All language subtitles for The Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre (2021).en

♪ I got the bowling ball blues ♪

♪ When I first started bowling

just a spare was great ♪

♪ And the score looked good
at 108 ♪

♪ And they said if I practiced
I could raise my game ♪

♪ So I practiced and I practiced

but I still bowled the same ♪

♪ I got the bowling ball blues ♪

♪ My wife, she can beat me
and my daughters too ♪

♪ I think I'll hang up
my bowling ball ♪

♪ My bag and my shoes ♪

♪ I got the bowling ball
blues ♪

Harley, how you want
your wiener?

-Vigorously blown.
-What?

I said burn it,

like you do every
other goddamned thing.

You know, I ain't gotta take
your shit, God damn it.

You know I could of married
Jerry Sprinklebum.

-He's a doctor, you know.
-Shit.

Jerry Sprinklebum
ain't no goddamned doctor.

Jerry Sprinklebum's
a goddamned music teacher

who calls himself doctor

which probably means
he's a goddamned fruity pants.

Jerry Sprinklebum ain't
no goddamned fruity pants.

He's married
to Scarlett Jean Hammond.

Let me ask you something.

Scarlett Jean Hammond
got any kids?

No!

Scarlett Jean ever tell you
how Jerry's got all them

body building magazines
laying around?

He ain't never seen
the inside of a gym

unless it's spelled J-I-M.

You know you're a goddamned
dipshit right?

Eh.

-Hey, Pa, what's this?
-Hey, where'd you get that?

It was in a box between your
oddly shaped titty magazines

and your hot soapy ass
fucking periodicals.

Well now, hands off it,
don't bend the pages.

Shit.

This here's what you might call
a collector's item.

Looky here, issue number 1.

The Manson brothers
midnight zombie massacre.

-Who's the Manson brothers?
-Who's the Manson brothers?

They was the baddest ass
motherfucking tag team

in professional wrestling.

That's who they were.

You see they'd just begun
to smash their way

on to the wrestling scene,
right?

And they had just had

their very first
big match and...

Good lord, folks!

This is quite frankly
a massacre.

A massacre.

In my 20 years
in professional wrestling,

I've never witnessed
such brutality.

The tag team champions
have just been torn to pieces

by the merciless onslaught
of the Manson brothers

out of Chicago, Illinois.

As you can see behind me,

paramedics are tending to
the former tag team champs.

Your tag team champions
are nothing but a couple

of low down floor-fudging
sacks of lizard shit!

Now listen up, little man,
and listen good!

There's nobody, nobody
that's getting in the ring

with the Manson brothers
and going bell to bell!

We don't beat people up!

-We beat them off!
-Down, we beat them down.

-Whatever.
-My God!

Stone Manson, a word.

What do you have to say
for yourself, young man?

Here's what I got to say
for myself, Bob!

Outside of the stench
and all the ugly broads,

it's okay to be
in Santa Fe, New Mexico!

Hey, Bob,
I got a question for you.

-Do you go to church on Sundays?
-Well, of course--

I don't care if you go
to church on Sundays!

Because the unholy
reign of terror

that we are about to unleash
on New Mexico

is going to be biblical
in proportions!

Nothing and I mean nothing
but an act of God

can stop the Manson brothers!

Ladies and gentleman!

Welcome to the apocalypse!

I thought you said this fucking
thing has zombies in it.

Have some patience, God damn it!

This is what you call
an origin, right?

-And set up.
-Harley, stop feeding him full

of that horse shit and teach him
about some real art.

Shirlene, the only art
you know is that kid

with a big old wart
on his pecker

you gave a hand job to
in that unisex shit house

in the third grade.

That wasn't a wart.

That was an extra dick.

I felt sorry for that boy,
it was damn near charity.

Listen to me, boy.

This may save your life one day.

Don't you ever, ever,

ever marry no woman
who's stupid enough to believe

that a big old pulsating wart
is an extra dick.

You promise me now, boy.

Yes, sir, I promise.

Make me proud, son.

But Pa, what happened
to the Manson brothers?

Well now,
they began a 20 year rise

to the top
of the wrestling scene,

capturing the WWO tag team title
record five times.

And this happens
with these guys.

Well, they got into
some trouble...

of the po-po kind.

Got themselves excommunicated
from the big leagues

and go back on the road
and cut a hard living

on the indie circuit.

And that brought them
right back here

to present day
in the beginning of our story.

Santa Fe, New Mexico,

some many, many years later.

Hey, hey, hey!

We're gonna make
so much money tonight.

There he is the world's
number one promoter

of bullshit.

The t-shirts alone!

It's a license to print money.

We are gonna kill it.

-Well, I am anyway.
-How do you want it to go?

How do I want it to go?

How do you want it to go?

I'm marketing, you're content.

You know what, I want action,
revenge, lust.

Big, it's a big night.

Okay, give me big.

Twenty good minutes,
take it home.

You're looking good, Ricky.

I smell money!

Boy, some shit never changes,
don't it?

Yeah, they're letting this place
go to the shit hole.

-What a toilet.
-Yeah, money!

You guys haven't been around
in a while.

Vic's doing the best he can,

but the business just isn't
what it was 25-30 years ago.

Hey, who's going over?

We ain't got that far yet.

How about I go over on Skull
with the scorpion death lock?

Err, not happening, kid.

I ain't a kid, gramps,

so you can take your AARP card
and shove it up your ass.

Hey, Jackie,
how about a fuck finish?

Yeah, fuck finish
is good with us.

-Hang on--
-Rick, it's a fuck finish.

Okay?

-How do you want to do it?
-We'll build the heat on Rick.

-Set you up with a false tag--
-Wait, wait, wait.

Why do I have to take the heat?

-Hey, Rains, who trained you?
-Carson Murdock.

-Aces.
-Carson the Crippler Murdock?

The living legend himself?

Yeah, just ask him.

You know he tells everybody
he's the last

-of the old school hookers.
-'Cause he is.

No, Thump's a hooker,
Skull's a hooker.

Carson, not a hooker.

Hey, he beat your brother,
the so-called hooker,

in that legit shoot in '92 so--

That's a bunch of crap
and you know it.

It happened, can't change
the record books, Stone.

Well, much like
the living legend himself,

that's the biggest myth in
professional wrestling, son.

Carson the Crippler Murdock,
the only guy

to ever beat Skull Manson
in a legit shoot.

Carson thinks if he tells
himself enough times,

it will actually become real,
just like Pinocchio.

-Pinocchio is real?
-No, it's a fairytale

like Jack and the Beanstalk,
leprechauns,

and Carson's career.

You wouldn't be laughing
if Carson was here.

You're right, I'd be laughing
twice as hard.

Carson could tap out you and
you're rocket scientist brother.

-Hey, hey, hey!
-Bring it, Pops.

What are you doing?

He called you
a rocket scientist.

Well, jokes on him, I don't know
nothing about rockets.

-Jesus.
-Guys, come on.

I'll take the heat, all right?

-I'll take it.
-See, kid, that's a pro.

Hey, Skull,
what's four plus four?

-I don't know, seven probably.
-Keep pushing it.

Can we just work the match?

Stone, lay it out for us.

We'll build the heat on you.

When I tell you
we'll go corner to corner

for the big clothesline,
you reverse it.

Skull will nail me with it.

You tag in Rick, he'll come in
and clean house.

We'll bail,
ref will call for the bell.

Double DQ, everybody goes home
strong, cool?

-Sounds like a plan.
-All right, let's do it.

-Why do we gotta get DQ'd, Jack?
-That's your boy.

We're supposed to be the champs.

This is bullshit!

Hey, Rick.

You want to be
a professional wrestler, right?

Then be professional.

This is entertainment.

You are an entertainer.

So get ready to entertain.

Oh my God.

I swear that kid has an all-day
hard-on for you guys.

Yeah, what else is new?

-Hey, Skull.
-Yeah?

Did Carson actually beat you
in '92?

Fair and square.

Yeah, well,
he did but he didn't.

How's that?

They wanted to give Carson
a push

so they set up a match
with Skull

who's trained by Thump
who everyone knows

is like the baddest motherfucker
on the planet, right?

Nice guy that he is,

Skull makes Carson
look like a million bucks.

-'Cause that's what we do.
-'Cause that's what we do.

Problem is Mr. Congeniality
over here

completely forgets
that there's a time limit

and before he can
reverse Carson,

the bell rings,
there's no submission

and Carson's in
the superior position.

So guess what,
based on the rules,

shitty pants over here
loses on points.

Shitty pants?

You shit your pants one time
with this guy,

you never live it down.

Well, thank you for clearing
that up for me.

-Sure thing.
-See you out there.

Skull, why don't you take
that jabroni Rains

and stretch the living hell
out of him?

Ain't it funny?

All the guys Carson trains
are just like he is.

You mean arrogant shit hooks
who believe their own bullshit?

Yeah, well the business
is full of rotten jabronies

like that now.

It ain't the business
I came up in.

You ever think
about retiring, Thump?

I'm too old to retire, son.

Wrestling's all I know.

I'll either be carried out
of that ring in a box

or probably go tits up
in some shit bag motel.

Just another forgotten bust out.

Who's gonna forget Thump Hanson?

You're the last of
the old school hookers.

Not to mention you trained
the Manson Brothers.

You're an icon, Thump.

You got the most
prophylactic career

in professional wrestling.

We always telling you,
you gotta have

a more prostitute attitude.

Don't be so negative
all the time.

Well, that's why
I love you boys.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I'mma go home

and bang the old lady.

You mean that gorgeous woman
still let's you

put your greasy old mitts
on her?

Have fun,
enjoy it while you can.

Love that guy.

Yo, Manson Brothers!

Five-minute warning.

-Have a good night, boys.
-Thanks, brother.

Hey yo, when's Vic gonna put you
in a match, bro?

He says when I get
a cool gimmick and bulk up.

I got something for that though.

-Don't quit your day job.
-This is my day job.

Hey yo, don't be a dick,
the kid's trying.

You got a ring name
picked out yet?

Vic keeps calling me
the Great Chorizo.

'Cause you got
a real big sausage?

No, my mom packs it in my lunch.

That kids gonna get brutalized
in the locker room.

The Great Chorizo?

-Hey!
-Babe, are you guys up soon?

-I gotta pee.
-How bad?

I had three beers at the RV

and then three when we got here.

Skull, honey,
you forgot your aspirin

and your chewable vitamins.

Too good to me, Luce.

What would I do without you?

Probably starve to death
'cause you don't know

how to use a can opener.

Nobody asked you,
peanut gallery.

Thank you, love.

You're the star in my sky,
you know that?

I'm gonna puke in my mouth
if you keep going like that.

'Cause you got
no fucking romance.

Hey, I think it's cute
they've been together so long

and they're still sweet
on each other.

-You could take a lesson.
-Well, baby,

if we make it even half that
long I will drop to my knees--

-And?
-Nothing, I'll just drop

to my knees,
I'll be like 75 years old.

-Oh my God, you're such a jerk.
-You still love me though.

Can you hold it?

-We're up next.
-You know I will.

I'm not missing your entrance.

You know how much
it turns me on.

Indeed I do.

-I will see you after.
-Yes you will.

Please be careful.

Oh you worry too much, kid,
we can do this in our sleep.

Go sit down,
have a good time, okay?

-Bye.
-Don't talk to nobody neither.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Hope you didn't forget
your Depends.

Ever notice how
most of the baby faces

are like, the biggest pricks
in the world

on the heels are the nicest guys
you ever want to meet?

Iconic ain't it?

It's also ironic.

Fuck you!

They are the former five-time
WWO tag team champions!

Stone and Skull!

The Manson brothers!

Okay, fuckwads.

Obey my bullshit instructions
at all times

or I'll yank down my pants

and wiggle my prick
in your face,

and I ain't had a bath
in a week.

Understand, monkey fuckers?

Am I making myself clear,
ass pirates?

What are we doing?

Twenty minutes,
seesaw, seesaw,

a bunch of false tags,
double DQ.

-You know the routine.
-Great!

Then we can blow this shithole
and go get soaked.

Moon, I think you may have
started without us.

I've been marinating
since about noon-thirty.

Let's work this bitch!

Jesus, he's pixilated.

Hope he remembers his spots.

I just hope he doesn't
fall out of the ring.

All right, go do
your dipsy doodles.

Yeah!

Let me hear it!

Come on, come on.

Timber!

Come on, old man.

Come on.

Come on.

Play it tight, keep it snug!

Keep it snug!

Yeah!

Yeah!

He's coming in!

Come on.

Come on, come on, let's go.

There's no tag!

Manson brothers!

Come on, I'll take
his freaking head off!

Keep it snug!

Leg flap, leg flap, leg flap!

Hey, Rains, what gives?

A little change in the program.

Hey, loosen up, you stiff prick.

I'll loosen up
when you tap out, asshole.

Okay, fish, have it your way.

That's it, that's it!

That one's gonna hurt
in the morning.

What the fuck was that?

I don't know.

That jabroni
tried to stretch me.

-So you break his fucking leg?
-I wasn't trying to.

He's got like rickets or peanut
brittle bones or some shit.

I don't know,
what do you want from me?

Referee Moon McMullins
has stopped the match

and disqualified both teams.

This match is a double
disqualification.

Re-match, re-match, re-match!

-Re-match, re-match, re-match!
-Aaah!

Holy shit!

You enjoying yourself?

Shit, yeah I am.

Do you realize
what you just did?

Vic, I lost my temper.

-I apologize lugubriously.
-I don't know what that means.

Listen, I can promote the fuck
out of a re-match.

Oh!

Do you freaking hear that?

Re-match, baby!

Jack, sorry about your partner.

No, fuck that jabroni man.

-Listen to that crowd.
-Re-match, baby.

How we gonna have a re-match

when his partner's
all regurgitating?

No, I got that all figured out.

We do a big mystery partner.

-It's gold.
-Marks love that gimmick.

Aren't we putting the horse
before the ox?

The cart.

The ox, the horse,
whatever the fuck.

Wait, wait, wait,
listen to this.

Next Saturday,
Halloween night at midnight,

right here in Santa Fe,
New Mexico

there will be a re-match!

And not just a re-match.

A steel cage re-match,

15-foot tall steel cage.

Did you say cage match?

A Jack cage match, huh, huh?

-Love me, love me?
-Love you!

I love you so much.

This Halloween at midnight,

the merciless Manson Brothers
against Jack the Rage Cage

and a mystery partner.

Cage match at midnight?

Come on, you can stay up one
time past midnight, Cinderella.

You're not gonna turn
into a pumpkin.

Come on, Skull,
I really need this one.

-I'll double your payout.
-Done.

-Hang on.
-Come on, what do you say?

-Come on, Skull.
-It'll be just like old days.

Yeah, Jackie, it'll be aces.

-Yeah!
-Paycheck!

-Jack, come here.
-Come here, you.

Don't you think
we need to be, you know,

-copathetic like on decisions?
-Copacetic.

Copathetic, copacetic,
copa who gives a shit.

I don't want to do it.

I'm in bed every night
at 10 o'clock.

I give Lucy a backrub and we
watch our soaps and that's it.

I got an idea.

Why don't you just do
a singles match with Jack?

-How about that?
-No, no, no.

I'm no good wrestling
without you ever.

Ah, that's a load of crap
and you know it.

Now you're just being
stupidicious.

No I'm not,
we work as a team, period.

Listen, you, if you think Vic,

God bless
his little black heart,

is gonna pony up
$1,500 a piece for us

you're crazier
than a shit house rat.

He hasn't always been
financially a cannibal.

You're giving me
a brain tumor, Carlos.

It's financially accountable,
doofus.

A cannibal?

Evil Dutch Decker is on the card
and he gets a big payout.

No way Evil Dutch
get's more than us.

I bet you he gets a grand tops.

Brutal.

The Manson Brothers.

-What's up guys?
-Oh, Dutch.

-Hey, hey.
-Can I bum one?

Of course.

-Thanks, brother.
-You're welcome.

Dutch, is it me or have you
gotten a lot bigger

since we saw you
in Amarillo last month?

I'm trying to get back
to 250 again.

You know, Jack Cage got a hold
of this new GH for me

off the Chinese black market.

Dude, it's freaking amazing.

It's gonna turn me
into a freaking monster.

He's supposed to be meeting
his guy tonight

-to get me more of it.
-You better be careful, man.

The Chinese aren't exactly known
for their strict quality control

and sterile work environments.

Who knows what
they put in that shit.

It might kill you.

Yeah, but at least I'll die big.

Want some?

My body's a church.

-Temple.
-Whatever, Poindexter.

Hey, what was that shit show
with Rains?

Rains tried to get him
to say uncle.

-Skull broke his foot.
-Nice.

Yeah, it was kind of like that
but not exactly.

He's parafilating as little bit.

Well, he did try
to get you to say uncle.

You know where that comes from,
say uncle?

-No.
-You're serious?

-You never heard that?
-No.

No, all right,
check this out, right?

So this old wrestler
had this parrot, right,

and he bets his buddy 100 bucks
that the parrot can talk.

So he tells the parrot,
"Hey, Tippy, say uncle,"

but the parrot
just stares at him.

So again he looks at the parrot
and this time he goes,

"Hey Tippy, say uncle,"

but the parrot just sits there.

Silent like a statue.

Now the old guy's
getting pissed, right,

so he grabs the parrot
around his tiny little neck

in a choke hold
and he starts screaming,

"Say uncle!

Say uncle!"

He's getting freaking crazy.

-Insane.
-And?

-And what?
-Did the bird say it?

No, he freaking killed it,

but that's where it comes from.

Dutch, I got a question for you.

What's your payout next week?

Oh, come on guys.

You know we're not supposed
to talk about that crap.

Dutch, we ain't
gonna tell nobody.

All right, all right.

My guarantee is 999 bucks, okay?

Am I fucking Nostradamus
or what?

That's that deformed half-back
from Notre Dame.

I love that guy.

That's Quasimodo, professor,
and he never played football.

Skull, Stone's right though.

The guys you're talking about,
he played for Michigan State.

All right, Mansons.

See you on Halloween.

-Bye, Dutch.
-Bye, Dutch.

-Fucker is nuts.
-Speaking of Halloween,

you gonna do
the midnight cage match

or you gonna be a wet sandwich?

I'm not a wet sandwich.

Table three,
your order's ready.

One wet sandwich.

Hold the fun.

Listen, little brother.

You know damn well
them cage matches

can get out of hand real fast.

Nobody needs to pop out an eye
or tear a liniment

or nothing like that.

Like Mom used to say,
Carlos, relajate.

Yeah, why was she always talking
like that anyway?

Uh, because she's Mexican.

Mom's Mexican?

But that would make us Mexican.

Yes, brother dear,
we are half Mexican.

Are you fucking with me
right now?

You could knock me over
with a rubber dick.

I had no idea.

So the fact that Mom's name
was Maria Angelina Hernandez,

that didn't register with you?

Or that we called
our grandfather abuelo?

No, not even a little.

How about the fact that Mom
spoke with a Spanish accent?

I thought she had
a speech epidemic.

Your name is Carlos.

I thought she named me
after abuelo.

I'm done.

Pinche cabron.

So did Skull agree to the
midnight Halloween cage match?

He surely did and that's when
the shit got weird.

Read on, boy.

-Hey, what's up, brother?
-Hey, how long does it take?

That HGH is not doing anything.

Get out of the fucking hall.

Are you kidding me?

How long have you been on?

-A week.
-A week?

-Yeah.
-Dude, you gotta be patient.

You're gonna be a beast, bro,
I guarantee it.

You're gonna be like you could
take a chunk out of somebody.

-Just wait.
-That would be nice.

Yeah.

I think I need some more though.

I want to stay on it longer.

Oh, come on.

All right, take one.

You can owe me.

-All right.
-Can I get one more?

No, you're good.

That'll last you the week.

All right, thanks, Big Wang.

Hasta luego.

Ohh.

I'm going to be
a killing machine.

Yeah.

Psst.

Oh, hey.

Get my back for me,
will you, buddy?

Hey, bro.

Hide that.

It's too open,
there's too many people here.

Come on.

Too many people?

This freaking door has been
busted since Prohibition.

They say a guy got stuck in here
over a holiday weekend one time.

Poor fucker
shit all over himself

and nearly starved
half to death.

Starved to death, Jesus.

I don't think you have anything
to worry about, Big Wang.

It doesn't look like
you've ever missed a meal.

Hold this.

Come on.

Yeah, hey,
this GH is crazy, man.

Listen, I'm eating all the time.

Well, who am I kidding,
I ate all the time before.

Oh, oh, ah, God.

-You all right, buddy?
-Damn it.

Yeah, hey, hey,
I put on 15 pounds

-in a week on this shit.
-Serious?

I can't wait to try it, man.

Wait, you didn't start?

No, I sold my shit
to Evil Dutch.

-That's why I need some more.
-Have no fear.

Big Wang is here.

Oh, well, I do like clowns.

I gave another kick
to The Great Chorizo.

Yeah, that kid's got
big aspirations.

Ooh, ooh.

Ah!

Whoa.

You all right, Big Wang?

Hey, you don't look so good,
buddy.

You okay?

What the fuck, Wang?

I fucking knew it.

This Halloween night,
for the first time anywhere,

The Great Chorizo!

You're kidding, right?

No, no, this is your chance
to shine.

Go big or go home, baby.

-But--
-I smell money.

-Yip, yip, yip, yip!
-Vic...

Hello.

I've been waiting for you.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Looks like you guys have some
really cool shit in here.

Would you like to see
something very special?

-You will like it.
-Absolutely.

Para usted y su hermano.

For me and my hermano,
my brother, the dick?

Mucho dicko.

Yes, dicko.

Sure, let's see it.

Los mascaras de luchadores.

Luchador mask.

Bueno suerta y magia.

They are filled with luck
and with a spooky magic.

Pero, if you take them,

they are yours.

Do you understand?

No, but I'll take them anyway.

These are perfect
for the Halloween show.

Um...

You know what,
I'm a little light on cash.

Can I go to the bank
and come back?

No, no.

Gratis.

-For free.
-Sold.

You've made some incredible
strides in the last six months.

My only concern is you being
on the road so long

and going off the program.

Doc, I am doing great

and there's absolutely no reason
to be concerned.

Well, I know that there are
a lot of casinos where you are

and I want to make sure that
the temptation isn't too great.

Listen, Doc, my gambling
was destroying my life,

not to mention
bringing a ton of pain

to my sweet little Mina.

You and I are six months down
the road and I'm telling you

I have never been
more in control in my life.

And the anger management tools
we worked on,

any outbursts
or irrational behavior?

-Not even once.
-All right.

Just remember no matter
how enraged you get,

smile through your anger.

Smile, it's the key
to your healing.

Good day to you Doc Chu.

Baby, I'm so proud of you.

I know how hard it is
to control your anger

and giving up football
and wagering

-was impossible too.
-Thanks, babe.

I just want you to know
that it doesn't go unnoticed.

Now roll over.

Okay.

Is it tight, my semimembranosus?

Mhm.

Is Skull bringing Lucy?

I mentioned it to her yesterday,

but I wasn't sure
she was going to go

because of the whole
foot-breaking thing.

-Uh, unlike you?
-I love it!

You think he's gonna ask
her again?

Who knows with that guy.

He was probably going to

and then cartoons came on
or something.

Hey, what do you think of
the new Halloween show masks?

-Tres sexy.
-I know, right?

This old gypsy lady
sold them to me.

Said they were filled
with a spooky magic.

Well, if spooky magic makes you
not piss on the toilet seat

in the middle of the night,
then I'm all for it.

The urologist told you
I have an oddly shaped urethra,

you insensitive witch.

Has he seen the new masks yet?

I don't think
he's gonna like them.

Are you kidding me?

He's gonna love them.

I hate 'em.

I think you look badass.

-You really think so?
-I know so.

I think it's badass and it makes
you look like a superhero.

Well, as long as you like it.

You don't think it makes me
look goofy, do you?

Babe, you love Goofy.

Yeah, he is my favorite.

Look, Luce, thanks for coming
to the match tonight.

I know you didn't want to

after I snapped that guy's
foot off and all that.

Just do me a favor,
no more bone breaking.

Shouldn't we be getting ready?

Don't want to be late.

Oh, I don't give a flying shit,
I never had to be at a match

freakin' four hours
early before.

Why so early?

Vic did this bullshit gimmick

where he charged a bunch of fans
up the wazoo for VIP tickets

and they get to come in early
and take pictures in the cage

with all the wrestlers
and all that crap.

-Hey, Luce.
-Yeah, babe?

You know I love you right?

Yes, honey,
you tell me all the time.

Well, I mean, you're not bored
or nothing are you?

Bored?

Okay, what's going on?

Well, we been together
a long time

and I just want to make sure
you feel filled up, that's all.

-Fulfilled?
-Yeah, that.

Well, do ya?

I'm exactly where I want to be.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

I'm stupidly in love
with a wrestler.

Oh, please tell me
it's not that guy

who used to punch his munchkin
in the shitter

before every match.

No, Carlos.

Not the munchkin puncher.

I'm talking about you.

Oh, aces.

Did you really mean it last week

when you said that I was
the star in your sky?

Yeah.

The one my whole planet
revolves around.

Then don't worry.

We're perfect together.

Like two peas in a bush?

In a pod, sweetheart.

In a pod.

After significant warning,
this was imminent.

That storm front from the west

has finally met that storm front
from the northeast.

What we have now
is a monster of a storm,

the likes of which Santa Fe
hasn't seen for decades.

Lock up your trick or treaters.

Batten down the hatches.

The storm of the century
appears to be upon us.

Fake news.

Scott, back to you.

Thank you.

All right, congratulations.

Thank you.

All right, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Happy Halloween.

Thump you want to go through
our match?

In a minute, Eddie.

Ace-Queen.

Blackjack, Thump.

Yeah, I know what
Ace-Queen means.

Deal them again.

-Shit, blackjack.
-Gotta love that.

Two in a row, lucky.

Too bad you guys aren't playing
for real money.

Yeah, too bad, Eddie.

How about you just watch and
spare us the fucking commentary?

Sorry, Thump.

Throw them again.

Odds are in my favor.

Lady luck.

It's like supernatural.

You stacking the deck,
motherfucker?

Thump, I swear to God,

if it makes you feel better
you can deal.

Yeah, it will make me
feel better.

Twice is lucky.

A trifecta,

that's a miracle from God
for a schlimazel like you.

Schlimazel?

Unlucky.

I wish I was unlucky like you.

Five-time tag champ.

Smoking hot girlfriend.

And beating Thump's ass
at blackjack.

That, that just ain't natural.

Holy shit.

That is like
outer space stuff now.

I thought I told you
to put a fucking cork in it.

I'm sorry, Thump, but you gotta
admit it's pretty cool.

Do you want to go over
our match now?

Ask me that again, motherfucker.

You know what,
fuck your stupid game.

Stoney, you want to play,
do me a favor.

Shuffle those cards real good.

Cut them and shove 'em
right up your ass.

Come on, Thump, don't get bent.

Jesus, he hates to lose.

What?

Nothing.

Just a little odd is all.

It's dumb luck.

If you say so.

I've never had dumb luck
like that.

Nope, not old Eddie.

Here we go.

The only luck
I've ever had is bad.

B-A-D, shitty.

Glass is half full, my ass.

Hey, did somebody hide
my lunchbox again?

Come on, man.

This is bullshit!

Chip Abernathy, VIP.

-Pretty brutal out there, huh?
-Good.

Can see you got some higher
education behind you, huh?

You confused there, boss?

This is a golden VIP ticket.

Once again, your powerful grasp
of the apparent

is just astounding.

Yes, this is a golden
VIP ticket.

You do know what VIP stands
for don't you?

Yes, it means it's for two seats
but there's three in your party.

And he counts.

This guy's worse
than the fucking guy

we gave 50 bucks to
at the valet.

We don't have valet.

What's that, chief?

Nothing.

Maybe we should hire this guy
at the firm, huh?

Yes, there are three of us,
good.

Well, you need another ticket.

All right, look, I know
Vic Quickbuck personally, okay?

And unless you want a job
lower on the social ladder

than this one here,
then go find our fucking seats.

You still with me, minimum wage?

Follow me.

Thank you.

Maybe these masks
are full of a spooky magic.

Hey, Shitty, check this out.

Yeah, so?

Watch close,
I'm gonna do it again.

I'm drawing 21
like 10 times in a row.

Well?

Look we talked about this
gambling thing, didn't we?

Do I have to do
a family invention with you?

Intervention.

Look, put the damn cards away
and grow up, will ya?

Look, you don't understand.

This is some really trippy shit.

Well, we got a card change.

Jack is out--ahh!

Did you eat a dead possum
or a dirty diaper or something?

-Good God.
-Wasabi peas.

I've been trying Jack all week.

He hasn't been answering
my calls or calling me back.

-He's a no show.
-No show?

That guy never misses a bout.

He even worked a match
with meningitis once.

Hey, was he that guy
with the real stinky feet

who wouldn't take his boots off
in the locker room?

What in the fuck
are you talking about?

The guy when Jack wrestled
with meningitis.

Meningitis is a brain
inflammation, genius.

-Not a guy.
-Well, the guy with

the real stinky feet
was a shitty worker anyway.

This is why we say the card
is subject to change.

We put in Evil Dutch for Jack.

The marks love that
psychotic fucker, right?

And then it becomes a gimmick
that you guys

don't know who
you're wrestling against.

Yeah, we can do the whole
"bring on anybody

with the balls enough to face
the Manson Brothers."

You announce Evil Dutch
and we'll be like,

"Oh no, holy shit, don't do it."

And then when we announce
his partner's going to be

Carson the Crippler Murdock,

the fans will tear the roof off!

Yeah, they will go apeshit
when you announce--

wait a minute, Carson?

Did I just fucking
hear you correctly?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Carson's
gonna be Dutch's partner.

-Ooh, aces.
-Hold on, hold on.

Carson's in WWO.

How'd you get them
to loan him out

and why would
he come here anyway?

Well, I just told him who he
was gonna be wrestling against

-and he said he was in.
-Yeah, well, with this storm,

Carson's probably holed up
in Beverly Hills or Bel Air

or whatever fucking hoity-toity
town he lives in.

Oh no, he's been here for hours.

He was meditating in his private
dressing room when I got here.

Meditating?

Private dressing room?

He had a rider.

I heard this music,

and I poked my head in...

and he was there.

Oh, hey Carson.

Eddie.

Come in.

Come.

Sit.

Meditate with me.

Let's join souls.

Can I?

Carson, what are we looking for?

Emptiness, Eddie.

Just blissful emptiness.

Oh yeah, emptiness.

Sure.

Pretty much my whole life
is empty.

And our souls joined.

And it was beautiful, man.

Did I just cross over into
the fucking twilight zone?

And why didn't you tell me
he was here, captain?

Hey, I thought you knew.

Vic, you're a real conivorator,
I'll give you that.

Somebody translate that for me.

I'll be happy
to translate it for you.

He means you're a sneaky
little dog fucker,

you fucking dog fucker.

For the last time,
I did not fuck your dog.

-Mhm.
-It was a cuddle.

You know it's a great matchup,
you know it!

Yeah, I know
it's a great matchup

but you could have
told us first, right, Skull?

Oh, I don't give a shit.

I swear to God sometimes
you were put on this earth

-just to fuck with me.
-Calm down.

It's a good match.

Don't tell me to calm down,
Carlos.

Evil Dutch Decker
and Carson the Crippler Murdock!

The main event!

I smell money!

We're not done with
this conversation, Vic.

Lord Thurman Ruggles.

-What?
-Lord Thurman Ruggles.

The guy with
the real stinky feet.

Lord Thurman--
who gives a dripping shit

about Lord Thurman Ruggles?

I heard when
Lord Thurman Ruggles died,

the funeral director
made the coroner

cut off his feet before
they put him in the casket.

Then they cremated the feet

and flushed the ashes
down the toilet.

Fucking guy's buried
with no feet.

Do you think they're reunited
in heaven?

Yeah, of course,
it says so right in the Bible.

If I have to hear one more thing
about Lord Thurman Ruggles

and his stinky disembodied
motherfucking feet,

I swear to God, I will beat
the shit out of both of you

with a sack full of frozen peas.

Okay, okay!

Sorry, geez-o-pete.

Everybody's coming down
on old Captain Marvelous.

Fuck.

Hey, class valedictorian,

you know where the hell
you're going, man?

We'd like to get to our seats

sometime before the second
coming of Christ.

Maybe in this shithole
these are the VIP seats.

Hey chief, you ok down there?

You gotta take a piss?

Your tummy cramping?

You starting your period?

Gotta go poopy?

He's gonna shit himself.

Hey, future fry guy,
just give me the tickets, okay?

We'll find out own seats.

You seem to be dealing with
a lot of business down there.

Hey, hey.

I can't believe Vic pulled
that "okey doke" on us

and you didn't even give a shit.

Oh, why should I give a shit?

It was just a stupid match.

God love you, you are simple.

You guys talking
about that thing

when Carson tapped out Skull?

He never tapped him out.

For the last fucking time,
he won on points

and only because
dingle berry here let him.

Carson's been ringing
his own bell about it

for the last 20 goddamn years.

Someone ringing their own bell
in this business?

Good Christmas, what next?

Are you speaking Pig Latin?

What the fuck is wrong
with you, man?

-Shit.
-Fuck.

What the fuck?

We were just talking about
when Carson tapped out Skull

in that shoot match.

Now there's someone
I don't miss.

You don't know either?

What don't I now?

Carson is the mystery partner.

-Are you yanking my chain?
-I wish he was.

Who's his partner
now that Jack's out?

-Dutch.
-Dutch?

Dutch and Carson
against you guys?

Damn, that's
pretty good booking.

It's great booking,
I just can't stand his whole

"I'm an old-school hooker,
I tapped out Skull Manson"

messianic complex bullshittery.

Yeah, you know that shit

about him tapping out Skull
is nonsense.

Yeah, well,
I know it's nonsense

and you know it's nonsense,

but trying telling Carson that.

-Try telling Carson what?
-Carson, right on cue,

just like the movies, buddy.

We were just talking
about your big match with Skull

back in '92.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one?

Yeah, that was just
a classic textbook case

of how superior technique

will always overcome
your brute strength.

All comes down
to the proper training, guys.

Really should've
trained him better, Thump.

More training.

That's how it was.

Yeah, is that how it was?

Maybe you and Skull should do
another round now

and find out for sure.

-Ah, relax, Thump.
-Yeah, Thump.

Skull doesn't want
to get embarrassed again.

-No, I don't.
-Really?

Well, I mean, I don't.

-Jesus, really?
-Who wants to be embarrassed?

Just gonna drop off these
new publicity shots for Vic.

Say this much for you,
you certainly come prepared.

-Aw. That's for you.
-Thanks.

Those are nice.

Guys, I get it, okay?

You guys are all a little
envious and intimidated

by my star power and success
in this industry.

It's only natural.

I mean, I've seen me.

And, then, there I am
up in New York at the big show,

million-dollar contracts,
endorsement deals,

suits that cost
more than your houses,

I mean, well, your trailers,
and you guys are here.

I get it, okay?

Oh, you're gonna
fucking get it.

-Calm down, Thump.
-Better listen to him, Thump.

Man of your advanced age,

wouldn't want you popping
an aneurysm.

You know, the enfeebled are
prone to subdural hematomas,

hip fractures.

The other day, we had a guy
that was just like you

who also should've been
in a nursing home.

That's it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey! Maybe you haven't
heard the news,

but I don't sweat you. See?

I mean, don't get me wrong,
you used to be great

maybe like a hundred years ago,

but now you're just
like every other washed-up,

over-the-hill has-been

that should've hung up his boots
two decades ago.

Why don't you do us
all a favor?

Go home. Change your diapers,

watch The Golden Girls
marathon,

and stop embarrassing yourself,
okay?

Save your breath, jabroni.

You're gonna need it
to blow around

-your fucking wheelchair.
-Come on, guys,

we're all still friends here,
right?

Yeah, yeah.

We're all friends here.

We're just grab-assing
a little bit, right, Thump?

Maybe next time.

Bet on it, pencil dick.

Why don't you do us
all a favor

and shut the fucker's yap?

Ah, Thump, I got no beef
with him.

Who told you to put up
with shit like that anyway?

You.

Oh, fuck me anyway.
Hey, sweetheart.

Thump, can we go through
our match now?

Eddie, stop busting my balls.

You're worse than having a kid.

Luce, you made it.

He convinced me this morning.

He can be a bit
of a procrastinator.

Babe, I told you
it was one time.

You were out of town
for a whole week

and you left
your lingerie magazines out.

You got to tell everybody?

Oh, honey, don't be embarrassed.

Everybody does it.

Hey, Lucy, there's always
the Witness Protection Program

-if you need it.
-Yeah,

or you can just go ahead

and give it another shot
with me.

I'm still single, you know?

-Shocking.
-I know, right?

I mean, hey, babe,
you already blew your shot,

but I could make an exception
if you want to try it again.

As appealing as that sounds,
I think I'll pass.

-Your loss.
-Mins, any fans out there?

The contest winners
are starting to trickle in,

but I heard
it's gonna be slammed

-once the doors open.
-We've got a problem.

-Again?
-What's that?

They just issued a warning
for the storm of the century.

They're telling people
to find someplace safe

-and hunker down.
-Come on,

where'd you hear that from?

Captain Miserable's boom box.

You're sure
it's not just a drizzle then?

Oh, no, it's legit.

I turned on the TV after.

We are so close!

Feel like this is
a bad joke now.

First, Jack goes missing.

Then, Dutch gets sick.

And now the storm
may shut us down!

Wait a minute. Dutch is sick?

Yeah, he felt like a whore's
leaky nose since he got here.

Drinking tons of water.

I got to get him
another case right now.

Let us know
if you need any help.

Yeah, help, as if.

Captain Miserable?

The guy with the cape?

Our very own Captain Marvelous.

One of those rare individuals
that has the ability to make

everybody feel like shit
just by walking in the room.

He's one of them guys.

He walks into your house

and all your fucking plants die.

It's true.
Come on, we'll show you.

Shh.

I'm starting to understand
why this place

always smells like shit.

Hey, Eddie, what are you doing?

Trying to figure out
my match with Thump.

He likes to call it
in the ring.

Hey, listen,
I heard you won 25 grand

on a scratch-off lottery ticket
last month.

That was such bullshit.

I missed 30 grand
by one fucking number.

Had to give two grand
to my bitch ex-wife.

Only got 15 grand after taxes.

I mean, what the fuck
is the point?

Might as well flush the ticket
down the crapper.

Old Eddie getting screwed again.

Oh, come on.

You're still working, right?

This business is such bullshit.

I mean, how do people
believe this crap?

Seriously, it's such bullshit.

It's so fake.

Ah.

The whole thing sucks.

Ew, you didn't wipe.

-I just peed.
-You sit to pee?

Yes, but I don't stand to pooh.

Oh, thank God.

I think I'm gonna go have
my picture taken by the cage

-with Radiant Bobby.
-He's so hot!

Just don't forget
who you're with.

One half the most hated tag team
in professional wrestling,

public enemy number one.

And if you think
after all that

any other man can catch my eye,
you're crazy, baby.

All right, now you're
laying it on a little thick.

-Go have fun.
-Did I mention

he was smoking hot?

-Uh, who's smoking hot?
-Witch.

Ah, you make my balls tickle.

What the fuck
is the matter with you?

Oh, yeah, um, you know,

there's something wrong
with Dutch.

He's like catatonic
or something.

Hammer!

Hey, what happened?

Did you cut yourself shaving?

Oh, I was showing Evil Dutch
this new move,

then all of a sudden,
the fucker bit me.

Wait. He bit you?

Yeah, we were locked up
and, suddenly,

I felt a sting in my ear
and he fucking bit me.

I mean, it's no big deal,
just broke the skin,

but what the fuck?

He miss a meal or something?

I don't know, man,
but you might want

to get that taped up.

It's no big thing.

I'll just put some glue on it

and take some pics
with the fans.

Yeah, I mean,
you got two, right?

Stoney, saw your girl
out there.

Shit!

As long as you see
with your eyes

and not your hands, Holyfield.

You know me, baby.

Dutch gets hungry.

Evil Dutch?

Hey, Dutch?

I've never seen him
like this before.

Yo, Dutch, you okay, brother?

Dutch, did you drink
all this water?

Yeah.

Thirsty.

I need some water.

Dutch, did you take

all the Chinese
growth hormone shit?

Yeah, I need to get huge again.

I need some water.

Dutch...

Dutch!

-Dutch!
-Oh.

Hey, Carson,
when did you get here?

Uh, right about the time
that I said hello to you

out in the hallway.

Oh, yeah, right.

Wow, must be getting punchy
or something.

Hey, can I get
another case of water?

-I'm so damn thirsty.
-Yeah. Yeah, sure, buddy.

I'll get you
all the water you want,

but are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

You guys ribbing me
or something?

Huh?

Vic Quickbuck,
let's make money.

Yeah, Roy, lay it on me,
what are you doing?

I know, I know, Roy, no, Roy,
Roy, I heard, I heard that.

There's got to be somebody
that we can call

and maybe we can get them to...

Roy, are you there?

Shit!

Well, we have another challenge.

That was Roy Stroble
from the Wrestling Commission.

-We are officially shut down.
-What do you mean "shut down"?

The storm has been upgraded.

The streets are impassable.

The power is out everywhere.

The city is locked down.

-Oh, aces.
-Seems fine here.

Yeah, I know it looks fine here

because this place is built
like a fortress.

I got no cell service.

Okay, what's that mean for us?

What's this mean for us?

What this means for us
is we are cancelado.

Nobody can get in here,
nobody can get out of here.

So I hope somebody
brought a deck of cards

for the pinochle tournament
we are having

-because we are locked in.
-Locked in?

-Locked in.
-Oh, no, no, no.

Okay. I can't
be locked in here.

Carson, quit hypervaginating.

So we're stuck in here
for a little while.

Who gives a crap?

Fuck that, okay?

If we are in fact stuck
in here,

I'm about to lose my shit,
all right?

The living legend.

Hey, you know what?
Fuck you, Stone, okay?

I'm a little tired of all
the condescending bullshit

-you're throwing at me.
-Oh, really? Are ya?

Put a cork in it, will ya?

We don't got time
for this crap.

Wait, if you're pulling
the plug on the match,

what's that mean
about our money?

Do I have to draw you
a diagram?

No match, no payout.

That's horseshit, Vic.

You gave us a guarantee
based on presales

and our strong names,
you cheap bastard.

Wait a second. The presales
have to be refunded.

I got to protect
my good name, okay?

You guys get paid
out of the gate sales.

No gate, no paycheck.

Come on, Stoney,
you know how this works.

Now unless someone else
wants to do it,

I need to bring water to Dutch,
one of the other competitors.

Penny-pinching,
candy-stealing son of a bitch.

-Stone!
-Oh, fuck.

Where's my four grand?

I want it instamatically.

Butch, we're just talking
about your money.

Brother owes money
to the dwarven mafia?

That would seem to be the case.

You had me come to Santa Fe,
to this shithole?

Well, here I am, funny guy.

Now where's my money?

-Am I missing something?
-No, Skull!

I'm missing something,
four grand, plus the juice

that your deadbeat brother
owes me now for two months,

and I want it now.

Hey, man, hey,
let's just keep it calm, okay?

Let's calm down a little bit.

Yeah, just pop Stone.

Don't hit no innocent bystander.

You're not helping, Carlos.

Now, listen, Julius--
I'm sorry, Butch,

come on, man, I told ya
I was gonna get your money.

You just got to help me out

and stop being
such a stiff prick

with all this Irish mob
bullshit, okay?

I'm sorry, Stoney.

It's these guys,
these guys that I'm working for.

They treat me like
a little bitch all the time.

-And you want to know why?
-Why?

'Cause you're a midget?

What? No.

I'm not a hundred percent Irish,

you insensitive ass.

My mom's Hungarian.

How am I supposed to know
the guy's ethics

and nationgalities?

Hey, I understand you, bro.

All you want
is a little respect.

Is that too much to ask for?

I think you're entitled.

I'm a good person, Stone.

This just really hurts
my feelings.

I know it does, come here.

I love you, man.

Those guys just don't
understand you like we do.

-Right, Skull?
-Apparently not.

Uh, Butch, since when does
my brother owe you four large?

I was gonna tell you
about that.

Numbnuts here, he takes a bet
down on the Bears

two months ago and it dumps.

He doubles down on the Jets.

I told him
not to lay the bet down,

but if a guy wants
to lose his money

down the crapshoot,
who am I to get in the way?

I mean, I got to make a living
too, right, Skull?

Yeah, what a maroon.

Listen, uh, my brother
and I got to ejaculate

about some stuff over here.

Why don't you go get us
some beer?

Okay, uh...

Oh, shit, uh, do you mind
lending me 20 bucks?

The arena is shut down.

Just go behind
the concession stand

and pour it yourself,
and get me one too.

-Bring you two?
-Also.

-Bring you two also?
-Bring me one also.

Then why'd you say two?

-Just get the fucking beer!
-Okay, all right!

I'll get the fucking beer! Jeez!

You guys acting like
I'm the one that owes you money.

I strike fear in the heart
of people, you know?

Fear!

Four grand, you fucko.

No wonder you jumped
on that match so fast.

When are you gonna tell me
about your debt to Butch,

formerly Julius?

When I asked you
for your half of the payout.

Oh, you're a real beauty, you.

What the fuck is that?

Let's go, living legend.

We may need your superhuman
wrestling skills.

Hey, wait up.

Dutch?

Ew. Vic gave Dutch head?

Well, I guess he could get off
on a technicality.

No pun intended.

-Guys?
-Yeah?

-Let's bail.
-Yeah.

What do you think?

Maybe he snapped out of it
like before.

Yeah, you want to bet on that?

Hey, who wants light?

My heart.

Dutch, hey, hey, let's
just take it easy, right?

Remember,
we're your friends, pal.

Remember, we're your friends?

I don't think so, Carson.

He's all transmutilated.

Dutch.

Dutch, stop!

Dutch, get off him!

Dutch, stop! That's enough!

Holy shit, man.

I think he's dead.

Yup, he's dead, man.

You fucking killed him,
you killed Evil Dutch, man.

I wasn't trying to, he was
trying to kill my brother.

This is bad, this is
really fucking bad, man.

Fellas, I hate to interrupt,

but can I get
a little help here?

You okay?

Oh, yeah. Never better.

I guess I don't have to sweat
that four grand anymore.

Lucky son of a bitch.

Okay, okay,
so what do we do now?

Let's drag the bodies
in the dressing room with Vic.

Yeah, yeah.

-Do we just...
-Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Oh, fuck.

Just killed him.

I'm telling ya, it's this
black market Chinese shit.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Oh, it's okay, baby, I got you.

It's fine. Oh, okay, or that,
that's fine.

What did you do?

You guys, you have to come
to the cage.

There's something wrong
with your friend, Hammer.

Mina went to take
a picture with him,

and then the next thing
we know,

he just collapsed
on top of her.

-Is she okay?
-She's okay.

She's with the fight doctor.

-Dr. Dudembrü?
-He's out of rehab?

Hey, Hammer just dropped out
right--

Oh, what the fuck is this?

-Are they dead?
-Oh, yeah, they're dead.

-Holy shit, they're all dead!
-I just said that.

-What the hell happened?
-Dutch went crazy

and killed Vic and Butch.

-Who killed Dutch?
-Skull.

-Skull?
-What are you, a parrot?

Guys, please, come to the cage!

Thump, don't let anybody
near the dead bodies.

If you get a cell signal,
call the police or fire.

-Got it.
-What should I do?

Do what you do best,
bitch and moan!

Hey!

Okay, I can do that.

Mins, are you okay?

Yeah, babe. I'm little,
but I'm tough.

-That's my girl.
-What happened to Hammer?

He just dropped like a rock.

This ear looks really infected,
though.

Oh, yeah, they reinstitate
your license, huh, professor?

Twenty-eight days clean
to get my rig back.

Nightmare.

I'd like to schedule you
for a full rectal.

She's up to date, Dudembrü.

She's hot.

Can I help? I almost graduated
podiatry school.

What are you gonna do,
check for bunions?

The guy was like 20 feet tall.

Hey, you don't have to be
a driveling prick about it.

I was just trying to help.
I got feelings too, you know?

We're just fucking
with you, Bob.

Yeah, Bob, I'm sorry.
Can you go take care

of the fans or something,
do your Radiant Bobby thing?

I'll radiate 'em all right.

Man, is that guy in shape.

-His six-pack has a six-pack.
-I know, right?

Hammer say anything
before he crashed?

Just started mumbling
about being thirsty or something

like he was in a trance,
and then he fell on top of me

and I was counting lights
on the ceiling.

Dutch was sick like that.

-Dutch is sick?
-Dutch is dead.

What? How?

Skull killed him.

Why would you kill Dutch?

Doc, he, like, went all apeshit.

He killed Vic
and this other friend of ours.

He was out of control.

-It was like he was all rabbit.
-Rabid.

I don't know, guys.

This ear looks bad.
What happened?

He said he was grab-assing
in the locker room

earlier with Dutch
and Dutch bit him,

but the ear didn't look
like that before.

No, no.

I don't like this at all.

What do you think it is?

Holy shit!

Run! Run!

Mina!

-Mina!

Baby, I don't feel so good.

Mina!

Mina!

Oh, shit.

Mina.

Mina.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Vic said he was gonna put
the belt on me next week.

Said I'd be champ
for next year.

I guess that's out
the window now.

What the hell is the matter
with you?

What's the matter with me?

I'm always getting the shaft.

Shaft, Thump.

Here comes Eddie,
let's screw him to the wall.

Eddie, there are
three dead bodies in that room.

Our friends are dead.

Oh, crap, I think
I'm having a panic attack.

I'm gonna need my inhaler.

Yeah, suck it dry, pal.

If that doesn't work,
try a gas pipe.

Jesus.

Oh! Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hang on! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Look, Chorizo, it's me,
Captain Marvelous!

Good old Eddie.

Remember I gave you
that little scooter

for your paraplegic dad,
the one with the missing ear?

Yeah!

That's right, old Eddie.

You don't want to hurt anybody.

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Yeah, I didn't think
you wanted to hurt anybody.

Okay?

I know, I know.

How about we go get
some sopapillas?

Okay, no sopapillas.

Fuck sopapillas.

Olé!

You weren't going anywhere
with that name anyways.

Thump. Thump!

Hey, Thump, get this,
you know the Great Chorizo,

the kid who ate all
your Pop-Tarts that one time?

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Shut your pie hole. Listen.

Move, move, move!

Get in the locker room!

I'm definitely having
a panic attack.

Oh, get this crazy bitch
off me!

You fucking jabroni!

That's your ass, motherfucker!

Skull, help me!

Get her off me!

Snap her fucking head off!

Boring!

Skull, get over here!

What the fuck?

Wait! Everybody, freeze!

Where's my rig?

Oh, thank God.

Thank God.

As you were!

Is everyone all right?

-Oh, God, I'm hurt!
-Sweetheart, no!

I'm hurt.

-Doc!
-Yeah?

Is he gonna be okay?

I'm sorry, son, this is it.

He's not gonna make it.

No!

Stone, I'm so sorry, man,
it was an accident, bro.

I swear to God.

Come on, let's give 'em
a second.

I got to make a confession
before I pass, okay?

Do you remember
on your 25th birthday,

I got you that hot Asian hooker,

the one that looked
like Tia Carrere, remember?

How could I forget, man?
She gave me

the best blowie of my life.

Yeah, well, it was a guy.

Why?

I didn't have enough money
for bus fare,

and the chick was extra money,
so I went with the dude!

His name was Gordie Chang,
and during the day

he caught and sold pigeons
to Chinese restaurants

for chicken almond ding,
but at night,

he turned tricks
for extra cash!

Jesus.

Everything is getting dark.

Wait a minute,
stop the presses.

The bullet entered
the infected body here, right?

The exit wound is here.

You're gonna be all right.

It missed you.

Skull! Ha-ha!

You're gonna live!

Oh, shit!

They got Thump.

Sorry, Skull.

Shit! Thump!

Ah, shit, man.

A fucking dude?

Look, it doesn't mean
you're gay.

-Stop, of course it doesn't.
-I'm just saying

because it's a little bit
of a gray area.

Haven't you said
enough already, Skull?

It's got to be
this Chinese shit.

-Chinese shit?
-Yeah, Dutch was taking

this Chinese black market
growth hormone.

Then everything
went up for grabs.

Well, Dutch got infected
with that hormone

and there was something in it.

And if the incubation process
is going from infection

to full-blown disease
that quickly,

we are in serious,
serious trouble.

See, we wouldn't know
who was infected.

It could be anybody.

Who was touching who?

-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

That girl scratched me
a little bit

when she was attacking me,

but it's not bleeding
or anything, so...

Luce! Lucy!

What the fuck?

Carson!

Why did you do that, Carson?

You fucking murdered her,
you piece of shit!

No, she was infected
just like all these guys.

-It was a scratch!
-She would've turned.

You don't know that!

This magic mask
better fucking work.

Hey, take it easy, brother.

She was infected
and she would've turned

just like them.

Hey, Skull.

Don't make me shoot you.

Skull, I fucking swear to God
I will kill you.

Look out!

Oh, shit!

Good, eat that phony
sack of shit!

Me and you ain't done!

-Doc, you okay?
-Yeah, I'm good.

I'm on full, I'm good.

Eddie?

Shit! Eddie!

Eddie...

Screwed again.

Guys, we got to keep
our heads on.

Stone, if this virus
really does spread that fast

and it gets outside
the building,

it's gonna be
an all-out pandemic.

If the storm keeps up,
nothing is getting in or out.

That means we're stuck
in here with them.

No. It means they're stuck
in here with us.

We're gonna kill
every single fucking one of 'em.

Please hold.

These fuckers seem
abnormally strong.

We can't get out in this shit,
but they might be able to.

The only open doors
were this one

and the main entrance.

That's on the other end
of the marina--arena

which is that way.

Yeah.

But I got a plan.

Go, go, go, go! Come on!

Get in the cage,
get in the cage!

Shut it!

-Got it!
-Get in the ring.

Come on!

Come on, Doc!

This ain't gonna
hold 'em forever.

Sooner or later,
they're gonna figure out

they can climb over the top.

Zombie, 12:00.

-Oh, shit.
-Moon!

-Let's get this over with.
-Get what over with?

Dammit, Moon.
We thought you were infected.

I am infected with
about a fifth of good bourbon.

I hid under the ring
when the shit hit the fan.

See how I did that?
The shit hit the fan.

Yeah, it's very clever.

If you guys got any idea
how to get out of here,

I'm willing to listen to it.

-We're gonna let 'em in.
-What?

Let 'em in?

Are you out of your gourd?

No, listen.

The doc and Moon
hide on the floor

between the ring apron
and the cage.

Then, me and you
open up the gate

and they'll come flying in
right for us.

I'm failing to see
how that's a good idea.

Me and Stone lure 'em
to the opposite corner.

You and Moon slip out the door,

slam the gate shut,

locking us in here with them!

Locking them in with us?

Oh, how silly of me,
I failed to see it.

-What a perfect plan. Dumbass!
-Just listen!

It's too tight for us
to get 'em all in here at once.

They'll swarm us,
so we'll go over the top.

By the time they figure out
they can come over the top,

we'll pick 'em off a cappella
as they come down, savvy?

-Skull, you're an idiot.
-That might work.

You think you guys
can handle all of them?

Can we handle 'em?

-Can we handle 'em?
-We're the Manson Brothers.

We can handle it.

-You two take a powder.
-Good luck, boys.

Shitty time for bourbon
to run dry.

Are you sure
this is gonna work?

Doc, you got some nitrous
or anything?

-No.
-You selfish bastard.

Oh, Lord.

-Put the mask on.
-Yeah, right.

Let's get ready.

Ready?

-Yeah.
-Pull it.

Here they come!

Fuck.

Well, that was weird.

It's the masks.

A spooky magic.

A spooky magic!

Oh, boy.

A spooky magic.

-Let's bail!
-Go!

Come on, come on, come on!

Hurry up.

Give me that.

Suerte magia.

That's exactly
what the gypsy said.

Uh-oh.

He's even hot as a zombie.

Oh, this ain't good.

Fundamentals, fundamentals!

Fundamentals,
fundamentals.

Good.

-Skull, help!
-Okay, you've got this.

Yeah, he's yours.

Hey, dickhole,

not the best time
to prove a point!

Good.

Okay, atomic wedgie.

Atomic wedgie, atomic wedgie.

Okay, good.

Now, pressure, pressure.

Grab your jacket.

Grab your jacket like this,
put him to sleep.

Good, just like that.

Pressure.

Pressure. Good.

Nice. Nice.

See? Now was that hard?

You're effective.

You're sloppy as shit,
but you're effective.

Could've got bit.

Giving me the old

win one for the gipper speech,
Knute Rockne.

Oh, I love the one
where Rockne fights Mr. T.

Little pitchy, boys.

Listen, I'm gonna go get
my phone out of my bag.

Maybe we could reach somebody.

-Hold on a minute.
-What?

It's my semimembranosus.

Know what you should do?

Put a little Vagisil on it.

It's not a crotch itch,
it's a muscle strain.

It's your vagina.

You stay here with
the Santa Fe zombie boys choir.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, right.

Jesus H. Christmas,
something ain't right in there.

Oh!

I guess it's hard to call in
when you're dead.

Sorry, Jack. Wanger.

Wow. Well, it looks
like we might

actually make it out of here
tonight after all.

-Figured you for dead.
-Me?

No. No, no, no.

Nah, see, I just found me
a nice little place

to bunker down, waited it out.

Oh, thank God.

I mean, you wouldn't want to,
I don't know,

help or anything, right?

I always knew you were
a phony little weasel anyway,

though, so...

It's just the two of us now.

You know what, Stone?

I never liked you, man.

No.

No, so you've spent so long

trying to undermine
my reputation

as a legit hooker.

'Cause you're not
a legit hooker.

Your entire career
has been built on a lie

that you've told yourself
so many times,

you actually believe it.

And it may not have bothered
my brother,

but it sure as shit
bothered me

listening to you blow yourself
all these years

with that living legend
crock of shit.

Well, I am the living legend,

and I'm about to be
even more of a legend

when the whole public,
when they hear

about how I single-handedly
thwarted the greatest pandemic

since the bubonic plague.

Would you shut the fuck up?

Fuck! Ahh!

Anyway, like I was saying,

now all I have to do
is just kill all of those guys

and then kill you,

and then nobody will be
the wiser.

Carson, I must admit,
I was pretty happy

when I thought
you were dead, buddy.

But I gotta tell ya,
I'm ecstatic

to find out you're alive.

Aw.

Thank you. Why is that?

Well, seeing you find out

what I've known
all these years,

it is gonna be a gas.

Don't keep me guessing.
What is it?

That on your best day
you couldn't beat my brother

if he was drunk
and wearing roller skates.

Oh, please, Stone.

Okay, you and I both know
that I would've ripped

your weak-ass brother apart
in five seconds flat.

-Five seconds, huh?
-Yup.

I'll take that action.

Hey! Skull.
What's going on, buddy?

I thought you were dead, man,
I didn't know you--

You didn't tell me
he was still alive.

Hey, bro, you're not
gonna need that.

Toss it over here.

Hey, Skull, take it easy, man.

I understand you are
super pissed right now,

I get it, and we're gonna
get through it, okay, man?

I mean, it's gonna be fi--
oh, come on, Skull.

You don't want to do that.

You don't want to get
embarrassed again.

I mean, do you really want
to trade blows with the master?

Do you really want to take on

the fucking
people's champion, huh?

So much for not being
a legit hooker, huh?

You always were
Thump's little bitch.

Would you quit fucking around
and kill this asshole already?

-Say uncle, motherfucker!
-Uncle!

-Did he say it?
-I didn't hear anything.

You know, of all the people
who got killed today,

I'm glad he's dead the most.

You know, his problem
always was

he just never understood

the tiny hermaphrodites
of the art.

-What about them?
-They'll starve to death.

-Zombies?
-Ish.

Infected zombies adjacent.

Yeah, right.

-Fuck 'em.
-Fuck 'em.

Well, Shitty. Happy Halloween.

Oh, yeah,
trick-or-fucking-treat.

You okay?

No.

-You?
-Not even a little.

You know what?
I'm out. Finished.

Yeah, me too. I'm done.

D-U-N.

We are officially retired.

Oh, I'm gonna excrementally
enjoy this.

You're a real piece of work,
you.

That didn't sound
like a thank you.

I really wanted to kill
that guy to death.

You're welcome.

You know what?

The Manson Brothers
are leaving the building.

Leaving the building.

Walking out the door.

Not coming back.

Jabronis!

This motherfucker.

That was fucking
kick-ass awesome, Pa!

What'd I tell ya?
I wouldn't bullshit you.

You're my favorite turd.

But was that the end
of the Manson Brothers?

Hell no, it wasn't the end
of the Manson Brothers.

What, are you
some kind of idiot?

In fact, you might even say
it was just the beginning.

What happened next?

Huddle up, little man.

Do you believe in satanic,

blood-sucking,
hot-chick vampires

with gargantuan fun bags?

Oh, you will.

Fuck!

♪ Oh ♪

♪ The fire that burns
deep inside ♪

♪ Carries him safe
through the night ♪

♪ The warrior's heart
never dies ♪

♪ When he carries it first
to the, first to the fight ♪

♪ First to the fight ♪

♪ He tried to walk away,
but they called his bluff ♪

♪ It's time to make them bleed ♪

♪ Time to be tough ♪

♪ He can never back down,
always answers the call ♪

♪ Kicking ass for a few
and justice for all ♪

♪ The fire that burns
deep inside ♪

♪ Carries him safe
through the night ♪

♪ The warrior's heart
never dies ♪

♪ When he carries it first
to the, first to the fight ♪

♪ First to the fight ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Well, he stood his ground
and made his stand ♪

♪ Went running to
these judgment hands ♪

♪ When push came to shove,
he gave them a fist ♪

♪ Didn't pick this fight ♪

♪ Now it's going to burn ♪

♪ The fire that burns
deep inside ♪

♪ Carries him safe
through the night ♪

♪ The warrior's heart
never dies ♪

♪ When he carries it first
to the, first to the fight ♪

♪ First to the fight ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ The fire that burns
deep inside ♪

♪ Carries him safe
through the night ♪

♪ The warrior's heart
never dies ♪

♪ When he carries it first
to the, first to the fight ♪