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1
00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:13,615
[SIGHING DEEPLY]
2
00:00:13,648 --> 00:00:16,985
OH, WILL THIS NEVER END?
3
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,420
WE'VE BEEN WAITING
IN LINE FOR A MONTH!
4
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,724
DICK, DO RECALL
NINA AND I
EVEN INVITING YOU?
5
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:24,593
WELL, AT LEAST THERE'S
A KISSING BOOTH AT THE END.
6
00:00:24,626 --> 00:00:26,561
THAT'S SOMETHING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
7
00:00:26,595 --> 00:00:28,296
THERE'S NO KISSING BOOTH
AT THE END.
8
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,264
AND I SPECIFICALLY SAID,
"DON'T COME.
9
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:33,434
YOU'LL BE BORED,
AND YOU'LL ANNOY US."
10
00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:37,005
OH, GOD! I NEED CAFFEINE
OR I'M GOING TO FALL ASLEEP.
11
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:39,741
UH, NINA, BE A LAMB
AND FETCH ME A CAPPUCCINO.
12
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:43,111
I'M HERE TO GET
CLAIRE VOLK TO SIGN
MY BOOK AND THAT'S ALL.
13
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:46,280
WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION
WITH CLAIRE VOLK
AND HER SIGNATURE?
14
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:49,718
IT CAN'T BE HEALTHY.
IT C BE HEALTHY!
15
00:00:49,751 --> 00:00:50,919
CLAIRE VOLK'S
FIRST BOOK
16
00:00:50,952 --> 00:00:52,587
TAUGHT ME
TO LOVE MYSELF
17
00:00:52,621 --> 00:00:55,156
DURING SOME REALLY
ROUGH TIMES.
18
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,058
SHE'S A FULLY
ACTUALIZED PERSON
19
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,093
WITH SO MUCH
TO SHARE.
20
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,729
THERE ARE 2 THINGS
I'M CERTAIN ABOUT.
21
00:01:00,762 --> 00:01:02,230
SHE IS NOT
FULLY ACTUALIZED,
22
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,566
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
23
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,369
THERE ISN'T
A HUMAN BEING ALIVE
24
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,671
THAT COULDN'T BENEFIT
FROM THIS BOOK.
25
00:01:09,704 --> 00:01:11,806
OH. HERE, LET ME SEE IT.
26
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,676
"A ROAD MAP
TO PERMANENT HAPPINESS."
27
00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:15,977
I'LL GIVE
THE INTRO A SKIM
28
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:18,012
AND GET BACK TO YOU
WITH MY THOUGHTS.
29
00:01:18,046 --> 00:01:20,248
UH! BALONEY.
30
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,282
CRAP.
31
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,051
NONSENSE.
32
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,585
MORE CRAP.
33
00:01:26,788 --> 00:01:28,556
INTERESTING.
34
00:01:29,658 --> 00:01:31,525
HMM.
35
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:32,761
NEXT.
36
00:01:32,794 --> 00:01:34,595
HI. I'M MARY ALBRIGHT
37
00:01:34,629 --> 00:01:35,697
AND I HAVE BEEN WAITING
A LONG TIME--
38
00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:37,531
MISS VOLK!
39
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,500
IN THE LAST FEW FEET
OF THIS LINE
40
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,470
YOU HAVE CHANGED
MY LIFE FOREVER.
41
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,639
WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO SIGN
YOUR BOOK?
42
00:01:44,673 --> 00:01:47,541
BOOK, NOTHING!
SIGN MY BREAST.
43
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:55,549
AND SEE IF YOU CAN
USE THE NIPPLE
TO DOT THE "I".
44
00:02:31,886 --> 00:02:34,655
COME ON.
I WANT TO HEAR
YOU SAY IT.
45
00:02:34,689 --> 00:02:37,892
OHH. I LOVE YOU, TOO.
46
00:02:38,793 --> 00:02:40,261
WELL, WHO WAS THAT?
47
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,130
TOMMY.
48
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,433
HOW'S HE DOING
AT COLLEGE?
49
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,569
OH, TERRIBLE.
HE SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT A FRATERNITY
50
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:53,341
AND BEING HAZED BY GREEKS
AND IT'S HELL WEEK.
51
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,675
HE DOESN'T KNOW
IF HE'S GOING TO MAKE IT.
52
00:02:54,709 --> 00:02:56,711
HELL WEEK?
HELL WEEK?
53
00:02:56,745 --> 00:02:58,412
HE COULD BE IN
MORTAL DANGER.
54
00:02:58,446 --> 00:02:59,914
FAMILY MEETING!
FAMILY MEETING!
55
00:02:59,948 --> 00:03:01,950
LOOK, DICK. I CAN'T.
I GOT TO GET UP
TO TOMMY'S SCHOOL.
56
00:03:01,983 --> 00:03:03,051
HE COULD BE DEAD ALREADY.
57
00:03:03,084 --> 00:03:03,852
NOW?
58
00:03:03,885 --> 00:03:06,988
BUT I WANT
TO SHOW YOU
MY NEW BOOK.
59
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,823
LISTEN TO ME.
I WILL DO ANYTHING
TO KEEP TOMMY
60
00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:11,259
OR ANY MEMBER
OF THIS FAMILY
FROM BEING KILLED
61
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,894
EVEN IF IT MEANS
KILLING YOU
62
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:15,830
OR ANY MEMBER
OF THIS FAMILY.
63
00:03:16,998 --> 00:03:22,336
HARRY, ALL THROUGH
OUR TUMULTUOUS
EXISTENCE
64
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,437
ON THIS PLANET,
65
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:26,607
WE HAVE BEEN
ENSLAVED BY OUR
NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.
66
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,609
MMM. THAT'S SO TRUE.
I GOT TO RUN.
67
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,478
[SPUTTERING]
68
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,512
ARE YOU HAPPY?
69
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:31,980
YES.
70
00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:32,781
REALLY HAPPY?
71
00:03:32,814 --> 00:03:33,481
YES.
72
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:36,117
REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY HAPPY?
73
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,219
NO.
74
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:41,522
WITH THIS BOOK,
WE ARE GOING TO
MASTER OUR EMOTIONS.
75
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,657
NO MORE UPS
AND DOWNS,
ONLY UPS.
76
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,427
FROM NOW ON,
THE QUEST FOR
PERMA-HAPPINESS
77
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:49,463
MUST BE OUR FIRST
AND OUR ONLY
PRIORITY.
78
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:52,867
CALM, CALM.
HAPPY, HAPPY.
79
00:03:52,901 --> 00:03:56,670
OK. I PAID TO GET THAT LEAK
IN THE KITCHEN ROOF FIXED.
80
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,439
NOW ONE OF YOU GOT TO
GO UP AND PAINT THE CEILING
81
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,944
OR I'M KEEPING
YOUR SECURITY DEPOSIT.
82
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:06,781
OK, HARRY, YOU PAINT
THE CEILING, I'LL GET
HAPPY FOR BOTH OF US.
83
00:04:10,952 --> 00:04:13,955
TOMMY! TOM--
84
00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:15,924
OH, MY GOD, TOMMY.
85
00:04:15,957 --> 00:04:19,293
THEY'VE BRAINWASHED YOU
INTO THINKING THE FLOOR
IS YOUR TEETH.
86
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,728
SALLY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
87
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,430
OK. I CAME
TO SAVE YOUR ASS.
88
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:26,567
NOW, JUMP ON MY BACK
AND I'M GOING TO BUST YOU
OUT OF THIS DEATHTRAP.
89
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,768
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
90
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:32,306
HELL WEEK. YOU TOLD HARRY
YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT.
91
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,375
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
92
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,010
TOMMY?
93
00:04:36,044 --> 00:04:37,078
TOMMY, ARE YOU IN THERE?
94
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,848
SALLY! I MEANT
I WAS AFRAID
95
00:04:39,881 --> 00:04:42,250
I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT
INTO THE FRAT.
96
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:47,255
THE FRAT. RIGHT. OK.
97
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:51,559
WELL, THAT WAS WORTH
A 4-HOUR BUS RIDE.
98
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,162
SALLY,
THIS PLACE HAS
THE BEST PARTIES,
99
00:04:54,195 --> 00:04:59,033
THE NICEST GIRLS,
AND SOME OF
THE SKANKIEST GIRLS.
100
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,002
WHICH IS WHY
THE FRAT BROTHERS
101
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:03,171
ARE PUTTING
US THROUGH
A SERIES OF TESTS...
102
00:05:03,204 --> 00:05:05,273
TO MAKE SURE NONE OF
THE WEENY GEEKS
GET IN.
103
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:10,511
OH, I SEE. SO YOU'RE WORRIED
'CAUSE YOU'RE A WEENY GEEK.
104
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,114
NO! I MERELY HAVE
SOME CONCERNS
105
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:18,853
THAT THE FRAT
SELECTION PROCESS
MIGHT NOT BE SCIENTIFIC.
106
00:05:18,887 --> 00:05:19,653
I JUST WISH I KNEW
107
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,423
WHAT THE PLEDGEMASTER
HAS PLANNED.
108
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:26,460
TOMMY, YOU KNOW,
I MIGHT BE ABLE
TO HELP YOU HERE.
109
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,430
AS IT HAPPENS, I'M NOT
JUST A MASTER OF ESCAPE,
110
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:33,834
BUT I AM ALSO A MASTER
OF GETTING INTO PLACES
111
00:05:33,868 --> 00:05:40,774
AND...SNEAKILY SECRET
FINDING.
112
00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:42,676
INFILTRATION?
113
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,512
THANK YOU.
INFILTRATION.
114
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,348
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE NOT A GEEK.
115
00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:52,753
OH, DICK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
116
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,388
HOW INTO THIS BOOK
YOU ARE.
117
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:57,091
IT'S WONDERFUL.
I AM SO PROUD
OF YOU.
118
00:05:57,125 --> 00:06:00,461
OH, THANK YOU, MARY.
NOW, CLAIRE VOLK SAYS
THAT I DON'T NEED
119
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,496
ANY AFFIRMATION
BUT MY OWN,
120
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,766
SO I'M GOING TO PRETEND
THAT I SAID THAT.
121
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:10,204
NOW. THE BOOK SAYS
THAT STEP ONE
TO PERMA-HAPPINESS
122
00:06:10,238 --> 00:06:12,373
IS THE FORGIVENESS CEREMONY.
123
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:13,141
SO, AHEM.
124
00:06:13,174 --> 00:06:13,874
SHOULD I GO FIRST?
125
00:06:13,908 --> 00:06:17,278
NO, NO, NO.
I'VE BEEN SAVING UP.
126
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:23,517
I FORGIVE NINA
FOR EATING MY LUNCH TODAY.
127
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:27,355
DICK, NINA DID THAT
BECAUSE YOU ATE
HER LUNCH.
128
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,123
MARY, IS THIS
A FORGIVENESS CEREMONY
129
00:06:29,157 --> 00:06:32,560
OR A WHO ATE NINA'S LUNCH
INQUISITION?
130
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,861
YOUR TURN.
131
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,629
I FORGIVE...
132
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:38,967
MY MOTHER FOR MAKING
A MESS OF MY CHILDHOOD.
133
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:39,733
UH!
134
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,370
BUT YOU'RE STILL MAD.
I CAN TELL.
135
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:44,505
IT'S DICK, ONE.
MARY, ZERO.
136
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,873
DICK, THIS IS NOT
A COMPETITION.
137
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,141
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING.
138
00:06:47,175 --> 00:06:49,543
OK. IT'S--IT'S MY TURN.
139
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:53,114
I FORGIVE YOU, MARY...
140
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:56,250
FOR THOSE 5 POUNDS
YOU PUT ON LAST CHRISTMAS.
141
00:06:56,284 --> 00:06:56,850
DICK!
142
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:57,918
NO, NO.
143
00:06:57,952 --> 00:06:58,652
IT'S DONE.
144
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:01,222
COME ON. YOUR TURN.
145
00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:05,526
I FORGIVE...
146
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,195
THE WORLD...
147
00:07:07,228 --> 00:07:08,562
FOR ITS CAPRICIOUS--
148
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,597
THAT MAKES ME
THINK OF ONE.
149
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,899
NO, YOU DIDN'T
LET ME FINISH.
150
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:12,900
FORGIVE ME?
151
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,934
YES, BUT--
152
00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:16,637
OK, THEN IT'S
MY TURN AGAIN.
153
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:24,512
I FORGIVE THE WORLD
FOR ITS CAPRICIOUS...
154
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,116
WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO PUT
ON THE END OF THAT, MARY?
155
00:07:28,149 --> 00:07:30,551
OH, DICK, MAYBE WE SHOULD
DO THIS THING SEPARATELY.
156
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,054
THE THINGS I'M
TRYING TO FORGIVE ARE
SNOWBALLING ON ME HERE.
157
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:34,355
BUT, MARY!
158
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:35,956
I WAS GOING
TO FORGIVE YOU FOR SNORING,
159
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,525
FOR--FOR CHEWING
WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN,
160
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,693
AND FOR A LOUD
PHONE VOICE.
161
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,195
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO MISS ALL THAT?
162
00:07:41,229 --> 00:07:42,896
I DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS ANYMORE.
163
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:43,731
COME ON, MARY.
164
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:44,999
NO, NO.
JUST GO AWAY.
165
00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:46,234
IMPATIENCE, TOO.
166
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:48,069
NO, GET OUT.
167
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,505
I FORGIVE YOU.
168
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,974
GET OUT!
169
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:01,715
HEY, HARRY.
170
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:03,384
HERE'S THE PAINT
AND BRUSHES FROM WHEN
171
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:05,519
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO HELP ME PAINT
MY APARTMENT.
172
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:08,222
HMM. THANKS FOR HURRYING OVER
TO HELP ME, NINA.
173
00:08:08,256 --> 00:08:10,091
HELP NOTHIN'.
I CAME TO GET MY
HUNDRED BUCKS BACK
174
00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:13,261
FROM WHEN YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO HELP ME
PAINT MY APARTMENT.
175
00:08:13,294 --> 00:08:14,695
YEAH. HOW'D THAT GO?
176
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,397
WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU
NEVER EVEN SHOWED UP--
177
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:17,898
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
178
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,567
I GOT A CEILING TO PAINT,
179
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,437
SO EITHER PAY ME
THE HUNDRED BUCKS
YOU OWE ME OR GET OUT.
180
00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:27,241
NO, YOU OWE ME,
SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
SO FIRED UP ABOUT?
181
00:08:27,275 --> 00:08:29,377
WELL, IT'S NOT EVERYDAY
THAT DICK GIVES ME
AN ASSIGNMENT.
182
00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:31,545
AND I WANT TO PUT
MY HEART AND SOUL INTO IT.
183
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,881
YOU KNOW?
MAKE IT A LABOR OF LOVE.
184
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,483
HARRY, IT'S A CEILING.
185
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,017
PICK A COLOR
AND SLAP IT ON.
186
00:08:37,051 --> 00:08:38,986
I CAN'T JUST PICK ANY COLOR!
187
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:42,356
IT'D HAVE TO SPEAK TO ME.
188
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:46,760
IT'D HAVE TO REFLECT
THE GOLDEN RAYS OF SUNLIGHT
OFF MY CHEERIOS IN THE MORNING
189
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:52,333
OR STIR MY INTEREST
AS I STARE UP AT IT
WHILE DICK'S TALKING.
190
00:08:56,404 --> 00:08:57,138
HI!
191
00:08:57,171 --> 00:08:59,640
HI THERE. HI.
192
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,242
YOU KNOW, I WAS WALKING
ACROSS CAMPUS
193
00:09:01,275 --> 00:09:02,843
ON MY WAY
TO A CAMPUS BUILDING,
194
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:07,581
AND I THOUGHT I'D JUST
SWING BY AND ASK YOU WHAT
YOUR HAZING RITUALS WERE.
195
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,317
OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
196
00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:11,018
I'VE TAKEN A SOLEMN VOW
197
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,921
NEVER TO REVEAL THE SECRETS
OF THIS PLEDGE BOOK.
198
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,623
YOU TELL ME,
I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU.
199
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:18,326
LET ME WALK YOU
THROUGH IT.
200
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,753
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
201
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,789
HOW CAN PAINT
THAT TASTES THIS GOOD
202
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,359
LOOK THIS BAD?
203
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,931
ALL RIGHT, LINE UP!
COME ON. LINE UP!
204
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:01,034
OK, LADIES, WE'VE GOT
A NEW ASSISTANT
PLEDGEMASTER.
205
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,336
HER NAME'S SALLY.
206
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:05,773
WELL, STAN IS HALF-RIGHT.
MY NAME IS SALLY,
207
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,277
BUT FROM NOW ON,
YOU'LL ALL KNOW ME AS...
208
00:10:09,310 --> 00:10:10,978
OW! OW! OW!
209
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,682
THAT'S RIGHT.
SALLY OW OW OW!
210
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,816
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
211
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,784
I'M BUCKY.
212
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,353
OH, MY GOD.
YOUR PARENTS
ARE SO CRUEL,
213
00:10:19,387 --> 00:10:21,689
BUT GUESS WHAT?
YOU AIN'T SEEN
NOTHIN' YET.
214
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:22,356
AAH!
215
00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:23,691
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
216
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,058
I'M JIM.
217
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:25,759
NOT ANYMORE.
218
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,528
FROM NOW ON,
YOUR NAME IS ROSE
219
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:29,663
AND YOU'RE
A 78-YEAR OLD
GRANDMOTHER.
220
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:34,202
GO RUN 6 MILES
WITH A WALKER.
GO, GO, GO!
221
00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,303
WHAT'S YOUR NAME,
TOMMY?
222
00:10:35,336 --> 00:10:37,438
I'M TOMMY.
223
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,642
Stan: EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME!
224
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,776
DO YOU GUYS
KNOW EACH OTHER?
225
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,946
UH, NO, NOT AT ALL.
I NEVER MET HIM
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
226
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,881
NO SPECIAL TREATMENT
HERE.
227
00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,750
SHE'LL TREAT ME EXACTLY LIKE
SHE TREATS EVERYONE ELSE
228
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:52,119
SHE DOESN'T KNOW, RIGHT?
229
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:53,921
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT,
RIGHT?
230
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:54,988
YEAH.
231
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:55,789
OK.
232
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:56,257
REALLY?
233
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:58,492
[WHISPERING]
Yes!
234
00:10:58,526 --> 00:10:59,727
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
235
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,096
ONE QUESTION.
YOU WEARING BOXERS
OR BRIEFS?
236
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,632
BOXERS.
237
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:08,236
WRONG ANSWER.
AAH!
238
00:11:14,475 --> 00:11:17,278
MARY, YOU'LL BE
HAPPY TO KNOW THAT
239
00:11:17,311 --> 00:11:19,380
I'M DEEP INTO STEP 2.
240
00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:20,581
I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
ELIMINATED
241
00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:22,650
ALL THE NEGATIVE
RELATIONSHIPS
IN MY LIFE--
242
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,619
JUDITH, STRUDWICK,
THE CHANCELLOR.
243
00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:27,555
I'VE EVEN STOPPED YELLING
AT THE LITTLE VOICE
244
00:11:27,588 --> 00:11:28,822
THAT COMES OUT
OF THE CLOWN'S HEAD
245
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,259
WHEN I'M
AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH.
246
00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:33,126
WOW, YOU'VE REALLY GROWN!
247
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,363
YES, I HAVE, MARY.
248
00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:37,365
I'M ALMOST
PERMA-HAPPY DICK.
249
00:11:37,398 --> 00:11:39,300
OHH!
250
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:41,402
ANYWAY, YOU'RE HISTORY.
251
00:11:42,303 --> 00:11:43,036
WHAT?
252
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:43,904
YEAH, YOU'RE GONE.
253
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,506
I CAN'T BE IN THIS
RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE.
254
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:49,076
TOO MANY UPS AND DOWNS.
255
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,178
YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME
BECAUSE OF THIS BOOK?
256
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,914
YEAH. I'M AFRAID SO.
257
00:11:58,252 --> 00:12:00,421
NO.
258
00:12:01,355 --> 00:12:02,323
I KNOW IT'S HARD, MARY.
259
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:05,025
NO, IT'S NOT HARD, DICK.
IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING.
260
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,360
WHAT?
261
00:12:06,394 --> 00:12:10,698
WELL, WHAT I'VE LEARNED
FROM THIS BOOK IS THAT
262
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:17,338
"ON THE FERRIS WHEEL OF LIFE,
I AM THE CARNY HOLDING
THE THROTTLE."
263
00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:20,308
I CHOOSE NOT TO BREAK UP
WITH YOU.
264
00:12:20,341 --> 00:12:21,442
REALLY?
265
00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:22,910
CAN YOU DO THAT?
266
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,445
YEAH.
267
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:25,879
YEAH. I MEAN, I THINK
"YOU HAVE A TENDENCY
268
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,316
"TO UNDERESTIMATE THE--
THE SICKNESS
269
00:12:28,349 --> 00:12:30,918
OF THE CODEPENDENT
RELATIONSHIP,"
270
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,888
AND WE'RE IN ONE, MISTER,
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE.
271
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,057
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
I NEED TO, UH...
272
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,393
"STEP OFF
THE DESPERATION
TREADMILL
273
00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:41,662
"AND FROLIC THROUGH
THE FOREST
OF SOLITUDE
274
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:45,132
WITH MY SELF ELF."
275
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,735
SELF ELF?!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
276
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:48,836
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
277
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,872
IT IS THE SPRIGHTLY
INNER HAPPINESS THAT
YOU ACHIEVE
278
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:55,075
WHEN YOU SPEND TIME
WITH YOUR LOVING
AND SUPPORTIVE SELF,
279
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,044
BUT YOU WOULD KNOW THAT
IF YOU'D READ THE BOOK.
280
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,812
I'M AT THE HELM.
I'M AT THE HELM.
281
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,013
Dick: CALM, CALM.
HAPPY, HAPPY.
282
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,082
I'M AT THE HELM.
I'M AT THE HELM.
283
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,617
CALM, CALM,
HAPPY, HAPPY!
I'M AT THE HELM.
284
00:13:03,651 --> 00:13:05,653
I'M AT THE HELM.
I'M AT THE HELM!
285
00:13:09,657 --> 00:13:11,859
GRANDMA ROSE, GET ME
ANOTHER BEER
286
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,795
YES PLEDGE MASTER SALLY!
287
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,336
PERMISSION TO SPEAK WITH THE
ASSISTANT PLEDGE MASTER
288
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,004
AND PUT THIS THING DOWN?
289
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,374
DENIED AND DENIED.
290
00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:29,009
COME ON SALLY!
291
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:32,012
OH!
292
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,080
THAT IS HIGHLY UNSEEMING.
293
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,181
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
294
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,248
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
HELPING ME OUT
295
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:36,450
THAT IS WHAT I'M DOING.
296
00:13:36,484 --> 00:13:37,951
I'M HELPING YOU
BUILD CHARACTER.
297
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,020
I JUST WANT YOU TO HELP ME
GET INTO THIS FRAT.
298
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:40,754
AND YOU WILL.
299
00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:41,622
I WILL?
300
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,123
OH, YEAH!
IF YOU GET THROUGH
HELL WEEK.
301
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,658
IF I GET THROUGH?
302
00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:45,493
TOMMY, LISTEN TO ME.
303
00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:47,194
I TOOK AN OATH
HERE, OK?
304
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:52,265
I MUST UPHOLD
THIS FRATERNITY'S
HALLOWED TRADITIONS.
305
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,735
I THINK YOU'RE JUST
ON A POWER TRIP.
306
00:13:56,504 --> 00:13:58,972
THAT'S A BIT
DISRESPECTFUL, PLEBE.
307
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,073
WELL, GUESS WHAT?
308
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,875
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU.
309
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,377
MAYBE NOT,
310
00:14:03,411 --> 00:14:05,278
BUT I KNOW WHAT
YOU ARE AFRAID OF--
311
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:06,980
ME.
312
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,449
MAYBE SO,
313
00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:09,650
BUT ANYTHING YOU
PUT ME THROUGH
314
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:10,718
ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER.
315
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:12,886
OK, SO YOU'RE SUPPORTING
MY INITIAL ARGUMENT.
316
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,221
THEN I RECANT.
317
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,623
IF YOU RECANT,
THEN YOU QUIT.
318
00:14:15,656 --> 00:14:16,790
THEN I QUIT.
319
00:14:16,824 --> 00:14:18,091
OH, YOU ARE
SUCH A COWARD.
320
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,193
YOU NEVER DESERVED TO BE
IN THIS FRATERNITY.
321
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,061
OH, REALLY?
322
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,496
WELL, HIT ME WITH
EVERYTHING YOU GOT.
323
00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:23,731
20 PUSHUPS NOW!
324
00:14:23,764 --> 00:14:24,765
HOW ABOUT 10?
325
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:28,235
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!
326
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,078
JEEZ, AREN'T YOU DONE YET?
327
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,481
MADAME, THESE THINGS
TAKE TIME.
328
00:14:40,514 --> 00:14:43,984
DID YOUR REPUTATION
AS A GIN-SOAKED
GOOD TIME GIRL
329
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,819
HAPPEN OVERNIGHT?
330
00:14:45,853 --> 00:14:48,989
NO, IT HAPPENED
OVER SEVERAL NIGHTS.
331
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:53,160
AND IT REALLY STUCK
AFTER THAT CONVENTION.
332
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:56,163
LOOK, I DON'T NEED YOU
NAGGING ME, OK,
333
00:14:56,196 --> 00:15:00,233
WHEN THIS HAS BEEN
MOCKING ME DAY AND NIGHT!
334
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,102
STOP IT!
335
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,437
SHUT UP!
336
00:15:03,471 --> 00:15:05,305
YOU SHUT UP!
337
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,808
WHAT'S THAT?
I DIDN'T THINK I HEARD YA!
338
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:08,842
EEW!
339
00:15:08,876 --> 00:15:10,444
EEW!
340
00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:13,947
WHOA!
341
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,584
IT'S FINISHED.
342
00:15:16,617 --> 00:15:18,786
HEY, THAT--THAT'S GOOD.
343
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:22,122
SO YOU GOING TO PAINT
THE GARAGE NEXT?
344
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,791
IMPOSSIBLE.
345
00:15:23,824 --> 00:15:26,494
I'VE GOT NOTHING
LEFT TO GIVE.
346
00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:35,302
AHEM!
347
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,770
UH-UH, NO, NO.
348
00:15:36,804 --> 00:15:39,473
JUST THE ONE.
349
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,315
HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.
350
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,017
HAVING A GOOD TIME?
351
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,052
OF COURSE.
352
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,988
QUITE A DIFFERENCE, EH?
353
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,625
NOW THAT YOU'VE ELIMINATED
ALL THE PROBLEM PEOPLE
IN YOUR LIFE,
354
00:15:57,658 --> 00:16:00,828
ONLY THE HAPPY ELITE
REMAINS--YOU...
355
00:16:00,861 --> 00:16:02,696
AND ME.
356
00:16:03,731 --> 00:16:05,298
I GUESS.
357
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,467
IS SOMETHING WRONG, DICK?
358
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:09,670
WRONG? WHAT COULD BE WRONG?
359
00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:13,073
NO ONE'S CONTRADICTING ME.
NO ONE'S TELLING ME
TO LOWER MY VOICE.
360
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:16,510
NO ONE'S TOLD ME
NOT TO LICK THE SALT
AND PEPPER SHAKERS.
361
00:16:16,544 --> 00:16:19,680
I'M CALM AND--AND--AND...
362
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,415
I'M HAPPY.
363
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,618
IT'S BORING, ISN'T IT?
364
00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:26,486
WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IT IS.
365
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,855
YOU KNOW WHY?
366
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:30,658
BECAUSE THERE'S NO CONFLICT
HERE, DICK,
367
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:32,325
AND I THINK
YOU NEED THAT.
368
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:33,794
WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
369
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:34,895
ARE YOU SO SURE?
370
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,864
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE.
371
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:38,431
YOU KNOW WHAT?
372
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,534
YOU'RE NOT HAVING
A GOOD TIME HERE,
373
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:42,903
AND FRANKLY,
NEITHER AM I.
374
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:45,105
YOU KNOW WHOSE
FAULT THAT IS?
375
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,807
YOURS?
376
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,243
IT'S THE BOOK'S FAULT.
377
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,713
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!
378
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:55,348
I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOU
AND NOT THAT STUPID BOOK.
379
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,685
I ALMOST THREW AWAY MARY.
380
00:16:57,718 --> 00:17:00,420
YEAH. AND SHE'S THE ONLY
GOOD THING YOU'VE GOT GOING.
381
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:05,693
HA. YEAH, NEVER
A DULL MOMENT WITH MARY.
382
00:17:05,726 --> 00:17:06,994
WE'D BETTER GET OVER THERE.
383
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,830
YEAH. I'M WITH YOU.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE--
384
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,666
OH, BY THE WAY,
385
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:13,834
ABOUT THE CHECK.
386
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,303
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I'LL GET IT.
387
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,437
YOU GO.
388
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:21,041
THANKS, DICK.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST!
389
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,743
NO.
390
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,312
CHECK PLEASE!
391
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:31,318
THIS IS GOOD.
392
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,653
WE JUST HAVE
TO GET THROUGH
THIS LAST TEST
393
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:34,421
AND WE'VE MADE IT.
394
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,290
SHE KNOWS HOW TO BREAK ME.
SHE'LL BREAK ME.
395
00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:38,826
TOMMY, RELAX, MAN.
396
00:17:38,859 --> 00:17:40,460
YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING
SHE'S THROWN AT YOU.
397
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,395
YOU'RE RIGHT. I HAVE.
398
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,664
I'M A MOUNTAIN.
399
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,699
I AM A MOUNTAIN!
400
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,669
STAND UP, PLEBES!
401
00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:51,038
HI, LADIES.
402
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:56,376
BOY, ARE YOU IN
FOR A TREAT TODAY!
403
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,980
I HAVE 3 TASTY POPOVERS
RIGHT HERE.
404
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,816
LADIES LIKE POPOVERS,
DON'T THEY, LADIES?
405
00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:03,884
HUH?
406
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,986
OK. HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS.
407
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:09,056
ONE IS CHERRY.
408
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,523
HUH?
409
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:14,995
ONE IS APRICOT.
410
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:19,232
AND ONE MAY
OR MAY NOT BE SPIDER.
411
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,300
UHH!
412
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,202
I HAPPEN TO KNOW
THAT ONE OF YOU
413
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,973
IS PATHOLOGICALLY
AFRAID OF SPIDERS.
414
00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:28,075
DON'T WORRY, TOMMY.
IT'S JUST A PSYCHE-OUT.
415
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,377
NO ONE WOULD ACTUALLY
PUT A POISONOUS SPIDER
IN A POPOVER.
416
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,344
POISONOUS?
417
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,180
DID SHE SAY POISONOUS?
418
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:33,914
LADIES...
419
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:34,648
AHEM!
420
00:18:34,682 --> 00:18:38,151
TAKE EAT OF THE POPOVER!
421
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,758
MMM!
APRICOT.
422
00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:45,125
OH!
423
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:45,826
SPIDER?
424
00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:49,262
NO, CHERRY!
I HATE CHERRY.
425
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:52,933
CONGRATULATIONS, MEN.
THAT'S FANTASTIC!
426
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,567
YOU'VE JOINED
THE FRATERNITY!
427
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,169
[CHEERING]
428
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,740
SADLY, EVERYONE
EXCEPT TOMMY.
429
00:18:59,773 --> 00:19:02,042
TOMMY, BITE THE POPOVER...
430
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:05,679
AND JOIN THE COVENANT
OF YOUR BRETHREN.
431
00:19:05,713 --> 00:19:07,014
YEAH, COME ON, TOMMY.
DO IT.
432
00:19:07,047 --> 00:19:08,581
YOU CAN DO IT!
433
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,051
I CAN'T DO IT!
434
00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:14,487
All: BITE IT! BITE IT!
BITE IT! BITE IT!
435
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,456
BITE IT! BITE IT!
BITE IT! BITE IT!
436
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,891
BITE IT! BITE IT!
437
00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:20,560
WAIT!
GUYS, LET ME EXPLAIN.
438
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,229
SALLY IS MY AUNT,
439
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,197
AND I WANTED TO GET
INTO THIS FRAT
SO BADLY,
440
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,133
THAT I DID WHAT ANY
OF YOU WOULD'VE DONE.
441
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,667
I ASKED MY AUNT
FOR HELP,
442
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:29,302
BUT NOW, SHE'S GONE MAD
WITH POWER,
443
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,538
AND I THINK WE NEED
TO KICK HER OUT.
444
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:32,806
RIGHT?
445
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,542
BROTHERS, UNITE!
446
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,814
GET THE WEENY.
447
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,928
MARY!
AAH!
448
00:19:54,962 --> 00:19:55,428
WAKE UP,
UP, UP, UP, UP!
449
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,696
WHAT? I'M SLEEPING!
450
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:58,131
HENCE THE DEMAND.
451
00:19:58,165 --> 00:19:59,299
I'M HERE FOR A FIGHT!
452
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,067
WHAT DID I DO?
453
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:00,868
NOTHING
454
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:02,102
BUT LET'S FIND SOMETHING
455
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:03,904
OR, OR, BETTER YET,
SOMETHNIG I DID
456
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:06,439
THAT'S A MUCH RICHER AREA.
457
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:07,440
IS THIS FROM THE BOOK?
458
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,042
OH, FORGET THE BOOK!
459
00:20:09,076 --> 00:20:10,610
THE BOOK JUST WANTS
TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
460
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,112
AND YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE HAPPY?
461
00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:14,214
NOT ALL THE TIME.
IT'S NO FUN.
462
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,548
I NEED CONFLICT.
463
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,118
IT MAKES ME FEEL.
IT MAKES ME LEARN!
464
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:19,486
SO COME ON, BRING IT.
465
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,822
NO, I DON'T WANT
TO DO THAT.
I'M HAPPY.
466
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:22,589
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
467
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,223
YES, I AM.
468
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,224
YES, I AM.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
469
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,392
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM!
470
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,628
YES, I AM!
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
471
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:30,931
THIS IS THE FACE
OF PEACE AND
TRANQUILITY--
472
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:33,400
PERMA-HAPPY MARY!
473
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,838
OH, GOD, YOU'RE SEXY
WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY.
474
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:38,271
KISS ME.
475
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:39,006
MMM!
476
00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:41,341
MMM!
477
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,279
AH, SO TOMMY IS
REALLY BUMMED
478
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:47,815
HE DIDN'T GET
INTO THAT FRATERNITY.
479
00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:50,150
GOOD! LET HIM
FEEL MISERABLE NOW.
480
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:52,685
THAT WAY, HE'LL APPRECIATE
HOW GOOD HE FEELS
481
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:53,854
WHEN HE FINALLY DOES GET IN.
482
00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:54,922
AH, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
483
00:20:54,955 --> 00:20:57,925
I REWROTE THE BY-LAWS.
484
00:20:57,958 --> 00:20:59,126
YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.
485
00:20:59,159 --> 00:21:02,162
IF A HUMAN WANTS
TO BE RICH OR THIN
OR HAPPY,
486
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,297
THEY GOT TO READ ABOUT
HOW TO DO IT
IN A BOOK.
487
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:08,435
YEAH, BUT ALL
THE NEGATIVE CRAP
SEEMS TO COME EASILY.
488
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,403
THERE'S NO BOOK
THAT TELLS YOU HOW TO BE
489
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,705
SELFISH, STUPID OR OBNOXIOUS.
490
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:16,676
HEY, MAYBE YOU
SHOULD WRITE ONE.
491
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,846
WELL, I COULD,
BUT I'M TOO LAZY.
492
00:21:18,879 --> 00:21:21,148
YEAH.
33738
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