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1
00:00:05,974 --> 00:00:08,476
CONGRATULATE UNCLE MURRAY
ON THE CAR.
2
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,378
HAPPY LIFE, HAPPY LIFE.
3
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,379
OH, HO HO HO.
4
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,480
AHH...
5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,983
OH, WHAT
A WONDERFUL WEDDING.
6
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,851
I LAUGHED, I DANCED...
7
00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:20,421
AND I KICKED
SOME OLD-MAID BUTT.
8
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:23,124
I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
THAT WOULD HAVE MADE IT
MORE FUN.
9
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:26,060
HMM. BEING INVITED,
MAYBE?
10
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,095
HOW WAS MY TOAST?
11
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,697
OH, GOOD, GOOD.
12
00:00:28,730 --> 00:00:31,199
I GUESS YOU COULD'VE WAITED
TILL THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE
FINISHED HIS TOAST, BUT...
13
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,435
OH, NO, NO, NO.
HE WAS UNFOCUSED
AND SENTIMENTAL.
14
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,670
WHERE TO NEXT?
15
00:00:35,704 --> 00:00:38,472
OOH, LOOKS LIKE WE GOT
A BAR MITZVAH IN BALLROOM C.
16
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:43,044
OOH...THERE WE GO.
17
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,646
POINT ME
TO THE KUGEL.
18
00:00:44,679 --> 00:00:45,947
YEAH.
19
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,116
YOU GUYS, CHECK IT OUT.
20
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,284
GET A FREE BLACK AND WHITE TV
21
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:55,156
AAH! I'VE ONLY EVER
SEEN COLOR TVs.
22
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,660
ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS ATTEND A BRIEF
TIMESHARE PRESENTATION.
23
00:00:58,693 --> 00:01:01,162
THEY'RE GIVING OUT TVs
AND PRESENTATIONS?
24
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,997
WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM?
25
00:01:03,031 --> 00:01:05,867
SUCKERS.
26
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,835
I'M GOING IN.
27
00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:08,837
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ABOUT
THE BAR MITZVAH?
28
00:01:08,870 --> 00:01:13,174
OH, TELL JACOB OR DANIEL OR BEN
HOW PROUD I AM OF HIM.
29
00:01:15,777 --> 00:01:18,880
WHO HERE WOULD LIKE TO INCREASE
THEIR VACATION VALUE
30
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:22,984
WHILE DECREASING
THEIR VACATION COSTS?
31
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:23,985
IT'S UNCANNY.
32
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:26,420
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT
I WANTED MORE FOR LESS?
33
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:31,159
NOW IMAGINE OWNING YOUR
VERY OWN LUXURY GETAWAY
AT PINE VILLA ESTATES
34
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:34,295
THROUGH THE MIRACLE
OF TIMESHARE OWNERSHIP.
35
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:37,398
STOP. YOU'RE TEASING.
HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH?!
36
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,668
A MERE $10,000.
37
00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:40,635
$10,000.
38
00:01:40,669 --> 00:01:42,103
YES.
39
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,872
OK, PEOPLE,
BACHELOR AUCTION.
40
00:01:43,905 --> 00:01:45,606
DO I HEAR $10,000?
41
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:25,046
IF WE BUY
THIS TIMESHARE,
42
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:28,416
WE WILL HAVE OUR OWN
LITTLE PIECE OF EARTH.
43
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,920
LAND--IT'S THE ONLY
THING THAT MATTERS.
44
00:02:31,953 --> 00:02:37,058
DICK, THAT'S JUST DIRT
FROM THE BACKYARD.
45
00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:39,994
YEAH, THAT'S NOT
EXACTLY DIRT.
46
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,669
WE SIMPLY NEED TO RAISE
ANOTHER 5,000,
47
00:02:48,703 --> 00:02:52,974
AND A GETAWAY AT PINE VILLA
ESTATES WILL BE OURS.
48
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,410
I GUESS IT'S TIME WE SOLD
THAT OLD REFRIGERATOR
OF OURS.
49
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:59,147
IT IS, AFTER ALL,
SOLID GOLD.
50
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:03,985
NO. HARRY, I THINK
THE REFRIGERATOR
IS HAR GOLD.
51
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,254
THERE ARE
3 GRADES OF GOLD--
52
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,857
FOOL'S GOLD,
BLACK HILLS GOLD,
53
00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:10,892
AND HARVEST GOLD,
BEING THE MOST VALUABLE.
54
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,261
I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
55
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,128
HEY, EVERYBODY.
56
00:03:14,162 --> 00:03:16,630
OH, TOMMY. LISTEN,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
57
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:19,033
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
DROP OUT OF COLLEGE.
58
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:21,302
WE NEED THE TUITION MONEY
FOR SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.
59
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:24,305
I DON'T PAY TUITION.
I'M ON SCHOLARSHIP.
60
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:27,041
YOU IDIOT! I'LL
CHECK OUT THE TOASTER.
61
00:03:27,075 --> 00:03:29,677
IT MAY BE PLATINUM.
62
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,546
TOMMY, YOU ARE
GETTING SO BIG.
63
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,482
WHAT ARE THEY
FEEDING YOU?
64
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,218
UH, FRUITS,
VEGETABLES, MILK.
65
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,922
OHH...COLLEGE.
66
00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:42,690
YOU KNOW, TOM-TOMMY,
67
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,593
I THINK YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY
BE TALLER THAN HARRY NOW.
68
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:46,594
COULD BE.
69
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,462
YEAH...RIGHT.
70
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,365
LOOK, EVEN IF TOMMY
WAS TALLER,
71
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,535
THERE'S NO WAY
YOU CAN PROVE IT.
72
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,670
NO, NO. COME BACK
HERE, HARRY.
73
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,606
LET ME TRY SOMETHING.
74
00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:04,245
UH, OK.
TOMMY'S TALLER.
75
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,948
WELL,
HOW ABOUT THAT?
76
00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:09,650
CONGRATULATIONS
THERE, PARTNER.
77
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,120
GUESS FROM NOW ON,
YOU CAN JUST CALL ME
SHORTY.
78
00:04:12,153 --> 00:04:13,721
ALL RIGHT, SHORTY.
79
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,456
I DON'T LIKE
THAT NICKNAME!
80
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:16,624
OH, I'M SORRY, LITTLE MAN.
81
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,093
STOP IT.
82
00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:23,464
OK, FIRST OFF, THERE ARE
NO RARE METALS IN THIS TOASTER.
83
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,634
SECOND, WE WILL BE ENJOYING
OUR POP TARTS RAW
84
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,170
FOR SOME TIME TO COME.
85
00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,672
DICK, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO IN ON
THE TIMESHARE
86
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,407
WITH SOMEONE?
87
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:37,378
SHARE THE TIMESHARE?
SALLY, THAT'S BRILLIANT.
88
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,447
WE JUST NEED TO FIND
SOMEONE SMART ENOUGH
89
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,151
TO RECOGNIZE A GREAT DEAL
WHEN IT DROPS INTO HIS LAP.
90
00:04:43,184 --> 00:04:45,119
YEAH.
91
00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:46,387
SOMEONE SMART.
92
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,458
PICTURE IT--WALKING
IN YOUR OWN MOUNTAIN MEADOW.
93
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:56,865
A LITTLE BIT OF PARADISE
AT PINE VILLA ESTATES
FOR ONLY $5,000.
94
00:04:56,898 --> 00:04:58,366
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DON?
95
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:03,037
WELL, HE DID SAY, "ONLY."
96
00:05:03,071 --> 00:05:04,172
COME ON, DON.
97
00:05:04,205 --> 00:05:09,443
YOU, ME, AND THE GIRLS.
MEADOWS...
98
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,480
$5,000. THAT'S
MY COP PENSION.
99
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,647
WHAT'S THE POINT
OF RETIRING
100
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:16,350
IF YOU HAVE NO PLACE
TO RETIRE TO?
101
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:16,885
I'LL DO IT!
102
00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:19,087
OH, THAT A BOY, DONNY.
103
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,521
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
104
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:21,189
PARTNERS!
105
00:05:21,222 --> 00:05:23,124
VACATION BUDDIES.
106
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,959
HEY, DON'T FORGET
YOUR FREE TV.
HUH?
107
00:05:24,993 --> 00:05:28,229
OH...HE WAS...TALKING TO ME.
108
00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,502
OK, MARY.
109
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,870
ARE YOU READY
TO SEE THE PLACE
110
00:05:35,904 --> 00:05:38,172
WHERE YOU'LL BE SPENDING
EVERY VACATION
111
00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:40,141
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
112
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:45,279
READY.
113
00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:47,215
I'M NOT READY!
114
00:05:47,248 --> 00:05:49,583
OH, MY GOD...
115
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,153
WILL YOU LOOK
AT THIS PLACE!
116
00:05:54,122 --> 00:05:57,825
MY GOD, IT'S GORGEOUS!
117
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,427
OHH...
118
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:04,198
AND ONLY 3 HOURS
AND 4 CAR BARGES AWAY.
119
00:06:04,232 --> 00:06:05,967
[GASP]
120
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,903
SWANKY.
121
00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,339
OH, I WANNA
SEE EVERYTHING.
122
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,941
OH, THIS MUST BE
THE LIVING AREA.
123
00:06:12,974 --> 00:06:16,077
OH, LOOK, DONNY.
THE DINING AREA.
124
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,212
AND THE BEDROOM AREA.
OHH...
125
00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:20,714
GUYS, I FOUND
ANOTHER AREA.
126
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:25,719
WOW! SO WE CAN
RUN AWAY TO THIS PLACE
WHENEVER WE WANT
127
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:29,523
DURING RED-MARKED WEEKS
ON ONLY 90 DAYS' NOTICE.
128
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:33,127
OH, YEAH. YEAH, THERE'LL
BE A LOT OF THESE
129
00:06:33,161 --> 00:06:36,364
TUESDAY THROUGH
MID-DAY THURSDAY
GETAWAYS.
130
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,899
SO COME ON,
LET'S UNPACK.
131
00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:41,269
UNPACK WHERE, DICK?
I DON'T SEE A CLOSET.
132
00:06:41,302 --> 00:06:42,803
I DON'T EVEN SEE A WINDOW.
133
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:46,507
DON'T WORRY, MARY.
HERE'S CLOSET.
134
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,375
AND THERE'S YOUR WINDOW.
135
00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:48,342
OHH.
136
00:06:56,317 --> 00:06:59,720
HELLO, MISS DUBCEK.
137
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,290
TOMMY.
138
00:07:02,323 --> 00:07:06,227
HOW'S THE WEATHER
DOWN THERE, HALF-PINT?
139
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,296
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF
THE STILTS, HARRY?
140
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:13,167
WELL, IF YOU THINK
IT'LL MAKE A DIFFERENCE,
PEE WEE.
141
00:07:13,201 --> 00:07:14,735
OH.
142
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,008
THAT WAS MIGHTY BOLD,
SHORTY.
143
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:22,410
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT
THAT I'M TALLER THAN YOU, MAN?
144
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:27,048
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU GREW, YET YOUR
CLOTHES STILL FIT.
145
00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:29,450
OR DID THEY
GROW, TOO?
146
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,986
FINE, I DIDN'T GROW.
MAYBE YOU JUST SHRUNK.
147
00:07:32,020 --> 00:07:35,523
DAMN RIGHT.
WH--SHRUNK?
148
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:39,393
IT'S VERY POSSIBLE. IT'S
IN ALL THE MEDICAL JOURNALS.
149
00:07:39,427 --> 00:07:40,461
REALLY?
150
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,264
YEAH. WHEN YOU AGE,
YOU GET SHORTER.
151
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:47,635
YOU SEE THESE CAPRIS?
THEY USED TO BE BIKE SHORTS.
152
00:07:50,238 --> 00:07:52,006
OH, MY GOD.
JUST MINUTES AGO,
153
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,010
THESE PANTS HIT
THE TOP OF MY SHOES,
154
00:07:56,044 --> 00:07:59,447
AND NOW THEY
TOUCH THE FLOOR.
155
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,749
I AM SHRINKING!
156
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,554
I DON'T KNOW DICK,
157
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,821
THIS PLACE LOOKS A LITTLE ROUGH.
158
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,591
OH, NOW MARY YOU SAID ABOUT
THE PAWN SHOP
159
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,759
AND THE TATTOO PARLOR
160
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,827
YOU'ER NOT GIVING THIS
TOWN A CHANCE.
161
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,263
DON'T WORRY ALBRIGHT
162
00:08:15,296 --> 00:08:17,331
WE GOT A POLICE MAN WITH US
163
00:08:17,365 --> 00:08:19,367
ARE YOU TRING TO GET
ME KILLED?
164
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,470
SIT, UH, SIT DOWN
165
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:23,604
YEAH?
166
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,539
I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF MERLOT
167
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:28,209
WHAT?
168
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:29,943
IT'S WINE.
169
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:34,948
I GUESS I CAN MIX
BLACKBERRY SCHNAPPS
AND TAP WATER.
170
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:36,850
KEEP 'EM COMING.
171
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,552
ALL AROUND.
172
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,521
HOW ARE WE GONNA KILL
3 DAYS UP HERE?
173
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,889
OH, NO, THERE'S
PLENTY TO DO.
174
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,458
WE'LL JUST GET THE SKINNY
FROM THE LOCALS.
175
00:08:44,492 --> 00:08:48,929
UH...
176
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:52,533
EXCUSE ME, SIR. WE'RE
VACATIONING IN THE AREA.
177
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,002
WHAT IS THE ONE THING
WE SHOULD NOT MISS?
178
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,672
WELL, UH, THERE'S THE PRISON.
179
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,774
I SEE. ARE THERE
ANY CRAFTS FAIRS?
180
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:04,478
OH, WE GOT THAT--PRISON CRAFTS.
181
00:09:04,512 --> 00:09:05,846
COMMUNITY THEATER?
182
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,548
THEY WERE GONNA DO
GUYS AND DOLLS AT THE PRISON,
183
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:12,019
BUT SOME OF THE GUYS
DIDN'T WANNA BE DOLLS.
184
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,222
THANK YOU.
185
00:09:16,257 --> 00:09:18,592
LOOK, WE'RE
4 INTERESTING PEOPLE.
186
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:19,893
WE'LL MAKE OUR OWN FUN.
187
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,029
[KNIFE TAPPING
AGAINST TABLE]
188
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,768
UH, EXCUSE ME.
189
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,304
COULD WE BORROW THE KNIFE?
190
00:09:39,147 --> 00:09:42,883
DICK, THERE'S SOMETHING
CRAWLING UP MY BACK.
191
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,787
NO. THAT'S ME, MARY.
I'M JUST BEING FRISKY.
192
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,557
I CAN SEE YOUR HANDS.
IT'S A BUG.
193
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,526
OH, STOP MAKING EXCUSES
FOR THIS DUMP.
194
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,596
OH, I KNOW. I MADE
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
195
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:58,299
I THOUGHT THAT
OWNING MY OWN PLACE
WOULD FEEL WONDERFUL.
196
00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:01,769
INSTEAD,
IT'S JUST ITCHY.
197
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,272
WHAT DO I DO?
198
00:10:04,305 --> 00:10:05,306
YOU'VE GOT TO GET RID OF IT.
199
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,608
BUT HOW?
200
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,577
SELL IT TO DON.
201
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:13,013
YOU REALLY THINK
HE WOULD BUY IT?
202
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:16,950
WHY DON'T YOU ROLL OVER
AND ASK HIM?
203
00:10:21,589 --> 00:10:24,992
OH, SORRY, COMING THROUGH.
GANG WAY.
204
00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:29,330
DON'T--NO,
DON'T WORRY, MARY.
205
00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:30,898
I'LL TALK TO DON
TOMORROW.
206
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,466
GOOD. LET IT
BE DON'S HEADACHE.
207
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,002
ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU
LISTEN TO ME, DON.
208
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,305
YOU'RE A COP.
YOU HAVE CONNECTIONS.
209
00:10:37,338 --> 00:10:42,042
CAN YOU PLEASE GET US
A ROOM IN THAT PRISON?
210
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,312
I KNOW, SALLY.
WE'RE TRAPPED.
211
00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:46,447
WHAT CAN I DO?
212
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,419
SELL YOUR SHARE TO DICK.
213
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,022
IT'S ALL HIS FAULT, ANYWAY.
214
00:10:56,524 --> 00:11:00,761
FINE. I'LL DO IT.
OK.
215
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:05,666
HEY, ARE YOU
GETTING FRISKY?
216
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,100
NO, WHY?
217
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,269
DAAH! BUG!
218
00:11:08,302 --> 00:11:11,239
[ALL SCREAMING]
219
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:18,679
[BOTH GRUNTING]
220
00:11:26,654 --> 00:11:28,322
ISN'T THIS GREAT, DON...
221
00:11:28,356 --> 00:11:30,224
SPLITTING WOOD OUTSIDE
OUR OWN TIMESHARE?
222
00:11:30,258 --> 00:11:33,627
YEAH. GOOD, WHOLESOME
OUTDOOR EXERCISE.
223
00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:36,196
I COULD DO THIS FOR HOURS.
224
00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:39,333
I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT WE
DON'T HAVE A FIREPLACE.
225
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,869
ME, NEITHER.
226
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,274
BY THE WAY, DON,
227
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:49,510
I HAVE GOOD NEWS
AND BAD NEWS.
228
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:50,678
WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?
229
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,646
MARY'S DYING.
230
00:11:54,582 --> 00:11:55,483
THAT'S GOOD NEWS?
231
00:11:55,516 --> 00:11:57,017
WELL, IT IS FOR YOU, DON.
232
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,720
'CAUSE I HAVE TO SELL
MY HALF OF THE TIMESHARE
233
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,422
TO PAY FOR MARY'S OPERATION.
234
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:04,224
AND THE DOCTOR FEELS
I SHOULD SELL IT TO YOU.
235
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:09,530
WELL, UH,
WON'T MARY NEED
A NICE PLACE
236
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,065
IN THE COUNTRY
TO RECUPERATE?
237
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,434
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
BUY ME OUT.
238
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:15,936
WHO ARE YOU,
THE SURGEON GENERAL?
239
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,272
MARY'S ONLY CHANCE IS
FOR YOU TO BUY THIS PLACE.
240
00:12:18,306 --> 00:12:20,641
YEAH? WELL, MY ONLY
CHANCE IS TO SELL IT.
241
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,142
LOOK AT THESE BLISTERS.
242
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,111
I'M NOT CUT OUT
FOR THIS LIFE.
243
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,547
NOT THAT
I DON'T LOVE IT.
244
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,216
IF YOU LOVE IT,
THEN BUY ME OUT FOR $4,500.
245
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,385
OR YOU COULD GIVE ME
4,000 FOR MY HALF.
246
00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:34,655
3,700 FOR MY HALF,
BUT THAT'S AS LOW AS I GO.
247
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,524
I'LL TAKE 3,000 AND
THROW IN THE FLY STRIP.
248
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:38,025
OH, COME ON, DON!
249
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,927
JUST BUY IT,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.
250
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,829
YOU ONLY HAVE TO LIVE THERE
ONE WEEK A YEAR.
251
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:45,098
YOU BUY IT!
YOU GOT ME INTO THIS.
252
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,702
SO THIS IS WHAT IT
COMES DOWN TO, EH, ORVILLE?
253
00:12:48,736 --> 00:12:52,340
I SHOULD WARN YOU.
I'M PRETTY HANDY WITH AN AX.
254
00:12:52,373 --> 00:12:55,676
I SAW YOU CHOPPING.
YOU'RE NOT.
255
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,279
OK, THIS IS MY FINAL OFFER.
256
00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:00,914
GIVE ME 2,900,
AND I'LL LET YOU
257
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,984
TAKE ONE SWIPE AT ME
WITH THE AX.
258
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,730
TOMMY, I'M SHRINKING.
259
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,369
AND WHO KNOWS
WHERE IT MIGHT END?
260
00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:24,705
SO, I'VE TAKEN
SOME PRECAUTIONS.
261
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:33,447
STRIPES. IT'LL MAKE ME
LOOK TALLER.
262
00:13:33,481 --> 00:13:35,616
I ALSO GOT YOU THIS,
HEARING AID.
263
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,650
I CAN HEAR YOU FINE.
264
00:13:36,684 --> 00:13:37,851
WELL, SURE, NOW.
265
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,253
BUT WHEN [HIGH-PITCHED]
I GET REAL SMALL,
266
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:43,391
I'LL SOUND LIKE THIS,
AND I MIGHT NEED
YOUR HELP.
267
00:13:43,424 --> 00:13:45,926
OK! ALL RIGHT!
268
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,094
I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING,
269
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,929
BUT, LOOK, I CAN SEE
YOU'RE REALLY FREAKED OUT,
270
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:52,700
SO, EARLIER ON, I SAW THIS.
271
00:13:52,733 --> 00:13:56,704
"RUTHERFORD
ENLARGEMENT CLINIC."
272
00:13:56,737 --> 00:13:59,407
"FOR THE MAN
WHO WANTS MORE."
273
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,043
"LET US HELP YOU BECOME
THE SIZE YOU DESERVE."
274
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,252
DICK, DID YOU WORK IT OUT?
275
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,588
YES, I DID, MARY.
276
00:14:14,622 --> 00:14:17,425
I SOLD MY HALF OF
THE TIMESHARE TO DON.
277
00:14:17,458 --> 00:14:18,459
OH, THAT'S
A RELIEF.
278
00:14:18,492 --> 00:14:21,328
AND I SOLD MY HALF
TO DICK.
279
00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:25,399
AW, JEEZ LOUISE!
280
00:14:25,433 --> 00:14:27,735
YOU MEAN, WE'RE GONNA BE
STUCK IN THIS DUMP FOREVER?
281
00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:29,570
OH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
282
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:34,475
IT'S AS IF THAT SALESMAN
EXAGGERATED HOW
DESIRABLE THIS PLACE IS.
283
00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:37,244
NOW, LOOK, I KNOW THAT'S
A HARSH ACCUSATION--
284
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:40,548
IT'S THE CLASSIC
BAIT AND SWITCH,
DICK.
285
00:14:40,581 --> 00:14:43,684
IN MY LINE OF WORK,
I'VE SEEN IT
A THOUSAND TIMES.
286
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,920
WELL, THEN WHY
DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?
287
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:50,824
WELL, ACTUALLY,
I'VE ONLY SEEN IT TWICE.
288
00:14:50,858 --> 00:14:52,626
WELL, GET READY, DON...
289
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,529
BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT
TO SEE IT AGAIN.
290
00:14:55,563 --> 00:14:59,667
BUT THIS TIME, WE
WON'T BE THE SUCKERS.
291
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,368
GOOD!
292
00:15:02,703 --> 00:15:06,273
MAYBE WE SHOULD
HAVE A HAND-SIGN,
JUST IN CASE AND--
293
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:16,850
HI.
294
00:15:16,884 --> 00:15:18,886
HI.
295
00:15:19,587 --> 00:15:23,256
YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU COULD USE
ANOTHER FOOT.
296
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:24,124
HEY...
297
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,826
I-I'M SORRY.
298
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:29,296
W-WELL, IT'S HARD
TO TELL WHEN YOU'RE
SITTIN' DOWN.
299
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,966
SO HE USED TO BE BIGGER
THAN ME.
300
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,870
AND THEN MY AUNT REALIZED
THAT I'M THE BIGGER ONE NOW.
301
00:15:36,904 --> 00:15:39,072
HE CAN'T STAND IT.
302
00:15:40,508 --> 00:15:44,111
HE MAKES ME MEASURE HIM,
LIKE, 5 TIMES A DAY.
303
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,946
WHEN HE WAKES UP,
AFTER HIS SHOWER,
304
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:49,282
AFTER HIS STRETCHING
EXERCISES--
305
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,322
THESE GUYS ARE WEIRD.
306
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,360
SAY, DID YOU SEE
THAT SUN RISE
307
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,663
OVER THE TIRE PLANT
THIS MORNING?
308
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,165
I SAID, IF THOSE COLORS
COME FROM CHEMICALS,
309
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,835
BRING ON THE CHEMICALS!
310
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:09,503
I THINK EVERYONE'S
HERE, DICK.
311
00:16:09,537 --> 00:16:11,304
OH, GOOD, THEN LET'S
ALL GET STARTED.
312
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,472
SALLY!
313
00:16:12,506 --> 00:16:15,342
FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS,
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
314
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,811
WE ARE ALL UNITED
BY OUR LOVE
315
00:16:17,845 --> 00:16:19,980
FOR PINE VILLA ESTATES
TIMESHARES.
316
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,815
NOW HERE'S SOME
EXCITING NEWS.
317
00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:24,117
AS GREAT
AS ONE TIMESHARE IS,
318
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:27,020
2 TIMESHARES
ARE EVEN BETTER.
319
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:28,088
WHOA!
OH!
320
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,758
YES, I WOULD LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE MIRACLE
321
00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:33,694
OF MULTI-TIMESHARE
OWNERSHIP.
322
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,963
I'M ALREADY
A MULTI-TIMESHARE
OWNER
323
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,065
AND AM CONSIDERING
A THIRD.
324
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,733
OOH.
[GASPS]
OOH.
325
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:43,503
MY QUESTION IS,
IS IT WRONG TO BE
THIS HAPPY?
326
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,640
GOOD QUESTION.
NO, IT'S NOT.
327
00:16:46,674 --> 00:16:50,243
BUT YOU WON'T BE HAPPY
IF SOMEONE HERE BUYS
THIS TIMESHARE FIRST.
328
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:53,213
I'LL THROW IN
2 BLACK AND WHITE TVs
AND A FREE CORD OF WOOD.
329
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,982
ANYONE?
330
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,750
DID YOU
FEEL THAT?
WHAT?
331
00:16:56,784 --> 00:16:58,719
IT FELT LIKE
THE FLOOR
WAS BUCKLING.
332
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,888
IT'S THE CLUBHOUSE
ALL OVER AGAIN!
333
00:17:00,921 --> 00:17:02,890
NO! DON'T GO!
I'M SURE THAT--
334
00:17:02,923 --> 00:17:03,957
THAT HASN'T BEEN
A PROBLEM.
335
00:17:03,991 --> 00:17:05,893
EXCUSE ME.
IF YOU'LL JUST--
336
00:17:05,926 --> 00:17:08,696
BE SURE TO TAKE
SOME BROCHURES.
337
00:17:08,729 --> 00:17:10,230
BROCHURES!
338
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,067
OK, MR. SOLOMON.
339
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,536
I'VE BEEN REVIEWING
YOUR CHART.
340
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:21,174
NOW, IT SAYS HERE,
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING A VARIETY
OF HOME REMEDIES.
341
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,243
HANGING FROM THE CEILING?
342
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:26,947
WITH WEIGHTS ATTACHED.
343
00:17:28,749 --> 00:17:31,118
THAT IS UNORTHODOX.
344
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,186
WELL, I'M DESPERATE.
345
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,589
I'M SHRINKING.
346
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:37,557
SHRINKING?
347
00:17:37,591 --> 00:17:39,827
YOU DO KNOW THAT THERE'S
A NATURAL FLUCTUATION
IN SIZE,
348
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:42,062
BASED ON EXCITEMENT.
349
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:50,671
YOU MEAN I'M BIGGER
WHEN I'M WATCHING
PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING?
350
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,575
WELL, TO EACH HIS OWN.
351
00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:58,345
YOU GOTTA HELP ME, DOC.
MAKE ME TALLER.
352
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:01,314
WAIT. MR. SOLOMON,
ARE YOU CONCERNED
ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT?
353
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:06,119
WELL, WHY ELSE WOULD I
DRAG MY TINY BUTT
DOWN HERE?
354
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,356
I THINK YOUR HEIGHT
IS STABLE.
355
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:12,325
OF COURSE, I'VE EXAMINED
ONLY ONE PART OF YOU.
356
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,528
YEAH. I WAS WONDERING
ABOUT THAT.
357
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,832
UH, BUT...
358
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:20,701
FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN,
359
00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:25,238
YOU SHOULD HAVE NO FEARS
ABOUT YOUR SIZE IN THAT AREA.
360
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,240
OH?
361
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,743
IN FACT, MOST OF THE MEN
WHO COME TO ME
362
00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:33,246
WOULD BE QUITE PLEASED
TO HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE.
363
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,888
SHOULD I GO OUT THERE
AND MAYBE SHOW THESE GUYS
WHAT TO SHOOT FOR?
364
00:18:40,921 --> 00:18:42,089
OH.
365
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,692
OH, NO. NO, NO.
366
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,093
WELL, WHY NOT?
367
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,195
YEAH!
368
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,734
THAT ONE OLD GUY
SEEMED KIND OF INTERESTED.
369
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:58,205
WHEN EVERYONE ELSE
RUSHED OUT,
HE STAYED BEHIND.
370
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,741
HE WAS TRAMPLED, DICK.
371
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,778
HE'S STILL
OUR NUMBER ONE PROSPECT.
372
00:19:04,812 --> 00:19:06,046
OH, IT'S MY FAULT.
373
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:09,182
I BOUGHT INTO
THIS AMERICAN DREAM
OF HOME OWNERSHIP--
374
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,952
THE WHITE PICKET FENCE,
THE GARDEN ARBOR,
375
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,421
THE INCREDIBLY HOT WIDOW
NEXT DOOR
376
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:17,758
WHO GIVES MASSAGES
IN EXCHANGE
FOR YARD WORK.
377
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:18,826
DICK!
378
00:19:18,859 --> 00:19:20,460
MARY, WE
WERE ALL FOOLED.
379
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,062
BUT I'M DONE
WITH THIS PLACE.
380
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:23,997
THEN LET'S JUST
TAKE THE LOSS
381
00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:27,067
AND PRETEND
THIS WHOLE THING
NEVER HAPPENED.
382
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,002
SAY GOOD-BYE TO THIS
PATHETIC KITCHENETTE
383
00:19:29,036 --> 00:19:32,605
WITH ITS 2 INCHES
OF COUNTER SPACE,
384
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:37,244
HARDLY ROOM FOR POOR DON
TO SHAVE HIS BACK
IN THE MORNING.
385
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,749
AND WE'LL NEVER GET IN
THAT HORRIBLE POOL AGAIN.
386
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:45,518
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE SAW
THAT THING IN THE WATER...
387
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:49,056
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW
IF IT WAS A BUG OR A TURTLE,
388
00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:50,657
AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE...
389
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,826
KIND OF BOTH.
390
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,062
I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU
RUN THAT FAST!
391
00:19:55,095 --> 00:19:56,563
ME, NEITHER. I KNOW.
392
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,766
WELL, I WORKED UP
QUITE AN APPETITE.
393
00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:00,433
AND THEN
WE CAME BACK HERE
394
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:05,172
AND TRIED TO JAM
A FROZEN PIZZA
INTO THAT TINY OVEN.
395
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:08,108
AND THEN WE
PUT OUT THE FIRE
WITH MARY'S SWEATER.
396
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,609
WHY, IT WENT UP
LIKE A...
397
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:10,510
CASHMERE SWEATER!
398
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,612
I KNOW. HA HA HA!
399
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,481
AT LEAST WE WERE WARM
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
400
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,917
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
401
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:18,952
[SIGHS]
402
00:20:18,986 --> 00:20:21,454
FUNNY, IN SPITE
OF EVERYTHING,
403
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:25,658
WE'VE ENDED UP WITH SOME
PRETTY SPECIAL MEMORIES.
404
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:31,198
MAYBE THIS CRUMMY TIMESHARE
JUST NEEDS A LITTLE LOVE.
405
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,466
SOMEONE TO GIVE IT
A SLAP OF PAINT.
406
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,337
OR JUST HOSE IT DOWN.
407
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,206
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING?
408
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:45,712
I BELIEVE THAT,
LIKE THE MUSHROOMS
GROWING IN THE CORNER...
409
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,315
OUR LOVE FOR THIS PLACE
CAN ONLY MULTIPLY.
410
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,783
THIS IS HOME.
411
00:20:49,817 --> 00:20:51,251
AHH...
412
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,086
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
413
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:56,824
THIS IS OUR TIMESHARE.
IT'S OUR WEEKEND.
414
00:20:56,857 --> 00:20:59,526
WAIT A SECOND.
THIS IS OUR HOME.
415
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:00,861
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
416
00:21:00,894 --> 00:21:03,931
MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL
STAY HERE TOGETHER.
417
00:21:03,964 --> 00:21:06,666
I'M SURE THAT WE WOULD ALL
GROW TO LOVE EACH OTHER.
418
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,668
HAVE YOU FOLKS
VISITED THE PRISON YET?
419
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,604
LIVED THERE FOR 4 YEARS,
420
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,807
AND I AIN'T AFRAID
TO GO BACK.
421
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,310
OK, VACATION'S OVER.
422
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:20,280
[ALL SHOUTING]
423
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,815
BYE-BYE!
29955
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