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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,705 Mr. Carlson; oh, hiya, herb. 2 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,908 Hi. You, uh, wanted to see me? 3 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,937 - yes, we did. - is this a meeting? 4 00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:14,413 Yes. 5 00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:17,182 - uh, an important one? - yeah. 6 00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,851 Am I in any trouble? 7 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:24,489 - no. - well, What's this meeting about? 8 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,537 This meeting is about a very Good idea that you had, herb. 9 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:28,938 - that I had? - that's right. 10 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,396 Well, hell, let's Get on with it. 11 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,865 I'm not a guy who likes To waste a lot of time. 12 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,912 Well, herbert, andy Here tells me that these 13 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,770 "Dear abby" talk-type shows Are really popular now. 14 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,039 Yeah, yeah. The advice show. 15 00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:44,187 Oh, yes, indeed, big guy. These Things are sweeping the country. 16 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,744 Not 20 minutes Ago, I was talking to 17 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,615 Crazy chuck kaminski over At big 3-k radio in st. Louis. 18 00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:53,551 He told me that they Put on one of these 19 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,188 "Dear abby" sort of Things about a month ago. 20 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:59,757 They got 75 calls the first day, 21 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,693 200 in about a week, 22 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,362 Then they won their 2:00-3:00 p.M. Time slot. 23 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:05,942 I mean won it outright 24 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,777 Just like that for the First time in 20 years. 25 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,446 - they didn't. - they did. 26 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,681 They did. That's a miserable Time slot for us too. 27 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,539 I think we can take that hour Easily with a show like this. 28 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,319 I like it, and I want to do it. 29 00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:19,444 Hold on just a second, Now. Wait a minute. 30 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,825 Something like that's got to Be cleared through me first. 31 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,569 But, big guy, this is... 32 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,153 Okay, it's cleared. 33 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,745 Good. Now, here's What I want to do. If we... 34 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,691 - come in. - mr. Carlson, 35 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,861 Why not a full one hour of news? 36 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,096 - not now, les. - yes, sir. 37 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:40,098 Now, here's what I want to do. 38 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:43,235 I want to find someone like A dear abby and ann landers. 39 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:46,037 This person does not have to Be a psychiatrist or anything. 40 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,274 Just someone with good, Old common sense, all right? 41 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,554 - my thinking exactly. - who have you got in mind? 42 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,656 - I don't know yet, But I'm gonna find someone. - uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! 43 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,448 excusez-moi, travinski. 44 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,984 Look, that was my Idea. I should find him. 45 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,820 Oh, no, herb. Don't you Want this idea to work? 46 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,357 What is that supposed to mean? 47 00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,292 Well, uh... 48 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,427 I think what andy's Trying to say, herb, 49 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:12,308 Is that if you get your Incompetent hands on this project, 50 00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,266 You'll totally Destroy what would 51 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,435 Otherwise be a darn good idea. 52 00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:19,704 Oh. 53 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,541 Is that true? 54 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,176 Nah. 55 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,644 Good. 56 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,714 Then I'll find the perfect host. 57 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,293 You're gonna love him. 58 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:33,384 And I'll have this show on The air by the end of the week. 59 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,887 Herbert r. Tarlek Jr. Has spoken. 60 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:44,529 ♪ baby, if you've Ever wondered ♪ 61 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:48,600 ♪ wondered whatever Became of me ♪ 62 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:53,137 ♪ I'm livin' on the Air in cincinnati ♪ 63 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:57,709 ♪ cincinnati, wkrp ♪ 64 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:01,813 ♪ got kind of tired of Packin' and unpackin' ♪ 65 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:06,118 ♪ town to town, up And down the dial ♪ 66 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:10,222 ♪ maybe you and me Were never meant to be ♪ 67 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:14,059 ♪ just maybe think Of me once in a while ♪ 68 00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:20,098 ♪ I'm at wkrp in cincinnati ♪ 69 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,937 And, uh, let's see. 70 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,706 I did a little Family counseling. 71 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:31,810 And, uh, I was employed By the city for a while. 72 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,178 Now, that was real interesting. 73 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:37,382 What got you interested In doing a show like this? 74 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,618 Herb did. We're cousins. 75 00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,589 First or second cousins, herb? 76 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,292 Okay, fine. 77 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,595 And I used to be a dancer, 78 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,930 So I've always been Interested in show business. 79 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,966 And herb says I got 80 00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:58,070 I got a real good Way with people. 81 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:03,074 Well... Y-you do. 82 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:06,311 The guy has all the Credentials. Look at this letter. 83 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,146 I haven't met the man, 84 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,335 But I've got a hunch You're gonna love him. 85 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,551 - mr. Van housen? - well, good morning, gentlemen. 86 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,553 I'm victor van housen. 87 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:21,660 Don't you see? I Should do the show. 88 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,299 Huh? Huh? 89 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,134 Huh? 90 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:35,674 Well, I worked very Briefly in radio before, 91 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,654 And I had an advice Column for a time, 92 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,188 But I gave it up To write my book, 93 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,890 you be you, and I'll be me. 94 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,048 Oh, you wrote a book? 95 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,683 Yes. And it did quite well too. 96 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,353 Gee, that's good. 97 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,188 Well, I must admit, you're Extremely well qualified, 98 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,802 - and you have A very lovely voice. - thank you. 99 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,226 I say... Yes. 100 00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:56,594 Me too. 101 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,463 Well, let's get going. 102 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,577 I'm not the kind of guy who likes To waste time. Come on, come on. 103 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,801 Well, I'm gonna slip on home, 104 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:06,304 Slide into bed, and Sleep the day off. 105 00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,340 Want to come? 106 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,311 If you change your Mind, give me a call. 107 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,680 Aren't you gonna stick Around for "Ask arlene"? 108 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,626 I think I'm just gonna Check her out on the air 109 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,551 And see what I think, you know? 110 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:21,531 Sounds like you've Already made up your mind. 111 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,566 I'll tell you something, Jennifer: I am against 112 00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,957 Anything that puts A deejay out of work, 113 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,560 And this woman is taking Dean the dream's slot. 114 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,562 Dean was leaving anyway. 115 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,598 And to what? That is my point. 116 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,833 What is dean leaving to? 117 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,703 He's going to law school. 118 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,371 Oh. 119 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,842 That could come in handy. I Might need a lawyer someday. 120 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:45,509 Bye. 121 00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,946 - excuse me. Where is she? - who? 122 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,093 Arlene. She in there with The big guy? What time is it? 123 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,416 No. 2:30. 124 00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,524 Why don't you ever knock? Why? 125 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,370 I'm sorry, big guy, But I can't find arlene, 126 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,239 And she's on the Air in a half hour. 127 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,175 Don't panic. I'll get A hold of travis. 128 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,877 This is her first show. I thought I'd Pick her up and get her here in time. 129 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:12,036 Just calm down. Travis? Get in my office immediately. 130 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,105 Ooh. This is mr. Carlson. 131 00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:18,543 Don't suppose she Drove herself, do you? 132 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,357 I told her, "I'll pick you up at 2:00 on the dot." she said, "Yeah." 133 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,859 - oh, gee. - what's that? 134 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:26,250 - huh? What? Oh, that-that's nothing. - okay. 135 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,387 A man in my position, herb, Doesn't play with trains. 136 00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,122 Yes, sir. 137 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:34,292 I'm not a child, I'm a hobbyist. 138 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,163 Yes, sir. 139 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,709 Come in. 140 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,232 Arlene is here. 141 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,268 - about time. - show her in. 142 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:46,737 Mr. Carlson, herb, I'm terribly sorry. 143 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,507 no problemo, arlene. Just a minor little mix-up. 144 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,210 I'm just very glad you're Here. Please sit down. 145 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,312 Thank you. Oh, is That an electric train? 146 00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,215 - yes. - no. 147 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,718 I mean, he's not A child, he's a... 148 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,086 - what are you? - I'm a hobbyist. 149 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,789 What? What? What is it? 150 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:09,027 Uh... Well... Uh, arlene's here. 151 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,262 What? 152 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,498 Well, I just thought You'd like to know. 153 00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,667 Oh. Well, arlene, Ready to go on? 154 00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:18,970 Oh, yes. I've been Preparing all morning. 155 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,772 Good. Everything's In the "Go" mode. 156 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,819 Advertisements in This morning's paper, 157 00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:25,610 Air promos, intro tapes... 158 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,657 And it wasn't easy to Concentrate either. 159 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,160 - I got a call This morning from eddie. - who? 160 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,885 Eddie. He and I were Separated this past christmas. 161 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,420 Oh, I'm sorry. 162 00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,922 Oh, it's all right Now. It's old business. 163 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,892 But still, it does Hurt sometimes. 164 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,794 You see, I thought this Was gonna be the marriage 165 00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,796 That finally worked. 166 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,977 - could I have A glass of water? - surely. 167 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:51,102 So, uh, you were Married before, then, huh? 168 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,005 Oh, yes. Four times. 169 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,085 But I really don't Count the first one. 170 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,609 We were only Married for two days. 171 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,711 - here you go. - thank you. 172 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,714 I hardly knew him. I only did it 173 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:05,283 To get revenge on Barry, who had lied to me. 174 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,686 Just an aspirin. 175 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,223 We never had sex. 176 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,663 I... Beg your pardon? 177 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,632 In my first marriage. 178 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,034 Oh, well, good. 179 00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:26,971 Oh, I am still very Careful about that. 180 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,886 I mean, you can hardly have a Relationship with a man today 181 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,410 That sex doesn't get in the way. 182 00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:34,712 You know what I Mean, mr. Carlson? 183 00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,582 Oh, yeah. 184 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,051 Uh, arlene, why don't you 185 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,320 Just relax, and in a second, We'll go into the booth. 186 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,390 Thank you. 187 00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:48,426 You know, eddie had severe Problems with my success. 188 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,295 He had all the usual male, uh... 189 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:54,098 Uh... What do you call it? 190 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,366 Attitudes? 191 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,935 The usual male Attitudes to a marriage. 192 00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,772 Eddie would be in charge. Eddie would dominate. 193 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,774 Eddie would make the decisions. 194 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,843 Even when he started doing The dishes and making the bed, 195 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,413 I knew where he was Really coming from. 196 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,115 I mean, I knew Where he was at, man. 197 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,952 Oh, my goodness. 198 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:19,490 Maybe ed was attempting To communicate. 199 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,203 Oh, don't give me that bull! 200 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,028 Sorry. 201 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,731 "Communicate"? Give me a break! 202 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,667 Mr. Carlson, what, uh... 203 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,303 What time you got there, sir? 204 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,739 It's just about airtime. 205 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,375 Oh, good. I hope Eddie's listening, 206 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,356 'cause I think he's gonna know When I'm really talking about him. 207 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,913 Arlene, I wouldn't Get too personal, now. 208 00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:44,915 I'll be you, you be me. 209 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,662 - what? - it's your book. 210 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,753 Oh, that piece of trash. 211 00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,225 Are you coming? 212 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,294 Are you kidding? 213 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,365 And blow the whole Country, oil fields and all, 214 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,434 Right off the map. 215 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:08,106 But, of course, that's just A personal observation. 216 00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,134 This is les nessman Saying good day, 217 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:13,611 And may the good news be yours. 218 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,613 Arlene, you look A little sleepy. 219 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,659 She just took an aspirin. Come on, les, get up. 220 00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,763 - arlene, you sit Right down here. - what kind of an aspirin? 221 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,054 I don't know. A big Pink and blue thing. 222 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,656 Arlene, are you all right? 223 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,359 - of course I am. - of course she is. 224 00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:31,462 - how many did she take. - I only saw her take one. 225 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,365 Who's that? 226 00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:36,300 I'm les nessman. 227 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,003 I read your book. Didn't help me any. 228 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:45,109 All right, arlene, now, here are The phones. You remember the phones? 229 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,646 - of course I am. - good. 230 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:51,883 All right. Here we go. 231 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:54,152 ♪♪ man: void where prohibited. 232 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,553 Jingle singers: ♪ wkrp ♪ 233 00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,790 ♪ cincinnati ♪ 234 00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:02,626 Man: and now, it's Time for "Ask arlene," 235 00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:05,096 a bold new venture in Cincinnati radio listening 236 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,666 where you, the listener, Call in to ask arlene 237 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,735 poignant personal questions And receive in return 238 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,071 poignant personal expert advice 239 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:19,110 from an expert... Expert. Expert. Expert. 240 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:23,915 and now, - here's arlene! 241 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,059 Good afternoon, everyone. 242 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,428 This is arlene. 243 00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,396 Welcome to my show, 244 00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,866 And feel free to Ask me anything. 245 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,970 Our number here is 555-wkrp, 246 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,105 And I'd like to see Those phones light up 247 00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,241 As soon as possible. 248 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,682 Jennifer, it was great. 249 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,784 You were absolutely wonderful! 250 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,120 Oh, thank you. Andy, could I have a cup of coffee? 251 00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:06,290 - you bet. - I have never talked So much in my whole life. 252 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,859 Oh, that advice you Gave, it was perfect! 253 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:11,195 - just common sense. - how do you know all that? 254 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,399 I don't know. I read... psychology today, field & stream. 255 00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,569 - here you go, star. - thank you. 256 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,706 Hey, hey, hey. I heard the Last 30 minutes of your show. 257 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,074 It was great. You were Wonderful! Wonderful! 258 00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:26,411 - I'm so excited. - how's arlene? 259 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,047 Oh, she's okay, fine. I took Her to emergency ward, 260 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,316 And it was nothing But a case of nerves 261 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,484 And about three valium. 262 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,264 Eddie came and picked her up. 263 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,288 Will she be able to Be back tomorrow? 264 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:42,693 - well, I really don't know. - you'd better find out. 265 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,997 What for? We've got you. 266 00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:48,065 Now, wait a minute. 267 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,745 - jennifer? - yes, sir? 268 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,737 There's a pushy salesman In the lobby to see me. 269 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:56,640 I was wondering if you Could, uh, make him go away. 270 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,443 - yes, sir. - hold it. Wait. 271 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,846 Sir, didn't you listen To "Ask arlene"? 272 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,948 - no. - jennifer did the show. 273 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,718 - she was great! - I did okay. 274 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,931 I'll handle the salesman. What's he look like? 275 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,089 You. 276 00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:12,657 Good. 277 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:16,193 Dracula meets frankenstein. 278 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:18,429 Venus, did you Listen to the show? 279 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:22,266 Did I hear? I'd recognize that sexy Voice anywhere. You were great, jennifer. 280 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,414 I listened to you for just 10 Minutes, and already I've decided to 281 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,371 Go back to school, Lose 50 pounds, 282 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,041 And get a sex-change operation. 283 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,249 Just how personal did These questions get? 284 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,052 - oh, very personal, Mr. Carlson. - oh, no. 285 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,054 Oh, don't worry, mr. Carlson. 286 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:46,824 - I assure you I'll be Back at my desk tomorrow. - jennifer... 287 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,104 - I'm not going to do it. - why not? 288 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,694 Because it goes against My basic philosophy 289 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,063 Of "Do your job, but Don't do too much of it." 290 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,199 Look, it would be Much more exciting 291 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,301 Than being stuck In the lobby all day. 292 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,704 I like it out there. We Hardly get any calls. 293 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,706 Mr. Carlson won't Accept visitors. 294 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,275 It's quiet. I can read, Study a foreign language, 295 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,322 Occasionally answer A question or two. 296 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,779 See, that's it. 297 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,927 Everybody always Comes to you for advice. 298 00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:13,250 So I say, share your wisdom With the rest of the world. 299 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:16,387 - oh, come on. - jennifer, do I ever Ask you for anything? 300 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,822 No, I don't. 301 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,491 Look, I just need you To do this for a while, 302 00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,560 Till herb can find Somebody else. 303 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,574 That shouldn't take too long, should It, for herb to find somebody else? 304 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,066 Oh, no. Just a matter of days... 305 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,234 - weeks. - days. 306 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,370 So come on. What do you say? 307 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,239 - just this once? - I say no. 308 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,986 Yes, you're on the air. 309 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,710 Man: arlene, what's The meaning of life? 310 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:42,747 - the cereal or the magazine? - huh? 311 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,015 We could take out iraq too, 312 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:48,986 Then later apologize and say It was a typographical error. 313 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,622 But, of course, that's just A personal observation. 314 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,651 This is les nessman Saying good day, 315 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,626 And may the good news be yours. 316 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,462 And now stay tuned For "Ask arlene." 317 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,864 Man: what to do about foot odor? 318 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,833 How's the mad bomber today? 319 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,546 Good, thank you. Hi, jennifer. 320 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,837 Hi, les. Oh, thank you. 321 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,940 Ooh. 322 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:15,279 Jennifer, I was wondering if I could Ask your advice about something. 323 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,549 - all righty. - why don't you call her Like everybody else does? 324 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,185 - this is personal. - what is it, les? 325 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,321 - johnny? - yeah? 326 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,356 Cover your ears. 327 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,561 It has to do with One coming to grips 328 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,598 With one's own nudity. 329 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:37,001 Les, perhaps we could Discuss this at a later date. 330 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,947 - you promise? - arlene promises. 331 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,838 Thank you. Thank you, john. 332 00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:43,174 Sure, les. And good Luck with that problem. 333 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,646 Ah, I tell you, I feel so much Closer to you now, jennifer. 334 00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:52,116 I mean, now that we're Colleagues, we're both 335 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:55,986 Broadcast personalities, Announcers. 336 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,522 - we ought to tour together. - what would we tour? 337 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,425 Army bases. Little Overnight stays. 338 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,527 Wait a minute. Something is wrong. 339 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,796 - what? - something is missing here. 340 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,698 - what? - sorry, arlene. 341 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,234 Running a little late today. 342 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,381 Jennifer: hello, this Is arlene. You're on. 343 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:15,873 Woman: arlene, I've got a problem, But I don't want to use my real name. 344 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:19,210 - that's okay. - so just call me joan. 345 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:22,947 Okay. Uh, what's Your problem, joan? 346 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,516 who? 347 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,518 Well, you are joan, aren't you? 348 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,787 no, I'm not. 349 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,823 anyway, arlene, what Do you do with a husband 350 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,793 who's always running Around with other women? 351 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,828 Have your lawyer chat with him. 352 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:40,298 oh. Okay. 353 00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:42,300 Hi. This is arlene. You're on. 354 00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,268 arlene, this is betty. 355 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,382 I've been engaged to A man three months, 356 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,639 and I just found out He has a wooden leg. 357 00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,707 should I break it off? 358 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:57,281 Oh, I don't think so. 359 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,383 Hello, you're on. 360 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,619 Man: arlene, I don't Have a question for you. 361 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:05,323 I just want to say I Thank god for you. 362 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:09,694 Well, that's very nice, But not necessary. 363 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,529 Hello, you're on. 364 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,609 say, arlene, this is joe. How does a guy get rid of 365 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,634 really problem dandruff? 366 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,936 I wouldn't know, herb. 367 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:20,938 it's joe. 368 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:24,208 Well, joe, we have to Go to a commercial now. 369 00:17:24,276 --> 00:17:26,744 surely. I'd love to hear one. 370 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:30,047 Man: say, how does a guy get Rid of really problem dandruff? 371 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,150 Hello? 372 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,197 hello, arlene. This isn't joan again. 373 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,888 Oh, hi. 374 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:39,396 you told me to get a lawyer to Chat with my goombah husband 375 00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,237 who's been fooling around with Every other woman in cincinnati. 376 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,662 - I remember. - well, 377 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,764 I've taken your advice. 378 00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,299 but I don't know how To tell bob I'm leaving. 379 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:52,202 of course, "Bob" isn't His real name either. 380 00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:55,372 Well, joan, I'd tell him As soon as possible. 381 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,175 I'd look him right straight In the eyes and say, 382 00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,178 "Bob, you're out. And That's the way it is, 383 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,781 February 8th, 1981." 384 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,983 - arlene, this is earl. - oh, hi, earl. 385 00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:08,030 I just want to tell You that my wife and I 386 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,132 are getting along great Since I talked to you. 387 00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:12,123 - thank you. - well, good. 388 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,992 and she stopped Carrying the pistol. 389 00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:17,394 Oh, that's great, earl. 390 00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:19,975 - hello? - woman: arlene? 391 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,132 - yes? - everybody in my office 392 00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:25,736 says I'm difficult to get along with Because I can never admit I'm wrong. 393 00:18:25,804 --> 00:18:28,038 - what do you think? - maybe they're right. 394 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,718 what do you know?! 395 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,642 You said a couple of days. 396 00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,145 It's been 64 of them. 64 Does not a couple make. 397 00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:37,025 Yeah, but you're doing so well. 398 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:39,417 How long does it take Herb to find somebody? 399 00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:42,198 - he's giving it Everything he's got. - that's what I was afraid of. 400 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,267 Andy, I don't want to be the Advice lady for the rest of my life. 401 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:48,226 Look, how about just For the next, uh, 10 years? 402 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,072 How about just for The next 10 minutes? 403 00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,240 - 10 days. - five days. 404 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,341 - deal. - two days. 405 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,365 - five. - deal. 406 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,144 I don't know what you're worried About. You're making new friends. 407 00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,302 That's what I'm worried About. Coming out. 408 00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:01,038 ♪♪ 409 00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:04,642 Hello, you're on. 410 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,226 Woman: I just want to say 411 00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:13,617 that I don't make a Move without you. 412 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,787 Oh, please, don't do That. Live your own life. 413 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,501 And remember, I'm not a Psychologist or a psychiatrist. 414 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,292 I'm just the advice lady. 415 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,321 Woman: arlene, do You think I'm fat? 416 00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:26,363 You look okay to me. 417 00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,801 arlene, this is arlene. 418 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,571 Oh, hello, arlene. This is arlene. 419 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,906 arlene, I just want You to know that 420 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:38,375 eddie and I are Back together again. 421 00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:40,845 - oh, that's great, arlene. - bye, arlene. 422 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,581 Bye, arlene. Hello, This is arlene. 423 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,382 Woman: arlene, hello. 424 00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:47,251 uh, this isn't joan again. 425 00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,086 Oh, hello. 426 00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:52,356 remember you told me to Tell bob I was leaving him? 427 00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:53,824 I did? 428 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,259 well, I told him. 429 00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,428 last night. 430 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:01,064 And? 431 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,967 he hit me. 432 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,102 I can't hear you. 433 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,104 he beat me up, arlene. 434 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:11,241 and I don't know what to do. 435 00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,049 arlene? 436 00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,985 Don't worry about it. Herb's Gonna find somebody today. 437 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,555 He's only been on The case for 194 days. 438 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,326 Hello, wkrp. 439 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,529 Mr. Carlson? Oh, he's not in. 440 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,266 The guy's never in. 441 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,568 We probably should just Forget the whole thing. 442 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,404 I just wish jennifer Was back here. 443 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,474 Oh, I just don't like sharing Jennifer with other people. 444 00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,279 Hello, wkrp. 445 00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:50,747 Travis? Oh, he's not in. 446 00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,816 Ah, the guy's never in. 447 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,008 It was all herb's idea. 448 00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,390 No, it wasn't. It was mine. 449 00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,026 Gentlemen... 450 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,596 Arlene has just resigned. Johnny's filling in. 451 00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:08,299 Wait a minute, jennifer. You promised me... 452 00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,868 With bailey's help, I just got a caller 453 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,370 In touch with a center For battered women. 454 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:16,741 Well, that-that's good. 455 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,243 Except she probably Wouldn't have gotten battered 456 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:22,279 Were it not for my cute, Flip, off-the-cuff advice. 457 00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:24,515 Well, now, wait a Minute, jennifer. 458 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:26,903 You can't take responsibility For something like that. 459 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:30,121 - why not? - because we talked you Into this. I mean... 460 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:31,955 You don't understand, andy. 461 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:35,058 I kind of liked It. I enjoyed it. 462 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:37,706 Do you think I would've done That day after day if I hadn't? 463 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,663 Does that sound like me? 464 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,900 So, now I'm going to Take my little seat 465 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:46,671 Right out here in the lobby And keep my big mouth shut. 466 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:50,107 Oh, no, jennifer. Don't do that. 467 00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:51,709 Why not? 468 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:55,112 Because you can't Just shut yourself off. 469 00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,213 Why not? 470 00:21:57,950 --> 00:21:59,583 Because I need you. 471 00:22:01,387 --> 00:22:03,854 I don't want people to need me. 472 00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:07,290 Oh, yes, you do. 473 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,993 You want me to need you. 474 00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:12,040 And I'll tell you Something else, young lady. 475 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:14,264 If you hadn't been on That phone, that woman 476 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:18,502 Probably wouldn't have gotten the Help that she needed from you and bailey. 477 00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:21,071 And do you really Think that a radio show 478 00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:24,375 Has anything at all to do With a man who batters women? 479 00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,413 Would you gentlemen Please excuse me? 480 00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:31,442 Because I think I'm Going to cry now, 481 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,604 And I don't want Anybody to see me do that. 482 00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:38,522 Sure. 483 00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:40,358 Yeah, of course. 484 00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:02,012 Jennifer, would you Come in here, please? 485 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,448 - mr. Carlson... - look, I need you. 486 00:23:06,184 --> 00:23:07,651 What's wrong? 487 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,022 My train's broken. 488 00:23:21,266 --> 00:23:23,567 No, no, no. Patricia, You're wrong. 489 00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:25,613 well, I just don't know What I'm gonna do about it. 490 00:23:25,637 --> 00:23:27,437 Right, right. Wait a second. 491 00:23:27,472 --> 00:23:29,472 Would you just Listen to me, please? 492 00:23:29,541 --> 00:23:31,308 - all right. - okay. 493 00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:34,078 'cause you don't want To look like a fool, right? 494 00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:36,246 - no. - right? Okay. 495 00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:38,949 So now listen very Carefully, because, uh, 496 00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:42,753 I'm not always going to Be here to help you, okay? 497 00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:46,656 You always want to start on These things from the outside, 498 00:23:46,726 --> 00:23:49,860 And that'll lead you Naturally, organically, 499 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:51,829 Into those inner areas, 500 00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:55,165 And that's where all The real action is, you dig? 501 00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:57,634 Now, what's furthest out 502 00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:00,503 Is the salad fork And the soup spoon. 503 00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:03,073 And then the teaspoon, okay? 504 00:24:03,142 --> 00:24:06,143 - which side? - on the right. 505 00:24:06,212 --> 00:24:09,179 The big fork is On the inside left, 506 00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:11,982 And the dessert Spoon is above, okay? 507 00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:14,251 "Above"? Above what? 508 00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:17,121 All right, pat, Pat, pat, patricia... 509 00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,022 I'll tell you what... 510 00:24:19,091 --> 00:24:21,369 Put the napkin over your head And eat with your hands, okay? 511 00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:23,761 We've got a lot of Calls. Let's move on here. 38771

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