All language subtitles for Nurse.Jackie.S03E09.eng

Previously on Nurse Jackie...

Can I get a hug?

Sorry, fresh out.

After work, come by my place,

I'll see if I can't scrounge
something up for you.

Feel like doing me a favor

and bringing this up to
the thieves in oncology for me?

Sure, no problem.

Appreciate it.

Pharmacy guy asked me
to bring this up to them.

I'll tell you what.
You go change my catheter in six,

I'll bring this up to oncology
for pharmacy guy.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You gave Kelly Saturday off? Really?

That's bullshit.

This is gonna crush morale.

I'm sorry, Jackie. I think Mr. Slater
has done wonders for morale.

Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

And I was starting to feel like
it might be okay again.

We're okay, Kevin. It is okay.

It is okay. We're okay.

Home sweet home.

Which floor is yours?

All of them.

Wow. Well done, you.

That's right, isn't it? "Well done, you?"

Absolutely. Well done, me.

My head is killing me.
You don't have anything, do you?

No, nothing fancy.
I'm talking about over-the-counter.

Aspirin. Have any aspirin?

- Yes?
- God bless you.

Thanks.

There's only six.

What? It's ibuprofen.

I have a really big headache.

Nobody needs six.

Okay, fine.

You're either with me or against me.
That's all I'm saying.

For God's sake.

Bottoms up.

Come on.

Truck comes out of nowhere,
bam, you're dead.

What is that? Why bother getting sober?

I've seen more junkies hit by shit
than sober people. That's all I'm saying.

And I'm saying if I'm gonna get run over,
I'd rather be fucked up.

Who's fucked up?

One of his AA guys is dead.

Hey, Jackie, you remember Bill.
He's fucking dead.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, he sponsored 50 people.

They're gonna be wrecked, man.
He was their lifeline, you know?

I know.

You're a little shvitzy.
Did you jog to work?

I rode my bike.

Hey, what kind of bike you got?

A magic bike.

Why is there champagne
in the insulin fridge?

- If you're looking for Jackie...
- I'm not.

Yo, new guy, Kelly.

- I need to see you in the pharmacy.
- Can it wait a sec?

Did I say, "I want to see you,"
or, "Need to see you?"

First things first,
I'm not accusing anyone of anything.

It doesn't sound that way.

Look, I've dealt with my fair share
of strung out RNs before.

And that's unfortunate, but I got
a pre-teen with a broken collarbone

- waiting for a pudding cup, so...
- And you know what I got?

I got enough narcotics
in here to put the whole world

into a nice, warm coma for a week.
That's a fact.

It's what you signed up for.
You're the pharmacist. Step aside.

I sent you up to oncology
with 40 fentanyl patches.

Only 30 got there.

- Fuck.
- Yeah, fuck.

And I'm fucking Einstein
when it comes to squaring up my inventory.

- But fentanyl, morphine, Dilaudid...
- Yeah, I know. I get it.

And I don't answer to Gloria fucking
Akalitus on the schedule ones.

- I answer to the state.
- No, I know.

Look, I got lazy and I
handed them off to...

I don't wanna know. I gave them to you.

Make it right.

Yeah, definitely.

Your fingerprints won't be
anywhere near this. I'll fix it.

Yeah, you will.

You have my word.

All right.

Dudeville. Population, three. Booyah!

Yeah, well, Kelly's got some business
to take care of. So...

Dudeville. Population, two.

Listen, I got a lot going on,
so whatever it is, make it fast.

She's pretty, right?

What are you, creeping on Facebook now?

And what do you care if
I think she's pretty?

She's gonna be my wife, Eddie.

My old family failed,
so I'm starting a new one.

Woke up, logged on,
started looking up old girlfriends. Boom.

She's the one. Went out with
her for a year in high school.

Still single. Doesn't mean she's not a catch.
Look at me. Total catch, still single.

We're looking for you.

Coop's wife, Facebook.

I'm dying to hear about it.
We've got a girl who needs stitches.

- Can't O'Hara...
- A forehead, Coop.

Tiny stitches. Go be a hero. Go.

- Dudeville. Population...
- Stop!

Seventh floor. HR?

Yeah. Just crossing my T's, dotting my I's.

Good Lord, where have you been all my life?

Listen, if I can find the money, would you
be interested in staying on full-time?

I go where I am needed.

We need you!

It was like 4:00 in the morning
and we were all tired.

- The groom was getting his table dance...
- At the wedding?

Who gets a table dance at their wedding?

- Pay attention.
- How would I know? I don't go to weddings.

I think people forget to invite me.

Sorry, I was at a bachelor party.

Tagged along when I shouldn't have.

I do that all the time.

Not bachelor parties. Never been to one.

They're not so great. I mean look at me.

I came all the way from Boston.

I'm sitting in a club,
and Cheyenne, or whatever her name is,

swings her leg and, bam,
nails me in the head with her 4" heel.

Now I'm probably gonna have a scar
and I'm gonna have to wear a cast.

So, believe me, you're not missing much.

Yeah, I am. I'm missing a lot.

There's a hole in my life.

When I take a step back and look at it,
it's in the shape of a wife.

I'm thinking it's gonna be this girl
from high school.

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

Hold still. This might pinch a little.

I know everyone around here is gonna think
I'm an idiot for moving so fast,

but they don't know what it's like having
everything and nothing at the same time.

Yeah. No, I get it.

She must be psyched. A handsome doctor.
Jeez. Jackpot, right?

So how fast are you moving?

That's the best part.
She doesn't even know I'm a doctor.

I haven't talked to her in 20 years.

Just picked her out on Facebook
this morning. Here, wanna see a pic?

Look. Imagine the Christmas card. Hot.

Oh, my God. I just let you sew my face up.

And you'll be glad you did. Here, look.

Stop telling me to look at things.

X-ray's ready for the wrist.

Let's go.

Come on, I worked really hard on that.
You should look.

Listen, this is not what it looks like.

Eddie's on point. He
runs a tight ship, 100%.

You do understand
that inventory can be manipulated, yes?

- I do, but that's not...
- Did you open the bag and count them?

No, man, I didn't.

But if he says there were 40,
I'm sure there were 40. This is all on me.

We're talking about
a fireable offense for you, Mr. Slater.

No, not without a probationary period
and a urine test,

both of which I'm happy to comply with.
I have nothing to hide.

It doesn't change the fact

that you broke the chain of custody
during an inter-pharmacy run.

On my first or second day? Come on, man.

Look, if I could tell you
who I handed them off to, I would tell you.

Do you recall if it was man or woman?

I don't.

I don't even know
if it was a nurse or a doctor.

That's how big of a blur it was for me.

Look, I didn't know my way around,
so I handed them off to someone.

That's all I can tell you.

It might've been a guy.

Well, I appreciate you coming by
and owning up to your part in the matter.

Yeah, let me know
if there's anything else I can do.

- You got a bag?
- No bag.

You been outside? It's nice out.

Not doing so good, huh?

I'm doing great.

True or False. Everyone makes mistakes?

Body language.
Not even acknowledging my presence.

Which means she's either, A, scared of you,

or B,
lulling you into a false sense of security

so she can kill you and eat you for lunch.

Or C,
I am saving the chit-chat for the patients.

Well, hello. Nice to meet you.
I am your patient.

Not even two seconds ago, I reached into
my kit and stuck myself with an Epi.

What? Why is it still in your finger?

- I wanted to show it to you.
- Jesus Christ.

Lenny, you have epinephrine
flowing into your heart.

- Hi, Boo.
- You did not. Why?

What do you mean, "Why"?
It wasn't intentional.

- Okay, now I'm feeling dizzy.
- Yeah, sit.

Fuck, my heart.

If you go into cardiac
arrest, I will kill you.

Zoey.

You're gonna be fine.
We're just gonna put you on the monitor,

keep an eye on you for about four hours.

If you need anything we'll be right here.

Zoey, get the leads, please?

- You're a very soothing nurse.
- Yes.

Your hands are clammy, though.

My hands are not clammy.
Your senses are all fucked up.

Keep your observations to yourself.

That's the Jackie I know and love.

Had to see for myself. Lenny, Lenny, Lenny.

- You okay?
- No.

Me? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?

Here you go, Jackie.

It's all yours. Thor, my kid's sick.
I think I might have caught it.

Do me a favor? Can you go to Duane Reade

and pick me up some antihistamines
and cough syrup, Robo DXM?

Careful with the DXM.

I double-dosed for a nasty cough,
started to hear angels.

- Anything else?
- New feet.

Hey, is it cool with you
if I take off for a little bit?

- Yeah, sure, let's all take off.
- No, seriously.

I wanna hit Bill's memorial service.
Only about an hour.

Sam, it's not a good
time to be off the floor.

You know what? Fine, go.
Do me a favor? Go to Duane Reade,

pick me up some NoDoz?
The newsstand is out of it.

I was up all night with a sick kid.

Sure.

Hot, right?

Make good-looking kids, don't you think?

You might want to let her accept your friend
request before you start naming them.

Stop! Tell me you didn't buy a Rolex.

Dude, I'm a doctor.

Shouldn't you be saving your money
for an engagement ring?

That's what I'm gonna use
my fantasy football money for.

Cooper Duper's still on top, right?

Yes, but wow.

Paying for an engagement ring
with money you make from fantasy football.

- Doesn't get much straighter than that.
- No, it doesn't.

Oh, my God,
she just accepted my friend request.

It is so on.

An hour on Craigslist, really?

Are you sure you wanna sell it?

It's a great pinball machine,
but she offered me cash.

And nobody really plays anymore.

The bells bother Grace.
I feel like times are tight.

You know? So I'll take it out to her in
Montauk and grab a bite and head back.

Montauk? Well, that's kind of a haul.

Maybe we should call Tunie,
see if she can watch the girls.

All right. Let me get into it, okay?

- Love you.
- All right. Love you back.

Father and son, dislocated shoulders.

A sale or something?
A little two-for-one? Or...

Yeah, you're about as funny
as a box of orphans.

- I try.
- Yeah? Well, try harder.

- Dad.
- What?

She comes in, makes a stupid crack.

Gentlemen, we have two options.

The first is to sedate you both,

put the shoulders back in place,

in which case you'll stay here
until the sedative wears off.

Yeah, no. We're not sticking around.

I gotta meet my parole officer at 5:00.

All right, a second option
is to give you both a local, say, Novocain.

So stop talking and do it.

You could at least let her finish.

- Will you shut the fuck up, huh?
- Whoa. Watch yourself.

He just got out of prison.

He's got a mouth on him, I know.

- Is that your father?
- Father-in-law.

We were living in the house while
he was away, taking care of Frankie's mom.

Came back to get our flat screen
and he lost his shit on Frankie.

Let's get you guys out of here.

What are you telling her out there, huh?

You're talking about the fucking TV again?

- I bought it so I could watch the Jets.
- It was a gift.

- You're a fucking Indian giver.
- Let's get Kelly in here.

Ortho's on its way.
Try not to break anything else.

Makes me want to call my own father
and tell him I love him.

By which, I mean, ask him what he's reading
and find out how the dogs are.

Listen, I'm sorry. I just...

I know he seems bad,
but he's just from a different generation.

Really? I mean he looks about 50.

- No, you know what I mean.
- No, I'm afraid I don't.

Please, anything that you could do
to speed this up would be amazing.

If he misses his parole officer,
they'll send him back.

Look, All Saints will call whoever
and tell them he's in the hospital.

It happens every day.

He broke my nose once
and I'm not even related.

Can we please just try
and not piss him off?

Yeah, got it.

See? Your heart rate went up.

So?

Wait. What are you doing?

Lie detector.

Have at it, Barkow.

I'm an open book.

- Are you interested in seeing other people?
- No.

- Good answer.
- Yeah.

Do you have, like, crazy credit card debt
or an ex-wife buried in your yard

or anything weird
that you haven't told me about?

Nope. I don't even like to carry a balance.

Who did you vote for
in the last presidential election?

- Oh, my God, are you...
- No. No. No. I just... It's not what you think.

I just can't even remember who ran.

- Did you even vote?
- I tried to, but then I was...

Everything okay?

Yeah, we're good,
bordering on awesome at this point.

Ortho's got your father and son.
The old man's a prick.

You done?

Oh, my God.

You have a crush on Jackie.

I do not!

No.

She just scares me a little.

Okay, a lot.
Kinda like walking into a buzz saw.

- I think she's inspiring.
- She is.

But sometimes, she inspires fear.

I know.

Four messages already.
And we have the same favorite book.

Yeah. I hate to kill the vibe,
but lots of people liked The Kite Runner.

I asked her out. She said, "Yes."

Well, it's a good idea
to take her out before you marry her.

- I went out with her for a year.
- When you were 16.

Coop, just don't get your hopes up, okay?

I finally get a glimmer of hope,
and everyone keeps messing with it.

Quit messing with my glimmer. Whoa.

What? What's up?

A patient wants to be my friend.

Wow. That's weird.

Very.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Man, I thought I missed you.

I wanted to accept your friend request
in person.

I accept.

Oh, my God.
I sent that, like, two minutes ago.

- I move fast.
- I know.

And if it freaks people out, so what?

And, I'm sorry that I didn't look
when you asked me to.

That was really rude of me.

What you did was amazing, so thanks.

- It's a gift.
- What can I say?

I'm looking forward to your Christmas card.

- Hey, thanks for being my friend.
- Yeah.

Thanks for letting me go.
Here's your NoDoz.

No problem.

So Lenny stuck himself with an Epi.

- Bet that was a rush.
- Yeah, I bet it was.

Do me a favor? Can you check on
O'Hara's dislocated shoulders?

- Sure.
- Watch out, man.

That guy's a racist.

- You know what? I'll do it.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Thanks anyway. My patient.
I'll handle it.

I wasn't lying. I do like your mom,
but going over there freaks me out.

- She's a hoarder, Boo.
- She's not a hoarder. She's an enthusiast.

Less than an hour left, Lenny.

Do you have any more Epis?

Yeah, check my kit.

Because you have to like my mom.

Got it. Thanks.

I do like your mom.

But you have to admit,
she looks at me kinda weird.

That's just how her face is!

That doesn't even make sense.

I did a bad thing and I need your help.

How bad?

I stuck Anthony Murphy with an Epi.

He thought it was another Novocain.
He'll be fine. We just can't let him leave.

As a private citizen, I'm delighted.

As a medical professional,
I'm absolutely appalled.

Well done and shame on you.

Shall we?

- Is he gonna be okay?
- What the fuck is happening to me?

You're on the verge of a heart attack,
Mr. Murphy.

Is there a history of heart disease
in the family, do you know?

He doesn't know fuck all.

Go outside and get a car. Wait for me.

Go in my wallet, get my
parole officer's card.

Tell him I'm on my way. I gotta go.

If you leave, there's
an enormous possibility

that you will go into cardiac arrest
and you will die.

Here. Let me call him. There's nothing
better than a call from the ER. Trust me.

Fuck.

All right.

She looks nice.

You gonna take it slow like me and Zoey?

No, taking it fast like a ninja.

I wanna be more than the guy with the tics
whose moms got divorced.

Not a lot to ask.

She's my ticket to more, Lenny.

Right on.

Check out the crush on Zoey.

- I know.
- Stop.

- All day, every time she walks in.
- Stop.

Time's up. Coop'll unhook you.

Dude, that's like having a boner
on the diving board.

Pretty much.

Here's to the illegal detention of a bully

and the closing of my townhouse.

Did you call his parole officer?

No. None for me, thanks.

What? You're joking.

No, I'm staying away from the hard stuff.

But this is the soft, lovely, bubbly stuff.
Come on.

I've gone 37 hours with no Percocet,
no Vicodin, no oxy.

And you're miserable.

Thirty-seven hours, 37 hours.

How the fuck am I gonna make it to 38?

Anything I can do?

No.

You want me to stick around
so you're not drinking by yourself?

Please, I do it all the time.
Sport of kings.

Go, leave me to my bubbly.

Jacks, I can get my car
to take you home if you'd like.

No, thanks. I'm good.

Cheers.

Jackie Peyton. Yeah. Yeah, I can hold.

- Do you mind? I'm sorry. My cell died.
- No.

So tell me about Kelly.

I don't know, what's to tell?

Yeah. Hi, Tunie.

Listen, I know it's very last minute,

but I'm wondering
if you can keep the girls tonight.

Kev's still in Montauk
and I gotta work a double.

Yeah? Great. Okay, thanks. Bye.

You're not working a double.

No.

I need a night alone. No husband, no kids,
no nothing. Just, you know,

a cigarette and a hot bath.

You want a ride?

No, I'm good.

For the record, I'm clean for a week.

Hey, how's that going?

I miss the rush, Eddie.

I really miss it.

Are you fucking nuts?

Bet your ass I am.