60
00:02:30,661 --> 00:02:31,761
Gets me every time.
61
00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:36,432
I just wish I knew why
every relationship I'm in
62
00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:38,601
ends in complete and total failure.
63
00:02:38,635 --> 00:02:40,703
Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places
64
00:02:40,737 --> 00:02:42,471
only to realize that the perfect girl
65
00:02:42,506 --> 00:02:44,540
was right there, all along.
66
00:02:44,574 --> 00:02:46,809
Maybe she was the best friend
at your best friend's wedding?
67
00:02:47,844 --> 00:02:51,647
Wow, you totally got dad's genes.
68
00:02:51,682 --> 00:02:53,516
Actually, these are mom's.
69
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:57,687
Don't worry, Tucker.
70
00:02:57,721 --> 00:02:59,689
Okay, you just haven't met "the one" yet.
71
00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:01,590
Well, you've met the crazy one,
72
00:03:01,625 --> 00:03:02,625
the weird one,
73
00:03:02,659 --> 00:03:04,593
the one-you-weren't-even-
sure-was-a-girl one.
74
00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:08,497
You just haven't met the one one.
75
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,634
Yeah, I have.
76
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:13,569
Olivia Jones.
77
00:03:13,603 --> 00:03:16,672
We went out in college,
and she loved and left me.
78
00:03:16,707 --> 00:03:19,342
It's kind of becoming my life story.
79
00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:20,443
You should make that into a movie.
80
00:03:20,477 --> 00:03:21,677
They already have.
81
00:03:21,712 --> 00:03:24,547
It's super romantic until the end...
82
00:03:24,581 --> 00:03:25,548
(Whispers) When she dies.
83
00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:32,722
"101 ways to please your man."
84
00:03:32,756 --> 00:03:34,824
If you need more than one,
you're doing it wrong.
85
00:03:37,561 --> 00:03:39,595
Oh my God, I'm so glad you're home!
86
00:03:39,629 --> 00:03:40,830
Well, that makes one of us.
87
00:03:42,432 --> 00:03:44,533
I really,
really need to talk to another woman,
88
00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:45,768
and none of my girlfriends are around,
89
00:03:45,802 --> 00:03:48,604
my mother's in Europe,
and my mom-aunt is on tour,
90
00:03:48,638 --> 00:03:50,573
and my sister, well, ugh, I hate her,
91
00:03:50,607 --> 00:03:52,775
so... here I am.
92
00:03:52,809 --> 00:03:55,678
Well, obviously, I'm flattered.
93
00:03:57,481 --> 00:04:00,449
This guy at work who was hired after I was
94
00:04:00,484 --> 00:04:01,517
just got promoted.
95
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:04,153
This is just a theory,
96
00:04:04,187 --> 00:04:06,255
but is he a better lawyer than you are?
97
00:04:07,391 --> 00:04:08,324
No.
98
00:04:08,358 --> 00:04:10,059
And it's totally unfair.
99
00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:14,697
Because Jeremy is always taking his frat
buddies to clubs and expensive lunches
100
00:04:14,731 --> 00:04:16,165
with his corporate card
101
00:04:16,199 --> 00:04:19,635
while I slave away at the office,
and use my card for actual business!
102
00:04:19,669 --> 00:04:20,803
Just like, like yesterday,
103
00:04:20,837 --> 00:04:23,606
when I took my client, Jill, for a latte.
104
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,475
But, do I get promoted? Oh no!
105
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:28,544
Meaning no matter what I have up here,
106
00:04:28,578 --> 00:04:31,414
I will never have what he has down there.
107
00:04:35,252 --> 00:04:37,286
Great speech. Yes, and really good stuff.
108
00:04:39,222 --> 00:04:40,523
Listen, cupcake,
109
00:04:40,557 --> 00:04:44,059
why do you think they gave you a
corporate card in the first place?
110
00:04:44,094 --> 00:04:46,862
To get out there and drum up business!
111
00:04:46,897 --> 00:04:50,766
Okay, when one of those frat buddies
accidentally kills a hooker in Vegas,
112
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:51,834
who do you think he's gonna call?
113
00:04:55,272 --> 00:04:56,338
- Housekeeping?
- No!
114
00:04:59,276 --> 00:05:02,478
No, his lawyer, Jeremy.
115
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:06,215
If you want to get ahead,
you need to start playing by their rules.
116
00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:08,317
- I need to kill a hooker
- (Groans)
117
00:05:10,954 --> 00:05:11,954
No!
118
00:05:11,988 --> 00:05:14,824
No, you need to reel in the big fish!
119
00:05:14,858 --> 00:05:16,125
Okay, trust me.
120
00:05:16,159 --> 00:05:18,794
You gotta schmooze 'em and booze 'em,
or you're gonna lose 'em.
121
00:05:20,564 --> 00:05:22,565
I don't even know where to start!
122
00:05:22,599 --> 00:05:24,500
Where do I go? What do I do?
123
00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:25,801
Okay, first off,
just pull yourself together!
124
00:05:25,836 --> 00:05:27,636
Ow!
125
00:05:29,506 --> 00:05:31,240
But, more importantly,
126
00:05:31,274 --> 00:05:34,443
why don't you take me to lunch,
and we can just bounce around some ideas?
127
00:05:34,478 --> 00:05:37,079
I'm thinking Chez Lumiere.
128
00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:39,982
Ooh, that place is really expensive.
129
00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:42,318
Well, then it's a good thing
you're not paying for it.
130
00:05:42,352 --> 00:05:43,953
God, you're slow.
131
00:05:48,758 --> 00:05:50,092
Hey, Ben, guess who that is.
132
00:05:51,094 --> 00:05:53,729
- No idea.
- It's Tucker's ex-girlfriend Olivia.
133
00:05:53,763 --> 00:05:54,830
I found her online!
134
00:05:54,865 --> 00:05:55,798
Why'd you do that?
135
00:05:55,832 --> 00:05:57,433
We're getting them back together.
136
00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:58,501
Why would we do that?
137
00:05:58,535 --> 00:06:00,336
Because she's the one that got away,
138
00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:01,937
the love of his life!
139
00:06:01,972 --> 00:06:04,306
It's nearly impossible to get over someone
if you've loved them your whole life.
140
00:06:04,341 --> 00:06:05,441
Oh, you mean like me and Riley?
141
00:06:06,543 --> 00:06:08,143
Yeah, that could be what I mean.
142
00:06:08,178 --> 00:06:10,012
Do I get credit for helping?
143
00:06:10,046 --> 00:06:12,348
- Totally.
- God, Tucker's lucky to have us.
144
00:06:13,917 --> 00:06:15,184
Olivia, hi, I'm Ben Wheeler...
145
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:16,252
- Hi.
- ...Tucker's best friend.
146
00:06:16,286 --> 00:06:18,220
It was my idea to bring you here today.
147
00:06:18,255 --> 00:06:21,724
Oh, this is so weird.
Are you sure he even wants to see me again?
148
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,959
Well, you're hot, so I'll go with yes.
149
00:06:23,994 --> 00:06:28,497
And he's desperate,
so I'll also go with yes.
150
00:06:28,532 --> 00:06:30,499
I don't know. Tucker was sweet.
151
00:06:30,534 --> 00:06:32,635
He just never really had
a sense of direction,
152
00:06:32,669 --> 00:06:33,702
wasn't much of a go-getter.
153
00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:36,605
Well,
he's totally going and getting stuff now.
154
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,408
He's a super successful
producer on a big TV show.
155
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,243
To be honest, we both look up to him.
156
00:06:42,612 --> 00:06:44,380
That's figurative. He probably
hasn't grown since you've seen him.
157
00:06:48,251 --> 00:06:51,020
Mrs. Lobster, I'm sorry.
158
00:06:51,054 --> 00:06:53,889
Your husband won't be
making it home tonight.
159
00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:55,558
He had a late dinner.
160
00:06:55,592 --> 00:06:57,726
(Laughing)
161
00:06:57,761 --> 00:07:00,663
Here's to corporate cards.
162
00:07:00,697 --> 00:07:03,666
- That was butter.
- I know that now.
163
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:07,303
Doesn't it feel good to be
splurging like the big boys?
164
00:07:07,337 --> 00:07:10,306
Well,
it's definitely easier than killing a hooker.
165
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:11,540
I do feel a little guilty.
166
00:07:11,575 --> 00:07:14,376
Hey, I could be your client someday.
167
00:07:14,411 --> 00:07:18,047
Things don't pick up in the real estate
business, I could sue this place.
168
00:07:18,081 --> 00:07:21,050
All it takes is one hot coffee
spilled on your lap, and...
169
00:07:21,084 --> 00:07:22,217
Oh, damn it!
170
00:07:22,252 --> 00:07:23,852
I really did spill coffee!
171
00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:27,089
Oh, thank you.
172
00:07:27,123 --> 00:07:29,658
Oh my God, it's actually not that bad.
173
00:07:29,693 --> 00:07:30,993
Oh, that's just the tax.
174
00:07:32,562 --> 00:07:33,629
Perrin?
175
00:07:33,663 --> 00:07:35,464
Mr. Reynolds, hi! Oh my gosh, hi!
176
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:38,634
I'm just finishing up,
and I will be back at the office in no time.
177
00:07:38,668 --> 00:07:40,402
I don't even know why I'm here.
178
00:07:40,437 --> 00:07:43,439
Well, don't look at me for answers,
I drank my lunch.
179
00:07:43,473 --> 00:07:45,541
I can see you're entertaining a client here,
180
00:07:45,575 --> 00:07:47,242
so take all the time you need.
181
00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:49,111
Although, fair warning,
182
00:07:49,145 --> 00:07:50,913
if it's Bob from the Thatcher case,
183
00:07:50,947 --> 00:07:52,114
he'll drink you under the table,
184
00:07:52,148 --> 00:07:54,049
and you'll end up in bed with his wife.
185
00:07:54,084 --> 00:07:56,852
- (Laughing)
- It's... it's not.
186
00:07:56,886 --> 00:07:58,954
Hey, Perrin, you play golf?
187
00:07:58,989 --> 00:08:01,056
Um, not really.
188
00:08:01,091 --> 00:08:03,792
I told the other partners
you weren't a lesbian!
189
00:08:03,827 --> 00:08:05,527
Hey, you keep up the good work!
190
00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:08,697
- Who was that?
- My boss.
191
00:08:08,732 --> 00:08:10,799
And he told me to keep up the good work.
192
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:13,535
As in, I'm doing good work.
As in, this is working!
193
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:16,338
Well, if work we must,
194
00:08:16,373 --> 00:08:20,342
may I suggest we continue
slaving away over pedicures?
195
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:23,379
Well, it would be criminal not to.
196
00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:26,281
Cheers!
197
00:08:28,852 --> 00:08:31,086
Tucker, we got a surprise for you!
198
00:08:31,121 --> 00:08:33,856
Uh-huh. Yeah.
199
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:37,559
Last time you two had a surprise for me,
we had to call animal control.
200
00:08:38,662 --> 00:08:40,496
Dude, this is even better than the ferret,
201
00:08:40,530 --> 00:08:42,531
and I highly doubt this
surprise will die in your wall.
202
00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:45,668
Tuck,
you don't need to be sad and lonely anymore!
203
00:08:45,702 --> 00:08:47,536
- We found Olivia!
- Olivia?
204
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,138
Wait, my Olivia?
205
00:08:49,172 --> 00:08:53,042
She broke my heart, my spirit,
and my stereo system, all in one day!
206
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,311
Okay,
maybe this isn't better than the ferret.
207
00:08:56,346 --> 00:08:58,180
You guys don't get it.
208
00:08:58,214 --> 00:09:01,150
She's not just my ex-girlfriend,
she's my ex-wife!
209
00:09:01,184 --> 00:09:02,651
Your ex what?
210
00:09:02,686 --> 00:09:06,622
Actually, that's not true.
We're still married.
211
00:09:06,656 --> 00:09:08,624
Hello, Tucker.
212
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,790
What do you mean, we're still married?
213
00:09:14,824 --> 00:09:17,593
What do you mean, you were married?
214
00:09:17,627 --> 00:09:20,796
Am I the only one that feels like I
missed a crucial piece of the story?
215
00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:22,865
I fell in love my senior year of college.
216
00:09:22,899 --> 00:09:26,335
And I was about to get deported,
so Tucker offered to marry me.
217
00:09:26,369 --> 00:09:28,270
So she could get a green card,
218
00:09:28,304 --> 00:09:31,406
not run off with a bartender named
Alfredo the second she got it.
219
00:09:31,441 --> 00:09:34,343
Oh my God,
I love a twist. What happened next?
220
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,314
I filed for divorce. End of story.
221
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:41,083
Was it?
222
00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:46,155
Yeah, it turns out I actually forgot
to sign and mail those papers.
223
00:09:46,189 --> 00:09:49,658
God, I knew that little mistake
would pay off for me some day.
224
00:09:49,692 --> 00:09:51,827
Yeah, well,
those are getting mailed in today.
225
00:09:51,861 --> 00:09:53,729
Okay, fine. File for divorce.
226
00:09:53,763 --> 00:09:54,863
I'll take half of everything you have,
227
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,865
which, according to these two dingoes,
is a lot.
228
00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:01,570
Now, which one of these rooms is ours?
I'd like to do a quick little inventory,
229
00:10:01,604 --> 00:10:04,339
because, you know, after all,
what's yours is mine,
230
00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:05,541
and what's mine was yours.
231
00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:09,511
What have you done?
232
00:10:11,247 --> 00:10:13,982
All right, look, I don't want to point any
fingers, but this was all Danny's idea.
233
00:10:16,219 --> 00:10:17,219
Thank you!
234
00:10:17,253 --> 00:10:19,021
Finally, I get some credit around here, man!
235
00:10:22,158 --> 00:10:25,761
Now this is why I became a lawyer.
236
00:10:27,664 --> 00:10:31,400
I always say,
if you're gonna kick out that glass ceiling,
237
00:10:31,434 --> 00:10:34,303
do it with bedazzled toes.
238
00:10:34,337 --> 00:10:35,604
(Cell phone rings)
239
00:10:35,638 --> 00:10:37,339
(Gasps) Oh, oh, it's my boss!
240
00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:41,476
Hello, Mr. Reynolds.
241
00:10:41,511 --> 00:10:44,213
Why am I not back in the office yet?
242
00:10:44,247 --> 00:10:45,447
Um...
243
00:10:45,481 --> 00:10:49,251
Chatty. Chatty potential client
that I am wooing right now.
244
00:10:49,285 --> 00:10:52,120
So much woo going on, yeah.
245
00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:55,023
Yeah, he's... he's big!
246
00:10:55,058 --> 00:10:56,992
He's a huge client.
247
00:10:57,026 --> 00:10:59,795
Yes, he's a swimmer...
248
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:01,530
a mouthbreather...
249
00:11:01,564 --> 00:11:03,765
oh. Oh, he's a fish!
250
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,734
He's a big, big fish, sir.
251
00:11:05,768 --> 00:11:08,303
I'm sorry, what was that?
252
00:11:08,338 --> 00:11:11,340
Can you hold on for one second,
Mr. Reynolds?
253
00:11:11,374 --> 00:11:13,408
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
254
00:11:13,443 --> 00:11:16,078
He wants to meet my potential
client and help me seal the deal.
255
00:11:16,112 --> 00:11:17,212
What am I gonna do?
256
00:11:17,247 --> 00:11:18,380
How should I know?
257
00:11:20,149 --> 00:11:21,917
This was all your idea!
258
00:11:21,951 --> 00:11:25,120
Why can't you just lie and
pretend that you have a client?
259
00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:27,823
Mrs. Wheeler, I can't just pretend...
260
00:11:27,857 --> 00:11:29,992
Oh my God, that's brilliant.
261
00:11:30,026 --> 00:11:32,928
Hello, Mr. Reynolds,
I am so sorry about that.
262
00:11:32,962 --> 00:11:36,498
My client was just...
Getting onto his helicopter.
263
00:11:36,532 --> 00:11:37,833
Yes, uh-huh.
264
00:11:37,867 --> 00:11:39,568
What was that?
265
00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:41,336
Right. Yes, sir.
266
00:11:41,371 --> 00:11:44,473
How about I set up that
meeting for tomorrow?
267
00:11:44,507 --> 00:11:47,409
Great, I will see you then.
268
00:11:47,443 --> 00:11:48,443
Okay, bye-bye, now.
269
00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,078
Yeah!
270
00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:51,213
Huh?
271
00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:57,085
Tucker, we're sorry,
272
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,154
but how were we supposed to
know she was a nightmare,
273
00:11:59,188 --> 00:12:00,789
wrapped in a catastrophe,
274
00:12:00,823 --> 00:12:01,823
covered in sexy?
275
00:12:03,593 --> 00:12:05,527
You know what our mistake was?
276
00:12:05,561 --> 00:12:06,795
Telling her how awesome you were.
277
00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:08,730
You know how to fix this?
We tell her the truth.
278
00:12:08,765 --> 00:12:10,599
(Scoffs) That I'm awesome?
279
00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,267
(Scoffs) No.
280
00:12:12,302 --> 00:12:13,368
Follow my lead, okay?
281
00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:14,436
Hey, Olivia.
282
00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:15,437
Look, we lied to you.
283
00:12:15,471 --> 00:12:18,307
Tucker's actually a loser who has nothing.
284
00:12:18,341 --> 00:12:20,208
Yeah, you got that right.
285
00:12:20,243 --> 00:12:21,943
These watches are knockoffs.
286
00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:24,012
Yeah, look at him. He's pathetic.
287
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,014
He sent his friends out to find him a girl.
288
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,916
Guilty.
289
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:30,052
Da.
290
00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:31,920
- What is that?
- Uh...
291
00:12:31,954 --> 00:12:34,923
That...
that is the reason Tucker has no money,
292
00:12:34,957 --> 00:12:37,859
because all of it goes to his daughter,
Emma.
293
00:12:37,894 --> 00:12:40,329
You want me to believe that's your baby?
294
00:12:40,363 --> 00:12:42,331
What are you saying?
295
00:12:42,365 --> 00:12:44,232
What? That I can't have a white baby?
296
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:46,435
Now that's just racist.
297
00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:49,237
(Mouths)
298
00:12:49,272 --> 00:12:50,439
- Dada.
- Oh my God!
299
00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:52,174
Oh my God, you said "dada"!
300
00:12:52,208 --> 00:12:54,176
I can't believe you finally said it!
301
00:12:56,145 --> 00:12:59,948
Tucker! You must be so happy, man!
302
00:12:59,982 --> 00:13:01,216
I am!
303
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,085
- So proud...
- Oh.
304
00:13:03,119 --> 00:13:04,820
Of my white baby.
305
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,890
Hi, Tucker.
I feel really awful about what happened.
306
00:13:08,925 --> 00:13:10,826
Well, I feel surprisingly fine. Bye now.
307
00:13:10,860 --> 00:13:12,694
But I'm here to take you back.
308
00:13:12,729 --> 00:13:14,629
Give Ben back his baby, so I can hug you!
309
00:13:16,366 --> 00:13:17,699
- Who is she?
- I'm his wife.
310
00:13:17,734 --> 00:13:19,534
His what?
311
00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:22,571
You were cheating on your wife with me
while I was cheating on my husband with you?
312
00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:25,273
You are a horrible person! Horrible!
313
00:13:25,308 --> 00:13:26,975
He is all yours.
314
00:13:27,009 --> 00:13:29,911
Thanks, but I don't need
another broke loser in my life,
315
00:13:29,946 --> 00:13:31,980
so I guess I'll divorce him after all.
316
00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:33,749
Well, he owns this apartment.
317
00:13:33,783 --> 00:13:35,050
By law, you get half of that.
318
00:13:35,084 --> 00:13:36,818
It's how I got mine.
319
00:13:38,688 --> 00:13:41,456
Okay, new plan.
320
00:13:41,491 --> 00:13:42,691
I give you a divorce,
321
00:13:42,725 --> 00:13:43,792
and you give me this apartment.
322
00:13:46,662 --> 00:13:48,530
Oh, hey, is it cool if we stay?
323
00:13:48,564 --> 00:13:49,564
I got a kid.
324
00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:51,333
And I'm on the road a lot.
325
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:52,501
You won't even know I'm here.
326
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,573
Hi. I need you to be a fake
client for a real crisis.
327
00:14:00,608 --> 00:14:01,708
And I need you to be a real lawyer
328
00:14:01,742 --> 00:14:02,809
- for some fake documents.
- When?
329
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:03,810
- Tomorrow.
- No good.
330
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:04,811
- When do you need me?
- Tomorrow.
331
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,746
- No good.
- You know what this means.
332
00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:08,348
We need the wheelers.
333
00:14:08,382 --> 00:14:10,250
Both: Damn it.
334
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,352
- I'll take Ben.
- I guess I'll take Mrs. Wheeler.
335
00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:13,453
Rock-paper-scissors for Danny?
336
00:14:14,488 --> 00:14:16,156
- (Chuckles)
- Oh, fine, I'll take him.
337
00:14:21,696 --> 00:14:23,563
Okay, now remember,
338
00:14:23,598 --> 00:14:25,799
you are the rich, silent investor...
339
00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:27,668
emphasis on the silent.
340
00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:30,704
And you are the hipster,
techie genius who's an introvert.
341
00:14:30,738 --> 00:14:32,372
That means you don't talk either.
342
00:14:32,407 --> 00:14:34,307
Oh, here he is.
343
00:14:34,342 --> 00:14:36,243
Okay, please, please, don't embarrass me.
344
00:14:36,277 --> 00:14:38,278
Oh!
345
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,414
Wow. Smooth move, Perrin.
346
00:14:40,448 --> 00:14:43,316
If someone slips on that,
make sure we represent them.
347
00:14:43,351 --> 00:14:45,986
Just what I was thinking, sir.
348
00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:48,689
So, these are... the guys.
349
00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:50,924
They are huge,
huge bigwigs in the tech world,
350
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,626
but they're talking to a ton of other firms,
351
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:54,528
so who knows if they're even
gonna want to sign with us.
352
00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:55,495
Hey, Perrin,
353
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:56,797
unless I read your contract wrong,
354
00:14:56,831 --> 00:14:58,465
you don't get paid by the word,
355
00:14:58,499 --> 00:14:59,800
so shall we let these guys talk?
356
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:01,435
Or me?
357
00:15:02,437 --> 00:15:04,438
Um, you guys have any questions?
358
00:15:04,472 --> 00:15:08,175
I did when we started,
but technologies change so quickly,
359
00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:09,409
they are now obsolete.
360
00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:13,213
Okay.
361
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:16,049
Actually, Jason, I've got several questions.
362
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:17,584
First of all,
363
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:20,120
how many attorneys do you even have in
your intellectual properties department?
364
00:15:20,154 --> 00:15:21,822
And, confidentially,
365
00:15:21,856 --> 00:15:23,423
we're making an I.P.O.
In the next few months,
366
00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:26,827
so I need to be sure that your firm has
a background in securities, as well.
367
00:15:28,896 --> 00:15:30,330
That's a good question.
368
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,300
Um, what would you say the
market value of your I.P.O. Is?
369
00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:36,203
You know what, Jason?
370
00:15:36,237 --> 00:15:37,337
I don't want to waste your time.
371
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,172
We're going with Wasserman & Peterman.
372
00:15:39,207 --> 00:15:41,274
They just feel more... real.
373
00:15:41,309 --> 00:15:44,244
Oh, they're real. I totally understand.
374
00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:47,948
Because I prefer real clients, as well,
375
00:15:47,982 --> 00:15:49,816
considering you're a New York ranger.
376
00:15:49,851 --> 00:15:51,918
I have season tickets, okay?
377
00:15:51,953 --> 00:15:55,689
And you, you're the genius who
always gets my order wrong.
378
00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:57,624
Oh yeah, Mr. Scotch and Soda.
379
00:15:57,658 --> 00:16:00,494
- It's gin and tonic.
- Argh!
380
00:16:00,528 --> 00:16:01,695
Mr. Reynolds, I can explain.
381
00:16:01,729 --> 00:16:04,264
I think you should explain it to H.R.
382
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,632
I think we're done here.
383
00:16:05,666 --> 00:16:07,501
Mr. Reynolds, I'm so sorry I lied.
I promise it's not what you think.
384
00:16:07,535 --> 00:16:08,735
Oh, really?
385
00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:11,471
I think you used the company
card to buy some lip gloss
386
00:16:11,506 --> 00:16:13,240
and maybe cocktails out with the girls,
387
00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:14,941
and you got caught.
388
00:16:14,976 --> 00:16:16,309
I knew you were a
lightweight when I met you.
389
00:16:16,344 --> 00:16:18,245
Whoa-oh-oh, well, you know what?
390
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:21,047
I knew that you were a pompous jerk.
391
00:16:21,082 --> 00:16:23,917
Okay, so I took a friend to lunch...
392
00:16:23,951 --> 00:16:24,951
On a yacht.
393
00:16:24,986 --> 00:16:26,887
But, you know,
what is the difference between that
394
00:16:26,921 --> 00:16:28,789
and golf and Martinis with your buddies?
395
00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:29,956
Uh, nothing, I say.
396
00:16:29,991 --> 00:16:32,459
Except, perhaps, a penis!
397
00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,661
Yeah, that's right. I said it!
398
00:16:34,695 --> 00:16:36,530
Because all the guys at the firm do it,
399
00:16:36,564 --> 00:16:38,265
and all of them get applauded.
400
00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:40,333
No, no, no, they get promoted!
401
00:16:40,368 --> 00:16:41,601
Just like your darling Jeremy,
402
00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:44,304
who, by the way,
does the perfect impression of you
403
00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:46,139
looking for you car in the parking garage.
404
00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:48,208
"Has anyone seen my 'Porsch-uh'?"
405
00:16:48,242 --> 00:16:50,177
It's "Porsche," okay?
406
00:16:50,211 --> 00:16:51,945
But does Jeremy get fired?
407
00:16:51,979 --> 00:16:55,115
Oh no, because Jeremy is just perfect!
408
00:16:55,149 --> 00:16:58,185
Meaning he's a guy,
and you all just stick together.
409
00:16:58,219 --> 00:16:59,953
(Applause)
410
00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:04,925
And that's not for me.
411
00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:08,829
Um, actually,
Jeremy was fired this afternoon
412
00:17:08,863 --> 00:17:10,831
after we reviewed his expense report
413
00:17:10,865 --> 00:17:13,733
and the elevator video of him imitating me.
414
00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:18,438
Did I mention that I am a huge
"Porsch-uh" fan?
415
00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:21,208
I think we're far past the
ass-kissing phase here,
416
00:17:21,242 --> 00:17:22,542
but I like spunky Perrin.
417
00:17:22,577 --> 00:17:24,277
She should show up in the courtroom!
418
00:17:24,312 --> 00:17:26,379
She's the woman I want to believe I hired.
419
00:17:26,414 --> 00:17:28,081
Oh, you did, sir, you did.
420
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,883
Well, the jury's still out,
421
00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:33,787
but make sure that woman shows
up to work on Monday morning.
422
00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:36,056
Oh, and Perrin, just so you know,
423
00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:37,757
I am now driving
424
00:17:37,792 --> 00:17:39,693
a "Jag-u-ar."
425
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:46,600
What?
426
00:17:47,635 --> 00:17:49,603
- You said "penis."
- (Laughing)
427
00:17:56,477 --> 00:18:00,113
As Tucker's esteemed attorney,
esquire-at-law,
428
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,950
counselor, pro Bono, ipso facto,
429
00:18:03,985 --> 00:18:06,853
we would like to settle this
thing as quickly as possible.
430
00:18:06,888 --> 00:18:09,089
You get the apartment.
He gets the divorce papers.
431
00:18:09,123 --> 00:18:10,790
Mint?
432
00:18:10,825 --> 00:18:12,926
Tucker,
I can't believe you're being so reasonable.
433
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,729
You know,
I came to this country with nothing,
434
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:16,997
and now I'll be a homeowner.
435
00:18:17,031 --> 00:18:18,798
It's the American dream.
436
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:23,637
And now Tucker will be a
25-year-old divorcee who rents.
437
00:18:23,671 --> 00:18:25,372
It's the American reality.
438
00:18:25,406 --> 00:18:27,507
(Laughing)
439
00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:32,145
Well, Tucker,
it's been nice doing business with...
440
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:33,480
You!
441
00:18:33,514 --> 00:18:36,383
I can't believe you were married
the whole time we were together!
442
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:40,020
But now you're gonna pay for
cheating me and our country.
443
00:18:42,023 --> 00:18:43,990
What'chu talkin' 'bout, Sondra?
444
00:18:44,025 --> 00:18:47,060
Your roommates, regular and extra large,
445
00:18:47,094 --> 00:18:49,863
told me all about your
little green-card marriage,
446
00:18:49,897 --> 00:18:51,932
so I called immigration, and guess what?
447
00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:53,667
They're on their way over now.
448
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:56,603
You are getting deported,
and you are going to prison.
449
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:57,604
Prison!
450
00:18:58,806 --> 00:19:00,707
Wait, wait, wait,
you're getting me deported?
451
00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:04,311
I can't go back to my country!
I'm wanted for 16 counts of...
452
00:19:04,345 --> 00:19:06,346
Well, doing this kind of thing.
453
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:08,181
Need a good lawyer?
454
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,150
Oh, wait, you know what?
That's my yogurt punch card.
455
00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:12,419
You know what? I gotta get out of here.
456
00:19:12,453 --> 00:19:16,022
Look, you can have the divorce papers,
just pretend you never saw me.
457
00:19:16,057 --> 00:19:17,157
- Okay, deal?
- Deal.
458
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:18,258
(Door slamming)
459
00:19:18,292 --> 00:19:19,392
What about me?
460
00:19:19,427 --> 00:19:20,961
I can't go to jail!
461
00:19:20,995 --> 00:19:22,362
You know I can't pee if someone's watching.
462
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:24,130
(Mouths)
463
00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:27,167
Why would you do this to me?
464
00:19:27,201 --> 00:19:29,035
Because you're the one.
465
00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:31,171
I didn't actually call immigration.
466
00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,906
I was just helping you get rid of her.
467
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,207
Wasn't I great, tickle-bear?
468
00:19:36,177 --> 00:19:38,244
Wait, wait, so we're back together?
469
00:19:38,279 --> 00:19:41,181
I know! I'm really excited, too!
470
00:19:43,217 --> 00:19:45,218
Oh, hey, Sondra. What happened here?
471
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:49,289
Well, Olivia's gone,
and I get to keep Sondra.
472
00:19:49,323 --> 00:19:50,924
(Half-heartedly) Yay.
473
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,361
Look how happy he is!
474
00:19:54,395 --> 00:19:57,030
He's crying!
475
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,166
Wow!
476
00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:02,235
You started off in a relationship,
then you got dumped,
477
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,204
then you got married, then you got divorced,
478
00:20:04,238 --> 00:20:06,272
then you got back together with Sondra!
479
00:20:06,307 --> 00:20:08,308
Man, you can't write this stuff!
480
00:20:10,411 --> 00:20:12,212
Danny, are those my jeans?
481
00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:18,610
Emma, what's my name?
482
00:20:18,644 --> 00:20:20,311
Dada.
483
00:20:20,346 --> 00:20:25,316
You are just the smartest, sweetest,
best baby in the whole world.
484
00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:26,317
I'm serious, man.
485
00:20:26,352 --> 00:20:30,555
I think I might get her
tested for genius... Ness.
486
00:20:30,589 --> 00:20:31,556
Who do you love, Emma?
487
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:32,724
Dada.
488
00:20:32,758 --> 00:20:35,393
Oh, way to go, Emma!
489
00:20:35,428 --> 00:20:36,628
Dada.
490
00:20:41,568 --> 00:20:43,504
Hey, at least you can skip the genius test.
491
00:20:43,554 --> 00:20:48,104
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