All language subtitles for WKRP in Cincinnati S4E14 1080p H.264 Jennifer and Johnnys Charity (moviesbyrizzo TV upl)

On the wkrp teletype.

"Monster lizard
Ravages east coast."

Mayors in five
New england cities

Have issued emergency requests
For federal disaster relief

As a result of a giant lizard

That descended on the
East coast last night.

Officials say this lizard,

The worst since '78,

Has devastated transportation,

Disrupted communications, and
Left many hundreds homeless.

"Monster lizard"?

The wire service never lies.

Les, the "B" is out
On the printer.

It's "Monster blizzard."

Oh.

Are you gonna
Go back on the air?

Well, I don't know if I should
Explain this or just go on.

Just go on.

Turning to the local scene,

Last night, in
Downtown cincinnati,

A fire swept through
The vine street mission.

Fortuitously,

No one was injured in the blaze,

But damage to the mission
Kitchen was extensive.

Now, in an exclusive
Les nessman interview

Recorded on the scene,
Here is dr. Johnny fever,

Local radio personality,
Who is on the scene.

Johnny: this is
Dr. Johnny fever...

Yes, les, this is johnny fever,

And I'm here at the
Mission, and there's, uh,

Flaming activity all around me.

How's that, les?

I hang out here a lot,
Especially on wednesday nights.

It's chicken gumbo night.

Uh, and as les said,

It it fortuitous that
No one was injured,

But the kitchen
Is really a mess,

And with the loss
In federal funds,

The mission's gonna
Have to do without a lot,

Including chicken
Gumbo, unfortunately.

Unless, of course, somebody
Comes up with some money

Out there, which
Is not a bad idea.

Why don't you start the
Contributions rolling?

How much can we
Put you down for, les?

That was johnny fever.

Now stay tuned for johnny fever.

Man: this is the news
With les nessman.

♪♪- he's a rock
And roll monster.

Another unique
Nessman experience

For radio listeners everywhere.

Well, thank you, john.

Les nessman, my
Friend, my pal, my chum...

- no, I...
- come on, les. Hear me out.

You're always
Asking me for money.

No, I'm always
Asking you for a loan.

This is a contribution.
There's a lot of difference.

- well, I don't think so.
- les, look,

I know that you
Handle your money

A lot better than
Anybody else around here.

- yeah.
- yeah.

You probably wade through
Wads of it in your apartment, huh?

You're making jokes?

Les, it's a worthwhile cause,
And these are good people.

Just once, loosen the money
Belt, let that cash flow, huh?

- is it tax-deductible?
- I don't know. Sure.

- well, if you're sure.
- I'm positive.

- here, john.
- ten bucks.

Well, listen, les, I realize

This is a big chunk for you.

Sincerely, I really want to thank you,
And a lot of other people do too, man.

We can get this thing...

Don't ever do that again.

Give me 20 bucks,

I'll never talk to you again.

♪ baby, if you've
Ever wondered ♪

♪ wondered whatever
Became of me ♪

♪ I'm livin' on the
Air in cincinnati ♪

♪ cincinnati, wkrp ♪

♪ got kind of tired of
Packin' and unpackin' ♪

♪ town to town, up
And down the dial ♪

♪ maybe you and me
Were never meant to be ♪

♪ just maybe think
Of me once in a while ♪

♪ I'm at wkrp in cincinnati ♪

Hi, jennifer.

Oh, hi, les. I heard your
Newscast this morning.

- about the...
- lizards.

Yeah. A little boo-boo.

But a very speedy recovery.

- oh, jennifer.
- oh, cheer up, les.

This came for you. It's from
The plowing patriots of omaha.

I think it's that little award
You've been waiting for.

Oh, boy!

It's the copper cob award!

Ooh!

It's nice.

I've got to go
Show this to bailey.

- oh, dear.
- johnny, look what I got.

Nice. Jennifer...

Is this about the building fun
For the vine street mission?

- yeah, it is.
- of course I'll contribute.

Well, I was thinking about
Talking to carlson about it.

Oh, he's in conference
With andy right now.

Well, what approach
Would you recommend?

Get it in writing, and don't
Take "No" for an answer.

Okay. Um, you got a steno pad?

- johnny...
- I'm sorry.

- I have a message pad.
- fine.

And while you're working on him,

I'll see if I can't come up with
A few donations on my own.

Would you?

Of course. My pleasure.
How much do you need?

Well, they said
About 40,000 to rebuild,

But anything's appreciated.

Duck soup.

Andy: all right, here
Comes the pitch.

You retired the side. Boy, you're
Good at this. How do you do it?

- excuse me, a.C.
- not now, fever.

It's really tough at
The top, huh, boys?

Look, we're just taking a
Few minutes off to relax.

Is that all right? Okay,
You're up to bat. I'm pitching.

Could I ask a question here?

Make it quick, will you?

I thought it'd be a good
Idea for the station

To start a fund to
Rebuild the mission.

They had a fire
There last night.

- sure. Put me down for $10.
- could I put you down for 20?

- you put me down
For what I tell you.
- yes, sir.

Okay. Let's see what
You do with this pitch.

- oh, yes.
- over the center field
Fence again!

Are you still here, fever?

I just wanted to ask...

What do you think you
Paid for this little game?

About $160.

$160. Uh-huh.

I guess, travis, anything
Mr. Carlson can do,

- you can probably top, huh?
- you bet your boots.

Thank you very much, fans of
Chicken gumbo. Thank you both.

Just close the
Door, will you, fever?

Oh, no. That's fantastic.

Canned food would be a big help.

Yes, thank you
Very much. Bye-bye.

- good morning.
- good morning.

Did you hear anything
About a giant lizard

On the east coast?

Oh, yes, herb.

He is alive and well,
And he's coming this way.

You're kidding, aren't you?

Maybe. Maybe not.

But I would lock my car door
On the way home tonight, herbie.

Yeah.

- uh, herb...
- hmm?

Johnny is trying to raise
Funds for the underprivileged

At the vine street mission.

How much can I put you down for?

"Underprivileged"?

Yes.

As in, poor?

That's right.

Pass-a-roni.

Why?

Because I don't
Believe in the poor.

I believe everyone

Should pull themselves up by
Their own bootstraps, like venus did.

In your ear, herb.

These people don't
Even have boots,

Much less bootstraps.

They need your help.
It's called char-I-ty.

That's "Charity." read her lips.

I don't believe in charity,
Period, end of report.

I know I'm gonna regret asking
This, but why is that, herb?

Well, because

People only give to charity
To make themselves look good.

I might have known.

They want to impress
People. Me, I'm just a...

I'm a little bit different.

I mean, I want people
To like me for me.

So, um,

Don't talk to h.R.T.
Jr. About charity,

'cause I'm just a little
Too real for that.

You don't give to charity?

Never.

You swear you
Don't give to charity?

I swear... I never
Give to charity.

Do you...

Swear that you
Never give to charity

In front of the internal
Revenue auditor?

Well... You are the
Lowest form of life

That I have ever encountered!

All right, all right, all right.
Put me down for 20 bucks.

Twenty. Thank you.

- you play dirty, bailey.
- I know.

- uh, venus? Venus?
- venus?

- venus?
- venus?

- venus...
- it's okay, bailey.

Don't pressure him.

I know. I'm all
For it. I'll give.

Great. How much should
I put you down for?

Double whatever
It is you're giving.

I was hoping it'd be a
Little more than that.

Yeah, that's right.
That is too cheap.

Put me down for three
Times what it is you're giving.

See, venus, this is kind of
A personal thing with me.

I understand these people.

They're lightly warped,
But they're trying.

- "Lightly warped"?
- by life. But they
Deserve our support.

Aha. Tell you what. I'll
Give you a week's salary

If you get that
Poster out of here.

Well...

You know I love you,
Grace, and I like your music,

But charity comes first.

Johnny?

Guess which deejay managed
To raise almost $500 this morning?

- are his initials
"Johnny fever"?
- that's right.

- congratulations, johnny.
- yeah.

Venus is helping raise
Funds. How's it going?

I'm finished.

You quit?

$40,000 was all you
Needed, wasn't it?

You've already raised $40,000?

In a manner of speaking.

I'm having several of my friends

Over to my apartment
This evening.

I tell them about your charity,
They take out their checkbooks.

It's just a matter of a few hors
D'oeuvres and a little chitchat.

- it's not even 10:00.
- oh.

I could've been faster, but with
Onassis and rockefeller gone,

You have to scramble
A little bit more.

Jennifer, what would you
Say if ronald reagan called

And asked you to be
Secretary of the treasury?

I said no.

Charity is much more fun.

One only has to work
When one wants to.

Jennifer, you really ought
To come down to the mission

And get to know
Some of these folks.

I'd love to sometime.

There's this one guy, charlie,

He can pull his lower
Lip up over his nose.

Now, that's entertainment.

You know what? I'm just so
Much better at raising money.

I would like the two of you to
Come to my apartment tonight.

Bring the whole gang.
Starts around 7:00.

Plenty of food and drink.

- you want us there?
- of course.

With all your wealthy friends?

Johnny, what is the point
Of having a party like this

If they people who are going to
Contribute don't meet the people involved?

Just be there.

Wow.

It's too bad you've got to work.

Yeah, that's right.
That's a shame.

That's a party that cries
Out for a minority member.

Bailey, would you watch the time

- and take these stuffed
Mushrooms out in eight minutes?
- right.

Do we serve these before or
After we hit them for the money?

Cheese puffs, cocktails,

Money, stuffed mushrooms.

- ah.
- then,

Double cognac, money, triple
Cognac, money, money, money.

Beautiful.

- just think of this as a very
Expensive tupperware party.
- right.

Jennifer, bailey
Has something to do.

Why am I useless?

Well, because...

Just kidding.

Les, the most
Important job at a party

Is to make sure that everyone's
Glasses are always full.

- can I count on you?
- of course.

Now, wait-wait a minute.

You are the mittenhoffs?

- as in the mittenhoff library?
- yes, that's right.

And the mittenhoff wing
Of the memorial hospital?

- that's correct.
- well, say, you people
Are all right.

I had my hernia
Repaired in your wing.

Nice, clean, modern...

- I just love that place.
- well, thank you very much.

Mr. Carlson, please have
One of my cheese puffs.

They're a northern
Italian recipe I got in venice.

Venice is so lovely.

The water smells, I felt.

The water stinks here
Too. Check it out sometime.

Jennifer, I'm so glad you
Moved back to this apartment.

They re-zoned my
Neighborhood to commercial.

She made a bundle on it.

- herb?
- hmm?

Take this cheese
Puff and eat it.

Mr. And mrs. Mittenhoff just
Returned from washington.

How are things in our capital?

Oh, the gipper is
Doing one hell of a job.

He's cutting
Everything to the bone.

We're going to have
A balanced budget

If it kills us all.

Hey, mittenhoff.

My wife and I went to washington

About three years ago.

The lincoln memorial
Is pretty good.

There's a great, big
Guy sitting in a chair.

Why don't we all sit down
And get comfortable?

- thank you, jennifer.
- okay.

Now, as you may have
Read in the papers,

The vine street mission was
Damaged in a fire last night.

Apparently, something just
Got out of hand in the kitchen.

- oh, dear.
- and there is no money
To rebuild it.

The funds have run out.

Jennifer, I think
The time has come

When the private sector
Should take care of their own.

How much do we need?

Dr. Fever... He's an announcer at our
Station... Perhaps you've heard of him.

- not really.
- sorry.

Dr. Johnny fever? He's
Really quite popular.

No, I don't think so.

Anyway, he's a
Friend of the mission,

And he says that the damages
Amount to about $40,000.

Now, the ball has
Already started rolling.

Mr. Carlson and mr. Travis
Have already made

Very substantial donations.

- hear, hear.
- congratulations.

Jennifer, I wonder if we
Aren't thinking too small here,

Putting $40,000
Into an old building.

Why don't we put up
A brand new building?

Oh, judge, that is exciting.
What do you have in mind?

Well, it just so happens

I have a parcel of
Land I have no use for

In the price hill area.

That's wonderful. Thank you.

That's an excellent idea, sid,

But what's a plot of
Land without a building?

Now, I will contribute $50,000

To the construction
Of that new building.

Holy moley!

Oh, bill, I love it when
You do things like that.

You just come right out with it.

And I'm pretty sure

I can lay my hands
On 50,000 more.

Oh, sid, I just knew you would.

- these guys are murder!
- herb,

- andy would like to
See you in the kitchen.
- oh, yeah?

Uh, yeah, herb. Why don't we make
The mittenhoffs a couple of zombies?

Okay, fine. You're
Gonna love these.

They'll knock you on
Your butts. Come on.

I-I think I'll just slip
In there with them.

Travis, we need to talk.

Well, I certainly invited

The right people
Here this evening.

Thank you so very much.
And I know what the people

From the mission would
Say if they were here.

Well, that must be dr. Fever.

- that's the very famous one.
- oh, yes, of course.

The gang's all here.

Hello.

This is sheila morgan.
She's vine street's

Corresponding
Secretary and historian.

And this is this year's
President, charlie jones.

And of course, percy romanov,
Our acting vice president,

Treasurer, and what else is it?

- sergeant-at-arms.
- right.

I hope we're not
Late. I had a hard time

Convincing them you
Really wanted them to come.

Well, what a wonderful surprise.

See? I told you.

I just thought it'd help things
Along if I brought all of 'em.

Well, it'll make
Things interesting.

I'd like to introduce
Our new guests

To the mittenhoffs
And the randalls.

Hi. Thanks for coming.
We all appreciate it.

- sheila, this is bailey.
- oh, hello, sheila.

It's nice to meet you.

Uh, I think I'll go
Help with the zombies.

Me too.

Well, why don't we all

Come right in here
To the living room

And be, well, chummy.

Uh, charlie, why don't you
Tell them about the kitchen.

Well, sir, the damn
Thing just blew up.

I was there. It scared
Me so bad, I just about...

Uh, percy, why don't...

- you were there too.
- uh-huh.

It was a big...
It was a big, uh...

It's was, uh...
Like... It was like...

Uh, it reminded me of, uh...

I was just somethin'.

Yeah. Well, why don't
We tell the folks

What the mission means to us...

Before the explosion.

Sheila, you tell them.

Well, see, we don't
Like the name "Mission."

That's why, among us, anyway,

We call it the david niven

Golf and steam club.

Oh, isn't that cute?

We've written several
Letters to mr. Niven,

- but we don't know
Where to send 'em.
- thank you, sheila.

We saw david niven in florence.

Florence, south carolina.

I got arrested there
Once for stealing, uh...

What the hell was that thing?

I remember I wanted it.

You know, it is so nice

To have all these wonderful
And diverse people together.

We have the lovely people

Who are making contributions
To the building fund

And the people who will be
Enjoying the building when it's funded.

Oh, goodness, we
Should do this more often.

- what building?
- we're thinking of giving you
People a new building.

We don't need a building,
We need a kitchen.

This building is in price hill.

"Price hill"? That's a suburb.

Price hill. Price...

Oh, yeah. I stole a... A...

What the hell did
I steal up there?

You steal things?

Well, uh, I think I do.

But I don't seem to
Remember, and, uh...

And I don't have any
Of the stuff at home.

I think perhaps, jennifer,
We should be on our way.

I think we should go too, dear.

I'm sorry you have
To leave so soon,

But you will be
Helping us, won't you?

Oh, yes, jennifer. We
Said we would, and we will.

We don't need the building,
We need the kitchen.

We'll see. We'll talk about it.

It can't be up in price hill,

'cause there ain't
No bums up there.

I think this is rather
Presumptuous.

It is our money,

And you keep telling us that you
Don't like this and you don't like that.

Yeah, yeah, but you can't go

Moving the mission
Around that much,

'cause there's drunks
Out there trying to find it.

And it's got to be exactly
Where they think it is.

I mean, you can't
Move it a foot.

Jennifer, we've enjoyed it.

Oh, so have I, judge.
Thank you all for coming.

- good night, dear.
- wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I just don't get it here.

You're the people who said you
Were gonna give the money, right?

I mean, the deal is down.

And now you see the
Bums who are gonna get it,

So you want to get out of it,
Is that what's happening here?

I'd rather not have a scene.

I just want to know what
Kind of people they are, anyway.

- they're my friends.
- well, they're my friends,

And this is just
Checkbook charity.

- what?
- yeah. It's, uh,
"Here's my money,

Give me my tax break,
But let me out of here."

Well, at least they're
Willing to give it.

And they don't have to.
What about your friends?

I haven't even heard
A thank-you yet.

Well, hell, we got all
Dressed up to come up here.

Please, jennifer,
It's all right. Really.

- no, it's not.
- I get it, jennifer.

The poor are supposed to
Say, "Thank you, rich people.

Where would we be without you?"

- is that it.
- it's okay, johnny.

- no, it's not okay, sheila.
- I hate fighting.

- so do I.
- but this is
So condescending.

And so ungrateful.

You think my friends are
Just a bunch of bums? Is that it?

When's the last time
You had a drink? Charlie?

- five years ago.
- percy?

- four and a half.
- sheila?

About an hour ago.

Overall, it's a
Pretty good record.

All right. Judge, did
You or did you not

Give all of that money
To the day-care center?

That was an anonymous donation.

- patsy?
- he did.

I'm sorry, but I'm
Very proud of you.

And the mittenhoffs donated a
Library. They didn't have to do that.

Is that you?

The mittenhoff library?

Yes. Did you ever check
A book out from there?

No, sir. I already have a book.

Excuse me, but, uh,

I was an exotic
Dancer at one time,

So I know a little bit

About how life works.

I think you rich
People give money

Mainly because it makes
You feel good, right?

It's a kick. And we know it.

See, that's why we don't
Jump right in and say,

"Oh, thank you, thank you."

But on the other hand,

We'll take the money,
'cause we need it.

So, see, in a way, everybody's
Getting what they need.

But don't expect
Us... Recipients

To go all the way
Down to the buff,

If you know what I mean.

Were you really
An exotic dancer?

Yeah.

Well, I have this fantasy...

I have this thing about...

Maybe you should all get
Together and talk about everything.

- you know...
- I remember once...

When we were in...
When we were in hawaii,

He bought me this outfit.

Listen, jennifer,
I'm sorry I got mad.

I'm sorry I got mad too.

Does that mean you might be
Willing to commit a charitable act?

No. And I don't give
At the office either.

Jennifer, I'm sorry,

But I forgot the stuffed
Mushrooms and they kind of got

Caught on fire, and herb
Kind of poured a zombie on it.

Oh! To make a long story short,

I just think this
Is a very bad week

For kitchens in cincinnati.

Excuse me.