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Announcer: from
Hollywood, california,
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00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,183
look out, it's time
For the new show,
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00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:10,053
all america's talking
About, "Real families."
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00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:12,222
and now here's
Your "Real families"
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host and hostess, phil
Tarry and elaine parker.
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00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,194
Hello, everybody,
I am phil tarry.
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00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,295
And I am elaine parker.
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00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,529
And welcome to "Real families,"
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00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,331
The show that each
Week asks the question,
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00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,533
"Hey america, who
Are you, really?"
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00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,469
Tonight we're going all
The way to cincinnati, ohio
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00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:26,803
Where we'll spend an entire week
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00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,305
With the family you
See right behind us.
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00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,573
That's right, elaine.
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00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,474
This is herb and lucille
Tarlek and their children.
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00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:32,576
That's bunny who is eight
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00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,410
And herb the third who is seven.
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Herb senior is a sales executive
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00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,848
With a very popular
Local radio station.
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00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,483
And lucille, well...
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Lucille says she's just
Your average housewife.
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We chose this letter from the
Thousands we get every week.
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"Dear real families,
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"I'm edified by your
Broadcast presentation,
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00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,259
"And the direction of same,
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00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:51,695
"On the entire
Field of television.
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00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:55,365
"At my abode, "Real families"
Is a must for the entire family.
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00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,400
"Please accept my
Sincerest kudos."
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Phil: - good.
- "One criticism though:
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00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,237
"While yours truly,
His wife and kids
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"Really get a hoot out
Of the twisted people
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"You choose to expose,
"Enough is enough!
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00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,711
"How about showing
A real, hardworking,
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00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,446
"Clean-living joe like myself?
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"How about coming to cinci?
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00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:13,616
"Sincerely, herbert
R. Tarlek, junior.
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"Ps. I know the time
Difference can be a hassle,
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"So phone anytime.
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We're just average folks."
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00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,224
But are they really average?
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I mean, who are these
Tarleks anyway, huh?
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00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,729
We're about to find out
Phil, as only a "Real families"
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On the spot camera crew can!
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Right elaine. So don't you
Dare touch that dial because
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00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:31,067
We'll be right back
With another top-rated
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Great show on "Real families"
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♪ baby, if you've
Ever wondered ♪
48
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:46,282
♪ wondered whatever
Became of me ♪
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00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:50,586
♪ I'm livin' on the
Air in cincinnati ♪
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00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,790
♪ cincinnati, wkrp ♪
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00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:59,396
♪ got kind of tired of
Packin' and unpackin' ♪
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♪ town to town, up
And down the dial ♪
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00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:07,603
♪ maybe you and me
Were never meant to be ♪
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00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:11,474
♪ just maybe think
Of me once in a while ♪
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♪ I'm at wkrp in cincinnati ♪♪
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Today, before we enter
Cincinnati in tonight's show,
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I'd like to bring you up-to-date
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00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,090
On dr. And mrs. Bennett
Beltner from miami, florida.
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00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,458
As you recall,
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00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,361
We visited the good dentist
And his family in his home
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00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,463
On last week's show,
And while in his home,
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Our cameras discovered
Several vials of demerol.
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00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:39,235
Demerol is a fun
Little painkiller,
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00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:40,537
And while it's alright
For the dentist
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To have it in his office,
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00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,441
It's not alright for him
To have it in the garage.
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00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,175
So we're sorry to report
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That because of our
Journalistic commitment
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To tell it like it is,
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Dr. Beltner will be
Arraigned this week
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00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,617
In dade county court
On felony possession
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Of a controlled drug.
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Look, it's unfortunate.
But it's real.
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00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,357
And speaking of "Real," elaine,
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00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,225
What about
Tonight's real family?
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00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,695
Phil, herb and lucille
Tarlek live here
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In cincinnati, ohio.
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00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,700
A city full of people, hard
By the banks of the ohio.
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00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,235
Phil: and this is the home
Of lucille and herb tarlek.
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00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:15,271
it's average and it's real.
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00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,573
you've seen a
Picture of the tarleks
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00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,507
look pretty normal, didn't they?
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00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,976
Elaine: but are they really?
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Phil: what do they think?
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00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,478
how do they live?
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00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,447
are they trying
To hide anything?
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00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,648
Elaine: and how does a show
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00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,483
like "Real families" find out?
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00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:28,517
Phil: one way, elaine,
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is by telling the tarleks
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our camera crew would
Show up on monday morning
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and instead we showed
Up right in early,
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sunday morning.
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Phil: hi, you must be bunny.
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are your parents home?
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Mommy!
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Mommy!
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- mommy...
- hello, bunny, go away.
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00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:57,313
Mommy, the television
People are here.
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00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:59,649
Oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
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00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,218
Herb! Herb! They're
Here! They're here!
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They're here, they're here!
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Shut up, darling,
Shut up, ha ha.
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00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,456
They're here, they're here!
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00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,125
This-this isn't
Monday, it's sunday!
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00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,728
It's sunday. Shut
Up dear, shut up.
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00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,063
- I-I-it's sunday, you guys!
- shut up, shut up.
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00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,766
Wait, wait... Don't-don't
Say "Shut up" dear.
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C-c-could you turn off
That camera for a second?
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Elaine: herb, elaine
Parker speaking
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is that a beer can
On the night table?
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What?
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00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,674
isn't that a beer can
On the night table?
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Uh, I don't think so, I
Don't know what it is.
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- phil: hi, herb, phil tarry.
- hi, phil.
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00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,746
Phil: - nice sunday morning.
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00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,681
what do the tarleks do on
An average sunday morning?
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Well, we get dressed.
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00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,118
But you're gonna have
To excuse us for a minute.
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00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,585
Elaine: what do you do
After you get dressed?
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00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,088
Well, I don't know.
We, we eat breakfast.
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Phil: then what?
123
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,892
- th-then what? Then what?
- uh, we go to church.
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00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,193
What?
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- we go to church - right,
Right. We go to church.
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00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:49,198
Uh-huh! Yeah, you go get
Your brother dressed...
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00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,566
- we're going to church.
- going to church.
128
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,269
- where?
- church.
129
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,071
- it's like every sunday.
- every sunday.
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00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,206
Uh huh! Go get your brother now.
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00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:00,765
Go and... I don't
Believe this. Sunday.
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00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,414
Phil: sure enough, the
Tarleks were off to church.
133
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,116
we asked if we could tag along.
134
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,550
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
135
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:10,220
I r-really this, uh, church
Thing is very personal to us.
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00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:11,787
Uh, we'll be back
In about an hour.
137
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,890
You'll be here when we
Get back right, uh-huh?
138
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,058
Okay. Here you go.
139
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,393
Well, you just let
Yourself in the house,
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00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,660
Here you go herb,
Get in the car...
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00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,363
And have some cake
And coffee, alright?
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00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:22,298
Elaine: isn't that a doll
Little herb is carrying?
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00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,666
- huh?
- a doll?
144
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,625
Oh! This, uh, he kids
Around. He kids around.
145
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,275
There you go, bunny,
Here's your doll.
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- that's not mine.
- yes, it is your doll, honey.
147
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,319
Here we go, bye, bye now!
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All: bye, bye, bye.
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00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,857
Lucille: oh, we're
Going to pray.
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00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,325
Phil: just for the heck of it,
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00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,716
we decided to follow
The tarleks to church.
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00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,197
Elaine: as you can see,
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00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:58,156
the tarleks just appear to
Be driving around aimlessly!
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00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,662
Phil: then herb
Started driving faster.
155
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,434
it was like he was trying
To lose our camera car.
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00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,255
this went on for
About 20 minutes.
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00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,623
Herb: we're just
Going for a little bit.
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00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:23,092
- my door!
- don't know the difference.
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00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,127
Phil: finally, the tarleks
Arrived at their church
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00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,386
Herb: out... Here
We go. Here we go!
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00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,603
Ah, get that!
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00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,427
Elaine: what's wrong, herb?
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00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,975
Well, the, uh...
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00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,376
The door seems to be locked.
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00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,111
Phil: are you sure,
This is your church?
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00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,414
Yeah, yeah, this
Is it, all right.
167
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:48,485
I guess we missed
The services. Yeah...
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00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:49,853
Well, let's go
Visit grandma, huh?
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00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,689
Grandma's dead.
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00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,257
Well, let's go have a
G-g-good old fashion barbecue.
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00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,360
- that's it, what do you say?
- oh! It's a synagogue.
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00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,144
- what?
- it's a synagogue.
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00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,768
We enjoy our, our
Backyard very much.
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00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:09,172
Uh, oh, yeah, yeah.
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00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:11,241
Yes, sir.
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00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,042
I guess lot of
Americans do, we, uh,
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00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,211
You know any time we
Want to... We just go,
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Right out that backdoor,
Right there, you know.
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00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,116
And, uh... Well, that's
Good meat. That...
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00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,784
When that happened...
That's good meat.
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00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,519
You know, we just come
Out of that backdoor,
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00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:24,921
Right there and...
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00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,057
Presto! We're outside. We,
We enjoy. We really like it.
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00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,492
Hey! Here we go, son.
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00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:30,793
Hey, this is the ol', uh-
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00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,428
Let's toss the old
Ball around, okay?
187
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,397
You stand right... Stand right.
188
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:37,533
Give me... Give me the
Doll. Ha-ha, ol' herbie.
189
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,103
All right, now this
Is the old combination
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00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,470
Of bradshaw to swann,
191
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,806
You know, except that
Swann's colored, of course,
192
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,208
Uh, I mean, black. Oops.
193
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,110
Phil: herb, did you say colored?
194
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,577
What?
195
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,413
Phil: uh, you said, "Colored"
At first, not "Black."
196
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:53,216
Oh, uh, I-I didn't mean it, no.
197
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,151
Elaine: what about
Prejudice, herb?
198
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,152
I don't have any.
199
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,720
Elaine: oh, come on, we all do.
200
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,523
No, not me. I mean,
There is this...
201
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,192
There this guy, black guy,
Venus flytrap is his name.
202
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,627
He works at the radio station.
203
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,163
I mean, he and I
Are just like that.
204
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,597
I mean, we... You know,
205
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,266
We even attended one of those
206
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,168
N-a-double-c-p
Meetings once together.
207
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,032
- phil: oh, really?
- oh, yeah.
208
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,739
I think...
209
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,409
Might have been some
Other kind of meeting, uh...
210
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,144
I do remember there was...
211
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,445
There were lot of
Black people there,
212
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,013
You know, like an nba game.
213
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,249
Just, just kidding there.
214
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:29,319
This is our pool.
215
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,387
You have to blow it up.
216
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,456
Honey, time for lunch.
217
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,459
Uh, do you ever
Turn that camera off?
218
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,227
No?
219
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,630
Oh, isn't that
Interesting, uh-huh?
220
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:42,865
Did you tell them anything?
221
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,100
- yeah.
- oh.
222
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,634
Elaine: we next catch
Up with the tarlek family
223
00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:47,070
that night after dinner.
224
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,604
Man on tv: fat!
You callin' me fat?
225
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:51,374
Woman on tv: no, you're not fat.
226
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,209
- phil: lucille.
- yes, phil.
227
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,044
Phil: does your family
Watch a lot of television?
228
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:59,482
- it's on all the time.
- no, honey, that's not so.
229
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,050
We do watch a little.
230
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,186
Elaine: are you careful what
You allow the children to watch?
231
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,620
Yes, indeed, we are.
232
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,089
Elaine: for instance?
233
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,458
Well, we only allow
Them to watch wholesome,
234
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,360
Family entertainment.
235
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,395
Elaine: like what?
236
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,598
Uh, well, "The little
House on the prairie."
237
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:18,567
Now that's a fine,
Wholesome show.
238
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:22,038
It's about blind
Children out west,
239
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,540
And every week they have a fire,
240
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,143
Or someone gets
An incurable disease.
241
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,413
We enjoy it very much, uh huh.
242
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,181
Man on tv: ms. Stolcey is fat.
243
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,522
Phil: the next morning, herb
Took us to work with him.
244
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,024
You guys gave us quite
A start yesterday, but...
245
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,393
I think things have
Settled back to normal now.
246
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,130
Phil: say, who
Manages the station?
247
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,531
Well, there's,
There's three of us.
248
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:51,601
There's arthur
Carlson, he is the gm.
249
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:55,560
Andy travis, he's the
Pd. And me, I'm the s & m...
250
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,677
Sm. Sales manager.
251
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,346
That's right, radio jargon.
252
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,547
Elaine: it sounds like you
253
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,271
just about run the station.
254
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,421
Reporter on radio: finally,
President-elect ronald reagan
255
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,089
and his wife, nancy,
Spent the day...
256
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:17,092
It's a great country, isn't it?
257
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,194
Phil: yes, it is.
258
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:23,066
Huh... We like it.
259
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,567
Uh, this is it. This
Is where I work.
260
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:25,835
Elaine: herb tarlek works here,
261
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,204
the phlegm building
In downtown cincinnati.
262
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,307
Uh, this is the lobby where
Jennifer marlowe works.
263
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,143
You know... I-I... I don't know
264
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,745
What your receptionist
Looks like back in hollywood.
265
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:40,149
But I wanna say...
Oh, uh, here she is!
266
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,317
Hi, jennifer.
267
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,586
Uh, this is tv people,
National television.
268
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,355
Hello.
269
00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:47,390
Phil: you're the receptionist?
270
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:53,262
Yes, that's right.
271
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,331
I'm sorry, and
Right over here is,
272
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,832
Uh, carlson's office.
273
00:10:56,856 --> 00:11:00,203
Carlson, the tv people are here.
274
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,237
Arthur: good morning, herb.
275
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,472
Herb: good morning, arthur.
276
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,407
Herb: mr. Carlson runs wkrp.
277
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,243
Arthur: yes, I
Manage the station.
278
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,246
Arthur: welcome
To wkrp am radio.
279
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,714
excuse me, excuse me, uh, uh
280
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,782
Excuse me, this is mr. Carlson.
281
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,052
Yes, by... I manage the station.
282
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:20,189
Welcome to wkrp am radio.
283
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,657
Well, look I will do,
You guys come on.
284
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,126
I'll show you the rest
Of the station, huh?
285
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:26,629
Huh? Okay. Come on.
286
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,620
Go with him... Go.
287
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:36,338
Welcome... I, uh, this
Is, uh, the hallway.
288
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,307
Uh, queen, all these guys are.
289
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,742
This is the dj booth.
290
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,243
Guys, come on in now.
291
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,278
Hi john.
292
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,715
Dr. Johnny fever
293
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,383
I'm on the air, herb
What are you doing?
294
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,319
Oh, fever, this is "Real
Families." national television.
295
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,722
And this is radio in
Cincinnati, being interrupted.
296
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:55,391
Phil: this is the morning
Disc jockey, dr. Johnny fever,
297
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,694
a very popular radio
Personality in cincinnati.
298
00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:01,731
One of the most imaginative
Fetishists I have ever met.
299
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,001
- uh, thanks.
- I know it's tight for you...
300
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,235
Phil: and according to herb,
301
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,705
one of his closest
And dearest friends.
302
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,339
Thank you, john, thanks a lot.
303
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,308
Listen, I've got a lady
Friend who'd like to borrow
304
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,577
- some of your lingerie.
- thanks a lot, john
305
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,478
He, he really likes...
306
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,247
Did, did, did the
Horses pay off?
307
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,817
Did they, yes, thanks john.
308
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:21,818
He really... John!
309
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,019
I won't need those drugs, herb.
310
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,486
Okay, thanks.
It's-it's really okay.
311
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,488
- oh, come on down. We'll go...
- but I appreciate the offer.
312
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,691
Phil: everybody at the station
Seem to love herb and vice versa.
313
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,059
Thanks, john.
314
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,529
- the kickback from me is...
- he really kinda likes...
315
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:36,465
Elaine: andy travis,
Program director of wkrp.
316
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,434
Oh, yeah. He is a...
He is quite a guy.
317
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,735
He is great, quite a guy.
318
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,370
I-I could tell you some stories.
319
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,206
Phil: oh, tell us one.
320
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,807
Um...
321
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,376
Elaine: andy, herb tells us
That he often picks records
322
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,745
and programs the music at wkrp.
323
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,714
wouldn't that be your job?
324
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:52,715
Herb said that?
325
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,616
Elaine: uh huh.
326
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,585
Well, you know,
I-I go to herb, uh,
327
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,121
For advice, as-as-as we all do.
328
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,057
He's just a good man to talk to.
329
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,625
I would say that herb
Tarlek is a hard worker,
330
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:06,295
A loyal husband, and
All around fine person.
331
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,796
Phil: we're gonna stop
The tape right there
332
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:11,033
because we want you to
Remember mr. Travis's last comment.
333
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,468
"Herb tarlek is a hard worker,
334
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,470
loyal husband, and
All around fine person."
335
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:18,107
remember that because something
Pretty interesting is about to happen.
336
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,177
Elaine: this is venus flytrap,
Popular nighttime dj.
337
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,312
We're all just one happy family.
338
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,014
I guess I've known herb
All about two years.
339
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,549
Yeah, two years now.
340
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:29,051
Elaine: venus, herb tells
Us that you and he attend
341
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,686
naacp meetings together.
342
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:35,458
Phil: is that true?
343
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:40,663
Yeah, we hang out down
There all the time... The naacp.
344
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:43,432
Elaine: venus, describe herb.
345
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:47,703
Herb is a hard worker,
A loyal husband,
346
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,206
And a all around fine person.
347
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:53,642
Phil: there is that exact
Same description again!
348
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,776
Elaine: this is bailey quarters,
349
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,246
a member of the wkrp news staff.
350
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,514
Phil: get a load of this.
351
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:04,786
Um, herb tarlek
Is a... Loyal worker.
352
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,556
No! He's a loyal husband.
353
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:14,397
Um, he's a loyal
Husband, um... Um.
354
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,599
He's a loyal...
Elaine: les nessman,
355
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:20,736
news director of wkrp
For the past seven years.
356
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,805
I won this one in 1975
357
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,374
When I broke the big
Soybean shortage story.
358
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,276
Now, over here... Over here...
359
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,478
Phil: I say les... what?
360
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,746
Phil: what's herb tarlek like?
361
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,714
Hard worker, loyal husband,
All around fine person.
362
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:37,219
Now, this... This is the
Coveted silver sow award.
363
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,222
I'm sure your viewers
Would love to touch it!
364
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:43,659
Hard worker, loyal
Husband, fine person.
365
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:49,798
He's a loyal,
All around... Uh...
366
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,600
Elaine: station manager,
Arthur carlson.
367
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,669
mr. Carlson,
Describe herb tarlek.
368
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,804
About that tall.
369
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,806
It's a joke. I-I was
Just, just kidding.
370
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,208
You can cut that
Out if you like.
371
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,077
Edit that sucker
Right on outta there.
372
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,479
No, no seriously, herb
Tarlek is a hard worker,
373
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,515
Loyal husband, uh,
All around fine person.
374
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,785
Hard worker, loyal husband,
And all around fine person.
375
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,453
All around fine person.
376
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:14,223
There! I did it!
377
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,624
Ha-ha, how about that?
378
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,226
Well, you don't have
To be mike wallace
379
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,427
To know what, audience, I mean,
380
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,795
What are these people doing?
381
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,730
All: they're lying.
382
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,831
They're what?
383
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,633
Audience: they're lying.
384
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:25,667
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
385
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,335
But it's obvious to me, elaine,
386
00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:29,805
That-that herb's coworkers
Seem to be covering up for him.
387
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,606
That's right phil and
When this happens,
388
00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,742
We start digging
For the real facts.
389
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,277
- right after this.
- right.
390
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,221
Elaine: we pick up our story
Of the tarleks the next day
391
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,823
when we went
Shopping with lucille.
392
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,292
Phil: it was time to
Start digging a little.
393
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:53,062
Oh, I pick up the food
Here in these aisles
394
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,763
And then I pay
For it over there.
395
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,765
And these carts
Make it quite easy.
396
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,168
Elaine: what about prices?
397
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,535
Oh, that's how you
Know what to pay!
398
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:01,636
Phil: no, I think elaine meant,
399
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,972
are the prices too
High these days?
400
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:05,607
Yes, they are.
401
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,177
Phil: say, lucille, would you
Say herb is a loyal husband?
402
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,544
Oh, I, yes. Why do you ask?
403
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:10,813
Phil: well, there are some
404
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,480
very attractive women
Where herb works.
405
00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:16,251
Yes, I think jennifer had a
Crush on herb at one time,
406
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,519
But that's all over with now.
407
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:18,887
Elaine: jennifer had
A crush on herb,
408
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:19,888
not the other way around?
409
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,423
Uh-uh.
410
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:22,725
Elaine: doesn't that sound
A little hard to believe?
411
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,292
Well, oh, yes, it does.
412
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,762
But that's the way it happened.
413
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,099
I think my hand is frozen
To this box of ice cream.
414
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,101
Elaine: that must be painful.
415
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,469
Yes, it is.
416
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,538
I what?
417
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,039
Phil: lucille said at one time,
418
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:39,542
you had a crush on herb.
419
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:43,546
Well yes. We're all
Pretty crazy about herb.
420
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,314
But that was a long time ago.
421
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,682
Phil: did anything happen?
422
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,050
No. Trust me.
423
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:51,420
Elaine: what did
You see in herb?
424
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,322
It was his wardrobe,
425
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:58,393
And he has an artificial leg.
426
00:16:58,417 --> 00:16:59,594
Phil: johnny, what about herb
427
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,363
and your receptionist,
Jennifer marlowe?
428
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:02,731
What about 'em?
429
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,167
Phil: what's the real
Story there, johnny?
430
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,702
Real story?
431
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:09,371
- you want the real story?
- you bet.
432
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:12,241
Well, uh, in the first place,
433
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:15,010
Herb's name isn't
Tarlek, it's nietzsche.
434
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,779
He's directly related to the
Famous nihilist philosopher.
435
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,082
See, he came to america
436
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:23,452
To prove through the use
Of polyester that god is dead.
437
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,787
And I think he succeeded
Admirably, don't you?
438
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,189
Phil: nietzsche?
439
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:30,059
Yeah. Herbert r.
Nietzsche junior.
440
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:31,493
It is more, uh,
441
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:33,062
How much tape you
Got in that thing?
442
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,663
I can go on and on you know.
443
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,032
Herb hasn't got time
For that sort of thing.
444
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:41,103
He works too hard. We all do.
445
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,405
Elaine: kids, is daddy
A hard worker?
446
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,406
Both: yeah.
447
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:44,407
Elaine: how do you know?
448
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:45,775
Well, sometimes
He works so hard,
449
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,677
He comes home for
Lunch and sleeps all day.
450
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:49,911
He sleeps all day?
451
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:50,912
Phil: that's right.
452
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:52,147
No, that's impossible.
453
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,715
You see-see, herb's
Out making sales calls.
454
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:57,186
Elaine: who are some of
Herb's biggest clients?
455
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,787
Well, there's red wigglers
- the cadillac of worms.
456
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,021
They sell live bait.
457
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,423
And then there's
458
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:06,261
Hendrik muller's world
Of oriental exports.
459
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:11,066
Also, herb comes up with some
Very fine promotional ideas.
460
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,735
He did the "Dancing
Ducks promotion."
461
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,169
Elaine: what's that bailey?
462
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:17,506
Well, it's sort of a tie-in with
Hunters department store.
463
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:21,477
Um, herb put some
Ducks in the window, uh.
464
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,745
It was a real cute idea!
465
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:27,449
And the ducks, while they
Would do a little dance,
466
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:28,450
Elaine: what?
467
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,586
They-they would dance.
468
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,722
Apparently, herb taught
The ducks to dance, I guess,
469
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,791
I don't know anymore about that.
470
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,759
Elaine: this is
Vargus enswiller,
471
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,762
head of the cincinnati office of
The prevention of cruelty to animals.
472
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,265
Mr. Tarlek had placed some ducks
473
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,534
In the window of
Hunters department store
474
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:49,104
As an advertising gimmick
With his radio station.
475
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,740
At noon, 1, 2, and 3 pm,
476
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,275
The ducks would
Do a little dance,
477
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,543
Sort of a jitterbug.
478
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,079
Elaine: mr. Tarlek had
Trained the ducks?
479
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,815
No. The ducks danced
On a little stage
480
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,450
Made of aluminum foil.
481
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,452
We discovered that under that,
482
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,754
Mr. Tarlek had
Placed a hot plate.
483
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,722
He would turn it up, and
The ducks would dance,
484
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:11,260
And he would turn it off and the
Ducks would go on about their business.
485
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,229
You know the interesting
Thing about this case was that
486
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,630
Two thanksgivings ago,
487
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:20,369
This man tarlek and
Another man named...
488
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:24,273
Carlson, were cited
For throwing live turkeys
489
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:28,577
Out of a helicopter
To their deaths.
490
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,280
We, uh... We didn't mean
To kill those turkeys.
491
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,781
It was an accident.
492
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,050
We thought turkeys could fly.
493
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:39,355
Phil: what about the ducks?
494
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:44,025
Should we call a lawyer?
495
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:47,663
And then he took away
All herb the third's dolls,
496
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,497
And told me to
Keep my mouth shut
497
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,700
Or he'd break my arm.
498
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:55,503
No, honey. It's just
Daddy's way of playing.
499
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,440
Now, look, why don't
You two go watch tv.
500
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:01,142
Come on, now! Come on!
501
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:02,578
Watch anything you want.
502
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:06,648
Elaine: lucille, herb,
What about your sex life?
503
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:11,086
Oh, uh, wait a minute, uh,
Uh, I'd like to stop now.
504
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,320
This isn't fun anymore.
505
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:15,523
This is not what I
Thought it would be.
506
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,593
Phil: uh, I thought you
Wanted to be on television.
507
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:22,665
uh, we have a contract.
508
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:25,233
Herb doesn't wanna talk to
You anymore. He's gone to bed.
509
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,235
Phil: lucille, what's 11
Years of marriage mean?
510
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,138
I mean what's it like?
511
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:30,806
Well, I don't know.
512
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,641
We have this house and
We have the children.
513
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:33,742
Phil: has your marriage
Turned out the way
514
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,177
you dreamed it would?
515
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,713
No... No, it hasn't.
516
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,247
Has yours?
517
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:41,316
Elaine: lucille have you
Ever thought about divorce?
518
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,384
Absolutely not.
519
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,486
Elaine: how come?
520
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,588
I don't know.
521
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,356
Perhaps I'm just
Not clever enough
522
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,258
Or smart enough
To put it into words,
523
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:53,295
But... I know that
My herb loves me.
524
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,496
Elaine: and why
Do you love herb?
525
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,332
what's the main reason?
526
00:20:57,356 --> 00:21:00,435
He's got a great body.
527
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,037
Elaine: except for
The missing leg.
528
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,705
Excuse me.
529
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:05,174
Phil: herb, weren't you arrested
530
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:06,475
once for some
Kind of moral thing?
531
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,776
It's a complete lie.
532
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,578
I don't even know the
Names of those girls.
533
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,013
Phil: oh, I thought
You had been.
534
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:12,448
Seriously, phil,
535
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,584
I think I'm having a complete
Mental collapse under here.
536
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,553
Elaine: lucille, does herb
Regress like this often?
537
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,189
No, not like this.
538
00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:22,191
You know, I-I-I don't
Think it's fair to you guys
539
00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:23,758
To make it soun
Like I'm hiding things.
540
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:24,759
Elaine: you're hiding now!
541
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,795
- oh, yes I'm...
- daddy go nuts?
542
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,263
Not now, sweetheart.
543
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,165
Herb: not now,
Sweetheart. Not yet.
544
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:33,735
Phil: come on, herb, we're
Just trying to get to the truth!
545
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,438
Truth? You mean what's real?
546
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,439
Phil: that's right.
547
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,208
I'll tell you what's real.
548
00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:40,742
My life is boring.
549
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:43,612
But you can't show that
Because this is a tv show.
550
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:46,081
You gotta dig up a lot of
Dirt so you can get the ratings,
551
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:48,317
So you don't get
Cancelled. Now that's real.
552
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:49,718
Elaine: obviously,
We've hit some kind of...
553
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,087
Hang on. I may have a
Couple of problems here.
554
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:54,089
You know, I don't
Make a lot of money.
555
00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:56,392
My-my-my-my son likes dolls,
556
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:58,460
You know, I wish he
Didn't, but he does.
557
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,029
My undershorts are torn.
558
00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:01,296
I like to drink beer.
559
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,566
And sure I mistreated
A couple of ducks,
560
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:08,803
But, phil, deep down inside,
I like ducks. I'm all poor.
561
00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:10,372
Phil: now, this is real.
562
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:12,074
No, this is not real!
563
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:13,442
Nothing on that tube is real!
564
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,477
Not even in, not
Even in the news!
565
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:16,778
Now, now, get outta here!
566
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:19,014
Take to... Just get outta
Here and stay outta my home!
567
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,017
Phil: well, elaine, that's
One of the most interesting
568
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:23,585
real families we've ever had.
569
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:26,455
Elaine: phil, I'd have to
Say that as far as ripping...
570
00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:29,525
My father is a hard
Worker, loyal husband,
571
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,148
And all around fine person.
572
00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:45,207
Phil: oh!
573
00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:48,677
Elaine: hmm. Hmm...
Wkrp in cincinnati
574
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:52,581
we'll be back after this.
575
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:55,117
Well we have another
Week of "Real families."
576
00:22:55,141 --> 00:22:56,685
And what about
The tarleks, phil?
577
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,153
Is herb really still mad at us?
578
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,155
Well, if he was,
He isn't anymore.
579
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,591
Not after we offered to
Fly him and the entire family
580
00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:04,226
To hollywood, all expenses paid.
581
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,061
Ladies and gentlemen,
Here they are!
582
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:15,571
How are you doing
Pal? Still mad?
583
00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,005
- no.
- of course not.
584
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:18,172
And I'll tell you why.
585
00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:21,142
Because almost anybody
Will do almost anything
586
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,044
To get their picture on
Television, right herby?
587
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:24,045
Right, phil.
588
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,213
In fact, I'll bet
589
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,181
If you were willing
To shoot yourself
590
00:23:27,205 --> 00:23:28,617
In the foot with a rifle,
591
00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:31,119
We could get you
On, "That's incredible."
592
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,687
Really, h-h-how
Would I go about...
593
00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:34,056
You see what I mean.
594
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,492
That's it for tonight,
Ladies and gentlemen.
595
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:38,627
Watch us next week
On "Real families"
596
00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:40,229
When we go to new york city.
597
00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:41,563
He's a cuban band leader
598
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:44,365
And she says she's an
Average red-headed housewife.
599
00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:46,401
But is she really?
600
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,471
We'll find out next
Week on "Real families."
601
00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:52,174
And remember friends,
602
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:54,509
If it can't stand close with me
603
00:23:54,533 --> 00:23:56,511
Then it's no good.
604
00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:58,535
- good night everybody.
- good night.
605
00:24:05,644 --> 00:24:08,190
Announcer: while in hollywood,
Guests of "Real families"
606
00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:10,092
stay at the casa
Del vita motor court
607
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:12,761
where dining in the rumba
Room is an experience.
608
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,429
for everyone at "Real families,"
609
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:17,922
this is seth cadillac
Speaking. Good night.
46653
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