All language subtitles for The Moaning Of Life S02E03 How To Live Your Life 720p BluRay H264 BONE

NARRATOR". Karl Pilkington is back
travelling the world,

seeking answers
to more of life's big questions.

How much does your identity define you?

I think mine are nicer than yours.

NARRATOR". What can we do about waste?

Do we need art?

This is not a normal way
of creating art, this.

NARRATOR". What should we do
with our limited time on the planet?

And how should we treat our bodies?

Showtime!

Am I in charge or is me arse in charge?

That's strange.

NARRATOR". In this episode,
Karl explores how to live your life.

Should we devote our lives
to helping others?

KARL: You look like you could step in
and help someone.

I just look like some sort of
shit mime artist.

NARRATOR". Is it possible to live
without causing any harm?

We've got him, we've got him.

(YELL5)

Fucking hell.

(GROANING)

NARRATOR". And can we live every day
as if it's our last?

KARL: What is she doing?

- I can't see her.
-(MAN LAUGHING)

She could have gone into the blades
for all I know.

NARRATOR: This isThe Moaning of Life.

There's no fun in this.

KARL". Looking at, you know,
the ways people live their life.

You're here for so long.
What are you going to do with it?

How are you going to spend it?

A lot of people rely on religion,
don't they?

If I had to pick one,

if someone sort of
put a gun to me head and said,

"You've got to join
some sort of belief system."

I think being a Buddhist monk

would suit me down to the ground.

I don't... It's just the swearing.
I was telling you, you know,

I like a bit of effing and jeffing.

I don't think they believe
in any of that.

I've got nothing.

-(SQUAWKING)
- I haven't got anything.

So I'm just waiting
for this fellow called Rinpoche.

He's a Buddhist monk.

And, you know, their way of life
is all about peace and harmony, innit?

And not harming anything.

So, I'm just going to spend a day
with him and help him out

sort of, you know,
looking after creatures, basically.

- How are you?
- I'm very well.

- Good.
- Yeah.

KARL: So, you really go out of your way
to save stuff, then.

KARL: What, crickets?

(RIN POCH E CHANTING)

If I'm out walking in the park
and I see some sort of beetle,

I kind of think, "Right, let's get this
to the other side,

"don't want it to be stood on."

Flies in the house...

In the summer, we've got the doors open
that go out to the garden.

They tend to come in.

By the end of the day,
you've probably got about eight or nine.

So, I'll get me Dyson vac,
just suck them up. It's quicker.

(IMITATES HOOVER WHIRRING)

Suck them up,
and then release them all outside.

KARL: They're free.

KARL: I think I'd like to be
a Buddhist.

Yeah, I've got a shaved head.

- Oh!
- Yeah. I'm halfway there.

KARL". Twenty crabs in there.

- That's 200 pounds' worth of crab.
- Yeah.

KARL: He's looking at you.

(BARKING)

Oh, God. Here we go.

I see the sea lion
is still around, isn't he?

Isn't good?

KARL: Yeah.

Yeah, can't believe leave them out here.

Is it all right if we go
a bit further out?

Yeah.

Oh, see, I can do without this.

I'm not good with this.

(KARL GROANING)

It looked lovely from over there.
Didn't it look calm?

RIN POCH E: Yea h.

KARL: I'll let you do the first one.

Hang on, he's got hold of him.

- Oh, my God.
-just make sure it doesn't...

- You're going to pull his arm off.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Just wait a minute.
He's peeping over at his brother.

Aw, Jesus. This is unbelievable, this.

It's a lot of trouble to go to, this.

(RIN POCH E CHANTING)

It can't get you from the back.
It's fine from the back.

(EXHALES) Is that his arse?

Go on, you're all right,
you're all right, mate.

I wish they could stop this.

It'd be so much easier
if it wasn't doing this.

Do we have to wait a little bit?
just wait a little bit?

-(RINPOCHE BELCH ES)
- Oh, God, he's going to be sick.

KARL: Give him a bag.

- Have you got a bag?
- WOMAN: just over the side...

KARL: just over the side, if you can.
I'll hold your robe.

Go on. I'll keep hold of you.

I've got you.

(KARL EXHALES)

-(RINPOCHE BELCH ES)
- Oh...

This is...

Oh, just be sick if you want.

Just get it out,
it's the best thing to do.

Well...

-(RIN POCHE EXHALES)
- Be careful.

(RIN POCH E VOMITING)

KARL: I didn't want to look
'cause I was starting to feel sick.

Did much come out of him?

DIRECTOR: Yeah.

I mean, I felt sorry for him.
I've been seasick.

There's nothing funny about it.
Poor bastard.

(RINPOCHE GROANING)

It's all right, we've got
about five more... (CHUCKLES)

Five more to do. (SIGHS)

Keep hold of that. Keep hold of that.

I'll do this as quick as I can.

They sort of go for you.

This is nowhere near as nice
as what we were doing before

with the crickets.

It's the smell, it's the rocking.
Look at that wave there.

Look at the size of that there.

(RIN POCHE GROANS)

(EXHALES) I don't even think
these even want to go back in!

Let me just lift this one up.

- We've got him, we've got him.
- RINPOCHE: Oh, oh, oh.

We've got him.

(YELL5)

Fucking hell!

(GROAN5)

It's just got me fucking finger.

Get in the water!

Jesus Christ!

Fucking hell!

RINPOCHE: Oh...

(EXHALES) Did you see that?

KARL". That was unbelievable.

The power. Why does nature give it that?

What's it facing that it needs
that amount of strength?

Fucking double-jointed, that one.

He was like that!

It just sort of makes me laugh
that I was like,

you know, "Let's not do it here,
there's seals over there."

That would batter a seal, that.

I don't know what I was worrying about.

I'll let him do some more now.

You see, I made the mistake
of going round the side.

Look, he can't reach
any further than that.

You've got him. Go on, you've got him.

The back one's don't get you.
It's these buggers here.

- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Go on, you're nearly done.
You're nearly done.

Well done.

RIN POCH E: Oh, okay.

Please don't grab an... Ow!

What do you do?

Let gm!

- RIN POCH E: You okay?
- Yeah.

(SIGHS) God, they're
pretending to be asleep.

Yeah, they are nervous.

Oh, it did get me, it did get me.
Let's just go. Let's get back.

- We're done.
- DIRECTOR: You all right, Karl?

Yeah, I mean, I want to wash that off,
but that could attract sharks, can't it?

Fucking hell!

And how good have I been all day?
I hardly swore at all.

I really made an effort.

It was like having a gran round
or something at Christmas.

It's like, "Old are in, don't swear."

Right up to the very last minute.
I think I said all sorts.

Fuck me!

-(RINPOCHE CHUCKLING)
- Sorry to swear and that.

- No, no.
- But I had to, I had to.

Fuck.

I'm pretty sure,
even though he's a monk,

and I'm sure one of the commandments
is "don't be swearing",

I think he was like,
"Fair play to you, lad."

He had...

I'm surprised he wasn't
giving it the old, "Fucking hell!"

Good on him. I mean, he's a proper monk.

And all day I've been going on about,

"Oh, I'm a bit of a Buddhist,
I could join your club."

And maybe that is the difference
between me and him.

In times of stress like that,
I have got to let it out.

I mean, he let it out,
in a different way, I suppose.

KARL". I suppose the thing we're
looking at today is helping others.

You know, people who use
their own free time

to make the world a better place
for other people.

I don't know if I do it
as much as I should.

I suppose people look at you
in an odd way

if you help a stranger out.

I mean, it used to just be
basic stuff, didn't it,

like holding a door for someone.

But that's sort of gone now
'cause of electric doors, hasn't it?

Helping your neighbour,
that sort of thing,

when someone... If they came knocking
for a bowl of sugar.

Whereas now,

I don't know, if someone...
If my neighbour came knocking for sugar,

I'd think, "Cheeky bastard.

"Shop down the road.

"It's open 24 hours.
Go and buy some fucking sugar."

So, it's just...
I think because life's changing,

it's kind of a bit harder
to do nice things for strangers.

But, yeah, that's what
this fell0w's all about.

Meeting a superhero.

He's known as Mr Xtreme.

Dresses up as a superhero.

You know, goes out
on the streets of San Diego,

making sure the streets are safe.

- Mr Xtreme, is it?
- Hi. Come on in.

- How are you?
- Good to meet you.

It's a big world, lot of problems.
I can't do it all by myself.

There's violence, there's people
that are in a state of despair.

And that's why we're out there.

Okay, Karl, we're going to get you going

with your superhero patrol outfit.

This is Midnight Highwayman.

- Nice to meet you.
- How you doing?

Pretty good.

This is a good example
of an awesome patrol costume.

When you get out there,
you want to look like a superhero.

- KARL: Yeah.
- My recommendation?

Get a cape.

This might be
more for Midnight Highwayman.

Would you mind
if I had something like this?

It is quite similar but...

HIGHWAYMAN: You got to do
what makes you feel confident.

The cape...

You see, Mr Xtreme
was trying to push the cape

and I'm just...
I've never understood 'em.

I HGVGF WOFG a cape.

- There you go.
- First time.

All right, so this one
looks like it's got a hook.

KARL". It annoys me, clothing like that.

Things where you just sort of go,
"What does it bring?

"What is it for?"

It's not a coat, it's not a scarf.

No, it covers up too much
of your arms and stuff like that.

HIGHWAYMAN:
Yeah, that would definitely tangle.

MR XTREME: Yeah.

If it was Superman, he flew a lot.

He's got that thing flapping about
round the back of his head.

That would have made a racket, that.
That's like...

If you leave a bedroom window open
or something,

it's a strong wind outside
and the curtains are blowing about.

He'd have that flapping
going on like that round his head.

It's not... It's not good.

I want me face covered.

MR XTREME: I would say... Uh...

Yeah, do you know how Batman,
he's a bat, he's an animal,

but he doesn't look like a bat, really,
he looks pretty hard.

Like ants. Ants are very...

- Ant-Man.
- I'm thinking... Ant-Man.

I wonder if they've got, like,
multi-faceted goggles?

Right, let's start there.

HIGHWAYMAN: They'll protect you from
pepper spray and allow you

-to keep your eyes from getting gouged.
- Okay, perfect.

- Ants, ants.
- MR XTREME: We'll go back out...

- Oh, I found them. I could get that.
-(LAUGHTER)

- HIGHWAYMAN: That's pretty cool.
- That's pretty ant-like, innit?

- What do you think?
- Well...

Back off.

MR XTREME: Maybe a nice hat
would go along with that?

That's not bad!

I mean, they haven't got that in black,
have they, Highwayman?

I didn't see it in black.

I didn't have this in mind.

MR XTREME: Uh...
How about we call you The Red Ant?

The Red Ant?

When I saw you, you looked like
you could step in and help someone.

I just look like

some sort of shit mime artist
at the moment.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Fucking hell,
I can't see anything with these on.

DIRECTOR: You all right?

Yeah, I'm just feeling a bit, sort of,
all a bit irritated.

This stinks of rubber.

Um, but maybe that's good.

Maybe if it kicks off, I'll...

I'll be more irritated
and I can take anyone on

because I'm a bit annoyed and agitated.

Just looking down there,
there's quite a lot going on.

Potential, you know, potential trouble.

Have you ever been
involved in a school fight,

when you say at lunchtime,
"I'll see you at 3:30 for a fight"?

And at the time when you say that,
you feel all right about it

but by the time 3:30 comes,
you're sort of shitting yourself.

I'm just worrying now...
Now we're here and it's happening.

This bloody cape.

(CARS HONKING)

-(LAUGHTER)
- Hey.

MR XTREME: Xtremejustice League.

You always want to make sure

that you keep yourself
at a good distance

and you know what you're dealing with.

'Cause you never know,
that person that could be friendly

can all of a sudden turn hostile.
All right?

Another thing is while patrolling,
aside from just scanning,

you should always
check the side streets.

Always look back. Occasionally check up.

- Scan the grounds.
-(SIREN CHIRPS)

- KARL: There's the police.
- Wave to the cops.

KARL: Do they mind you
being out on the street?

MR XTREME: Oh, they love us
being out here.

- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

Could you guys save the day
and give me some spare change?

- KARL: I haven't got a penny on me.
- Sorry, I don't have...

Got no pockets.
That's the problem with this outfit.

MAN: I understand. Thank you.

WOMAN: Oh, my God,
can I take a picture with you?

MR XTREME: Hey, sure, sure.
MAN: Hey!

- Man, this is kick-ass.
- Yeah.

Hi, guys!

WOMAN: Get out!

- Real life, man.
- All right, look.

KARL: What are we doing?

- All right, thank you, guys.
- KARL: All right, see you, then.

MR XTREME: Oh, no worries, no worries.

See, I didn't know whether
that was trouble or not.

They were a bit full-on
at the beginning.

Oh, they just wanted to take a picture.

KARL: No trouble tonight.
Everyone seems pretty happy.

KARL: What are you doing? Partying?

(BYSTANDERS SINGING)

KARL: Don't know, uh...

I don't know what I was expecting.
But nothing happened.

It's up there with one of
the most boring nights of me life.

I'll tell you that.

Wasted most of your evening
hanging around traffic lights.

MR XTREME: (SIGHS) Yeah.

All right, I think we're going to
cross back over.

KARL: I know that, you know,
it's about the good for other people

and all the rest of it,
it's not about me.

But what have I done, really?

Blisters on me toes.
I haven't had a piss for four hours

because I can't take this off.

That's a design fault.

I had to tweak the suit so I could text
Suzanne to let her know I'm all right,

'cause iPhones don't work through nylon.

There's a lot of things
about being a superhero

that are just little irritants.

KARL: Ah, man.

My feet are killing me.

Can't wait to get these shoes off.
(CHUCKLES) Honestly.

MR XTREME: Then we're going to cross
over here.

(KARL SIGHING)

(SHEEP BLEATING)

KARL: Travelling about; looking at
different ways you can live your life.

I suppose a big part
of your life is, uh,

who you share it with, isn't it?

But there's some people
round here who...

One woman isn't enough for them.

They're called polygamists.

And I'm going to be meeting one today.

A fellow who's not just got one wife.

He's got five of them.

- How you doing?
- I'm doing pretty good, how are you?

I'm surprised to see you on your own,
to be honest.

(LAUGHS) Well, the kids
are all at school,

the wives are, you know...

- I didn't even think about kids.
- You didn't think about kids?

What do you think happens
with five women?

I don't get that.

I'm struggling to even understand
the attraction in it.

I'm on a rotation
of every five nights, right?

So tonight
I'm with Polly and then Robin.

And then I'll be with Rosemary

and then Noni and then Rhonda
and then start over again.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, you get five different
types of people, right?

And all of their strengths.
I mean, you get their weaknesses, too.

But do you go out of your way
to make sure they're different

before you decide
to add them to the collection?

I didn't, no.
But I'm just lucky, you know?

I mean, you'll see it when you meet.

KARL". It's like people who have
a lot of cars.

I've never understood that.

It's like you can only use
one at a time, really.

Um, where do you put them all?

The cost of having five cars,

parking them all up and all that...

It's simpler having one.

But let's see the benefits
of having five.

We'll go in,
if you want to go to Polly's first.

KARL: How you doing?
POLLY: Hi, Karl.

It's early days, I'm still trying
to get me head round all this.

I'm sort of seeing
if I'd fancy this way of life.

Uh-huh.

Just saying, I've got one in my life.
Not married.

Just a long time, 20 years.

- What's her name?
- Suzanne.

- POLLY: Wow, 20 years?
- Twenty yea rs.

We've been 23.

Yeah, but have you, though?

Have you been with her for 23?

-(LAUGHING)
- Because how much time

do you spend with her?
It's only one day a week.

- Whose turn is it today?
- Hers.

Right. So, do you make special treats?

Make sure the day is good for him

-when it's his turn?
-(POLLY LAUGHS)

- Do I?
- She does.

She, like, makes coffee for me.

Like, she likes coffee
and I like coffee,

but some of the wives don't.

Can I have a coffee?

I'd like a coffee.
I wouldn't mind a coffee.

Is it all right
if I take advantage of...

POLLY: You want some coffee?

- Is that all right? It's not too cheeky?
- Sure.

- Is that your speciality, then, coffee?
- Yes.

I didn't make it exactly like
when I make Brady's but...

It's fine.

- BRADY: Is it good?
- It's fine, yeah.

-(BRADY CHUCKLING)
- POLLY: Good!

Well, he has his wives
that are good at some things

and some are good at other things.

Yeah, like Noni. Noni can
figure out anything, like, technology.

Like, we get a new TV or computer,
Noni will set it up.

So it doesn't bother you
when he's going,

"Noni, you're so good at...
The speed you did that then."

Is there a bit of you going,

"Do you want some coffee?
I'll make some coffee."

No, I'm okay with that.

So, let's just go meet
the rest of the wives, huh?

KARL: So, next is...

- Robin.
- Robin.

Hello, Robin. I've just met Polly.

- Made me a nice cup of coffee.
- Oh, nice.

What would you say Brady gets from you
that he doesn't get from Polly?

Well, I really love to do music
and things like that,

and that's not really something
she enjoys doing, so...

(PLAYXNG CHOPSTICKS)

(CH UCKLING) Hey!

KARL: Its good, this.

Polly only made me a cup of coffee.

Yeah, this is worth having
another wife for.

Yeah, that was good.
Learning an instrument.

Suzanne can't do that.
She hasn't got a skill like that.

It's good, that.

I think you're going to like Rosemary.
She's a masseuse.

KARL: Hi, Rosemary.
ROSEMARY: Hi!

I'm just sort of moving around
from wife to wife.

Just to see
the differences that he's gone for.

- Mmm-hmm.
- What sort of massage is it?

I can do, like, deep tissue or Swedish.

It's good forjetlag, innit,

-a good massage?
- Oh, yeah.

How long have we got?

KARL: Yeah, that's it, there.

Whatever that is. You feel that, then?

- Yeah.
- There's, like, bumps and that.

(SIGHS) Yeah, that's good.

You can go even harder.

That's it.
That's what we're talking about.

I wish Suzanne would do this.

She hates it.

Oh, that's it, there.
That is spot-on, that.

So, again,
this is a good little bonus, this.

See, it makes it seem like
I'm slagging her off and I'm not.

She does loads of good things.

But I suppose
this is the beauty of having,

you know, more than one.

Oh, yeah, that's good, that.

That's cracking.
Give us six minutes of that.

(KARL SIGHS)

KARL: Yeah, here's one, then.

Say if you're not getting on
with one of them. It's not working.

Are you allowed to get rid of one?

-(LAUGHS)
- Or would the others say, "No, no, no.

"We like her.
She's part of this family."

Oh, yeah. I'm not, like, kingpin.

I mean, it's not like I could just say,
"Let's get rid of one."

They'd revolt.

They'd say, "Well, you're out of here.
We'lljust keep going without you."

KARL: So, they'll talk to each other
and sort of say, you know,

-"She's not happy with you..."
- I'll have them gang up.

I'll have two or three
come to me and just say,

"You got to straighten this out."

All right, so let's go see Rhonda.

She's been in the medical field,
like, a nurse for 25 years.

She's always, like, taking care of me.

KARL: How are you doing?
RHONDA: Hi.

KARL: Is that athlete's foot?

It looks mean.

You might want to just get
an anti-fungal cream.

I was out in the sun yesterday.

It's going to feel nice
and gooey on you.

KARL". Everything's always couples,
innit?

It's always about finding the right one.

In the films, Harry Met Sally.
You know, Romeo and Juliet.

It's not Romeo andjuliet and, you know,
Rachel, Sandra and Bernadette.

It's just what we're used to
but it's daft, isn't it? It's daft.

Because there's a chance that
it could actually work better.

All right, so now you're in for a treat.

Dinner with Noni.

- What's for dinner?
- I think it's spaghetti.

- Do you eat spaghetti in England?
- Yeah, yeah. I love spaghetti.

KARL: Bit of garlic bread?
BRADY: Oh, it's warm in here.

(IN DISTINCT TALKING)

KARL: Right into this, now.

This is the mad bit, innit?

NONI: Sorry, Go ahead.
Here you go.

KARL: Get on with it.
GIRL: Mom.

- KARL: What's she after? Is she hungry?
- Mom!

I mean, I came here today
sort of thinking

that this can't work,
having more than one wife.

- But it's been going all right.
-(CHUCKLES) Lots of benefits.

Yeah, yeah. Loads of benefits.

- But this bit...
- Cooking for 30 people?

There's no way I could manage it.

Seeing these lot in here, I'm sort of
looking forward to getting out.

(NONI LAUGHS)

(KIDS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

If there's anything
that's going to put me off,

it's the idea of that.

I don't know
if I can handle 20, 25 kids.

1 can't... (EXHALES)

You know, I like me chocolate, don't I?
What are the chances?

If I put, like, I don't know,
a Ripple bar in the fridge,

am I really going to get round
to having that

or is one of the 25 kids
going to find it?

DIRECTOR: If you were in the market
for some more, what would you look for?

Rhonda, isn't it, who's the nurse?

Yeah, I'd have a Rhonda in there.
Uh, I'd have a Rosemary do me back.

Suzanne is staying,

'cause she's been there from the start.

Trying to think what else I'd have.

Dentist?

Spend quite a lot on me teeth,
even though they're not that good.

I'm always going to the dentist.

Plumber!

The boiler, Jesus.

That is a pain in the arse, in my life.

Constantly having boiler problems.
So, that'd be...

Actually, I might get someone in
to replace Suzanne,

if they can sort boilers out.
'Cause that does my head in.

KARL". Looking at generosity today.

That's an important value, innit?

Meeting a man who's got loads of money,
and he just gives a lot of it away.

just to strangers.

I mean, he goes on Twitter,

puts out a message just saying,

"I've got a load of money today,
going to give it away."

You know, "Stand by for clues

"as to where I'm going to hide it."

DIRECTOR: Do you give much
of your money away?

Not... Well, bits and pieces.

I give to charity, um,

to Suzanne.

What I don't like is when she wastes it
on things like toilet roll.

Sometimes she gets toilet roll
with patterns on it.

I say, "You're paying for that,

"and I'm going to be
wiping my arse on it."

We don't need patterned toilet paper.

Jason.
- Hi.

I've just always been
brought up to respect money,

'cause you never know
when it's going to run out.

- So, I got a bunch of these.
- Oh, right.

You got some $20 bills
and you just put it in this little toy.

- Oh, right.
- So I would hide it here.

How much is in that? $20?

No, no, no. They all have at least $60.

So I would cover it up.
Make sure no one's watching.

And then, someone will find this,
take the money

and have a good time with it.

Instead of writing a cheque to charity,
giving it directly to people.

And how much are you talking?

I mean, how much
have you got on you today?

Uh, little over a $1,000.

Yeah. Do you want to try one?

- What, with your money?
- Yeah.

I'm going to put $100, Karl.

That's the biggest bill we have
in the United States.

- Hundred dollar bill.
- And that's going in the golden egg?

In the golden egg.

- Let's do $120.
-(CHUCKLES)

- I'll tell you what. Seaweed, seaweed.
-jASON: Seaweed's good.

I've just got to be careful.
I want to check there's no crabs in it.

I got bit by a crab.

JASON: I've done very well.
I've bought and sold real estate.

And I made a lot of money.

And I thought, "What can I do
that gives back in a fun way?"

You want to do another egg?

Let's do $120. You put it in.

I mean, this is very easy
whilst it's your money.

- Yea h.
- Very easy.

I'lljust pretend
I'm fastening my shoelace.

That's a good one, innit?

JASON: The nice thing about this is
you get to see them finding it.

You get to see their reactions.

But the way you're doing it,
I'm not seeing loads of joy.

It's just like you're feeding ducks.

It is! (LAUGHING) Till they find it,
that's the joy.

I know, but I think I would be like,
"Oh, didn't want them to get it.

"Oh, look at him. He looks annoying.

-"He's got loads of money."
-(jASON LAUGHING)

I'd always want to go back and go,

"I dropped that earlier.
Can I have it back?"

- Yeah.
- I'm a bit of a control freak.

- Oh, I see.
- With me money.

I'm the same with me girlfriend.

She asks for money
and I don't say, "There you go."

I go, "What for?
What are you buying with that?"

Well, that's interesting,
because my girlfriend,

she wanted, like, a new computer

and she said, "Oh, you're
giving all this money away,

"can you at least get me
a new computer?"

So, how could I say no to that?

You see, I think what I'd have said,
if Suzanne said to me,

"I want a new computer."

I'd leave it a few days
and see how much she wanted it.

I think you should always
have to wait for everything.

- Yeah.
- Because then you work out

how much you need it and then
when you eventually get it,

-you get more happiness from it.
- Right.

I would encourage you to do
at least $200.

KARL: At least?

JASON: And then, if you're comfortable
with it, maybe $500 or $700.

And then we can have
a lot of fun with it, you'll see.

- Right, so, let's just do $100.
-(BEEPING)

DIRECTOR: Well, Jason said
a minimum of $200.

All right, then, we'll get another $100,
we'll get another $100.

Doesn't mean anything.
Doesn't mean I'm spending it.

You're annoying me.

KARL: Have you seen Scrooge?
What do you think of him?

DIRECTOR: Well, a very nice man.

When I watch Scrooge, I sort of go,
"A sad old fella

"but he puts in the hours.
He works hard."

They hated him for most of the film

and then suddenly, when he goes a bit
daft and he starts handing out money,

they're going, "Oh, thank you,
Mr Scrooge. What a lovely man!"

And I hate that. It's changed
just because he was giving them money.

He worked hard yet he didn't spend it.
You didn't see him wasting it.

Yet people go, "Oh, Scrooge!"
That's what they call you now, innit,

if you're tight with your money.
"Oh, you're being a bit of a Scrooge."

Nowt wrong with him.

DIRECTOR: No, but what's the point

in having that money
if you don't get to...

Well, it's up to him, innit?

You keep going on. It's up to him.

He's the one who's been working.
It's his business.

Let him do what he wants with it.

(TAPPING) The money's in.

Not getting any enjoyment out of it
at this point.

Hundred dollars I've put out there.

No, more than that.
Didn't you put $200?

No, I've kept some back,
I've still got some...

- What?
-...eggs.

- Yeah.
- Oh, are you doing more?

How many eggs did you put?

I've done two.

- One with $60 and one with $40.
- Oh.

What about the others?

Well, I'll see how this goes.

I gave out over $1 ,000 today
and I guess I just got used to it.

We're going to start giving out clues
to, like, specific places.

He's reading tweets. You can see him
reading the message, Jason.

- Look.
-jASON: Okay, now we're good.

KARL: We're on, we're on, we're on.

KARL: Look, he's digging up
the bloody volleyball court here.

It's mad.

I didn't think they'd bother.

JASON: Someone's got it.

KARL: Yeah, that's...

For God's sake. So one's gone.

There you are, she's got it.
She's picked it up.

Right there, two girls again.
It's not the same two, is it?

She's looking at another one,
the greedy cow!

Hey? Greed!

JASON: Greed. (LAUGHS)

See? Always want more.

Well, that's all mine gone.

- They got all yours?
- Yeah, it's all gone, yeah.

I'm just hanging around
for people to clear off

so I can find some of the stuff
that Jason put out.

There's still one knocking around
that's got $120 in it.

If I get that, I get me money back
and a little $20 bonus.

And then you can see
how much joy it brings me.

Have you ever had it when you've,
like, put on an old coat,

put your hand in the pocket
and there's a tenner in it?

It's your money
but you feel good about it.

And that's what that will be like.

WOMAN: Somebody found the golden one.

JASON: Someone...
Who found the golden one?

You found the golden one?

KARL: Oh, that's annoying!

That's the only one I thought
I had a rough idea of where it was.

How much did you find?

I found 120 bucks.

- In a gold? In a seaweed?
- In a golden one.

- Shit, that's the one I hid.
- And listen to this.

She is minus $46 in her bank account

and she's going to use it
to buy groceries.

- Doesn't that feel good?
- And my birthday is in two days.

- And her birthday's in two days.
- I know, but...

KARL: I'm sure this is where they were.

Can you remember?

It was definitely around this area.

Did he go in this bit?

Did he go in the grass?

Like playing computer battleships,
isn't it?

Right, there's no way
I'm going to find anything, really.

BOY: We got one.

Ream]?

- Honestly, you just found that?
- Yeah, it was right there.

KARL: Keep it, then. You found it.
GIRL: Thank you.

Unbelievable.

Lucky bastards.

(CARS HONKING)

DIRECTOR: What are we doing today?

just meeting a woman who, uh, believes
that you should live, you know,

live your life
like every day is your last.

Push yourself.

You know, get the adrenaline going,
all that lot.

It's basically the way I don't live.

You know, the sort of...
The bungeejump thing.

Just stuff that you go,
"There's no need for that

"and yet you could end up
killing yourself."

If I was, you know, 999,
I'd be asking "What happened?"

And if they said they were doing
stuff like that, I'd go,

"Call your family out or something.

"We haven't got time for this shit."

KARL". So the woman I'm meeting,
she's into skydiving.

I think she's thinking that, you know,

I'm going to be jumping
out of a plane with her.

Oh, she's 92, this woman.

- Martha.
- MARTHA: Yes.

How are you doing? All right?
Good to see you.

- Well, good to see you.
- Thanks for meeting up.

MARTHA: Well, welcome to Clermont Park.

- It's nice, isn't it?
- I'm looking forward to everything

that we're going to do together.

Not together.
I mightjust end up watching you a bit.

I'm not into
this crazy stuff that you do.

-(CHUCKLES) No...
- You're a bit puddled.

MARTHA: The skydive
was absolutely awesome,

and you're just floating
and there's no pressure on you at all.

You are just so relaxed

and it's so quiet up there.

And you have a freefall
forjust a short period of time

and then the chute opens
and you don't feel a jerk.

Would you say, though, it's because
you're older now,

so you're more willing to take the risk,

'cause you've been here
for 91 years anyway?

- If the parachute doesn't open...
-(LAUGHS) Hey, 91 things, anyway.

No, no, but you know what I mean?
I've got a long way to go.

If your chute doesn't open,
you'll probably just say, "Ah, well.

"I've had a good innings." I'm only 42.

But I still have things to do.

Your son isn't putting you up
to all this, is he?

Does he know... Are you leaving him
some money or something?

I think it would be so great
jumping together.

What happens if it all gets tangled up?

And, you know, you drop
like a ton of bricks?

MARTHA: I think you're more apt
to be hit by lightning.

KARL: Yeah, but I've heard all that.

People have said there's more chance
of being kicked to death by a donkey

than dying in a plane crash

but I've never heard of anyone
being kicked by a donkey

-but I've heard about plane crashes.
-(LAUGHS)

There's... There's other things
that I'm yet to experience

and some of them
are really basic things.

Like, um, have you heard of lychees?

- Lychees?
- Lychees, yeah.

KARL". It's a type of fruit.
New, I've never had one...

- I've never had one, either.
- Well, there you go.

This is the sort of thing
I'm talking about,

that there's other things in life.

And for me, it's just experiencing
the normal stuff.

But I'm wondering whether
you do this now 'cause you're older

and you've run out of experiences.
But you haven't had lychees.

Watch your step, now.

I don't know why I'm telling you
to watch your step when you're

-about to jump out of a plane.
- Yeah.

Karl, this is Mike.
He's going to be clipped to you

to keep you safe
and everything on this trip.

It's good to be scared,
it's good to be nervous.

If I'm knocked out,
the chute will open all by itself, okay?

KARL: I feel like
we're being taken to the slaughter.

Do you know what I mean? Feel like a cow
in the back of a truck...

-(LAUGHING)
-...going to be slaughtered.

God almighty.

Martha, remember,
you don't have to do it.

Just enjoy the flight,
just enjoy the view.

- We can land again.
- But you can't really see anything

unless you jump out.

You can, you've got eyes.

- No, but you can't see anything.
- Oh...

KARL: Oh, God.

No way, there's not one bit of me
that wants to do that.

-(LAUGHS)
- Not one little bit.

Remember, you can change your mind
at any time.

I'm not going to change my mind.

The view isn't even that good, Martha.

It's just rooftops.

Look on Google Earth.

MAN: We're 11,000 feet above sea level.

She's still got her glasses on.

Martha...

She's in the zone now,
she's not even hearing me.

Oh, she took her hearing aid out,
that's what it is, I thought she was...

MAN: Stand by.

Martha, are you okay?

There you go.

Oh, God almighty, what is she doing?

I can't see her. She could've gone
into the blades for all I know.

-(LAUGHS)
- I don't know where she went.

All right, one more chance.

- No, I'm okay.
- Okay.

KARL". It's just not worth it.

It's not sort of chickening out.
It's not that.

If anything, I'd be happy
being a chicken doing it,

'cause at least they've got wings.

They've got half a chance, haven't they?

If the parachute doesn't open,

even though they don't use them
to fly about, chickens,

they're there, aren't they, as backup.
I've got no backup.

I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it, honestly.

I'm just sorry you didn't do it
because it's just awesome.

- Maybe when I'm 91.
- Okay.

Wanna go and try some lychees?

Hmm? I don't have my hearing aid,
so you're going to have to talk louder.

Oh. (LOUDLY) Lychees.

KARL: I still feel like
it's all a bit pointless',

jumping out of planes and, you know,
whatever else is out there.

'Cause it's just a little
sort of mad moment, isn't it?

A little quick thing and it's over
and you've risked your life

and you've got nothing
to really show for it.

So today I'm meeting
a fella called Mike,

who, uh, who does extreme ironing.

Basically, it's just, uh,
taking an extreme sport

but you just take an ironing board
and an iron with you,

which, you know, has got the danger
involved with the climbing,

it's got the views that I like to see.

And at the end of it, you know,
you've got a nicely pressed shirt.

- Mike.
- Hey, Karl.

KARL". I think it's good.

MIKE: How are you?

KARL: Not bad. Ready for this.

MIKE: I see you came ready, you got
the ironing board and everything.

- You brought your laundry?
- Got it.

Perfect.

So you see that little bulb up there

-that goes around and it goes up?
- Oh, yeah.

MIKE: Well, they call that
the Devil's Golf Ball

and that's what we're going up.

KARL: Yeah, that's pretty extreme, that.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Fucking hell.

MIKE: This doesn't look so bad
from this' side, does it?

joking, aren't you?
Looks pretty deadly, that.

This is like john Wayne territory,
isn't it?

Pretty much.

It's funny how time's changed.

He'd be out there
fighting with the Indians

and here's us, ironing some shirts.

MIKE: john Wayne, he always
looked good, you know?

KARL: That's a good point, actually.

Maybe he was doing
a bit of ironing out there.

Yeah, never saw him scruffy, right.

In fact, all of them. Zorro.
Zorro was smart, uh...

MIKE: Zorro always wore black,
so he knew how to do his laundry.

KARL: Yeah, you get
a lot of bits on black, don't you?

Kemosa be.

He wore suede, though, didn't he?
That would've been tricky to clean.

You just need a higher temperature,
you know, to do suede,

and do it inside-out.

Get the ironing going.

Okay, one step up.

(WIND HOWLING)

KARL: Jesus.

- That wind is picking up.
- Yep.

Y� Dumped'?

Ah, shit.

MIKE: Let's go harnessed up.

Just like that.

Twist that, and then you can put that
on one of your gear lids on the side.

DIRECTOR: How are you feeling
about it now?

I don't know, I just thought
it'd be on a bit of a hill.

Just not that.

That's like something you'd see
on Road Runner, isn't it?

You know what I mean? Beep-beep.

Out running about.

Coyote's there,
ready to push that off onto it.

I didn't know they existed.

Well weird, isn't it?

So, this is, uh, a lot of
fannying about, if I'm being honest.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I don't know about this, Richard.

- You all right, Mike?
- Oh, I'm doing good.

There's a lot of nutters in the world,
isn't there?

Just the things people do
to get a bit of a buzz.

RICHARD: Karl, I thought you were,
you were into this.

Yeah, I know, I know,
but look at it, Richard.

I didn't know it was like this, did I?

Me arse is going a bit here.

Whom!

- RICHARD: Good.
- You can do that, Karl, right?

- I don't know yet.
- Got our iron.

MAN: It's a little breezy.
RICHARD: Yep.

(KARL EXHALES)

And it's important you need
to get nice, straight strokes.

If you go in circles, ruins the shirt.

Right.

KARL: I haven't even thought
about any ironing.

I haven't ironed for...
I can't remember the last time I ironed.

So on top of having to get up there

and tackling that,
I've then got to remember how to iron.

RICHARD: So you don't iron anything?

Haven't got an iron. Haven't got
an ironing board. Haven't got an iron.

'Cause you iron a shirt
and you can only wear it once,

then you have to wash it again
and that means ironing it again.

It's just a lot of messing about.
I'm just not into it.

Dry cleaning,
clothes that need dry cleaning,

what a pain in the arse that is,
isn't it? Hey?

Never buy anything
that needs dry cleaning.

Never. Proper hassle.

It's like having a pet
or something like that, isn't it?

It's a proper responsibility.

- KARL: How was that?
- Whoo! That was good.

KARL: Shirt looks all right.

You can do it. You got laundry to do?

- Got it in me backpack.
- Perfect.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Nice.

KARL: This is a right bugger.

MIKE: Don't look down, look up!

KARL: That's a massive drop.
MIKE: There you go.

KARL: You didn't say
it would be this hard, Mike.

You can do it!
Hold up and pull yourself up.

(KARL PANTING)

There you go, almost there.

I'm trying to find
where I can put me feet.

MIKE: Pull up with your arms
and bring that left leg up.

Oh, it's annoying, isn't it?

You know, backseat drivers
when they're telling you what to do?

He's all the way over there.

- I'm trying me best here.
- MIKE: You got it!

All right, hang on.
I will do it, I'm going to do it.

(SIGHS) Come on.

MIKE: There you go.

Come on, you fucking twat.

Hang on, you've got a hold of me?

MIKE: Couple more steps
and you're home free.

KARL: Got it?
MIKE: Whoo!

- Oh, there's that wind again.
- Yeah.

(MIKE CLAPPING)

Look at it, nature's determined
to blow me off here.

- Okay, there's that.
- KARL: Where's the solid space?

- Here.
- Yeah, that's pretty solid.

I'll just, uh,

give these a bit of a...

Hang them over that...

- There you go.
- So you can do one side properly.

- One leg at a time.
-just do the arsecheek.

(CHUCKLES) One arsecheek.

Got it done. Got it done.

How mental is that?

That to me is way more better
than jumping out of a plane.

Loads better.

It was harder
took a bit more skill, patience.

Still got the adrenaline, you know.

just over ironing.

And that's the trick in life, isn't it?

Get a little bit of a buzz
out of the basic things in life.

If you're going to climb,
do something useful.

I mean, what does, like,
Ranulph Fiennes and all that lot,

what did they do on the top of Everest?

- RICHARD: Put a flag on it.
- Right, a flag.

For who? Hardly anyone's going up there.

Do something for yourself.

Do some ironing.

Make it worthwhile.

Anything, anything that's mundane.

Maybe just crank it up a little bit.

Base jumping, maybe just,

I don't know, whilst you're jumping
from roof to roof,

you know, check out roof tiles.

Put up a satellite dish for someone.

Be up there for a reason.

Right.

Let's get on with it, then.
Let's, uh, get home.