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1
00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:08,171
I've always loved getting clean.
2
00:00:09,463 --> 00:00:11,049
I love baths.
3
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,261
I love showers.
4
00:00:20,934 --> 00:00:22,769
It's my happy place.
5
00:00:29,276 --> 00:00:31,027
Was my happy place.
6
00:00:39,202 --> 00:00:42,289
All inmates in D dorm
must be checked for lice.
7
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:46,084
Repeat, all inmates in D
dorm must be checked for lice.
8
00:00:48,544 --> 00:00:51,547
Oh, I'll be out in a sec. I swear.
9
00:00:51,631 --> 00:00:55,802
I'll wait. There best
be some hot water left.
10
00:00:55,969 --> 00:00:58,138
There wasn't very much when I started.
11
00:00:59,889 --> 00:01:01,808
Man, hurry!
12
00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:04,811
All right, okay, okay.
13
00:01:04,936 --> 00:01:06,980
I'm done. I'm out. I'm totally out.
14
00:01:07,105 --> 00:01:08,940
Damn, you got some nice titties.
15
00:01:10,108 --> 00:01:12,526
- Thank you.
- You got them TV titties.
16
00:01:12,652 --> 00:01:15,863
They stand up on they own
all perky and everything.
17
00:01:15,989 --> 00:01:17,531
Okay.
18
00:01:19,159 --> 00:01:22,703
You know they sell
flip-flops at the commissary.
19
00:01:23,246 --> 00:01:24,998
My money's not in yet, so.
20
00:01:25,123 --> 00:01:28,709
You creative. I give you that, high-tits.
21
00:01:30,003 --> 00:01:32,172
Now get the fuck out the way.
22
00:01:32,504 --> 00:01:33,547
Okay.
23
00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:08,059
So, there's an entire pig in there?
24
00:03:08,309 --> 00:03:09,310
Yes.
25
00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:10,853
For four of us?
26
00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:14,441
It's a small pig. I really
wanted to use the box.
27
00:03:14,566 --> 00:03:16,025
It was my birthday present.
28
00:03:16,359 --> 00:03:18,278
She's guilty she's leaving.
29
00:03:18,403 --> 00:03:19,779
It's a guilt pig-roasting box.
30
00:03:19,904 --> 00:03:21,655
At least you get something.
31
00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:24,492
I'm not getting laid for a
year, too, but what do I get?
32
00:03:25,076 --> 00:03:26,119
A baby?
33
00:03:26,244 --> 00:03:27,537
But you can't eat it.
34
00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:32,292
- Are we really gonna eat that?
- It's thematic.
35
00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:34,043
You're not serving time in Cuba.
36
00:03:34,377 --> 00:03:35,753
Pigs. Cops.
37
00:03:40,049 --> 00:03:42,260
How the fuck are you
going to jail tomorrow?
38
00:03:42,927 --> 00:03:44,762
Prison, not jail.
39
00:03:46,013 --> 00:03:47,474
You're missing my shower.
40
00:03:48,224 --> 00:03:49,850
Polly, I'm really sorry.
41
00:03:51,227 --> 00:03:52,520
I know.
42
00:03:55,482 --> 00:03:58,651
You focus on how you're gonna
maintain your eyebrows behind bars.
43
00:03:59,235 --> 00:04:01,987
You may not come back with a unibrow.
44
00:04:04,282 --> 00:04:05,325
Am I allowed to cry?
45
00:04:05,408 --> 00:04:07,994
No. Seriously, no.
46
00:04:08,744 --> 00:04:13,291
Okay, we are ready. Everybody inside.
47
00:04:13,749 --> 00:04:14,917
- Need a hoist?
- Yeah.
48
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,586
Big girl.
49
00:04:16,919 --> 00:04:18,712
On to the last supper.
50
00:04:21,841 --> 00:04:23,801
- We got to do it.
- I know.
51
00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:27,138
God, we really should
not have eaten so much.
52
00:04:27,221 --> 00:04:29,641
I know. Come on, we gotta rally.
53
00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:30,891
Okay.
54
00:04:31,017 --> 00:04:34,187
- Make some memories, you know?
- Yeah.
55
00:04:34,312 --> 00:04:37,023
You need spank-bank material.
56
00:04:37,315 --> 00:04:40,109
Oh, well, I mean, when
you say it like that.
57
00:04:51,871 --> 00:04:53,998
- Wait, I got...
- What?
58
00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,209
- I gotta pee.
- What? No.
59
00:04:56,292 --> 00:04:57,335
- Yeah.
- Really?
60
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,546
I just...
61
00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:02,965
I'll be... I'll be right back.
62
00:05:07,053 --> 00:05:08,179
Hey.
63
00:05:08,971 --> 00:05:10,014
Yeah?
64
00:05:11,265 --> 00:05:12,517
You look beautiful.
65
00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:16,145
Thanks.
66
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,577
Oh, shit.
67
00:06:30,678 --> 00:06:31,803
What?
68
00:06:35,642 --> 00:06:37,644
You look beautiful, too.
69
00:06:42,315 --> 00:06:45,359
Come on. Get in.
70
00:07:06,922 --> 00:07:08,257
Hey. You're crying.
71
00:07:10,802 --> 00:07:12,011
Just fuck me.
72
00:07:12,094 --> 00:07:13,346
Piper.
73
00:07:13,429 --> 00:07:15,097
Shut up.
74
00:07:15,181 --> 00:07:18,392
Please. Please.
75
00:07:21,437 --> 00:07:22,689
Okay.
76
00:08:02,729 --> 00:08:03,979
No visiting today.
77
00:08:04,063 --> 00:08:07,400
Hi, um, I'm here to surrender.
78
00:08:07,525 --> 00:08:09,068
Oh, okay, then.
79
00:08:13,447 --> 00:08:15,074
Did he look surprised to you?
80
00:08:15,157 --> 00:08:17,785
When I said that I was here to
surrender? Didn't he look surprised?
81
00:08:17,910 --> 00:08:19,662
Like, "What the hell is she doing here?"
82
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:23,416
- I didn't notice.
- Well, he looked surprised to me.
83
00:08:26,085 --> 00:08:30,214
I look like shit. My eyes are all puffy.
84
00:08:30,297 --> 00:08:31,382
You're worried about how you look?
85
00:08:31,465 --> 00:08:32,592
Well, they're gonna know that I was crying.
86
00:08:32,675 --> 00:08:34,343
It's a sign of weakness.
You can't show any weakness.
87
00:08:34,427 --> 00:08:35,803
That's what all of the books said.
88
00:08:35,928 --> 00:08:37,012
Oh, sweetie...
89
00:08:37,096 --> 00:08:38,931
Don't call me sweetie.
90
00:08:39,014 --> 00:08:40,433
Oh, Leonard.
91
00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:43,102
That's better.
92
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,235
I can't take it with me.
93
00:08:54,572 --> 00:08:56,574
Oh, okay. Right.
94
00:08:59,577 --> 00:09:00,912
What are you doing?
95
00:09:00,994 --> 00:09:02,037
What?
96
00:09:02,121 --> 00:09:03,497
You can't put that in your pocket.
97
00:09:03,623 --> 00:09:05,541
It's gonna end up at the
bottom of the washing machine.
98
00:09:05,625 --> 00:09:07,293
Okay. Um...
99
00:09:07,418 --> 00:09:08,753
Where would you like me
to put it then, Piper?
100
00:09:08,836 --> 00:09:10,296
Up your ass.
101
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,633
There's no room. Apparently,
my head's already up there.
102
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:15,885
I'm sorry.
103
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:20,055
It's okay.
104
00:09:23,309 --> 00:09:24,560
You know what?
105
00:09:25,812 --> 00:09:29,064
I'm gonna put it in my wallet. Okay?
106
00:09:29,148 --> 00:09:33,486
And when I get home, I will
put it in your jewelry box.
107
00:09:34,278 --> 00:09:36,238
Until I'm short on
rent, then I may hock it.
108
00:09:36,322 --> 00:09:39,742
But I'll try to get it
back before you're out.
109
00:09:46,123 --> 00:09:47,249
We should go.
110
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,001
Okay.
111
00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:53,840
Okay.
112
00:09:55,132 --> 00:09:56,342
Self-surrender.
113
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:58,218
Yeah, well, no one told me either.
114
00:09:58,344 --> 00:09:59,637
Available guards...
115
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,597
Got the paperwork right here.
116
00:10:01,681 --> 00:10:03,683
Name is Chapman.
117
00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:09,856
Yeah. Chap, like when your lips
get all dry they're chapped.
118
00:10:10,147 --> 00:10:11,148
Have a seat.
119
00:10:14,652 --> 00:10:16,612
Piper. Rhymes with sniper.
120
00:10:16,696 --> 00:10:19,406
Inmate Robinson to the visitor area.
121
00:10:23,202 --> 00:10:24,495
You hungry?
122
00:10:24,578 --> 00:10:25,746
Not really.
123
00:10:25,872 --> 00:10:27,540
Guard Thomson to the tower.
124
00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:28,791
Eat anyway.
125
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:30,835
It's burrata.
126
00:10:32,211 --> 00:10:33,546
Thank you.
127
00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:42,054
My mother told her friends I'm
doing volunteer work in Africa.
128
00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:47,393
I bet they're all appalled that you've
gone somewhere so filthy and dangerous.
129
00:10:50,521 --> 00:10:54,984
So I never carried drugs. Just money.
130
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,236
You were a lesbian?
131
00:10:57,904 --> 00:10:59,363
At the time.
132
00:11:00,322 --> 00:11:01,407
You still a lesbian?
133
00:11:02,033 --> 00:11:03,450
No, I'm not still a lesbian.
134
00:11:03,784 --> 00:11:04,911
You sure?
135
00:11:06,328 --> 00:11:10,541
I once kissed Mary Straley when
I was at Miss Porter's school.
136
00:11:10,624 --> 00:11:11,918
But it wasn't for me.
137
00:11:12,251 --> 00:11:13,293
Wow.
138
00:11:14,169 --> 00:11:15,254
Did you know about all this?
139
00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:18,758
No. No, no, I didn't.
140
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:23,345
I mean, she told me how
she traveled after college,
141
00:11:23,429 --> 00:11:25,598
but she failed to mention the lesbian lover
142
00:11:25,723 --> 00:11:27,558
who ran an international
drug smuggling ring.
143
00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:29,309
Imagine my surprise.
144
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,438
What on earth did you do with the money?
145
00:11:32,605 --> 00:11:35,441
Well, Grandmother, I wasn't
really in it for the money.
146
00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:38,736
Oh, Piper, for heaven's sake!
147
00:11:43,532 --> 00:11:45,952
So this is my last post as a free woman.
148
00:11:46,077 --> 00:11:48,412
- What are you gonna write?
- Hey!
149
00:11:48,495 --> 00:11:50,748
Oh, no. You cannot have a phone in here.
150
00:11:50,831 --> 00:11:52,792
This is a federal facility.
You have to take that out.
151
00:11:52,917 --> 00:11:55,210
Oh, can I? Am I allowed to go out?
152
00:11:55,294 --> 00:11:56,336
He can take it out.
153
00:11:56,462 --> 00:11:58,839
So no phone?
154
00:11:58,965 --> 00:12:00,507
- You knew that.
- Now.
155
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:02,468
Oh, my God, Larry, by the time I get out
156
00:12:02,593 --> 00:12:04,929
there'll have been, like, three
new generations of iPhones.
157
00:12:05,012 --> 00:12:07,807
Sir, I can get an
officer to escort you out.
158
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:11,560
No, I'm going. It's okay, I'm going,
okay? I'll be right back, okay?
159
00:12:11,644 --> 00:12:14,688
I'll take the phone to the
car, I'll be right back.
160
00:12:14,814 --> 00:12:16,023
Okay? Two seconds.
161
00:12:16,147 --> 00:12:17,566
- Yeah?
- Okay.
162
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,527
Two seconds.
163
00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:24,991
- Chapman!
- Yes.
164
00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:29,328
Yes, that's me. But you have to wait.
165
00:12:29,411 --> 00:12:30,663
You're telling me what I have to do?
166
00:12:31,747 --> 00:12:33,666
Get your ass over here,
Chapman, now. Move it.
167
00:12:33,749 --> 00:12:34,875
He's, he's gonna be right back.
168
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,167
We've been waiting here for two hours.
169
00:12:36,293 --> 00:12:37,628
And the wait is over.
170
00:12:37,711 --> 00:12:39,170
Here's your temporary ID,
171
00:12:39,254 --> 00:12:41,799
you'll stick this on your uniform
when we get to that. Now...
172
00:12:41,882 --> 00:12:43,843
- Here. I'm here. Here I am.
- Here he is.
173
00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:46,137
- Who's this?
- My fianc�.
174
00:12:46,219 --> 00:12:47,471
Yeah? Good luck with that.
175
00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:48,681
Excuse me?
176
00:12:48,764 --> 00:12:50,516
- Any personal items?
- Here.
177
00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:55,479
You can't take this check.
178
00:12:55,562 --> 00:12:57,731
But we called last week.
And they told me to bring it.
179
00:12:57,857 --> 00:12:59,025
He has to send it to Iowa.
180
00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:00,526
It takes a few weeks to process.
181
00:13:00,609 --> 00:13:03,154
A few weeks? Doesn't
she need to buy things?
182
00:13:03,236 --> 00:13:04,321
How it is.
183
00:13:05,614 --> 00:13:06,824
Where do we send it?
184
00:13:07,074 --> 00:13:09,702
Hey, you got that Iowa address?
185
00:13:10,619 --> 00:13:13,706
Any Nudie Judies in here?
Skin pics? Naughty stuff?
186
00:13:13,831 --> 00:13:16,084
No. No Nudie Judies.
187
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:19,336
Time to say goodbye. It might be
a while till you can visit, fianc�.
188
00:13:22,131 --> 00:13:23,214
I love you so much.
189
00:13:23,340 --> 00:13:24,341
I love you, too!
190
00:13:24,925 --> 00:13:26,510
- I'll call you as soon as I can.
- Okay.
191
00:13:26,593 --> 00:13:28,762
Okay? Please send that check immediately.
192
00:13:28,929 --> 00:13:30,221
Okay. I will.
193
00:13:30,305 --> 00:13:32,558
I love you. Please keep my website updated.
194
00:13:32,683 --> 00:13:33,726
I love you so much.
195
00:13:36,227 --> 00:13:37,228
It's okay.
196
00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:48,239
It's okay.
197
00:14:00,086 --> 00:14:02,421
- What size shoe are you?
- Nine and a half, ten.
198
00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:09,762
These are kinda like Toms.
199
00:14:09,845 --> 00:14:12,598
- Who's Tom?
- Toms are shoes.
200
00:14:12,723 --> 00:14:15,851
When you buy a pair, the company
gives another to a child in need.
201
00:14:15,935 --> 00:14:18,395
They're great. And they come in
lots of different colors and...
202
00:14:18,478 --> 00:14:19,772
How nice.
203
00:14:21,774 --> 00:14:22,775
Strip.
204
00:14:45,422 --> 00:14:46,465
Get over here.
205
00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:00,771
Come here.
206
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:15,577
Are you gonna miss me?
207
00:15:16,495 --> 00:15:17,830
Yes.
208
00:15:20,916 --> 00:15:21,959
Too much.
209
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:26,546
Come with me.
210
00:15:27,298 --> 00:15:28,548
What?
211
00:15:29,508 --> 00:15:30,926
Come to Bali.
212
00:15:32,552 --> 00:15:34,554
Come with me. I mean it.
I'll buy you a plane ticket.
213
00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:39,685
Are you serious?
214
00:15:42,229 --> 00:15:43,438
Yes.
215
00:15:46,566 --> 00:15:51,238
Come with me. Quit your job. Come with me.
216
00:15:52,198 --> 00:15:56,493
Well, I'd have to give notice.
217
00:15:56,576 --> 00:15:59,038
You're a fucking waitress. You
don't need to give a notice.
218
00:16:00,164 --> 00:16:01,790
Will I get in trouble?
219
00:16:01,874 --> 00:16:02,958
God, I hope so.
220
00:16:07,629 --> 00:16:09,715
You know what I mean.
221
00:16:09,798 --> 00:16:11,675
You don't have to do anything.
222
00:16:12,551 --> 00:16:15,971
You're just there to keep
me company, all right?
223
00:16:19,683 --> 00:16:21,185
Come on, babe. I want you to come.
224
00:16:21,894 --> 00:16:23,103
And I want you to come.
225
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:28,901
Yes? Is that a yes?
226
00:16:29,026 --> 00:16:30,236
Yes.
227
00:16:31,945 --> 00:16:33,197
Yes.
228
00:16:33,613 --> 00:16:35,115
Open your mouth, stick out your tongue.
229
00:16:35,532 --> 00:16:37,492
Inmates, an updated facility rules with
230
00:16:37,576 --> 00:16:39,411
inmate discipline list
is posted in the day room.
231
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,706
Lift up your arms.
232
00:16:45,625 --> 00:16:46,919
Turn around.
233
00:16:50,589 --> 00:16:51,715
Squat.
234
00:16:55,052 --> 00:16:56,678
Spread your cheeks and cough.
235
00:16:59,056 --> 00:17:00,266
Seriously?
236
00:17:13,195 --> 00:17:14,405
That it?
237
00:17:14,487 --> 00:17:16,156
One more coming, hold on.
238
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:22,829
My zipper's broken.
239
00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:26,792
First time down?
240
00:17:26,917 --> 00:17:28,127
My first time here?
241
00:17:28,668 --> 00:17:30,837
Oh, no, your first time in prison?
242
00:17:30,963 --> 00:17:33,257
Oh, yeah.
243
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:36,260
It's not so bad. Everyone's okay.
244
00:17:36,343 --> 00:17:38,429
You've gotta watch out for the stealing.
245
00:17:40,639 --> 00:17:42,641
So, what's your name? Your last name.
246
00:17:42,724 --> 00:17:44,643
Everyone uses last names here.
247
00:17:44,768 --> 00:17:47,438
I'm Morello and that is Watson.
248
00:17:48,814 --> 00:17:49,856
Chapman.
249
00:17:49,982 --> 00:17:51,858
And how much time you got, Chapman?
250
00:17:53,235 --> 00:17:54,278
Fifteen months.
251
00:17:54,361 --> 00:17:57,072
Oh, that's not so bad. I got 34,
252
00:17:57,156 --> 00:17:59,491
but I'm hoping with
good time it'll be less.
253
00:17:59,574 --> 00:18:03,870
You... so you're a... they let you drive?
254
00:18:03,996 --> 00:18:05,956
Well, who else is gonna do it?
255
00:18:06,039 --> 00:18:08,334
We do everything around here.
256
00:18:09,542 --> 00:18:13,005
Hey, can I ask you something?
You look like you'd know.
257
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,714
All right, which dress you like better?
258
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,133
My top two faves are the ones
259
00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:18,510
with the half-and-half
lids stuck to the pages.
260
00:18:18,593 --> 00:18:22,139
See, I want something that's
gonna express my personality.
261
00:18:22,222 --> 00:18:25,600
And the trick is, I wanna
show off the boobs and the ass,
262
00:18:25,684 --> 00:18:28,437
but I'm not so happy with the
upper arms and the stomach,
263
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,356
so there's the challenge.
264
00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:34,485
Both nice.
265
00:18:35,527 --> 00:18:36,778
That's all you gotta say?
266
00:18:39,531 --> 00:18:42,701
I gotta look good. My first
dance is gonna go on YouTube.
267
00:18:42,826 --> 00:18:45,829
Look! I found a rock that looks
like a penis with one ball.
268
00:18:45,912 --> 00:18:48,123
- No.
- It's my Lance Armstrong rock.
269
00:18:48,665 --> 00:18:51,960
Hold it up. Let me see, let me see. Nice.
270
00:18:52,044 --> 00:18:53,795
Okay, now lick it, softly and tenderly,
271
00:18:53,879 --> 00:18:55,255
like you would've when
you thought he was clean.
272
00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:56,715
Oh, Jesus! Shut that thing off.
273
00:18:56,798 --> 00:18:58,884
You're making a huge
mistake. This could go viral.
274
00:18:59,051 --> 00:19:00,093
Seriously, shut it off.
275
00:19:00,219 --> 00:19:02,054
- What?
- I'm so fat from all the stress-eating.
276
00:19:02,179 --> 00:19:04,723
I really don't want a record of it.
277
00:19:06,558 --> 00:19:08,894
You know, that's one thing
I'm gonna do in prison.
278
00:19:08,977 --> 00:19:11,146
I'm gonna get ripped.
279
00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:13,899
Like Jackie Warner ripped.
280
00:19:14,566 --> 00:19:17,569
And I'm gonna read everything
on my Amazon wish list.
281
00:19:17,694 --> 00:19:21,990
And maybe even learn a craft,
you know? I could be crafty.
282
00:19:22,074 --> 00:19:23,700
I'm gonna make it count, Larry.
283
00:19:23,783 --> 00:19:27,162
I'm not gonna throw away a year of my life.
284
00:19:27,246 --> 00:19:28,705
What the hell are you looking for?
285
00:19:34,794 --> 00:19:36,255
Oh, no!
286
00:19:36,338 --> 00:19:37,423
What is that?
287
00:19:37,506 --> 00:19:39,091
Piper...
288
00:19:39,174 --> 00:19:40,967
Oh, Jesus, Larry. Why would you want...
289
00:19:41,134 --> 00:19:45,847
Why would I want a felonious,
former lesbian, WASP-shiksa
290
00:19:45,931 --> 00:19:47,433
who's about to go to prison, to marry me?
291
00:19:47,558 --> 00:19:49,601
Yes. And all of the stress-eating?
292
00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:54,398
Well, because this peculiar,
293
00:19:55,607 --> 00:19:59,361
underachieving, underemployed
Jew-boy loves her.
294
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,616
And knows that he will never be bored,
295
00:20:05,325 --> 00:20:10,956
and can't believe how
lucky he is that he met her.
296
00:20:13,917 --> 00:20:16,962
I gotta lock this shit down
before you leave, Pipes.
297
00:20:19,798 --> 00:20:21,174
I love you.
298
00:20:22,634 --> 00:20:23,885
You wanna marry me?
299
00:20:24,553 --> 00:20:26,012
When I get out, right?
300
00:20:26,138 --> 00:20:27,806
Whenever you want.
301
00:20:28,765 --> 00:20:30,058
I'll be so ripped.
302
00:20:32,144 --> 00:20:36,148
You could wear a wedding dress
that's like a half-shirt, you know?
303
00:20:36,231 --> 00:20:37,899
Show off those abs.
304
00:20:37,983 --> 00:20:39,485
Yeah!
305
00:20:45,115 --> 00:20:46,950
Was it your grandmother's?
306
00:20:47,117 --> 00:20:49,661
No, my mom's saving that one for my sister.
307
00:20:49,786 --> 00:20:52,205
This is my great-aunt Marcia's.
308
00:20:52,331 --> 00:20:53,790
She had thyroid cancer
309
00:20:53,873 --> 00:20:57,043
and a series of schnauzers, all
named Schnapps. That's all I know.
310
00:20:58,670 --> 00:21:01,714
Put it on. I had it sized. Good.
311
00:21:07,012 --> 00:21:08,263
It's beautiful.
312
00:21:08,347 --> 00:21:10,015
And that's a "yes," right?
313
00:21:10,098 --> 00:21:11,350
Yes.
314
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:12,976
Yeah.
315
00:21:13,602 --> 00:21:16,229
Will you say that just
one more time for me?
316
00:21:16,355 --> 00:21:19,274
But, this time, just into the camera, okay?
317
00:21:19,358 --> 00:21:21,818
Oh, you asshole!
318
00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:23,778
- Come on, I had to capture the moment.
- Shit. Turn it off!
319
00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:25,656
- What?
- Give me that!
320
00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:30,410
Oh, you're cold. Come here.
321
00:21:30,536 --> 00:21:32,538
Bounce your legs up and
down. It keeps your feet warm.
322
00:21:32,621 --> 00:21:33,830
Thanks.
323
00:21:35,123 --> 00:21:37,668
You think your man is still
gonna be around when you're out?
324
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:40,170
Yeah, he'll be there.
I'm the love of his life.
325
00:21:41,921 --> 00:21:43,923
Thirty-four months is a long time.
326
00:21:44,799 --> 00:21:46,718
Yeah, but she's the love of his life!
327
00:21:47,553 --> 00:21:49,846
And who the fuck asked you?
328
00:21:49,929 --> 00:21:51,056
Head on up.
329
00:21:51,139 --> 00:21:52,683
All the gates open to one and two.
330
00:21:52,765 --> 00:21:56,061
All right, so his tie is gonna
match the bridesmaids' dresses.
331
00:21:56,144 --> 00:21:57,479
There's six bridesmaids.
332
00:21:57,563 --> 00:21:59,606
My cousin's being a bitch, so
I'm thinking about dropping her.
333
00:22:08,615 --> 00:22:10,409
All right, let's go.
334
00:22:35,475 --> 00:22:36,560
Hello, Miss Claudette.
335
00:22:36,643 --> 00:22:38,144
Morello.
336
00:22:41,147 --> 00:22:42,399
Watch out for that one.
337
00:22:42,482 --> 00:22:44,610
Don't get me wrong, she's a good lady,
338
00:22:44,735 --> 00:22:46,278
but you don't wanna get on her bad side.
339
00:22:47,028 --> 00:22:48,697
Go ahead. Go.
340
00:22:51,575 --> 00:22:54,327
Okay, I'm gonna send you
all through to processing,
341
00:22:54,453 --> 00:22:55,786
you'll get your room assignments,
342
00:22:55,912 --> 00:22:58,998
and I'll meet you back here
and show you your bunks. Okay?
343
00:22:59,124 --> 00:23:01,543
Don't look so bummed.
Gonna get the wrinkles.
344
00:23:01,876 --> 00:23:04,463
All right, raise your
head and look at the lens.
345
00:23:05,796 --> 00:23:07,507
Oh, crap!
346
00:23:07,882 --> 00:23:10,594
New guy, what's your name, Bennett?
347
00:23:11,344 --> 00:23:13,639
Bennett, it's not fucking working again.
348
00:23:13,764 --> 00:23:16,057
- You turn it on?
- Yeah, I turned it on.
349
00:23:19,894 --> 00:23:23,356
Wait, I think I got it. Ready?
350
00:23:23,482 --> 00:23:24,815
Yeah. Yep.
351
00:23:26,318 --> 00:23:28,027
Wait, no.
352
00:23:28,153 --> 00:23:30,071
- What does this button do?
- No! Don't touch that.
353
00:23:30,863 --> 00:23:32,407
Sorry, princess.
354
00:23:33,366 --> 00:23:34,534
There's a cord right there.
355
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:37,412
Do you think that that needs
to be connected to something?
356
00:23:38,747 --> 00:23:40,332
Shut your mouth and stand still.
357
00:23:44,628 --> 00:23:46,463
- She's right.
- Okay, fine.
358
00:23:46,546 --> 00:23:47,673
Got it.
359
00:23:47,798 --> 00:23:48,923
I wasn't ready.
360
00:23:49,007 --> 00:23:50,967
Tough shit. Next.
361
00:23:51,343 --> 00:23:54,845
This is a TB test. Nice veins.
362
00:23:54,929 --> 00:23:56,765
- No track marks.
- Thanks.
363
00:23:56,847 --> 00:23:58,558
Tattoos?
364
00:23:58,684 --> 00:23:59,934
Oh, yeah.
365
00:24:01,812 --> 00:24:03,522
Oh, a fish. You like fish?
366
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,694
Saw it on a scuba diving trip.
367
00:24:08,819 --> 00:24:10,069
Thought it was beautiful.
368
00:24:10,195 --> 00:24:15,283
I don't like fish. I like pork,
chicken. But it's a pretty fish.
369
00:24:16,660 --> 00:24:17,994
Thanks.
370
00:24:18,077 --> 00:24:19,538
It's gonna rub off when I sweat.
371
00:24:19,663 --> 00:24:22,708
No, it won't. It's waterproof. Stop.
372
00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:28,547
So, when this dries,
you should be good to go.
373
00:24:30,298 --> 00:24:31,591
How am I gonna get it off?
374
00:24:31,717 --> 00:24:32,843
Acetone.
375
00:24:34,845 --> 00:24:37,013
Great. Alex, I don't,
I don't know if I can...
376
00:24:37,096 --> 00:24:38,557
Hey.
377
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,099
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:24:46,064 --> 00:24:49,609
You are a nice blonde lady, aren't you?
379
00:24:52,237 --> 00:24:54,030
A proper young lady.
380
00:24:55,615 --> 00:24:58,660
Just picking up her sensible
bag in the baggage claim
381
00:24:59,369 --> 00:25:02,748
before heading off to her mid-range
hotel to go over her schedules.
382
00:25:02,873 --> 00:25:05,208
Museum visits and fancy dinners.
383
00:25:12,424 --> 00:25:16,010
It's all fine. It's all good.
384
00:25:17,220 --> 00:25:18,471
And I will meet you in Brussels,
385
00:25:18,597 --> 00:25:20,849
and everything will
work out perfectly, babe.
386
00:25:20,931 --> 00:25:22,267
I promise.
387
00:25:24,394 --> 00:25:26,271
It's all gonna be okay.
388
00:25:27,731 --> 00:25:28,732
Are you okay?
389
00:25:29,733 --> 00:25:32,068
Fine. I guess.
390
00:25:35,113 --> 00:25:36,615
What's PoPi?
391
00:25:36,740 --> 00:25:37,948
Poppy.
392
00:25:39,618 --> 00:25:43,162
It's a bath products line I'd
started with my friend, Polly.
393
00:25:43,288 --> 00:25:47,500
Polly and Piper. PoPi.
We're gonna be in Barneys.
394
00:25:48,167 --> 00:25:49,168
Barneys?
395
00:25:50,044 --> 00:25:51,421
It's a nice store.
396
00:25:53,548 --> 00:25:57,135
It's a pretty big case.
Criminal conspiracy.
397
00:25:57,260 --> 00:25:59,805
That's what they charged me with.
398
00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:02,432
I carried a suitcase of money.
399
00:26:02,515 --> 00:26:05,184
Drug money. Once.
400
00:26:06,227 --> 00:26:07,479
Ten years ago.
401
00:26:07,604 --> 00:26:09,230
What's the statute of limitations on that?
402
00:26:11,274 --> 00:26:12,484
Twelve years.
403
00:26:13,485 --> 00:26:14,820
That's tough.
404
00:26:14,945 --> 00:26:16,112
Well,
405
00:26:17,697 --> 00:26:23,578
I did it, that one time, 10 years ago.
406
00:26:23,912 --> 00:26:25,079
What did your lawyer say?
407
00:26:25,204 --> 00:26:27,624
He said with the mandatory
minimums with drug crimes,
408
00:26:27,707 --> 00:26:30,460
he wouldn't recommend risking
a trial. So, I pleaded out.
409
00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:31,837
And here you are.
410
00:26:32,587 --> 00:26:33,588
Here I am.
411
00:26:34,464 --> 00:26:38,343
Costing the tax payers money
and sweating in my armchair.
412
00:26:38,844 --> 00:26:41,262
You know, I've been here for 22 years,
413
00:26:41,346 --> 00:26:44,683
and I still can't figure
out how the system works.
414
00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:47,686
I got a crack dealer
who is doing nine months,
415
00:26:47,811 --> 00:26:52,565
and then I have a lady who
accidently backed into a mailman
416
00:26:52,691 --> 00:26:54,693
who is doing four years.
417
00:26:54,776 --> 00:26:57,027
I mean, the guy broke his
collar bone, but come on.
418
00:26:57,111 --> 00:26:58,905
I just don't get it.
419
00:27:01,366 --> 00:27:03,409
Are you gonna barf?
420
00:27:03,535 --> 00:27:04,577
Tell me if you're gonna barf.
421
00:27:04,703 --> 00:27:06,036
Because there's a can behind you.
422
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,789
I won't barf.
423
00:27:07,873 --> 00:27:10,876
I will be truly displeased if
you barf anywhere but in that can.
424
00:27:11,751 --> 00:27:13,211
Not gonna barf.
425
00:27:15,380 --> 00:27:16,840
Miss Chapman,
426
00:27:18,341 --> 00:27:22,303
no one's gonna mess with
you here unless you let them.
427
00:27:23,346 --> 00:27:25,097
This isn't Oz.
428
00:27:25,348 --> 00:27:27,600
Women fight with gossip and rumors.
429
00:27:28,226 --> 00:27:32,898
They might peg you for rich and
try to hit you up for commissary.
430
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:35,859
And there are lesbians.
431
00:27:37,402 --> 00:27:38,820
They're not gonna bother you.
432
00:27:38,904 --> 00:27:40,906
They'll try to be your friend,
433
00:27:40,989 --> 00:27:42,407
just stay away from them.
434
00:27:43,324 --> 00:27:49,873
I want you to understand, you
do not have to have lesbian sex.
435
00:27:56,004 --> 00:27:57,672
I have a fianc�.
436
00:27:59,257 --> 00:28:00,425
His name is Larry.
437
00:28:00,508 --> 00:28:02,052
He's a writer.
438
00:28:03,887 --> 00:28:05,137
Can he come visit me?
439
00:28:05,263 --> 00:28:07,473
- Is he in here?
- Yes. Everybody's in there.
440
00:28:07,599 --> 00:28:10,685
All the people in the
PSI are cleared to visit.
441
00:28:10,769 --> 00:28:12,020
He can come this weekend.
442
00:28:12,938 --> 00:28:14,689
I'll make sure the list
is in the visiting room.
443
00:28:14,773 --> 00:28:16,524
Thank you so much, Mr. Healy.
444
00:28:17,817 --> 00:28:21,571
You just keep to yourself.
And you'll be fine.
445
00:28:21,654 --> 00:28:23,031
And don't make friends.
446
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:29,621
And remember, nothing goes on
here that I don't know about.
447
00:28:29,913 --> 00:28:33,123
You know everything about
me! I tell you everything!
448
00:28:34,042 --> 00:28:36,628
The webcam horror, the
penis shaving incident.
449
00:28:36,711 --> 00:28:38,046
How do I not know this?
450
00:28:38,170 --> 00:28:40,548
What was I supposed to say? It was...
451
00:28:41,340 --> 00:28:42,550
It was a phase.
452
00:28:42,634 --> 00:28:47,179
It was my lost-soul,
post-college adventure phase.
453
00:28:48,932 --> 00:28:53,144
I was so embarrassed. I can't
believe that she did this.
454
00:28:53,269 --> 00:28:54,980
I can't believe you did this.
455
00:28:55,772 --> 00:28:56,982
I mean, who are you?
456
00:28:57,107 --> 00:29:00,318
I feel like I'm in a Bourne
movie. Have you killed?
457
00:29:02,779 --> 00:29:05,824
Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Baby. Stop. Stop, stop.
458
00:29:05,991 --> 00:29:07,283
Come on. Come on.
459
00:29:09,035 --> 00:29:10,120
Okay.
460
00:29:10,202 --> 00:29:11,871
You should break up with me.
461
00:29:11,997 --> 00:29:14,373
- What?
- You didn't sign up for this.
462
00:29:14,499 --> 00:29:18,252
Okay, stop it. Stop it.
Come on. Shh. It's okay.
463
00:29:18,628 --> 00:29:20,046
Okay?
464
00:29:20,212 --> 00:29:21,339
Okay?
465
00:29:24,467 --> 00:29:27,178
"Witness states, Piper
Chapman carried drug money.
466
00:29:27,261 --> 00:29:29,347
"Piper Chapman was part of the ring."
467
00:29:29,472 --> 00:29:30,682
Were you?
468
00:29:32,017 --> 00:29:33,392
I was 22.
469
00:29:34,477 --> 00:29:36,688
I thought that I was in love.
470
00:29:37,396 --> 00:29:39,065
I was in love.
471
00:29:39,190 --> 00:29:41,359
And it was all crazy.
472
00:29:41,442 --> 00:29:45,738
And then it got scary,
473
00:29:45,864 --> 00:29:47,323
and I ran away,
474
00:29:47,406 --> 00:29:51,202
and I became the nice blonde
lady that I was supposed to be.
475
00:29:51,369 --> 00:29:56,499
I knew that she wasn't a
good person, but fuck her!
476
00:29:58,250 --> 00:30:01,921
Fuck her! This is not gonna be okay.
477
00:30:03,506 --> 00:30:04,757
- No.
- No.
478
00:30:04,924 --> 00:30:06,217
It's not.
479
00:30:11,848 --> 00:30:14,893
But we'll deal with it, okay?
480
00:30:17,562 --> 00:30:19,313
We'll figure it out.
481
00:30:20,190 --> 00:30:21,399
Have you called a lawyer?
482
00:30:22,483 --> 00:30:24,235
- No.
- I'll call my dad.
483
00:30:24,318 --> 00:30:26,779
No! No. Please don't call
your dad. He already hates me.
484
00:30:26,905 --> 00:30:30,116
Yeah, well, I love you.
485
00:30:30,241 --> 00:30:36,039
And, and he loves me, so, here we go.
486
00:30:36,706 --> 00:30:38,708
All right, we gotta hustle,
'cause the count's soon.
487
00:30:38,791 --> 00:30:41,211
Uh, rooms are there. Dorms are down there.
488
00:30:41,293 --> 00:30:43,254
Now, you are not allowed down there.
489
00:30:43,337 --> 00:30:45,423
It's out of bounds for you guys
until you get assigned there.
490
00:30:45,548 --> 00:30:47,133
You understand?
491
00:30:47,258 --> 00:30:48,801
Namaste, Jones!
492
00:30:48,927 --> 00:30:49,928
Namaste!
493
00:30:50,011 --> 00:30:51,804
She teaches yoga if you ever want.
494
00:30:51,930 --> 00:30:54,015
And she's good. She's very spiritual.
495
00:30:54,099 --> 00:30:55,934
All right, we got some offices here.
496
00:30:56,017 --> 00:30:59,104
This is the dining hall,
common room, counselor's office.
497
00:30:59,229 --> 00:31:00,730
Who you got for a counselor?
498
00:31:00,813 --> 00:31:02,148
Uh, Healy.
499
00:31:02,273 --> 00:31:03,441
Okay. Yeah.
500
00:31:03,566 --> 00:31:04,609
What?
501
00:31:04,692 --> 00:31:07,403
Nah, it's fine. It's fine. He does
his paperwork. That's a good thing.
502
00:31:08,654 --> 00:31:10,573
When do we get outfits like everybody?
503
00:31:10,656 --> 00:31:13,118
I don't know. Maybe
tomorrow after breakfast.
504
00:31:13,243 --> 00:31:15,453
You go down, you speak to the lady...
505
00:31:17,455 --> 00:31:18,581
What the fuck?
506
00:31:19,832 --> 00:31:20,875
Friend of yours?
507
00:31:21,876 --> 00:31:24,420
No. It's my mom.
508
00:31:25,421 --> 00:31:29,008
All right, Chapman, Diaz, this is you.
509
00:31:29,134 --> 00:31:31,343
DeMarco, this is Chapman. She's new.
510
00:31:31,469 --> 00:31:32,887
Self-surrender. You show her what's what?
511
00:31:32,971 --> 00:31:34,180
Sure.
512
00:31:34,305 --> 00:31:37,391
Okay, Mendoza, this is Diaz.
Go, go. She'll help you.
513
00:31:40,603 --> 00:31:42,063
Um, I don't speak Spanish.
514
00:31:43,064 --> 00:31:44,857
Great. Another fucking coconut.
515
00:31:44,983 --> 00:31:47,110
What's the matter with your
mother, she don't teach you Spanish?
516
00:31:49,695 --> 00:31:53,992
Here. Here's some tissues.
First night's always hard.
517
00:31:54,659 --> 00:31:58,329
And a toothbrush. They don't give you one.
518
00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:01,540
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you for everything.
519
00:32:01,666 --> 00:32:04,335
No, no. It's no problem.
We look out for our own.
520
00:32:05,795 --> 00:32:06,879
Our own?
521
00:32:07,005 --> 00:32:11,092
Oh, don't get all PC on me. It's
tribal, not racist. I'll see you around.
522
00:32:17,974 --> 00:32:19,017
Tell me your name again?
523
00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:22,103
Piper. Chapman.
524
00:32:22,603 --> 00:32:23,729
That's Miss Rosa.
525
00:32:25,023 --> 00:32:28,400
And that's Nichols. Just
got out of SHU a week ago.
526
00:32:28,526 --> 00:32:31,946
Told a CO to kiss her ass. Dumb.
527
00:32:32,030 --> 00:32:33,990
Why make trouble for yourself, you know?
528
00:32:34,073 --> 00:32:35,825
SHU. That's solitary?
529
00:32:35,908 --> 00:32:38,995
Yep. And you don't want
it, honey. Trust me.
530
00:32:39,537 --> 00:32:41,914
Here's some toilet paper.
You gotta take it with you.
531
00:32:42,874 --> 00:32:45,084
Thanks. What's that thing?
532
00:32:46,794 --> 00:32:50,381
Oh, that's my machine. I need it at night.
533
00:32:50,506 --> 00:32:52,424
When I first got here, I
had a massive heart attack.
534
00:32:54,177 --> 00:32:55,220
Do you know about the count?
535
00:32:55,303 --> 00:32:56,971
Wait, can you go back to the heart attack?
536
00:32:57,055 --> 00:32:58,223
I don't like to dwell.
537
00:32:58,389 --> 00:33:00,391
How do I make a phone call?
538
00:33:00,516 --> 00:33:04,687
You need a PAC number. Fill
out a form. Whole rigmarole.
539
00:33:04,770 --> 00:33:07,439
But maybe Caputo will
let you make a call later.
540
00:33:07,565 --> 00:33:09,525
It helps if you cry.
541
00:33:13,154 --> 00:33:14,280
Don't make your bed!
542
00:33:14,405 --> 00:33:15,406
What?
543
00:33:15,489 --> 00:33:16,908
We'll make it for you.
544
00:33:17,033 --> 00:33:18,576
Oh, no, that's okay. You
don't need to do that.
545
00:33:18,784 --> 00:33:19,785
Honey!
546
00:33:20,661 --> 00:33:24,082
We'll make the bed.
547
00:33:24,165 --> 00:33:25,166
We know how.
548
00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:27,293
I know how to make a bed.
549
00:33:27,418 --> 00:33:29,670
We know how to do it so
we'll pass inspection.
550
00:33:29,754 --> 00:33:33,841
You can help clean. We clean
everything with Maxi Pads.
551
00:33:34,425 --> 00:33:35,426
Seriously?
552
00:33:35,593 --> 00:33:38,054
Yep. It's a head-scratcher,
but that's what we got.
553
00:33:38,763 --> 00:33:40,765
So, we make our beds in
the morning before they...
554
00:33:40,890 --> 00:33:44,643
No. You sleep on top of the
bed. With a blanket over you.
555
00:33:45,270 --> 00:33:46,771
What if I want to sleep in the bed?
556
00:33:46,896 --> 00:33:49,065
Look, you can do what you want,
557
00:33:49,148 --> 00:33:52,277
but you will be the only one
in this entire prison that does.
558
00:33:52,402 --> 00:33:55,154
You want that? Be my guest.
559
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,199
Count time! Count time! Count time, ladies!
560
00:33:58,616 --> 00:34:01,452
That light comes on, you need to
be where you're supposed to be,
561
00:34:01,577 --> 00:34:05,123
and you don't move until
it goes off. Dinner's after.
562
00:34:06,207 --> 00:34:08,293
Hey, blanca. You speak Spanish?
563
00:34:09,127 --> 00:34:12,004
Un poco. Entiendo mas
de lo que puedo hablar.
564
00:34:12,588 --> 00:34:15,967
You see, fucking white girl speaks Spanish.
565
00:34:30,898 --> 00:34:31,941
So?
566
00:34:32,150 --> 00:34:33,401
Shh. Wait.
567
00:34:44,996 --> 00:34:46,247
Dinner's at 4:30?
568
00:34:46,372 --> 00:34:48,207
Recount, ladies!
569
00:34:49,125 --> 00:34:51,461
They always screw it up.
570
00:34:51,543 --> 00:34:53,463
How hard is it to fucking count?
571
00:34:53,545 --> 00:34:55,465
Nicky, this is uh...
572
00:34:55,589 --> 00:34:57,008
Piper. Uh, Chapman.
573
00:34:58,134 --> 00:35:00,011
Look at you, blondie. What'd you do?
574
00:35:00,094 --> 00:35:02,763
Aren't you not supposed
to ask that question?
575
00:35:02,847 --> 00:35:04,515
I read that you're not
supposed to ask that.
576
00:35:05,350 --> 00:35:06,767
You read that?
577
00:35:07,559 --> 00:35:10,146
What, you studied for prison?
578
00:35:19,197 --> 00:35:20,198
What did you do?
579
00:35:20,323 --> 00:35:21,907
I can't understand your French.
580
00:35:22,033 --> 00:35:24,869
Mon bag! Bag!
581
00:35:24,952 --> 00:35:26,371
My bag hasn't arrived.
582
00:35:26,537 --> 00:35:29,374
Oh! The bags do not make it
onto the right flight sometime.
583
00:35:29,457 --> 00:35:31,417
Wait for the next shuttle from Paris.
584
00:35:31,542 --> 00:35:33,336
It's probably on that plane.
585
00:35:59,487 --> 00:36:01,239
Mon bag!
586
00:36:01,322 --> 00:36:02,407
My bag.
587
00:36:16,587 --> 00:36:18,089
- Bonjour.
- Oh! Bonjour.
588
00:36:19,257 --> 00:36:22,093
Welcome to Belgium. All good?
589
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:25,596
I was starting to worry.
Where did you come from?
590
00:36:25,721 --> 00:36:26,722
Over there.
591
00:36:27,806 --> 00:36:29,016
You didn't go through customs?
592
00:36:29,183 --> 00:36:31,519
No, I just walked out of that
door and it brought me right here.
593
00:36:31,602 --> 00:36:35,689
You skipped customs?
Holy shit! It's genius.
594
00:36:35,814 --> 00:36:38,401
- Well, should I go back?
- Fuck, no. We're going to the hotel.
595
00:36:38,484 --> 00:36:40,694
I'm gonna eat you for dinner.
596
00:36:41,820 --> 00:36:44,782
Alex, I was so freaked out when the
bag didn't show up, I almost bailed.
597
00:36:44,949 --> 00:36:46,492
Well, it's good thing you didn't.
598
00:36:46,617 --> 00:36:47,910
There's over 50 grand in that bag.
599
00:36:47,993 --> 00:36:50,329
Kubra would have had you killed. Come on.
600
00:36:52,039 --> 00:36:53,958
Keep moving. You're blocking up the works.
601
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,386
Okay, go sit there.
She's a nice white lady.
602
00:37:07,179 --> 00:37:08,180
Thanks.
603
00:37:18,816 --> 00:37:19,984
Hi.
604
00:37:21,652 --> 00:37:22,820
It's okay if I sit here?
605
00:37:23,446 --> 00:37:24,655
Sure, newbie.
606
00:37:26,657 --> 00:37:27,741
I'm Jones.
607
00:37:28,409 --> 00:37:29,577
Chapman.
608
00:37:30,786 --> 00:37:32,246
You doing okay, Chapman?
609
00:37:32,997 --> 00:37:35,333
I don't really know how
to answer that question.
610
00:37:36,750 --> 00:37:39,086
Everything's pretty surreal right now.
611
00:37:42,256 --> 00:37:44,216
Do you know what a mandala is?
612
00:37:44,716 --> 00:37:45,759
Um...
613
00:37:45,843 --> 00:37:48,179
Those are those round Buddhist art things.
614
00:37:48,387 --> 00:37:52,183
The Tibetan monks make
them out of dyed sand
615
00:37:52,308 --> 00:37:55,811
laid out into big, beautiful designs.
616
00:37:56,187 --> 00:37:59,857
And when they're done,
after days or weeks of work,
617
00:37:59,982 --> 00:38:02,026
they wipe it all away.
618
00:38:03,528 --> 00:38:06,531
Wow. That's a lot.
619
00:38:06,947 --> 00:38:10,951
Try to look at your experience
here as a mandala, Chapman.
620
00:38:12,203 --> 00:38:17,208
Work hard to make something as
meaningful and beautiful as you can.
621
00:38:17,291 --> 00:38:21,003
And when you're done, pack it
in and know it was all temporary.
622
00:38:21,629 --> 00:38:25,966
You have to remember
that. It's all temporary.
623
00:38:27,385 --> 00:38:29,178
It's all temporary.
624
00:38:30,388 --> 00:38:35,767
I'm telling you. Surviving
here is all about perspective.
625
00:38:38,896 --> 00:38:40,064
Don't eat the pudding.
626
00:38:40,189 --> 00:38:42,191
What's the perspective on the pudding?
627
00:38:42,274 --> 00:38:44,443
It comes in big cans marked "Desert Storm."
628
00:38:45,361 --> 00:38:49,574
Sometimes the kitchen has to scrape the
mold off the top before they serve it.
629
00:38:50,115 --> 00:38:51,367
Hi, there.
630
00:38:52,034 --> 00:38:54,828
Hi, Sister. This is Chapman.
631
00:38:55,454 --> 00:38:56,622
Sister? As in nun?
632
00:38:56,830 --> 00:38:59,208
Yep. A killer nun.
633
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,044
Now, stop it. She doesn't
know you're joking.
634
00:39:02,127 --> 00:39:05,881
She chained herself to a
flagpole at a nuclear test site.
635
00:39:10,219 --> 00:39:11,596
Amen.
636
00:39:11,679 --> 00:39:15,224
So. Now, Chapman, what's your story?
637
00:39:15,974 --> 00:39:18,060
I chained myself to a drug dealer.
638
00:39:20,145 --> 00:39:23,608
Piper, you can't be taking
advice from a nun and a hippie.
639
00:39:23,815 --> 00:39:28,279
By all means, seek out the supreme
wisdom of the junkie philosopher.
640
00:39:28,779 --> 00:39:29,947
I pray for you, Nicky.
641
00:39:30,197 --> 00:39:33,242
Aw. I pray for you, too, Sister.
642
00:39:33,325 --> 00:39:36,828
I lust after you, Yoga
Jones, those sinewy arms.
643
00:39:38,163 --> 00:39:39,624
You gotta love a yoga body.
644
00:39:39,749 --> 00:39:42,293
You should come to class.
Watch me chaturanga.
645
00:39:42,501 --> 00:39:44,503
That whole common room smells like farts.
646
00:39:44,629 --> 00:39:46,130
It kind of takes away the magic for me.
647
00:39:46,547 --> 00:39:47,715
You like pussy, Piper?
648
00:39:48,173 --> 00:39:50,468
Or you prefer pipe as your name suggests?
649
00:39:50,551 --> 00:39:52,803
I'm feeling some Sapphic
vibes coming off you.
650
00:39:52,928 --> 00:39:54,346
Oh, leave her alone.
651
00:39:55,889 --> 00:39:56,974
Come on, Sister.
652
00:39:57,099 --> 00:39:59,143
You know you would've gone my
way if you hadn't married Jesus.
653
00:40:06,525 --> 00:40:07,610
Thank you, Mommy.
654
00:40:09,987 --> 00:40:11,029
Thanks, Red.
655
00:40:14,241 --> 00:40:15,326
Thanks, Red.
656
00:40:18,746 --> 00:40:19,871
She's your mom?
657
00:40:20,038 --> 00:40:21,415
Maternal figurehead.
658
00:40:21,499 --> 00:40:24,251
My actual mother lives in
Brazil with her boyfriend, Paolo,
659
00:40:24,335 --> 00:40:26,962
who destroys rainforests and
collects photorealistic art.
660
00:40:27,045 --> 00:40:29,006
She is a cunt. I am an embarrassment.
661
00:40:29,089 --> 00:40:31,717
Hey, Red. You got one of those for me?
662
00:40:32,384 --> 00:40:34,178
You got what I asked you for?
663
00:40:34,595 --> 00:40:36,263
Uh, I'm working on it.
664
00:40:37,014 --> 00:40:41,352
So am I. Treats come when I sleep better.
665
00:40:46,816 --> 00:40:49,318
How hard is it to get me
a board from the woodshop?
666
00:40:49,401 --> 00:40:50,944
People.
667
00:40:53,197 --> 00:40:54,323
Who's this?
668
00:40:54,699 --> 00:40:58,828
This is Chapman. She's new.
Self-surrender. Thinks she's fancy.
669
00:41:00,454 --> 00:41:04,208
Here, fancy. Have a yogurt.
670
00:41:07,961 --> 00:41:09,547
What do I have to do for it?
671
00:41:10,548 --> 00:41:14,385
You're new. You're one
of us. Consider it a gift.
672
00:41:15,177 --> 00:41:19,348
Thank you. Thank you so much.
673
00:41:23,060 --> 00:41:25,229
The food here is disgusting.
674
00:41:35,030 --> 00:41:36,114
What?
675
00:41:36,323 --> 00:41:38,325
Did I mention that Red runs the kitchen?
676
00:41:41,036 --> 00:41:44,498
Shit. I'm sorry.
677
00:41:49,545 --> 00:41:50,880
Honey.
678
00:41:51,881 --> 00:41:54,258
I know you just got here, so
you don't know what's what.
679
00:41:54,550 --> 00:41:56,134
Well, I'm gonna tell you.
680
00:41:56,260 --> 00:42:01,056
You don't like the food? It's no problem.
681
00:42:08,522 --> 00:42:12,568
Holy shit. That was an epic fuck-up.
682
00:42:15,362 --> 00:42:16,363
Can I help you?
683
00:42:16,530 --> 00:42:20,451
Um, I'm Chapman. I'm new today.
684
00:42:20,659 --> 00:42:24,079
They told me I should talk to
you. I don't have a PAC number.
685
00:42:24,246 --> 00:42:25,414
Who's they?
686
00:42:28,125 --> 00:42:32,504
Mr. Caputo, please let me call my fianc�.
687
00:42:32,630 --> 00:42:34,381
I have to let him know I'm okay.
688
00:42:35,925 --> 00:42:38,928
Two minutes. You got
two minutes, that's it.
689
00:42:39,010 --> 00:42:41,096
Close the door, I don't
want a run on my office.
690
00:42:41,221 --> 00:42:43,641
Inmate Gonzalez report to the supply room.
691
00:42:49,647 --> 00:42:51,356
Dial nine to get out.
692
00:43:01,533 --> 00:43:03,494
- Hello, Larry's phone.
- Amy?
693
00:43:03,619 --> 00:43:05,245
- Piper?
- Give me the phone.
694
00:43:05,329 --> 00:43:07,122
One second. Can I say hello?
695
00:43:07,247 --> 00:43:09,500
Amy, I only have two minutes to talk.
696
00:43:09,625 --> 00:43:12,336
Are you okay? What's it like in there?
697
00:43:12,419 --> 00:43:15,714
Howard and I brought
Chinese. Larry is so upset.
698
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:16,841
- Mom.
- Let him talk, Amy.
699
00:43:16,966 --> 00:43:17,967
Ma, give me the phone.
700
00:43:18,049 --> 00:43:19,593
Amy, please let me talk to Larry.
701
00:43:19,677 --> 00:43:22,638
You know, I read that when
Martha Stewart was in prison,
702
00:43:22,721 --> 00:43:24,139
she foraged for dandelions.
703
00:43:24,306 --> 00:43:25,724
Okay, Mom, please.
704
00:43:25,850 --> 00:43:28,602
- I was talking!
- Amy, it's not always about you, dear.
705
00:43:28,727 --> 00:43:30,521
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Piper?
706
00:43:30,604 --> 00:43:32,648
I only have a minute now. I'm
calling from the guard's office.
707
00:43:32,731 --> 00:43:34,483
Hey, are you okay? What's going on?
708
00:43:34,566 --> 00:43:35,860
I love you so much.
709
00:43:35,943 --> 00:43:37,820
I love you, too. Are you okay?
710
00:43:37,903 --> 00:43:40,531
I'm wearing granny panties and
I've only spoken to white people.
711
00:43:40,656 --> 00:43:42,908
You joining the Aryan Nation?
712
00:43:43,033 --> 00:43:44,869
I don't know. But there's a nun here.
713
00:43:45,035 --> 00:43:47,204
And you're not allowed to sleep
in your bed. Only on top of it.
714
00:43:47,287 --> 00:43:48,330
That's weird.
715
00:43:48,455 --> 00:43:49,498
I know, right?
716
00:43:49,581 --> 00:43:50,624
And when I got here, they gave me these
717
00:43:50,708 --> 00:43:53,002
little bars of hotel soap, but no shampoo.
718
00:43:53,377 --> 00:43:57,088
But I think that I can borrow
some from other white people.
719
00:43:58,215 --> 00:43:59,758
I love you so much.
720
00:44:01,343 --> 00:44:03,846
One of my roommates had a massive
heart attack when she got here.
721
00:44:03,971 --> 00:44:06,223
Okay, you are not allowed
to have a heart attack.
722
00:44:07,432 --> 00:44:08,600
What did you have for dinner?
723
00:44:09,476 --> 00:44:11,520
My folks brought from The Palace.
724
00:44:11,645 --> 00:44:13,939
Oh. The Palace.
725
00:44:14,940 --> 00:44:16,567
Dinner here was scary liver.
726
00:44:17,442 --> 00:44:19,611
And I insulted the chef,
727
00:44:19,737 --> 00:44:22,113
and you're not supposed to eat the pudding
728
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:23,615
because it's been to Desert Storm.
729
00:44:23,741 --> 00:44:26,577
Piper, listen to me. You
cannot lose your shit, okay?
730
00:44:26,660 --> 00:44:29,038
I mean it. Please, please tell
me you're keeping it together.
731
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,999
Please, please tell me you're okay.
732
00:44:32,165 --> 00:44:35,044
- Wrap it up, Chapman.
- I'm Chapman here.
733
00:44:35,252 --> 00:44:41,091
You're my Pipes, okay? And, uh, I
love you, and this is only temporary.
734
00:44:42,092 --> 00:44:45,095
That's what Yoga Jones said.
But it's just been one day.
735
00:44:45,178 --> 00:44:46,638
And I can't, I can't!
736
00:44:46,764 --> 00:44:48,933
Piper, you can. You so can, okay?
737
00:44:49,058 --> 00:44:51,936
You are so strong, babe. You...
738
00:44:52,019 --> 00:44:53,353
And you love adventure, right?
739
00:44:53,437 --> 00:44:55,731
That's what got you in there, and
that's what's gonna get you through.
740
00:44:55,814 --> 00:44:59,735
This is all just a big adventure
with liver and Yoga Jones,
741
00:44:59,818 --> 00:45:01,612
and racism.
742
00:45:01,779 --> 00:45:04,031
You can come on Friday.
Please come on Friday.
743
00:45:04,113 --> 00:45:05,365
Tell my mother to come on Saturday,
744
00:45:05,449 --> 00:45:07,242
and don't tell her that
you're coming on Friday, okay?
745
00:45:07,325 --> 00:45:09,118
Of course. Okay?
746
00:45:09,202 --> 00:45:11,162
Two sleeps. That's it.
747
00:45:11,288 --> 00:45:13,540
Two sleeps on top of your bed.
748
00:45:13,624 --> 00:45:14,959
And then, I will be there.
749
00:45:15,667 --> 00:45:18,295
Coming up on lights out. Say goodbye.
750
00:45:19,128 --> 00:45:20,129
I have to go.
751
00:45:20,255 --> 00:45:21,381
Hey, no crying.
752
00:45:21,465 --> 00:45:22,674
I'm not crying.
753
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,010
Piper, I love you. I
will see you on Friday.
754
00:45:25,134 --> 00:45:28,137
Please, be brave. Don't let
anyone into your granny panties.
755
00:45:28,263 --> 00:45:29,347
I love you.
756
00:45:29,473 --> 00:45:30,766
I love you.
757
00:45:35,562 --> 00:45:38,565
Your head's not here yet.
Don't worry, it'll catch up.
758
00:45:39,775 --> 00:45:42,569
In the meantime, try to get some sleep.
759
00:45:42,653 --> 00:45:45,739
Orientation is tomorrow at 9:00.
760
00:45:45,823 --> 00:45:47,574
Shampoo for you.
761
00:45:49,952 --> 00:45:52,161
I think the words you're
looking for are, "Thank you."
762
00:45:52,830 --> 00:45:54,163
Thank you.
763
00:45:54,999 --> 00:45:56,207
Good night, Chapman.
764
00:46:00,462 --> 00:46:02,171
Close the door behind you.
765
00:46:20,858 --> 00:46:23,443
Chapman. Hey, Chapman.
766
00:46:23,527 --> 00:46:24,528
- What?
- Rise and shine.
767
00:46:24,653 --> 00:46:25,779
What? What?
768
00:46:25,863 --> 00:46:28,615
You want time to shower
and eat, you gotta get up.
769
00:46:28,740 --> 00:46:30,742
Aw, look at your eyes.
770
00:46:30,868 --> 00:46:32,243
You should put some cold water on them.
771
00:46:32,369 --> 00:46:33,662
Okay. Thanks.
772
00:46:33,745 --> 00:46:35,372
Take a nice shower, get dressed,
773
00:46:35,497 --> 00:46:37,708
you'll start to feel normal soon enough.
774
00:46:38,291 --> 00:46:40,002
- You got
flip-flops? - No.
775
00:46:40,544 --> 00:46:43,964
Oh, honey. There's wicked
fungus in the showers.
776
00:47:01,899 --> 00:47:03,901
You're driving me crazy!
777
00:47:35,849 --> 00:47:38,060
Everyone gets a piece
of fruit at breakfast.
778
00:47:38,143 --> 00:47:41,354
I'm telling you, it'll all start
to feel normal, soon. Really.
779
00:47:41,939 --> 00:47:44,566
- You hungry?
- I'm starving. Excuse me.
780
00:47:44,733 --> 00:47:46,275
- Such pretty hair.
- Thank you.
781
00:47:46,484 --> 00:47:47,527
When those roots start to show,
782
00:47:47,611 --> 00:47:48,946
be sure to come and see me, okay?
783
00:47:49,029 --> 00:47:50,781
I'll take good care of you.
784
00:47:50,906 --> 00:47:53,742
But even if you don't come
to me, don't go to Danita.
785
00:47:53,825 --> 00:47:57,328
She'll burn the shit out of
your scalp. Go. Line's moving.
786
00:47:58,455 --> 00:47:59,748
Wait, Chapman? Are you Chapman?
787
00:47:59,873 --> 00:48:00,958
Yes.
788
00:48:04,878 --> 00:48:06,838
Red says she made that special for you.
789
00:48:06,964 --> 00:48:09,967
Wow. Thanks. Tell her I said thanks.
790
00:48:10,134 --> 00:48:12,052
I don't say nothing.
I'm just working. Next.
791
00:48:13,929 --> 00:48:14,972
Man, I'm telling you,
792
00:48:15,097 --> 00:48:17,975
before my teeth got knocked
out, I had this awesome gap.
793
00:48:18,058 --> 00:48:19,893
Now they look like Chiclets, look.
794
00:48:20,018 --> 00:48:21,937
You're crazy. Your fake
teeth are beautiful.
795
00:48:22,020 --> 00:48:23,730
Bet you never get the food stuck in them.
796
00:48:23,814 --> 00:48:25,523
So, you got the nice
fresh breath all the time.
797
00:48:25,649 --> 00:48:26,608
It's minty. It's beautiful.
798
00:48:26,691 --> 00:48:28,652
It's like God put them in you every day.
799
00:48:28,735 --> 00:48:30,154
A summer breeze coming over here.
800
00:48:30,319 --> 00:48:32,823
- Yeah? You like that?
- Always smell... Yeah. Yeah.
801
00:48:35,700 --> 00:48:36,952
What did you do?
802
00:48:37,035 --> 00:48:38,536
She insulted the food in front of Red.
803
00:48:38,703 --> 00:48:40,998
Oh, jeez. I don't think you're
gonna be eating for a while.
804
00:48:42,166 --> 00:48:46,086
Oh! Put it away. I'm enjoying
menopause very much, thank you.
805
00:48:47,171 --> 00:48:49,673
You gotta figure out how to
make things right with Red.
806
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,716
And yeah, yeah. You
gotta go down to laundry.
807
00:48:51,842 --> 00:48:54,343
Don't forget that. And check
the elastic on all the pants.
808
00:48:54,469 --> 00:48:56,221
Don't let them get you
stretched-out garbage.
809
00:48:56,345 --> 00:48:58,473
Orientation starts in 10 minutes.
810
00:48:58,556 --> 00:49:00,851
At least you had a nice
shower this morning, right?
811
00:49:00,934 --> 00:49:02,186
I think I saw you in there?
812
00:49:06,355 --> 00:49:10,027
I don't... I don't know. Excuse me.
813
00:49:10,110 --> 00:49:12,361
Hey! Hey, hey, don't forget,
you gotta bus your tray.
814
00:49:19,036 --> 00:49:20,912
Where's she going with that tray?
815
00:49:21,038 --> 00:49:22,080
Can't take them out of here.
816
00:49:22,247 --> 00:49:23,372
Yeah, she'll figure it out.
817
00:49:23,581 --> 00:49:25,209
Was she really in the shower this morning?
818
00:49:46,730 --> 00:49:48,732
Maybe this is a bad time to say hi, huh?
58753
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